0:00:02 > 0:00:05This film contains very strong language
0:00:05 > 0:00:08# I love being in love
0:00:08 > 0:00:11# I don't care what it does to me
0:00:11 > 0:00:12# Sing
0:00:12 > 0:00:14# I love love
0:00:14 > 0:00:16# I love being in love
0:00:16 > 0:00:19# I don't care what it does to me
0:00:34 > 0:00:35# And
0:00:35 > 0:00:37# I love love
0:00:37 > 0:00:39# I love being in love
0:00:39 > 0:00:41# I don't care what it does to me
0:00:41 > 0:00:44# These pills are fine to pass the time
0:00:44 > 0:00:46# Till I find my new drug
0:00:46 > 0:00:48# We'll take our chances on
0:00:48 > 0:00:50# We'll last a month
0:00:50 > 0:00:52# We'll never speak again
0:00:52 > 0:00:54# How I love being in love #
0:00:54 > 0:00:56- May I help you? - Huh?
0:00:56 > 0:01:01No. Uh-uh. Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm just browsing.
0:01:01 > 0:01:05So, let me guess. Big night tonight?
0:01:05 > 0:01:07- Yeah. - Yeah?
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Yeah, actually. Actually, the biggest.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13- Really?- Yeah. - Menage a trois?- Pardon me?
0:01:13 > 0:01:15I'm kidding.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19Oh! Menage a trois! (LAUGHS)
0:01:19 > 0:01:23French for, er, "Who's that dude?" (BOTH LAUGH)
0:01:23 > 0:01:26So, you're looking for something for your girl?
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Not just any girl.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32The most beautiful and incredible
0:01:32 > 0:01:36- and amazing and, well, girl I've ever met.- Aw!
0:01:36 > 0:01:41OK, well, if you have any questions, my name is Claire.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45OK. Actually, yeah. Does this come in red?
0:01:45 > 0:01:46I can check.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Oh, also, Claire,
0:01:48 > 0:01:51does it come any larger?
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Much, much larger.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02(DRAMATIC CLASSICAL MUSIC)
0:02:05 > 0:02:06Oh, no.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15- Hey. Is she in there? - Yeah, she's in there.
0:02:15 > 0:02:20- Good. How do I look? - I see your balls.- Hmm?
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Are you crazy? Come here. Up here.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- What's the matter with you?- What? - This is the big idea?- Yeah!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28- She's gonna love it. - She's gonna hate it.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30- She's gonna love it. - She's gonna hate it.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33- Love it.- She's gonna hate it more than I hate it.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37You know what your problem is, Ted? You don't understand true love.
0:02:37 > 0:02:42- Oh, and you do?- There's a girl that I love waiting for me in there.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44And she loves me, too.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47I still see balls.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49(SLOW LOUNGE MUSIC)
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Buona sera.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Can I get you a drink while you wait for your friend?
0:03:01 > 0:03:05Hopefully, in a man's life, you do this one time.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Well, I want my one time to be unforgettable.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12I want tonight to be a story Vanessa and me will be telling our grandkids.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14You almost done with that baby oil?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Yeah, that's it.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Get it in there. Soak those abs.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23- I'm gonna kill you. - Thanks, buddy.
0:03:23 > 0:03:24What's up, ladies?
0:03:25 > 0:03:29There you go, beautiful. I brought you C-rations, on the house.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32- Some what? - Oh, sorry, that's, er,
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Special Forces talk.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Were you in the Special Forces?
0:03:37 > 0:03:41That's not something I'm at liberty to discuss.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45(GASPS)
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Anderson, I sell cars. My job is to close a deal.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50This is not gonna close the deal!
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- Gimme the ring, Ted. - No. I can't let you do this.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- Give me the ring!- No. - Give me the ring now!- No.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Give me the ring!
0:04:02 > 0:04:06- Give me the ring!- No! - I want the ring! I have to propose!
0:04:06 > 0:04:08OK, watch the wings! Watch the rings!
0:04:10 > 0:04:13I'm not gonna lie to you, Vanessa.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Special Ops -
0:04:15 > 0:04:18it's a deadly game.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22But as a very brave person once remarked,
0:04:22 > 0:04:24"Life is either daring
0:04:24 > 0:04:26or it's nothing."
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Do you know who that brave person was?
0:04:30 > 0:04:34My personal hero - Helen Keller.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Helen...
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Kell...
0:04:39 > 0:04:41..er.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51Excuse me, Vanessa, I think table 16 needs more garlic nuts.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01(CLEARS THROAT) Ladies and gentlemen,
0:05:01 > 0:05:05may I have your attention, please?
0:05:05 > 0:05:09I am Cupid, god of love.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Dear God!
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Shooter! Shooter!
0:05:13 > 0:05:14We got a shooter!
0:05:14 > 0:05:15Down!
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Everybody, down! Down! Down!
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Anderson!
0:05:24 > 0:05:29- You know this perp?- My boyfriend. - I didn't know you had a boyfriend.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Anderson, get up. Get up!
0:05:32 > 0:05:35You could've gotten yourself killed!
0:05:35 > 0:05:37(PANTING) Vanessa,
0:05:37 > 0:05:39I, em,
0:05:39 > 0:05:42I-I wrote you a poem.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47(DINERS MUTTER) Oh! Ew!
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Ahem. "I-I am Cupid,
0:05:58 > 0:06:01God of love,
0:06:01 > 0:06:04I come from skies far above,
0:06:04 > 0:06:07bringing love to all I see,
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Now I have found some love for me...
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Fag.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13And...
0:06:13 > 0:06:15And so I get
0:06:15 > 0:06:17On bended knee
0:06:17 > 0:06:19To ask,
0:06:19 > 0:06:23Vanessa, will you marry me?
0:06:23 > 0:06:26(DINERS APPLAUD)
0:06:28 > 0:06:31(CROAKS)
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Agh!
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Vanessa?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Oh, my God. Has she fainted? >
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Nessie?
0:06:45 > 0:06:48# "It Must Be You" - The Sun
0:06:58 > 0:07:02# I stopped to think about the bad times that I've had
0:07:04 > 0:07:06# With the smile on my face
0:07:06 > 0:07:09# Warm with the birth of the sad
0:07:11 > 0:07:13# Curled up
0:07:13 > 0:07:15# With nothing to do
0:07:17 > 0:07:19# Why's the sun always out
0:07:19 > 0:07:22# When I'm feeling blue?
0:07:23 > 0:07:25# It must be you
0:07:25 > 0:07:28# Oh, it must be you
0:07:29 > 0:07:32# It must be you
0:07:32 > 0:07:35# Oh, it must be you
0:07:35 > 0:07:38# Ooh
0:07:43 > 0:07:46# When I took my first drink of
0:07:46 > 0:07:48# Alcohol
0:07:49 > 0:07:51# I saw the angel of death
0:07:51 > 0:07:54# Floating over us all
0:07:56 > 0:07:59# And with a smile on my face
0:07:59 > 0:08:01# I just wept
0:08:02 > 0:08:07# How does a grown man laugh in the face of death
0:08:08 > 0:08:11# It must be you
0:08:11 > 0:08:14# Oh, it must be you
0:08:14 > 0:08:16# Oh! #
0:08:46 > 0:08:48(SONG)
0:09:42 > 0:09:44(SQUELCHING)
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Oh.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Hey! You hungry?
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Did I ever tell you what she smelled like?
0:09:58 > 0:10:01- What? - Dew drops.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07- She was perfect.- Nobody's perfect. - She was perfect.- Nobody's perfect.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11Like, you know how most people have wrinkly knees? OK?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Hers were perfectly smooth. Like billiard balls.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16- Know what I used to call her?- What? - Billiard ball knees.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18You know what might be fun?
0:10:18 > 0:10:22Not talking about your dead girlfriend. Huh?
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- I still see her sometimes. - Here?
0:10:25 > 0:10:28- Forget it.- I'd like to, but you won't shut up about it.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31She's been dead twice as long as you knew her. Get over it.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33- I'm sorry, get over it?! - Yeah.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36How do you get over perfection?
0:10:36 > 0:10:41You look around. Maybe there's another perfect somebody out there.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Here we go!
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Oh!
0:10:53 > 0:10:55- Don't talk to him like that! - (MAN MUTTERS)
0:10:55 > 0:10:59This is just what the therapist was talking about!
0:10:59 > 0:11:02(COUPLE ARGUE)
0:11:03 > 0:11:06I am so sorry! What did you just do?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08What did you do?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Satisfied? I looked around.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Don't throw your whole life away cos you killed your girlfriend.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- Fiancee. - Technically, she never said yes.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21I don't know if you'll find anyone whose butt smells like gum drops,
0:11:21 > 0:11:23but I know that you won't unless you try.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27- Is that it? You want me to try? - One time. That's all I'm saying.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31- One time - you get off my back. - You have my solemn word.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Fine. Fine, Ted. I'll try.
0:11:34 > 0:11:35I'll try.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Hey, can I get you guys anything else?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41(TED SINGS INAUDIBLY)
0:11:42 > 0:11:44# Back on the horse #
0:11:44 > 0:11:48Is there anything else I can get for you?
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Will you marry me?
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Excuse me?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Will you marry me?
0:11:55 > 0:12:01< ..Stuart, you're flapping! Pigs? Three Little Pigs? A banjo? Piggies?
0:12:01 > 0:12:04- (OINKS) - Deliverance!- (BOTH LAUGH)
0:12:04 > 0:12:08- Oh, my God! I'm like a machine! - Oh, my God!
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- You guys are so fast! - OK,
0:12:11 > 0:12:13it's my turn and, er, this is a really good one,
0:12:13 > 0:12:17so I need you all to pay attention. Especially you, mon amour.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Give me ze little hand.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22- Isn't he the cutest thing ever. - Hey, I resent that!
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- (ALL LAUGH)- Isn't it getting kinda late, you guys?
0:12:25 > 0:12:30What's the matter, Cinderella? Are you gonna turn into a pumpkin?
0:12:30 > 0:12:32I know how to push her buttons or what?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34(MIMICS BUTTON PRESSING)
0:12:34 > 0:12:37(ROBOT VOICE) I'm pushing your buttons.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41(ROBOT VOICE) Honey, do the charade. I have to get up early tomorrow.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Aye-aye, Captain. OK.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46Oh, wait. Rrr!
0:12:46 > 0:12:50- Oh! - Here we go. Last one.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54(INHALES DEEPLY)
0:12:55 > 0:12:57- (PARENTS) Four words. - First word.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00- Me.- Shazam? - William! William!
0:13:00 > 0:13:03- Shorter. Willy? Will! - Will!- Will, OK.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06(BOTH) Second word. Sounds like...
0:13:06 > 0:13:08- Kicking? - Boot. Shoe.
0:13:08 > 0:13:09You.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13(BOTH) Fourth word.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17- Er... Me. It's me again. - Me? Will you blank me.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21- Hey, buddy, there's ladies present! - That's tasteless, Stuart.- Sorry.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25Will you blank me? Third word.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Saunter.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31- Marry? - Stuart, he's proposing.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Katie,
0:13:33 > 0:13:35will you marry me?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- Yes! Yes! She says yes! - (LAUGHS)
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- Honey? - Katie!
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Katie!
0:13:44 > 0:13:45Katie!
0:13:45 > 0:13:49Katherine, do you have any idea how embarrassing that was for me?
0:13:49 > 0:13:52I didn't say no. I just said I needed to think about it.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56That boy is a catch and he's crazy about you, God knows why.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00What is it you want? Because William is perfect.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03He's the most attractive orthodontist I've ever seen
0:14:03 > 0:14:06- he's incredibly romantic - - Mom, I know he's perfect,
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- I just need a little time. - Can you talk to her, Stuart?
0:14:09 > 0:14:12William reminds me a lot of me when I was younger.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Are you listening to your father?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16He is not my father.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19He's more of a father to you than your father ever was, God rest him.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22- Dad is not dead! - He's dead to me, the sonofabitch!
0:14:22 > 0:14:24- Don't talk about Dad - - Don't raise your voice!
0:14:24 > 0:14:27- You're getting emotional. - I'm not getting emotional!
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Alright, I am leaving this house in five minutes,
0:14:30 > 0:14:34and if you wanna be on that bus, I suggest you pull yourself together.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41- Sometimes I wonder if you still love him.- Who?
0:14:41 > 0:14:44- Dad.- Are you crazy? Are you out of your mind?
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- You must've loved him once. - I was 18 when I met your father,
0:14:48 > 0:14:51and about as dumb as a piece of ham.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55What did I know about love? All I knew is...
0:14:58 > 0:15:02..he was the hottest thing that I had ever seen.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Oh, he looked like a...
0:15:04 > 0:15:06..panther.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08A sex panther.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10(LAUGHS)
0:15:10 > 0:15:14- Sounds like love to me.- There's a big difference between love
0:15:14 > 0:15:18and mindless, animalistic, carnal lust.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20And what do you have with Stuart?
0:15:20 > 0:15:24What I have with Stuart is what I want for you and William,
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- a mature, stable relationship. - But are you happy?
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Of course I'm happy! I'm very happy!
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Very, very happy.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35No, no, very happy.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Very happy.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40- I gotta go. The bus is here. - Alright.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Very happy!
0:16:05 > 0:16:09There she is! There's my beautiful girl!
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Hey, keep it down!
0:16:11 > 0:16:16I will eat your head, I will tear it off, shove it up your ass,
0:16:16 > 0:16:19pull it through your mouth and then eat it!
0:16:19 > 0:16:22- I will it eat it!- Smitty! - I'm not finished!
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Eat it!
0:16:25 > 0:16:27- Dad! - What?
0:16:27 > 0:16:32- Apologize to him.- Oh, come on! - I'm serious! It's just rude.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- (SIGHS) - Now.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Do it now, Dad!
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Hey, Dave.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43I'm sorry.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46It's just, Smitty, I'm working on my appeal over here.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50I know. I know. I'm sorry.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54See? That's why I love you so much, baby bear.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58You got your mother's good heart.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03- What's wrong?- Nothing! William asked me to marry him.
0:17:03 > 0:17:08- But that's good. That's what you wanted. No?- Yeah!
0:17:09 > 0:17:10No.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Oh, Dad, I don't know.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15I just... (SIGHS)
0:17:15 > 0:17:19I mean, how are you supposed to know when you're with the right person?
0:17:19 > 0:17:23Just listen to your heart, baby bear.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26You'll know.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Hey, do you know what I do when I'm feeling blue?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Yeah. You drink homemade toilet wine.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34No! Well, yeah.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36But I also write my gratitude journal,
0:17:36 > 0:17:40and every day, I write about things that I have to be grateful for.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44Like, you and your mother.
0:17:44 > 0:17:49Oh, here, December 25th. Christmas Day.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53"I am grateful that somebody finally stabbed that cocksucker Rodriguez."
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Dad!
0:17:59 > 0:18:03I'm gonna say yes! Yes!
0:18:03 > 0:18:05I mean, we get along so well!
0:18:05 > 0:18:09He's so funny! He cracks me up, you guys!
0:18:11 > 0:18:15- I'm gonna say yes! - That's great. Right, Matador?
0:18:15 > 0:18:18- I think William's kind of a turd. - Really?
0:18:18 > 0:18:19Yeah.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23But he's like a turd with a piece of candy...
0:18:23 > 0:18:25..in it.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Nazdrovia.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Marriage isn't in our blood. We're circus folk.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36Gypsies roaming from Big Top to Big Top, on the open road.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39You guys have been working in the diner since I've known you.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43Not in here, Katie. Not in here.
0:18:49 > 0:18:50Gentlemen,...
0:18:51 > 0:18:53observe.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58(SCREAMS)
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Er, can I get you guys anything else?
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Will you marry me?
0:19:05 > 0:19:09- Excuse me? - Will you marry me?
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Seriously. Think about it...
0:19:12 > 0:19:15What could possibly be more romantic than throwing away your entire life
0:19:15 > 0:19:17and running off with a handsome stranger
0:19:17 > 0:19:20you spot across a restaurant?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Er, I'm sorry.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27He's had a lot of syrup.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- OK. - OK, he's had a lot of syrup?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32OK, I'll marry you.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- What? - Yes.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Yes!
0:19:39 > 0:19:41I'll marry you!
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Jade!
0:19:42 > 0:19:44JADE!
0:19:44 > 0:19:45Will you cover for me?
0:19:45 > 0:19:46Where are you going?
0:19:46 > 0:19:51- (SQUEALS) I'm getting married! To this guy!- (APPLAUSE)
0:19:51 > 0:19:53- Come on. - Er...
0:19:53 > 0:19:57- Come on! - Go. Get out of here.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Oh, er, Anderson.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11- Oh, Katie. - Katie. Hi.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Two kisses! (GIGGLES)
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Big rig. Watch this.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Stick that arm up your ass!
0:20:39 > 0:20:42# Gotta a brand-new roof above my
0:20:42 > 0:20:43# Head
0:20:45 > 0:20:48# All the empty boxes thrown away #
0:20:49 > 0:20:52- Can I ask you a question? - Yeah.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Years from now, when we're celebrating our...
0:20:55 > 0:20:58- ..37th wedding anniversary... - Oh! (LAUGHS)
0:20:58 > 0:21:02..and one of our friends asks us about our first date,
0:21:02 > 0:21:05is this what we'll talk about?
0:21:05 > 0:21:08I guess it is, yeah? OK.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10And then I'll tell them the funny part.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- What's the funny part? - That after we talked about it,
0:21:13 > 0:21:16you stepped in dog shit.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Oh, I stepped in dog shit!
0:21:20 > 0:21:24- Why didn't you warn me? - That would've ruined the story.
0:21:24 > 0:21:29- Oh, man! Could I borrow...? - (squeals) Oh, stop! Cut it out!
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- I've never been up here before. - It's a cool place to come
0:21:42 > 0:21:46if you want to get an old refrigerator filled with vomit.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49- I was looking for one of those. - Yeah?
0:21:49 > 0:21:52I think it's two-for-one day, so...
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Look what I've got!
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Tetanus?
0:22:03 > 0:22:06- (SIGHS) This is stupid. - What?
0:22:06 > 0:22:10This. Us sitting here pretending we're doing something.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13- It's just stupid. - It is, right?
0:22:13 > 0:22:16- Obviously we're not getting married. - Obviously.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19- Strangers don't get married. - In some cultures they do.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21They do?
0:22:21 > 0:22:25But not ours. Other cultures. Far away cultures.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27The Kalahari Bushmen is one example.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- And my parents did. - They did?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32My mum barely knew my dad. She got pregnant with me
0:22:32 > 0:22:37and they eloped to this weird place called The House of Wedded Bliss.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39- The House of Wedded Bliss? - Yeah!
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Doesn't that sound incredibly romantic?
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Sounds like a bad Chinese take-out place.
0:22:48 > 0:22:53Well, just because they did, doesn't mean that we are, right?
0:22:53 > 0:22:57You probably weren't even serious when you asked.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Were you?
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Of course not!
0:23:03 > 0:23:08See, that's what I'm talking about. This whole thing is just stupid.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13- Wait. What's happening? - I'm sorry.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- I'm just such an idiot. - Are you crying?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- No. - Why are you crying?
0:23:19 > 0:23:21I am not crying!
0:23:21 > 0:23:23(SOBS)
0:23:23 > 0:23:26It really looks like you're crying.
0:23:26 > 0:23:31Yeah, I'm crying now. Are you satisfied, you asshole?
0:23:31 > 0:23:34- (SOBS) - Hey. Hey, hey... Hey.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37Hey. Hey, you.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Hey.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Hey! Hey...
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Are you OK?
0:23:48 > 0:23:51I can't remember the last time I did that.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53I don't think I've ever done that.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55- Do you want a tissue? - No, I'm fine.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58- I feel incredible. - Really?
0:23:58 > 0:24:01- (LAUGHS) Why is that? - I...
0:24:01 > 0:24:05- You sure you don't want a tissue? - No, I'm fine.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Anderson, when you asked me to marry you,
0:24:09 > 0:24:13you probably picked the only girl in the whole world that would say yes.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17I don't think that's a coincidence. Do you?
0:24:17 > 0:24:18I don't know.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21- Do you believe in fate? - No.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25Neither do I! You see, this was meant to be.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Will you marry me?
0:24:27 > 0:24:30- You said yes? - Yeah. Why not?
0:24:30 > 0:24:34I think this is exactly what I need to get my life back on track.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38- Why can't two strangers get married? - Because it's retarded?
0:24:38 > 0:24:43You said yourself that I need to get out back there and meet people, so -
0:24:43 > 0:24:47Yeah, MEET, not marry! Why can't you date her for a while?
0:24:47 > 0:24:51Don't worry. It's not like we're getting married today.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54- We decided to take things slow. - So what's next?
0:24:54 > 0:24:57She's moving in with me. I gotta go.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01OK. Well, good luck with that(!)
0:25:02 > 0:25:06# "Woman's Realm" - Belle and Sebastian
0:25:10 > 0:25:15# I don't care whether you hear this I don't care if I'm alone here
0:25:15 > 0:25:21# Singing songs to myself There's nobody else around, around
0:25:22 > 0:25:26# Meet you up at the Indian part of the town
0:25:26 > 0:25:29# The town's shut down, the people left with their bags
0:25:29 > 0:25:33# And their kids so there's not a sound, a sound
0:25:34 > 0:25:37# But I must get from there to here
0:25:37 > 0:25:39# There's a small voice crying on the other side
0:25:39 > 0:25:42# Of the river from here
0:25:42 > 0:25:45# It's too late to phone her now... #
0:25:45 > 0:25:49William, I have some weird news. It's good news. For me. Er...
0:25:49 > 0:25:54I can't marry you. I'll explain everything later. I'm so sorry.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58I love you. As a friend. OK, bye.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01# Just a minute close your eyes
0:26:01 > 0:26:06# If we settle for this compromise I'll stay with you
0:26:06 > 0:26:08# The river looks so good tonight... #
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Can I leave a message for 99138?
0:26:11 > 0:26:14# I don't know what's with your friend... #
0:26:14 > 0:26:17Phone message, Smitty.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21# She said she'd had enough of playing games... #
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- It's from my daughter. She's getting married.- Oh, yeah?
0:26:24 > 0:26:29Too bad you won't be there to walk her down the aisle, big guy.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40- Whoa! What is this? - I'm getting married!
0:26:40 > 0:26:42No. This.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45- It's a diaphragm. - I know! Not in front of...
0:26:45 > 0:26:49- Please...- It's her diaphragm. - Stuart!- Dang it.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53- Where are you going? - I told you, I'm getting married.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57(GASPS / SHRIEKS) Oh, you said yes!
0:26:57 > 0:27:00- Not to William. - Not to William?
0:27:01 > 0:27:04His name's Anderson. I met him a couple of hours ago.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06A couple of hours?!
0:27:06 > 0:27:08What about William? What kind of name is Anderson?
0:27:08 > 0:27:12- Use your head, Katie. - He's black, isn't he?
0:27:12 > 0:27:13I have to go.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16- Don't you think you're being impulsive?- Yes!
0:27:16 > 0:27:21That is exactly what I'm being. And guess what - it feels great!
0:27:22 > 0:27:24- You ready? - Oh, my God.
0:27:24 > 0:27:25Hi.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Hi there, dude. You must be Anderson.
0:27:28 > 0:27:33No! This is my friend, Matador. He's giving me a ride.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35I like your Jew hat.
0:27:41 > 0:27:46Bye, Mom. I'll bring him by for you to meet him tomorrow!
0:28:07 > 0:28:10(CAR ENGINE SPLUTTERS)
0:28:10 > 0:28:12(COUGHS) Can you see?
0:28:12 > 0:28:17Yeah, no problem. This happens all the time.
0:28:50 > 0:28:53- How can you see?- Be patient. It'll clear up in a second.
0:28:53 > 0:28:56OK, slow down.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58- (SQUEALS)- What? - Slow down!
0:29:09 > 0:29:12- (SCREAMS) - Oh, my!
0:29:12 > 0:29:15Oh, my! Oh, my!
0:29:15 > 0:29:18- Oh... - I killed that fellow!
0:29:18 > 0:29:21I killed that fellow with my car!
0:29:24 > 0:29:27- Oh, my God, not again. - Anderson?
0:29:28 > 0:29:30Vanessa?
0:29:33 > 0:29:35Anderson?
0:29:37 > 0:29:38Vanessa?
0:29:41 > 0:29:43Am I dead?
0:29:43 > 0:29:45You're just unconscious.
0:29:45 > 0:29:49- Does it hurt? - Not really.
0:29:49 > 0:29:51- Ouch! - Now does it hurt?
0:29:51 > 0:29:54- Ow! - You're getting married?
0:29:54 > 0:29:59No! We're not getting married! We're just moving in together.
0:29:59 > 0:30:02- I thought you loved me. - I do, Vanessa. I do.
0:30:02 > 0:30:06I'll never love anybody but you.
0:30:06 > 0:30:09- Really? - Yeah. Of course.
0:30:13 > 0:30:16Then dump her.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23(WHISPERS) Promise me, Anderson.
0:30:27 > 0:30:29I promise.
0:30:33 > 0:30:35Touch my light sabre, Luke.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39Touch it!
0:30:39 > 0:30:41- What is that? - It's just ice.
0:30:41 > 0:30:43OK.
0:30:46 > 0:30:48Hello.
0:30:50 > 0:30:55Katie, would you like to make the introductions?
0:30:55 > 0:30:57Oh...
0:30:57 > 0:30:59I hit you with my car.
0:30:59 > 0:31:01This is Matador.
0:31:01 > 0:31:03- Matador... - Here.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06I got you a small gift.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09I didn't have time to wrap it.
0:31:09 > 0:31:11It's a Discman.
0:31:12 > 0:31:15This is my Discman.
0:31:15 > 0:31:17Did you take this from my drawer?
0:31:17 > 0:31:19Yes, I did.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23OK. Er...
0:31:23 > 0:31:27Matador, could you do me a giant favour?
0:31:27 > 0:31:28Yeah.
0:31:28 > 0:31:34Is there some way that you could not press your balls into my shin?
0:31:35 > 0:31:37- Can do. - Thank you.
0:31:37 > 0:31:40- Yeah. - Thanks.
0:31:41 > 0:31:44Are you OK? Well, I thought he was abrupt.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47But, er, I'll be fine.
0:31:53 > 0:31:55Yeah, I think I'll be OK.
0:32:00 > 0:32:02(WHISPERS) Matador...
0:32:02 > 0:32:05Oh! I'm sorry.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07- Very good. - OK.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10Take care, now.
0:32:10 > 0:32:11I will.
0:32:12 > 0:32:14He seems nice.
0:32:14 > 0:32:17- Does it hurt? - No, it's fine.
0:32:17 > 0:32:19You're so brave.
0:32:19 > 0:32:22- Listen, Katie... - Where is your bedroom?
0:32:22 > 0:32:25- The bedroom? - Yeah. I need to put this somewhere.
0:32:25 > 0:32:27- What's this? - My clothes!
0:32:27 > 0:32:30- Your clothes? - Yeah, for wearing.
0:32:30 > 0:32:35Oh! Clothes. I thought you said "cloves". Cloves.
0:32:35 > 0:32:38I was like, "Cloves, that's a weird thing to pack."
0:32:38 > 0:32:41OK, yeah. You found the bedroom.
0:32:43 > 0:32:48So this is the bedroom. I should probably clean up a little.
0:32:48 > 0:32:49Good, good.
0:32:49 > 0:32:53So I was thinking about everything and how great this is,
0:32:53 > 0:32:57but it's all happening so fast. I was afraid maybe you thought that.
0:32:57 > 0:33:02- That's what makes it so exciting. - Exactly what I was going to say.
0:33:02 > 0:33:05- Because I couldn't be more thrilled. - You seem nervous.
0:33:05 > 0:33:08Really? N-No. That's weird. I don't get nervous.
0:33:08 > 0:33:12I just express joy by sweating on occasion.
0:33:12 > 0:33:16- Who's Vanessa?- Who?- You said Vanessa before passing out.
0:33:16 > 0:33:18- I did? - Oh!
0:33:18 > 0:33:19Is this her?
0:33:19 > 0:33:22No, that's not her. I don't know who that is.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25That picture came with the frame.
0:33:25 > 0:33:28But you're in the picture.
0:33:28 > 0:33:32Mm-hm. Yeah, there I am right there. I know.
0:33:32 > 0:33:34I used to do some modelling when I was younger.
0:33:34 > 0:33:36- Really? - Yes, I did.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38I did some picture frame modelling
0:33:38 > 0:33:42back when that Regular Guy phase was sweeping the modelling industry.
0:33:42 > 0:33:44- That is so cool. - Yeah.
0:33:44 > 0:33:48(PHONE RINGS)
0:33:54 > 0:33:58- The telephone's ringing. - Mm-hm.
0:34:01 > 0:34:05- Should I get it? - No. It's my mom. I'll call her back.
0:34:05 > 0:34:07- Should I say hi? - That's OK. No.
0:34:07 > 0:34:09No, really. It's weird. I should say hi.
0:34:09 > 0:34:13No, that's alright. I've got it! Hello?
0:34:13 > 0:34:15Er, Mom? Hi. Hi!
0:34:15 > 0:34:18Same old, same old. How are you guys?
0:34:18 > 0:34:20If she wants to talk to me, I'm here.
0:34:20 > 0:34:23Yeah, listen... No, everything is, er...
0:34:23 > 0:34:26Everything is good.
0:34:26 > 0:34:28Yeah.
0:34:29 > 0:34:30Yeah.
0:34:30 > 0:34:33Love you. See you tomorrow, then.
0:34:34 > 0:34:36Bye-bye.
0:34:39 > 0:34:43- How's Anderson?- Fine. He says he has a surprise for us.
0:34:43 > 0:34:45He's coming over tomorrow.
0:34:46 > 0:34:49What's he doing tomorrow?
0:34:50 > 0:34:52Coming.
0:34:52 > 0:34:55- He's what? - # "Ice Cream" - New Young Pony Club
0:34:58 > 0:34:59Coming.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06# I can give you what you want
0:35:06 > 0:35:10- I'm scared... I'm scared. - # I can make your heartbeats short
0:35:10 > 0:35:13Give me that, little girl.
0:35:13 > 0:35:17I'm just a little girl. I'm a little girl.
0:35:17 > 0:35:19(SQUIRTS WHIPPED CREAM)
0:35:22 > 0:35:26- Anderson? - Just a minute. Just a minute.
0:35:26 > 0:35:29# I can be the sauce you crave
0:35:29 > 0:35:33# I can spell what you can't say
0:35:33 > 0:35:37# Chocolate-flavoured love theme treat that treats you so mean
0:35:37 > 0:35:41# Covering your nights and days
0:35:41 > 0:35:44# Let me give you what you'd like
0:35:44 > 0:35:48# I can make your mouth run dry
0:35:48 > 0:35:52# Drink me like a liquor C'mon and dip your dipper
0:35:52 > 0:35:54# Show me what you're here for, guy... #
0:35:59 > 0:36:02- Anderson? Anderson? - Coming.
0:36:02 > 0:36:05(SIGHS) OK.
0:36:05 > 0:36:10Listen, Katie, I think you're really neat. I do.
0:36:10 > 0:36:14But... (SIGHS) But I just can't, I can't,
0:36:14 > 0:36:18because I made a promise to somebody, and...
0:36:19 > 0:36:22"I think you're really neat"?
0:36:22 > 0:36:23God...
0:36:27 > 0:36:29# What you want
0:36:30 > 0:36:33# I can give you what you want
0:36:34 > 0:36:37# What you want
0:36:37 > 0:36:41# I can give you what you want What you want... #
0:36:43 > 0:36:45Oh, God! I'm sorry.
0:36:45 > 0:36:48No, it's OK. Turn around.
0:36:55 > 0:36:59- So, what did your mom say? - Oh, yeah. Well, she, um...
0:36:59 > 0:37:04I was thinking that we could go over there and meet them before we...
0:37:04 > 0:37:06Get married?
0:37:06 > 0:37:09If you wanna put a label on it. (BOTH LAUGH)
0:37:09 > 0:37:12Great, because I told my mom we'd visit her tomorrow, too.
0:37:12 > 0:37:15Great! That's great. Mm-hm.
0:37:15 > 0:37:18I was thinking we could take a bus over to my folks' house.
0:37:18 > 0:37:25- I like buses. - That's good. Because it's a bus.
0:37:25 > 0:37:28Mmm... Minty.
0:37:28 > 0:37:32Well, that's toothpaste for ya. That's just classic toothpaste.
0:37:33 > 0:37:37- (SQUEALS) Oh! - Oh, God!
0:37:37 > 0:37:40- It's in my eye! It hurts! - Sorry. I swallowed some.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43- It's burning. - Go to the bathroom, right there.
0:37:43 > 0:37:47- Where? - Yeah, this way. You've got it.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49Maybe I should go out and get some saline solution.
0:37:49 > 0:37:51No. I'm fine.
0:37:51 > 0:37:55But maybe I should go get some saline or eye drops or something.
0:37:55 > 0:37:57No, really.
0:37:59 > 0:38:01I'll get some saline.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04OK, OK. OK.
0:38:04 > 0:38:08- OK, slow down. What's the problem? - I think she wants to have sex.
0:38:08 > 0:38:11I'm gonna call 911.
0:38:11 > 0:38:14I'm so embarrassed. I feel like such an idiot.
0:38:14 > 0:38:17- Maybe you just came on a little strong.- "Oh, God."
0:38:17 > 0:38:20A couple of hours ago, she was moving in.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23All your problems were solved. What happened?
0:38:23 > 0:38:27- Nothing. She's great. It's just... - What?
0:38:27 > 0:38:31- What would Vanessa say? - Oh, buddy(!)
0:38:31 > 0:38:35I was just trying to be spontaneous. He probably thinks I'm such a freak.
0:38:35 > 0:38:38Trust me. You're not a freak.
0:38:38 > 0:38:41(MUMBLES) Help.
0:38:43 > 0:38:45I've gotta go. He's here.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49- Hi. - Hi.
0:38:49 > 0:38:53They were out of saline, so I got you some Q-tips
0:38:53 > 0:38:56and some zit cream.
0:38:56 > 0:39:00You can do with that what you please.
0:39:00 > 0:39:01- How's your head? - Ouch.
0:39:01 > 0:39:04- Sorry. - No, it's OK.
0:39:07 > 0:39:09My eye is fine.
0:39:09 > 0:39:13Right. How's your eye? (BOTH LAUGH)
0:39:13 > 0:39:15- It's fine. - Good.
0:39:37 > 0:39:39Wow! (LAUGHS)
0:39:39 > 0:39:43- Wowee. - Wowee dowee doo.
0:39:43 > 0:39:47Doowee wowee boobee!
0:39:50 > 0:39:54Well, I think we better get to bed. I think it's time for...
0:39:54 > 0:39:57Not... I mean, not that kind of bed.
0:39:57 > 0:40:00I mean, like, sleepy time, sleepy bed.
0:40:00 > 0:40:05Because, you know, your eye, my head...
0:40:05 > 0:40:09If we have any more physical contact, I think one of us might actually die.
0:40:09 > 0:40:11- (LAUGHS) - So...
0:40:18 > 0:40:21# "Closer" - Peter Salett
0:40:24 > 0:40:27(SNORES)
0:40:35 > 0:40:37# So the weekend came and went...
0:40:37 > 0:40:43- Oh, sorry. - That's alright. Go back to sleep.
0:40:43 > 0:40:48# Sunday afternoon's a memory
0:40:50 > 0:40:54# She was just lying there
0:40:54 > 0:40:57# Sleeping softly in a chair... #
0:40:58 > 0:41:01(CAR ALARM BEEPS)
0:41:01 > 0:41:06Are you almost ready? I told Mom we'd be there in half an hour.
0:41:06 > 0:41:08She's gonna love you!
0:41:09 > 0:41:11Fourth word!
0:41:13 > 0:41:17Er... You're holding hands, you're holding hands...
0:41:17 > 0:41:21You're with friends, you're skip... "The Wizard of Oz!"
0:41:25 > 0:41:29Diving? "The Greg Louganis Story"?
0:41:31 > 0:41:34"Flashdance"? Ta-dah!
0:41:34 > 0:41:36"Airplane"!
0:41:38 > 0:41:42Him? Her? "When A Man Loves A Woman"!
0:41:42 > 0:41:43"Sound of Music"!
0:41:43 > 0:41:45"Philadelphia"! "Deep Throat"!
0:41:45 > 0:41:47"Deep Throat"!
0:41:47 > 0:41:48Oh, sorry.
0:41:48 > 0:41:53You know what, dear? We give up. Why don't you just tell us.
0:41:54 > 0:41:58- That was "The Apple Dumpling Gang". - Oh.
0:42:01 > 0:42:04I-It's not an easy one, so...
0:42:05 > 0:42:08- It was really good. - Thanks. I'm sorry.
0:42:08 > 0:42:11- Thanks. - You were so good.
0:42:11 > 0:42:13- It was hard. - I thought it made sense.
0:42:13 > 0:42:16- It was good. - It was a tough one.- Yeah.
0:42:16 > 0:42:19And then a few years ago, I was in a toy store,
0:42:19 > 0:42:23and I had a thought. "What if there was a line of stuffed animals
0:42:23 > 0:42:27specifically for Jewish children?"
0:42:27 > 0:42:30And that's when the Jewnicorn was born.
0:42:31 > 0:42:33Listen...
0:42:33 > 0:42:38"Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekh ha'olam asher kidishanu
0:42:38 > 0:42:42b'mitz'votav v'tzivanu l'had'lik neir shel Chanukah."
0:42:44 > 0:42:47Well, Anderson, what do you think?
0:42:48 > 0:42:50Wow.
0:42:51 > 0:42:53Wow. Um...
0:42:53 > 0:42:56I think it's very...
0:43:01 > 0:43:04..specific.
0:43:04 > 0:43:07In a good way, of course.
0:43:07 > 0:43:11- So, Anderson, what is it you do? - Anderson's between jobs right now.
0:43:11 > 0:43:14- Oh, he's between jobs. I see. - Huh.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17Maybe you'd like to go down to the basement
0:43:17 > 0:43:20and see where Stuart makes all his little toys.
0:43:20 > 0:43:23Mom... No. Why?
0:43:23 > 0:43:25He'd be interested. Especially if you like googly eyes.
0:43:25 > 0:43:28As a matter of fact, I do like googly eyes.
0:43:28 > 0:43:32That does it. Follow me, young man.
0:43:32 > 0:43:35- Santa's not the only one with a workshop.- Wow!
0:43:35 > 0:43:37What do you think?
0:43:38 > 0:43:40I... I...
0:43:45 > 0:43:47- What is this? - Jewlahoop.
0:43:49 > 0:43:53Doesn't really work. Kinda like you, right, Anderson?
0:43:59 > 0:44:02(GASPS) William.
0:44:02 > 0:44:04I thought you two should speak.
0:44:06 > 0:44:10I've been here this whole time. Been watching you with him.
0:44:10 > 0:44:12What do you see in that loser?
0:44:12 > 0:44:15He doesn't even know how to do The Apple Dumpling Gang.
0:44:15 > 0:44:18Apple. Dump. Ling. Gang.
0:44:18 > 0:44:23That's the motherfucking Apple Dumpling Gang!
0:44:25 > 0:44:29William, you are really good at charades
0:44:29 > 0:44:33and nobody can ever take that away from you.
0:44:33 > 0:44:35I had a whole life planned for us.
0:44:35 > 0:44:39A big house, three kids, two boys and a girl...
0:44:39 > 0:44:43I know. Conner, Tanner and Ashley.
0:44:43 > 0:44:44I'm sorry.
0:44:44 > 0:44:47(WHISPERS) I'm not gay.
0:44:47 > 0:44:48What?
0:44:48 > 0:44:49What?
0:44:52 > 0:44:57- I think you should go. - Yeah. OK. I'll go.
0:44:57 > 0:45:00But, er, this ball isn't over, Cinderella.
0:45:00 > 0:45:04Because... Oh... Oh!
0:45:04 > 0:45:05I'm still dancing.
0:45:05 > 0:45:09Oh! Do you hear me? I'm still dancing!
0:45:09 > 0:45:12Check it - I'm still dancing.
0:45:12 > 0:45:14I'm still dancing. Yeah!
0:45:14 > 0:45:17- Did you hear that? - Uh-uh.
0:45:18 > 0:45:21(SCRAPES CUTLERY ON BOWL)
0:45:37 > 0:45:39Got it.
0:45:39 > 0:45:41(SLURPS)
0:45:48 > 0:45:52We should get going cos we're gonna see Anderson's parents.
0:45:52 > 0:45:54- I'll grab our jackets. - OK.
0:45:54 > 0:46:00Well, er... This has been fun, so thank you.
0:46:07 > 0:46:10I think they really liked you. I could tell.
0:46:10 > 0:46:14Especially my mom. My mom loved you.
0:46:14 > 0:46:16- Really? - Yeah. Definitely.
0:46:16 > 0:46:19I got the impression she thought I was a loser.
0:46:19 > 0:46:21Why would you say that?
0:46:21 > 0:46:25When you were in the bathroom, your mum said she thought I was a loser.
0:46:31 > 0:46:33I thought you were great.
0:46:33 > 0:46:36- Really? - Yeah, really.
0:46:41 > 0:46:43I think you're pretty great, too.
0:46:47 > 0:46:49Sorry.
0:46:49 > 0:46:51Er... Do you want to sit down?
0:46:51 > 0:46:53OK. Thanks.
0:46:55 > 0:46:58- Thank you. - Sure thing.
0:47:01 > 0:47:03May I?
0:47:03 > 0:47:05Ahh.
0:47:15 > 0:47:16Wow.
0:47:18 > 0:47:20Anderson, you have to feel this.
0:47:20 > 0:47:23Er... OK.
0:47:25 > 0:47:30Wow, I think I felt a kick. Do you mind if I take a listen?
0:47:32 > 0:47:34Wow.
0:47:36 > 0:47:39- When are you due? - I'm not pregnant.
0:47:39 > 0:47:42This is my stop. Getting off, getting off. Getting off!
0:47:42 > 0:47:46Excuse me, sorry. Excuse me.
0:47:52 > 0:47:56- I feel terrible. - That is your fault.
0:47:56 > 0:47:58# "Brand New Day" - Orba Squara
0:47:58 > 0:48:02# I'd love to roam along with you until I'm grey
0:48:02 > 0:48:07# And listen to amazing super-dooper things you say
0:48:07 > 0:48:11# I'd travel round the universe to make you understand
0:48:11 > 0:48:16# That we've got to take this opportunity, and take it fast
0:48:16 > 0:48:20# There's no time to waste, cos it's a brand new day... #
0:48:20 > 0:48:25- Oh, Anderson! - Hey there, Skipper!
0:48:25 > 0:48:26Who's the good-looking potato?
0:48:26 > 0:48:30Mum, Dad, I want you to meet Katie, my...
0:48:30 > 0:48:32- Fiancee. - My fiancee.
0:48:32 > 0:48:34Fiancee?
0:48:34 > 0:48:36Well...
0:48:36 > 0:48:39- Well! - Congratulations!
0:48:39 > 0:48:45- Hot dog, I say! Oh, boy! - (DOG BARKS)
0:48:45 > 0:48:47I think Monitor approves, too.
0:48:47 > 0:48:49(ALL LAUGH)
0:48:49 > 0:48:52The dog!
0:48:56 > 0:48:59< (KATIE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
0:49:08 > 0:49:10Should we go inside?
0:49:10 > 0:49:12(TV PLAYS)
0:49:19 > 0:49:22I've got to hand it to you, Skipper. She's a peach.
0:49:23 > 0:49:26I guess you think I'm being foolish.
0:49:26 > 0:49:28Why should I think that?
0:49:28 > 0:49:31Because I just met Katie, and we hardly know each other.
0:49:31 > 0:49:34You've got your whole lives to get to know each other.
0:49:34 > 0:49:39- What if I don't like what I get to know?- That's just nerves talking.
0:49:39 > 0:49:43Just before I got married, your grandpa and I walked our dog,
0:49:43 > 0:49:46had a little conversation about the birds and the bees.
0:49:46 > 0:49:51When he told me what he told me, I just about fell down.
0:49:51 > 0:49:54I think I pretty much know everything about that stuff, Dad.
0:49:54 > 0:49:57Of course you do. You're a grown man.
0:49:57 > 0:50:00About time I started treating you like one.
0:50:00 > 0:50:05So I guess I don't have to tell you what this is for.
0:50:06 > 0:50:09I've had this cock ring since my Navy days.
0:50:09 > 0:50:13I got it from a three-dollar whore in Shanghai.
0:50:13 > 0:50:19Wow, that's, er... that's a really nice...
0:50:21 > 0:50:22That's a nice ring.
0:50:22 > 0:50:25- Cock ring, son. - Cock ring.
0:50:25 > 0:50:27Yeah. I don't know what it is.
0:50:27 > 0:50:31Ever since I left the Service I've been having trouble with
0:50:31 > 0:50:34firing my torpedoes too soon.
0:50:34 > 0:50:37- If you take my meaning. - I think I do, Dad.
0:50:37 > 0:50:38Premature ejaculation.
0:50:38 > 0:50:40OK. < (DOG BARKS)
0:50:40 > 0:50:42Son...
0:50:43 > 0:50:45I want you to have it.
0:50:47 > 0:50:49I want you to have my cock ring.
0:50:55 > 0:50:57I don't know what to say.
0:50:57 > 0:51:01Omm...
0:51:02 > 0:51:06Omm, nyin nyin, nan yayy...
0:51:06 > 0:51:07Knock, knock.
0:51:07 > 0:51:11Sorry, Smitty. I just wanted to borrow your Dirt Devil.
0:51:14 > 0:51:16'(DRAMATIC TRIBAL MUSIC)'
0:51:30 > 0:51:32(CRASH)
0:51:36 > 0:51:39Dinner was terrific, Mrs Wells.
0:51:39 > 0:51:43Oh, no, I won't have any of that. We're family now.
0:51:43 > 0:51:45I'd like you to call me...
0:51:45 > 0:51:47..Mommy.
0:51:47 > 0:51:49OK.
0:51:49 > 0:51:52I suppose Anderson told you all about Vanessa.
0:51:52 > 0:51:54Oh, no, yeah.
0:51:54 > 0:51:55I mean, he did...
0:51:56 > 0:51:59..Mommy.
0:51:59 > 0:52:03He really loved her. I suppose we all did.
0:52:03 > 0:52:06I thought of that girl as one of my own.
0:52:07 > 0:52:09Why did they break up?
0:52:09 > 0:52:11Break up?
0:52:11 > 0:52:12Oh, heavens,
0:52:12 > 0:52:15they didn't break up.
0:52:15 > 0:52:19She died. Poor little thing.
0:52:19 > 0:52:23Her heart just gave out the night he proposed.
0:52:23 > 0:52:25Oh, my God!
0:52:25 > 0:52:28Some folks blame Anderson, the way he surprised her and all.
0:52:28 > 0:52:30I know I do.
0:52:30 > 0:52:33When she went, it just about tore this family apart.
0:52:33 > 0:52:37Some nights I thought about sticking Daddy's revolver in my mouth
0:52:37 > 0:52:41and pulling the trigger, just so I could be with her in heaven.
0:52:41 > 0:52:44Mrs Wells, I'm not trying to take Vanessa's -
0:52:44 > 0:52:47Don't you say her name.
0:52:47 > 0:52:49I will cut you.
0:52:49 > 0:52:52We're home, Mother! Where are you girls hiding? >
0:52:52 > 0:52:55We're just having a little girl talk, Daddy.
0:52:57 > 0:52:59How was your walk, sweetheart?
0:52:59 > 0:53:02- Very nice. - Hi, honey.
0:53:03 > 0:53:07I don't know what you said to my mom, but whatever it was, it worked.
0:53:07 > 0:53:09She loved you.
0:53:09 > 0:53:12And believe me, my mom's not always as sweet as she looks.
0:53:12 > 0:53:16- Really? - Really. I know it's hard to believe.
0:53:16 > 0:53:19Don't you have anything you want to tell me?
0:53:19 > 0:53:21Yeah.
0:53:23 > 0:53:26Yeah, there is.
0:53:29 > 0:53:31You look really nice tonight.
0:53:32 > 0:53:35You're a real jerk.
0:53:38 > 0:53:40Are we about to have our first fight?
0:53:40 > 0:53:43If we are, can we finish it before we get to your friend's house?
0:53:45 > 0:53:46Or it could wait.
0:53:46 > 0:53:49I just don't understand.
0:53:49 > 0:53:51Why didn't you tell me about Vanessa when I asked?
0:53:51 > 0:53:54- Who's Vanessa? - She was my girlfriend.
0:53:54 > 0:53:57- His fiancee. - Technically, she never said yes.
0:53:57 > 0:53:58She died.
0:53:58 > 0:54:01- Did you kill her? - No.
0:54:01 > 0:54:03That's not what your mother says.
0:54:03 > 0:54:06Look, I was gonna tell you, OK? But...
0:54:06 > 0:54:11But what? You're still in love with her?
0:54:15 > 0:54:19You're in love with a dead girl! You freak!
0:54:19 > 0:54:22Freak? I'm the freak? I'm the freak?
0:54:22 > 0:54:27What kind of person accepts a proposal from a stranger? Freak!
0:54:27 > 0:54:29What kind of a person asks? Freak!
0:54:29 > 0:54:31- Stop calling me freak! - Stop being one, you freak!
0:54:31 > 0:54:36OK! I don't care what you think about me. Just leave her out of it.
0:54:36 > 0:54:39Her? You can't even say her name!
0:54:39 > 0:54:41It's Vanessa, you asshole!
0:54:41 > 0:54:46And she's dead! Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead!
0:54:52 > 0:54:57Wow. That was harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh.
0:55:00 > 0:55:03# "The Fire Thief" - Hem
0:55:09 > 0:55:16# Wouldn't be the first time love made a fool of me
0:55:18 > 0:55:25# Wouldn't even care but now you're here to see
0:55:28 > 0:55:34# It comes as no surprise
0:55:34 > 0:55:37# Just leave the light on
0:55:44 > 0:55:51# What I wouldn't give if you could have it all
0:55:54 > 0:56:00# The sun that's going down the bed that breaks the fall
0:56:04 > 0:56:09# The cradle and the bow
0:56:09 > 0:56:13# So you can take
0:56:13 > 0:56:17# Comfort now
0:56:18 > 0:56:22# You can take
0:56:22 > 0:56:26# Comfort now... #
0:56:31 > 0:56:33- Hey. - Hey.
0:56:33 > 0:56:37We, er, split up to look for you.
0:56:50 > 0:56:53You know, when I was a kid, I didn't have many friends.
0:56:53 > 0:56:57- You're kidding(?) - Nope. It's the truth.
0:56:57 > 0:56:59I don't know why.
0:56:59 > 0:57:02Perhaps because I was into different things.
0:57:02 > 0:57:06Acrobats, strongmen, make-up, that sort of thing.
0:57:06 > 0:57:07Right. That sort of thing.
0:57:07 > 0:57:11But I didn't let it bother me. Because I knew what I loved.
0:57:11 > 0:57:12The circus?
0:57:18 > 0:57:21You know, the circus is a lot like love.
0:57:21 > 0:57:23How so?
0:57:23 > 0:57:26Well, if it's a good one, if it's a really good one,
0:57:26 > 0:57:31it's beautiful and terrifying...
0:57:31 > 0:57:34..and magical, all at the same time.
0:57:35 > 0:57:36Huh!
0:57:36 > 0:57:39You wouldn't give up on the circus just because, once in a while,
0:57:39 > 0:57:43a girl falls off the high wire, snaps her neck.
0:57:45 > 0:57:48Oh. Dead girls.
0:57:48 > 0:57:51Sensitive subject. I'm sorry.
0:57:59 > 0:58:00Morning!
0:58:07 > 0:58:09"Prison escape..." Honey!
0:58:09 > 0:58:11Ah!
0:58:11 > 0:58:14(MUSIC ON CAR RADIO)
0:58:19 > 0:58:21No, thanks.
0:58:23 > 0:58:26- I thought you could open it for me. - Oh.
0:58:26 > 0:58:29Stuart?
0:58:29 > 0:58:31Stuart?
0:58:31 > 0:58:34- Oy! - Hi, Little Bear.
0:58:34 > 0:58:37What the hell are you doing here? Stuart, are you OK?
0:58:37 > 0:58:40- Ducky. - Smitty, what did you do?
0:58:40 > 0:58:44You think I would miss walking my little girl down that aisle?
0:58:44 > 0:58:47- Where is she? - Ran off with her loser boyfriend.
0:58:47 > 0:58:50Hey, you shut up, alright, pal? Did she say where she was going?
0:58:50 > 0:58:53(STRUGGLES TO SPEAK)
0:58:53 > 0:58:55I don't know!
0:58:55 > 0:58:58No! Get away from me!
0:58:58 > 0:59:00Oh, my God!
0:59:00 > 0:59:02(SOBS) Oh!
0:59:05 > 0:59:06Hey.
0:59:06 > 0:59:08Mmm!
0:59:08 > 0:59:11- (GASPS) - Hey!
0:59:11 > 0:59:15- Hey!- This is all your fault! You chased her away!
0:59:15 > 0:59:17- Lois, you're getting emo - - Emotional?
0:59:17 > 0:59:19You're right, I'm getting goddamned emotional.
0:59:19 > 0:59:22What are you gonna do about it, you tiny man?
0:59:22 > 0:59:25- Easy, Little Bear. - You spineless little noodle!
0:59:25 > 0:59:28Easy. Easy. Come on. Let's go find our baby.
0:59:28 > 0:59:30Alright. Let me go get dressed.
0:59:30 > 0:59:32Big Bear...
0:59:32 > 0:59:35- Let me help, Little Bear. - (GASPS)
0:59:40 > 0:59:44(BOTH CHATTER / GIGGLE)
0:59:46 > 0:59:48"Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekhh..."
0:59:48 > 0:59:50Hey! What's that?
0:59:50 > 0:59:51Nothing.
0:59:51 > 0:59:54...vitsivanuulechadlich ner shel Channukah."
0:59:59 > 1:00:02- Dosvedanya. - Take care, Matador.
1:00:09 > 1:00:12- Hey. - You never gave me a key.
1:00:13 > 1:00:15Right.
1:00:18 > 1:00:22I just need to pack up my shit and you'll never see me again.
1:00:38 > 1:00:41Can I get a taxi, please? What is the address?
1:00:41 > 1:00:43- 6 New Lane. - 6 New Lane.
1:00:43 > 1:00:46Apartment... don't go.
1:00:46 > 1:00:48Apartment...
1:00:48 > 1:00:52- What?- (MUMBLES) I like you and I don't want you to go.
1:00:54 > 1:00:55Hold on.
1:00:55 > 1:00:58- What did you say?- I like you and I don't want you to go.
1:00:58 > 1:01:00You don't like me.
1:01:00 > 1:01:03- Don't tell me who I like. Screw you! - Screw you!
1:01:03 > 1:01:05- Screw you! - No, screw you!
1:01:05 > 1:01:07God, you're impossible!
1:01:07 > 1:01:10You are pig-headed, you are stubborn.
1:01:10 > 1:01:13You don't even warn a guy when he's about to step in dog shit!
1:01:13 > 1:01:17Since we met, I've been a wreck! And screw you, I like you!
1:01:17 > 1:01:19Well, you're a liar.
1:01:19 > 1:01:22And you have horrible morning breath.
1:01:22 > 1:01:25And you could never have made it as a picture frame model.
1:01:25 > 1:01:28It is so cut-throat and so competitive!
1:01:28 > 1:01:32And ever since I met you, I've been feeling completely crazy.
1:01:32 > 1:01:35- And I like you, too! - OK.
1:01:35 > 1:01:38OK.
1:01:38 > 1:01:39OK.
1:01:39 > 1:01:42OK, so we like each other.
1:01:44 > 1:01:46Now what?
1:01:48 > 1:01:51- Let's go.- Really? Where? - Trust me.
1:01:51 > 1:01:53Where are we going?
1:01:55 > 1:01:56- Please? - No.
1:01:56 > 1:01:59- Please? - NO!
1:01:59 > 1:02:02- Doesn't one of them have a car? - Not one that will make it.
1:02:02 > 1:02:04Hup!
1:02:05 > 1:02:08(ALL CHEER)
1:02:09 > 1:02:12I'm not doing this. I'm gonna lose my job.
1:02:12 > 1:02:14- You hate your job. - Yeah, but that and my thumbs
1:02:14 > 1:02:18are the only thing separating me from the animals.
1:02:18 > 1:02:21Besides, I could get arrested. I am not doing this.
1:02:21 > 1:02:25I'm not gonna feel bad about it and you can't change my mind.
1:02:27 > 1:02:31- (Nervously) - Hey. Taking a test drive, Hal.
1:02:43 > 1:02:45May I drive?
1:02:47 > 1:02:49No.
1:02:49 > 1:02:50OK.
1:02:50 > 1:02:53# "Love Is A Game For Two To Play" - Francis MacDonald
1:02:53 > 1:02:59# Don't go wishing your life away Come on, now
1:02:59 > 1:03:01# The race ain't run
1:03:02 > 1:03:05# Love is a game
1:03:05 > 1:03:07# Games can be fun
1:03:08 > 1:03:12# Love is a game for two to win
1:03:12 > 1:03:14# Walking around with a great big grin
1:03:14 > 1:03:17# Come on, now
1:03:17 > 1:03:19# Take a run at the sun... #
1:03:20 > 1:03:22We're taking the car, honey!
1:03:22 > 1:03:25(GIGGLES) Whoa!
1:03:45 > 1:03:48Where might she go to get married?
1:03:48 > 1:03:50There's only one place she would go.
1:03:50 > 1:03:53# Come on, now
1:03:53 > 1:03:55# The deal ain't done
1:03:56 > 1:03:59# Love is a game
1:03:59 > 1:04:02# Games can be fun
1:04:03 > 1:04:06# And pretty soon you'll find yourself
1:04:06 > 1:04:09# Hopping, skipping and jumping
1:04:09 > 1:04:12# Turning somersaults
1:04:12 > 1:04:14# With that heart a-thump, thump, thumping
1:04:14 > 1:04:18# Love is a game for two to play
1:04:18 > 1:04:20# Don't go wishing your life away
1:04:20 > 1:04:23- # Come on, now - # Love, love, love is a game
1:04:23 > 1:04:26- # The song ain't sung - # Love, love, the name of the game
1:04:26 > 1:04:29- # Love is a game - # Ooh...
1:04:29 > 1:04:31# Games can be fun
1:04:32 > 1:04:35- # Love is a game - # Ooh...
1:04:35 > 1:04:38# Games should be fun
1:04:38 > 1:04:41# Love is a game
1:04:41 > 1:04:43# Games can be fun #
1:04:48 > 1:04:51- Hey. What do you think? - Nice. (LAUGHS)
1:04:51 > 1:04:55So what's their deal? Are they a "thing"? Weirdo and weirdette?
1:04:55 > 1:04:58No. They're just roomies.
1:04:58 > 1:05:00What about you and Anderson?
1:05:00 > 1:05:04- Oh, yeah. We make out once in a while.- (BOTH LAUGH)
1:05:04 > 1:05:07We've been friends since 7th grade homeroom.
1:05:07 > 1:05:10We entered a talent show together as Wayne and Garth.
1:05:10 > 1:05:12I was Garth.
1:05:12 > 1:05:15You must be close if you're willing to steal a car for him.
1:05:15 > 1:05:21We did not steal a car. We're just on a very, very long test drive.
1:05:21 > 1:05:23- Can I ask you a question? - Sure.
1:05:23 > 1:05:27Er... You know, he's had a pretty tough last year.
1:05:27 > 1:05:29And, er...
1:05:32 > 1:05:35Ted, I'm not going to hurt him.
1:05:36 > 1:05:40Yeah, cos he's an idiot, you know, but he's my best friend.
1:05:40 > 1:05:43Someone's got to watch his back.
1:05:48 > 1:05:49Hey!
1:05:49 > 1:05:52Hey.
1:05:52 > 1:05:55- Hello. - That's it?
1:05:55 > 1:05:57That's all you have to say to me? "Hello"?
1:05:57 > 1:06:00- Hello, stranger? - I won't be such a stranger
1:06:00 > 1:06:03when I detach your bicuspids from your alveolus.
1:06:03 > 1:06:07- Pardon? - (MARTIAL ARTS YELLING)
1:06:11 > 1:06:16- You ruined my life! - Please tell me who you are.
1:06:16 > 1:06:18- I'm the Grim Reaper, ass-clam. - William!
1:06:18 > 1:06:21- Hey! - William!
1:06:21 > 1:06:25- What are you doing? - Exacting my vengeance.
1:06:27 > 1:06:31Again, Katie, would you like to make the introductions?
1:06:31 > 1:06:33Anderson, this is William, my...
1:06:33 > 1:06:38Wife! I'm her wife! I mean, she's my wife. To be. We're engaged.
1:06:38 > 1:06:41What?
1:06:41 > 1:06:43You didn't tell him?
1:06:43 > 1:06:47- I proposed three days ago. - I never said yes.
1:06:47 > 1:06:50You accepted a balloon bouquet! That's the same as saying yes.
1:06:50 > 1:06:54- I don't think that's true. - Is there a problem here, folks?
1:06:54 > 1:06:57No. There's no problem here, Officer.
1:06:57 > 1:07:00This is him. He said he was just going for a test drive.
1:07:00 > 1:07:03Oh, excuse me.
1:07:13 > 1:07:16You folks move along now, alright?
1:07:16 > 1:07:21OK, officer. Thanks. We're gonna get going. Bye.
1:07:27 > 1:07:29Oh, my.
1:07:32 > 1:07:35This could be really bad.
1:07:36 > 1:07:38Hi, Mom?
1:07:38 > 1:07:40Guess where I am?
1:07:41 > 1:07:43- (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS) - Hmmm...
1:07:45 > 1:07:48- Oh, my word. - What is it, Mother?
1:07:48 > 1:07:52Anderson's in trouble. It's that girl, I just know it.
1:07:53 > 1:07:56Alright, you, two, we're gonna have to cut it short.
1:07:57 > 1:08:00Haven't we taught that boy values?
1:08:00 > 1:08:03There's lemonade in the fridge.
1:08:08 > 1:08:12Welcome to Tuxedo Depot. I'm Bill, I'll be your conductor.
1:08:12 > 1:08:14How can I help you reach your formal wear destination?
1:08:14 > 1:08:19You can help me by shutting up, Bill. This is a stick-up.
1:08:19 > 1:08:21We don't want your money.
1:08:21 > 1:08:23(TRAIN HORN TOOTS)
1:08:29 > 1:08:33- What do you think? - You look great. Doesn't he?
1:08:33 > 1:08:36- Yeah, he looks great. - Yeah, great. Good cut.
1:08:36 > 1:08:38Pizza... Gotcha.
1:08:38 > 1:08:42Pizza, you're under arrest.
1:09:02 > 1:09:08So, erm, Katie tells me you're some sort of circus...
1:09:08 > 1:09:10Freak?
1:09:10 > 1:09:13Yeah, that's the word she used.
1:09:13 > 1:09:17Yeah, I guess there aren't a lot of girls that spend their weekends
1:09:17 > 1:09:19learning how to breathe fire.
1:09:19 > 1:09:22No.
1:09:22 > 1:09:24How do you breathe fire?
1:09:24 > 1:09:26Well...
1:09:26 > 1:09:31It's like the old saying - you just pucker your lips and blow
1:09:31 > 1:09:33and...
1:09:34 > 1:09:37Of course, you try not to inhale the propellant
1:09:37 > 1:09:40because you can collapse a lung.
1:09:40 > 1:09:45(RADIO) "All units. 10-16 in progress. 10-16 at Tuxedo Depot."
1:09:45 > 1:09:46Dammit!
1:09:46 > 1:09:50We're moving out of here real slow. Nobody do nothing, nobody gets hurt.
1:09:50 > 1:09:53Thank you. You've been very nice.
1:09:55 > 1:09:58Freeze! Put your hands on your head!
1:09:58 > 1:10:01(CLICK OF GUNS BEING COCKED)
1:10:18 > 1:10:21You've had a tough couple of days, huh?
1:10:21 > 1:10:26Nah. Aside from being hit by a car and assaulted by an orthodontist,
1:10:26 > 1:10:28it hasn't been too bad.
1:10:28 > 1:10:33I'm sorry about William. He's usually a nice guy.
1:10:33 > 1:10:36It's funny you say that, because I remember thinking
1:10:36 > 1:10:40as he was kicking me in the face, "Hey, this guy is pretty nice."
1:10:40 > 1:10:42I'll shut up.
1:10:43 > 1:10:46I just think...
1:10:46 > 1:10:48..maybe the world is trying to tell us something.
1:10:50 > 1:10:52Like what?
1:10:52 > 1:10:55Like maybe you can't look across a crowded restaurant
1:10:55 > 1:11:00find the person you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with.
1:11:00 > 1:11:02You didn't read me my rights. >
1:11:02 > 1:11:03Not my problem. >
1:11:03 > 1:11:05Tell it to the judge.
1:11:05 > 1:11:08- I demand to be miranda'd. - Oh, my God!
1:11:08 > 1:11:10- Oh, my God! - Holy shit!
1:11:10 > 1:11:11- Mom? - Katie.
1:11:11 > 1:11:13- Baby Bear. - Dad!
1:11:13 > 1:11:18- Anderson, this is my dad. - Hi. Hi, er...
1:11:18 > 1:11:21- Nice to meet you. - Excuse the jewellery.
1:11:21 > 1:11:25- What're you doing here? - We stole a car!- Allegedly!
1:11:25 > 1:11:27All of you, pipe down!
1:11:27 > 1:11:30This guy's fugitive ass is going back to the Big House.
1:11:30 > 1:11:32- I'm sorry, your dad's a fugitive? - Yep.
1:11:32 > 1:11:37- OK, let's go.- Come to me, baby. - Daddy!
1:11:37 > 1:11:40- It's so good to see you! - You, too!
1:11:40 > 1:11:41Mom, Dad.
1:11:41 > 1:11:43- Oh, my God! - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1:11:43 > 1:11:46- Who the hot springs are you people? - We're his parents.
1:11:46 > 1:11:49- Hey. - Nice to see you again, Katie.
1:11:49 > 1:11:52Hi... Mommy?
1:11:52 > 1:11:56Mom, Dad, these are Katie's parents.
1:11:56 > 1:11:59Why are Katie's parents in the hoosegow?
1:11:59 > 1:12:04- Yeah, Mom? - He kidnapped me from my Stuart!
1:12:04 > 1:12:06What are you talking about?
1:12:06 > 1:12:10- Oh! Baby, what are you doing? - (CHAOTIC SHOUTING)
1:12:10 > 1:12:11Back me up. No, no!
1:12:11 > 1:12:15I got him. Ouch!
1:12:15 > 1:12:17(SHERIFF SCREAMS) Ow! Bad ankle.
1:12:17 > 1:12:20- Alright, freeze! - (ALL GASP)
1:12:20 > 1:12:21- You freeze! - Whoa!- Mom!
1:12:21 > 1:12:24- No. You drop that gun! - Put down the piece.
1:12:24 > 1:12:28- I will blow you away! - I'll kill this jackass.
1:12:28 > 1:12:30I will violate your organs with tempered steel!
1:12:30 > 1:12:33I am Little Bear, protecting her brood!
1:12:33 > 1:12:36Put down the gun now!
1:12:36 > 1:12:39To preserve the rule of law, I will gladly sacrifice this man.
1:12:39 > 1:12:42What?
1:12:42 > 1:12:45- Mom? - Not now, sweetheart. Drop it!
1:12:45 > 1:12:48- This is not police procedure! - She startled me.
1:12:48 > 1:12:52- Help me up!- Gimme the keys! Get over there before I hurt this man.
1:12:52 > 1:12:55Sweetheart, get your jacket.
1:12:55 > 1:12:57(SMITTY) Go! Go!
1:12:57 > 1:13:00Go, everyone. Get the keys.
1:13:00 > 1:13:03We're not going anywhere!
1:13:03 > 1:13:05My son is not going to be a felon.
1:13:05 > 1:13:10Get a load of this. "My son's too good for felonies." Snobby bitch.
1:13:10 > 1:13:14I have half a mind to stick my boot right up your cooter.
1:13:14 > 1:13:18- (SCREAMS) - (ALL SHOUT AT ONCE)
1:13:18 > 1:13:21(FIRES GUN)
1:13:21 > 1:13:24Whoa! Katie?
1:13:24 > 1:13:29- Katie, what are you doing? - Um... I don't know.
1:13:29 > 1:13:35These past few days, I haven't really had any idea what I'm doing.
1:13:35 > 1:13:39But what I'm realising is I'm standing here shooting a stolen gun,
1:13:39 > 1:13:43- which by the way, is pretty cool. - (ALL SCREAM)
1:13:43 > 1:13:48What I'm realising is that I don't care,
1:13:48 > 1:13:51as long as I can keep doing it with you, Anderson.
1:13:51 > 1:13:53Because I think you can.
1:13:53 > 1:13:56I think you can look across a crowded restaurant
1:13:56 > 1:14:00and fall in love with a grubby stranger.
1:14:00 > 1:14:06And I think love can be instantaneous and insane.
1:14:07 > 1:14:12So, Anderson, for the last time I'm asking you...
1:14:13 > 1:14:15Will you marry me?
1:14:15 > 1:14:17Yes.
1:14:17 > 1:14:19Yeah.
1:14:19 > 1:14:20(BOTH) Yes.
1:14:20 > 1:14:23Yes. Yes.
1:14:24 > 1:14:27- YES! - (ALL) Yes!
1:14:38 > 1:14:41Here we go! Let's go.
1:14:41 > 1:14:45Ooh! Take the van. The keys are on the hook.
1:14:45 > 1:14:47Thank you!
1:14:48 > 1:14:49You go, girl!
1:14:49 > 1:14:52(SQUEALS) Bye!
1:14:54 > 1:14:56Don't stop believing!
1:14:56 > 1:14:59# "Nothing's Gonna Stand In Our Way" Kenneth Springs
1:14:59 > 1:15:01# Believe, you gotta believe
1:15:01 > 1:15:05# Oh, you gotta believe
1:15:05 > 1:15:07# You've got to believe... #
1:15:19 > 1:15:22(WEDDING MARCH PLAYED ON ORGAN)
1:15:24 > 1:15:28- How're you feeling? Nervous? - No. I feel good.
1:15:28 > 1:15:30(MUSIC STOPS)
1:15:33 > 1:15:36- (MUSIC RESUMES) - Let me ask you,
1:15:36 > 1:15:39when you met this guy, did you know?
1:15:41 > 1:15:43Yeah.
1:15:43 > 1:15:45I guess I did.
1:15:45 > 1:15:49- I love you, Daddy. - I love you too, Baby Bear. (SNIFFS)
1:15:51 > 1:15:54Look at me, crying like a jailhouse bitch.
1:15:57 > 1:15:59Stop it.
1:16:10 > 1:16:12- Take care of my baby girl. - I will.
1:16:16 > 1:16:20(WHISPERS) Because if you don't, they'll never find you.
1:16:24 > 1:16:25Thank you.
1:16:28 > 1:16:33My name is Dr Favreau, and on behalf of my family
1:16:33 > 1:16:39I'd like to welcome y'all to The House of Wedded Bliss.
1:16:39 > 1:16:43A couple who marries here, I personally guarantee,
1:16:43 > 1:16:47that's a marriage that's gonna last for life.
1:16:47 > 1:16:49And we never forget a face.
1:16:49 > 1:16:53Ain't that right, Lois and Smitty? (CHUCKLES)
1:16:55 > 1:16:58Now, on to the business at hand.
1:16:58 > 1:17:03Anderson, do you take this woman to be your wife?
1:17:12 > 1:17:14Do you?
1:17:15 > 1:17:16Anderson?
1:17:22 > 1:17:24Sorry, I don't.
1:17:24 > 1:17:28Vanessa, when I met you, I thought you were perfect.
1:17:28 > 1:17:32And you are. I mean, look at you.
1:17:32 > 1:17:36But then I met Katie, and she's...
1:17:36 > 1:17:39She's perfect for me.
1:17:40 > 1:17:42I'm sorry.
1:17:42 > 1:17:44Are you heartbro... You're heartbroken.
1:17:44 > 1:17:49Anderson, I want you to meet somebody. You remember Morty, right?
1:17:49 > 1:17:51"Shooter, shooter, we got a shooter."
1:17:51 > 1:17:56He killed himself after I died. Isn't that so romantic?
1:17:56 > 1:18:00I couldn't live without her, dude. I know, we just met.
1:18:00 > 1:18:03But she's The One. Know what I mean?
1:18:03 > 1:18:06Yeah, I think I do.
1:18:06 > 1:18:09Babe, we've got to blow. I'll be in the Humvee.
1:18:12 > 1:18:13Bye.
1:18:14 > 1:18:17(GIGGLES)
1:18:19 > 1:18:23Do you want to get back to your wedding now, son?
1:18:28 > 1:18:30I do.
1:18:32 > 1:18:37Son, you've got to wait until you say "I do".
1:18:38 > 1:18:40Er... Son...
1:18:44 > 1:18:46I do. I do.
1:18:46 > 1:18:47You got a ring?
1:18:47 > 1:18:51We have some splendid ones in the gift shop for 19.95.
1:18:51 > 1:18:53No. I have a ring.
1:18:58 > 1:19:01I have another ring.
1:19:03 > 1:19:05Remember this?
1:19:18 > 1:19:21By the power vested in me,
1:19:21 > 1:19:24I pronounce you husband and wife.
1:19:24 > 1:19:27- (SQUEALS) - # "Love Today" - Mika
1:19:27 > 1:19:31# Everybody's gonna love today Gonna love today, gonna love today
1:19:31 > 1:19:34# Everybody's gonna love today, gonna love today
1:19:34 > 1:19:37# Any way you happen to, any way you've got to
1:19:37 > 1:19:41# Love, love me, Love, love me
1:19:41 > 1:19:44# Love, love me, Love, love me
1:19:44 > 1:19:46(POLICE SIRENS) Alright, freeze!
1:19:46 > 1:19:50(STUART) I LoJacked your ass. That's him. Arrest him.
1:19:50 > 1:19:54- OK. That is my ear, my friend. - Sorry.
1:19:54 > 1:19:57How would you like it if I DID THAT TO YOU?
1:19:57 > 1:19:58I said I'm sorry.
1:19:58 > 1:20:00Alrighty.
1:20:00 > 1:20:03On a personal note,
1:20:03 > 1:20:06I understand we have some newlyweds here.
1:20:06 > 1:20:07Yes, sir. That's...
1:20:08 > 1:20:12I'd like to offer the congratulations of myself
1:20:12 > 1:20:13and the whole team.
1:20:13 > 1:20:16- Thank you very much. - That's nice.
1:20:19 > 1:20:23Uh-oh! We didn't know where you were registered.
1:20:23 > 1:20:24Oh!
1:20:24 > 1:20:28It's a blender. I had some help picking it out.
1:20:28 > 1:20:30William?
1:20:30 > 1:20:33I realised something today, Katie.
1:20:33 > 1:20:36No matter how hard you try to plan your life,
1:20:36 > 1:20:40life has a plan for you all its own.
1:20:40 > 1:20:42Good luck.
1:20:42 > 1:20:44- Thank you, guys. - Guys, thank you.
1:20:44 > 1:20:46Why is he hugging the cop?
1:20:46 > 1:20:49Come on!
1:20:49 > 1:20:51No, seriously, why is he hugging the cop?
1:20:51 > 1:20:54- (SHERIFF)- Alright. Er...
1:20:54 > 1:20:59On a professional note, you are all under arrest.
1:20:59 > 1:21:03Considering we might not all be together again for quite some time,
1:21:03 > 1:21:06Katie and I were hoping to get a picture
1:21:06 > 1:21:10- before we all go off to the Big House.- That's a great idea.
1:21:10 > 1:21:11- You want me to do it? - Would you?
1:21:11 > 1:21:17- Oh, come on!- Hey! You are walking on thin ice here, my friend.
1:21:17 > 1:21:21You are on very... thin... ice!
1:21:21 > 1:21:24- Let me see it. - Push the button for the flash.
1:21:24 > 1:21:28(ALL TALK AT ONCE)
1:21:29 > 1:21:32Could you all just scooch in a little? One...
1:21:32 > 1:21:33Two...
1:21:33 > 1:21:35Three.
1:21:35 > 1:21:37# I love love
1:21:37 > 1:21:39# I love being in love
1:21:39 > 1:21:43# I don't care what it does to me
1:21:43 > 1:21:46# Take these tattered boxes that used to hold your clothes
1:21:46 > 1:21:51# Break them down, build them back up with your bones
1:21:51 > 1:21:55# Now all you do is construct a mess You're good to me when only flesh
1:21:55 > 1:21:57# You're a memory with nothing to show
1:21:59 > 1:22:02# When we would take trips, we swore we'd never take pictures
1:22:02 > 1:22:06# Pictures only prove you can't convince
1:22:06 > 1:22:08# Well, now I wish those photographs
1:22:08 > 1:22:13# Could convince you that what we had would only turn out a negative
1:22:13 > 1:22:15# Well, well, well
1:22:15 > 1:22:18# If fingertips are relationships
1:22:18 > 1:22:21# Then I could barely carry your weight
1:22:23 > 1:22:25# If fingers are mistakes
1:22:25 > 1:22:28# Don't use this one to point the blame
1:22:28 > 1:22:31# No, just sing, sing
1:22:31 > 1:22:35# I love love, I love being in love
1:22:35 > 1:22:38# I don't care what it does to me
1:22:38 > 1:22:41# These pills are fine to pass the time
1:22:41 > 1:22:42# Till I find my new drug
1:22:42 > 1:22:45# Then we'll take our chances
1:22:45 > 1:22:48# We'll last a month, we'll never speak again
1:22:48 > 1:22:51# How I love being in love
1:23:06 > 1:23:08# And don't pick up the line
1:23:08 > 1:23:10# You're dressed to have a good time
1:23:10 > 1:23:13# You don't need him, you need to be seen
1:23:13 > 1:23:16# So someone else can treat you wrong
1:23:16 > 1:23:18# So you, my love, can sing this song
1:23:18 > 1:23:22# I love love, I love being in love
1:23:22 > 1:23:25# I don't care what it does to me
1:23:25 > 1:23:28# These pills are fine to pass the time
1:23:28 > 1:23:30# Till I find my new drug
1:23:30 > 1:23:33# We'll take advantage, I'll claim that's what I want
1:23:33 > 1:23:35# To be the new statistic
1:23:35 > 1:23:39# How I love, how I love
1:23:39 > 1:23:43# How I love being in love
1:23:48 > 1:23:52# Take these tattered boxes, that used to hold your clothes
1:23:52 > 1:23:57# Break them down, build them back up with your bones
1:23:57 > 1:24:00# Now all you do is construct a mess, you're dead to me if love is death
1:24:00 > 1:24:03# You're a memory with nothing to show
1:24:03 > 1:24:05# Well, well, well
1:24:05 > 1:24:08# If fingertips are relationships
1:24:08 > 1:24:12# Then, well, maybe I could use a break
1:24:13 > 1:24:15# She smiles, she points at me she says
1:24:15 > 1:24:18# Baby, I love how you sing
1:24:18 > 1:24:21# So just sing, sing
1:24:21 > 1:24:26# I love love, I love being in love
1:24:26 > 1:24:29# I don't care what it does to me
1:24:29 > 1:24:33# I love love, I love being in love
1:24:33 > 1:24:36# I don't care what it does to me
1:24:36 > 1:24:40# These pills are fine to pass the time till I find my new drug
1:24:40 > 1:24:43# Then we'll take our chances
1:24:43 > 1:24:45# We'll rise above
1:24:45 > 1:24:47# We'll last until the end, how...
1:24:47 > 1:24:50# I love how, I love how
1:24:50 > 1:24:53# I love being in love #