0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains some strong language
0:00:08 > 0:00:09HE YELPS
0:00:13 > 0:00:16- Why would you not lock a toilet door, Solomon?!- I'm sorry.
0:00:16 > 0:00:17The MD don't need to see that.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20That's our last cleaning contract gone.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22So what? There are other jobs.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25Brothers With Brooms ain't a job, it's our company.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Brothers With Brooms ain't a company,
0:00:27 > 0:00:28it's just a couple of brothers.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31- With brooms!- You said we'd have some other mugs doing it for us by now.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34- We're still the mugs, bruv. - All right, all right.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Maybe we just need to find our next investment opportunity.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39And how much investment money have we got left?
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Including this 40 quid?
0:00:41 > 0:00:42Don't say 40 quid.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44- All right.- Bruv!
0:00:46 > 0:00:48One breakfast, two plates, no profit.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50You want half of anything else?
0:00:50 > 0:00:51You want half a cup of tea?
0:00:51 > 0:00:54You want to take half a poo in the toilet?
0:00:54 > 0:00:57You two are like, erm... What's his name?
0:00:57 > 0:00:58Ant and Dec.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Mrs Diggins watches them on the telly, she's always, like,
0:01:01 > 0:01:04"Why they have two men if they do one-man job?
0:01:04 > 0:01:08"It's not like they have to put an angry cat in a shoe box."
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Whatever that means.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12- Best believe I'm Dec.- No, man.
0:01:12 > 0:01:13You're Ant.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17What? Ant?! Ant?!
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Go fry a egg, man!
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Hey, what's wrong with you?
0:01:20 > 0:01:23- Ant's safe.- Ant is a side man, yeah?
0:01:23 > 0:01:25He's calling me a side man.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Let me ask you a question - if Dec goes sick, yeah,
0:01:27 > 0:01:29are you going to leave Ant in charge?
0:01:29 > 0:01:31You spend three months eating dingo doo-doo,
0:01:31 > 0:01:34you want to walk out of the jungle to be met by just Ant?
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Calling me a damn side man.
0:01:39 > 0:01:40What, bruv?
0:01:40 > 0:01:44Did I just hear you mention the words "investment opportunity"?
0:01:44 > 0:01:46- Huh?- Have I got some merchandise for you today.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Fuck knows, I'm hanging.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53All right. Tube of crisps, 30p.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Can sell it on for, say, a fiver.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58- What flavours have you got?- Cream and mushroom or tuna choc chip.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00No.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03No? That's fine.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06This body paint consists of a complex chemical formula
0:02:06 > 0:02:09that means you get in top physical shape just by wearing it,
0:02:09 > 0:02:12whilst shopping, say, or...
0:02:12 > 0:02:15engaging in no-strings erotic interplay.
0:02:18 > 0:02:19No?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21All right. Sticker album.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26Can open it up, have a look inside, close it again.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28- I've got a van full of them. - Now you're talking!
0:02:28 > 0:02:29Wait, what? Bruv?
0:02:29 > 0:02:33Sol, this country is up to its gums in emotionally retarded baby men
0:02:33 > 0:02:35who are looking for their next distraction
0:02:35 > 0:02:37from the horrors of modern life.
0:02:37 > 0:02:38And you think that's a sticker album?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Have I let you down yet?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42I have been cleaning toilets for a year, so...
0:02:42 > 0:02:44- How much?- How much you got?
0:02:44 > 0:02:4530 quid.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48I heard you've got 40.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- 40 quid.- Done.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55- WHISPERS:- Bastard.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Get ready to be rich, Sol.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Where the fuck is Fambia?
0:03:08 > 0:03:10It's a printing error.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12We've bought a load of football sticker albums that
0:03:12 > 0:03:13include a fictional country, Saz!
0:03:13 > 0:03:15OK, all right.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17We can't sell the sticker albums cost they feature a page
0:03:17 > 0:03:19for Fambia, a country that don't exist.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22- Yeah.- People don't want a sticker album they can't complete, yeah?
0:03:22 > 0:03:23Right.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26So, in order to help our customers complete the sticker album,
0:03:26 > 0:03:28we need to...
0:03:28 > 0:03:30make our own Fambian football team stickers.
0:03:30 > 0:03:31SOL SIGHS
0:03:31 > 0:03:34We'll make a fake kit. We'll get photos of, what,
0:03:34 > 0:03:3520, 25 fellas wearing it?
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Print them on stickers and sell it with the rest of the gear.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40It's kind of brilliant.
0:03:40 > 0:03:41It's kind of stupid.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43All right, fine. You carry on being...
0:03:43 > 0:03:45What? What, a side man?
0:03:45 > 0:03:47- I was going to say broke. - I ain't a side man.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Hmm. So you'll be all right going to see Dionne
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- about some football shirts? - Dionne? What, Dionne-Dionne?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54- Yes, Dionne-Dionne.- Dionne-Dionne hates me, man.
0:03:54 > 0:03:55Dionne-Dionne hates everyone.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58But who else do you know with a massive sporting goods store?
0:03:58 > 0:04:01No, you don't get it. Her hatred for everyone is like your
0:04:01 > 0:04:03basic, natural occurring hatred,
0:04:03 > 0:04:05like the way everyone hates dog shit or Tim Lovejoy.
0:04:05 > 0:04:10Dionne's hatred for me is laser-targeted, Sarah Connor hatred,
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- because I dumped her.- Give me your phone, I'll call her, then.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15No, no. Don't... Don't Ant me!
0:04:16 > 0:04:18I'll call her, I'll sort the shirts.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22- Well, go on, then.- What, now?
0:04:26 > 0:04:28You've got the reverend's daughter coming, haven't you?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Celeste may well be paying our humble abode a visit, yes.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33And has humble Celeste still got you on a "no pray, no lay" programme?
0:04:33 > 0:04:37- Leave it, yeah?- Just pretend you're a believer and get laid, Saz.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39No. It's not me.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Now go and get them shirts, bruv.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Bruv, don't worry about the shirts.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46I've got the shirts.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49MUSIC: Jailbreak by Thin Lizzy
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Daytime drinking?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Can I have one?
0:04:57 > 0:05:00- All right, Snitchard?- Snitchard?
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Oh, I get it, because my name's Richard and I'm a policeman.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05That's very clever, actually.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09- Why are you here?- Oh, I let Roger play illegal football streams
0:05:09 > 0:05:11and in return he lets me use the khazi without buying a drink.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Still big-time, then?
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep,
0:05:18 > 0:05:22jealousy, high-level detected.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Guess what sort of detector this is?
0:05:27 > 0:05:28- Is it a good thing?- No!
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Right. Better love you and leave you.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31I'm off down Chicken Chapel.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33I overlook Yusaf's out-of-date coleslaw
0:05:33 > 0:05:36and in return he lets me have as much coleslaw as I want.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37I don't care!
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Can I help you...
0:05:40 > 0:05:41darling?
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Oh, shit.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Hello, Dionne. Miss Mackay, I mean.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49How are you? How's your father?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Not...how's-your-father, but how is your dad?
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Are you all right, Miss Mackay? You OK?
0:05:54 > 0:05:55- Still inside.- Yes.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Yes, of course he is.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Sorry about that. Er, yeah.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Pigs, eh? I mean, who would 'ave 'em?
0:06:04 > 0:06:05- Piss off, Snitchard.- Cheerio.
0:06:13 > 0:06:14Hello, Dionne.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Argh, Dionne, please!
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Please, just a few football shirts.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20- You've got a shop full of them. - And what's in it for me?
0:06:20 > 0:06:22How does 5% sound?
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Like a fart through a flute.
0:06:24 > 0:06:275% of your thing wouldn't cover Carl's bra bill.
0:06:27 > 0:06:28SOL GROANS
0:06:31 > 0:06:33How badly do you want these shirts, Sol?
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Badly. Really badly.
0:06:38 > 0:06:39OK, OK, OK!
0:06:42 > 0:06:43Turn around.
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Slowly.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52Now look at me.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57Like I like it.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Oh, you've still got it!
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Thank you.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Can I have the shirts now, please?
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Oh, no, this weren't for the shirts, Sol, this was just for me.
0:07:17 > 0:07:22- Dionne, man!- There is something that you can do, though, to get them.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23What do you want, Dionne?
0:07:29 > 0:07:31So, er... So where did you tell your dad you were?
0:07:31 > 0:07:35- Spreading the good news outside the train station.- Ooh.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44- No?- No.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Look, you know I want that, but...
0:07:47 > 0:07:50if it's going to happen, it'll have to be as a threesome, yeah?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52For real? A threesome?
0:07:52 > 0:07:53Wow.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00You know, if you... If you're taking suggestions,
0:08:00 > 0:08:02you know your mate Melanie?
0:08:02 > 0:08:03You know, cos Melanie by name, melony by...
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- You're talking about Jesus, aren't you?- Yeah.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11You want the relief...
0:08:12 > 0:08:14..better get the belief.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24HE LAUGHS
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Oh!
0:08:31 > 0:08:32Ahh...
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- Wait, what?!- Come on, Sol.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40- Just ask me out.- Really?
0:08:41 > 0:08:43A drink, some dinner.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45I might even walk you home.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47But then you'll give me the football shirts, yeah?
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Yes-uh.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50All right.
0:08:52 > 0:08:53Well, ask me, then.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Do you want to go out sometime?
0:08:57 > 0:08:58Properly, Solomon.
0:09:01 > 0:09:06Dionne, would you do me the honour of going out with me sometime?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Of course...
0:09:12 > 0:09:14- not.- Huh?
0:09:14 > 0:09:15Dickhead.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17No-one dumps Dionne Mackay.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21- Carl...- Dionne, Dionne, Dionne, no, come on!
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Dionne, wait!
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Aaargh!
0:09:24 > 0:09:26OK! OK! Argh!
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Please don't hit me, please!
0:09:28 > 0:09:29I'm not going to hit you.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Christ, it would be like punching a poppadom.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34- What?- What's the matter with you?
0:09:34 > 0:09:37"Yes, Dionne, no, Dionne."
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Yeah, but you're basically the same, beating people up for her...
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- Argh! I'm sorry!- But I get paid.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45- Oh, OK.- A lot.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48I own a herd of pygmy goats.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51- See, that's nice.- And a bolt gun.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Yep.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56You need some self-respect, mate.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Stop relying on other people.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01HE COUGHS
0:10:08 > 0:10:09You know what?
0:10:10 > 0:10:12You're right, you know.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13Yeah, you're right.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17So can you get me the football shirts?
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Saz, you should have seen me, man. I was all like,
0:10:22 > 0:10:24"Yo, Dionne, give me them shirts." And she was all,
0:10:24 > 0:10:26"Oh, Solomon! Oh, Solomon!"
0:10:26 > 0:10:29And I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, you better! You..."
0:10:29 > 0:10:31What the...?
0:10:34 > 0:10:35Put that on.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38OK.
0:10:38 > 0:10:39- Why?- Because of that.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Are you insane now, Saz?
0:10:42 > 0:10:43We need some new faces, Sol.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Yeah, you're insane now, Saz.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50The people we're planning to put on the stickers and the people we're
0:10:50 > 0:10:53planning to sell the stickers to are the same people.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Oh!
0:10:56 > 0:11:01Oh! You can't convince people there's a place called Fambia
0:11:01 > 0:11:03if they're looking at a sticker with their mum on it.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04Exactly.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06We need some models who ain't likely
0:11:06 > 0:11:08to be down the Fiddle on a Saturday afternoon.
0:11:08 > 0:11:09But where are we going to find them?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Church.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Febreze that gusset, Sol.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16We've got an audience with Celeste's dad.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Reverend. As you are aware,
0:11:18 > 0:11:20church attendances are falling faster
0:11:20 > 0:11:22than a woozy groom on You've Been Framed!
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Pews are emptier than a Ukip promise.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26People are walking away from Christ and towards what?
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I think we all know what, brother.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Every weekend, thousands of people leave their homes to worship,
0:11:31 > 0:11:33but they're not going to church.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35They congregate to sing praise, but not in any cathedral.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Something needs to be done about the blight of association soccer.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- But what?- Yes, what?
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- We are proud to present Souls...- Not Goals.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47An outreach programme where we delve into the pubs and bars
0:11:47 > 0:11:50with a series of high-quality visual aids.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54Like, say, football stickers featuring real worshippers.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57To show the filthy sinners that it's cool to be a player on the team
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- that always wins.- Christianity FC!
0:11:59 > 0:12:01The Devil 0-1 Jesus!
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Oh, but watch out for them crosses, yeah?
0:12:03 > 0:12:04And you're sure this will work?
0:12:04 > 0:12:08By the time we're done, you'll be using the synagogue as an overflow.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12- Lechaim.- Mazel tov. - Well, it sounds marvellous,
0:12:12 > 0:12:15but, you know, we don't have any money.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Reverend, please.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Nice needlework, Sol.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Yeah. I used to get my pocket money doing my sister's knick...
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Socks.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Saz, can I have a word?
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Celeste. Hey, hi.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32- Hi.- Hola.- Hello.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Don't pull that. It's polyester.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Proverb 20:27 -
0:12:40 > 0:12:42"The spirit of man is the candle of the Lord,
0:12:42 > 0:12:45"searching all the inward parts of the belly."
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- Search all the inward parts of my belly, Saz.- Oh, yeah.
0:12:48 > 0:12:49BANGING
0:12:49 > 0:12:50Huh?
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Finally, we can do this.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57You're meeting with my father,
0:12:57 > 0:12:59the outreach programme...
0:12:59 > 0:13:01You've obviously decided to live your life in the
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- embrace of Jesus Christ. - Ah, ah, see, see...
0:13:03 > 0:13:05UNZIPPING The thing is...
0:13:05 > 0:13:07I sort of...I sort of haven't.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10- What?- I mean, it's complicated, but...
0:13:10 > 0:13:16the headline is that I sort of haven't embraced Christ.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Saz!
0:13:20 > 0:13:21I thought you'd...
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Shit, you've got me all...
0:13:24 > 0:13:28Can't you just pretend that you've embraced Christ for, like...
0:13:28 > 0:13:30- ten minutes? - Can't you pretend for me?
0:13:30 > 0:13:33No, I've told you before, you need to respect my faith.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- Well, maybe you need to respect my lack of it.- Fine.- Fine.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Look, I'm getting out of here.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Celeste wants me to f...
0:13:40 > 0:13:44Follow her into the kingdom of heaven.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- So what you doing here, bruv? - She's got Jesus fever.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49That's like abs and fruit vodka for Christian girls.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Can't take advantage of that.
0:13:51 > 0:13:52- Not yet.- Not ever.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Except that fuse has already been lit, Saz.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59And you see, it will keep burning until one day, boom!
0:13:59 > 0:14:01You'll be all,
0:14:01 > 0:14:06"Oh, Celeste, tickle my bum-bum while I read Corinthians!"
0:14:06 > 0:14:07That's how I ended up here.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Yeah, whatever. Look, let's get these photos done,
0:14:11 > 0:14:13get these stickers printed and make some scrilla.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Let's go make some schmoney.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Get some stickers! Get your stickers!
0:14:18 > 0:14:20England, Germany, Fambia.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23You don't know Fambia? I should bounce a sat nav off your head.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Course Fambia's a real place.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Africa isn't just one country, you know!
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Your change, darling.
0:14:30 > 0:14:31Schmoney!
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Lovely.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35Free sticker for you, Rog.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Yeah, stickers looking all smart and ting.
0:14:40 > 0:14:41You making some good money?
0:14:41 > 0:14:43The best money, bruv.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Hey, we'll be on a breakfast each next week.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Calm down, P Diddy.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49What's this Fambia bollocks?
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Bollocks? It's not bollocks.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54I'm talking to the organ grinder, pal, wind your neck in.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Prove there's a country called Fambia or you're dead.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00C-course there's a country called Fambia,
0:15:00 > 0:15:02er, cos, erm...
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Cos he's from Fambia, innit?
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Is that true?
0:15:08 > 0:15:09Oui?
0:15:10 > 0:15:11I am...
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Je suis from Fambia.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Aloha.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19And what is it you do in Fambia, mate?
0:15:19 > 0:15:20Do?
0:15:23 > 0:15:25- I...- Er, you're a...
0:15:25 > 0:15:27You're a plumber or something, ain't you?
0:15:27 > 0:15:29- Yeah.- Like a plasterer.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Oi. Let the man answer for himself.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37I am the manager of the Fambian football team.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43And what the bloody hell is the manager of the Fambian football team
0:15:43 > 0:15:46- doing in here?- I don't know.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50I'll...I'll tell you what he's doing here, he's...
0:15:50 > 0:15:54- he's...- It's obvious, innit, chief?
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Gentlemen...and lady.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00It is my honour to present a special guest appearance
0:16:00 > 0:16:02here at the Cat and Fiddle.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06The manager of the Fambian football team, Mr...
0:16:08 > 0:16:10..Gordons Amarula.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12APPLAUSE
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Autographs are a tenner each, yeah? Safe.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17- Bruv. That was brilliant!- I know.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19See? There ain't no way a side man could've done that.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23- No.- So who's Ant now, bruv? Hm? Who's Ant now? Hm?
0:16:23 > 0:16:25- Who's Ant n... - HE GASPS
0:16:25 > 0:16:26Brother Saz, Solomon.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28What a nice surprise.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32We decided to come out and save a few souls ourselves.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33Great.
0:16:34 > 0:16:35Snap.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41- You're dead.- Thought you'd say that.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43- On three?- Why wait?- Good point.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52- What are we going to do?! - I don't know. Think, Saz!
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Argh! Why can you never lock a toilet door, Solomon?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57- BANGING ON DOOR - Shut up, man, they're going to kill us!
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Don't worry, I have a plan.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01- Get out here now! - Quick, what's your plan?
0:17:01 > 0:17:04It's what I always do in times of trouble.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07BANGING CONTINUES
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Lord, in your mercy, hear my prayer.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11These two young idiot boys
0:17:11 > 0:17:14have led me from the path of righteousness
0:17:14 > 0:17:16into the valley of stupidness
0:17:16 > 0:17:18and I need your help. Amen.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Oh, and hurry up, man. Amen.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22So that's all sorted, is it?
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Jesus Shawshanking his way up the poop pipe as we speak, yeah?
0:17:25 > 0:17:27TOILET FLUSHES
0:17:27 > 0:17:28Huh?
0:17:30 > 0:17:31Who was that?
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Jesus?
0:17:33 > 0:17:34DOOR CREAKS
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Better than Jesus.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41- All right, boys?- What is this, a stakeout?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44No, that wasn't a steak. That'll be Yusaf's coleslaw.
0:17:44 > 0:17:49It sounds like you boys need a police escort, huh?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Huh? But that's going to cost you.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53- BANGING CONTINUES MAN:- Get out here now!
0:17:53 > 0:17:54All right. You can have...
0:17:54 > 0:17:59Erm... Half-price breakfast at Diggins' caff for a month.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01What? A week!
0:18:01 > 0:18:02- Two weeks.- Done.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04- Three weeks.- Done.- Still got it.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Never a side man, bruv.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13All right, flock. Gather safe behind the shepherd.
0:18:15 > 0:18:20# Onward, Christian soldiers
0:18:20 > 0:18:25# Marching as to war
0:18:25 > 0:18:29# With the cross of Jesus... #
0:18:29 > 0:18:31That idiot Diggins, man.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33"It was a miracle! It was a miracle!"
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Nah, bruv, it was just a copper with the runs!
0:18:36 > 0:18:38I don't know, Sol.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42- Huh?- Diggins prayed and Snitchard just appeared.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43I mean, how do you explain that, hm?
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Ha! There it is!
0:18:48 > 0:18:50What? What are you talking about?
0:18:50 > 0:18:52The fuse has burnt down and boom!
0:18:52 > 0:18:54"Oh, Celeste!"
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Nah, nah. See, I just think you need to be open-minded
0:18:56 > 0:18:58- about these things, is all. - It's all right, Saz.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01You just stared death in the face and you want to celebrate by getting
0:19:01 > 0:19:02your ting! Get your ting!
0:19:02 > 0:19:05It's just that there are certain phenomena in this world
0:19:05 > 0:19:08that we don't truly understand and I just really want to have some sex.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Hello?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Hello, Celeste!
0:19:13 > 0:19:14Praise be!
0:19:14 > 0:19:15Hallelujah!
0:19:15 > 0:19:16Chief...
0:19:21 > 0:19:22HE RETCHES
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Celeste dumped you?
0:19:34 > 0:19:35Mm.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Cos you scammed her dad's church?
0:19:38 > 0:19:39Mm.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42And you got him into a pub fight?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44- Mm.- Mm.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49- Minty bolognese?- No.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59# Watch me dance
0:19:59 > 0:20:01# Your type of chemistry
0:20:01 > 0:20:03# Hypnotising me
0:20:04 > 0:20:07# Hey, I said next to mine
0:20:07 > 0:20:09# I got to let you know
0:20:09 > 0:20:10# Move it next to mine
0:20:13 > 0:20:14# Watch, watch me dance. #