0:00:23 > 0:00:27'Tonight on Ask Rhod Gilbert, our special guests are:
0:00:27 > 0:00:31'she's quite a character - it's Katy Brand!
0:00:31 > 0:00:35'And Australia's finest - Adam Hills.
0:00:35 > 0:00:40'They're here every week - it's Greg Davies.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42'And Lloyd Langford.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46'Ladies and gentlemen, Ask Rhod Gilbert!'
0:00:46 > 0:00:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:52 > 0:00:59Hello! Welcome. Yes, my name is Rhod Gilbert and I find the answers to questions that keep us all awake.
0:00:59 > 0:01:04Questions like why don't pubs and restaurants leave chips alone?
0:01:04 > 0:01:08Chips work just fine. Stop messing with them. "Triple-cooked."
0:01:08 > 0:01:13So what? Get a better chef who can nail it first time.
0:01:13 > 0:01:18"Hand-cut." No, they're not, unless you have Bruce Lee and Edward Scissorhands!
0:01:18 > 0:01:23And if they are hand-cut, who does your curly fries? Abu Hamza?
0:01:23 > 0:01:29Just because you arranged my chips like a game of Jenga, don't think I haven't noticed there's only four.
0:01:30 > 0:01:36I'm not an idiot. Do you think I'd be happy with only 15 peas in a mini-snooker triangle?
0:01:36 > 0:01:42I've got nothing against thick-cut chips, but we'll have to cut them up to make potatoes! On with the show.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44APPLAUSE
0:01:46 > 0:01:52In a world full of uncertainty, we need someone with credibility to help us find answers.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56As always, we begin by asking who is tonight's authenticator?
0:01:56 > 0:02:01She got her fingers all green when she hosted That's Gardening.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03LAUGHTER
0:02:03 > 0:02:07She was the first host of Ready, Steady, Cook.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13APPLAUSE
0:02:13 > 0:02:19She's the high priestess of daytime television. Text us if you know the answer to today's big-money quiz
0:02:19 > 0:02:22if you think today's authenticator is a) Concorde?
0:02:24 > 0:02:26b) Robert Mugabe's stapler?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Or c) Fern Britton?
0:02:31 > 0:02:38Yes, if you texted c) you're right! Tonight's authenticator is queen of the comfy couch, Fern Britton!
0:02:38 > 0:02:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Hello!
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Welcome.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52- Thank you for joining us.- Pleasure.
0:02:52 > 0:02:57I read recently that you are all for growing old disgracefully.
0:02:57 > 0:03:04There's a hell of a lot of life after 35 and just because you're over 50 doesn't mean there's no life left.
0:03:04 > 0:03:09So that's why I'm here, trying to enjoy myself anyway. APPLAUSE
0:03:12 > 0:03:15You've been having tattoos.
0:03:15 > 0:03:20I did, yeah. Why does that cause a stir? Middle-aged woman has tattoo.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24- Yeah, I did it at Christmas. - Can we...?- No!- Right.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28- LAUGHTER - Really?- Yeah. Katy's got them.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32I've got them. I've got an anchor and a butterfly.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36- One on each wrist. - Is that for the butter?
0:03:36 > 0:03:38LAUGHTER
0:03:42 > 0:03:46- Is it a shopping list? - Yes, it is! A friend of mine...
0:03:47 > 0:03:53- Have you got any tattoos, Adam? - Nothing. I want to know what Fern's got.- Yeah, back to you, Fern.
0:03:54 > 0:04:00- Well, you know, Rhod. You've seen them.- I have. That's why I want you to get them out!
0:04:00 > 0:04:05- Give us a cheer if you want to see Fern's tattoos. - LOUD CHEER
0:04:05 > 0:04:07No...
0:04:08 > 0:04:12It's only two little butterflies. That was it.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16- How are you going to help us tonight?- By authenticating
0:04:16 > 0:04:20- and researching any answers to any questions that come up.- Wonderful.
0:04:20 > 0:04:25When I think we finally have an answer, I will do this.
0:04:26 > 0:04:33- Adam, have you learnt anything recently?- I have learnt that I am accidentally racist.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36- LAUGHTER - How can you be an accidental racist?
0:04:36 > 0:04:42I host a music quiz on Australian TV, named after a Bee Gees song - Spicks and Specks.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45It's a song about your memory.
0:04:45 > 0:04:51And iTunes in America censored the title because they decided that Spicks was a racist term
0:04:51 > 0:04:55for Hispanic people, so I host a racist TV show.
0:04:55 > 0:05:01Political correctness gone mad. My quiz show was banned as well - All Australians Are Convicts.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03LAUGHTER
0:05:04 > 0:05:08Katy, have you learnt anything recently?
0:05:08 > 0:05:15Apparently, in an average bar of chocolate, there are around eight separate parts of insects.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17GROANS
0:05:17 > 0:05:23Did you see that woman in the paper that had bought something online with an unidentified spider in it?
0:05:23 > 0:05:30- Nobody knows what it is. - My nightmare. An unidentifiable surprise spider in something.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34- It wasn't a surprise spider. - Wasn't it?- It goes...
0:05:34 > 0:05:36LAUGHTER
0:05:36 > 0:05:41I'm not sure it'd be necessarily that camp, a spider. "Hiya!"
0:05:41 > 0:05:48Right, let's crack on with the show. Who wants to know what? Who have we got? Rupert Murdoch.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57LAUGHTER
0:05:59 > 0:06:02England's cricketers. Let's have a question.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Jamie Oliver.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Oh, no...!
0:06:21 > 0:06:25Well, no, it's not true. She's never actually used breast milk.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29Getting your breasts in a picture of Beef Wellington doesn't count.
0:06:29 > 0:06:36You could photograph your old boy next to a sponge pudding, but it wouldn't make it a Spotted Dick.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41Let's look at what's next. It's our A Famous Face Asks round. Who wants to know what tonight?
0:06:41 > 0:06:46Oh, it's little Warwick Davis! What does he want?
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Hi, Rhod. Human beings are a very diverse race,
0:06:49 > 0:06:55from people like myself to massive, tall, ugly, weird freaks like Greg Davies.
0:06:55 > 0:07:00So, can you tell me, have we stopped evolving?
0:07:00 > 0:07:04The first reference to me being disgusting. Good(!)
0:07:04 > 0:07:09Could you introduce Warwick Davis in a slightly more patronising way?
0:07:09 > 0:07:12"It's little Warwick Davis!"
0:07:13 > 0:07:19- That's a very good question. Have we stopped evolving? Fern, find out for us.- Yes, I will.
0:07:19 > 0:07:25Thank you. What do we think, panel? If you could evolve one thing, what would you evolve?
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- Lloyd?- I would evolve gills.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32- Mm, you're nodding, Katy. - I'd say the same - gills.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- Why?- To breathe under water! >
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Yes, to breathe under water. LAUGHTER
0:07:39 > 0:07:42- APPLAUSE - Fair enough. Fair enough.
0:07:44 > 0:07:50- What would you evolve, Adam? - I'd evolve a little pouch on my body for carrying a mobile phone.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- Really.- God!- I've got one of those.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56LAUGHTER
0:07:56 > 0:08:04In a limitless world of possibilities, what would you evolve? A belt clip, essentially.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09It's cos I'm Australian. I just went, "Pouch!"
0:08:09 > 0:08:14- What would you evolve, Fern? - Torches on the end of my fingers. - That's more like it!
0:08:14 > 0:08:22- Of all the things...? - I'm always losing things. Under the bed, down the side of the car.
0:08:22 > 0:08:27Just where you can't see. A source of light in those nooks and crannies.
0:08:27 > 0:08:32But if you had a pouch on your body, you wouldn't have lost them.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Just saying. I'm just saying.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41Young people now are replacing... The thumb is the new forefinger.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45Young people are pointing with their thumbs.
0:08:45 > 0:08:50- Young people press doorbells with their thumb, not their forefinger. - No, they don't.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54I have to put my spoke in here and back you up, Rhod.
0:08:54 > 0:09:00Thumb dexterity has improved so much in recent years that some teenagers point with their thumbs,
0:09:00 > 0:09:03ring doorbells with their thumbs
0:09:03 > 0:09:08and it seems the increased use of hand-held gadgets is prompting rapid changes
0:09:08 > 0:09:12- that would normally occur over many decades.- Kaboom!
0:09:12 > 0:09:14LAUGHTER
0:09:14 > 0:09:20- I've never seen anyone point with their thumb.- You don't hang out with kids on street corners.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23They go, "Hey, look over there."
0:09:23 > 0:09:29Here's a question for you. Why are there still monkeys if we've evolved from monkeys?
0:09:29 > 0:09:35- Because some monkeys... - Some didn't evolve.- Will these monkeys ever become humans?- No.
0:09:35 > 0:09:40And if they become humans, what will become monkeys? Crows?
0:09:40 > 0:09:45No, because there's one strand of primate or ape that became human,
0:09:45 > 0:09:51but some of the apes didn't develop human characteristics, so they didn't evolve as humans.
0:09:51 > 0:09:57- They were quite good at being apes. - Get to the point - will a crow become a monkey?- No!
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Never. Crows will never be monkeys.
0:10:00 > 0:10:06- Can we have another fact?- Yes. If you're somebody who forgets people's names...- I am.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10According to the theoretical physicist Dr Michio Kaku,
0:10:10 > 0:10:13- 100 years from now we will have... - Belt clips!
0:10:13 > 0:10:18..the internet embedded in contact lenses with face recognition software
0:10:18 > 0:10:22so when we meet someone, the lenses will remind us who they are
0:10:22 > 0:10:28and show us their biography and translate their words into subtitles.
0:10:28 > 0:10:33So all conversation will disappear? You go on a date. "Hello." "Hello."
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- "I know everything about you." - LAUGHTER
0:10:37 > 0:10:40You get a slow internet connection. "Hello."
0:10:41 > 0:10:43"Sorry. Still downloading."
0:10:43 > 0:10:46"What are you doing?" Buffering.
0:10:46 > 0:10:53I think we should do that now. Everyone in the world should have a name badge on permanently.
0:10:53 > 0:10:59That is not the same. This vision of the world is not simply B&Q.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03This is the internet in your eyes, not somebody with a name badge.
0:11:03 > 0:11:08- - No, but it's small steps. - It's quicker.- Very small steps.
0:11:08 > 0:11:15- In 100 years, everyone will have a name badge. That's not... - I mean now! Not in 100 years.
0:11:16 > 0:11:23- I always forget people's names, right?- I do, too.- If everyone wore a name badge, that would help.
0:11:23 > 0:11:28What if you don't want people to know your name? Have a protective flap...
0:11:28 > 0:11:30LAUGHTER
0:11:30 > 0:11:36..controlled by a lever. If you want them to know your name, pull the lever...
0:11:36 > 0:11:41- Fern, do you have any more information? - I've got the answer here.
0:11:41 > 0:11:48You can talk to a Fellow of the Royal Society, Professor Mark Pagel from the University of Reading,
0:11:48 > 0:11:51and he is on the line for you now.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55- Hello.- Hello. How are you?- Well, thank you.- Thanks for coming on.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59We're discussing whether evolution continues or has ceased.
0:11:59 > 0:12:06- Can you shed any light on it for us? - The answer is that we are still evolving, definitely.
0:12:06 > 0:12:12- There's probably strong selection for physical attractiveness.- We'll get better looking?- Yeah.- Cool!
0:12:12 > 0:12:17- In my lifetime? - Em... We can hope.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21There's every reason to believe we're becoming less violent...
0:12:21 > 0:12:26- Have you ever been out on a Saturday night?- It's the people in jail.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28- Cos of people in jail?- Well...
0:12:28 > 0:12:36Society increasingly punishes anti-social behaviour. Probably over the last 1,000 years we've become
0:12:36 > 0:12:42- less aggressive, less violent. - Because people are in jail, they're not reproducing, so...?
0:12:42 > 0:12:47Exactly. You can't reproduce. You don't find many women in jail.
0:12:47 > 0:12:52Doesn't that make us, in evolutionary terms, at risk of... alien attack?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54LAUGHTER
0:12:54 > 0:13:00- The pressing question in the studio is...- Will a crow ever become a monkey?- Yes!
0:13:00 > 0:13:03I've an answer for that one - definitely not.
0:13:03 > 0:13:08Thank you very much, Prof Pagel. I'll take that as an answer.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10APPLAUSE
0:13:12 > 0:13:17So, Warwick Davis, you asked, "Have we stopped evolving?" No!
0:13:17 > 0:13:23I'm going to award that round to Katy because she sounds like she knows what she's talking about.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- I get a point? - You're well in the lead.- Thank you.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33- Can I get a point as well?- Yeah.
0:13:33 > 0:13:39- My point is somewhat devalued. - I'll just give you another point. - Oh, good!
0:13:39 > 0:13:432-1. Let's see who else has a question for us tonight.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47Oh, it's Andy Murray! Scotland's favourite.
0:13:47 > 0:13:52Scotland's favourite. Let's have a look at what he wants to know.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- Yes, I have - Ticketmaster. - LAUGHTER
0:14:01 > 0:14:06I was going to give him a tip - take those oranges out of his mouth.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08No, that's where he keeps the...
0:14:08 > 0:14:13- Before they serve, they get two. - He's just spat one out, look!
0:14:13 > 0:14:15LAUGHTER
0:14:15 > 0:14:21- Adam, in a previous life you were a tennis coach, weren't you? - I was a tennis coach.
0:14:21 > 0:14:26- What would you say to him, then? - Yeah.- Let's role play. I'll be him.
0:14:26 > 0:14:31- If you were Andy Murray, this is what I'd say to you.- Oh?
0:14:33 > 0:14:37You're number four in the world. That's pretty freaking good.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41- People should get off your back. - APPLAUSE
0:14:46 > 0:14:49- Yeah, everyone! - LAUGHTER
0:14:49 > 0:14:54Emile Heskey? I don't know anything about football.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Michael Phelps. What does he want to know?
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Well, by the expression on your face, just long enough.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Louis Walsh.
0:15:10 > 0:15:17Oh, hang on. I can see our friend of the show Kim Jong-il coming up! We always have a question.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19What does he want to know?
0:15:29 > 0:15:34It's time to see what we've got next. Questions from around the world.
0:15:34 > 0:15:39Let's see who wants to know what. A pipe band. What do they want?
0:15:39 > 0:15:43Hi, Rhod. Playing bagpipes is hard work. You need stamina and skill.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47My question for you is what's the easiest job in the world?
0:15:47 > 0:15:52My question for you is why are you Australian?!
0:15:52 > 0:15:54I was not expecting that!
0:15:54 > 0:15:59In Scotland, a guy with a wobble board is going, "This is grrreat!"
0:16:01 > 0:16:02Adam...
0:16:03 > 0:16:07- Yes?- What did you want to be when you grew up?
0:16:07 > 0:16:12Honestly, I couldn't decide whether to be a clown or a journalist.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Those were honestly my two choices.
0:16:15 > 0:16:20I know. And now, thanks to Rupert Murdoch, you can do both.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Fern, what did you want to be?
0:16:22 > 0:16:25I wanted to be a dolphin trainer.
0:16:25 > 0:16:30- Weren't you born in West London? - There aren't many dolphins.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33And that is what thwarted me.
0:16:33 > 0:16:38- What did you want to be, Lloyd? - I wanted to be an actor.
0:16:38 > 0:16:43Seriously? I'm not sure you've quite got any emotional range, have you?
0:16:43 > 0:16:47That was the thing. I can't sing or dance.
0:16:47 > 0:16:54And you haven't got any expressions in your face whatsoever. You're like a child stuck under a frozen lake.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58LAUGHTER
0:16:58 > 0:17:00I... LAUGHTER CONTINUES
0:17:01 > 0:17:07You've lived in my flat for seven years. Every day I look at you and think, "What does he look like?"
0:17:07 > 0:17:10It's a child looking up from under a frozen lake.
0:17:10 > 0:17:15I was hoping to convey my emotions by a name flap.
0:17:17 > 0:17:22Lloyd, I've got a game for you. Katy, look away. An expression will come up on the screen.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Lloyd must communicate it to you using his face.
0:17:25 > 0:17:30- Lloyd, learn what it is.- It's only one word. I think I'll remember.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32LAUGHTER
0:17:32 > 0:17:35He's cocky. He's confident, ladies and gentlemen.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39Right, learn your word. Those are your lines.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43You have to communicate it with your "expressiony" face to Fern and Katy.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47- Can I chip in?- By all means, yes.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50"Mum, help me! I'm stuck under the ice!"
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Is it "happy"?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- APPLAUSE - Oh, one out of one!
0:17:58 > 0:18:01OK, let's have expression two
0:18:01 > 0:18:04for Lloyd to communicate to Katy, please.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07I'm like John Gielgud.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Stuck under a frozen lake!
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- Oh, um...- Cold?
0:18:17 > 0:18:18LAUGHTER
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Is it "grumpy"?
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Are you having a poo?
0:18:23 > 0:18:25But apart from that, with the face?
0:18:25 > 0:18:29You're having a sad poo. Is that it? APPLAUSE
0:18:29 > 0:18:35- Sad? What was it, Lloyd? - Sadness.- Sadness, OK. Expression number three.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Off you go, Lloyd.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55If you were in a bar and Lloyd was doing that, what would you think?
0:18:55 > 0:19:00I would think he was saying, "Let's go up on the roof and do it."
0:19:00 > 0:19:04Not far off. "In a hotel bar you meet two women
0:19:04 > 0:19:09"and would like to invite one of them to your room, but not the other one."
0:19:09 > 0:19:14- Lloyd's acting, ladies and gentlemen. Very well done. - APPLAUSE
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Let's have another fact, Fern.
0:19:17 > 0:19:22If you had to pick the easiest job in the world and you saw the following,
0:19:22 > 0:19:25you might think you'd hit the jackpot. Take a look.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33LAUGHTER
0:19:34 > 0:19:37That's pretty straightforward.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41I met a guy who I reckon had the easiest job in the world.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45He was working as a photographer's assistant on a fashion photo shoot
0:19:45 > 0:19:51and all his job was for this particular day was to put tape over the nipples of the models,
0:19:51 > 0:19:53so they weren't erect during the photos.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56That's not a full-time job.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00No, you'd have to take time off every three and a half minutes.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07- I've got an easier job than that. - What?- Doctor on Death Row.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13If you make a mistake, what's the worst that can happen?
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Fern, are we any closer to finding an answer?
0:20:16 > 0:20:20Yes, this is an answer. According to the job agency CareerCast,
0:20:20 > 0:20:24the easiest job in the world or the least stressful is an audiologist
0:20:24 > 0:20:29who is someone who treats hearing problems. The most stressful job is an airline pilot.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- I will take that as an answer. - APPLAUSE
0:20:39 > 0:20:43You asked what the easiest job in the world is - it's an audiologist,
0:20:43 > 0:20:49but we all know that the easiest job in the world really is a Geordie cloakroom attendant.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56And I'm awarding that round to Lloyd for his wonderful acting skills.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59APPLAUSE
0:21:03 > 0:21:07Next it is time for my quick-fire round, The Audience Asks.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11I'll get through as many questions as I can before we hear this noise.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14'Three, two, one, stop cooking!'
0:21:16 > 0:21:20You don't get the answer button with this round. We just get this bell.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22RINGS
0:21:22 > 0:21:24So it is the quick-fire round.
0:21:24 > 0:21:29Who's first? It's Gabby Lovatt. Where are you, Gabby Lovatt?
0:21:29 > 0:21:32- Stand up, so I can see you. Hello!- Hi!- Hello!
0:21:32 > 0:21:38If you put boiling hot water into a thermal flask, then put it in the freezer, does it stay hot or freeze?
0:21:38 > 0:21:42What ultimately happens is your boyfriend leaves you.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45- BELL RINGS - "Your boyfriend leaves you."
0:21:45 > 0:21:49Avril Kinsella. Hello, Avril. What's your question?
0:21:49 > 0:21:53What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
0:21:53 > 0:21:56LAUGHTER
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Rhod, I think I can demonstrate this.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05For those who don't know what's going on, I have an artificial foot.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09- You can demonstrate this?- Your chair would face the other way.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11You'd sit down on it like this
0:22:11 > 0:22:14and your foot would stick up.
0:22:21 > 0:22:27There's not many shows where that demonstration could have happened. Claire Brown, what's your question?
0:22:27 > 0:22:31What do the French say when something seems familiar?
0:22:31 > 0:22:34I think someone asked that last week.
0:22:36 > 0:22:43What do the French... What do you mean, what do the French say when something familiar happens to them?
0:22:43 > 0:22:47- We say "deja vu".- So do they. They're French. What are you on about?
0:22:50 > 0:22:55Philip McFeally. Where is Philip McFeally? Hello, Philip.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59- The question is...- Have you stolen my Phillip Schofield wig?
0:23:02 > 0:23:07- How many ants would you need to take out Lennox Lewis? - To take out Lennox Lewis?
0:23:07 > 0:23:12Say we're in a nuclear bunker, Lennox Lewis is going to press the button,
0:23:12 > 0:23:15no-one can get in, but there is an anthill. How many?
0:23:15 > 0:23:20That's quite a specific scenario you've painted there.
0:23:20 > 0:23:25Ants are remarkably strong, probably the strongest, pound for pound, in the animal kingdom.
0:23:25 > 0:23:29How many would it take to carry out Lennox Lewis?
0:23:29 > 0:23:32One of my aunts is 25 stone. She'd take him out.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36'Three, two, one, stop cooking!'
0:23:36 > 0:23:39Time is up, but I think we did pretty well there.
0:23:39 > 0:23:44I'm going to award that round to Adam for a remarkable demonstration.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46APPLAUSE
0:23:50 > 0:23:56We've answered nearly all our questions for this week, but there is time for one more.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58It's Our Special Guest Asks round.
0:23:58 > 0:24:03- Katy, do you have a question for us this week?- Well, I do.- Good.
0:24:03 > 0:24:10You know, I go to meetings from time to time and I like to shake hands in meetings.
0:24:10 > 0:24:15It's got me thinking - why do we shake hands at all? What is the history to it?
0:24:15 > 0:24:19- Why do we shake hands, Fern? See what you can find out.- Yeah.
0:24:19 > 0:24:26When politicians have to do a lot of hand-shaking, they get incredibly painful sores on their hands.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30- And the Queen...- The Queen has shaken hands over a million times.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34She always wears gloves. You never see the Queen out without gloves.
0:24:34 > 0:24:39She does not want to have skin-to-skin contact with so many people.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42Also, she's an amateur snooker referee.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Do you know what? I'm meeting her tomorrow.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48AUDIENCE: Ooh!
0:24:48 > 0:24:52- Are you meeting the Queen tomorrow? - I am. At Buckingham Palace. - How come?
0:24:52 > 0:24:57- There's a reception for Australians in England. I'm genuinely...- Whoa!
0:24:57 > 0:25:03I've put in 42 years in this country and you, just for being over here, get to meet the Queen.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06He's organised a snooker match at her house!
0:25:06 > 0:25:12- What do you mean, Australians in Britain?- A specific reception tomorrow for Australians in Britain.
0:25:12 > 0:25:16How many of you? Thousands? Are all the bars going to shut?
0:25:18 > 0:25:22It's a trick, you know. It's to get you all back in prison.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26- I've actually met her before. - Oh, you're old friends!
0:25:26 > 0:25:32Whatever! She had come round, then Prince Philip came round directly after her.
0:25:32 > 0:25:37- She came round to your house? - It was a royal line-up and she came all the way round.
0:25:37 > 0:25:42Then Prince Philip came up to me, looked down at my feet and went...
0:25:42 > 0:25:44HE SNIGGERS
0:25:44 > 0:25:50I love him for this. He just had this big grin on his face that said, "I've got one. I've got a good one."
0:25:50 > 0:25:53"You fly home tomorrow?" "Yes, Your Highness."
0:25:53 > 0:25:58"You could smuggle something out of the country in that leg of yours."
0:26:00 > 0:26:03- Really?- Really. - APPLAUSE
0:26:03 > 0:26:07- Really.- I'll tell you an interesting one about greetings as well.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11In Papua New Guinea, they don't shake hands.
0:26:11 > 0:26:16When you walk into a meeting, you tickle each other's genitals.
0:26:17 > 0:26:22- Really?- And which particular genitals are you tickling?
0:26:22 > 0:26:28If you went to a meeting, you'd go, "Hello, how do you do," then you go round the room and...
0:26:28 > 0:26:32- This is clearly one of your made-up facts.- No, it isn't.
0:26:32 > 0:26:38I'll back you up, Rhod. It says here, "There are other alternatives to the handshake.
0:26:38 > 0:26:44"In Papua New Guinea, some tribes exchange greetings by clasping each other's genitals."
0:26:44 > 0:26:47You were wrong. It's not a tickle. It's a firm clasp.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Not in the meeting I was in.
0:26:51 > 0:26:57John McCririck shakes hands with women like this. I'll show you with the left hand.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59- Who does this?- John McCririck.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03As he comes at you with his hand, he tucks this hand in the palm
0:27:03 > 0:27:08and when he gets your hand in his, he tickles the palm of your hand with his finger.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12- That's a Masonic handshake.- Is that Masonic?- It's just McCririck!
0:27:14 > 0:27:19- Did you know that "hello" didn't exist before telephones? - Yes.- That's true.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23- Alexander Graham Bell wanted it to be "ahoy-hoy".- Yes.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27- Thomas Edison wanted it to be "hello".- Before that, nobody said anything.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31They picked the phone up and they were silent for so long...
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Lionel Richie's first hit was...
0:27:34 > 0:27:36LAUGHTER
0:27:36 > 0:27:40Why do we shake hands? Lloyd, what do you think?
0:27:40 > 0:27:43I think in the olden days you shook hands
0:27:43 > 0:27:47to check how many fingers the other person had.
0:27:47 > 0:27:52If they only have two fingers, then you instantly know they're, uh...
0:27:52 > 0:27:54careless.
0:27:56 > 0:28:01You can tell a lot about people from the amount of fingers they've got.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04They're either careless or accident-prone.
0:28:04 > 0:28:08So, for example, if you're, if you're...
0:28:09 > 0:28:11LAUGHTER
0:28:11 > 0:28:15Hang on. There's a question from Mr Clumsy.
0:28:17 > 0:28:22- How did you lose your foot, just out of interest?- It was a shark.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24- It wasn't a shark. - No, it wasn't a shark.
0:28:24 > 0:28:29- No, I just lost a foot. There's no...- You were born without it?
0:28:29 > 0:28:32- Yeah.- How clumsy are you!
0:28:32 > 0:28:34LAUGHTER
0:28:35 > 0:28:37Dear God!
0:28:39 > 0:28:45Here's one theory that makes a bit of sense, but it doesn't really when you interrogate it.
0:28:45 > 0:28:51I have heard the one that people say, "You shake hands because it comes from the olden days
0:28:51 > 0:28:57"when it was a way of finding out whether the other person had a weapon."
0:28:57 > 0:29:03Surely, going like that would be a much better way of establishing if the other person had a weapon.
0:29:03 > 0:29:09When the police surround a house, you never hear them shouting, "Come out and shake hands with everyone!"
0:29:10 > 0:29:16I don't think you'd be able to work out if someone was carrying a weapon just from shaking their hand.
0:29:16 > 0:29:20You just know. I just know when someone's up to no good.
0:29:20 > 0:29:25Ever since I was a teacher, I know when a kid or anyone walks into a room,
0:29:25 > 0:29:28and they're up to no good, I know!
0:29:28 > 0:29:31- You think you've got a sixth sense? - I genuinely do.
0:29:31 > 0:29:35- We can test this spurious boast of yours.- Yeah? How?
0:29:35 > 0:29:38Let's go to the lab.
0:29:42 > 0:29:47Greg, welcome to the lab. Tonight, we have a very scientific experiment
0:29:47 > 0:29:52to determine whether you do, as you boldly claimed, have a sixth sense.
0:29:52 > 0:29:57Four panellists are stood around this circle. Two of them will have a weapon and two won't.
0:29:57 > 0:30:00You have a 50/50 chance of getting it right.
0:30:00 > 0:30:03- If you do, you hear this noise... - FANFARE
0:30:03 > 0:30:08- ..and receive a point. If you get it wrong, you'll be punished.- Right.
0:30:08 > 0:30:11- I'm going to start spinning you now. - Hey!
0:30:13 > 0:30:18- Agh!- Do you think this person has a weapon?- No, I don't.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21- You're absolutely right. One point. - APPLAUSE
0:30:21 > 0:30:24You get one point and we're off.
0:30:24 > 0:30:30- Do you think this person has a weapon?- Yes, I think this person has a weapon.- You're absolutely right.
0:30:30 > 0:30:34- APPLAUSE - He has got the sixth sense.
0:30:34 > 0:30:38We have two of you with weapons. Do you think this person has a weapon?
0:30:38 > 0:30:42- Yes, I think this person has a weapon.- You're wrong.
0:30:42 > 0:30:45- He doesn't have a weapon.- Eugh! - Oh, no.- What?
0:30:45 > 0:30:51It's a terrible thing, this. The sixth sense left you for a brief moment there.
0:30:51 > 0:30:54- Do you think this person has a weapon?- No, I don't.
0:30:55 > 0:30:59- What...? Oh!- Unlucky. You were wrong, Greg.
0:30:59 > 0:31:04The vibe left you for a minute. Do you think this person has a weapon?
0:31:04 > 0:31:07- Yes, they have a weapon.- Correct.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09APPLAUSE
0:31:09 > 0:31:15- Reload. Do you think this person has a weapon, Greg?- No, I don't think this person has a weapon.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18APPLAUSE
0:31:18 > 0:31:20Unlucky, Greg.
0:31:20 > 0:31:26- The feeling left you. Do you think this person has a weapon?- No, they haven't.
0:31:27 > 0:31:32- APPLAUSE - Yet again they did have a weapon, Greg. They did have a weapon.
0:31:32 > 0:31:35Do you think this person has a weapon, Greg?
0:31:35 > 0:31:38No, they haven't got a weapon.
0:31:38 > 0:31:40Again you're absolutely...
0:31:40 > 0:31:41wrong!
0:31:41 > 0:31:43APPLAUSE
0:31:44 > 0:31:49They did have a weapon. Do you think this person has a weapon, Greg?
0:31:49 > 0:31:52- No, they haven't got a weapon. - Oh, God!
0:31:52 > 0:31:55- Once again... - APPLAUSE
0:31:57 > 0:32:02Now, ladies and gentlemen, do you think Greg does have a sixth sense?
0:32:02 > 0:32:04LAUGHTER
0:32:04 > 0:32:09Like a man who has any special powers? Unless you're Trifle Man!
0:32:09 > 0:32:11To be fair, he was blindfolded.
0:32:11 > 0:32:15- And you're not normally blindfolded in real life.- No, I'm not.
0:32:15 > 0:32:21You did say when you walked into a room, you could see if a child was misbehaving in your teaching days.
0:32:21 > 0:32:25We'll give you one last chance. Let's take somebody in the audience.
0:32:25 > 0:32:29Do you think that woman with the red hair has a weapon?
0:32:29 > 0:32:34- Think carefully.- I'll play this logically as if this was scientific and fair.- It is.
0:32:34 > 0:32:38She's a member of the audience. Of course she hasn't got a weapon.
0:32:38 > 0:32:40I'm afraid, Greg...
0:32:41 > 0:32:46Oh, God, you're completely wrong there. I'm afraid you're wrong.
0:32:46 > 0:32:48She does have a weapon.
0:32:48 > 0:32:52LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:33:05 > 0:33:09So, the question was - why do we shake hands?
0:33:11 > 0:33:14Oh, yeah, I think we've got an answer to that(!)
0:33:15 > 0:33:21And according to Professor William Chaplin from St John's University in New York,
0:33:21 > 0:33:26a handshake is often the very first impression a person makes on us,
0:33:26 > 0:33:31so we shake hands because it provides a quick first assessment of the person we meet.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34There's your answer, Greg.
0:33:34 > 0:33:36- Press the answer button.- Certainly.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:33:40 > 0:33:45And I am awarding that round to...
0:33:45 > 0:33:48to Lloyd. I'm awarding that round to Lloyd
0:33:48 > 0:33:50- because I just can. - APPLAUSE
0:33:52 > 0:33:55That's pretty much it for tonight.
0:33:55 > 0:33:59If you've got a question, you can tweet #AskRhod on Twitter,
0:33:59 > 0:34:03but for tonight, it's thanks to Katy Brand,
0:34:03 > 0:34:10Adam Hills, Greg Davies and Lloyd Langford and, of course, our authenticator Fern Britton!
0:34:10 > 0:34:16- I'm Rhod Gilbert and you can ask me literally anything. Good night. - APPLAUSE
0:34:38 > 0:34:42Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd 2011
0:34:42 > 0:34:45Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk