0:00:01 > 0:00:05This programme contains strong language
0:00:05 > 0:00:08Are you thinking of declaring war on anyone, Ambassador?
0:00:08 > 0:00:09No, not yet.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11What do you make of him?
0:00:11 > 0:00:12I like HER.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14- I've been asked to apply for a job. - What is it?
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Deputy Head of Cardiology at Barts.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27This is the guest list for the Trooping of the Colour.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30These are the home telephone numbers of Ann Widdecombe and Lembit Opik.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32I think it could be dangerous for you.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34They might decide that you're a good way to get to me.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40I can see why you come in here so much.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Well it's the best place to get drunk
0:00:42 > 0:00:43and find an oil-engineer to shag.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Can I get you girls a drink?
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Oh, hi, Kevin! I was just talking about you.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50- He's arranging for you to see the president tomorrow.- The president?
0:00:50 > 0:00:53You want to talk about your British helicopters, don't you?
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Prince Mark is a proven trade envoy.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59This country has completely won my heart.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Your women are some of the most beautiful I've ever seen.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08They got pissed together.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Of course. Proper diplomacy.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20When the president says he'd like to talk about Tazbekistan's new
0:01:20 > 0:01:21military capabilities,
0:01:21 > 0:01:23you always know you're in for another three hours.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26I had no idea there were so many different types of missiles.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28It's the combination of missile
0:01:28 > 0:01:30and hand of destiny you've got to worry about.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32You asked me to draft this week's DipTel to London.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35- I did it during the speech. - Ah, well done. Let's have a look.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37The advantage of being sat at the back.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40"The president's platinum jubilee has finally arrived."
0:01:40 > 0:01:43I mention the unrest further on. Shouldn't platinum be 70 years?
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Here, they have a different system.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Here, it's whatever the president wants.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50THUNDER RUMBLES
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Did you manage to find out about this vetting officer who's coming?
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Mr Jackson? He was seconded out to the Americans for a while.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02They loved him. They christened him Guantanamo Bob.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05- Is this vetting for everyone? - Just the Brits.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09How's your mum?
0:03:09 > 0:03:12My sister says she's taken a turn for the worst.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14But she says that every time I call.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19You know you can head home any time you want, don't you?
0:03:19 > 0:03:20How would you cope?
0:03:20 > 0:03:22We wouldn't.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Sergei, are you coming to our little jubilee celebration tonight?
0:03:32 > 0:03:35No. Jubilee is big day of sorrow.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38I will stay home and clean guns.
0:03:40 > 0:03:41Hmm.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46That's great, thanks.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Ah, Isabel! Welcome.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Ludmilla is serving a great Tazbek delicacy -
0:03:51 > 0:03:52curried eggs on cardboard.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56And if you're feeling brave she's made a special jubilee vodka punch.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58I'll just have wine, thanks.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Ah, the president's daughter. My favourite Tazbek woman.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Ah, well then you'll be aware of all her different roles
0:04:04 > 0:04:05- in the country.- I think I am.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09She's the national football manager, UNESCO Ambassador, a model,
0:04:09 > 0:04:11pop star, charity patron, MP...
0:04:11 > 0:04:13And an important wine producer.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17Ludmilla, will you join us for a little jubilee libation?
0:04:17 > 0:04:21When a man's house is on fire, now is not the time to dig the well.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Well, there you have it.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Oh, Fergana's new song's on the telly!
0:04:25 > 0:04:26# They call me Elle
0:04:26 > 0:04:28# They call me Stacy
0:04:28 > 0:04:29# They call me her
0:04:29 > 0:04:31# They call me Jane
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Is she going to succeed her father?
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Who knows? It would be preferable to her singing.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Or managing our football team.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Keith, isn't it your job to object to this sort of nepotism?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43In a way. We should get Prince Charles to head up a task force.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46You want this woman to become leader of the country?
0:04:46 > 0:04:47# That's not my name... #
0:04:47 > 0:04:50It's not really a question of what we want.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Ah, Natalia, you've arrived just in time to save me
0:04:53 > 0:04:55from an ethical grilling by my wife.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Chateau Fergana red or Chateau Fergana white?
0:04:58 > 0:05:01I will not drink her grapes. Beer, please.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04We've had the daughter. Now the dada.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12He's got the same curtains as you.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- EXPLOSIONS - What was that?
0:05:17 > 0:05:19- Fireworks.- Sounded like gunfire.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Don't they teach you the difference at the Foreign Office?
0:05:22 > 0:05:24It is gunfire.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28I think it's both. Shooting in the air in celebration...
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Joie de feu - that's what it's called.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34- No-one is celebrating. - So if it's not celebration...?
0:05:34 > 0:05:37It's...something else.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39EXPLOSIONS, SIRENS
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Bollocks.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43All right everyone, sit tight. Sometimes it comes straight back on.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48And sometimes it doesn't.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50I'll get a torch.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00The mobile network's down as well.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Keith, we er...need to talk.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18No. Nothing on any of the news websites.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20What do you think, Neil?
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- Tanya thinks people shouldn't go out.- What's she heard?
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Her brother is involved in the opposition.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Is he?
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Yes.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37Your girlfriend's brother is part of the opposition?
0:06:37 > 0:06:39That's right.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42The Deputy Head of Mission's girlfriend's brother is
0:06:42 > 0:06:43involved with the opposition.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46That is the situation - yes.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Well she'd better be careful, Neil.
0:06:48 > 0:06:49Hmm.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54I think we should offer people the chance to stay tonight,
0:06:54 > 0:06:55just in case.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02The good news is there's 40 bottles of Chateau Fergana to get through.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08DISTANT GUNFIRE
0:07:10 > 0:07:12PHONE RINGS
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Sergei? What?
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Man on gate...?
0:07:26 > 0:07:30He's a betting man? Just...just get rid of him.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Oh, shit.
0:07:41 > 0:07:47Sergei, did he say betting man, or vetting man?
0:07:47 > 0:07:50London told us you were arriving on the 23rd.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52It is the 23rd.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53We were sending a car.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55That's a lie.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Um...well...er...
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Come through here.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Let me at least get you a drink.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Long journey and all that.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09We've had a platinum jubilee party, which is why...
0:08:09 > 0:08:11it is like this.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13The red's not bad.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15I'm not a drinking man, Ambassador.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Neither was I till I came here.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20What the fuck's going on?
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Mr Jackson, the vetting officer, has just arrived.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24Right.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33This is Neil Tilly, deputy ambassador.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35He keeps the place ticking over smoothly.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39I thought you were due tomorrow.
0:08:39 > 0:08:40It is tomorrow.
0:08:40 > 0:08:41NEIL COUGHS
0:08:41 > 0:08:43MOANING
0:08:44 > 0:08:47And who's this?
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Er...a...local consultant.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52I run bar.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Let's get you a bedroom.
0:08:56 > 0:08:57Neil.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- So how did you get from the airport? Taxi?- I walked.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15I'll put you in here tonight, if that's OK?
0:09:18 > 0:09:23Ah, yes, er, of course, that's Caitlin, head of consular.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24CAITLIN SNORES
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Very able. Erm...let's use this one.
0:09:29 > 0:09:34Ah, yes, Natalia. I thought it was best if everyone stayed...
0:09:34 > 0:09:37after the party because of agitation on the street.
0:09:39 > 0:09:44There is agitation on the streets, we think...possibly.
0:09:44 > 0:09:45Better safe than sorry.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Can I help?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Er...erm...er... No.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52I'm just looking for a spare bedroom. This is Mr Jackson.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Is everything OK?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Yes, thanks, Isabel.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00Isabel - everyone - this is Mr Jackson, the vetting officer.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04Mr Jackson, this is Isabel, our trade and political secretary.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Er... So, er, yep.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11Maybe Natalia, if you slept with Isabel, er just for tonight...
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Is that fair on Isabel?
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- I don't mind. - I can sleep with Caitlin.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20Yes. Er..or...or maybe if you slept with Jennifer?
0:10:20 > 0:10:21- Who's Jennifer?- My wife.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Have I met her yet?
0:10:23 > 0:10:26No, she's asleep. Or, Isabel, you could sleep with Caitlin.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Who shall I sleep with, Keith?
0:10:28 > 0:10:30What's going on?
0:10:37 > 0:10:40What in the name of all that is holy is going on in your country?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43No sooner has Prince Charming nailed us the oil contract -
0:10:43 > 0:10:44you let the whole place burst into flames.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48There've been indications of trouble in the build-up to the jubilee,
0:10:48 > 0:10:49as I reported in my DipTel of...
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Right now, I'm hearing about extensive violent clashes,
0:10:52 > 0:10:53shootings, deaths.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Are you? Who from?
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Who are these people? Where are they? What do they want?
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Well we think we know who they are -
0:10:59 > 0:11:01basically some of the usual suspects.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03- Any contacts with them? - Not at the moment.- Why not?
0:11:03 > 0:11:06There's been a variety of opposition leaders
0:11:06 > 0:11:07and groups here over the years.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09We don't know who's leading this at the moment.
0:11:09 > 0:11:10Well find out. Talk to them.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14I've got to brief the Secretary of State on what to say to the PM about this.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17As you know, sir, No 10 have been at pains to discourage anything
0:11:17 > 0:11:20that might disrupt our close relationship with President Karsak.
0:11:20 > 0:11:21Quite right too.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25Well, the president has always been very clear about how he'd react if
0:11:25 > 0:11:28he found out that foreign embassies had contact with opposition groups.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30And he often does find out.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34We won that oil contract because of our good relationship with the prez.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Yes. But that was then and this is now.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37I don't want to jump the gun but,
0:11:37 > 0:11:40if this conflict develops, we need to have picked the winner.
0:11:40 > 0:11:41It's way too early to suggest
0:11:41 > 0:11:43this is a substantial threat to the regime.
0:11:43 > 0:11:4717th December 2010, Tunisia - an illiterate fruit and veg seller
0:11:47 > 0:11:51in Sidi Bouzid, a small desert town no-one had ever heard of -
0:11:51 > 0:11:54set himself on fire in a dispute over his stall permit.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58Six months later, half the regimes in the Middle East had fallen
0:11:58 > 0:12:00and none of us saw it coming.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02I've got a meeting with the prez at lunch time.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04I'll try and find out what he's thinking.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Good. But remember, you're the ones with the boots in the sand,
0:12:07 > 0:12:10the ear of the bazaar, the whisper of the souk.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14Get me the inside track because we can only wholeheartedly back
0:12:14 > 0:12:16the winner once we know who the winner is going to be.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18If they're going to win - go and meet them.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20And if they're not, don't.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Exactly. And it's vital not to share our thinking on this with
0:12:23 > 0:12:25any of our allies - especially the French.
0:12:25 > 0:12:26- No.- Yep.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30It's a question of signalling left and turning right.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Bad signalling. Got it.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35I need you to stay ahead of the curve.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37If there's a boat leaving, I don't want to miss it.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43I wonder which boat he was referring to.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Or which curve for that matter.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48You know he came on a visit here last year?
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Just turned up unannounced, on his way to Auckland.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52What? No.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56I'm sure your predecessor's breakdown
0:12:56 > 0:12:57would have happened anyway.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Can I speak to the nurse?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Jess, it's not that I don't trust your judgment...
0:13:09 > 0:13:12I have to go but I'll call you right back.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16Hello, Consular. Oh, hi, Kevin. What's happening?
0:13:16 > 0:13:19No, there's no plans to evacuate at the moment.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23What? Has that been verified? Well, how many have been injured?
0:13:24 > 0:13:27What?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29No, what you hear in a bar does not constitute as evidence.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33I know there's tension in the north east. I was the one that told you!
0:13:33 > 0:13:34I have got to go.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35I'm coming.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37- PHONE RINGS - Fuck it.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41OK?
0:13:41 > 0:13:45The oil workers want us to guarantee their safety. Poor dears.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51'We're receiving breaking news from Tazbekistan.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55'This footage is as yet unverified but it appears to show
0:13:55 > 0:13:58'running battles with the police in the north east of the country.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00'The scale of unrest is as yet unclear.'
0:14:00 > 0:14:02- Casualties?- Difficult to verify
0:14:02 > 0:14:04because a news blackout came into effect this morning.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07The trouble with this sort of footage is you can't tell
0:14:07 > 0:14:09if it's the start of a revolution or a fight in the pub.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11In this country, they can be the same thing.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13All the internet is down, right across town.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16So we have no clear sense of the scale of this?
0:14:16 > 0:14:17Not really.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Well, we need to find out. Where is this unrest heading?
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Will it last? How will the president react?
0:14:22 > 0:14:25London needs the inside track on both sides.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29The opposition is supposedly led by a man called Oybek Yerzhan.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32He used to be a heroin trafficker.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35His tweets over the last few months talk about attacking the capital.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39OK, if he does, are our evacuation plans up to speed?
0:14:39 > 0:14:42The 200 Brits in the capital are easy to get out.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45The problem is the 450 oil engineers in the north east.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Stay in contact with them, Caitlin.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Well, they're on the phone every 20 minutes asking for updates on
0:14:50 > 0:14:52whether their bank balances might get hurt.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55One final thing, Mr Jackson, the vetting officer,
0:14:55 > 0:14:57arrived last night, as some of you will recall.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01Far from ideal, given the situation outside,
0:15:01 > 0:15:04but London takes these vetting renewals seriously - so should we.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Don't worry if the process makes you nervous. That's normal.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- The people it doesn't make nervous are spies.- Precisely.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19Did I dream it, or did Jackson walk from the airport last night?
0:15:19 > 0:15:20It's 15 miles.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Hmm.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Our plan is to do nothing for the moment, just observe.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17London thinks the violence is simply the country letting off steam,
0:16:17 > 0:16:19as it's periodically prone to do.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21A "brush fire" was how my Minister put it.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24London's main worry is that the president will deploy those
0:16:24 > 0:16:27nasty attack helicopters you insisted on selling him.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30They'll really only be used to protect YOUR oil fields.
0:16:30 > 0:16:31DAVIS CHUCKLES
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Hello, Petra.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Have you congratulated the president on his platinum jubilee?
0:16:36 > 0:16:39I just had a very special four minutes with him.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42He's in a good mood obviously - at such an outpouring
0:16:42 > 0:16:45of unfettered support for his long, untroubled reign.
0:16:48 > 0:16:54Your Excellency. So, how is my friend Prince Mark?
0:16:54 > 0:16:56On terrific form, I gather.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58I'm glad to hear it.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Tell him I look forward to his next visit for some golf
0:17:01 > 0:17:04and perhaps a little Black Label on the 19th.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07His idea of heaven, Your Excellency.
0:17:07 > 0:17:12Oh, and tell him from me to stop being such a total wanker.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16HE LAUGHS Nothing would give me more pleasure.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19THEY LAUGH
0:17:19 > 0:17:21OK. Let's call him.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31What...what do you want?
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Tell him, from me, to stop being such a total wanker.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36I'd rather not.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40'This is Mark, Duke of Bath. Leave a message if you must.'
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Er... HE CLEARS THROAT
0:17:45 > 0:17:48H-hello, Your Highness,
0:17:48 > 0:17:55this is Ambassador Davis here calling from Tazbekistan to ask...
0:17:55 > 0:18:02if you could, please, stop being such a total wanker.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06This is a message from...
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Good. That's funny.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Ha. Yes. Funny.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Erm, Your Excellency, I just wanted to set your mind at rest.
0:18:14 > 0:18:19And reassure you, sir, that London is 100% behind you.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22And why would they not be?
0:18:22 > 0:18:27I mean...with the troubles...in the north.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30What troubles?
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Have you spoken to your brother?
0:19:04 > 0:19:06First they want to take back the region.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Then they want Karsak out for good.
0:19:08 > 0:19:09No shit.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12But they need help, Neil. Money and weapons.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Western governments won't support them
0:19:14 > 0:19:16until they know they'll be successful.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18They won't be successful unless they get help.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Hedging our bets - it's what governments do best.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22We're too invested in Karsak.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25I'm not asking governments for help, I'm asking you.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26What can you do?
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Aren't you a man of influence, Mr Diplomat Man?
0:19:29 > 0:19:33- I wish I was.- But you are, Neil! If you want to be.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35You can talk to your ambassador, who talks to London.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38He rarely talks to London and when he does they hate him.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Then what's the point of you being here?
0:19:40 > 0:19:41What's the point of you?
0:19:44 > 0:19:45Good question.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51OK. Let's get through this, shall we?
0:19:51 > 0:19:55Have you at any time, now or previously, handed classified
0:19:55 > 0:19:59documents or information to known enemies of Her Majesty's Government?
0:19:59 > 0:20:00No.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04Have you at any time embarrassed the Foreign Office?
0:20:04 > 0:20:06HE LAUGHS
0:20:06 > 0:20:10I love that question. By normal criteria - no.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Very good. Would you say you are too inclined to please others?
0:20:14 > 0:20:17I used to be. But they didn't like it.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18So I stopped.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20JACKSON CHUCKLES
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Looking at your career,
0:20:22 > 0:20:25would you say you have a natural inclination towards inaction?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27You say it like it's a bad thing!
0:20:29 > 0:20:31I hope not.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33I do think it's important not to rush into things.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Sometimes doing nothing is the correct response.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46I do act when it's necessary though. I think.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48I hope.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Have you ever been unfaithful to your wife?
0:21:00 > 0:21:01No.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Has she ever been unfaithful to you?
0:21:03 > 0:21:04No.
0:21:05 > 0:21:06No.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09To your knowledge she has never been unfaithful to you?
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Yes! No...
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Not even with the man who's now offering her a job at St Barts?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16What, they've offered her the job?
0:21:16 > 0:21:18He's called her in for interview.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20- How do you know? She hasn't had a reply.- Not yet.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37HE LAUGHS
0:21:37 > 0:21:41I'm sorry, but I don't see how this has anything to do with security
0:21:41 > 0:21:43or my vetting.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47So you don't think having weakness -
0:21:47 > 0:21:50anger at the potential abandonment by your wife - doesn't make
0:21:50 > 0:21:53you more susceptible to approaches by enemy intelligence agencies?
0:21:53 > 0:21:57She's not abandoning me. She's just applied for a job.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Have they offered it to her? Do you know that for a fact?
0:22:02 > 0:22:04KNOCK ON DOOR
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Ambassador, Fergana Karsak is here to see you.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09- Interruptions are not ideal. - She's the president's daughter.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10I know who she is.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14Well, then you'll be aware that at this moment she takes priority.
0:22:21 > 0:22:22What does Fergana want?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24- A British visa.- Why?
0:22:24 > 0:22:27She says she needs to visit London "on medical grounds."
0:22:27 > 0:22:29What's Jackson like?
0:22:29 > 0:22:31He's very...thorough.
0:22:33 > 0:22:34Awful.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56There's our inside track.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59I got nothing out of her dad.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03What's the plan? Is she here?
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Er, yes. She's here.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08The plan is we withhold her UK visa until we get some straight
0:23:08 > 0:23:11answers on what her father's doing about the uprising.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Ms Karsak, a great honour.
0:23:22 > 0:23:23Ambassador.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Your father must be delighted with the jubilee celebrations.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Yes, though nothing could repay the years of selfless sacrifice
0:23:29 > 0:23:32he has given this country.
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Please take a seat.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37Why do you employ villagers?
0:23:37 > 0:23:39I'm sorry?
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Well, I don't normally talk to the staff
0:23:41 > 0:23:43but the woman who just bring me the tea...?
0:23:43 > 0:23:44Ludmilla?
0:23:44 > 0:23:46She is from the village.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49You must let me recommend you better staff.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Thank you. But I leave the residential staff employment
0:23:52 > 0:23:54in the capable hands of my wife.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Oh, I love your wife. Yes, I remember seeing how
0:23:56 > 0:23:59she dressed at your Queen's jubilee celebrations.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Diamond jubilee - 60 years.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06Do you think she would allow me to take her shopping?
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Um... Well, I'd be delighted to ask her.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12But you're here to discuss a UK visa?
0:24:12 > 0:24:15The granting is a formality of course,
0:24:15 > 0:24:19but we're interested to hear your plans for when you visit Britain.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22Well, I want to make improvements to my breasts, now I'm MP.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25There is a very good man on Harley Street.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28They need some work. Yeah? Don't you think?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Erm, well-well I'm not sure that's...
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Ah, do you think they look good enough?
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Um...well...
0:24:34 > 0:24:36I think they do.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Erm...that's your decision, of course.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41I need hard tits so the people respect me.
0:24:43 > 0:24:44What do you think?
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Fergana, let's not play games.
0:24:47 > 0:24:48Yes, don't let's...
0:24:48 > 0:24:52So, we were hoping to take this opportunity to have a little talk.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55We're concerned about some of the goings-on in the country.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Do you mind if I smoke?
0:24:57 > 0:25:00How do you think your father will respond to what's going on?
0:25:00 > 0:25:03You will have to ask him that yourself.
0:25:03 > 0:25:07London has the best surgeons. That is why I want to visit.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Now will you give me this visa?
0:25:10 > 0:25:12- Certainly.- Of course we will.
0:25:14 > 0:25:19Thank you. Please let my people know when it is ready.
0:25:19 > 0:25:24Now, I have gift for you both, as token of my thanks.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Is copy of my new CD.
0:25:28 > 0:25:29Is solid gold plated.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34- Pure class.- Now, please, tell your beautiful wife that
0:25:34 > 0:25:37I look forward very much to our shopping trip.
0:25:37 > 0:25:42Huh? It's my treat. It would be great honour.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Well done, you guys. You certainly had her on the ropes there.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- This country disgusts me. - What's happened?
0:25:57 > 0:26:00There was an anti-government demonstration this morning
0:26:00 > 0:26:01and we had a lot of injured in.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Then the police turned up and took away three men.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Are you OK?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07It's not about me. They claimed they were the ring leaders.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09The regime is panicking.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11A lot of this is the police overreacting.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13There are a lot of people in hospital with gunshot wounds
0:26:13 > 0:26:17- and I need you to make sure that they're safe.- Well...
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Well? Well, don't tell me that you can't.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22In this case, "doing nothing" is not the right choice.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24I didn't say that.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26I need to find out exactly what's going on, Jennifer.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Then I can do something.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31We need action, Neil.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Ten more clashes today according to the news agencies.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41This is Oybek Yerzhan's latest offering.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56I think you're going to have to go and meet him, Keith.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02Maybe. But let's be careful who we make friends with.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04This Yerzhan used to be a drug runner.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08Maybe with Karsak it's a case of - better the dictator you know!
0:27:08 > 0:27:11True. But if Yerzhan gets his hands on the oil fields
0:27:11 > 0:27:13we might wish we'd built some bridges.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16If I get caught trying to meet him - I'll be finished with Karsak.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18And London will probably recall you.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21This Yerzhan's hardly on the verge of power, is he?
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Some chaos in one northern town doesn't make this the Tazbek Spring.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26You sound like President Assad.
0:27:26 > 0:27:27What?!
0:27:27 > 0:27:30That's what Assad said, some chaos doesn't make a spring.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32You think I'm like a Middle Eastern dictator?
0:27:32 > 0:27:35Look, Keith, they're threatening to close all the borders
0:27:35 > 0:27:38and the air space. I've never known the regime to resort to that.
0:27:38 > 0:27:39No flights?
0:27:39 > 0:27:42We'll be stuck with bloody Ian Paisley for the rest of the year.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Oh, God.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46I've spent my whole career studiously avoiding
0:27:46 > 0:27:48rushing into things like this.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51And by the way, it hasn't all been about inaction, fence sitting,
0:27:51 > 0:27:54- and pleasing everyone. - Nobody said that.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59OK. I want to meet this Yerzhan.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02If it works, it'll put us way ahead of POD's curve.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06Great. OK. So all we have to do now is find him.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10I think we can do this through Tanya's brother. I don't know.
0:28:10 > 0:28:11I'll talk to her. But he is involved.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14So you keep saying. Try it.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17And I'll get Jennifer to go shopping with Fergana.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20Maybe she can get something out of her.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24When I go, nobody - but nobody, must know about it.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Not our allies. Not even Jennifer.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28It's for her own security as well as mine.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35Are you at present drinking more than 21 units per week?
0:28:35 > 0:28:37That's about six glasses of wine.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39A week? You mean a day?
0:28:39 > 0:28:41- I mean a week. - SHE LAUGHS
0:28:41 > 0:28:45Oh. Well, yes, I'm trying my best to.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51It's a ceiling, not a target.
0:29:07 > 0:29:09- CAITLIN:- It'll be around the 40 mark.
