0:00:02 > 0:00:04It's going to be depressing for everyone, and...
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Not paid at all?
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Ah.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14All right. We've got to do it.
0:00:15 > 0:00:23This programme contains some strong language and adult humour
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Hello. I'm Charlie Brooker and you're watching 2016 Wipe,
0:00:38 > 0:00:41a programme about things that happened during 2016.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Things like this.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46The past 12 months have overflowed with harrowing conflict,
0:00:46 > 0:00:49terror attacks, celebrity deaths and general upheaval.
0:00:49 > 0:00:522016 has been a year so huge and scary,
0:00:52 > 0:00:56I've had to invent a new word to describe it - shitmungus.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Britain sensationally voted to leave the EU.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02The vote split the nation into real people versus elitists
0:01:02 > 0:01:05and if you don't know which is which, well, former City trader
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Nigel Farage is a real person, whereas refugee-loving
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Gary Lineker is an elitist, even though,
0:01:10 > 0:01:14as this tragic footage reveals, he can't afford clothes.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Former Labour Shadow Chancellor, Ed Balls, wowed the nation
0:01:17 > 0:01:20with his incredible appearances on Strictly Come Dancing.
0:01:20 > 0:01:25Not to be outdone, Jeremy Corbyn astonished millions by dancing on Labour's grave.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Following an election campaign in which he insulted and alienated
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Mexicans, Muslims, military families, minority groups and women,
0:01:31 > 0:01:36Donald Trump rode to victory by appealing to just one white male.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40There's a lot to get through but we'll get through it together.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Let's start with January.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45As 2016 dawned, there was one cause for optimism,
0:01:45 > 0:01:48which was that at least it wasn't 2015 any more.
0:01:48 > 0:01:532015 had left us on our knees, experiencing one dispiriting blow after another, just like your mum.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57But 2016 was bound to be better, if only by default, and, sure enough,
0:01:57 > 0:02:00it began fairly innocently.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Take a look at this.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05You may just be able to make out a puddle.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09Oh, goody. I like this sort of news. It's just like news, without the news in it.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Believe it or not, for a fairly long time yesterday,
0:02:12 > 0:02:15this very scene became an online sensation.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Yes. Gripping live footage of pedestrians trying to navigate
0:02:18 > 0:02:21a big puddle in Newcastle went viral on social media, and soon,
0:02:21 > 0:02:24everyone was planning their own puddle-based programming.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26We could look forward to the Great British Lake Off,
0:02:26 > 0:02:30Splash In The Attic, Welly Addicts, Downpour Abbey, Pooldark,
0:02:30 > 0:02:34Dripper Street, the App-rain-tice and, of course, Puddle Fix It.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Ha-ha-ha! Oh, let me have a laugh.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Have you seen the state of this year?
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Anyhow, no sooner had it been catapulted to worldwide fame,
0:02:41 > 0:02:43than in harrowing scenes,
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Newcastle Council wiped the puddle off the face of the road.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Murderers!
0:02:47 > 0:02:50And not long after the puddle left us, the world wept an entire ocean,
0:02:50 > 0:02:52thanks to some other news.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Unsuspecting Heart FM listeners were among the first to find out what had happened.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57HEART FM JINGLE
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Right now, 8:30. Here's the latest.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01From Global's Newsroom. I'm Fiona Winchester.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04- David Cameron has died...- A-ha-ha!
0:03:04 > 0:03:06David Bowie has died after a secret...
0:03:06 > 0:03:10Good evening. It is not often we begin a news programme
0:03:10 > 0:03:12like this with the death of a rock star.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16But David Bowie was no ordinary star and his was no ordinary death.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Didn't fall in a puddle, did he?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Yes. The news sombrely announced that iconic musician David Bowie
0:03:21 > 0:03:26had died, leading to a heartfelt outpouring of grief and briefly turning the coverage
0:03:26 > 0:03:29into every BBC Four music documentary you've ever seen.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33When Ziggy Stardust came out, I was 12 years old.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35It said on the back, "play at maximum volume",
0:03:35 > 0:03:39so I put my head between two speakers on the floor and did.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Journalist and tinnitus sufferer Paul Mason there.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46There was this David Bowie bloke, who was a genius.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48He was a pop star and also a spaceman,
0:03:48 > 0:03:53and he became the first person to discover there were spiders on Mars.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56What was inspiring was how he overcame this massive stutter.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59I mean, sometimes, you could still hear it when he sang.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01# Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
0:04:01 > 0:04:03# Turn and face the strain
0:04:03 > 0:04:06# Ch-ch-changes... #
0:04:06 > 0:04:08He sang about things no-one had bothered writing songs about before,
0:04:08 > 0:04:12like space travel, and fame, and Les Dennis.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14# Let's dance... #
0:04:14 > 0:04:18- And about salmon fishing. - # About sound and vision... #
0:04:18 > 0:04:20And about someone making love with his eagle.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23# Making love with his ego... #
0:04:23 > 0:04:27Which is sort of sick, come to think of it.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31He had all these different personalities, like Harry Potter,
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Peter Cook, Rula Lenska, David Bowie, David BOWie.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37I mean, it was like he was on shuffle mode.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39You never knew who he was going to be next.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41# Ziggy played for time... #
0:04:41 > 0:04:45I like Ziggy Stardust and the funky businessman thing he did in the '80s,
0:04:45 > 0:04:49but my favourite of all David Bowie's personas has to be Prince.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54# ..beautiful to turn me on... #
0:04:54 > 0:04:57But obviously, that act died with him.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Bowie was always a trailblazer but in 2016,
0:04:59 > 0:05:02he sadly kick-started a hot new trend for celebrities dying.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06Alan Rickman, Terry Wogan, Paul Daniels, Garry Shandling, Ronnie Corbett,
0:05:06 > 0:05:10Victoria Wood, Prince, Muhammad Ali, Caroline Aherne, Gene Wilder,
0:05:10 > 0:05:14Leonard Cohen, Andrew Sachs, AA Gill and Ian McCaskill.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17They all left us, so if there really is a starman waiting in the sky,
0:05:17 > 0:05:19it's probably just because there's a queue up there.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23In February, Prime Ministroid David Campbell-Conk
0:05:23 > 0:05:25stood outside Number Ten at his silly little podium,
0:05:25 > 0:05:28coming out with some boring rubbish about some referendum
0:05:28 > 0:05:30that wasn't going to matter.
0:05:30 > 0:05:35I believe that Britain will be safer, stronger
0:05:35 > 0:05:38and better off in a reformed European Union.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41I don't know why they're televising this. Tilt the camera down!
0:05:41 > 0:05:44There might be a puddle near his feet. That's real news.
0:05:44 > 0:05:45Don't be in any doubt.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48This is one of the biggest political moments for years.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Whatever! Remain will win, obviously, so...
0:05:53 > 0:05:56In the early stages of the campaign, the Remain side seemed quietly confident,
0:05:56 > 0:05:59as if they didn't really need to put their backs into it, because,
0:05:59 > 0:06:01in all likelihood, they were going to win.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04The hashtag for today is #studentsin.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07By contrast, the Leave campaign had grassroots support
0:06:07 > 0:06:09from everyday folk such as Michael Gove,
0:06:09 > 0:06:12seen here slumming it on a dress-down Friday.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Gove's inclusion was particularly juicy as far as the news was concerned,
0:06:15 > 0:06:17because him and Cameron had been confidantes,
0:06:17 > 0:06:21so they were watching him closely like he was a rare creature they'd spotted in the wild.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24There goes Michael Gove. Was that a difficult decision, Mr Gove?
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Oh, look at that. You caught him! 500 points.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29It's just like a game, this. Pokemon GOVE!
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Days later, Leave bagged an even bigger working-class hero
0:06:32 > 0:06:35in the form of horny-handed everyman, Bullingdon Club grandee,
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Telegraph columnist and megabucks TV star,
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson,
0:06:39 > 0:06:44seen here failing to enter Number 10 in a visual metaphor for his entire year.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Of course, this decision was seen by many, including ITV News,
0:06:46 > 0:06:51as less about Bo-J's desire to leave than his desire to lead.
0:06:51 > 0:06:59Boris, quite close colleagues of yours do say that they see it as your pitch to be Tory leader.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01- No.- Can you reassure them that's not the case?
0:07:01 > 0:07:03It's not, and I want to make one thing absolutely...
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Another thing clear... Erm...
0:07:06 > 0:07:10Oh! Look out! I think he's crashed. Someone hit him with a shoe.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Whatever happens at the end of this, and I've said this to the...
0:07:13 > 0:07:15to the Prime Minister, he's got to stay.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18For now, the PM was staying, on his arse, on Andrew Marr's sofa,
0:07:18 > 0:07:21where he was having to field questions about his ultra-loyal
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Bullingdon pal's defection to the Leave camp.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26And I would say to Boris what I say to everybody else.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28"I was never near that pig?"
0:07:28 > 0:07:30We will be safer, we will be stronger.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32"Safer, stronger, better off inside the EU."
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Well, of course you do, because that's what everyone thinks.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38Mark my words, come June, this will all be over in five minutes.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43Queen Lizzo McTwo turned 90 this year, which is impressive by anyone's standards,
0:07:43 > 0:07:47and as the news made crystal clear, many were keen to mark the occasion.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50The Keep Britain Tidy campaign encouraged Her Maj's subjects
0:07:50 > 0:07:53to get out and pick up litter or "Clean For The Queen".
0:07:53 > 0:07:56The idea is that we all spruce up our communities this weekend
0:07:56 > 0:07:59ahead of the Queen turning 90.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Yeah. Come on, proles! Let's get cleaning!
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Despite high-profile support from
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Leave campaign mega-patriots Boris Johnson and Michael Gove,
0:08:06 > 0:08:09who posed for these delightfully persuasive promo shots,
0:08:09 > 0:08:11the campaign proved a little divisive.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Some people thought it was a bit patronising to ask citizens
0:08:14 > 0:08:17to put on a little bib and go around picking crap up off the floor
0:08:17 > 0:08:18in demeaning scenes like this.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22Although, campaign fan and celebrity estate agent Kirstie Thingummy-Posh
0:08:22 > 0:08:27disagreed in the face of tough questioning on Good Morning Plebs. I mean Britain.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30There have been people saying, "Why should we clean for the Queen?
0:08:30 > 0:08:34- "We're not peasants, scrubbing the streets."- I am. I know my place.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36There are always people who don't want to join in.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38There are people who are going to whinge about it.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Yeah. And that whingeing takes up valuable cleaning time.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Come on, proles. For Queen and country.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45There's a lot to be said for feeling in control.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47- We all want to feel in control. - I'm in control here!
0:08:47 > 0:08:50I'm taking back control.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52When you go out and you do a litter pick,
0:08:52 > 0:08:55you're gathering together with people who all feel as you do.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57You've got a common enemy...
0:08:57 > 0:09:01- What? Foreigners?- ..that is litter. - Oh! Yes. Of course.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03But, if Clean For The Queen was an unofficial tribute,
0:09:03 > 0:09:06the official birthday tribute was even more spectacular.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Here with Something About This Night from his musical,
0:09:08 > 0:09:12Finding Neverland, please welcome Gary Barlow.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Oh, good! I love Gary Barlow.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17I can't help thinking he's trying to drop the Queen a subtle hint
0:09:17 > 0:09:19about knighthoods here.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22# Something about this night
0:09:22 > 0:09:25# Something about this night... #
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Here's something about this knight - he sounds like Sir Elton John.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Do Candle In The Wind!
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Actually, probably best if you don't.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35# I can feel it
0:09:35 > 0:09:36# Something's happening in the air
0:09:36 > 0:09:39# Something just beyond compare... #
0:09:39 > 0:09:43# Oh, fucking, bloody bloody, yeah! #
0:09:43 > 0:09:45The show chiefly consisted of horse displays.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49In fact, it had more horse in it than Catherine the Great,
0:09:49 > 0:09:50and the Queen loved every minute.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Even if you hated horses, you could entertain yourself
0:09:52 > 0:09:54by noting how the stadium slowly filled
0:09:54 > 0:09:56with horse shit as the evening wore on.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58By the end, it was a right state.
0:09:58 > 0:09:59And you know what to do when there's a mess?
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Come on, Kirstie Allsopp, come on, Michael Gove.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Look at that horse shit. Go on! Clean For The Queen.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08- Get your- BLEEP- bibs on. Go on! Do it now. Do it now or it's treason.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10This year, to make people laugh and save money,
0:10:10 > 0:10:13the BBC brought back loads of old sitcoms like
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Steptoe And Son and Are You Being Served?
0:10:15 > 0:10:17And a new version of Porridge.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21And then they did Fawlty Towers, but they had to change the name,
0:10:21 > 0:10:25so they called it The Night Manager instead and hoped no-one would notice.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28It looked all glossy and modern but it was the same as Fawlty Towers.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32It was still about this tall, nervous bloke who was in charge of a hotel.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Anyway, the big problem was, it wasn't very funny.
0:10:35 > 0:10:40Like, in old Fawlty Towers it was always hilarious when the guests got cross with Basil.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43I think this is probably the worst hotel we've ever stayed in.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46But in The Night Manager, it was just sort of horrible and tense.
0:10:46 > 0:10:47Then you know who my family are.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Open the room. Open the room. Which one?
0:10:49 > 0:10:53In the proper Fawlty Towers, when Basil went into a room with a sexy lady,
0:10:53 > 0:10:56he'd get into a side-splitting misunderstanding.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59LAUGHTER
0:11:01 > 0:11:03But the Basil in The Night Manager would just end up
0:11:03 > 0:11:05earnestly having sex with them.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07HE PANTS
0:11:07 > 0:11:09When Fawlty Towers Basil finds a dead guest,
0:11:09 > 0:11:11it's just the start of a rib-tickling sequence of events,
0:11:11 > 0:11:16where he had to keep hiding the body until you're falling about.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Oh, sorry. Sorry. Coming in like that. Sorry.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22But when rebooted night manager Basil finds a dead guest
0:11:22 > 0:11:24in a room, he just gets all sad,
0:11:24 > 0:11:27and he has this intense, emotional meltdown.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Which was nothing like as funny as the sort of meltdowns proper Basil used to have.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33LAUGHTER
0:11:34 > 0:11:37We've forgotten what comedy is in this country.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41Meanwhile, in America, something was going on which I can't ignore any longer in this programme,
0:11:41 > 0:11:44try as I might for my own mental wellbeing.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Cue nightmarish, dystopian news footage.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51# Enemies of freedom
0:11:51 > 0:11:56- # Face the music - Come on boys, take 'em down
0:11:56 > 0:12:00# President Donald Trump knows how to make America great
0:12:00 > 0:12:05# Deal from strength or get crushed every time... #
0:12:05 > 0:12:07News coverage was increasingly dominated by
0:12:07 > 0:12:10retiring wallflower, Donald J Trump.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12- Who's going to pay for the wall? - ALL: Mexico!
0:12:12 > 0:12:15- Who?- ALL:- Mexico!
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Trump seemed completely unelectable, as the news made clear he'd been rude about Mexicans,
0:12:19 > 0:12:22rude about Muslims and even rude about a disabled reporter.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24You got to see this guy.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26"Aah, I don't know what I said! Aah! I don't remember."
0:12:26 > 0:12:29The Republicans had plenty of other contenders who,
0:12:29 > 0:12:31on the news, look like the kind of president you get in movies,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34yet here they were being thrashed by a man who resembles a clingfilm
0:12:34 > 0:12:38parcel of Frankfurter meat that's been kicked through a yellow cobweb.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40How tough is it to take property from an elderly woman?
0:12:40 > 0:12:41Let me talk! Quiet!
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Some fought back in equally childish fashion.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47Marco Rubio was all over the networks mocking Trump's hand size.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51And you know what they say about men with small hands.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Trump wasn't taking that shit, and in unprecedented scenes,
0:12:54 > 0:12:57he was seen bragging about the size of his knob on live television.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01He referred to my hands - if they're small, something else must be small.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05I guarantee you, there's no problem. I guarantee it.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08I suppose it's refreshing, really, for a potential president to be this candid.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11I mean, we don't know how big other presidents' penises have been
0:13:11 > 0:13:13because Mount Rushmore stops at the neck.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17Sad vampire Ted Cruz was now Trump's final target.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Mad donkey Trump immediately set about trolling the shit out of him,
0:13:20 > 0:13:23firstly by tweeting an unflattering photo of Cruz's wife.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25I don't get angry often...
0:13:26 > 0:13:28..but you mess with my wife, you mess with my kids,
0:13:28 > 0:13:29that'll do it every time.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33Donald, you're a snivelling coward and leave Heidi the hell alone.
0:13:33 > 0:13:34Feisty scenes.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38There was equally tetchy coverage when Trump slagged off Cruz's dad.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42Donald Trump alleges that my dad was involved in assassinating JFK.
0:13:42 > 0:13:46Lee Harvey Oswald's son there, whining like a snowflake cuck.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48At first, the media seem to find this wryly amusing,
0:13:48 > 0:13:51smirking throughout Trump's ascent like they were watching an adorable
0:13:51 > 0:13:54toddler playing with a power tool without apparently considering
0:13:54 > 0:13:57that he might just learn how to switch it on.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Trump was increasingly unstoppable, and even he seemed surprised,
0:13:59 > 0:14:01speaking here at a televised event,
0:14:01 > 0:14:04where he embraced the host and then mimed he was a wanker.
0:14:04 > 0:14:09I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose any voters, OK.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Only if it's someone Putin wants you to shoot.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Not all the famous people who died this year were real, you know.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Yes, in the face of a terminal illness, Albert Square stalwart
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Peggy Mitchell decided she just couldn't carry on.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24Get it? Carry On? It's a reference joke, love.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Rather than suffer the gruelling ongoing indignity of being in EastEnders,
0:14:27 > 0:14:31she chose to write herself out of existence for good in a suicide plot,
0:14:31 > 0:14:34thereby becoming pretty much the only Londoner who voted to leave.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37With her grip on sanity slipping, in her final moments,
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Peggy had a vision of old sparring partner Pat Butcher.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43I might have known it was you.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46I think Pat could have been one of David Bowie's personas,
0:14:46 > 0:14:48come to think of it. Ziggy Fag-ash.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50In a moving finale, Peggy gobbled down some death pills
0:14:50 > 0:14:51and left both the Square
0:14:51 > 0:14:53and her beloved boob-headed sons, Grant and Phil.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55They're not as young as they used to be.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57As you can tell from the moving scenes
0:14:57 > 0:14:59in which he found Peggy's body,
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Phil's so out of shape he gets exhausted operating a light switch.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07HE SOBS BREATHLESSLY
0:15:09 > 0:15:13Having come across the prone form of his mother for hopefully the first time in his life,
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Phil tried to console himself by reading a letter Peggy
0:15:16 > 0:15:19had left him while sitting on the official Albert Square grief bench,
0:15:19 > 0:15:22only to finally give up when he remembered he can't read.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25HE CRIES OUT
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Adding insult to injury for Phil,
0:15:26 > 0:15:29Peggy's grave was located a long walk away up a hill
0:15:29 > 0:15:32accessible only on foot.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35But the BBC had at least given his mum the most BBC send-off in history.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39She was buried beneath a Bake Off showstopper.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42In June, that pesky referendum was drawing nearer.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Lucky old Team Remain had three secret weapons.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Weapon number one - relatable everyman George Osborne.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52All aboard for Britain remaining in the European Union.
0:15:52 > 0:15:57Weapon number two - beloved national figurehead David Cameron,
0:15:57 > 0:16:00seen here winning over an audience of millennials
0:16:00 > 0:16:02in a sparky online debate.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06So, I'm voting Remain, but nothing to do with you guys. I hate the Tories.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09I'm just going to say, you fucked every fucking thing up in this country.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12You've screwed students, you've screwed the disabled, the vulnerable...
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Don't forget the pig!
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Also popular with young folk, weapon number three - Jeremy Corbyn.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21This fiery proponent of Remain made a series of sparky media appearances,
0:16:21 > 0:16:24such as the time he appeared on accessible comedy vehicle
0:16:24 > 0:16:29The Last Leg to ooze pro-EU enthusiasm like a stone oozes blood.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33On a scale of one to ten, where one is "couldn't really care less about the EU",
0:16:33 > 0:16:36and ten is, "I'm jumping on the couch like Tom Cruise on Oprah",
0:16:36 > 0:16:39how passionate are you about staying in the EU?
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Oh, I'd put myself in the upper half of the five to ten,
0:16:42 > 0:16:46- so we're looking at seven, seven-and-a-half.- Oh, not quite... - Maybe seven.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Facing this outrageously pumped up opposition was the Leave campaign,
0:16:49 > 0:16:51which was actually more like two campaigns.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Campaign one was the A-list Vote Leave gang spearheaded
0:16:54 > 0:16:58by Clean For The Queeners Michael Gove and Boris Johnson.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02Scrupulously polite Michael Gove was out and about brightening up the news considerably,
0:17:02 > 0:17:07confidently putting his case for British sovereignty and denying he had any political ambitions.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10When Mr Cameron steps down in the future,
0:17:10 > 0:17:12are you considering a leadership bid?
0:17:12 > 0:17:15- I can tell you, I am absolutely not. - Couldn't be clearer.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18I'm sure I'll never have to refer to this clip ever again.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Meanwhile, Bozza was driving around the country in a bus
0:17:21 > 0:17:23with a startling figure printed up the side.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25£350 million a week for the NHS?
0:17:25 > 0:17:28That's a lot of plasters, and it's printed on the side of a bus,
0:17:28 > 0:17:31so British law dictates that this must and will happen.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Although ITV's Tom Bradley seemed notably unimpressed.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38Let's deal with your arguments. One of them is on the side of this bus.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42"We send £350 million to Europe." We don't, and you know we don't.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44- We do.- No, we don't.- We do. - We don't, we don't.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Admit that that figure is grotesquely misleading at best.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49I won't, I won't, I won't.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54Meanwhile, Leave campaign number two was leave.EU, fronted by Nigel Farage.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Farage had actually quit Ukip last year only to reappear once again,
0:17:57 > 0:18:01the human equivalent of a pop-up advert you just can't click away.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04He was all over the news, causing controversy by implying a vote to Remain
0:18:04 > 0:18:08could risk Cologne-style mass sex attacks occurring in Britain.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12Mrs Merkel has made a very big error in allowing a very large number of
0:18:12 > 0:18:16young males to come into Germany unaccompanied,
0:18:16 > 0:18:19and let's be honest, some of the cultures that they come from
0:18:19 > 0:18:23treat women completely differently to our Western values.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Nigel's got no time for anyone who disrespects women.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Well, unless they're important, then he stands in a gold room,
0:18:28 > 0:18:30pissing his pants at their locker-room talk,
0:18:30 > 0:18:32as you can see from this gaudy souvenir snap.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Meanwhile, the polls were shifting, sometimes putting Leave in the lead.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39Team Remain were getting worried, so they started pulling out the stops.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Cameron appeared on Channel 4 News to repeat his "stronger in" mantra
0:18:42 > 0:18:45again, but this time in pink face.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47I think we are better off, safer and stronger,
0:18:47 > 0:18:49as part of a European Union.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Oh, my God, he's off the Cameron pink scale.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Look, this is pumps me up. Right now, he's gone past gammon.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56He's going to blow!
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Soon, Team Remain was Project Fear, they said if we voted Leave,
0:18:59 > 0:19:03there'd be a financial catastrophe, an emergency budget, maybe even a war.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06Society would spiral out of control, Brangelina would split up,
0:19:06 > 0:19:08the iPhone 7 wouldn't have a headphone jack,
0:19:08 > 0:19:11the £5 note would be full of animal fat,
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- the Bake Off would- BLEEP- off and Ed Balls would dance live on television.
0:19:14 > 0:19:15It was all beyond belief.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19Well, Boris seemed to think so, as the news made abundantly clear.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22All those who prophesy gloom and doom...
0:19:22 > 0:19:24..for British businesses, look at...
0:19:24 > 0:19:27I say their pants are on fire.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30You know you're calling them liars in front of that bus, yeah?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Britain had never gone to war at sea against itself before,
0:19:32 > 0:19:36but thanks to the divisive magic of the referendum, that's what happened.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40Yes, Nigel Farage bobbed up the Thames accompanied by a flotilla of pro-Leave boats,
0:19:40 > 0:19:44but was rudely interrupted when a rival Remain boat,
0:19:44 > 0:19:46captained by swearing Live Aid gibbon Bob Geldof,
0:19:46 > 0:19:50pulled up alongside to calmly debate the issues in a dignified manner.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Nigel, you're a fraud.
0:19:53 > 0:19:59Britain makes more money than any other country in Europe from fishing.
0:19:59 > 0:20:04Britain has the second largest quota for fishing in Europe after Denmark.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Yeah, stick with it, the chorus gets catchy.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09It was hard to escape a growing sense this was all spiralling out of control.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13The next morning, Farage unveiled a contentious poster
0:20:13 > 0:20:15depicting a line of Syrian refugees fleeing a war zone.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Ugh, Typical foreigners.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Only been here five minutes and they've already landed a cushy job in advertising.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24As Farage posed for snaps, it looked like he was stood at the front of the queue.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27A bit like his Huguenot ancestors were when they migrated here.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31The poster was headlined "breaking point" and it felt like we were reaching one.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34And then...
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Tonight, tributes to the Labour MP Jo Cox who's died
0:20:37 > 0:20:40after being stabbed and shot on a street in West Yorkshire.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44She was 41, married with two young children,
0:20:44 > 0:20:47and was elected to Parliament just over a year ago.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51- What words did you hear?- The words that I heard him say was, "Britain first" or, "Put Britain first."
0:20:51 > 0:20:54When asked his name, the man in the dock said,
0:20:54 > 0:20:58"My name is death to traitors, freedom for Britain."
0:20:58 > 0:21:01This was the first politically motivated killing of a sitting MP
0:21:01 > 0:21:04in decades, and it stunned and appalled both sides of the EU debate
0:21:04 > 0:21:06and the nation as a whole.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Come the day of the vote itself, opinion appeared to have swung back Remain's way.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14Obviously, because Remain was going to win.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15BELL CHIMES
0:21:15 > 0:21:17As the polls closed, Remain seemed buoyant,
0:21:17 > 0:21:20while prominent Leave types already appeared to be conceding defeat.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22- No, I'm not conceding. - Yeah, you are. You might as well.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26- Loser!- My sense of this is that the government's registration scheme,
0:21:26 > 0:21:30getting 2 million voters on, the 48-hour extension,
0:21:30 > 0:21:34may be what tipped the balance. I hope I'm wrong.
0:21:34 > 0:21:35Well, there's no point in me staying up for this,
0:21:35 > 0:21:37the result's not in doubt, so I'm off to bed.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Over there, in the corner of the studio.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Night-night.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49BIRDSONG
0:21:49 > 0:21:52HE YAWNS I slept in my clothes.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55I wonder how much Remain won by.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58This will be a victory for real people,
0:21:58 > 0:22:01a victory for ordinary people,
0:22:01 > 0:22:04a victory for decent people.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08Hi. Yeah, sorry, I think there's something wrong with my television.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12It's showing images and sounds from a universe I don't recognise.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16We will have done it without having to fight,
0:22:16 > 0:22:18without a single bullet being fired.
0:22:21 > 0:22:26Let June 23rd go down in our history as our Independence Day.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28CHEERING
0:22:28 > 0:22:32By contrast, Dobbo Cambo did the walk of shame to his podium and handed in his notice.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36I was absolutely clear about my belief that Britain is stronger,
0:22:36 > 0:22:40safer and better off inside the European Union.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Yeah, you can stop saying that now, mate.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44As Cameron retreated inside to lick his wounds, across town,
0:22:44 > 0:22:49Boris Johnson stepped out into Brexit Britain to taste his new-found popularity.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51- CROWD BOOS - Shame on you, Boris!
0:22:51 > 0:22:54You're a parasite, Boris Johnson!
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Even though they'd won a surprise victory,
0:22:56 > 0:23:00Boris and Gove were acutely aware millions of people hadn't voted Leave
0:23:00 > 0:23:04so they were at pains not to look too triumphalist and pulled sort of
0:23:04 > 0:23:07sick and haunted expressions instead, which was thoughtful of them,
0:23:07 > 0:23:10and Boris struck a conciliatory tone.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13This does not mean that the United Kingdom
0:23:13 > 0:23:15will be in any way less united...
0:23:16 > 0:23:22..nor indeed does it mean that it will be any less European.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24- Or any less- un-BEEP.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26It quickly turned out, courtesy of cheery breakfast shows,
0:23:26 > 0:23:30that some of the promises made during the campaign weren't worth the bus they were written on.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33The £350 million a week we send to the EU,
0:23:33 > 0:23:36which we will no longer send to the EU,
0:23:36 > 0:23:38can you guarantee that's going to go to the NHS?
0:23:38 > 0:23:41No, I can't, and I would never have made that claim.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43HE SPLUTTERS
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Christ! Well, I guess it wasn't his bus.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Anyway, what's going to happen with immigration?
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Come on, CNN, be responsible. Ask one of the Leavers.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Are you then saying
0:23:51 > 0:23:54that this immigration is going to be much lighter...
0:23:54 > 0:23:56- So, our issue... - ..than you all promised?
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I have never, ever made any commitment on numbers, ever.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02HE SPLUTTERS At least there's some sort of plan, yeah?
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Where's that Faisal Islam on Sky News?
0:24:05 > 0:24:07He's talked to one of the Leavers about it, yeah?
0:24:07 > 0:24:09I said, "Where's the plan? Can we see the Brexit plan now?"
0:24:09 > 0:24:11"There is no plan.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14"The Leave campaign don't have a post-Brexit plan.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16"Number 10 should've had a plan."
0:24:16 > 0:24:20HE SPLUTTERS AND LAUGHS
0:24:20 > 0:24:21Everything felt a bit upside down.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Even the news, which normally tells you things they know,
0:24:24 > 0:24:27was reduced to simply listing things they didn't know.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30We don't know when the formal process of withdrawing will begin.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33We don't know if the French and the Germans
0:24:33 > 0:24:34will lock us out of the single market.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36We don't know who will be Prime Minister.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40We don't even know who the leader of the opposition will be.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42We don't know if it will be another general election this year,
0:24:42 > 0:24:47and we don't know if the UK will actually hold together as a country.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Join us after the break for everything we don't know about the weather.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54In the aftermath of the results, some people simply couldn't comprehend what was happening,
0:24:54 > 0:24:56particularly people in the London media bubble.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Well, obviously, I didn't, but why did some people vote Leave?
0:24:59 > 0:25:01What can I learn from them?
0:25:01 > 0:25:04To find out, I've got a Leave voter here in the studio with me. Hello. You voted Leave.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08- What's wrong with you?- I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with me.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Oh, hang on, hang on. I wanted a northern one.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13A proper one. Is this the best we could do? This?
0:25:13 > 0:25:15All right, fine, OK. Go on.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18- For years, the concerns of people like me...- Do you know what concerns me?
0:25:18 > 0:25:22- Your racism.- I'm not racist.- "Oh, oh, oh! I'm not racist, but... Oh!"
0:25:22 > 0:25:24This is you. Oh! Eugh!
0:25:24 > 0:25:28You make me sick! Unlike me, you are racist, and you're simple,
0:25:28 > 0:25:30and you're stupid, and you've ruined this country.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Do you know how much Nespresso coffee pods are going to cost me now?
0:25:33 > 0:25:37- A- BLEEP- fortune! Why don't you think before you act?!
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Not that the metropolitan elite
0:25:39 > 0:25:41was entirely imagining the role of xenophobia.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Following the vote, an apparent spike in hate crimes was recorded,
0:25:44 > 0:25:47and there were plenty of examples of people who had apparently voted
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Leave, in the belief Leave was actually an instruction
0:25:50 > 0:25:54aimed at anyone they considered "not one of us", as the news made clear.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57It's all about immigration.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Right? It's not about trade or Europe or anything like that.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02It's all about immigration.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04It's to stop the Muslims from coming into this country.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- Simple as that.- See, now that's what I'm after.
0:26:07 > 0:26:08Why didn't we book him?
0:26:08 > 0:26:12Ever since Jeremy Clarkson punched his way out of his BBC contract
0:26:12 > 0:26:15and swanned off to Amazon along with his sidekicks,
0:26:15 > 0:26:18viewers were wondering how the rebooted Top Gear might fare.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21But before the new series had even made it to our screens,
0:26:21 > 0:26:23it was already grinding people's gears.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25The new presenter of the BBC's Top Gear, Chris Evans,
0:26:25 > 0:26:28has apologised unreservedly after scenes for his new series
0:26:28 > 0:26:31were filmed near the Cenotaph yesterday.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Yes, a stunt in which a muscle car did doughnuts
0:26:34 > 0:26:3740 metres from the Cenotaph prompted fuming headlines.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Say what you like about Jeremy Clarkson,
0:26:39 > 0:26:42he wouldn't pull doughnuts in front of a revered war memorial.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Unless it was somewhere like Argentina,
0:26:44 > 0:26:46then he'd drop a caravan full of Mexicans onto it.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49And it would be hilarious!
0:26:49 > 0:26:50Instead, this blurry amateur footage
0:26:50 > 0:26:52of The One Where Joey Disrespects The Fallen
0:26:52 > 0:26:55was so offensive it was displayed repeatedly
0:26:55 > 0:26:56on websites and news channels.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Unless he's drawing a poppy in skidmarks, that is disgraceful.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Soon, redtop whipping boy Chris Evans stumbled into the cameras
0:27:03 > 0:27:06to apologise and promised we'd never see the obscene scenes we'd just seen.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10That footage will definitely not go on the air, no question about it.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13- And top military brass were also grateful.- I'm very glad that...
0:27:15 > 0:27:17..the BBC have both apologised for what happened
0:27:17 > 0:27:20and effectively indicated they won't be screening it.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Quite right, they won't.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24This will never see the light of day.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27Weeks later, the show itself made its BBC Two debut,
0:27:27 > 0:27:30and with the nation's papers wishing the new presenter well,
0:27:30 > 0:27:33the scene was set for Evans and co to put criticism to bed
0:27:33 > 0:27:35by knocking the first show right out of the park.
0:27:35 > 0:27:39- Please welcome Matt le Blanc. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:39 > 0:27:42As well as Matt the Blank, it had everything the old Top Gear had,
0:27:42 > 0:27:45except Clarkson, May and Hammond, and several million viewers,
0:27:45 > 0:27:47so something had to give.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53We're bringing you some news just into us here at the BBC that
0:27:53 > 0:27:57Chris Evans has resigned from the television programme Top Gear.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00Yes, in a shocking, impossible-to-predict development,
0:28:00 > 0:28:03Evans quit and experts immediately jumped in front of eager
0:28:03 > 0:28:06news cameras to explain what exactly had gone wrong.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Top Gear, with the new series, made a huge mistake,
0:28:09 > 0:28:11a huge mistake on the first show that they aired.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14- It wasn't very good. - Oh, that's their mistake!
0:28:14 > 0:28:16If only they'd made it good!
0:28:16 > 0:28:19Ironically, the critics say, after its poor start,
0:28:19 > 0:28:23the show had become pretty good by the end of the series,
0:28:23 > 0:28:26though most of the good bits did not involve Chris Evans.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Hmm, just like life, really.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31This year, just in case you got bored during those four or five
0:28:31 > 0:28:33seconds each day when you're not already staring at your phone,
0:28:33 > 0:28:35a game came along to fill the gap.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38Yes, Pokemon GO,
0:28:38 > 0:28:40the augmented reality creature-collecting sensation
0:28:40 > 0:28:43was all the rage with both children and adult-sized children.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46Soon, avid players were scouring local parks and areas of wasteland,
0:28:46 > 0:28:49trying to pick up exotic creatures like your dad did in the 1980s,
0:28:49 > 0:28:51except, unlike him,
0:28:51 > 0:28:53they were desperately trying to fill their balls.
0:28:53 > 0:28:57I'm implying your father had sex with strangers in parks.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00The game had been a big hit in the US and was about to appear in Britain,
0:29:00 > 0:29:02and as chirpy Good Morning Britain made clear,
0:29:02 > 0:29:04even Piers Morgan couldn't wait.
0:29:04 > 0:29:08I'm looking to see if I can get the app on my phone - everyone has it.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11- You can't get it here yet.- I've got a proxy to get it from America.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13- Probably not allowed to do that, am I?- Probably not.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16But I'm sure you would never do anything illegal with a phone(!)
0:29:16 > 0:29:19The craze was getting out of hand and was also a safety hazard.
0:29:19 > 0:29:21Watch where you're going, there's a lamppost there.
0:29:21 > 0:29:23As alarming footage showed,
0:29:23 > 0:29:26mass Pokemobs were erupting whenever a rare creature was discovered.
0:29:26 > 0:29:28Thank God that's the only time this year we'll see huge crowds of
0:29:28 > 0:29:31Americans blindly following a ridiculous monster.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34Nevertheless, Pokemon GO was a positive game, and as the news made clear,
0:29:34 > 0:29:38it was encouraging people to get out of the house and make new friends.
0:29:38 > 0:29:39Dead ones.
0:29:39 > 0:29:43I woke up this morning and I wanted to go get a water Pokemon,
0:29:43 > 0:29:45so I just got up and went for my little walk.
0:29:45 > 0:29:49She instead found a body lying face down in the river.
0:29:49 > 0:29:51To check he was dead, she had to poke him and go.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54Sticking with tech, this was the year VR went mainstream.
0:29:54 > 0:29:57For one thing, it formed the basis of a task on The Apprentice.
0:29:57 > 0:30:01It was shocking when candidates met a pixelated Lord Sugar inside a
0:30:01 > 0:30:03- vector-based boardroom. - Good morning.
0:30:03 > 0:30:06Welcome to the future.
0:30:06 > 0:30:08Oh, no, I hate boss levels.
0:30:08 > 0:30:10And there were illuminating scenes when snooker legend
0:30:10 > 0:30:15Ronnie O'Sullivan got to grips with some very immersive gaming tech.
0:30:15 > 0:30:18- Oh, Jesus!- Oh, Ron!- BLEEP- hell!
0:30:18 > 0:30:21- That is mental.- Did you try to lean on the table?- Yeah.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23- BLEEP!- That's scary.
0:30:23 > 0:30:27A little musical interlude now, as I pretend my desk is a piano.
0:30:27 > 0:30:29JAUNTY PIANO MUSIC PLAYS
0:30:31 > 0:30:33Anyway, back to Brexit.
0:30:33 > 0:30:35Ever since David Cameron had given in his notice,
0:30:35 > 0:30:38the race was on to find us a new, improved Prime Minister.
0:30:38 > 0:30:42The frontrunner was Boris Johnson who'd stabbed his friend Cameron in the back to get this far.
0:30:42 > 0:30:46Of course, his pal Michael Gove was completely out of the running,
0:30:46 > 0:30:49I mean, we all remember the convincing moment he'd said this on Sky News.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51Are you considering a leadership bid?
0:30:51 > 0:30:53Honestly, I can tell you I'm absolutely not.
0:30:53 > 0:30:56Three, two, one...
0:30:56 > 0:31:00Just hours before the former Mayor of London was expected to declare
0:31:00 > 0:31:03he was running, his Leave campaign ally, Michael Gove,
0:31:03 > 0:31:09stepped in and stunned Westminster by announcing he'd decided to run for leader himself.
0:31:09 > 0:31:12This was a move of Machiavellian genius on Gove's part,
0:31:12 > 0:31:14leaving him expertly positioned as the shiftiest,
0:31:14 > 0:31:16least trusted man in politics.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18Boris now said he wouldn't stand for leader after all.
0:31:18 > 0:31:23I have concluded that person cannot be me.
0:31:23 > 0:31:24With Bozza gone,
0:31:24 > 0:31:27the remaining contenders were lined up on the news like unlockable
0:31:27 > 0:31:30character options in the worst iPad game of all time.
0:31:30 > 0:31:33In the first round, the Fox was culled. Typical Tory move.
0:31:33 > 0:31:35Then Crabb stepped aside. Well, he is a Crabb.
0:31:35 > 0:31:38That left human Spitting Image puppet Gove,
0:31:38 > 0:31:40Nurse Ratched Theresa May,
0:31:40 > 0:31:44and a sort of dark side Mary Berry figure called Andrea...Leadsom...
0:31:44 > 0:31:47Previously so unheard of, she probably had to look herself up on Wikipedia
0:31:47 > 0:31:49when she heard she was running.
0:31:49 > 0:31:53Come the first round, Gove turned out to be as popular as a turd in a soft play.
0:31:53 > 0:31:56I am naturally disappointed that I haven't been able to make it through
0:31:56 > 0:31:59to the final round of this leadership contest.
0:31:59 > 0:32:01So, now we were down to Theresa May and Andre...
0:32:01 > 0:32:04Andrea Leadsom, who had amassed a loyal band of followers
0:32:04 > 0:32:08that had admired her every move since they had first heard of her five minutes ago.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10- What do we want?- ALL: Leadsom for leader!
0:32:10 > 0:32:12- When do we want it?- ALL: Now!
0:32:12 > 0:32:15But wait! She immediately wrecked it all with an explosive interview
0:32:15 > 0:32:19claiming being a parent made her a better candidate than May.
0:32:19 > 0:32:21And that did for her ambitions.
0:32:21 > 0:32:24I am therefore withdrawing from the leadership election.
0:32:24 > 0:32:28Well, she's out, so that was the last we were ever going to hear of...oh!
0:32:30 > 0:32:33Andre... Andrea Leads...thing.
0:32:33 > 0:32:37Now the leading Leavers had left, only pro-Remain Theresa May remained among the remains,
0:32:37 > 0:32:39trying to operate the levers.
0:32:39 > 0:32:43But first, we all had to say a fond farewell to David Cameron.
0:32:43 > 0:32:45Now, as we have pointed out before on this show,
0:32:45 > 0:32:47as the exhaustive news coverage shows,
0:32:47 > 0:32:49Campbell-Nose has a habit of nonchalantly wandering off
0:32:49 > 0:32:51the moment he's had enough of a situation.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53And in his final seconds, he didn't disappoint.
0:32:53 > 0:32:57I expect to go to the Palace and offer my resignation,
0:32:57 > 0:32:59so we'll have a new Prime Minister in that building behind me
0:32:59 > 0:33:03by Wednesday evening. Thank you very much.
0:33:03 > 0:33:05Is this a sad day, Prime Minister?
0:33:10 > 0:33:12# Doo-doo, doo-doo. #
0:33:14 > 0:33:16Right.
0:33:16 > 0:33:19Now the decks were clear and our shiny new Prime Minister,
0:33:19 > 0:33:22T-May the First, went to Buck House to meet the real Queen
0:33:22 > 0:33:26and immediately won her over by walking in doing a Madness nutty dance.
0:33:26 > 0:33:28Meanwhile, outside, Sky News sat reverently reporting
0:33:28 > 0:33:30the great Royal hook-up when they were suddenly interrupted
0:33:30 > 0:33:34by what I can only describe as a typical modern tit.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37- Because, as I say, when you're... - We're on TV, guys! Jack Jones TV!
0:33:37 > 0:33:41Check me out, Facebook! Woohoo! Tiggle wiggle-wiggle!
0:33:41 > 0:33:43There's someone who will never be Prime Minister.
0:33:43 > 0:33:45Brazil hosted the Olympics this August, and straightaway,
0:33:45 > 0:33:48it was one of the most colourful games in history,
0:33:48 > 0:33:52and the coverage was vibrant from beginning to end from the eye-popping pazazz
0:33:52 > 0:33:54of the thrilling opening ceremony
0:33:54 > 0:33:56to the shimmering bile green of the pool.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58It was a great Olympics for team GB.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01There were incredible scenes as Muslim immigrant Mo Farah
0:34:01 > 0:34:04stormed to a record-breaking victory cheered on by 48% of the country.
0:34:04 > 0:34:07In fact, following a series of stunning victories,
0:34:07 > 0:34:09Britain's athletes were feverishly hoarding gold,
0:34:09 > 0:34:12which wasn't simply good for national morale but was also sound economic advice
0:34:12 > 0:34:15following the collapse of the pound.
0:34:15 > 0:34:17And that wasn't the only Great British contest.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20There was this tent-based cookery programme thing
0:34:20 > 0:34:22called The Great British Bake Off.
0:34:22 > 0:34:25It was like One Born Every Minute for cakes,
0:34:25 > 0:34:29like you saw loads of cakes being born and people getting emotional,
0:34:29 > 0:34:33only it was more equal opportunities because men got to give birth
0:34:33 > 0:34:35to cakes as well as women.
0:34:35 > 0:34:38Not out of their bums or anything, that would affect the taste,
0:34:38 > 0:34:40but out of ovens.
0:34:40 > 0:34:42Even though it was all about baking, they never did baked potatoes,
0:34:42 > 0:34:46which is a missed opportunity,
0:34:46 > 0:34:50because a baked potato is the single hardest thing there is to cook.
0:34:50 > 0:34:54It had all these great people on it, like Sue Melon and Lady Penelope,
0:34:54 > 0:34:57and Hollywood Paul, and it became like a family,
0:34:57 > 0:34:59except you genuinely loved them.
0:34:59 > 0:35:02But then it turned out it isn't run like a normal village fete.
0:35:02 > 0:35:06There's this big company who make it, and they wanted more money.
0:35:06 > 0:35:08But the BBC wouldn't cough up.
0:35:08 > 0:35:12Everyone was almost as cross as they got the time that lady dropped that cat in the bin.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15The Great British Bake Off is to move to Channel 4.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18The programme belonged on the BBC One because
0:35:18 > 0:35:22that's as British as it gets when you think about it.
0:35:22 > 0:35:25The other channels are foreign compared to BBC One,
0:35:25 > 0:35:31like ITV looks all snazzy and stupid, so it's sort of America.
0:35:31 > 0:35:36Channel 4 is all weird and arty and sort of pervy, like, I don't know,
0:35:36 > 0:35:38Holland or something.
0:35:38 > 0:35:40Sky gets beamed down from space,
0:35:40 > 0:35:43so that's not British, that's fucking Martian.
0:35:43 > 0:35:46So BBC One is the only proper British channel left
0:35:46 > 0:35:48apart from Dave.
0:35:48 > 0:35:50Dunno why people were so worried about Channel 4 taking the Bake Off,
0:35:50 > 0:35:52I mean, they handle programming sensitively.
0:35:52 > 0:35:55Take their recent spin on Blind Date, Naked Attraction,
0:35:55 > 0:36:00a relentless foray into titillation and bumillation in which singletons
0:36:00 > 0:36:03weed out potential partners based on their body parts alone.
0:36:03 > 0:36:07We need to see the bottom half of the bodies, please.
0:36:12 > 0:36:14- Oh!- Basically, it was just like Deal Or No Deal,
0:36:14 > 0:36:17but with six anonymous penises instead of one called Noel.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20It was the height of romance as contestants wound up inspecting genitals
0:36:20 > 0:36:23like farmers at a livestock auction.
0:36:23 > 0:36:26I'm a bit concerned because I don't think I'd be able to sit on him.
0:36:26 > 0:36:28Cos he looks a bit bigger than me.
0:36:28 > 0:36:30And that wasn't the only contest where you had to weigh up
0:36:30 > 0:36:33which prick you thought you could best withstand.
0:36:33 > 0:36:38Labour leader and plant-ducker Jeremy Corbyn was under attack from his own party.
0:36:38 > 0:36:40Some felt he didn't even want the ultimate top job,
0:36:40 > 0:36:44as a testy exchange showcased by Channel 4 News made clear.
0:36:44 > 0:36:47- Do you really ever want to be Prime Minister?- Of course.
0:36:47 > 0:36:50I want to lead this party. I want to lead this party in order
0:36:50 > 0:36:55to put forward an alternative and lead this party to win the election.
0:36:55 > 0:36:58I haven't heard the phrase, "I want to be Prime Minister".
0:36:58 > 0:36:59You first heard it now. Of course I want to be.
0:36:59 > 0:37:01- No, no, say it.- I've just said it to you, OK?
0:37:01 > 0:37:05- "I want to be Prime Minister." - I've just said it to you, please.
0:37:05 > 0:37:08Many of his own MPs felt hard left Corbyn had actually been soft Remain,
0:37:08 > 0:37:10thereby helping the right and the Leave campaign,
0:37:10 > 0:37:13which they believed wasn't right, so they started to leave, left,
0:37:13 > 0:37:16right and centre, and as more of them left, the more he remained,
0:37:16 > 0:37:19saying staying was his right, which left the left in a right state.
0:37:19 > 0:37:20Following a vote of no confidence,
0:37:20 > 0:37:22it was a Labour's turn to have a leadership contest,
0:37:22 > 0:37:25and the tetchy Grand Moff was up against Owen Smith,
0:37:25 > 0:37:29a man so dull he made Ed Miliband look like David Miliband.
0:37:29 > 0:37:33A huge challenge for Brexit-era Labour is proving it's in touch with real people,
0:37:33 > 0:37:35so to test the contenders' everyday cred,
0:37:35 > 0:37:39Victoria Derbyshire showed Smith and Corbyn pictures of famous folk
0:37:39 > 0:37:40to see if they knew who they were.
0:37:40 > 0:37:45Can you name, Owen Smith, who is in this photo?
0:37:45 > 0:37:46Taylor Swift and...
0:37:47 > 0:37:50- ..is that Justin Bieber? - Well done. He's absolutely right.
0:37:50 > 0:37:52APPLAUSE OK, good start.
0:37:52 > 0:37:53Now, for a bonus point, who the hell is this?
0:37:53 > 0:37:58Jeremy Corbyn, do you know who these two men are? And which one is which?
0:37:58 > 0:38:02I cannot name them, I'm really sorry.
0:38:02 > 0:38:05You think that's tough, try getting him to recognise Ant and Semitism.
0:38:05 > 0:38:09But if Ant and Dec proved tricky, public transport was even trickier.
0:38:09 > 0:38:11Yes, during a fact-finding mission to Newcastle,
0:38:11 > 0:38:13during which he hoped to find out who Ant and Dec are,
0:38:13 > 0:38:17Corbyn ran into trouble when he found himself confronted by far fewer seats than expected,
0:38:17 > 0:38:19which you'd think he would be used to by now.
0:38:19 > 0:38:20In heart-rending scenes,
0:38:20 > 0:38:22he was forced to sit on the floor in the twisty bit
0:38:22 > 0:38:26that stinks of bog and make a convincingly spontaneous statement.
0:38:26 > 0:38:28Today, this train is completely ram-packed.
0:38:28 > 0:38:32The reality is there's not enough trains. We need more of them.
0:38:32 > 0:38:34But his sit-down protest soon led to a stand-up row,
0:38:34 > 0:38:36And a bemused reaction from Sky News.
0:38:36 > 0:38:38Now, this is a bit weird.
0:38:38 > 0:38:41A row is developing over claims made by Jeremy Corbyn
0:38:41 > 0:38:46that a train service he used between London and Newcastle was ram-packed.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49Yes, Virgin Trains released CCTV footage
0:38:49 > 0:38:52showing there were actually no rams on board the train,
0:38:52 > 0:38:54and not only that,
0:38:54 > 0:38:56Corbyn had apparently walked past several empty seats
0:38:56 > 0:38:57in order to make his point.
0:38:57 > 0:39:00I'm surprised they didn't bollock him for having a forged ticket.
0:39:00 > 0:39:02Look at that! The sizing's at least three centimetres off.
0:39:02 > 0:39:04In the end, even traingate couldn't derail Corbyn.
0:39:04 > 0:39:09Eventually, when the vote was tallied, Owen Smith was soundly defeated.
0:39:09 > 0:39:13He now looks set to spend the rest of his political career toiling in irrelevance,
0:39:13 > 0:39:16in complete obscurity, alongside Jeremy Corbyn.
0:39:16 > 0:39:18Meanwhile, in America, Trump and Clinton had become
0:39:18 > 0:39:21the official candidates of their respective parties.
0:39:21 > 0:39:23The standout moment of the Democratic convention was a moving
0:39:23 > 0:39:25speech from the Muslim parents of a fallen soldier,
0:39:25 > 0:39:28scolding Trump for his comments on Muslims.
0:39:28 > 0:39:33Donald Trump, have you even read the United States Constitution?
0:39:33 > 0:39:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:39:37 > 0:39:41I will gladly lend you my copy.
0:39:41 > 0:39:45Has it got pictures in it? If not, I'll level with you - I don't think he'll bother.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47Trump responded by belittling the Khans in a shocking interview.
0:39:47 > 0:39:50If you look at his wife, she was standing there,
0:39:50 > 0:39:52she had nothing to say, she probably...
0:39:52 > 0:39:55Maybe she wasn't allowed to have anything to say, you tell me.
0:39:55 > 0:39:57Traditionally in America, attacking grieving families
0:39:57 > 0:40:00is about as big a vote winner as wiping your bum on a live baby.
0:40:00 > 0:40:03Then in a startling televised speech, he said this.
0:40:03 > 0:40:08Isis is honouring President Obama.
0:40:08 > 0:40:11He is the founder of Isis.
0:40:11 > 0:40:14- Sorry, what? Of Isis? - He's the founder of Isis.
0:40:14 > 0:40:18- What, you mean metaphorically, or...?- He founded Isis!
0:40:18 > 0:40:22Oh, right, you actually mean this mental stuff your mouth is saying?
0:40:22 > 0:40:24By now, Trump was conducting a voyage
0:40:24 > 0:40:26to the bottom of the sea in polling terms,
0:40:26 > 0:40:29but then disaster struck for Hillary as she caught pneumonia
0:40:29 > 0:40:32and alarming footage emerged of her apparently almost collapsing into her car.
0:40:32 > 0:40:36No, I'm not taking her, mate. Not in that state. 50 quid cleaning charge.
0:40:36 > 0:40:38Soon, Trump enjoyed a sizeable bounce in the polls,
0:40:38 > 0:40:42so all eyes were trained anxiously on the first debate.
0:40:42 > 0:40:43But Trump's performance was underwhelming,
0:40:43 > 0:40:45something he blamed on his microphone,
0:40:45 > 0:40:48which had undermined him by conveying everything he had said.
0:40:48 > 0:40:53No wonder you've been fighting Isis your entire adult life.
0:40:53 > 0:40:56That's...that's...go to the... Please, the fact-checkers.
0:40:56 > 0:40:59And he was about to have even worse luck with mics.
0:40:59 > 0:41:01Donald Trump was doing really well in his campaign,
0:41:01 > 0:41:04like, he hadn't put a foot wrong,
0:41:04 > 0:41:06and then suddenly this video came out
0:41:06 > 0:41:08that put him in a totally new light.
0:41:08 > 0:41:10He didn't seem as nice as you thought he was
0:41:10 > 0:41:13when he was just shouting about Muslims and Mexicans.
0:41:17 > 0:41:20The bloke he had said this stuff to was this sort of snickering gimp boy
0:41:20 > 0:41:22called Billy Bush,
0:41:22 > 0:41:25and everyone was so disgusted with him, he got fired.
0:41:25 > 0:41:28NBC TV network has sacked Billy Bush as host of The Today Show.
0:41:28 > 0:41:32But there was literally nothing anyone could do to punish Donald Trump.
0:41:32 > 0:41:36They had literally no choice but to go ahead and vote for him.
0:41:36 > 0:41:37After the tape appeared,
0:41:37 > 0:41:40all these women came out to say he'd done creepy things to them, too,
0:41:40 > 0:41:44but there wasn't really any evidence that he'd do stuff like that,
0:41:44 > 0:41:47apart from the recording of him saying he did.
0:41:47 > 0:41:50And that was just his word against his.
0:41:50 > 0:41:53A whole slew of Republican congressmen and women,
0:41:53 > 0:41:58senators and others have come out saying that Donald Trump should stand down.
0:41:58 > 0:41:59Well, there's no coming back from this.
0:41:59 > 0:42:02Trump's had it. H-A-D-D-I-T, had it.
0:42:02 > 0:42:05But he hadn't. As a street-fighting carnival strongman,
0:42:05 > 0:42:07Trump operates the Chicago way.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09You pull a knife, he pulls a gun.
0:42:09 > 0:42:13You send one of his to the hospital, he sends one of yours to the morgue.
0:42:13 > 0:42:16And whenever an accusation was flung at him, he hit back twice as hard.
0:42:16 > 0:42:18With his little hands.
0:42:18 > 0:42:21True enough, just before the second debate, Trump arranged a press event
0:42:21 > 0:42:25conference full of women claiming Bill Clinton was a sex monster and rapist.
0:42:25 > 0:42:28Yeah, you know, it was around here the background giggles had really
0:42:28 > 0:42:30drained out of the campaign.
0:42:30 > 0:42:31The whole thing was depressing and gruelling,
0:42:31 > 0:42:33and as the second debate opened,
0:42:33 > 0:42:35as the news noted, the mood was incredibly sour.
0:42:35 > 0:42:38For the first time ever in a presidential debate,
0:42:38 > 0:42:40not even a suggestion of a handshake.
0:42:40 > 0:42:42That's odd, Trump's normally keen to shake hands.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45- I've seen the tape.- "Oh, I don't know what I said! Ahh!
0:42:45 > 0:42:47- "I don't remember..." - Throughout the debate,
0:42:47 > 0:42:51a glowering Trump followed Clinton around like a terracotta stalker.
0:42:51 > 0:42:55It's just awfully good that someone with the temperament of Donald Trump
0:42:55 > 0:42:58is not in charge of the law in our country.
0:42:58 > 0:43:01- Because you'd be in jail. - Secretary Clinton...
0:43:01 > 0:43:03APPLAUSE AND GASPS
0:43:03 > 0:43:07It was another negative performance with yet more bad consequences for The Donald.
0:43:07 > 0:43:10Paul Rand has effectively, on a call with other Republican leaders,
0:43:10 > 0:43:13pulled the plug on Donald Trump.
0:43:13 > 0:43:15Oh, well, he's super finished now.
0:43:15 > 0:43:17I mean he was finished before, but now he's Harambe finished.
0:43:17 > 0:43:23We can all rest easy. Mark my words. Donald Trump will never, ever, ever be president.
0:43:23 > 0:43:26November brought us plenty of top-flight TV.
0:43:26 > 0:43:28Planet Earth II provided a cheery distraction from the state
0:43:28 > 0:43:33of the world with soothing footage of creatures dying in godless oblivion.
0:43:33 > 0:43:34HE LAUGHS
0:43:34 > 0:43:36Ed Balls made the nation chuckle with a string of
0:43:36 > 0:43:38hilarious performances on Strictly Come Dancing.
0:43:38 > 0:43:41Sadly, his ascent to the top was cut short after shocking footage emerged
0:43:41 > 0:43:44of him grabbing a woman by the pussy.
0:43:44 > 0:43:47There were heart-warming scenes as Danny Dyer appeared on Who Do You Think You Are?
0:43:47 > 0:43:50- or as he calls it, "Who do you think you- BLEEP- well are?
0:43:50 > 0:43:54- "You- BLEEP- want some, do you? Come on, then, you- BLEEP!"
0:43:54 > 0:43:55It can't be.
0:43:57 > 0:43:59A direct descendent...
0:44:00 > 0:44:02..from Edward III.
0:44:02 > 0:44:05Danny discovered he was distantly related to Edward III.
0:44:05 > 0:44:07Personally I always had him down as something of a Richard III.
0:44:07 > 0:44:09Bit of Cockney rhyming slang there.
0:44:09 > 0:44:11This show isn't just for the metropolitan elite.
0:44:11 > 0:44:13OK, who am I kidding? It is.
0:44:13 > 0:44:15Also in November, having vanquished Chris Evans,
0:44:15 > 0:44:19Clarkson and co popped up on Amazon with their rival show,
0:44:19 > 0:44:21The Grand Tour,
0:44:21 > 0:44:23in which Jezza immediately made the most of his new Beebless freedom.
0:44:23 > 0:44:26It's very unlikely I'm going to be fired now,
0:44:26 > 0:44:28because we're on the internet.
0:44:29 > 0:44:32Which means I could pleasure a horse.
0:44:32 > 0:44:35Bet you could take it from 0 to 60 gallons in 4.3 seconds.
0:44:35 > 0:44:37You'd never be allowed to say that on the BBC.
0:44:37 > 0:44:41Mainly, though, The Grand Tour was an excuse for the wheelbound Goodies
0:44:41 > 0:44:43to flex some overpowered new budgetary muscles.
0:44:43 > 0:44:47Anyway, the BBC clearly now has to compete with streaming services and
0:44:47 > 0:44:49their massive blockbuster budgets,
0:44:49 > 0:44:53which is why I'm talking to you now in CinemaScope and blending these banknotes.
0:44:53 > 0:44:55BLENDER WHIRS
0:44:55 > 0:44:56Ever since Britain had voted for Brexit,
0:44:56 > 0:44:59people have been squabbling over exactly what that Brexit should mean,
0:44:59 > 0:45:04so haunted art gallery owner Theresa May had to show up on the news explaining it.
0:45:04 > 0:45:07- Brexit means Brexit. - And then keep explaining it.
0:45:07 > 0:45:10- Brexit means Brexit. - Over and over again.
0:45:10 > 0:45:12As I have said, Brexit means Brexit.
0:45:12 > 0:45:14But it turned out some people had misheard her,
0:45:14 > 0:45:16and thought Brexit meant something else.
0:45:16 > 0:45:18I respect the mandate she has,
0:45:18 > 0:45:21she said earlier in the week that Brexit means breakfast...
0:45:21 > 0:45:24And now people were worrying about the impact of breakfast...
0:45:24 > 0:45:28The Government is hurtling towards, yes, a chaotic breakfast.
0:45:28 > 0:45:30..while others were talking it up.
0:45:30 > 0:45:33Mark my words, we will make breakfast...
0:45:33 > 0:45:36- Brexit a success. - Things were getting farcical.
0:45:36 > 0:45:41But luckily, Theresa May was on hand once again to remind us just what Brexit means.
0:45:41 > 0:45:43I've been clear that Brexit means Brexit.
0:45:43 > 0:45:46But then the conversation turned to different types of Brexit.
0:45:46 > 0:45:50- Like soft Brexit...- Soft Brexit. - ..and hard Brexit.
0:45:50 > 0:45:51- Hard Brexit.- What next?
0:45:51 > 0:45:54Stealth Brexit? Trans Brexit? Reverse Brexit?
0:45:54 > 0:45:57Virtual Brexit? Sea-salted caramel Brexit?
0:45:57 > 0:45:59The whole thing was just chaos.
0:45:59 > 0:46:04So then her great grey Majesty had to come out and clear it all up once and for all.
0:46:04 > 0:46:06People talk about the sort of Brexit that there's going to be,
0:46:06 > 0:46:08is it hard, soft? Is it grey, white?
0:46:08 > 0:46:11- Grey or white? What the- BLEEP?
0:46:11 > 0:46:13Actually we want a red, white and blue Brexit.
0:46:13 > 0:46:16That is the right Brexit for the United Kingdom.
0:46:16 > 0:46:18So, there you go. Red, white and blue Brexit.
0:46:18 > 0:46:21I mean, God knows what that is, but it's a patriot, so it's all right by us.
0:46:21 > 0:46:25And anyone who disagrees is talking Britain down.
0:46:25 > 0:46:27Before the referendum,
0:46:27 > 0:46:29the people who wanted us to leave Europe where angry all the time.
0:46:29 > 0:46:34We were being ruled by unelected people in Brussels
0:46:34 > 0:46:35and I don't like it.
0:46:35 > 0:46:39And the good thing about the Brexit result was that afterwards they stayed angry.
0:46:39 > 0:46:41We voted to come out, we should come out.
0:46:41 > 0:46:44Like it or not, that was the democratic decision.
0:46:44 > 0:46:46But now all the Remainers are angry, too.
0:46:46 > 0:46:49- CHANTING: Shame on you.- So it brought the whole country together.
0:46:49 > 0:46:52There was this big row about Particle 50.
0:46:52 > 0:46:56You'd think if Particle 50 was that important, it would be Particle 1.
0:46:56 > 0:46:58They should have renumbered it so we'd know.
0:46:58 > 0:47:01Theresa May had wanted to start Brexit without a Commons vote,
0:47:01 > 0:47:05but a group of campaigners mounted a legal challenge.
0:47:05 > 0:47:09You could see the papers got really angry about that, and quite right, too.
0:47:09 > 0:47:11Some of them printed these useful guides
0:47:11 > 0:47:14to who you should hate on their front pages.
0:47:14 > 0:47:18I'm a people, and I'm sick of having my will defied by the likes of them.
0:47:18 > 0:47:19Some of the Remain camp said,
0:47:19 > 0:47:21even though it was a simple yes or no question,
0:47:21 > 0:47:23we got the answer wrong,
0:47:23 > 0:47:26so we should have another go with a second referendum.
0:47:26 > 0:47:28And they had a point. Like, basically,
0:47:28 > 0:47:31loads of people only voted Leave as a protest,
0:47:31 > 0:47:34because they'd never been listened to, but that's not a proper reason,
0:47:34 > 0:47:36so we should ignore those idiots,
0:47:36 > 0:47:38chuck their ballots in the bin and do it again properly,
0:47:38 > 0:47:40like in a real democracy.
0:47:40 > 0:47:45Do you remember, a few years ago, when people describe absolutely everything as "meh"?
0:47:45 > 0:47:48Everywhere you'd look on the internet, there it was, "meh" -
0:47:48 > 0:47:49a big bored shrug.
0:47:49 > 0:47:52We moaned that everything was sort of mediocre and bland.
0:47:52 > 0:47:56Not any more. No, now everything is either shit or brilliant and there's no in-between,
0:47:56 > 0:47:58and everyone is furious.
0:47:58 > 0:48:01- Stick your head in the internet now and it's like a- BLEEP- screaming convention.
0:48:01 > 0:48:03Black ants versus red ants.
0:48:03 > 0:48:06It's as if everyone's been radicalised, and therefore,
0:48:06 > 0:48:11in Brexit Britain, you're either a knuckle-dragging racist or a metropolitan elitist.
0:48:11 > 0:48:13Those are the only two roles available.
0:48:13 > 0:48:15Sorry. But we know those are caricatures.
0:48:15 > 0:48:18Out here, away from the fantasy hellscape that lives in here,
0:48:18 > 0:48:21most of us are bland and "meh" and reasonable.
0:48:21 > 0:48:24And I miss it. I miss "meh".
0:48:24 > 0:48:26How did we get so polarised?
0:48:26 > 0:48:28Well, some people say it's thanks to "the bubble".
0:48:28 > 0:48:30Not a nice bubble, like in an Aero,
0:48:30 > 0:48:33but a bad bubble that goes round your brain and stops new ideas getting in.
0:48:33 > 0:48:36- The echo chamber.- Echo chamber?
0:48:36 > 0:48:39- Echo chamber?- ALL: Echo chamber.
0:48:39 > 0:48:40Eventually the bubbles around people
0:48:40 > 0:48:42got so big that they needed their own news services
0:48:42 > 0:48:45so that people trapped inside could keep up with the sort of stuff
0:48:45 > 0:48:48they'd like to imagine was happening outside.
0:48:48 > 0:48:50This fake news was miles better than normal news.
0:48:50 > 0:48:53I mean, if you tell me that Hillary Clinton's been a bit hypocritical
0:48:53 > 0:48:55about the transpacific partnership agreement...
0:48:55 > 0:48:57I wouldn't even hear the end of the sentence.
0:48:57 > 0:49:00It's so boring, I'd just be looking at your teeth and judging you.
0:49:00 > 0:49:03But if you say she's part of a paedo ring
0:49:03 > 0:49:05based in a pizza restaurant, I'll remember that forever.
0:49:05 > 0:49:08Speaking of which, let's head back to America.
0:49:08 > 0:49:10Polling day had arrived in the USA,
0:49:10 > 0:49:12and despite a last-minute setback for Clinton over e-mails,
0:49:12 > 0:49:15all the polls indicated she was set for victory.
0:49:15 > 0:49:18And not just in the opinion polls, the general feeling was good, too.
0:49:18 > 0:49:20All the experts agreed she had it in the bag.
0:49:20 > 0:49:25Clinton probably will be the United States' next president.
0:49:25 > 0:49:28It's basically a done deal. No point staying up to watch it.
0:49:28 > 0:49:31I mean, imagine... Imagine if Trump did win.
0:49:31 > 0:49:33Shows like this would be pointless.
0:49:33 > 0:49:35People like me would be out of a job anyway.
0:49:35 > 0:49:38I'd be yesterday's prick. HE LAUGHS
0:49:38 > 0:49:40Anyway, I'll see you in the morning.
0:49:40 > 0:49:42HE YAWNS
0:49:48 > 0:49:49BIRDSONG
0:49:49 > 0:49:52Oh, that's better.
0:49:52 > 0:49:53I slept like a baby.
0:49:53 > 0:49:58I think I'll just put the news on and watch Hillary's victory speech.
0:49:58 > 0:50:03Donald Trump will be the 45th president of the United States.
0:50:03 > 0:50:10What started off as unlikely, impossible, is now reality.
0:50:10 > 0:50:13He said he was always a winner.
0:50:13 > 0:50:16This did not come without controversy...
0:50:16 > 0:50:20GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYS
0:50:40 > 0:50:43MUSIC: Ms Jackson by OutKast
0:52:06 > 0:52:10All things considered, you could be forgiven for thinking it might be the apocalypse.
0:52:10 > 0:52:12But what is an apocalypse anyway?
0:52:12 > 0:52:13Well, here to find out,
0:52:13 > 0:52:17it's our very own Philomena Cunk with one of her Moments Of Wonder.
0:52:30 > 0:52:37A million years ago, Nostradamus predicted the world would end in a huge mess called a "pocalypse".
0:52:37 > 0:52:41The word "pocalypse" is posh dictionary code for the end of days,
0:52:41 > 0:52:46and the end of days means sunset, which happens all the time.
0:52:46 > 0:52:51That's probably why the world didn't end just because Nostradamus said it would.
0:52:51 > 0:52:55But Nostradamus wasn't the only person who reckoned the pocalypse was coming.
0:52:56 > 0:52:58As well as inventing Minecraft,
0:52:58 > 0:53:05the ancient Mayan civilisation predicted the world as we knew it would end in 2012.
0:53:05 > 0:53:09But luckily it turned out just to be Ceefax that ended.
0:53:09 > 0:53:12And that's only the whole world if you're over 60 and housebound.
0:53:12 > 0:53:16Another pocalypse was predicted by Mother Shipton,
0:53:16 > 0:53:19a mystic from Yorkshire who lived in a cave.
0:53:19 > 0:53:21Which at the time was better than living in Yorkshire,
0:53:21 > 0:53:25just like it also is now. She wrote...
0:53:30 > 0:53:34A claim which has been recently been debunked by experts through a careful process
0:53:34 > 0:53:39of looking around and seeing the world still here.
0:53:39 > 0:53:42'The good news is the world hasn't ended yet.
0:53:42 > 0:53:46'The bad news is scientists say it one day definitely will.'
0:53:46 > 0:53:50But what sort of ending will it have? A sad ending with a disaster?
0:53:50 > 0:53:53Or a happy one with a song?
0:53:53 > 0:54:00'To find out, I spoke to expert science man and former D:Ream keyboardist, Dr Brian Cox.'
0:54:00 > 0:54:01How will the world end?
0:54:01 > 0:54:06Well, the sun will run out of fuel in about 4 billion years or so,
0:54:06 > 0:54:11and actually, before that, it will begin to swell up, expand,
0:54:11 > 0:54:15and so we think the Earth will get incinerated.
0:54:15 > 0:54:18Do you think we might be able to do something about it?
0:54:18 > 0:54:20- Stop it being incinerated? - Yeah, stop it being...
0:54:20 > 0:54:22Or the sun burning the Earth.
0:54:22 > 0:54:24Can't we put it out with a big hose or something?
0:54:24 > 0:54:27It's an inevitable consequence of the laws of nature.
0:54:29 > 0:54:32You're pleased with that, are you? You're happy with that. You can live with that.
0:54:33 > 0:54:37Well, there's nothing I can do. Also, the Andromeda Galaxy is going to hit us.
0:54:37 > 0:54:40- The Andromeda Galaxy? A whole galaxy is going to hit us?- Yeah.
0:54:40 > 0:54:44- SHE SIGHS - On about the same timescale, actually.
0:54:44 > 0:54:49So, as the sun runs out of fuel, expands and incinerates the Earth,
0:54:49 > 0:54:53a galaxy of 400 billion stars is going to collide with us.
0:54:53 > 0:54:56You're much gloomier than I expected.
0:54:56 > 0:54:58Because you're quite smiley.
0:54:58 > 0:55:01Well, yeah, it's quite a long time in the future.
0:55:01 > 0:55:05You said, "Things can only get better."
0:55:05 > 0:55:07So how can we trust anything you ever say now?
0:55:07 > 0:55:11That is a gross misunderstanding of the laws of nature.
0:55:11 > 0:55:17It's one of the most misleading and scientifically inaccurate pop songs that's ever been written.
0:55:17 > 0:55:20- Catchy, though. - Yeah, but it's just inaccurate.
0:55:20 > 0:55:23Scientifically inaccurate. Things get worse.
0:55:23 > 0:55:26So, after the universe ends, there'll be nothing.
0:55:26 > 0:55:29It depends what you mean by "after the universe ends..."
0:55:29 > 0:55:31When it's exploded.
0:55:31 > 0:55:34- Is not going to explode. It's going to, we think...- Melt.
0:55:34 > 0:55:37- ..carry on expanding.- Right, and then...- Forever.
0:55:37 > 0:55:39Well, that will be fine, won't it? We need the space.
0:55:39 > 0:55:42You get to the point where if it carries on doing that,
0:55:42 > 0:55:47then galaxies get ripped apart and then solar systems get ripped apart,
0:55:47 > 0:55:50and then even planets get ripped apart,
0:55:50 > 0:55:53- and even atoms get ripped apart. - But, so what?
0:55:53 > 0:55:58All the stars will die, even all the black holes that are left,
0:55:58 > 0:56:03the final sort of end point of the most massive stars will evaporate away.
0:56:03 > 0:56:07So, can we... Could we fall down a black hole?
0:56:07 > 0:56:08You could fall into one.
0:56:08 > 0:56:11Is that the same? Because I heard that you could be...
0:56:12 > 0:56:15You know, this is one way that the world could end,
0:56:15 > 0:56:19is that we're all just sucked off through a hole.
0:56:20 > 0:56:22- It's...- I mean, that must be terrible.
0:56:22 > 0:56:25Can you imagine what it would feel like to be sucked off through a hole?
0:56:25 > 0:56:27Yeah.
0:56:28 > 0:56:32'2016 might have looked like the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine,
0:56:32 > 0:56:36'but at least right now the pocalypse hasn't come, and who knows?
0:56:36 > 0:56:38'Maybe it never will.'
0:56:38 > 0:56:41But there's no point sitting around worrying about the pocalypse
0:56:41 > 0:56:45when what we should be really scared of is Armageddon.
0:56:46 > 0:56:48'Next time on Moments Of Wonder,
0:56:48 > 0:56:51I'll be asking - if air is really there,
0:56:51 > 0:56:53'how come we can't grab it?'
0:56:54 > 0:56:57As December arrived, the world grappled with the notion that,
0:56:57 > 0:56:59despite losing the popular vote by several million,
0:56:59 > 0:57:02the man who had bragged about grabbing women by the pussy
0:57:02 > 0:57:04was about to get his finger on the red button.
0:57:04 > 0:57:07As the news expertly relayed footage of furious protests,
0:57:07 > 0:57:10there were initially confusing signals from the President elect
0:57:10 > 0:57:13as he seemed to row back on some of his pre-election promises.
0:57:13 > 0:57:16Perhaps most shocking of all, having said he would be tough on terrorism,
0:57:16 > 0:57:19he met with the founder of Isis and even shook his hand.
0:57:19 > 0:57:24The unpredictadonald was also spewing angry tweets and stuffing his administration with hardliners.
0:57:24 > 0:57:27Many feared Trump might now pursue a white supremacist agenda,
0:57:27 > 0:57:31although from the looks of him, it's going to be more of a tangerine supremacist agenda.
0:57:31 > 0:57:35So-called outsider Trump also appointed generals and corporate CEOs to major positions,
0:57:35 > 0:57:37including a guy with links to Putin.
0:57:37 > 0:57:41This was especially eye-opening as the CIA was claiming Russian hackers
0:57:41 > 0:57:43had deliberately aided Trump's ascent,
0:57:43 > 0:57:47something Trump himself was eager to jump in front of the news cameras to pooh-pooh.
0:57:47 > 0:57:49Once they hack, if you don't catch them in the act,
0:57:49 > 0:57:51you're not going to catch them.
0:57:51 > 0:57:54They have no idea if it is Russia or China or somebody,
0:57:54 > 0:57:56it could be somebody sitting in a bed someplace.
0:57:56 > 0:57:58Yeah, they could be anywhere in the world.
0:57:58 > 0:58:01I mean, Moscow, Vladivostok, St Petersburg,
0:58:01 > 0:58:03we'll probably never know.
0:58:03 > 0:58:08Let's face it, 2016 has been atrocious. For many reasons.
0:58:08 > 0:58:11Appalling terror attacks, unending conflict,
0:58:11 > 0:58:14celebrity deaths, widespread polarisation,
0:58:14 > 0:58:18fear, paranoia, despair, Honey G.
0:58:18 > 0:58:20You know what? From now on I'm just going to watch fake news.
0:58:20 > 0:58:23It's much better. It's got its own channel now. It's great, watch.
0:58:23 > 0:58:27This is Fake BBC News. The headlines tonight.
0:58:27 > 0:58:30The world of politics is stunned as President-elect Donald Trump is
0:58:30 > 0:58:34revealed to be a persona created by the musician David Bowie.
0:58:34 > 0:58:37Bowie, who is still alive, plans to tour as Trump next spring,
0:58:37 > 0:58:40alongside rapper Kanye West.
0:58:40 > 0:58:44All differences over this summer's Brexit vote put aside as scientists
0:58:44 > 0:58:47discover the existence of Particle 51,
0:58:47 > 0:58:49which renders the process of leaving the EU
0:58:49 > 0:58:51both simple and physically enjoyable.
0:58:51 > 0:58:53Well, we knew there were 50 particles,
0:58:53 > 0:58:55but this changes everything.
0:58:55 > 0:58:59It makes everything I said about the apocalypse complete bullshit.
0:58:59 > 0:59:01Bake Off back on.
0:59:01 > 0:59:04A last-minute deal sees the Great British Bake Off return to BBC One,
0:59:04 > 0:59:07but Paul Hollywood won't be returning,
0:59:07 > 0:59:10having already signed a contract for Channel 4's Naked Attraction.
0:59:10 > 0:59:14I want to lie on him. I feel like he'd be the best cuddler.
0:59:14 > 0:59:17And 2016 has all been a dream.
0:59:17 > 0:59:21You've been asleep the whole time and are about to wake up,
0:59:21 > 0:59:24'dribbling slightly onto a pillow.'
0:59:24 > 0:59:27Oh, it's still January.
0:59:27 > 0:59:29I just dreamt about a horrible year.
0:59:29 > 0:59:31I wonder what's really happening.
0:59:31 > 0:59:34Now, take a look at this.
0:59:35 > 0:59:38Oh, what a lovely puddle.
0:59:40 > 0:59:42Well, that's all we've got time for this year.
0:59:42 > 0:59:44I'll see you presently.
0:59:44 > 0:59:46Till next time, do take care and go away.