0:00:21 > 0:00:25Says here a family in the Old Country have
0:00:25 > 0:00:28turned their house into a vampire themed hotel.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Well, it's the perfect scam, they're getting an endless
0:00:31 > 0:00:34supply of breathers and the corpses never complain.
0:00:34 > 0:00:35Thank you very much.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Wait a minute... We could do that here.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45No, No, No...
0:00:45 > 0:00:47We could turn the empty classrooms into bedrooms,
0:00:47 > 0:00:49each with their own en shriek bathroom.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Can I book into the honeymoon suite?
0:00:52 > 0:00:55I could wear something old, something new, something borrowed
0:00:55 > 0:00:59and something blue - like the veins in my neck!
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Bitey, bitey, bitey.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06You'll be doing reception. And room service. And laundry.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Basically...you'll be doing everything.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Yeah. That'll make a change(!)
0:01:11 > 0:01:14All those in favour of getting caught running an illegal
0:01:14 > 0:01:18breather biting hotel and turned to dust, raise your right hand.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Keeping this empty barn running is draining me dry.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23It's only fair I do the same to others.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Don't worry, Dad, when I'm head of The Vampire High Council
0:01:26 > 0:01:28that'll be the first law I change.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Yes, talking of pure fiction, perhaps you could turn your hand to
0:01:31 > 0:01:33writing the brochure?
0:01:33 > 0:01:35I'll have you know tonight I'll be attending the council
0:01:35 > 0:01:37networking weekend.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40The first woman ever to be invited.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Well, someone's got to pour the drinks.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45HE LAUGHS
0:01:50 > 0:01:51What's that?
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Hmm.
0:01:55 > 0:02:00Why would someone who doesn't have a computer be carrying a memory stick?
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Oh, is that what it is? I found it in the street.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05Thought it was pretty.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Oh, so you don't mind all the data's been lost now it's been
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- through the wash? - Why would I care?
0:02:23 > 0:02:28Dad, I want to see Mum. Will you help me find her?
0:02:28 > 0:02:29I'd stay away from her.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32She'll only try and steal money off you like last time.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Not Magda, my human mum, Sally.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39The mother no-one is supposed to know about.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Ever. End of conversation.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43I know you said it could be dangerous for her to make contact
0:02:43 > 0:02:46but...I need to meet her.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Forget about the danger to her. What about the danger to me?
0:02:49 > 0:02:53Do you know what The Vampire High Council will do
0:02:53 > 0:02:55if they find out I...
0:02:55 > 0:02:59If they find out I had a baby with a breather?!
0:02:59 > 0:03:02- But Dad, it's...- No, seriously, do you know what they'll do?
0:03:02 > 0:03:06I know for a crime this big it's execution, but by what method?
0:03:06 > 0:03:10Sunlight? Garlic? Stake? A stake made of garlic in the sunlight?
0:03:10 > 0:03:14She's my mum! I want to know where I came from.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Right here! You're 99% me.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- Minimum.- So you're not going to help me find her?
0:03:20 > 0:03:24Oh, Vladdy, forget about her, please.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27I'm sure she's forgotten about you.
0:03:36 > 0:03:37Where are you now, Sally Giles?
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- GHOSTLY VOICE:- 'Keys. Keys. Come on, Sally, think!'
0:03:45 > 0:03:47'Where did you put them?
0:03:47 > 0:03:50'George, have you seen the car keys?
0:03:50 > 0:03:52'I can't be late for my sculpture class,
0:03:52 > 0:03:54'I'm teaching them welding tonight.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56'It's OK, I found the spare set!'
0:04:01 > 0:04:04And this can be the reception area. Front desk here, cobwebs there,
0:04:04 > 0:04:09scary portraits of Aunt Blistelburst everywhere and voila!
0:04:09 > 0:04:12One vampire themed hotel.
0:04:12 > 0:04:17Perhaps I should bite the guests as they sign in and then that way
0:04:17 > 0:04:19we wouldn't even need the bedrooms?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21But you do get peckish in the middle of the night, Master?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Good point. Good point.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Let's fill the place up and make it all inclusive,
0:04:26 > 0:04:29with a 24 hour, all-you-can-eat buffet.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Are you planning a special discount for slayers
0:04:31 > 0:04:33- because I predict a block booking? - No, no, no.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36If we tell the breathers we're vampires
0:04:36 > 0:04:37and they book in and get bitten...
0:04:37 > 0:04:39they've only got themselves to blame.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41People come to hotels to be pampered not punctured.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43They'll get value for money.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Where else can you book in for a weekend
0:04:45 > 0:04:49and get immortality for free?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Scunthorpe?
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Right, we have a hotel to build.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57And when I say 'we', I mean you. Goodbye.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01THE COUNT LAUGHS
0:05:01 > 0:05:04I thought you'd like to know...
0:05:04 > 0:05:07that...I found Sally.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11What? What? What?! You know where she lives?!
0:05:11 > 0:05:14No, but I'm getting closer.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Until you are 18 you must do what I say.
0:05:17 > 0:05:22Now stay away from that woman or you're going to get me dusted, Vlad!
0:05:22 > 0:05:25I think you're going to do that all by yourself.
0:05:44 > 0:05:45Someone's been busy.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48What? It's just an old PC.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51There's enough tech here to launch World War Three.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53I wouldn't know, I only use it for e-mail.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55And researching members of The High Council?
0:05:55 > 0:05:58There's no harm in knowing who you're working with.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Harm being the key word.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Don't worry, I'll delete your search history when I'm finished.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06Back off, nobody touches my gear.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Does Dad know you've got this?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Just be careful you don't download any viruses.
0:06:18 > 0:06:23I thought you liked things that spread misery and destruction?
0:06:23 > 0:06:25I don't know what you're talking about.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39OK, let the lying begin.
0:06:40 > 0:06:47"Dear Sally, we are opening Hotel Du Fang
0:06:47 > 0:06:52"and would like you to come and stay this weekend
0:06:52 > 0:06:59"to discuss making a sculpture for us.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05"Kind regards. Vladimir."
0:07:14 > 0:07:20Renfield, you're supposed to be making the staircase look scary.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Your face is already terrifying enough.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Have a nice weekend, I know I will.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28I'll give your regards to Morgan and the rest of the council.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29Oh, yes.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31You can do that when you hand them their name badges.
0:07:31 > 0:07:36You're just like this place - old school and in need of updating.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Bye!
0:07:42 > 0:07:48You know, maybe this hotel wasn't such a bad idea after all.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52Well, thank you for your ringing endorsement.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57What's changed your tune?
0:07:57 > 0:07:58Oh, no reason.
0:07:58 > 0:08:03Just want to help. Maybe I can manage the bookings?
0:08:03 > 0:08:04Splendid. Splendid.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- Just be sure to charge extra for use of the health spa.- Health spa?
0:08:07 > 0:08:11Yes. Yes. They can get a neck massage with free acupuncture.
0:08:11 > 0:08:16You know what this hallway could really do with? A sculpture.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Vladimir, this is a hotel not a gallery.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22The only works of art our guests will be admiring are these.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26If you put a scary sculpture here you'll get the guests blood
0:08:26 > 0:08:29pumping before they retire to their rooms.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Permanently.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36What an evil idea. Well done, Vladdy.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40Maybe some kind of gargoyle, all teeth and tongues
0:08:40 > 0:08:41and twisted features?
0:08:41 > 0:08:44I know just the sculptor we can hire. Do you want me
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- to invite her over? - By all means, let's get started.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51And I know just the face she can model it on.
0:09:03 > 0:09:04This better be worth it,
0:09:04 > 0:09:07I hate being awake in the middle of the day.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11And I'm famished. When are the first guests arriving?
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Any minute now. Do you think this room looks scary enough?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Argh!
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Oh...it's me!
0:09:19 > 0:09:21I'll take that as a yes.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23I don't know why you're going to all this trouble.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26I'm going to bite them before they have time to unpack.
0:09:26 > 0:09:27You can't.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31This room is for the sculptor I was telling you about.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33She's staying for the weekend and we need her alive.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37- For the whole weekend? - I can't believe she said yes!
0:09:37 > 0:09:38She sounds desperate.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41It's probably the first offer of work she's had in months.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- Make sure she pays up front. - I said she could stay for free.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47We are running a hotel not a charity!
0:09:47 > 0:09:50I want blood and banknotes.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54Please tell me the other rooms are full of paying victims...guests.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58Well... No-one else is actually coming.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00No-one?!
0:10:00 > 0:10:04Vladimir, your fledgling career in hotel marketing is
0:10:04 > 0:10:07hanging by a thread.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Snippety snip.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I've got a confession to make.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13You might want to sit down for this.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16I'll stand. I fight better on my feet.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19The sculptor is called Sally.
0:10:22 > 0:10:28This wouldn't be the Sally that we agreed never to talk about?
0:10:28 > 0:10:32The Sally I gave strict instructions for you not to contact?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34The secret Sally that no-one must know is your breather mother
0:10:34 > 0:10:37or I'll be toast Sally?
0:10:37 > 0:10:41I knew you were half breather but I never thought your mum would be
0:10:41 > 0:10:46a... No, hang on, if The Count's your dad and you're half breather
0:10:46 > 0:10:49then of course your mum had to be a breather!
0:10:49 > 0:10:53I got it now. Yeah! Oh, it's nice you found her, isn't it?
0:10:53 > 0:10:56You must be very excited indeed!
0:10:57 > 0:10:59This feels like a family moment.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05Relax, Dad, I'm not going to tell her who I am.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08I just want to spend a weekend with her, what harm can that do?
0:11:08 > 0:11:10A lot can happen in a weekend.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13You...happened in a weekend.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17Ingrid's away, no-one will even know she was here.
0:11:17 > 0:11:18Look.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21You're playing with fire and it's me who's going to get burned.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24You're risking my life and for what?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26For a chance to meet my mum.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28What if she sees me?
0:11:28 > 0:11:32It was 18 years ago at a Goth festival in Whitby,
0:11:32 > 0:11:34she probably won't even recognise you.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Oh, please. No woman never forgets this...face.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39She's probably still single,
0:11:39 > 0:11:41hoping that one day I'll walk back into her life.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44That'll be why she's booked in with George.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48George? He sounds very dull.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50He sounds like he stuck around for longer than a weekend and
0:11:50 > 0:11:53didn't secretly adopt the child they had together without telling her.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Look, she didn't know you were a vampire,
0:11:56 > 0:12:01- I was doing it for her own good.- You're all heart(!)
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Yes! Yes, I am and I want it to stay that way.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05So cancel her visit.
0:12:05 > 0:12:10She's not stepping one foot inside this... hotel.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14- BELL RINGS - Too late.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- You must be Sally. - Vladimir?
0:12:28 > 0:12:32- Call me Vlad. - I really love your vampire hotel,
0:12:32 > 0:12:35the energy here is perfect for one of my pieces.
0:12:37 > 0:12:42Oh...have I got paint on my face? I'm always doing that.
0:12:42 > 0:12:46Or getting bits of clay in my hair. Occupational hazard!
0:12:46 > 0:12:47No, it's OK.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Erm, we were hoping you could design something for here
0:12:50 > 0:12:52at the bottom of the stairs.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58What an inspiring space.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02It needs to be a work that really captures the decrepit
0:13:02 > 0:13:04beauty of the place.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08That smell of damp and decay is so authentic!
0:13:08 > 0:13:09Cheek!
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Shall I sign you in? Is George parking the car?
0:13:12 > 0:13:14No, George can't drive yet.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18George sounds like an incompetent fool. But Sally...
0:13:18 > 0:13:22- I'd forgotten what a fox she is. - This is my daughter, Georgina.
0:13:22 > 0:13:23Mum
0:13:23 > 0:13:27Except I'm not allowed to call her that. George, this is Vlad.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31It's nice to meet you, Georgina. I mean, George.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35Vlad? Great name. Very vampiric.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37What's your real name?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Vlad.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Oh, staying in character, I like it!
0:13:42 > 0:13:44- Are you a vampire?- Yes.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- Do you sleep in a coffin?- Yes.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Can I see your fangs?
0:13:49 > 0:13:53- (IN VAMPIRE VOICE)- Yes, but then I'd have to bite you!
0:13:53 > 0:13:54GEORGE LAUGHS
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Oh, you're good. But I'm going to catch you out.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59A nosy breather brat is the last thing we need.
0:13:59 > 0:14:00They have to leave...
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Here's your room key.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Cool, I wish we were staying for a week.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10By the time I'm finished you'll be so scared you won't stay the night.
0:14:10 > 0:14:11ROAR
0:14:11 > 0:14:18- What was that?- That was err...Count Dracula. Yes, he moves very fast.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22No! No! No, seriously, I just felt something brush past me.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26- Is this place haunted? - Mum, they're just special effects.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Air cannon mounted in the ceiling?
0:14:28 > 0:14:31RINGS BELL
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Renfield will show you to your room.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Please...
0:14:38 > 0:14:39follow me.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Thank you so much for doing the name badges.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02After saving your life it's nice to be rewarded with such
0:15:02 > 0:15:03an important job.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Keep up the good work and who knows where it might lead?
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Cleaning the toilets, perhaps?
0:15:07 > 0:15:11Let's not get ahead of ourselves. One step at a time, Ingrid.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14One step at a time.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- Quick question before you go. - Mmm?
0:15:17 > 0:15:18Where's my name badge?
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Oh, you want to come in?
0:15:22 > 0:15:25I thought that was the point of a networking weekend?
0:15:25 > 0:15:30It is but...someone has to look after the capes.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Which reminds me.
0:15:32 > 0:15:37If you could find an old iron knocking about and give them
0:15:37 > 0:15:41all a quick once over that would be wonderful.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Right then...
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Now you've had your little family reunion you can send them packing.
0:15:50 > 0:15:51Just stop it.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54I've only just met them, stop trying to scare them away.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56First it was just your mother coming, now there's a half sister!
0:15:56 > 0:15:59When's the bus arriving with the rest of your relatives?
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Just stay out of the way and give me a chance to get to know them.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Long enough so they can spot the family resemblance?
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- Do you think I look like them? - Yes, you share their blood.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11And so will every other vampire in a five mile radius
0:16:11 > 0:16:13- if they stay too long. - I can protect them.
0:16:13 > 0:16:18And who's protecting you? Don't get too close, Vladimir.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Your heart can get hurt by more than just a stake.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24I can handle it.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28I understand that they're here for a weekend, not forever.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32There's a problem with the room.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Sorry about this, it's just I can't share with Mum,
0:16:35 > 0:16:38- she snores like a train. - You can have my room.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Your room?
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Sorry, it's a hotel thing - I think of all the rooms as my room.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47- Wow, look at this coffin.- Yeah, I know. Pretty impressive, huh?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49- It looks totally fake. - Fake?
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Sorry, me and my big mouth.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Like you want to know what I think of your hotel.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57No, go on, it'll be good to get an honest opinion.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Well, I think this coffin is way too fancy.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Only a loser vampire would sleep in something like this.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05I'm starting to like her.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Too fancy, got it. What about the rest of the room?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- That's pretty cool, right? - I don't know,
0:17:10 > 0:17:14it's all a bit try hard. It feels like the bedroom of a total poser!
0:17:15 > 0:17:18And there's a really weird smell. Like a cross between...
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Let's find you another room, shall we?
0:17:20 > 0:17:24And this is the Count Dracula penthouse suite.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26It's more of a poser's room than the last one.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30- But it's yours if you want it. - (Don't even think about it.)
0:17:30 > 0:17:31- Oh, wow... - I know.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34- This is more like it! - What?
0:17:34 > 0:17:37This feels like a proper vampire sleeps here.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40(Oh... Your sister has impeccable taste.)
0:17:40 > 0:17:43But that coffin's even fancier than mine...
0:17:43 > 0:17:46I mean, fancier than the one in the other room.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49- No, this one's got class. - If you say so.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Plus it doesn't have that weird smell.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55- You know, the one that's like a cross between...- Yeah, I got that.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57This lining is so soft.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00(I'm really not happy about a breather in my coffin!)
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- That's strange. - You OK in there?
0:18:03 > 0:18:07I used to get scared thinking there was a monster under my bed.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09It feels like there's one in here with me.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13(But I'll make an exception for her.)
0:18:13 > 0:18:16My mum's snoring's not bad. I think I'll bunk in with her.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Not a problem.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21Look. You've got two moles in exactly the same place as me.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Oh, yeah. But I bet loads of people have got matching moles.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28- In exactly the same place?- Yeah, I am sure it happens all the time.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31C'mon, let's get you back to your mum's room.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41I like making things out of rubbish, I'm very big on recycling.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44She once recycled someone's favourite trainers.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- They had holes in them!- Just be careful what you leave lying around.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51You might find some of these dusty old antiques missing.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53George, these aren't dusty old antiques.
0:18:53 > 0:18:54(Yes, thank you.)
0:18:54 > 0:18:58They're cheap props for the hotel bought from junk shops.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- What was that? - It's just another special effect.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04- How did you do that? - Trade secrets.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10- Oh. Is that you as a baby? - No. That's my older brother Adam.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12You've got a brother?!
0:19:12 > 0:19:17I mean, sure... Wow... That's nice for you.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Any other brothers and sisters?
0:19:20 > 0:19:23No, just Adam. I've never met him though.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26I was very young when I got pregnant.
0:19:26 > 0:19:32- At a Goth weekend in Whitby! - Yes, I don't think we need to go into all the details, thank you.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36My parents persuaded me to give him up for adoption.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39So somewhere out there I've got an older brother called Adam.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Adam... What an interesting name.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45I never met the people who adopted him.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47I just hope he's with a nice family.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50He'd be about your age now.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Wherever he is I'm sure he's thinking about you.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- We're going to try and find him. - Are you?
0:19:55 > 0:19:58When he turns 18, I'm going to go to the adoption agency,
0:19:58 > 0:20:01see if I can trace him.
0:20:01 > 0:20:02(I didn't know you could do that.)
0:20:02 > 0:20:08Would Mesdames care to peruse the luncheon menus?
0:20:08 > 0:20:13Oh, it's French, very fancy!
0:20:13 > 0:20:16- Mais oui. - HE LAUGHS
0:20:21 > 0:20:23They're just serving up.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Good, I'm starving.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30I am afraid they're short-staffed, they need help.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32You want me to work as a waitress?
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Yes.
0:20:34 > 0:20:39And after the meal the members will need their fangs flossing.
0:20:39 > 0:20:46Waitress and dental hygienist? What an honour.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50Unfortunately, I have a terrible pain in the neck
0:20:50 > 0:20:51that I must deal with.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55Oh, that is unfortunate. Still I suppose if it can't wait...
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Can anybody else smell burning?
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Will they be able to find me through the paperwork?
0:21:05 > 0:21:09Strangely enough I decided not to put my occupation down as vampire.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12And I didn't use my real name.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14No, you aren't good with real names, are you?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16We had to change it to Vladimir.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20No self respecting vampire from the Old Country is called Adam.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22I never thought she'd come looking for me.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25And now they've found you but they just don't know it..yet
0:21:25 > 0:21:27George spotted we had matching moles.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29And how long before she spots you've got matching mothers?
0:21:29 > 0:21:33I don't want them to know who I am. What I am.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36They'll think I'm a freak and start screaming.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40We have to get them out of here as fast as possible.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42It's like hearing myself think.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45I'll say we've got a burst water pipe and send them home.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49No, no, no. We can't rush them, that'll only make them suspicious.
0:21:49 > 0:21:50You're right.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53They can stay overnight and we'll make our excuses in the morning.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- Where are they now?- Renfield's making them a fancy lunch.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Excellent. Excellent. It'll take them until morning
0:21:59 > 0:22:00to chew through his food.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Right... Pot. Pot. Pot.
0:22:03 > 0:22:04Pot. Where is it?
0:22:13 > 0:22:14He's out cold.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17But we need him to make this posh food they've ordered.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Wake up, Renfield!
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Let him sleep, I'll prepare the food.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24They've ordered gourmet French cuisine,
0:22:24 > 0:22:27- not eight pints of O-negative. - I can cook.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Dad, you could burn cornflakes.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32My dear boy, you know so little about me.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36To tempt the finest necks in Europe to your table it
0:22:36 > 0:22:39pays to know your boeuf bourguignon from your coq au vin.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42A-ha! Stand back.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47What did you order again?
0:22:47 > 0:22:51- I went for the filet de rouget de poele.- What's that?
0:22:51 > 0:22:55- No idea. How about you? - I chose the St Jacques grille.
0:22:55 > 0:23:00- What's that?- Dunno. Hope it's French for burger and chips.
0:23:00 > 0:23:05What if we've both ordered something disgusting like...sheep's brains?
0:23:05 > 0:23:08- I can look it up on my phone. - Good idea.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11- No signal. I'll see if I can find one.- All right.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30- Tuck in! - Wow, that looks amazing.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33- Where's George?- She went to find a signal on her phone.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37- I'll go get her.- No, it's OK. You start, I'll go find her.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45What are you doing here?!
0:23:45 > 0:23:49- You're supposed to be at the conference all weekend?- I got bored.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51They gave you loads of lame jobs to do, didn't they?
0:23:51 > 0:23:54I don't want to talk about it.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Can you smell breather?
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Erm...you must be picking up Renfield.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01He's particularly pungent today.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05No, this is different.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Female.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11Well, it must be that new wood polish he's been using.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15Pity. I'm in the mood for a feast.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Yes, wi-fi! That'll work.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Well, Renfield's come round.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37He thinks my gratin dauphinois is a little salty.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- I think someone's a little jealous. - Ingrid's back!
0:24:40 > 0:24:43- What?!- She got treated like dirt by the High Council
0:24:43 > 0:24:45- and now she's on the warpath! - What did I say would happen?
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Did they get her doing the name badges?
0:24:48 > 0:24:51- We need to find George and get them out of here now.- Right.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53- Come on.- Oh, right.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Hotel emergency! We're evacuating the building.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25I'm so sorry but we're going to have to close the hotel
0:25:25 > 0:25:27- and ask you to leave. - Why, what's happened?
0:25:27 > 0:25:31It turns out the...spiders we've shipped in to spin
0:25:31 > 0:25:35the cobwebs are poisonous. One bite and it's instant death.
0:25:35 > 0:25:36But what about the sculpture?
0:25:36 > 0:25:40- I'm afraid we'll have to put that on hold.- Oh, that's a shame.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- I know.- Well, I suppose we had better go and pack, then.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46Already sorted.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Oh, I see, you want us to leave right this minute?
0:25:49 > 0:25:52There are a thousand killer spiders on the loose and they're tiny.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55They could be anywhere! Come on, chop chop.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58- Give me a call when the spiders have gone.- That could take months.
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Well, let's keep in touch.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01We have to come back - this place is amazing.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04- We may even have to close down permanently.- You think so?
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- And move out. - Such a great idea for a hotel.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11Too bad it didn't work out the way I'd planned. Renfield, thank you.
0:26:11 > 0:26:12This way.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18So I don't expect we will see you again?
0:26:18 > 0:26:20I'm sorry we didn't have more time together.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24- Well, take care of yourself, Vlad. - Stay away from things that bite.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26You too.
0:26:35 > 0:26:36THE COUNT CHUCKLES
0:26:38 > 0:26:44I've decided, running a hotel is far too much like hard work.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Dad, I'm sorry I should never...
0:26:46 > 0:26:51No, no! No, no! No need to apologise, Vladdy.
0:26:51 > 0:26:52After all...
0:26:52 > 0:26:55all's well that ends well.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57SCREAMING
0:26:57 > 0:26:59Stop!
0:26:59 > 0:27:00You nearly got me there!
0:27:00 > 0:27:03I came back for my handbag and wasn't expecting it.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06- Shut up, breather! - Let her go, Ingrid.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Get your own, she's mine!
0:27:08 > 0:27:13- You can't bite her!- I've had enough of being told what to do today!
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Sorry, can we not do this now. I know you want to practise
0:27:16 > 0:27:18but I don't want to get bitten by a spider!
0:27:18 > 0:27:21The only thing you're going to get bitten by is me!
0:27:25 > 0:27:27GROWLING
0:27:30 > 0:27:31You're vampires!
0:27:31 > 0:27:34- That's enough! - Get off me, Dad!
0:27:35 > 0:27:36It's you.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43Hello, Sally. It's been a long time.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Are you...
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Are you my son?