0:00:02 > 0:00:05Romi, I want you to visit Sri Lanka.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08- Would you like to do that, darling? - No.- Why not?
0:00:08 > 0:00:12This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Jesus Christ!
0:00:14 > 0:00:17My name's Romesh Ranganathan and I know absolutely nothing
0:00:17 > 0:00:20about the culture of where my family are from.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21My feet are actually burning.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24I know more about Horsham.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27That's sad, isn't it?
0:00:27 > 0:00:29You are a Sri Lankan, but you're a coconut, isn't it?
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Ow! Jesus!
0:00:31 > 0:00:35- What do you mean I'm a coconut? - You were born and brought up in England so you speak English.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39- You don't know the language. - You made me a coconut.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Yeah, I'm sending you to Sri Lanka to learn about the religion,
0:00:42 > 0:00:45the language,
0:00:45 > 0:00:47about my relations and learn about their culture.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Shit!
0:00:52 > 0:00:56My mum's putting me up to do a tour of Sri Lanka and I do want to
0:00:56 > 0:00:58go and do it, but I'm not doing it because my mum's telling me
0:00:58 > 0:01:04to except for the fact that my mum told me to and I am doing it.
0:01:04 > 0:01:05Pow! Ow!
0:01:05 > 0:01:06Ooh! Argh!
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Ow! Mate, OK, I'm done, I'm done.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21We are in Jaffna, where my dad grew up.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25I know that this is a war-torn area but you know,
0:01:25 > 0:01:27I don't know the history of it necessarily.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31My concern is I'm not informed enough to be an authority figure on it.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36So I feel that pressure in terms of...this show is shining a light on that.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Unfortunately, the person holding a torch is a moron.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46When you go to Jaffna, you are going to meet your cousin called Krishna.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50He's 12 and he teaches English in his spare time.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- He teaches English in his spare time?- Time, yeah.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57- What 12-year-old teaches in his spare time?- Why don't you ask him when you meet him?
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- I would probably advise him not to do that any more.- Why?
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Well, I just think a 12-year-old should have better hobbies than that.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Well, this is where I'm going to meet Krishna.
0:02:06 > 0:02:11He and I are going to go and teach a class of kids.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12What have you prepared for it?
0:02:12 > 0:02:16You know, the filming schedule doesn't allow for a lot of preparation
0:02:16 > 0:02:20but what I have got is eight years in the field, teaching... maths...
0:02:22 > 0:02:23..to kids in Crawley.
0:02:33 > 0:02:34Hey, Krishna.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37- Hi, Romeshana.- How you doing? You all right? Nice to meet you.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40I'm fine. So, you're late, I think, isn't it?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Yeah, I am late, yeah.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44I saw a lot of your shows which were really funny.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Thank you.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Yeah. I think you're going to be famous one day.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- Thanks.- Yeah.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Your English is very good.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55I can speak six languages.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58How many can you speak?
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Er...
0:03:00 > 0:03:04Well, I'm working on the first one, to be honest with you.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Today we have a new teacher.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Right, Romesh?
0:03:08 > 0:03:09Just for today.
0:03:11 > 0:03:12Do you speak English?
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Great, great. OK.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18So what I'm going to do is I'm going to shout out some numbers, right?
0:03:18 > 0:03:20If the number is one of the answers in the two-times table,
0:03:20 > 0:03:23I want you to put your left arm in the air.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27So if I say six, everybody puts their...
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- Left arm.- Left arm, yeah?
0:03:29 > 0:03:33If he tells the two-times table, any number from two-times table,
0:03:33 > 0:03:35you must put your left hand up.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37He's a smart cookie, isn't he?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40He likes to tell you what you're doing wrong
0:03:40 > 0:03:43but not in a horrible way, in sort of a...
0:03:43 > 0:03:46he's just very honest. But I find it endearing. You know?
0:03:46 > 0:03:49I sort of...I do like him.
0:03:49 > 0:03:54Six, four, six, four, ten.
0:03:54 > 0:03:55I could've done a whole maths lesson
0:03:55 > 0:03:58but what I wanted to do was do something different.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59I took a risk.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02I'm going to try and teach you a rap song now, OK?
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Has anyone heard of LL Cool J?
0:04:04 > 0:04:07LL Cool J.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11OK. So can you stand up, please?
0:04:14 > 0:04:18OK. So I'm going to say it how you say it and then you repeat after me, OK?
0:04:18 > 0:04:22All right? "Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years",
0:04:22 > 0:04:25OK? You guys try it now. Ready? Go.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29- ACROSS EACH OTHER:- Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33OK. This is going to be bad.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36OK. Just try this bit, "I've been here for years." OK? Ready?
0:04:36 > 0:04:38- ACROSS EACH OTHER: - I've been here for years.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41I've been here for years.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42Feels like it, don't it?
0:04:42 > 0:04:45I took a risk and it backfired.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49So you go, "I'm going to knock you out, huh", that's how you do it, OK?
0:04:49 > 0:04:50Sir.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Right? OK? Ready? OK. Can we...
0:04:52 > 0:04:56- ACROSS EACH OTHER: - "I'm going to knock you out." - OK.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59It was like teaching in England, except for the fact they
0:04:59 > 0:05:02couldn't understand anything I was saying and everything I did failed.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06So how did you feel that the programme went on this morning?
0:05:06 > 0:05:09Well...yeah, I tried to teach them some rap music.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14- But that wasn't successful. - And that was...that was...that wasn't...- That wasn't successful.
0:05:14 > 0:05:19That didn't go as well. No. It wasn't successful. You're correct, Krishna. Right.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23And the next time you and I are teaching a lesson
0:05:23 > 0:05:26and the headmaster comes up and says, "How did that go?"
0:05:26 > 0:05:32You say, "Brilliantly, they learnt a lot." You just lie, you know?
0:05:32 > 0:05:33I'm not used to lying.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Well, don't tell anybody I told you to do that.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37How do you think I got this TV show sorted out?
0:05:37 > 0:05:42They said to me, "How's it going?" I said, "It's going really well, I'm really successful,"
0:05:42 > 0:05:47and then this happened. It's a lie. So I'm going to be seeing your mum later, yeah?
0:05:47 > 0:05:48I think so, yeah.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53# Right! I'm gonna knock you out
0:05:53 > 0:05:56# I'm a say, knock you out
0:05:56 > 0:05:58# I'm gonna knock you out... #
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Hello.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Hi, Rom.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Hello. How are you?
0:06:02 > 0:06:04How are you? I'm good thank you.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- God bless you. - Lovely to see you.- Hello.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08Thank God! For the first time.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Every time, I believe Krishna tells you are always late.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- Pardon?- You are always late.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Yeah, I am always late. Yeah, sorry, yeah.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- We had a nice day today, didn't we? - Yeah, really. And...
0:06:19 > 0:06:22I think mum knows about the...
0:06:22 > 0:06:23About the what?
0:06:26 > 0:06:28I heard today's lessons were pretty bad.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30That's what I understand.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31He was very good.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33And what about you?
0:06:33 > 0:06:34He was good. I was bad.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35No, he was very good.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37OK, now both of you, are good.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Supporting each other. That means everything is a lie now.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43What is that you both are talking in between in your eyes?
0:06:43 > 0:06:45What's that going on?
0:06:45 > 0:06:46No, I've just got a lazy eye.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49I can't do anything about...I just look like...
0:06:49 > 0:06:50No, I can understand.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52I see his eye and your eye, eye contact
0:06:52 > 0:06:55and it's something you both are speaking, trying to hide from me.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58- No, we're not...- Yeah...nothing, nothing, nothing.- No.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00No, Romesh. I don't expect this from YOU.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02- Wouldn't you...- Not from YOU!
0:07:05 > 0:07:07He grassed me up. Krishna grassed me up.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09I tried to signal to him,
0:07:09 > 0:07:10and then she caught me doing that,
0:07:10 > 0:07:13and then that took me into another spiral of arse-whipping.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Now I've realised that everything I tell Krishna
0:07:15 > 0:07:17is going to go straight back to his mum.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19And then she'll chop my balls off so I've got to
0:07:19 > 0:07:21re-think my strategy on that.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23- Take care, bye.- Already missing you. Bye, dear.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25- Bye-bye. See you.- Bye.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35You know, Romesh, say we are living in Sri Lanka,
0:07:35 > 0:07:39what kind of job would you select to do?
0:07:39 > 0:07:41What jobs could you do in Sri Lanka that you couldn't do here,
0:07:41 > 0:07:43for example, like...?
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Open a shop.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Yeah, you can... I can't think of any shops here.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Medicine?
0:07:54 > 0:07:56- Nah.- No. Tuk-tuk driver?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- No.- No?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Where have you pulled that out of?
0:08:01 > 0:08:05I mean, you could drive around all the areas and talk to people
0:08:05 > 0:08:07and get to know them.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09How safe are the roads?
0:08:09 > 0:08:12I think I heard roads are lovely now.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Do you promise?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16I promise you, yeah.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39- This is a clutch.- Yeah.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43Clutch and first gear, OK?
0:08:43 > 0:08:46And smoothly...
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Oh, wait.
0:08:48 > 0:08:49Wait a minute.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53All right. OK, switch on that.
0:08:53 > 0:08:58First and...
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Does this normally happen?
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Yeah.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06Right, OK. Switch on and slowly...
0:09:10 > 0:09:14Slowly out, right? And you can go.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Right.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20This tuk-tuk is like...
0:09:20 > 0:09:24It's shitter than any other tuk-tuks I've seen on the road.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26- Jesus.- Right?
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Where's the clutch?
0:09:28 > 0:09:31This is the clutch. This is the clutch.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35Look at the seats and that. It's not even got the safety barriers.
0:09:35 > 0:09:36No mirror.
0:09:36 > 0:09:37Yeah, why?
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Uh, you have a smartphone?
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Yeah.
0:09:43 > 0:09:49You can take this way and see the back. This way.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54- No, I know how you do it. - See the back side.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56- Yeah.- Right, OK?
0:09:56 > 0:09:58- So when I'm turning left, put my hand out.- Yeah.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02I turn, and then I put the phone there. That's what the procedure is?
0:10:02 > 0:10:03Procedure.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Uh, you sometimes...
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Difficult, you can turn.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10- Oh, you can turn your head?- Yeah, turn and see.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Oh, wow. That's a good feature. Like that, yeah.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16I'll try, yeah. There you go. Is that how you...? Am I doing it right?
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- No, quickly.- Quickly.- Yeah.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Right?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Honestly, there is
0:10:22 > 0:10:26no way that I'm going to be ready to go on the road today.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- This week.- Slowly, slowly.- Whoa!
0:10:31 > 0:10:33You can get some practice over on the cones over there.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Yeah, it's just like a road.
0:10:35 > 0:10:36That, over there.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41I thought I was meant to be spending the week with Krishna. Where is he?
0:10:41 > 0:10:46We felt that it was unsafe for him to be in this vehicle.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54You really are a prick, aren't you?
0:10:55 > 0:11:00Genuine, weapons-grade, nuclear...
0:11:01 > 0:11:06- Very good.- Yeah, listen. Couple of things. You got a lot of stuff,
0:11:06 > 0:11:08like, wrong with it. You know there's no mirror?
0:11:08 > 0:11:10- Mirror, mirror.- No mirror.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12- No, no.- Your seats are messed up.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14- Ah, right.- This is all messed up.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16We'll just do... We'll improve it.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Make it better.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19Better.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22- Better?- Put the mirror in, fix the seat...
0:11:22 > 0:11:25- You want modify?- Modify.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27- Modify.- Like, this paint job is shit.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Isn't it? Nobody's going to get in it when it looks like this.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33And you're happy for us to just pimp the shit out of this?
0:11:33 > 0:11:39Like, paint, fix the seat, fish tank, music.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42- Just looks great.- Music? You want music?
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Yeah, like boom boom boom.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46And wi-wi-wi lights?
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Well, yeah, whatever.
0:11:48 > 0:11:49Lights and...
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Well, yeah, let's not get carried away.
0:11:55 > 0:12:03MUSIC PLAYS: The Next Episode by Snoop Dogg ft. Dr Dre
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Looks like Cookie Monster's corpse, doesn't it?
0:12:42 > 0:12:46I mean, part of the reason I chose so much... I mean, I didn't really want
0:12:46 > 0:12:50flames, but I just thought I'd choose as much stuff as possible
0:12:50 > 0:12:53so that we'd run out of time and I wouldn't have to drive it.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56I'll be honest with you. I wanted to help the guy out,
0:12:56 > 0:12:59but also I thought, like, that'll take ages to put on.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01That's what I thought.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05Unfortunately, you found the only mechanics on the planet that will
0:13:05 > 0:13:08turn around something in the time that they actually say they will do.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11So I've got no choice. I'm going to take it into Jaffna
0:13:11 > 0:13:13and I'm going to have a little drive around, see how it goes.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15If you think that's safe.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26I'm off duty, sorry!
0:13:31 > 0:13:32Fuck off.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34HORN BLARES
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Jesus Christ! Are you...
0:13:38 > 0:13:40That was horrible.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42My clutch control on this is not good.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Oh, shit.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47I stalled it in the middle of it and got people tooting.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50People just walk out in front. How is that safe?
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Are you not...? Are you not worried about how that has gone?
0:13:54 > 0:13:56You don't seem to be that worried.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59You assessed the conditions. You were going quite slowly.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01HORN TOOTS
0:14:03 > 0:14:07All of you are so full of crap. I'm not driving it any more. So this...
0:14:07 > 0:14:10you are going to have to find out a way of getting this to where
0:14:10 > 0:14:11it needs to be.
0:14:11 > 0:14:12Cos I'm never getting in it again.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15I think you're going to have to drive it juts a little bit further.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17"I think you're going to have to..." No, I'm not, mate!
0:14:17 > 0:14:19No, I'm not.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Romesh, so many people work in Sri Lanka.
0:14:40 > 0:14:46They work in restaurants and hotels and you should try that, man.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Yeah. I mean, I have done stuff like that.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Where?
0:14:51 > 0:14:53I worked in a fried chicken shop.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Oh, yeah. So you've got experience, then.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57I worked in Debenhams cafe for a day, walked out.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59- But I still did it for a day. - Oh, right.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03So why not give it a try and see, be nice to people...
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Mum, I will definitely give it a try, because...
0:15:06 > 0:15:09You know, I love you.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11You love me? Oh, thank you so much.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13I love you too, man.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16Is it a fake smile?
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Today I'm taking Krishna
0:15:19 > 0:15:24and his mum to Nurwara Eliya to work in a hotel that my mum set up.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26It's an eight-hour journey.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29From what I gather, they like to entertain each other with
0:15:29 > 0:15:32little games and singing and stuff like that.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37That is...
0:15:38 > 0:15:39..the worst
0:15:39 > 0:15:42idea of a journey for me.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Sing something. Just for the pastime.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46- I can't.- Why?
0:15:46 > 0:15:47Well, I don't know how to sing.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Well, you don't know how to run tuk-tuk and you went
0:15:50 > 0:15:52- and sat in the tuk-tuk.- Yeah, but I nearly killed myself.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- It's not a great example, the tuk-tuk.- But singing won't kill you.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Don't worry about it.
0:15:57 > 0:16:02HE SINGS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:16:26 > 0:16:29So this is where my mum has sent us.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Basically, it's part of the thing that my mum wants me to see
0:16:32 > 0:16:34what it's like to do different jobs.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43- Hello. I'm Romesh. Are you expecting... ?- Hello, sir.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Good afternoon.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47- Nice to meet you. I'm Benedict. - Benedict, hello.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51- Just a quick thing, my... This is my cousin...- Yes.
0:16:51 > 0:16:56And my auntie wants him to work with me as well. Is that OK?
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Yeah, it's all right.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- Yeah.- Yeah?
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- Yeah. Please come to the restaurant. - OK. All right. Thanks.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09- Hello.- Hello.
0:17:09 > 0:17:10Hello.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Please, welcome. Good evening.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Hello. Welcome.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Formal dining. Formal dining.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19My jacket doesn't fit. Does it matter?
0:17:19 > 0:17:21- So you're nice. Looks smart. - But it doesn't...
0:17:21 > 0:17:23- Looks really good.- Is doesn't shut, though.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26- Can I try?- We will change another day.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29I will give you a nice jacket for you.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- His one fits perfectly.- Yes, looks smart.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36Isn't it a bit weird to send a Sri Lankan of British origin to
0:17:36 > 0:17:38a colonial hotel?
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Does anyone else think that's a bit strange?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44There's plenty of Sri Lankan hotels that are just Sri Lankan.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46- The room service phone is there. - Yeah.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Phone is there.
0:17:48 > 0:17:49OK. Thank you.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51- Thank you.- Thank you.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55We've basically... This hotel
0:17:55 > 0:17:57is a coconut.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59This is the hotel version of me.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01And I'm working in it. It's bonkers.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03PHONE RINGS
0:18:03 > 0:18:05OK, answer the phone. Do it.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Hello. Good evening.
0:18:09 > 0:18:10This is room service.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13A club sandwich.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16OK. Thank you so much.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Do you want... Ask them if they want a drink.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20If you want a drink or something?
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Wha-wha...?
0:18:25 > 0:18:27What was that?!
0:18:27 > 0:18:29THEY LAUGH
0:18:29 > 0:18:32How do you end a phone call with, "Do you want a drink or something?"
0:18:32 > 0:18:34KRISHNA LAUGHS
0:18:34 > 0:18:37PHONE RINGS Oh, my God.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Hello. Room service. Good evening.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- Room service.- Room service.- Ssh!
0:18:45 > 0:18:47PHONE RINGS
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Brilliant. Thank you so much. It'll be up with you soon.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51- Ginger beer and a Coke? - Yes, that's perfect.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55Thank you so much. Thank you so much, madam. Thank you. Enjoy your food.
0:18:55 > 0:18:56PHONE RINGS
0:18:56 > 0:18:58OK, come on. You're up.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Hello. Good evening.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Room service...
0:19:01 > 0:19:02It's what?
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Yes, it is the room service.
0:19:08 > 0:19:13SS1? I never knew that that kind of room is there...
0:19:13 > 0:19:16How can you tell them you don't know the room is there?
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Two loose what?
0:19:18 > 0:19:22Luciana barbeque chicken, two. Anything else?
0:19:22 > 0:19:23What?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25OK. Thanks.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Welcome a lot.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29How do you think that phone call went?
0:19:29 > 0:19:30It was nice.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34Why did you keep saying, "What?!" You're not Little John.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36What are you doing?
0:19:36 > 0:19:39That's one of the worst phone calls I've ever heard.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42"What?!"
0:19:42 > 0:19:44"Luciana chicken WHAT?!"
0:19:45 > 0:19:46Chicken sandwich.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49This ain't fun any more, is it?
0:19:49 > 0:19:51I did get annoyed during the room service.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55I did get frustrated, because it's a high-pressure situation, I suddenly
0:19:55 > 0:19:57realised I was actually serving real people.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59It's embarrassing going into a room
0:19:59 > 0:20:01with actual customers
0:20:01 > 0:20:03and not even achieving spending quality time with Krishna here.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Be by the phone in case anybody else orders.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:20:09 > 0:20:12OK. OK. Excuse me, I've got to just take this.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15He kept phoning me.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18DIAL TONE
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Hello?
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Why are you calling me?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Because you have to deliver it fast. He called me again.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Don't phone me unless it's an emergency.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:20:35 > 0:20:36Hello?
0:20:36 > 0:20:37Romesh?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39What do you want?
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Did you serve that?
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Yeah, I've served it and I'm back with you now.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45What do you think I'm doing?
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Delivering it and then having a jog round the hotel?
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Are you getting angry? Don't get angry. Don't get angry.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52I'm not getting angry!
0:20:52 > 0:20:55It got brought to a close because we were shit.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59I don't know why I'm laughing... I feel bad.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01I do feel bad, but...
0:21:01 > 0:21:04..it is what it is. Benedict wasn't happy.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06People are complaining to me.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Don't use the mobile.
0:21:09 > 0:21:14If you do, everything is wrong. Many, many complain to me.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16PHONE RINGS
0:21:16 > 0:21:17- Hello?- Look how good he is.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Hello. Good evening.
0:21:19 > 0:21:20I have to talk to someone...
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Hello, may I know what are you telling?
0:21:22 > 0:21:25The mobile phone, personal mobile phones you can't use.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Can you go get two Cokes for the reading room, fast?
0:21:28 > 0:21:32- Have you gone into another dimension? Can you hear what...?- Sorry.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34You are to leave from the club.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Sorry, Benedict.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38I am sad for doing that, but...
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Do you know why we got fired?
0:21:40 > 0:21:43No, I don't know. Don't tell me it's me. Do not...
0:21:43 > 0:21:45I'm not going to tell you it's you, I'm going
0:21:45 > 0:21:47to tell you what he said exactly.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49"Because of use of the mobile phone."
0:21:49 > 0:21:51What?
0:21:51 > 0:21:54If you Little John again...
0:21:54 > 0:21:57I was pissed off at the time. Now I just think I've just wasted...
0:21:57 > 0:22:01Basically, what we've done today has not served the show any purpose
0:22:01 > 0:22:05and it's not enhanced my relationship with Krishna at all.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09Because the time we spent together was just fraught...
0:22:09 > 0:22:13Like, room service, running around a hotel, it's not...
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Well, that's not quality time, is it? Nobody chooses to do that.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Nobody goes, "I want to get to know you.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22"Let's run room service at a hotel we've never been to before."
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Basically, I sort of feel like I should do something good with
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Krish, because we did the hotel thing, which...
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Well, was a stressful situation, so I'm thinking I want to try
0:22:45 > 0:22:48and do something that he likes and will also impress his mum,
0:22:48 > 0:22:54so that I can sort of nail the whole being a good cousin-nephew dynamic.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06I know he's into, like, drumming and dancing and stuff like that,
0:23:06 > 0:23:11so we're going to basically practise and perform some Kandyan dancing.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14- Let's start.- Yep.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17One, two...
0:23:18 > 0:23:21The first dance was this sort of...
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Well, you've got to squat down.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25I didn't have the requisite flexibility to do it.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Come on, come on, come on.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31Down, relax.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33You have a space in between your legs.
0:23:33 > 0:23:34What's up? You all right?
0:23:34 > 0:23:37Then we did the drums.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Don't go like that. Just do this.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44Then they showed us this dance, sort of the funny dance.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46DRUM BEAT
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Something that allowed a little bit of leeway,
0:23:51 > 0:23:55sort of freestyle your way in, add a little bit of your own personality.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Good. Very good. Yeah.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13OK, guys. Very good. Yeah. Good, good, good.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Yeah, stop it, yeah.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20I thought we were going to do some lessons and then we'd go to a hall.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22It was like a... You know like you go to bridge club?
0:24:22 > 0:24:25I thought we were going to Kandyan dancing club.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Do you know what I mean? And then in front of, like,
0:24:27 > 0:24:30the other dancers you sort of have a go at it or whatever.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38And it turns out that we've got to put the costumes on
0:24:38 > 0:24:40because this is, like, a tourist spot.
0:24:40 > 0:24:45Like, they advertise to tourists to come and watch a Kandy dance show.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Excuse me, can I ask you a question?
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Are we really doing a performance in front of tourists?
0:24:50 > 0:24:52- In front of people?- Yes, yeah.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54It's a very good opportunity for you.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Great opportunity, yeah. I've been waiting for it.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Who gets a tourist to come and do a demonstration to tourists?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07It was a bad one, because Krishna was involved.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09I basically got him worked up.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Like, it looked like he was freaking out a little bit about the fact
0:25:12 > 0:25:14that he's going to have to do a public performance and there
0:25:14 > 0:25:17were, like, two or 300 seats out, so you're sort of panicking.
0:25:17 > 0:25:18I don't know how this can happen.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20I haven't shown any aptitude for this,
0:25:20 > 0:25:23and now I'm going to be doing a tourist show.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27WHISPERING: Are we on now?
0:25:33 > 0:25:36You either don't do it at all and just sort of look all nervous
0:25:36 > 0:25:40because you haven't got the skill for it or you do something.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44I gave them something, and you can't deny that I committed to it.
0:25:46 > 0:25:47Did you see that?
0:25:47 > 0:25:49That ripped it.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Krishna came out. He started doing the drums.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59I thought he did very, very well.
0:26:03 > 0:26:08But the long and short of it is I got my cousin into a difficult situation.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11And we got through it together.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18HE LAUGHS MANICALLY
0:26:21 > 0:26:23You know, the whole intention of the thing was that
0:26:23 > 0:26:27I set up something nice so that Krishna enjoys himself
0:26:27 > 0:26:31and my auntie sort of thinks I'm a good cousin, a good older brother.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35If it went wrong, it would've been an absolute nightmare.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37As it is, I smashed it.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51MUSIC PLAYS: Just The Two Of Us by Bill Withers
0:26:51 > 0:26:54With regards to the other things that I did this week,
0:26:54 > 0:26:58I don't have an epiphany about what I might be if I was in Sri Lanka.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01You know, I certainly wouldn't be working in a members' club.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04The positive thing about it is I got to spent time with Krishna.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08He's a nice kid. He's a lovely kid. He speaks six languages.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10He's got a lot going for him.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13I hope he likes me. I hope he feels we've made a good connection.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16I met his mum and I spent the week with them and it was good.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19He was really enjoying you,
0:27:19 > 0:27:22but I thought you were very liberal towards him.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24I think you should be a little bit stiff with him.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26I'll be stiff with him in the future.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28I'm so sad you're going right now.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30I'll stay in touch with him and it'll be nice.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34And hopefully I'll come back out and visit them.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36And hopefully they won't come to the UK.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41I would be really happy if you would
0:27:41 > 0:27:42take part in one of the soaps.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44I can't act in English.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46HE SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Tits.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51My idea is to make an English tribute to Tamil films.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53It's a wrap.