0:00:02 > 0:00:03# Make a date, don't be late
0:00:03 > 0:00:06# Cos you know it's going to be great
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# When the irrepressible Browns come to town
0:00:11 > 0:00:13# To begin, just tune in
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# And you'll wear a nuclear grin
0:00:16 > 0:00:20# Watching Agnes and her clan act the clown
0:00:22 > 0:00:24# Instead of feeling depressed
0:00:24 > 0:00:26# Let laughter make you feel blessed
0:00:26 > 0:00:29# So it's all round...
0:00:29 > 0:00:31# To Mrs Brown's. #
0:00:32 > 0:00:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:34 > 0:00:40'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to All Round To Mrs Brown's!
0:00:40 > 0:00:44This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- Hello! AUDIENCE:- Hello!
0:00:49 > 0:00:52You're all very welcome to another evening round at my house.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55It's been such a fun few weeks, and I'm very sad.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Tonight is the last Saturday night
0:00:57 > 0:00:59we'll be sharing together for a while.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01- AUDIENCE:- Aw!
0:01:01 > 0:01:03I know, yeah. Feck it, I'm going for a rest.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05LAUGHTER
0:01:05 > 0:01:09I know, I know. It is sad, but it's all gone so quickly.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Cathy's showbiz blog has gone really from strength to strength.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14She's had some wonderful guests on her show.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18And she's got some fantastic guests on tonight too. You'll see.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Eh... Oh, hello, Rory!
0:01:20 > 0:01:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:28 > 0:01:30- How are you, Mammy?- Hello, chicken.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33- Hello, Mrs Brown.- Hello, Dino.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Mammy, Cathy said she's got Michael Ball coming in to the show.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40- AUDIENCE:- Whooooo!
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Now, I'm just wondering if he's going to be in, you know,
0:01:43 > 0:01:45- stage make-up or the usual?- Aye.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48If it is stage make-up, then Rory has to do him.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54And if it's regular, then I can give him a blow.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57AUDIENCE SHRIEK
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Dry. Blow-dry.
0:02:05 > 0:02:06Aye!
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Betty's picking Michael up from the station. Cathy's upstairs.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Why don't you go up and ask her what's going on?
0:02:13 > 0:02:15APPLAUSE
0:02:15 > 0:02:18It's boyband night at Foley's tonight.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20- AUDIENCE:- Oooooh!
0:02:20 > 0:02:23I'll be down there throwing my knickers.
0:02:23 > 0:02:24LAUGHTER
0:02:24 > 0:02:28Mind you, these days, there's less G-string and more double duvet.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30LAUGHTER
0:02:30 > 0:02:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:35 > 0:02:38- Hello, Ma.- Hello, Mark, son.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41- Has Betty been here yet?- Betty? No.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43She's picking up Michael Ball from the station.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45- Are you OK, son?- Not really.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Betty wants me to have the talk with Bono.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- What talk?- THE talk.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Oh.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55THE talk.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58- I don't know where to start. - Well, try and think back.
0:02:58 > 0:03:03- Do you remember your father having THE talk with you?- Yeah.
0:03:03 > 0:03:04LAUGHTER
0:03:04 > 0:03:06And what did he say?
0:03:06 > 0:03:09He said, "Son, some day you're going to meet a girl
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- "and you're going to have... feelings."- And?
0:03:12 > 0:03:16He said, "Just ignore them feelings because they'll ruin your life."
0:03:16 > 0:03:18LAUGHTER
0:03:21 > 0:03:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:26 > 0:03:27Nice to see you. Hello.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Hello!
0:03:36 > 0:03:38- This is Michael, Mrs Brown. - Oh, I know exactly who he is.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41LAUGHTER
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Well? Did you have the talk with Bono?
0:03:43 > 0:03:45- Not yet.- Oh, for God's sake, Mark,
0:03:45 > 0:03:48it's better hearing it from you than learning about it on the street.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Come on. I'll see you, Mrs Brown.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52- I'll see you, Betty. - See you later, Ma.
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Good luck, son.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:57 > 0:04:02- Mark has to have the talk with my grandson, Bono.- Oh, THE talk.- Yes.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Yeah, well...
0:04:05 > 0:04:06- HE LAUGHS - I'm sorry.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Well, now, it's good if he does have the co...
0:04:11 > 0:04:12I learnt every... Talk.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14LAUGHTER
0:04:14 > 0:04:15- Can I give you a tip?- Yeah.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Fucking sing.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20LAUGHTER
0:04:27 > 0:04:30My Mark needs to have the talk with my grandson, Bono.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Well, it's good if they do,
0:04:32 > 0:04:35- I learned most of what I know from my first girlfriend.- Really?
0:04:35 > 0:04:37- What did she say?- She said...
0:04:37 > 0:04:42# Slowly, gently
0:04:42 > 0:04:45# Night unfurls its splendour... #
0:04:45 > 0:04:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:48 > 0:04:51# Grasp it, sense it
0:04:51 > 0:04:56# Tremulous and tender... #
0:04:56 > 0:04:59LAUGHTER
0:04:59 > 0:05:00Please stop.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:05:05 > 0:05:06I'm not going to lie to you.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08I think a little bit of wee came out there.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10LAUGHTER
0:05:12 > 0:05:16So, in singing terms, you'd be a double bass.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17I'm actually a baritone.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19A high baritone, so I can go quite...
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Excuse me, Your Grace, I'm so sorry.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23LAUGHTER
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Nobody told me. I wasn't expecting it. I'm so sorry.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28You seem to be around for ever. When did you do your first...?
0:05:28 > 0:05:32- My first professional job was in 1984.- God, that's...- Yeah.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- ..a long time ago. - It's a long time ago.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38- That's coming up for 33 years I'll have been doing this.- 33 years?
0:05:38 > 0:05:42- And the big show I did was Les Miserables in 1986.- Oh.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43Did you like that?
0:05:43 > 0:05:461985.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48- I saw it four times.- Did you?
0:05:49 > 0:05:52I still don't know what the fuck was going on.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53LAUGHTER
0:05:53 > 0:05:59- But the music was amazing.- Amazing! Amazing. Basically, everyone dies.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Yeah. Yeah. And that's just the audience.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04LAUGHTER
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Oh, hello, Michael!
0:06:06 > 0:06:09- Lovely to meet you.- How are you?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Come on, let's get you down to our salon.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Down you go, Michael, and grab your bit of make-up.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15- See you at the talk show. - Will do. God bless.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19- Will it be full stage make-up? - No, I think just the usual.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Right.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Looks like I'll be blowing.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29LAUGHTER
0:06:29 > 0:06:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:34 > 0:06:35Family, eh?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Sometimes your own family are the strangest characters you'll meet.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Speaking about strange characters...
0:06:40 > 0:06:43let's see who we have in the audience tonight.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Where's Barbara Ingham? Where's Barbara? Hello, Barbara.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- Oh, look at you. You look gorgeous. I love your scarf.- Thank you.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Is it Barbara and her niece, Beverly? Is Bev with you?
0:06:52 > 0:06:53- Yes, Bev.- Oh! Two scarves!
0:06:55 > 0:06:57It says you're amateur bird-watchers.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01- And they call you twitchers.- Yes. - Describe a bird-watching day.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05- What would you do?- Well, we've got the gear...- I bet you have.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08LAUGHTER
0:07:08 > 0:07:11No, let's go back to the bird-watching.
0:07:11 > 0:07:12We've not much idea.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16We can distinguish a robin from a tit, but that's it.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18LAUGHTER
0:07:22 > 0:07:24I wouldn't call myself a bird-watcher,
0:07:24 > 0:07:28but I'm pretty good at distinguishing a robin from a tit.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Give them a round of applause.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33APPLAUSE
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Where's Nicola Dudgeon? Nicola?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Hello, Nicola, how are you?
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Look at you! Hello. He-he-he-he!
0:07:43 > 0:07:47- Now, Nicola won best-dressed lady at Newcastle Races.- Yes, I did.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49- AUDIENCE:- Ooooh!
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Mind you, it's Newcastle, it's not that hard.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54LAUGHTER
0:07:54 > 0:07:56The last two winners were horses.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58LAUGHTER
0:08:00 > 0:08:01Do you have a photograph of this?
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Look at that!
0:08:03 > 0:08:05- AUDIENCE:- Ooooh!
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Absolutely beautiful, beautiful lampsha...er, dress.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11Well, I have to say,
0:08:11 > 0:08:14that photograph doesn't do you half as justice as standing there.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16You're absolutely beautiful. Nice to meet you.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20APPLAUSE
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Where's Stephanie Sill, Stephanie Sill, where are you?
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- Hello, Stephanie. How are you? - I'm good, thank you.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27- It says here you're a PE teacher.- Yeah.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29It's important for kids to get exercise and, you know,
0:08:29 > 0:08:31do you do it in the mornings? Warm them up and all that?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- Yeah.- Come down for a second. Come here.
0:08:34 > 0:08:35Give her a round of applause.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37APPLAUSE
0:08:42 > 0:08:46- Now, you can see our crew are all very stiff.- Yeah.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51And the audience look a bit stiff. Why don't we all warm up together?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53So you show us the exercise first. Show us.
0:08:53 > 0:08:54Right, OK, so first one,
0:08:54 > 0:08:57you're going to put your arm over your head. One hand on your hip.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Hand on your hip. I have to warn you before you start,
0:08:59 > 0:09:02this is how my Rory started.
0:09:02 > 0:09:03Right arm in the air.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Hold on, give us some music.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08MUSIC: Shake It Off by Taylor Swift
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Here we go!
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Four, three, four...
0:09:21 > 0:09:23MUSIC STOPS
0:09:27 > 0:09:30I could hear hips clicking.
0:09:30 > 0:09:31LAUGHTER
0:09:31 > 0:09:34That was fantastic for a warm-up. Give her a big round of applause.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:39 > 0:09:43Thank you, Stephanie. That was lovely to be...
0:09:43 > 0:09:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:58 > 0:10:00- What are you doing?!- Warming up.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- How are things coming for the show? - I can't wait, Mammy.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Michael Ball is going to be on the show tonight.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10I know, I already met him, he's gorgeous.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14Yeah, I've been wanting to have him on the sofa for a long time.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16LAUGHTER
0:10:16 > 0:10:20I could do to have him on the sofa for ten minutes.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24- Oh, the curly locks on his head, look at him. Mwah!- Mammy!
0:10:24 > 0:10:27And then all the things you can grab onto. Grrr!
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- Mammy, stop it!- # All about the bass, 'bout the bass... #
0:10:32 > 0:10:34- Sunetra Sarker is on, too.- Wow!
0:10:34 > 0:10:37- AUDIENCE:- Oooooh!
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- Oh, Mammy, I loved her in Casualty. - Yeah.- She's so much fun.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44- And she does a lot of community work too.- She's a doctor, isn't she?
0:10:44 > 0:10:47No, Mammy, she PLAYS a doctor. She's an actress.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49That's something you'd be great at.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52LAUGHTER
0:10:52 > 0:10:54- Acting?- Jesus, no!
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Community work.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59LAUGHTER
0:10:59 > 0:11:02I'll prepare somewhere else, thank you.
0:11:02 > 0:11:03Prepare away.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:09 > 0:11:13- Hello, Winnie.- How are you, Agnes? - Sit down.- Thanks, pet.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16Listen, I just dropped in to say I have a very busy day,
0:11:16 > 0:11:19so I won't get a chance to call over.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21LAUGHTER
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Do you know, if you're too busy to call over today,
0:11:27 > 0:11:29why don't we go down to Foley's and have a coffee down there?
0:11:29 > 0:11:33- Jesus, that's a great idea, Agnes. - I thought you might like it.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- Cathy, I'm heading out, I'll be back later!- Take your time.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38I could do with a bit of peace and quiet.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:45 > 0:11:47CHEERING
0:11:49 > 0:11:53- Hey, Cathy.- Hey. - Do you have a minute?
0:11:53 > 0:11:54What's wrong?
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Nothing's wrong, it's just Betty thinks it's time for, you know,
0:11:57 > 0:11:59the talk with Bono.
0:12:00 > 0:12:05Betty's absolutely right. He's at a very impressionable age.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06And the things he's learning now
0:12:06 > 0:12:08need to come from a responsible adult.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Right.
0:12:12 > 0:12:16So I'll send him over here, and you can tell him everything.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20What?! No, Mark. His father needs to do it.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23- Tell him about the birds and the bees.- Yeah...
0:12:23 > 0:12:25We make...
0:12:25 > 0:12:27LAUGHTER
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Oh, Granda.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31No.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Two coffees, son, please.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45- Hiya, Ma.- Hello, Mrs Brown.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Hello, boys. How did the haunted house thing go?
0:12:48 > 0:12:52- It was great.- It was spooky. We even did a seance and everything.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Me and Winnie went to a seance once.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57We went on this nudist spa thing.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Winnie said that she felt a couple of ghoulies going across her face.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02LAUGHTER
0:13:02 > 0:13:03So tell me, what happened?
0:13:03 > 0:13:05HE CHUCKLES
0:13:05 > 0:13:10- It was a...long story, Ma. - I know, I know, yeah, yeah.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13I was going to go in with the long story, but you were laughing.
0:13:13 > 0:13:18- So what happened? - It was a...long story, Ma.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20LAUGHTER
0:13:20 > 0:13:22It's always a long story.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24- Will we do the wobble? - Let's do the wobble.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Buster, today is going to be a great day.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51This is going to be the best Celebrity Haunted House Tour EVER.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55- SNIGGERS - A gloriously ghoulish guided group
0:13:55 > 0:13:59gallivant around the gruesome garrisons and graves.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05- The tips are going to be rolling in.- Yes, they will.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07We have to be at the top of our game.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10And I have the perfect celebrity to make this a success.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12A real-life ghost hunter.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- Who?- I've managed to get Yvette...
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Why? Is this place haunted by animals?
0:14:18 > 0:14:20What? No, Buster.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Not a vet - Yvette Fielding.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28- You know, the woman off the telly? Who finds all the ghosts?- Oh, yeah.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Here she is now.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33# She's just a devil woman
0:14:33 > 0:14:35# With evil on her mind
0:14:35 > 0:14:37# Beware the devil woman
0:14:37 > 0:14:39# She's gonna get you... #
0:14:42 > 0:14:44- Hi, guys.- Jesus!
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- What's up? You're very jumpy! - Nice to meet you, Yvette.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Nice to see you too. You're looking sexy.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53So you can talk to dead animals?
0:14:53 > 0:14:55No, Buster, I've just told you. She's not a vet.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57She's Yvette.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02- So what do they say to you? - What?- The animals.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04I don't talk to dead animals.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Sometimes, I can speak to people from the other side.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09The other side of what?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Shut up, Buster.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Right, Yvette, today, you work for us,
0:15:14 > 0:15:17and we need you to help us to make lots of tips, all right?
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Now, we know you are used to having the willies put up you...
0:15:20 > 0:15:23but today, we are going to put the willies up those people.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26- So are you ready to help us? - Sounds like a good plan.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29- I like a good willy. - Right, let's get started.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Good afternoon, guys and GHOULS!
0:15:35 > 0:15:37- PUBLIC:- Whooooo!
0:15:37 > 0:15:41You're all very welcome to D&B's Celebrity Haunted House Tour.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43- PUBLIC:- Whoooo!
0:15:43 > 0:15:46OK, here's your host, Yvette Fielding.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48CHEERING
0:15:48 > 0:15:52Hello, everybody. Now then, who would like to find some ghosts?
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- Yay!- Ssh! Quietly.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57- LOUDLY:- Right, follow me!
0:16:00 > 0:16:01# Scooby-Dooby-Doo
0:16:01 > 0:16:03# Where are you?
0:16:03 > 0:16:06# We got some work to do now
0:16:06 > 0:16:08# Scooby-Dooby-Doo... #
0:16:08 > 0:16:10So, now to our real highlight of the tour
0:16:10 > 0:16:12where we are going to conduct a seance.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14- PUBLIC:- Oooooh!
0:16:14 > 0:16:16And to help us with this is Yvette
0:16:16 > 0:16:18and this woman here who is a medium.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22LAUGHTER
0:16:22 > 0:16:23Extra large.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26But it suits you.
0:16:29 > 0:16:30Everybody hold hands.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Ghost! If you are there, give us a sign!
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Expose yourself.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40LAUGHTER
0:16:40 > 0:16:41Shut up, Buster.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Just give us a sign that you are there.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49PARP!
0:16:49 > 0:16:50Sorry, Dermot.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52LAUGHTER
0:16:52 > 0:16:54I'm nervous.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Shut up, Buster.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58Is there anybody here?
0:17:00 > 0:17:02I'm sensing a presence.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06- Can you show yourself to me?- Slowly.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09LOUD BANG
0:17:09 > 0:17:11They're here. They're in the room! They're here.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15Hold tight, everybody, hold tight. Don't let yourselves go!
0:17:17 > 0:17:19# Scooby-Dooby-Doo
0:17:19 > 0:17:20# Where are you?
0:17:20 > 0:17:23# We need some help from you now. #
0:17:26 > 0:17:29WOLF HOWLS
0:17:31 > 0:17:36OK, now its time for a spooky ghost story.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38MUSIC: Theme from Psycho
0:17:38 > 0:17:42- PUBLIC:- Oooh! - You're going to piss your pants.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46I am...
0:17:46 > 0:17:48A young boy was murdered, he was hanged,
0:17:48 > 0:17:52drawn and quartered by Irish mercenaries.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56He certainly was, and he was an Irish harpist.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Whoa. He should have played the guitar.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- PARP! - What's that?- It's me again.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06OK, moving on, next room!
0:18:06 > 0:18:08# Scooby-Dooby-Doo
0:18:08 > 0:18:10# Where are you?
0:18:10 > 0:18:13# We got some work to do now... #
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Unfortunately, ladies and gentlemen,
0:18:17 > 0:18:19we have come to the end of the Haunted House Tour.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21- PUBLIC:- Aw!
0:18:21 > 0:18:23We're sorry you didn't see any ghosts,
0:18:23 > 0:18:25but please tell your friends you did.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29- LAUGHTER - Please show your appreciation with a tip.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33So, if we were scary and amazing, dip into those savings.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Don't be cheap if we gave you the creeps.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38LAUGHTER
0:18:38 > 0:18:40If our tour did the trick, don't be a...
0:18:40 > 0:18:42A prick.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Thank you. Cheers.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Whatever, nice one. Cheers. Thanks.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- The bucket's heavy, Dermot. - OK, Yvette, thanks for today.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55You were great. Here's a little token of our appreciation.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Oh, thank you very much. That's grea...
0:19:00 > 0:19:02- It's empty.- Ooh!
0:19:03 > 0:19:05It must have been the ghost.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08- Let's go.- See you. Heh-heh!
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Bastards.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14WOLF HOWLS
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Well...
0:19:20 > 0:19:24- Dermot, that was scary.- Yeah, very. - But Yvette sounds lovely.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27- She was great.- She's the nicest vet I ever met.
0:19:28 > 0:19:32Buster, for the last time, it's not a vet, it's Yvette.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36- Yvette?- Yeah.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39- Not a vet.- Exactly.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Yvette.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Now you have it.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45I can literally see the hamster falling off the wheel.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47LAUGHTER
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Don't look at me. You should go and see a...
0:19:50 > 0:19:52THEY LAUGH
0:19:52 > 0:19:54You should go and see a hamster.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57THEY LAUGH
0:19:57 > 0:20:00I can literally see a hamster committing suicide on the wheel.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02THEY LAUGH
0:20:02 > 0:20:05But don't look at me. You should take your hamster to a vet.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Shut up, Buster.
0:20:08 > 0:20:09Yeah.
0:20:12 > 0:20:13That's called sympathy.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17- Well, bye-bye, boys.- See you, Ma.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Here, leave your glass, they're fucking short in here.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23See you soon.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25- Bye, love.- Love you, Mrs Brown. - Get away from me!
0:20:33 > 0:20:35- There's your coffee, pet. - Thank you, dear girl.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37- Agnes.- What, Winnie?
0:20:37 > 0:20:40If you hadn't married Redser, who would you have married?
0:20:40 > 0:20:41Well, I don't know.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45But there was one fella. He was a fine thing.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47A monster in the bedroom.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Yeah. He was a footballer for Bohemians FC.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Oh. My Jacko played for Bohemians.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58This fellow was a centre forward.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02My Jacko was a centre forward.
0:21:07 > 0:21:08- Here.- What?
0:21:08 > 0:21:10I've got some more letters in from people looking for me
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- to solve their problems.- Oh! - Here, you take these ones.- Right.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15And I'll take these.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16The first one is from Pat Pearce.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Where's Pat? Hello, Pat!
0:21:18 > 0:21:20- How are you, Pat?- Fine, thank you.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22And she says, "Having a bake-off day in May
0:21:22 > 0:21:26"and I'm wondering if Mrs Brown has any good recipes for tarts,
0:21:26 > 0:21:29"muffins or crumpets."
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Muffins is her department.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40But if you're looking for a tart or crumpet,
0:21:40 > 0:21:42you've come to the right place.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Any time.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Ian McArthur, have we got Ian? Hello, Ian, how are you?
0:21:50 > 0:21:51- Fine, thank you.- Good to see you.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55Ian says, "As a father of two teenage daughters, 18 and 15..."
0:21:55 > 0:21:57That's odd names.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02"..how do I deal with the potential boyfriend scenario
0:22:02 > 0:22:05"without resorting to violence of a castration nature?"
0:22:07 > 0:22:11Well, you know what? I have only one daughter and I swear to God,
0:22:11 > 0:22:13if anybody, if the bin man asked to take her,
0:22:13 > 0:22:14I'd bucking give her.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19This one is from Janice, Janice Wallace.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21- She says, "Dear, Agnes..." - Where's Janice?- "I..."
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- Oh, sorry. Hello, Janice. How are you?- Fine, Agnes.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25- You look fantastic.- Thank you.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27She says, "I would like some advice.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30"I have been playing with my husband's bowels."
0:22:30 > 0:22:34Oh, boules! Boules! Sorry.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36"I've been playing with my husband's bowls...
0:22:38 > 0:22:41"..and they are too large for my hands and I..."
0:22:41 > 0:22:42LAUGHTER
0:22:42 > 0:22:45"And I keep dropping them on the grass
0:22:45 > 0:22:49"which means I can't get anywhere near the jack to win the game."
0:22:53 > 0:22:57APPLAUSE
0:23:03 > 0:23:05- Janice.- Yes, Agnes.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08If you get a ball in each hand
0:23:08 > 0:23:10and clack them together
0:23:10 > 0:23:13you will never see the jack again.
0:23:19 > 0:23:20- Here!- What?
0:23:20 > 0:23:23I'd better be off. I'd better be getting these tongs in the picker
0:23:23 > 0:23:25and not for the first time either.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- I'll see you later, Winnie. Bye-bye.- I'll see you later.- Bye!
0:23:34 > 0:23:37Is Mark going to be long in there? I'm starting my show any minute.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41I don't know. He's having the talk with Bono.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Put the phone down, I want to have a chat.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46Sure, Dad.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50I want to talk to you about...
0:23:50 > 0:23:51About what, Dad?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55- About sex.- Sure, Dad.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57What do you want to know?
0:23:59 > 0:24:02APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:24:04 > 0:24:06What?
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Don't be afraid, Dad. You can ask me anything.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Betty, come on. We're going!
0:24:15 > 0:24:17- Hi, Ma.- Hello, Mark, son.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26- What's wrong?- It's Dad, he'll be fine. Love you.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29- Love you more.- And, Granny? - Yes, love?
0:24:29 > 0:24:30- Reggae!- Ooh!
0:24:30 > 0:24:33MUSIC: Boombastic by Shaggy
0:24:47 > 0:24:49RECORD SCRATCHES
0:24:49 > 0:24:51So, Aly, you're making what?
0:24:51 > 0:24:56Er, I'm making brown curry for Sunetra and her mum.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58- But I'm putting a bit of twist in. - A bit of a twist in.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00- Nice fusion, you know, something...- So, can have a look
0:25:00 > 0:25:02at the curry, what it's like when it's finished?
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Look at that. AUDIENCE OOHS
0:25:06 > 0:25:08APPLAUSE
0:25:08 > 0:25:10- And we're going to have a surprise dish.- A surprise dish?- Yes.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12- What's that?- Surprise!
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Reggae!
0:25:16 > 0:25:18MUSIC: Boombastic by Shaggy
0:25:33 > 0:25:35RECORD SCRATCHES Ooh.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Cathy's show is about to start. I should get in there.
0:25:38 > 0:25:39Good luck with that, Mrs Brown.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43Five, four, three, two, one.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46# Lights aglow Here we go
0:25:46 > 0:25:47# The Cathy Brown Show. #
0:25:47 > 0:25:50APPLAUSE
0:25:53 > 0:25:56And me, Mrs Agnes Brown.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Cathy's mother.
0:25:58 > 0:25:5996 hours in labour.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Well, welcome to the show,
0:26:03 > 0:26:05and please welcome my guests tonight,
0:26:05 > 0:26:07the magnificent Michael Ball
0:26:07 > 0:26:09and the supremely talented Sunetra Sarker.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:26:17 > 0:26:18How are you?
0:26:18 > 0:26:21Thank you.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23- Hello!- Hello.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25- Hello, Sunetra.- Hello!
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Why can't you dress like that?
0:26:35 > 0:26:38APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:26:42 > 0:26:46Buster, what are you doing? That's terrifying.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49It's for Michael. I wanted to show him my...
0:26:49 > 0:26:52# Phantom of the opera! #
0:26:52 > 0:26:55- That was good.- Wow!
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Buster, get out.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02- Out.- Aww. - AUDIENCE AWWS
0:27:02 > 0:27:04And get the lights, Buster.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10MUSIC: Phantom Of The Opera
0:27:12 > 0:27:15The bells, the bells!
0:27:15 > 0:27:17APPLAUSE
0:27:21 > 0:27:24- Well, welcome to the show, both of you.- Thank you, Cathy.
0:27:24 > 0:27:25- Thank you.- First up, Sunetra,
0:27:25 > 0:27:28- you're probably best known for Casualty.- Yes.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31- But since leaving, we've seen you in Broadchurch.- Oh, yeah.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33- And in Death In Paradise.- Yes.
0:27:33 > 0:27:37And we'll next see you in the ITV drama, Safe House.
0:27:37 > 0:27:38- Yes.- Tell us a bit about that.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41Yeah, well, it was interesting putting down my doctor's stethoscope
0:27:41 > 0:27:42and becoming a detective instead,
0:27:42 > 0:27:44which is what I'm playing in Safe House.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Yeah, I'm a detective in charge of a serial killer.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49That's very, very different from being a doctor.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51- Very different, yeah.- Was it hard to adjust, you know, to...?
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Yeah, I'm so used to feeling people's pulses
0:27:53 > 0:27:55and speaking medical gobbledygook
0:27:55 > 0:27:58that it was quite a breath of fresh air to speak English all the time
0:27:58 > 0:28:00and not have to go into medical jargon.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02You started your career in Brookside
0:28:02 > 0:28:05and I think, didn't you do a small role in Coronation Street?
0:28:05 > 0:28:08- I did, yes.- Did you? - Yeah, I did two episodes.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10But they...
0:28:10 > 0:28:13- they never asked me back. I was playing a tennis pro...- Oh.
0:28:13 > 0:28:18..who was a love rival for Kevin Webster, Mike Le Vell,
0:28:18 > 0:28:22- and he beat me up.- Mm.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24And I do it in these tiny, little white shorts
0:28:24 > 0:28:26with a great old '80s mullet.
0:28:26 > 0:28:30- You don't have the shorts with you, do you?- No, I don't!
0:28:30 > 0:28:32Stop it, Mammy.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35- Would you be tempted to do any more...?- I would be so tempted!
0:28:35 > 0:28:37Oh, Mammy, please!
0:28:37 > 0:28:41- I didn't ask if you were tempted to...- New balls, please! New balls.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44- APPLAUSE - I'll tell you what...
0:28:47 > 0:28:49If I tried to wear those shorts, I'd need them.
0:28:53 > 0:28:55- Michael.- Yes, Cathy.
0:28:55 > 0:28:56- Your album with Alfie Boe...- Yeah.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59- ..it was a bestselling UK album of 2016.- It was.
0:28:59 > 0:29:01I think that deserves a round of applause.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:29:05 > 0:29:07There's no rivalry between the two of you?
0:29:07 > 0:29:10Well, you know, if you work with someone that you like,
0:29:10 > 0:29:12who's a mate but is also really good,
0:29:12 > 0:29:15I think it kind of makes you work at the top of your game.
0:29:15 > 0:29:17Oh, I wish I had that pleasure.
0:29:21 > 0:29:23We have a clip of both of you performing one of the songs
0:29:23 > 0:29:25- from the album.- OK.
0:29:25 > 0:29:30# If I die
0:29:30 > 0:29:35# Let me die
0:29:35 > 0:29:39# Let him live
0:29:41 > 0:29:45# Bring him home... #
0:29:48 > 0:29:51APPLAUSE
0:29:55 > 0:29:57MRS BROWN CRIES
0:29:57 > 0:29:59- Did you enjoy that, Mammy? - No, I just...
0:29:59 > 0:30:02I'm a music lover and it wasn't in key.
0:30:05 > 0:30:07- Sorry, Michael.- I blame Alfie!
0:30:07 > 0:30:09Yeah, it's his fault.
0:30:09 > 0:30:12Sunetra, most actors, you know,
0:30:12 > 0:30:14they're working for years and years and years
0:30:14 > 0:30:15- before they can get discovered. - Mm-hm.
0:30:15 > 0:30:17Where were you discovered?
0:30:17 > 0:30:19I was discovered at the bus stop.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23Yeah. When I was 15, yeah.
0:30:23 > 0:30:25I think they were desperately looking for Asian Scousers
0:30:25 > 0:30:27and they must've scoured the whole of Liverpool
0:30:27 > 0:30:30and just not found anyone back in the '80s.
0:30:30 > 0:30:32So the casting director sort of got in her car
0:30:32 > 0:30:34and starting looking around the whole of Liverpool and...
0:30:34 > 0:30:36- Yeah.- For Brookie?- For Brookie. She said, "Oh, you've got
0:30:36 > 0:30:38"the right face for this character we've written.
0:30:38 > 0:30:41"Give that card to your mum and dad and come along for an audition."
0:30:41 > 0:30:44And here I am 27 years later.
0:30:44 > 0:30:46APPLAUSE
0:30:50 > 0:30:53Mammy, you were doing a little bit of research on Michael today too,
0:30:53 > 0:30:54- weren't you?- I was.
0:30:57 > 0:30:59I just want to ask, what were you thinking
0:30:59 > 0:31:01when you were posing for this photograph?
0:31:03 > 0:31:05My God. That's him on the right.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09Blimey. I've never seen that photo in my life.
0:31:09 > 0:31:10MRS BROWN LAUGHS
0:31:10 > 0:31:13- That's Aspects Of Love.- Ooh! - Is it?- Yeah, yeah.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16- What the hell was I wearing? - I know, I know.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18I found it under Rory's mattress.
0:31:24 > 0:31:26Well, Mammy, now it's time to bring out
0:31:26 > 0:31:28one of our guests' own mammies onto the show.
0:31:28 > 0:31:33So, this week, please welcome Sunetra's gorgeous mammy, Bisakha.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:31:41 > 0:31:43You're so welcome.
0:31:45 > 0:31:46Thank you.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51Look at the glamour and grace of you.
0:31:51 > 0:31:54You make your daughter look like a tramp.
0:31:54 > 0:31:56Sit down here. Sit down.
0:31:56 > 0:31:58APPLAUSE
0:31:59 > 0:32:02Welcome to the show, Bisakha. It's lovely to have you with us.
0:32:02 > 0:32:06You have to be the most interesting person we've ever had on the show.
0:32:06 > 0:32:08- You have an MBE.- Yes.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10APPLAUSE
0:32:13 > 0:32:17For services in teaching Indian dance to the community.
0:32:17 > 0:32:19And you're dancing... Were you a professional dancer?
0:32:19 > 0:32:23Yes, I am. I've always danced, you know, from when I was very young.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26I started and then I carried on.
0:32:26 > 0:32:29- You're still dancing?- Yes, I am. - Wow!
0:32:29 > 0:32:31Just age-appropriate, I must add.
0:32:33 > 0:32:37- 50s, 50s.- And you teach dance? - I do.- Wow!
0:32:37 > 0:32:39I'm looking forward to, if any of you would like
0:32:39 > 0:32:42- to learn a few moves.- Mum!
0:32:42 > 0:32:45APPLAUSE You had me at hello.
0:32:48 > 0:32:50Mammy, we have a little photo of when Bisakha
0:32:50 > 0:32:52- was presented with her MBE. - Let's have a look at it.
0:32:52 > 0:32:54- Aww.- Aww.- Aww.
0:32:54 > 0:32:58And that's Sunetra and this is your sister, is that correct?
0:32:58 > 0:33:00Yes, Sri. Yeah, we all went, it was a family outing.
0:33:00 > 0:33:02- Three sisters. You look beautiful. - Aww.
0:33:02 > 0:33:05But again, if you could just dress like your mother.
0:33:07 > 0:33:08I think I look all right!
0:33:09 > 0:33:11- You've got an MBE. MICHAEL:- No, I've got an OBE.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13- You've got an OBE. Your father's... - His dad's got an MBE.
0:33:13 > 0:33:16- My dad's an MBE.- That's right, yes. - For?
0:33:16 > 0:33:19- Services to the motor industry. - He was involved with the Mini.
0:33:19 > 0:33:21He launched the very first Mini.
0:33:21 > 0:33:23And you brought him along when you received your OBE.
0:33:23 > 0:33:26- Yeah.- Yeah, I think we have a photo of that.- Have you?
0:33:26 > 0:33:28- Wow!- Aww.
0:33:28 > 0:33:30He said it was the proudest day of his life. It was just brilliant.
0:33:30 > 0:33:32- Very moving.- Perfect.
0:33:32 > 0:33:35Now, Bisakha, what was Sunetra like as a little girl?
0:33:35 > 0:33:39Erm... Well, she was my first child
0:33:39 > 0:33:42so I think, you know, I didn't know what to expect.
0:33:42 > 0:33:44- What she spoiled?- Yeah.
0:33:44 > 0:33:47I wasn't spoiled!
0:33:47 > 0:33:50- You were really strict.- No, no, no. - You were super strict.
0:33:50 > 0:33:52- I don't think so.- Yes, you were. - I think you were very spoiled.
0:33:52 > 0:33:55Take it outside, girls. Take it outside.
0:33:55 > 0:33:56She was loud and boisterous.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58Was she a good dancer when she was growing up?
0:33:58 > 0:34:01Not maybe as good as she could've been.
0:34:03 > 0:34:06Are you of the same opinion as the rest of us in that,
0:34:06 > 0:34:08everything I've seen you in, Sunetra,
0:34:08 > 0:34:10- the camera absolutely loves you.- Oh.
0:34:10 > 0:34:13It just loves you. You look better on camera than you do now.
0:34:15 > 0:34:16- Mammy.- Yes, love?
0:34:16 > 0:34:18Would you like to take Bisakha into the kitchen
0:34:18 > 0:34:20and see how Chef Aly is doing?
0:34:20 > 0:34:23I would love to take Bisakha in the kitchen and have a little chat.
0:34:23 > 0:34:25Please allow me.
0:34:25 > 0:34:27No, you're only just over knee surgery,
0:34:27 > 0:34:29so I want to make it nice and easy for you.
0:34:29 > 0:34:32- You fall with me.- Well, if I fall with you, we fall together.
0:34:32 > 0:34:34LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:34:45 > 0:34:47Now, she said Sunetra wasn't a precocious child.
0:34:49 > 0:34:51Have a look at that.
0:34:51 > 0:34:54LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:34:54 > 0:34:56I was about ten!
0:34:56 > 0:35:00- So this would have been one of her first head shots, I think?- Yes.
0:35:00 > 0:35:01She really photographs so well.
0:35:01 > 0:35:03When you see her up close, it's different.
0:35:05 > 0:35:06Isn't that beautiful? Look at that!
0:35:06 > 0:35:09- AUDIENCE:- Oooh! - I know!
0:35:09 > 0:35:11You look at that and you think, "Casualty."
0:35:11 > 0:35:14LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:35:14 > 0:35:16Tell me about the basics for Indian dancing.
0:35:16 > 0:35:19- Could you teach me some small moves? I don't want to go mad.- Yes.
0:35:19 > 0:35:24- Aly! Come on, come on! - I'm busy now!- Come on!
0:35:24 > 0:35:26You're going to learn to dance.
0:35:27 > 0:35:30- OK.- Put one hand on your waist.
0:35:30 > 0:35:32Aly, come on!
0:35:32 > 0:35:34- One hand on your waist. - And one over there.
0:35:34 > 0:35:37- And one over there, like this?- And we'll just move our hips like that.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42- I can do this!- Yeah, that's right. - Yes!
0:35:42 > 0:35:45- That is a movement.- OK.
0:35:45 > 0:35:47Time for a bit of music, let me try that.
0:35:47 > 0:35:51MUSIC: Jai Ho (You Are My Destiny) by The Pussycat Dolls
0:35:51 > 0:35:53AUDIENCE CLAP ALONG
0:36:12 > 0:36:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:15 > 0:36:18Let's go and see what Aly's...
0:36:19 > 0:36:21So... Now, my mother used to do a...
0:36:23 > 0:36:27- So, I see peppers in here.- Yeah. - Is that a Dublin Bay prawn?
0:36:27 > 0:36:30- He's a big boy, a big prawn, yeah. - They are big boys!- Yes.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33- So this is the prawn and this is the sauce?- This is the curry sauce.
0:36:33 > 0:36:34Be very careful at home.
0:36:34 > 0:36:37It's not easy to cook and you don't want to buy your curry
0:36:37 > 0:36:39from anywhere. Don't buy it from a garage, for instance.
0:36:39 > 0:36:41Buy it in a garage, you think it's hot going down,
0:36:41 > 0:36:44you want to feel it coming out! I'm looking forward to tasting that.
0:36:44 > 0:36:47Will we go back in and see what the girls are doing?
0:36:47 > 0:36:49- Thank you very much. - Ladies and gentlemen, Bisakha.
0:36:49 > 0:36:51APPLAUSE
0:36:58 > 0:37:02- Now, Michael.- Yeah?- You're famous for your powerful voice.- Thank you.
0:37:02 > 0:37:05I think we'd all love to hear it at full force.
0:37:05 > 0:37:07CHEERING
0:37:09 > 0:37:10- I've an idea.- What?
0:37:10 > 0:37:13Powerful or not, with your voice, from there,
0:37:13 > 0:37:16I bet you can't wake up Sleepy Dopey here.
0:37:16 > 0:37:19- Well, let's find out! - Yes, go on, try it!
0:37:23 > 0:37:25Shall I do the last bit of Love Changes Everything?
0:37:25 > 0:37:29- Oh, that would be beautiful, yes. - The big money note, as it's known.
0:37:29 > 0:37:31Take it away, Michael.
0:37:32 > 0:37:36# Love will never, never let you be
0:37:36 > 0:37:38# The....
0:37:38 > 0:37:41# Sa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-me... #
0:37:41 > 0:37:42APPLAUSE
0:37:52 > 0:37:56He's still alive! It didn't work. Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Ball.
0:37:56 > 0:37:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:05 > 0:38:08Mammy, I think we should get Chef Aly in with today's dishes.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10Well, let me go and help him. It's beautiful.
0:38:10 > 0:38:12Wait till you see what he has. Aly, bring it in.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16APPLAUSE
0:38:20 > 0:38:22There's an awful lot of balls!
0:38:24 > 0:38:26Oh... Oh...
0:38:26 > 0:38:28I'm joking!
0:38:30 > 0:38:32- That looks amazing.- Are they real?
0:38:32 > 0:38:34Wow, Aly. Well, what have we got here?
0:38:34 > 0:38:37We've got prawn curry with all the condiments.
0:38:37 > 0:38:40We've got profiter-balls... for Michael Ball.
0:38:40 > 0:38:43- APPLAUSE - Aww, profiter-balls!
0:38:46 > 0:38:49Well, while Aly dishes up some of the curry, I'm going to take
0:38:49 > 0:38:52some up to the audience and see what the audience think of them.
0:38:52 > 0:38:53Let me just try that one there.
0:38:59 > 0:39:00Would you like a...?
0:39:00 > 0:39:02Hey, hey!
0:39:02 > 0:39:03LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:39:06 > 0:39:08Step away from the eclairs!
0:39:10 > 0:39:13Just cos it went past you doesn't mean it's for you!
0:39:13 > 0:39:17There you go. Isn't it lovely? Look at that, the presentation.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20Look at the way the roses... It's gorgeous, isn't it? No.
0:39:23 > 0:39:25There you go. Our PE teacher.
0:39:35 > 0:39:37So, guys, what do you think?
0:39:37 > 0:39:41It's stunning. I'm so glad I came.
0:39:41 > 0:39:44- Beautiful.- Sunetra, is it better than your mammy's?
0:39:44 > 0:39:47I can't say that with mum sitting next to me.
0:39:47 > 0:39:50- It's just as good as, honestly.- As good as. That's a great compliment.
0:39:50 > 0:39:53- Bisakha, is that nice?- Very nice.
0:39:53 > 0:39:58- It's really something I've never tasted before.- Thank you very much.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00It's supposed to be fuckin' curry!
0:40:00 > 0:40:02LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:40:05 > 0:40:08Aly, you blew it!
0:40:08 > 0:40:11Well, that's all we have time for on The Cathy Brown Show tonight.
0:40:11 > 0:40:15A huge thanks to all my guests - Michael Ball,
0:40:15 > 0:40:16Sunetra Sarker...
0:40:16 > 0:40:18APPLAUSE
0:40:18 > 0:40:21..Bisakha...
0:40:21 > 0:40:25and, of course, Chef Aly!
0:40:26 > 0:40:31Next week, we'll be joined by... Oh, no. There is no next week.
0:40:31 > 0:40:32AUDIENCE MOAN
0:40:32 > 0:40:34We'll see you again soon, but, for now,
0:40:34 > 0:40:38it's over to Father Damien and Trevor for Thought For The Day.
0:40:38 > 0:40:39Goodnight!
0:40:39 > 0:40:41APPLAUSE
0:40:48 > 0:40:52Good evening. And God bless you all.
0:40:52 > 0:40:56I'm sure some of you are tired after a long day's work.
0:40:56 > 0:40:59And some of you are just going to work now. Night people.
0:40:59 > 0:41:02People we know, like Martin in the fire service,
0:41:02 > 0:41:04or Liam, who's a police officer.
0:41:04 > 0:41:07Or Jennifer Murphy, who's in personal security or,
0:41:07 > 0:41:11- as she likes to call it, the escort service.- Whatever.
0:41:11 > 0:41:15The point is, whether you work day or night, ask yourself,
0:41:15 > 0:41:18what questions did you ask God today?
0:41:18 > 0:41:20He's there to answer all of your questions.
0:41:20 > 0:41:23Questions like, which is better - the iPhone or the Samsung 7?
0:41:23 > 0:41:25- No.- No.
0:41:25 > 0:41:28Serious questions like, am I living up to my potential?
0:41:28 > 0:41:31Or should I visit a friend who may be in prison?
0:41:31 > 0:41:35- Or is it worth buying my mother out of the army?- What?
0:41:35 > 0:41:38God is, like, there for you.
0:41:38 > 0:41:40Like that extra bit of leverage you need
0:41:40 > 0:41:44when your nuts are too tight and you're trying to change a flat tyre.
0:41:44 > 0:41:47You ask the question, He'll find the answer.
0:41:47 > 0:41:51Yes. Many of the answers you're looking for, they're in here.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54Is like a Wikipedi-Jesus.
0:41:54 > 0:41:57Well, that's my tip for the day.
0:41:57 > 0:42:00And don't thank me - thank Jesus...
0:42:00 > 0:42:03AMERICAN ACCENT: ..for puttin' the love in ma heart.
0:42:03 > 0:42:05- Goodnight.- Goodnight.
0:42:05 > 0:42:06APPLAUSE
0:42:06 > 0:42:09You do know the Samsung Galaxy 7 goes on fire?
0:42:10 > 0:42:12Only your one, Damien.
0:42:12 > 0:42:14Pfff!
0:42:14 > 0:42:16Ooh-ooh! Ah! Ooh!
0:42:19 > 0:42:21APPLAUSE
0:42:23 > 0:42:26You know, the best thing about being a mammy is doing the lovely things
0:42:26 > 0:42:29for your children that make them happy, like buying them pets.
0:42:29 > 0:42:32You know, yeah... Children.
0:42:32 > 0:42:34It's only when Christmas comes you understand why some animals
0:42:34 > 0:42:36eat their buckin' young.
0:42:38 > 0:42:41When you buy your pet, you might hurt the pet, like, kill it.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45Well, you just buy them another pet, just like that.
0:42:45 > 0:42:48Sometimes you might accidentally kill that one, too.
0:42:48 > 0:42:50Isn't that right, Anita Kelly?
0:42:50 > 0:42:52Oh, no!
0:42:52 > 0:42:55Yes, Anita Kelly, you're our Mammy of the Week!
0:42:59 > 0:43:00Come on down and join me. Come on.
0:43:04 > 0:43:06CHEERING
0:43:13 > 0:43:16Anita, every week, we reward a wonderful mother with this,
0:43:16 > 0:43:17the Mammy of the Week Award,
0:43:17 > 0:43:20and you've been nominated by your beautiful daughter.
0:43:20 > 0:43:22Look at her up there. Charlotte.
0:43:22 > 0:43:24She wanted you to be our Mammy of the Week, and this is why.
0:43:28 > 0:43:31Hi, Mam, I've nominated you to be Mammy of the Week,
0:43:31 > 0:43:33because I think you're simply the best.
0:43:33 > 0:43:36But you're also a total nightmare.
0:43:42 > 0:43:47My mam thinks it's really funny to loudly fart in public and blame us!
0:43:47 > 0:43:51She does it all the time. Totally gross.
0:43:53 > 0:43:56We used to have a really cute little hamster when I was young.
0:43:56 > 0:43:58One day, Mam got it out of the cage
0:43:58 > 0:44:01and accidentally dropped me on top of it,
0:44:01 > 0:44:03completely squashing the poor thing.
0:44:04 > 0:44:07She just ends up bumping into everything -
0:44:07 > 0:44:10bollards, other cars, even walls.
0:44:12 > 0:44:15Then we got a second hamster and this time,
0:44:15 > 0:44:18she accidentally cooked it in the oven.
0:44:18 > 0:44:20Hamsters really don't do so well in our house.
0:44:22 > 0:44:26She really likes to throw things and it's Dad that gets the brunt of it.
0:44:26 > 0:44:30He's had pretty much everything thrown at him over the years -
0:44:30 > 0:44:33toasters, hairdryers, you name it.
0:44:33 > 0:44:36There's still a dent in the wall from where she threw a knife at him,
0:44:36 > 0:44:39which he says is a constant reminder to stay on her good side.
0:44:41 > 0:44:44So, despite all those things that drive us crazy,
0:44:44 > 0:44:48you really are a superwoman that does everything for us.
0:44:48 > 0:44:51You've helped me so much and we all think you're amazing.
0:44:51 > 0:44:52She's really been a rock for all of us.
0:44:52 > 0:44:54We don't know what we'd do without you.
0:44:57 > 0:45:00APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
0:45:08 > 0:45:12Well, our last show and we end up giving an award to a serial killer.
0:45:19 > 0:45:22Apart from killing pets and trying to assassinate your husband,
0:45:22 > 0:45:24they say you're a very cool mum. You're a big fan of Olly Murs.
0:45:24 > 0:45:28- I am, yeah.- Have you got all his albums?- Yeah.
0:45:28 > 0:45:31Well, Anita, how would you like to come upstairs with me
0:45:31 > 0:45:32and I'll show you what's in my box?
0:45:34 > 0:45:37- I'd love to see what's in your box. - Follow me.
0:45:37 > 0:45:38LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:45:38 > 0:45:39# It's going to make you think
0:45:39 > 0:45:41# It's going to rock your socks
0:45:41 > 0:45:44# When you see what's in Mammy's Box. #
0:45:44 > 0:45:46APPLAUSE
0:45:49 > 0:45:53Anita, it's time for you to play Mrs Brown's Box. Are you ready?
0:45:53 > 0:45:56- Yeah.- Let me tell you what's going to happen here now.
0:45:56 > 0:45:58They're all covered in...
0:45:58 > 0:46:00A knife! You threw a feckin' knife!
0:46:01 > 0:46:04OK, so you can pick, you know, if you want, Grandad,
0:46:04 > 0:46:06- who's very weak and frail.- Yeah.
0:46:06 > 0:46:10Dino, who, God love him, he's very little...or Buster.
0:46:10 > 0:46:13They all have chocolates, manicures, flowers, wine,
0:46:13 > 0:46:16chocolate, flowers, a year's supply of tea, manicure,
0:46:16 > 0:46:17and the golden key.
0:46:17 > 0:46:21You have to hit that really hard when you're doing it.
0:46:21 > 0:46:24That key is really well stuck on, you have to hit that so hard,
0:46:24 > 0:46:27but I don't have to tell you that, because you throw knives.
0:46:28 > 0:46:31So it's up to you if you want Dino, Grandad or Buster.
0:46:31 > 0:46:33- Dino.- Dino?
0:46:34 > 0:46:36I'll just do it one more time.
0:46:39 > 0:46:44Do you want Dino, Grandad or Buster?
0:46:44 > 0:46:45Dino.
0:46:45 > 0:46:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:46:50 > 0:46:52You two, get out.
0:46:52 > 0:46:54OK, Dino it is! Dino!
0:46:54 > 0:46:56Come into the middle, Dino.
0:46:56 > 0:46:58Dino, she's obviously a big fan,
0:46:58 > 0:47:00she's going to beat the shit out of you.
0:47:00 > 0:47:03Now, there's your magic tea towel and I have mine here
0:47:03 > 0:47:05just in case you need backup.
0:47:05 > 0:47:08LAUGHTER
0:47:08 > 0:47:10It wasn't supposed to be like this!
0:47:11 > 0:47:14Knock off as many as you can, as hard as you can.
0:47:14 > 0:47:15Don't forget - as hard as you can.
0:47:15 > 0:47:19Your time starts when I say "go" and it ends when you hear the gong.
0:47:19 > 0:47:22You have to hit them really hard to get them off.
0:47:22 > 0:47:24OK, and go!
0:47:24 > 0:47:25CHEERING
0:47:47 > 0:47:49That was close!
0:47:49 > 0:47:50Now, let's see what's left.
0:47:53 > 0:47:57I make it 361 euros.
0:47:57 > 0:47:59APPLAUSE
0:48:00 > 0:48:03Pick up all these stars.
0:48:03 > 0:48:06You did really well. You did really, really well.
0:48:06 > 0:48:07Let's see what you've got here.
0:48:09 > 0:48:11- Chocolates, lovely. AUDIENCE:- Oooh!
0:48:11 > 0:48:13- A year's supply of tea.- Ooh!
0:48:13 > 0:48:15You look like you prefer whisky.
0:48:16 > 0:48:19Cinema tickets, there you go, very nice.
0:48:19 > 0:48:21- Oh, a manicure!- Ooh!
0:48:21 > 0:48:24Look at her nails, she doesn't need a manicure.
0:48:25 > 0:48:27And the key to Mrs Brown's Box!
0:48:27 > 0:48:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:48:29 > 0:48:33You take the key off that now and I'll go and get Mrs Brown's Box.
0:48:38 > 0:48:39Lovely stuff.
0:48:39 > 0:48:43I'll open this like that. Dino's taking his breath there.
0:48:44 > 0:48:45OK, let's see what you've won.
0:48:47 > 0:48:50APPLAUSE
0:48:52 > 0:48:53Olly Murs tickets!
0:48:55 > 0:48:59- Congratulations, Anita Kelly, our Mammy of the Week.- Thank you!
0:49:05 > 0:49:08If you could just tidy him up a bit, I'd appreciate it.
0:49:08 > 0:49:10And, actually, tidy the place up a bit as well.
0:49:10 > 0:49:13I have to go to the pub. Anita Kelly, ladies and gentlemen!
0:49:13 > 0:49:16APPLAUSE
0:49:16 > 0:49:17Thank you so much.
0:49:42 > 0:49:45Can I help you, son?
0:49:45 > 0:49:47Erm, we're here to play for you, I think.
0:49:47 > 0:49:49SHE CHUCKLES
0:49:49 > 0:49:51Show me buckin' ID.
0:49:52 > 0:49:56No, Mammy, that's our band. They're playing here tonight.
0:49:56 > 0:49:57It's The Vamps!
0:49:57 > 0:49:58THEY SQUEAL
0:49:58 > 0:50:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:50:02 > 0:50:03A gay band, fantastic.
0:50:05 > 0:50:08Tell me, now, I know you boys are going to sing your, er...
0:50:08 > 0:50:10- What's the hit called? - All Night is the song, yeah.
0:50:10 > 0:50:13You're going to sing all night? No, not all night, son, you can only...
0:50:13 > 0:50:16Four minutes, that's it, you're out of here.
0:50:16 > 0:50:19- But can I ask you for a special request?- Of course, yeah.
0:50:19 > 0:50:21I like the oldies, you know?
0:50:21 > 0:50:25One of my favourites of all time is a song called Mack The Knife.
0:50:25 > 0:50:27- Would you know it?- We do, actually, yeah.- You do know it?
0:50:27 > 0:50:30Would you mind giving me a couple of bars?
0:50:30 > 0:50:32# Oh, the shark, babe
0:50:32 > 0:50:35# Has such teeth, dear
0:50:35 > 0:50:38# And it shows them
0:50:38 > 0:50:41# Pearly white
0:50:41 > 0:50:44# Just a jack-knife
0:50:44 > 0:50:47# Has old MacHeath, babe
0:50:47 > 0:50:53# And he keeps it out of sight. #
0:50:53 > 0:50:55APPLAUSE
0:51:01 > 0:51:05You go get ready and you can tell me a little bit more about the band.
0:51:05 > 0:51:06Where are you gigging next?
0:51:06 > 0:51:09We've got, er, we go on tour. We're doing an arena tour around the UK,
0:51:09 > 0:51:12- so feel free to come along if you're free.- Oh, you're very kind.
0:51:12 > 0:51:15- The "free" bit is the bit I'm interested in.- Free, yeah.
0:51:15 > 0:51:17You're a fine young man.
0:51:18 > 0:51:22- In a few years, you're going to get feelings, son.- OK.
0:51:22 > 0:51:25- You're going to want to be around girls and that.- OK, OK.
0:51:25 > 0:51:27- If any of you need any advice... - Come to you?
0:51:27 > 0:51:29You'd better believe it.
0:51:31 > 0:51:33I'm going to go and get ready now, OK?
0:51:33 > 0:51:35APPLAUSE
0:51:38 > 0:51:40Here they are, singing All Night, The Vamps!
0:51:40 > 0:51:42RORY SQUEALS
0:51:46 > 0:51:47Here we go!
0:51:47 > 0:51:51# I've been up all night, no sleep
0:51:51 > 0:51:55# Cos I feel like I'm always dreaming
0:51:55 > 0:51:57# All night, no sleep
0:51:57 > 0:52:01# Cos I feel like I'm always dreaming... #
0:52:03 > 0:52:05How are we feeling tonight?
0:52:05 > 0:52:07CHEERING
0:52:07 > 0:52:09Let me see you off your feet, stand up, stand up!
0:52:11 > 0:52:15# Cos I feel like I'm always dreaming
0:52:15 > 0:52:18# Sometimes I tend to lose myself
0:52:18 > 0:52:21# Out there on my own
0:52:21 > 0:52:24# I never seem to get it right
0:52:24 > 0:52:28# But I guess that's how it goes, yeah
0:52:28 > 0:52:31# Ever since you came around
0:52:31 > 0:52:35# Can't nobody hold me down
0:52:35 > 0:52:38# You showed me how to find myself
0:52:38 > 0:52:40# When I needed it the most
0:52:40 > 0:52:44# I've been up all night, no sleep
0:52:44 > 0:52:48# Cos I feel like I'm always dreaming
0:52:48 > 0:52:50# All night, no sleep
0:52:50 > 0:52:54# Cos I feel like I'm always dreaming
0:52:54 > 0:52:58# Wide awake, that's OK
0:52:58 > 0:53:00# As long as I'm with you
0:53:00 > 0:53:04# I'll be up all night, no sleep
0:53:04 > 0:53:07# Cos I feel like I'm always dreaming... #
0:53:07 > 0:53:10Make some noise!
0:53:10 > 0:53:13CHEERING
0:53:13 > 0:53:16# As long as I'm with you
0:53:17 > 0:53:21# I feel like I'm always dreaming
0:53:21 > 0:53:24# And I'm never going to find my way
0:53:24 > 0:53:27# If I don't learn to let go
0:53:27 > 0:53:30# The past is the past Today is today
0:53:30 > 0:53:34# And there's things I can't control
0:53:34 > 0:53:37# The circles underneath my eyes
0:53:37 > 0:53:41# Tell the truth that I've been trying to hide
0:53:41 > 0:53:44# See, I've been waiting for you way too long
0:53:44 > 0:53:47# Won't you come and take me home?
0:53:47 > 0:53:53# Oh, I, I'm praying this ain't all a dream
0:53:53 > 0:53:57# Can you, you
0:53:57 > 0:54:00# Wake me up before you leave?
0:54:00 > 0:54:03# I've been up all night, no sleep
0:54:03 > 0:54:07# Cos I feel like I'm always dreaming
0:54:07 > 0:54:10# All night, no sleep
0:54:10 > 0:54:14# Cos I feel like I'm always dreaming
0:54:14 > 0:54:17# Wide awake, that's OK
0:54:17 > 0:54:21# As long as I'm with you
0:54:21 > 0:54:23# I'll be up all night, no sleep
0:54:23 > 0:54:27# Cos I feel like I'm always dreaming... #
0:54:27 > 0:54:29Let me hear you screaming!
0:54:29 > 0:54:31CHEERING
0:54:33 > 0:54:35# As long as I'm with you
0:54:36 > 0:54:40# I feel like I'm always dreaming
0:54:43 > 0:54:46# No-oo-oo, na-na
0:54:46 > 0:54:48# As long as I'm with you
0:54:49 > 0:54:54# Cos I feel like I'm always dreaming. #
0:54:54 > 0:54:55Thank you very much!
0:54:55 > 0:54:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:55:04 > 0:55:05Well...
0:55:08 > 0:55:11Well, another wonderful night with Sunetra Sarker, Michael Ball
0:55:11 > 0:55:14and The Vamps. Weren't they just magnificent?
0:55:14 > 0:55:17For children, they were wonderful!
0:55:17 > 0:55:19And, of course, Yvette, who was in the haunted house.
0:55:19 > 0:55:22Wonderful, wonderful guests, and that's it now for this series.
0:55:22 > 0:55:25I hope you enjoyed it all. AUDIENCE MOAN
0:55:25 > 0:55:28Well, I hope you enjoyed some of it anyway.
0:55:28 > 0:55:30I have to tell you, I enjoyed every bit of it.
0:55:30 > 0:55:31We had the most wonderful guests
0:55:31 > 0:55:33and the thing that they all had in common...
0:55:33 > 0:55:36is that none of them took themselves seriously.
0:55:36 > 0:55:40Sometimes you have to do that, you know. Let go. Try it. Go on.
0:55:40 > 0:55:42Open your heart and take a risk.
0:55:42 > 0:55:44There's no feeling like it in the world.
0:55:44 > 0:55:46Well, maybe making love to George Clooney.
0:55:48 > 0:55:51But, apart from that... Or Matt Damon. Maybe Matt...
0:55:51 > 0:55:53Yes, OK, Matt Damon.
0:55:53 > 0:55:55Be good to each other. Goodnight.
0:55:55 > 0:55:56APPLAUSE
0:56:00 > 0:56:02# Make a date, don't be late
0:56:02 > 0:56:05# Cos you know it's going to be great
0:56:05 > 0:56:09# When the irrepressible Browns come to town
0:56:10 > 0:56:12# To begin, just tune in
0:56:12 > 0:56:15# And you'll wear a nuclear grin
0:56:15 > 0:56:19# Watching Agnes and her clan act the clown
0:56:21 > 0:56:23# Instead of feeling depressed
0:56:23 > 0:56:26# Let laughter make you feel blessed
0:56:26 > 0:56:30# So it's all round to Mrs Brown's. #
0:56:30 > 0:56:33APPLAUSE