Pigeon Post

Download Subtitles

Transcript

0:00:21 > 0:00:27My name is Rene. This is my cafe, but at the moment my life is one big problem.

0:00:27 > 0:00:31You see, I 'ave to be nice to the Germans.

0:00:31 > 0:00:38They are my customers and are winning the war. If I am not nice to them, they will shoot me.

0:00:38 > 0:00:43- I must be nice to the Resistance. - Or they will shoot him for being nice to ze Germans.

0:00:43 > 0:00:46I 'ave to be nice to my wife,

0:00:46 > 0:00:51because if she learns I'm having an affair with Yvette, she'll shoot me.

0:00:51 > 0:00:57If Yvette learns I'm having an affair with Maria, SHE'LL shoot me.

0:00:57 > 0:01:00Otto Flick, the Gestapo officer, is having dinner.

0:01:00 > 0:01:03Upstairs are two German officers in their underwear

0:01:03 > 0:01:08because I have given their uniforms to two British airmen, to 'elp them escape.

0:01:08 > 0:01:11HE is a forger for the Maquis.

0:01:11 > 0:01:16And the German officer at that table fancies me.

0:01:18 > 0:01:20And it is only Tuesday.

0:01:21 > 0:01:23Rene,

0:01:23 > 0:01:29the Colonel is impatient. You promised him his uniform back. That was 45 minutes ago!

0:01:29 > 0:01:32Take his mind off it. Amuse him.

0:01:32 > 0:01:34'Ow can I? Look at my celery.

0:01:34 > 0:01:39- Maria, can't you entertain 'im? - My celery isn't even good enough for soup.

0:01:39 > 0:01:43Herr Flick of the Gestapo is paying his bill.

0:01:43 > 0:01:49Herr Flick will find the painting of the Fallen Madonna when he searches.

0:01:49 > 0:01:53It's gone, but so 'ave the uniforms of the Colonel and Captain.

0:01:53 > 0:01:59Zis could make the Gestapo suspicious.

0:01:59 > 0:02:01Helga, keep Herr Flick amused.

0:02:01 > 0:02:05Amusing the Gestapo is a very SERIOUS business.

0:02:05 > 0:02:10- Can you think of something? - Give me a large glass of brandy.

0:02:10 > 0:02:12Of course. At once.

0:02:21 > 0:02:23You have ten minutes.

0:02:23 > 0:02:26Make it five.

0:02:26 > 0:02:30- We must hide the German officers. - Take them to the room of my mother.

0:02:30 > 0:02:34Maria, tell the officers. I will explain to the old girl.

0:02:37 > 0:02:42- BANG - Rene! Edith! Can nobody hear me?

0:02:43 > 0:02:47Shut up, you old bat. This place is crawling with the Gestapo.

0:02:47 > 0:02:51I shall tell zem nothing!

0:02:51 > 0:02:54Listen carefully to me.

0:02:54 > 0:02:58- Two German officers are coming to your room.- SPIT.- Pigs!

0:03:02 > 0:03:07They have already taken off the uniforms! Have you no finesse?

0:03:07 > 0:03:10They will not touch YOU, Mama.

0:03:10 > 0:03:15That is what zey said in 1917.

0:03:17 > 0:03:19Quick! In the wardrobe.

0:03:19 > 0:03:23If I do not have my uniform in ten minutes, you vill be shot!

0:03:23 > 0:03:30But your revolver is in the uniform which is being worn by the British airman, who is not here.

0:03:30 > 0:03:33Get in the wardrobe!

0:03:34 > 0:03:37Rene, 'e is on his way up 'ere.

0:03:37 > 0:03:40- Who is?- Otto Flick of ze Gestapo.

0:03:40 > 0:03:42- Gestapo!- Gestapo!

0:03:44 > 0:03:49The Gestapo are coming. If they find the Germans I could be shot!

0:03:49 > 0:03:53I shall not yield to the torture of ze Gestapo.

0:03:53 > 0:03:58Long live FRANCE!

0:03:58 > 0:04:00Shut up!

0:04:00 > 0:04:03Herr Otto Flick.

0:04:03 > 0:04:05Good evening.

0:04:05 > 0:04:06Good evening, Herr Flick.

0:04:06 > 0:04:12I am sorry to inconvenience you but I need to know certain things.

0:04:12 > 0:04:18There are two German officers in ze wardrobe and ze radio is under my bed.

0:04:20 > 0:04:22Very amusing.

0:04:22 > 0:04:25I see I am vasting my time here. Heil Hitler.

0:04:25 > 0:04:27Heil Hitler!

0:04:28 > 0:04:36I will take the cognac upstairs. If the officers do not get their uniforms soon, they'll go mad!

0:04:36 > 0:04:40Go with her, Yvette. She is under a great strain.

0:04:42 > 0:04:44Rene, when are we going to be alone?

0:04:44 > 0:04:48Go to the pantry. Wait for me by the Brie.

0:04:48 > 0:04:52Keep the...keep the lid on until I arrive.

0:04:54 > 0:04:56Check the window.

0:04:58 > 0:05:00All clear.

0:05:00 > 0:05:04Put that chair at the back of the door.

0:05:07 > 0:05:09Now, climb on the chair.

0:05:09 > 0:05:12- Oh, Maria!- Oh, Rene!

0:05:13 > 0:05:17My little cabbage, my little beanshoot.

0:05:17 > 0:05:19My big cucumber.

0:05:19 > 0:05:26- You 'ave no idea what the feel of your firm, young body does to me.- Yes, I 'ave.

0:05:26 > 0:05:29'Old me forever.

0:05:31 > 0:05:34- What were you saying to Yvette? - Nothing!

0:05:34 > 0:05:40Nothing. No, she is nothing to me. You are my only true love.

0:05:40 > 0:05:47- How long can we keep our affair secret from your wife?- As long as my reactions are quick.

0:05:47 > 0:05:48KNOCK KNOCK

0:05:48 > 0:05:51Someone at the window.

0:05:51 > 0:05:56I 'eard, but these cowardly legs of mine are paralysed with fear.

0:05:56 > 0:05:58I shall see who it is.

0:06:01 > 0:06:03Oh.

0:06:05 > 0:06:11You know, the velvet is wearing. We shall 'ave to start using another chair soon.

0:06:11 > 0:06:15- It is the Resistance. - Michelle - why are you 'ere?

0:06:15 > 0:06:19Listen carefully. I shall say this only once.

0:06:19 > 0:06:24Rene, there is no Brie. I ate it last night.

0:06:24 > 0:06:26I shall say this only once.

0:06:26 > 0:06:31The German officers cannot stay in the room of my mother.

0:06:31 > 0:06:36London will be calling on the radio, and the loudspeaker is in her chamber.

0:06:36 > 0:06:41If the Germans hear a voice coming from her chamber-pot, our cover will be blown!

0:06:42 > 0:06:45Shut up. Michelle has something to tell us.

0:06:45 > 0:06:50Listen very carefully. I shall say this only once.

0:06:50 > 0:06:55- What is it?- I 'aven't said it yet. If you listen, I will tell you.

0:06:55 > 0:06:58The suspense is killing ME.

0:06:58 > 0:07:02The British airmen in the German uniforms 'ave been captured.

0:07:02 > 0:07:04- No!- Yes! - No!- Yes! - No!

0:07:04 > 0:07:06YES.

0:07:07 > 0:07:11Will nobody believe this woman? Get on with the story.

0:07:11 > 0:07:14The Resistance have captured them.

0:07:14 > 0:07:18- Why are we worried?- It is not OUR Resistance which caught them.

0:07:18 > 0:07:22- What other Resistance is there? - The Communist one!

0:07:22 > 0:07:24- What are you?- De Gaulle.

0:07:24 > 0:07:27- De Gaulle?- He is the tall one. - With the big hooter.

0:07:27 > 0:07:31The Communists are ruthless. We have to eliminate them.

0:07:31 > 0:07:35The Germans cannot leave without uniforms.

