0:00:02 > 0:00:05# Five, four, three, two Five, four, three, two, one...
0:00:05 > 0:00:08# Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
0:00:08 > 0:00:10# Well, come along for the ride
0:00:10 > 0:00:12# You and me and Zig and Zag
0:00:12 > 0:00:14# When our weird worlds collide
0:00:14 > 0:00:16# It may seem a little mad
0:00:16 > 0:00:19# But you can't close your eyes or you'll miss it
0:00:19 > 0:00:23# Hold on tight no-one's drive, drive, driving
0:00:23 > 0:00:27# It's time to get on with it, not too late
0:00:27 > 0:00:30# Start counting, are your engines on? We can't wait
0:00:30 > 0:00:33# Count down it's Zig and Zag time
0:00:33 > 0:00:38# Five, four, three, two, time for Zig and Zag! #
0:00:44 > 0:00:48'I'm Dirk Dangerpants, and you've been watching
0:00:48 > 0:00:50'Ghost Hunters Live If They Weren't Dead 5.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53'And this week, fright fans, we're giving you
0:00:53 > 0:00:55'a unique spook-ortunity to send in
0:00:55 > 0:00:56'your house-haunting home video
0:00:56 > 0:01:00'and we'll show the spookiest right here on TV.
0:01:00 > 0:01:01- BOTH:- Oh!
0:01:01 > 0:01:04'Oh, and one more thing...
0:01:04 > 0:01:05'BOO!'
0:01:05 > 0:01:07THEY SCREAM
0:01:07 > 0:01:10- Zig, did you hear that? - Heard it?
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Dirk Dangerpants' boo scared the pants right onto my head.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14No, what he said about
0:01:14 > 0:01:19getting a house-haunting home video on the show.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21That would be super-cool!
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Yeah, every earthling dreams of
0:01:23 > 0:01:27getting their own spooky video on TV, so we should have a go.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31Grab the camera and let's get ghost hunting!
0:01:31 > 0:01:36And action! Cue ghosts!
0:01:37 > 0:01:41CREEPY WHISPERS
0:01:41 > 0:01:42THEY SCREAM
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Oh! Huh?
0:01:44 > 0:01:46THEY LAUGH
0:01:46 > 0:01:52THEY WHIMPER
0:01:56 > 0:01:58THEY SCREAM
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Oh! Not a ghost.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01- Toast.- Mm, toasty.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Argh! It's hideous!
0:02:09 > 0:02:11- Hm-hm.- Oh.
0:02:14 > 0:02:15DOORBELL RINGS
0:02:15 > 0:02:16What?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19All right, all right, we're coming.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Yeah, hold on to your pants.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- Mr Jones. - Boys, can you hide these for me?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Mrs Jones is on a knitting rampage.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30Yikes!
0:02:32 > 0:02:34And I'm next.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Don't worry, Earth neighbour, we'll hide them for you.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Yes, hiding is my middle name.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40I thought it was Hilary.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Where should we hide these?
0:02:42 > 0:02:44We've more important things to worry about,
0:02:44 > 0:02:47like how come we spent the whole night ghost hunting and
0:02:47 > 0:02:48didn't see a single ghost?
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Argh! What's that?
0:02:49 > 0:02:54That's the ghoul of my tummy saying, "I need cereal!"
0:02:56 > 0:02:59When does a market become a supermarket?
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Good question. Chaise la mange and good morrow, Miss Nelly.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05We're here to purchase your finest breakfast cereal.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Er, hi, what's-your-name.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11Hi, dreamboat-out-of-space-muffin-face.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15Wow! Sugar-coated Sugar Bombs, now with extra added sugar.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Clean up on aisle three, please,
0:03:19 > 0:03:21clean up on aisle three.
0:03:21 > 0:03:22So, what're you up to?
0:03:22 > 0:03:23Ghost hunting.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Duh! There's no such thing as ghosts.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28What?! Of course there is.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Ghosts have their own TV shows.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I've Seen A Ghost, Dancing Ghosts On Ice,
0:03:33 > 0:03:35So Scared I Pooped My Pants and, our favourite,
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Ghost Hunters Live If They Weren't Dead 5.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Everyone knows all those shows are fake.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Fake! Really?
0:03:44 > 0:03:47I have an idea. Make haste to Zogly Manor, Ziggy boy.
0:03:49 > 0:03:50See you, Nells.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52SHE GIGGLES
0:03:56 > 0:03:58DOORBELL RINGS < Coo-ee!
0:03:58 > 0:04:02Hurry boys, it's me!
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Oh, it's Mrs Jones.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Oh, wait, Zag, what about the wool?
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- The wool, man.- You hide it,
0:04:08 > 0:04:12I'll keep her busy with some riveting conversa-see-oh-nee.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Enchante, Mrs Jones, what a woolly...
0:04:15 > 0:04:17I mean wool-derful surprise.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21Oh, hello, my favourite purple neighbour.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24I was just wondering if you boys had any spare knitting wool.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27I seem to have misplaced mine.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Knitting wool. Wool to knit with.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32The noble art of the knit.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34HE GROANS
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Oh!
0:04:36 > 0:04:39HE GROANS
0:04:39 > 0:04:43Ha-ha, oh, yes, indeed, wool,
0:04:43 > 0:04:47made, I believe, from the outside of the sheep.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Oh, yes.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Erm. Wool. Yes.
0:04:59 > 0:05:05Wool. From the ancient Egyptian word, "woo-ool."
0:05:05 > 0:05:09HE PANTS
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Oh! A-ha!
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Baa! Baa!
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Oh, hi, Mrs Jones.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Zig, I was just asking your brother if you had any spare wool.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22I'm sorry, Mrs Jones, we're aliens from outer space.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24- Never heard of the stuff. - Yeah, what he said. Bye.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Oh. OK, thank you.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Ooh, nice hiding place.
0:05:32 > 0:05:33Thanks, bro.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Oh, it's raining wool.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43How unusual.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50So, what do we need to make a really good fake house-haunting home video?
0:05:50 > 0:05:51A fake ghost.
0:05:51 > 0:05:52Exactamundo.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54But what kind of ghost?
0:05:54 > 0:05:56It would have to be headless.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Right, give me more.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01It would have to have a spooky voice.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03If it doesn't have a head, how can it have a voice?
0:06:03 > 0:06:04It's just a ghost thing.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06So, how did it lose its head?
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Oooh... A horrible knitting accident.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Perfect. And finally, this ghost needs a creepy name.
0:06:12 > 0:06:17How about Sir Parsley Spittoon, the headless nobleman of Burp Street?
0:06:17 > 0:06:20That's boo-rilliant.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21BOTH: Zog drop!
0:06:21 > 0:06:23HAKA-STYLE DANCE MUSIC
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Oh, darling!
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- Oh.- I've knit you a jumper.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42- Oh.- Oh, I knew you'd be excited.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44But didn't the wool go missing?
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Yes, but luckily there was a wool shower this afternoon.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49A wool what?
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Now go upstairs and try it on. HE SIGHS
0:06:54 > 0:06:56In 1778,
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Sir Parsley Spittoon climbed these rickety stairs
0:06:59 > 0:07:01for some secret knitting,
0:07:01 > 0:07:04which of course was forbidden for any nobleman to partake of.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Legend has it he started knitting a new scarf
0:07:08 > 0:07:13and accidentally... knitted off his head!
0:07:15 > 0:07:18They say his headless body returns every year
0:07:18 > 0:07:19to try and knit his own head
0:07:19 > 0:07:22back on, and tonight is the anniversary.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Turn on anti-gravity boots.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30OK.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Whoa...whoa!
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Whoa!
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- Cut. Cut.- Oh, sorry, Zag.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44What if I chop your actual head of?
0:07:44 > 0:07:45Where would I put my hat?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47I promise I'll sew it back on the right way round.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49That's what you said the last time.
0:07:49 > 0:07:50I spent the whole of dinner
0:07:50 > 0:07:53trying to get that spag bol into the back of my neck.
0:07:53 > 0:07:54OK.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58Well, then let's have one more go at ghost faking.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03GROANING AND WAILING
0:08:11 > 0:08:13And tonight is the anniversary...
0:08:13 > 0:08:15GROANING
0:08:15 > 0:08:17- What was that?- I don't know.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Hmm. That's strange.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20- Zag?- Yeah?
0:08:20 > 0:08:23What if Nelly was wrong, and TV was right,
0:08:23 > 0:08:25and there are such things as ghosts?
0:08:25 > 0:08:29And by us faking it we've angered the spirits?
0:08:29 > 0:08:30GROWLING
0:08:30 > 0:08:32THEY GASP
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Oh, flippity flip-flops.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37BOTH: It's the real headless nobleman of Burp Street!
0:08:37 > 0:08:39What will we do?
0:08:41 > 0:08:45Oh, marshmallow of destiny, what will we do?
0:08:47 > 0:08:51The real question you should be asking is,
0:08:51 > 0:08:54what would Dirk Dangerpants do?
0:08:54 > 0:08:57What would Dirk Dangerpants do?
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Ha! He'd put on an extra pair of dangerpants
0:08:59 > 0:09:03- and capture that ghost on camera.- Exactamundo!
0:09:03 > 0:09:07This is it, our big chance to film a real-live dead ghost - and get our
0:09:07 > 0:09:10house-haunting video on our favourite TV show.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Let's get our... brave on, girlfriend.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13Mm-mm!
0:09:16 > 0:09:19All right, Zig, our big spook-ortunity.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24GHOST GROANS, THEY SCREAM
0:09:41 > 0:09:43SCREAMING CONTINUES
0:09:50 > 0:09:52- Oh, shush, this is it.- Oh, yeah!
0:09:52 > 0:09:56Welcome to Ghost Hunters Live If They Weren't Dead 5.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58I'm Dirk Dangerpants,
0:09:58 > 0:10:02and this is the most terrifying home video I've ever seen.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Frankly, I'm not going to sleep tonight.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06And I want my mummy!
0:10:06 > 0:10:08We wanted ghosts,
0:10:08 > 0:10:11but we've got something far more terrifying...
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Aliens, from outer space!
0:10:15 > 0:10:17What?
0:10:17 > 0:10:18Well done, boys.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21What a brilliant performance.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24And we did get our home video on TV after all.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Result!
0:10:26 > 0:10:28And, in honour of your achievement, boys,
0:10:28 > 0:10:32I knitted you surprise celebratory jumpers.
0:10:34 > 0:10:40THEY SCREAM