0:00:15 > 0:00:19Master, no! No, no, no! Sorry, Master!
0:00:19 > 0:00:22How many times have I told you, Renfield?
0:00:22 > 0:00:26You feed me one more cup of tomato juice...
0:00:26 > 0:00:29- But, Master, I... - I don't want excuses!
0:00:31 > 0:00:34I want fresh blood!
0:00:35 > 0:00:39I am trying, Master! But the paperboy got wise to my traps!
0:00:39 > 0:00:44Dad, you promised to be careful! Do I need to spell it out for you?
0:00:44 > 0:00:49- M-O-B?- I am Count Dracula, not Spell Dracula.
0:00:49 > 0:00:54M-O-B spells angry peasant mob howling for your dust.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57I know that! But I'm bored.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02Vladdy, tomorrow you'll stay home and entertain me!
0:01:02 > 0:01:07Invite your friends, mmm, we can play Murder In The Dark.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08For the last time, no!
0:01:08 > 0:01:11If you need entertaining...
0:01:11 > 0:01:15- get a TV.- You want me to stare at a glass box all day?
0:01:15 > 0:01:16I'd rather be dead!
0:01:16 > 0:01:20- And I am. - METAL CLANGS
0:01:20 > 0:01:23And I love it. No TV and that's final!
0:01:23 > 0:01:27- If we get to do evil stuff, I'll stay home.- It's settled...
0:01:27 > 0:01:29I shall buy a television!
0:01:29 > 0:01:34You, go barter with the peasants for their finest television. And you,
0:01:34 > 0:01:36clear up this mess.
0:01:36 > 0:01:41Why can't Vlad do it? It's because he's a boy, isn't it?
0:01:41 > 0:01:45No! It's cos he's my son, he's my future, my dreams, he is...
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Going round to Robin's.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Then I'm going too.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53And you can't stop me!
0:01:53 > 0:01:58Fine! Fine, just remember to polish my coffin when you get home.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00Ugh!
0:02:00 > 0:02:03BIRDS SCREECH
0:02:04 > 0:02:08I can't believe you talked me into a stakeout.
0:02:08 > 0:02:13We're slayers! It's our duty to fight the forces of darkness...
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Sssh! They're coming out!
0:02:19 > 0:02:23Off to commit evil deeds, no doubt.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Or maybe going to hang out with mates?
0:02:27 > 0:02:31- What a great idea.- Oh, no!- You're in Vlad's class.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33You must befriend him. Gain his trust.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37The mask will slip, and then it's out with the stakes.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Invite him for dinner?
0:02:41 > 0:02:45Sometimes I think your heart just isn't in slaying.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Of course it is, Dad. It's just...
0:02:57 > 0:03:00What if I was to try to get close to Ingrid instead?
0:03:00 > 0:03:03You're a chip off the old stake!
0:03:06 > 0:03:11- Robin, wanna smell my flower? Do I look stupid?- Just play along!
0:03:11 > 0:03:14We're trying to win You've Been Shamed! Be on TV!
0:03:14 > 0:03:18I'm gagging to embarrass myself in front of my friends(!)
0:03:18 > 0:03:22How many times? You haven't got any friends.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26Robin, your friends are here!
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Ingrid, knew you couldn't keep away!
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- We're gonna make you a star! - What do you mean, "make"?
0:03:33 > 0:03:38- You know, You've Been Shamed?- No. - People make funny movies to send in.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40For a prize of £1,000!
0:03:40 > 0:03:42We'll win with you as our leading lady!
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Have you clowns ever made a movie before?
0:03:47 > 0:03:50- We've been doing it for years.- Yeah?
0:03:50 > 0:03:54They film our holidays on Dad's clapped-out camcorder.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57- Our masterpieces.- Ten years' of holidays!
0:03:57 > 0:03:58Merthyr Tydfil?
0:03:58 > 0:04:02- Pontypridd?- I'd forgotten about this - Transylvania!
0:04:02 > 0:04:06- BOTH:- What?! - 1994...holiday in Transylvania.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09That's just a few miles from our old castle!
0:04:09 > 0:04:11I don't remember going.
0:04:11 > 0:04:12It was years ago.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Put it on.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16Put it on!
0:04:18 > 0:04:22- 'I can play with this, not you! - Yes, I can!
0:04:22 > 0:04:24'Steady, it's not a toy.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26'Give me the camera, smelly.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28- 'Come on.- I can play, not you!'
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Spielberg'll be panicking so much(!)
0:04:31 > 0:04:34I've been to Transylvania and never knew!
0:04:34 > 0:04:36You're lucky to have lived there.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40- I'd give anything to switch lives with you.- What?!
0:04:40 > 0:04:42You don't fit into your family...
0:04:42 > 0:04:48I don't fit into mine. I was in your village when I was a baby...
0:04:48 > 0:04:51What if we were accidentally swapped round?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54I know you don't fit in, but that's cos
0:04:54 > 0:04:57you're individual, not because you're a vam...
0:04:57 > 0:05:01- a Vlad.- It would explain a lot, though.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- Well, I'm convinced. - When are you moving out?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Master, why don't you let me entertain you?
0:05:07 > 0:05:11Cos I don't think I can survive another hour of
0:05:11 > 0:05:15- Transylvanian Twist.- Are you sure?
0:05:15 > 0:05:17I've made a new sparkly leotard.
0:05:17 > 0:05:22Now, let's see what mindless trash passes for entertainment these days.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Up a bit...
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- left a bit...just right. - MUSIC PLAYS ON TV
0:05:31 > 0:05:36- Master, I think you should know that I'm in agonising pain.- Perfect.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Hold it there!
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Fantastic. You got the TV!
0:05:46 > 0:05:48We're finally normal!
0:05:48 > 0:05:53No son of mine is normal. You're banned from watching this thing!
0:05:53 > 0:05:56It'll turn you into a sheep-like native!
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Ingrid, you can watch it if you like.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02I hope you get hooked on that breather box.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06It will have no affect on me. I am incorruptible! Watch this!
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Boring...
0:06:08 > 0:06:12boring...boring...
0:06:13 > 0:06:15A TV THEME TUNE PLAYS
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Morning, Dad.
0:06:29 > 0:06:30Dad?
0:06:33 > 0:06:37Good old blood-free toast. The perfect breakfast!
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Has he been watching TV all night?
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Looks like it. OK, Dad, I'm off to school.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Bye, Dad. Bye, Vlad. See ya.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50'Sheila, you're here! My wife and I have waited a long time...'
0:06:50 > 0:06:55- (I thought you were incorruptible?) - Shhh, quiet.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59Sheila is about to find out if Edna is really her daughter!
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- Doesn't she know? - Of course not, foolish girl.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04She has amnesia!
0:07:04 > 0:07:07'Here are the results of your DNA test.
0:07:07 > 0:07:12'I'm sorry to tell you, Edna is not your daughter!
0:07:12 > 0:07:17- 'However,- I- am your son!'- Huh?- Oh!
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Well, I didn't see that one coming!
0:07:22 > 0:07:26Of course not, it's really far-fetched and stupid.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Oh, just go to school, Ingrid!
0:07:28 > 0:07:32I don't believe this! You love TV more than your children.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36I don't. I just love TV more than my daughter.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Huh!
0:07:41 > 0:07:43- Have you eaten garlic?- Yes, Dad.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46What if she asks you to see her coffin?
0:07:46 > 0:07:50- I'm not that sort of boy. Can I go now?- Wait.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57I, er...
0:08:00 > 0:08:02I got you these.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07You're a slayer now, my son.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13Yeah, uh...thanks.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26OK, how about this?
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Bistritz Beer Festival, 1994.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32My parents drink ale and push the wrong pram.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35- That's possible?- Um.- Think about it, that's all.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38OK...
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Can I stop now? I'm starting to worry about you.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Worry about yourself, zombie snot.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45What have I done now?
0:08:45 > 0:08:50You made Dad buy that TV. I'm now his third favourite.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Come on, you know that's not true.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56You forgot Renfield - you're fourth favourite!
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- Hey, Ingrid!- What?!
0:08:59 > 0:09:03- Um, don't you want your homework? - Oh, yeah...thanks.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06I'm sorry I snapped.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10- It's my brother, he really bugs me.- Don't worry about it.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Yeah, we understand.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14- You do?- Yeah.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17You have met Robin?! He's delusional.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21- He goes on about being swapped at birth.- Shame he wasn't.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23That'd solve all our problems.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Yes...
0:09:25 > 0:09:27yes, it would, wouldn't it?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29It really would!
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Thank you. I owe you.
0:09:34 > 0:09:39- In that case...- Will you be in our movie?- Yeah, whatever!- Safe!
0:09:41 > 0:09:44We'll see you later then?
0:09:44 > 0:09:49Ingrid, I couldn't help over-hearing you let the twins do your homework.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53- Tell the headmistress. See if I care.- That's not what I meant.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56If you want something doing properly...ask.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58As if!
0:09:59 > 0:10:03Actually...there is something you can do for me.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Meet me in the library later.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12You could've written Lord Of The Rings by now!
0:10:12 > 0:10:16What's the rush? It's only homework...isn't it?
0:10:16 > 0:10:20It's kind of more like an evil plot to destroy my brother.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24Oh, OK, um, why?
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Well, you see, with Vlad gone, I get the lot.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31The castle, the coffins, my father's love...
0:10:31 > 0:10:35You're not evil. You just want your dad to understand you.
0:10:35 > 0:10:36How did you know?
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Believe me, I know what it's like.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42You know, I'm sensing a real connection here.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48- So it's a shame I've got to kill you.- What... kill me? Why?
0:10:48 > 0:10:52- It's a vampire thing - what we do. - A vampire?
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Yep, now this is going to hurt a lot.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57I'll hypnotise you so you don't scream.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Can't you hypnotise me so I forget
0:11:00 > 0:11:02we ever had this conversation?
0:11:02 > 0:11:06Oh, right. Nice plan, blood-spattered
0:11:06 > 0:11:09clothes are so 1600s.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Ingrid is not a vampire.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Everything is perfectly normal.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23And sort your hair out!
0:11:30 > 0:11:35- What?- Hello, Mr Count. Is Ingrid in? - Who knows? Who cares?
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- I am missing important TV.- But she promised to star in our film!
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Your film? How can YOU make a film?
0:11:42 > 0:11:47- It's for You've Been Shamed.- The winners get shown on national TV!
0:11:47 > 0:11:51You mean, you can make your own television,
0:11:51 > 0:11:57and win fame and glory, and all the peasants will worship and fear you?
0:11:57 > 0:12:02- Uh, sort of.- Do you want to help us? - No, I'm going to steal your idea
0:12:02 > 0:12:04and enter the competition myself.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Why do I have to do this stupid job?
0:12:14 > 0:12:20Because we have cameramen and make-up girls! Now get dabbing!
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Script editing lackey, come here!
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Let's run through the script.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33So, Renfield enters with a big bowl of blood.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37- A big cream cake.- He trips on a carelessly abandoned coffin lid.
0:12:37 > 0:12:43- A skateboard.- With hilarious results. I think we're ready for a take.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44Make-up girl!
0:12:50 > 0:12:51Ingrid!
0:12:51 > 0:12:53RENFIELD SCREAMS
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Ingrid!
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Yes, Daddy?
0:13:06 > 0:13:12We're going to have a long, frank discussion about job satisfaction -
0:13:12 > 0:13:15- after you've cleaned up this mess. - OK, Dad.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21What's this?
0:13:24 > 0:13:29"Top Secret. This diary belongs to Magda Westenra..."
0:13:29 > 0:13:34That's your mother's private diary! Give it to me. Give it to me!
0:13:37 > 0:13:38"Private.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41"This means you, Countie!
0:13:41 > 0:13:46"If I ever find out you've read this, I will twist your...
0:13:47 > 0:13:49"until you... What?!".
0:13:49 > 0:13:53I think maybe we should honour your mother's privacy?
0:13:53 > 0:13:56ALL: Nah.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Let me read it, Dad. I'll find a good bit.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03"July 7th, 1994.
0:14:03 > 0:14:08"The Count is driving me mad, he is so sexist! He ignores our
0:14:08 > 0:14:12"brilliant daughter and spends his time with Vladimir.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16"He says, "Women don't have what it takes to be vampires.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18"But I will show him."
0:14:18 > 0:14:23- MAGDA:- I'll swap Vlad with the baby from the boring British family.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28They'll take him away and the Count will bring their baby up as his own!
0:14:28 > 0:14:34Then we will see who's "Got what it takes"! Ha, ha, ha!
0:14:34 > 0:14:37"Ha, ha, ha."
0:14:37 > 0:14:41Mistress Magda always enjoyed a good laugh.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Vlad, my boy...
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- you're not my boy! - I knew it! I knew it!
0:14:47 > 0:14:51I was on holiday in Transylvania 12 years ago!
0:14:51 > 0:14:53I must be your son... Father!
0:14:53 > 0:14:57Listen to yourselves! You sound like a soap plot!
0:14:57 > 0:15:00- It sounds like a good soap plot. - Yeah, right...
0:15:01 > 0:15:04..Dad, you don't believe him,
0:15:04 > 0:15:06do you?
0:15:06 > 0:15:11Tell me more about this holiday in Transylvania.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Ah, if I might make a suggestion?
0:15:13 > 0:15:16We should settle this as they do on TV...
0:15:16 > 0:15:19with a DNA test!
0:15:19 > 0:15:21What's a D and A test?
0:15:21 > 0:15:25It's a scientific way of finding out relations.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Related?! I'm your son, Dad!
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Proceed with the test.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33THUNDER CLAPS
0:15:34 > 0:15:37So, first I'll need a skin sample.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Um, you could just use a spatula?
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Spoilsport!
0:15:58 > 0:16:00RENFIELD CACKLES
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Are we all ready to spin the Wheel of DNA?
0:16:05 > 0:16:08If this is science, I'm a banana.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10I'll peel you, clever clogs.
0:16:10 > 0:16:15This is Transylvanian science - more accurate than British science.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Spin the wheel!
0:16:20 > 0:16:21ELECTRICITY SPARKS
0:16:41 > 0:16:43ALARM SOUNDS
0:16:48 > 0:16:52Robin was your son all along. What a revelation(!)
0:16:52 > 0:16:56- Can I have Vlad's room?- No, you can't, I'm having Vlad's room...
0:16:56 > 0:17:01- right, Dad?- I thought you were supposed to be Vlad's friend?
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Real vampires don't have friends.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08I like this boy already.
0:17:08 > 0:17:09Vlad, are you OK?
0:17:11 > 0:17:13I can't believe it...
0:17:13 > 0:17:16- I don't know what to do. - You can start
0:17:16 > 0:17:18- by clearing out my room.- My room!
0:17:18 > 0:17:22Children, children, this is no time to argue.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Just get this impostor out of my castle!
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Dad!
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Apparently not!
0:17:37 > 0:17:41I thought this would please you, Master Vladimir.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Haven't you always wanted to be normal?
0:17:44 > 0:17:48It's not that. It's Dad, I mean, Count Dracula.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51I never thought he could be so horrible.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55The name might have given you a clue. Are you ready to pack me now?
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Wait. I want you to stay
0:17:58 > 0:18:02and look after my so-called friend, Robin for me.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Really look after him, if you know what I mean.
0:18:05 > 0:18:10I'm surprised, I thought you'd want me to make his life hell!
0:18:10 > 0:18:14I was being ironic, Zoltan. It's a breather thing.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19It's a breather thing...
0:18:23 > 0:18:27- How did it go with Ingrid today? - Ingrid is not a vampire.
0:18:27 > 0:18:32- Everything is perfectly normal. - What did she say to you? Exactly?
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Ingrid is not a vampire.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Everything is perfectly normal.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40Good garlic, the lad's been hypnotised! Look at me!
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Hey, Dad. What's with the fingers?
0:18:45 > 0:18:49- You've been hypnotised. - I would've remembered!
0:18:49 > 0:18:52No, you wouldn't! Now, concentrate.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Can you remember talking to Ingrid?
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- No.- I knew it.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Hypnotism's an old vampire trick.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Only trained slayers like me can resist.
0:19:01 > 0:19:06But no vampire hypnotises my son and gets away with it.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10- This'll involve wooden pointy things, isn't it?- You betcha!
0:19:10 > 0:19:14Tomorrow, we're going slaying! Again.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Like the new hairstyle.
0:19:27 > 0:19:33- We'll call it Robin's First Flight. - He doesn't stay in the air long.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37So we'll run it in slow motion. You're doing well, my boy.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Look at that...
0:19:39 > 0:19:42He's losing his reflection already.
0:19:47 > 0:19:52Master, this "son" is no improvement on the last one!
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Ignore him, Father, he's just jealous!
0:19:55 > 0:19:58I'm a better vampire than Vlad. I'll prove it!
0:19:58 > 0:20:02- How?- Master...
0:20:02 > 0:20:07there was one thing that Master Vlad would never do...
0:20:07 > 0:20:11He would never let you bite the local peasants!
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Mmmm. An excellent idea!
0:20:14 > 0:20:17You'll catch me a nice juicy local for my dinner!
0:20:26 > 0:20:30You can't sit there. People will think you're homeless.
0:20:30 > 0:20:35- That's right, you are!- Don't you think you've upset him enough?
0:20:35 > 0:20:38It's a good start, but I can do better.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Very convenient, the way you "found"
0:20:41 > 0:20:43- that diary.- I thought so.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46The good news is, Dad loves Robin.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49How does it feel to be fifth favourite?
0:20:49 > 0:20:51I'm sorry Ingrid.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52What?
0:20:52 > 0:20:57I didn't realise how bad it felt when Dad ignored you.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00- Feeling guilty, Cruella? - Of course not.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03I'm a vampire, I've no conscience!
0:21:03 > 0:21:05And no taste in lipstick!
0:21:11 > 0:21:15- What do I do, Zoltan? - You have two choices, Robin.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19You can kidnap a peasant and go to prison for a long time.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23Or you can disobey the Count, and be sent away like poor Vlad.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27Poor, rejected, lonely Vlad...
0:21:27 > 0:21:32All right, Zoltan! Enough. I'm going to do the right thing.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35You're going to admit that you're not a vampire
0:21:35 > 0:21:37and let Vlad come home?
0:21:37 > 0:21:42No. I'm gonna play along and hope something turns up in time.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51Don't know what you're grinning about.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52KNOCK AT DOOR
0:21:54 > 0:21:59- Mum wants to know if you're staying tonight.- And the rest of my life.
0:21:59 > 0:22:04- Vlad, I just know Ingrid faked that diary.- It wasn't her writing.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06But was it your mum's?
0:22:06 > 0:22:11You know, I've never seen my mum's writing.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15- She was away all those years. - Well, she must have written once?
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Right! We're going up to the castle.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23There must be a letter from Magda somewhere.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25DRAMATIC TUNE PLAYS
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Renfield!
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Well done, Robin!
0:22:34 > 0:22:37It's nice to see someone making an effort.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41All we need now is your victim, Master Robin.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49Give it up Dad, they're out! Can we go home now?
0:22:49 > 0:22:51I suppose so.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58It was unlocked! Typical vampire arrogance!
0:22:58 > 0:23:03- Or they don't expect slayers to barge in with stakes and mallets?- Maybe.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Grab your stake and mallet and barge in!
0:23:05 > 0:23:11Dad, can we check they're vampires before we embarrass ourselves?
0:23:11 > 0:23:14What do you suggest?
0:23:14 > 0:23:18I'll go in first. If I see any vampires, I'll give you a shout.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Your first solo slaying!
0:23:23 > 0:23:25I'm proud of you son.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36I am so looking forward to this.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40- About me being your son... - Yes, you're doing very well.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44Now, this juicy peasant, will it be here soon?
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Um...
0:23:46 > 0:23:48- how about an aperitif?- Mmm.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58How many times do I have to say it?
0:23:58 > 0:24:00I hate
0:24:00 > 0:24:02this stuff.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09You are vampires!
0:24:09 > 0:24:12And you...
0:24:12 > 0:24:14are dinner.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17No! Leave him alone!
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Agh!
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Dad! Help! Help!
0:24:24 > 0:24:28COUNT GROWLS
0:24:28 > 0:24:29Eh?
0:24:29 > 0:24:33Cut! OK, people, that's a wrap!
0:24:35 > 0:24:36What's going on?
0:24:36 > 0:24:40Just our entry for You've Been Shamed.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44Yeah, we're making a vampire movie.
0:24:44 > 0:24:49- A comedy vampire movie. - What rubbish!- Dad, look...
0:24:49 > 0:24:51they were making a movie.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55We'll be off then, too, won't we, Dad?
0:24:55 > 0:24:58- Yes.- Ah, not so fast!
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Who are you, anyway?
0:25:00 > 0:25:04I'm Vlad's woodwork teacher. I, um,
0:25:04 > 0:25:06came to do a
0:25:06 > 0:25:09woodwork...inspection.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Everything seems to be in order.
0:25:19 > 0:25:20Good day.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27DOOR BANGS SHUT
0:25:27 > 0:25:31They're vampires, Jonathan, and one day I'll prove it.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35It's make-up! Did you see that guy playing the servant?
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Nobody's really that ugly.
0:25:37 > 0:25:43My dear boy! Your clever excuse saved me from that very small mob!
0:25:43 > 0:25:46- Can I be your son again? - If you love a boy
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- like a son, then he is your son. - Thanks, Dad!
0:25:49 > 0:25:53But I only love Robin, because he is my real son.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Erm, actually, he isn't.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58What?!
0:25:58 > 0:25:59But the diary?
0:25:59 > 0:26:04I faked it. It's been bugging me. I couldn't stop thinking about it.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06I knew you had a conscience!
0:26:06 > 0:26:10No. It's just that he was so glad to be a vampire...
0:26:10 > 0:26:14I couldn't stand the thought I'd made someone so...happy.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Vladdy, my boy!
0:26:16 > 0:26:18You are my boy!
0:26:27 > 0:26:31- So, I'm not a vampire after all? But I was so sure...- I know.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35You betrayed your friends, you were inhuman.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37- You mean?- Just cos you aren't a vampire,
0:26:37 > 0:26:40doesn't mean you can't be evil!
0:26:40 > 0:26:45- You're my best mate, you know that, don't you?- I'm your only mate.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Exactly.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51So, after all our adventures, everything is back to normal...
0:26:51 > 0:26:57- just like on TV!- Wait a minute, what about that DNA test?
0:27:00 > 0:27:02What can I say?
0:27:02 > 0:27:04I just don't like you.
0:27:09 > 0:27:14Such drama! Such timing! I'm a cinematic genius!
0:27:14 > 0:27:17I can't believe they actually showed it!
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Master, I've had enough now.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Just one more zap, son?
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:43 > 0:27:46E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk