0:00:02 > 0:00:05# Silent Night
0:00:05 > 0:00:09# Holy Night
0:00:09 > 0:00:14# All is calm
0:00:14 > 0:00:18# All is bright... #
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# Silent Night
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Holy Night... #
0:00:24 > 0:00:29'Christmas 1983 was much the same as every other year round our way,
0:00:29 > 0:00:35'with the oh so sweet voices of the Cadwallader boys and the imminent arrival of my father's family.
0:00:35 > 0:00:40'You could never be sure my uncles would be on time. In fact, they rarely were.
0:00:40 > 0:00:45'Uncle Huw was usually detained because he had had an argument with another driver,
0:00:45 > 0:00:49'and Uncle Gorwel, well, he didn't have a car, or a bike.
0:00:49 > 0:00:54'In fact, we were never absolutely confident he'd still have the use of both his legs.
0:00:54 > 0:00:59'They were due at our house by 3.30, but my mother began getting the place ready well before that,
0:00:59 > 0:01:01'and by "well before that", I mean September.'
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Alphabetical order.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10Cream, then lilac.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15'These days, they call this kind of thing obsessive compulsive disorder.'
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Who's been using the sink?
0:01:18 > 0:01:21'At that time, it was known as housekeeping.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24What's it going to look like when they all turn up and the sink's wet?
0:01:24 > 0:01:31Do you want them to think our family's washing its hands all the time? What are we? Robbers?
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Might as well be talking to myself here.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39She is talking to herself.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48One day, it will be me sitting around with my feet up.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52- I'm not sitting around, I'm watching a film.- What are you watching?
0:01:52 > 0:01:56- Close Encounters Of The Third Kind. - What's with that?
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Aliens come down, cause a bit of bother, go home again.
0:01:59 > 0:02:05- Any good?- I didn't think much of it to be honest.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Unrealistic.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10# Hallelujah
0:02:10 > 0:02:15# Hallelujah... #
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Not the most exciting verse, this one.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Wasn't too bad when it was just the two brothers.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28Didn't I tell you we'd regret the day when Shirley Cadwallader had quads?
0:02:28 > 0:02:32'Mum had been through eleven Hoovers in the past five years.
0:02:32 > 0:02:37'When she went into Rumbelows, she just asked for "the usual".
0:02:45 > 0:02:48CLOCK CHIMES
0:02:48 > 0:02:54- Your brothers are late.- They'll be here. Probably the traffic. Gets busy Christmas Eve.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57# ..Hallelujah! #
0:02:57 > 0:02:59DOORBELL RINGS
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Carol singers! Settle up! Got a lot to get round.
0:03:01 > 0:03:06If your uncles were the Three Wise Men, the baby Jesus would still be waiting for them now!
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Ah!
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Merry Christmas, Hywel, Boys. How are your parents?
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Merry Christmas. That's £5.20, please.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19£5? You're joking!
0:03:19 > 0:03:24You heard Hark the Herald Angels, that £3.80, and Silent Night is £1.40.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26I thought the spirit of Christmas was you give whatever you can.
0:03:26 > 0:03:31Yes, we obviously agree with that, but we do have to balance it with turning a profit.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43Er, that's £5.20, please.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Merry Christmas.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Same to you.
0:03:48 > 0:03:53We'll be back Christmas Eve next year, around 3.15pm.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57- Right, boys, let's go, let's go, let's go.- I blame the Tories.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03'Dad was always annoyed having to pay for things.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07'At church, he only put money in the collection plate if the vicar did a good joke in the sermon.'
0:04:07 > 0:04:09- £5 that cost me.- Oh.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Unbelievable.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Still, I suppose it's Christmas, eh?
0:04:13 > 0:04:17- Come here.- Oh, get out, stop your nonsense, we haven't time for that,
0:04:17 > 0:04:20your brother will be here in a minute. Put the kettle on.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24DOORBELL RINGS
0:04:24 > 0:04:25Oh!
0:04:28 > 0:04:31'Uncle Huw was dad's older brother.'
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- Merry Christmas!- 'He ran one of the biggest carpet firms in Wales
0:04:34 > 0:04:38'and was now involved in one of the country's most bitter divorces.'
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Bren!
0:04:39 > 0:04:44'One of his favourite phrases was "All's fair in love and war".'
0:04:44 > 0:04:47'Another was "I hate my wife".'
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Merry Christmas one and all.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54Apart from one. One exception, in a blouse and high heels, eh, boy?
0:04:54 > 0:04:58Hey, Maurice has been looking forward to seeing Owain all week.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02'Maurice had hardly ever spoken in the six Christmases I could recall.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05'He didn't have to. Uncle Huw talked plenty.'
0:05:05 > 0:05:09So I successfully sued him for £7,500. Damages.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13That's the last time anyone will steal anything from my doorstep, eh?
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Now, on to me.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Started with a bang.
0:05:18 > 0:05:23- Got a conservatory built. £3,500. - What is a conservatory exactly?
0:05:23 > 0:05:25It's like a garden, but indoors.
0:05:25 > 0:05:30They reckon by 1990 most people will be living in conservatories rather than houses.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Sounds lovely. Carpets are selling well then, Huw?
0:05:33 > 0:05:37Yes, like hot cakes. Did you hear the ad on the radio?
0:05:37 > 0:05:40If you want a carpet, buy one from us.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Oh, good, that is.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Why haven't you got an ad on the radio, Geraint?
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Traffic wardens don't normally advertise on the radio, Brenda.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55Yes, we're sitting pretty financially.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Despite his mother's best efforts.
0:05:57 > 0:06:02She spends like water, doesn't she? She pours it all down the drain, doesn't she?
0:06:06 > 0:06:08I said your mother's a waste of space, isn't she?
0:06:14 > 0:06:19Geraint, why don't you go down the phone box and call Gorwel? He's nearly half an hour late.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22- Haven't you got a telephone fitted yet?- No. No need.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Perfectly good public telephone only minutes away.
0:06:44 > 0:06:49'Dad always enjoyed a good walk, even in the coldest weather.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53'Most mornings we walked two miles to school.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57'It was only a mile away, but he went a long way round on purpose.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26'Even putting the number in took quite a while.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30'To dial an international number, you'd have to put most of the day aside.'
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Hello, is Gorwel there?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Right-o.
0:07:54 > 0:07:59- All that walking and he wasn't there.- Well, never mind.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Had a nice chat with his flatmate.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06- Why can't people have their own phones?- Sorry?
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Why can't people just have a tiny little phone?
0:08:09 > 0:08:12So you could fit it in your pocket and take it everywhere you go?
0:08:12 > 0:08:15- HE CHORTLES - Ah, kids!
0:08:17 > 0:08:21- You should make him put a phone in, Bren.- Oh, you know Geraint.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Anything new, he's suspicious.
0:08:23 > 0:08:28Phones, ovens, inside toilet. Outside toilet, even.
0:08:28 > 0:08:33- How do you manage?- The neighbours have put a party line. I go in there and use that sometimes.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36There's no privacy with party lines, though. You hear all sorts of gossip.
0:08:36 > 0:08:41Keep ourselves to ourselves round here. We're not gossips.
0:08:41 > 0:08:46All I know is that Mrs Evans is having an affair with the man who came round to do the grouting.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50They talk Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and he calls her "Sexy Nick".
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Yes, well, you should definitely make him put a phone in.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55You've got to embrace new technology.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Do you know what I got this year?
0:08:57 > 0:08:59- A toaster that can do four slices at once.- Oh!
0:08:59 > 0:09:03But then mum moved out, and I lost my appetite.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06I can eat four.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Ah, here's Gorwel.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17'Uncle Gorwel was dad's younger brother.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21'He'd had a chequered past. He was now having a chequered present.'
0:09:21 > 0:09:23HE COUGHS
0:09:23 > 0:09:25- Oh!- Here he is.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Compliments of the season.
0:09:27 > 0:09:34- 'Uncle Gorwel was a bit like Father Christmas, in that we only saw him once a year.'- Huw.
0:09:34 > 0:09:35Gorwel?
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Who's having a whisky then?
0:09:38 > 0:09:41You are, I should imagine.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45'But he was unlike Father Christmas in that he drank whisky for breakfast
0:09:45 > 0:09:50'and had once been detained overnight for streaking at the Royal Welsh Show.'
0:09:50 > 0:09:54I managed to hitch a lift here in the end, back of someone's van, like.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Who was it?
0:09:56 > 0:09:57I'm not sure.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59They didn't know I was there.
0:09:59 > 0:10:04- How are you keeping then, Gorwel? - Oh, not bad! Not bad at all.
0:10:04 > 0:10:09No run-ins with the law recently. No more fights with lollipop ladies.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11HE CHORTLES
0:10:11 > 0:10:16- It's been a fairly quiet year. - So, where you living?- I've got a nice little place down by the coast.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20- You bought it?- Not bought it bought it, more like a rental.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23What do you mean "like a rental"?
0:10:23 > 0:10:27Well, I'm living in someone else's place, but it differs from a rental
0:10:27 > 0:10:30because the owners don't technically know that I'm there, like.
0:10:30 > 0:10:35- You're squatting? - If you want to call it that.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Still, I expect it's a nice house, though, is it?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40It's not a house house exactly.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43- Flat?- Aquarium.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47So, you're squatting in an aquarium?
0:10:47 > 0:10:51That's about the size of it. But it's a good aquarium, mind.
0:10:51 > 0:10:52Got a shark.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Anyway, enough here.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Gorwel's ship's about to come in.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01I've got a nice little trick up my sleeve.
0:11:05 > 0:11:11Licence to print money. 10-1 on a white Christmas. 10 quid on.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15If it snows tomorrow, hello! I'm up 100 quid.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Have you considered this might be why you're struggling?
0:11:18 > 0:11:21All these harebrained schemes.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25- You call starting a car showroom a harebrained scheme, do you, Huw? - I didn't know you did that.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29Mm-hm. Me and a couple of boys getting it started.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32- Where are the cars going to come from?- That's the only obstacle at the minute,
0:11:32 > 0:11:35but we're well on the way to getting a room.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39You need more of a business plan, Gorwel. Under this Government...
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Don't mention them in this house.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45Under this government, people with business sense are being rewarded.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Good business is making money at last.
0:11:48 > 0:11:49That's the Tories.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53Good business is making money and everyone else can go to hell.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Not for long, mind. We are going to get those flaming Tories out.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Just you wait till the election.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01I'll be down there, voting them out.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04I'll be down there, standing up for the working man.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07We'll show them that Joe Public is not to be trifled with!
0:12:07 > 0:12:10We'll all stand together!
0:12:13 > 0:12:16But, Gorwel, the election's already happened.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22- Has it?- Yes, it was in June.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24The Conservatives won by a landslide.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Oh. Hmm.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30I was unconscious for a couple of days around then, Bren.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Must have passed me by, like.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41Right! Well, you two better get yourselves up to bed.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Make sure you get a good night's sleep.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47- Father Christmas only comes when you're sleeping.- Why?
0:12:47 > 0:12:49I didn't make the rules, Owain.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52I just abide by them. Good night.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54Boys.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58- Good night, boys.- Good night, boys.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03'After we went to bed, Christmas Eve really got going.'
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Time for a bit of Max, I think.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09'We'd hear drinking and high spirits.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11'And then the sound of Max Boyce.
0:13:11 > 0:13:16'I could never really understand who Max Boyce was or why he shouted so much.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18'I assumed he was a PE teacher.'
0:13:19 > 0:13:22THEY SING IN WELSH
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Madhouse!
0:13:34 > 0:13:40'I never knew quite what to say to Maurice. And he never knew quite what to say to me.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43'So we would mostly just look at each other.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47'After four or five hours of this, it started to drag a bit.'
0:13:47 > 0:13:49ALL: Oi! Oi! Oi!
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Seems pretty quiet up there.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57- Maybe they're getting a good night's sleep.- No-o, like!
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Thick as thieves, those two.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02If I know Maurice, he will be up to some mischief.
0:14:07 > 0:14:14Do you think if you're blind, you still need to have your eyes shut for Father Christmas to come?
0:14:19 > 0:14:21SNORING
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Bummer.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52'Because of Uncle Gorwel's faith that one day we'd have a white Christmas,
0:14:52 > 0:14:56'he gave us sledges every year. I had a cupboard full.'
0:14:56 > 0:14:59It would've been a better present, if it had snowed, like.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Thank you anyway, Uncle Gorwel.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06Hm. I feel like I should give you something else really.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Oh, don't be silly!
0:15:07 > 0:15:10If either of you want my shirt.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14Oh, Gorwel, they will be fine with the sledges.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18- I've got a ball here. - They'll be fine with the sledges. - Right you are.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22And for the lovely Brenda...
0:15:22 > 0:15:25'Years ago, Gorwel had made cheese on toast for my parents,
0:15:25 > 0:15:30'and, to be polite, my mother pretended she loved cheese, even though she hated it.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34'She was still paying for this mistake.'
0:15:34 > 0:15:38- Cheeses of Asia. - Getting closer to the full set.
0:15:38 > 0:15:39Fantastic!
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Thanks, Dad!
0:15:41 > 0:15:46Yes, and while we wait ten years for that to be set up, welcome to the future.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49What on earth is that when it's at home?
0:15:49 > 0:15:53This is the Sinclair Spectrum ZX.
0:15:53 > 0:15:58- This is the greatest computer of all time.- What do you do with it?
0:15:58 > 0:16:02You play games with it, that's what! This is the big thing now. Look!
0:16:02 > 0:16:04He's been wanting one of these all year.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06He's beside himself.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09I've got a load of games to go with it.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11There's Sublime Soccer.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Mind-blowing Golf Challenge 3,
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Space Invaders, More Space Invaders,
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Space Invaders Are Back, Space Invaders Return Once More...
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Persistent, aren't they, the old Space Invaders?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Planning Permission.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28"You get to play a civil servant.
0:16:28 > 0:16:34You'll have to read applications, process paperwork and make decisions to shape the future of your town."
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Let's get this up, shall we?
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Hey, I was watching that!
0:16:43 > 0:16:45- Sorry, what was it? - Brookside on Channel 4.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49Ah, I heard that most people who watch Channel 4 are Marxist and homosexual.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51What is it about this Brookside?
0:16:51 > 0:16:55It's about a group of people living in Liverpool having all these problems.
0:16:55 > 0:17:00You can see that any time. Let's get the old Spectrum set up then, eh?
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Get ready to see the future.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Does it always take this long?
0:17:29 > 0:17:33No. There must be wrong with the speed of your television.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43'Ere are! It's doing something now.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47- HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING - Good! Come on!
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Right!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52OK, it's obviously a faulty tape.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Let's try Ultimate Fishing.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING
0:18:08 > 0:18:12Right then, while we're waiting, shall we crack on with the game?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- Have we got two players? - Stay where you are, Morris.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Can't we just have a quick game, and then...
0:18:20 > 0:18:23then we'll go straight back to the computer.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27I will sue them for every penny.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29They'll rue the day...
0:18:29 > 0:18:32God help them if they ever come to me for a carpet!
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Right, then, Subbuteo. How it's played is this,
0:18:35 > 0:18:38you get eleven players each...
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Mum!
0:18:40 > 0:18:41You've got your five players each.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45- Oh, Brenda! - Well, who put those down there?
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Little men on the floor.
0:18:47 > 0:18:52What are with the South Wales Toys and Collectibles Museum? Madhouse!
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Psst!
0:18:57 > 0:19:00I've still got that ball.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Hm! Nice to hear them having fun, isn't it?
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Sometimes it's the simple things, eh?
0:19:37 > 0:19:39MUSICAL BLEEPING
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Oh, my God! The computers working!
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Morris!
0:19:45 > 0:19:46Morris!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Morris, come in here and play Planning Permission.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53- I think they're happy with the ball, Huw.- All right, I'll play.
0:19:53 > 0:20:00I'll play the flippin' thing! "Press X to be a local council official, or Y to start off as the secretary."
0:20:01 > 0:20:03X.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22# God rest you merry gentlemen
0:20:22 > 0:20:24# Let nothing you dismay
0:20:24 > 0:20:26# Remember Christ our saviour... #
0:20:26 > 0:20:32Christmas 1986, and quite a lot had changed in our neighbourhood in the past few years.
0:20:32 > 0:20:37The miners had gone on strike and stopped producing coal, the nation was thrown into chaos.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Dad had gone on strike too for a few days to show solidarity,
0:20:40 > 0:20:44but as he was a traffic warden people were mostly pretty pleased.
0:20:44 > 0:20:49Right, just turn it by 18 or 19 degrees.
0:20:49 > 0:20:56- I said 18 or 19. That's nearly 30. - I don't understand why we waited till Christmas Eve to get the thing.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Yeah? It's not you that has to Hoover up its needles for 24 days.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Why not wait them till after Christmas?
0:21:02 > 0:21:07You want people to think we like walking around up to our ankles in forest? What are we, bears?
0:21:07 > 0:21:11Might as well be talking to myself, here.
0:21:11 > 0:21:16Right, I've put bleach in the toilet so try and hold it in, please.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18And no going in the fridge.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20What, no peeing in the fridge?
0:21:24 > 0:21:26What were you watching?
0:21:26 > 0:21:28The Snowman.
0:21:28 > 0:21:29What happened?
0:21:29 > 0:21:32Kid builds a snowman, they fly about, it melts.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Any good?
0:21:34 > 0:21:38Didn't think much of it, to be honest. Far-fetched.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Here come the Cadwallader boys.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Looks like they've been recruiting.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54# God rest you merry gentlemen
0:21:54 > 0:21:55# Let nothing you dismay... #
0:21:55 > 0:21:58If they upset your Nativity, Owen, I'll castrate them.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03I'll go out and make sure they only sing the one song this year.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05We're not made of money.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11- Plus 45p VAT.- VAT?
0:22:11 > 0:22:16- We're trading as a limited company these days. It's more tax-efficient. - Don't I pay enough rates as it is?
0:22:16 > 0:22:20Merry Christmas! See you next year. We'll confirm in November.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24We're widening our catchment area so it could be any time from the 23rd onwards.
0:22:24 > 0:22:25Merry Christmas.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29Right, boys, Gregory Street. Once In Royal David's City. Let's go! Let's go!
0:22:29 > 0:22:33'As always, Uncle Huw and Maurice had brought the next big thing with them.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37'The year before they'd given me a truck that turned into a robot.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39'Didn't think much of it. Impractical.'
0:22:39 > 0:22:44I did try to get hold of you to see if you wanted anything, but obviously you still don't have a telephone.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Geraint still doesn't see the point.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Phone box up the hill still works perfectly well, thank you very much.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54What about that time those lads jammed an Opal Fruit in the coin slot?
0:22:54 > 0:22:57We couldn't call anyone for a month!
0:22:57 > 0:23:00- No-one died.- My Auntie Rita did! We missed the funeral!
0:23:00 > 0:23:02All right, one person died.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05You really should get one fitted, Geraint.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Huw, you call someone, they charge you for it.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11You call someone else and they charge you for that. Never ends.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15You're behind the times, Geraint. We live in a capitalist society now.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17You wait till Kinnock gets in.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Conservatives'll be back.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Over my dead body.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24I don't know one person in this town who votes Tory.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27They reckon under the Tories we've all got a lot more income than before.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31- We can afford more luxury goods. - Oh, I love a luxury good.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Nonsense, "luxury goods".
0:23:33 > 0:23:38Machine that washes dishes, computers, phone line in every house. What is this, Dallas?
0:23:38 > 0:23:43I don't care who it is, Labour or the flaming Tories! They're all the bloody same, these politicians!
0:23:43 > 0:23:48Whether it's Thatcher or the ginge, I'll still be sleeping in a beach hut, living off Coco Pops!
0:23:48 > 0:23:51No-one cares for the working man!
0:23:51 > 0:23:55Yes, but you're not a working man, though, are you, Gorwel. You haven't got a job.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58No, I suppose not.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02No. Who's having a whisky, then?
0:24:02 > 0:24:06You are, I imagine.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09Anyway, another good year.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13The highlight, of course, was thoroughly shafting his mother in the courtrooms.
0:24:13 > 0:24:19Normally it's the mum that gets the upper hand in court, but not this time. Bang!
0:24:19 > 0:24:21I get custody!
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Bang! She's gets rented accommodation, eh, kiddo? Eh?
0:24:24 > 0:24:28She hasn't got her own bathroom any more, has she, eh? Eh?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30You're a bit quiet, there, Maurice.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33All right, son?
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Course he's all right.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- He's doing excellently at school. - So's Owen.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43Maurice captained the Meccano team.
0:24:43 > 0:24:48Owen got to the quarter-finals of Plasticine '86, didn't you, pal?
0:24:48 > 0:24:53Maurice's teacher says that he's not showing any ill-effects at all from being in a one-parent family.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57Didn't she, Maurice? Maurice!
0:25:00 > 0:25:03'Maurice was as quiet as usual.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06'But he'd started to seem a bit more threatening.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09'I decided it might be an idea to stay on his good side.'
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Going through one of those phases. You know,
0:25:11 > 0:25:16that's what they're like. They er... First of all they idolise you, then they react against you.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19When exactly did he idolise you, Huw?
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Until he started listening to that...
0:25:22 > 0:25:24homosexual music.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27He loves his art and his woodwork, that boy.
0:25:27 > 0:25:32- That Nativity scene's his pride and joy. Obsessed with it, isn't he? - Yes.
0:25:32 > 0:25:33Why'd you make that?
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Got me out of playing rugby.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44- Still believe in Father Christmas? - Dunno. Do you?
0:25:44 > 0:25:46I dunno.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48My father said he doesn't come round our house.
0:25:48 > 0:25:53He said, "I'm not letting some git with a white beard get all the credit.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56"I sold a lot of rugs to get you that train set".
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Trouble with art, though -
0:25:59 > 0:26:03- there's no money in it.- Oh, there's money in it if you steal it.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Me and some of the boys looked into nicking the Mona Lisa.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10Down Paris, like. Swines have got it behind a screen now.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13Spoil sports.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17Anyway... I bet you're wondering what's in that box.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21Well, this year, I decided to get you a little Christmas Eve present.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28This is an artificial tree.
0:26:28 > 0:26:32- What's the point of that?- No more pine needles on the floor, Ben, messing it up, the carpets.
0:26:32 > 0:26:37Oh, d'you know, I've been on at Geraint to do something about the pine needle problem for years.
0:26:37 > 0:26:42- Well, eventually, they reckon these will replace real trees in forests. - Oh, really?!
0:26:46 > 0:26:48And no smell.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Beautiful.
0:26:55 > 0:27:01Right. Just turn it 30 to 35 degrees anti-clockwise. No, anti-clockwise.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04I don't understand why we can't just have both trees.
0:27:04 > 0:27:09You want people to think that we're so greedy we have two trees? What are we, an arboretum?
0:27:14 > 0:27:17This is going to be my year, this. I can feel it.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19100 quid on a white Christmas.
0:27:19 > 0:27:26One flake of snow falls tomorrow, they'll owe. A grand, like.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30- Where did you get £100?- I got one of those business loans off the social.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33I told them I wanted a hundred quid to start a DIY company.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36So, you defrauded the social services.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Well, it was half-true, like.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41I did want a hundred quid.
0:27:44 > 0:27:48Anyway, snow comes down overnight, I've got the equipment to deal with it.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Who's having a whisky?
0:27:54 > 0:27:57- You are, I imagine. - What's castrate mean?
0:27:57 > 0:27:58Sorry, Owen?
0:27:58 > 0:28:03You said you'd castrate whoever knocked over my Nativity.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05- What's castrate mean? - Well, it's erm...
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Well, it's erm...
0:28:07 > 0:28:10It's er...
0:28:10 > 0:28:14- Like a haircut. - Yeah, it's er...your hair...
0:28:14 > 0:28:17Except with your knackers.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25THEY SING IN WELSH
0:28:52 > 0:28:56- Oi! Oi!- Hey, we've not heard a peep out of them all night.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59I bet you they're up there plotting something now.
0:29:06 > 0:29:09# Hang the DJ
0:29:09 > 0:29:11# Hang the DJ
0:29:11 > 0:29:14# Hang the DJ... #
0:29:20 > 0:29:24It's stupid, Christmas. We're all just going to die in the end anyway.
0:29:24 > 0:29:28'Maurice had started talking quite a bit about death.
0:29:28 > 0:29:31'On a whole, I think I preferred it when he didn't say anything.'
0:29:35 > 0:29:36THEY SNORE
0:30:00 > 0:30:02Bum.
0:30:08 > 0:30:10THEY ALL CHATTER
0:30:15 > 0:30:17Ready? One, two, three!
0:30:18 > 0:30:22Oh, yes! That's four times in five years.
0:30:22 > 0:30:24Could have made a few quid out of that stuff.
0:30:24 > 0:30:28Never mind. Roll on next year, I will have you.
0:30:28 > 0:30:31Well, who wants some more potatoes?
0:30:31 > 0:30:33Aw, no, thanks.
0:30:33 > 0:30:36- I've got 67 left. - Ah, Brenda, please.
0:30:36 > 0:30:38I'll take a doggy bag off you.
0:30:38 > 0:30:41Last time it saw me through till February.
0:30:41 > 0:30:45We'll keep the Christmas pudding until after the Queen's Speech.
0:30:45 > 0:30:48- Good idea. - Have you got a colour TV yet?
0:30:48 > 0:30:51No, Geraint still isn't convinced.
0:30:51 > 0:30:54Ours has got 2 million colours.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57- Which ones? - Red, yellow, all the greats.
0:30:57 > 0:31:00- Two is enough for me. - Brings things to life.
0:31:00 > 0:31:03Did you know Lenny Henry is a black fella?
0:31:03 > 0:31:06- I tell you what programme I like, the EastEnders.- What's that about?
0:31:06 > 0:31:09People living in London having all these problems.
0:31:09 > 0:31:13- Oh, I'll look out for that. - You haven't got a television.
0:31:13 > 0:31:15I've got a trick up my sleeve.
0:31:15 > 0:31:20What I do, I go down the TV shop and watch it through the window.
0:31:20 > 0:31:24- You get to see it 20 times that way! - But you can't hear what they say.
0:31:24 > 0:31:26Oh, I get the gist of it.
0:31:26 > 0:31:30I saw most of the World Cup and Last Night Of The Proms.
0:31:30 > 0:31:33You can hardly watch The Proms without hearing the sound.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36Actually, I never enjoyed it so much!
0:31:41 > 0:31:44Listen up, this is simple.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47If you get more than half the balls, you've won.
0:31:47 > 0:31:50Our side of the family is all about winning.
0:31:50 > 0:31:54This year, I carpeted Shirley Bassey's bathroom whilst your mother is now a dinner lady.
0:31:54 > 0:31:57We're winners.
0:31:57 > 0:31:59Right, fingers on hippos.
0:31:59 > 0:32:01Ready? Go!
0:32:01 > 0:32:07Keep hitting the lever. Keep hitting the lever. Keep hitting the lever. Keep hitting the lever.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10Mad house, this is.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13Keep hitting the lever!
0:32:13 > 0:32:19- Stop! Stop!- Let's count 'em up.
0:32:19 > 0:32:21Let's hope there was enough.
0:32:21 > 0:32:24- It was good. - Owen's hippo has 10 balls.
0:32:26 > 0:32:28Rhys's hippo has nine balls.
0:32:28 > 0:32:30Well done, Owen.
0:32:30 > 0:32:31Well, it's not about winning, is it?
0:32:31 > 0:32:35- There's meant to be 20 balls. - Cracking game that, lads.
0:32:35 > 0:32:37Who wants to play find my socks?
0:32:37 > 0:32:40There's mean to be 20 balls. There's obviously one ball missing.
0:32:40 > 0:32:43Now, who wants a bit of Christmas pudding?
0:32:43 > 0:32:45Never mind Christmas pudding!
0:32:45 > 0:32:50- Where's the 20th ball? It invalidates the result of the game.- Never mind.
0:32:50 > 0:32:52- Where is the other ball?- Leave it!
0:32:52 > 0:32:54There's meant to be 20 balls.
0:32:54 > 0:32:57If there's only 19 it turns Hungry Hippos into a complete farce!
0:32:57 > 0:33:00- We can call it a draw. - We could, could we?
0:33:00 > 0:33:06A safe little draw. A nice safe little draw and put our petticoats...
0:33:06 > 0:33:11- I'll give him petticoats.- No, sorry, we're going to have a rematch.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13- I don't think we should. - I bet you don't.
0:33:13 > 0:33:17You would rather say it was a safe draw and play with My Little Ponies.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20Actually, Huw,
0:33:20 > 0:33:21Owen won.
0:33:21 > 0:33:27He is offering you a draw out of charity.
0:33:27 > 0:33:30Charity?
0:33:30 > 0:33:32Well, I tell you what,
0:33:32 > 0:33:35at least I don't get my clothes from a charity shop.
0:33:35 > 0:33:36Oh, do something, Geraint.
0:33:36 > 0:33:40- It's just a bit of fun.- I might not have a lot of money, right,
0:33:40 > 0:33:44but what I do do have I didn't get by screwing up my
0:33:44 > 0:33:49marriage and then screwing over my wife in court. No offence, Maurice!
0:33:49 > 0:33:54At least I earn my money by providing carpets,
0:33:54 > 0:33:59rather than getting sacked from a meat processing plant for stealing sheep and selling them second hand.
0:33:59 > 0:34:02One! I stole one sheep.
0:34:02 > 0:34:06At least I've got a nice big house, big enough for a television and a toilet.
0:34:06 > 0:34:11At least I learned how to use a toilet rather than wetting the bed until I was 15!
0:34:11 > 0:34:1313!
0:34:13 > 0:34:17- I was 13. - Oh, yes, this is just a bit of fun.
0:34:17 > 0:34:21Right! You and I are going to settle this once and for all.
0:34:21 > 0:34:23Let's have it!
0:34:27 > 0:34:29- Take a hippo.- I don't think... - Shut it!
0:34:32 > 0:34:34I said...
0:34:34 > 0:34:36take a hippo.
0:34:45 > 0:34:47On three.
0:34:56 > 0:34:59- One, two...- Ha, ha, ha!
0:35:04 > 0:35:06The pudding!
0:35:06 > 0:35:09Fire! That's a fire!
0:35:09 > 0:35:12- Don't just stand there! - Wrap yourselves in a carpet.
0:35:12 > 0:35:16I set a mate of mine on fire once and they wrapped him in a carpet.
0:35:16 > 0:35:18- We're not on fire. - We will be in a minute.
0:35:18 > 0:35:19Stand back!
0:35:22 > 0:35:29A glass of water is no good, Geraint! Stay where you are!
0:35:29 > 0:35:32- Call 999! - Has anyone got 10p for the phone?
0:35:32 > 0:35:37- The bloody tree! We're done for! We're going to die!- Can anyone change a pound note?- We're all dead men!
0:35:37 > 0:35:39- I need change.- We are dead!
0:35:39 > 0:35:45- Where's Mum gone?- I love you, Maurice, my dead son! - Stand back!
0:35:58 > 0:36:00- Bren, you saved our life. - Good work, Bren.
0:36:00 > 0:36:02Aargh!
0:36:14 > 0:36:17The fire was already out, Gorwel.
0:36:18 > 0:36:21Better safe than sorry, Bren.
0:36:25 > 0:36:27Not now, Geraint.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33Trivial Pursuit?
0:36:33 > 0:36:35Easy, careful you don't knock it.
0:36:35 > 0:36:37OK.
0:36:40 > 0:36:42Just six degrees more.
0:36:42 > 0:36:44Six, mind. Don't go mad.
0:36:48 > 0:36:52# Hark, the herald angels sing
0:36:52 > 0:36:55# Glory to... #
0:36:55 > 0:37:01'Christmas 1989, the '80s were coming to an end, a terrible recession was around the corner.
0:37:01 > 0:37:04'It was a time of revolution, the Berlin Wall had just come down -
0:37:04 > 0:37:08'it inspired many people to dream of change.
0:37:08 > 0:37:10'It inspired Dad to take down the fence in the garden.
0:37:10 > 0:37:14'We had got a video player and even a telephone.'
0:37:14 > 0:37:19At the third stroke it will be 3.13 precisely.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24'But we were only allowed to use it for emergencies.
0:37:24 > 0:37:28'And we had to make sure all emergencies happened after 6pm.'
0:37:28 > 0:37:31Who's been using this phone?
0:37:31 > 0:37:34Essential calls only, please.
0:37:34 > 0:37:38I might as well be talking to myself, here.
0:37:51 > 0:37:55'Mum was still cleaning like a maniac or, she called it, maintaining standards.
0:37:55 > 0:37:58'It's funny what you think is normal when you are young.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01'It wasn't till my first week at university that I realised
0:38:01 > 0:38:03'I was the only person who brought his own tea-towels.'
0:38:36 > 0:38:40- What you watching?- Ben Hur.
0:38:40 > 0:38:47- What happened? - Ben Hur was a Jewish prince, sold into slavery, endured many hardships
0:38:47 > 0:38:54and great suffering before returning to take revenge in one of the most expensive closing scenes ever made.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57All in Technicolor.
0:38:57 > 0:38:59- Any good?- Didn't think much of it, to be honest.
0:38:59 > 0:39:02No, we didn't think much of it.
0:39:02 > 0:39:03Long.
0:39:03 > 0:39:08One day it'll be me sitting around with my feet up watching people being sold into slavery.
0:39:08 > 0:39:10DOORBELL RINGS
0:39:12 > 0:39:15Well, I never.
0:39:15 > 0:39:17The cheek of it.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20Your brothers are five minutes early.
0:39:20 > 0:39:26What do they think we are, a drive-in cinema? Come on, you two. Chop-chop. Look lively.
0:39:30 > 0:39:33What was really moving about spending time with Tom Jones,
0:39:33 > 0:39:40a man who's had the hits he's had and the underwear thrown at him, is that underneath it all, he is just a man.
0:39:40 > 0:39:43A man with a pair of trousers on. Like you or me.
0:39:43 > 0:39:46Does something smell funny in here?
0:39:46 > 0:39:50At one point we were on the veranda and he turned to me, Tom Jones, and you know what he said?
0:39:50 > 0:39:53"Pass us those biscuits."
0:39:53 > 0:39:54That's right. Eats biscuits.
0:39:54 > 0:39:56Just like you or I eat biscuits.
0:39:56 > 0:39:58Can someone smell something sort of...?
0:39:58 > 0:40:01And that's what you notice about really great men.
0:40:01 > 0:40:04Humility. At one point we were in his swimming pool,
0:40:04 > 0:40:06I was on his lilo - shaped like a crocodile -
0:40:06 > 0:40:10just like a normal person's lilo. He turned to me, Tom Jones...
0:40:10 > 0:40:14I'm sorry to interrupt you but I think something smells funny under this tree.
0:40:14 > 0:40:17- SHE SNIFFS - Oh!
0:40:17 > 0:40:21- That's my gift to you, that is, Bren.- Oh!
0:40:21 > 0:40:23It might be edible.
0:40:24 > 0:40:26I look forward to tomorrow.
0:40:26 > 0:40:29It might be the biggest Stilton in Wales, like.
0:40:30 > 0:40:32Gosh!
0:40:32 > 0:40:36Anyway, I suppose the point I'm trying to make about Tom Jones,
0:40:36 > 0:40:39if I am trying to make a point at all, is above all...
0:40:39 > 0:40:44I won a competition back in the 70s to spend a day with Jimmy Saville.
0:40:44 > 0:40:46He hardly compares to Tom Jones, does he?
0:40:46 > 0:40:49- No.- Good. Right, well...
0:40:49 > 0:40:53He was running a marathon the week after so we didn't get up to much.
0:40:53 > 0:40:56A bit of circuit training, press-ups.
0:40:56 > 0:41:00I don't think that was worth interrupting me for, do you?
0:41:02 > 0:41:04Oh gosh, Maurice, you are getting tall.
0:41:04 > 0:41:08Yes, he's had a terrific year of growing. Very impressive year.
0:41:08 > 0:41:10Obviously eating all his greens.
0:41:10 > 0:41:15No, not just greens - all sorts. I've had a lady in to cook.
0:41:15 > 0:41:16Housekeeper?
0:41:19 > 0:41:20Girlfriend.
0:41:23 > 0:41:24Maurice, put the tape on.
0:41:27 > 0:41:29Come on, you big lump.
0:41:31 > 0:41:32Where did you meet her?
0:41:32 > 0:41:36Ah, put one or two...
0:41:36 > 0:41:38You know, one or two personal ads in the...
0:41:38 > 0:41:41Been advertising in the lonely hearts, have you, Huw?
0:41:41 > 0:41:45- They're called personal ads these days.- Oh, aye.
0:41:45 > 0:41:47What did you put about yourself, Huw?
0:41:47 > 0:41:50Very rich, highly sexual man, as heard on radio advert.
0:41:50 > 0:41:54Has a large workforce, hires and fires at the drop of a hat.
0:41:54 > 0:41:56Knows Tom James and has been on Jones's lilo.
0:41:56 > 0:41:58Would like to meet a woman with a high sense of hygiene.
0:41:58 > 0:42:02Shush! It's starting.
0:42:02 > 0:42:04I'll tell you later on.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09Oggy, Oggy, Oggy!
0:42:09 > 0:42:10Oy, Oy, Oy!
0:42:10 > 0:42:11Oy, Oy, Oy!
0:42:11 > 0:42:14Shush, Maurice.
0:42:17 > 0:42:21He's going through one of those phases, you know.
0:42:21 > 0:42:24Listening to all this American music and having thoughts.
0:42:27 > 0:42:33THEY SING ALONG
0:42:54 > 0:42:57It didn't work out too well.
0:42:59 > 0:43:01Sorry.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17'Looking back, I wonder if I'm exaggerating
0:43:17 > 0:43:19'some of the things mum did around the house.
0:43:19 > 0:43:22'Either that, or by this time she was starting to get a bit...
0:43:22 > 0:43:24'well...
0:43:24 > 0:43:25'odd.'
0:43:50 > 0:43:52Number 30, the Preeces.
0:43:53 > 0:43:56OK, We Wish You A Merry Christmas.
0:43:56 > 0:43:57Remember to smile.
0:43:57 > 0:43:59One, two, three, four...
0:43:59 > 0:44:02# We Wish You A Merry Christmas
0:44:02 > 0:44:03# We Wish You A Merry Christmas
0:44:03 > 0:44:06# We Wish You a Merry Christmas... #
0:44:06 > 0:44:11Blimey, they're here. Where's the cheque book?
0:44:11 > 0:44:13I tidied it.
0:44:15 > 0:44:17Where is the blasted thing?
0:44:17 > 0:44:19I tidied it away.
0:44:19 > 0:44:23I'm sure things in this house just
0:44:23 > 0:44:26sprout legs and walk away.
0:44:26 > 0:44:29I might as well be talking to myself here.
0:44:29 > 0:44:33And I wish you'd stop wishing us a merry Christmas. Oh!
0:44:35 > 0:44:36Ah, got it!
0:44:36 > 0:44:38What's that flaming racket?
0:44:38 > 0:44:42They come every year. You're normally too late to see them.
0:44:42 > 0:44:45Get rid of them, will you? We're missing Max, here.
0:44:45 > 0:44:48- You can pause it. - It wears the tape out.
0:44:48 > 0:44:50Just stop it and start again.
0:44:50 > 0:44:52It wears the tape out.
0:44:52 > 0:44:56- Well, can we just watch it another...- For God's sake, man, think of the tape.
0:45:02 > 0:45:08# We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year. #
0:45:08 > 0:45:10Very nice. Merry Christmas.
0:45:10 > 0:45:14Now, we're going to do some new stuff. This is Mull of Kintyre.
0:45:14 > 0:45:16Whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:45:16 > 0:45:18That's not a Christmas song.
0:45:18 > 0:45:20We found the whole Christmas thing a bit limiting.
0:45:20 > 0:45:24We see ourselves more as a group who outgrew the Christmas market.
0:45:24 > 0:45:28This is our debut compact disc. It's not out till next year,
0:45:28 > 0:45:31but if you buy it off us now it's 50p cheaper.
0:45:31 > 0:45:33We're trying to watch a video in there. Can I just...?
0:45:33 > 0:45:35Well, if you're not interested in the new stuff,
0:45:35 > 0:45:39will leave you with one of our classics - The Holly And The Ivy.
0:45:39 > 0:45:40Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop!
0:45:40 > 0:45:43# The holly and the ivy
0:45:43 > 0:45:45# When they are both full grown
0:45:45 > 0:45:48# Of all the trees that are in the wood
0:45:48 > 0:45:50# The holly bears the crown... #
0:45:50 > 0:45:53What's he doing out there? We're missing Max here.
0:45:56 > 0:45:59I'm going to shut them up myself in a minute!
0:45:59 > 0:46:02- Yeah, yeah, you're all talk, you are.- What's that, Huw?
0:46:02 > 0:46:05You, you're all talk. You're not going to do anything.
0:46:05 > 0:46:08Here we go,
0:46:08 > 0:46:10the traditional conversation, right.
0:46:10 > 0:46:14Gorwel never achieves anything.
0:46:14 > 0:46:16Gorwel had to sell some of his clothes this year.
0:46:16 > 0:46:18Leave him alone. Never mind.
0:46:18 > 0:46:21You're right, Huw. I am all talk.
0:46:21 > 0:46:27I'm just an idiot who spends all his money buying novelty cheeses for his sister-in-law.
0:46:27 > 0:46:30I never do anything useful.
0:46:32 > 0:46:33I never do anything.
0:46:39 > 0:46:40Anything except this.
0:46:42 > 0:46:43Gorwel!
0:46:45 > 0:46:47WHISTLE BLOWS
0:46:47 > 0:46:49That's enough, thank you.
0:46:49 > 0:46:51- Bye-bye.- Hey, what are you doing?
0:46:51 > 0:46:54Someone's got to stop 'em. Why can't it be Gorwel?
0:46:54 > 0:46:56Where did you get that whistle from?
0:46:56 > 0:46:59I carry it for situations like this.
0:47:00 > 0:47:04Do you realise that disturbing the peace is a crime?
0:47:04 > 0:47:07Do you realise that singing badly is a crime, too?
0:47:07 > 0:47:11- Do you know who you're talking to? - Yes.
0:47:11 > 0:47:13I'm talking to you,
0:47:13 > 0:47:17and quite frankly I've had just about enough of your racket.
0:47:17 > 0:47:19I'm trying to watch Max Boyce!
0:47:19 > 0:47:21Who the hell wants to watch Max Boyce?
0:47:23 > 0:47:26I'll give you one chance to take that back, boy.
0:47:26 > 0:47:28Is he even still alive?
0:47:28 > 0:47:31You don't say that about Max.
0:47:31 > 0:47:33You don't do that.
0:47:35 > 0:47:37SHOUTING AND SCUFFLING
0:47:37 > 0:47:39Watch the nativity!
0:47:39 > 0:47:41SHOUTING
0:47:43 > 0:47:47- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! - Hold me back! Hold me back!
0:47:55 > 0:47:58Oh, my giddy aunt!
0:47:58 > 0:48:00Can I go out?
0:48:00 > 0:48:01No. Watch Max Boyce, please.
0:48:01 > 0:48:03I don't understand the jokes.
0:48:03 > 0:48:05I have never understood the jokes,
0:48:05 > 0:48:07but you don't hear me complaining, do you?
0:48:07 > 0:48:10It's all about the old days.
0:48:10 > 0:48:13The 1970s is not the old days, is it, Huw?
0:48:13 > 0:48:14No.
0:48:20 > 0:48:23Wales has gone soft. It's gone soft, I tell you.
0:48:23 > 0:48:27You can't punch anyone. You can't kick a man's tambourine.
0:48:27 > 0:48:28How much did you have to pay?
0:48:28 > 0:48:33Because it was Christmas they let me off with 50 quid bail, like.
0:48:33 > 0:48:36Plus another 50 for four taxis to the hospital.
0:48:38 > 0:48:40And 20 quid to the tambourine bloke...
0:48:41 > 0:48:42..for his tambourine.
0:48:42 > 0:48:45And where are you going to find that sort of money?
0:48:45 > 0:48:48I got a little trick up my sleeve.
0:48:48 > 0:48:51A little trick called not paying it.
0:48:51 > 0:48:55- They'll catch up with you. - I'll be all right.
0:48:55 > 0:48:59The boys down the aquarium will have me back, I'm sure of it.
0:49:00 > 0:49:02I can lend you the money, Gorwel.
0:49:07 > 0:49:08I can't take your money, Huw.
0:49:08 > 0:49:11Oh.
0:49:11 > 0:49:12OK.
0:49:15 > 0:49:19Well, thinking about it, I, er... I might be able to take it.
0:49:19 > 0:49:21Right, well...
0:49:22 > 0:49:24Offer's there.
0:49:24 > 0:49:28The more I consider it, the more I feel I could definitely take the money.
0:49:30 > 0:49:32Good.
0:49:52 > 0:49:53Right.
0:49:55 > 0:49:57Who's having a whisky?
0:49:57 > 0:50:01I don't think you should have any more, Gorwel.
0:50:01 > 0:50:05I don't think so either, but here we go.
0:50:07 > 0:50:12'I couldn't work out how Maurice had got so big that he hardly fitted in the room.
0:50:12 > 0:50:14'Or how his hair had got like that.
0:50:14 > 0:50:17'I wondered if a similar thing might happen to me.
0:50:17 > 0:50:21'Still, we got along as well as usual.'
0:50:26 > 0:50:29SNORING
0:50:48 > 0:50:51Snow!
0:50:51 > 0:50:53Snow!
0:50:53 > 0:50:57GORWELL YELLS
0:50:59 > 0:51:02Snow! HE LAUGHS
0:51:03 > 0:51:05THEY LAUGH
0:51:05 > 0:51:07# Gorwel Rhys has
0:51:07 > 0:51:09# Gorwel Rhys has
0:51:09 > 0:51:11# Gorwel Rhys has won a grand!
0:51:11 > 0:51:17- # Gorwel Rhys has won a grand... # - A mad house, this is.
0:51:17 > 0:51:20- I've won a grand!- Get down, Gorwel! - I've won a grand!- Gorwel!
0:51:21 > 0:51:24When we finish with the presents, let's get sledging like.
0:51:24 > 0:51:26But the snow has melted.
0:51:26 > 0:51:29Oh, don't worry about that. We'll grease 'em up, and off we go.
0:51:29 > 0:51:32- I really don't think this is a good idea.- Trust me, Bren.
0:51:32 > 0:51:36I waited 15 years for it to snow, like.
0:51:36 > 0:51:38Every dog has its day.
0:51:38 > 0:51:41You're not an animal, Gorwel.
0:51:41 > 0:51:43I'm the closest thing we've got.
0:51:46 > 0:51:50- Come on, boys. - Geraint, we can't go tobogganing.
0:51:50 > 0:51:53Talk some sense into him, will you?
0:51:53 > 0:51:55Geraint!
0:52:00 > 0:52:01Er...Gorwel...
0:52:03 > 0:52:06Well, this is a stupid idea. I really don't think...
0:52:06 > 0:52:08Oh, you worry too much, Bren.
0:52:08 > 0:52:11Yes, well your problem is you don't worry enough, Gorwel.
0:52:11 > 0:52:14I can't be doing with that pessimism stuff.
0:52:14 > 0:52:17Who was it that said I'd never climbed Mount Everest,
0:52:17 > 0:52:20- or take over Blankety Blank? - But you haven't.
0:52:20 > 0:52:22Yet.
0:52:22 > 0:52:24- Oh!- Come on then, boys.
0:52:24 > 0:52:26Let's have it!
0:52:26 > 0:52:31Now the key to winning a sledge race is all about coming down that hill as fast as you can.
0:52:31 > 0:52:34You are going to go down the hill, down the hill.
0:52:34 > 0:52:37What you mustn't do is think about going up the hill.
0:52:37 > 0:52:39I'm not getting on the flaming sledge.
0:52:39 > 0:52:42Don't be ridiculous, boy. How else are you going to win a sledge race?
0:52:42 > 0:52:44You can't tell me what to do.
0:52:44 > 0:52:46Are you disobeying me, boy?
0:52:46 > 0:52:49I'm not a boy! I'm 16 in two weeks.
0:52:49 > 0:52:52I will decide when you're 16, thank you very much.
0:52:52 > 0:52:54Right now you're going to listen to me.
0:52:54 > 0:52:57Everybody here is waiting for you to get on that sledge.
0:52:57 > 0:53:00Do you want to be remembered as the one who spoilt everybody's fun?
0:53:00 > 0:53:02No-one else thinks we should sledge.
0:53:02 > 0:53:06Everyone except you and Gorwel wants to go home.
0:53:06 > 0:53:09What, so you know that, do you? You know what everybody wants, do you?
0:53:09 > 0:53:12Why don't you ask them? Go on. Let's have a vote.
0:53:12 > 0:53:15Who thinks that we should sledge down this hill?
0:53:15 > 0:53:18Well, I don't think much of the idea, to be honest.
0:53:18 > 0:53:21It's treacherous, but, well, if Owen wants to.
0:53:21 > 0:53:24I'm just worried that someone's going to get hurt,
0:53:24 > 0:53:27but if Owen's got his heart set on it then...
0:53:29 > 0:53:30I don't really fancy it.
0:53:32 > 0:53:33There you go. You see?
0:53:33 > 0:53:36No-one but you and Gorwel thinks that we should do it
0:53:36 > 0:53:40- and Gorwel's not right in the head. - How dare you say that towards your Uncle Gorwel!
0:53:40 > 0:53:41You said it yourself.
0:53:41 > 0:53:43You said if there was any sense,
0:53:43 > 0:53:45they'd lock him up in the aquarium and throw away the key.
0:53:45 > 0:53:48He's distorting. I didn't...
0:53:48 > 0:53:50- I'll tell you another thing, my boy...- I'm not your boy!
0:53:50 > 0:53:54Yes, you flaming well are! Those tests were inconclusive.
0:53:54 > 0:53:56I'm not anyone's boy.
0:53:56 > 0:53:57I don't need you.
0:53:57 > 0:54:01All you ever done for me is boss me around, talk down to me.
0:54:01 > 0:54:03"Shut up, Maurice. Go over there, Maurice.
0:54:03 > 0:54:05"Maurice, this is my girlfriend.
0:54:05 > 0:54:08"She's a dog walker, but also does erotic dancing."
0:54:08 > 0:54:10Nothing wrong with having a dual income.
0:54:10 > 0:54:11Well, not this time.
0:54:11 > 0:54:14This time you're going to do what I want,
0:54:14 > 0:54:17and we're not sledging down that hill.
0:54:17 > 0:54:19No-one is sledging down that hill.
0:54:19 > 0:54:23Watch out! Watch out, Bren!
0:54:23 > 0:54:24CRASH!
0:54:31 > 0:54:35I told you one day it'd be me sitting around with my feet up.
0:54:38 > 0:54:40You know what you did was very impressive.
0:54:41 > 0:54:44Anybody can look at their father and say hero,
0:54:44 > 0:54:46but you realised I'm just a man,
0:54:46 > 0:54:48like Tom Jones,
0:54:48 > 0:54:51and like Tom, I make mistakes.
0:54:54 > 0:54:59In the New Year, I thought perhaps we could spend some more...
0:54:59 > 0:55:01father and son time together.
0:55:01 > 0:55:03Quality time.
0:55:05 > 0:55:08Do you want to go to Alton Towers?
0:55:08 > 0:55:11Yeah? Good lad, yeah, I know a couple of people there.
0:55:11 > 0:55:17- Like Tom Jones, I'll get it shut down for the day so we can have it to ourselves.- Huw, come back.
0:55:17 > 0:55:19Better go and help finish off.
0:55:22 > 0:55:24What are you watching?
0:55:24 > 0:55:27It's A Wonderful Life.
0:55:28 > 0:55:30What happened?
0:55:30 > 0:55:37This chap was depressed, and then it turns out that life is, er, wonderful.
0:55:38 > 0:55:41Any good?
0:55:41 > 0:55:44I quite liked it.
0:55:49 > 0:55:53Everybody, please take you places at the table. The dinner is prepared.
0:55:53 > 0:55:56- Come on, Bren.- Come on.
0:56:00 > 0:56:02Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the delay.
0:56:02 > 0:56:09- The Rhys brothers proudly present the turkey.- Sandwiches.
0:56:09 > 0:56:11Oh!
0:56:11 > 0:56:14Do you know, I love a turkey sandwich.
0:56:14 > 0:56:17Oh, hold on a minute, Bren. I made you a special sandwich, like.
0:56:17 > 0:56:21- Oh!- There we are.- Thank you.
0:56:21 > 0:56:23There we are.
0:56:25 > 0:56:26Stilton.
0:56:32 > 0:56:34Gorwel...
0:56:35 > 0:56:37I don't actually like cheese.
0:56:37 > 0:56:40What?! Gone off it, have you?
0:56:40 > 0:56:45I've never liked it, I just didn't know how to tell you.
0:56:51 > 0:56:58In that case, Bren, I apologise for having got you over ten years' worth of cheese and related paraphernalia.
0:56:59 > 0:57:02It's the thought that counts.
0:57:04 > 0:57:06I must admit, I'm a little relieved.
0:57:06 > 0:57:10I was having a helluva time tracking down cheeses of Antarctic.
0:57:13 > 0:57:15Merry Christmas, everyone.
0:57:15 > 0:57:17ALL: Merry Christmas!
0:57:17 > 0:57:23'So although every Christmas was the same - in a way, this one was a bit different.
0:57:23 > 0:57:26'Huw had learned to value his son.
0:57:26 > 0:57:29'My parents, to value each other.
0:57:32 > 0:57:35'Gorwel had learned not to hurtle towards people on a toboggan.
0:57:35 > 0:57:39'A lesson he sadly forgot only days later.
0:57:40 > 0:57:44'And me, not sure what I learned really.
0:57:44 > 0:57:48'But for what it's worth, I've passed it on.
0:57:48 > 0:57:50'Merry Christmas.'
0:57:52 > 0:57:55"WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" PLAYS
0:58:23 > 0:58:26Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd