0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains some strong language
0:00:07 > 0:00:10- Romi, I want you to visit Sri Lanka. Would you like that?- No.- Why not?
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Sorry.
0:00:12 > 0:00:13Jesus Christ!
0:00:13 > 0:00:15My name is Romesh Ranganathan,
0:00:15 > 0:00:18and I know absolutely nothing about the culture of
0:00:18 > 0:00:20where my family are from.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21My feet are actually burning.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24I know more about Horsham.
0:00:24 > 0:00:25That's sad, isn't it?
0:00:26 > 0:00:29You are Sri Lankan, but you're a coconut, isn't it?
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Wow! Jesus...!
0:00:31 > 0:00:33What do you mean I'm a coconut?
0:00:33 > 0:00:35You're born and brought up in England so you speak English,
0:00:35 > 0:00:38- you don't know the language. - You MADE me a coconut.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Yeah, I'm sending you to Sri Lanka to learn about the religion,
0:00:42 > 0:00:43the language,
0:00:43 > 0:00:45about my relations,
0:00:45 > 0:00:48and learn about their culture.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Shit!
0:00:52 > 0:00:55My mum's putting me up to do a tour of Sri Lanka
0:00:55 > 0:00:57and I do want to go and do it,
0:00:57 > 0:00:59but I'm not doing it because my mum's told me to
0:00:59 > 0:01:02except for the fact that my mum told me to and I am doing it.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Oh! Ow! Argh! Urgh!
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Mate, OK, I'm done, I'm done.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21I heard about this traditional martial art in Sri Lanka.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24- It's called Angampora.- Yeah.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28And I want you to participate in that, as well, please.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30- Shall we be honest? - Yeah.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33The real reason you're doing this is not for me to get in touch
0:01:33 > 0:01:35with the culture of the thing.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38This is part of your ongoing agenda to make me lose weight.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41You're pretending it's a cultural thing. You're constantly banging on.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43MIMICS: "You've got a belly. You look horrible.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46"Sometimes when you go out, I don't like how you look in the shirt."
0:01:46 > 0:01:49- The reason you're sending me to martial arts...- To get you fit.- Yeah!
0:01:49 > 0:01:53Anyway, my cousin will be with you - Rubaharan.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55What exactly is your relation to "Ruby-Ruby"?
0:01:55 > 0:02:00He's my mother's older brother's son.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09- Hello.- Hello.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11You are Romesh!
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Yeah. Rubaharan.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15- Hello.- Hello. How're you doing?
0:02:15 > 0:02:18How's it going? You are...
0:02:18 > 0:02:22My father's sister's daughter... No, son.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24So you're my uncle.
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Yeah, yeah, uncle, uncle.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- So what are we doing today? - Angampora.
0:02:30 > 0:02:31- Is that martial arts?- Yes.
0:02:34 > 0:02:35I've got mixed feelings about this.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38I'm excited about it in terms of martial arts are exciting,
0:02:38 > 0:02:40and something I was always into.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42I used to do judo,
0:02:42 > 0:02:45and I was the fattest kid in the whole of the judo class.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48The second fattest was this blond kid
0:02:48 > 0:02:49and they called us Coffee and Cream
0:02:49 > 0:02:51and made us spar together.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Because we were the only ones that could support each other's weight.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58I mean, like, I lost a bit of weight but I still...
0:02:58 > 0:03:00My weight oscillates.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03I'm like the Asian Luther Vandross, do you know what I mean?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Romesh. Are you the top guy?
0:03:06 > 0:03:09I am Angampora martial art master, Guru Nansay.
0:03:09 > 0:03:14Romesh, your Angampora costume.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15I've got to wear that?
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Right.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Oh, hello!
0:03:20 > 0:03:21- Remove it?- Yeah, remove it.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23You've got your T-shirt on, though.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Whoa...!
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Tighter?
0:03:26 > 0:03:27Thank you.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30You've got gentle hands.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Come. This is our training centre.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35CLANGS AND SHOUTS
0:03:39 > 0:03:40Can I ask you a question?
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Do you eat special food?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44- Vegetarian.- Vegetarian.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45- I'm vegetarian, too. - Oh, really?!
