0:00:17 > 0:00:19- Aaargh!- Argh!
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Sorry. Great tackle though, wasn't it?
0:00:30 > 0:00:31Actually it was a foul.
0:00:31 > 0:00:37- You tackled me around the neck.- Oh. I'll never make the rugby team.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41I'm surprised your dad's allowing you to take part.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Hello?! Favourite child? Son and heir?
0:00:44 > 0:00:46You haven't asked him yet, have you?
0:00:46 > 0:00:49I'm waiting for the right moment.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51This probably isn't it.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55I thought a mob of peasants was breaking in to the castle!
0:00:55 > 0:00:57What's with all the noise?
0:00:57 > 0:01:01- Master Vladimir wants to play a game with the breathers.- Ssh.
0:01:01 > 0:01:06Oh, a "see who can get the most villagers on a spike" kind of a game?
0:01:06 > 0:01:09No, Dad, it's called rugby.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13"The rugby players huddle together,
0:01:13 > 0:01:15"toss the ball around,
0:01:15 > 0:01:19"and pat each other on the back for being good sports.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Good sports?
0:01:21 > 0:01:25I didn't impale half of Wallachia so you could be "a good sport".
0:01:25 > 0:01:28But all the other boys play rugby.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31- Oh, please let me try out for the team?- No.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36- You mustn't play with food - it spoils your appetite.- Please?
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Please, please, please please, please...
0:01:39 > 0:01:41No, no, no, no, no.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44This is not happening!
0:01:44 > 0:01:49- It's no good. Does he look like a rugby player to you?- Thanks, Chloe.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52- I think.- You know, if he took off the cloak
0:01:52 > 0:01:55and got a bit of sun on his face, he might look normal.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Er, hello? I'm right here, Dad!
0:01:57 > 0:02:01We're sorry, love, it's only because we care.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04- You want me to get my teeth knocked out?- Come on.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05You'll learn to love it.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- You're a Branagh.- Read my lips.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- N O way. - This is not up for discussion.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14You're playing rugby and that's final.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Hey, cool rugby top!
0:02:16 > 0:02:19No, it's not cool. My parents made me wear it.
0:02:19 > 0:02:24I've to try out for rugby. They want me to join in and look normal.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28Barbarians! Forcing their child to turn against his nature.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32A boy should follow the desires pulsing in his heart.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Exactly! So can I play rugby, Dad, please?
0:02:35 > 0:02:37- Absolutely not.- Are you mad?
0:02:37 > 0:02:41- Rugby's a horrible, brutal sport. - It is?
0:02:41 > 0:02:46The teachers encourage the players to push each other in the mud!
0:02:46 > 0:02:49They huddle up close and push the other team
0:02:49 > 0:02:53- and stamp on their heads. - And Vladimir wants to partake?
0:02:53 > 0:02:58- Well, why didn't you tell me before? - I did... Wait, I can play?
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Of course you can! I'm proud of you.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04- At last, an interest in violence and cruelty.- I'm violent and cruel.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06- Look.- Ow!
0:03:06 > 0:03:11- Of course. There's something very important you've overlooked.- What?
0:03:11 > 0:03:14It's Vlad that I'm interested in.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18Finally you're going to bring glory to the family name!
0:03:18 > 0:03:22Whoa, Dad, slow down. I may not get picked.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24You shall triumph with my help.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27I'll teach you vampire tricks that never fail.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Yes! I can't wait.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33Ingrid! When will you accept that you're a girl?
0:03:33 > 0:03:37You don't need to learn any tricks. Now go bother yourself with...
0:03:37 > 0:03:41I don't know. Dusting skulls, coffins, whatever.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- You can't ignore me for the rest of my life.- Uh, yes, I can. And I will.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48One day your husband will ignore you.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51We've been over this. I don't need a husband.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54You do. Someone has to tell you what to do.
0:03:54 > 0:03:59Are you saying that once I'm married you won't tell me what to do?
0:03:59 > 0:04:02I won't even have to talk to you.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Fine. I'll go and get myself a husband then!
0:04:11 > 0:04:14And you're getting that fixed, young lady!
0:04:14 > 0:04:17DOOR SLAMS Ah...
0:04:17 > 0:04:20VIOLINIST PLAYS CLASSICAL MUSIC
0:04:35 > 0:04:39What delusion of grandeur made you think I would pick you?!
0:04:39 > 0:04:42You're pathetic, talent-less
0:04:42 > 0:04:46- and your blood type doesn't go with anything!- Next!
0:04:48 > 0:04:52- Urgh! His hairline is all wrong. - Next.
0:04:52 > 0:04:57Branagh, Ian Branagh. Licensed to thrill. I have entitled this poem
0:04:57 > 0:04:58An Ode to Ingrid.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02CLEARS THROAT
0:05:02 > 0:05:06I wandered lonely as a dog, that hasn't found its owner yet.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10When all at once, I saw Ingrid, and I knew she'd want a pet.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Grovelling. Pathetic.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15I kind of like that.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- Write his name down.- Move on loser.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20It's time for rock.
0:05:20 > 0:05:26# It's all about Ingrid it's all about Ingrid baby! #
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- Great(!) More wailing. - # It's all about Ingrid
0:05:29 > 0:05:32# It's all about Ingrid. #
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Yeah!
0:05:34 > 0:05:38So when's the good bit? Oh, write his name down.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- He's as ugly as the other one.- Next.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Wait!
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Are either of you any good at carpentry?
0:05:46 > 0:05:51- Why?- I broke a table at the castle and someone needs to fix it.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54I'm ace at woodwork!
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Well, quite talented.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Average-ish.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- OK, I'm pants.- Next!
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Hi, Ingrid, I know someone who can...
0:06:05 > 0:06:08I've told you a million times.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11I am never, ever going to go out with you.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14SCHOOLBOYS CHUCKLE
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Now, into the centre. Well, go on!
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Right, repeat it back to me.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29- I must not bite ears, kick shins or elbow other players...- Until?
0:06:29 > 0:06:33- Until the referee can't see me. - Now we're talking rugby!
0:06:33 > 0:06:35- But it's cheating.- Isn't it fun?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Let's try some offensive play.
0:06:37 > 0:06:42I'll tackle... Renfield! You two,
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- try and block me.- Tackle me?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Ready?
0:06:46 > 0:06:47One,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49two,
0:06:49 > 0:06:51three...
0:06:51 > 0:06:52Go!
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Mummy!
0:06:54 > 0:06:59RENFIELD WHIMPERS AND SHRIEKS
0:06:59 > 0:07:00THUD!
0:07:00 > 0:07:04"For the dead travel fast", as they say in my homeland.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07I know, I know, I make it look so easy.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09That was brilliant!
0:07:09 > 0:07:11I thought you didn't like rugby?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13I don't, but this is evil.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23What are you doing?
0:07:23 > 0:07:26I'll snap that parasitic vampire in action
0:07:26 > 0:07:29and show the pictures to the world.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Dad, vampires don't exist.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Don't exist?! There's one in this very town, Jonathan!
0:07:35 > 0:07:38He wears a cloak. He lives in a castle.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40What proof do you need?!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Now, where's my dynamite.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46- Dynamite?!- I've got to get into the castle somehow.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Great plan, Dad(!) Very undercover.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- No-one will notice a massive explosion(!)- Trust me.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56I've been doing this a long time. Dynamite has never let me down.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58You won't need dynamite.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02Ingrid broke a table. They need a carpenter. You could mend it.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Jonathan?
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Is it really you speaking?!
0:08:10 > 0:08:14I'm proud of you, my boy!
0:08:14 > 0:08:17We'll make a vampire slayer of you yet!
0:08:18 > 0:08:23Right, Vlad, now it's your turn. Renfield, stand over there. Renfield!
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Mess yaster?
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Try to stop Vlad from getting past you.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35Now, Vlad, to the attack!
0:08:36 > 0:08:40No-one gets past Renfield the Repulsive!
0:08:40 > 0:08:45- It's useless. I'll never get on the team.- Of course you will!
0:08:45 > 0:08:49- What's wrong with him?- He needs a thirst for it, Your Evilness.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Ah, thirst to succeed.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56Come to think of it, all this violent exercise has given me a thirst.
0:08:56 > 0:09:01- Whoops.- Vlad, your dad's got that funny look in his eyes again.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Garrr! Don't worry.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- You won't feel a thing. Not after you're dead.- Vlad!
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Dad, stop!
0:09:09 > 0:09:14- Friends are not food, remember? - There, I knew you could do it!
0:09:16 > 0:09:19What?! Was all that a trick?
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Ha ha ha.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Of course a trick.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Very funny.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28- How could you?- Just proving a point.
0:09:28 > 0:09:35- You can use your powers when you want to!- I didn't use any powers.
0:09:35 > 0:09:40- How did you pass Renfield the Repulsive?- With a well-aimed tackle.
0:09:40 > 0:09:46Oh, I'm proud of you my son. What a vampire I'll make of you yet!
0:09:48 > 0:09:51No, no.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53- Don't pass it to me.- Robin?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Robin, wake up.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Argh!
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Wake up.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04- I've just had a terrible nightmare. I was playing rugby...- And?
0:10:04 > 0:10:08No, that's it. Help me get out of the trials, please.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11I might have one idea that might help.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Thanks, Chloe, you're a genius.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17A child prodigy actually but let's not split hairs.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23Remember, the pride of our house is your pride.
0:10:23 > 0:10:28Our glory is your glory. The family reputation rests on your shoulders.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32- Now, have you got your orange for half-time?- Yes, Dad.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36Renfield, attire my son and heir for battle.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Give him his kit. His kit!
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Oh...
0:10:45 > 0:10:46A new kit?
0:10:46 > 0:10:47Oh, thanks, Dad.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51- Now go and shed the blood of our enemies.- Good luck.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Thank you, Zoltan.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Make me proud, son.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58And whatever you do, don't forget to cheat.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10- Time has come, Jonno, the time to fulfil my destiny.- What?
0:11:10 > 0:11:14- Teaching Year 8 to make cuckoo clocks?- Funny.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18I'll expose that blood-sucking, revolting, treacherous...
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- What are you looking at? - You've got something on your back.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28It's loony. Two Os. Not lunny.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32I am a LOONY!
0:11:32 > 0:11:37- Yes, Dad.- Mocked by children who can't even SPELL.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39That's it. Once and for all
0:11:39 > 0:11:44I'm going to prove vampires exist and nothing will stop me.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- Wish me luck.- Good luck.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50This is just what I need(!)
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Urgh, no, no.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Which leaves...
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Hey, have you decided yet?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03I've got a shortlist of two.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Both complete idiots. Yes, you two.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Excellent!
0:12:09 > 0:12:13- Ah.- But we can't both be your funkadelic muppet of lurve.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18- Sorry.- So who's it going to be?
0:12:18 > 0:12:23- I'll know once I've opened my presents.- Presents? What presents?
0:12:23 > 0:12:25- We haven't got...- Them, with us.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Well, go and get them.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Give them to me after the match.
0:12:29 > 0:12:34Right now I'm going to watch my brother get trampled to smithereens.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39She is evil.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41- Selfish.- Spiteful.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44- Cruel.- She's mine. I deserve her.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- No, I deserve her. - I deserve her more.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Hi, Robin.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02WHY are you dressed like THAT?!
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Why do you think?
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Obviously I've been really hurt and I'm in complete agony.
0:13:07 > 0:13:12- Nice way out of trials.- Chloe's idea not to get my teeth knocked out.
0:13:12 > 0:13:17I can't wait. For once, I won't be different, weird or get funny looks.
0:13:17 > 0:13:22At last I'll know what it's like to be normal. If I'm lucky...
0:13:22 > 0:13:24I might even get on the team.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28BOYS LAUGH
0:13:28 > 0:13:30What are they laughing at?
0:13:30 > 0:13:33That is the coolest rugby kit I have EVER seen.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Thanks, Dad.
0:13:39 > 0:13:40WHISTLE BLOWS
0:13:40 > 0:13:43OK, lads, line up.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Good luck!
0:13:57 > 0:13:59BELL RINGS
0:14:04 > 0:14:08- What?- Hello. I'm the woodwork teacher from Stokely Grammar School.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11I hear you have a table that needs fixing?
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Yes, but you can't come in. Master's orders.
0:14:14 > 0:14:19- No strange men allowed in the castle when he's asleep.- Well...
0:14:23 > 0:14:26BELL RINGS
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Didn't you hear me?! No strange men...
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Why, hello.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33I'm a lady carpenter
0:14:33 > 0:14:36and I heard that you have a table that needs mending
0:14:36 > 0:14:39in these parts.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40May I come in?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Oh...
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Where are my manners?
0:14:45 > 0:14:46Allow me.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Go, Vlad, go.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Go, Vlad, go!
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Robin, give him a bit of support.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Woo, rugby, how interesting.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12Go, Vlad. Er, actually,
0:15:12 > 0:15:14- mind out for the... - THUMP!
0:15:15 > 0:15:17That had to hurt.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24That's it, catch it. Now run. RUN!
0:15:24 > 0:15:28Come on, squish the pale little freak!
0:15:31 > 0:15:33That's it, dodge.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Dodge left. No! Left!
0:15:36 > 0:15:37Now swerve!
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Swerve! THUD!
0:15:40 > 0:15:42WHISTLE BLOWS
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Jonathan, buzz off.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Come on, Vlad! Rip his legs off!
0:15:53 > 0:15:54- You can do... - HE COUGHS
0:16:02 > 0:16:04RENFIELD SIMPERS
0:16:12 > 0:16:16Any chance of a glass of water? I'm parched.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43SQUEALING
0:16:54 > 0:16:56DOOR CREAKS AND SLAMS
0:17:44 > 0:17:46DOOR SLAMS
0:17:46 > 0:17:49HE BREATHES HEAVILY
0:18:24 > 0:18:27How delightful. Lunch.
0:18:27 > 0:18:28HE SCREAMS
0:18:40 > 0:18:43That's it, Vlad, tackle him! Tackle him!
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Yes!
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Oh... OK, no.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Well, get up then. What's wrong with you?
0:18:50 > 0:18:53It's only a knee. You've got another one!
0:18:53 > 0:18:57- WHISTLE BLOWS - What?- Robin, I'm so proud of you.
0:18:57 > 0:19:03Who'd have thought it? Gloom cookie Robin is a real Branagh after all.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05WHISTLE BLOWS
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Is he dead yet?
0:19:11 > 0:19:15He's battered and bruised but don't worry, he'll live.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17What a shame.
0:19:20 > 0:19:21JONNO COUGHS
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Oh, you shouldn't have.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28No, really.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31You shouldn't have.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Right, off to find me a husband.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38SHE HUMS: "Here Comes The Bride"
0:19:39 > 0:19:45How sweet the scent of fear. And how thrilling to make the chase.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47You can run
0:19:47 > 0:19:50but you can't hide.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55What am I doing?
0:19:55 > 0:19:58The Master will be so cross.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00I really shouldn't keep you all to myself.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07But then, then you'd have to share me.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Oh...
0:20:09 > 0:20:15It would be nice to have something all to myself for once.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Wouldn't it just? Now,
0:20:19 > 0:20:25wouldn't you like a walk in the lovely fresh air...
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Mmm...
0:20:27 > 0:20:29..darling?
0:20:29 > 0:20:32You mean the secret passageway?
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Secret passage?
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Where is it? Quick.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40I'll show you...
0:20:40 > 0:20:43for a kiss.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49Open the door and I will be gentle.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52If not... LAUGHS EVILLY
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Oh, I've still got it.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Coming to get you, ready or not.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Renfield!
0:21:08 > 0:21:10I'm so hungry.
0:21:14 > 0:21:18Wilkins, good work in the scrum. You'll be the number eight.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Thanks, sir.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24Johnson, as usual, you're on the left flank.
0:21:24 > 0:21:29For showing bravery, determination and willingness to tackle anyone,
0:21:29 > 0:21:32the fly-half will be Vladimir Count.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Oh, yes!
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
0:21:39 > 0:21:43- Well done, Vlad! - Thanks. I'm on the team, Robin.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45- Oh, I'm so jealous.- Lastly,
0:21:45 > 0:21:49in a very special position on the team, in recognition
0:21:49 > 0:21:51of his unflagging support
0:21:51 > 0:21:55despite his tremendous and crippling injuries,
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- Robin Branagh.- TEAM: Well done.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Cheap.
0:22:05 > 0:22:10- And my colour is black.- I spent my pocket money on that perfume.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Come on, Ingrid, pick one of us.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16- I'll pick the first one of you to propose.- Propose?
0:22:16 > 0:22:19- As in marry? - Who said anything about marriage?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22What do you think you've been competing for?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Er, a big wet snog.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Long walks as the sunset paints the leaves russet.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32Come on, get down on your knees and beg for my hand.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36- She's yours. You deserve her. - No, you deserve her.- No you.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41What was I thinking?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Married to a breather.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Why would I lower myself?
0:22:51 > 0:22:52Stokely.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55Stokely.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57S-T
0:22:57 > 0:23:00O-K
0:23:00 > 0:23:06E-L-Y...
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Go, Stokely, go.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12APPLAUSE
0:23:20 > 0:23:21- Who's there?- Just me.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Alone.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31I can't wait for you to see these pictures, my boy.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35Photos of the Count hanging upside down from the ceiling.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Cast-iron proof he's a vampire.
0:23:39 > 0:23:44I can see the headlines now. "Van Helsing thanked by town mayor."
0:23:44 > 0:23:46"Van Helsing knighted by Queen."
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Yes, Dad, except these just show the castle ceiling.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53I'm going to be so famous.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Mr Count isn't in these photos at all.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58What?
0:24:00 > 0:24:03No, no, no. He was...
0:24:03 > 0:24:05pointed right at him.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Maybe the camera's broken.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10No, I checked it, cleaned it,
0:24:10 > 0:24:13polished all the little mirrors and...
0:24:17 > 0:24:21Mirrors! Cameras work with mirrors.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Stupid, stupid camera!
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Vampires don't have reflections!
0:24:41 > 0:24:44It's all right. We'll get proof next time.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Now, how about I make you a nice cup of tea?
0:24:54 > 0:24:55POP!
0:24:55 > 0:24:59TRIUMPHANT MUSIC
0:24:59 > 0:25:04And here's to the glorious triumph of my son and heir, Vladimir Dracula!
0:25:04 > 0:25:06ZOLTAN HOWLS
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Thanks, Dad. Thanks, Zoltan.
0:25:08 > 0:25:13My son has bloodied his sword and by deceit and cunning has triumphed!
0:25:13 > 0:25:17Except he didn't use deceit.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19- Ingrid!- Or break a single rule.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21- Ingrid!- Or cheat.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Vladimir, is this true?
0:25:28 > 0:25:31- Yeah, but I got on the team.- What?!
0:25:31 > 0:25:34You've dragged our family name through the mud
0:25:34 > 0:25:39- and poked it with sticks. Go to your room.- But...- Go to your room now!
0:25:44 > 0:25:48I made at least three boys cry today and without even looking at them.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- You go to your room too. - I haven't done anything.
0:25:52 > 0:25:57I know, but when the bedroom door's closed I can't hear you TALKING!
0:25:57 > 0:25:59I hope you get tooth decay!
0:26:04 > 0:26:09Um, Master, I was wondering...
0:26:09 > 0:26:12will you be sitting on me much longer?
0:26:12 > 0:26:17Yes. You're being punished. Have you forgotten why you're down there?
0:26:17 > 0:26:19I'm sorry, Master!
0:26:19 > 0:26:23I should never, ever have done it.
0:26:23 > 0:26:24What was it again?
0:26:24 > 0:26:26It?!
0:26:26 > 0:26:31IT was about this high with pink lipstick and wearing a dress!
0:26:31 > 0:26:36A succulent female skipped into the castle of her own free will
0:26:36 > 0:26:37and you let her get away!
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Oh, yeah, that.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43"No-one gets past Renfield the Repulsive"?!
0:26:43 > 0:26:49Meals on heels was delivered right to my tomb side and you let her escape!
0:26:49 > 0:26:50I didn't mean it.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54It will never, ever happen again, I promise.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57- Please can I get up now?- I doubt it.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59I've just stuck you to the floor.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07Master. Master? Master, don't leave me like this.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11You must stay up here until you behave like an evil vampire.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13But I got picked for the team.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15That's not the point.
0:27:15 > 0:27:20D'you think the breathers will play fair when they discover what you are?
0:27:20 > 0:27:24D'you think they won't cringe in horror with their flat teeth
0:27:24 > 0:27:27and, eurgh, blue canvas trousers?
0:27:27 > 0:27:31- It'll be stake and garlic before you can say "Haemoglobin".- But...
0:27:31 > 0:27:35Accept what you are, Vladimir.
0:27:35 > 0:27:36A vampire.
0:27:36 > 0:27:40Now, I think I'll go and kick Renfield very hard up the bottom.
0:27:42 > 0:27:43Mmm.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50- Zoltan?- Yes, young Master?
0:27:50 > 0:27:52I'm on the rugby team!
0:27:52 > 0:27:55Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd - 2006
0:27:55 > 0:27:58E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk