0:00:02 > 0:00:04Romey, I want you to visit Sri Lanka.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06Would you like to do that, darling?
0:00:06 > 0:00:08- No.- Why not?
0:00:10 > 0:00:11Sorry.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Jesus Christ!
0:00:14 > 0:00:16My name's Romesh Ranganathan and I know absolutely
0:00:16 > 0:00:19nothing about the culture of where my family are from.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21My feet are actually burning.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25I know more about Horsham. That's sad, isn't it?
0:00:27 > 0:00:30You are a Sri Lankan but you're a coconut, isn't it?
0:00:30 > 0:00:31Ow! Jesus!
0:00:31 > 0:00:34- What do you mean?- You were born and brought up in England,
0:00:34 > 0:00:36so you speak English. You don't know the language.
0:00:36 > 0:00:37You made me a coconut!
0:00:38 > 0:00:43I'm sending you to Sri Lanka to learn about the religion,
0:00:43 > 0:00:45the language,
0:00:45 > 0:00:47about my relations and learn about their culture.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Shit!
0:00:52 > 0:00:55My mum's put me up for doing a tour of Sri Lanka
0:00:55 > 0:00:58and I do want to go and do it but I'm not doing it cos my mum
0:00:58 > 0:01:01told me to except for the fact that my mum told me to and I am doing it.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Whoa! Oh! Ooh! Ah!
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Oh, mate! OK, I'm done. I'm done.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18My mum's coming.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20I'm looking forward to seeing her.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21We're in Batticaloa.
0:01:21 > 0:01:25It's the area of Sri Lanka that my mum sort of grew up.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28She didn't sort of grow up. She did grow up.
0:01:28 > 0:01:33She's going to be expecting to find out what exactly I've
0:01:33 > 0:01:35learnt from my trip.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37What I'm going to try and do,
0:01:37 > 0:01:39I'm sort of going to try and Derren Brown her.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Do you know what I mean? Little suggestions that I know what
0:01:42 > 0:01:44I'm talking about, that I've become an expert. That's kind of...
0:01:44 > 0:01:46That's my strategy.
0:01:46 > 0:01:47Lie!
0:01:47 > 0:01:49It's not lying, it's...it's...
0:01:52 > 0:01:54No, it's lying. It is lying.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55# Stand up... #
0:01:55 > 0:01:57I've got a nice thing lined up for her.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59We're going to have a look around
0:01:59 > 0:02:01and we're going to do it in
0:02:01 > 0:02:04the traditional Sri Lankan way, which is in a...
0:02:04 > 0:02:06in a cart that's being pulled by a cow.
0:02:15 > 0:02:16Hi, my son!
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Ohh! Lovely to see you, darling.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23What are we doing now?
0:02:23 > 0:02:26We're doing a little tour of Batticaloa...
0:02:26 > 0:02:27OK. Lovely.
0:02:28 > 0:02:29..in that.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33You're joking, dear?
0:02:33 > 0:02:35No! No way!
0:02:35 > 0:02:37We're just going to go and have a little journey round in that.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39- In that?- Yeah.
0:02:39 > 0:02:40Shall we go?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Jesus! Ooh!
0:02:45 > 0:02:48A lot of the locals have got to know me here. Hi, how you doing?
0:02:48 > 0:02:52- Hello.- This is one of the number one fabric shops in Batticaloa.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53Printer's.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56A lot of the city gents here go to City Gents.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59That fruit stall there has the second highest
0:02:59 > 0:03:01turnover in the whole of Batticaloa.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Nice! Nice! Nice! I am very impressed by it.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06- You've made lots of friends here. - Yeah.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08I'll be honest with you. I thought,
0:03:08 > 0:03:12initially, it would be funny to pretend I know a couple of people.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Hi, mate! That's another one of my friends.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16- That's Ravi.- Ravi.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17That's Sabash.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Hi, Sabash!
0:03:18 > 0:03:19That's Suhun.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Suhun. Where? Which one is Suhun? There?
0:03:21 > 0:03:23'I didn't know it was going to work that well.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26'By the time I'd realised what was going on, it was too late to back out then.'
0:03:26 > 0:03:28I just had to along with it.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Now my mum thinks that I'm... she thinks I'm, like, the most
0:03:31 > 0:03:33popular guy in Batticaloa!
0:03:33 > 0:03:37You came early here and learned about everything,
0:03:37 > 0:03:39and you showed a lot of interest in it.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43It's fantastic, man. I feel like crying.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Wouldn't the ideal thing have been that you genuinely knew something
0:03:46 > 0:03:50about the area that your mum grew up in and told her about it?
0:03:54 > 0:03:55Yes.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58MUSIC: She Wants To Move by N.E.R.D.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01My mum wants us to go and visit my Auntie Selvi.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Basically, she doesn't want me to just meet her and get to know her.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Apparently, my Auntie Selvi does this, like, arranged marriage
0:04:07 > 0:04:12introductory service, and my mum wants me to get involved.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14As all I've done so far is lie to her,
0:04:14 > 0:04:17I am actually going to give it a proper go.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Like, how many people has she got on the go at the moment?
0:04:22 > 0:04:25THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE
0:04:25 > 0:04:27300.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28300?
0:04:28 > 0:04:29- Yes.- Yeah.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32So does she have anybody...
0:04:32 > 0:04:35- Yeah?- ..that she's struggling to...
0:04:35 > 0:04:37like, to match up with anyone?
0:04:37 > 0:04:38Show it to him there.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- This guy?- This guy, yeah.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Pratheepan Poopalasingam?
0:04:42 > 0:04:43- WOMEN:- Poobalasingam!
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Oh, Poobalasingam. I was going to say. The name won't help, will it - poop?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- You have to pronounce it right. - No, I know.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50So what's this guy's problem? Why can't they...
0:04:50 > 0:04:55THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE
0:04:55 > 0:04:57He hasn't got a government job.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Everybody in Sri Lanka,
0:04:59 > 0:05:03they look for a government job. It's security more than anything.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06What if it's a really wonderful man but he doesn't have a job?
0:05:06 > 0:05:07Hard luck, man!
0:05:07 > 0:05:10- I take it his looks are not a problem?- No, he's good-looking.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13- He's hot, isn't he?- Yeah. Yeah. - What would you give him out of ten?
0:05:13 > 0:05:14- He's ten out of ten.- Oh, wow!
0:05:14 > 0:05:16- You really like him! - He's good-looking.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17'I just felt sorry for this guy
0:05:17 > 0:05:20'so I sort of decided that we would try and help this dude out.'
0:05:20 > 0:05:23We looked through the available girls
0:05:23 > 0:05:25and there's this one girl who seems to be a perfect match.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27She's in the arts, he's in the arts
0:05:27 > 0:05:29and he's very successful in the arts.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32I don't see why it can't happen.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35For them to see each other, or for the girl to see the dude,
0:05:35 > 0:05:36they can't meet.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40The way they arrange them seeing each other is they do, basically, a drive-by.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42My Auntie Selvi will set that all up.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44She's going to have the dude waiting on the corner,
0:05:44 > 0:05:46we're going to be with the girl.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50The guy knows that he's going to get viewed.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54So then you're just standing there, trying to look as sexy as possible,
0:05:54 > 0:05:56just, like, while a car pulls up.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Is it just me or is this absolutely mental?
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Oh, God! Look, this is him.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08- Huh?- This is him here.
0:06:08 > 0:06:09Look, that's him.
0:06:29 > 0:06:30Can she see him?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE
0:06:38 > 0:06:39- Is she looking?- Yeah.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Can you, um, ask her what her first impressions are?
0:06:45 > 0:06:46THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Ah. He's a bit dark.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50- He's a bit dark?- Dark, yeah.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53She doesn't like the way he was wearing slippers.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56She expected him to be a bit stylish
0:06:56 > 0:06:59and a better shoe or shirt or whatever.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- So she thinks he hasn't made enough of an effort? - That's it. That's it. Yeah. Yeah.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06- I'm going to go have a chat with the guy.- OK.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08- Hi, mate.- This is Pratheepan.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09- Romesh. How you doing?- Good. - Pratheepan?
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Good to see you. Good to see you. Yes.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14She likes you. She thought you had a good look.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17If we manage to get this date sorted out, you just will have to
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- smarten up a little bit, just for the purposes of that.- Yes.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23You've got a lot going for you in terms of...
0:07:23 > 0:07:24You're an actor, right?
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Yes. As an artist, we have to imitate actors,
0:07:27 > 0:07:29animals and then anything.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30Can you imitate animals?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- Yeah, yeah. - Like, what animals can you imitate?
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Dog, cat, tiger, monkey.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Right, give me a quick tiger.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40HE ROARS
0:07:43 > 0:07:44HE ROARS
0:07:46 > 0:07:47Like that, you know.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Brilliant. OK, I'm going to go have a chat with her
0:07:49 > 0:07:52and then I'll come back to you and update you.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53Right, I'm back.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Can you ask her, if we got him to a point where he'd smartened up,
0:07:56 > 0:08:02would she be happy for us to have, like, them have an official meet-up?
0:08:02 > 0:08:07THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE
0:08:07 > 0:08:08- Yes.- She said yeah?
0:08:08 > 0:08:09You arrange the date.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11The news is the date's on, mate.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13How do you feel, good?
0:08:13 > 0:08:14Yeah, I would like to.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Good. Can I see, like, the tiger one more time?
0:08:21 > 0:08:22HE GROWLS
0:08:22 > 0:08:26That is the mentality I want you to take into tonight.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31So basically, the plan is to get him a makeover.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Facial, manicure, pedicure - boom! He's looking sexy.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38And then I get him some nice garms and we're ready to go.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40# Ain't nobody dope as me
0:08:40 > 0:08:42# I'm dressed so fresh, so clean
0:08:42 > 0:08:43# So fresh and so clean... #
0:08:43 > 0:08:44This is bleach.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Bleach? Is it burning your face?
0:08:46 > 0:08:47A little bit.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49# Don't you think I'm so sexy?
0:08:49 > 0:08:51# I'm dressed so fresh, so clean
0:08:51 > 0:08:53# So fresh and so clean, clean
0:08:53 > 0:08:55# Ain't nobody dope as me
0:08:55 > 0:08:57# I'm dressed so fresh, so clean... #
0:08:57 > 0:08:58Ha-hey!
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Look who we've got here!
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- Who is that? - Just taking his shoes off!
0:09:02 > 0:09:04- Hello! - And very nice shoes they are.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Hopefully, we'll have a nice evening.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18I thought it was difficult tonight.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21On the plus side, Pratheepan looked good.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25I thought he did a good job of, like, presenting himself.
0:09:27 > 0:09:32On the negative side, Madi's mum was terrifying.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35One of the scariest women I've ever encountered.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Yeah, I opened the door and I went, "Hello," and she went...
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Can you please come out?
0:09:44 > 0:09:45I need to talk to you, huh?
0:09:48 > 0:09:50- This is not going to work out, darling.- Why?
0:09:50 > 0:09:55When Mother said to me, "My daughter is so beautiful.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56"He's not good-looking.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58"I don't want my daughter to get married."
0:09:58 > 0:10:00What, because her mum doesn't fancy him?
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Not fancy him!
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Yeah, but she doesn't think he's attractive. I don't get it.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07You said he's ten out of ten when you saw the photo.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10- Photo, he looked good.- Now, all of a sudden, the mum doesn't like him
0:10:10 > 0:10:12and now you've changed your tune.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15I'm not changing the tune! I'm just telling you what the mother said!
0:10:15 > 0:10:18He's wearing a suit, he's had a pedicure.
0:10:18 > 0:10:19That's not important, is it?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21But he's gone to a lot of effort, hasn't he?
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Mother is not interested, that's it. She was very polite.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27She said...
0:10:27 > 0:10:28That's what she said.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30That's more polite, is it?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32"My daughter is more beautiful."
0:10:32 > 0:10:34But that?
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Serious question - if he did the monkey impression, do you
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- think that would change anything?- No.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42- You're in this film...- Yes. - ..and this is you?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44It's a special character in the film.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46- So what are you? Are you a monkey in this?- Yes.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49So how did you have to behave? Can you show us, like, a little...
0:10:49 > 0:10:51- Performance?- ...sample?- Yeah.
0:10:51 > 0:10:52How did you do it?
0:10:53 > 0:10:55I have to make my whole body...
0:10:55 > 0:10:56OK. Yeah, sure. Go for it.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59HE IMITATES MONKEY
0:11:02 > 0:11:03Wah!
0:11:08 > 0:11:09HE IMITATES MONKEY
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- That's amazing, isn't it? - Amazing! Lovely! Yay!
0:11:13 > 0:11:15THEY CLAP
0:11:15 > 0:11:17That was great, right? It was great!
0:11:17 > 0:11:19I'm not saying they're definitely going to get married.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21What I am saying is it's potentially on the cards.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24You can do other animals, can't you? Choose an animal. What animals...
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Dog.
0:11:31 > 0:11:36HE BARKS
0:11:40 > 0:11:42- That's very good. That was great. - Yeah!
0:11:42 > 0:11:44THEY CLAP
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- That was good, right? - You ARE talented, I'm telling you.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48- That was great as a dog.- Yeah.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00What did you think of his impressions, by the way?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03- I liked it. - Which one was your favourite?
0:12:03 > 0:12:07The monkey. The monkey was really, really good, yeah.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08So what are we doing tonight?
0:12:08 > 0:12:13I arranged for you to see this sports day.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16It has been going on for hundreds of years.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Some of my family members are coming.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22One of the things is the pillow fight.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- And I want you to get involved in that.- OK.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27And then if we're doing this for you today,
0:12:27 > 0:12:29tomorrow I've organised something.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31We're going to do that.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34- I'm a bit worried.- About what?
0:12:34 > 0:12:35What have you organised for me?
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Just naked mud wrestling.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39No, it's a rap thing.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41MUSIC: Fix Up, Look Sharp by Dizzee Rascal
0:12:41 > 0:12:44I remember one of my first sports days,
0:12:44 > 0:12:46my dad took part in the father's race.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49He fell over and came last. I started crying.
0:12:49 > 0:12:54And he had to take me to get pancakes so that I would stop being upset.
0:12:56 > 0:12:57Oh, shit.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01I think my mum and dad took me for pancakes every time I was upset.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03It does explain the childhood obesity.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07- So do you want to participate? - What is it?
0:13:07 > 0:13:09SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE
0:13:09 > 0:13:12They are going to... What are they going to do now?
0:13:12 > 0:13:15Nobody seemed to have any idea what was going on. It was just chaos.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18- Some sort of running and go... - Yeah, yeah.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Some sort...?
0:13:20 > 0:13:22What does he mean? What's the running one?
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Romesh...
0:13:24 > 0:13:26You are to participate.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Yeah, yeah. Go, go, go, go.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30I was thinking it was going to be, like, an Olympic event
0:13:30 > 0:13:32and I'm a bit nervous, you know?
0:13:32 > 0:13:35Am I wearing the right stuff? Probably not. And then you walk in
0:13:35 > 0:13:37and nobody's got a sodding clue.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38What do we have to do?
0:13:38 > 0:13:39You just think, "Well,
0:13:39 > 0:13:42"if I'm shit, it is in keeping with how this event's being run."
0:13:42 > 0:13:43Go!
0:13:45 > 0:13:48The kids were a lot faster than I thought they were going to be,
0:13:48 > 0:13:50so I was last, basically.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54SHE LAUGHS
0:13:54 > 0:13:57That's humiliating enough.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Without adding into the fact that I was the only adult participating,
0:14:00 > 0:14:02cos everyone else was kids.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Romesh...
0:14:08 > 0:14:11Romesh, come on! Eat the bun!
0:14:11 > 0:14:14It was the driest bun I've ever tasted. It was...
0:14:14 > 0:14:17I think it's difficult enough to just have a bun hanging there.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18That's enough of a challenge.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20It's dry!
0:14:20 > 0:14:22They don't have to make it out of cement.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30SHE LAUGHS
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Ah, Romesh!
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Yeah, Romesh! Come on!
0:14:37 > 0:14:41CHEERING
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Are you impressed with my level of fitness?
0:14:43 > 0:14:45I am. I am.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49But this bit has to get tidied up, OK? Look at that.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Your belly like bouncy castle.
0:14:52 > 0:14:53Are we done now?
0:14:55 > 0:14:57HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE
0:14:57 > 0:15:00I just heard, they're announcing that you didn't do it properly
0:15:00 > 0:15:02because you touched it.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04You didn't do it properly, that's what they say.
0:15:04 > 0:15:09- How did I not do it properly?- Did you throw any bun behind you?- No.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12- Tell me the truth. - I'm telling you the truth.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16If you find a bun at the end of the event, I didn't put my name on it.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18I hadn't labelled it.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21So how did they know it's my bun?
0:15:21 > 0:15:25There's only one possible answer. One of those little pricks is a grass.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30The big finale for the Sri Lankan sports day is the pillow fight,
0:15:30 > 0:15:34where you sit on a pole and you fight someone with a pillow.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Obviously, the main event.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39A massive crowd gathered round. They were properly excited about it!
0:15:39 > 0:15:43Surprisingly, bun on a string - not the main event.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46- This is the last event. You don't want to?- Not really, no.
0:15:46 > 0:15:47It looks a bit dangerous.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Ooh-oh...
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Give it a try. Give it a try, man.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58Well, if I die, just remember that you're the one that told me to do it.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Don't say that horrible thing. Good luck.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:15 > 0:16:17So I'm the winner.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19But apparently, I'm not allowed to be the winner,
0:16:19 > 0:16:21because I threw the pillow.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Nowhere in the extensive rule explanation I was given
0:16:24 > 0:16:27before the event was I told that I'm not allowed to throw the pillow.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29It's pillow fighting. I used a pillow to fight.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31But my result was invalidated.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33I had to go up there again, then he twatted me
0:16:33 > 0:16:36harder than I've ever been twatted with a pillow before.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41How did you take to losing the final?
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Yeah, I think I took it really well.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:55 > 0:16:57THEY LAUGH
0:17:02 > 0:17:04HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Mum, can I tell you something honestly,
0:17:07 > 0:17:09- because we're having a nice time? - Yeah, yeah.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- Do you know when we were in the cow and cart?- Yeah.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15And we were, like, waving at Rajan and Chundrun?
0:17:15 > 0:17:17It made me really happy.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Yeah. You know...
0:17:21 > 0:17:24- The truth is...- Yeah?- I...
0:17:24 > 0:17:25HE LAUGHS
0:17:25 > 0:17:28I didn't actually know any of those guys.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32- So you just pretended that you know...- No, it wasn't pretending.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Do you enjoy lying to your mother?
0:17:37 > 0:17:41- It was a joke, Mum.- No, it's not a joke. I don't accept it, no.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Anything else that you lied to me?
0:17:49 > 0:17:54- You know when we did the pilgrimage? Pada Yatra?- Pada Yatra, yeah.
0:17:54 > 0:17:59- We did it.- Yeah.- It was a very hot road. We were walking barefoot.- Yeah.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01- For three hours.- Yeah.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05But it was so hot, my leg was hurting.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07And so we got into the crew vehicle
0:18:07 > 0:18:10and we went the rest of the way in the vehicle.
0:18:10 > 0:18:15- It's horrible. You're a dickhead, you are. Honest to God.- Mum...
0:18:17 > 0:18:22..one other thing. We didn't go to Sigiriya.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Anyway...
0:18:25 > 0:18:28..I'm tired, so I want to go to bed. OK?
0:18:29 > 0:18:31- All right.- All right.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33Thank you.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48I'm sorry about pretending I knew the people in Batticaloa
0:18:48 > 0:18:50and about the pilgrimage and all this.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Yeah, that's a horrible thing to do.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56You made me believe that you have spoken to them and they're fans.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58But...
0:18:58 > 0:19:02- I believed you, but it's upsetting me, so what can you do?- I was...
0:19:02 > 0:19:04It was just a joke, Mum.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Promise me that you won't lie to me again.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Er... I promise, I promise.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16- So, I've lined up something quite fun.- What is it?
0:19:16 > 0:19:22We're going to meet up with that rap group from Colombo, Colombo MBZ.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26- The one who humiliated you? - He didn't humiliate me.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Yeah, the words he used, I didn't like it at all, Romesh.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33One thing he said in a rap battle. It's not even on their song.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35He said I liked all sorts of cock.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37That's what you've got a problem with?
0:19:37 > 0:19:41I don't want to listen to that word, man, again. Please don't use that.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44- I am going to have a word with him. - Mum...- I am. I am.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46- Don't have a word with him.- Why not?
0:19:46 > 0:19:50Because they've agreed to do a song with us, for us to be in the video,
0:19:50 > 0:19:54and now you're going to turn up there and go, "Why did you say about cock?"
0:19:56 > 0:19:58'Look, I know I'm not in her good books at the moment,
0:19:58 > 0:20:00'but I have done everything she's asked me to.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02'So she better get involved.'
0:20:04 > 0:20:08- So, basically, I've organised this hotel...- Yeah.- ..for us to use
0:20:08 > 0:20:13- for the video.- Oh. The video. You're going to take part in it?
0:20:14 > 0:20:17- We are, yeah.- Yeah?
0:20:17 > 0:20:19We are? What do you mean, "we"?
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Mum, I'll make it really easy for you.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23It's just literally a couple of bits,
0:20:23 > 0:20:28a little bit of dancing in the video, a bit of twerking.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32So you expect me to get involved. I don't like the idea at all, Romesh.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36I think it's this...
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Yeah. KNOCKS ON DOOR
0:20:39 > 0:20:42- How you doing? This is my mum, Shanthi.- How are you?
0:20:42 > 0:20:46- I'm fine, thank you.- We'll go to the beach, check out the pool.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48We'll check out some locations, if you guys want to come,
0:20:48 > 0:20:51and we'll plan what we're going to do for the video, yeah?
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Oh, look at this, Mum. You could do, like, a little bit in the Jacuzzi.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56No, don't be silly, Romesh.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58What about if we use that, Mum?
0:20:58 > 0:21:02No, I'm not going to come in the video, so I'm sorry, Romesh.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05- What if you were just chilling out on there?- No, thank you.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07- Or just sitting on the edge of it? - No. No way. No.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10I mean, the pool looks amazing. Don't you think it'd be good, Mum?
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- You walk from that end to here doing a bit of...- I'm not doing it, Rom.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15You keep on wasting energy. Come on.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Mum, can I have a quick chat with you over here?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19- Can you please just do the video?- No,
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- I don't want to, Romesh!- Why not?
0:21:22 > 0:21:25- You put me in a spot. - This is not our cultural tradition.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28But they're a Sri Lankan rap group.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32- How about this? I write the rap now.- Yeah.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34And in the rap,
0:21:34 > 0:21:37your part is you insulting me.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39You won't get offended?
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- I'm going to write it so that you can do it.- OK.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46- That's the whole incentive behind it. - Are you going to get me a present?
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- For doing it?- What do you want? SHE LAUGHS
0:21:49 > 0:21:51I'll ask for expensive present.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53OK, fine, you're allowed to insult me
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- and I'll get you an expensive present.- Yes! I'll do it!
0:21:56 > 0:21:58OK! Deal!
0:21:58 > 0:21:59All right, fine.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03RAP MUSIC
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Sri Lanka!
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Colombo MBZ and Romesh Ranganathan
0:22:09 > 0:22:11UK-Sri Lanka collaboration
0:22:11 > 0:22:142015! Banging it out Let's go!
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Rap! I'm here in Sri Lanka The language is double Dutch
0:22:53 > 0:22:56- All because my mum said - "Rom, you're a coconut"
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Started in Colombo The rap battle really rocked
0:22:58 > 0:23:00When this man told me I liked all types of cock
0:23:00 > 0:23:01Pada Yatra, got a van Cos the road was hot
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Pierced my Uncle Rags picked me up a lot
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Learning Angampora Punches I was banging out
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Beaten by a team While my arse crack was hanging out
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Next with my mum I had a little ding-dong
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Instead of the activities I made a film with King Kong
0:23:11 > 0:23:12Now I'm in trouble Lied to Mum on telly
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- But she spent the show saying - "You've got a fat belly"
0:23:15 > 0:23:18# Ooh-ah, ooh-ah
0:23:18 > 0:23:22# We are Sri Lanka
0:23:22 > 0:23:26# Ooh-ah, ooh-ah
0:23:26 > 0:23:29# We are Sri Lanka. #
0:23:32 > 0:23:36- So, Mum, be honest. You did enjoy yourself today, didn't you?- Er, yes.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38When you asked me to do it, I thought,
0:23:38 > 0:23:41"My God, he's going to offend you or you're going to get angry".
0:23:41 > 0:23:46I mean, I could feel I constantly talking about your belly there.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Yeah, so why don't you shut up about it?
0:23:48 > 0:23:51- It's a bit difficult. - What is your obsession with it?
0:23:51 > 0:23:54- Anyway, forget the belly. - What do you mean, "Forget the..."?
0:23:54 > 0:23:57- You're telling me?- Yeah. - YOU'RE always going on about it.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59- No, I'm not going to talk about it. - I bet you 200 quid
0:23:59 > 0:24:02- you can't not mention it for a week. - OK, wait and see. Wait and see.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06- I will wait and see. I look forward to my £200 in a week's time.- Yeah.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08I imagine, when you give it to me, you'll go, "Here you go, fatty".
0:24:08 > 0:24:10SHE CHUCKLES
0:24:14 > 0:24:15Well, it's my last day in Sri Lanka,
0:24:15 > 0:24:19and, you know, I wanted to do something nice for my mum.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22I didn't do Sigiriya when I was supposed to.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25So I thought, "What better way to spend the last day with my mum
0:24:25 > 0:24:28"than actually taking her to Sigiriya?"
0:24:32 > 0:24:35- Bang.- Wow!
0:24:35 > 0:24:38- Amazing, right?- Yeah, beautiful, man!
0:24:38 > 0:24:42It's only, like, a seven-, eight-hour walk up the steps.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44I've done a little bit of brushing up.
0:24:44 > 0:24:50- King Kashyapa built the palace on top of Sigiriya.- Are you making that up?
0:24:50 > 0:24:51Is this another one of your...?
0:24:51 > 0:24:54No, this is my mum made me promise not to lie.
0:24:54 > 0:24:59So what I don't want to do is start pretending, you know,
0:24:59 > 0:25:01it's King Jaffy-Joffa.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04You know, the royal wipers used to come up to the
0:25:04 > 0:25:07top of the mountain and clean his batty for him, or whatever,
0:25:07 > 0:25:10and from that action, that's how they named Batticaloa.
0:25:12 > 0:25:16Batticaloa actually means "to clean the batty".
0:25:18 > 0:25:21It's great to see you learning about the culture and the history.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24What have you taken from the last six weeks?
0:25:24 > 0:25:26I sort of came on the trip in a position where
0:25:26 > 0:25:30if Sri Lanka was mentioned, I'd start to feel self-conscious
0:25:30 > 0:25:32and worried about not knowing enough,
0:25:32 > 0:25:34and now I feel I'm in a position where I've experienced
0:25:34 > 0:25:36enough of it that actually, I can get to a point where
0:25:36 > 0:25:40I start to make other people feel bad about themselves.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- That's a horrible message.- Well, no, I mean, it's good, isn't it?
0:25:43 > 0:25:46All these people that go travelling, they're wankers in training.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49That's what you're doing, you're training to be a wanker
0:25:49 > 0:25:51so you can make other people feel like shit.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53So what does that make you now?
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Well, you've snookered me there, haven't you?
0:25:56 > 0:26:00I'm a fully trained wanker! That's what we should have called this.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Romesh Becomes A Wanker In Sri Lanka.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05- We did it.- Yeah, done it! Come on. Come on, Romesh.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07SHE LAUGHS DELIGHTEDLY
0:26:10 > 0:26:12- Yes!- Are you enjoying this? - I am.- Wonderful, isn't it?
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Yeah, it is wonderful. It's beautiful.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- Thanks for organising, anyway.- Mum,
0:26:17 > 0:26:19I hope you like your expensive present.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- Have you got it?- This is it. Yeah, I've got it.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26We're experiencing it right now.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30- No... OK.- Mum, this is the present. - OK, that's fine. I'll accept it.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34- Are you disappointed? - No, I'm not disappointed! No.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36That means no shopping, is it?
0:26:36 > 0:26:40- This is the present. - This is the present. OK.
0:26:40 > 0:26:44- Mum, I have actually got a proper surprise for you.- Have you?- Yeah.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47We're going to fly all around Sigiriya in this.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50- Ohhh!- We've got a private jet just for us to have a look around.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Oh, lovely, man! Thank you! Thank you, honey. Ohhh!
0:26:53 > 0:26:56- I thought this is a way of getting a Sri Lankan experience...- Yeah.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58..but without any of the hassle.
0:27:00 > 0:27:04- I reckon it'll be even better than the views.- I think so, yeah.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Bloody hell, it's faster than I thought it was going to be!
0:27:12 > 0:27:14Beautiful!
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Mum, look!
0:27:16 > 0:27:18- Ohhh!- How cool is that?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20MUSIC: Thanks For The Memory by Frank Sinatra
0:27:20 > 0:27:23# Thanks for the memory...
0:27:23 > 0:27:24Thank you. Thank you.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28# Of things I can't forget
0:27:28 > 0:27:31# Journeys on a jet...
0:27:31 > 0:27:32Cheers.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34# Our wondrous week in Martinique
0:27:34 > 0:27:37# And Vegas and roulette...
0:27:37 > 0:27:38Batman tune!
0:27:38 > 0:27:43# How lucky I was...
0:27:43 > 0:27:46That's a beautiful view. You've made me proud.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49# And thanks for the memory...
0:27:49 > 0:27:52I don't expect this from you. Not from you.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54# Of summers by the sea...
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Can somebody get me down?
0:27:56 > 0:27:58# Dawn in Waikiki...
0:27:58 > 0:27:59This ain't fun any more, is it?
0:27:59 > 0:28:05# We had a pad in London But we didn't stop for tea...
0:28:05 > 0:28:06I'm off duty, sorry!
0:28:06 > 0:28:10# How cosy it was...
0:28:10 > 0:28:13I'm really proud of you, man, for doing all this,
0:28:13 > 0:28:16- and I love you. You're such a wonderful boy.- Thank you. All right.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18Love you, too.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21- So, can I just ask you...- Yeah.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23..do you still think I'm a coconut?
0:28:25 > 0:28:26You're not.
0:28:28 > 0:28:29OK?
0:28:29 > 0:28:31I don't believe you.