0:00:03 > 0:00:05Your honour.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10I admit to being a hacker.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12But I wore that black hat proudly.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Mine was a victimless crime,
0:00:14 > 0:00:17unless you regard the corporate world as victims.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20It was my outrage against that bastion of venality and corruption
0:00:20 > 0:00:22that put me in this dock today.
0:00:22 > 0:00:23Remember 2008?
0:00:23 > 0:00:26Financial meltdown?
0:00:26 > 0:00:29All those innocent people lost their homes and savings.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Outrage and indignation.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33This is completely irrelevant, your honour.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36I agree. Mr Fletcher, could you please...
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Contain my anger, sir?
0:00:38 > 0:00:40No, I cannot. Not even today.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42But I would like to add one thing.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45In all the years of my alleged transgressions,
0:00:45 > 0:00:48I donated over £48,000 to charity.
0:00:48 > 0:00:49Which charities were these?
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Save The Polar Bears...
0:00:53 > 0:00:55Doctors Without Orders
0:00:55 > 0:00:58and Orphans In Mali.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Bali.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Donations made on credit cards that were fraudulently accessed
0:01:03 > 0:01:07by Mr Fletcher in the first place.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08I call that giving back.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Nigel Norman Fletcher,
0:01:13 > 0:01:17you have been found guilty of the charges brought against you.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20A man of your obvious ingenuity and intelligence
0:01:20 > 0:01:23might have used his gifts on behalf of society.
0:01:23 > 0:01:28Instead you chose to employ them in a pursuit of self-indulgence,
0:01:28 > 0:01:30greed and gain.
0:01:30 > 0:01:36You will now face the consequences and go to prison for five years.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Fried bread or porridge?
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Well, I was thinking more yoghurt, organic blueberries,
0:01:45 > 0:01:48sugar-free granola and soya milk.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Is that gluten-free?
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Naff off.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53Didn't think so.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58What's up, Fletch?
0:01:58 > 0:02:01You ask me that every morning, Shel.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03What's up? Nothing's up.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Today will be the same as yesterday and the day before that.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09I will eat this inedible breakfast, spend six hours making lobster pots,
0:02:09 > 0:02:12walk the yard, skip the gym and then go to my cell and read two chapters
0:02:12 > 0:02:14of I Did It My Way by Sepp Blatter.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18He might be in here soon, I should think.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21No, he'll be in some mint nick up in the Alps
0:02:21 > 0:02:23having muesli for breakfast.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- Richie Weeks.- What about him?
0:02:25 > 0:02:26He's in the room.
0:02:26 > 0:02:27He's come to get his grub, i'nt he?
0:02:27 > 0:02:30No, people take HIM his grub.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Oh, he's coming towards us, bro.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34I don't think he likes me.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36What are you staring at?
0:02:36 > 0:02:38I wasn't, honest.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42He was just saying, Weeksy, how much he admires your new Asda trainers.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47You think I bought these at Asda?
0:02:49 > 0:02:50These are custom made.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Undernourished children have to work 12 hour shifts
0:02:53 > 0:02:56in the sweatshops of Manila so I can wear these.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58It's just banter.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59Men have died for less.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Got a problem, need a word.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Later.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Ladies.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13I think he took umbrage.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15It was you who mugged off his trainers, Fletch.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18I never said a word. Can you talk to him? He likes you.
0:03:18 > 0:03:19He doesn't like anyone.
0:03:19 > 0:03:20Yeah, but you got respect.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23You stole more money than all the lags in this place put together.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Right, you know how it works in here,
0:03:25 > 0:03:27no-one does nothing for nothing.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30- What do you need? - Well, I don't smoke snout.
0:03:30 > 0:03:31I don't smoke wacky baccy.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33I don't do drugs or steroids.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37And I don't want sexual favours off a 6ft cross-dresser called Dave.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41That don't leave much.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42You'll think of something.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Oh-oh, kanga, nine o'clock.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Shift yourselves, you two.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48I haven't finished my brekkie.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Well, go and finish it somewhere else.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Question for you, Fletcher.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57You'll have to be quick, Mr Braithwaite -
0:03:57 > 0:03:59I don't want to be late for my napkin folding class.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01It's in your area of expertise.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Oh, horticultural flamenco?
0:04:04 > 0:04:09- Computers.- Hold on, I am banned from access to all electronic devices.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11It's just a simple question, all right?
0:04:11 > 0:04:15It's my iPod - my laptop doesn't recognise it.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Well, have they been properly introduced?
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Come on, be serious.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Well, maybe it doesn't like your taste in music.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- What have you got on there? - Let's see.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Mariah Carey's Greatest Hits...
0:04:26 > 0:04:29- I've got Riverdance.- Well, that's your problem right there, innit?
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Look, it was working last week.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Check the cable is free of debris at the contacts,
0:04:33 > 0:04:36make sure iTunes is up to date and, erm...
0:04:36 > 0:04:37And?
0:04:37 > 0:04:40And you know the system, Mr Braithwaite,
0:04:40 > 0:04:41tit for tat.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43I'm not going to pay you, Fletcher.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45A token of your appreciation, then.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Something that's no skin off your back but would be a luxury to me.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51How about two ribeye steaks and a hacksaw?
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Not sure how you've managed a single-occupancy cell
0:04:57 > 0:04:59the last three weeks, Fletcher.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Good luck or bribery?
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Solitude's been very beneficial to me, Mr Meekie -
0:05:04 > 0:05:06gave me the chance to contemplate the error of my ways.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08And I didn't have to share the bog paper.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12A state of affairs which is coming abruptly to an end.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15You'll have a bottom-bunker by this evening.
0:05:15 > 0:05:16You can't be serious.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18It's not my worst nightmare moving in, is it?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20A head-banger with halitosis?
0:05:20 > 0:05:23You've had a good run. Get over it.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25You've got it in for me, ain't you?
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Is that why I still don't have a telly in my cell?
0:05:27 > 0:05:29Television is a privilege, Fletcher,
0:05:29 > 0:05:31and you haven't earned it yet.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34I don't understand your attitude, Mr Meekie.
0:05:34 > 0:05:35I'm doing a five but I'll be gone after three.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Keep my nose clean, bide my time, no dramas.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40I'm not buying it, Fletcher.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43First time I saw you, I knew...
0:05:43 > 0:05:44I knew it in my water.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51That one's a one to watch.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55I know you're at it and I will bring you down if I ever catch you
0:05:55 > 0:05:57up to something larcenous.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59- Then I won't, Mr Meekie.- Won't what?
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Let you catch me.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15- What do you want? - I've got it, Fletch.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- I'll teach you to dance. - Who says I can't?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21I'm not talking about that Strictly Come Dancing ballroom crap.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24I'm talking about hip-hop.
0:06:24 > 0:06:25Why would I want that?
0:06:25 > 0:06:29I don't expect you to Stanky Leg or Cat Daddy, not straight off.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31That's a relief.
0:06:31 > 0:06:32Basic moves, man.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35See that?
0:06:36 > 0:06:40It's like I'm trying to shake water out my ear.
0:06:40 > 0:06:41Look, you work in the kitchens.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45You want me to speak to Weeksy? Nick me a tin of pineapple chunks.
0:06:49 > 0:06:50I can do that.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59You having a seizure?
0:06:59 > 0:07:03All right, Scuddsy? No, I was just trying to shake water out my ear.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Weeksy says gym.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07After work.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Stop messing about, sit down.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Right, listen. I'm up for parole next month.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26You'd think it would be a formality.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Scamming VAT on a cellphone fiddle?
0:07:28 > 0:07:30White-collar crime, innit?
0:07:30 > 0:07:33So why you doing your bird in a C-class prison, Rich?
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Well, I've got testimonials supporting my case -
0:07:36 > 0:07:38lawyer, local priest.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42But there is this whole other bunch sending vindictive,
0:07:42 > 0:07:45malicious e-mails about my family connections.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48And my family's got a bit of a savage rap, yeah?
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Yeah, right. A tightly-knit criminal coalition who have spread their
0:07:51 > 0:07:54tentacles of evil over the greater Manchester area with a foothold
0:07:54 > 0:07:57in drugs, money-laundering and extortion.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59You looking for a clump, Fletch?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01I'm quoting Wikipedia.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Wikipedia? Really?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05How's about that, Scuddsy, eh?
0:08:05 > 0:08:06Bustin'.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08I don't see how I can help.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09Well, all this stuff's on my file.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12If you could get into the system, you could expunge it.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13You're the IT genius, right?
0:08:13 > 0:08:16I don't have access, Weeksy. You know my situation -
0:08:16 > 0:08:18they won't even allow me an electric toothbrush.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Tell me what you need, I'll make sure you get it.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22- Let me think about it, OK? - No time for that.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Clock is ticking.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28Well, I suppose, if there was some way to get me a smartphone.
0:08:28 > 0:08:29Not impossible.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31I will need a couple of other things.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35Off the top of my head - copper wire, duct tape,
0:08:35 > 0:08:38an N-type male connector, and an inductive coupler adapter.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42That's an awful lot to get up one bloke's rectum.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Can I help you?
0:08:49 > 0:08:51- Who are you?- Who am I?
0:08:51 > 0:08:55I live here. The top bunk's mine, is that understood?
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Not that you look as if you could climb up, anyway. How old are you?
0:08:58 > 0:09:0076.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Hope you're not going to be up all night with an iffy prostate,
0:09:03 > 0:09:04cos I like my kip.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06What's your name?
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Joe Lotterby.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Sorry, Joe. I wasn't expecting company.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13To be honest, I'm not overjoyed.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Can you confirm that you're none of the following...
0:09:16 > 0:09:18A - a hypochondriac.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20B - a religious freak.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22C - a homicidal psycho.
0:09:22 > 0:09:26Or D, a Millwall supporter.
0:09:26 > 0:09:27Hull City.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Tolerable.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Just.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32What's your name?
0:09:32 > 0:09:36Fletcher. People call me Fletch.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38- That's funny.- What's funny?
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Well, I knew a Fletcher called Fletch.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Yeah, 40 years ago, or thereabouts.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Slade, it was.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Hold on, my grandad was doing time around then.
0:09:49 > 0:09:50Some nick up north.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53That's it, Slade. Desperate place.
0:09:53 > 0:09:54Is he still with us?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56No, he died five years ago.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58He never went back inside, though.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Nor did his celly - he married my aunt.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01I remember him an' all.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- Young Goober.- Godber.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05That's the one, yeah.
0:10:05 > 0:10:06Butter wouldn't melt.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Yeah, well, Godber felt he owed him.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11He made a bit and set him up in a pub in North London.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13A real pub, you know, for geezers.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Then it got taken over and turned into a gastropub.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19Now it's all Chilean sea bass and shaved fennel salad.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21What's all that about, eh?
0:10:21 > 0:10:25I don't know what a fennel is, or why anybody would want to shave it.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Lockdown, ten seconds!
0:10:30 > 0:10:31Counting.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41Oh, I can't get used to these automated doors.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45I never thought I'd miss the jangle of keys and the screw's ugly mug
0:10:45 > 0:10:47through the bars.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48All amounts to the same thing, Joe.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50We're still banged up.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54Society has to extract its petty revenge, however inhumane as it may be.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58Don't get bitter, son, just do your time and move on.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Well, I mean, will you? It's not any of my business
0:11:00 > 0:11:02why you're in here, but...
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Oh, it was a heist, you know, wages van.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08I were the driver, I hit a bloke and he died two weeks later.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12It were manslaughter at worst but they threw the book at me.
0:11:12 > 0:11:13Innocent bystander?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15No, it was one of ours,
0:11:15 > 0:11:18he were putting his balaclava on and I backed into him.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24That's rough justice.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26His widow was very understanding, though.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Took it well, then?
0:11:28 > 0:11:31She married me three months later.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35Stella - she's got a tanning salon in Redcar.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Trouble is she's my age,
0:11:37 > 0:11:41so if I do get out I won't be in a rush to open the Viagra.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53The screws are watching Weeksy like a hawk.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Group therapy, 4 o'clock.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57- I don't need therapy. - Oh, yes you do.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59And what you wanted will be under a chair.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06No, no, it's my wife what had the problem, not me.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08I mean, I was never a user.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Took a little Nurofen if I had a cold, but...
0:12:12 > 0:12:16But, you were buying drugs for her, Shel.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20Yeah, course I was, I didn't want some skanky dealer ripping her off.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22It's called enabling.
0:12:22 > 0:12:27Oh, you're the same as everyone else, trying to say it's my fault.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Fletcher, what are you doing here?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Well, I've got problems like everyone else, Doctor Marsden.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Very well, take a seat.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42Now, you need to learn to draw boundaries, Shel,
0:12:42 > 0:12:45otherwise the pattern will repeat itself.
0:12:45 > 0:12:50Your wife will never have a problem finding drugs because
0:12:50 > 0:12:52she knows you're always there for her.
0:13:03 > 0:13:08Oh, Fletcher, will you stop playing musical chairs and sit down.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10I'll try,
0:13:10 > 0:13:11but it won't be easy.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13I've got OCD.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Why have you never told me about this before?
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Well, I have tried many times but I never got this far.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Why not?
0:13:19 > 0:13:22You see, when I go up a flight of stairs there's a whole ritual to it.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Four up, two down.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Five up, three down.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Seven up, five down.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32By the time I got to the top you've gone home.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34How did you manage it today?
0:13:34 > 0:13:35I left early.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Do you mind if I sit there? I don't like my seat.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Fletch, I'm trying to deal with years of guilt,
0:13:43 > 0:13:45remorse and low self-esteem here.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46Give me a naffing break.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Oh, sorry, Shel. Don't mind me.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Unburden yourself, just pretend I'm not here.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Quiet!
0:13:52 > 0:13:57Now, I know co-dependency is a dirty word, Shel.
0:13:57 > 0:14:02Bless you.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07But you mustn't be ashamed.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Right, well, I think that's me done.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14Thanks, Doc, I do actually feel much better.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16One, two, three, four...
0:14:16 > 0:14:19One, two...
0:14:19 > 0:14:22One, two, three, four.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24One, two...
0:14:24 > 0:14:26One...
0:14:33 > 0:14:34Is there something wrong?
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Yeah, that.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Oh, bloody 'eck, that's gold in here.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41I know. It's two months in the hole if I'm caught with it
0:14:41 > 0:14:43and six months on my stretch.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Well, who do you want to phone that badly?
0:14:45 > 0:14:48It's too complicated to explain, Joe.
0:14:48 > 0:14:49Hi, Mr Braithwaite. What do you want?
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Have I come at a wrong moment?
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Oh, no, we were just having a leaf through Joe's cricketers almanac.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55Is that your game, is it?
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Well, when I was a lad they said I was a natural off-spinner.
0:14:58 > 0:14:59I bet you were.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Anyway, nice talking to you, Mr Braithwaite, we must get on.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06No, no, there was something I wanted to ask you.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Oh, yes. My laptop has frozen again.
0:15:09 > 0:15:10Is there something I should do?
0:15:10 > 0:15:14Well, the first diagnostic procedure to recover from an unresponsive state
0:15:14 > 0:15:17is to power cycle the device to clear the low-level software error,
0:15:17 > 0:15:19re-initialise its configuration parameters and restore it to
0:15:19 > 0:15:21a steady condition. Do you know how you do that?
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Turn it off and turn it back on again.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26No flies on you, Mr Braithwaite.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28- I shall give it a try. - Yeah, you go for that.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33You should be in Silicone Valley, you should.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Silicon Valley, Joe.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Silicone Valley is where they make the breast implants.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40They've got a few of them over on E-wing.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- Here.- Thanks.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46- Where am I going to stash it?- Here.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Be my guest.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51I'm trying to give up the snout anyway.
0:15:55 > 0:15:56All right, Dad? What's up?
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Awful journey up here.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03- How's Mum?- Not too bad, yeah.
0:16:03 > 0:16:04Still having trouble with her, you know...
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Bummer. Probably seasonal. A lot of pollen about.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Did you get them things I asked you for?
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Most of them, yeah. Pitta bread, falafel.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Couldn't find any red pepper hummus.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Ah, you did well, Dad.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Amazing the amount of flavours there are now.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25In the old days the most exotic was cheese and onion.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26Hope you like Hong Kong fish balls.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Just the ticket.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Oh, what do we have here?
0:16:30 > 0:16:31They searched me outside already.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Didn't look inside this, though, did they?
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Feel free, Mr Meekie.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46You like the flavour?
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Maybe next time he'd prefer the Kicking Chicken Taco.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55Can you believe this, Dad? Flagrant abuse of civil liberties.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59You keep your hands off my son's falafel.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Please.
0:17:04 > 0:17:05All right. Carry on.
0:17:09 > 0:17:10Oh, where's Fletcher?
0:17:10 > 0:17:13- Got a visit. - Oh. Will you see he gets this?
0:17:13 > 0:17:14Pressie, is it?
0:17:14 > 0:17:18Not exactly, just tell him I'll expect some IT advice in return.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24Your sister's bought an accordion.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27The vet wants to put the cat down.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29I might need root canal.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Well, I'm missing it all.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Got a promotion coming up.
0:17:33 > 0:17:34Deputy head of subsidies.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38Subsidies, eh? Another step nearer your dream, eh, Dad -
0:17:38 > 0:17:40time-share in Tenerife.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44I dunno. Be honest, can you really see me in a place like that?
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Why not? Tommy Bahama shirt, Speedos.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Pair of water-skis, margaritas at sunset.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53No, not really.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59- Who are you?- Who are you to ask?
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Don't give me any lip, old timer. Where's Fletcher?
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Got a visit.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05- What's this?- Not yours.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07It is now.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Got what you need. Go to the gym in half an hour.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Pineapple, that's nice.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Yeah, were a gift.
0:18:18 > 0:18:19Who from?
0:18:19 > 0:18:20An admirer.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22More people like me than you think, Fletch.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Oh, that's reem, boss.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Yeah, we got a tin opener?
0:18:30 > 0:18:31Don't need one.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Weeks.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38- What have you got there? - What have I got where?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40- That.- Oh, this.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42- Found it.- Where?- Foot of the stairs.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44- Finders keepers, right?- Wrong.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Petty pilfering.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56When you have a moment, see that gets back to the stores, will you?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58I will, Mr Meekie, yes.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Yoga, Fletcher?
0:19:07 > 0:19:09That's right, Mr Meekie.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10It's all the rage inside.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12I bet you've noticed a big drop-off of aggro and mayhem.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15I've never noticed you doing it.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Oh, yeah. I do it all the time.
0:19:17 > 0:19:18Downward dog.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22I beg your pardon?
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Basic yoga move, Fletcher.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Downward dog.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55That does not look like downward dog to me.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Might be a different breed.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00I need to take a look inside that yoga mat.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16On your way.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Namaste.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25That was a close one.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52What you up to, Fletch?
0:20:52 > 0:20:53Sorry, Joe, did I wake you?
0:20:53 > 0:20:55No, no.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58No, I'm prone to melancholy since I got here.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Oh, come on, Joe. You look well enough to me,
0:21:01 > 0:21:03and you've got your parole board coming up soon.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Yeah, but they won't let me out until I'm 80
0:21:05 > 0:21:07and that's over three years away.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Well, I've still got my stretch to do.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12We'll see it through together, eh? Me and you against the world.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14You're a good lad, Fletch.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Yeah, well.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17What you up to there?
0:21:17 > 0:21:20I'm trying to hack in to the prison's main computer.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22With that thing?
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Go on, explain it to me as if I were a ten-year-old.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28No, nowadays as if I were a five-year-old.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Well, there's no wireless connection in the block.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32But I need an access point,
0:21:32 > 0:21:34so I've made this "cantenna".
0:21:34 > 0:21:38With any luck it should boost the capabilities with a waveguide that
0:21:38 > 0:21:41directs all the radiation inside the cylinder in one direction.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43And the...
0:21:43 > 0:21:45I've lost you, haven't I?
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Yeah, but I've got nothing better to do.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51I'm going fishing.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Officers' married quarters are over there with a bunch of PCs.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56If I can hack into the network and take control of
0:21:56 > 0:21:59one of those computers, I can piggyback into the main system.
0:21:59 > 0:22:00Why all the bother?
0:22:00 > 0:22:01Because if they trace the signal,
0:22:01 > 0:22:03they trace it over there and not back to my cell,
0:22:03 > 0:22:07cos I would be the primo suspect in any digital misdemeanour.
0:22:08 > 0:22:09Boom.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12And I'm in.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13COMPUTER BEEPS
0:22:19 > 0:22:24They're really running the entire prison off a gateway tower using Windows XP.
0:22:24 > 0:22:25This is too easy.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29ALARM BLARES
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Oh, that's nice, just get into bed, yeah?
0:22:49 > 0:22:50Thanks for your help(!)
0:22:53 > 0:22:54Oh, it's chaos out there.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Extra screws on the block cos the cell doors are still stuck open.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59That fire alarm went on for an hour.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01I slept through it.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Smoked some lethal crow last night.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07I was well blunted.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09What you reckon happened?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Why you asking me, why should I know?
0:23:11 > 0:23:13Whoa, don't bark down my throat, bro.
0:23:13 > 0:23:14Oh, here we go.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Scoot.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Not you, mug!
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Sit.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Was that you last night?
0:23:24 > 0:23:26- Yeah.- What happened?
0:23:26 > 0:23:29I triggered the fire alarm which triggered the codes on the cell doors.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31- Where's the phone?- Gone.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34When they evacuated us out into the yard I slipped it down a drain.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37I went to a lot of trouble to bring that in here.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Drones don't come cheap.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43- Sorry, Weeksy.- You got a plan B?
0:23:43 > 0:23:44Not as yet.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Suppose I could hang myself but you'd need to supply the rope.
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Get on it.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58You'd better magic something up, Fletch...
0:23:58 > 0:24:01or he might get very snippy.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Snip, snip.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06HE TITTERS
0:24:12 > 0:24:15You look somewhat down in the mouth, Fletcher.
0:24:15 > 0:24:16One of those days, Mr Meekie,
0:24:16 > 0:24:19and even you can't make it no worse.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Oh, maybe I can.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Come with me, Governor wants to see you.
0:24:24 > 0:24:25KNOCK AT DOOR
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Come in.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29This is Fletcher, Mrs Hallwood.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Ah, right, yes, Fletcher.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Is there a problem, Governor?
0:24:33 > 0:24:34Yes, there's a problem.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Someone with your area of expertise must be aware of that.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40And you automatically assume I had something to do with it?
0:24:40 > 0:24:41What? No, of course not.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44- You don't?- Well, how could you? You were in your cell.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47That's right. I was in my cell, and I was sleeping like a baby
0:24:47 > 0:24:49until that fire alarm went off.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Now, here's the thing.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54We've had IT geeks working on this all morning
0:24:54 > 0:24:56and they've drawn a blank.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59I thought you might be able to help.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03Governor, I cannot personally recommend that course of action.
0:25:03 > 0:25:04We need to fix this today, Mr Meekie -
0:25:04 > 0:25:06we have the parole board here in the morning.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Even so, ma'am, Fletcher...
0:25:08 > 0:25:10We need to be able to let them in
0:25:10 > 0:25:13and then let them out when it's time for them to leave.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17I'd like my disapproval on record.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Duly noted. Now, Fletcher, if you...
0:25:19 > 0:25:22I don't think I should do this, ma'am.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24- You don't?- Well, you know my record.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26I'm a cybercriminal... Was.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29If I was an alcoholic, you wouldn't invite me up here for cocktails
0:25:29 > 0:25:31and ask me to skull a bottle of tequila, would you?
0:25:31 > 0:25:34This is an emergency and I can assure you,
0:25:34 > 0:25:36it would sit well on your record.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Very well. You do realise I'd need to access the entire system.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Yes, yes, obviously.
0:25:49 > 0:25:50Excuse me.
0:25:52 > 0:25:53Do you mind, ma'am?
0:25:53 > 0:25:54No, of course not.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59I might be a bit ring rusty.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02- Password?- Oh, it's...
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Oh, should he hear this?
0:26:04 > 0:26:05Probably not.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Cover your ears, Mr Meekie.
0:26:15 > 0:26:16He can still see.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Can you turn around?
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Right, it's case sensitive.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Upper case P, lower case O,
0:26:26 > 0:26:27double R, I
0:26:27 > 0:26:29D, G, E.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Porridge.
0:26:35 > 0:26:36Shot.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40- Sorted.- My record?
0:26:40 > 0:26:43- Sanitised.- See, that's what I'm talking about.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Blokes like Fletch, they come through for you.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49And when you get out, there's always something for you on my patch, yeah?
0:26:49 > 0:26:52Cash in your pocket, pied-a-terre on Moss Side.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54I'm getting giddy just thinking about it.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57I owe you, that's all I'm saying, yeah?
0:26:57 > 0:26:58(Fletch.)
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Hey, cop this.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07- Luxury.- Courtesy of the governor.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09She's not ungrateful, Fletcher, nor are any of us.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11You saved the day.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14I've brought a small token of my gratitude.
0:27:14 > 0:27:15Much appreciated, Mr Braithwaite.
0:27:17 > 0:27:22Well, as days go, you'd have to put this one down in the win column.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25New telly, tin of fruit.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Hard man off your back and you're in the Governor's good books.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30That's right, Joe, it's been a good one.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Ring room service, tell them to send up a bottle of bubbly
0:27:32 > 0:27:35and a bowl of Twiglets.
0:27:35 > 0:27:39Eh, "little victories", that's what your grandad used to say,
0:27:39 > 0:27:42and by God, you need them inside.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45Well, you won't be inside much longer, old-timer.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48I told you, they won't let me out until I'm 80.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51Well, that's before I got into the system and changed your record.
0:27:51 > 0:27:55You're three years older now, you'll be out by your next birthday.
0:28:01 > 0:28:05Feel free to come in, the door won't close behind you, I fixed all that.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09My PC was requisitioned.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13They've taken it apart,
0:28:13 > 0:28:17trying to work out how the signal originated from my living room.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21Yeah, I thought that when I traced it.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23It wiped all my e-mails,
0:28:23 > 0:28:27and the photographs of my recent holiday with my wife.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30What, all those lovely shots of you up in the Lake District?
0:28:33 > 0:28:34How did you know that?
0:28:34 > 0:28:36Well, you go there every year, don't you?
0:28:36 > 0:28:40A nice B&B in Penrith with the three garden gnomes.
0:28:40 > 0:28:41Or was it two?
0:28:51 > 0:28:53I will have you, Fletcher.
0:28:55 > 0:28:58I will have you.
0:28:58 > 0:29:00And I will have that, too.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08Win some, lose some.
0:29:08 > 0:29:10It don't matter...
0:29:10 > 0:29:11I've got another one.