0:00:02 > 0:00:04I'm the head of the BBC.
0:00:04 > 0:00:08I'm here to apologise about the product placement in tonight's show.
0:00:08 > 0:00:12At the BBC, we're not allowed to give any products undue prominence,
0:00:12 > 0:00:18so if a brand is featured, we have a duty to also mention its competitors.
0:00:18 > 0:00:22I know some of you may think we live in a PC world.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24Dixons. Currys Digital.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27But we really must clamp down on the mention of all brands,
0:00:27 > 0:00:29however innocent.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Tropicana. Fruit Shoots.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33This needs to be done in a flash.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Cif. Cillit Bang.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39To get this wrong is something we just cannot afford.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42A Toyota. A Vauxhall.
0:00:42 > 0:00:43We are sure -
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Lynx, Right Guard - if we stick to these rules,
0:00:46 > 0:00:49we'll come up smelling of roses.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Celebrations. Quality Street.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54A public broadcaster of our pedigree -
0:00:54 > 0:00:58Iams, Winalot Prime - cannot foster -
0:00:58 > 0:01:02Carling, Special Brew - this kind of attitude.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Gay Times. Boyz magazine.
0:01:04 > 0:01:05Thank you for listening,
0:01:05 > 0:01:09and we at the BBC promise to abide by these rules always.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Tampax. Lil-lets.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:01:32 > 0:01:34APPLAUSE
0:01:34 > 0:01:37DRAMATIC GAME SHOW THEME MUSIC
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Welcome to Brain Power, the show that...
0:01:42 > 0:01:45BUZZER Puts your general knowledge to the test.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48LAUGHTER
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Don't buzz in yet.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51Understood.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54The show that puts your general knowledge to the test.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Let's meet the contestants. Hello. So, what's your name?
0:01:57 > 0:01:59BUZZER Matthew Wilkins.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01LAUGHTER
0:02:01 > 0:02:04- No need to buzz. There's no point for this.- Understood.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05And where are you from?
0:02:05 > 0:02:06BUZZER Chesham!
0:02:06 > 0:02:08LAUGHTER
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Again, this is just a chat, as I say.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15- No need to buzz.- Understood.- And who's playing against Matthew today?
0:02:15 > 0:02:17BUZZER Sheila. We just met.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Her name's Sheila. LAUGHTER
0:02:19 > 0:02:22- I was asking Sheila.- Understood.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24So, Sheila, where are you from?
0:02:24 > 0:02:26BUZZER Isle of Wight.
0:02:26 > 0:02:27LAUGHTER
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Please. Let Sheila answer.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Bromley.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33- She shouldn't get a point for that. - She's not going to.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35We haven't started the actual quiz yet.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Understood.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Well, Sheila, I understand that something rather funny
0:02:40 > 0:02:42happened to you on the way to the studio today.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44BUZZER All her clothes fell off.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47LAUGHTER
0:02:47 > 0:02:49What did I just say?
0:02:49 > 0:02:50BUZZER
0:02:50 > 0:02:53- Not to buzz.- Correct. Sheila.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57Yeah, so I called a taxi, and when I got in...
0:02:57 > 0:02:59BUZZER It exploded.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01- No.- It smelt of eggs. - No, I...
0:03:01 > 0:03:03All her clothes fell off.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07Let Sheila...tell her story!
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Understood.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11LAUGHTER
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Thank you.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17Erm, so, the taxi driver turned out to be my very first boyfriend.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20HE LAUGHS INSINCERELY
0:03:20 > 0:03:22- Oh, isn't that funny? - BUZZER
0:03:22 > 0:03:26Not especially. LAUGHTER
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Just stop buzzing, OK?!
0:03:28 > 0:03:32I haven't actually asked a quiz question yet!
0:03:32 > 0:03:33Understood.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36LAUGHTER
0:03:36 > 0:03:38It's time to play Brain Power!
0:03:38 > 0:03:41APPLAUSE AND DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:03:41 > 0:03:43First question.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46What is the capital of New Zealand?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48- Wellington.- You've got to buzz first.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50- BUZZER - Wellington?- Correct.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52LAUGHTER
0:03:52 > 0:03:54That's not fair, you told me not to buzz!
0:03:54 > 0:03:56The quiz has started, you can buzz now.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58BUZZER
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Not now! When I've asked a question.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Oh, this show is very complicated. The rules keep changing.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06LAUGHTER
0:04:06 > 0:04:07They don't!
0:04:07 > 0:04:09OK. Question two.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11So, fingers on buzzers.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13BUZZER
0:04:13 > 0:04:15LAUGHTER
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Not fingers ON buzzers. Fingers over buzzers.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21OK!
0:04:21 > 0:04:22Question two.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- Which... - BUZZER
0:04:26 > 0:04:27Photosynthesis.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29LAUGHTER
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Wait till I've finished!
0:04:31 > 0:04:34You can't possibly know the answer.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Understood. LAUGHTER
0:04:37 > 0:04:38Which country...
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- BUZZER France.- Which country...
0:04:40 > 0:04:42- Spain.- Which country... - Democratic Republic of Congo.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44- (ANGRILY) Which country... - BUZZER
0:04:44 > 0:04:46JUST LET ME FINISH THE QUESTION!
0:04:46 > 0:04:49LAUGHTER
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Which country...
0:04:53 > 0:04:54BUZZER
0:04:54 > 0:04:56- Belgium?- Not you as well!
0:04:56 > 0:04:58LAUGHTER
0:04:58 > 0:05:00- BUZZER - Sorry.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02LAUGHTER
0:05:02 > 0:05:04This isn't going to work, is it?
0:05:04 > 0:05:06The two of you are ruining the show.
0:05:08 > 0:05:09You proud of yourselves?
0:05:09 > 0:05:11BUZZER Midsomer Murders!
0:05:11 > 0:05:13BUZZER John Major.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15No!
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Sorry, show's over! Happy?!
0:05:17 > 0:05:20That's it from this week's Brain Power.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Good night!
0:05:22 > 0:05:24BUZZER Fifty Shades of Grey.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26- BUZZER - Duran Duran.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28BUZZER Homer's The Odyssey.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29- BUZZER - The Flintstones.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32BUZZER Noel's Telly Addicts.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36'Joanna Lumley is one of the busiest stars in Britain.
0:05:36 > 0:05:41'But how does she find time to do all her wonderful work?
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Well, for the first time,
0:05:43 > 0:05:48we can reveal that Joanna has help from a rather special team...
0:05:48 > 0:05:51A team of Joanna Lumleys.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- Good morning, Lumleys. - ALL: Good morning, Chief.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Now, as ever, we have a very busy week ahead of us.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Now, Funny Lumley.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02Yes, sweetie.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06Ab Fab the movie - how are you finding getting back into character?
0:06:06 > 0:06:07Well, it's not easy, darling.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Patsy couldn't be more different from me.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Yeah, all this drinking and smoking,
0:06:11 > 0:06:14I really had to cut down for the role.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Thank you. So, Do-Gooder Lumley.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Yes?
0:06:19 > 0:06:24- I need you to go to Number 10 this afternoon.- Oh, what is it?
0:06:24 > 0:06:25The Gurkhas again?
0:06:25 > 0:06:28No, this is for cats who suffer from low self-esteem.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Oh, poor things.
0:06:31 > 0:06:36Anything I can do to raise the profile of this awful affliction.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40- Any news on the Damehood? - No, not a peep.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42ALL MUMBLE UNHAPPILY
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Now, Voice-Over Lumley.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46Voice-Over Lumley?
0:06:49 > 0:06:53Sorry, I was just enjoying the rich, dark taste
0:06:53 > 0:06:56of this smooth, sensual instant coffee.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Pure indulgence in a cup.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Today's advert is for Toilet Duck.
0:07:03 > 0:07:04It'll be a challenge,
0:07:04 > 0:07:08but I'm sure I can bring an erotic charge to the word...
0:07:08 > 0:07:10U-bend.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Good.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13- Now, Totty Lumley.- Yes?
0:07:16 > 0:07:19You're off to Hull this weekend for a Bond Girl convention.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20And please, this time,
0:07:20 > 0:07:23try not to get into a bitch-fight with Honor Blackman.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26- Diana Riggs started it. - Always does!
0:07:26 > 0:07:29So everyone knows what we're doing?
0:07:29 > 0:07:32- ALL: Yes, Chief. - Then let's finish with the pledge.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39ALL: We, Joanna Lumley, do solemnly swear
0:07:39 > 0:07:44to be the best actress/presenter/crumpet
0:07:44 > 0:07:47we can possibly be.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51We promise to bring light and hope into this world,
0:07:51 > 0:07:55while always looking utterly ravishing.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Chernoff is boarding a train to Geneva.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Of course, that's where the NATO summit is.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Chernoff is going to kill the Secretary-General!
0:08:09 > 0:08:12Minister, I've got my best man on the ground.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13Bond, get on that train.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Well, buy one from the ticket machine.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23"It's all in foreign." Well, run over to the ticket desk.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26No, don't be shy just cos the lady's pretty.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I expect your wallet's in your bum-bag.
0:08:31 > 0:08:36Then you'll just have to seduce the ticket lady, so kiss her, Bond!
0:08:36 > 0:08:39She smells of crisps?!
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Just take the ticket and run.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44No, I don't think there's time to get sweets.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46They should have a food trolley on the train.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51I-I don't know - sausage rolls, sandwiches?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53A selection of hot and cold snacks.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57The Admiral says there's normally a selection of hot and cold snacks.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Well, when you get there, just say you don't like egg
0:08:59 > 0:09:01and they won't give you egg!
0:09:01 > 0:09:04For goodness' sake, Bond, Chernoff's getting away!
0:09:04 > 0:09:07No, I'm not cross with you.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11No, the Minister's not cross with you.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13The Admiral's not cross with you, we're not cross with you.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15GUNFIRE
0:09:17 > 0:09:18Well, then, shoot her back.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Take the shot, take the bloody shot!
0:09:23 > 0:09:25GUNFIRE
0:09:27 > 0:09:28You shot a nun?!
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Well, just to say sorry to the other nuns and get on the train.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Bond's in the same carriage as Chernoff.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42No, he's an assassin, of course he's got a gun! Wrestle it off him!
0:09:42 > 0:09:44GUNSHOT, LOUD SCREAMING
0:09:46 > 0:09:48- Chernoff is dead!- At last.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51No, don't be sad.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57Yes, Chernoff will have had a mummy and a daddy, but he was a BAD MAN!
0:09:59 > 0:10:02No, don't cry, don't cry.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Big, brave Bond!
0:10:09 > 0:10:11BOTH: Big, brave Bond.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Big, brave Bond!
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Yes.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Yes, now would be a good time to get some sweeties.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22So, how is your marriage?
0:10:22 > 0:10:26Well, I think when you've been married for, what, 25 years,
0:10:26 > 0:10:29you end up being able to finish each other's...
0:10:29 > 0:10:31..wine.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35- OK, I was going to say sentences. - Oh.- Sentences, yeah.
0:10:35 > 0:10:36I mean, it's uncanny.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39We know each other so well, we can read each other's...
0:10:39 > 0:10:40- ..text messages.- No!- E-mails?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43- No.- WhatsApp?- No, minds!
0:10:43 > 0:10:46- Oh.- Read each other's minds.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48I mean, when you spend so much time together,
0:10:48 > 0:10:50you get to this point where you're completely in...
0:10:50 > 0:10:52..different to each other.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54In sync with each other.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56We can always tell what each other's...
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- ..secretly plotting.- Thinking!
0:10:59 > 0:11:02And I always say, got to be able to laugh together, yeah?
0:11:02 > 0:11:05We can laugh together. So it's great that we share a sense of...
0:11:05 > 0:11:06- ..foreboding.- Humour.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10I think what keeps me and Carol's relationship so fresh
0:11:10 > 0:11:13is that we've got this really strong...
0:11:13 > 0:11:17..man next door who exercises in his cycling shorts.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- No, I was going to say "Really strong bond."- Oh.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23I mean, yes, we're husband and wife, but...
0:11:23 > 0:11:25more importantly, we're best...
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- ..off without each other. - No, best...
0:11:28 > 0:11:30- ..sleeping in separate rooms? - No, best...
0:11:30 > 0:11:32- ..ending this pointless charade. - No, best friends.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36- We're actually very lucky.- Oh.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Cos we're both found our soul... Maaa....
0:11:38 > 0:11:40BOTH: Mate.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43That's right, Carol. You see, we're like two peas in a...
0:11:43 > 0:11:46..deeply unhappy marriage.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Pod.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50- Oh.- Pod...
0:11:57 > 0:12:01- Is this Liars Anonymous?- No.
0:12:01 > 0:12:02Good.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- Anyone sitting here?- Yes.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Thanks.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12OK, so we're all here. Let's begin.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15I'm Sue and, as always, I'll be leading today's session.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18No, Jackie, we've been through all that.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Hello, I'm Sue and I'm leading today's session.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Shall we introduce ourselves?
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Er, my name's Richard,
0:12:25 > 0:12:27I'm 19
0:12:27 > 0:12:29and I'm a bikini model.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33OK... Jackie.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Oh, Jackie couldn't be here tonight.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Thank you, Jackie.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39And you're new, aren't you?
0:12:39 > 0:12:42No, I've been coming here for years.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44What's your name?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Laquisha.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Well, then, what is NOT your name?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51- Paul.- Paul!- Damnit.- Thank you, Paul.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56So, for our first exercise, I want everyone to make a short statement
0:12:56 > 0:12:59that does not contain a lie.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01- I am married...- Good.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04..to Prince Charles.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06So close.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Jackie?
0:13:08 > 0:13:13I am a liarrrr...on.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15I am a lion.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Rawr.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20- I've got one.- Yes, Paul?
0:13:20 > 0:13:21- I...- Yes?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25- ..cannot...- Yes, go on.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27..grow a moustache!
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Can we remember why we're here?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33To learn Spanish.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39OK, I'm going to ask you a question and please, please don't lie.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Is anyone actually finding this helpful?
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- Oh, yes, yeah!- Of course.- Absolutely.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47You are really good at what you do.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Oh, right.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Well, let's try something completely different.
0:13:51 > 0:13:56Sorry I'm late. I'm Sue, I'll be leading today's...session.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58LAUGHTER
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Have you got money lying around the house
0:14:14 > 0:14:16that you want to turn into cash?
0:14:16 > 0:14:21I discovered that I had £25 just gathering dust.
0:14:21 > 0:14:26All you have to do is put it in an envelope and send it to us
0:14:26 > 0:14:28at Cash4money.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32So I sent off the £25 and, just six months later,
0:14:32 > 0:14:37I received a check for £12, all thanks to Cash4money.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39It couldn't be simpler.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43We give you cash for your unwanted money.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49I realised I had £2,000 just sitting in my safe doing nothing.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51And Cash4money sent me £50.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54That was a lot more than I was expecting.
0:14:55 > 0:15:00There was no annoying paperwork, no pesky contracts and nothing to sign.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02So I sent them every penny I had,
0:15:02 > 0:15:07£212, and received £30 back.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10It couldn't be nicer. Thanks, Cash4money.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Our team of experts will use their years of experience
0:15:15 > 0:15:18to tell you exactly how much your money is worth.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21I found this pound coin down the back of my sofa.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23What would you say that is worth?
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Eight pence.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Now I can go on that dream holiday.
0:15:29 > 0:15:30Thanks Cash4money.
0:15:32 > 0:15:37I sent cash for money £70 and they only sent me £12.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39I was not happy.
0:15:39 > 0:15:44So I sent the £12 back and they sent me £3.65.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Another satisfied customer.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Thanks, Cash4money.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52And if you're still not 100% satisfied,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54we will keep your money.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57That's the Cash4money promise.
0:15:57 > 0:15:58Cash4money!
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Terms and conditions apply, I'm saying this really fast
0:16:01 > 0:16:03so you can't really understand it, if you send in your money to
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Cash4money and you're not satisfied, you can just bog off.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Hello and welcome to Home Crafts.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Now, it's fun throwing dinner parties,
0:16:16 > 0:16:19either as a couple or on your own.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23And decorating the table with your own arts and crafts
0:16:23 > 0:16:26is a wonderful touch, so let's start with napkin rings.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30You can use any kind of brightly coloured material.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33I've chosen one of Peter's designer ties.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37This one was actually an anniversary present.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39It wasn't cheap.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41He wore the night
0:16:41 > 0:16:43he was first "working late".
0:16:44 > 0:16:46So, cut, cut, cut,
0:16:46 > 0:16:50nice, big cuts, just like that.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52And then you're going to plait them together,
0:16:52 > 0:16:54like that, like that, like that,
0:16:54 > 0:16:57hook them round and there,
0:16:57 > 0:16:59we have a gorgeous napkin ring.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Here are some that I made earlier.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06And I made them from one of Peter's Italian shirts.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07Lovely.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Now, place mats.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13You need to use something durable and waterproof, like leather.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17I've cut these sections out of the back seats of his Lexus.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21One of the many places Peter and...
0:17:21 > 0:17:26she-who-cannot-be-mentioned did the deed.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Back of the car, classy, isn't it?
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Obviously give the leather a good wipe down.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Cos you never know what's been on it.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Well, I think we all do, you know?
0:17:41 > 0:17:43His sweaty arse bouncing up and down.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Well, she's welcome to it, that's what I say.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50And finally, to bring a little bit of sparkle to your dinner table,
0:17:50 > 0:17:52you can make your own glitter.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56You need to start with something shiny and gold...
0:17:56 > 0:17:59like Peter's Rolex that he left behind.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Pop it into a sandwich bag and then, don't be shy,
0:18:03 > 0:18:05give it a jolly good old bash.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12You don't have to use an expensive watch,
0:18:12 > 0:18:16but it does feel much more satisfying.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18And...there we are.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Now, it's in tiny, tiny pieces...
0:18:23 > 0:18:25..just like our marriage.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Look at that, beautiful, isn't it?
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Unlike his PA Lydia.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37She's got a great big fat arse and surprisingly hairy hands.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Goodbye.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51- Happy birthday, Joanna. - Thank you, darling.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55- Selfie!- What?- Cheeky selfie!
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- I'm sorry?- You're on telly, ain't ya?- Sometimes.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Oh, cheeky selfie then!
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Well, OK.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Oh, bit blurry. Another one.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06You've got a right double chin in that one. Another one?
0:19:06 > 0:19:10- Shall I take it?- Nah, cos then it wouldn't be a selfie, would it?!
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Another one.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15I'm not smiling in that one. Another one.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17I'm not in that one. Another one.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19You're not in that one. Another one.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22- I think you've got it now. - One last cheeky selfie!
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Have a lovely evening and goodbye.
0:19:27 > 0:19:28- MOUTHS:- So sorry!
0:19:28 > 0:19:31- Right, now, more champagne? - I think so.
0:19:31 > 0:19:32One last thing.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Who are you?
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Hello there.
0:19:45 > 0:19:46All ready for Christmas?
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Yes, just took the kids to see Satan.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51LAUGHTER
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Satan? Where was this?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56In his ghetto.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Got some lovely pictures of the kids sitting on Satan's knee.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Oh, you must be Stanley.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04You're the guy who invented AutoCorrect.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06I certainly Amsterdam.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Now I get it. You took them to see Santa in his grotto.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13That's what I salad.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18How did you come up with the idea for AutoCorrect?
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- Oh, well, I was a student at Klingon's Collage.- King's College.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24And it was just as nubile phones were taking awful.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28- And I just had this crazy IKEA.- Idea.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32Why not make the whole prose of texting much more effluent?
0:20:32 > 0:20:33Efficient!
0:20:33 > 0:20:36And I formed my own company, I've never looked black.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Black?!
0:20:38 > 0:20:39Back!
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Do I need to squeak more lewdly?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44No. You're squeaking perfectly lewdly.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46I mean, you're speaking perfectly lewdly.
0:20:46 > 0:20:47Loudly!
0:20:49 > 0:20:53I suppose AutoCorrect is everywhere now, isn't it? Did you...
0:20:53 > 0:20:55do well out of it?
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Oh, well, I've got a fair amount of monkey in my bonk account.
0:20:59 > 0:21:00Glass of wind?
0:21:00 > 0:21:02No, thank you.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05So, what do you doo-wop?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07I teach music.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Oh, classical, rock, jizz?
0:21:11 > 0:21:15- Jazz, mostly.- Oh, I wouldn't have a sewage roll, if I was you.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17They're very over-cocked.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Try the chicken sooty.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Darling!
0:21:21 > 0:21:22Oh.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23It was lovely mating you.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27Enjoy the rest of the farty and have a very Merry Kriss Akabusi.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30Merry Christmas to you, too.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34- Look what I found.- Oh, wish me luck.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Got to go kiss the wife under the camel toe.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41- Mistletoe.- That, too. Coming, dear.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
0:21:51 > 0:21:53SHE GASPS
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Hello, welcome to Tanya's Tans.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Hello.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01My name's Tammy, but you can call me Tam.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04- I'm going on holiday next week and I, er...- Anywhere nice?
0:22:04 > 0:22:06- Portugal.- No, then.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09And I just want to be tanned before I leave.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Hmm, that's quite specialist.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Let me get Tanya.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Mum?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20MUM!!
0:22:21 > 0:22:24- Hello and welcome to Tanya's Tans. - Done that.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26My name is Tanya, you can call me Tan.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29- How can I help you? - She's going to Portugal.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- Oh, I'm sorry about that.- I just want to be tanned before I go.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36All the tans we do here at Tanya's Tans are in the bro-suuure.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Oh, lovely, I'll have a look at the brochure then.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40- The what?- The brochure?
0:22:40 > 0:22:43- The what?- The brochure.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- The bro-suuure?- Yes.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Well, say it, then.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Er... The, er...
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- bro-suuure?- Got there in the end.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Oh, there's a lot here.
0:22:57 > 0:23:02Yeah, we got all the colours, from Orange Glow to Barbecue Teak.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Er, there so many. It's hard to choose.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- Southend Sunset is very popular.- Oh, it's a nice tan, that.- A lovely tan.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10- Yeah.- I'm not sure.- Club Tropicana.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12- Duck L'orange.- Kumquat.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- Chicken Korma.- David Dickinson.
0:23:15 > 0:23:16- Winton's Wonderland.- Jaundice.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- Creosote Carnival.- Golden Shower.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21- Traffic Cone.- Oompa Loompa.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24- Cheesy Wotsit. - Orange Is The New Black.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- Panda Fantasy.- Runny Fudge.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30- I think I'm going to leave it for today.- Chutney Fountain?
0:23:30 > 0:23:33- No, really, thank you.- Doner Kebab?
0:23:33 > 0:23:37No, on second thoughts, I just feel like I want a more natural look.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40- Stuck up cow.- Sorry?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43It's a type of tan, isn't it, Tam?
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Oh, yeah, yeah, it's a type of tan.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- The Stuck Up Cow. Yeah.- Right.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51- Time wasting tart.- I heard that.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53It's a type of tan!
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Show me in the brochure, then.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59- The what?- The brochure.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01The what?
0:24:01 > 0:24:03- MOCKINGLY:- The bro-suuuure.
0:24:06 > 0:24:07Look, it's there.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13I hope you get burned on your holidays, you pasty old trollop.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15How dare you!
0:24:15 > 0:24:17- BOTH:- It's a type of tan!
0:24:24 > 0:24:27OK, daughter, The Three Little Pigs.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Oh, I love this one, Daddy.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Please, questions and comments at the end.
0:24:32 > 0:24:36"Once upon a time, there were three little pigs."
0:24:36 > 0:24:39Oh, there's a lot of info here we don't have time to eyeball right now.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41So let me just give you the bullet points.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Pigs built houses.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47Pig A, straw. Pig B, sticks. Pig C, bricks.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49I think we can see where this is going.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52- Oh, what a surprise, there's a wolf. - Is he a big, bad wolf?
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Like in banking, good and bad doesn't come into it.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58The wolf's primary short-term objective is to eat pigs,
0:24:58 > 0:25:01so the word I would use is focused.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04But if the pigs know that there's a wolf, then why does the first pig...
0:25:04 > 0:25:08- Pig A.- Then why does Pig A build his house out of straw?
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Er...
0:25:11 > 0:25:14I'm not actually across that. Let me get the office onto it.
0:25:16 > 0:25:17Hi, Janice.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20I'm just walking through The Three Little Pigs thing
0:25:20 > 0:25:22with my daughter and a question has come up.
0:25:22 > 0:25:27A bloody good one. Where are we on the Pig A's straw house strategy?
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Well, then, can you get Steve onto that?... He's on the Redeye.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Well, tell him as soon as he lands in New York to get his ass in gear
0:25:35 > 0:25:38and get back to me ASAP.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Steve's on to it. OK, so let's just close this.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44I know your time is important, mine certainly is.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Huff, puff, house down. Huff puff, house down.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Huff puff, quelle surprise, house intact.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Wolf thinks outside the box, climbs down the chimney,
0:25:51 > 0:25:54ends up in a large cooking vessel, pigs eat him.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58Complete turnaround, total 180, the end. Happiness?
0:25:58 > 0:26:02- Can you read another one? - No can do. Diary's a shocker.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05But let's put in another one of these for next month.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09Thanks, Dad. It's been really lovely having story time with you.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18You know...if ever there's anything you need to talk about,
0:26:18 > 0:26:20anything at all...
0:26:21 > 0:26:22..here are the deets.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Janice can reach me 24/7.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29- Good night, Dad. I love you.- Ditto.
0:26:29 > 0:26:30PHONE ALERT
0:26:30 > 0:26:35Ah, just had an e-mail from Steve RE: the straw house inquiry.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38He says it is most likely a risk assessment failure.
0:26:38 > 0:26:39Ciao.
0:26:44 > 0:26:48Lady Asgrith, I can scarcely believe that Mr Oscar Wilde himself
0:26:48 > 0:26:50has accepted this invitation to take tea with us.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53He's quite simply the wittiest man in London.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56I have read so much about his quips and aphorisms
0:26:56 > 0:26:59and longed to hear them in person.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Mr Oscar Wilde.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Oh, Mr Wilde!
0:27:06 > 0:27:11These are my beloved friends, Lady Harrington, Lady Ponsonbury
0:27:11 > 0:27:14and may I introduce Her Grace the Duchess of Shrewsbury?
0:27:14 > 0:27:16My mother-in-law.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19I'm not saying my mother-in-law's ugly...
0:27:19 > 0:27:23but when she sits on the sand, cats try to bury her.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31LADIES LAUGH UNCOMFORTABLY
0:27:31 > 0:27:35Poor lady, being mistaken for some cat doings!
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Apologies, Mr Wilde. Pray, continue.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41Have you been keeping well?
0:27:41 > 0:27:44So I went to the doctors the other day.
0:27:44 > 0:27:48I said, "Doctor, have you got anything for persistent wind?"
0:27:48 > 0:27:51And he said, "Yes, have this kite."
0:27:54 > 0:27:57I myself suffer terribly from the gas.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59SHE FAKES A FART
0:27:59 > 0:28:02Stop being so crude in front of Mr Wilde!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05- Do continue. - Got another one for you.
0:28:05 > 0:28:09What's long, pink and shoved in tarts?
0:28:09 > 0:28:12Oh, a riddle from Mr Wilde!
0:28:12 > 0:28:16Oh, pray tell us, what is long, pink and shoved in tarts?
0:28:16 > 0:28:18Is it, per chance, a gentleman's organ?
0:28:18 > 0:28:20LADIES GASP
0:28:23 > 0:28:26I was going to say a rhubarb, you filthy cow!
0:28:27 > 0:28:30Lady Harrington!
0:28:30 > 0:28:34You have debased this afternoon's tea with your obscene interruptions
0:28:34 > 0:28:37and what is worse, you have offended Mr Oscar Wilde.
0:28:37 > 0:28:41- Please, forgive me. - You must leave London immediately.
0:28:45 > 0:28:50Mr Wilde, my sincere apologies for making reference to a shlong.
0:28:50 > 0:28:52LAUGHTER
0:28:53 > 0:28:57Please rest assured, she'll be banished from polite society.
0:28:57 > 0:28:59Now, I implore you to charm us
0:28:59 > 0:29:02with another one of your enchanting epigrams.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04Two poofs walk into a pub...
0:29:09 > 0:29:11Taxi!
0:29:13 > 0:29:17- Where to, Ms Lumley? - Heathrow Airport, please, and hurry!
0:29:17 > 0:29:19Selfie?
0:29:19 > 0:29:22- Cheeky selfie.- Oh, it's you again. - Yeah, we did a cheeky selfie.
0:29:22 > 0:29:24What do you want now?
0:29:24 > 0:29:25Cheeky selfie.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27No, but I'm running very late for my flight.
0:29:27 > 0:29:30Well, in the time it took you to tell me you're running very late
0:29:30 > 0:29:32for your flight, we could have done a cheeky selfie.
0:29:32 > 0:29:35OK, we'll do a cheeky selfie, but very quickly.
0:29:35 > 0:29:37BEEP Oh, memory card full.
0:29:37 > 0:29:39Got to delete some.
0:29:39 > 0:29:40Keep that.
0:29:40 > 0:29:45Keep that. Could... No, keep that.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47That's a picture of me washing machine.
0:29:47 > 0:29:50- Keep that.- Look, I'm sorry, I really do have to go now.
0:29:50 > 0:29:53All right, get over yourself, it's just a cheeky selfie.
0:29:53 > 0:29:56BEEP Oh, battery's died.
0:29:56 > 0:29:59Just let me turn it on and off.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01It takes quite a while.
0:30:05 > 0:30:07Have you got a charger?
0:30:10 > 0:30:12KNOCK AT DOOR
0:30:12 > 0:30:15New boy band Uptown Boys here to see you, sir?
0:30:15 > 0:30:17Oh, great, send them in.
0:30:17 > 0:30:22- Wesley.- Hey.- Tyler.- Hi.- Pecs.- Hi.
0:30:22 > 0:30:25And, er... Mrs Papapopolous.
0:30:31 > 0:30:33Sit down, boys and...
0:30:33 > 0:30:34Ms Papapopolous.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40First of all, we just want to say, thanks for seeing us.
0:30:40 > 0:30:42I mean, we really feel like we're ready for the big time.
0:30:42 > 0:30:45Yeah, yeah, yeah, we just want to take Uptown Boys to the next level.
0:30:45 > 0:30:48- So it's all four of you in this band?- Yeah.
0:30:48 > 0:30:51Yeah, yeah, Uptown Boys has always been about the four of us.
0:30:51 > 0:30:52I mean, we're a gang.
0:30:54 > 0:30:55So how did you all meet?
0:30:55 > 0:30:58Oh, I mean, we've just sort of been friends for ages, really.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00I mean, I didn't really know...
0:31:00 > 0:31:02Pecs, but...
0:31:02 > 0:31:05No, but me and Mrs Papapopolous kind of started it.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07We were in the same class at school.
0:31:08 > 0:31:12Let's have a reality check here. The image is all wrong.
0:31:14 > 0:31:17- You don't like the shirts? - It's not the shirts.
0:31:17 > 0:31:20Uptown Boys isn't just about the image.
0:31:20 > 0:31:22We are really passionate about the music.
0:31:22 > 0:31:24Then let me hear you sing.
0:31:24 > 0:31:26- OK.- Yeah, yeah.
0:31:35 > 0:31:39# Although we've come to the end of the road
0:31:39 > 0:31:41MRS PAPAPOPOLOUS MUMBLES TUNELESSLY
0:31:41 > 0:31:45# Still I can't let you go
0:31:45 > 0:31:50# It's unnatural, you belong to me
0:31:50 > 0:31:52# I belong to you, whoa. #
0:31:52 > 0:31:54OK, I'm going to stop you there.
0:31:54 > 0:31:56MRS PAPAPOPOLOUS KEEPS MUMBLING
0:31:56 > 0:31:58I said I've heard enough.
0:32:00 > 0:32:04One of you was singing very off key.
0:32:04 > 0:32:07- Oh, I'm sorry, I've got a bit of a cold.- It wasn't you.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13OK, tell me what each one of you brings to this band.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16Mrs Papapopolous, she has got all of the moves.
0:32:16 > 0:32:19Richard, check this.
0:32:19 > 0:32:23SHE MUMBLES TUNELESSLY
0:32:35 > 0:32:37I think I've seen enough.
0:32:37 > 0:32:41Look, we just get on so well.
0:32:41 > 0:32:45- We're a bit like a family. - So let's get this straight.
0:32:45 > 0:32:50If I was to sign Uptown Boys, it would have to be all four of you?
0:32:50 > 0:32:53Yeah, I mean, we said from the very beginning
0:32:53 > 0:32:55that it's the four of us or nothing, so...
0:32:57 > 0:33:00Then it's a no.
0:33:02 > 0:33:05Oh, well...
0:33:05 > 0:33:06thanks for your time.
0:33:07 > 0:33:10SHE MUMBLES ANGRILY
0:33:15 > 0:33:18Mrs Papapopolous...
0:33:18 > 0:33:20can you stay behind, please?
0:33:20 > 0:33:22You are the real star of this band.
0:33:23 > 0:33:25I want to sign you as a solo artist.
0:33:25 > 0:33:30SHE MUMBLES EXCITEDLY
0:33:32 > 0:33:35That's the first single!
0:33:35 > 0:33:38And that's how you make the perfect choux pastry.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41And, cut! That's a wrap.
0:33:45 > 0:33:48Is it me or is it hot in here?
0:33:48 > 0:33:50You make it hot, Paul.
0:33:50 > 0:33:52LAUGHTER
0:33:52 > 0:33:54Stop it, Mary!
0:33:55 > 0:33:58I can't fight what I feel any longer.
0:34:00 > 0:34:01Now I'm getting really hot.
0:34:03 > 0:34:06Why did you have to wear that pink blouse today?
0:34:06 > 0:34:09Because you said it made me look like a naughty fondant fancy.
0:34:11 > 0:34:12You master baker!
0:34:15 > 0:34:17I master bake thinking about you.
0:34:20 > 0:34:22Well, think on this, Paul.
0:34:22 > 0:34:26No-one can make a Victoria sponge as moist as you can.
0:34:28 > 0:34:31Please, Mary, we can't do this now.
0:34:31 > 0:34:33What if Mel or Sue walk in?
0:34:33 > 0:34:34Then let them watch!
0:34:35 > 0:34:38Dirty, Mary!
0:34:38 > 0:34:41You know when you said that custard tart had a soggy bottom?
0:34:41 > 0:34:44All I could think about was you making my bottom soggy.
0:34:45 > 0:34:49That's what I wanted you to think, you naughty cake-muncher!
0:34:50 > 0:34:54Did you like it when I ate that chocolate eclair, Paul?
0:34:54 > 0:34:57Of course I did, Mary. Amazing technique.
0:34:57 > 0:34:59You looked me straight in the eyes,
0:34:59 > 0:35:03wrapped your lips around it and sucked out all the cream.
0:35:05 > 0:35:09A woman of my age knows her way around an eclair, Paul.
0:35:09 > 0:35:12- And I know my way around a pair of buns.- Sticky buns?
0:35:12 > 0:35:15They will be when I'm finished with them.
0:35:15 > 0:35:17You can't keep doing this to me, Paul!
0:35:17 > 0:35:21You know I have a weakness for chubby Scousers with goatee beards.
0:35:21 > 0:35:24- Tonight's the night, Mary! - Paul, we can't!
0:35:24 > 0:35:27At midnight, I'm going to knock on your hotel room door
0:35:27 > 0:35:30wearing only a ring doughnut.
0:35:33 > 0:35:34Two ring doughnuts?
0:35:36 > 0:35:37Probably just be the one.
0:35:41 > 0:35:44I'll invite you in and then what will happen?
0:35:44 > 0:35:45I'll nibble on your meringues.
0:35:45 > 0:35:49- I guarantee the peaks will be stiff. - My muffin will rise.
0:35:49 > 0:35:52I want some of your hot, sweet Hollywood custard!
0:35:52 > 0:35:53Where do you want it, Mary?
0:35:53 > 0:35:56Drizzled all over my hot apple strudel!
0:35:57 > 0:36:00I don't know what you mean by that.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04But you're making me hotter than a spicy ginger cake.
0:36:04 > 0:36:05I'm nearly cooked.
0:36:05 > 0:36:07And I'm a gas mark five.
0:36:07 > 0:36:09- On your marks...- Get set...
0:36:09 > 0:36:11BOTH: Bake!
0:36:13 > 0:36:16APPLAUSE
0:36:16 > 0:36:18Well, that's it from the newsroom.
0:36:18 > 0:36:20All that remains is for us to wish you all goodnight.
0:36:20 > 0:36:22From me, Jenny Mathis...
0:36:22 > 0:36:25- And from me, Mark Monroe, goodnight.- Goodnight.
0:36:25 > 0:36:28Sorry, I always do the last goodnight.
0:36:28 > 0:36:30Yes, well I thought it was my turn now.
0:36:30 > 0:36:32Yeah, but I'm the senior newsreader, so I do it.
0:36:32 > 0:36:33- Goodnight.- N'night.
0:36:33 > 0:36:35Don't!
0:36:35 > 0:36:37What if I said "N'night"?
0:36:37 > 0:36:39Saying "N'night" is exactly the same as saying "Goodnight".
0:36:39 > 0:36:42- It's not.- It is. - What does it matter who says...?
0:36:42 > 0:36:44If it doesn't matter then I'll do it.
0:36:44 > 0:36:45- Goodnight.- Goodnight.- Right...
0:36:47 > 0:36:48Don't say anything at all, OK?
0:36:50 > 0:36:51Do not utter another word.
0:36:56 > 0:36:58Well, that's it from us in the newsroom.
0:36:58 > 0:37:02- All that remains for us to do is... - Goodnight.- Right, get out.
0:37:03 > 0:37:06- You're not serious. - Yeah, seriously, get out. Go.
0:37:06 > 0:37:08Pffft.
0:37:11 > 0:37:12You don't need to do that.
0:37:16 > 0:37:18I was going to leave anyway!
0:37:20 > 0:37:21Has she gone?
0:37:22 > 0:37:26We're back at the same time tomorrow but for now, from me -
0:37:26 > 0:37:28and just me alone - let me wish you...
0:37:28 > 0:37:29Goodnight!
0:37:32 > 0:37:34APPLAUSE
0:37:38 > 0:37:41Hello, and welcome to Britain's Greatest Buildings.
0:37:41 > 0:37:45Over the next ten weeks I shall be visiting some of this country's...
0:37:45 > 0:37:47Selfie? Cheeky selfie?
0:37:47 > 0:37:50I'm in the middle of filming! We've already done lots of selfies.
0:37:50 > 0:37:53- But I've got a stick now, though, ain't I?- I don't care.
0:37:53 > 0:37:54Don't be a dick.
0:37:54 > 0:37:57- I'm not going to be spoken to like that and no more selfies.- Fine.
0:37:57 > 0:37:59- Cheeky one?- No, go away.
0:37:59 > 0:38:02Right, I'm going to go on Twitter right now
0:38:02 > 0:38:05and tell everyone how stuck up yourself you are.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07What's your name?
0:38:07 > 0:38:08Jennifer Saunders.
0:38:11 > 0:38:13APPLAUSE