0:00:02 > 0:00:10This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Stop it! Give it! Give it back!
0:00:13 > 0:00:15A total mess! OK, when we get there, we need to be really quick.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18I'm just going to drop you in the playground, OK?
0:00:18 > 0:00:20Really, really quickly, no hugs, no kisses, nothing.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22VAN HONKS HORN Baby on board, arsehole!
0:00:22 > 0:00:25AN ELECTRONIC TOY SPEAKS IN THE BACK-SEAT
0:00:27 > 0:00:28Why do we even need them?
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Why do we need to slow people down? It's ridiculous!
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Go on, you're supposed to do it there,
0:00:38 > 0:00:39that's what they're there for.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41That's why they plant them.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Don't do that, don't do that!
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Marie! Hi, at last.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Can you... No, my hands-free isn't working.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Listen, can you, uh, can you put me on the phone to...
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Can you give Andrew a message for me?
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Can you just tell him that I'm running a bit late?
0:00:53 > 0:00:56I've got to drop the kids off at school.
0:00:56 > 0:00:57What? My kids, yeah.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Uh, a boy and a girl. Listen, I can't, uh, can't talk now, Marie.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04OK, bye. TOY SPEAKS AND CHIRPS
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Give me the Bop It. Give me the Bop It.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Give me the Bop It!
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Someone's in a hurry, aren't they?
0:01:13 > 0:01:15What is this? What is this?!
0:01:15 > 0:01:17What?!
0:01:22 > 0:01:23Come on, there's nothing there.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26There's nothing here, there's no hole, there's no roadworks,
0:01:26 > 0:01:29there's no traffic jam, there's nothing here.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Why are you here? Why are you here?!
0:01:31 > 0:01:34OK, I'm going to go. I'm going to go.
0:01:34 > 0:01:35Go.
0:01:39 > 0:01:40CAR HORN HONKS
0:01:43 > 0:01:46SECOND CAR JOINS THE HONKING
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Can you...? I'm sorry!
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Can you move back?
0:01:51 > 0:01:54I'm so sorry. Can you go back?
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Just reverse! Move! Go back!
0:01:57 > 0:02:02Just go back! I'm stuck in again! SHE SCREAMS
0:02:10 > 0:02:11Come on, faster!
0:02:26 > 0:02:29All right, which is your classroom? I know it's not that one.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- Hello?- Hello.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Hello, Ivy. Hello, James. Sorry, you are?
0:02:34 > 0:02:37- I'm Julia, I'm their mum. - Oh, of course.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- Have you got an appointment? - No. I was just here to...
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Did you forget it was half-term?
0:02:48 > 0:02:49No.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Children are in their school uniforms.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55Yeah. That's because they're going to a...
0:02:55 > 0:02:59back to school disco/children theme party.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Are you here to see Mrs Lawson?
0:03:02 > 0:03:05- Who?- The headmistress.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Yes. Yes, that's why I'm here, that's what I'd like to do.
0:03:09 > 0:03:10- OK.- OK.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Ivy didn't mention anything about being bullied.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19It's classic victim behaviour.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Who's doing this?
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- Leo Martin.- Leo Martin?!
0:03:28 > 0:03:30You know he's five?
0:03:30 > 0:03:31Yes.
0:03:32 > 0:03:37Yes, my understanding is that he is an evil...
0:03:38 > 0:03:39..child prodigy type.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42Let me speak to Leo's teacher.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- Please do.- Janet.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Oh, Leo's teacher, you are Leo's teacher.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Listen to this. Leo Martin.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Leo? Has something happened to him?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54No, no, he's been bullying little Ivy.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Bullying?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58What kind of bullying?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Mind...games.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Overtly condescending, tapping into her insecurities,
0:04:03 > 0:04:06I think he said some things about her online.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- So, what's going on now? - I'm calling Leo's mum.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Don't worry, we will get to the bottom of this.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16Go for it.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20INTERNAL RING TONE
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Do you know what? I just, I think, um...
0:04:27 > 0:04:29I think I should just check the facts with Ivy first,
0:04:29 > 0:04:30because now I come to think of it,
0:04:30 > 0:04:35she can be a little untrustworthy and manipulative herself.
0:04:37 > 0:04:38SHE EXHALES
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Thank you so much for this.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Oh, my God. It's like a weight off.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45I feel so much better about it already.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Thank you. Thank you.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Actually, while I'm here, are there any clubs on this half-term?
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Chess? Latin?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57I just don't like them to switch off.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Is there anything happening today?
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Like now? Is anything happening right now?
0:05:03 > 0:05:06OK, kids, forget school, we're not doing school.
0:05:09 > 0:05:10Right.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13OK.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Two minutes, two minutes, I'll be back.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Mum?
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Mum?!
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Oh, my God!
0:05:32 > 0:05:36I can see you. I know you're in there, hiding behind the sofa.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Mother!
0:05:41 > 0:05:44- Mother!- Julia, is that you?
0:05:44 > 0:05:45Yes, it's me.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49Were you hiding?
0:05:50 > 0:05:53No, I-I was having a lie down.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Behind the sofa?
0:05:57 > 0:05:58I had a fall.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Why are you acting like you're 90 years old or something?
0:06:01 > 0:06:02Oh, right.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07I see. Yeah, nice, yeah. They really suit you.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Uh, so when did you get back from your cruise?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11- Yesterday.- Oh, that's funny,
0:06:11 > 0:06:13because Paul saw you in Waitrose on Saturday.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15I must still be on Caribbean time.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18You're here now, that's the main thing. I'll go and get the kids.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- Julia. Julia!- What?- We talked about this.- Talked about what?
0:06:21 > 0:06:24I'm not doing it any more, I can't.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27I love them to bits, but I can't look after them any more.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33- I thought that's what the holiday was for, I thought...- No. No.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37In fact, the holiday made me even more certain.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40- After my lung collapsed...- It didn't collapse!- My lung did collapse!
0:06:40 > 0:06:42OK, I'm not having this argument again.
0:06:42 > 0:06:43If you're really serious about this,
0:06:43 > 0:06:48how about we think about starting that in the new year,
0:06:48 > 0:06:51and we can work out a way of getting you some free time.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55- No, Julia, from now. - OK. What about next month...?
0:06:55 > 0:06:58No, now, Julia. Starting from now.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05OK.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- I'm sorry.- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
0:07:09 > 0:07:12I haven't got time for sorry. Unless it's "Sorry, I've changed my mind."
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Is it "Sorry, I've changed my mind"?
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- No.- Right! Haven't got time for sorry.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20No, no. Haven't got time for that.
0:07:20 > 0:07:21CAR ENGINE STARTS
0:07:29 > 0:07:31You know, it was your idea to have grandchildren, Mother!
0:07:36 > 0:07:37What about Jelenka?
0:07:37 > 0:07:40She's a cleaner, she's not a baby-sitter!
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Anyway, I really don't trust Jelenka. I'm almost certain it was
0:07:43 > 0:07:45her that ate my Easter egg that time.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49- Why don't we have a Nanny again? - What? No, I've told you...
0:07:49 > 0:07:52I really want the children to be brought up the way I was.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54- By my mother.- What can I get you?
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Look, I've got to go. Let's talk more later.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58What am I going to do for the rest of the week?
0:07:58 > 0:08:00I work too, you know.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03There's this Peter Mandelson thing on Thursday.
0:08:03 > 0:08:08Yeah, I know, and listen, whatever you decide, I am right behind you.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09Bye.
0:08:09 > 0:08:10Paul!
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Paul! Paul!
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Oh, you go ahead, I haven't decided yet.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Thanks. I'll have a Matcha please, and a...
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Charlie, drop it. You're not getting an iPad.
0:08:26 > 0:08:31Santa doesn't do them, the elves don't have the technology.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34I wonder if Amanda knows about the situation up at Toasty's.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38Situation at Toasty's? What situation at Toasty's?
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Another breast-feeding incident.
0:08:40 > 0:08:41They asked Deirdre to cover up.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45I tell you, Liz, if it was men doing the feeding,
0:08:45 > 0:08:48there'd be blokes all over this cafe with their breasts out.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51- Hmm. Yeah.- I'm just going to see if Amanda heard about it.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53- Don't!- What?
0:08:53 > 0:08:55It's not going to happen, Kevin.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59- What's not?- We're not getting on the big table, they don't want us there.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01You're going to have to accept it.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03I'm just going to have a word.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08"Oh, hi, Amanda, just wondering if you heard about
0:09:08 > 0:09:10"the war on tits at Toasty's?"
0:09:10 > 0:09:14"Oh, sorry, Kevin, my friends and I were hoping you'd died."
0:09:14 > 0:09:15"OK, great, I'll send round
0:09:15 > 0:09:17"an e-mail to discuss an appropriate response."
0:09:17 > 0:09:18"Do whatever you like,
0:09:18 > 0:09:21"my computer shits all your e-mails to a spam folder." "OK then, bye."
0:09:21 > 0:09:24"Bye. Go away forever."
0:09:36 > 0:09:38- I'm going to send round an e-mail. - Yeah.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48No, no, Duncan, today's out, forget about today.
0:09:48 > 0:09:49I'm minding my kids.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Boy and a girl. Five and nine.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Look, Duncan, I don't need to be there
0:09:56 > 0:09:58to watch Elaine print out a press release.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01I'll definitely be there on Thursday.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02I'm working on it, OK?
0:10:16 > 0:10:18- We can go swimming.- Yes.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20- That'd be OK.- And Miguel is watching yours and mine,
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- and we're getting the mani-pedis on the Friday?- Guys. Guys.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Go play with those kids over there.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32No, the other ones! The other ones.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Yeah, I'd love to see it.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Bit long. Bit long.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41- Because you do lose concentration... - I do, I do.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43And Friday, you and I could do yoga...
0:10:43 > 0:10:47Awwww. Aw, they're getting on really well, aren't they?
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Sweet.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52It's Julia, isn't it?
0:10:52 > 0:10:54That's right. And you're...?
0:10:59 > 0:11:01- Could you just say your name? - Amanda.- That's right.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04LAUGHTER
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- How do we know each other? - Our kids are in the same class.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Yes! Yes, yes, that's right, because...
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Ivy's always talking about...
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Your...
0:11:15 > 0:11:17- Manus.- MANUS! Yeah.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21Have a seat. Budge up, Anne.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26So, where's your mum this morning?
0:11:26 > 0:11:27She still on her holiday?
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Uh, no, no, she's back all right.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34I, uh... Just thought I'd give her a break, so took the day off.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39You work so hard.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42I really admire how you can just switch off your family
0:11:42 > 0:11:47and focus on your job, because - this is my personal thing...
0:11:47 > 0:11:49I would just hate myself too much.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Yeah, I, I hate myself too much...
0:11:54 > 0:11:58No, but I think I'd really hate myself.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02I just love my kids too much.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Yeah, I love my kids too much, too, but I...
0:12:05 > 0:12:06I'd die for my kids.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Yeah...I'd die for my kids.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16If I had to, if I had...no choice.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Melissa's sitting there, sorry.
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Oh, absolutely.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26So, Amanda, I'll pop a few ideas in an e-mail,
0:12:26 > 0:12:28what to do about the Toasty's situation.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33- OK, Kevin.- Great. Let me know your thoughts.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35You all have my phone number, don't you?
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Well, I did put it in my last e-mail, so everyone should have it.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Did everyone get my last e-mail?
0:12:42 > 0:12:45It had the subject heading, "Urgent".
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Tell Melissa we said hi.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- Slut.- Kevin?
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- No, Liz.- Oh, right.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Oh, sorry, everyone, I've got a flat on Airbnb,
0:12:58 > 0:13:00and the idiots have locked themselves out.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Ugh! Manus, Georgie.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08Anne? Is there any chance you could take Manus and Georgie back to yours
0:13:08 > 0:13:10- while I sort this out? - Oh, God, I'm sorry.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Chris is at home from work, playing a computer game with swearing in it,
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- so we're staying out the house. - I'll take them.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- I could take them.- You would?
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Oh. Are you sure?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Yeah! Yeah, totally sure.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27You go, go and do your thing, it's no problem.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29I can take them, it's fine.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31That's what we do, isn't it, us mums?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Scratch each other's backs, so I could take...
0:13:33 > 0:13:36I could take them today, and you could, say, have mine on Thursday,
0:13:36 > 0:13:37for example.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Well...thank you.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I'll give you my address - Anne, write it down.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47I'm having some mums and kids over later for spag bol.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49You and your lot are included.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51So, do you want to bring them back for that later?
0:13:51 > 0:13:53- Say, six?- Six?!
0:13:53 > 0:13:55OK, OK.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- Or four?- No. Six.- Six it is.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04This is very kind of you, Julia.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- I'll get you back another time. - Yeah, say, Thursday?
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Thursday?
0:14:12 > 0:14:14I just said I haven't got any money.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Yeah, I will be there, Andrew, I will.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19I just have some childcare issues today, so...
0:14:19 > 0:14:21A boy and a girl.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25Aah, Jesus! Five and nine! Who cares?
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Andrew?
0:14:31 > 0:14:32Ow!
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Manus, can I have a crisp? I didn't have any breakfast.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40- No!- Can I just have one crisp?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Stupid horse.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Just sit on it. Just sit on it! Rock it.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Stick two pennies together.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51- What?- If you stick two one-pences together, it thinks it's a pound.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55Thanks.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01HORSE PLAYS MUSIC AND SOUNDS
0:15:01 > 0:15:02THE KIDS SQUEAL HAPPILY Thanks.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08You all right?
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Yeah, I'm just not really used to being with my kids like this.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Now there's all these other ones.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16The one with the plait's just been really mean to me.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Look, I live just over there. Do you want to come and have a cup of tea?
0:15:25 > 0:15:27I'll just wait for the horse to finish,
0:15:27 > 0:15:30- cos I just want to get my money's worth.- Sure.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Here we are. Downton Abbey.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45Tea?
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Yeah. You haven't got any herbal, have you?
0:15:47 > 0:15:51Fennel, ginger, jasmine or mint?
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Ooh. I'll have a mint, please.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56I'm joking, I don't have any herbal tea.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Yorkshire. I've got tea from Yorkshire, how's that?
0:15:58 > 0:16:00- Yeah, OK.- Hey, guys...
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Oh. No milk.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11- So, what about you? Do you work? - Yes, I organise corporate events.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12- Wow.- On Thursday,
0:16:12 > 0:16:16I've got Peter Mandelson presenting the Women In Construction Awards.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Was it Mandelson who was on I'm A celebrity?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22No.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Don't know who you're thinking of there.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Wish I could restart my career by eating worms.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29THE KIDS YELL AND CHATTER IN BACKGROUND
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Paul Burrell. That's who it was.
0:16:33 > 0:16:38- Should they be doing that? Is that not...- Um...No, it's fine.- Wheee!
0:16:38 > 0:16:40That's why I put the mattress there.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44- Do you work? - I was at Citizens Advice,
0:16:44 > 0:16:48but one of my calls got recorded for training purposes, so...
0:16:48 > 0:16:50that was that.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55- What time is it now? - Just past midday.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Fucking hell.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Are you going to this spag bol thing?
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Nah, none of that lot like me.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04I'm single, so they're afraid
0:17:04 > 0:17:07I'm going to steal one of their fat husbands away.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09I'm going to make a pizza for the kids.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Charlie gets a bit punchy if he hasn't eaten.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14All right, let's get these lunatics rounded up.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Uh-uh, excuse me, we are not animals.
0:17:19 > 0:17:20Use a magazine, please.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Actually, Liz, I will have something.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27I didn't have any breakfast and I forgot to eat at the cafe.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Oh, shit, sorry, there's no more pizza.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34- Cheese sandwich?- If it's not a hassle. I am starving.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- You can freeze cheese? - You can freeze anything.
0:17:43 > 0:17:44Do you want a hand with that?
0:17:44 > 0:17:49No, it's fine. I just need to hack into it to carve out some slices.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54- Oh, shit.- What?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Can you call a cab? I think I need to go to A&E.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59- What? Why?- Cut my finger off.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01You cut your finger off?
0:18:01 > 0:18:03- Aaah!- Oh...
0:18:03 > 0:18:05- Aaaah!- Don't, don't! Just keep it together.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08- Your finger is off!- Focus. - Aaah!- Just focus!
0:18:08 > 0:18:10An ambulance, yes?
0:18:10 > 0:18:11An ambulance. You need an ambulance.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- Just call a cab.- OK.
0:18:14 > 0:18:15SHE HYPERVENTILATES
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Neil's Taxis...
0:18:17 > 0:18:200207...9...
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Hi, I need a taxi.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- What's your address? - 29 Minell Street.
0:18:25 > 0:18:2629 Minell Street.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31They said it's £50 if you bleed on the seat again.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33- That's fine.- That's fine.
0:18:34 > 0:18:35OK.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Aaah!
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Ooh!
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Oh, will you be OK?
0:18:42 > 0:18:44- Yeah, I think so.- I'll try and get back as quick as I can.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Great, just as... As quick as you can.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49- Yeah.- Yeah. Any idea how long these things take?
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Liz? Any idea how long these things take?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54THE KIDS YELL AND BICKER
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Hi, Liz. I was just phoning to see how you are,
0:18:58 > 0:19:02and I was just wondering what to do with your kids.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05I have to go to this spag bol thing.
0:19:05 > 0:19:10I am so hungry and all your food is frozen.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14Um, no pressure, but it is half-five now.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17OK, see if you could just give me a call. Bye.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Keith!
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Keith! Keith!
0:19:32 > 0:19:36Keith! Keith! Keith!
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Keith!
0:19:38 > 0:19:39It's Kevin!
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Keith! Keith!
0:19:42 > 0:19:43Kevin!
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Wait there, wait there!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49My God, is she all right?
0:19:49 > 0:19:51No, no, she's fine, she just cut off a bit of her finger.
0:19:51 > 0:19:57But listen, I have now got just a massive amount of children.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Could you help me with all these children?
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course. - I'm just so hungry, Kevin.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Amanda's having a dinner, are you sure?
0:20:06 > 0:20:08I haven't heard anything about it.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10It's just an informal thing.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13It's just a... It's a spag bol drop-in thing.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Oh, wow.
0:20:16 > 0:20:17What are we waiting for?
0:20:18 > 0:20:23Hey, everyone. We're all going for spag bol at Amanda's.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29THE KIDS CONTINUE TO YELL AND BICKER
0:20:32 > 0:20:34DOORBELL RINGS
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Something smells good!
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Can somebody else keep an ear out for the door?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44That's not the point, the point is they're being picky
0:20:44 > 0:20:48cos they know they can be. Yeah.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Well, we just have to play the same game that they're playing.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52What are you doing?!
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Down there! Down there!
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Yeah. I don't know.
0:21:00 > 0:21:01Mad woman and a load of kids.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Something smells good.
0:21:05 > 0:21:06Oh, hey!
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Aw, Julia, thank you so much.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Oh, they were as good as gold.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14- Hello.- Kevin's also here.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Oh.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20- Yes.- A blackboard wall.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23I've always wanted a blackboard wall.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24What do you write on it?
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Just...what's written on it.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Walnuts.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35- Yeah.- What are you going to do with walnuts?
0:21:35 > 0:21:37I'd love to eat a walnut.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Liz cut her finger off, so Kevin's been helping me with the kids.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- Liz cut her finger off? - Yeah, just the top half.- Oh.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48Well...help yourself to wine, um....
0:21:48 > 0:21:51- and we'll probably start serving soon.- Great.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54I've always wanted a look around your house, Amanda.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57There's nothing I like better than going into other people's houses
0:21:57 > 0:21:59and having a good old poke around.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Those two seem to have gotten over the Liz thing.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Storm in a teacup.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16The Liz thing? What, her finger?
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Ian gave Liz a lift home a few nights ago.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26No, sorry, you lost me.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30Sorry, Ian gave Liz a lift home...
0:22:30 > 0:22:34You don't know? Liz slept with Melissa's husband.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Fuck! God, really?
0:22:39 > 0:22:41I did not know that.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44You sure? She doesn't seem like the type who'd be arsed.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Where are the kids?
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Gone a bit quiet.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Ah.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Hello.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Just here to pick up my kids.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06- Hello, hello.- Oh!
0:23:06 > 0:23:11Liz! No, you should stay, it's turned into a bit of a free-for-all.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15So, um...help yourself to a glass of wine.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Oh, I shouldn't, I'm on painkillers.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Oh! You finger... Julia said. How is it?
0:23:20 > 0:23:22It's not too bad. Still works.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46They're not feeding the adults, Liz!
0:23:46 > 0:23:48They're not feeding the adults!
0:23:53 > 0:23:56None of these dicks like me.
0:23:56 > 0:23:57Dicks!
0:23:58 > 0:24:00I'm sure that's not true.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02They hate me.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05- Dicks!- You know why that is, don't you?
0:24:05 > 0:24:08- What?- You know. - No, I don't know, Kevin. What?
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Because you slept with Melissa's husband.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Is that what they're saying?
0:24:19 > 0:24:20Yeah.
0:24:22 > 0:24:23That's interesting.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29Yeah, so we went to the hospital on Wednesday and they had the results
0:24:29 > 0:24:33of the scan, and basically they think it was a small stroke.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35- Oh, no.- Oh, no.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Sorry, I heard "small stroke," I don't know who that was,
0:24:42 > 0:24:45but that is terrible, whoever that was.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47My husband.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51Ugh...yeah. Must've been a real pain in the arse.
0:24:51 > 0:24:52How did that happen?
0:24:54 > 0:24:56He was playing a computer game,
0:24:56 > 0:25:00and I noticed his arm just dropped down the side of the sofa,
0:25:00 > 0:25:04and when I went to take his hand, it just...
0:25:04 > 0:25:06JULIA SCOFFS THE LEFTOVERS
0:25:06 > 0:25:08..it felt like...a little dead bird.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11ANNE WEEPS
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Oh, there's some more. I'll just put that in the bin.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Julia!
0:25:33 > 0:25:35What are you doing?
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Oh, I was just...
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Uh, I was just picking up the leftovers.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44If you were hungry, you could've just asked.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46You're making me feel like a bad hostess.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- Oh, I'm sorry.- Do you want me to cook you something?
0:25:49 > 0:25:52I can't bear to see you eat out of the bin like a homeless person.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55No, no, I wasn't eating out of the bin, it's just I...
0:25:55 > 0:25:56I was just, you know,
0:25:56 > 0:25:59I just thought there'd be food here for the adults.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01- Oh, God.- Wow.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Well, Julia, I've been dealing with something,
0:26:05 > 0:26:08and I'm sorry I didn't have time to lay on a banquet.
0:26:08 > 0:26:09No, I didn't mean...
0:26:09 > 0:26:12- Do you want me to cook you an omelette?- Honestly, I'm fine...- No!
0:26:12 > 0:26:17I insist. I can't have my guests eating out of the rubbish.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Does anyone else want food?
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Anyone? I'm making Julia an omelette.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Anyone?
0:26:24 > 0:26:28I'll have an omelette, actually, Amanda.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Saves me defrosting some eggs when I get home.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34And while I get the chance, Melissa, I should say I feel bad.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37I feel bad. I should've cleared the air and apologised
0:26:37 > 0:26:42for taking your fat husband's virginity 20 years ago.
0:26:43 > 0:26:48And while I'm at it, Anne, can you RSVP to Charlie's birthday party,
0:26:48 > 0:26:50because he really wants Darius there,
0:26:50 > 0:26:54and it'll break his fucking heart if his best friend doesn't make it.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56- Yeah.- Thank you.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58TOILET FLUSHES
0:27:01 > 0:27:03- What's going on? - Amanda's making us an omelette.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Ooh, yes, please!
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Wow, you must give me the recipe for that omelette.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Eggs.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Yeah. Keep it simple.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20So, um...
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Shall we, um, firm up Thursday...?
0:27:23 > 0:27:26- Thursday's not going to work for me now. Lovely to see you all.- Oh, I...
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Did she just slam the door in my face?
0:27:34 > 0:27:38That's a whole network of helpful mums I have no access to any more.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42Oh, well. You can't make an omelette without telling a few skinny bitches
0:27:42 > 0:27:44to go fuck themselves.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47I can have a word with them if you like, that might help.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51Oh, screw them. We don't need them.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53We've got our own little gang right here.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56Oh, all right, I'll take them Thursday.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Thank...!
0:27:59 > 0:28:01I really appreciate it.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07- And Friday, can you do Friday?- Ugh.