0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:05 > 0:00:10- Romy, I want you to visit Sri Lanka. Would you like to do that, darling? - No.- Why not?
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Sorry...
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Jesus Christ.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16My name's Romesh Ranganathan
0:00:16 > 0:00:19and I know absolutely nothing about the culture where my family are from.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21My feet are actually burning.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24I know more about Horsham.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27That's sad, isn't it?
0:00:27 > 0:00:29You are Sri Lankan, but you're a coconut, isn't it?
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Ow! Jesus!
0:00:31 > 0:00:33- What do you mean I'm a... - You were born and brought up in
0:00:33 > 0:00:36England, so you speak English, you don't know the language...
0:00:36 > 0:00:38You made me a coconut!
0:00:38 > 0:00:42I'm sending you to Sri Lanka to learn about the religion,
0:00:42 > 0:00:47the language, about my relations, and learn about their culture.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Shit!
0:00:52 > 0:00:55My mum's put me up for doing a tour of Sri Lanka.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58And I do want to go and do it, but I'm not doing it cos my mum
0:00:58 > 0:01:02told me to, except for the fact that my mum told me to and I am doing it.
0:01:04 > 0:01:05Ow! Ooh!
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Ow! Oh!
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Oh, mate! OK, I'm done. I'm done.
0:01:16 > 0:01:17Who am I going to be meeting?
0:01:17 > 0:01:22Thiru. He's going to teach you or explain to you
0:01:22 > 0:01:24how to be a Sri Lankan.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Who is Thiru?
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Thiru is my father's side relations.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Is he definitely related to us?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32I don't want to turn up there
0:01:32 > 0:01:34and then just some random Sri Lankan guy...
0:01:34 > 0:01:38He's not a random Sri Lankan guy. You're asking so many questions.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40No, I'm just asking one question!
0:01:40 > 0:01:41How are we related to Thiru?
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Well, I can't answer that.
0:01:50 > 0:01:55Thiru's supposed to be meeting me, but I can't... Well, he's not here.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57What do I do?
0:01:58 > 0:02:00- Romy?- Yeah, hello. Sorry, who are you?
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Thiru my boss.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Oh, hello. How are you doing? Romesh. Oh, are you to pick me up?
0:02:05 > 0:02:08So where's Thiru? Is Thiru coming?
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Thiru, yes. Thiru.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11He's coming here?
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Can you just give me one minute? Sorry, I just need to...
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Very quickly. I just need to make a quick phone call.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Mate, he's got your luggage.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Er, sorry, what was your name?
0:02:25 > 0:02:26Aravinda.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Are we going to see Thiru now?
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Ah...
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Is... Are we... Where is Thiru now?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Thiru boss.
0:02:42 > 0:02:43No, I know, but where is he?
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Where am I going?
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Well, Thiru's house.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Yeah. That's where we're going, isn't it?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Isn't that where we're going?
0:03:10 > 0:03:12What is he...?
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Where is he?
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Oh, here we go.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19This, take.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28What's this now?
0:03:30 > 0:03:32It's getting dark now, isn't it?
0:03:32 > 0:03:34What was your favourite bit of the day?
0:03:35 > 0:03:40I think my favourite bit was the realisation that I've been kidnapped.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Hello.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46What was... What happened there?
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Ah, one cash collection.
0:03:49 > 0:03:50Cash collection?
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Have you ever seen the film Taken?
0:04:00 > 0:04:04Genuinely the shittest thing ever, this. Isn't it?
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Can you just take me to the hotel, mate?
0:04:22 > 0:04:24How are you feeling this morning?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Well, yesterday was a write-off.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28But Thiru is meant to be coming today.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31And I'm quite excited, because I was sort of thinking
0:04:31 > 0:04:34I would set up something, and I thought, "I'm into hip hop.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36"Why not try and find some Sri Lankan hip hop?"
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Which I have found. I could have left it there, but I didn't.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42I got in touch with them to try and set up a rap battle.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44But anyway,
0:04:44 > 0:04:46today is all about me hanging out with Uncle Thiru,
0:04:46 > 0:04:49getting to know him, having a great time. Me and Thiru - bam, bam, bam!
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Romesh and Thiru on the town, proper bad boys!
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Thiru apparently can't make it today.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06He sent Aravinda
0:05:06 > 0:05:08who smells amazing.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10All right, Aravinda?
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Yes, sir.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Good, legend.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16My mum says, like, because I'm having this journey,
0:05:16 > 0:05:18I've got to have some sort of blessing.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21It's going to be a nice way to kick the whole thing off.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28I think you get the blessing.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32It's a big thing for you. You never experience anything like that.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36In England, you have been three or four times to the temple.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39- But did you understand anything?- No.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Rubber tree, rubber tree.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Rubber tree.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Oh, right. Cool.
0:05:50 > 0:05:55He's very good at just any time he spots something,
0:05:55 > 0:05:57just pointing it out.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Some people might talk about the rubber tree a bit more,
0:06:00 > 0:06:03but he's just, "That's rubber tree."
0:06:03 > 0:06:05You know, you've got what you need out of that conversation.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Then he just carries on driving.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10But I forgive him for that, because...
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Well, he really does smell amazing.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23- Hello.- Hello.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25I'm Romesh.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27So what is this?
0:06:38 > 0:06:39OK?
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:06:48 > 0:06:49Thanks.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14OK, so this is properly,
0:07:14 > 0:07:17100% my parents' culture that I'm getting here?
0:07:17 > 0:07:18Yes, yes.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20DRUM BEAT
0:07:24 > 0:07:27SINGING
0:07:48 > 0:07:50I don't think my mum fully knew what this was.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56I've been to the temple with my mum.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59They've never done anything like that.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04You don't come out wearing that with that haircut
0:08:04 > 0:08:07unless you're going to do some crazy shit.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11One of the priests
0:08:11 > 0:08:13looks like the Asian Oliver Hardy.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18I think it's one of the weirdest nights of my life.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23My mum's Hindu. My dad was Hindu.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25But this isn't Hindu. I've asked the guy.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27He said, "It's from India,
0:08:27 > 0:08:30"and it's become merged with Sri Lankan culture,"
0:08:30 > 0:08:33but it's not attached to religion,
0:08:33 > 0:08:36and then when I pushed him on that, he said, "Black magic."
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Then when I did the face that normal humans would do when you hear
0:08:41 > 0:08:44the words, "Black magic," he went, "No, no, no, no, black magic."
0:08:50 > 0:08:53So anyway, they built this, like, cage
0:08:53 > 0:08:55and then Aravinda said to me, "You've got to go in there.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59"And then you're not allowed to leave, once you're in there."
0:09:02 > 0:09:06He starts dancing. Just starts, like, bopping around and then...
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Well, you saw what fucking happened.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18He comes into the cage where I'm sitting in.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23I don't know how to... I'm hesitating to say it.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25He fucking rubbed my head with a chicken.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27PRIEST SHOUTS
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Just rubbed it, like...
0:09:32 > 0:09:34PRIEST SHOUTS
0:09:34 > 0:09:38Just kept rubbing my head with the chicken like he was drying it.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Like he's drying my hairs
0:09:39 > 0:09:40with a fucking chicken.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43PRIEST ULULATES
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Pulls a sword out...
0:09:45 > 0:09:47PRIEST LAUGHS
0:09:47 > 0:09:49But he's got no knife skills, so the blade's,
0:09:49 > 0:09:55like, going right past my arm here, right past my knee here.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Just going for it.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03It was mental.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10If I saw that in a film, I'd go,
0:10:10 > 0:10:13"That's a bit stereotypical. They're taking the piss a bit, aren't they?"
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Except I saw it, mate. I lived it.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18I had my head rubbed with a chicken.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20PRIEST LAUGHS
0:10:23 > 0:10:26PRIEST ULULATES
0:10:34 > 0:10:36- Hello.- You all right?
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Oh, come in if you want. Yeah, go for it.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Don't... Don't get that. Check this out, dude.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Pretty sweet.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53ELEPHANT TRUMPETS
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Last night was one of the most frightening
0:10:56 > 0:10:58experiences I've ever had.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Like, genuinely, I don't know if that comes across,
0:11:00 > 0:11:02but I found it terrifying.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06It didn't seem like any religious thing I'd ever seen before,
0:11:06 > 0:11:09but apparently it's what they do.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Having said all of that, we've got a wicked day ahead of us.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14We're going to the elephant sanctuary.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Which I'm excited about.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18I'm actually going to meet Thiru.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21I just want to get to know Thiru, but also the other thing is, he
0:11:21 > 0:11:26sort of knows my dad, you know, and I only saw really one side of my dad.
0:11:26 > 0:11:31Cos my mum sort of tells me that my dad loved Sri Lanka.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34He loved Sri Lankan culture. You know, he loved that part of his life.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38I feel like there's this whole side of my dad that I don't really know,
0:11:38 > 0:11:41and I'd like to hear about what my dad was like in Sri Lanka.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45Cos I imagine it'd be like... Maybe like he's a different guy.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51This month, my birthday.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Really?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Will you get a cake or something?
0:11:55 > 0:11:56- Huh?- Get you a cake?
0:11:56 > 0:11:58No, no. I give cake.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00You don't give cake, I give cake.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02My birthday, I give cake.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05No. Your birthday, I give cake.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07No.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Me give cake.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10No.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13My birthday, you give cake.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Your birthday, I give cake.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17No, no, no. Me give cake.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19No.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26I think, Mum, what I'd like to do is see the elephants.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Oh, that's a lovely idea.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33You should participate in everything - cleaning and giving them
0:12:33 > 0:12:35a bath and riding, yeah?
0:12:35 > 0:12:39No, I don't want to ride or clean them.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42- I just want to go and have a look at them. I might stroke one.- No, no, no.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45You must do that. Let me talk to Thiru. I will tell you everything.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Then you can sort it out, OK?
0:12:47 > 0:12:51- I don't want to...- Please, please, Romesh. Do that.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS
0:13:01 > 0:13:02- Hello.- Hi.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04How are you? Romesh.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Hi, Romesh. How are you, OK?
0:13:06 > 0:13:07What do I call you, Uncle?
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Ah! You can call Uncle, no problem.
0:13:10 > 0:13:11OK. How are you?
0:13:11 > 0:13:13- I'm OK.- How's it going?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Yeah, good. You ready to go and see the elephants?
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Yeah, I'm well up for it. I'm very excited.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23So how do these elephants end up here?
0:13:23 > 0:13:27We have to pay the owners and we give them a better life here.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28Come, we can go down.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Have you done this before?
0:13:30 > 0:13:31Yeah.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36And then you scrub.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38- Like this?- Yeah.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40To take the mud out.
0:13:40 > 0:13:41They like this, right?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Yeah, they love it.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49- So, Uncle Thiru...- Yes?
0:13:49 > 0:13:52What exactly is our relation, do you know?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Your dad is my good friend.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56We are business partners in Sri Lanka one time.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58But we're also related as well?
0:13:58 > 0:14:03Yes. Your mother's father's sister married one of my uncles.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06What are we then? We're, like, cousins? Are we cousins?
0:14:06 > 0:14:08- Yeah, it's complicated, you know? - Yeah.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Now, there is a factory here.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12They are doing a lot of business here. They export papers.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14What papers?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16They take all from the elephant a lot of poop, like, you know...
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- The poop?- Yes.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21- You can buy a factory here. - Buy a factory?
0:14:21 > 0:14:24- Yes.- What, buy an elephant dung factory?
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Yeah, you can export the papers. You can make money.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30I can show you, they make books and everything.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Doesn't smell.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36- This is elephant dung?- Yes.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Do you like it, interested?
0:14:39 > 0:14:42Well, I don't know if I'm going to buy the factory, but...
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Why is he suggesting... I never...
0:14:44 > 0:14:47I didn't say that I was interested in starting up a business.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49I didn't come here... I mean, that's not the point of the show.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52It's not Romesh Does Dragon's Den in Sri Lanka.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56Look for some clients in your country so we can...
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Well, it's not really a familiar product.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02No, but it is a unique product. There's a big market for this.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03- Yeah, it is unique.- Yes.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Let me collect the wheelbarrow from here,
0:15:05 > 0:15:09because we're going to collect some dung and taken back to the factory.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12When have you known when somebody's thinking about investing?
0:15:12 > 0:15:16You say, "Well, if you will want to invest in this, you've got to go do like everything.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Do all the jobs, if you're thinking about investing." Nobody does that.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Here. Pick it with your hands.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Ah!
0:15:23 > 0:15:27- Shit!- That's it. That's it. There you go.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29A few more.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32- That one, mate.- I'll do that.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35That looks like it's seen an arsehole like 30 seconds ago.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39- I'll do that. - So then I'm picking up elephant shit, dropping it in elephant urine.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42He's just stood... He was miles away.
0:15:42 > 0:15:43What are you doing over there?
0:15:43 > 0:15:47- Watching the elephant. - Sorry, is this the first time you've seen an elephant today?
0:15:47 > 0:15:50They're wandering all over the shop, mate, and now, what,
0:15:50 > 0:15:52you're suddenly, "Oh, there's an elephant!"
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Might as well take a gander at that while my relative that I've
0:15:55 > 0:15:58just met is just picking up elephant shit with his bare hands.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00You should seriously think about investing in this
0:16:00 > 0:16:03and, you know, try to find some buyers and...
0:16:03 > 0:16:05It's a good investment if you make money.
0:16:05 > 0:16:06Yeah. No, I got that.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09And it's such fun collecting the er, the shit.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12- We want you to invest in this. - No, I'll definitely think about it.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15- Thank you so much.- OK. - I didn't wash my hands. Thank you.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- OK.- Thank you. Thank you.- Nice meeting you.- Thank you. All right.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20You all right?
0:16:22 > 0:16:24I'm going to have a think about it.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36I mean, it still smells of elephant shit. I don't... Oh!
0:16:39 > 0:16:45But, on a plus note, I have actually managed...
0:16:45 > 0:16:46Well, something quite exciting.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49I managed to hook up this... link up with a Sri Lankan rap group.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51They're bang up for it.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Like, they've done, like, a whole event.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58They've even done a flyer, poster, on the poster,
0:16:58 > 0:17:02I'm listed as "special Europe artist".
0:17:06 > 0:17:08It smells like a burrito.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15I have spoken to Thiru about this fishing thing.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Because where I was born and brought up,
0:17:17 > 0:17:22and we always see these people going fishing the traditional way.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25I don't like the idea of fishing. I'm a vegan.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29No, I don't like it. You must do it. You must experience it. Please.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33- Why?- I've given you all of the explanation why.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35But you keep on, "Why? Why?"
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Don't say that! "OK, Mum, I'll do it."
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Aravinda, do you like rap music?
0:17:46 > 0:17:49- Rap?- Rap. Do you like it?
0:17:49 > 0:17:52What's rap? Rap music.
0:17:52 > 0:17:53# You could change your pace on anyone's set
0:17:53 > 0:17:55# Yeah, I head Stormzy's not that deep... #
0:17:55 > 0:17:56Rap music?
0:17:56 > 0:17:58# Said that is the real thing That's not weak, that's energy
0:17:58 > 0:18:00# Man used the wordplay cleverly,
0:18:00 > 0:18:01# In life you get friends, associates, enemies
0:18:01 > 0:18:04# Dons rate the OG, I done this Big up Angel, Sneakbo, you run this
0:18:04 > 0:18:09# Been my don since Roman market Riko, Gods Gift, Danny Weed, Target
0:18:09 > 0:18:11# Badman chain, badman car Badman aim
0:18:11 > 0:18:14# Garments, footwear too, badman lyrics and a badman tune... #
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Aravinda brought me here.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20We're supposed to meet Thiru but he's just text me
0:18:20 > 0:18:23to say he's running late. I thought I'd just come here, have a look,
0:18:23 > 0:18:25say hello to a couple of them
0:18:25 > 0:18:28and go, but I feel like an ungrateful Westerner or something, d'you know
0:18:28 > 0:18:31what I mean, just coming and like, it's a bit...
0:18:31 > 0:18:32I have to do it. I...
0:18:32 > 0:18:34As I'm finding it difficult to say what I want to do.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37But I want to get this done quick time, let's do it,
0:18:37 > 0:18:40and then let's head off to the rap battle.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Get in the clothes, get out into the sea.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47- Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. - Catch a fish, kill the fish, get out.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49There's a lot of things that you said there.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51I agree with "Get out", I agree with "Get in".
0:18:51 > 0:18:55Everything in between those things - go fuck yourself, mate.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34- Where's Thiru?- Eh?- Thiru.
0:19:34 > 0:19:35- Thiru!- Eh?
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Unbelievable.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46- Sir! See that man? - Yeah, I can see him.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Ah, see properly?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Do like that! You catching fish.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Stick! No putting inside.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56You stick putting inside, fish no coming!
0:19:56 > 0:19:57- Like this?- No, no, no, no, no!
0:19:57 > 0:20:00- Don't do that?- Stick outside.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- Don't do that?- Just, just...
0:20:03 > 0:20:05- Ah, no catching fish! - Don't do that?- No coming inside!
0:20:05 > 0:20:10- Don't do that? You don't want me to do this?- Bad, bad, no!- You don't want me to do that?- No, no, no, no!
0:20:10 > 0:20:12You don't want me to do that at all?
0:20:29 > 0:20:33You know, boss, calling saying, "No coming today." You understanding?
0:20:33 > 0:20:36- He's not coming?- He is not coming.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39- Why am I here, then? - He busy. Very busy.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Can you come and get me, please?
0:20:43 > 0:20:44Shit!
0:20:46 > 0:20:50I think we can safely assume I'm not going to get one.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54I think...I can't believe I'm the only one this hasn't become apparent to.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58It's a bit of a bad ending if you don't get one, isn't it?
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Bad ending would be me coming back to the beach
0:21:00 > 0:21:02and then bludgeoning you to death with this.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04That would be the ending. Absolute.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10The truth is, I'm actually glad I didn't catch a fish, cos I don't want to catch a fish.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13But I sat there and I did it, and I can go home and say, "I did it".
0:21:13 > 0:21:17A few months ago, you asked me about stilt fishing and I'd never seen it.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19I didn't even know what it is. Now, I can say I've done it.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22That's actually quite cool.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26Having said that, I was sat on a stick for four hours.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Can somebody get me down? Get me down!
0:21:30 > 0:21:32You're in control.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36How am I in control? I can't get down.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Show me the control. Thiru's not even bothered to turn up.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41I mean, this is supposed to be a part of the thing.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Then he phones up my mum and says,
0:21:43 > 0:21:46"Oh, Romesh did the thing with fishing," and my mum goes, "Oh!
0:21:46 > 0:21:50"I'm so happy. I love him. He's not a coconut any more."
0:21:50 > 0:21:52What doing?
0:21:52 > 0:21:54- Hold on!- Careful!
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- So why did you decide to come back? - Do you want to know the honest truth?
0:21:58 > 0:22:01The honest truth is, I would have quit after half an hour.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04But I didn't realise I could get down unaided.
0:22:04 > 0:22:05Careful! Careful!
0:22:05 > 0:22:08I could have come back three and a half hours before I did.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- Can we go and do the rap battle? - Yeah, all right.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14- OK. Let's go, then. Come on. - Is it definitely worth me filming?
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Are you...? Sorry? Will it be worth filming?
0:22:17 > 0:22:21I think it would be better than four hours of a bloke on a stick, mate.
0:22:21 > 0:22:22Are you joking?
0:22:24 > 0:22:26You're confident it's going to be good?
0:22:26 > 0:22:28I think it'll be better than that.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32I'll maybe take some minutes out of the four hours I sat on a stick,
0:22:32 > 0:22:35maybe remove one of the laundry collections.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Take one of those out and replace it with a rap battle.
0:23:08 > 0:23:09- Hello.- Hi, guys. Hey, man.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Hi, I'm Romesh. I know. I'm so sorry I'm late.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16- Yeah, we'll take him up to the stage. You're on in ten minutes' time.- Ten minutes?- Yeah.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18- What are we doing? - Take the stage.- In ten minutes?
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Yeah, ten minutes' time.
0:23:20 > 0:23:21- Are you ready?- Ready.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23- You're ready?- Yeah.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25I'm glad you're ready.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27- Can I have 20 minutes, maybe? - Ten minutes' time, OK?
0:23:31 > 0:23:32Oh, God.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Mate, I cannot go on stage in ten minutes. Seriously.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Were you not writing anything in the car?
0:23:41 > 0:23:45How can I? Aravinda was, like, singing Tamil songs all the time.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47HE SINGS TAMIL SONG
0:23:47 > 0:23:49That's all I've got in my head.
0:23:58 > 0:24:03I can't do it in ten minutes. I cannot do it in ten minutes, so...
0:24:03 > 0:24:05I'm just going to come out and go, "Yeah! Hey, ho!
0:24:05 > 0:24:08"OK, I'll be the special Europe artist! I'm out."
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Is that what you want? That's what's going to happen.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35I went out very big.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39I put my arms up and obviously that's OK when the crowd know you
0:24:39 > 0:24:42and are actually excited to see you.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45When you're just some nobody that's just walking onto the stage,
0:24:45 > 0:24:48it actually has a very different effect.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Guys, I'm from the UK. When I say "U", you say "K".
0:24:51 > 0:24:53U! U!
0:24:53 > 0:24:56When I say "hip", you say "hop"! Hip!
0:24:56 > 0:25:00Listen, I did some pretty corny things, like,
0:25:00 > 0:25:02"When I say hip, you say hop".
0:25:02 > 0:25:06That is something that I think went out in like '83, but still,
0:25:06 > 0:25:09I just wanted something to get me started.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11OK, can we just have a little beat, please.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15But I got them into it, you know, started splitting the bars
0:25:15 > 0:25:16and stuff. And, you know,
0:25:16 > 0:25:19I thought I gave an all right account of myself.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23# I bring the butter You know this ain't no margarine
0:25:23 > 0:25:26# I'm quick to clean up the scene like my name was MC Windowlene
0:25:26 > 0:25:29# I'm in your face, like the mace I'm from the canister
0:25:29 > 0:25:31# My lyrics bring the pain of testicles hanging on bannisters
0:25:31 > 0:25:34# When you're skipping stairs the battle just ain't fair
0:25:34 > 0:25:37# You're lyrically impaired cos your knees are knocking cos you're scared
0:25:37 > 0:25:39# I'm reckless I dominate this other game
0:25:39 > 0:25:42# Look into your room... #
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Your rap was good, but you didn't actually battle them, did you?
0:25:45 > 0:25:49Well, they just seemed nice, so I didn't want to like, you know, they've invited me to their thing.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51I just thought, I don't want to be disrespectful.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54# What you don't know About the rap game
0:25:54 > 0:25:55# Is the title of my next book
0:25:55 > 0:25:58# Every time I rap You start to shudder
0:25:58 > 0:26:00# What's up? # HE RAPS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:26:00 > 0:26:01Oh!
0:26:01 > 0:26:05But, just before the end, one of them
0:26:05 > 0:26:07sort of quite got into my face...
0:26:07 > 0:26:10INDISTINCT RAPPING
0:26:19 > 0:26:23..in a way that suggested he wasn't being nice about me.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26He also sort of went like that in a way that I'd been doing
0:26:26 > 0:26:28which made me think he was mimicking me
0:26:28 > 0:26:30and that got a bigger response than anything I did.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34INDISTINCT RAPPING
0:26:34 > 0:26:35CHEERING
0:26:37 > 0:26:38If I'm being absolutely honest,
0:26:38 > 0:26:40I do actually think this week has been great,
0:26:40 > 0:26:44just being in the country has been, like, really amazing,
0:26:44 > 0:26:46like, I've loved it.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49But it's just a shame that I didn't get to know Thiru more
0:26:49 > 0:26:51because part of the thing is,
0:26:51 > 0:26:53I'm supposed to be getting to know my family.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56The biggest thing I've got out of this week is making friends
0:26:56 > 0:27:01with Aravinda. I've made friends with Thiru's driver instead of Thiru.
0:27:01 > 0:27:06Drive carefully. Good luck with the cash collection, laundry collection.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08- Yes. You like?- I loved it.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10- See you.- I bonded with him.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12One week in, I already feel like,
0:27:12 > 0:27:15I sort of... I feel like less of an alien in Sri Lanka,
0:27:15 > 0:27:17to be honest with you.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Did you know... You know that guy you were talking about?
0:27:19 > 0:27:21- The guy with the cap-baseball cap? - Yeah.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23I got someone to translate what he said.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26- Do you want to know?- Yes.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30"Who told this brown white man he could rap with us?
0:27:32 > 0:27:35"It's a little suspicious that you don't have kids
0:27:35 > 0:27:37"after you've gotten married.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39"Tell us the truth, aren't you really gay?
0:27:45 > 0:27:46"He sucks all sorts of cocks."
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Well, that's not true.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51This is like, I would say to my mum,
0:27:51 > 0:27:54I totally get why you wanted me to come and do this.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00- You want it through here?- Whoa! - Or through your back with the hook?
0:28:00 > 0:28:01I don't want to do any of it.