0:00:16 > 0:00:19Ungrateful spawn!
0:00:19 > 0:00:23I'll banish you to the darkest pits of Hades!
0:00:23 > 0:00:26Yeah? Well, bring it on!
0:00:26 > 0:00:29You'll never see the light of day again.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32I won't anyway, I'm a vampire now.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Ingrid, remember what happened to the last daughter who challenged me?
0:00:46 > 0:00:49I'm your only daughter.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52You are now.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54What is it this time, Zoltan?
0:00:54 > 0:00:58Mistress Ingrid wants to go on a date with her boyfriend.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01- And your father doesn't approve. - Vampires and Breathers do not date.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Well, they do now.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10You set one fang outside of this castle
0:01:10 > 0:01:12and your death won't be worth living.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16- Woah, woah. Can't you talk about this sensibly?- Don't tell me!
0:01:16 > 0:01:19He's the one overreacting.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21You think that's overreacting?
0:01:21 > 0:01:24I'll give you overreacting.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27HE ROARS
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Oh, stop it, the pair of you!
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Before we have the police banging on the door.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36KNOCK AT DOOR
0:01:51 > 0:01:55Sorry about that. We're getting it fixed.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58PC Brown. Stokely Police.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00- Your mum or dad in?- Yeah.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04No, no, no. He was but he's gone out.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Know when he'll be back?
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Tonight? Late tonight? GLASS SMASHES
0:02:10 > 0:02:12- Is everything all right in there? - Yeah.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Renfield, turn down that TV!
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I'll come back tomorrow then. One o'clock OK?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Yeah, yeah.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22One more thing.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Have you seen this man?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29No.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- Why?- He's missing.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Well, look, if you do happen to...
0:02:43 > 0:02:46And don't come up until I tell you!
0:02:50 > 0:02:55- That was a policeman. - And what did this policeman want?
0:02:55 > 0:02:59To speak with you. Something about a missing person.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Oh, that's the, uh...
0:03:08 > 0:03:12- Nothing to do with me. - That's not what the police think.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13- He's coming back tomorrow.- So?
0:03:13 > 0:03:16A simple man of the law is no match
0:03:16 > 0:03:20- for the might of Count Dracula! - That's what I'm worried about.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24Five minutes with you and it won't just be a missing persons enquiry.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28- It'll be a full on vampire hunt!- Hmm.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Perhaps you're right.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- What do you suggest?- For starters, this place needs a serious makeover.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- A make what?- A makeover.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45I'm terribly sorry I couldn't be of any further assistance, officer.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Perhaps I could offer you a cup of blood...
0:03:47 > 0:03:51Tea! Tea! A cup of tea.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Brilliant. Why don't we just put a big neon sign above the front door
0:03:55 > 0:03:57- saying "vampires live here"?- Shhh.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Silence!
0:04:15 > 0:04:18And where do you think you're going?
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Aaaaaaaargh!
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Oi! Bring that back.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Total eclipse, tomorrow.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Will, it's me.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44Yeah, sorry I couldn't get out. My dad's being a right pain.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Listen, I've got to be quick.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Can you meet me at the cinema tomorrow?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51One o'clock.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Don't be late.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04I play golf.
0:05:04 > 0:05:09I enjoy cooking and holidays in the Lake District. And...
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Oh, come on, we've been doing this all night.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15No, I know this one...
0:05:15 > 0:05:18I think teenagers should be banned from wearing hoodies
0:05:18 > 0:05:20in shopping centres.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23- Perfect.- Then strung up and drained of every succulent
0:05:23 > 0:05:26drop of blood in their bodies.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30This is hopeless. And that skull is not helping.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- Or the bottle of blood. - Or the talking wolf.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35I'll be in my basket.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43There's still a few hours before the police get here.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46I think this place needs...
0:05:46 > 0:05:48brightening up. Just keep practicing.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Relax, Vladdy.
0:05:51 > 0:05:52This is my lucky tie.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05One, please.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07ID.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Date of birth, 1990.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Yep, that all seems to check out.
0:06:19 > 0:06:25This is a train ticket. With a child's fare. Next!
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Graham! The sink's blocked again!
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Thanks for coming over, Mina.
0:06:32 > 0:06:37No, thank you. I like living in Stokely, but there's not an awful lot to do socially.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41Not that that bothers Eric. He's a complete workaholic these days.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Can you believe he's over at the school now marking papers?
0:06:44 > 0:06:47- On a Saturday? Well, that's dedication.- Exactly.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00Ha! In your face, vampire scum!
0:07:09 > 0:07:14Jonathan! I thought we'd agreed, this place is out of bounds!
0:07:14 > 0:07:16I'm sorry, I just wanted to...
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Wait a minute. What are you doing here, then?
0:07:19 > 0:07:22I was, er...
0:07:22 > 0:07:24tidying the weapons away.
0:07:24 > 0:07:29Look, I know how difficult this must be for you, Jonno.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32But if I can give up slaying, then you can too.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35I only wanted a disguise.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38A disguise? Well, why didn't you say so?!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Let me see.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48I'd say you're about a size eight?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Oh, yes.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- Are you sure you want all this? - Oh, yeah.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59This is great. That policeman won't suspect a thing.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Must be pretty serious if the police are involved?
0:08:02 > 0:08:05I'm sure he's innocent. Dad's only ever brought back rabbits.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Maybe a sheep if it's a special occasion.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10- Is that a crime?- Come on, you lot.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Let's get this stuff shifted.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18See you, Chloe.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25We'll have this place looking lovely in no time.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Look at the size of these CDs!
0:08:52 > 0:08:53Agadoo.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Line Dancing Legends.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00You don't think it's too much, do you?
0:09:00 > 0:09:03You might be arrested for crimes against cool.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Robin, this is serious. We could get chased out of town again.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09If anyone found out Dad was a...
0:09:09 > 0:09:14- Your dad's what? - He's a... You know... He's a...
0:09:14 > 0:09:18Come on, Vlad. If your father's in trouble you can tell me.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21I can't keep this a secret any longer.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23The truth is, Dad's...
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Hunting?
0:09:25 > 0:09:29- That's why he's in trouble with the police.- You could say that.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Line dancing?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33That's not bad.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Tell that to the people who chased them out of their last village.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40Usual thing, I suppose? Illegal traps.
0:09:40 > 0:09:45- No licence?- Er yeah, it's horrible.
0:09:45 > 0:09:51Foxes, rabbits, pigeons. He'll eat anything.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Goodness! Well, we're a lot more open-minded here.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58I've always fancied trying it out myself.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02Maybe we could set up a group, arrange some classes?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Great! Dad'll be thrilled.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I'm not sure.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15- Try the peach one again.- I've told you, Dad, I'm not wearing a dress!
0:10:15 > 0:10:17I just want to look older.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20You've got to have something here.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27I don't want to know.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Escapology, Jonno.
0:10:30 > 0:10:38In our line of work, it's inevitable that we'll be captured and tied up.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49Here, check those.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55That was cool.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59You think that was good? Hand me that straitjacket!
0:11:06 > 0:11:11Ooh. You'll never guess what dark secret our Mr Count is hiding.
0:11:11 > 0:11:12Chloe told me.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16I've always thought there was something unwholesome about him.
0:11:16 > 0:11:21- Graham, don't be such a kill-joy. I think it sounds like fun.- Fun!
0:11:21 > 0:11:24In fact, I think I'll give Mina a call.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27I'm sure she'd be up for trying something new, even if you're not.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Is that five minutes yet?
0:11:37 > 0:11:3920. Dad, I'm gonna be late.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45The dress, Jonno! Take the dress!
0:11:45 > 0:11:48- It never fails.- Whatever.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55Yes, yes! Yes!
0:12:04 > 0:12:05Vlad!
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Sorry, I'm just a bit nervous.
0:12:07 > 0:12:12Relax. Your dad's going to do his innocent breather routine,
0:12:12 > 0:12:14and Ingrid's safely tucked up in her coffin.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16What can go wrong?
0:12:16 > 0:12:20- Later, losers.- See ya.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Yeah, you're right. I'm worrying about nothing.
0:12:27 > 0:12:32Five, four, three, two, one.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Ingrid!
0:12:44 > 0:12:47It's only one o'clock! What's going on?
0:12:47 > 0:12:48It's the total eclipse, innit.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Didn't you see it on the news?
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Probably should've mentioned that.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59- Yeah.- Afternoon. - Oh, hello! Just watching the eclipse.
0:12:59 > 0:13:04Right nuisance. Brings out all the weirdos.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Have we met before?
0:13:24 > 0:13:27I'll just get my dad. Er, make yourself comfortable.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39It'll be fine.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43Dad'll deal with the police. I'll find Ingrid and...
0:13:44 > 0:13:49- Dad? Dad! - He's got to be here somewhere.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Unless...
0:13:55 > 0:13:57The eclipse!
0:14:01 > 0:14:05- DOORBELL RINGS - Come in! The door's open!
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Ow! Ow! Ahhhhhh.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11What a nice surprise, Mr Count. We were just coming to see you.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Really?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- Woo-hoo!- Through here, Mina!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Now, there's no need to be embarrassed.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Vlad told me all about your dark secret!
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Oh, he did, did he? So what are you going to do?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Spread it around town? Sharpen your pitchforks?
0:14:30 > 0:14:34- No, we'd like to join you.- We were just saying only this morning
0:14:34 > 0:14:37how difficult it is to find exciting things to do in Stokely.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40And I've got plenty of other friends I could rope in
0:14:40 > 0:14:42if we need any new blood!
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Blood?
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- Well, um...yes.- How about today?
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Could we use the castle, Mr Count? There's not much room here.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Yes. Fine.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58This really IS my lucky tie!
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Very nice.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12One ticket for Vampire Vixen 3, please.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16- Ow!- Next!
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- Two tickets to Vampire Vixen 3, please?- Stop stressing, Vlad.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Stop stressing?! There's a policeman upstairs
0:15:25 > 0:15:28and two fully-grown vampires running loose in Stokely.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32You don't know that. Your dad might have been fried to a crisp by now.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Sorry.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38At least it can't get any worse.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46- Where did you get that hat, Renfield? - It was a reward for good service.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Renfield!
0:15:48 > 0:15:52Master told me to burn it, but I quite like it.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Oh, no, he's really gone and done it now!
0:15:55 > 0:15:59Right, I'm gonna find Dad. Robin, stall the policeman.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Renfield, get rid of that hat and have the day off!
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Day off? Day off.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11One, please.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15- Certainly, miss. That's £5.30.- What?
0:16:15 > 0:16:17£5.30.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Yep, thank you. Enjoy the film.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Thank you.
0:16:26 > 0:16:27Magazine, Madam?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Vampire Vixen 3?!
0:16:37 > 0:16:40You've got to be kidding.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42We can go if you want.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51- Hi, Ingrid!- Great!
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Don't mind if we sit here, do you?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Don't fancy yours much.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20He won't be long. Trying to find his glasses.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Are you sure we haven't met?
0:17:24 > 0:17:30April 2005. You reported seeing a UFO landing in Stokely Wood.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Oh, yeah. That.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Had all the emergency services out at three AM.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39- Well, I definitely saw something. - Not a single shred of evidence.
0:17:39 > 0:17:40Exactly!
0:17:40 > 0:17:43No evidence that there wasn't a UFO.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57RINGING
0:17:57 > 0:18:00- Hello.- Mina, Mina! Listen, it's me. I'm in a spot of bother.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Eric, I can't talk now, I'm on my way up to the castle
0:18:03 > 0:18:07- with Elizabeth and Mr Count.- No, no, no! Wait! Don't go to the castle.
0:18:07 > 0:18:08What d'you mean?
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Look, we've been through this before. I'll see you later.
0:18:11 > 0:18:16No Mina! Wait! Mina! Mina, you're in danger!
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Arrghhhhh!
0:18:39 > 0:18:42CREAKING
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Hello? Hello? Is anybody home?
0:18:45 > 0:18:50- SPOOKY FEMALE VOICE: - Yes, can I help you?
0:18:50 > 0:18:54My car's broken down in the storm. I need to call for help.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Yes, come inside.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01You're just...in time.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04- In time for what?- For dinner!
0:19:06 > 0:19:10Why don't they just bite him and get it over with? They're so pathetic!
0:19:10 > 0:19:13I dunno. I think they're pretty hot!
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Sorry, but I do.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17I'd love to go out with a vampire.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21Attractive and deadly.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24- What a great combination!- Shhhhh!
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Off we go, then!
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Mr Count, can I have a word?
0:19:44 > 0:19:46I'm on to you!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49There are rules and laws in this country that must be abided by.
0:19:49 > 0:19:54Just exactly what are you insinuating?
0:19:54 > 0:19:57You can't just go around hunting and killing as you please.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Ready, Mr Count?
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Yes, of course.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08We'll see about that.
0:20:18 > 0:20:23- More tea?- No. But you can tell me where the toilet is.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Could you hold it just a bit longer?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27I'm sure they won't be...
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Right.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Mr Branagh. Have you seen my dad?
0:20:40 > 0:20:44You've just missed him. He took off.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- Feeling guilty, I suppose.- What?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49It's barbaric, that's what it is.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Bloodsports like that might be acceptable in Transylvania,
0:20:52 > 0:20:54- but not here. - Look, you don't understand!
0:20:54 > 0:20:58So we come from Transylvania and live in a spooky old castle.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00But that doesn't mean we're vampires!
0:21:05 > 0:21:06Mr Branagh?
0:21:28 > 0:21:32I just thought he was hunting without a licence.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36- Ah.- Good grief! Elizabeth!
0:21:37 > 0:21:40- I've got to save her!- Wait!
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Come back!
0:21:52 > 0:21:54It's in here.
0:21:54 > 0:21:59There's a light in here somewhere, you've just got to...
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Ah.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06Sierra Oscar from 280 requesting immediate back-up.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07I repeat, immediate back-up.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11CRACKLY VOICE ON RADIO
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Will?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Did you mean what you said?
0:22:24 > 0:22:27About going out with a vampire?
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Yeah, of course. Why?
0:22:29 > 0:22:34- There's something you should know about me.- Mmmm?
0:22:34 > 0:22:37- I'm a vampire.- Oh, OK.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41No. Really. I am a vampire.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45I believe you.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52CRASHES
0:22:52 > 0:22:54- Aaargh! - Aaargh!- Aaargh!
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- Where are you going? - As far away from you as I can get!
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Ay ay. Looks like trouble!
0:23:04 > 0:23:08They fight. Then they kiss. What's that about?
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Women. Come on.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Stop her! She's biting him, she's a vampire!
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Of course she is, it's a vampire film!
0:23:24 > 0:23:26No, her!
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Come on you, out!
0:23:50 > 0:23:52They're vampires! D'you hear me?!
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Vampires! I'm coming, Elizabeth!
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Wait for me!
0:24:00 > 0:24:02I'm a professional!
0:24:10 > 0:24:12LINE-DANCING MUSIC
0:24:29 > 0:24:33Officer! Arrest that...that vampire!
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Graham! Your making a spectacle of yourself.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40Oh, no. I've seen that look before. Where is he?
0:24:40 > 0:24:43Get away from him, Mina!
0:24:43 > 0:24:46Run! He's a vampire!
0:24:46 > 0:24:48You'll never change.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51I don't know why I believed you ever would.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Who are you people?
0:24:57 > 0:24:59That's my dad.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03Ah. Makes sense. UFOs. Vampires.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05I can see where you get it.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09For your information, this man has single-handedly caught
0:25:09 > 0:25:12one of the most dangerous criminals in Britain.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15A man we've been after for years.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18You should be proud. Thanks to your dad,
0:25:18 > 0:25:23we can all sleep safely in our beds tonight. He's a hero.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Hero?
0:25:30 > 0:25:34- I'm telling you, Dad, she was biting him right there!- On the neck?
0:25:34 > 0:25:37- No, in the cinema! - The vampire arrogance of it!
0:25:37 > 0:25:40No question about it Jonno, they're getting out of control.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- We've got to do something.- I intend to. Attacking a slayer is one thing.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46But preying on the blood of innocents is a different matter.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- So it's war.- And I know whose side I'd rather be on.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Jonno, load the guns.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Good shot.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13You've disobeyed me, Ingrid.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17I am very...very angry.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20- What's that on your collar?- Nothing.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24Blood! Human blood.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27So? I've bitten a breather.
0:26:27 > 0:26:31I guess that makes me the only real vampire in this castle after all.
0:26:35 > 0:26:39Never underestimate the Prince of Darkness.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Mr Count! What a pleasant surprise.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Yours, I believe?
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Of course. Thank you.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10Sorry for leaving in such a rush.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Can I offer you a cup of tea?
0:27:13 > 0:27:15A bite to eat?
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Well...if you insist.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Come on in.
0:27:33 > 0:27:37Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:37 > 0:27:40E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk