0:00:20 > 0:00:24We're agreed - whatever we do, let's make sure Dad doesn't find out tomorrow is...
0:00:24 > 0:00:27Valentine's! My favourite feast day!
0:00:27 > 0:00:33And I've put in a special order for a flavoursome female.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Oh!
0:00:37 > 0:00:40And she has arrived early, Master!
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Renfield, I asked for a delectable lady,
0:00:43 > 0:00:46not a pox-ridden gnome in a wig!
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Waargh!
0:00:48 > 0:00:52Dad, remember the rules - no biting.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Oh, come on, Vladdy! It's Valentine's, and I'm feeling lucky.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57You'll have to be in your condition.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00I mean, how long is it since you last bit a breather?
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Well, it's been, er...
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Well, I mean, er...
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Exactly! I bet you couldn't even bite Mrs Branagh!
0:01:07 > 0:01:10That ready meal? I could have her warmed up in seconds.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14- And any other woman in this village, for that matter!- Yeah, yeah(!)
0:01:14 > 0:01:17You're all mouth and no fangs.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21- You dare to challenge the Prince of Darkness?!- And?
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Nice one, Ingrid(!)
0:01:32 > 0:01:33So,
0:01:33 > 0:01:37Operation Valentine's. And remember, not a word to your...
0:01:37 > 0:01:41Gonna get that right if you keep doing that. That's good. Ooh, yeah!
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Mmm!
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Maybe we should hold off for a while?
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Mum only moved back in was because we promised we'd given up slaying.
0:01:53 > 0:01:58Tomorrow's Valentine's Day! Or "Bag A Breather Day", as vampires call it.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01And I saw the way he looked at your mum. I'm certain she's in danger.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09I thought you'd let this vampire thing go.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19Right, I'm off to work.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Oh, Graham,
0:02:21 > 0:02:25- stick this in the post for me, will you?- Ah, yes - Valentine's tomorrow!
0:02:25 > 0:02:26Oh, it's not for you!
0:02:26 > 0:02:29It's for Mr Count.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Poor thing, stuck in the castle all on his own.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34You mean you fancy him?
0:02:34 > 0:02:35Of course not, you big softie!
0:02:35 > 0:02:40- I mean, I don't fancy Ian, Paul or Robin but I send them a Valentine's card each year.- Oh, what?!
0:02:40 > 0:02:43You mean you're my secret admirer?
0:02:43 > 0:02:46What, you really thought somebody out there liked you?
0:02:46 > 0:02:51Actually, freak-boy, somebody does. And I'm taking her to the Valentine's Ball.
0:02:51 > 0:02:52No way! I've got a date as well!
0:02:52 > 0:02:54- Nice one.- Come on, then.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- Who are the lucky girls?- Ingrid.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Hey, Ingrid, what's going on?
0:03:03 > 0:03:07We can't all be going to the Valentine's Ball with you.
0:03:07 > 0:03:12Exactly. So I've decided to charge everybody £5 and pull a name out of a hat.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13Great! I'm in!
0:03:13 > 0:03:18So you really think my mum might be in danger? Again!
0:03:18 > 0:03:24- Valentine's Day brings out the worst in my dad.- And everyone else. It's a load of rubbish if you ask me.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Fools! There's no way I'm falling for it.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30Hey, it's my first day here.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Could you show me the way to reception?
0:03:37 > 0:03:42I'll teach Ingrid to call me "all mouth and no fangs"! Ha!
0:03:42 > 0:03:46You can't let her get away with that, Master. Have you got a plan?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Of course! I am Count Dracula!
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Ladies fall at my feet.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52And if they don't...
0:03:55 > 0:03:57..then I'll make them!
0:03:57 > 0:04:03375, 380, 385!
0:04:03 > 0:04:06That's every boy except one.
0:04:06 > 0:04:12- Come on, then! Who's forgotten to buy their tickets?- Will Clark.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13Will Clark?!
0:04:13 > 0:04:17Never heard of him! What does he look like?
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Me.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23Look, do you want to go to the ball with me or not?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Nah, ain't really my thing.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30- Yeah, well, me neither. - Yeah, well, you better give these
0:04:30 > 0:04:33- guys back their money then.- No, wait!
0:04:33 > 0:04:35I am going to the ball really!
0:04:37 > 0:04:43You have no idea who you're messing with - mortal!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49So does that mean we've still got a chance?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Yeah!
0:04:51 > 0:04:55"Le Trappe Pour Vampire".
0:04:55 > 0:04:59My very own irresistible perfume!
0:05:04 > 0:05:06More poodle.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09More grown-man's tears.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16And finally
0:05:16 > 0:05:20for that secret ingredient, the one that few women can resist...
0:05:23 > 0:05:25..chocolate.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Right.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Time to turn on the Dracula charm!
0:05:42 > 0:05:45- Robin, you...!- Sorry.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02So, are you going to the Valentine's ball tomorrow?
0:06:02 > 0:06:05As if. Who would I meet in this dump?
0:06:05 > 0:06:09You never know, you could meet the man of your dreams.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- Are you a footballer?- No.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15- Are you famous? - No.- Do you live in a castle?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Well, no, but I have got...
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Actually I do live in a castle.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23When I'm not in my LA crib, innit?
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Hi. I'm Delila!
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Sweet.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Right then,
0:06:34 > 0:06:36where were we?
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Dad, you have got Mum a Valentine's present for tomorrow?
0:06:39 > 0:06:45Yes! I'm going to protect her from a blood-sucking vampire!
0:06:45 > 0:06:48- We can get into the castle... - Right, well, I'm gonna order some
0:06:48 > 0:06:50- chocolates.- Just...
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Wait, wait! What about the plan?
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Thanks!
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- Safe, Ingrid!- No-one is "safe".
0:07:20 > 0:07:24And no-one makes me look...
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Makes me look...
0:07:38 > 0:07:42Ingrid? Are you all right?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45No!
0:07:45 > 0:07:47GLOBE CRASHES
0:07:47 > 0:07:49- Woa! What just happened?- Nothing!
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Nothing happened, all right!
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Yeah, whatever.
0:07:55 > 0:07:56OK.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Wow! This place must be worth a fortune.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08- Yeah, well, thanks for seeing me home.- What?!
0:08:08 > 0:08:10You're not going to ask me in?
0:08:10 > 0:08:14Oh, I've, er... I've left my keys at school.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Yeah, I know. We better just be going. Brilliant!
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Hey! Automatic doors - that's posh!
0:08:31 > 0:08:34This room would make such a good gym.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37We'd have to get rid of that fireplace, of course.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41And clear out all this antique rubbish.
0:08:41 > 0:08:48Erm, the thing is, my erm...dad will be sleeping and it's not a good idea to wake him.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Ruff! Ruff! Stranger danger!
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Oh, that is really cute! Hello!
0:08:57 > 0:09:00I'm bored of it. How do you switch it off?
0:09:03 > 0:09:08- Ow! Madam, that is not a button! - Who's there?
0:09:08 > 0:09:13- Just me, Dad!- Dad?- Hi, Vlad!
0:09:13 > 0:09:17This is Delila, my girlfriend.
0:09:20 > 0:09:21Delila?
0:09:23 > 0:09:25So, it's up to the castle, slay the Count and
0:09:25 > 0:09:29complete Operation Valentine's - all before your mum gets back.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Surprise!
0:09:31 > 0:09:34I thought we'd have a family night in.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Yeah!
0:09:36 > 0:09:39We'll, er...cook dinner?
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Mission aborted.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Wotcha!
0:09:50 > 0:09:52How does this sun bed work, then?
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Allow me to demonstrate.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58Dad, no!
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Oi!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02That's Delila. She's a friend from school.
0:10:02 > 0:10:09And already you've got her into a coffin? You dark horse! Oh, Vlad,
0:10:09 > 0:10:11remember the rules -
0:10:11 > 0:10:13no biting!
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Your dad's cool. Is he a rock star?
0:10:22 > 0:10:24I think it's time you left.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Welcome to the Vampire Helpline.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31If you are losing your fangs, say one.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33If you can't stand the sight of blood, say two.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36- If you are unable to achieve hypnosis, say...- Three!
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- Has this ever happened before?- No.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41- Are you feeling stressed?- No.
0:10:41 > 0:10:46- Is the breather in question attractive?- Well, sort of. But I don't see how that's relevant.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49I'm sorry I did not understand your answer.
0:10:49 > 0:10:55- Is the breather in question attractive?- Yes!- Does lighting flicker in their presence?- Yes!
0:10:55 > 0:10:59Duh! You're in love with a breather.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01What?! I am not in love with a breather!
0:11:01 > 0:11:03SHE SCREAMS IN RAGE
0:11:03 > 0:11:08I must say, I was very impressed with your young lady earlier.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12You certainly are a chip off the old fang.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Delila is Robin's girlfriend, not mine.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Then crush him! Steal her away!
0:11:18 > 0:11:21Dad! I can't make her like me, can I?
0:11:21 > 0:11:25Ah, you'd be surprised what we vampires can do.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29"Le Trappe Pour Vampire".
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Guaranteed to make even the most hideous louse irresistible.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40That's scary!
0:11:40 > 0:11:43It's also cheating.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47You're not gonna use this on Mrs Branagh, are you?
0:11:47 > 0:11:51- Oh, I promise you the Branagh woman is quite safe.- You promise!
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Vampire's honour!
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Cross my cold, unbeating heart.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06COCK CROWS
0:12:08 > 0:12:13Ah, Valentine's Day at last!
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Time to "Bag a Breather"!
0:12:21 > 0:12:23What's going on?
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Sorry, Dad, I just can't trust you.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27But I gave you my word!
0:12:27 > 0:12:29- Exactly.- Vladimir?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Let me out immediately!
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Renfield!
0:12:36 > 0:12:39I can't help you, Master!
0:12:39 > 0:12:42I'm locked in the chest!
0:12:42 > 0:12:45BANGING
0:12:53 > 0:12:54FURIOUS BANGING
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Let me out, you traitor!
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- Dad?- Nosferatu!
0:13:11 > 0:13:13What you doing?
0:13:13 > 0:13:17Shhh, I'm guarding your mum. It's Valentine's Day and she's a prime
0:13:17 > 0:13:21target. There's no way I'm letting her out of my sight!
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Morning!
0:13:26 > 0:13:29- Just been for a run up at the castle.- The castle?!
0:13:29 > 0:13:30Yes, the castle!
0:13:30 > 0:13:33And, look, I wasn't bitten once!
0:13:33 > 0:13:35CAR DRAWS UP
0:13:36 > 0:13:37Delivery for Mina Van Helsing.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Oooh! Thank you!
0:13:41 > 0:13:43I wonder who these could be from.
0:13:43 > 0:13:44Eh, Dad?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48The Count! Of course!
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Good thinking, Jonno! It could be a human heart!
0:13:51 > 0:13:52Or a blood bomb! Or...
0:13:52 > 0:13:55maybe it's even the Count himself!
0:13:57 > 0:14:02- Die! Die!- Or maybe it's the chocolates you ordered!
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Happy Valentine's Day?
0:14:20 > 0:14:21Thanks.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Robin!
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Oh, hey, Vlad. I, er, can't stop, I'm...
0:14:37 > 0:14:41- Meeting your girlfriend?- Yeah.
0:14:41 > 0:14:46- Look, about pretending I lived in the castle...- Don't worry. All's fair in love and war, eh?
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Exactly! So we're still friends?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Friends.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14So, yeah, it's actually me who lives in a castle.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- But I'm sure you still want to go out with Robin, so...- Delila!
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Hiya, Robin!
0:15:20 > 0:15:23You're dumped! And, yes, Vlad, I would love
0:15:23 > 0:15:26to go to the ball with you. See ya!
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Somebody loves you.
0:15:42 > 0:15:43Don't know why.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Arrrrrgh!
0:15:49 > 0:15:53It's all right, they're only rats.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Only rats?!
0:15:55 > 0:15:58What do you want, snakes with flick knives?
0:15:58 > 0:16:01It's for me? Oh, I'm touched.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Touched?! You're supposed to be scared witless!
0:16:05 > 0:16:06See you at the ball later.
0:16:09 > 0:16:14- I thought you weren't going to the ball.- Yeah, well I... changed my mind.- Tough!
0:16:14 > 0:16:18The ball's cancelled. Rat infestation.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24EVERYONE SCREAMS
0:16:33 > 0:16:37- Well, thanks a lot. I had a date with Delila!- Aww!
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Have I ruined your evening?
0:16:41 > 0:16:45- Bonus. Anyway, I thought you'd be guarding Dad?- Don't worry,
0:16:45 > 0:16:46Dad's going nowhere.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Ah, Vlad, Ingrid.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59Now, there's no need to worry, your father got himself locked in a...
0:16:59 > 0:17:01What was it again?
0:17:01 > 0:17:05I hypnotised her so she wouldn't remember.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09I'm so lucky Elizabeth happened to drop by.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13No, I'm the lucky one, Mr Count. Thanks again for letting me hold
0:17:13 > 0:17:15the ball here tonight. Isn't it exciting?
0:17:20 > 0:17:24Robin, I can't believe you're letting our whole family go up there
0:17:24 > 0:17:27- again!- Chloe, it's a school disco.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29In a vampire's castle!
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Come on, you two, glad rags on!
0:17:34 > 0:17:37There is no way I'm going to that Valentine's ball!
0:17:39 > 0:17:42I don't think she got many cards.
0:17:45 > 0:17:46LOUD MUSIC THUMPS
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Doesn't it look beautiful?
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Mmm. Lovely.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15I can't believe we have to be here.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19Well, you are a teacher, Eric. And this is the school ball.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22- The least you can do is be civil. - Ah!
0:18:22 > 0:18:24What a delightful surprise!
0:18:25 > 0:18:28This way for drinks and...nibbles.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41Whatever you do, don't take your eyes off your mum.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47All set for your date with my girlfriend?
0:18:47 > 0:18:51- She's my girlfriend! - Only cos you cheated!
0:18:51 > 0:18:53At least now she'll know the truth.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Oh, so you've told her you're a vampire, then?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Well, I can't tell her that, can I?
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Vladimir! Where is my bottle of 'Le Trappe'?
0:19:00 > 0:19:04And don't even think about lying!
0:19:04 > 0:19:08- I threw it away. - What? The whole lot?! But I haven't used a drop of it yet!
0:19:08 > 0:19:12- Why?- Well, because, you're the Prince of Darkness?
0:19:12 > 0:19:15You don't need some cheap perfume.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Well, I suppose I am pretty irresistible, yes.
0:19:18 > 0:19:19You're right, Vladdy.
0:19:19 > 0:19:24Last one to the dance floor is a loveless louse! Ha, ha!
0:19:36 > 0:19:37MUSIC TEMPO SLOWS
0:19:40 > 0:19:42MUSIC STOPS
0:19:42 > 0:19:48Ladies and...Lordies, please find your Valentine
0:19:48 > 0:19:53for our traditional Transylvanian maypole dance!
0:20:06 > 0:20:11TRANSYLVANIAN FOLK MUSIC PLAYS
0:20:51 > 0:20:55So it turns out Delila didn't fancy either of us.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Not yet, she doesn't.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Vlad!
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Let's do it!
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Careful, this is really strong stuff.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Great! Now look what you've done!
0:21:26 > 0:21:27Hey, boys.
0:21:30 > 0:21:31Hey!
0:21:31 > 0:21:32GIRLS SCREAM
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Come on, ladies - one at a time, please.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42Takes after his father, that one.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Mina!
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Run!
0:22:18 > 0:22:20# Lonely
0:22:20 > 0:22:24# That was my name
0:22:24 > 0:22:28# Until I hit this town
0:22:28 > 0:22:33# My loves were hand-me-downs
0:22:33 > 0:22:34# Lonely
0:22:37 > 0:22:40# That was my game
0:22:40 > 0:22:46# Now... #
0:22:55 > 0:22:59- What are we doing here?- We need to find an antidote, quickly!
0:22:59 > 0:23:01If only I'd learned to fart at will!
0:23:03 > 0:23:06- What?- Well, that normally gets rid of Chloe.
0:23:06 > 0:23:07That's it!
0:23:07 > 0:23:10We just need to find the right smell!
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Hurry up!
0:23:12 > 0:23:14All right. Er... Cat food?
0:23:14 > 0:23:18Monkey droppings? Rotten eggs? Which one?
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Just mix them all together!
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Come on Vlad, faster!
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Hurry up!
0:23:37 > 0:23:40ALL: Urgh!
0:23:45 > 0:23:48You two are such losers!
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Let's never argue over a girl again.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Deal.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Where is she?
0:24:02 > 0:24:04HE GAGS
0:24:07 > 0:24:11I have a little Valentine's gift for you.
0:24:18 > 0:24:23Sorry about the spelling, I had Renfield carve it.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27Now it's time for my Valentine gift.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34- Room service!- Yes, yes. Now go away!
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Where am I?
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Well, hello.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48No, no, no! Renfield!
0:24:54 > 0:24:55Hey, Ingrid.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00- You've got some choc... - You are so transparent!
0:25:00 > 0:25:04Dancing with that bubble-brained wannabe in a pathetic
0:25:04 > 0:25:06attempt to make me jealous!
0:25:06 > 0:25:08It worked then?
0:25:12 > 0:25:13Boys!
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Mina!
0:25:25 > 0:25:28- Mum!- Go away!
0:25:32 > 0:25:34What have you done with her?!
0:25:34 > 0:25:39Nothing. She ran off with that cockroach Renfield.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42You're gonna pay for this...
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Did you say Renfield?!
0:25:45 > 0:25:49I'd rather not talk about it right now.
0:25:49 > 0:25:50HE SNIFFS
0:25:54 > 0:25:59Oh, you are so adorable!
0:25:59 > 0:26:02No, I'm not! Get off me!
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Mina!
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Eric, isn't he handsome?
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Urgh!
0:26:16 > 0:26:20It's all right, darling. You're safe. Safe, safe.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24- Eric, what have you done? - Saved you from a vampire!
0:26:26 > 0:26:30I knew you'd have to cause trouble. You just couldn't help yourself, could you?
0:26:49 > 0:26:52I've never seen Ingrid look so...
0:26:52 > 0:26:54happy.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10EXPLOSION, EVERYONE SCREAMS
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Everyone, outside now!
0:27:18 > 0:27:19SHE SQUEALS
0:27:25 > 0:27:29Now that is more like it.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Subtitles by Red Bee Media Limited
0:27:31 > 0:27:33E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk