0:00:02 > 0:00:05# Make a date, don't be late Cos you know it's gonna be great
0:00:05 > 0:00:10# When the irrepressible Browns come to town
0:00:11 > 0:00:16# To begin, just tune in And you'll wear an ear-to-ear grin
0:00:16 > 0:00:20# Watching Agnes and her clan act the clown
0:00:22 > 0:00:24# Instead of feeling depressed
0:00:24 > 0:00:26# We have to make you feel best
0:00:26 > 0:00:32# So it's All Round To Mrs Brown's! #
0:00:32 > 0:00:38This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to All Round To Mrs Brown's!
0:00:42 > 0:00:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:46 > 0:00:50Hello there! Come in, come in, come on, come in.
0:00:50 > 0:00:51Welcome.
0:00:51 > 0:00:57Well, the BBC have decided to give me my own Saturday-night show.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Will they ever feckin' learn?!
0:01:01 > 0:01:03For the next few weeks, at this time on Saturday night,
0:01:03 > 0:01:06you are invited to join me and my family, friends and neighbours
0:01:06 > 0:01:08for an evening of craic...
0:01:08 > 0:01:13and that's Irish craic, not the stuff you put up your nose.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15You know, you... MRS BROWN SNIFFS
0:01:15 > 0:01:17No, no, no.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20So, my job at the moment, at this first show,
0:01:20 > 0:01:24is to kind of tell you what the show is all about.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Well, there's not a lot of changes.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28He's... He's still here.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Look at the state of him, he hasn't had a bath for two weeks.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47But here's what I do know.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51Cathy thinks... Well, she thinks she's become a bit of a celebrity.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53She's got her own showbiz blog,
0:01:53 > 0:01:56it's kind of a video blog on the local news website,
0:01:56 > 0:01:57interviewing famous people.
0:01:57 > 0:02:02Cathy even has a TV chef making her guests fancy nibbles on the show.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05- His name is... AUDIENCE:- Oooooh!- I know!
0:02:05 > 0:02:08His name is Chef Aly. I know you'll like him.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Think of Delia Smith, but with, you know, a penis.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14And then, at the end of the night,
0:02:14 > 0:02:15you have to come down and join us in Foley's
0:02:15 > 0:02:19because tomorrow is Mother's Day and, as a special celebration,
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Foley's have a Mother's Day night there tonight
0:02:21 > 0:02:23and they've booked the perfect guest.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27All I can say is... hold on to your knickers, girls!
0:02:27 > 0:02:29MRS BROWN LAUGHS
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Oh, geez, I need to change these ones now.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36But the best thing about the new show
0:02:36 > 0:02:38is that it's going to include you, the audience.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42CHEERING
0:02:45 > 0:02:47- Hiya, Mammy.- Hello, Cathy.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50I was just explaining about the new show.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53I was just getting to the part about our talk show.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55It's my video blog talk show!
0:02:55 > 0:02:57It's not OUR show.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Well, I know that, but I'll be knocking around,
0:03:00 > 0:03:02- in case you need help. - I don't think so!
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Well, let's wait and buckin' see!
0:03:06 > 0:03:09CHEERING
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- Hello, Mrs Brown.- Hello, Buster.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16- Hiya, Cathy.- Hello, Buster.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17What's in the box?
0:03:17 > 0:03:20It's lighting for the sitting room, for Cathy's new talk show.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Oh, well done, Buster! You're very good for doing that for me.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25I'd do anything for you, Cathy.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27BOTH: Shut up, Buster!
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Buster, I hope none of them are robbed.
0:03:30 > 0:03:31No way, Mrs Brown!
0:03:31 > 0:03:32Where did you get them?
0:03:32 > 0:03:34They fell off a truck and I caught them.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Did you get the flashing ones?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40No, they'll fall off the truck next week.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Well, go on, Buster, you'd better get started.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Right so.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49What's all this?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Well, now, this is all my research for my new show.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Cathy, it's a video blog, not buckin' Who Do You Think You Are?
0:03:57 > 0:04:00I'll have you know, they think I might be the new Graham Norton.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06MRS BROWN LAUGHS That's very good, Cathy!
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Yes, I see, yes, yes.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Well, it's... It's possible, you know.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15So, what celebrities are you interviewing tonight?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17- I'm interviewing Judy Murray. - What?!
0:04:17 > 0:04:19- AUDIENCE:- Oooh!- Yeah!
0:04:20 > 0:04:22And...Pamela Anderson.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24- AUDIENCE:- Oooh!
0:04:26 > 0:04:31Maybe I can help, note down a few questions you might ask.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Really?
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Sorry, Mammy, what exactly are you writing?
0:04:38 > 0:04:42Well, for Pamela, I'm writing down, "Pamela, can you swim?"
0:04:44 > 0:04:47And for Judy, I'm going to ask,
0:04:47 > 0:04:49"Judy, which is your favourite son...
0:04:52 > 0:04:54"..Jamie, or the one you love most, Andy?"
0:04:57 > 0:05:01Seriously, Mammy, I will not be using any of those questions.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Well, do you know what? We'll see.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06I'll just take them out, just in case.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Ah, Chef Aly, you're here!
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Hello, Cathy.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Hello, Chef Aly.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Hello, Mrs Brown.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Reggae!
0:05:25 > 0:05:29MUSIC: Mr Boombastic by Shaggy
0:05:32 > 0:05:34RECORD SCRATCHES, MUSIC STOPS
0:05:34 > 0:05:37We're just... We're just playing.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Come on, I'll introduce you.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Everybody, this is Chef Aly.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Chef Aly is here to do some cooking for Cathy's show a bit later.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54He's very talented. Aly, would you tell everybody...
0:05:54 > 0:05:55He's got a bit of an accent,
0:05:55 > 0:05:57so sometimes it's hard to understand him.
0:05:57 > 0:06:02Look straight in the camera and tell everybody where you come from.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03Pronounce it properly.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Doncaster.
0:06:09 > 0:06:10Reggae!
0:06:10 > 0:06:13MUSIC: Mr Boombastic by Shaggy
0:06:18 > 0:06:20RECORD SCRATCHES, MUSIC STOPS
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Mammy, that really is enough.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23Me and Aly have got lots to do.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25- Oh, OK.- Come on, Aly,
0:06:25 > 0:06:28let's discuss the dishes you're going to be cooking later.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30- Bye, Mammy.- Bye.- Bye-bye.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:43 > 0:06:45There we are - so far, so good.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47I've introduced you to nearly everybody.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51Let's see who we have in the audience that might be interesting.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52Haw-haw-haw-haw!
0:06:54 > 0:06:56What time is it?
0:06:56 > 0:06:58April!
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Do we have Roseanne Steadmore in the audience? Where's Roseanne?
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- Hello, Roseanne, how are you? - Very well, thank you.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Stand up, stand up. Now, Roseanne, this is lovely, because it says,
0:07:10 > 0:07:13"Roseanne is desperate to be a TV extra."
0:07:13 > 0:07:16- I did do an audition, yes. - Oh, did you? Please tell us.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- But I haven't heard back yet. - Oh, you haven't heard back yet?
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- No.- Do you know what an extra does?
0:07:22 > 0:07:25An extra is just a body in the background.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26That's fine.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28And you didn't even buckin' get that?
0:07:28 > 0:07:29No.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32You only have to be alive!
0:07:32 > 0:07:34OK, let me give you a line.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36You can try this. Now, here,
0:07:36 > 0:07:40when I tell you, I want you to read that line out, nice and loud, to me.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44Just do a straight read first of all, just read the line as it is.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48The Macedonians are here and they have ice-cream cones.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50OK.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Now, I want you to act now.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56I want you to give me the line like it was a tragedy, like it's sad.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01Oh, no! The Macedonians are here...
0:08:01 > 0:08:03and they have ice-cream cones.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:08 > 0:08:13So now we have to go angry, like President Trump saying hello.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15So angry, so...
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- The feckin' Macedonians... - Wait, wait, wait!
0:08:18 > 0:08:22LAUGHTER, CHEERING
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Wait!
0:08:25 > 0:08:29You're on the right track, but you have to wait until I say, "Action."
0:08:29 > 0:08:32- Oh!- OK, here we go.
0:08:32 > 0:08:33And action!
0:08:33 > 0:08:35The Macedonians are here!
0:08:35 > 0:08:38And they've brought ice-cream cones!
0:08:38 > 0:08:41CHEERING
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Roseanne, you hold on to that line,
0:08:46 > 0:08:48because at some stage during the show,
0:08:48 > 0:08:51I'm going to bring you down here. ROSEANNE GASPS
0:08:51 > 0:08:54And you are going to be in a scene and you are going to say that line.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57CHEERING
0:08:59 > 0:09:00Look at this.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Oh-ho-ho!
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Jesus, what?
0:09:05 > 0:09:07So, that's Judy Murray.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13Oh, Pamela Anderson, sorry.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15It's Pamela Anderson.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17That's easy.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31AUDIENCE MEMBER WOLF WHISTLES
0:09:31 > 0:09:33You sick bastard!
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Anybody could do that.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41- Hello, Mrs Brown.- Jesus!
0:09:41 > 0:09:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Wow, there's a lot of talent in the audience.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55It... It's you!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Pamela shouldn't be here, she's supposed to be down at Wash & Blow,
0:10:02 > 0:10:04getting ready for Cathy's talk show.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08Rory said he wasn't ready for her yet, so can we park here for now?
0:10:08 > 0:10:13I don't think Rory's going to be ready for a woman for a long time.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16But, of course, you're welcome to wait here until Rory is ready.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18I was just going to make tea. Would you like tea, Pamela?
0:10:18 > 0:10:19I'd love some tea.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Lovely, what size cup are you?
0:10:24 > 0:10:25Extra large.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32So, are you looking forward to being interviewed by my daughter Cathy?
0:10:32 > 0:10:35- Yes, I am.- You're really going to enjoy it, you really are.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37- She's very good, isn't she? - Yes, she is.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39You'll love her, Pamela.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40Oh, no milk, please.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Fuck's sake...
0:10:44 > 0:10:46When she's doing the interview and asks you a question,
0:10:46 > 0:10:49give her all the fuckin' information at the same time.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51OK, I will, I will.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53So, Pamela, milk in your tea?
0:10:53 > 0:10:55No, thank you.
0:10:55 > 0:10:56Oh, I'm glad I asked!
0:10:59 > 0:11:02- There you go, Pamela.- Thank you. - Thank you. Oh, my God.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06So, how did you put up with that big hairy fellow, David Hassel-Muff?
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Hassel-Muff?
0:11:10 > 0:11:11Oh, he's interesting.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13He's fun. He was a lot of fun.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- Was he?- Yes! - He's not arrogant at all?
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Well, he does like himself a lot.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20If he was chocolate, he could lick himself.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22He could, he would!
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Now, my Cathy said that you are a vegan.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- I'm vegan, yes. - Is that like in Star Trek?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31No. No!
0:11:31 > 0:11:33- How are you, Mammy?- Hello, Rory!
0:11:36 > 0:11:41- Look!- Oh, hello, Pamela! How are you? Lovely to see you!
0:11:41 > 0:11:43- Come on, let's go down... - Wait, wait, wait.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Rory, you've had buttocks in your face, haven't you?
0:11:50 > 0:11:53- What?!- Bwrrrr-rr-rr!
0:11:54 > 0:11:55- What?- Buttocks!
0:11:55 > 0:11:58You now, buttocks, like the injections.
0:11:58 > 0:11:59Oh!
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Would you ever... Would you ever do that, Pamela?
0:12:06 > 0:12:08- Would you go that far? - Well, buttocks...yes.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14APPLAUSE
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Right, come on, Pamela, let's go down to Wash & Blow...NOW.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41- Hey, Maria.- Hiya.
0:12:41 > 0:12:42Hello, son.
0:12:42 > 0:12:46- Was that who I think it was, Ma? - Yes.- Wow!
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Men!
0:12:48 > 0:12:49Hm, men!
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Can't live with them... That's it.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Go on inside, girls, I'll bring yous in a cuppa.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Who was she again?
0:13:00 > 0:13:01Pamela Anderson!
0:13:01 > 0:13:04You know, off the TV show Baywatch!
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Oh, I was in that TV show Baywatch.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11No, you weren't, Buster, that was Crimewatch.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21So... How are you keeping, son?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Fantastic!
0:13:23 > 0:13:26This new celebrity tour guide business is off to a cracking start.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27We made a load of money
0:13:27 > 0:13:30taking people on a guided tour of a celebrity waxworks
0:13:30 > 0:13:33with a genuine celebrity as a tour guide - Louis Walsh.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- He was great.- Was he good?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39And he wasn't the only celebrity there. There was hundreds of them!
0:13:42 > 0:13:45No, Buster, they weren't real.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46They were made of wax.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50I'm sure the Louis Walsh one was talking, Dermot.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Shut up, Buster.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55So, tell me, what happened, son?
0:13:55 > 0:13:56It's a long story.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Well, sure, I've all the time in the world.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04HARP STRUMS
0:14:08 > 0:14:12MUSIC: Paparazzi by Lady Gaga
0:14:17 > 0:14:19This is the big one.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21The celebrity attraction tour.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23A glamorous gallop around with golden gossip.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28Glitter galore, guaranteed to be groaning with glorious gratitude.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29Very good.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Anyway, let's go find our celebrity.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41So, who is the celebrity going to be?
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Louis Walsh.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Who?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Louis Walsh.
0:14:48 > 0:14:49Who?
0:14:50 > 0:14:51Louis Walsh!
0:14:51 > 0:14:53From X Factor!
0:14:53 > 0:14:56- Yeah, guys, that's me.- BOTH: Jesus!
0:14:58 > 0:14:59Guys, I'm sorry!
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Louis, you frightened the life out of us.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04- I'm sorry! - Louis Walsh from X Factor!
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Right, Louis, before the punters get here, we need to do our warm-up.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- It's a tradition. - Put your hand in.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13BOTH CHANT: Hoochie mama, hoochie mama, hoochie mama...
0:15:13 > 0:15:15- This...- Is...
0:15:15 > 0:15:17- How...- We...
0:15:17 > 0:15:18Do it!
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Louis, it's how we make money!
0:15:20 > 0:15:22No, This Is How We Do It!
0:15:22 > 0:15:23It's a song, the Backstreet Boys.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28# This is how we do it.... #
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Hello, ladies and gentlemen,
0:15:30 > 0:15:33and welcome to the D & B celebrity attraction tour!
0:15:37 > 0:15:38Inside these walls, you will see and hear
0:15:38 > 0:15:41about some of the biggest celebrities in the world
0:15:41 > 0:15:44and who better to tell us about them than somebody who has met them all?
0:15:44 > 0:15:45He looks like Louis Walsh,
0:15:45 > 0:15:47he sounds like Louis Walsh,
0:15:47 > 0:15:49he's Louis Walsh!
0:15:49 > 0:15:51CHEERING
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Right, now Buster is going to give us some rules.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57Hi.
0:15:57 > 0:15:58ALL: Morning.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Rule one, Louis has met each and every celebrity,
0:16:01 > 0:16:04so feel free to ask him any questions you would like.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Rule two, the wax figures are so realistic
0:16:08 > 0:16:11that now they've even given them heart beats.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Come on, try it out.
0:16:15 > 0:16:16Look, yeah.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Have a listen.
0:16:20 > 0:16:21Have a listen.
0:16:21 > 0:16:22JAYSUS!
0:16:29 > 0:16:32MUSIC: Poker Face by Lady Gaga
0:16:43 > 0:16:44On our right here we have
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Bob Marley, Mary Poppins.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Clare Balding, Harry Stiles
0:16:48 > 0:16:50and, of course, Richard and Judy.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Guys, you've got it all wrong!
0:16:54 > 0:16:57OK, guys, seriously, hurry up, let's go, let's go, go, go, go.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58COME ON!
0:17:01 > 0:17:04This is Professor Stephen Hawking, a very scientific man.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06A little-known fact about Stephen Hawking
0:17:06 > 0:17:10is you can store 3,000 songs on Stephen Hawking.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13- No!- Moving along...- No!
0:17:13 > 0:17:16This is the President of the United States of America...
0:17:16 > 0:17:18for the time being, Donald Trump.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22We only have him for a week because he has to get his hair back.
0:17:22 > 0:17:23Moving on...
0:17:31 > 0:17:34- This is One Direction, isn't it, Louis?- Yes.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37One of the biggest bands in the last couple of years.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- Ever, actually.- They weren't your band, Louis, were they?
0:17:40 > 0:17:43- They came from X Factor. - But they weren't YOURS, Louis.
0:17:43 > 0:17:44Well, no, we helped put them together.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Did it hurt at all?
0:17:46 > 0:17:50No, Simon... Simon did it, Simon made them stars.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Yeah. No bitterness there at all, ladies and gentlemen.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55No, no bitterness.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Unfortunately, ladies and gentlemen, that is the end of the tour.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01- ALL: Aaaw!- But thank you to you and to Louis Walsh!
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Thank you, guys.
0:18:06 > 0:18:11If you did have a good time, please show your appreciation with a tip.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14If we floated your boat, stick in a note.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16If you thought we were sound, give us a pound.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19We work around the clock so don't be a...
0:18:19 > 0:18:20Cock.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26OK, everybody, that is the end of the tour, so...EVERYBODY OUT!
0:18:30 > 0:18:31We did all right!
0:18:31 > 0:18:34COINS RATTLE
0:18:34 > 0:18:36- Louis, hold that.- OK.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39We'll be back in a minute, we're just going to count this, OK?
0:18:39 > 0:18:40Where are you going?
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Hello? Hello?
0:18:53 > 0:18:54Hello?!
0:18:58 > 0:19:01HARP STRUMS
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Well done, boys. You know, I went to a celebrity waxworks once.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Yeah, it was on a day trip, it was lovely.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11SHE LAUGHS
0:19:11 > 0:19:14I was having a great time and then I got thrown out.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17I was having a selfie with Brad Pitt.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21You weren't allowed to take any photographs?
0:19:21 > 0:19:23It wasn't that kind of selfie, son.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29He was there, all waxy, and I was there, holding on to his wick.
0:19:31 > 0:19:32See you, Ma.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Did you see the face on my Dermot?
0:19:40 > 0:19:42I'd swear he never saw a woman in his life.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Och, not at all. I think he was a bit starstruck, that's all, Maria.
0:19:45 > 0:19:46Maybe I should touch up my make-up
0:19:46 > 0:19:48or change into something a bit more attractive.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Would you stop?! You're grand the way you are!
0:19:50 > 0:19:52You wouldn't be saying that if it was Mark.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Mark is not like that. He's more, you know...focused.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Did I hear Pamela Anderson was here?
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Yes, she's down at Wash & Blow with Rory.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08OK.
0:20:08 > 0:20:09See ya.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16- BOTH:- Let's get the make-up.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18MRS BROWN LAUGHS
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Oh, girls, girls, girls, what are they like?
0:20:20 > 0:20:23That's what children are like, you worry about them so much.
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Hardest thing, being a mother.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27And what thanks do you get? Nothing.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30They go off and then they tell complete strangers
0:20:30 > 0:20:32all your embarrassing secrets,
0:20:32 > 0:20:34like when Mammy is having a lie-in
0:20:34 > 0:20:37and Daddy hides under the covers and goes, "Bwrr-rr-rr!"
0:20:40 > 0:20:42It's hard being a mother, isn't it? Isn't it?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44- AUDIENCE:- Yes.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45Isn't it, Sandra Gittens?
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Oh!
0:20:47 > 0:20:51Yes, Sandra Gittens, you are our Mammy Of The Week.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53- Oh! - Come on down to me, come on.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Every week, we are going to give the mammy award
0:21:12 > 0:21:15to somebody who is a fine mammy
0:21:15 > 0:21:17and, Sandra, you've been nominated by your family up there.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Look at them, look.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22I can't believe this!
0:21:22 > 0:21:25And if any of you are wondering why Sandra was nominated,
0:21:25 > 0:21:27take a look at this.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Hi, Mum. Surprise!
0:21:32 > 0:21:34I've nominated you for the Mammy Of The Week
0:21:34 > 0:21:37because I think you are the best mum in the entire world...
0:21:38 > 0:21:41..but you are also a complete nightmare.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Mum is a total potty mouth.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51You can't take her anywhere without the air turning blue,
0:21:51 > 0:21:53but she is brutally honest.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Have I mentioned she swears A LOT?
0:21:58 > 0:21:59She never wears her glasses.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02One time, Mum went upstairs to apply some...
0:22:02 > 0:22:06haemorrhoid cream and ended up rubbing in Deep Heat instead.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09She spent the next half an hour sitting in a cold bath.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13She's never made it a secret that she wanted a son,
0:22:13 > 0:22:15so for the first 18 months of my life,
0:22:15 > 0:22:18I was dressed in dungarees and polo necks
0:22:18 > 0:22:20and looked like a little ginger boy.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21Thanks, Mum.
0:22:22 > 0:22:27Mum once mixed up the dog's epilepsy tablet with her headache tablet.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Oh, Mum!
0:22:31 > 0:22:34So, despite being an absolute frigging nightmare, Mother,
0:22:34 > 0:22:36we don't know what we would do without you.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39We don't tell you we love you enough, but we do,
0:22:39 > 0:22:41and we wouldn't change you for the world.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:49 > 0:22:53I'm still a little bit shocked that your dog is taking epilepsy tablets.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Well, it did, and I took the tablet
0:22:55 > 0:22:59and then I rang the National Health Service helpline
0:22:59 > 0:23:00and they said, "Ring the vet,"
0:23:00 > 0:23:04so I rang the vet and they said, "Ring your doctor,"
0:23:04 > 0:23:06and the doctor said, "Just have somebody with you,"
0:23:06 > 0:23:08because I slept for 17 hours.
0:23:10 > 0:23:11So I missed my shift at work.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Only happened once.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17I buckin' hope so!
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Sandra, how would you like to come upstairs with me
0:23:20 > 0:23:24- and I'll show you my box?- Yes. I'd love to see your box.
0:23:24 > 0:23:25Come on.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30# It's going to make your day It's going to rock your socks
0:23:30 > 0:23:32- # When you see what's in Mammy's box.- #
0:23:39 > 0:23:41I really, really love you.
0:23:41 > 0:23:42Let me explain how this works.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46As you can see, two of my beautiful sons...and him are...
0:23:47 > 0:23:49..are covered in money and prizes.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52You've got chocolates, make-up, a year's supply of tea...
0:23:52 > 0:23:56The most important one is...the key to my box.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Every one of them has the key,
0:23:58 > 0:24:00you just have to get the key and whack it off them.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03So we're going to have them as human pinatas.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06So one of them is going to be on cables and...
0:24:09 > 0:24:11But you get to pick whichever one you want.
0:24:11 > 0:24:17You can pick my son Mark, my beautiful son Trevor...or BUSTER!
0:24:17 > 0:24:21So you can pick Mark, my son Trevor, or BUSTER.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Which one would you like to pick?
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Buster.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27That's a great choice!
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Mark, Trevor, you can go and lie down.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Now, I'm going to put a blindfold on you first.
0:24:37 > 0:24:38Here.
0:24:40 > 0:24:41And now, raise him up.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:24:45 > 0:24:49And now I'm going to give you a little spin around
0:24:49 > 0:24:53and then, when I say go, you start whacking as hard as you can
0:24:53 > 0:24:56and don't stop until you hear the gong, OK?
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Just spin around a little bit, spin around.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00And you can stop now.
0:25:00 > 0:25:01OK, and go!
0:25:21 > 0:25:24GONG CRASHES Time up, time up, time up!
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Look at this!
0:25:29 > 0:25:30Sorry.
0:25:30 > 0:25:31Look at all this!
0:25:31 > 0:25:32Do I get his hat?
0:25:32 > 0:25:35- Here you are, Buster, there's your hat.- Thanks, Mrs Brown.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Now, we have...
0:25:37 > 0:25:39MRS BROWN COUNTS UNDER HER BREATH
0:25:39 > 0:25:43..which means you have 274 euro.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- Now, you've won make-up... Waste of buckin' time.- Yes.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55- Now, you've won wine! - Oh, yeah, yeah.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58- Red or white? - No, she drinks a lot.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04A year's supply of tea and...
0:26:04 > 0:26:06- The key.- The key to Agnes's box!
0:26:06 > 0:26:09FANFARE
0:26:09 > 0:26:13You peel that off while I go and get the box.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Oh, I love dragging my box into the light!
0:26:21 > 0:26:25Now, I'll let you open the box and you have won...
0:26:25 > 0:26:27A dishwasher!
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Whoo!
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Oh, thank you!
0:26:33 > 0:26:34Blinking hell!
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Give her a big round of applause.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44OK, now, I have the honour of giving you, as well -
0:26:44 > 0:26:48and you deserve this - this week's Mammy Award.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Oh, thank you so much. Thank you.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54All right, all right, all right.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Love you, Buster!
0:26:58 > 0:27:00All right, I've got to go down
0:27:00 > 0:27:03and check how Aly is doing in the kitchen.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06In the meantime, don't relax, just clean this place up a bit, OK?
0:27:06 > 0:27:10- All right.- Good girl. See you later, Buster. Bye.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Mrs Brown?
0:27:13 > 0:27:14Mrs Brown!
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Hello, chef Aly.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Hello, Mrs Brown!
0:27:23 > 0:27:24Reggae!
0:27:25 > 0:27:29MUSIC: Mr Boombastic by Shaggy
0:27:35 > 0:27:38RECORD SCRATCHES, MUSIC STOPS
0:27:38 > 0:27:39Right, let me see what you've got.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42- So...- Ah, this is the mix. What are you cooking?
0:27:42 > 0:27:46We are cooking a very special dish for Judy Murray.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Her mother's signature dish, Greek shepherd's pie.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51- Greek shepherd's pie?- Yes.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Do you know what they call shepherd's pie in Greece?
0:27:53 > 0:27:55- No.- Shepherd's pie.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Thanks, Mrs Browns.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01I think we have a picture of the finished dish to show you.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Have a look at this.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05- AUDIENCE:- Ooooh!
0:28:10 > 0:28:12I love when he does sexy chef.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14So, the ingredients, what about the ingredients?
0:28:14 > 0:28:16Let's have a look.
0:28:16 > 0:28:17I recognise some of those.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20- Oh, yes, well... - I have a bit of a twist here.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23Normally, you get mincemeat and you cook it for shepherd's pie,
0:28:23 > 0:28:25but I cook roast leg of lamb
0:28:25 > 0:28:29and I'm going to cook it simmering for long...
0:28:29 > 0:28:33- So it's like pulled lamb? - Exactly.- Very good.
0:28:33 > 0:28:34- And this is?- That's feta cheese.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36Hey, watch your language!
0:28:38 > 0:28:40- And what's this?- Shopped onion.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44SHOPPED onion.
0:28:44 > 0:28:46What about Pamela? Poor Pamela's a vegan,
0:28:46 > 0:28:48- you can't give her shepherd's pie.- No.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50She doesn't eat shepherds.
0:28:51 > 0:28:52Not that we know of.
0:28:53 > 0:28:56So, what are you going to do for her?
0:28:56 > 0:28:59I'm going to do something for her, like a surprise.
0:28:59 > 0:29:01- A surprise, but it will be vegan? - Yeah.- Definitely.
0:29:01 > 0:29:03- Going to be vegan, yeah. - That's fantastic.
0:29:03 > 0:29:05Well, I think Cathy's show is about to start,
0:29:05 > 0:29:08so you get cooking and I'm going to go in and join the show.
0:29:08 > 0:29:09Thank you!
0:29:12 > 0:29:15- Two, one...- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:29:15 > 0:29:16Hold it!
0:29:16 > 0:29:18Cathy, I know it's your first show
0:29:18 > 0:29:21and I wish you the best of luck with it, I really do,
0:29:21 > 0:29:22but you are in the wrong chair.
0:29:22 > 0:29:23What do you mean?
0:29:23 > 0:29:25That's my chair.
0:29:25 > 0:29:26Oh, for God's sake!
0:29:26 > 0:29:28"Oh, for God's sake... God's sake..."
0:29:28 > 0:29:30So, you're sitting in?
0:29:30 > 0:29:34I'm just going to listen in, I don't want you to be nervous.
0:29:34 > 0:29:35I'm here by your side,
0:29:35 > 0:29:38just know that you can't run into trouble because I'm here.
0:29:40 > 0:29:43We are on in five, four, three, two, one...
0:29:43 > 0:29:44Cue Cathy.
0:29:44 > 0:29:46# Lights aglow, here we go
0:29:46 > 0:29:49# The Cathy Brown Show! #
0:29:49 > 0:29:53Hello, everyone and welcome to The Cathy Brown Show,
0:29:53 > 0:29:57the FinglasBugle.com's brand-new showbiz vlog,
0:29:57 > 0:29:59with me, Cathy Brown...
0:30:01 > 0:30:04..and apparently my mammy too.
0:30:04 > 0:30:06I'm just sitting at the side...
0:30:06 > 0:30:09- I'm just sitting here. - Oh, you're very welcome.
0:30:09 > 0:30:10Thank you.
0:30:10 > 0:30:13So please welcome my fantastic guests tonight,
0:30:13 > 0:30:17the amazing Pamela Anderson and Scotland's finest, Judy Murray.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:30:37 > 0:30:41AUDIENCE SQUEALS
0:30:44 > 0:30:48Well, Pam, do you remember this?
0:30:49 > 0:30:50Vaguely.
0:30:50 > 0:30:52Very vaguely.
0:30:52 > 0:30:54Buster, get out!
0:30:55 > 0:30:56Now!
0:30:58 > 0:31:00The lights, Buster, get the lights.
0:31:02 > 0:31:05- AUDIENCE:- Ooooh!
0:31:05 > 0:31:08Thank you, Buster.
0:31:09 > 0:31:12LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:31:16 > 0:31:20Well, welcome to the show, both of you. It's so great to have you here.
0:31:20 > 0:31:22So we'll start with you, Judy,
0:31:22 > 0:31:26the mother of singles and doubles world number ones.
0:31:26 > 0:31:28That's amazing.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:31:30 > 0:31:34I mean, Judy, to have Andy and Jamie both number one,
0:31:34 > 0:31:36it must have been quite a time.
0:31:36 > 0:31:37It's all right.
0:31:37 > 0:31:39LAUGHTER
0:31:39 > 0:31:41Oh, Judy, you're so full of shit.
0:31:41 > 0:31:43LAUGHTER
0:31:46 > 0:31:50- Did you crack open a bottle of bubbly?- Obviously.
0:31:50 > 0:31:52Several.
0:31:52 > 0:31:54I've heard so many people say that about you,
0:31:54 > 0:31:56if only they could stop you drinking during the day.
0:31:56 > 0:31:59LAUGHTER
0:31:59 > 0:32:03- Pamela, you're the mother of two boys yourself.- Yes, yes.
0:32:03 > 0:32:07We've got Brandon and Dylan. I think we have a picture of them.
0:32:07 > 0:32:08- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:32:08 > 0:32:12- Aren't they lovely?- Oh, my God, they're beautiful children.
0:32:12 > 0:32:15- What's your favourite thing about being a mum?- Just everything.
0:32:15 > 0:32:17I love it. I love it. It's nice that they're grown, actually.
0:32:17 > 0:32:19Yes.
0:32:19 > 0:32:22Do you know what, Pam, you're exactly right,
0:32:22 > 0:32:24they grow up and then they GO AWAY.
0:32:25 > 0:32:28No, they are doing well. They are doing well.
0:32:28 > 0:32:29LAUGHTER
0:32:29 > 0:32:31Tell me, it must have been tough being a mammy,
0:32:31 > 0:32:34a showbiz mammy at the same time, trying to raise children.
0:32:34 > 0:32:37I just brought them everywhere with me. I didn't have a nanny.
0:32:37 > 0:32:38My mom helped me a lot actually.
0:32:38 > 0:32:41- Oh, you have a good relationship with your mother?- Yes, of course.
0:32:41 > 0:32:43LAUGHTER
0:32:43 > 0:32:48- I do.- Do we have a picture?- Yes, that's my mom.- Isn't that sweet?
0:32:48 > 0:32:50Just like you and me, Mammy.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53We have no photographs like that.
0:32:54 > 0:32:58- But, Judy, you grew up with two boys, you had two brothers.- Yeah.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00Did that make you a bit of a tomboy, do you think?
0:33:00 > 0:33:02I was a bit of a tomboy, and, in fact,
0:33:02 > 0:33:04actually, for most of my formative years,
0:33:04 > 0:33:06I actually looked a bit like a boy to the extent that
0:33:06 > 0:33:09when I got the bus to school every morning,
0:33:09 > 0:33:11the bus driver would say, "On you come, son."
0:33:11 > 0:33:14LAUGHTER
0:33:14 > 0:33:15I begged my mum to let me get my ears pierced.
0:33:15 > 0:33:18I thought that might solve it, that if he saw I had earrings on,
0:33:18 > 0:33:21he would think that, you know... so she let me get my ears pierced.
0:33:21 > 0:33:23I got on the bus and I'm going like this, like this,
0:33:23 > 0:33:25like this and what does he say?
0:33:25 > 0:33:26"On you come, son."
0:33:26 > 0:33:29LAUGHTER
0:33:29 > 0:33:33Pamela, the new Baywatch movie is coming out in a few weeks.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36Now, we know you have a cameo role, but what was it like?
0:33:36 > 0:33:39Did it feel weird to see someone else playing CJ Parker?
0:33:39 > 0:33:41It was really weird.
0:33:41 > 0:33:43I mean, I love the TV show, I loved that time of my life.
0:33:43 > 0:33:45And to look at the Rock, and Zac Efron,
0:33:45 > 0:33:48and all these people playing the characters,
0:33:48 > 0:33:50it was very difficult cos...
0:33:50 > 0:33:53I mean, there's all these superstars playing us. You know? It was funny.
0:33:53 > 0:33:57- But you WERE a superstar then. - But not like a movie star.
0:33:57 > 0:33:58Well, you were bigger.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01- Oh, was I?- Oh, Jesus, yes.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04Everybody down the bingo hall knew who YOU were.
0:34:04 > 0:34:05LAUGHTER
0:34:05 > 0:34:06Everyone.
0:34:06 > 0:34:08Judy, at some point,
0:34:08 > 0:34:12someone is bound to make a movie about Andy and Jamie. You know?
0:34:12 > 0:34:16- Tennis's most famous brothers? - Do you reckon?- Oh, yes.
0:34:16 > 0:34:18So who would you like to see playing you?
0:34:18 > 0:34:20SHE LAUGHS
0:34:20 > 0:34:22Me?
0:34:22 > 0:34:27- Yes! Great! - I think Jamie Lee Curtis.
0:34:27 > 0:34:29- Oh, yeah.- Yes.- Ohhhh!
0:34:29 > 0:34:32- Short hair.- Do you know? I can see that
0:34:32 > 0:34:34and I can see you've buckin' thinking about it!
0:34:34 > 0:34:36LAUGHTER
0:34:36 > 0:34:39There's a bit of thought gone into that.
0:34:39 > 0:34:42Pamela, we do have to ask. The famous swimsuit.
0:34:42 > 0:34:44- Do you still have it?- I do. Yeah.
0:34:44 > 0:34:47- It still fits.- Well, well done. - It still fits?!- It still fits.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49I put it on. I run around.
0:34:49 > 0:34:50LAUGHTER
0:34:50 > 0:34:53- You put it on and you run around in it?!- Yeah. Yeah.
0:34:53 > 0:34:55Pick the kids up from school.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57LAUGHTER It's Mummy!
0:34:57 > 0:35:00APPLAUSE
0:35:01 > 0:35:04I'm really lucky to have you here with me tonight, Mammy.
0:35:04 > 0:35:08- Oh, God, I know, sarcasm when I see it.- No, no, I am!
0:35:08 > 0:35:09But you know what?
0:35:09 > 0:35:13I feel it's only fair that one of my guests has the same pleasure.
0:35:13 > 0:35:18So, please, welcome Judy's own mammy, Shirley.
0:35:18 > 0:35:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:35:20 > 0:35:21# Time to go
0:35:21 > 0:35:22# Here we go
0:35:22 > 0:35:24# The Cathy Brown Show. #
0:35:29 > 0:35:31How are you?
0:35:31 > 0:35:32So lovely to see you.
0:35:33 > 0:35:34Oh, now!
0:35:38 > 0:35:41- You're very welcome, Shirley. - Thank you.
0:35:41 > 0:35:45Tell us, does all this tennis talent come from you, then?
0:35:45 > 0:35:46Of course.
0:35:46 > 0:35:48LAUGHTER
0:35:48 > 0:35:50Well, I believe it all started on a tennis court.
0:35:50 > 0:35:53Didn't you meet your husband Roy on a tennis court for the first time?
0:35:53 > 0:35:56Oh, my goodness, you're going back now. Yes.
0:35:56 > 0:35:58New balls!
0:35:58 > 0:36:00LAUGHTER
0:36:01 > 0:36:04Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:36:04 > 0:36:08Yes, that is quite correct in a kind of roundabout way.
0:36:10 > 0:36:14She actually, genuinely believes it's all down to her.
0:36:14 > 0:36:18She regularly says, "If I hadn't been sent away to boarding school
0:36:18 > 0:36:21"in Bridge of Allan, I wouldn't have met your father,
0:36:21 > 0:36:23"we wouldn't have had you, you wouldn't have the boys,
0:36:23 > 0:36:26- "so, therefore, it's all down to..." - I agree.
0:36:26 > 0:36:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:32 > 0:36:35- Are you going to ask her a few questions?- May I? Thank you.
0:36:35 > 0:36:38- Just...- I've only got one question each.
0:36:38 > 0:36:40- Pamela, this is important. - I'm sorry.- OK.
0:36:40 > 0:36:42Can you swim?
0:36:42 > 0:36:44LAUGHTER
0:36:44 > 0:36:46Yes, I can. Yes, I can swim.
0:36:46 > 0:36:49- So could you rescue somebody if they were in trouble?- I could, yes.
0:36:49 > 0:36:52- And what about resuscitation and all that?- Yeah, I can do that...
0:36:52 > 0:36:55- Do you want me...?- No, no, I don't.
0:36:56 > 0:36:57Too weird, love, too weird.
0:36:57 > 0:36:59Judy.
0:36:59 > 0:37:03Judy, I watched you in Melbourne, at the Australian Open,
0:37:03 > 0:37:05I watched you at the French Open,
0:37:05 > 0:37:07I've watched you in Wimbledon, and...
0:37:07 > 0:37:09Do you ever buckin' smile?
0:37:09 > 0:37:12LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:37:19 > 0:37:21No. Smiling is overrated.
0:37:21 > 0:37:23LAUGHTER
0:37:23 > 0:37:25In those situations, it's very stressful.
0:37:25 > 0:37:28I mean, honestly, it's like a heart attack
0:37:28 > 0:37:30and severe nausea all going on at the same time.
0:37:30 > 0:37:32You've just described sex!
0:37:32 > 0:37:35LAUGHTER
0:37:36 > 0:37:38But there aren't very many smiling opportunities,
0:37:38 > 0:37:40so I just don't bother.
0:37:40 > 0:37:42I know that if he's mad or if he's annoyed, he looks at you.
0:37:42 > 0:37:44Is it your fault?
0:37:44 > 0:37:46LAUGHTER
0:37:46 > 0:37:48You've got to look at somebody, haven't you?
0:37:48 > 0:37:49He's been looking at me all his life.
0:37:49 > 0:37:53LAUGHTER He's probably been hoping for a smile.
0:37:53 > 0:37:56- LAUGHTER - Well, he's not going to get one, is he?
0:37:56 > 0:37:58APPLAUSE
0:38:01 > 0:38:04Shirley, would you like to join me in the kitchen
0:38:04 > 0:38:05and see how Chef Aly's getting on?
0:38:05 > 0:38:08- Oh, that would be lovely! - Come on, let's get out of here.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10See you later, girls.
0:38:10 > 0:38:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:17 > 0:38:19Mm, what a good smell.
0:38:19 > 0:38:21Aly, that smells absolutely gorgeous.
0:38:21 > 0:38:23We'll be with you in a second.
0:38:23 > 0:38:25Come here and talk to me. Tell me a bit about her.
0:38:25 > 0:38:29- When she started being competitive, what was she like?- Horrible.
0:38:29 > 0:38:30LAUGHTER
0:38:34 > 0:38:36Was she difficult, was she?
0:38:36 > 0:38:39- We used to have to take her to tennis tournaments...- Right.
0:38:39 > 0:38:42And you weren't allowed to speak to her on the way.
0:38:42 > 0:38:45And she would go and play. You weren't allowed to watch her.
0:38:45 > 0:38:49Had to go and hide somewhere behind a tree or whatever.
0:38:49 > 0:38:51LAUGHTER
0:38:51 > 0:38:53It's true. But if she won her match,
0:38:53 > 0:38:55she talked non-stop all the way home.
0:38:55 > 0:38:58Well, how lovely. So if she lost...
0:38:58 > 0:39:01- Oh! Nobody was allowed to talk. - For days.- Oh, my God!
0:39:03 > 0:39:05Thank God Andy didn't grow up like that, thank God.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07LAUGHTER
0:39:07 > 0:39:10There is a day she must've won. Was that a day she won?
0:39:10 > 0:39:11Look at that!
0:39:11 > 0:39:12- AUDIENCE:- Aw!
0:39:12 > 0:39:16And there's Jamie and Andy there. Look at that.
0:39:16 > 0:39:18APPLAUSE
0:39:20 > 0:39:23Let's go over here and see what Aly is doing before he burns it.
0:39:23 > 0:39:25- Smells good. - Doesn't it smell nice?
0:39:25 > 0:39:27It does smell nice. Aly, hello.
0:39:27 > 0:39:29- Hello, Mrs Brown.- This is Shirley.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32- Shirley, this is Aly.- Hello, Aly.
0:39:32 > 0:39:34Aly, you're in the presence of a genius.
0:39:34 > 0:39:38Shirley makes the best shortbread in all of Scotland.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41And I'm going to get her to give you the recipe.
0:39:41 > 0:39:43I know how to make shortbread, Mrs Brown.
0:39:43 > 0:39:46I know, but she makes the best shortbread in the whole of Scotland!
0:39:46 > 0:39:50Mrs Brown, I know how to make shortbread.
0:39:50 > 0:39:52And I know how to make a chef buckin' cry.
0:39:52 > 0:39:55LAUGHTER
0:39:55 > 0:39:56APPLAUSE
0:39:59 > 0:40:02So, what do you think? She will give you the recipe.
0:40:02 > 0:40:04She WILL give you the recipe. Come over here, Shirley.
0:40:04 > 0:40:05Mrs Brown...
0:40:05 > 0:40:09- Oh, it's a lovely bit of lamb. - Yeah, very nice. Very nice.
0:40:09 > 0:40:11Thank you very much.
0:40:11 > 0:40:14So you get that recipe off our website which is...
0:40:14 > 0:40:16not available yet because we haven't got one.
0:40:16 > 0:40:20LAUGHTER Now, if this is whisky...
0:40:20 > 0:40:23LAUGHTER
0:40:23 > 0:40:25We'll just have a taste of that. Mm-hm.
0:40:27 > 0:40:31- Easy with that, Mrs Brown. - Easy with that.- Real whisky.- Yeah.
0:40:31 > 0:40:33Real whisky.
0:40:33 > 0:40:34I heard YOU would know.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37LAUGHTER
0:40:37 > 0:40:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:40:42 > 0:40:45- Down the hatch.- Down the hatch. - Down the hatch.
0:40:46 > 0:40:48Lovely.
0:40:51 > 0:40:53That is real whisky!
0:40:53 > 0:40:56SHE LAUGHS
0:40:56 > 0:40:57Ohhhhh!
0:40:58 > 0:41:00It's lovely!
0:41:02 > 0:41:04Reggae!
0:41:04 > 0:41:07MUSIC PLAYS
0:41:14 > 0:41:16MUSIC STOPS
0:41:16 > 0:41:19- Well, Aly, you're cooking up a storm.- Yeah.
0:41:19 > 0:41:20Oh, heck.
0:41:20 > 0:41:22Shirley, let's go in and see what's happening
0:41:22 > 0:41:24with the girls inside.
0:41:24 > 0:41:25Aly, ladies and gentlemen!
0:41:25 > 0:41:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:41:30 > 0:41:33- You're back, Mammy.- That was great.
0:41:33 > 0:41:36Well, Judy, I really want to see up close for myself
0:41:36 > 0:41:38- how good your tennis skills are. - Oh! Backhand!
0:41:40 > 0:41:43So I thought I'd put you to a little skills test.
0:41:43 > 0:41:45- Would you be up for that? - Oh, yes.- OK.
0:41:45 > 0:41:48I've got a racket and some tennis balls here.
0:41:48 > 0:41:51- All I need now is a target. - Leave that to me.
0:41:51 > 0:41:53LAUGHTER
0:41:53 > 0:41:56I thought I'd never get a chance to use this.
0:42:01 > 0:42:04LAUGHTER
0:42:04 > 0:42:07Seriously?
0:42:13 > 0:42:15LAUGHTER
0:42:20 > 0:42:22- Oh, dear.- Yeah.
0:42:26 > 0:42:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:31 > 0:42:35So, Judy, all you have to do is hit the target. Off you go.
0:42:38 > 0:42:39Ohhh!
0:42:40 > 0:42:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:48 > 0:42:51Congratulations, Judy!
0:42:54 > 0:42:56He's still alive.
0:42:56 > 0:42:58Congratulations.
0:43:00 > 0:43:02Well, I hope you've worked up an appetite
0:43:02 > 0:43:05because it's time now for the culinary culmination of the show.
0:43:05 > 0:43:07Everybody, Chef Aly!
0:43:07 > 0:43:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:12 > 0:43:13Look at that.
0:43:17 > 0:43:20Whoa, so what do we have here on the table, Aly?
0:43:20 > 0:43:23- Greek shepherd's pie which Judy... - Her favourite dish.
0:43:23 > 0:43:26Her mummy, she used to cook for her when she was young.
0:43:26 > 0:43:29And we have something here as a surprise
0:43:29 > 0:43:31- which is a vegan pie.- Thank you.
0:43:31 > 0:43:33I don't know if you can see there,
0:43:33 > 0:43:36but see the little flowers on the top? You have to take them off?
0:43:36 > 0:43:40- No, edible.- They're vegan. - What's in it, Aly?- Is tofu...
0:43:41 > 0:43:43..with maple syrup.
0:43:44 > 0:43:47- And also the base is all vegan. - Nice. Beautiful.- It looks delicious.
0:43:47 > 0:43:51- Thank you.- Look at this, he's not a waiter, is he?
0:43:51 > 0:43:55- Oh, nice, thank you very much. - Would you like to try some?
0:43:55 > 0:43:58- Even the soy sauce is vegan. - AUDIENCE:- Yeah!
0:43:58 > 0:44:02- Oh, yeah, that looks good, thank you.- Are you starving, are you?
0:44:02 > 0:44:044.99. 4.99.
0:44:04 > 0:44:06LAUGHTER
0:44:06 > 0:44:08- Would you like to try one?- I would.
0:44:08 > 0:44:12- Thank you.- Mind on your lap cos it's hot. Here you go, come on.
0:44:12 > 0:44:14Pass it back!
0:44:16 > 0:44:18Tough shit!
0:44:19 > 0:44:22- How's yours, Pamela?- That's delicious. It's really good.
0:44:22 > 0:44:23- Thank you.- You are welcome.
0:44:23 > 0:44:26Well, I tell you, it's getting 10 out of 10 up here.
0:44:26 > 0:44:29- It's absolutely gorgeous. Well done, chef.- Well done, Aly.
0:44:29 > 0:44:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:44:34 > 0:44:38Well, that's all we have time for on The Cathy Brown Show.
0:44:39 > 0:44:42A huge thanks to all my guests tonight.
0:44:42 > 0:44:43Pamela Anderson.
0:44:43 > 0:44:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:44:46 > 0:44:48Judy Murray.
0:44:48 > 0:44:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:44:49 > 0:44:51Judy's mum, Shirley.
0:44:51 > 0:44:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:44:53 > 0:44:55And of course, Chef Aly.
0:44:55 > 0:44:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:44:58 > 0:45:01Join us next week when our guests will be Kate Douglas
0:45:01 > 0:45:03and Doctor Who and his mother.
0:45:05 > 0:45:07Shut up, Mammy, no, they won't.
0:45:07 > 0:45:12But we WILL see you next week and now it's over to Father Damian
0:45:12 > 0:45:14and Trevor for Thought For The Day.
0:45:14 > 0:45:16Goodnight, everybody.
0:45:16 > 0:45:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:45:21 > 0:45:26In through the rabbit hole, around the fairy tree,
0:45:26 > 0:45:29up through the rabbit hole, you can't catch me.
0:45:30 > 0:45:33- There you are, Damian. - Oh, thanks, Trevor.
0:45:33 > 0:45:37- What is it?- A hot chocolate, with a marshmallow on top.
0:45:37 > 0:45:40- Wow, thanks.- Hello, there.
0:45:41 > 0:45:44- We like a little treat before we head off to bed.- We do.
0:45:44 > 0:45:47And that's why we do this Thought For The Day,
0:45:47 > 0:45:49to send you off to bed with a little treat.
0:45:49 > 0:45:52I don't think we've enough hot chocolate, like, for everyone.
0:45:52 > 0:45:54That's a metaphor.
0:45:54 > 0:45:57- That's a big word, Trevor. - No, it's not.
0:45:57 > 0:46:02- Not.- It's a small word, but with a big meaning.
0:46:02 > 0:46:05- Jesus himself often used metaphors. - Yeah, he did.
0:46:05 > 0:46:08Like when he would say flock.
0:46:08 > 0:46:10- Damian SNORTS - Flock!
0:46:10 > 0:46:14Flock, like, "Get ye here, my flock."
0:46:14 > 0:46:17- That was a metaphor for people. - Oh, right.
0:46:17 > 0:46:19So when he said fish, what did he mean?
0:46:20 > 0:46:22Fish.
0:46:22 > 0:46:23LAUGHTER
0:46:25 > 0:46:29Words can have a powerful meaning. Oh, sure, it's OK to dislike.
0:46:29 > 0:46:30But not to hate.
0:46:30 > 0:46:32When it comes to people,
0:46:32 > 0:46:36the most Christian of words are accept, kindness and love.
0:46:38 > 0:46:40It's not nice to use bitter words.
0:46:40 > 0:46:43- They leave a bad taste in your mouth.- They do.
0:46:43 > 0:46:46And it's not nice to wipe your hands on someone else.
0:46:46 > 0:46:48LAUGHTER
0:46:48 > 0:46:51So, there's our words for today. I accept you.
0:46:51 > 0:46:55- I will be kind, and I love you. - Love you.
0:46:55 > 0:46:58- Goodnight.- Goodnight.
0:46:58 > 0:47:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:47:00 > 0:47:03I can't get my marshmallow out of my cup.
0:47:08 > 0:47:12- Agnes, do you know what I said to Jacko the other night?- What?
0:47:12 > 0:47:15I said, "Will you love me when I'm old and wrinkled?"
0:47:15 > 0:47:19- Ha-ha! What did he say?- I do.
0:47:19 > 0:47:21LAUGHTER
0:47:21 > 0:47:24He's not far wrong. Listen, talk about problems.
0:47:24 > 0:47:26People have been sending their problems to the show.
0:47:26 > 0:47:29- Here, take those ones.- Right. - We'll see what we can do with them.
0:47:29 > 0:47:33This is from Avary. Oh, hiya, Avary.
0:47:33 > 0:47:36Avary says, "Dear Agnes, I often go wild camping
0:47:36 > 0:47:39"which means no washing or toilet facilities.
0:47:39 > 0:47:42"I need advice on how to pee in a bush."
0:47:42 > 0:47:44LAUGHTER
0:47:44 > 0:47:48"I find it difficult to squat-pee without getting it on my clothes."
0:47:48 > 0:47:50LAUGHTER
0:47:50 > 0:47:54You use the triangle. I'll show you the triangle.
0:47:54 > 0:47:56What you do is you get your knickers, right?
0:47:56 > 0:47:58LAUGHTER
0:47:59 > 0:48:03You get your knickers and when you're ready to go, you do that,
0:48:03 > 0:48:05you pull them out like that.
0:48:05 > 0:48:08LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:48:15 > 0:48:17I was just getting started on that and I'm wondering,
0:48:17 > 0:48:19"I hope there buckin' clean ones!"
0:48:19 > 0:48:21LAUGHTER
0:48:21 > 0:48:24- What have you got?- Well, this one is from June Bone.
0:48:24 > 0:48:26Hello!
0:48:26 > 0:48:28June.
0:48:28 > 0:48:30- June Bone, is that your married name?- It is.
0:48:30 > 0:48:33- What was your single name? - June Lockhart.
0:48:33 > 0:48:34I'd have stayed single.
0:48:34 > 0:48:36LAUGHTER
0:48:36 > 0:48:41And she says, "Dear Agnes, being a lady of a certain vintage,
0:48:41 > 0:48:43"does Mrs Brown have any tips or advice
0:48:43 > 0:48:46"on how to cope with the menopause?
0:48:46 > 0:48:49"What was the worst part of it for her?
0:48:49 > 0:48:53"And does she have trouble with dryness?"
0:48:53 > 0:48:55LAUGHTER
0:49:03 > 0:49:06This one is from Rob.
0:49:06 > 0:49:09LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:49:09 > 0:49:10It says...
0:49:13 > 0:49:16"Dear Agnes, my dog is a voyeur."
0:49:16 > 0:49:21- What's a voyeur?- I don't know, something like a collie.
0:49:21 > 0:49:25How do we let the dog know that watching us doing it puts us off?
0:49:25 > 0:49:28LAUGHTER
0:49:32 > 0:49:34Where's Robert?
0:49:34 > 0:49:37Jesus, Robert, watching you doing it would put anybody off!
0:49:37 > 0:49:40LAUGHTER
0:49:40 > 0:49:42APPLAUSE
0:49:42 > 0:49:45- Here, I'll get them in. - Thanks, love.
0:49:48 > 0:49:51Oh, thanks, Sharon, give us another one.
0:49:51 > 0:49:52Sorry, sorry.
0:49:52 > 0:49:55- Good evening. Hi, how are you? - AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:49:55 > 0:49:58It's James Blunt!
0:49:59 > 0:50:01CHEERING
0:50:03 > 0:50:07- Oh, my God. I can't believe it! - Oh, Agnes. It's so nice to see you.
0:50:07 > 0:50:09It's so good to see you.
0:50:09 > 0:50:11Ladies and gentlemen, you've no idea!
0:50:11 > 0:50:14I have three singers who I've fancied all my life.
0:50:14 > 0:50:17James Blunt, Ed Sheeran
0:50:17 > 0:50:19and Daniel O'Donnell.
0:50:19 > 0:50:21LAUGHTER
0:50:21 > 0:50:26He is the nicest, kindest young man that I've ever seen in my life.
0:50:26 > 0:50:27You have a beautiful voice.
0:50:27 > 0:50:29You have a great talent and you're a handsome man.
0:50:29 > 0:50:32And I don't understand why everyone thinks you're a wanker.
0:50:32 > 0:50:35LAUGHTER
0:50:35 > 0:50:36Yes.
0:50:39 > 0:50:43- I don't get it!- It is true, I do like wanking.
0:50:43 > 0:50:44LAUGHTER
0:50:48 > 0:50:51Well, all I say is, if you're ever short-handed...
0:50:53 > 0:50:55- James, you're going to sing your single for us tonight.- I will.
0:50:55 > 0:50:58Yes, but before you do, I like my guests to sing a song from my era.
0:50:58 > 0:51:00That song.
0:51:00 > 0:51:02# Fly me to the moon
0:51:02 > 0:51:05# And let me play among the stars
0:51:05 > 0:51:10# Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter or Mars... #
0:51:11 > 0:51:14LAUGHTER
0:51:39 > 0:51:41My nipples are shouting at me!
0:51:43 > 0:51:45- Thank you, James... - You taste so good.
0:51:45 > 0:51:47Oh, thank you, you do too, you're so kind.
0:51:47 > 0:51:49The Macedonians are here!
0:51:49 > 0:51:52And they have ice cream!
0:51:52 > 0:51:55LAUGHTER
0:51:55 > 0:51:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:52:01 > 0:52:04Here, ladies and gentlemen, with his new single
0:52:04 > 0:52:07and the hottest tongue...
0:52:07 > 0:52:08LAUGHTER
0:52:08 > 0:52:10..the wonderful James Blunt.
0:52:10 > 0:52:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:52:17 > 0:52:19# It's a little after midnight
0:52:19 > 0:52:20# There's a couple in the corner
0:52:20 > 0:52:23# And I wonder what he said because she's crying
0:52:23 > 0:52:26# And I guess they won't remember when they wake up in the morning
0:52:26 > 0:52:29# With a headache from the whisky and the wine
0:52:29 > 0:52:31# I know that I have said things I'll regret when I am sober
0:52:31 > 0:52:34# Cos we always hurt the ones we love the most
0:52:34 > 0:52:35# I messed up and I know it
0:52:35 > 0:52:37# If I hurt you, girl, I'm sorry
0:52:37 > 0:52:39# But it's good to see the girl I used to know
0:52:40 > 0:52:43# We could dance, but I can't dance
0:52:43 > 0:52:46# Maybe we could stick to holding hands
0:52:46 > 0:52:49# Or should we raise a glass
0:52:49 > 0:52:51# And forget the past?
0:52:51 > 0:52:53# If we keep on drinking
0:52:53 > 0:52:56# We can fall back in love
0:52:56 > 0:52:58# So fill it up
0:52:58 > 0:53:01# Fill it up
0:53:02 > 0:53:06# We must not be thinking cos we can't get enough
0:53:06 > 0:53:09# So fill it up
0:53:09 > 0:53:11# Fill it up
0:53:11 > 0:53:15# Bartender, can you pour some lo-o-o-ve
0:53:16 > 0:53:21# Bartender, can you pour some lo-o-o-ve
0:53:23 > 0:53:24# We can talk about the future
0:53:24 > 0:53:26# We don't want to reminisce
0:53:26 > 0:53:28# Because we both know it was me who got it wrong
0:53:28 > 0:53:30# But, damn, it's good to see you
0:53:30 > 0:53:32# You look awesome and I miss you, baby
0:53:32 > 0:53:34# Listen now They're playing our song
0:53:34 > 0:53:37# We could dance, but I can't dance
0:53:37 > 0:53:41# Maybe we could stick to holding hands
0:53:41 > 0:53:43# Or shall we raise a glass?
0:53:44 > 0:53:45# And forget the past?
0:53:45 > 0:53:50# If we keep on drinking We could fall back in love
0:53:50 > 0:53:53# So fill it up
0:53:53 > 0:53:55# Fill it up
0:53:56 > 0:54:01# We must not be thinking cos we can't get enough
0:54:01 > 0:54:04# So fill it up
0:54:04 > 0:54:06# Fill it up
0:54:06 > 0:54:10# Bartender, can you pour some lo-o-o-ve?
0:54:11 > 0:54:16# Bartender, can you pour some lo-o-o-ve?
0:54:19 > 0:54:21# And it's closing time
0:54:21 > 0:54:24# Back to yours or mine?
0:54:24 > 0:54:27# After all this time
0:54:27 > 0:54:29# You still blow my mind
0:54:30 > 0:54:32# And it's closing time
0:54:32 > 0:54:35# Back to yours or mine?
0:54:35 > 0:54:37# After all this time
0:54:37 > 0:54:40# After all this time
0:54:40 > 0:54:42# If we keep on drinking
0:54:42 > 0:54:45# We can fall back in love
0:54:45 > 0:54:47# So fill it up
0:54:47 > 0:54:50# Fill it up
0:54:50 > 0:54:55# We must not be thinking cos we can't get enough
0:54:55 > 0:54:58# So fill it up
0:54:58 > 0:55:00# Fill it up
0:55:00 > 0:55:05# Bartender, can you pour us some lo-o-o-ve?
0:55:06 > 0:55:11# Bartender, can you pour us some lo-o-o-ve? #
0:55:24 > 0:55:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:55:37 > 0:55:39Danke schon.
0:55:47 > 0:55:51Look at that. Happy Mother's Day. Signed, anonymous.
0:55:51 > 0:55:53LAUGHTER
0:55:53 > 0:55:54I get that one every year.
0:55:54 > 0:55:56I know it's from Buster.
0:55:56 > 0:55:58- AUDIENCE:- Aw!
0:55:58 > 0:56:01Well, there you have it, our first show over and done.
0:56:01 > 0:56:03James Blunt was amazing.
0:56:03 > 0:56:06His tongue tickled my throat. LAUGHTER
0:56:06 > 0:56:08I don't know why people have a problem with him.
0:56:08 > 0:56:09I'd shag him.
0:56:09 > 0:56:11LAUGHTER
0:56:11 > 0:56:14APPLAUSE
0:56:14 > 0:56:16MOUTHS
0:56:19 > 0:56:22There's a little hope that resides in my heart that he might shag me.
0:56:22 > 0:56:24LAUGHTER
0:56:24 > 0:56:27And Cathy's wonderful guests, Judy, Pamela and Shirley.
0:56:27 > 0:56:29And me.
0:56:29 > 0:56:31And what do we all have in common?
0:56:31 > 0:56:33We're mothers.
0:56:33 > 0:56:36That's what we have in common. Tomorrow is Mother's Day.
0:56:36 > 0:56:37Don't forget that.
0:56:37 > 0:56:40Drop in and say hello. Say, "Happy Mother's Day."
0:56:40 > 0:56:42It would mean a lot to somebody.
0:56:42 > 0:56:43So make sure and do it.
0:56:43 > 0:56:45We'll see you next week, by the way,
0:56:45 > 0:56:46when Cathy's guests will be Angela Merkel
0:56:46 > 0:56:48and Darth Vader and his mother.
0:56:48 > 0:56:50LAUGHTER
0:56:50 > 0:56:51Probably not.
0:56:51 > 0:56:53Goodnight!
0:56:53 > 0:56:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:57:00 > 0:57:02# Make a date, don't be late
0:57:02 > 0:57:05# Cos you know it's going to be great
0:57:05 > 0:57:09# When the irrepressible Browns come to town
0:57:10 > 0:57:13# To begin, just tune in
0:57:13 > 0:57:15# And you'll wear a toothy grin
0:57:15 > 0:57:19# Watching Agnes and her clan act the clown
0:57:21 > 0:57:23# Instead of feeling depressed
0:57:23 > 0:57:26# Let laughter make you feel best
0:57:26 > 0:57:31# So It's All Round To Mrs Brown's. #