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Vegetarian...!
0:03:47 > 0:03:50- HE CHUCKLES - This...
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Fat belly.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53You try exercises.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57First exercises like this.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Come on, come on, come on!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03ROMESH GROANS
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Last three - up!
0:04:05 > 0:04:07You keep increasing the number.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Eight. Watch.
0:04:11 > 0:04:12ARGH!
0:04:21 > 0:04:23HE CRIES OUT REPEATEDLY
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Oh, my...!
0:04:34 > 0:04:40I don't know why my mum thought this was a fair thing to do to me.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44OK, thank you. Thank you.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45What's next?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49It didn't look good, did it?
0:04:50 > 0:04:52It looked terrible.
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Quickly!
0:04:53 > 0:04:56- Go back now, Romesh. - Fuck you, mate.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Fine, it was an insult to the whole martial art.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Fine, I looked absolutely disgusting
0:05:00 > 0:05:02and you probably can't show this at dinner time.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04I accept all of those things,
0:05:04 > 0:05:05but I was trying my hardest.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07If they've got a T-shirt that said
0:05:07 > 0:05:09"I Had A Go At Angampora And Failed,"
0:05:09 > 0:05:12get me the T-shirt, mate.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13PANTS NOISILY
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18I genuinely feel no satisfaction whatsoever.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24So I think what they want to do now
0:05:24 > 0:05:27is put all of that together.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29When you say put it all together, what do you mean?
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Well, they want you to fight.
0:05:37 > 0:05:38How old is he?
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Er... 14.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Is he going to kill me?
0:05:42 > 0:05:43Go. Attack.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Romesh, attack.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- Come on, fight.- This is crazy. - Fight, fight.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I was just basically in a lose-lose situation
0:05:50 > 0:05:52where, you know, if I spark out a 14-year-old...
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Well, the whole day's ruined, isn't it? For everyone.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56Attack. Romesh, attack.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02Nobody'd go, "See the way Rom knocked out that 14-year-old? It was amazing!"
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Just, "Do you see the way that prick knocked out that 14-year-old?! Should be arrested."
0:06:05 > 0:06:08- And punch, kick... - I can't attack.- Attack, go.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10And then if I lose, people'll just go,
0:06:10 > 0:06:12"You got knocked out by a 14-year-old."
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Got him.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18As it happened, I didn't need to worry about me sparking him out,
0:06:18 > 0:06:20because the little kid's like a ninja.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Thank... I'm fine, thank you.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23Argh! ARGH! Ow!
0:06:23 > 0:06:25UNCLE SHOUTS Don't distract me!
0:06:25 > 0:06:27PAINED SHOUTS REPEATEDLY
0:06:27 > 0:06:30I was thinking I'd just pick him up and throw him in a pit, or something,
0:06:30 > 0:06:32or just break his neck, or something,
0:06:32 > 0:06:34but I just couldn't get near the kid.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35Son of a bitch!
0:06:35 > 0:06:38His limbs are made of...granite.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Oi... Shit!
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Arhh!
0:06:42 > 0:06:45That kid, at home, must do whatever he wants cos if you gave him a clip
0:06:45 > 0:06:47around the ear, he'd beat the shit out of you.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Ow! Shit, no. Arrgh!
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Having said that, on the positive side, I'm impressed
0:06:52 > 0:06:55that there's a Sri Lankan martial art, and I think it's really good.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57And I think Guru Nansay is amazing.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59But, everything else about today has been just been...
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Just a repeated kick to my balls.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02Argh!
0:07:02 > 0:07:04ARGH! Mate, OK.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06I'm done, I'm done!
0:07:06 > 0:07:07Go on, don't give up!
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Get away from me, man.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Been nice spending time with your uncle, who you haven't seen.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18I just think he might be a bit disappointed. Did I do well?
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Yeah, did.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Could you see my butt crack the whole time? Can you see my bum?
0:07:22 > 0:07:23Yeah, yeah.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Oh, mate!
0:07:30 > 0:07:33I am worried because Dad had a heart attack -
0:07:33 > 0:07:35sudden attack - and he's gone within a day.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38So, I mean, I'll be honest with you,
0:07:38 > 0:07:43so I want my both sons to be healthy and fit.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45You can't use the Dad thing as a...
0:07:45 > 0:07:47I know Dad passed away because of that,
0:07:47 > 0:07:48but you can't just use that.
0:07:48 > 0:07:49That's not the issue here.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52You're not worried about my heart. You think I look horrible.
0:07:52 > 0:07:57Romesh, I never, never worry about how you look.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00I only sometimes mention about your weight.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01You mention about my weight,
0:08:01 > 0:08:03you mention about my hair,
0:08:03 > 0:08:04you mention about my beard...
0:08:04 > 0:08:06The beard, I don't like it.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Why can't I tell the truth?
0:08:08 > 0:08:11I don't like it, Rom. It's like a fungus on your face.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12It's not like a fungus.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13It is.
0:08:13 > 0:08:18I am proud of you, but now it's like a big bush sitting there.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20I can't see your face.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23At all.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Only this black thing that I see. Sitting there.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Are you talking about the beard?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34My uncle wants me to get hold of some traditional treatments
0:08:34 > 0:08:37to help me lose weight, which
0:08:37 > 0:08:40I'm not massively excited about, but, to be honest, anything's better
0:08:40 > 0:08:43than getting involved in genuine physical exercise.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Come out looking like a pair of legends, innit?
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Yeah, see. He's bang up for it.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51I want one of those things where he goes,
0:08:51 > 0:08:53"Oh, do you know your belly? I go, "Yeah."
0:08:53 > 0:08:55"It's because of your posture.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57"Let me just crack your back a little bit." CRRK!
0:08:57 > 0:09:00And then suddenly it all goes "zzzt" and I've got abs or something.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02That would be amazing.
0:09:02 > 0:09:03- Hello.- Hello.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- Doctor Jalfa.- Jalfa.- Yes. - Hello. Nice to meet you.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Same to you.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11You kindly, if you have any diseases, you tick, OK?
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- OK.- Colic, abdominal pain, distension.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16- What's distension?- Distension...
0:09:16 > 0:09:18- The big bel...- Big belly?
0:09:18 > 0:09:20- I do have a big belly. - Yeah, yeah.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22You have.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Overweight. What do you think?
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Yeah, yeah, so... It's very main problem, you have.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- Very big problem?- Yes!
0:09:32 > 0:09:34- Now, the cleaning. - What do you mean cleaning?
0:09:34 > 0:09:38Clearing the stomach. Insert some herbal decoction with the oil.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Insert it where?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Yeah, in the... Enema, enema.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- So you're going to put something in my...- Yeah, in the anus region.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47- Anus region? - Yeah, anus region.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50And you're going to put some herbal concoction into my anus?
0:09:50 > 0:09:51In the anus, yeah.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54- And then I sit there for half an hour...- Half an hour you...
0:09:54 > 0:09:58- ..and then herbs come out of my anus. - Herbs come out to the outside.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00I thought I was coming here for a massage,
0:10:00 > 0:10:03but now he's talking about giving me an enema.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05It's not what I signed up for.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Obviously, I was polite to him,
0:10:07 > 0:10:09because I don't want to be rude to the guy
0:10:09 > 0:10:11and you're in the pressure of the situation, but that's not...
0:10:11 > 0:10:14I didn't come to have, like, oil put up my arse.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16I didn't realise I was getting basted.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18I'll tell you what,
0:10:18 > 0:10:21we'll just set the cameras up, we'll film, see what happens.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23No, I don't want you filming around my arsehole.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25I don't want you in the vicinity of my arsehole.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27I don't even want you thinking about my arsehole, OK?
0:10:27 > 0:10:29That's it. You are not filming it.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32What kind of show is this?
0:10:32 > 0:10:35- The viewers...- It's not journey into Romesh's arsehole, is it?
0:10:37 > 0:10:39It's not Romesh's Ring Piece Explored, is it?
0:10:41 > 0:10:43If there's somebody watching this
0:10:43 > 0:10:47and the deal-breaker for them is getting a shot of me
0:10:47 > 0:10:49having some oil stuff up my arse,
0:10:49 > 0:10:50I don't want them watching.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53That's not the show we're making.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55I'll do it... No filming.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59And I think it's massive that I'm doing it.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00Why are you doing it?
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Well, I might like it.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Is this going to hurt?
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Can I see how much you're planning on inserting?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11You're putting all of that in?!
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Ho-ly shit, mate!
0:11:13 > 0:11:16MUSIC: STRAUSS WALTZ
0:11:18 > 0:11:20OCCASIONAL YELPS AND GURGLES
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Oh, mate, that is so weird!
0:11:24 > 0:11:25Not good, man.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27You relax, OK?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29That's horrible.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Ruba, I didn't think this was what we'd be doing together.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Perfect, done.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43OK, thank you. You've been great. Thanks.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47How suddenly will the need to go to the toilet come?
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Will it just come like that?
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Suddenly, I'll just need to go like - boom.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Please find a toilet.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Where can I go? Oh, mate, this is horrible.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58I do really genuinely have oil in my arse.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Oh, mate.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04There's no toilet roll.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05There's nothing.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08Cheers, mate. Here?
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- In here?- Toilet.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Get out. See you later.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17- Bye.- You want...?
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Brilliant. Thanks, Rubes. You're a legend.
0:12:23 > 0:12:24Oh, Christ!
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Ohhh...
0:12:28 > 0:12:30This is like a horror film, mate.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35(Oh, my God!)
0:12:35 > 0:12:37- Ruba.- Yes.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38Can you see if there's more tissue?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Yes.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41Thank you. Love you.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Romesh?
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Yeah, I'm done.
0:12:55 > 0:12:56Motion is going...?
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Yeah.
0:12:58 > 0:12:59It's gone.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Now, it's OK?
0:13:01 > 0:13:02No.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05I'm all right.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10What happened in there I don't want to talk about again.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12It's one of the worst experiences I've ever had,
0:13:12 > 0:13:14and it doesn't even feel like it's finished.
0:13:14 > 0:13:19It feels like they've flicked a switch in my body that says,
0:13:19 > 0:13:21"Can shit at any time".
0:13:21 > 0:13:22Because that's what I feel like.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26I feel like I'm never, ever going to experience "not needing a crap"
0:13:26 > 0:13:27for the rest of my life.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29That's what I feel like right now.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31And thank goodness, my uncle
0:13:31 > 0:13:33who I haven't seen for years and years and years,
0:13:33 > 0:13:36was on hand to listen to me in the toilet.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38- Disgusting, right? - Yeah, yeah.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41I'm done, mate. I'm out. Goodbye.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Rubes, let's roll.
0:13:43 > 0:13:44Let's go, man.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47That was horrible.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48No problem.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Thank you for looking after me.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57When you are in Sri Lanka,
0:13:57 > 0:14:00you're going to visit Kalmunai where I was born and brought up.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04Rubaharan is going to introduce my cousin,
0:14:04 > 0:14:05my side of the family.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Her name is Udaya.
0:14:16 > 0:14:17Oh, hello. I remember you.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Hi, I'm Romesh.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22- Varuni.- Varuni, hello.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27- This is your mother. - That's my mum.- Mm.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31- And were you very close? - I am only daughter.
0:14:31 > 0:14:32She also only daughter.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34They both are really close.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36So you're like sisters.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Your mum's wedding photo.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39That's the wedding photo.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40Wedding photo.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43When Mum came back last time
0:14:43 > 0:14:46was she different from when she was in Sri Lanka?
0:14:46 > 0:14:49- More beautiful.- More beautiful!
0:14:49 > 0:14:50THEY CHUCKLE
0:14:50 > 0:14:51I won't tell her that.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Smart and pretty.
0:14:53 > 0:14:54Smart and pretty.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Smart and pretty.
0:14:56 > 0:14:57Here in Sri Lankan tradition,
0:14:57 > 0:15:00they marry cousins,
0:15:00 > 0:15:02- so I think he had a crush on her. - Really?
0:15:05 > 0:15:10There's a whole side of my mum's life that I don't know.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13You know, I know English Mum, if you see what I mean,
0:15:13 > 0:15:16I don't know Sri Lankan Mum. Do you know what I mean?
0:15:16 > 0:15:18And this was so much of a formative part of her life,
0:15:18 > 0:15:20and I didn't know anything about it.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24When my mum heard that you got married to a white girl...
0:15:24 > 0:15:25Was she disappointed?
0:15:25 > 0:15:28- Er, yes. - MOTHER LAUGHS
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Can you tell your mum, I had no choice.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33This woman just kept chasing me and chasing me,
0:15:33 > 0:15:35and in England I am very attractive.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37- Oh, really?- And so...
0:15:37 > 0:15:41With your big belly and your beard.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Medium belly.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Medium! See?
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Yeah, medium.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52But compared to him, you have a big belly.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Yeah, but he's like a freak.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57It's been really good. It's been really good to chat to them.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00There's been a few harsh comments. They're obviously disappointed with how I look.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03I'm always complaining to my mum about how she's so upfront about it
0:16:03 > 0:16:06and just so brutal and now, I sort of think,
0:16:06 > 0:16:09well, everyone's like that here, do you know what I mean?
0:16:09 > 0:16:11I have 20 years same weight.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12Really?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14I can't keep the same weight for 20 minutes.
0:16:14 > 0:16:1645kg.
0:16:16 > 0:16:1845kg?!
0:16:18 > 0:16:20- You're not 45kg. - Yeah.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22I'm 95.
0:16:22 > 0:16:23My God!
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Your wife's cooking is not good.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30THEY LAUGH
0:16:33 > 0:16:38My cousin lives right next door to my dowry house.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40My mum gave it to me.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42So what's going on there?
0:16:42 > 0:16:45They're some religious group. I have rented it.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47I don't know much about them.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50You never told me people are living there. What's the rental agreement?
0:16:50 > 0:16:52It's 1,000 rupees. How much is it?
0:16:52 > 0:16:55I don't know the exchange rate, so I don't know what...
0:16:55 > 0:16:57For a pound it's I think 200 rupees.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- So £5.- A month.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00- £5?!- £5, yeah.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Are you...?
0:17:02 > 0:17:04I think we need to increase the rent.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Because it's a religious group
0:17:07 > 0:17:08I don't want to be disrespectful,
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- but I'm going to go in with a high figure.- Don't be so rude to them.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15I won't be rude. I'm going in, "Negotiate or out."
0:17:15 > 0:17:16OK.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I am going to sort this rent situation out,
0:17:18 > 0:17:23but my main motivation is just to get out of some of the exercises
0:17:23 > 0:17:25that my mum's lined up for me.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28It is here, your mum's house.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32Your mother has rented the house for a meditation centre.
0:17:32 > 0:17:33Hello.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35- I'm Romesh.- Yes.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39They are sisters who run the house, currently.
0:17:39 > 0:17:40Hello, I'm Romesh.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48- So you don't live here, no? - No.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50- Where do you live?- My house.
0:17:51 > 0:17:52OK.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56Well, the reason I wanted to come and talk to you guys
0:17:56 > 0:18:00is I wanted to talk to you about the rent.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02It's a very old house,
0:18:02 > 0:18:04so there are lots to repair.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06- To repair?- Yeah.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08You see the cracks?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10When it rains, it leaks.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- Can you not just put a bucket here? - No.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15If you touch it, it will fall.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18- Somebody could knock on this door, and it would fall down?- It might.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20This is worse than I thought.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21- See this crack?- Oh, I see.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Comes right through to the other side.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25I've been given a right punch in the face.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29I thought I was coming to talk about rent, and they didn't want to talk about rent.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32They wanted to talk about their rental agreement being breached
0:18:32 > 0:18:34by the fact that their house is in disrepair!
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Here's the kitchen.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40- Nice?- It's dangerous when you open and close the door.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Just leave it open, then.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43You can see the roof.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- It was damaged.- Crack here.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48MATERIAL HITS THE GROUND Oh!
0:18:48 > 0:18:50I've sort of been manoeuvred into a position
0:18:50 > 0:18:52where I don't know what the hell to do.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54I mean, I think I might have to do these repairs!
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Well, look, thank you very much.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57The thing is, I thought, maybe,
0:18:57 > 0:19:00when my mum first told me a fiver a month,
0:19:00 > 0:19:01I thought, well, maybe, actually,
0:19:01 > 0:19:04in Sri Lankan terms, that's actually quite a bit of money,
0:19:04 > 0:19:05but I've been out for a while
0:19:05 > 0:19:07and it isn't a lot of money.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13What I'm thinking is, this is the deal I'm thinking of offering -
0:19:13 > 0:19:15I will sort out these issues
0:19:15 > 0:19:18if you start paying five times the amount of rent.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20It's the principle of it.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23I feel like my mum's being conned... but they're nuns!
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Well, first of all, thank you very much for showing me round.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31I really appreciate it.
0:19:31 > 0:19:37We can get all of the work done, but the rent is 1,000 a month.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39If it's possible
0:19:39 > 0:19:41that...er...
0:19:41 > 0:19:45we could increase the rent to something more like
0:19:45 > 0:19:485,000 a month.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50THEY SPEAK IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:19:56 > 0:20:00No, they feel 5,000 rent is...
0:20:00 > 0:20:02- Too much.- Too much.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04They're so nice, aren't they?
0:20:04 > 0:20:08And they do that and then the translation just kicks you in the bollocks.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11They don't want to raise the rent.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14The rent is not increasing,
0:20:14 > 0:20:16so I've got that half in the bag.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19- And they'd like it if I did the repairs.- Yes.
0:20:19 > 0:20:20OK.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24And the other half that I've managed to nail is that we are doing the work.
0:20:24 > 0:20:25They feel if you do the repairs
0:20:25 > 0:20:29then it will be good, because otherwise it will be unfair.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31The rent is not going to...
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Please reassure them it's not going to go up.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36What I'm doing is, instead of getting my mum more money,
0:20:36 > 0:20:39I've come out here and the result of my visit is
0:20:39 > 0:20:40we're actually losing money.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43They've basically nunned the shit out of me. That's what's happened here!
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Basically, this situation would've been a lot better
0:20:49 > 0:20:51if I'd have made no intervention whatsoever.
0:21:00 > 0:21:01Yesterday was a complete waste of time.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04So, today, well, first of all I've got to say goodbye
0:21:04 > 0:21:05to my Uncle Rubaharan.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08- Thanks for everything.- OK.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10I really enjoyed the enema.
0:21:10 > 0:21:11You touched me so gently.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15Then my mum's got this one last idea for me to lose weight.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19Which is me spending some time with, like, an indigenous tribe.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26You're going to see the Veddas.
0:21:26 > 0:21:27What is Veddas?
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Veddas, they live in the jungle and they have a very simple life.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Our ancestors, they used to live like that.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36You can watch them and you live on fruits.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39There are so many berries and things like that.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Will they tell me which berries to eat?
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Of course, some of them are poison.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Do they speak English?
0:21:46 > 0:21:49If you're lucky, one or two might speak English.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- And if not... - If not, use sign language.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55- Show me the sign for, "Is this a poisonous berry?"- I don't know.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Show me the sign now for, "Is this a poisonous berry?"
0:21:58 > 0:21:59Like that.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01THEY LAUGH
0:22:01 > 0:22:03- Well, it's funny, isn't it(?) - What?
0:22:03 > 0:22:07- That I might die.- Your mother will be sad if you die, but...
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- Thank you.- Part of me will think, "What a stupid son I had.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12"He didn't ask any questions."
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Mum, why am I going?
0:22:14 > 0:22:17To see how these people survive.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27I'm here at the Vedda village and I'm going in open
0:22:27 > 0:22:31but scared of all of the things that today's going to hold.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33I'm looking forward to seeing the tribe.
0:22:36 > 0:22:37I have my concerns about it.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39I have my concerns about my own safety.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45I have my concerns about my own dignity, but to be honest with you,
0:22:45 > 0:22:49it sounds like by signing up for this show in the first place...
0:22:49 > 0:22:52I don't recall where in the contract it said,
0:22:52 > 0:22:54"Remember that your integrity is now just a memory,"
0:22:54 > 0:22:56but apparently that's what's happened here.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59I'll just strip off, dance around like a prick.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03That seems to be... the modus operandi.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- Hello. I'm Romesh. - I'm Villemora.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10- Villemora. - Villemora.- Villemora.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13I'm not actually sure what's going to happen next
0:23:13 > 0:23:16but apparently I've got to, before I do anything else, meet the chief.
0:23:19 > 0:23:20What are we going to be doing today?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Bow and arrow.
0:23:24 > 0:23:25Fire. All right.
0:23:26 > 0:23:33I am...allergic to bees. Like, if a bee stings me, I get sick.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Is it dangerous for me?
0:23:36 > 0:23:38No, no, I don't want to eat any honey.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40But bee... I get scared.
0:24:04 > 0:24:05Right, let's go.
0:24:07 > 0:24:08Ow!
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Be careful where you're treading, Romesh.
0:24:11 > 0:24:12What now?
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Whoa!
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Ow! Jesus!
0:24:27 > 0:24:28OK, what's next?
0:24:31 > 0:24:34I'll try. Listen, I'll try. Yeah?
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Yeah?
0:24:37 > 0:24:41'Doing archery for your first time, it's difficult enough as it is.'
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Doing it without your glasses on... it was just a lottery.
0:24:49 > 0:24:50Hey!
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Who knows what I would have done if I'd have had my glasses on.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57I probably would have split the tree in two.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01How do you feel about that? Was that a genuine experience for you?
0:25:02 > 0:25:04'It was like a survival course in the woods.'
0:25:04 > 0:25:09It was good fun, but let's be honest, this is a tourist experience
0:25:09 > 0:25:13and I've basically got the super deal, haven't I?
0:25:13 > 0:25:15- You're happy. - Happy, very happy, yeah.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18I'm being facetious, but I do respect it.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20They're keeping the traditions alive.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22I like them. They're all nice guys.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25If we spoke the same language, you can imagine hanging out.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30But, anyway, I think my main priority is to get the hell out of here.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33I've got them some presents as a little thank you for having me.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35I think just hand out the presents, say goodbye,
0:25:35 > 0:25:37because, I don't care what my mum says, me
0:25:37 > 0:25:40going into anaphylactic shock is not a great way for me to lose weight.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Lemon puffs? Chocolate creams?
0:25:42 > 0:25:43You guys like football?
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Oh, I can't go. That's why I got you the presents,
0:25:52 > 0:25:54to say thank you. I've got to go.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00OK, lead the way, then. After you.
0:26:00 > 0:26:01Oh, shit!
0:26:01 > 0:26:06Romesh, do you think you should go if you've got an allergy to bees?
0:26:06 > 0:26:08No, I don't, but, I mean, what can I do?
0:26:08 > 0:26:10I don't want to offend them.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12I tried to get out of it. Where are the bees?
0:26:15 > 0:26:16Bees?
0:26:18 > 0:26:19Hold on one minute.
0:26:21 > 0:26:22Right, you've got to get me out of this.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25- Are they still there?- Yeah, he's there, he's waiting for me.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28Why don't you just be honest with him and say, "I can't do it"?
0:26:28 > 0:26:29OK.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32We're running out of time. I've got to go.
0:26:34 > 0:26:35No, no, we have to go. We've run out of time.
0:26:44 > 0:26:45What did he say?
0:26:47 > 0:26:48I know, but I've got to go.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Can you tell him I'm really sorry but I've got to go?
0:26:53 > 0:26:54Come, come.
0:26:56 > 0:26:57Fuck this!
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Look, I know running away wasn't the most sensible thing to do,
0:27:04 > 0:27:07but I really didn't want to get stung and they were being
0:27:07 > 0:27:10so persistent and I thought, "Actually, if I run away
0:27:10 > 0:27:15"and manage to evade them, actually shows I'm in pretty good shape."
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Unfortunately, as it turns out, they were very fast.
0:27:20 > 0:27:21He's quick.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24But the lesson to be learned from today, really...
0:27:24 > 0:27:27don't try and outrun a hunter if you're an overweight...prick.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30What jobs could you do in Sri Lanka, that you couldn't do here?
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Good evening, room service. I'm off duty, sorry.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36L-L-Cool-J.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38You're going to meet your cousin called Krishna.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42I don't expect this from you. Not from you!
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Don't get angry.
0:27:45 > 0:27:46'I'm not getting angry!'