0:07:35 > 0:07:39That is no problem. London can do anything.

0:07:39 > 0:07:44I cannot tell the Germans about London! They will 'ave me shot!

0:07:44 > 0:07:50We could say M. Leclerc, the forger, is a tailor, and 'e will make uniforms.

0:07:50 > 0:07:53You are married to a very clever woman.

0:07:53 > 0:07:57I have always preferred brains to beauty.

0:07:57 > 0:08:00Unless they 'ave big knockers.

0:08:01 > 0:08:04Go and tell Leclerc.

0:08:05 > 0:08:11How can we contact London? The radio is under the bed, the Germans are in the wardrobe.

0:08:11 > 0:08:15This is no problem. We will send the message by pigeon.

0:08:15 > 0:08:18- We 'ave no pigeons! - They will be provided.

0:08:18 > 0:08:23Tomorrow at midday you will go to 36 Rue D'Escargot.

0:08:23 > 0:08:28You will knock three times and zey will give you pigeons.

0:08:28 > 0:08:35- To avoid suspicion you will be disguised as a small boy. - Why not as a small girl?

0:08:35 > 0:08:38Because you ARE a small girl.

0:08:42 > 0:08:45I 'ave come for the measurements.

0:08:45 > 0:08:49Rene! Edith! It is the undertaker,

0:08:49 > 0:08:52- and I am in ze peak of health! - COUGH COUGH !

0:08:56 > 0:08:58That voice!

0:08:58 > 0:08:59That face!

0:08:59 > 0:09:02Do these old eyes deceive me?

0:09:02 > 0:09:07Can it be... after all these years...

0:09:09 > 0:09:13my F-Fanny?

0:09:13 > 0:09:15Oh-h, can it be?

0:09:15 > 0:09:17It is! Roger!

0:09:17 > 0:09:19- Ohhhh!- Oh-hh.

0:09:19 > 0:09:22My own sweetheart.

0:09:22 > 0:09:24- Roger!- Fanny!

0:09:24 > 0:09:28- Ohhh...Roger!- Fanny!

0:09:30 > 0:09:34After all these years.

0:09:34 > 0:09:36Where 'ave you been?

0:09:39 > 0:09:43In ze nick, my love, in ze nick.

0:09:44 > 0:09:48And now fate has brought us together.

0:09:50 > 0:09:52That is the barn there.

0:09:52 > 0:09:54Are they hidden there?

0:09:54 > 0:09:59- Without a doubt.- We 'ave to get those uniforms so we must attack.

0:09:59 > 0:10:04Listen very carefully. I shall say this only once.

0:10:04 > 0:10:07Right, listen to me, my friends.

0:10:07 > 0:10:13Unless you tell us what we want to know, I will make life very uncomfortable for you.

0:10:13 > 0:10:18What's she talking about? I've actually no idea.

0:10:18 > 0:10:20They think we're Jerries.

0:10:20 > 0:10:22Not Jerries!

0:10:22 > 0:10:25Show them ze magneto and leads.

0:10:25 > 0:10:30Perhaps you recognise this method of loosening ze tongue?

0:10:30 > 0:10:33I think I've got it! What is it?

0:10:33 > 0:10:36They want help to start their car!

0:10:36 > 0:10:40You 'ave five minutes to talk, otherwise I will shoot you!

0:10:40 > 0:10:42She's going to shoot herself!

0:10:42 > 0:10:44That'd be a shame.

0:10:44 > 0:10:49Such a pretty girl! We'd better agree to do what we can.

0:10:49 > 0:10:51We'll-do-what-we-can.

0:10:51 > 0:10:58I thought so. Zey are prepared to talk. Cut them down.

0:10:58 > 0:11:00Ooh! Ooh!

0:11:00 > 0:11:02Ready. Take aim.

0:11:02 > 0:11:04Fire!

0:11:04 > 0:11:05VOLLEY OF SHOTS

0:11:05 > 0:11:08The Germans! Out ze back way!

0:11:09 > 0:11:14If that's the Jerries, we could be shot. Get rid of these uniforms!

0:11:14 > 0:11:16Shove them on the fire!

0:11:20 > 0:11:22Cease fire!

0:11:25 > 0:11:27They are running for it!

0:11:27 > 0:11:30They think we are Germans.

0:11:30 > 0:11:32We will cut them off at ze bridge.

0:11:35 > 0:11:39OFF-KEY SINGING # Hear my song, in my gondola.

0:11:39 > 0:11:45# Waiting on the old lagoon. #

0:11:47 > 0:11:49NO APPLAUSE

0:11:56 > 0:12:00The German officers will not wait. They are coming down!

0:12:00 > 0:12:04- In their underwear ?! - No, they 'ave changed. Look!

0:12:05 > 0:12:12- Where did they get those clothes? - From the wardrobe. They're disguises left by the British airmen.

0:12:12 > 0:12:16Ah! Pierre and Jacques, the onion sellers.

0:12:16 > 0:12:23Wine on the 'ouse for my friends, Pierre and Jacques. Come and sit down over 'ere, my friends.

0:12:23 > 0:12:25Sit very comfortably 'ere.

0:12:25 > 0:12:29Brilliant disguise! We'll 'ave your uniforms back soon!

0:12:29 > 0:12:34If we do not get the uniforms today, you vill be shot!

0:12:34 > 0:12:36Up against the wall, vith guns!

0:12:36 > 0:12:43But I see you are a man of compassion. Even as you speak, there are tears in your eyes.

0:12:43 > 0:12:46It's these damned onions!

0:12:46 > 0:12:50Ah! Little George, my nephew.

0:12:51 > 0:12:54It's good to see you again, lad.

0:12:54 > 0:12:57- I 'ave what you want, uncle, here. - Good boy!

0:12:57 > 0:13:05- Take that basket of SCHOOL BOOKS, and put it in the back room. - For you, anything!

0:13:11 > 0:13:14This boy is very vell built.

0:13:14 > 0:13:17It is my wife's cooking.

0:13:17 > 0:13:19Why is he vearing suspenders?

0:13:20 > 0:13:23We 'ave many problems with him.

0:13:26 > 0:13:31Otto Flick is meeting me for lunch. You must go at once.

0:13:31 > 0:13:32Too late!

0:13:34 > 0:13:37Helga, you are here early. That is good!

0:13:37 > 0:13:41- You told me not to be late. - Your obedience pleases me.

0:13:41 > 0:13:43- Sit!- Yes, Herr Flick. Where?

0:13:43 > 0:13:45Here.

0:13:45 > 0:13:50You - French peasants, I am the Gestapo. I want this table.

0:13:53 > 0:13:58Colonel Von Strohm and Captain Geering!

0:13:58 > 0:13:59Heil Hitler!

0:13:59 > 0:14:01Heil HIT-ler!

0:14:03 > 0:14:08- Why are you dressed like this? - Ve can explain.- Ve can explain.

0:14:08 > 0:14:11- I am vaiting.- He is vaiting.

0:14:11 > 0:14:17- I am trying to infiltrate the Resistance.- I am doing the same as he is.

0:14:18 > 0:14:22Dressed as a Colonel, the French avoid me.

0:14:22 > 0:14:26- But with these onions I am one of them.- I am one of them, too.

0:14:26 > 0:14:29I must admit, you look like one of them.

0:14:29 > 0:14:33Ahem! I could not help overhearing this conversation.

0:14:33 > 0:14:37This 'as got nothing to do with you!

0:14:38 > 0:14:41Go and drink your cognac.

0:14:41 > 0:14:45This is an idea worthy of the Gestapo.

0:14:45 > 0:14:49- Helga! Come with me! - Yes, Herr Flick.

0:14:49 > 0:14:56- Colonel, do you think he suspects anything?- Not at the moment, but we MUST have those uniforms.

0:14:56 > 0:14:59There is a slight problem, Colonel.

0:14:59 > 0:15:02What problem? All we need is a fitting.

0:15:02 > 0:15:07Well, that too would be a problem. The uniforms are being made in London.

0:15:07 > 0:15:08- What?- What?

0:15:08 > 0:15:13They will be made by the best tailors - maybe even Savile Row.

0:15:13 > 0:15:19Colonel, ve are Germans. To have our uniforms made in London must be against the rules!

0:15:19 > 0:15:24Right, that does it. I will tell the Gestapo, and you vill be shot!

0:15:24 > 0:15:29Ah, but dear Colonel, with respect, I am afraid you are in too deep.

0:15:29 > 0:15:33There is the matter of 'elping the British airmen escape.

0:15:33 > 0:15:34You DID do that.

0:15:34 > 0:15:40There is the priceless painting of the Fallen Madonna, which is wanted by the Fuhrer.

0:15:40 > 0:15:43You did pinch that, Colonel.

0:15:43 > 0:15:48- You are in just as deep as I am. - I only follow orders - YOUR orders.

0:15:48 > 0:15:52Dear, lovely Colonel, there is no real reason to worry.

0:15:52 > 0:15:59Soon you will have your uniforms back, and the copy of the painting to please the Fuhrer.

0:15:59 > 0:16:06The girls will be 'ere with the wet celery, and life will be back to normal.

0:16:06 > 0:16:11- He is right, Colonel. - He better be. This war is getting very dangerous.

0:16:11 > 0:16:15I will ask my wife to prepare for you a very special lunch.

0:16:15 > 0:16:21Edith...we must keep those onion sellers 'appy.

0:16:21 > 0:16:24- Shall I sing a song for them?- No.

0:16:24 > 0:16:28I want you to go into the kitchen and do something unforgettable.

0:16:28 > 0:16:33Rene, you 'ave not said that to me since April 1940.

0:16:41 > 0:16:45Maria! I am very cross with you.

0:16:45 > 0:16:47Shall I get on the chair?

0:16:47 > 0:16:49No!

0:16:49 > 0:16:51What are these doing 'ere?

0:16:51 > 0:16:57- They are suspenders to keep up my stockings.- Gentlemen do not wear suspenders and stockings!

0:16:57 > 0:17:00You should see the Colonel on a good night.

0:17:00 > 0:17:04You nearly gave away the game! Hide those pigeons.

0:17:04 > 0:17:10And, for heaven's sake, put on a dress. That German lieutenant thinks I'm like THAT.

0:17:10 > 0:17:12YOU of all people.

0:17:12 > 0:17:14- Don't move!- Ah!

0:17:14 > 0:17:17Lock ze door.

0:17:17 > 0:17:21- Are we alone?- Unless you count the three of us - yes.

0:17:21 > 0:17:25- Have you found the British with ze uniforms?- They ran away.

0:17:25 > 0:17:27- Do you 'ave the pigeons?- Yes.

0:17:27 > 0:17:30I 'ave the cylinder to attach to them.

0:17:30 > 0:17:35- Do you have measurements of the German officers?- Yes.

0:17:35 > 0:17:39Put that in here and clip it to the leg of one of the pigeons.

0:17:39 > 0:17:44You will write a description of the uniforms we require.

0:17:44 > 0:17:47Here is the paper supplied with the cylinder.

0:17:47 > 0:17:49What shall I say?

0:17:49 > 0:17:54To London. Please supply by parachute drop at your convenience

0:17:54 > 0:17:56German uniforms as follows.

0:17:56 > 0:17:58KNOCK KNOCK

0:17:59 > 0:18:00Hello. Hello.

0:18:00 > 0:18:02Sorry about the togs.

0:18:02 > 0:18:05We had to pinch them off scarecrows.

0:18:05 > 0:18:07What about the uniforms?

0:18:07 > 0:18:11We burnt them. We didn't want to be shot as spies.

0:18:11 > 0:18:13The painting's safe, though.

0:18:13 > 0:18:17- What?- They 'ave the picture but have burnt the uniforms.

0:18:17 > 0:18:22Oh, heck! They cannot stay 'ere. Germans are everywhere.

0:18:22 > 0:18:26- You'll find somewhere.- There's the room of my wife's mother.

0:18:26 > 0:18:33- The German Colonel and Captain are 'iding there.- No, they are now disguised as onion sellers.

0:18:33 > 0:18:38Then we can send the message by the radio.

0:18:38 > 0:18:41Mama! It is I, little Edith.

0:18:46 > 0:18:49What are you doing in the bed of my mother?

0:18:49 > 0:18:53W-we were childhood sweethearts.

0:18:53 > 0:18:57She was my love, but I thought I had lost it.

0:18:57 > 0:19:02Now, once again, he has f-found it!

0:19:04 > 0:19:08It could only 'appen in France. Here is your soup, Mama.

0:19:08 > 0:19:09Mama, I...

0:19:11 > 0:19:15What is the forger doing in bed with your mother?

0:19:15 > 0:19:18He's an old lover. Isn't it romantic?

0:19:18 > 0:19:22These togs have a frightful pong. Could you hang them on a line?

0:19:22 > 0:19:29They take off their clothes. They are no better than ze Germans. Protect me!

0:19:29 > 0:19:30Ze radio!

0:19:30 > 0:19:35Come on, chaps, lend a hand. Lift the bed.

0:19:37 > 0:19:39Thank you very much.

0:19:39 > 0:19:43I say, they can't have much confidence in the soup!

0:19:43 > 0:19:48'Allo, 'allo, this is Night Hawk, are you receiving me? Over.

0:19:56 > 0:19:59These are my private quarters.

0:20:04 > 0:20:10- I have had it made completely sound-proofed.- I can guess why.

0:20:10 > 0:20:15Yes. The noise of the lorries vas keeping me awake at night.

0:20:17 > 0:20:20This is my godfather, Heinrich Himmler.

0:20:20 > 0:20:25That one is me, in the Hitler Youth.

0:20:25 > 0:20:27Your knees are very beautiful.

0:20:27 > 0:20:30That's why I joined.

0:20:30 > 0:20:34- I, too, was in the Hitler Youth. - We are two of a kind. You may kiss me.

0:20:51 > 0:20:54That gave me great pleasure.

0:20:57 > 0:21:00This room has a very exciting atmosphere.

0:21:00 > 0:21:04- Sit in that chair. - Yes, Herr Flick.

0:21:09 > 0:21:11I vant some information from you.

0:21:11 > 0:21:15Oooh! I vill tell you anything, Herr Flick.

0:21:15 > 0:21:22The Colonel and the Captain - do you think they know where the Fallen Madonna by Van Clomp is?

0:21:22 > 0:21:26- I am sure they do not. - Good! Some wine!

0:21:29 > 0:21:33- Go to that cupboard. - Yes, Herr Flick.

0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Open it!- Yes, Herr Flick.

0:21:39 > 0:21:45From time to time it is necessary for the Gestapo to have many disguises.

0:21:47 > 0:21:52- Bring me the two hangers on the extreme right. - Yes, Herr Flick.

0:21:54 > 0:22:00These are the clothes of onion sellers. We vill disguise ourselves and return to the cafe.

0:22:00 > 0:22:06- Will they fit?- There is only one vay to find out. Take off your uniform.

0:22:06 > 0:22:07Yes, Herr Flick.

0:22:17 > 0:22:25We will observe the normal proprieties. I vill change behind this screen.

0:22:29 > 0:22:32Continue to take off your uniform.

0:22:47 > 0:22:53Herr Flick! I hope you do not disapprove of my choice of undergarments.

0:22:53 > 0:23:00Not at all. Such things are very popular in Berlin these days.

0:23:18 > 0:23:24You know, it is quite pleasant to be a French onion seller. People smile at us.

0:23:24 > 0:23:28Hmm. Especially that German officer over there.

0:23:28 > 0:23:33I think - Hello! - I think I prefer being a peasant to being a German.

0:23:33 > 0:23:39You'll be a DEAD peasant if Herr Flick finds out we've been helping British airmen to escape.

0:23:41 > 0:23:43I 'ave good news, Colonel.

0:23:43 > 0:23:46London is making your uniforms.

0:23:46 > 0:23:50They will be dropped by parachute at dawn tomorrow.

0:23:50 > 0:23:55- How do we know they will fit? - The best Savile Row tailors are making them: 'Solomon and Klein.'

0:23:58 > 0:24:00Jewish tailors!

0:24:00 > 0:24:02Are you mad?

0:24:02 > 0:24:05They are the best, Herr Colonel.

0:24:05 > 0:24:07It's the principle of the thing!

0:24:07 > 0:24:14- Had I known the tailors were Jewish things would have been different. - We could've ordered extra shirts.

0:24:16 > 0:24:18Lunch will soon be ready.

0:24:18 > 0:24:21What is it? Gefilterfisch and bagels?

0:24:22 > 0:24:24No, it is a surprise.

0:24:24 > 0:24:29- How much longer must we wait? - Should I sing to 'elp pass the time?

0:24:29 > 0:24:31No! Get back to the kitchen.

0:24:33 > 0:24:36My God! More onion sellers.

0:24:36 > 0:24:38Colonel.

0:24:38 > 0:24:41It is I, Helga!

0:24:41 > 0:24:47- Why are you dressed like that? Herr Flick will be suspicious. - He is also disguised like this.

0:24:55 > 0:25:02Good afternoon, Herr Patron. I am just a simple onion seller in search of wine and food.

0:25:02 > 0:25:05- Sit!- Yes, Herr Onion Seller.

0:25:05 > 0:25:09I will obtain wine and food at once.

0:25:09 > 0:25:13M. Rene, that onion seller there. Is he another cousin?

0:25:13 > 0:25:15Oh, very distant.

0:25:15 > 0:25:22I am beginning to recognise your cousins. They are all very well built.

0:25:22 > 0:25:27Here it is! A work of art! Casserole of pigeon.

0:25:31 > 0:25:36It looks very appetising. Will you join us?

0:25:36 > 0:25:38I shall be most honoured.

0:25:40 > 0:25:43- Breast or leg? - I like the legs.

0:25:43 > 0:25:46I can vouch for the truth of this.

0:25:46 > 0:25:48Where did you get the pigeons?

0:25:48 > 0:25:53- In a basket in ze kitchen.- Fool! They were carrier pigeons.

0:25:53 > 0:25:56- No!- Yes!- No!- Don't start...

0:25:56 > 0:26:03Look, there on the leg is a cylinder. It contains the measurements of the Colonel...

0:26:03 > 0:26:08There is a cylinder attached to the leg of this casseroled pigeon.

0:26:08 > 0:26:14- Spices....they should have been removed. Allow me.- Stop!

0:26:14 > 0:26:16I vill investigate.

0:26:18 > 0:26:23Inside the cylinder, covered in gravy,

0:26:23 > 0:26:27is a piece of paper with writing on it.

0:26:27 > 0:26:29Perhaps it is the recipe

0:26:30 > 0:26:34or-or maybe even the name and address of the pigeon.

0:26:36 > 0:26:38Clearly it is in code.

0:26:38 > 0:26:42This will go to be deciphered by experts.

0:26:42 > 0:26:48Congratulations, Herr Colonel, already these disguises are producing results.

0:26:53 > 0:26:59Rene, what was on that paper? What will they discover?

0:26:59 > 0:27:05Only that somebody's inside leg measurement is 34, chest 42 and neck 17.

0:27:05 > 0:27:11- Who is that person? - You, Colonel. But don't worry, your name was not upon it.

0:27:11 > 0:27:18- Suppose they identify it from the measurements?- Colonel, many people have a 42 chest!

0:27:18 > 0:27:22Even Helga, if you include her onions.

0:27:22 > 0:27:24What shall we do, Hans?

0:27:24 > 0:27:27I think ve should eat the pigeons.

0:27:27 > 0:27:30Hans, you are right!

0:27:30 > 0:27:34- Rene, the vegetables. - At once, Herr Colonel.