0:00:02 > 0:00:04Behold the secrets of the Dracula clan.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07We are vampires.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09As told by four vampires...
0:00:09 > 0:00:12and one hideously drooling drudge,
0:00:12 > 0:00:15each with their own side of the story to tell.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22Vladimir Dracula.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Also known as Vladdy...
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Yes!
0:00:29 > 0:00:30..Vlad
0:00:30 > 0:00:32and the Chosen One.
0:00:32 > 0:00:37The spiritual leader of the world's vampire clans.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41What an honour when I, Bertrand de Fortunesa,
0:00:41 > 0:00:45was entrusted with guiding Vlad in fulfilling this destiny.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47A momentous responsibility...
0:00:48 > 0:00:52..and one I wish to share with future vampire generations.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56So, I will set down here, in this journal...
0:00:58 > 0:01:03..an account of the events that shaped Vlad's rise to glory...
0:01:03 > 0:01:05HE GROANS
0:01:05 > 0:01:10..and how, under my tutelage, he was an unprecedented success.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13In keeping with most vampire clans,
0:01:13 > 0:01:17the members of the Dracula family possess the most abhorrent qualities.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18Back-stabbing treachery...
0:01:18 > 0:01:21You devious, conniving witch.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24..unscrupulous craving for power...
0:01:24 > 0:01:26SHE LAUGHS EVILLY
0:01:26 > 0:01:30..and a taste for random acts of cruelty.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31RENFIELD GASPS
0:01:31 > 0:01:36A family too busy warring with each other to see the bigger picture.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38In troublesome times,
0:01:38 > 0:01:43it was essential that the family put all petty infighting aside,
0:01:43 > 0:01:46especially since Vlad's succession as the Chosen One
0:01:46 > 0:01:51had brought all manner of dark, hostile forces out of the woodwork,
0:01:51 > 0:01:55waiting for the opportunity to take the Draculas down.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Danger was lurking everywhere.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Which meant...?
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Getting to know your enemy -
0:02:03 > 0:02:06who's who in the great vampire dynasties.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Of all the clans, the Barak worry me the most.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14They're highly respected and hold great influence.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17If they go against me, it would be hard to maintain order.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18They do have a weakness.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22During the East Blood War,
0:02:22 > 0:02:25they secretly betrayed their allies in return for leverage in the...
0:02:25 > 0:02:27< Renfield!
0:02:27 > 0:02:28< Where's my fang floss?
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Vlad needed to cram up as quickly as possible
0:02:34 > 0:02:36on past and present feuds...
0:02:37 > 0:02:40..and expert advice was required.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42We're studying vampire clans.
0:02:42 > 0:02:43Excellent!
0:02:43 > 0:02:47I could tell you some wonderful stories.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50I don't want stories. I want facts,
0:02:50 > 0:02:51and Bertrand knows those.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Right.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05I'll leave you to it, then.
0:03:08 > 0:03:09'Vlad was right.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13'It was the counsel of Bertrand de Fortunesa he needed now,
0:03:13 > 0:03:15'not that of his father.'
0:03:15 > 0:03:17To be fair, in his time,
0:03:17 > 0:03:19the Count had been one of the great perpetrators
0:03:19 > 0:03:23of some of the bitterest blood feuds in vampire history.
0:03:23 > 0:03:24But his new circumstances,
0:03:24 > 0:03:27living cheek by jowl with breathers,
0:03:27 > 0:03:30didn't exactly allow for that sort of thing.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Once upon a time, he could have locked horns
0:03:32 > 0:03:37with the most ruthless and blood-thirsty Carpathian vampires.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Now, it more likely to be spanners at dawn
0:03:39 > 0:03:42with a competitively-priced plumber.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46I, the Prince of Darkness,
0:03:46 > 0:03:49and the scourge of all men,
0:03:49 > 0:03:51hereby declare a feud against...
0:03:56 > 0:03:57..the...
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Branaghs.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03I promise to destroy and utterly crush you
0:04:03 > 0:04:07in the most gruesome and unspeakably evil ways possible.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Yours sincerely,
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Count Dracula.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Hmm. You don't think it lacks the..
0:04:13 > 0:04:15personal touch, do you?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Good point.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24PS...
0:04:24 > 0:04:26I shall drain
0:04:26 > 0:04:29all the fat
0:04:29 > 0:04:31from your cows.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Oh, so eloquent, Master!
0:04:33 > 0:04:35I shall deliver it myself.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44Hardly the most exciting chapter in the history of the vampires.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50'Only a complete dullard could get worked up over that.'
0:04:50 > 0:04:51And so,
0:04:51 > 0:04:55to the most thrilling chapter of...
0:04:55 > 0:04:58My Life In Drudgery,
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Memoirs Of A Renfield.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05The vital role I played in my master's feud
0:05:05 > 0:05:07with a neighbouring clan,
0:05:07 > 0:05:10the Branaghs,
0:05:10 > 0:05:11and, in particular,
0:05:11 > 0:05:16my master's struggle to defeat the leader of their tribe.
0:05:19 > 0:05:20Stop!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22What are you doing, you cretin?
0:05:23 > 0:05:24Now deliver it.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Master? 'Tis done.
0:05:44 > 0:05:45Hmm.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Destroy,
0:05:46 > 0:05:48crush,
0:05:48 > 0:05:49gruesome,
0:05:49 > 0:05:51drain?
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Oh, it's from Mr Count up the hill.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55You know I said I'd noticed a bit of a smell.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Oh, please, don't make me go up there again.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59I know his ways are a little eccentric.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- Eccentric? He's a total nutter! - Graham!
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Just because their ways are a little bit different,
0:06:04 > 0:06:08doesn't mean we shouldn't try and make them feel welcome.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11OK. I'll get my things.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16It was at times like this
0:06:16 > 0:06:22that all the toil, sweat and tears became worth it.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23Because I,
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Renfield,
0:06:25 > 0:06:29was lucky enough to witness the titanic struggle
0:06:29 > 0:06:31between two of the mightiest clans
0:06:31 > 0:06:34of the 21st century.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35He's here, Master.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39The Branagh male, armed with bit of stick.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41- And rubber! - Out the way, out the way!
0:06:43 > 0:06:47Well, that should be no match for the might of Count Dracula.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50You did say that about the porcupine, Master.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Oh, just let him in, Renfield.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Ah, Branagh.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01I take it you received my missive.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Yes, I did.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05And listen, next time, just pick up the phone.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08I'll give you my number.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11A-ha!
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Disarmed. Now I have the power.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16PLUNGER POPS
0:07:16 > 0:07:18MR BRANAGH GASPS
0:07:19 > 0:07:21HE CRIES OUT
0:07:21 > 0:07:24That will teach these peasants to mess with Count Dracula.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Quite heroic, really,
0:07:27 > 0:07:31the way that jumped-up toilet dredger kept plugging away...
0:07:31 > 0:07:34I think I've found the cause of the blockage.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Oh, Gertrude!
0:07:36 > 0:07:39- You, get back in the slime pit! - I beg your pardon?
0:07:39 > 0:07:41I've just done you a favour!
0:07:41 > 0:07:43A favour? We're supposed to be having a feud!
0:07:43 > 0:07:45All in vain, though,
0:07:45 > 0:07:49because my Master was always a step in front,
0:07:49 > 0:07:52with various counter-moves.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Finished!
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Take his competitive tent pitching.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Suck on that, peasants!
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Oh, suck on what?
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Oh, that? Oh, I see!
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Are you sure it's quite safe?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Safe? Is my tent safe?
0:08:08 > 0:08:09TENT CREAKS
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Renfield!
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Yes, Master?
0:08:16 > 0:08:18You shall be the first to try out my tent.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Oh, thank you, Master!
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Thank you!
0:08:23 > 0:08:26HE BABBLES INCOHERENTLY
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Just get in the tent!
0:08:30 > 0:08:31Oh.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Oh, this is nice.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35RENFIELD SCREAMS
0:08:35 > 0:08:37I think that's 1-0 to the Branaghs, eh?
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Master!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42'Then there were cook-offs, to prove who kept the finest kitchen.'
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Look, why don't we all just calm down and enjoy a nice hot dog?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Because we don't want your peasant food.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- We shall prepare our own feast! - Barbecued slug, master?
0:08:52 > 0:08:55'Only one winner there, obviously.'
0:08:55 > 0:08:59It had already been the most exciting day of my life.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00Slugs for tea
0:09:00 > 0:09:04and then two hours spent in a blind, sweaty panic
0:09:04 > 0:09:06in an old tent.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10But would you believe it? It got even better!
0:09:10 > 0:09:14I've always wondered - how does it feel to be a loser?
0:09:14 > 0:09:18I don't know. You tell me, Mr Floppy Tent!
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Right! That's it!
0:09:20 > 0:09:22THUNDER CLAPS
0:09:23 > 0:09:26I challenge you to a duel!
0:09:27 > 0:09:29You know what, matey? I accept!
0:09:29 > 0:09:31You and me, outside, now.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Dad? What's going on?
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Chloe, Mr Count and I were just going outside
0:09:36 > 0:09:37to talk about grown-up things.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39But it's raining.
0:09:39 > 0:09:40Ah, so it is.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Why don't we have our talk in the crypt?
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Nothing for you to worry about, Chloe.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48COUNT YAWNS
0:09:48 > 0:09:50You're going down, pal!
0:09:50 > 0:09:53To the crypt, so we can sort this out reasonably.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00A fight to the death,
0:10:00 > 0:10:02using any means necessary.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06And contrary to what you might think,
0:10:06 > 0:10:09the Master doesn't always use extreme violence
0:10:09 > 0:10:10in search of victory.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Oh, no!
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Although he is very good at it.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18But he's even better
0:10:18 > 0:10:20at being sneaky.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22I have to admit, I was wrong to fight you.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26That's very big of you, Count.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29I must admit, I was a bit embarrassed myself.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33So, let's set our differences aside, for the sake of our sons.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Cos after all, we care about their feelings, don't we?
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Absolutely.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Shake on it?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Well done, Dad. I'm proud of you. You're the best.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45HE LAUGHS EVILLY
0:10:45 > 0:10:48I am the best father!
0:10:48 > 0:10:50In your face, peasant.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55A great victory,
0:10:55 > 0:10:58won with deceit and cunning.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Sad, really.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03The Count's talent for evil scheming,
0:11:03 > 0:11:06wasted on a breather whose most evil attribute
0:11:06 > 0:11:09is his taste in lemon-coloured leisure wear.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13But the bigger worry was that hostile elements
0:11:13 > 0:11:17wanted to exploit the Count's altered circumstances.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20He had swapped a castle in Transylvania
0:11:20 > 0:11:22for suburbia, and all that comes with it.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26And there were rumours that this new life had changed him.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31To make matters worse, the vampire press got in on the act,
0:11:31 > 0:11:34with a whole host of accusations -
0:11:34 > 0:11:36the Count had lost the plot,
0:11:36 > 0:11:39forgotten how to conduct a proper feud,
0:11:39 > 0:11:42even gone soft on slayers.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44As I said, mostly false.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Well, sort of.
0:11:48 > 0:11:49< Another one!
0:11:51 > 0:11:53I can't bring myself to look at it.
0:11:53 > 0:11:54Renfield, read it to me!
0:11:56 > 0:11:58- "Sofa for sale."- No, no. The...
0:11:58 > 0:12:00- Ah!- Yes.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04"Fangs Ain't What They Used To Be For Soft-On-Slayers Sham Vampire."
0:12:04 > 0:12:08It's worse than I thought.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11"Anyone remember the chapter in the vampire's manual
0:12:11 > 0:12:12"about giving slayers an easy ride?
0:12:12 > 0:12:15"Or the one about allowing them to escape?
0:12:15 > 0:12:18"Or even the one about letting them live in your castle?
0:12:18 > 0:12:23"We at The Vampire Times don't remember any of those chapters.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26"But it seems the blood-sucking rulebook has been rewritten
0:12:26 > 0:12:29"by that once great Prince of Darkness,
0:12:29 > 0:12:31"Count Dracula, 608,
0:12:31 > 0:12:35"currently living a reclusive existence in northern England."
0:12:35 > 0:12:40Shoddy journalism. I'm six hundred and...six, if I'm a day.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41Continue.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44"Once, he was known for his fierce feuds,
0:12:44 > 0:12:48"his violent vendettas, his terrible tiffs..."
0:12:48 > 0:12:50That's more like it!
0:12:50 > 0:12:53"Now, he's known as nothing more than a fangless joke.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59"What is not so funny, though, is this long-in-the-fang's insistence
0:12:59 > 0:13:02"that he is father of the Chosen One.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07"So, dear readers, The Vampire Times says
0:13:07 > 0:13:10"it's time for us all to shun this bat with no bite
0:13:10 > 0:13:14"who has brought nothing but disgrace upon the cape."
0:13:18 > 0:13:21The constant sniping about the Count in the press
0:13:21 > 0:13:23is no laughing matter.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27'In these difficult times, having the Chosen One in their midst
0:13:27 > 0:13:30'meant a great opportunity for the Dracula family,
0:13:30 > 0:13:32'but it wasn't without danger.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36'The path to glory is always paved with feuds and clashes
0:13:36 > 0:13:39'with unscrupulous opponents.
0:13:39 > 0:13:40'Friends became enemies,
0:13:40 > 0:13:43'deeply unhappy at the turn of events
0:13:43 > 0:13:47'that had led to Vladimir Dracula being named the Chosen One.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50'So, it was crucial that Vlad should pay attention
0:13:50 > 0:13:52'to what his mentor, Bertrand de Fortunesa,
0:13:52 > 0:13:54'taught him about the art of feud.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57'When to strike and when to hold back.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59'When to opt for vampiric force and aggression
0:13:59 > 0:14:02'and when a war of words might work better.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08'In fact, these are lessons his father, the Count,
0:14:08 > 0:14:11'could have benefited from learning, too.'
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Don't imagine for one second I'm taking this
0:14:14 > 0:14:16libellous claptrap lying down.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20I'm the Prince of Darkness, scourge of generations,
0:14:20 > 0:14:22evil incarnate.
0:14:23 > 0:14:24So what you going to do?
0:14:24 > 0:14:28- IN DEEP VOICE:- I'll tell you what I'm going to do...
0:14:28 > 0:14:31I'm going to write a very strongly-worded letter
0:14:31 > 0:14:33to the editor.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37To the editor. The Vampire Times. Dear Sir...
0:14:39 > 0:14:43'Contrary to the vile, libellous filth printed in the pre-packaged
0:14:43 > 0:14:46'fish and chip paper you call a publication,
0:14:46 > 0:14:52'I am neither a joke, a has-been, nor soft on slayers.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56'In fact, I pride myself on my foul and unpleasant attitude towards
0:14:56 > 0:14:59'these interfering blood-pulsers with their garlic necklaces
0:14:59 > 0:15:02'and pointy sticks.'
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Little pig, please let me in.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10'In my crusade against slayers, I've terrorised them
0:15:10 > 0:15:13'in their pathetic tin-pot hovels.'
0:15:13 > 0:15:19No, no, said the little pig, not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22HE CRIES OUT IN FEAR
0:15:27 > 0:15:30- IN DEEP VOICE:- Then I'll huff and I'll puff
0:15:30 > 0:15:32and I'll blow your house in.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35'I've hidden myself in their garlic-stenching innards'
0:15:35 > 0:15:40I'm protected inside your body, slayer!
0:15:40 > 0:15:44This is fantastic!
0:15:44 > 0:15:49I haven't felt the sun in...
0:15:49 > 0:15:53almost 600 years!
0:15:53 > 0:15:58'I've even taken their empty-headed family members hostage.'
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- BONE CRUNCHES - Eeurgh.
0:16:05 > 0:16:06Sorry.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11MICE SQUEAK
0:16:11 > 0:16:13SCUTTLING
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Oh.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29Tut, tut, tut.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Naughty, naughty.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35So you see, I am dark
0:16:35 > 0:16:38and thoroughly dastardly in my dealings with the slayers.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Downright cheek, therefore, to publicly accuse me
0:16:41 > 0:16:43of going soft.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47There'll be no more talk of peace
0:16:47 > 0:16:49between vampires and slayers.
0:16:52 > 0:16:53The war must end.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59Slayers will always be our enemy.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02We shall bite them on the beaches, we shall bite them in the fields
0:17:02 > 0:17:06and in the streets, we shall bite them in the hills -
0:17:06 > 0:17:09we shall never surrender!
0:17:09 > 0:17:13As if a black-hearted meanie like Count Dracula would ever
0:17:13 > 0:17:14let a slayer escape.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Well, there was that one time when...
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Let the boy go. It's me you want.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25I won't put up a fight.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26Dad, no!
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Don't do it, Dad. It's not worth it.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Oh, it's worth it, all right.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36But it's too easy if he won't put up a fight.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Where's the fun in that?
0:17:42 > 0:17:46We'll meet again, I promise you that.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Can't wait.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00COUNT LAUGHS
0:18:00 > 0:18:02I can't believe you just let a slayer go.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04It was just that once.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07After all, it's no fun when they give themselves up.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11There's no sport, no thrill of the chase!
0:18:11 > 0:18:13And then there was the time you let one move in.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Is it true?
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Are you a slayer?
0:18:22 > 0:18:25How was I to suppose to know the girl what Vlad had brought home
0:18:25 > 0:18:29wasn't just an annoying half-fang but a slayer, too?
0:18:31 > 0:18:36- Get out. I don't- ever- want to see you again!
0:18:37 > 0:18:38Go!
0:18:47 > 0:18:50But my point is, I demand an immediate apology!
0:18:51 > 0:18:55PS - Get my age right, you complete bunch of morons.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Of course, there was one member of the Dracula Clan who didn't
0:19:01 > 0:19:05need teaching about feuding from anyone.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08'The Count's insignificant daughter, Ingrid.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10'She liked nothing better than to spend
0:19:10 > 0:19:12'her every waking moment quarrelling.'
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Quiet, Mistress Ingrid,
0:19:14 > 0:19:16I'm trying to read the map.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Don't tell me to be quiet. Insect-biter!
0:19:18 > 0:19:21'There were regular rows with Renfield...'
0:19:21 > 0:19:23That is it!
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Don't you touch me, you fungus!
0:19:26 > 0:19:27- It's a bat!- Creep!- Witch!
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- Puss-face!- Turn right!
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- Conjurer!- Cretin!- Freak!
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- Foul breath!- Spider-licker!
0:19:36 > 0:19:38- Scab-picker!- Snot-eater!
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Renfield!
0:19:41 > 0:19:44'Then there were the frequent fights with her father.'
0:19:44 > 0:19:47I hate you more than garlic .
0:19:47 > 0:19:51I hope you get tooth decay!
0:19:51 > 0:19:54'Not to mention big bother with her little brother.'
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Bagsy the tower room.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59I don't think so. I'm the eldest, I'm having that one.
0:19:59 > 0:20:00- But I called it.- When?
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- In the hearse.- Right.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Well... I called it before you were born.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08So, kiss my cape.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11'She's such an expert on the subject, she's offering advice now
0:20:11 > 0:20:13'in a video vlog.'
0:20:13 > 0:20:17Sisters, our fight for equality
0:20:17 > 0:20:19and recognition in the vampire world is just that -
0:20:19 > 0:20:23a fight. And not a fair one.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Especially when there's a male heir around.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28This is very simple.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Vladimir will have the room.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Brilliant. Oh, Ingrid,
0:20:33 > 0:20:35I do believe you're about to chew on that.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38This is because he's your favourite, isn't it?
0:20:38 > 0:20:39Yes. That's right.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Be sure the odds are against us,
0:20:42 > 0:20:43but that's nothing new.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Victory can be ours and the only way
0:20:46 > 0:20:48to win the battle of the sexes
0:20:48 > 0:20:50is by a lot of little successes.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52However tiny.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55You can't seriously think that I'm going to school.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57You don't have to go, but I want to.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Just don't tell Dad, OK?
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Sure. Don't worry.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Dad!
0:21:04 > 0:21:07It's tricky, the brother/sister thing.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10With my brother and I, it works like this -
0:21:10 > 0:21:12it's a love hate thing.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Deep down, he really loves me and I love...
0:21:14 > 0:21:16hating him.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20So, it's true, you actually have gone bad.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Chucked out of Home Economics?
0:21:22 > 0:21:24What's next?
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Not handing in your History assignment?
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Have you ever actually bitten anyone?
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Don't push me.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40You're still the same old puny little Vlad who can't stand
0:21:40 > 0:21:42the sight of blood.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46'After years of losing out to my beloved brother in every way,
0:21:46 > 0:21:49'I finally decided enough was enough.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52'The time for talking was over. It was time to take action.'
0:21:53 > 0:21:57Ingrid's sharpening a stake, and I think it's got your name on it.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59VLAD LAUGHS
0:21:59 > 0:22:00Oh, that is priceless.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02She's jealous of your power.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Mmm.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07She wants to take you out before you become untouchable.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Well, I'd like to see her try.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Do you want me to deal with her?
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Deal with her?
0:22:15 > 0:22:17No. Bring her on.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21A betrayal from within. Terrible.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26If Vlad couldn't trust those around him, who could he trust?
0:22:26 > 0:22:28His secret notebook?
0:22:28 > 0:22:30What to do about Ingrid?
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Can I ever really trust her?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36It's not like it's ever been easy between us,
0:22:36 > 0:22:39not that I don't blame her for being jealous.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42I have a little good luck present.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Now, these are pair of ancient brooches
0:22:45 > 0:22:47with the legendary Dracula coat of arms.
0:22:47 > 0:22:48Oh, wicked.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52So Vladdy, my boy, this one's for you.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57And Ingrid, it's such a shame you weren't a boy.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Don't you care about my feelings at all?
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Oh, Ingrid, silly.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Of course I don't! Now, pack your bags, we're leaving at sunset.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06You love that TV more than your children.
0:23:06 > 0:23:07Of course I don't.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11I just love TV more than my daughter.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14But even if it's understandable that she feels hard done-by,
0:23:14 > 0:23:17it doesn't make what she's been doing OK.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Tut, tut, tut.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Vlad. Let me go.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46'OK, I overreacted, leaving her to fry in the daylight.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49'I'm not exactly proud of what happened.'
0:23:50 > 0:23:52SHE SCREAMS
0:23:52 > 0:23:56'But when a deranged sibling attacks you with a stake,
0:23:56 > 0:23:58'you can't take chances.'
0:24:01 > 0:24:05But then things got really worrying.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08And no-one saw it coming.
0:24:08 > 0:24:09Ingrid started being nice.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13You don't do hugs!
0:24:13 > 0:24:16- I've changed.- Apparently.
0:24:16 > 0:24:21When you left me to burn in the sunlight, I hit rock bottom.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Invariably, I realised that I have to be satisfied with who I am,
0:24:24 > 0:24:26and not envy other people.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29I think you're going to make a great leader.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31How naive can you get.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34What my baby brother didn't have the maturity to realise was that
0:24:34 > 0:24:37I was even more evil, twice as two-faced,
0:24:37 > 0:24:42and with my own army of trained netball ninjas in tow.
0:24:42 > 0:24:46We are going to start with the assassination of Vladimir Dracula.
0:24:47 > 0:24:48Why?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Because, he's the key culprit.
0:24:50 > 0:24:55Soon he'll be so powerful, we'll never be able to oust him.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57All those years of being overlooked,
0:24:57 > 0:24:58of being treated like
0:24:58 > 0:25:00a second-class citizen,
0:25:00 > 0:25:01of getting a raw deal,
0:25:01 > 0:25:03were finally going to be avenged
0:25:03 > 0:25:05by my teenage fan club.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10'And what happened?'
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Vlad!
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Just as one of my vampettes was about to strike...
0:25:20 > 0:25:22'..she walked into the sunlight.'
0:25:22 > 0:25:26I...hope one day I can do the same for you.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29- 'That's what you get from working with amateurs.'- Thanks.
0:25:29 > 0:25:34'Although, maybe the way things turned out isn't such a disaster.'
0:25:34 > 0:25:37I don't want you to think I've gone soft,
0:25:37 > 0:25:40but a girl has to think ahead, and being the sister
0:25:40 > 0:25:44of the Chosen One has its benefits, that I fully intend to exploit.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46So I'm working alongside him.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49For the time being, anyway.
0:25:49 > 0:25:54Oh, where to start with making sense of what's needed to get
0:25:54 > 0:25:56this lot to put their differences aside
0:25:56 > 0:25:59and concentrate on the tasks ahead.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03'Vampires and feuding go together like sharp fangs
0:26:03 > 0:26:07'and unsuspecting necks, and the Draculas are naturals at it.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11'Ingrid needs to choose her battles more wisely,
0:26:11 > 0:26:15'so as to help the family survive, not destroy it from within.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18'Vlad is starting to focus,
0:26:18 > 0:26:21'but his tolerance of breathers doesn't help, because that's
0:26:21 > 0:26:24'the kind of thing that attracts even more enemies,
0:26:24 > 0:26:26'slayers and vampires alike.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30'We must acknowledge that there are plenty of those who would like
0:26:30 > 0:26:33'to bring this family down, whether it's other clan leaders
0:26:33 > 0:26:35'or elements of the vampire press,
0:26:35 > 0:26:38'who will stop at nothing to discredit the Dracula family.'
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Ah! Right. An apology.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46About time.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49"Since the publication of our article
0:26:49 > 0:26:51"about a certain Count Dracula,
0:26:51 > 0:26:55"it has come to our notice that The Vampire Times was not
0:26:55 > 0:26:57"entirely accurate in its reporting."
0:26:57 > 0:26:59You can say that again.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01"We would like to set the record straight
0:27:01 > 0:27:06"and clarify that Count Dracula is indeed 606 years old,
0:27:06 > 0:27:10"not 608, as we previously stated in error.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14"We apologise for any distress this may have caused."
0:27:14 > 0:27:16May have caused.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19"As to our claims that he is a disgrace, a has-been
0:27:19 > 0:27:22"and a joke, they all stand."
0:27:22 > 0:27:24They all stand?
0:27:24 > 0:27:26"And we would like to add some new ones.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29"He has the handwriting of a two-year-old
0:27:29 > 0:27:31"and his spelling is atrocious."
0:27:35 > 0:27:37The Count must never know of this.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40- COUNT:- No, he mustn't, must he?
0:27:40 > 0:27:42METAL CLANGS
0:27:42 > 0:27:43RENFIELD YELLS
0:27:49 > 0:27:54Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd