0:00:03 > 0:00:07Hiya. I'm famous tortoise world record-breaker, Helen Shellton,
0:00:07 > 0:00:10and I am today's host for Walk On The Wild Side.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13In the next half-hour, I am going to attempt to break not one,
0:00:13 > 0:00:15but three, tortoise world records.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18In fact, I've just been told that I'm very close to breaking
0:00:18 > 0:00:21another world record for saying "world record" the most times
0:00:21 > 0:00:23before a show starts.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26I only have to say it three more times, so here we go.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29World-record, world-record, world-rec...
0:00:58 > 0:01:02MUSIC: "Theme from Jaws" by John Williams
0:01:18 > 0:01:19All reet?
0:01:22 > 0:01:27THEY CHATTER EXCITEDLY
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Shhh! There's Josh now. Oh!
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Hi, girls.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33THEY GIGGLE
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Hi, Josh.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42THEY CHATTER EXCITEDLY
0:01:43 > 0:01:47- Which is why I catch the bus.- Mmm.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48Hello, excuse me. >
0:01:48 > 0:01:50- Hello, what's that? - I'm a worm. >
0:01:50 > 0:01:53I am stuck in my hole. Can you help me out, please?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56My, don't worry, here we go.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58You grab hold of me, that's it. Now, pull.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01- Pull on it, pull on, pull on.- That's not working. Let me give this a go.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05- I'll try twisting. - That's it, that's it.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07HE HEAVES
0:02:07 > 0:02:10No, no, I might have to ask Geoffrey.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Oh! Good mornin'!
0:02:13 > 0:02:17MUSIC: "Mr Boombastic" by Shaggy
0:02:17 > 0:02:22# What you want is a boombastic Romantic, fantastic lover
0:02:22 > 0:02:24# Shaggy!
0:02:24 > 0:02:26# You call me Mr... Boombastic
0:02:26 > 0:02:28# Tele... Fantastic
0:02:28 > 0:02:31# Rooo-ooo
0:02:31 > 0:02:34# Mantic
0:02:34 > 0:02:35# Fantastic
0:02:35 > 0:02:38# Roo-oo-oo-mantic... #
0:02:38 > 0:02:44- Geoffrey?- Yes.- Could you perhaps have a crack at this?- Yes.
0:02:44 > 0:02:50- Step aside. There we go. A simple procedure.- Thank you.- Well, bye now.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53- Geoffrey?- Noooooo!
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Brains! Brains!
0:03:13 > 0:03:17Brains, somebody must give me their brains!
0:03:17 > 0:03:20Yes, all right, beans on toast would be fine, I suppose,
0:03:20 > 0:03:23but be quick, I am starving!
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Oy-oy! Got a trick for you.
0:03:26 > 0:03:32I, one frog, will magically make myself into two frogs. Here we go.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36Abracadabra, hocus-pocus etc.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38- BOTH:- Ra-ta!
0:03:38 > 0:03:42SLOWLY: There were two...
0:03:48 > 0:03:49..little...
0:03:53 > 0:03:58..children called Hansel and...
0:04:04 > 0:04:06..Gretel.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08SHE SINGS OFF-KEY
0:04:08 > 0:04:10# .. You and me should be alone tonight
0:04:10 > 0:04:14# Yeah, baby tonight, yeah, baby
0:04:14 > 0:04:18# I got a reason that you're who should take me home tonight... #
0:04:18 > 0:04:20I love this song!
0:04:20 > 0:04:24# It's hard to feel the rush
0:04:24 > 0:04:28# To push the dangerous
0:04:28 > 0:04:32# I'm going to run right to To the edge with you
0:04:32 > 0:04:35# Cos we can both fall over in love
0:04:35 > 0:04:39# I'm on the edge of glory
0:04:39 > 0:04:43# And I'm hanging on a moment of truth
0:04:43 > 0:04:47# Out on the edge of glory
0:04:47 > 0:04:50# And I'm hanging on a moment with you
0:04:50 > 0:04:53# I'm on the edge, the edge
0:04:53 > 0:04:58# The edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge
0:04:58 > 0:05:02# I'm on the edge of glory
0:05:02 > 0:05:06# And I'm hanging on a moment with you
0:05:06 > 0:05:09# With you. #
0:05:10 > 0:05:13"Your breath absolutely stinks of fish", she said.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16I mean, I don't know where she got that idea from.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17I am as clean as anyone else.
0:05:17 > 0:05:22I mean, I'm in the water all day, for crying out loud.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27Uhhh, I don't know why she thinks I have got stinky fish breath.
0:05:27 > 0:05:32What is she on about? I mean, huh-huh, it's just not fair.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Oi, Rudolph! Where's the big man, where's Santa?
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- Yeah, where's Santa?- I am not Rudolph, I am Blitzen.- Whatever.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45I asked for a Bob The Builder playset last Christmas. Where is it?
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- Yeah, where is it?- It's not up to me. I am just in charge of transport.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- I want to speak to the big man. - Yeah, the big man.- He's on holiday.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- He's always on 'oliday. Tell us where he is, now!- Yeah, now.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58- I am not at liberty to reveal his whereabouts.- This ain't over.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Right, let's find the Easter Bunny. She owes me some cream eggs.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Yeah, cream eggs.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05SHE GRUNTS
0:06:05 > 0:06:11Here I am! Time Square, New York.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15Broadway, how ya doin'? Ohh! Oh...
0:06:15 > 0:06:17maybe I should've turned left when I went...hmmm...
0:06:17 > 0:06:22SLOWLY: So, the moral...
0:06:27 > 0:06:28..is...
0:06:33 > 0:06:38..don't go eating houses!
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Ha-ha! Glad you could join me for the third and final part
0:06:44 > 0:06:47of the Underwater Burping Clampionships.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51It's the group round now and we have The Gas Street Boys in,
0:06:51 > 0:06:54settled and ready to belch. Go for it, lads.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56THEY BURP
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Simply wonderful.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06And what a way to end our Underwater Burping Clampionships.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11- Don't you think?- That's it. I am moving out for good this time.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15- The water is all cloudy.- Who is that guy, anyway?- Never you mind.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:20 > 0:07:24- Mum!- Hello, little ones.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27- Do some of your impressions for us. - Yeah, do some impressions, Mum.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31- Mum, do impressions! - Shucks, you little tinkers.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33All right, here's one for you.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35ELEPHANT TRUMPETS
0:07:35 > 0:07:41- Elephant!- Elephant!- Do another one. - Do another one.- That's very good.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43OK, here's another one.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47DOG BARKS
0:07:47 > 0:07:51- It's a dog.- It's a dog.- More, more. - Do some more.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- Do another one.- OK, OK, one last one.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56TOUCH TONE PHONE BEEPS
0:07:56 > 0:08:00Um...oh, erm...oh...
0:08:00 > 0:08:06- Manatee? Yeah, manatee?- No, I think I need to work on that one.
0:08:06 > 0:08:10It was the touch tone of a generic telephone. Oh, well!
0:08:10 > 0:08:17# Baby I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time
0:08:17 > 0:08:21# Tamba-tamba-tu-tu-tu... #
0:08:21 > 0:08:26Maybe you are amazed that my imaginary piano sounds so fine. Eh?
0:08:26 > 0:08:31You are, aren't you? Ha-ha! Yes, you are.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Nighttime! Daytime!
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Nighttimes! Daytime!
0:08:37 > 0:08:41Nighttimes! Daytime!
0:08:41 > 0:08:46- What are you doing?- I am having a game of Nighttimes, Daytime!
0:08:46 > 0:08:52- How do you play that then? - Nighttimes, daytime! Like this!
0:08:52 > 0:08:56- Want to play?- No, you're all right. I'll stick to my Xbox.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58My girlfriends often say to me,
0:08:58 > 0:09:01"Jessica, despite all those long hours of flying
0:09:01 > 0:09:05"and difficult landings, how come you never get injured?"
0:09:05 > 0:09:11I reply, "Two words, ladies - cycling shorts."
0:09:11 > 0:09:14My cycling shorts provide comfort during flights,
0:09:14 > 0:09:15reduce air resistance,
0:09:15 > 0:09:20allow a full range of motion in the air and on the ground,
0:09:20 > 0:09:23offering just the right amount of support, breathability
0:09:23 > 0:09:27and wind block. I really didn't know where I'd be without them.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Yes girls, I cannot recommend them highly enough.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34They really are something. Ow, ahh...
0:09:34 > 0:09:36I think I've pulled something.
0:09:36 > 0:09:41Oww! Oh, that really hurts! Let me test it!
0:09:41 > 0:09:45Oh! No, I can't put any weight on it.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48I need to go to physio. Feels like my hamstring.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51These cycling shorts are useless!
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Honestly, Peter, there are no talking seal tails here.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Stop being so ridiculous.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Honestly, Polly, I have seen this one talk before.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- I swear on my yellow eyebrows. - Just stop it, Peter.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10You're wasting everyone's time.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14Hello, Peter. I'm a talking seal tail. How are you today?
0:10:14 > 0:10:18Did you hear that? Did you hear... Polly, you must have heard that.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- That seal tail just whispered at me. - Oh, grow up, Pete.
0:10:21 > 0:10:26Come on, girls. There's no talking seal tails here. Uh!
0:10:26 > 0:10:31Oh, come on, guys. Talking seal tails exist, I promise.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35- This is worse than that singing seaweed you showed us.- Oh!
0:10:35 > 0:10:39Ohhhh! Santaaa!
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Have some of that!
0:10:42 > 0:10:44I thought you said he was on holiday.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Ow!
0:10:50 > 0:10:54Welcome back. I am well world record breaking tortoise, Helen Shellton.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57And I am about to attempt to break the first
0:10:57 > 0:11:00of hopefully, three tortoise world records during this show.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03First of all, I am going to attempt to prove that
0:11:03 > 0:11:06I have the longest tortoise neck in the world.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Are you ready to measuring me? Go!
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- Wow, what a neck! - Thanks, thanks very much.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16- No, not YOUR neck, HIS neck. - Oh,! Oh, well...
0:11:16 > 0:11:18still two records up for grabs, I suppose.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21Anyway, your neck's not as long as this guy's.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24You'd better not stand so close to me. Apparently,
0:11:24 > 0:11:26this rubber neck disease can be quite contagious.
0:11:26 > 0:11:31- Rubber neck disease. There's no such thing. Ow!- Oh!- What's going on?
0:11:31 > 0:11:34- Sorry.- Oh, ah! Sorry about that. Oh-ho!
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Right, it seems to have passed.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- Was that it then?- I don't know. It sort of comes and goes.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43- Oh, ah! Sorry about that! - Sorry! Apologies.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47You know, we really should stop standing so close to each other.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Janine! Janine!
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Janine!
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Janine! Janine, Janine, Janine, Janine!
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Janine! Janine! Janine, Janine, Janine, Janine!
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Janine! Janine! Janine, Janine, Janine, Janine!
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Janine! Janine! Janine, Janine, Janine, Janine!
0:12:07 > 0:12:12- What?- Pull my winger. - How about no?- Oh!
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Ohh!
0:12:15 > 0:12:18HE STRAINS
0:12:18 > 0:12:19HE PARPS
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Oh, that's gone wrong!
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Oh!
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Afternoon!
0:12:24 > 0:12:26'It's the Bruce Forsyth Monkeys.'
0:12:26 > 0:12:30Ay-yu-yu-yu-yu...
0:12:30 > 0:12:34- Oh, go on, you do it.- No, you do it. - Go on!- No, you do it.- You do it.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36- No, you do it.- All right.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40- Ay-yu-yu-yu-yu... All right, my loves.- Didn't he do well?
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Give us a twirl. Ay-yu-yu-yu-yu...
0:12:42 > 0:12:44- Nice to see you... - To see you, nice!
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- Good game, good game, good game! - Ay-yu-yu-yu-yu...
0:12:47 > 0:12:49- All right, my loves? - Nice to see you...
0:12:49 > 0:12:51- To see you, nice!- Nice!
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Ay-yu-yu-yu-yu...
0:12:55 > 0:12:59Ay-yu-yu-yu-yu...
0:12:59 > 0:13:02- Over to you, Tess.- Keep dancing!
0:13:02 > 0:13:05- Nice to see you...- To see you...
0:13:05 > 0:13:09Was that supposed to be Bruce Forsyth? That was well rubbish.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Ay-yu-yu-yu-yu...
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Oi, bunny.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Oi, bunny!
0:13:16 > 0:13:21- I'm sorry, are you trying to get my attention?- Yeah, you want some?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24You want some of this? You want some, do you? You want it?
0:13:24 > 0:13:27You want it? Want some, want some, want some, want some?
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- Erm...- Want some, do you?
0:13:30 > 0:13:34Want some, want some, you... want... SOME?
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Not especially, no. I am just getting a snack.
0:13:37 > 0:13:41That's what I thought. This is my manor.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45MUSIC: "Ladies' Night" by Kool And The Gang
0:13:45 > 0:13:49Yeah!
0:13:49 > 0:13:51All right!
0:13:51 > 0:13:56Yeah, twas a ladies' night, all right.
0:13:56 > 0:14:01Yeah. Doin' the funky dance.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Bobbin' of my head.
0:14:03 > 0:14:08Mm-hmm. You heard me. That's right.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11Aye-aye, captain!
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Yeah.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Super-fly!
0:14:20 > 0:14:24Got to fly.
0:14:24 > 0:14:29Oh, this is the life. You cannot beat a spot of fishing.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33Especially in my own secret, secluded spot.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37There's just me, the fish, the tranquillity and the solitude.
0:14:37 > 0:14:42Safe in the knowledge that there's not another living soul
0:14:42 > 0:14:45for miles and miles around.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49- All right, Charlie?- Oh, hello, Harry. Didn't see you there.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- What are you doing?- Diane told me this was a great spot for fishing.
0:14:52 > 0:14:57- Oh, hello, Charlie.- Oh, Diane. How did you know about this place?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Oh, Andre swears by it. Don't you, Andre?
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Oh, absolutely. It's salmon central. Isn't it, lads?
0:15:03 > 0:15:07- It's perfect.- Great. - I've been coming here for years.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10THE BEARS ALL CHATTER
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Ohhh.
0:15:13 > 0:15:20Woo-hoo! Here I am. The Champs Elysees. The Eiffel Tower.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Vive la France! Ho-ho. Oh!
0:15:23 > 0:15:26No. Maybe I should've turned right at that last bit.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30# I kissed a girl and I like fish
0:15:30 > 0:15:33# The taste of her herring Chapstick. #
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- Dad, stop it. You're being embarrassing.- Don't be silly.
0:15:36 > 0:15:41- You know I like Katy Barry. - Katy Perry, Dad.- Whatsoevers.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43It's whatevs, Dad.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46- Right, you are grounded.- What?
0:15:46 > 0:15:51Oh, that was quite interesting. I wonder what's going on over there.
0:15:51 > 0:15:52ROARING
0:15:52 > 0:15:55I don't want to know what's going on over there!
0:15:57 > 0:16:00You look familiar. Are you sure you haven't been on before?
0:16:00 > 0:16:03No, my name is definitely not Kian The Bear
0:16:03 > 0:16:06and I am definitely not from King's Lynn.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09OK, then. And where do you see yourself in five years' time?
0:16:09 > 0:16:13I'd like to be the biggest recording bear artist of all time.
0:16:13 > 0:16:14All right, off you go then.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16CLEARS THROAT
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Mic's still a bit too high. Never mind.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20# Keurae neo hey
0:16:20 > 0:16:22# Keurae baro neo hey
0:16:22 > 0:16:26# Chigeumbu... (COUGHS) #
0:16:26 > 0:16:29Oh, no! Oh, that's done it.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31I really liked that. See you at boot camp.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33# Oppan Gangnam Style! #
0:16:33 > 0:16:36LICKS NOISILY
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- Mmm.- You taste of something.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42But I can't quite put my finger on what it is.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44LICKS MORE
0:16:44 > 0:16:49Ah! So do you! It's, eh...it's, um...
0:16:49 > 0:16:51A bit like chicken?
0:16:51 > 0:16:53No. It's a bit more gamey.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Gamey?
0:16:56 > 0:17:01Yeah, you know, not quite beefy but not quite chickeny either.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06I've got it! It's gazelle.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10Ha-ha. Of course! Gazelle. Top spot. Well done.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Mmmmm.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17Well, here we are, on holiday at the Bermuda Triangle.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19And not a thing's going wrong.
0:17:19 > 0:17:24- Well, it's a load of rubbish, isn't it?- It certainly is.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27HE HUMS
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Ohhh! Ooops!
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Eh? What, Steve?
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Steve? Oooh! Ooops!
0:17:33 > 0:17:37What's going...oh! Oof! Oooh!
0:17:37 > 0:17:41Oh, blimey. Oh, blimey, blimey...oooh!
0:17:45 > 0:17:47SHE BURPS
0:17:47 > 0:17:48Oh, pardon me!
0:17:48 > 0:17:50SHE BURPS
0:17:50 > 0:17:51That's embarrassing.
0:17:51 > 0:17:52SHE BURPS
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Oh! That's better.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56SHE BURPS
0:17:56 > 0:17:58SHE BURPS
0:17:58 > 0:17:59SHE BURPS
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Oooh! Don't know where that came from.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03SHE BURPS
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Oh! That's cleared the gills out.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07SHE BURPS
0:18:07 > 0:18:09SHE BURPS
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Oh, don't remember eating that.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Oh! Ha-ha. Pardon me, vicar!
0:18:18 > 0:18:20SHE BURPS
0:18:20 > 0:18:23SHE BURPS LOUDLY
0:18:23 > 0:18:24TOILET FLUSHES
0:18:24 > 0:18:28OK. That's that. And I'm off to the party.
0:18:28 > 0:18:33I really hope Glen's going to be there. He's gorgeous. Oh, no.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36There's loo roll stuck to my foot.
0:18:36 > 0:18:41Oh, classy, Claire, really classy. Get off! Go on! Oh.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42# Just one look at you... #
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Stay calm, Matthew. Wait for it. Wait for it.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47# And I know it's going to be... #
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Wait for it.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51# A lovely...
0:18:51 > 0:18:58# Dayyyyyyyyyyyyy!
0:18:59 > 0:19:01# A lovely...
0:19:01 > 0:19:09# Dayyyyyyyyyyyyyy! #
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Excellent!
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Five.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Four.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Three.
0:19:19 > 0:19:20Two.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22One.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23Lift off!
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Wheeeee!
0:19:26 > 0:19:29ENGINE FALTERS
0:19:29 > 0:19:30Oh.
0:19:33 > 0:19:38Ohhhhhhhhh!
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Oof!
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Hmm. Well, that didn't go to plan.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Hiya! I'm record-breaking tortoise Helen Shellton
0:19:50 > 0:19:52and you join me as I'm about
0:19:52 > 0:19:56to become the first ever tortoise to summit Turtleneck Mountain.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59This has never ever been done or filmed before.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01It's a truly historical...
0:20:01 > 0:20:04- Hi, Helen.- All right, Helen? - Lovely to see you, Hels.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- Good to see you.- Helen Shellton. - What are you lot doing here?
0:20:07 > 0:20:09We've all just been up Turtleneck Mountain.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13Yeah. It's great. Not as good as last year, though. Bit too touristy.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16- Hold on, are you that tortoise with the long neck?- Yeah. That's me.- Urgh!
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Right! Well, I can still get one.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22And no-one's ever going to beat my world record for tree-tapping, ever.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28And Siegfried is about to attempt the tree-tapping record.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31TAPPING
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Looking good!
0:20:33 > 0:20:35TIMER BEEPS
0:20:35 > 0:20:36Did I do it?
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Yes!
0:20:38 > 0:20:39Yay!
0:20:39 > 0:20:42# It's Maurice, Maurice the miserable fish. #
0:20:42 > 0:20:44I'm so miserable.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Oh, hello, Maurice. I heard you won the lottery.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50That must have put a smile on your face.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53It's a well-known fact that money doesn't buy you happiness.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Come on, Maurice, you know,
0:20:55 > 0:20:58always look on the bright side of life and all that.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Clear off!
0:21:01 > 0:21:04I'm still miserable.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07# It's Maurice, Maurice the miserable fish. #
0:21:07 > 0:21:09I hate that theme tune.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13MUSIC: "Call On Me" by Eric Prydz
0:21:15 > 0:21:18# Call on me, call on me
0:21:18 > 0:21:21# Call on me, call on me... #
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Oh, come on! It's 5.00 am.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Oh, no. Not again.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Someone needs to have a word!
0:21:27 > 0:21:29HE YAWNS
0:21:29 > 0:21:33Derek, can't you go and tell them to stop, I need my beauty sleep.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35I'm sure they'll stop soon, love.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39Come on, everyone. Morning exercises. And jump. And jump.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- And jump. And jump.- And jump. - And jump.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44- And jump.- And jump.- And jump.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47You are jumping on my last nerve!
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- Did you hear something? - And jump. No.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Do you think the music was too loud? And jump.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57- Nah, someone would tell us. - And jump.- And jump.- And jump.
0:21:58 > 0:22:02Ooh. Uh. Oh!
0:22:02 > 0:22:06Here I am! Sydney Harbour. Australia!
0:22:06 > 0:22:10G'day, mates! Put another shrimp on the barbie. Ha-ha!
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Oh, no. Maybe I should've gone back the other way. I'm not sure.
0:22:19 > 0:22:20Welcome, Barnaby.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22We are just looking to see what can range you have,
0:22:22 > 0:22:25- so just relax and be yourself.- OK.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27First off, can you give us surprise?
0:22:27 > 0:22:29HE CLEARS THROAT
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Oh!
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Wow!
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Ohhhh!
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Lovely. And now, can we see sleepy?
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Sure.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46HE YAWNS
0:22:48 > 0:22:53Wonderful. And happy? Give us happy. Let's see that twinkling smile.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55He-he-he.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Happy. Happy.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Well, that was marvellous, Barnaby.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02We'd love you to be in Madagascar 4:
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Surprise Invasion Of The Sleepy, Happy Buffalo.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08I'm desperate! I'm desperate! I'm desperate!
0:23:08 > 0:23:10I can hold it. I can hold it. I can hold it.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12I can hold it. I can, I can. I can hold it. I can...
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Oh, no. I can't.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16MUSIC: "Wipeout" by The Ventures
0:23:16 > 0:23:18I...
0:23:18 > 0:23:20really...
0:23:20 > 0:23:21really...
0:23:21 > 0:23:23love...
0:23:23 > 0:23:25drumming to...
0:23:25 > 0:23:28this...particular...
0:23:28 > 0:23:31song...
0:23:31 > 0:23:35in...the...snow.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38I...hope...
0:23:38 > 0:23:41you...like...
0:23:41 > 0:23:42it...
0:23:42 > 0:23:44too.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Sorry...about these gaps...
0:23:47 > 0:23:49but...
0:23:49 > 0:23:51I...
0:23:51 > 0:23:54forget...the...
0:23:54 > 0:23:56tune...
0:23:56 > 0:23:57sometimes.
0:23:59 > 0:24:04Oh, Deadly 60 is on later. But sometimes it's a bit scary.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06I wonder if Pete will watch it with me.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Erm, Pete, would you watch Deadly 60 with me later?
0:24:10 > 0:24:12No! I will not watch Deadly 60 with you, Calum!
0:24:12 > 0:24:15I like Steve Backshal and dangerous creatures
0:24:15 > 0:24:17but I promised I'd help my mum wash up tonight!
0:24:17 > 0:24:21I won't let my mum down, Calum! I'm not going to do it! So, no!
0:24:21 > 0:24:25I will not watch Deadly 60 with you later!
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Oooh! Touchy!
0:24:28 > 0:24:30That's the problem, you see.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Every time I go for dinner in the Pacific Ocean, I always end up
0:24:33 > 0:24:35with a hair in my mouth.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38From now on, I'm only eating in the Atlantic Ocean. So there.
0:24:40 > 0:24:41# And I know it's going to be... #
0:24:41 > 0:24:44OK, now it's the big one. You can do it, Matthew.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Concentrate.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48# A lovely
0:24:48 > 0:24:56# Dayyyyyyyyyyy
0:25:05 > 0:25:11- CROAKILY:- # Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyy... #
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Excellent.
0:25:13 > 0:25:14Oh!
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Good evening!
0:25:16 > 0:25:19It's my birthday and, you know, we all like a prank. You know?
0:25:19 > 0:25:21I'm not someone who doesn't like a prank,
0:25:21 > 0:25:25but they buried me halfway up my body and you lot are just standing there,
0:25:25 > 0:25:27watching me, laughing. I just feel like an idiot.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30It was just a joke, mate. It was just...you know.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33We were just...joking. Messing around, having a laugh.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35I just, it's not a laugh, is it?
0:25:35 > 0:25:39- It's not a laugh because you're not my friend anymore.- Oh, come on, mate.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43I mean, we just thought it would be funny like, to bury you.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45How long am I going to stay out here? All night?
0:25:45 > 0:25:47I'm going to sit out here in the cold all night?
0:25:47 > 0:25:51- I got family coming round. This is ridiculous.- I'm sorry, mate.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54It's just...we didn't think you'd take it like this.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57What do you...what? I didn't...you didn't think I'd take it like this?
0:25:57 > 0:26:01- No. We just thought you'd find it funny.- I-I...funny, is it?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Being buried. Almost being buried alive.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Is that funny, being buried alive?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07I don't know what's got into you, mate.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09What do you think I should do on your birthday?
0:26:09 > 0:26:13Push you off a cliff? Would that be funny, would it? No, it wouldn't.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15No. No it wouldn't, would it?
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Burying someone alive is not funny.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20- Not on their birthday, or any other day.- Sorry, mate.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Can you just get me out of here, please?
0:26:22 > 0:26:23Well, no.
0:26:23 > 0:26:27No. Cos...take it away, guys.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30# For he's a jolly good penguin
0:26:30 > 0:26:32# For he's a jolly good penguin
0:26:32 > 0:26:36# For he's a jolly good penguin
0:26:36 > 0:26:39# And so say all of us. #
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Aw! Thanks, guys.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49Hello. World record-breaking tortoise Helen Shellton here.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51One last chance for a new world record.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55This is my strongest event, though. The giant tortoise treasure hunt.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57OK, are you both ready? Go!
0:26:57 > 0:27:01- I am so going to smash this. - Found it!
0:27:01 > 0:27:02CROWD CHEER
0:27:02 > 0:27:04What?! I don't believe it!
0:27:04 > 0:27:07And the world record goes to the tortoise with a long neck.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09CROWD CHEER
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Uff! I've tried my best. No world records. Not one.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14That's it, I'm going home.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16- Helen! Helen! Wait!- What now?
0:27:16 > 0:27:18You've just broken the world record for the most
0:27:18 > 0:27:20failed record attempts in one show.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Woo-hoo! That's the one I really wanted!
0:27:23 > 0:27:24CROWD: Well done, Helen!
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Thanks for watching, everyone.
0:27:26 > 0:27:31Oof! Urgh! Here I am! A quiet meadow somewhere in southern Wales. Oh.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Yes, I am, actually.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd