0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language and adult humour
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Hello. I'm Charlie Brooker and you're watching 2015 Wipe,
0:00:28 > 0:00:31a programme about things that happened in 2015.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Things like this.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Storm Desmond swept in, giving Britain its annual bath.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39On Sky News, Jeremy Corbyn sang happy birthday to a flood victim
0:00:39 > 0:00:41and reduced her to tears.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Thereby adding to the floodwaters, the idiot.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47Sky News grief vampire Kay Burley tweeted a picture of a dog
0:00:47 > 0:00:49looking sad after the Paris attacks.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51It's heartening really to know that even a simple animal
0:00:51 > 0:00:54can post photos like that on Twitter.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56In a mortifying TV moment at the Brit Awards,
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Madonna was accidentally yanked downstairs by a minion.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01In case you're wondering how it feels
0:01:01 > 0:01:03to be pulled off by a dancer in front of an audience of record execs,
0:01:03 > 0:01:05ask your dad.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Fans were ecstatic at the release of a thrilling new Star Wars film.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10If you haven't seen it and you're worried about spoilers,
0:01:10 > 0:01:13just close your eyes for two seconds.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15OK, you can open them now.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Oh, shit, sorry. Thought you still had them closed.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18There were incredible scenes
0:01:18 > 0:01:22as British astronaut Tim Peake blasted into space.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24He's on a daring mission to rescue the man stranded on the moon
0:01:24 > 0:01:27in that trite and sentimental John Lewis advert.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29They called him a hero but, the way the world's going,
0:01:29 > 0:01:33he looks more like a guy chickening out and using an escape pod.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35All well and good but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Let's start at the beginning.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41Usually, the first few weeks of January are kind of uneventful.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Not this time.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Barbaric scenes in Paris.
0:01:45 > 0:01:4712 people have been shot dead
0:01:47 > 0:01:51after masked men stormed the offices of a French magazine.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52SHOUTING
0:01:52 > 0:01:53GUNSHOTS
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Oh, God, sorry, everyone.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57I was hoping to keep it light for the first five minutes
0:01:57 > 0:02:00of this year's show but this is what happened. Bloody world.
0:02:00 > 0:02:01In the days that followed,
0:02:01 > 0:02:04a depressing cancan of world leaders shuffled along a Parisian street
0:02:04 > 0:02:06while countless citizens pledged
0:02:06 > 0:02:08their commitment to freedom of speech.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11While, on apocalypse-ready Fox News, massive anchors were on hand
0:02:11 > 0:02:13to suggest a nuanced response to the threat
0:02:13 > 0:02:15at the very top of their lungs.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18We need to kill them.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20We need to kill them.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Bomb them,
0:02:21 > 0:02:22bomb them
0:02:22 > 0:02:24and bomb them again.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Still, January wasn't exclusively depressing.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28No, because an advert appeared
0:02:28 > 0:02:31which was apparently the funniest thing ever.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34# Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me... #
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Yes, this light-hearted commercial
0:02:36 > 0:02:38in which a sort of disturbing half-Apprentice contender,
0:02:38 > 0:02:42half-Beyonce centaur, twerks his way round the city streets,
0:02:42 > 0:02:45became officially the most hilarious thing that's ever happened.
0:02:45 > 0:02:46Soon, the man behind,
0:02:46 > 0:02:49or, more accurately, inside Dave's Epic Strut,
0:02:49 > 0:02:52was appearing in all manner of promo opportunities around the capital.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55He even appeared on daytime culture stalwart This Morning
0:02:55 > 0:02:56to meet Amanda and Phil.
0:02:56 > 0:02:57Ooh!
0:03:00 > 0:03:01Epic.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Ha-ha-ha! I've forgotten about Charlie Hebdo already.
0:03:04 > 0:03:05Later in the year, the Sun newspaper
0:03:05 > 0:03:08mocked up a psycho-sexually confusing front-page image
0:03:08 > 0:03:10of George Osborne doing the Epic Strut
0:03:10 > 0:03:12after it was impressed with his budget.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Tell you what, this is going in my big scrapbook
0:03:14 > 0:03:17of sexy George Osborne pictures.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21What do you make of your picture on the front of the Sun this morning?
0:03:21 > 0:03:24- Are you happy with that? - Well, it's...
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Yeah, I almost spilt my coffee this morning
0:03:26 > 0:03:28when I read the front page of the Sun.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29Yeah, whatever, shut up.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Come on, give us a twirl. Show us your legs.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38February was a month when humankind was bitterly divided over colours.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Thanks to a mundane photo on social media,
0:03:40 > 0:03:44this became the single most notorious dress since the one Bill Clinton
0:03:44 > 0:03:46accidentally laminated in the Oval Office.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Problem was no-one could agree what colour the dress was,
0:03:48 > 0:03:51something every news show on earth expertly illustrated
0:03:51 > 0:03:53with fascinating vox pops.
0:03:53 > 0:03:54I'm going to go with blue.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56- Lilac.- It's blue.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58- Well, now it's black and blue, actually.- No, it's not.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Yes, it is.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02You know there's a war on, yeah? What colour do you think THAT is?
0:04:02 > 0:04:05According to the boffins, your reaction to the dress
0:04:05 > 0:04:07depended largely on how your brain works,
0:04:07 > 0:04:10ie if your brain works, you couldn't give a shit what colour it is.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12In illuminating scenes on Sky News,
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Kay Burley was so bamboozled gawping at the dress
0:04:14 > 0:04:17she couldn't see she was trying to talk to a still image of a man
0:04:17 > 0:04:18instead of a live human.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Joining us live from Cardiff, is Dr Ashley Wood,
0:04:21 > 0:04:24a lecturer at the School of Optometry and Vision Science.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Thank you very much indeed for joining us on Sky News
0:04:27 > 0:04:29this afternoon. What colour did you see it as, first of all?
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Look at the sadness in his eyes.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40There was this sort of film thing called Fifty Shades of Grey.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42It was like a cross between a romantic drama
0:04:42 > 0:04:46and a documentary warning women about a maniac on the loose.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48There was this woman in it who found herself
0:04:48 > 0:04:51in a submissive violent relationship with a dominant man.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54She goes to interview this rich businessman called Christian Grey
0:04:54 > 0:04:56who's become a billionaire
0:04:56 > 0:04:59despite not being able to pull facial expressions.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01How about we try a few with a smile?
0:05:03 > 0:05:06He's a massively successful billionaire CEO
0:05:06 > 0:05:10with his name all up in huge lettering on stuff he owns.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Like Donald Trump but younger and better looking.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16And a bit less of a burgeoning fascist tyrant
0:05:16 > 0:05:18who the world must stop at any cost.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22Actually, he sort of looks like Colin Firth but done in Lego.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24You can see why she falls for him.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26He's handsome, he's rich,
0:05:26 > 0:05:28he flies around in a helicopter,
0:05:28 > 0:05:30he plays the piano with his tits out
0:05:30 > 0:05:31and he's got a secret red room
0:05:31 > 0:05:34containing the world's biggest collection of bum sticks
0:05:34 > 0:05:36and things you hit horses with.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37Anyway, at the start of the film,
0:05:37 > 0:05:39he's a characterless, controlling sadist
0:05:39 > 0:05:43but, gradually, as their relationship blossoms,
0:05:43 > 0:05:44he stays that way.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49It's basically a film adaptation of Punch and Judy
0:05:49 > 0:05:52because it's about this weird wooden man who enjoys beating a woman
0:05:52 > 0:05:56but without the bit where a crocodile steals some sausages.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Which might have redeemed it.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00As a film, it looks glossy and modern
0:06:00 > 0:06:03but it's basically your old-fashioned standard romance.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Boy meets girl,
0:06:04 > 0:06:06boy psychologically dominates girl,
0:06:06 > 0:06:08girl acquiesces to boy's every demand,
0:06:08 > 0:06:10boy hits girl with crop,
0:06:10 > 0:06:12boy hits girl with fluffy stick thing,
0:06:12 > 0:06:15boy ties girl up and yanks girl's hair,
0:06:15 > 0:06:16boy hits girl with belt
0:06:16 > 0:06:18and girl leaves boy having explored
0:06:18 > 0:06:20the wilder fringes of her own sexuality
0:06:20 > 0:06:24in a carefully controlled, albeit unrealistic environment.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28Way back in 2014, controversial human exhaust pipe Jeremy Clarkson
0:06:28 > 0:06:31had run into trouble for allegedly using a racist word
0:06:31 > 0:06:33in a Top Gear outtake,
0:06:33 > 0:06:36after which he was on his final warning with the BBC,
0:06:36 > 0:06:40so all he had to do in 2015 was keep a low profile.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Maybe not punch anybody.
0:06:42 > 0:06:43Should be easy.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Just to tell you that we are just hearing from the BBC
0:06:49 > 0:06:51that Jeremy Clarkson has been suspended.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Oh, Jeremy!
0:06:53 > 0:06:55At first, it wasn't quite clear what had happened.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58The BBC would only say Clarkson had been involved in a fracas,
0:06:58 > 0:07:01a word which was soon dancing awkwardly across the lips
0:07:01 > 0:07:02of every newsreader on earth.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04What the BBC call a fracas.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05- Fracas.- Fracas.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09- Fracas.- Supposed fracas.
0:07:09 > 0:07:10- Fracas.- Fracas.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12What do you make of the term a fracas?
0:07:12 > 0:07:14It was a PR fracas-trophe.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16It turned out that, following a strenuous day's work
0:07:16 > 0:07:19being filmed driving cars in exchange for many thousands of pounds,
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Clarkson had retired to this hotel, ordered a steak
0:07:22 > 0:07:24and discovered he could only have a cold meat platter,
0:07:24 > 0:07:27which he turned down in favour of some red-hot beef.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30While Clarkson hung in limbo, the media camped outside his London pad
0:07:30 > 0:07:33peering at him through long lenses as he paced around
0:07:33 > 0:07:36like a depressed polar bear, smoking like polar bears don't.
0:07:36 > 0:07:37Meanwhile, at street level,
0:07:37 > 0:07:40a campaign for his reinstatement was beginning to gather steam.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43David Cameron said he hoped he'd be back on TV.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44I hope this can be sorted out
0:07:44 > 0:07:48because it's a great programme and he's a great talent.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51While gladiator Russell Crowe said he could empathise.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54The thing that I'm sympathetic about towards Jeremy
0:07:54 > 0:07:58in this particular instance, is I know how long a day can be.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Yeah, we've all got clocks, mate.
0:08:00 > 0:08:05So, if he's made a statement, "Look, I'll go as hard as I can
0:08:05 > 0:08:08"all day long and all I need at the end of the day is something to eat,"
0:08:08 > 0:08:11I don't think that sounds to me like an unreasonable request.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14No, but it sounds like a pretty good personal mission statement.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Things were becoming more and more fraught
0:08:16 > 0:08:19and, as over a million people signed a petition for his reinstatement,
0:08:19 > 0:08:22it looked like the whole thing might spark a civil war.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Just going to show you some pictures from outside this building,
0:08:25 > 0:08:28namely Broadcasting House in central London,
0:08:28 > 0:08:33where a petition calling for the reinstatement of Jeremy Clarkson
0:08:33 > 0:08:36to Top Gear has been delivered to the BBC.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Anyway, eventually, the BBC made their decision.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has been dropped from the show.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45The news then suddenly became a kind of weird obituary
0:08:45 > 0:08:48with people queueing up to pay tribute as though Clarkson had died.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Even the Director-General joined in.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53I've always been a great fan of his work on Top Gear
0:08:53 > 0:08:58and I also believe that his voice and voices like his have a place,
0:08:58 > 0:09:00an important place, on the BBC.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02AS CLARKSON: That's good to know
0:09:02 > 0:09:05so, as long as I carry on speaking like this,
0:09:05 > 0:09:09my future at the BBC is assured.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11What is it with the Venezuelans?
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Bloody animals.
0:09:13 > 0:09:14Anyway, now Clarkson had gone,
0:09:14 > 0:09:17there was the little question of where he'd end up.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Presumably, he could pick and choose his job offers
0:09:19 > 0:09:22and we all know how he does that, as seen in this simulation.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Watch, because this is how you do it.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28Eeny, meeny, minie...
0:09:28 > 0:09:30No!
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Hello. Back in the spring, as you probably remember,
0:09:33 > 0:09:36I suddenly became un-busy.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Yes, as this light-hearted advert made clear,
0:09:38 > 0:09:39in the end, he went with Amazon,
0:09:39 > 0:09:42although it's only a matter of time until he insults the Amazonians.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45They're definitely going to fire him if he uses the N-word.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46Netflix.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50Expectant car fans already can't wait for the new show to launch.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52I've got a preview here of exactly the kind of
0:09:52 > 0:09:55tantalising spinning-wheel action they can expect.
0:09:58 > 0:10:03Also in March, celebrity hunchback King Richard III had burial II.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06They'd dug him up a few years ago and tried to bring him back to life
0:10:06 > 0:10:08by sticking a plasticine face on him but that hadn't worked.
0:10:08 > 0:10:09He'd stayed dead.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12So now they were planning to throw him back in the ground
0:10:12 > 0:10:14a bit like lobbing back a fish you don't want.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16As the startling news coverage made clear,
0:10:16 > 0:10:19R3-D2 now got the respectful burial he'd been denied in life
0:10:19 > 0:10:21centuries too late and at great expense
0:10:21 > 0:10:25in the weirdest and most arcane royal event since every single other one.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29That is an event which will only take place once in all eternity.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31You know this is his second burial?
0:10:31 > 0:10:33He'll probably want another one next year, the diva.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Old Dickie Double-Coffin, that's what I call him.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Soon his royal deadness was lying in Leicester Cathedral
0:10:38 > 0:10:41disguised as a wooden AT-AT walker from Empire Strikes Back
0:10:41 > 0:10:43while funeral-likers stood outside
0:10:43 > 0:10:45watching on a traditional Jumbotron screen
0:10:45 > 0:10:47soaking up the comprehensive coverage
0:10:47 > 0:10:49as Heritage Bandersnatch read a sombre poem
0:10:49 > 0:10:51specially written for the occasion by the Poet Laureate.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53My bones,
0:10:53 > 0:10:57scripted in light upon cold soil...
0:10:57 > 0:11:01Nothing like bloody poetry to bring the mood down at a good funeral.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Finally, the entire nation watched in silent solemnity
0:11:04 > 0:11:07as a group of uniformed men filed into the back of Leicester Cathedral
0:11:07 > 0:11:09to lovingly bury their Dick in the ground.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Cor, look, you can see him going in.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15In April, there was no ignoring the forthcoming general election.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17As the election campaign began,
0:11:17 > 0:11:19honey-roast Prime Minister David Cameron,
0:11:19 > 0:11:21seen here frequenting his local dead pig parlour,
0:11:21 > 0:11:23came in for some criticism.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25People were saying his heart wasn't in it
0:11:25 > 0:11:27as he didn't want to serve three terms.
0:11:27 > 0:11:28Terms are like Shredded Wheat.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Two are wonderful and three might just be too many.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33I'm surprised he eats Shredded Wheat for breakfast. I don't know why,
0:11:33 > 0:11:36I just always pictured him getting stuck into some bacon.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39HRH Cam Sandwich was also accused of avoiding debate,
0:11:39 > 0:11:41which is something of a character trait,
0:11:41 > 0:11:43what with his weird habit of abruptly walking out of shot
0:11:43 > 0:11:46the nanosecond he's had enough of answering reporters' questions.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48I don't know why he keeps walking away like that.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Maybe he's one of those shy Tories they keep going on about.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54It's easy to see why he'd be daunted by his chief opponent,
0:11:54 > 0:11:56human balloon animal Ed Miliband,
0:11:56 > 0:12:00a fiery public speaker accustomed to winning over audiences
0:12:00 > 0:12:03with his powerful rhetoric and catchphrases like Uh!
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Uh!
0:12:05 > 0:12:06APPLAUSE
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Miliband had something of an image problem,
0:12:10 > 0:12:13which wasn't exactly helped when, in an early head-to-head meeting
0:12:13 > 0:12:16with weary human fight Jeremy Paxman,
0:12:16 > 0:12:18he dealt with questions about his leadership qualities
0:12:18 > 0:12:20about as convincingly as Stevie Wonder
0:12:20 > 0:12:23auditioning for the lead role in American Sniper.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25The point is people think you're just not tough enough.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Well, let me tell you, right,
0:12:27 > 0:12:30let me tell you, OK,
0:12:30 > 0:12:31let me tell you.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Quick, everyone, set perineum to cringe.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35Am I tough enuss? Tough enough?
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Hell yes, I'm tough enough.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40But, in the weeks that followed,
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Miliband began shedding the geek image,
0:12:42 > 0:12:45developing the kind of carefree, approachable persona
0:12:45 > 0:12:48that can only be pummelled into you by weeks of intensive media training.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Some people felt he was no longer an embarrassment but a heartthrob,
0:12:52 > 0:12:56Edward Boy-band with a growing army of admirers known as the Milifandom,
0:12:56 > 0:12:59who cluttered up the Internet with sexy fantasy imagery.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Cameron, by contrast, seemed a little underpowered
0:13:01 > 0:13:04and was making uncharacteristic campaign gaffes.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06He got a little too close to a farm animal
0:13:06 > 0:13:07for the first time in his life.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10He was photographed eating a hot dog with a knife and fork.
0:13:10 > 0:13:11Good to see him treating a pork product
0:13:11 > 0:13:13with all the respect it deserves.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16And, on Sky News, he forgot which football team he pretends to support,
0:13:16 > 0:13:20accidentally naming a different team instead of his beloved Aston Villa.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Where you can support Man United,
0:13:22 > 0:13:25the Windies and Team GB all at the same time.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Of course, I'd rather you supported West Ham.
0:13:28 > 0:13:29Erm...
0:13:29 > 0:13:31HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
0:13:31 > 0:13:32West Ham?
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Why is he obsessed with ham?
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Meanwhile, down-to-earth toff of the people George Osborne
0:13:36 > 0:13:39was all over the media trying to artificially inflate
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Britain's employment stats by doing
0:13:41 > 0:13:43almost every flavour of manual job imaginable.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Oh, that's another one for the scrapbook.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Look at him, he's so good with his hands.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52He was constantly in hi-vis working in factories, looking at plans,
0:13:52 > 0:13:55operating diggers, breaking into the Hatton Garden safe deposit company...
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Hang on a minute!
0:13:57 > 0:13:59You've just found an extra £8 billion.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01All I'm asking is where does it come from?
0:14:01 > 0:14:05No higher taxes, extra public spending cuts. Where?
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Of course, Labour v Tory was only one part of the story.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11There was no escaping the new multiplicity in the leaders' debate
0:14:11 > 0:14:15as a full peacock's tail feather of different parties fanned out
0:14:15 > 0:14:16to debate the big issues
0:14:16 > 0:14:20in scenes resembling a Fifteen to One wannabe tyrant special.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23This provided a great public hearing for Ukip's Nigel Farage
0:14:23 > 0:14:25who finally had got the chance
0:14:25 > 0:14:27to debate Britain's out-of-control multiculturalism
0:14:27 > 0:14:29with six other white people.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31He tried to win over the crowd in the first debate
0:14:31 > 0:14:34with some populist AIDS-patient bashing.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36There are 7,000 diagnoses
0:14:36 > 0:14:38in this country every year
0:14:38 > 0:14:40for people who are HIV-positive.
0:14:40 > 0:14:4160% of them
0:14:41 > 0:14:43are not British nationals.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Yeah, you tell them, Nige.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Bloody foreigners, coming over here guzzling our medicine.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49They're not just ill, they're greedy.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Tiny Trump wasn't having the best time of it this campaign.
0:14:52 > 0:14:53He looked tired and fed up
0:14:53 > 0:14:56and even turned on the audience and the metropolitan BBC
0:14:56 > 0:14:58during debate number 76.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01There just seems to be a total lack of comprehension on this panel,
0:15:01 > 0:15:04and indeed amongst this audience, which is a remarkable audience
0:15:04 > 0:15:08even by the left wing standards of the BBC,
0:15:08 > 0:15:10this lot's pretty left wing, believe me.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12To be fair, the BBC had been subjecting him
0:15:12 > 0:15:16to some pretty uncompromising questions throughout the campaign.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- Did you see the Paddington Bear movie last year?- No.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20Racist!
0:15:20 > 0:15:21Meanwhile in the Lib Dem camp,
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Deputy PM Nick Clegg seemed to have decided
0:15:24 > 0:15:26to enjoy his last few weeks in the spotlight.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28He was out touring the country
0:15:28 > 0:15:29like a One Show reporter doing a guide
0:15:29 > 0:15:31to days out for less with the family.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34He went bowling, he dangled off a zip wire,
0:15:34 > 0:15:37and he dawdled around at a hedgehog sanctuary.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Really poorly, she's got maggots in every orifice.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42He seemed to be prematurely off duty,
0:15:42 > 0:15:45kind of relaxed, even apparently enjoying the abuse he was getting
0:15:45 > 0:15:49on social media, if this illuminating Sun video was anything to go by.
0:15:49 > 0:15:54HE READS TWEET
0:15:54 > 0:15:55That's nice, Tom(!)
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Faring rather better was the SNP.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59They'd been growing in confidence
0:15:59 > 0:16:01ever since they finished an impressive second
0:16:01 > 0:16:03in last year's yes/no referendum.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05And now they had a new, media friendly leader
0:16:05 > 0:16:07in the form of fiery pepper pot Nicola Sturgeon,
0:16:07 > 0:16:10who became super-popular super-fast,
0:16:10 > 0:16:13posing for selfies all over the shop like a Tartan Kardashian.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16The prospect of Scotland wielding some power seemed terrifying
0:16:16 > 0:16:19to some quarters of the press and stoking English fears
0:16:19 > 0:16:22of this Scottish resurgence was one Tory tactic
0:16:22 > 0:16:24that seemed to be gaining traction.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Maybe that's why, in the final days of the campaign,
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Cameron seemed notably fired up.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30He was out, making bold claims.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Will you put to bed rumours that you plan to cut child tax credit
0:16:33 > 0:16:36and restrict child benefit to two children?
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Well, thank you, Jenny, for that question.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39No, I don't want to do that.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41And giving good pep talk.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Taking a risk, having a punt, having a go, that pumps me up
0:16:44 > 0:16:46and it's what is changing our country.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Look at that. He's gone Pinky AND Perky.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52Meanwhile, Ed Miliband was trying to make his own populist appeals
0:16:52 > 0:16:56by turning up to talk poli-icks with shag-happy Che Guevara Russell Brand.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00- The Tories want to say, "This is as good as it gets."- Yeah.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02And this isn't as good as it gets for the country.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06He also unveiled a granite-based equal rights for stones policy.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09He's had his campaign pledges engraved
0:17:09 > 0:17:10on an 8ft tall tablet of limestone.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12They're carved in stone
0:17:12 > 0:17:16because they won't be abandoned after the General Election.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19I want the British people to remember these pledges,
0:17:19 > 0:17:21to remind us of these pledges.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Yeah, hi, Ed, do you remember the time
0:17:24 > 0:17:27you carved a load of pledges on a massive stone?
0:17:27 > 0:17:30PHONE DISCONNECTS Oh he's hung up.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32But no matter what the leaders said, did,
0:17:32 > 0:17:35or fell off, it seemed the polls were stubbornly failing to shift.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39But what if the polling agencies have got it just a little bit wrong?
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Welcome to the BBC's Election Centre.
0:17:41 > 0:17:46Four minutes from now, when Big Ben strikes ten,
0:17:46 > 0:17:49we can legally reveal the contents of this, our exit poll.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52"MASTERMIND" THEME PLAYS It promised to be an epic marathon
0:17:52 > 0:17:56of constitutional chaos you'd need a degree in wonkology to sort out.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58That's why I'm set for the longest election night ever
0:17:58 > 0:18:00weeks of negotiation and number crunching
0:18:00 > 0:18:02and I'm prepared for it all.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04To make sense of the results, I've got a load of laptops,
0:18:04 > 0:18:07I've got a slide rule, a copy of the parliamentary guidelines,
0:18:07 > 0:18:09that 5D swingometer, Paul the Octopus,
0:18:09 > 0:18:11a ZX Spectrum, I've got a soothsayer -
0:18:11 > 0:18:13and to help me stay awake,
0:18:13 > 0:18:16I've got a thermos flask full of coffee to swig from,
0:18:16 > 0:18:18I've got a bucket to piss and shit in
0:18:18 > 0:18:21and a platter of performance enhancing drugs.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23So, come on, hit me with the exit poll.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Come on, tell me just how complicated and drawn-out this is going to be.
0:18:26 > 0:18:27I can't wait, it's going to be good!
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- BIG BEN CHIMES - Here it is, ten o'clock,
0:18:30 > 0:18:34and we are saying the Conservatives are the largest party.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38Oh, what? Bloody octopus is broken.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41It seems voters had been trolling the pollsters all along.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44It's hard to know how they could make opinion polls any more accurate.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Maybe they should ask TWO questions.
0:18:46 > 0:18:47One - who are you going to vote for
0:18:47 > 0:18:49and two - no, really, who are you going to vote for?
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Meanwhile, back in Election Night,
0:18:51 > 0:18:53while the Tories chortled their socks off,
0:18:53 > 0:18:56a full-blown Red Wedding was occurring for the other parties,
0:18:56 > 0:18:58as one well-known face after another was toppled.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Vince Cable. Jim Murphy.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Danny Alexander.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Simon Hughes. Ed Balls. Zayn Malik -
0:19:05 > 0:19:07they all naffed off to Oblivion Villas.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09And then the great purge began.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Nigel Farage temporarily sent himself back to where he came from.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15And I will consider over the course of the summer
0:19:15 > 0:19:17whether to put my name forward to do that job again.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Nick Clegg showed himself the door.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23I will be resigning as leader of the Liberal Democrats.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25And Ed Miliband announced a 100% cut in himself.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28So I'm tendering my resignation,
0:19:28 > 0:19:30taking effect after this afternoon's commemoration
0:19:30 > 0:19:32of VE Day at the Cenotaph.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Must've been a bit depressing for Eddie Baby.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Suppose the only way it could've been any more depressing
0:19:37 > 0:19:39is if, a few hours later, he had to stand beside
0:19:39 > 0:19:41the bloke who beat him laying a wreath
0:19:41 > 0:19:42to a mournful musical accompaniment,
0:19:42 > 0:19:45in a waking nightmare symbolising the death of his electoral dreams.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47I mean, thank God he didn't have to do that.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Soon, Cambo and Sam, seen here in a white and gold dress,
0:19:50 > 0:19:54were back at Number 10 while on daytime TV postmortems,
0:19:54 > 0:19:56some Labour supporters were left sounding a little bitter.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58But I think the way the election went,
0:19:58 > 0:20:01it just kind of shows that this country doesn't deserve a leader
0:20:01 > 0:20:04who's got so much integrity and principles.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08I think Ed Miliband's too good for this fucking country, to be honest.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10- No, no, you can't swear on daytime television.- Oh, sorry.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13I will apologise and would you like to apologise, too?
0:20:13 > 0:20:14Yes, I'd like to apologise.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17I shouldn't have sworn, it was very bad of me.
0:20:17 > 0:20:21June saw the shocking conclusion of the fifth season of Game of Thrones.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23It's based on Lord of the Rings by William Shakespeare.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26It's set in sort of series one Blackadder times,
0:20:26 > 0:20:28before dragons became extinct.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Pretty much every British actor ever has shown up in it at some point.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33I think it's like jury service and they get called up.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36It goes on for ages and you never know who's going to die next,
0:20:36 > 0:20:37like Last of the Summer Wine.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40One of the main characters is called Jon Snow.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42He's a kind of anguished hero with exceptional hair,
0:20:42 > 0:20:43which is quite an achievement
0:20:43 > 0:20:46when you think about how hard it must be to maintain
0:20:46 > 0:20:48a half-decent male grooming regime by candlelight
0:20:48 > 0:20:49in a violent fantasy realm.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Loads of things have happened to Jon Snow,
0:20:51 > 0:20:54every moment of his life has been an incredible journey.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57He's looked miserable in forests and looked miserable in the snow,
0:20:57 > 0:21:00he's looked miserable during the night and miserable during the day
0:21:00 > 0:21:03and miserable because he was about to get off with this beautiful woman
0:21:03 > 0:21:06and miserable when she shot him with an arrow and miserable in a castle
0:21:06 > 0:21:10and miserable in a boat looking at a sort of zombie monster thing.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13He's been on this sort of flat roller-coaster of one emotion,
0:21:13 > 0:21:14which is misery.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Until, this year, he got knifed by some of the other characters.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20I'm not sure why, but I think he stole someone's watch.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26For the Watch.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30And so then he was left looking miserable on his back in the snow.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32But properly miserable this time
0:21:32 > 0:21:34because, let me tell you, getting stabbed really stings.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Oh, look at the sadness in his eyes!
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Now, throughout the year,
0:21:38 > 0:21:41feminism has been in the headlines for one reason or another.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43There were debates about sexism on the internet,
0:21:43 > 0:21:47and as this illuminating coverage showed, women in Saudi Arabia
0:21:47 > 0:21:50won the right to vote and pose for virtually meaningless selfies.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Here to explore feminism is Philomena Cunk
0:21:53 > 0:21:55with one of her Moments of Wonder.
0:22:11 > 0:22:16We used to think men were from Mars and women were from Venus,
0:22:16 > 0:22:20but scientists now believe they both hatched on Earth thousands,
0:22:20 > 0:22:22maybe even hundreds of years ago.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27But even though there have probably been women on the planet
0:22:27 > 0:22:30as long as men, for most of that time,
0:22:30 > 0:22:32the two sides haven't been equal.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35The only things that make a woman different from a man
0:22:35 > 0:22:40are her breasts and vagina and also his testicles and penis.
0:22:42 > 0:22:47It's easy to see how these fearsome and almighty genitals
0:22:47 > 0:22:50convinced generations of men that they were superior.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57Back in Queen Victorian times, women weren't allowed to vote,
0:22:57 > 0:22:59even though we had a female king,
0:22:59 > 0:23:03so some women formed a gang called the Suffragettes.
0:23:04 > 0:23:05The Suffragettes did things
0:23:05 > 0:23:07that were considered shocking at the time,
0:23:07 > 0:23:11like throwing themselves in front of the King's racehorse.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13They did this partly to highlight
0:23:13 > 0:23:17how unfair it was that women didn't have a vote, but horses did
0:23:17 > 0:23:21and also because, being women, they really liked ponies.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23They also went on hunger strike,
0:23:23 > 0:23:27sparking the cool fad for women's diets that continues to this day.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31The Suffragettes opened doors for millions of women,
0:23:31 > 0:23:36whereas before, they had to wait for men to open those doors for them.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38If it wasn't for the Suffragettes,
0:23:38 > 0:23:40I probably wouldn't be standing here now.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43I'd be in a kitchen where I belong.
0:23:43 > 0:23:48Amazingly, it took until 1928 for the women of Britain to be
0:23:48 > 0:23:53given a vote and not just a vote, but a vote each, which is fairer.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57Even though women had a vote, they were still second class,
0:23:57 > 0:23:58like a shit stamp,
0:23:58 > 0:24:04so in the 1960s century, there was a new wave of femininists.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Back in old but still in colour times,
0:24:06 > 0:24:08women were seen as eye candy,
0:24:08 > 0:24:10which are sweets you eat just by looking at them.
0:24:12 > 0:24:16Then, in 1970, femininists protested at the Miss World show
0:24:16 > 0:24:21and threw ink bombs at Bob Hope, ruining his chances of winning.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Today, shallow beauty contests are unacceptable
0:24:24 > 0:24:26and women are more visible everywhere,
0:24:26 > 0:24:28taking important roles in landmark
0:24:28 > 0:24:31high quality television programmes
0:24:31 > 0:24:32like Game of Thrones
0:24:32 > 0:24:33and True Detective.
0:24:33 > 0:24:34Despite all that,
0:24:34 > 0:24:39today, a woman's half as likely to earn over £50,000 a year
0:24:39 > 0:24:41than a man and, to add insult to injury,
0:24:41 > 0:24:45that money will most likely have a picture of a man on it
0:24:45 > 0:24:48because most bank notes don't have women on them.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Apart from the Queen, who's on all of them.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54'But what is femininism, anyway?
0:24:54 > 0:24:57'To find out more, I asked an expert.'
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Hello. Who are you?
0:24:59 > 0:25:00I'm Mary Evans.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03I'm a centennial professor at the Gender Institute
0:25:03 > 0:25:05at the London School of Economics.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08And what is a femininist?
0:25:08 > 0:25:12A feminist is a person, male or female, who thinks that women
0:25:12 > 0:25:16should have the same human and civic rights as men.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Can a femininist wear make-up?
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Well, I'm wearing it at the moment
0:25:22 > 0:25:25and so I would think that's perfectly possible.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28What if they found out? They might cast you out, do you think?
0:25:28 > 0:25:30I'm not sure who would cast me out.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32I don't think people go around casting people out.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34If men were women,
0:25:34 > 0:25:38do you think they'd have been better at doing femininism than we are?
0:25:38 > 0:25:42I don't think men would be any better than women are
0:25:42 > 0:25:45at putting forward the feminist case.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47They're always thinking about sex, aren't they?
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Like a lot of people, they're thinking about
0:25:50 > 0:25:53how to pay their mortgages, how to put food on the table.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56- There are lots of questions to fill up everybody's daily lives.- Mm.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58So, they're just like us, really, aren't they?
0:25:58 > 0:26:01They've got their own little personalities.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04I think they have and some of those personalities
0:26:04 > 0:26:06are a lot littler than other personalities,
0:26:06 > 0:26:10- but there are certainly a very, very rich range of them.- Yeah.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13When a femininist looks in the mirror,
0:26:13 > 0:26:18- do they see an equal woman or a better woman?- Erm...
0:26:18 > 0:26:20They quite often, like all of us,
0:26:20 > 0:26:24look for what they want to see and they look for what they hope to see.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28You see yourself back to front, don't you, in a mirror,
0:26:28 > 0:26:31but not upside down. Why's that?
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Well, hopefully because that's the way that mirrors are designed.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37What powers a mirror?
0:26:37 > 0:26:40- Sorry, you're not the mirrors expert, are you?- I'm afraid not.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45How far have we come?
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Men in vans still whistle at women in the street,
0:26:47 > 0:26:51though, thanks to femininism, the man in the van might be a woman
0:26:51 > 0:26:55and the woman they're whistling at might be a Prime Minister.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Next time on Moments of Wonder,
0:26:57 > 0:27:01I'll be asking why is the world's hair such a weird colour.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07Following the general election, the Labour Party was left
0:27:07 > 0:27:11wandering around in the wilderness, not knowing what to do with itself,
0:27:11 > 0:27:13a bit like Howard from Take That in the late '90s.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17So they held a leadership raffle to see who could run the party next.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19The main three contenders were all professional politicians
0:27:19 > 0:27:21and you could tell they were professional
0:27:21 > 0:27:24because they were hard to relate to on any basic human level.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26I mean, really, look into Andy Burnham's eyes
0:27:26 > 0:27:29and you experience exactly the same sensation you'd get
0:27:29 > 0:27:31gazing at a face scribbled on a kitchen appliance.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Anyway, the contest was set to go ahead until...
0:27:34 > 0:27:37We've just heard in the last few seconds
0:27:37 > 0:27:40that the veteran left wing MP Jeremy Corbyn
0:27:40 > 0:27:44has secured his place in the Labour leadership race.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Yes, at the last minute, a bunch of MPs added someone
0:27:46 > 0:27:48called Jeremy Corbyn to the list for a laugh
0:27:48 > 0:27:49to see what would happen.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51The previously unheard-of backbencher,
0:27:51 > 0:27:54who bore a resemblance to everyone from an old history teacher
0:27:54 > 0:27:56to an old history supply teacher,
0:27:56 > 0:27:59had gone unnoticed for decades, but now he was everywhere.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01And his weird gimmick was that he didn't have a gimmick.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04He dresses like a politician from archive footage,
0:28:04 > 0:28:07specifically Jeremy Corbyn in 1984.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09- Is that the jumper that your mum made?- Yes, it is.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12She didn't make the shirt as well, I suppose?
0:28:12 > 0:28:14No, she didn't. That came from the Co-op.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17And what that means is rather than looking polished,
0:28:17 > 0:28:19he looks sort of normal. He looks like just some bloke,
0:28:19 > 0:28:22someone you might see trying to buy a grab bag of salt and vinegar Discos
0:28:22 > 0:28:25at a motorway service station branch of Smiths
0:28:25 > 0:28:26and having to call for assistance
0:28:26 > 0:28:29because the sensor thing can't read the barcode.
0:28:29 > 0:28:31And, these days, that's inspiring.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33To use a highbrow allusion, putting Jeremy "Normal" Corbyn
0:28:33 > 0:28:37into the media glare alongside the 'professional' politicos
0:28:37 > 0:28:39was a bit like when they put Chantelle,
0:28:39 > 0:28:41who at the time was a normal member of the public,
0:28:41 > 0:28:43into Celebrity Big Brother season four,
0:28:43 > 0:28:45and she quickly won over viewers
0:28:45 > 0:28:48just by not being one of the elite she was sharing a space with.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50If Corbynmania was like that, there was every chance
0:28:50 > 0:28:53that just like Chantelle, he might win.
0:28:53 > 0:28:55Or at least get off with Preston.
0:28:55 > 0:28:57Sure enough, Corbyn soon started building support
0:28:57 > 0:28:59with people queuing round the block to see him.
0:28:59 > 0:29:02Months ago, no-one even knew who he was and now suddenly
0:29:02 > 0:29:04people would pack a hall to the rafters
0:29:04 > 0:29:06just to watch him piss in a teacup.
0:29:06 > 0:29:09And his anti-establishment stance was starting to win an audience.
0:29:09 > 0:29:11There is a quote from you in The Sun newspaper today
0:29:11 > 0:29:14from a video you did.
0:29:14 > 0:29:16Would you stand by those remarks?
0:29:16 > 0:29:18I don't know what the remarks are
0:29:18 > 0:29:20because I don't buy The Sun newspaper.
0:29:20 > 0:29:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:29:22 > 0:29:23Labour were furious.
0:29:23 > 0:29:26Under Miliband, the leadership rules had changed,
0:29:26 > 0:29:28meaning ANYONE could join the party and have a vote for £3.
0:29:28 > 0:29:31It's just silly. Labour's supposed to represent the voice of the people -
0:29:31 > 0:29:34you can't let just anyone have a say in that.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37Labour weren't the only critics of the potential Labour leader -
0:29:37 > 0:29:40some did their best to paint him as the ultimate red menace.
0:29:40 > 0:29:42Even Panorama seemed to be trying to make him seem sinister,
0:29:42 > 0:29:45which was quite a tall order given his appearance
0:29:45 > 0:29:46was about as non-threatening as it gets.
0:29:46 > 0:29:48We heard him singing socialist anthems...
0:29:52 > 0:29:55..saw him mingling with Tory-hating hardliners...
0:29:55 > 0:30:00Get your grubby hands off it, you thieving Tory bastard!
0:30:00 > 0:30:03..and heard chilling tales of Corbyn's true nature
0:30:03 > 0:30:05from those who knew him best.
0:30:05 > 0:30:08So, for example, if you ran into him on a train,
0:30:08 > 0:30:10as I have done on one occasion,
0:30:10 > 0:30:14he'll immediately get out his box of sandwiches, which are vegetarian,
0:30:14 > 0:30:18of course, and cut them in half and give half to you.
0:30:18 > 0:30:20That means he carries a knife on a train.
0:30:20 > 0:30:22And look, look, his shadow's out of sync with his body,
0:30:22 > 0:30:25that's weird! It probably means he's a vampire or something.
0:30:25 > 0:30:30That voice cannot be silenced. That voice cannot be stopped.
0:30:30 > 0:30:32That power cannot be denied.
0:30:32 > 0:30:35In the end, party members and anyone with a spare three quid
0:30:35 > 0:30:38knocking around ignored all the warnings and elected Corbyn leader.
0:30:38 > 0:30:40..Jeremy Corbyn elected as leader of the Labour Party.
0:30:40 > 0:30:42CHEERING
0:30:42 > 0:30:44Aw, look at the sadness in Andy Burnham's eyes.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47The news media soon made it apparent old Corbachev
0:30:47 > 0:30:51had an unusual manner with reporters, almost as if he didn't like them.
0:30:51 > 0:30:55- There's people bothering me.- We're not bothering you.- Yes, you are.
0:30:55 > 0:30:56We're from the press.
0:30:56 > 0:30:58This was possibly because they'd been criticising
0:30:58 > 0:31:01the way his cabinet was put together and accusing him of links
0:31:01 > 0:31:03with anti-Semites and terrorist sympathisers.
0:31:03 > 0:31:05Then again, the press went out of its way
0:31:05 > 0:31:07to criticise him for more or less everything.
0:31:07 > 0:31:08They accused him of being scruffy,
0:31:08 > 0:31:10of failing to sing the national anthem,
0:31:10 > 0:31:12dithering about kneeling in front of the Queen.
0:31:12 > 0:31:15not bowing with a sufficiently respectful angle at the cenotaph.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18and using a stunt dog double to win Britain's Got Talent.
0:31:18 > 0:31:20Of course, Red Jez couldn't avoid media attention forever
0:31:20 > 0:31:22and was eventually forced to do the rounds,
0:31:22 > 0:31:24at which point his unrehearsed style
0:31:24 > 0:31:26even surprised some of the reporters.
0:31:26 > 0:31:28Normally, politicians,
0:31:28 > 0:31:32they know their answers before you've even asked the question,
0:31:32 > 0:31:38but Jeremy Corbyn last night almost seemed to be thinking aloud.
0:31:38 > 0:31:41Thing is sometimes it was hard to tell whether Corbyn's brand
0:31:41 > 0:31:45of scruffy unprofessionalism made him refreshing or, well, just a bit crap.
0:31:45 > 0:31:47Like when during his big conference speech
0:31:47 > 0:31:50he read the instruction "strong message here" off the autocue.
0:31:50 > 0:31:55And - strong message here - NOT cutting student numbers.
0:31:55 > 0:31:59Haha! Bloody amateur! CB lifts mug and drinks coffee.
0:31:59 > 0:32:01Stupid Corbyn! Cut to footage of Corbyn.
0:32:01 > 0:32:05But, of course, Corbyn has bigger problems than mere autocue gaffes.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07For one thing, he's broadly viewed as a throwback
0:32:07 > 0:32:09to a long-forgotten era of militant leftist politics,
0:32:09 > 0:32:12most of his own MPs didn't really want him as leader,
0:32:12 > 0:32:15he seems incapable of keeping dissent in check within his own party
0:32:15 > 0:32:17and his ideological stance puts him at odds
0:32:17 > 0:32:19with huge swathes of the electorate.
0:32:19 > 0:32:20Add it all together and many would say
0:32:20 > 0:32:22he's completely and utterly unelectable.
0:32:22 > 0:32:25Yeah, well, that's what they said about Ed Miliband.
0:32:25 > 0:32:27The Tories were delighted by Corbyn's victory
0:32:27 > 0:32:30and, later in the year, used their conference
0:32:30 > 0:32:32as an opportunity to try and seize the centre ground.
0:32:32 > 0:32:35We are the builders.
0:32:35 > 0:32:37The problem with straddling left and right
0:32:37 > 0:32:39is you end up in an awkward position, as this photo proved.
0:32:39 > 0:32:43Nice spread leg shot - another one for the scrapbook.
0:32:43 > 0:32:44The man of the moment was also on hand
0:32:44 > 0:32:47to only mildly gloat about the election results.
0:32:47 > 0:32:51I don't know about you, but it only takes two words to cheer me up.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53Pig's mouth? Sorry, couldn't help it.
0:32:53 > 0:32:54Exit poll.
0:32:54 > 0:32:55Oh, right. Yeah.
0:32:55 > 0:32:58He also took the time to fling some cuss at Corbyn
0:32:58 > 0:33:01by taking something he'd said about Osama Bin Laden out of context.
0:33:01 > 0:33:06He thinks the death of Osama Bin Laden was a tragedy.
0:33:06 > 0:33:08God, it'd be AWFUL if we found some things Cameron had said
0:33:08 > 0:33:10and used them out of context.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12Do you know what? Christians and Muslims,
0:33:12 > 0:33:14we can't really live together
0:33:14 > 0:33:16and suicide bombing's all right in Israel.
0:33:16 > 0:33:18Really? I'm surprised to hear you say that.
0:33:18 > 0:33:21Well, of course, I don't support terrorism,
0:33:21 > 0:33:22but a caliphate - is that such a bad idea?
0:33:22 > 0:33:24This is strong stuff, Dave!
0:33:24 > 0:33:27What would you say to anyone thinking of supporting you?
0:33:27 > 0:33:29My friends, we cannot let that man
0:33:29 > 0:33:32inflict his security threatening, terrorist sympathising,
0:33:32 > 0:33:35Britain-hating ideology on this country we love.
0:33:37 > 0:33:42In July, one reckless dentist made everyone in the world say "ahhhh".
0:33:42 > 0:33:44Forget sticking a drill into a canine,
0:33:44 > 0:33:47the media revealed dentist Walter Palmer had flown to Africa
0:33:47 > 0:33:49and stuck an arrow in a FELINE.
0:33:49 > 0:33:52Didn't even give him an "I was a brave lion today" sticker. No.
0:33:52 > 0:33:54Just bloody deaded the thing.
0:33:54 > 0:33:58And it wasn't just any old lion, any old lion, any-any-any old lion.
0:33:58 > 0:33:59No. He'd killed CECIL the lion.
0:33:59 > 0:34:02Cecil had appeared in photographs and adverts,
0:34:02 > 0:34:04attended the opening of literally hundreds of gazelles.
0:34:04 > 0:34:07He'd released a sizzling sex tape and now he was dead.
0:34:07 > 0:34:10The outcry was immediate and vocal.
0:34:10 > 0:34:13It's like going out porpoise fishing
0:34:13 > 0:34:16and getting Flipper. You're whacking Flipper!
0:34:16 > 0:34:19- CHANTING:- Shut him down! Shut him down!
0:34:19 > 0:34:23He's despicable. He's a killer, he's a murderer.
0:34:23 > 0:34:25The outrage grew across all media
0:34:25 > 0:34:27and folk soon found out where Walter Palmer lived,
0:34:27 > 0:34:29partly cos the details were leaked online,
0:34:29 > 0:34:33but mainly cos he had the words "lion killer" painted on his garage.
0:34:33 > 0:34:35I mean that's just adding insult to injury.
0:34:35 > 0:34:36Worse still, the coverage made clear
0:34:36 > 0:34:38Walter Palmer had previous for beast murder.
0:34:38 > 0:34:41Back then no-one cared about the other animals
0:34:41 > 0:34:43he'd killed because they didn't have names.
0:34:43 > 0:34:44Or at least I don't think they did.
0:34:44 > 0:34:46Maybe he shot their names off too, the bastard.
0:34:46 > 0:34:50Anyway, while the outrage grew, the butcher himself was "lion low",
0:34:50 > 0:34:53hahaha, while emotions were still "roar"! Heehee!
0:34:53 > 0:34:54Dead lion jokes.
0:34:54 > 0:34:56As the news revealed, tributes to Cecil
0:34:56 > 0:34:58eventually reached Lady Di proportions
0:34:58 > 0:35:01as landmarks were draped in his dead mane.
0:35:01 > 0:35:04Earlier this month, Cecil's face was projected
0:35:04 > 0:35:07onto New York's Empire State Building
0:35:07 > 0:35:10and, for a moment, even in this concrete jungle,
0:35:10 > 0:35:12he was still king.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15Eventually, everyone moved on. Cecil stayed dead,
0:35:15 > 0:35:17and Walter Palmer calmly went back to his day job,
0:35:17 > 0:35:19drilling holes in the faces of blameless children.
0:35:19 > 0:35:21Sorry, what do you want? A just world?
0:35:21 > 0:35:22You're BLEEP dreaming.
0:35:22 > 0:35:25There was this far away times man called Ted Heath, who's dead now,
0:35:25 > 0:35:27but is still alive in all the footage of him
0:35:27 > 0:35:31and he was either this sort of famous Prime Minister
0:35:31 > 0:35:35who reformed local government and took Britain into the EU
0:35:35 > 0:35:39or one of the most horrific monsters our country has ever seen.
0:35:39 > 0:35:43And it wasn't clear which one he was. I think there were twins.
0:35:43 > 0:35:45One was called Ted Heath and the other was Edward Heath.
0:35:45 > 0:35:48I mean, they kept talking about both of them on the news.
0:35:48 > 0:35:51- Former Prime Minister Sir Edward Heath.- Ted Heath.- Edward Heath.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54- Ted Heath.- Edward Heath. - Sir Ted Heath.- Sir Edward Heath.
0:35:54 > 0:36:00They were the first twins to ever be Prime Minister. Prime Ministers.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04Primes Ministers... I don't know what the right term is.
0:36:04 > 0:36:07The thing is, because he looks the same as himself
0:36:07 > 0:36:09in all the pictures, when you watch the footage,
0:36:09 > 0:36:11you can't tell which of the Heath twins he is -
0:36:11 > 0:36:14the good one or the evil one, if there was an evil one.
0:36:14 > 0:36:16Or a good one.
0:36:16 > 0:36:18It's totally confusing and that's probably
0:36:18 > 0:36:21how he got away with it for so long, if he did get away with it.
0:36:21 > 0:36:23Or the other one did. Or didn't.
0:36:23 > 0:36:26There was another dead politician called Little Brittan
0:36:26 > 0:36:28and he'd been accused of terrible things, too,
0:36:28 > 0:36:31and again no-one knew if he'd done these things or not,
0:36:31 > 0:36:34but there's this detective called Tom Watson,
0:36:34 > 0:36:36who just wouldn't drop the case.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39I think he works for the Labour Party branch of the police.
0:36:39 > 0:36:42People got cross with him and called him a witch hunter,
0:36:42 > 0:36:43but they'll shut up pretty quickly
0:36:43 > 0:36:45the day he finally does catch a real witch.
0:36:45 > 0:36:47Entertainment!
0:36:47 > 0:36:50And ITV introduce a bewildered, blameless nation to Flockstars,
0:36:50 > 0:36:53a celebrity sheepdog trial, which was only slightly less harrowing
0:36:53 > 0:36:55than the year's other celebrity trials.
0:36:55 > 0:36:57It was Strictly Come Dogging basically.
0:36:57 > 0:37:00In fact, just like Strictly, when I look at the pairings,
0:37:00 > 0:37:02I'm never quite sure which one's the famous one.
0:37:02 > 0:37:05And I can't help wondering if they're going to end up doing it.
0:37:05 > 0:37:07Bess and Tony Blackburn.
0:37:07 > 0:37:08I like the cuddles. Mwah!
0:37:08 > 0:37:13Time...to release the sheep!
0:37:17 > 0:37:21Here they come - it's the Hebrideans.
0:37:21 > 0:37:23Oh, God, talk about lowering the "baaa"!
0:37:25 > 0:37:26Away, away!
0:37:26 > 0:37:29Flockstars was just the latest in a string of doomed attempts
0:37:29 > 0:37:33at aping the cosy patriotic success of the Great British Bake Off
0:37:33 > 0:37:36by pummelling something quintessentially British
0:37:36 > 0:37:37into a sort of format shape.
0:37:37 > 0:37:40It can be filed alongside The Great British Sewing Bee,
0:37:40 > 0:37:44The Big Allotment Challenge and that pottery thing.
0:37:44 > 0:37:46Surely there's hardly any British bullshit left?
0:37:46 > 0:37:50What's next, the Great British Pavement? Strictly Pub Menu?
0:37:50 > 0:37:52Viral Racist Bus Rant of the Year?
0:37:52 > 0:37:56Music contests too have been looking increasingly desperate.
0:37:56 > 0:37:59For instance, to mark the 100 years he might've lived to
0:37:59 > 0:38:02had he not died 17 years previously, the BBC wanted to salute
0:38:02 > 0:38:05the genius of charismatic croonsmith Frank Sinatra,
0:38:05 > 0:38:07seen here showcasing his seductive voice
0:38:07 > 0:38:09and exuberant wanking technique.
0:38:09 > 0:38:11# Luck be a lady tonight... #
0:38:14 > 0:38:17Eurgh! Anyway, they marked the anniversary by paying tribute
0:38:17 > 0:38:19to Ol' Blue Eyes in the classiest way possible,
0:38:19 > 0:38:23with a ropey talent show called Frank Sinatra: Our Way,
0:38:23 > 0:38:25hosted by Pointless star Alexander Armstrong
0:38:25 > 0:38:27and pointless star Rochelle Humes.
0:38:27 > 0:38:30- This is Frank Sinatra... - BOTH:- Our Way.
0:38:30 > 0:38:35# We're closer than pages that stick in a book
0:38:35 > 0:38:39# We're closer than ripples that flow in a brook... #
0:38:39 > 0:38:42Bit of a strange way to honour Frank Sinatra, really,
0:38:42 > 0:38:45by encouraging almost anyone to take to the stage
0:38:45 > 0:38:47and dismantle his musical legacy.
0:38:47 > 0:38:49Sort of like 'paying tribute' to Sir Christopher Wren
0:38:49 > 0:38:52by making a monkey assemble some flat pack furniture.
0:38:52 > 0:38:56You do it really, really well, but I can't remember Frank
0:38:56 > 0:38:59when you're doing it. That's the only problem, unfortunately.
0:38:59 > 0:39:00I think that's a kind of good thing
0:39:00 > 0:39:02cos we are making it so much our own way
0:39:02 > 0:39:04that you almost forget anyone else sang it.
0:39:04 > 0:39:08Yeah, sod Sinatra, airbrush him from history. Frank who?
0:39:08 > 0:39:10Glitzy establishment crooner-spawning-plant
0:39:10 > 0:39:13the X Factor was also looking wobbly this year,
0:39:13 > 0:39:16as it responded to dwindling ratings by upping its cruelty content,
0:39:16 > 0:39:20leading to unedifying scenes of contestants begging live on air.
0:39:20 > 0:39:22I will prove to you, I will change your mind.
0:39:22 > 0:39:26I am not forgettable, I'm unforgettable, I promise you.
0:39:26 > 0:39:28Still, if X Factor needs a new gimmick for next year,
0:39:28 > 0:39:30maybe it could look to Japan
0:39:30 > 0:39:33and its new grotesque adult talent contest Sing What Happens,
0:39:33 > 0:39:37in which contestants have to stay in tune while being masturbated.
0:39:37 > 0:39:39It's not so much a game show, more a metaphor for everything.
0:39:39 > 0:39:44HE SINGS IN JAPANESE
0:39:44 > 0:39:47In September, Prime Minister David Cameron
0:39:47 > 0:39:50was accused of inserting his penis into the mouth of a dead pig.
0:39:50 > 0:39:52HE COUGHS
0:39:52 > 0:39:54Can I have a glass of water, please?
0:39:55 > 0:39:57Yes, the Daily Mail printed extracts
0:39:57 > 0:39:59from a biography of David Cameron alleging
0:39:59 > 0:40:01that, while a student, he'd taken part
0:40:01 > 0:40:02in a bizarre initiation ceremony,
0:40:02 > 0:40:06during which he'd inserted his penis into the mouth of a dead pig,
0:40:06 > 0:40:09a statement I STILL can't believe I'm reading aloud on BBC Television.
0:40:09 > 0:40:11Seriously, this is like dreaming while awake.
0:40:11 > 0:40:13For a while, the trad TV news
0:40:13 > 0:40:14couldn't quite bring itself to discuss
0:40:14 > 0:40:17the uh, ins and outs of the pig face allegations,
0:40:17 > 0:40:19preferring to mince words.
0:40:19 > 0:40:22The unauthorised biography includes allegations
0:40:22 > 0:40:25about Mr Cameron's student days - that he smoked cannabis
0:40:25 > 0:40:28and took part in a bizarre initiation ceremony.
0:40:28 > 0:40:31There is a quite extraordinary account
0:40:31 > 0:40:34of David Cameron's sort of hi-jinks at university.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37A little bit more than hi-jinks, it has to be said.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39We actually can't say some of the other things
0:40:39 > 0:40:40he's accused of doing on TV.
0:40:40 > 0:40:42We're going to have to leave it at that.
0:40:42 > 0:40:45But in the alternative dimension of social media,
0:40:45 > 0:40:47it was Christmas Day in 3D,
0:40:47 > 0:40:51with pig joke piled upon pig joke like so much violated sausagemeat.
0:40:51 > 0:40:53It didn't take long for the dam to burst
0:40:53 > 0:40:54and the allegation soon defiled
0:40:54 > 0:40:56otherwise straitlaced morning debate shows.
0:40:56 > 0:40:59You've also got this issue of the Prime Minister
0:40:59 > 0:41:01putting his cock in a dead pig's mouth.
0:41:01 > 0:41:05OK, Dan, do you know what, mate? One - it's an allegation.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08Two - your choice of language in referring to that
0:41:08 > 0:41:11far goes beyond what is permitted at this time of the day
0:41:11 > 0:41:12and, on that point, really,
0:41:12 > 0:41:15you've forfeited any right to speak on this show so bye-bye.
0:41:15 > 0:41:18What a waste of a call! Let's try another.
0:41:18 > 0:41:19We've got Lewis on line two.
0:41:19 > 0:41:22Eventually the nationwide chortling reached such a peak,
0:41:22 > 0:41:25it was reported workplace productivity was suffering.
0:41:25 > 0:41:27But, amidst the hilarity, some were wondering whether maybe -
0:41:27 > 0:41:30just maybe - the allegations weren't entirely reliable.
0:41:30 > 0:41:33For one thing, Cameron was denying it and, for another,
0:41:33 > 0:41:35the book had been co-authored by Tory donor Lord Ashcroft,
0:41:35 > 0:41:38who, by his own admission, had an axe to grind with Cameron
0:41:38 > 0:41:40and it all boiled down to one rumour
0:41:40 > 0:41:42from one anonymous source. Could've been anyone.
0:41:42 > 0:41:43Could've been Keith Lemon.
0:41:43 > 0:41:47It was a bit like a dirty protest and people like me, who wanted it
0:41:47 > 0:41:50to be true just because it was so irresistibly funny,
0:41:50 > 0:41:52were the ones daubing someone else's shit
0:41:52 > 0:41:54up the cell walls of the collective unconscious.
0:41:54 > 0:41:55And it was working.
0:41:55 > 0:41:57It even amused Loose Women.
0:41:57 > 0:42:01"The funniest thing is that the British public see the possibility
0:42:01 > 0:42:05"as entirely plausible, although it has put me off sausage for life."
0:42:05 > 0:42:06LAUGHTER
0:42:06 > 0:42:09The book's co-author, and chronic smirker, Isabel Oakeshott,
0:42:09 > 0:42:12was all over the media, defending the noble tradition
0:42:12 > 0:42:14of spreading uncorroborated rumours
0:42:14 > 0:42:16from a single potentially unreliable source.
0:42:16 > 0:42:18Where's the evidence for the allegations
0:42:18 > 0:42:19that you make in the book,
0:42:19 > 0:42:21especially the ones about the dead pig?
0:42:21 > 0:42:25Look, this is just a few paragraphs in the middle of a book
0:42:25 > 0:42:29which is some 200,000 words long.
0:42:29 > 0:42:32Yeah, come on, guys there's only a hint of pig BLEEP in it.
0:42:32 > 0:42:34Do you think the stuff about the pig is true?
0:42:34 > 0:42:37We're not there to write a hagiography.
0:42:37 > 0:42:38There are some difficult things in there
0:42:38 > 0:42:40and there are also plenty
0:42:40 > 0:42:42of extremely complimentary flattering things
0:42:42 > 0:42:44about the Prime Minister in there as well.
0:42:44 > 0:42:46Oh, what kind of compliments? Let me guess,
0:42:46 > 0:42:49He was the best dead pig's head BLEEP the world has ever seen.
0:42:49 > 0:42:51To be honest, the whole thing
0:42:51 > 0:42:54left me particularly feeling a bit weirded out.
0:42:54 > 0:42:56You see, a few years ago, I wrote a drama for Channel 4
0:42:56 > 0:42:58in which a fictional Prime Minister
0:42:58 > 0:43:01was blackmailed into having sex with a pig.
0:43:01 > 0:43:02And lots of things in that show played out
0:43:02 > 0:43:04much the same as they were now.
0:43:04 > 0:43:06There were people in newsrooms bemoaning the fact
0:43:06 > 0:43:08they couldn't run the story...
0:43:08 > 0:43:10If we mention bestiality pre-watershed,
0:43:10 > 0:43:12- Ofcom would be seriously pissed off. - Fuck Ofcom!
0:43:12 > 0:43:14There were people making wisecracks on Twitter,
0:43:14 > 0:43:16even using some of the same hashtags.
0:43:16 > 0:43:19The vindictive stunt impacted cruelly on the people at the centre...
0:43:19 > 0:43:22- Nothing is going to happen.- It's already happening in their heads!
0:43:22 > 0:43:25And the whole thing played out as a kind of national sport,
0:43:25 > 0:43:27bringing the nation to a standstill.
0:43:27 > 0:43:30At the end of Black Mirror, the PM's reputation survives intact.
0:43:30 > 0:43:31And, a few months on, David Cameron
0:43:31 > 0:43:34doesn't seem to have suffered too much from his piggy scrape,
0:43:34 > 0:43:36although the mental image is still too powerful
0:43:36 > 0:43:38and amusing for some of his opponents to drop.
0:43:38 > 0:43:42The irony is the collective thunderchuckle overshadowed somewhat
0:43:42 > 0:43:45more pointed allegations in the book which the Prime Minister also denied.
0:43:45 > 0:43:48I think it's important that this allegation that he knew more
0:43:48 > 0:43:52about Lord Ashcroft's non-dom status than he had previously said he did,
0:43:52 > 0:43:54that that's not lost in more lurid
0:43:54 > 0:43:57and humorous allegations that many people are talking about.
0:43:57 > 0:43:59Good point, Nicola. Let's hope no-one lets that happen.
0:43:59 > 0:44:02The Prime Minister's attitude to Scotland
0:44:02 > 0:44:06betrays the worst characteristics of his government -
0:44:06 > 0:44:09arrogant, patrician, out of touch.
0:44:09 > 0:44:11Pig headed, some might say.
0:44:11 > 0:44:13LAUGHTER
0:44:13 > 0:44:16Haha, he BLEEP a pig! Hahahaha! PIG OINKS
0:44:16 > 0:44:17He BLEEP a pig.
0:44:17 > 0:44:18Hahahaha! Or he didn't.
0:44:18 > 0:44:21Or he did! Hahahaha! Or he didn't.
0:44:21 > 0:44:23Or he did! Hahahahaha! Or he didn't. Or he did!
0:44:23 > 0:44:26Usually, people from Europe go off somewhere hot on holiday,
0:44:26 > 0:44:28but this year, loads of people from somewhere hot
0:44:28 > 0:44:30tried to come over here.
0:44:30 > 0:44:32You've got a swarm of people coming across the Mediterranean,
0:44:32 > 0:44:34seeking a better life.
0:44:34 > 0:44:37Normally, I think, "Fair enough," but when I read the papers,
0:44:37 > 0:44:39you could tell from the language they used
0:44:39 > 0:44:41that these weren't quite normal people.
0:44:41 > 0:44:43I mean, they look normal on the telly,
0:44:43 > 0:44:44but when you read about them,
0:44:44 > 0:44:47you realised they must have had insect DNA or something
0:44:47 > 0:44:50cos it sounded like they were a sort of infestation swarming in.
0:44:50 > 0:44:54They couldn't have been real humans because people were writing things
0:44:54 > 0:44:57about them that would be utterly unforgivable if they were.
0:44:57 > 0:44:59The People said they were migrants coming here in droves,
0:44:59 > 0:45:02which is interesting cos I've never heard of a country
0:45:02 > 0:45:04called Migratia and I don't know what a drove is.
0:45:04 > 0:45:07The migrants couldn't hack it back home.
0:45:07 > 0:45:09Just cos they're caught in a crossfire
0:45:09 > 0:45:11between a bloodthirsty extremist death cult
0:45:11 > 0:45:13and a desperate, amoral military regime,
0:45:13 > 0:45:15both of which who'll stop at nothing
0:45:15 > 0:45:17to kill anything in their way, but we've all got problems.
0:45:17 > 0:45:20I mean, I don't always like where I live,
0:45:20 > 0:45:22but you don't hear me moaning about it and hopping on a drove.
0:45:22 > 0:45:25The coverage made it crystal clear they were headed for Europe
0:45:25 > 0:45:28cos they wanted a better way of life with benefits
0:45:28 > 0:45:30and a health service
0:45:30 > 0:45:33and houses that weren't all on fire or made of rubble.
0:45:33 > 0:45:36While they were waiting for the free house and money,
0:45:36 > 0:45:39the migrant swarms would build a sort of nest called a camp.
0:45:43 > 0:45:47The BBC did a special Songs of Praise from one of the nests
0:45:47 > 0:45:49and the papers weren't happy and nor was I.
0:45:49 > 0:45:52Songs of Praise is meant to be a music show
0:45:52 > 0:45:55so why is it suddenly getting all preachy about things?
0:45:55 > 0:45:58Anyway, just as I was really getting into hating the migrants,
0:45:58 > 0:46:00there was a massive twist that I hadn't seen coming.
0:46:00 > 0:46:03When the police arrived here this morning,
0:46:03 > 0:46:07they found several drowning victims, among them a toddler,
0:46:07 > 0:46:09a child of perhaps two years of age.
0:46:09 > 0:46:12This boat sank and there was a photo of a little boy
0:46:12 > 0:46:13lying dead on the beach
0:46:13 > 0:46:17and he looked just like a real human cos he was.
0:46:17 > 0:46:22And then I thought, "Wait a minute, what if they're ALL real humans?"
0:46:22 > 0:46:25And then I thought, "Oh, my God, that'd be awful!"
0:46:25 > 0:46:26I mean, if that was true,
0:46:26 > 0:46:30this whole thing would be an unprecedented crisis.
0:46:30 > 0:46:33And, to their credit, after that photo,
0:46:33 > 0:46:35the papers did some investigating and found out the migrants
0:46:35 > 0:46:39WERE real people so their coverage totally changed.
0:46:39 > 0:46:41They realised they got it wrong so they started shouting
0:46:41 > 0:46:44at David Cameron to do something about it, to give them a home.
0:46:44 > 0:46:47Today, I can announce that we will do more,
0:46:47 > 0:46:51providing resettlement for thousands more Syrian refugees.
0:46:51 > 0:46:52I feel sorry for him
0:46:52 > 0:46:55cos he's only just found out they were humans, too.
0:46:55 > 0:46:56Everyone was caught on the hop here.
0:46:56 > 0:46:58The news had all this footage of them
0:46:58 > 0:47:01all desperately squeezing onto trains
0:47:01 > 0:47:04and marching on foot in huge snaking columns,
0:47:04 > 0:47:09but now it looks sort of different - less swarmy and threatening
0:47:09 > 0:47:11and more harrowing and urgent and sad.
0:47:11 > 0:47:14And the clever thing was it was the same sort of pictures
0:47:14 > 0:47:18you'd seen earlier, but now you knew the twist about them being humans,
0:47:18 > 0:47:22it seemed totally different. It was like the white and gold dress.
0:47:22 > 0:47:25Once it's flipped to blue and black in your head, that's it,
0:47:25 > 0:47:28you can't see it any other way forever.
0:47:28 > 0:47:30Well, until Paris happened,
0:47:30 > 0:47:34then they went back to being a swarm of bastards and criminals again.
0:47:34 > 0:47:362015 was of course the year fictional construct
0:47:36 > 0:47:40Marty McFly arrived in futuristic Hill Valley in the light-hearted
0:47:40 > 0:47:44blockbuster Back to the Future 2, so naturally people were keen
0:47:44 > 0:47:47to compare how the movie's vision of today had fared with the reality.
0:47:47 > 0:47:51And the truth is our present day reality is even more sophisticated.
0:47:51 > 0:47:54I mean, in the made-up 2015, people used hoverboards to zip around on,
0:47:54 > 0:47:58whereas today, arseholes have actually evolved wheels.
0:47:58 > 0:48:01In Back to the Future they had robots in service stations,
0:48:01 > 0:48:04whereas today we've already got robots in our homes,
0:48:04 > 0:48:07such as Pepper, the social companionship robot
0:48:07 > 0:48:09who went on sale this year in Japan
0:48:09 > 0:48:12promoted by this eerie, haunting video.
0:48:27 > 0:48:29Surely no-one can really bear sharing their home
0:48:29 > 0:48:31with an emotionally void blank-faced robot
0:48:31 > 0:48:33that's chained to an iPad all day long.
0:48:33 > 0:48:36At least that's what my wife keeps telling me via text.
0:48:40 > 0:48:43But even that wasn't the creepiest technology story of the year.
0:48:43 > 0:48:46# I'm looking for someone other than my wife
0:48:48 > 0:48:50# Other than my wife
0:48:50 > 0:48:53# Ashley Madison's right
0:48:53 > 0:48:56# I'm looking for someone other than my wife
0:48:57 > 0:48:59# Other than my wife
0:48:59 > 0:49:03# Ashley Madison's right
0:49:03 > 0:49:06# I'm looking for someone other than my wife... #
0:49:06 > 0:49:10Yes, this hideous commercial was advertising online cheat-mode enabler
0:49:10 > 0:49:13Ashley Madison, which promised secret affairs for wannabe shagabouts.
0:49:13 > 0:49:16The site did look really safe, as though you could trust it
0:49:16 > 0:49:17with your most sensitive secrets.
0:49:17 > 0:49:20I mean, it had a photo of a woman going "shhh" on the front
0:49:20 > 0:49:22AND a graphic of a padlock
0:49:22 > 0:49:24so it was hard to see what could possibly go wrong.
0:49:24 > 0:49:28Computer hackers have stolen millions of items of customer data
0:49:28 > 0:49:31from an online adultery website called Ashley Madison.
0:49:31 > 0:49:33The hackers put the names of everyone who'd been on there
0:49:33 > 0:49:35on the dark web, which is a sort of internet
0:49:35 > 0:49:37you look at with the lights off.
0:49:37 > 0:49:40No-one knows where the next privacy breach is going to come from.
0:49:40 > 0:49:42But we know it's coming. They can hack anything now.
0:49:42 > 0:49:45Phones, laptops, tablets, webcams.
0:49:45 > 0:49:48I heard they can even hack into mirrors, like bathroom mirrors -
0:49:48 > 0:49:50so everyone in Russia can watch you going for a shit.
0:49:50 > 0:49:54If you've got a mirror in front of your toilet, like I have,
0:49:54 > 0:49:56for personal reasons.
0:49:56 > 0:49:57It's almost hard to remember
0:49:57 > 0:50:00that, a few years ago, the world was terrified of Al Qaeda.
0:50:00 > 0:50:03Isis make Al Qaeda look like Crowded House.
0:50:03 > 0:50:05Isis began as something many in the West
0:50:05 > 0:50:08psychologically portioned off as happening somewhere "over there",
0:50:08 > 0:50:10atrocities in Awfuladesh.
0:50:10 > 0:50:14But throughout the year, the threat has crept closer and closer to home.
0:50:14 > 0:50:18Tourists slain on their sun loungers. Aeroplanes blown from the sky.
0:50:18 > 0:50:20It seemed nowhere was safe.
0:50:20 > 0:50:23A major breaking story in Paris tonight -
0:50:23 > 0:50:26reports of explosions and shootings.
0:50:26 > 0:50:28It's a shocking and confusing picture.
0:50:28 > 0:50:32- EXPLOSION - 129 people were murdered in Paris
0:50:32 > 0:50:35and hundreds more injured by seven Islamic State terrorists.
0:50:35 > 0:50:38As horrifying news coverage played out across screens of every size
0:50:38 > 0:50:41and shape, a mood of fear and paranoia took hold.
0:50:41 > 0:50:43- Now, this place here... - Hey, there's shit happening.
0:50:43 > 0:50:46There's something going on here, people are running.
0:50:46 > 0:50:50- Keep outside.- OK. People are running away.
0:50:50 > 0:50:53There was a palpable sense of events spiralling out of control.
0:50:53 > 0:50:56Anyway, everyone agrees this is all far too scary to ignore -
0:50:56 > 0:50:57the question is what to do about it.
0:50:57 > 0:51:01And some think that means confronting the issue at its source - Syria.
0:51:01 > 0:51:03But how DO you solve a problem like Syri-ah?
0:51:03 > 0:51:06Syria's a hellish tangle involving a brutal regime,
0:51:06 > 0:51:10rival rebel factions, extremists and vested international interests.
0:51:10 > 0:51:13It's a civil war, a proxy war, an ideological conflict
0:51:13 > 0:51:17AND a monumental humanitarian disaster all at the same time.
0:51:17 > 0:51:20Little wonder some want to treat it like a malfunctioning old TV -
0:51:20 > 0:51:23give it a bang and hope it sorts itself out.
0:51:23 > 0:51:25Sure enough the Government was soon fielding a vote
0:51:25 > 0:51:27on whether we should bomb Syria or not.
0:51:27 > 0:51:29David Cameron informed an anxious nation
0:51:29 > 0:51:31that this was the Right Thing To Do.
0:51:31 > 0:51:34So it's in the national interest, it's the right thing to do.
0:51:34 > 0:51:37But then he says everything he wants to do is the right thing to do.
0:51:37 > 0:51:39It hasn't been easy, I know, for many people in Britain,
0:51:39 > 0:51:41but it's, I think, been the right thing to do.
0:51:41 > 0:51:44I think that's the right thing to do. The right thing to do.
0:51:44 > 0:51:47This is the right thing to do. It's the right thing to do.
0:51:47 > 0:51:49This is the right thing to do. It's the right thing to do.
0:51:49 > 0:51:52I will do the right thing. I did last time, I would again.
0:51:52 > 0:51:54It was the right thing to do.
0:51:54 > 0:51:57Labour leader and cycling proficiency badge holder Jeremy Corbyn
0:51:57 > 0:51:59was in a tricky spot.
0:51:59 > 0:52:01As a pacifist, he hates war,
0:52:01 > 0:52:04but he couldn't vote against it without causing one in his own party.
0:52:04 > 0:52:07In the event, MPs voted to bomb Syria and suddenly we were at war,
0:52:07 > 0:52:10which we already were up the road in Iraq.
0:52:10 > 0:52:12Basically, they voted for more war.
0:52:12 > 0:52:15These are the planes the RAF have been flying in attacks
0:52:15 > 0:52:17over Iraq and are ready for use in Syria.
0:52:17 > 0:52:20As the news channels turned into excited commercials
0:52:20 > 0:52:23for all the missiles and military hardware we'd soon be using,
0:52:23 > 0:52:26Labour careered into a civil war with itself.
0:52:26 > 0:52:28Well, here, the recriminations in the Labour Party
0:52:28 > 0:52:30from last night's Syria vote
0:52:30 > 0:52:33are still ricocheting around Westminster and beyond.
0:52:33 > 0:52:36As you could see from the coverage, the infighting's become so bitter,
0:52:36 > 0:52:38even Assad looks at the Labour Party
0:52:38 > 0:52:41and goes, "Fffff, don't fancy getting involved in that!"
0:52:41 > 0:52:43Bombing is one response to terror.
0:52:43 > 0:52:44Scapegoating is another.
0:52:44 > 0:52:47For years, many have treated the entire Muslim faith
0:52:47 > 0:52:50as synonymous with extremist atrocities carried out in its name.
0:52:50 > 0:52:52There are constant calls for Muslims to denounce terror,
0:52:52 > 0:52:54which they do daily,
0:52:54 > 0:52:56but the media finds that a bit too boring to publicise.
0:52:56 > 0:52:58I guess if they were denouncing it
0:52:58 > 0:53:02while firing an AK-47 into the sky, the news might pay attention.
0:53:02 > 0:53:05Atrocities like Paris fuel anti-Muslim sentiment still further.
0:53:05 > 0:53:08OF COURSE terrorists don't represent all Muslims,
0:53:08 > 0:53:11any more than Gregg Wallace represents all mammals.
0:53:11 > 0:53:12This shit is everyone's problem.
0:53:12 > 0:53:14And most people instinctively know that.
0:53:14 > 0:53:16They even shout it at terrorist suspects.
0:53:16 > 0:53:18You ain't no Muslim, bruv!
0:53:18 > 0:53:20"You ain't no Muslim, bruv" said it all much better
0:53:20 > 0:53:21than I ever could and thank you
0:53:21 > 0:53:24because that'll be applauded around the country.
0:53:24 > 0:53:26Wow, something somebody else did was the right thing to do!
0:53:26 > 0:53:27In the current atmosphere,
0:53:27 > 0:53:30there's no shortage of people expressing an opposite sentiment.
0:53:30 > 0:53:32The plan?
0:53:32 > 0:53:35Number one - get a gun.
0:53:35 > 0:53:37Oh, God, not you again! Sorry about this.
0:53:37 > 0:53:39I was hoping to keep things festive
0:53:39 > 0:53:41for the last few minutes of the show, but this is what happened.
0:53:41 > 0:53:48Buy one legally, learn how to shoot it and be primed to use it.
0:53:48 > 0:53:51Do you need to buy guns in America? They're probably just lying around.
0:53:51 > 0:53:53Donald Trump is running for President of America
0:53:53 > 0:53:55in the President of America contest.
0:53:55 > 0:53:58Americans like Trump because he's got loads of money,
0:53:58 > 0:54:01which is sort of their version of being clever,
0:54:01 > 0:54:03and he's built all these giant buildings
0:54:03 > 0:54:06and he's written his name on them so no-one else can steal them.
0:54:06 > 0:54:08He's all over the news, like the news can't stop
0:54:08 > 0:54:12filling their screens with him, even though he looks sort of weird.
0:54:12 > 0:54:13He looks like a sort of guinea pig
0:54:13 > 0:54:16staring at you through the porthole in a washing machine.
0:54:16 > 0:54:18There's this amazing stuff on his head.
0:54:18 > 0:54:21It's not hair, it's like a sort of furry gas.
0:54:21 > 0:54:24It's like he was born with a squirrel's tail
0:54:24 > 0:54:27and he's brushed it over his head to pass among humans.
0:54:27 > 0:54:31As well as looking like a sort of biological car crash,
0:54:31 > 0:54:32he's got this gimmick.
0:54:32 > 0:54:36He says horrible things about people, totally slags them off.
0:54:36 > 0:54:39I never attacked him on his look and, believe me,
0:54:39 > 0:54:42there's plenty of subject matter right there, that I can tell you.
0:54:42 > 0:54:46He slagged off John McClane, who was a Vietnam War hero.
0:54:46 > 0:54:48He's a war hero cos he was captured.
0:54:48 > 0:54:51I like people that weren't captured, OK, I hate to tell you.
0:54:51 > 0:54:53He slagged off loads of women.
0:54:53 > 0:54:57You call women you don't like "fat pigs", "dogs",
0:54:57 > 0:54:59"slobs" and "disgusting animals".
0:54:59 > 0:55:03- Your Twitter account... - Only Rosie O'Donnell.
0:55:03 > 0:55:06He said horrible things about Mexicans.
0:55:06 > 0:55:08They're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime,
0:55:08 > 0:55:12they're rapists and some, I assume, are good people.
0:55:12 > 0:55:15He took the piss out of a reporter with a disability.
0:55:15 > 0:55:17You've got to see this guy.
0:55:17 > 0:55:19"Ohhh, I don't know what I said. I don't remember!"
0:55:19 > 0:55:23It's like if Frankie Boyle decided to use his powers for evil.
0:55:23 > 0:55:27One of his enemies is all Mexicans, who he wants to build a wall around.
0:55:27 > 0:55:30He says Mexico's the new China, which it isn't.
0:55:30 > 0:55:33Tupperware is the new China, he hasn't thought that through.
0:55:33 > 0:55:35Then there was this mass shooting in California
0:55:35 > 0:55:37like there is every day in America,
0:55:37 > 0:55:39but this wasn't one of the normal mass shootings
0:55:39 > 0:55:41that a maniac does for no reason.
0:55:41 > 0:55:46This one was carried out by two maniacs for some ideological reason.
0:55:46 > 0:55:49I mean, it must be scary to think that terrorists
0:55:49 > 0:55:52have got so good at infiltrating America, it's almost impossible
0:55:52 > 0:55:56to tell them apart from your normal unhinged maniacs.
0:55:56 > 0:55:58I mean, you could be calmly minding your own business
0:55:58 > 0:56:00in the middle of an everyday mass shooting
0:56:00 > 0:56:03and suddenly realise it's a terror attack.
0:56:03 > 0:56:06Anyway, then Donald Trump said he would ban all Muslims
0:56:06 > 0:56:08from entering the country and suddenly,
0:56:08 > 0:56:11even though he'd been saying all these Hitlery things for a while,
0:56:11 > 0:56:13that was just TOO Hitlery for everyone.
0:56:13 > 0:56:17Donald J Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown
0:56:17 > 0:56:20of Muslims entering the United States
0:56:20 > 0:56:22until our country's representatives
0:56:22 > 0:56:27can figure out what the hell is going on.
0:56:27 > 0:56:30CHEERING
0:56:30 > 0:56:32Basically, everyone said he was horrible.
0:56:32 > 0:56:35They started calling him a fascist, that he was starting to look
0:56:35 > 0:56:36and sound like a racist dictator.
0:56:36 > 0:56:39Even Dick Cheney went on the news and said it was wrong
0:56:39 > 0:56:43and he's the bloke who invented filling Muslims with water
0:56:43 > 0:56:45till they say they're terrorists just to make it stop.
0:56:45 > 0:56:48# Trump up the jam, Trump up the jam The Trumpty dance... #
0:56:48 > 0:56:49Super Trump!
0:56:49 > 0:56:52A lot of pundits predicted that support for him
0:56:52 > 0:56:56would fizzle out over the summer. That doesn't seem to be happening.
0:56:56 > 0:57:00It's exciting watching footage of his rallies, thinking,
0:57:00 > 0:57:03"Ooh, this'll be in a documentary in about 20 years' time
0:57:03 > 0:57:06"with ominous music on it and here's me watching it live!"
0:57:06 > 0:57:08He says all these things that aren't true
0:57:08 > 0:57:10and loads of his followers don't trust the media
0:57:10 > 0:57:12so they believe whatever he says
0:57:12 > 0:57:15so he can basically create his own mental reality
0:57:15 > 0:57:18and have thousands of people blindly agree with him.
0:57:18 > 0:57:21Actually, saying it out loud makes him sound sort of terrifying,
0:57:21 > 0:57:23but luckily he's also got silly hair you can laugh at.
0:57:23 > 0:57:26I mean, there's no way Hitler would have risen to power
0:57:26 > 0:57:29if he had some weird physical thing that made him look silly,
0:57:29 > 0:57:32you know, like a stupid haircut or a little moust...
0:57:32 > 0:57:33Oh, fucking hell!
0:57:33 > 0:57:37All the controversy and news on terrorism over the past month
0:57:37 > 0:57:39seems to have given Trump a boost.
0:57:39 > 0:57:43Back in late October, there were signs he had started to fade.
0:57:43 > 0:57:45Since then, he's jumped 13 points
0:57:45 > 0:57:47in that same poll...
0:57:47 > 0:57:50Oh, God, you know, this is making me think there's no hope.
0:57:50 > 0:57:51I mean you've got this kind of lunacy.
0:57:51 > 0:57:56- Get a gun.- You've got maniacs slaughtering anyone in sight.
0:57:56 > 0:57:59You've got fascistic demagogues capitalising on the whole thing.
0:57:59 > 0:58:02No wonder that bloke's hiding out on the moon in that poxy,
0:58:02 > 0:58:04stupid John Lewis advert.
0:58:04 > 0:58:07It looks like the safest place to be right now,
0:58:07 > 0:58:09cos down here it's all anger and fear and carnage
0:58:09 > 0:58:12and despair and I just... I just wish there was something
0:58:12 > 0:58:15to take my mind off it and...
0:58:15 > 0:58:18Oh, look, it's Dave's epic strut!
0:58:18 > 0:58:21Dave's epic strut, everyone!
0:58:21 > 0:58:27Hahahah! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
0:58:27 > 0:58:28LAUGH!
0:58:28 > 0:58:30Hahahahahahahahaha!
0:58:32 > 0:58:34Oh, er, well that's all we've got time for.
0:58:34 > 0:58:36I'll see you at some point next year.
0:58:36 > 0:58:37Till then, go away.