0:00:04 > 0:00:05Christmas is the most magical time of the year,
0:00:05 > 0:00:08the one day when you can eat chocolate, nuts and sprouts
0:00:08 > 0:00:11and watch television...apart from all the other days you can do that.
0:00:11 > 0:00:15Whether you're a Christian or a Jew, a Muslim or a Hindu,
0:00:15 > 0:00:17a Jedi or a Womble,
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Christmas is everywhere.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21On television,
0:00:21 > 0:00:23in the high street,
0:00:23 > 0:00:26even in normally sacred places like churches.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Christmas is such a big deal
0:00:28 > 0:00:31that even Richard Dawkins probably does it
0:00:31 > 0:00:33and he thinks God's a twat who isn't even there!
0:00:33 > 0:00:35But what is Christmas anyway?
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Do we still need it in 2016?
0:00:39 > 0:00:42I'm going on a journey right up Christmas to discover
0:00:42 > 0:00:46whether the true meaning of Christmas has any meaning today,
0:00:46 > 0:00:49or whether that meaning snapped off somewhere along the way,
0:00:49 > 0:00:51leaving it meaningless...
0:00:51 > 0:00:53whatever that means.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56I'll be talking to experts about every single Christmas
0:00:56 > 0:00:58that's ever happened, as well as finding out where
0:00:58 > 0:01:02Christmas traditions and giant tubes of Jaffa Cakes come from.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05How do they make chickens into turkeys?
0:01:05 > 0:01:09Turkey and chicken are two separate birds.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14- You're joking me.- No.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16So join me, Philomena Cunk,
0:01:16 > 0:01:20as I step into Christmas and back out again.
0:01:20 > 0:01:24This programme contains very strong language
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Christmas, isn't just tinsel and a long Doctor Who -
0:01:33 > 0:01:36it's a festival with traditions stretching back
0:01:36 > 0:01:40across hundreds of years and almost as many Christmases.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43It's hard to imagine now, but, when Christmas first began,
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Christ wasn't even in it.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Psycho Danny Dyer hasn't always been in EastEnders,
0:01:49 > 0:01:52even though he feels like part of the furniture...
0:01:52 > 0:01:54especially when he's trying to act.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Centuries before Jesus arrived,
0:01:57 > 0:02:00late December was already a time of celebration for the pagans,
0:02:00 > 0:02:04who existed so long ago there aren't any YouTubes of them,
0:02:04 > 0:02:07so we've had to make do with this picture.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10To find out what the pagans were, I spoke to an expert.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Were there pagans before there were humans?
0:02:13 > 0:02:16No. You've got to be a human to do anything.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Pagans are just people who lived in Europe before Christianity arrived.
0:02:20 > 0:02:25How difficult was it for the pagans to get about on all fours?
0:02:25 > 0:02:28They didn't travel on all fours, they travelled upright like we do.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32The pagans worshipped nature, just like Chris Packham,
0:02:32 > 0:02:36and their calendar revolved around two big annual events,
0:02:36 > 0:02:38also like Chris Packham.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41One of these events took place in late December and was known as the
0:02:41 > 0:02:44winter solstices-es.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46What was the winter soltits?
0:02:46 > 0:02:48It's the winter solstice.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Stols...stolstice?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52- Solstice.- Stolestice.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55- Solstice.- Solstice.- You've got it.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58It's that magical time, midwinter and midsummer,
0:02:58 > 0:03:01when the sun seems to stand still.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05To the eye, it appears to stop moving along the horizon.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Well, you're not meant to look at it, are you?
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Because it hurts your eyes.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11You can look at it when it rises and you can look at it when it sets,
0:03:11 > 0:03:13- then you can...- No, you can't. It makes you go blind.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15You can. Believe... trust me, you can.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17You can't. That's probably why you've got glasses.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19As well as blinding themselves,
0:03:19 > 0:03:23the pagans celebrated the solstice by cutting down holly and ivy and
0:03:23 > 0:03:25dragging it into their homes,
0:03:25 > 0:03:28along with a giant Yule log which they'd set fire to.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31It sounds rubbish, but with no App Store to speak of,
0:03:31 > 0:03:35killing trees and plants was as good as entertainment got,
0:03:35 > 0:03:36even at Christmas.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Of course, for most people,
0:03:38 > 0:03:41it wasn't really Christmas until the birth of Jesus Christ,
0:03:41 > 0:03:46an icon who was almost as revered back then as Beyonce is today.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50Jesus's mum was this woman, the Virgin Mary,
0:03:50 > 0:03:52who one night got visited by an angel
0:03:52 > 0:03:55and told she'd been gotten pregnant by a Holy Ghost.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59Of course, actual ghosts jizz ectoplasm,
0:03:59 > 0:04:01which only contains ghost sperm.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04But Jesus wasn't born a phantom,
0:04:04 > 0:04:09leading experts to believe Mary wasn't impregnated by a real ghost,
0:04:09 > 0:04:13but by a man in a sheet, like in Scooby-Doo.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17Mary's husband Joseph didn't mind his son being God's rather than his
0:04:17 > 0:04:20because he knew God would probably buy Jesus loads of toys
0:04:20 > 0:04:24and have him on weekends, which would take the pressure off.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26As the birth neared,
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Mary and Joseph travelled to O Little Town Of Bethlehem
0:04:29 > 0:04:32only to discover the inn they'd booked had no rooms in it,
0:04:32 > 0:04:35so, instead, they were put up in a stable.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39Today, that'd lead to one red star on TripAdvisor.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Back then, it led to one big star in the sky,
0:04:42 > 0:04:46which God put there, probably so they could see the baby coming out.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Mary had to give birth here on the floor,
0:04:49 > 0:04:52like a crack addict, and then lay him in a manger.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Manger is another word for trough
0:04:55 > 0:04:58and it's where we get the name for modern sandwich chain
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Ready To Trough.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02The baby Jesus wasn't an ordinary baby.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05He was born with a big yellow circle around his head,
0:05:05 > 0:05:07which must have been hell for Mary to push out,
0:05:07 > 0:05:10especially when you think nothing had ever been in or out of her down
0:05:10 > 0:05:14below before. If only he had been born a ghost after all,
0:05:14 > 0:05:18then he could've just floated out, clanking chains and going woo.
0:05:18 > 0:05:23Why do you think it's important that Jesus was born?
0:05:23 > 0:05:28Would it have been more interesting if he'd been built, like R2-D2?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32It would have been more interesting,
0:05:32 > 0:05:35but the important thing is that he can identify with us
0:05:35 > 0:05:37and he was a real human being.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41- It makes him more sort of relatable, I suppose.- Yes, very much so.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45But then, if he's meant to be like an ordinary bloke and he wanted to
0:05:45 > 0:05:48come across as an ordinary bloke, how come he had all, like,
0:05:48 > 0:05:52angels and kings at his stable on his birthday?
0:05:52 > 0:05:56- Well, that was a bit weird, wasn't it?- Mmm.- Although, of course,
0:05:56 > 0:05:59I would want to say that angels are around all the time.
0:05:59 > 0:06:04You don't necessarily see them, there and then, but sometimes
0:06:04 > 0:06:07you catch a glimpse of something out of the corner of your eye,
0:06:07 > 0:06:12or maybe you smell a nice fragrance...
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- Vanilla?- Maybe.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17How many three wise men were there?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19- Who knows?- Oh.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23And I think only one of the Gospels refers to there being three.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25It's just three is a good number, isn't it?
0:06:25 > 0:06:26- Yeah.- It looks good.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29But there could have actually been 15 three wise men?
0:06:29 > 0:06:30Quite possibly, yes.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34It's humbling to think that Jesus started out with nothing,
0:06:34 > 0:06:37born not in a palace, but in a stable,
0:06:37 > 0:06:41just the ordinary son of an ordinary woman and an ordinary man,
0:06:41 > 0:06:43and God Almighty.
0:06:43 > 0:06:48Incredibly, the day he was born was only the beginning of Jesus's life.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51As a young man, he kept a low profile in the wood industry.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55But, when he was about 30, his career took off.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57He went on to appear in a number of
0:06:57 > 0:07:01thrilling and controversial paintings, windows and films.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Today, Christ lives in the hearts of millions of believers,
0:07:04 > 0:07:07but still spends Sundays here, in his dad's house,
0:07:07 > 0:07:10so let's go and see if he's in.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13No-one was in, as usual,
0:07:13 > 0:07:16probably because the Church Wi-Fi isn't as good as Starbucks'.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18But standing in this old, creaky building
0:07:18 > 0:07:21gives you a real sense of history.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Thanks to Jesus's popularity,
0:07:23 > 0:07:27Christmas was celebrated for hundreds of years,
0:07:27 > 0:07:30celebrated by people who were buried long ago
0:07:30 > 0:07:33but are still alive in the form of drawings of themselves,
0:07:33 > 0:07:36some dating back as far as the Middle Ages.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40In the Middle Ages, did they know it was the Middle Ages,
0:07:40 > 0:07:43or did they just think, "This is now"?
0:07:43 > 0:07:47You know, how did they know that they were halfway through time?
0:07:47 > 0:07:48They thought "this is now"
0:07:48 > 0:07:50and they thought they were incredibly advanced,
0:07:50 > 0:07:53this is the greatest moment that society would reach to.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55It'd be amazing, wouldn't it, to get someone,
0:07:55 > 0:07:58- get a Tudor back that we could resuscitate...- Yes.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- ..cryogenically or something...- Yes.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04..and then show him what had happened since he died?
0:08:04 > 0:08:06- It would blow his mind, wouldn't it? - It would. The internet...
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- The internet.- The internet.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- Google.- Cars, aeroplanes... - Fitbit watches.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Fitbits.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17One thing our time traveller would recognise is the tradition
0:08:17 > 0:08:21of getting drunk and acting up at Christmas, which, back then,
0:08:21 > 0:08:23was known as wassailing.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26So, what was wassailing?
0:08:26 > 0:08:30Is that like a, sort of...a bit like bantz now?
0:08:30 > 0:08:34- What's bantz?- Bantz, it's like when someone's acting like a prick.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Oh, really? What it is is basically a group of people,
0:08:37 > 0:08:40usually a group of men, go around from house to house
0:08:40 > 0:08:42with a big bowl of drink
0:08:42 > 0:08:46and they knock on your door and they sing songs and the idea is that
0:08:46 > 0:08:50you're going to swap a drink from their bowl for a gift.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54So it was a bit like trick or treating then, was it?
0:08:54 > 0:08:56It was very like trick or treating.
0:08:56 > 0:08:57And what sort of costumes would they do?
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Because there were already covered in shit, weren't they, with, like,
0:09:00 > 0:09:03slugs on them and mud and everything?
0:09:03 > 0:09:05They didn't usually wear costumes.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08It was also a way of creating community cohesion,
0:09:08 > 0:09:10going from house to house,
0:09:10 > 0:09:12it was something that was supposed to be fun as well.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15So that's really the very early beginnings of
0:09:15 > 0:09:18going from house to house singing carols.
0:09:18 > 0:09:23Because the history lady said that, we've now cut to this -
0:09:23 > 0:09:29some boys singing carols in a church...on earth.
0:09:29 > 0:09:34THEY SING "DING DONG MERRILY ON HIGH"
0:09:41 > 0:09:44OK, OK, I get it, yeah, thanks.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47How do you get the music into the words?
0:09:49 > 0:09:55Like, how do you attach the music to the words in your throat?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58We tend to attach the words to the music instead.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00You attach the words to the music?
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- Yeah.- As it's coming up through your throat?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06So does it feel like...? Where does the music come from?
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Does it feel like it's coming from your stomach,
0:10:08 > 0:10:09like you're going to be sick?
0:10:09 > 0:10:11But it's, like, nice sick?
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Kind of, I guess.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Not all Christmas songs are quite so religious.
0:10:16 > 0:10:21In the 1970s, groups like Slade reinvented the carol,
0:10:21 > 0:10:23appearing on our TV screens,
0:10:23 > 0:10:27showcasing a new form of singing called shouting.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30MUSIC: Merry Christmas Everybody by Slade
0:10:30 > 0:10:35This music was loud, probably to keep Jimmy Savile away.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38For years, having a Christmas number one was the ultimate music industry
0:10:38 > 0:10:40badge of honour,
0:10:40 > 0:10:43right up there with choking to death on your own sick.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47More recently, songs released from glossy TV shows like X Factor
0:10:47 > 0:10:49took over the Christmas number one slot.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52What's clever is that these songs
0:10:52 > 0:10:54have got absolutely no Christmas in them whatsoever,
0:10:54 > 0:10:58probably because if Simon Cowell touches anything
0:10:58 > 0:11:00to do with Christ, he catches fire.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Meanwhile, back in the past,
0:11:02 > 0:11:05by the time the Tudor era arrived and the music all sounded
0:11:05 > 0:11:09like what you're hearing now, Christmas had become an excuse
0:11:09 > 0:11:12for gastronomic indulgence.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Tudor feasts were huge
0:11:14 > 0:11:18and often included roast goose or swan or peacock,
0:11:18 > 0:11:21basically a big bird roasted whole.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25That might sound traumatic, but, in the days before television,
0:11:25 > 0:11:29they didn't know big birds have a person inside.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31To find out more about Tudor eating habits,
0:11:31 > 0:11:34I spoke to food expert Jay Rayner.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38So, what sort of things did Tudor people eat at Christmas?
0:11:38 > 0:11:40They ate things like peacock, didn't they?
0:11:40 > 0:11:43What goes with peacock?
0:11:43 > 0:11:44What kind of gravy?
0:11:44 > 0:11:49There is evidence that they ate very exotic things,
0:11:49 > 0:11:52but that would have been the very, very richest people.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I suppose the best thing about them as well is that tail
0:11:54 > 0:11:56and that's not going to taste of anything, is it?
0:11:56 > 0:11:58- No, that's purely for display. - Hmm.- Yeah.
0:11:58 > 0:12:03A Tudor Christmas, then, they'd have peacock, like you say...
0:12:03 > 0:12:07- No, I think like YOU said. - The Royals had peacock?
0:12:07 > 0:12:12I don't know how much peacock was eaten in Tudor days, I'll be honest.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14How did that affect their bowels, you know,
0:12:14 > 0:12:16what comes out of their back holes?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19I don't know. I suppose, if they were eating too much,
0:12:19 > 0:12:21it would have caused certain bowel issues.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23I suppose meat, lots of meat...
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- Lots of meat can... - ..compacted together.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Can compact, yes.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30And make sort of big, hard stools.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34It would have been uncomfortable, I imagine, but I'm only guessing.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36See, that would've been the first bit that I'd have gone to
0:12:36 > 0:12:38if I was a food expert.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42Just when our ancestors were getting well into Christmas indulgence,
0:12:42 > 0:12:46history shat out someone who was allergic to fun, Oliver Cromwell,
0:12:46 > 0:12:48king of the Puritans.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Cromwell was a Member of Parliament who wouldn't wear smart clothes and
0:12:51 > 0:12:54never smiled, a bit like Jeremy Corbyn.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57And, just like Corbyn, he wanted to change the country.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59But instead of sitting down on a train,
0:12:59 > 0:13:01he got off his arse and did something about it -
0:13:01 > 0:13:04by starting a Civil War.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08Civil War is like a real war, but not abroad, so it's cheaper,
0:13:08 > 0:13:12and that meant ordinary people could start one, not just kings.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15The English Civil War divided the country down the middle,
0:13:15 > 0:13:18like a sort of tooled-up Brexit.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Cromwell won and cut the king's head off,
0:13:20 > 0:13:22which meant he couldn't be the king any more,
0:13:22 > 0:13:25even if everyone changed their minds.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Now the British public had taken back control.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30No longer did they have to do whatever the king said.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34Instead, they were free to do whatever Cromwell said.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38It turned out Cromwell hated all of the things kings like,
0:13:38 > 0:13:41like feasting and burping and music and throwing chicken legs over his
0:13:41 > 0:13:45shoulder and laughing, and that was just the tip of the turnip,
0:13:45 > 0:13:49because, in 1647, Cromwell banned Christmas.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53According to the Puritans, Christians shouldn't celebrate
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Christmas because it's not in the Bible.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59Instead, they should be inside a church, which isn't in the Bible,
0:13:59 > 0:14:02reading the Bible, which isn't in the Bible.
0:14:02 > 0:14:07The ban on Christmas continued until after Cromwell's death,
0:14:07 > 0:14:11but, by 1660, we'd found a new king, up a tree.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13The new king even had a head,
0:14:13 > 0:14:15although it looked a bit like it belonged to Boycie
0:14:15 > 0:14:17off Only Fools And Horses.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20And now the monarch was back and the Puritans had buggered off,
0:14:20 > 0:14:24Christmas was free to become more festive and less religious.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27For years, Jesus H Christmas was the number one face of the festive
0:14:27 > 0:14:32period, very much the Captain Birdseye of Christmas Day,
0:14:32 > 0:14:36but his rule over his mighty tinsel kingdom was to be threatened by
0:14:36 > 0:14:39this man, Father Christmas,
0:14:39 > 0:14:41street name - Santa Claus.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45Like Jesus, Father Christmas is used as a bribe to make children behave,
0:14:45 > 0:14:49although, in his case, the prize isn't eternal salvation,
0:14:49 > 0:14:51but presents.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54No wonder the moment Santa came on the scene
0:14:54 > 0:14:55it was game over for Jesus,
0:14:55 > 0:15:00who had to accept a lower ranking job in the global icon industry.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02So, where did Santa come from?
0:15:02 > 0:15:04If you're thinking the North Pole,
0:15:04 > 0:15:07that's because your parents lied to you.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11He actually stepped out of the pages of history.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Where did Father Christmas come from?
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Father Christmas comes from Saint Nicholas
0:15:16 > 0:15:20and he is a fourth-century Greek saint and bishop,
0:15:20 > 0:15:23and he was very renowned for giving presents to the poor
0:15:23 > 0:15:26and particularly he gave presents to these three girls.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28If he hadn't given them the money,
0:15:28 > 0:15:30they would have had to go off and be prostitutes.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33So why was he knocking about with these prostitutes?
0:15:33 > 0:15:37I don't think he knew them very well, it's just that...
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Well, well enough to give them gifts.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41..give them money. I don't think...
0:15:41 > 0:15:44I think he just wanted to save them from the horrors of...
0:15:44 > 0:15:47- I think because basically... - They all say that, don't they?
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- They do.- How come shops have Father Christmases,
0:15:50 > 0:15:52but they don't have Jesuses?
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Is Jesuses the right term?
0:15:55 > 0:15:58- Is it Jesi, or...? - I think we'd say figures of Jesus.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Figures of Jesus.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02I think that Father Christmas himself would probably have
0:16:02 > 0:16:05preferred there to be figures of Jesus because, in fact,
0:16:05 > 0:16:08there is a medieval story that Saint Nicholas got in a punch-up
0:16:08 > 0:16:10about whether or not God or Jesus was greater
0:16:10 > 0:16:11and was thrown into prison,
0:16:11 > 0:16:15so he was obviously very exercised about the purity of religion.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17It's all coming out, isn't it?
0:16:17 > 0:16:19You know, because, like, I didn't know that he used to hang about with
0:16:19 > 0:16:22prostitutes or get into fights.
0:16:22 > 0:16:29Now I'm feeling less...happy with him coming down my chimney.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Despite being the stuff of nightmares,
0:16:31 > 0:16:35Santa is the world's most popular home intruder, probably because,
0:16:35 > 0:16:38unlike other home intruders, he doesn't leave a turd
0:16:38 > 0:16:41on your living room carpet, but a pile of gifts.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45Santa has a list of good and bad children.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48The good children will get lots of presents and so, it turns out,
0:16:48 > 0:16:50will the bad children.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54In fact, the only ones who won't get very much are the poor children -
0:16:54 > 0:16:56that's because Santa judges a child's goodness
0:16:56 > 0:16:58based largely on parental income.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02The sense of magical wonder on a child's face as they open their
0:17:02 > 0:17:05presents, which allegedly makes Christmas worthwhile,
0:17:05 > 0:17:08can last for up to ten seconds.
0:17:08 > 0:17:13That's why, for many, Christmas is synon-nonymous with little ones.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Adults lose the ability to see Father Christmas,
0:17:16 > 0:17:20so, if you want to know more about him, you have to ask small adults,
0:17:20 > 0:17:21which are known as children.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24- Hello, who are you? - I'm Archie, who are you?
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Philomena. Have you ever met Father Christmas?
0:17:27 > 0:17:28I have.
0:17:28 > 0:17:29Where did you meet him?
0:17:29 > 0:17:33I met him...next to Westfield.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36And what was he doing there? Was he shopping or something?
0:17:36 > 0:17:39I think...I'm not quite sure if Father Christmas is rich.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Mmm. I don't think he is.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45How did he get all the presents in, like, lots of times?
0:17:45 > 0:17:48I think he just shoplifts.
0:17:48 > 0:17:49OK.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Do you think Father Christmas has ever met Batman?
0:17:52 > 0:17:55In my opinion, Batman's not real.
0:17:55 > 0:18:01In my opinion, Batman's not real - it's just a man called Bruce.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04So you don't think they've met?
0:18:04 > 0:18:07I think Superman and Father Christmas have met.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11Do you think that Father Christmas will still be allowed in the country
0:18:11 > 0:18:13- after Brexit?- Yeah, he'll still be allowed in the country.
0:18:13 > 0:18:18- Will he?- Yeah, because the police don't know where he's in the air.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22Like David Bowie, Santa experimented with many different looks,
0:18:22 > 0:18:26finally settling on the familiar fat jolly laughing man look
0:18:26 > 0:18:28in the late 1800s.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31The Queen Victorians were batshit for Christmas
0:18:31 > 0:18:34and popularised many of the traditions we still do
0:18:34 > 0:18:36for no good reason today.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39For instance, Queen Victoria's husband, Prince Albert,
0:18:39 > 0:18:43did what his fellow Germans had been doing for years and had a tree
0:18:43 > 0:18:45installed in his lounge.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Albert's tree would remain the most heavily decorated piece of wood to
0:18:48 > 0:18:52grace Buckingham Palace until the day Roger Moore was knighted.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54The Christmas tree is still the centrepiece
0:18:54 > 0:18:56of most festive decorations.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59It's covered in lights, chocolates and baubles,
0:18:59 > 0:19:02which is what circles are called at Christmas.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05There are also these characteristic vines
0:19:05 > 0:19:08from the most festive plant on earth - tinsel.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12Tinsel became a decoration because you can't do anything else with it.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16It's horrible in salads and won't boil down for soup.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18For years, the best Christmas decoration
0:19:18 > 0:19:20was the Blue Peter Advent Crown,
0:19:20 > 0:19:24which took a load of coat hangers and tinsel and cleverly transformed
0:19:24 > 0:19:27them into a load of tinsel round some coat hangers.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Now, you'll see how it all fits together.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Today, some people choose to turn the outside of their homes
0:19:33 > 0:19:35into a giant Advent Crown.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38A jolly house covered in electric lights may be expensive
0:19:38 > 0:19:39and use a lot of power,
0:19:39 > 0:19:43but it's the perfect way to cheer up a world worried about climate change
0:19:43 > 0:19:45and dwindling resources.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Of course, in Queen Victorian times,
0:19:47 > 0:19:50only the super rich had fancy decorations.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Ordinary, poor people had to celebrate Christmas
0:19:53 > 0:19:56by coughing and counting their surviving offspring.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Life in Queen Victorian times was hard.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02The streets were full of urchins and rippers, and there was so much
0:20:02 > 0:20:06poverty that people used to go to prison just to get some bread.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08But there was one man who cared -
0:20:08 > 0:20:11the greatest prime minister Britain ever had -
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Sir Charles Dickings.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Charles Dickings wanted people to be generous to those in greater
0:20:16 > 0:20:20need, like the poor, the homeless or the dead,
0:20:20 > 0:20:23so he wrote something called A Christmas Carol,
0:20:23 > 0:20:26which was something called a book.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29As seen in this powerful and evocative adaptation,
0:20:29 > 0:20:32A Christmas Carol is about Ebenezer Scrooge,
0:20:32 > 0:20:34a character almost as fully realised
0:20:34 > 0:20:37as Disney's superior Scrooge McDuck.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Unlike Scrooge McDuck, he's human.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42And unlike most humans, he hates Christmas.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45But then, in a terrifying development,
0:20:45 > 0:20:47he starts getting visited by ghosts,
0:20:47 > 0:20:51like his house is built on some sort of Indian burial ground.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54The ghosts take him forward and backwards in time to see different
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Christmases, like that thing on Facebook that shows you old haircuts
0:20:58 > 0:21:00and people you don't talk to anymore.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04One ghost shows him the future, but it's only by a year,
0:21:04 > 0:21:07so it's still a Victorian future.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11As it is, he sees a future in which everyone's delighted he's dead.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14This convinces him that Christmas is actually brilliant, which,
0:21:14 > 0:21:16to be honest, the ghost could have done
0:21:16 > 0:21:20by giving him a Chocolate Orange - nobody can argue with that.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23After the Victorian era,
0:21:23 > 0:21:26good will to all men caught on so much
0:21:26 > 0:21:30that it was almost 12 whole years before everyone on the planet
0:21:30 > 0:21:32decided to kill each other in the mud.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Although it was scheduled to be over by Christmas,
0:21:34 > 0:21:37the war with Germany lasted four years.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Mechanised conflict is the most horrifying legacy
0:21:40 > 0:21:45of the 20th century, as anyone who's seen Robot Wars will agree.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49But at Christmas 1914, there was a brief ceasefire.
0:21:49 > 0:21:50The fighting stopped.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54Soldiers got out of their holes and joined together in a place called
0:21:54 > 0:21:57No Man's Land, showing that, even at moments of peace,
0:21:57 > 0:22:02men will still divide into two sides and try to beat one another.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05The Great War claimed over 17 million lives, making it the
0:22:05 > 0:22:09worst incident of football-related violence of all time.
0:22:09 > 0:22:14After the First World War, Christmas spirit once again reigned supreme,
0:22:14 > 0:22:15until the Second World War.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18We don't know if Christmas happened during Second War Two
0:22:18 > 0:22:20because there simply aren't any records.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24But there's no footage of Hitler or Churchill in Santa hats either,
0:22:24 > 0:22:28so it's safe to assume it was parked while they twatted each other.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32Once Hitler had defeated the Nazis by blowing his own brains out,
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Christmas returned with a bang
0:22:34 > 0:22:38and a second period of food-loving indulgence dawned.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40The modern Christmas dinner soon became an important
0:22:40 > 0:22:44cultural cornerstone of both society and gravy adverts.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Mum made the gravy.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52Could you talk me through what makes a perfect Christmas dinner?
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Once you've got the right people round the table,
0:22:55 > 0:22:56you need a light starter.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- If you give people too much... - Not prawn cocktails?
0:22:59 > 0:23:02No, no... Well, I don't know. A good prawn cocktail is a lovely thing.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04- I don't like prawns.- Do you not? - No, they're bottom feeders.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08OK, I tend to do platters of charcuterie, salami and ham, and
0:23:08 > 0:23:11maybe some pickles and things for people to pick up.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14- I won't have that.- You wouldn't have that?- No.- No? OK.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16And then you come to the main event,
0:23:16 > 0:23:19so maybe a three-bird roast or a roast goose...
0:23:19 > 0:23:23- bread sauce, gravy. - But I don't understand bread sauce.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26It's a great way of making a really savoury sauce.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Bread and sauce are two completely different things, aren't they?
0:23:29 > 0:23:33Well, they are, but you can grind the bread down
0:23:33 > 0:23:37and then cook it in milk to make a really good sauce.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40It just looks like, sort of...jizz.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Thanks to all this food-based indulgence,
0:23:48 > 0:23:51scientists now believe that 80% of all burps occur at Christmas,
0:23:51 > 0:23:55threatening to put a hole in the oz-one layer at precisely the
0:23:55 > 0:23:58moment the sky is full of vulnerable reindeer.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02Eating aside, the other popular form of Christmas indulgence
0:24:02 > 0:24:04is gift-buying from shops.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Critics say Christmas is too commercialised
0:24:07 > 0:24:10and that the Bible has being replaced by the Argos catalogue,
0:24:10 > 0:24:13just because it's got a better selection of hair straighteners.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Recently, Christmas shopping has started to look less like a
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Supermarket Sweep Christmas special
0:24:18 > 0:24:21and more like a civil war with carrier bags.
0:24:21 > 0:24:26No wonder more people than ever stay indoors shopping on the computer.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29So, is Christmas all just about buying stuff these days?
0:24:29 > 0:24:31How much money gets made at Christmas?
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Altogether, I'm sure we spend
0:24:33 > 0:24:35hundreds of millions of pounds at Christmas.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38And how big a cut does the Church get?
0:24:38 > 0:24:39The Church doesn't get anything.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42- They don't get anything?- No. No.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45The supermarket near me has got about 30 tills.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48How many tills does Amazon have?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50They must have loads.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52- They don't have any tills. - What?
0:24:52 > 0:24:54They have a computer.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58- One computer?- Yeah. Because no-one goes there, do they?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00- They just...- I know, but I thought they still had to ring it through.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Mmm. No, the computer does all that.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05So there's one man at a computer, just going...?
0:25:05 > 0:25:06No, I don't think there's a man.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11No, no, it just goes automatically. You do that. You're the till.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15Making money is so important at Christmas that shops pull out all
0:25:15 > 0:25:18the stops to fill the screen with jolly images of buying things
0:25:18 > 0:25:22and their adverts have evolved from cheerful animated catalogues full of
0:25:22 > 0:25:23famous people smiling at you
0:25:23 > 0:25:28to heart-warming present-day mini movies about infested trampolines.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Adverts aren't the only programmes on at Christmas -
0:25:33 > 0:25:37there are also programmes on at Christmas.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41For decades, Christmas television has been an enchanting place,
0:25:41 > 0:25:44a magical land where people danced and sang in a doomed attempt
0:25:44 > 0:25:48to convey the sheer magic of Christmas.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51A time in which newsreaders cavorted with comedians,
0:25:51 > 0:25:54and real live snowmen were gathered from the wild
0:25:54 > 0:25:56and encouraged to sing their
0:25:56 > 0:25:59haunting traditional songs in the studio.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02THEY SING "JINGLE BELLS"
0:26:13 > 0:26:17But perhaps the most reassuring Christmas programme is EastEnders,
0:26:17 > 0:26:20which for years has provided an important public service
0:26:20 > 0:26:25by depicting worse families having an even shitter time than yours.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27You're lying!
0:26:27 > 0:26:30- What are you doing?- Bianca!
0:26:30 > 0:26:33What are you doing?!
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Films are a mainstay at Christmas
0:26:36 > 0:26:40and one familiar film is the searing musical The Sound Of Music,
0:26:40 > 0:26:45which is about a woman who sings to hills about hills in the hills.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49# The hills are alive with the sound of music... #
0:26:51 > 0:26:53It's always on at Christmas,
0:26:53 > 0:26:56probably because it's got nuns in it so you think about Jesus.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58And also Nazis,
0:26:58 > 0:27:02so you think about The Great Escape, which is probably on on Boxing Day.
0:27:02 > 0:27:07But the most Christmassy film of all time is also the most exciting,
0:27:07 > 0:27:09Die Hard.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13People think Die Hard is a gripping and exciting action film,
0:27:13 > 0:27:15just because, as you can see, it is,
0:27:15 > 0:27:18but it's also a heart-warming Yuletide story
0:27:18 > 0:27:20full of the magic of Christmas.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22It's got everything...
0:27:22 > 0:27:26'Singing...' HE SCREAMS
0:27:26 > 0:27:28'..a man up a chimney...'
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Warming yourself in front of a roaring fire...
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Shit!
0:27:33 > 0:27:36'..while the snow flutters down outside.'
0:27:36 > 0:27:37Brotherly love...
0:27:37 > 0:27:40'Hey, look, I love you...
0:27:40 > 0:27:42'So do a lot of the other guys.'
0:27:42 > 0:27:45..cranberry sauce, excessive sherry drinking...
0:27:47 > 0:27:50God, that man looks really pissed.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52..season's greetings...
0:27:52 > 0:27:53Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56..your dad conked out in a chair wearing a Santa hat in his Christmas
0:27:56 > 0:28:01jumper, angels majestically soaring through the air and, of course,
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Jesus Christ Powell.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06Jesus Christ, Powell!
0:28:06 > 0:28:10TV's becoming a thing of the olden past, like sundials or ploughs,
0:28:10 > 0:28:14because, today, everyone has their own little screen,
0:28:14 > 0:28:17so they can ignore their immediate surroundings on an individual basis
0:28:17 > 0:28:20instead of as part of a collective effort.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24We're often told to feel sorry for those who are alone at Christmas,
0:28:24 > 0:28:27but these days that's all of us and it's brilliant.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29Best of all, this kind of technology
0:28:29 > 0:28:32is set to become more immersive than ever.
0:28:32 > 0:28:36For instance, this man from the year 2018
0:28:36 > 0:28:39is enjoying a virtual Christmas with a family
0:28:39 > 0:28:42of characters from the Nintendo universe.
0:28:42 > 0:28:46Meanwhile, this man is experiencing the true meaning of Christmas by
0:28:46 > 0:28:50giving birth to a virtual baby Jesus in a stable made of polygons.
0:28:50 > 0:28:52HE SCREAMS
0:28:52 > 0:28:55Today, the true meaning of Christmas is a mystery,
0:28:55 > 0:28:59wrapped up in sherry and Monopoly and monkey nuts,
0:28:59 > 0:29:02but at least, at this time of togetherness and warmth,
0:29:02 > 0:29:06we can all agree what the true spirit of Christmas is...
0:29:07 > 0:29:09Baileys.
0:29:10 > 0:29:12SHE SLURPS NOISILY
0:29:13 > 0:29:17Merry Christmas and a very New Year.