0:29:09 > 0:29:11More than 40?
0:29:11 > 0:29:12Yes. More than 40.
0:29:17 > 0:29:19Have you been unfaithful to your partner?
0:29:19 > 0:29:22No. But then I don't have a regular partner.
0:29:22 > 0:29:24I have a number of irregular partners
0:29:24 > 0:29:27to whom I am neither faithful nor unfaithful -
0:29:27 > 0:29:29fuck buddies.
0:29:29 > 0:29:31THEY SNIGGER
0:29:32 > 0:29:36We don't want to control affection, we just want to know where it lies.
0:29:41 > 0:29:43What's wrong with your mother?
0:29:43 > 0:29:44She's old...
0:29:47 > 0:29:49I haven't seen her.
0:29:49 > 0:29:50Why not?
0:29:50 > 0:29:53As you can see, I'm not there - I'm here.
0:29:53 > 0:29:55Well, is she a security issue?
0:29:57 > 0:30:00She's in hospital with chronic emphysema, isn't she?
0:30:05 > 0:30:07Why are you here and not there?
0:30:08 > 0:30:10Have you not visited her?
0:30:13 > 0:30:15No.
0:30:17 > 0:30:18Why not?
0:30:31 > 0:30:33When she left my father it made me angry.
0:30:36 > 0:30:40I was...blaming her for destroying the family...
0:30:42 > 0:30:46..for hurting my dad so much. That was unfair of me.
0:30:52 > 0:30:54I've never said sorry to her.
0:30:56 > 0:30:58And now I might not get the chance.
0:31:02 > 0:31:04SHE SOBS
0:31:26 > 0:31:29My ambassador wants to meet with Yerzhan.
0:31:29 > 0:31:32Can your brother set it up?
0:31:32 > 0:31:36That's great. Thank you. They need his help. Thank you.
0:31:36 > 0:31:39I didn't think you'd come through like this.
0:31:39 > 0:31:42Neither did I. Let's see what happens.
0:31:42 > 0:31:45But he can't be caught doing it.
0:31:45 > 0:31:46It's OK. It's all encrypted.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51Imagine this place with no Karsak.
0:31:51 > 0:31:52And no secret police.
0:31:52 > 0:31:54No Fergana.
0:31:54 > 0:31:55Oh, I wouldn't go that far.
0:32:25 > 0:32:28So let's go over my diary for today.
0:32:28 > 0:32:32After lunch I chair the EU Corporate Budget Committee meeting at 3.00pm.
0:32:32 > 0:32:34That's right, Ambassador.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36Then at 4.30 you have a video conference with
0:32:36 > 0:32:38the UK Working Differently Group
0:32:38 > 0:32:40to discuss amendments to local employment practice.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56I really appreciate what you're doing.
0:32:56 > 0:33:00The People's Princess almost certainly won't tell me anything.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03Erm, I was thinking the other day, erm,
0:33:03 > 0:33:05if anything were ever to happen to me...
0:33:05 > 0:33:09I'd want no exchange of prisoners, no negotiations, no ransom.
0:33:09 > 0:33:10Well, isn't that a bit dramatic?
0:33:10 > 0:33:13You're only going off to another EU budget meeting.
0:33:13 > 0:33:15Well, they have their own inherent dangers.
0:33:15 > 0:33:19Erm, actually the situation out there is quite dramatic.
0:33:19 > 0:33:24OK, all right, well - if asked - I promise to pay no ransom.
0:33:24 > 0:33:27Daisy and I will trouser the insurance money and go
0:33:27 > 0:33:29and live a rackety life in the south of France.
0:33:29 > 0:33:31Oh, and have you had a response from Barts?
0:33:31 > 0:33:33Not yet.
0:33:33 > 0:33:35Fingers crossed.
0:33:35 > 0:33:37For what?
0:33:37 > 0:33:38You getting it.
0:34:04 > 0:34:06I'd better go and change.
0:34:06 > 0:34:09Don't worry. Sergei's good at this stuff.
0:34:12 > 0:34:14- FERGANA:- I don't like to shop with the people.
0:34:14 > 0:34:17They bring here is much better.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20Now, Jennifer, there is something I really need your advice about.
0:34:20 > 0:34:21What's that?
0:34:21 > 0:34:27In England, I find Saturday morning such a difficult time to dress for.
0:34:27 > 0:34:30What do you wear on Saturday mornings?
0:34:30 > 0:34:33Well, I mainly just wear jeans and trainers, really.
0:34:33 > 0:34:35Really?
0:34:35 > 0:34:38Well see, I normally go for a bustier top, biker jacket, jodhpurs.
0:34:38 > 0:34:40Something like that. But you think it's wrong?
0:34:40 > 0:34:43No, it's not wrong I just haven't got any jodhpurs.
0:34:43 > 0:34:46Well, here, I think you'll look fabulous in these.
0:34:46 > 0:34:48Let me buy them for you.
0:34:48 > 0:34:51Oh, you have too much leopard print? OK.
0:34:51 > 0:34:52I don't have any.
0:34:52 > 0:34:56What?! But everybody must have leopard print.
0:34:56 > 0:34:58You know you can wear with anything.
0:34:58 > 0:35:00Including a doctor's coat?
0:35:20 > 0:35:23Aaah! You look completely wonderful.
0:35:28 > 0:35:30Jennifer, in England,
0:35:30 > 0:35:35what do people do between cocktails and dinner?
0:35:35 > 0:35:39Well, that is an awkward hour. I mainly fill it with sex.
0:35:39 > 0:35:41Hmmm. Thank you.
0:35:44 > 0:35:47So...how's the president?
0:35:48 > 0:35:51Shall I tell you a problem, Jennifer?
0:35:53 > 0:35:58You don't wear enough make-up or jewellery. Here. Serpent earrings.
0:35:58 > 0:35:59Let me buy them for you.
0:36:10 > 0:36:13No signal. We're on our own.
0:36:14 > 0:36:17Sergei, I can't help noticing that you've got a machine gun
0:36:17 > 0:36:19down the side of your seat.
0:36:19 > 0:36:21Insurance.
0:36:21 > 0:36:25Right. In the UK, insurance normally comes with a no claims bonus.
0:36:25 > 0:36:27Or perhaps free windscreen coverage.
0:36:27 > 0:36:28This is better insurance.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31In case of violent ambush, which would you prefer?
0:36:38 > 0:36:41This is great. Thank you, Fergana.
0:36:44 > 0:36:47It's so nice to have a break from the hospital.
0:36:47 > 0:36:49It's been a tough week.
0:36:49 > 0:36:50Why?
0:36:50 > 0:36:53We've had a lot of nasty injuries in.
0:36:53 > 0:36:55The police have hurt people.
0:36:55 > 0:36:56Why?
0:36:56 > 0:36:58During the demonstrations.
0:36:58 > 0:37:02Oh, don't worry about that. No, you can reassure your colleagues it
0:37:02 > 0:37:03will all be over soon.
0:37:03 > 0:37:06Dada has found out where the foreign-backed terrorists are.
0:37:06 > 0:37:08He's going to kill them all.
0:37:08 > 0:37:10Oh, good.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12Where are they?
0:37:12 > 0:37:15Some shithole peasant place called Atbayeva.
0:37:15 > 0:37:18I have copy of my CD I want to give you.
0:37:18 > 0:37:22Don't let me forget. JLo accompanies me on one of the songs.
0:37:22 > 0:37:24Do you know JLo?
0:37:24 > 0:37:27No. I just paid a lot of money.
0:37:28 > 0:37:30THUNDER RUMBLES
0:37:30 > 0:37:34You're allowed to do this, you know, Caitlin. Don't rush back.
0:37:34 > 0:37:37Be with your mum. I'm sure there'll be lots of other Tazbek crises
0:37:37 > 0:37:41- for to enjoy over the years. - Thanks, Neil. Look, keep me posted.
0:37:41 > 0:37:45- And if Kevin phones, will you tell him where I've gone?- Yeah.
0:37:45 > 0:37:48And good luck with Mr Paisley.
0:37:49 > 0:37:53I'm afraid I told him all about our affair - I had to -
0:37:53 > 0:37:54he had me on the rack.
0:38:04 > 0:38:07Are you at present taking any illegal narcotics?
0:38:07 > 0:38:08No.
0:38:08 > 0:38:12Where were you for the months January, February and March of 1993?
0:38:12 > 0:38:14'93? I was probably in the pub.
0:38:15 > 0:38:17Er...where was I?
0:38:17 > 0:38:19Why don't you tell me?
0:38:21 > 0:38:24Oh, I had job. I was working at a cinema in Stevenage.
0:38:24 > 0:38:27I had a girlfriend there. Debs.
0:38:27 > 0:38:29You were in Stevenage?
0:38:29 > 0:38:31Mmmm. That's so dull, it must be true!
0:38:31 > 0:38:34And the following year you travelled to Russia.
0:38:35 > 0:38:36Yes.
0:38:36 > 0:38:39And I've talked about my year there in some detail to the office.
0:38:39 > 0:38:42I didn't ask you whether you had.
0:38:42 > 0:38:45Have you at any time, now or previously,
0:38:45 > 0:38:50handed any classified documents or information to any one
0:38:50 > 0:38:51you shouldn't have?
0:38:51 > 0:38:53No.
0:38:53 > 0:38:54That's a lie.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07You just lied to me then.
0:39:15 > 0:39:18You lied to me. Why?
0:39:29 > 0:39:31KNOCK ON DOOR
0:39:31 > 0:39:33Excuse me, Neil. Jennifer's back and she can't find Keith.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35She's looking for him everywhere.
0:39:35 > 0:39:38I'm sorry. This is urgent. I didn't lie.
0:39:38 > 0:39:40We'll have to pick this up another time.
0:39:40 > 0:39:42And they've just closed all the borders and the airports.
0:39:42 > 0:39:46I need to leave for Tehran tomorrow and we haven't finished with this.
0:39:46 > 0:39:48Oh, we'll do our best to get you out.
0:39:53 > 0:39:55Neil, where's Keith?
0:39:55 > 0:39:58He's at the...er...EU Budget thing.
0:40:04 > 0:40:06He's gone to meet Yerzhan.
0:40:06 > 0:40:08I hope he hasn't gone to somewhere called Atbayeva.
0:40:08 > 0:40:11- That's where the rebels are. - Well, he has to be stopped.- Why?
0:40:11 > 0:40:14Fergana said they're going to bomb the place tonight, flatten it.
0:40:14 > 0:40:17We've got to stop him getting there. You call Sergei.
0:40:22 > 0:40:25Do you think I'm doing the right thing? Meeting this man?
0:40:25 > 0:40:28I think you are doing a very brave thing.
0:40:30 > 0:40:31That's not quite what I asked.
0:40:36 > 0:40:39No, I couldn't get on a flight. The airport's closed.
0:40:39 > 0:40:42Can you put me on to Mum please, Jess?
0:40:42 > 0:40:45Well even if she can't speak, she can still hear me.
0:40:45 > 0:40:49How do you know she doesn't want to? Don't hang up.
0:40:50 > 0:40:53I should have gone when you first said.
0:40:53 > 0:40:54You should always do what I say.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56Now I want to go and I can't.
0:40:56 > 0:40:59I'm sure the mighty leader is about to lift this airspace thing
0:40:59 > 0:41:02and then you'll be on a plane. Any word from the road?
0:41:02 > 0:41:05OK, well, keep trying. Otherwise they might get into trouble.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08The Americans have a military plane leaving tonight for Qatar -
0:41:08 > 0:41:11getting some of their folk out, if we want people on it.
0:41:11 > 0:41:15- Foreign nationals only.- Caitlin, you should get on that.- OK.- Good.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17Anyone else who we think should be on that flight?
0:41:17 > 0:41:19Yes, tell Jackson to get on it too.
0:41:19 > 0:41:22I'd be delighted to. Of course I drink more than 21 units a week!
0:41:23 > 0:41:24PHONE RINGS
0:41:24 > 0:41:28Tanya? Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's happened?
0:41:39 > 0:41:41Did you get cross with your printer again?
0:41:44 > 0:41:46I wasn't here when they did this.
0:41:48 > 0:41:52Thank God. All this because you didn't pay-off Budansky?
0:41:54 > 0:41:58I think they know about my brother. I need to see if my family's OK.
0:42:00 > 0:42:02You can't.
0:42:02 > 0:42:05If this is about the uprising then they'll be
0:42:05 > 0:42:07watching your parent's house.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09If you get arrested then God knows what will happen.
0:42:09 > 0:42:12- You...you've got to get out. - Where to?
0:42:12 > 0:42:15Out of the country. Your friends - anywhere.
0:42:15 > 0:42:17Maybe I should go north and join the fight?
0:42:17 > 0:42:20No, no. Please, for me.
0:42:20 > 0:42:23It could all still be over horribly quickly
0:42:23 > 0:42:25if the president sends in troops.
0:42:25 > 0:42:26Not if the West had helped.
0:42:26 > 0:42:29They're not going to help. You have got to get out.
0:42:29 > 0:42:32I can't get across the border. There are checkpoints on every road.
0:42:34 > 0:42:35I can find a way.
0:42:39 > 0:42:43Tell your brother to get out of Atbayeva. They know he's there.
0:42:48 > 0:42:509.43.
0:42:50 > 0:42:54But then I don't suppose you can expect punctuality from rebels.
0:42:54 > 0:42:56I mean, they're rebels, aren't they?
0:43:01 > 0:43:03I could try my Tazbek up here.
0:43:03 > 0:43:04Who with?
0:43:06 > 0:43:08Thanks.
0:43:10 > 0:43:12Ah, great, you're still here.
0:43:12 > 0:43:13There's no hurry any more.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17Oh, Caitlin. I'm so sorry.
0:43:19 > 0:43:22- Is there anything I can do? - PHONE RINGS
0:43:22 > 0:43:25You can get these fucking oil workers off my back.
0:43:25 > 0:43:28They're insisting we charter them a plane.
0:43:28 > 0:43:32I'm inclined to charter them a turd instead.
0:43:32 > 0:43:34PHONE RINGS
0:43:34 > 0:43:36HE HANGS UP
0:43:36 > 0:43:37SHE LAUGHS TEARFULLY
0:43:37 > 0:43:40Look...I know this isn't...
0:43:40 > 0:43:46I know this isn't a good time, but, erm, I need you to help me.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49No, that's good. What?
0:43:50 > 0:43:54Can you create an emergency travel document for someone?
0:43:54 > 0:43:57If they're looking for her, you'll never get her through checkpoints.
0:43:57 > 0:43:59I'm working on that.
0:43:59 > 0:44:01Thanks.
0:44:01 > 0:44:03Have you made contact with him yet?
0:44:03 > 0:44:05What on earth possessed him?
0:44:05 > 0:44:0622.48.
0:44:08 > 0:44:11They are not coming.
0:44:21 > 0:44:22This is them.
0:44:51 > 0:44:53Let's go.
0:44:59 > 0:45:04No, Sergei. This might be one of those moments.
0:45:04 > 0:45:06One of those moments you hear about people having -
0:45:06 > 0:45:08when they do something
0:45:08 > 0:45:11and you only hear about them because they did something.
0:45:11 > 0:45:14Maybe I've had loads of moments like that but I've never
0:45:14 > 0:45:19noticed before, but I've noticed this one, and I can do something.
0:45:20 > 0:45:22We know he's up there.
0:45:26 > 0:45:28Let's go and find him.
0:45:41 > 0:45:42Time to go.
0:45:42 > 0:45:45And we're giving Emma Ferguson a lift too, if that's all right.
0:45:45 > 0:45:47We never finished your vetting renewal.
0:45:47 > 0:45:51Next time. Uprising's tend to take precedence over bureaucracy.
0:46:52 > 0:46:56Ah, greetings, Ambassador. Fancy seeing you here.
0:46:56 > 0:46:58I was in the area visiting a carpet factory.
0:47:00 > 0:47:01Yes, so were we.
0:47:01 > 0:47:04It's their use of natural dyes that I find so innovative.
0:47:08 > 0:47:10Mr Jackson, I know this won't come naturally,
0:47:10 > 0:47:13but I need you to do exactly what I say.
0:47:28 > 0:47:30Take that torch out of my face.
0:47:43 > 0:47:46Mr Jackson, I said do as I say.
0:47:46 > 0:47:48I didn't say be rude to the soldier, did I?
0:48:18 > 0:48:21Ms Ferguson, whatever happens, don't get out the car.
0:48:34 > 0:48:36What's going on, Ambassador?
0:48:41 > 0:48:43- Get out the car. - Miss Ferguson, don't move.
0:48:45 > 0:48:49Captain. Mr Jackson here is the British Government's premier
0:48:49 > 0:48:51interrogator, he needs to get on this flight.
0:48:51 > 0:48:53He's needed in Guantanamo Bay.
0:48:54 > 0:48:58Mr Jackson? Mr Robert Jackson?
0:49:02 > 0:49:05It's you! Mr 21?
0:49:16 > 0:49:19THE SOLDIERS LAUGH HAPPILY
0:49:19 > 0:49:21Just go with it.
0:49:25 > 0:49:28OK, guys. All right. Ready...
0:49:28 > 0:49:30Mr Jackson!
0:49:30 > 0:49:33Lovely. Oh, that's a lovely one. Good.
0:49:33 > 0:49:37Mr Jackson, you're not...you're not smiling, Mr Jackson.
0:49:40 > 0:49:44Oh, that's a lovely one. Right. Good. Serious one now.
0:49:44 > 0:49:46Serious. Think of Lenin.
0:49:46 > 0:49:50Thank you. Everybody just point your gun at him. Yeah!
0:49:50 > 0:49:54Marvellous. There we go. Lovely.
0:50:05 > 0:50:07Goodbye, Mr 21.
0:50:07 > 0:50:12"We don't want to control affection, we just want to know where it lies."
0:50:16 > 0:50:19DISTANT EXPLOSIONS
0:50:26 > 0:50:28I do hope you're not about to be killed
0:50:28 > 0:50:30by one of your own helicopters.
0:50:30 > 0:50:33Still, I don't suppose they're anything like as effective
0:50:33 > 0:50:35as you claimed in the brochure.
0:50:35 > 0:50:38LOUD EXPLOSION
0:50:42 > 0:50:44Government troops attacking.
0:50:45 > 0:50:48How are we going to explain this to our governments?
0:50:48 > 0:50:49If we survive?
0:50:49 > 0:50:51What could they do?
0:50:51 > 0:50:54Send us to a remote, dangerous part of the world and pay us badly?
0:51:05 > 0:51:07There is no Miss Ferguson working for your embassy.
0:51:07 > 0:51:12I know. And I know that you'll be aware of the dangers of revealing
0:51:12 > 0:51:16anything which may be of aid to our enemies.
0:51:16 > 0:51:19Walk to the plane. Do not look back. Safe home.
0:51:43 > 0:51:46Shut the fuck up, sir, we're here to get you out.
0:51:46 > 0:51:47- Who are you? - Jones, sir. Thank me later.
0:51:47 > 0:51:49- He's one of ours.- What about him?
0:51:49 > 0:51:51That's the French Ambassador.
0:51:51 > 0:51:53Do you want us to rescue him?
0:51:54 > 0:51:57Davis, you bastard.
0:52:01 > 0:52:03Why are you dressed as Tazbek military?
0:52:03 > 0:52:05We've been helping the president suppress the rebels.
0:52:05 > 0:52:08- What? How long have you been in the country?- Three days.
0:52:08 > 0:52:11No-one told me there were British forces here.
0:52:11 > 0:52:15I'm the ambassador. The MoD is obliged to tell me these things.
0:52:18 > 0:52:20Oh, they have brought you.
0:52:20 > 0:52:24No amount of pastries you send can ever convey enough gratitude.
0:52:24 > 0:52:25Right, let's go, Charlie.
0:52:32 > 0:52:36I passed on your warning. God knows if it got to them.
0:52:36 > 0:52:39I hope so. Find my brother for me.
0:52:39 > 0:52:41You know I will.
0:52:43 > 0:52:47Finally you're getting to leave the country - like you always wanted.
0:52:47 > 0:52:49I wish I could say I'll miss you.
0:53:29 > 0:53:31At least they weren't our helicopters.
0:53:31 > 0:53:34No. Just our Special Forces.
0:53:34 > 0:53:37It was always going to end like this, Neil.
0:53:38 > 0:53:42Maybe. It was our government that helped it end like this.
0:53:42 > 0:53:44Did POD know about our boys being here?
0:53:44 > 0:53:48I don't know. He's gone rather quiet.
0:53:48 > 0:53:51You did the right thing you know, going up there.
0:53:52 > 0:53:55Why the fuck didn't you send a plane to get us, Cat?
0:53:55 > 0:53:58Huh? You know oil refineries are targets.
0:53:58 > 0:54:01We had to come back in a coach.
0:54:01 > 0:54:04As I said, Kevin, we didn't think a plane was necessary.
0:54:04 > 0:54:07What do I pay my taxes for if it's not for something like this? Huh?
0:54:07 > 0:54:08Sorry? Something like what?
0:54:08 > 0:54:11This uprising. Protection. Rescue.
0:54:11 > 0:54:14Three things. One - it's over.
0:54:14 > 0:54:17Two - the refinery wasn't attacked, so you didn't need rescuing.
0:54:17 > 0:54:19No-one knew that it wouldn't be.
0:54:19 > 0:54:22And three - as far as I understand it, Kevin, you don't pay taxes.
0:54:22 > 0:54:25That's one of the attractions for you working here, isn't it?
0:54:25 > 0:54:28In the passport you lost, it says that we
0:54:28 > 0:54:31afford twits like you the assistance and protection that is necessary.
0:54:31 > 0:54:35That does not mean that we send in the SAS any time someone
0:54:35 > 0:54:39fires a pistol in the air. This is Tazbekistan, not Sevenoaks.
0:54:43 > 0:54:45Don't you ever scare me again like you did yesterday.
0:54:45 > 0:54:48I'm sorry. I won't do it again. Trust me.
0:54:48 > 0:54:51Honestly, I won't do anything like that ever again.
0:54:51 > 0:54:54Why didn't you tell me? Am I not to be trusted?
0:54:54 > 0:54:57Course you are. What are you wearing?
0:54:57 > 0:55:00Do you think I'm going to go round this town blowing my mouth off?
0:55:00 > 0:55:02It was to protect everyone. I couldn't tell you.
0:55:02 > 0:55:04I hate parts of your job.
0:55:05 > 0:55:08Did you wear that stuff to work?
0:55:08 > 0:55:11Fergana bought it for me. I quite like it, actually.
0:55:11 > 0:55:13You look amazing.
0:55:13 > 0:55:16You don't think I look like a Central Asian prostitute?
0:55:16 > 0:55:17Yeah! Er no. Yeah, no.
0:55:24 > 0:55:27I've got some bad news - about my job application.
0:55:27 > 0:55:29I know. You've been called to a final interview.
0:55:29 > 0:55:31How do you know that?
0:55:31 > 0:55:34I have my ways. What are you going to do?
0:55:34 > 0:55:35Well, I'll go for the interview.
0:55:35 > 0:55:40Don't dress like that though. In fact, actually, do.
0:55:41 > 0:55:44CALL TO PRAYER
0:56:02 > 0:56:03DOOR OPENS
0:56:03 > 0:56:06Keith, sorry. POD wants to talk to you now.
0:56:06 > 0:56:08Sorry, Mrs Petrova. Needs must.
0:56:11 > 0:56:13I've got a horrible feeling he's mulling a visit.
0:56:13 > 0:56:15He'll never come out here again.
0:56:15 > 0:56:18It's the one advantage of being at the arse-end of nowhere.
0:56:18 > 0:56:20What have you got there?
0:56:20 > 0:56:21The French embassy have sent us
0:56:21 > 0:56:25a small box of pastries for some reason.
0:56:25 > 0:56:28Well done, Davis, for not being tempted to go and meet those rebels.
0:56:28 > 0:56:30Yes, that was a good call.
0:56:30 > 0:56:32I'm good at knowing when to do nothing.
0:56:32 > 0:56:35Mmm. I'm totally impressed by the way you two have held it
0:56:35 > 0:56:36together during this crisis.
0:56:42 > 0:56:46Although Jackson did make some interesting observations.
0:56:50 > 0:56:53So I'm going to pop in for a visit on my way to Hong Kong.
0:56:57 > 0:56:58Oh...
0:57:00 > 0:57:01Good.
0:57:01 > 0:57:03So start hoovering the red carpet.
0:57:11 > 0:57:13WEBCHAT ENDS
0:57:35 > 0:57:38Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd