0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language
0:00:14 > 0:00:16CHATTER
0:00:26 > 0:00:28We were all slightly mystified
0:00:28 > 0:00:30by what was going to happen on the evening.
0:00:30 > 0:00:34There was a certain element of Scooby-Doo about it,
0:00:34 > 0:00:35a certain element of,
0:00:35 > 0:00:37"You'll be wondering why I've invited you all here,"
0:00:37 > 0:00:41especially cos it's not somewhere you'd associate with Bob.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48My goodness, we felt so lucky to be there.
0:00:48 > 0:00:53We really did. Sitting there, in that very intimate environment.
0:00:55 > 0:01:01Bob was very keen for me to come down that night, which is...
0:01:01 > 0:01:02It's a source of great pride.
0:01:05 > 0:01:10Bob had asked for people to come along who he wanted to be there,
0:01:10 > 0:01:14and I was one of them, so I was kind of a bit honoured by that, actually.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21I think I did know that he'd been ill.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Obviously we didn't know it was his last-ever time that he would be
0:01:24 > 0:01:27performing for an invited audience, but it felt very exclusive.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32And he said, "I'm doing this thing at the Albany,
0:01:32 > 0:01:34"would you like to come down?"
0:01:34 > 0:01:38And I thought, "I appear to be mates with Bob Monkhouse!"
0:01:41 > 0:01:43You knew from the moment you entered the room
0:01:43 > 0:01:46that you're about to witness something special.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00I always like the sound of a chatty audience.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03If they're chatting among themselves, they're less inhibited,
0:02:03 > 0:02:05they're communicating,
0:02:05 > 0:02:06they're having a good time.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09They're also getting well-oiled. They've got a drink each,
0:02:09 > 0:02:11which is always good for an audience,
0:02:11 > 0:02:14to feel that they're less inhibited
0:02:14 > 0:02:17because of booze. Not too much.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18They get another little break.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21See, I heard my name mentioned then,
0:02:21 > 0:02:23you see. The ears twitch.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27So, really, this is the moment where I feel...many people,
0:02:27 > 0:02:31many comedians I know, are racked with insecurity and fear.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34I'm so stupid I don't understand that anything could go wrong.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36I'm filled with anticipatory glee.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38I can't wait to get out there,
0:02:38 > 0:02:40so, if you'll excuse me, I'll get out there.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Bob Monkhouse!
0:02:42 > 0:02:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:57 > 0:03:00That's a lovely welcome. Thank you very much indeed for that.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Oh!
0:03:02 > 0:03:04I think... Hey, I've done my time!
0:03:06 > 0:03:10That's a hell of a welcome. Thank you very much, Dominic,
0:03:10 > 0:03:12for that introduction. I think of all the introductions I've ever had
0:03:12 > 0:03:15in my life, that was the most recent.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Sincerely, Dominic.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22As you know, this cellar is a Fred West franchise...
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Oh, God... Hi, Kevin!
0:03:28 > 0:03:31That's as vile as I get.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35I guess it's cos of my age. I am feeling my age lately.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37I haven't gotten one of those stairlifts,
0:03:37 > 0:03:40I haven't got one of those yet, or a walk-in bath...
0:03:43 > 0:03:45..but my bed has one of those inventions
0:03:45 > 0:03:48that gradually brings you to an upright position.
0:03:48 > 0:03:49Viagra. You know.
0:03:50 > 0:03:55I stayed overnight last night in a London hotel.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58If you're like me, when you get to a hotel room, is it your domain?
0:03:58 > 0:04:01For me, it's paid for,
0:04:01 > 0:04:04this is where I live, this is my kingdom for the period I'm in it.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08I like to sleep in the nude, and, er...
0:04:08 > 0:04:10I don't think there's anything wrong with that, do you?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13And I'm lying there, naked, on the bed,
0:04:13 > 0:04:16and the chambermaid walks in.
0:04:16 > 0:04:17Finally.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29I think sleeping in the nude is a perfectly natural...
0:04:29 > 0:04:32I can't... Well, maybe you shouldn't do it on those long flights.
0:04:37 > 0:04:38And I'm not a good flyer, anyway.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43I can never get over when you get to the airport,
0:04:43 > 0:04:47and they have luggage shops in the airport.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Who arrives at the airport with his arms full of underwear?
0:04:50 > 0:04:51"Oh, thank God, cases!"
0:04:54 > 0:04:57When he starts, it's just, erm...
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Every joke lands.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01You can tell the craft, the timing.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04I think one of the things that Bob was always accused of
0:05:04 > 0:05:06was it was almost too immaculate.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09I don't think that can be a real thing.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11When you see it in the flesh, you think,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14"Oh, God, this is why he's still doing it." He was quite brilliant.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Uh, there's an interview with Les Dennis,
0:05:17 > 0:05:19who says, er,
0:05:19 > 0:05:21that he wants to spend more time on his own.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23So I guess he's going on tour again.
0:05:29 > 0:05:34Oh, The Naked Chef. He's done a great job, hasn't he, Jamie Oliver,
0:05:34 > 0:05:36of encouraging out-of-work students to become chefs?
0:05:36 > 0:05:39I think he deserves every kind of...
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Last night, apparently -
0:05:41 > 0:05:43it doesn't say where, Clarence House or somewhere -
0:05:43 > 0:05:45he prepared a four-course meal
0:05:45 > 0:05:48for Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles,
0:05:48 > 0:05:51and he says, "The Prince really tucked into the mousse,"
0:05:51 > 0:05:53but I imagine that was later, after he'd gone.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03And... Ulrika is quoted.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06It says, "Despite what they say, Prince Edward is all man."
0:06:06 > 0:06:08He was in the military, wasn't he?
0:06:08 > 0:06:10It says here,
0:06:10 > 0:06:14"Prince Edward was, sometime... was in the Hussars."
0:06:14 > 0:06:17It doesn't say "Hussars" he was in, it just says...
0:06:19 > 0:06:21That's all it says.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24This is not the seven-o'clock-on-a-Saturday-night Bob Monkhouse.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28This was... But then again, you know, he knew his audience.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30He wasn't performing in front of kids,
0:06:30 > 0:06:36he was performing in front of other people who do stand-up for a living.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39There's that initial...almost worry, that you think,
0:06:39 > 0:06:42"I don't really want him to go too far.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45"I don't want Uncle Bob to turn into Nasty Uncle Bob."
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Then, of course, you realise he's way too good to do that.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51He knows exactly what he can get away with.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Lord Archer of Weston-super-Mare is here,
0:06:53 > 0:06:57the only seaside "peer" upon which Danny La Rue has never performed.
0:06:59 > 0:07:04OK, had to slip in an old one, there, and I do like it.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08They're going over the fact he gave £2,000 to Monica Coghlan,
0:07:08 > 0:07:09who was a prostitute.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11If you give £2,000 to a woman and have no sex,
0:07:11 > 0:07:14that is not actually prostitution, that is alimony.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19And I have never paid for sex in my life, by the way,
0:07:19 > 0:07:23never in my life have I paid for sex.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26I've left some screaming tarts behind me in a fury!
0:07:29 > 0:07:31I don't understand prostitution anyway.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34What man wants to go to bed with a woman who has nothing but
0:07:34 > 0:07:37total contempt for him and is only doing it for the money?
0:07:37 > 0:07:38You can get that at home.
0:07:41 > 0:07:46Monica Lewinsky arrived in London tonight.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47Last night, actually,
0:07:47 > 0:07:50She's 31 tomorrow. 31 years old.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Gosh, seems like only yesterday she was crawling around on all fours
0:07:53 > 0:07:54in the Oval Office.
0:07:57 > 0:07:58So that is the way...
0:07:58 > 0:08:02For those of you... There are professional comedians here,
0:08:02 > 0:08:04and I'm very flattered and delighted that they are.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Of course none of those headlines are in here,
0:08:06 > 0:08:09they're all bits of paper I've stuck in here.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Les Dennis, "number one", see?
0:08:15 > 0:08:18There's absolutely no need to strain yourself, is there, really?
0:08:18 > 0:08:22I think he knew that he didn't have a natural sort of stand-up persona
0:08:22 > 0:08:27and he had to work at it, a bit like the Geoff Boycott
0:08:27 > 0:08:29of stand-up, in a way.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32"I'm going to practise more than anybody else."
0:08:34 > 0:08:37I've had my great days, I suppose.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39I like to think of myself as one of those Superman characters,
0:08:39 > 0:08:42I love the movies that show all the comic-book characters.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45My wife calls me Spider-Man.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Even at my age, Spider-Man.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51That's because I can't get out of the bath unassisted.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00We had our, erm...
0:09:02 > 0:09:07We had our 29th wedding anniversary last year, we'll be 30 this year.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11I took her to Le Gavroche, you know, somewhere really posh.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13It was horrible.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15The head waiter was so snooty.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Ruined our evening. He came over...
0:09:17 > 0:09:19I said, "I'd like the crab, toasted,"
0:09:19 > 0:09:21and he raised a glass of white wine to my wife and said,
0:09:21 > 0:09:23"Your health, your health."
0:09:26 > 0:09:30Which... Which ruined the... And then we went out in Barbados
0:09:30 > 0:09:33and I took my wife shark-fishing, which was very...
0:09:33 > 0:09:39She didn't know she was shark-fishing. Thought she was water-skiing.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43A joke is like this beautiful piece of precision engineering,
0:09:43 > 0:09:45the perfect miniature three-act play -
0:09:45 > 0:09:50beginning, middle, punchline - and Bob had this wonderful way of
0:09:50 > 0:09:54just casting a look or establishing a sense of knowing with the audience,
0:09:54 > 0:10:00just to really sell those key points of the gag, but without SELLING it.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02He knew how to make those connections so subtly
0:10:02 > 0:10:05and make the material work so beautifully.
0:10:05 > 0:10:06A Rolls-Royce of gag-tellers.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10This is the Albany Comedy Club, by the way.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Not just comedy - they have a stripper in here every night.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15They take the label off and call it vodka.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22When in doubt, wait, and then wait some more.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28I have had a sex life, just in case...
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Don't look at me with too much pity.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34As a lad, I was fat and plain and pimply.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37I couldn't strike up a conversation with a girl of my own age,
0:10:37 > 0:10:41and I devised... It sounds ludicrous now, but I thought it would work -
0:10:41 > 0:10:44there used to be a bar on the way through to a dance hall,
0:10:44 > 0:10:46where I lived in Beckenham, Kent.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48You probably know I come from Kent.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51I hear people mention the word, they mutter it as they see me.
0:10:56 > 0:11:03And I managed to get a set of six industrial-strength magnets,
0:11:03 > 0:11:06very powerful little magnets, like little, heavy Polo mints,
0:11:06 > 0:11:10and I sewed them in a semicircle around the fly of my trousers,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13and I posed on a stool not unlike this one, thus,
0:11:13 > 0:11:16hoping that a girl might pass by on her way into the dance hall
0:11:16 > 0:11:19wearing a lot of rings on her fingers.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Entering my field of magnetic attraction, you understand,
0:11:22 > 0:11:26her hand would, inadvertently and uncontrollably, fly into my fly,
0:11:26 > 0:11:29as it were, and we could strike up an elegant conversation based upon...
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Not a bad scheme.
0:11:32 > 0:11:38Well, I must have been looking that way when this short man with braces on his teeth came by...
0:11:41 > 0:11:42He still writes.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49'He was a wonderful stand-up comedian.'
0:11:49 > 0:11:51And even on that night,
0:11:51 > 0:11:53even allowing for the fact he was tired and he was ill,
0:11:53 > 0:11:57his technique is still fantastic, his timing is fantastic.
0:11:57 > 0:12:02The devices he has to delay a punchline, just little things,
0:12:02 > 0:12:06there's one bit where he just licks his eyebrow, like that,
0:12:06 > 0:12:08and it's just clever. They're all deliberate as well.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10You know, as a stand-up yourself,
0:12:10 > 0:12:13you know these are deliberate things, not just tics or gestures.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16I had an affair with a lady optician once, who drove me mad in bed.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19She kept saying, "Is it better like this or better like that?
0:12:19 > 0:12:22"Is it better like..."
0:12:24 > 0:12:28Guys used to come back from overseas with infections, you know,
0:12:28 > 0:12:30social inconveniences...
0:12:30 > 0:12:33and they would say to their ladies, "I swear to God,
0:12:33 > 0:12:36"I haven't been with another woman, I swear to God I haven't.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38"I must have got it off a toilet seat."
0:12:38 > 0:12:40This was the story. Whenever guys came back from overseas,
0:12:40 > 0:12:42"I must have got this infection from a toilet seat."
0:12:42 > 0:12:45And I always wondered whether you could do that.
0:12:45 > 0:12:46And I said to the doctor,
0:12:46 > 0:12:49"Is it possible that an innocent man such as myself
0:12:49 > 0:12:51"could get a social infection from a toilet seat?"
0:12:51 > 0:12:53You know what he said?
0:12:53 > 0:12:55"Yes.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59"Yes, if you sit down before the other fella's got up, yes."
0:13:03 > 0:13:06You need eyes in the back of your head, ladies and gentlemen.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10His timing, technical ability, for him as a comedian,
0:13:10 > 0:13:14is just really lovely to watch, cos he's very slick.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18I don't mean that in a smooth, smarmy way, I mean, he's just slick.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Funny thing is,
0:13:21 > 0:13:25there are a number of guys and a couple of gals here tonight
0:13:25 > 0:13:26who are funny for money.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Generally speaking, it's a lonely path to walk.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Got to find your own way to it.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35I found my way to get exposure on TV was to get myself a vehicle,
0:13:35 > 0:13:37a game show.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40There are disadvantages. People think that's all you do.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42They think you're just a game-show host.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44For about 20 years, that's all I did on television,
0:13:44 > 0:13:48and people see me coming and they go,
0:13:48 > 0:13:51"It's Monkhouse. That's bleedin' Monkhouse.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53"He's got prizes..."
0:13:58 > 0:14:00"I'll keep him talking, you look for his van."
0:14:01 > 0:14:03And then I'd ask the time, they'd get it right,
0:14:03 > 0:14:05they'd expect a bloody food mixer.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Only certain shows were difficult to do.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11The National Lottery was a bugger to do,
0:14:11 > 0:14:13because people didn't tune in to hear jokes,
0:14:13 > 0:14:16they tuned in to see the National Lottery, see if they've won,
0:14:16 > 0:14:19so they had no sense of humour when they tuned in the National Lottery.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22I'm there doing 17 minutes live on a Saturday or a Wednesday,
0:14:22 > 0:14:25presenting the National Lottery. A thankless task, I'll tell you that.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28I'm doing gags that deeply offend people.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31I said, in Eastbourne they'd opened a new branch of Next,
0:14:31 > 0:14:34and it was a funeral parlour. Well...
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Jammed switchboard, right away.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42I had a gag about dyslexia and the producer said to me,
0:14:42 > 0:14:45"Oh, my God, you've done a gag about dyslexia."
0:14:45 > 0:14:49He said, "We're going to get letters." I said, "No, we're not."
0:14:53 > 0:14:56"Some bugger's going to get 'em, but not us!"
0:15:02 > 0:15:06We were in Sicily, and they have a national lottery there,
0:15:06 > 0:15:09and it was really weird, because the guy came on doing the news,
0:15:09 > 0:15:13" 'Ello, is ze news from Sicily 'ere.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17"Very important - a man shot in broad daylight.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20"This is tomorrow by 9.30.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26"And the national lottery,
0:15:26 > 0:15:33"the winning ticket is 22, 33, 9, 44, 51, and...
0:15:33 > 0:15:36"I don't know, 62.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38"Congratulations yet again, Don Vincenzo."
0:15:41 > 0:15:47So you see, this was my living for 55 years.
0:15:47 > 0:15:52And I am a gag merchant, but my heroes have always been comedians.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56They've got to be people that you admire without reservation,
0:15:56 > 0:16:00and I grew up watching the great comics of variety theatre.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04And you know, Max Miller - you can't see him on film, it doesn't happen -
0:16:04 > 0:16:07his eyes actually twinkled, those blue eyes actually...
0:16:07 > 0:16:11they were hypnotic. And the great ones,
0:16:11 > 0:16:15Max Wall, Jimmy James, and eventually Morecambe and Wise,
0:16:15 > 0:16:17set up a world of their own comedy and said,
0:16:17 > 0:16:21"You can come in if you want to, but, otherwise, we don't need you."
0:16:21 > 0:16:24You had to go into their world that they'd invented.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26That was The Goons and that's, of course,
0:16:26 > 0:16:29The League Of Gentlemen and that was Monty Python.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33Wonderful gift to be able to do that, to create a world of illusion,
0:16:33 > 0:16:37of fantasy, and hypnotise your audience
0:16:37 > 0:16:39so that they can't do without you.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Absolutely amazing to be sat there.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42A, to see him in the flesh,
0:16:42 > 0:16:44but then for him to acknowledge our programme
0:16:44 > 0:16:49that had only very recently been on the TV - it was quite new in 2003 -
0:16:49 > 0:16:52and for him to think... I couldn't believe he'd seen it
0:16:52 > 0:16:55and was referencing it in the same sphere as The Goons.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59It was a real honour to have him acknowledge it like that.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00It was fantastic.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04Sort of validated our version of the way we package our comedy.
0:17:04 > 0:17:05Of course, it wasn't what he did,
0:17:05 > 0:17:08but it was lovely for him to notice, you know?
0:17:08 > 0:17:12When The Goons were hot on radio, every child was imitating them,
0:17:12 > 0:17:13but so was every teacher.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16So was every bluestocking, every don.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19It was amazing. So was Prince Charles.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23What do you want for a comedy infection greater than that?
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Just marvellous. So I'm going to talk a little bit,
0:17:26 > 0:17:30if you'll stay with me, about some of the great comedians
0:17:30 > 0:17:33of my generation and the generation before.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35But I grew up with a lot of them.
0:17:35 > 0:17:40It segued into something totally unexpected, which was him,
0:17:40 > 0:17:43not reminiscing, but explaining his relationship
0:17:43 > 0:17:46with a lot of very famous people.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49People say, well, Benny Hill was a terrible gag-writer.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51He didn't write gags, he remembered jokes.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54A really smart-looking guy,
0:17:54 > 0:17:57with his thick, wavy hair, and he really always had a lovely face.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59And the girls really loved him.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01"We were in the West End together," he said -
0:18:01 > 0:18:03cos he still had this West Country sound -
0:18:03 > 0:18:05"We're going to open in the West End, going to be a smash hit."
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Well, it was Westbourne Grove. It wasn't exactly the West End.
0:18:08 > 0:18:13We were in a revue called Spotlight, at the Rudolf Steiner Theatre on
0:18:13 > 0:18:15November the 7th, 1947,
0:18:15 > 0:18:19and we did three nights and the agents came in to watch us.
0:18:19 > 0:18:20And Benny was awful.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23He had this terrible spot, which was really embarrassing,
0:18:23 > 0:18:24cos he hated being himself.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26He really hated talking in his own voice.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30So he used to rock from side to side, and talk like that,
0:18:30 > 0:18:32and try to be posh.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34And he had a red tie, so if a gag died he could go,
0:18:34 > 0:18:37"Oh! Thought me tongue was hanging out"...
0:18:39 > 0:18:44..which, as an insurance line, loses something, I think, over the years.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47And he just happened overnight,
0:18:47 > 0:18:49and came up with such fertile ideas
0:18:49 > 0:18:52for doing something on television no-one had ever done before,
0:18:52 > 0:18:56split screen, all kinds of notions he could use which were televisual.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00He just left me behind. We used to have a thing of being rivals on TV,
0:19:00 > 0:19:03I would make jokes about him, call him Benny Hell or Belly Hill
0:19:03 > 0:19:06or whatever, and he'd say Boob Monkhouse.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07But pretty soon we dropped that,
0:19:07 > 0:19:09because he was just going to be so big.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10I could see he was going to be big.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12He was carrying me if he did those jokes about me,
0:19:12 > 0:19:14so he dropped doing it and I understood.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16You could never get to know Benny.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20You could know him, and he was a dear, good friend,
0:19:20 > 0:19:21and generous and kind
0:19:21 > 0:19:24in that he would go round his cast with a little plastic bag,
0:19:24 > 0:19:28handing out oranges and apples to the girls. And, er...
0:19:30 > 0:19:31..and he didn't ask much of life.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34The cheques used to come in from the office of Richard Stone
0:19:34 > 0:19:36and he would put them behind a plaster devil
0:19:36 > 0:19:37that he kept on the mantelpiece,
0:19:37 > 0:19:40and when it looked like the plaster devil was going to fall over
0:19:40 > 0:19:41and break, he'd send the cheques in.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Otherwise he didn't even look at them.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44He didn't care about money at all.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47He cared about being very thrifty.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50All his furniture was stuff that he'd been given
0:19:50 > 0:19:52for opening furniture shops, and he drank plonk.
0:19:52 > 0:19:57He watched two TV sets at the same time, both of which he got free.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01He used to buy tins of stuff rescued from a dock where
0:20:01 > 0:20:03the labels had been washed off.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06He didn't know what it was, but he could get them for a penny each.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08An old penny, an old 1d, yeah.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10He would open them up - and you didn't know what you'd find inside -
0:20:10 > 0:20:13and he would make great meals out of it. He was a good cook.
0:20:13 > 0:20:14He had a cold-water flat in Maida Vale.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16You had to crawl up five floors to get to it.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18He was extraordinarily parsimonious,
0:20:18 > 0:20:21but at the same time he had a sweet, sweet nature
0:20:21 > 0:20:24and he would go off during his free time
0:20:24 > 0:20:26to two middle-aged ladies that he knew
0:20:26 > 0:20:30and clean their homes, and do domestic work, voluntarily.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Now, you don't get stranger than that.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39It wasn't a case of him saying, "Oh, I remember when..."
0:20:39 > 0:20:43This was just... It was stuff that people didn't know,
0:20:43 > 0:20:45because they hadn't seen him do this.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48We saw him in game-show mode, you know.
0:20:48 > 0:20:49We didn't know about this.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52We didn't know he'd worked with all those brilliant people.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54I hope you're happy with my going through these names.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Peter Sellers.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Peter and I were together...
0:20:59 > 0:21:03He was very fat and spoilt and awkward,
0:21:03 > 0:21:05with thick, thick, wavy hair,
0:21:05 > 0:21:06and he used to play the drums.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09We were on the bill together at the Camberwell Palace,
0:21:09 > 0:21:11which was a variety theatre.
0:21:11 > 0:21:12And he did a rotten act.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Six minutes of drumming, which numbed the audience.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19It was awful. He was in heaven. His eyes were glazed.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21And then he would get up and put a notice down
0:21:21 > 0:21:24on the front of the stage that'd say,
0:21:24 > 0:21:26"Mr Sellers is deaf, please applaud loudly,"
0:21:26 > 0:21:27which never got a laugh,
0:21:27 > 0:21:29cos the audience is going, "What does that say?"
0:21:29 > 0:21:32A dreadful thing to do. And then he would say, "My suit is too big.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36"I had it made in Leeds. I'm a much bigger man there." I couldn't believe the stuff.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37Then he did these brilliant impressions.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39He was a master impressionist.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Wonderful voices. He did George Sanders,
0:21:41 > 0:21:43who became Grytpype-Thynne in The Goon Show,
0:21:43 > 0:21:47and he did Peter Lorre, Sydney Greenstreet, stars of the time.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49A brilliant George Formby, who was his hero.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53Ha, wonderful. So I persuaded him to give up the drums.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57It took a week. And I rewrote the jokes to make his impressions funny.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59I really worked hard on him.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01So by the end of the week, Friday, a guy called Alf Braden,
0:22:01 > 0:22:04who was a talent scout for Van Damm's Windmill Theatre,
0:22:04 > 0:22:06came round to see me, to book me for the Windmill.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Didn't like me - booked bloody Peter!
0:22:08 > 0:22:11It was fantastic to hear about his time with Peter Sellers,
0:22:11 > 0:22:12early time with Peter Sellers.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15I was fascinated with how much he hated the mother.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17The thing about Peter is he was obsessed with women,
0:22:17 > 0:22:19but there was only one woman in his life, really.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22That was his mother, Peg, who was a brute, and really unpleasant.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23And ugly, too.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27I could never believe... Yeah, really, no kidding!
0:22:27 > 0:22:29If you took her for a walk in the woods, she'd find truffles.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35It was so savage, it was great. I thought, "What did she do to you?"
0:22:35 > 0:22:38I could never believe that she was an act!
0:22:38 > 0:22:42Apparently, she used... Long before, when Peter was a kid,
0:22:42 > 0:22:44she used to swim about in a tank of water on the stage
0:22:44 > 0:22:48in a skimpy bathing costume eating bananas.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52Yakapoo! So, Peter wasn't happy with that life at all.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56And by the time I met him, he'd been in the RAF,
0:22:56 > 0:22:58he was a little older than me, er...
0:22:59 > 0:23:00I had a machine!
0:23:01 > 0:23:04I don't know, somebody told me about it, or I read about it,
0:23:04 > 0:23:05called a Pickersgill Recorder.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08No-one had ever heard of a personal recorder.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10But a guy called Pickersgill, engineering firm
0:23:10 > 0:23:13in the North somewhere, made this thing, a great heavy turntable,
0:23:13 > 0:23:17and you put an aluminium disc on it, covered with black wax,
0:23:17 > 0:23:20and you put this thing on it and talked into a moving coil mic.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23And you recorded your voice on this disc.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Which would be playable back, not with a regular needle,
0:23:26 > 0:23:28with a thorn needle, and I could do auditions this way.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31So, I recorded a whole lot of material, sent it to the BBC.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Got a couple of dates from this. Peter heard about it.
0:23:33 > 0:23:34Now, he was a gadget man.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36He said, "I want it. I'll pay you for it."
0:23:36 > 0:23:39I said, "It cost me 80 quid and I had to wait six months for it."
0:23:39 > 0:23:42In those days, you couldn't get things manufactured quickly.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45"I'll give you 20% profit on it." "All right, what's that?" "£100."
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Maths not good but I like that amount of money.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49So, he came round with his father,
0:23:49 > 0:23:52who Spike Milligan once described as a man who's been dead a long time
0:23:52 > 0:23:54but nobody's interested in telling him.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58A musician with a charisma bypass.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01He was crushed by this dreadful mother, Peg.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06You know, goes in for an ugly contest and they say,
0:24:06 > 0:24:07"No professionals." Anyway...
0:24:11 > 0:24:14It rains and water gushes out of her mouth, one of those jokes.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17So...
0:24:17 > 0:24:21So, Daddy comes around, Daddy comes round, collects the machine from me,
0:24:21 > 0:24:23doesn't give me the money, takes the machine away.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Next thing I get is a call from Peg.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28"You're not getting that money."
0:24:28 > 0:24:30"Excuse me?" "Peter is not paying you a penny."
0:24:30 > 0:24:32It was broken. The machine was broken.
0:24:32 > 0:24:33"It was fine when it left me."
0:24:33 > 0:24:35"It's broken and we're not paying for it."
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Next thing I know, a guy called Dennis Main Wilson, who's a producer
0:24:38 > 0:24:41at the BBC, lovely guy, says, "We're getting some great discs
0:24:41 > 0:24:43"from Peter Sellers, they're wonderful.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45"They're being made at Strutton Ground
0:24:45 > 0:24:46"in Jimmy Grafton's pub,
0:24:46 > 0:24:49"with Michael Bentine and Spike Milligan
0:24:49 > 0:24:51"and Harry Secombe and Johnny Vyvyan,
0:24:51 > 0:24:54"and they're making these great discs, and we think they've sold it
0:24:54 > 0:24:57"to the BBC as a radio show called Crazy People.
0:24:57 > 0:24:58"They want to call it The Goon Show.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01"But at the BBC, they're saying, 'What is this Go On Show?'"
0:25:01 > 0:25:04So, they didn't know what it was.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06And I realised that the machine was still working.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08So, I got very peevish about it.
0:25:08 > 0:25:13I realised at that point that Peter...was bonkers.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16It seemed to me that he was saying things that he hadn't said before
0:25:16 > 0:25:18or hadn't said for a long, long time.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20When he started talking about his idols.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24When he started talking about Peter Sellers.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26And how much he'd helped Peter Sellers.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28These are all things that we didn't know.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30We were going to have a double wedding, him and Anne Levy,
0:25:30 > 0:25:32and me and my first wife.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36But Peter's terrible tempers, he used to go transparent.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38I mean, you could see through his skin, he got so angry.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41His eyes went crazy and he'd fall down
0:25:41 > 0:25:43and drum his heels on the floor.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46And you know the story about BE, I'm sure.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48He fell completely for a charlatan,
0:25:48 > 0:25:52a guy who said he was a clairvoyant called Maurice Woodruff,
0:25:52 > 0:25:56a total phoney. And Peter wouldn't do anything unless Maurice Woodruff
0:25:56 > 0:25:57said, "That's OK to do."
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Well, Woodruff got in cahoots with Peter's agent.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Lovely man called Dennis Selinger.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05But whenever Dennis wanted Peter to do a date, or a show, or a film,
0:26:05 > 0:26:09he'd call Maurice Woodruff and say, "Tell them to do this."
0:26:09 > 0:26:10And Woodruff would do it.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14He'd say, "I just had a tremendous message through.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16"There is somebody with the initials BE.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19"Whatever BE says, do it." He meant Blake Edwards.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22And Blake Edwards had a movie that he wanted Peter to make.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24He'd done the deal with Dennis Selinger.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Now, in the week between meeting Blake Edwards,
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Peter runs into Britt Ekland.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Marries her.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36Goes off on a honeymoon with amyl nitrate.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38That was the first of his major heart attacks.
0:26:38 > 0:26:39He died at the age of 54.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42He must have had seven heart attacks and he was eight times dead,
0:26:42 > 0:26:44clinically, on the table.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47And I'm talking about heroes of mine.
0:26:47 > 0:26:52I felt that the more he talked about other people,
0:26:52 > 0:26:57a little bit out of school stories, he somehow, because it's him,
0:26:57 > 0:26:59he has a cheekiness and a charm with him
0:26:59 > 0:27:01that he can get away with it.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04There was, I think, a moment, probably everybody was like,
0:27:04 > 0:27:07"Hang on, this has changed, this is different.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09"This is not the..." We were waiting for all the gags
0:27:09 > 0:27:11that were going to come and it wasn't like that.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14I know Peter Sellers was a genius.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18The trouble with genius is you call a comedian a genius,
0:27:18 > 0:27:19you're implying he's mad.
0:27:20 > 0:27:21Peter was mad.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Dickie Henderson wasn't.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28He was the most practical pro I've ever met in my life.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30His dad was a good comic.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34His dad used to come into the wings, hang a bowler hat on a nail,
0:27:34 > 0:27:37walk on stage, do 20 minutes, walk off, that was it.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Do that twice nightly, that's a living.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42Dickie grew up in the shadow of his father.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44That's what you do. It's not inspiration.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47"I'm not looking to be a major sensation.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49"I'll do what my dad does.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52"That's what they want? I'll slice them off that much sausage.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54"And tomorrow night, that much sausage again."
0:27:54 > 0:27:57Now, Dickie and I did a series called I'm Bob, He's Dickie.
0:27:57 > 0:28:01A big spectacular, six big one-hours for ATV.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04And I must have gone mad.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07Because I said to Dickie, whom I loved, "You know,
0:28:09 > 0:28:13"when I do a television show, I get about 50% of the available audience.
0:28:13 > 0:28:17"And when you do a show, you get about 50% of the available audience.
0:28:17 > 0:28:19"So, if we do a show together,
0:28:19 > 0:28:22"we should get 100% of the available audience."
0:28:22 > 0:28:24And Dickie said, "Dream your dream.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28"If we get 100% of the available audience,
0:28:28 > 0:28:31"you can buy me a very large gin and tonic
0:28:31 > 0:28:34"or I'll buy you an even bigger one."
0:28:34 > 0:28:36Now we do the shows.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39The ratings come in, they are invisible to the naked eye.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45They are under the underfelt, we are a disaster!
0:28:46 > 0:28:48And I said, "We're getting zero here."
0:28:48 > 0:28:50And Dickie said, "Understand this, Bob.
0:28:50 > 0:28:53"Half the available audience hates you..."
0:29:01 > 0:29:04"The other half hates me, the bar is this way."
0:29:04 > 0:29:07We should have been cherishing all the time we had with him,
0:29:07 > 0:29:09whatever he was doing,
0:29:09 > 0:29:12bit like Les Dawson on Blankety Blank, same thing.
0:29:13 > 0:29:17He had done so much, and so much writing,
0:29:17 > 0:29:20a prolific writer of gags for so many other comedians.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23That was a fascinating early life that he had, constantly.
0:29:23 > 0:29:26Like Barry Cryer, working and writing for everybody.
0:29:26 > 0:29:29When he talks about, you know, whimsically throws in his time
0:29:29 > 0:29:32with Tommy Cooper, it's incredible to think of the greats
0:29:32 > 0:29:34that he's just been around and absorbed from.
0:29:34 > 0:29:36I was asked about Tommy Cooper.
0:29:36 > 0:29:38In 1950, I'm in a show called Sauce Piquante
0:29:38 > 0:29:41at the Cambridge Theatre in London and it's a weird show.
0:29:41 > 0:29:44It ran three and a half hours. Had to be chopped.
0:29:44 > 0:29:46Norman Wisdom was the surprise hit of the show.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49He had 19 entrances which were then cut to three,
0:29:49 > 0:29:50which he bitterly remembers now.
0:29:50 > 0:29:53He's a very angry man still about that.
0:29:53 > 0:29:55Jesus, he's angry!
0:29:56 > 0:29:58And in that show came Tommy Cooper,
0:29:58 > 0:30:01who'd been a big success at the Windmill, and he came to the show.
0:30:01 > 0:30:04When I first met him, he was about 6ft 6,
0:30:04 > 0:30:08he had come out of the Guards, huge man, and he was bare to the waist.
0:30:08 > 0:30:10He had his shirt off and he's in this crowded dressing room.
0:30:10 > 0:30:14Me and Wisdom, he gives me a stick of Leichner, dark make-up.
0:30:14 > 0:30:19He says, "Do me a favour, write B-A-C-K across my shoulder blades."
0:30:19 > 0:30:22So, I write B-A-C-K across his shoulder blades
0:30:22 > 0:30:25and he puts his shirt on, saying, "That should end the confusion."
0:30:27 > 0:30:29So, I have met a lunatic.
0:30:30 > 0:30:33We were in London, once, Tom and I.
0:30:33 > 0:30:36And I was at Euston station, I was going to get a taxi and he said,
0:30:36 > 0:30:39"Oh, no, you don't bother with that, go on the Tube."
0:30:39 > 0:30:42I said, "Well, you know, people recognise you, Tom,
0:30:42 > 0:30:45"and they might clock me and that could be a bit of a nuisance."
0:30:45 > 0:30:48He said, "No, not in London." And he was quite right.
0:30:48 > 0:30:51Because if you do that in Birmingham or Manchester or Carlisle,
0:30:51 > 0:30:54people are going to clock you, but in London they'd ignore you.
0:30:54 > 0:30:55I never understood this.
0:30:55 > 0:30:59So, we went on the Tube and we were sitting there chatting
0:30:59 > 0:31:02on the underground and this beggar came on -
0:31:02 > 0:31:05disgusting-looking man, filthy, dirty, horrible man
0:31:05 > 0:31:09with an awful mongrel under his arm going, "Rrrrr!"
0:31:09 > 0:31:11I mean, really revolting sight.
0:31:11 > 0:31:15And "need food" or something around his neck, horrible.
0:31:17 > 0:31:19And he's going along the underground
0:31:19 > 0:31:21and he's picking up money from people,
0:31:21 > 0:31:24with "Rrr", the dog, and he gets to us,
0:31:24 > 0:31:27and Tommy's talking to me about something quite important.
0:31:27 > 0:31:31And he looks up and this guy says, "I'm starving."
0:31:31 > 0:31:33And Tommy said,
0:31:33 > 0:31:34"Eat your fucking dog."
0:31:42 > 0:31:44I never admired him more.
0:31:45 > 0:31:50It was rendered more poignant by the fact that we knew he was ill,
0:31:50 > 0:31:51without a doubt.
0:31:51 > 0:31:55We knew it was unlikely that this time the following year
0:31:55 > 0:31:57he'd still be with us.
0:31:57 > 0:32:01Even though he touched on it, I don't think it was...
0:32:03 > 0:32:08I don't think it was delivered or taken with great sadness.
0:32:08 > 0:32:13We were all just enjoying this little pocket of time
0:32:13 > 0:32:15in this tiny room with this legend.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18One or two people have been kind enough to ask about my health,
0:32:18 > 0:32:20which I greatly appreciate. I'm all right.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23A couple of years ago, I found my visits to the loo
0:32:23 > 0:32:26in a seated position were becoming less and less productive,
0:32:26 > 0:32:31and so I thought this is not just good old constipation,
0:32:31 > 0:32:36which is fun, fun, fun, but it's worse than that.
0:32:36 > 0:32:40So, they said, "You've got some kind of virus in the muscle
0:32:40 > 0:32:44"and you've got some kind of arthritis."
0:32:44 > 0:32:46And then it got worse, so they took me into...
0:32:48 > 0:32:52..the Princess Grace Hospital in London, in Euston Road,
0:32:52 > 0:32:54to give me an enema, and it didn't work.
0:32:54 > 0:32:57So, they took me to Princess Grace again and it didn't work.
0:32:57 > 0:32:59I was in Princess Grace more frequently
0:32:59 > 0:33:01than Prince Rainier ever was.
0:33:05 > 0:33:09They gave me a depth bomb called Picolax,
0:33:09 > 0:33:12with which they tried to raise the Titanic, I have to say.
0:33:13 > 0:33:16And I took this damn Picolax and they said,
0:33:16 > 0:33:19"It'll work in exactly 60 minutes."
0:33:19 > 0:33:21Nothing happened for about 12 hours
0:33:21 > 0:33:25and then I gave birth to the Mississippi Delta.
0:33:25 > 0:33:26And so, the following night,
0:33:26 > 0:33:30there was a great mass of clay that was within me.
0:33:30 > 0:33:32I don't know how many of you know this.
0:33:32 > 0:33:35Are you familiar with the phrase "faecal impaction"?
0:33:35 > 0:33:38I said, "Yeah, I saw it, Michael Douglas, Glenn Close."
0:33:42 > 0:33:45But it's a build-up of waste matter that won't come out of you.
0:33:45 > 0:33:47So, it came out of me, and I thought,
0:33:47 > 0:33:48"That's it, I'm better now."
0:33:48 > 0:33:52No, I wasn't, I was trembling and in great pain, so somebody accidentally
0:33:52 > 0:33:55took my PSA measure, which is a measure of cancer in the blood.
0:33:55 > 0:33:58PSA, prostate-specific antigens.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01And they found that... Normally, I'm sure for every guy here,
0:34:01 > 0:34:06and it's a male thing, it could be between two and ten.
0:34:06 > 0:34:08Ten would be not so hot. 12 is bad.
0:34:08 > 0:34:12I was 606, so they said, "Well, you're dying of cancer."
0:34:12 > 0:34:16Oh, wow. So, you ask the inevitable question, "How long have I got?"
0:34:16 > 0:34:18And the oncologist said, "Ten."
0:34:18 > 0:34:21And I said, "Ten months, ten weeks?" And he said, "Nine..."
0:34:27 > 0:34:32I thought, "That is a brilliantly dark joke!"
0:34:32 > 0:34:35It was lovely to hear, "I'm all right now, I'm fine."
0:34:35 > 0:34:38And it sort of set you at ease.
0:34:38 > 0:34:42But you were fully aware that he had had a tussle with it
0:34:42 > 0:34:46and it's a horrible thing to have to be making jokes about.
0:34:46 > 0:34:47I'm still alive.
0:34:47 > 0:34:50This is two years later nearly and it's working fine.
0:34:50 > 0:34:52So, I'm all right.
0:34:52 > 0:34:56I walk a little stiffly but you do. I'm 75, for Christ's sake.
0:34:56 > 0:34:58Of course you're going to be a little awkward.
0:34:58 > 0:35:01But, I mean, I will live as long as I can possibly live
0:35:01 > 0:35:02and the medication is working,
0:35:02 > 0:35:04so that takes care of that particular problem.
0:35:04 > 0:35:09Now, I have never lost my admiration for this man.
0:35:09 > 0:35:11And I've never lost my regret,
0:35:11 > 0:35:14as I'm sure you have never lost your regret,
0:35:14 > 0:35:17that he withdrew from show business as a professional on the scale
0:35:17 > 0:35:19on which he originally performed.
0:35:19 > 0:35:24It's a genuine privilege to me that he's come along at my invitation,
0:35:24 > 0:35:27because he very seldom appears in public any more.
0:35:27 > 0:35:30And I'm so delighted that he wants to talk to me in front of you.
0:35:30 > 0:35:34Ladies and gentlemen, would you welcome one of my heroes,
0:35:34 > 0:35:35Mike Yarwood?
0:35:35 > 0:35:38APPLAUSE
0:36:05 > 0:36:07I feel like Dave Allen up here at the moment.
0:36:11 > 0:36:14My God, Jesus, I've got to stop the stuff!
0:36:14 > 0:36:16Anyway. So, how are you, Bob?
0:36:16 > 0:36:18I'm great, Mike.
0:36:18 > 0:36:19I can't believe it's so long ago
0:36:19 > 0:36:22that I was playing cabaret at the Garrick Lee.
0:36:22 > 0:36:23Garrick Lee, yes.
0:36:23 > 0:36:27- You came in the door and stood there watching me do my act.- Yes.
0:36:27 > 0:36:30Because you knew that we were together that summer season
0:36:30 > 0:36:31for six months.
0:36:31 > 0:36:34Oh, God, yes, right into the illuminations at Blackpool.
0:36:34 > 0:36:37That's right, we opened in May, and finished off the illuminations
0:36:37 > 0:36:41in November 1965, on the Central Pier.
0:36:41 > 0:36:44- I still have the poster. - Yeah, me too.
0:36:44 > 0:36:46And you were wonderful.
0:36:46 > 0:36:51At that time, you had just zapped the viewing audience
0:36:51 > 0:36:53with your impressions of Harold Wilson,
0:36:53 > 0:36:55and no-one had ever done a politician before.
0:36:55 > 0:36:56Well, no, they hadn't actually.
0:36:56 > 0:36:58John Bird had done it on TW3.
0:37:00 > 0:37:03But I was doing it live on the road, if you like.
0:37:04 > 0:37:08And he wasn't, he was just doing it on That Was The Week That Was.
0:37:08 > 0:37:12But the big trick for me in those days was Steptoe And Son.
0:37:12 > 0:37:16Yeah. And it's still running today, so you could still do it.
0:37:16 > 0:37:18I used to do Steptoe And Son together.
0:37:18 > 0:37:22"You dirty little man." "Cor blimey, Harold!"
0:37:27 > 0:37:30"Don't put me in an old folks' home, Harold, please, don't."
0:37:30 > 0:37:32"Oh, God, you disgust me!"
0:37:35 > 0:37:37And that was my big finish.
0:37:37 > 0:37:41Harold Wilson was sort of tucked away somewhere else in the act.
0:37:41 > 0:37:44What I did with...like for instance Harold Wilson
0:37:44 > 0:37:46is rather than just say, "Well, here we go,
0:37:46 > 0:37:49"this is what Harold Wilson sounds like, I THINK,
0:37:49 > 0:37:53"tell me what you think," I would then put in little bits of business.
0:37:53 > 0:37:58IMITATES: And get into this sort of a posture, like...
0:37:58 > 0:38:01"I doubt if I could sit on this if I were alive."
0:38:04 > 0:38:07- And then he'd have a laugh. - HE LAUGHS
0:38:10 > 0:38:11"Oh, Mary, have you heard this?
0:38:13 > 0:38:14"Bob Monkhouse is still working."
0:38:17 > 0:38:19And silliness.
0:38:19 > 0:38:21And I never really wanted to put any...
0:38:21 > 0:38:25there didn't need to be narrative, really. Just silliness.
0:38:25 > 0:38:26I love silly humour.
0:38:26 > 0:38:29And I thought, "Let's make Harold Wilson silly
0:38:29 > 0:38:31"and let's make a lot of our characters silly."
0:38:31 > 0:38:35Doing comedians is different because you've got to really be funny,
0:38:35 > 0:38:37because if you're going to do Bob Monkhouse,
0:38:37 > 0:38:40he's funny, so you must be funny, or...well, you know...
0:38:47 > 0:38:49Oh, you nailed me!
0:38:53 > 0:38:57- AS MONKHOUSE:- I sat over there earlier, enraptured, Bob, at your...
0:38:57 > 0:38:59not just as a comic but a raconteur.
0:39:01 > 0:39:03Or was it a racketeer? I'm not sure which.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07It always killed me because you used to do...
0:39:07 > 0:39:10- AS FRANKIE HOWERD:- Oh, God, don't look. Poor soul, I'm dribbling.
0:39:10 > 0:39:12Oh, no, don't titter!
0:39:16 > 0:39:18You used to do impressions of me in routines
0:39:18 > 0:39:20that were written by David Renwick
0:39:20 > 0:39:23and they were so brilliant and I used to score so well with them
0:39:23 > 0:39:26that a week later people would say to me, "I saw you last week,
0:39:26 > 0:39:28"you were marvellous on television." And they thought,
0:39:28 > 0:39:31because they couldn't remember the details, that it was you.
0:39:31 > 0:39:33- But you know the story, I'm sorry, Bob.- No, go ahead.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35The story about Max Bygraves.
0:39:35 > 0:39:38I was doing an impression of Bob on one of his shows and I was doing
0:39:38 > 0:39:40the smallest books in the world,
0:39:40 > 0:39:43like Famous Jewish Cricketers, and...
0:39:46 > 0:39:49..Australian Etiquette, that kind of thing.
0:39:50 > 0:39:52And one of them was,
0:39:52 > 0:39:55I was doing Bob Monkhouse. "The smallest book in the world.
0:39:55 > 0:39:57"Do you know what the smallest book in the world is?
0:39:57 > 0:39:59"The Wit Of Max Bygraves."
0:39:59 > 0:40:02And a couple of weeks later, I was doing the Royal Variety,
0:40:02 > 0:40:04if I may show-drop...
0:40:05 > 0:40:07Yeah, it needs dropping, doesn't it?
0:40:11 > 0:40:14Sorry, I keep doing that. Just nerves.
0:40:14 > 0:40:16And I'd done The Wit Of Max Bygraves as Bob
0:40:16 > 0:40:19and Max Bygraves came up to me in the dressing room
0:40:19 > 0:40:23at the Royal Albert Hall and said, "Here, I saw the show last week.
0:40:23 > 0:40:26"What about all this The Wit Of Max Bygraves,
0:40:26 > 0:40:27"the smallest book in the world?
0:40:27 > 0:40:30"I thought we were supposed to be mates."
0:40:30 > 0:40:32I said, "Well, I was doing Bob Monkhouse."
0:40:32 > 0:40:35He said, "What the hell's that got to do with it?"
0:40:36 > 0:40:39I said, "Well, it's the sort of joke Bob would do,
0:40:39 > 0:40:42"not the sort of joke I would do about you."
0:40:47 > 0:40:50I thought, "I'm getting away with this."
0:40:50 > 0:40:52And he said, "Well, I've got to hand it to you,
0:40:52 > 0:40:54"that's one hell of a get-out."
0:40:54 > 0:40:57"What I'll do, I'll ring Monkhouse and give him a bollocking."
0:41:00 > 0:41:02That's wonderful!
0:41:02 > 0:41:07I have admired Mike Yarwood for as long as I can remember
0:41:07 > 0:41:12and to see him walk out with Bob Monkhouse,
0:41:12 > 0:41:14well, we couldn't believe our luck.
0:41:14 > 0:41:17Mike Yarwood came out and the first couple of minutes,
0:41:17 > 0:41:19the first thing he's doing is more or less exact,
0:41:19 > 0:41:21he's doing a couple of voices or whatever, because
0:41:21 > 0:41:25that's his comfort zone, but then when he drops that
0:41:25 > 0:41:30and starts to talk about how his life is at that point...
0:41:30 > 0:41:37Every comedian here in the audience experiences the high of
0:41:37 > 0:41:40getting the buzz out of an audience that loves what they do.
0:41:40 > 0:41:42- Oh, yes.- Don't you miss that, Mike?
0:41:42 > 0:41:45Yes, I do, of course. Of course I do.
0:41:45 > 0:41:49I've heard laughter here tonight since I came on stage
0:41:49 > 0:41:52and there's nothing to beat it, really.
0:41:52 > 0:41:57I think what I had to do with myself was actually rethink.
0:41:57 > 0:41:59What I was doing with the shows,
0:41:59 > 0:42:03cos they finished in 1987 and I started getting a little bit...
0:42:03 > 0:42:06not too finicky about the scripts and thinking,
0:42:06 > 0:42:09"As long as I look like the people, as long as it looks good,
0:42:09 > 0:42:13"as long as I look like Reagan or I look like Bob Monkhouse or whoever,
0:42:13 > 0:42:15"it doesn't matter whether it's funny or not."
0:42:15 > 0:42:18And the laughs stopped.
0:42:18 > 0:42:19I went out on the road
0:42:19 > 0:42:23and I could see the colour of the seats in the theatre.
0:42:23 > 0:42:26Whereas at one time I could never tell you the colour of the seats
0:42:26 > 0:42:27because it was packed.
0:42:27 > 0:42:29And that went in the '80s.
0:42:29 > 0:42:33Oh, yes, I was playing... I went down to Bournemouth in 1984
0:42:33 > 0:42:37- and it was 30 and 40 people in the first house.- I didn't know that!
0:42:37 > 0:42:39And that's what made me think, "What the hell?
0:42:39 > 0:42:41"I don't want to do this.
0:42:41 > 0:42:46"I don't want to sort of hang around when I'm not as good as I was
0:42:46 > 0:42:48"and I'm not as sharp as I was.
0:42:48 > 0:42:51"I need to take a long break.
0:42:51 > 0:42:53At least two years, anyway, I thought.
0:42:53 > 0:42:55But the trouble is it's like a parking space.
0:42:55 > 0:42:58You mustn't move your car unless you have to, because when you get back
0:42:58 > 0:43:00- somebody else has parked there.- Yes.
0:43:00 > 0:43:02And I stayed away and when I got back,
0:43:02 > 0:43:06I'd been more or less replaced, if you like.
0:43:06 > 0:43:09It would be very easy to take things out of context,
0:43:09 > 0:43:12look at Mike Yarwood's show in 1972 or something,
0:43:12 > 0:43:15and he could do Harold Wilson and Ted Heath, Brian Clough,
0:43:15 > 0:43:17a couple of other people, probably not as well,
0:43:17 > 0:43:21if you look back at it now, as we thought at the time, I don't know.
0:43:21 > 0:43:24And it'd be very easy to dismiss it but that would be as daft
0:43:24 > 0:43:28as sort of saying Isaac Newton was a rubbish scientist
0:43:28 > 0:43:31because not all his theories of motion were right.
0:43:31 > 0:43:34At the time, at the time, it was...
0:43:34 > 0:43:37With what they had to go on,
0:43:37 > 0:43:40they were brilliant. You've got to sort of see it in the context
0:43:40 > 0:43:42of the times and Mike Yarwood was,
0:43:42 > 0:43:44I don't know if I'm right in saying this, he was certainly
0:43:44 > 0:43:47the first superstar impressionist on television,
0:43:47 > 0:43:49and so he was coming from nowhere.
0:43:49 > 0:43:51He had no-one to copy or anything.
0:43:51 > 0:43:53It seems a daft thing to say about impressionists
0:43:53 > 0:43:56but he was just trying it himself, and so...
0:43:57 > 0:44:00..it was tremendously innovative and I loved it,
0:44:00 > 0:44:03absolutely loved it when I was a kid.
0:44:03 > 0:44:05But you were loading in new voices all the time.
0:44:05 > 0:44:08Well, not that many. We did quite a few.
0:44:08 > 0:44:10On my last show I did nine new characters
0:44:10 > 0:44:12but that was the point, you see.
0:44:12 > 0:44:16It was like I was doing people for the sake of it,
0:44:16 > 0:44:19just to fill in every show, seven shows, ten shows,
0:44:19 > 0:44:20plus a Christmas special.
0:44:20 > 0:44:25And you find yourself then doing it for the sake of it
0:44:25 > 0:44:29and I don't do anybody of today's ilk.
0:44:30 > 0:44:33I don't do Tony Blair, I've never even tried to.
0:44:33 > 0:44:40And so all of those new characters that we're seeing people do now,
0:44:40 > 0:44:43like Jon, and others, they are... they're a no-go area to me.
0:44:43 > 0:44:47I don't bother. I don't think I really want to do it again.
0:44:47 > 0:44:49No, I understand that.
0:44:49 > 0:44:51What I miss is your comedy.
0:44:51 > 0:44:54I mean, the fact that the impressions perhaps became outdated
0:44:54 > 0:44:57or less familiar is not as important to me
0:44:57 > 0:44:59as the fact that you can get up when you do,
0:44:59 > 0:45:01as you did at your daughter's wedding,
0:45:01 > 0:45:03as you did at my This Is Your Life,
0:45:03 > 0:45:05and you simply ad-lib and you are brilliant.
0:45:05 > 0:45:08You are as funny as any of the people you've ever imitated,
0:45:08 > 0:45:10from Eric Morecambe to Harry Worth.
0:45:10 > 0:45:12You just are...wonderfully a funny man.
0:45:12 > 0:45:15- Why can't we have that comedy from you?- Well, it's not up to me.
0:45:15 > 0:45:17I would certainly... I'm not...
0:45:17 > 0:45:20When I said I don't really enjoy doing the impressions any more,
0:45:20 > 0:45:24I mean in the context that I did them then.
0:45:24 > 0:45:26That type of show,
0:45:26 > 0:45:27which is being done anyway now.
0:45:27 > 0:45:30We've got Dead Ringers, we've got Alistair,
0:45:30 > 0:45:32we've got Rory Bremner, and so...
0:45:33 > 0:45:35..for me to come back now,
0:45:35 > 0:45:37I need to come back with something different, I think.
0:45:37 > 0:45:40Not a game show but something that might help me...
0:45:40 > 0:45:42LAUGHTER
0:45:42 > 0:45:44No, I wouldn't see you doing a game show.
0:45:44 > 0:45:46No!
0:45:46 > 0:45:48When was the crunch point, Mike?
0:45:48 > 0:45:52Because we know that you've been very frank about alcoholism
0:45:52 > 0:45:55and you've helped a lot of people who suffer from that disease,
0:45:55 > 0:45:57but what was the point at which you said,
0:45:57 > 0:46:01"No, I can't walk out there any more"? When was that?
0:46:03 > 0:46:06Because we've all...every comedian here has faced that point where you go,
0:46:06 > 0:46:08"I don't think I can do it tonight."
0:46:08 > 0:46:10Yeah. It was on the way...
0:46:10 > 0:46:13in the car, going to a...
0:46:13 > 0:46:16There is a sort of dark humour to this.
0:46:16 > 0:46:18I got an anxiety attack in the car -
0:46:18 > 0:46:20being driven, I wasn't driving myself -
0:46:20 > 0:46:23to do a radio show with Dr Anthony Clare,
0:46:23 > 0:46:25The Psychiatrist's Chair,
0:46:25 > 0:46:28and I got a panic, an anxiety attack.
0:46:28 > 0:46:30- LAUGHTER - Yes!
0:46:30 > 0:46:33Please laugh, because I think it's funny as well.
0:46:33 > 0:46:34LAUGHTER
0:46:34 > 0:46:38And I said to the driver, he'd been driving for me for years,
0:46:38 > 0:46:39he was like a mate as well.
0:46:39 > 0:46:42"Lou," I said, "you've got to turn around."
0:46:42 > 0:46:45He said, "What's the matter?" I said, "I just feel bloody awful."
0:46:45 > 0:46:47Really like this.
0:46:47 > 0:46:49"You've got to turn round, I can't do this."
0:46:49 > 0:46:51So he turned and he said, "OK, boy,"
0:46:51 > 0:46:54Welshman, lovely Welshman, he said, "All right, boyo, we'll turn round."
0:46:54 > 0:46:58And we went back and as soon as we started to drive home, I felt fine.
0:46:58 > 0:47:01It was almost like saying, "Turn around and we'll go back again.
0:47:01 > 0:47:03"No, it'll come back again," you know.
0:47:03 > 0:47:07But the point was that I was going to see this psychiatrist
0:47:07 > 0:47:09who could've helped me anyway,
0:47:09 > 0:47:12and I could have walked away with, instead of a fee,
0:47:12 > 0:47:13a prescription.
0:47:13 > 0:47:15LAUGHTER
0:47:15 > 0:47:18So that was really the first time I thought,
0:47:18 > 0:47:20"Hey, you really can't do this."
0:47:20 > 0:47:23Because so many shows got cancelled.
0:47:23 > 0:47:24I mean, there were other shows, Bob.
0:47:24 > 0:47:28And I was so lucky because it didn't get into the newspapers
0:47:28 > 0:47:30on most occasions.
0:47:30 > 0:47:33He spoke about those subjects so honestly,
0:47:33 > 0:47:37and I think the warmth and grace of being with his great friend Bob,
0:47:37 > 0:47:41it brought out a wonderful honesty to that conversation.
0:47:41 > 0:47:44Once again, we were so lucky to see that, too.
0:47:44 > 0:47:48These two men who were on TV all your...
0:47:48 > 0:47:51growing up, you know, you were watching them,
0:47:51 > 0:47:53that they were vulnerable.
0:47:53 > 0:47:56And it was real life and they were sharing it with everybody,
0:47:56 > 0:48:00and that's where the evening... it turned into...
0:48:00 > 0:48:02actually you could have heard a pin drop.
0:48:02 > 0:48:03It went very, very quiet.
0:48:03 > 0:48:05You have made attempts to come back.
0:48:05 > 0:48:08I mean, your John Major at the Royal Variety Performance was one.
0:48:08 > 0:48:11Yes, but I had throat trouble that night,
0:48:11 > 0:48:14plus I never did him very well anyway. It looked OK.
0:48:14 > 0:48:19But you've also made other attempts to overcome this reluctance to perform.
0:48:19 > 0:48:21You've been back in the studio a few times.
0:48:21 > 0:48:23Oh, yeah, coming here tonight,
0:48:23 > 0:48:26when you asked me to come here, I thought,
0:48:26 > 0:48:30well, I don't socialise much, I am a semi-recluse.
0:48:30 > 0:48:33I don't go out that very often, but I do love to go out.
0:48:33 > 0:48:37I've got my daughters, I've got my little grandson, three months old.
0:48:37 > 0:48:40I've got all of that in my life, which is absolutely beautiful,
0:48:40 > 0:48:43but to me, this is like a lovely evening out for me
0:48:43 > 0:48:45and I'll get up tomorrow morning and I'll think,
0:48:45 > 0:48:47"I went out last night," and I'll tell my kids,
0:48:47 > 0:48:49"I went out last night." "Where did you go?"
0:48:49 > 0:48:52"I went and recorded an interview with Bob Monkhouse."
0:48:52 > 0:48:54Cos I don't go out, just...
0:48:54 > 0:48:55I don't go in pubs any more.
0:48:55 > 0:48:58So, you know, this is a lovely way to spend an evening, Bob.
0:48:58 > 0:49:00So it is a quiet life?
0:49:00 > 0:49:02APPLAUSE
0:49:12 > 0:49:15I don't see any better note on which to conclude this, Mike.
0:49:15 > 0:49:17I think that's wonderful.
0:49:17 > 0:49:19- You speak with contentment...- Yes.
0:49:19 > 0:49:21- ..and it's wonderful to see.- Yes.
0:49:21 > 0:49:23And a great many of us,
0:49:23 > 0:49:25myself included, I guess,
0:49:25 > 0:49:30go on seeking some kind of other contentment as a performer.
0:49:30 > 0:49:31You've found an answer.
0:49:31 > 0:49:34- Are you happy, Mike? - Yes, I am very happy.
0:49:34 > 0:49:38And it's not particularly good money for this show but I'm happy.
0:49:38 > 0:49:41LAUGHTER
0:49:41 > 0:49:43APPLAUSE
0:49:47 > 0:49:49Ladies and gentlemen,
0:49:49 > 0:49:52my grateful thanks to my dear friend and great hero, Mike Yarwood.
0:49:52 > 0:49:55APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:50:05 > 0:50:07Thank you, Mike, thank you.
0:50:15 > 0:50:18That was really from the heart.
0:50:18 > 0:50:21If there's any questions that anyone wants to ask that might produce
0:50:21 > 0:50:24a productive answer of any kind from me, I'll be happy to try it.
0:50:24 > 0:50:26I see a hand up. Thank you.
0:50:26 > 0:50:29Are there any tricks of the trade you're prepared to share with us?
0:50:29 > 0:50:32Oh, yeah. I learned from so many people who preceded me
0:50:32 > 0:50:36with tricks of the trade. There were tricks, I still use them.
0:50:36 > 0:50:38You absorb them, not through imitation -
0:50:38 > 0:50:41though that's perfectly legitimate -
0:50:41 > 0:50:43you see something that works, you go, "Wow, that works."
0:50:43 > 0:50:46Somehow the next night you're doing it.
0:50:46 > 0:50:50Arthur Askey, the tiny, wonderful comedian that I first saw in 1937,
0:50:50 > 0:50:53when I was, what, nine years old, eight years old.
0:50:53 > 0:50:56I saw him do things that I never forgot,
0:50:56 > 0:51:00so that if he had a gag, and you know this happens to every comedian,
0:51:00 > 0:51:03you've got a piece of material you know is worth applause but
0:51:03 > 0:51:06that crowd is not going to applaud it because they're not yet ready,
0:51:06 > 0:51:09they're not hot enough. So Arthur used to do a check step back,
0:51:09 > 0:51:11as if he was leaving, just psychologically.
0:51:11 > 0:51:14It wasn't really leaving, nobody thought that,
0:51:14 > 0:51:16but he'd do a step back and he'd clap, and the clap,
0:51:16 > 0:51:19that sound would start someone else going,
0:51:19 > 0:51:23and that would multiply and he'd get a round of applause on that gag.
0:51:23 > 0:51:26Just through the technique of the moving back and a "ha-ha",
0:51:26 > 0:51:29the little triumphant laugh - "That's a belter."
0:51:29 > 0:51:34Has your sharp-suited, smooth image ever hindered the comedy?
0:51:34 > 0:51:36I wanted to be Bob Hope, really,
0:51:36 > 0:51:40who's left us at the age of 100 and two months.
0:51:40 > 0:51:42He was my role model.
0:51:42 > 0:51:46I thought, that's slick, that's smart, but he runs himself down.
0:51:46 > 0:51:48He comes out looking smooth and sharp,
0:51:48 > 0:51:51but then he tells the crowd that he's not good with women,
0:51:51 > 0:51:53he's cowardly and he's cheap.
0:51:53 > 0:51:56The men relax, the women don't believe the lie.
0:51:56 > 0:51:58LIGHT LAUGHTER
0:51:58 > 0:52:00They go along with the illusion.
0:52:00 > 0:52:02So I always thought that, right from the start,
0:52:02 > 0:52:04I should wear a good suit, good tie,
0:52:04 > 0:52:07good...you know, pay the audience that compliment,
0:52:07 > 0:52:09because I hadn't anything else to offer.
0:52:09 > 0:52:12You can see that model, there is an element of Bob Hope to him,
0:52:12 > 0:52:15even in his sort of flirting with his film career, as well,
0:52:15 > 0:52:17which was fascinating to see some of his film appearances.
0:52:17 > 0:52:19He's really good.
0:52:19 > 0:52:21- Sir?- How do you cope with hecklers?
0:52:21 > 0:52:23- Hecklers?- Yeah.
0:52:23 > 0:52:27So if somebody starts heckling you, sometimes they can be deadly.
0:52:27 > 0:52:30Frank Skinner had one of the greatest, you probably know it.
0:52:30 > 0:52:34He was taking one of those tremendous pauses that Frank takes
0:52:34 > 0:52:36in some club in Rugeley.
0:52:36 > 0:52:41There was a blind guy in the front row with a guide dog and white stick,
0:52:41 > 0:52:44and the guy... Frank's paused,
0:52:44 > 0:52:47and the guy says, "Fuck off, you're not funny, fuck off."
0:52:47 > 0:52:49LAUGHTER
0:52:49 > 0:52:52And Frank stands there, there's a long silence, and the guy says,
0:52:52 > 0:52:54"Has he fucked off?"
0:52:54 > 0:52:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:52:59 > 0:53:00Roy Castle had a great one.
0:53:00 > 0:53:03He was playing Friday night at the Dudley Hippodrome,
0:53:03 > 0:53:07which was dire and you had about 15 people in if you were lucky.
0:53:07 > 0:53:10And a guy up on one side of the balcony goes,
0:53:10 > 0:53:13"Could somebody switch the light off, please?
0:53:13 > 0:53:15"I'd like to have a doze."
0:53:17 > 0:53:19Roy stands there silently, and a man on the other side goes,
0:53:19 > 0:53:21"Don't do that, I'm bloody reading."
0:53:25 > 0:53:29But Paul Daniels has the greatest story, if I may risk boring you.
0:53:29 > 0:53:31He's playing La Ronde, Billingham...
0:53:33 > 0:53:35Ha-ha! Remember that bloody date?
0:53:37 > 0:53:39And he comes out to...
0:53:39 > 0:53:42The whole place has been bought out by a private society
0:53:42 > 0:53:45and Paul's coming on, you know, "I'm on in five minutes,"
0:53:45 > 0:53:49and the guy who's the secretary to the club goes out
0:53:49 > 0:53:52and his cheeks are wet.
0:53:52 > 0:53:56"Ladies and gentlemen, I have to tell you that Big Bill,
0:53:56 > 0:53:59"Big Bill Campbell..." HE SOBS
0:53:59 > 0:54:01"our chairman,
0:54:01 > 0:54:06"on his way tonight, he suffered a fatal heart attack.
0:54:07 > 0:54:10"We all loved Big Bill, but he's gone."
0:54:12 > 0:54:14"He's dead."
0:54:15 > 0:54:19"And I'm sorry to bring you this news..." He's crying, "Oh, God."
0:54:19 > 0:54:22Strong men were weeping, women fainted.
0:54:22 > 0:54:26The man was adored by all 500 people, they were just in pieces.
0:54:26 > 0:54:30"Oh, ladies and gentlemen, we'll have a couple of minutes' silence
0:54:30 > 0:54:32"for Big Bill."
0:54:35 > 0:54:37HE SOBS
0:54:39 > 0:54:42"All right, now here's your entertainment - Paul Daniels."
0:54:42 > 0:54:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:54:46 > 0:54:48Wait, there's more.
0:54:48 > 0:54:50Paul walks out
0:54:50 > 0:54:53and the god of comedy must've leaned down from the clouds
0:54:53 > 0:54:55and just touched him on the head.
0:54:55 > 0:54:58Paul walks out and he says, "Ladies and gentlemen,
0:54:58 > 0:55:02"I've no desire to entertain you tonight whatsoever,
0:55:02 > 0:55:05"and I'm sure you've no desire to hear me entertain you.
0:55:05 > 0:55:08"It's a question of just being brave, isn't it?
0:55:08 > 0:55:11"And ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to entertain you,
0:55:11 > 0:55:13"I'll tell you why, because,
0:55:13 > 0:55:16"Big Bill, this one's for you."
0:55:16 > 0:55:18LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:55:23 > 0:55:27Bob's respect for other comedians is his legacy now.
0:55:27 > 0:55:29All of us who liked him
0:55:29 > 0:55:32have spent so much time telling people how much he liked us
0:55:32 > 0:55:34and how much he helped us, that by osmosis,
0:55:34 > 0:55:37people who don't know him now know that Bob was one of us,
0:55:37 > 0:55:41technically. They know that if Bob had been 30 years younger,
0:55:41 > 0:55:43he would have been at The Comedy Store
0:55:43 > 0:55:45rather than Blazers in Windsor.
0:55:45 > 0:55:49At a time when a lot of other comics would be disparaging against
0:55:49 > 0:55:52young comedians and everything, he was very, very welcoming and stuff,
0:55:52 > 0:55:56and would learn from us, the same way that we learned from him.
0:55:56 > 0:55:58He actually is actively interested in what new,
0:55:58 > 0:56:00funny people are doing and he likes it.
0:56:00 > 0:56:04I, on the other hand, try to keep the door well and truly shut.
0:56:04 > 0:56:07I don't want to... I'm sort of terrified of seeing anybody
0:56:07 > 0:56:10better than me so I just look away.
0:56:10 > 0:56:12But it's lovely that some people are so
0:56:12 > 0:56:16open and kind-hearted as to do the other.
0:56:16 > 0:56:18There's a real sense of privilege at being invited,
0:56:18 > 0:56:21because the people he invited were comics like me
0:56:21 > 0:56:23that were good comics,
0:56:23 > 0:56:26and at a certain level, but none of us were A-list stars,
0:56:26 > 0:56:28none of us were superstars.
0:56:28 > 0:56:29None of us were Billy Connolly.
0:56:29 > 0:56:32You know, David Walliams wasn't David Walliams then.
0:56:32 > 0:56:35When I see any comic in a suit, I think of Bob Monkhouse first,
0:56:35 > 0:56:37cos that to me... even John Bishop,
0:56:37 > 0:56:40I think there's an element of just the immaculateness of John,
0:56:40 > 0:56:43and I think there's something in... that delivery.
0:56:43 > 0:56:46Yes, he's completely different of course but in a weird way
0:56:46 > 0:56:49I feel like there's an element of the neatness and the slickness
0:56:49 > 0:56:53and the sort of easy manner that I think does... You know,
0:56:53 > 0:56:56you wouldn't be doing bad if you were taking from Bob Monkhouse
0:56:56 > 0:56:58as part of your stand-up.
0:56:58 > 0:57:00You've been a wonderful audience.
0:57:00 > 0:57:03Thank you very much for coming here tonight.
0:57:03 > 0:57:06The affection and respect you've shown Mike has
0:57:06 > 0:57:08lifted my heart. Thank you very much.
0:57:08 > 0:57:09APPLAUSE
0:57:09 > 0:57:11God bless you all.
0:57:15 > 0:57:17CHEERING
0:57:18 > 0:57:20Thank you. Oh, oh-oh!
0:57:20 > 0:57:23Oh, can't get better than that. Thank you.
0:57:23 > 0:57:26Thank you very much. Thank you.
0:57:26 > 0:57:28Thank you.
0:57:30 > 0:57:33That's wonderful, thank you.
0:57:33 > 0:57:35WHISTLING
0:57:40 > 0:57:44I think when I heard that Bob Monkhouse had died,
0:57:44 > 0:57:46I think it was December time...
0:57:48 > 0:57:52..that was a surprise, because he did almost give a suggestion
0:57:52 > 0:57:53that the drugs were working,
0:57:53 > 0:57:55and "Hey, it's been a couple of years, I'm OK,
0:57:55 > 0:57:57"I'm going to get through it."
0:57:57 > 0:58:00Not so much "I'm going to get through it", but you know.
0:58:00 > 0:58:02I was surprised it was so soon, but then, of course,
0:58:02 > 0:58:06I thought about it for a minute and, no, I wasn't surprised in the end
0:58:06 > 0:58:09because of course that's exactly what he was saying all the way through it.
0:58:09 > 0:58:11And I think that was
0:58:11 > 0:58:14his very last, last show, and he knew it was.
0:58:14 > 0:58:17We didn't know that. Now we do.
0:58:17 > 0:58:21Since then, the night has sort of assumed legendary status,
0:58:21 > 0:58:25it's almost become like the Sex Pistols at the 100 Club.
0:58:25 > 0:58:28It's like the fact... Not a month goes by without somebody saying to me
0:58:28 > 0:58:30either "I saw it on the documentary" or "Were you there?"
0:58:30 > 0:58:33or "Tell me about the night" or "Why were you invited?"
0:58:33 > 0:58:36Really, what did feel like a proper privilege, even then,
0:58:36 > 0:58:38just to see him, cos this is one of the greats,
0:58:38 > 0:58:41and it felt like that when you watched it cos it was like,
0:58:41 > 0:58:43that's him doing jokes, not doing a game show.
0:58:43 > 0:58:47And that was where we were back in the world he knew, I think, best.
0:58:47 > 0:58:49He was clearly loving it.
0:58:49 > 0:58:52He was alive. It was great.