0:00:17 > 0:00:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:22 > 0:00:25Tonight, on Ask Rhod Gilbert, our special guests are:
0:00:27 > 0:00:29She's no wipeout, it's:
0:00:31 > 0:00:32And First Lady of stand-up:
0:00:36 > 0:00:37They're here every week, it's:
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Ladies and gentlemen, Ask Rhod Gilbert!
0:00:49 > 0:00:50APPLAUSE
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Hello, welcome. I'm Rhod Gilbert and tonight I'm finding the answers
0:00:57 > 0:00:59to the questions that keep us awake at night.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Questions such as: Should we stop publishing books
0:01:02 > 0:01:06until we all catch up reading the ones that are out there?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08I love reading but there are just far too many books.
0:01:08 > 0:01:13It must be because God has written one and most of us haven't bothered reading it yet.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16I certainly don't want any more celebrity autobiographies.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19People write them before they've had a life. Justin Bieber has one.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23The only reason he needs a book at all is so he can stand on it to reach his Calpol.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24LAUGHTER
0:01:26 > 0:01:31You shouldn't be allowed to write an autobiography until you're at least 30. Nothing happens until then.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35Who'd want to read Jesus: My Life As A Carpenter And Amateur Magician?
0:01:37 > 0:01:42Come on. If we carry on like this, pretty soon we'll have people
0:01:42 > 0:01:45writing their memoirs before they're even born.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48"What are you reading?" "A Womb With A View by Harper Seven Beckham".
0:01:50 > 0:01:51Any way, on with the show.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:57 > 0:01:59In a world filled with ambiguity,
0:01:59 > 0:02:00we need someone with credibility
0:02:00 > 0:02:02to help find the answers to our questions.
0:02:02 > 0:02:07As always, we begin by asking, who is tonight's Authenticator?
0:02:07 > 0:02:10She'll need the energy and enthusiasm it took to present Come Dancing...
0:02:10 > 0:02:12# La cucaracha, la cucaracha. #
0:02:12 > 0:02:13LAUGHTER
0:02:17 > 0:02:21She'll need all the class and refinement it took to get an OBE.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22LIGHT SABRE SWOOSH
0:02:24 > 0:02:26An OBE, not Obi.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29After doing Morecambe and Wise she became famous for her lovely legs.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31# La cucaracha, La cucaracha. #
0:02:34 > 0:02:36That's right, tonight's Authenticator
0:02:36 > 0:02:39is national treasure, Angela Rippon!
0:02:39 > 0:02:41JAZZ MUSIC
0:02:55 > 0:02:58- Welcome to the show, Angela. - Thank you very much indeed.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01As I was reading those, I was thinking, blimey, that's a career.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Not that it's over!
0:03:03 > 0:03:04LAUGHTER
0:03:05 > 0:03:09- It's already been good is what I mean.- It's been 45 years long. Yeah.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11- 45?!- Yeah. - What's been the highlight?
0:03:11 > 0:03:14The highlight is that after 45 years I'm still here!
0:03:15 > 0:03:17You're more than just still here.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:23 > 0:03:24And how are you helping us tonight?
0:03:24 > 0:03:28I am going to provide the panel with all the information you need
0:03:28 > 0:03:32- to answer the questions and hopefully we'll between us get them right.- Brilliant.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Thank you. When I think we have an answer I'll do this.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37ANGELIC VOCALISATION
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- Wow.- Sarah, have you been asked anything recently?
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Yes, I've been asked when my DVD comes out.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:47 > 0:03:49You did this last time!
0:03:51 > 0:03:53You did this on the last series.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56I remember saying to you, "What have you learned recently?",
0:03:56 > 0:04:01- and you said something about your upcoming tour.- Yeah! I'm not an idiot. November 21st.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05- Is it November 21st?- Yes, it is.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Oh. A week earlier you can buy mine on the 14th.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10LAUGHTER
0:04:10 > 0:04:14I've got two copies of Mrs Doubtfire if anybody wants to buy them.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Are you doing one of your car boots?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- Have you learned anything recently, Amanda?- I have!
0:04:21 > 0:04:25I was at the Emmys last week and I interviewed Steve,
0:04:25 > 0:04:28what I thought was Buscemi, and apparently it's "boo-skee-mee".
0:04:28 > 0:04:31I don't know who he is. I don't.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Con Air.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34He's what?
0:04:34 > 0:04:37- (IN IRISH ACCENT): Con Air. - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:37 > 0:04:41What's Con Air? What's Con... Do you know who he is?
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Do you know who Steve "Bos-kee-mee-boo-skee-mee" is?
0:04:45 > 0:04:49I haven't got a clue cos I only listen to Radio 4.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Let's find out who wants to know what. Who have we got?
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- Lionel Richie.- Are we fans of Lionel Richie?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58- Yeah...- No? Fine.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01I know we're all fans of Kim Jong-Il.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05Are you a fan? We're fans of him. He's a bit of a friend of the show.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07He does write in every week with a question.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10- Has he ever appeared on the programme?- He hasn't appeared yet,
0:05:10 > 0:05:14but every week on Twitter or Facebook or emails the questions in.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15Are they sensible?
0:05:15 > 0:05:19- Are they sensible?- Yeah. He's a serious man.
0:05:21 > 0:05:22LAUGHTER
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Rihanna. What does Rihanna want to know?
0:05:33 > 0:05:35I do like it but it's not really new.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39We've been doing the Paula Radcliffe over here for years. LAUGHTER
0:05:42 > 0:05:43APPLAUSE
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Let's have our first round.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Let's see who wants to know what.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56It's a sky diver in Australia. What would they like to know?
0:05:56 > 0:06:01G'day from Australia, Rhod. I've got a question for you.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15Can we live...
0:06:17 > 0:06:19..can we live without money?
0:06:19 > 0:06:21- What do we think?- I think we can.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24The Greeks are about to live without money, aren't they?
0:06:24 > 0:06:27What does it mean they've run out of money?
0:06:27 > 0:06:29They've just got fatter now.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31That's the National Anthem now.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Things Can Only Get Fatter.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38To answer the question,
0:06:38 > 0:06:41you would just use something else instead of money, wouldn't you?
0:06:41 > 0:06:44What would you fall back on? Let's say you've got a blocked toilet.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48The plumber comes round and fixes it, you can't give him money. What would you use?
0:06:48 > 0:06:51I'm really good at unblocking toilets.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56But I wouldn't call a plumber. Would you call a plumber for a blocked toilet?
0:06:56 > 0:06:57- Yes!- What?!
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Put your nails and get cracking.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Mandy, what would you use instead of money?
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Let's say the pizza delivery man comes round.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07Well I use the barter system.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10It's tit for tat, so you know, you...
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Really? Because I've got a load of tat in my room!
0:07:20 > 0:07:22What would you fall back on, Lloyd?
0:07:22 > 0:07:27I can't imagine you've got anything to fall back on, have you?
0:07:27 > 0:07:28I'm all right at doing massages.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32I'm not very skilful, but I'm enthusiastic.
0:07:32 > 0:07:33Is that still a massage?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37So I could, like, unblock your toilet
0:07:37 > 0:07:39and you could give us a massage!
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Yeah, I'd probably want you to have a shower first!
0:07:45 > 0:07:48You don't really actually use money that much any more.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50We use debit cards and credit cards.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54The last time I used actual money was for, like, a parking metre or wishing well.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57The old "parking-metre-and wishing-well" trick!
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Did you park just to put money in the wishing well?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01That's exactly what I did!
0:08:01 > 0:08:05You must have needed that wish, did you, pet?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08I think that would really take the kind of romance out of a wishing well.
0:08:08 > 0:08:14Imagine, at some point in the future, you just swipe your card across.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16- Have you got a fact for us? - Yeah, I have.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Mark Boyle is the founder of the Freeconomy Community,
0:08:18 > 0:08:21and he has lived without money since 2008.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24And he survives by growing his own food,
0:08:24 > 0:08:27by sharing possessions, and by bartering.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29And on his very first day of living without money,
0:08:29 > 0:08:36he fed 150 people a three-course meal with waste and foraged food.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40I'm a member of various online swapping communities.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43It's recycling stuff. It's giving stuff away.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45I've had loads of good stuff like that.
0:08:45 > 0:08:50Somebody advertises online and they say, "I've got this, that and the other. Come round and get it."
0:08:50 > 0:08:53And you go round and you get it for free. Or you offer them stuff.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57- Are they more specific in their descriptions than, "This that and the other."- Yes!
0:08:57 > 0:09:00I can give you some of the descriptions if want, Sarah. Look at this.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02"Offered, jars. Hi everybody.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04"A bag of various-sized jars going spare.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08"Was going to use them for jam, but I can't be bothered."
0:09:11 > 0:09:13"Offered, large bag of chargers, etc.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16"Will make somebody a lovely Christmas present."
0:09:18 > 0:09:21"Offered, broken DVD player. Will not play.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23"But spins the disc."
0:09:27 > 0:09:29The question was, can we live without money?
0:09:29 > 0:09:33And I asked each of you to bring something in that you could swap.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36So Sarah, what have you brought in?
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Mr Potato Head.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43God, only in Ireland would that get an, "Ahh".
0:09:46 > 0:09:48And Lloyd, what have you got?
0:09:48 > 0:09:50- I've got these, Rhod.- What are they?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56They're sunglasses
0:09:56 > 0:09:59to stop you being identified by the paparazzi.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02- What have you get there, Amanda? - I've got one of these little gadgets.
0:10:02 > 0:10:07- That's not quite as good, that, to be honest.- Well, not quite, which is why I would like to swap it.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09What have you got, Greg?
0:10:09 > 0:10:13I feel a bit embarrassed, actually, Rhod, because I didn't know until this afternoon...
0:10:13 > 0:10:16..I genuinely didn't know we were doing this swap item.
0:10:16 > 0:10:21So I just had to run around the hotel I'm staying in and bring what I can.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Some soap there as well.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25- That's all right!- Shower cap.
0:10:27 > 0:10:28Light shade.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38Nice dressing gown.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40It is a nice dressing gown.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Is there anything left in your hotel room?!
0:11:02 > 0:11:06- Who wants what, then? - I quite like all of this.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09- Greg, would you swap for a Mr Potato Head?- Yes, I would!
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Because I'm staying in the same hotel.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Now I've got two of everything!
0:11:13 > 0:11:17Whereas Greg is entirely alone in a bare room with one Mr Potato Head!
0:11:20 > 0:11:25And while we clear that little lot away, let's have another fact from Angela, please.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27The question was, can we live without money?
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Well, I think we've got someone who can give you the answer,
0:11:31 > 0:11:37because on the telephone to help you is Professor of International Economics at Nottingham University,
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Dr Daniel Bernhofen.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42- Dr Bernhofen.- 'Yes!
0:11:42 > 0:11:44- 'Speaking, hello.'- Hello.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- You're on the show. Welcome to the show.- 'Thank you.'
0:11:46 > 0:11:48You're German?
0:11:48 > 0:11:51'I'm German, yes. I teach at the University of Nottingham.'
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Right, how did you end up in Nottingham?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55'Because I like Robin Hood!'
0:11:55 > 0:11:57LAUGHTER
0:12:00 > 0:12:02The question is, could we live without money?
0:12:02 > 0:12:07Presumably, there are cultures that do live without money, aren't there, Professor?
0:12:07 > 0:12:11'Yes, I think we take money for granted in our society.
0:12:11 > 0:12:17'It helps to look at some examples where people didn't have money, for instance, prisoners' camps.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21- 'They came up with cigarettes.'- Yes. Cigarettes as a currency, you mean?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23'Yes, as a currency, yes, as a medium of exchange.'
0:12:23 > 0:12:28If, Professor, all money was got rid of tomorrow, if the system failed
0:12:28 > 0:12:32and all money was worthless, what do you think would happen?
0:12:32 > 0:12:35'The system would collapse, because society is quite complex.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37'We need a lot of transactions
0:12:37 > 0:12:40'and the easiest thing is paper money right now,
0:12:40 > 0:12:45'because we probably wouldn't have enough cigarettes to sustain all the exchanges going on.'
0:12:45 > 0:12:47To sum up, do we need money? We do?
0:12:47 > 0:12:51'We do, yes, the economy is too complex operating without money.'
0:12:51 > 0:12:54OK. I'm going to take that as an answer. Thank you, Professor.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55- 'OK, bye-bye.'- Bye-bye.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05I don't know about you,
0:13:05 > 0:13:07but I no clearer than I was a little while ago.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11So, Skydiver, you asked could we live without money,
0:13:11 > 0:13:13and the answer is no, we can't, not as a society.
0:13:13 > 0:13:18I'm going to award that round to Greg for his bartering ability.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:20 > 0:13:24So, let's see who else has a question for us.
0:13:24 > 0:13:29Oh, Lord Coe. Shall we have a question from Lord Coe? Let's see what he would like to know.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35LAUGHTER
0:13:36 > 0:13:42Oh, hang on, here's another one from Kim Jong-Il. He's a good friend of the show.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45He's constantly sending stuff in. He's very active.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58Hang on a minute. Look at this. Anthony Worrall Thompson.
0:14:02 > 0:14:03It's the image of him! (?)
0:14:03 > 0:14:07Let's have a question from Mr Worrall Thompson.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15No, I haven't, personally.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19What's next? Oh, it's our next round, which is A Famous Face Asks.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Let's see who we've got.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26Well, it doesn't look like him, but apparently that's Justin Lee Collins and Shayne Ward.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28What would they like to know?
0:14:28 > 0:14:29Hi, Rod.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32After a long, hard day rocking out on stage,
0:14:32 > 0:14:36we like to kick back and contemplate the most serious questions in life.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38So our question to you is,
0:14:38 > 0:14:41are animals in the modern world pulling their weight?
0:14:41 > 0:14:45Are animals in the modern world pulling their weight?
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Doesn't look like Justin Lee Collins, that, does it?
0:14:47 > 0:14:51I thought the one on the right was Jordan when they first came up.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56They're in costume for the show
0:14:56 > 0:14:58they're doing in London at the moment.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02- Can you see what you can find out?- Yes. - Are animals pulling their weight?
0:15:02 > 0:15:03I think it depends on the animal.
0:15:03 > 0:15:08Like a dog, you get sniffer dogs, you get guide dogs for the blind,
0:15:08 > 0:15:11you get, like, fire dogs.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Hang on a minute.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17Did you run out of dogs just before the third one?
0:15:17 > 0:15:20What's a fire dog?
0:15:20 > 0:15:24They put special protective boots on the dog, and they...
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Are you making this up?
0:15:27 > 0:15:31If there's a building that's unstable because of a fire,
0:15:31 > 0:15:35they think, we won't send any people in, we'll just send a fire dog in.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37He's not making it up!
0:15:37 > 0:15:41After 9/11, when they were trying to get into Ground Zero,
0:15:41 > 0:15:45the dogs that they sent in all had special little booties made for them
0:15:45 > 0:15:49so that they could walk across all that hot material, so he's right.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Don't you make fun of him.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53AUDIENCE: Oooooh!
0:15:53 > 0:15:54And they're off!
0:15:57 > 0:16:02Here, you can see this dog is really pulling its weight in the garden.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08LAUGHTER
0:16:15 > 0:16:17The best bit about that is that little look to camera.
0:16:17 > 0:16:22- Did you see that?- It's almost like he's going, yes, I am.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26- They act as well, dogs. - You talk about acting dogs.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30- Wellard in EastEnders is a boy, isn't he? The character.- Yeah.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34I've got a feeling that the dog playing him was a girl.
0:16:34 > 0:16:41- Lassie was a girl. Lassie was a girl.- I know Lassie was a girl. But I never saw Lassie go to the toilet.
0:16:41 > 0:16:46- Well, she wouldn't on camera, would she? She was a lady.- Wellard did.
0:16:46 > 0:16:47Wellard did.
0:16:47 > 0:16:52It was a female dog, so he should have squatted, but he was such a good actor, like a method actor,
0:16:52 > 0:16:54that he would cock a leg against a...
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Absolute nonsense.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00They just had a bit of a fishing line on the dog's leg.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Why didn't they just get a male dog in?
0:17:05 > 0:17:09- Male dog in just for the toilet scenes.- Yeah, like a stunt dog.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12I'm not sure there were that many toilet scenes.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15You seem to remember them all, though.
0:17:15 > 0:17:21It would be amazing if Phil Mitchell was crying about his drug habit and the camera just panned...
0:17:25 > 0:17:26I'm not even boy!
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Mostly dogs do pull their weight, I think.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34- Others could be working harder. - I feel a bit sorry for them, really.
0:17:34 > 0:17:39- Horses are sort of obsolete now. They will have to start developing new skills.- Horses are obsolete!
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Tell that to a jockey!
0:17:41 > 0:17:45Yeah, but that's just a novelty, isn't it?
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- The Grand National would never be the same without them!- No.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50I think we could be doing more with them,
0:17:50 > 0:17:55and one of the things I would suggest doing is getting elephants involved more.
0:17:55 > 0:18:00Elephants are very good at painting, and they could be used in far more painting and decorating.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03And just to prove that he is right,
0:18:03 > 0:18:06I think this elephant could be the next Picasso.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23That is pretty cool, isn't it?
0:18:23 > 0:18:27What's happened is, that elephant's just got a really encouraging dad elephant
0:18:27 > 0:18:32that's gone, that's brilliant, what you've done there, pet, when really it's a bit shit.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36It is. We've all had that.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Is he going to put it on his massive elephant fridge?
0:18:38 > 0:18:42The advantage of being an elephant painter is your pictures
0:18:42 > 0:18:43are going to sell for peanuts.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Oh!
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Why not get them painting the Forth Bridge?
0:18:48 > 0:18:50- Doesn't need to any more.- Why not?
0:18:50 > 0:18:54They've just come out with a new paint that means it's going to last for ever and ever.
0:18:54 > 0:18:59That's one of the reasons why it's not a good idea for elephants to paint the Forth Bridge.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03It'll look ridiculous that I'm getting so angry,
0:19:03 > 0:19:07but the thing is, I know you believe all these things.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09You think animals should be utilised that way
0:19:09 > 0:19:12and we should get elephants walking up the Forth Bridge.
0:19:12 > 0:19:18As long as it's done humanely - you could get an elephant in a crane...
0:19:18 > 0:19:22We could train a load of cranes to fly an elephant up there!
0:19:23 > 0:19:28- Let's have another fact.- Zebras as dentists. Do you believe that?
0:19:28 > 0:19:30If you don't, here's the proof.
0:19:30 > 0:19:35This is the shot from Zurich Zoo of a zebra cleaning a hippo's teeth.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37The zebra didn't lose his head!
0:19:37 > 0:19:41There's lots of examples of symbiotic relationships in nature.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45- My dad was in Peru, in the jungle. - SNIGGERING >
0:19:45 > 0:19:47It's true! Why are you laughing?!
0:19:47 > 0:19:50My dad was in Peru in the jungle and he went on a tour.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Are you confusing your dad with Paddington Bear?
0:19:55 > 0:19:58This is true. He was in Peru and he was on this tour.
0:19:58 > 0:20:04They were showing him round and the guy lifted up a stone
0:20:04 > 0:20:11or something and there was a spider and a frog that lived together.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Aw, that's really sweet.
0:20:14 > 0:20:19- They were cohabitating or they just happened to be under the stone together?- Exactly.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23How do you know? Were there two toothbrushes there? How do you know?
0:20:23 > 0:20:27Because there's lots - under every stone there would be a spider
0:20:27 > 0:20:30and a frog living together.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34The spider goes out and hunts and the frog cleans the house.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39- It's true!- You may scoff, but he's absolutely right!
0:20:39 > 0:20:44The frog benefits by eating small invertebrates that are attracted
0:20:44 > 0:20:47to prey remains that are left by the spider, and the spider benefits
0:20:47 > 0:20:50because the frog eats ants, which is one of the major predators
0:20:50 > 0:20:54of spiders' eggs and they do have this wonderful symbiotic relationship.
0:20:54 > 0:20:59You're right. Beavers and woodpeckers live together.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01The beaver builds the dam, the house,
0:21:01 > 0:21:05and then the woodpecker does the more intricate - the coving...
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- Angela, are we any closer to getting an answer?- Yes, indeed.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15The facts are, economically,
0:21:15 > 0:21:18that working animals in agriculture, zoos and aquariums across the UK
0:21:18 > 0:21:24and Ireland rake in around five billion a year for the economy.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27But the real money-spinner is in the pet industry,
0:21:27 > 0:21:31with pet owners spending an average of £14.9 billion a year.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35A guy called Professor David Martin suggests that the pleasure
0:21:35 > 0:21:38that we derive from owning pets adds value to our lives
0:21:38 > 0:21:42and he concludes that, yes, animals ARE pulling their weight
0:21:42 > 0:21:45because if you've really got a very faithful dog,
0:21:45 > 0:21:47you can't put a price on that, can you?
0:21:47 > 0:21:51- I'll take that as an answer. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Justin and Shane, you asked are animals in the modern world
0:21:59 > 0:22:03pulling their weight and the answer is yes, they are.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06I'm going to award that round to Sarah.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Next up it's my quick-fire round - The Audience Asks.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19I'll get through as many questions as I can before we heard this noise.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22# Let's face the music and dance. #
0:22:24 > 0:22:28We don't get the answer button - there's no time for that. You just get this bell.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31So, our quick-fire round. Who is first? Sam Armstrong.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34- What's your question, Sam? - Why do men snore more than women?
0:22:34 > 0:22:38I don't know but you've got a good bit of attitude on you.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41- "Oh, i want to know!" - What makes you think they do? - My wife told me.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43How many men has she slept with to find out?
0:22:43 > 0:22:44LAUGHTER
0:22:44 > 0:22:46DING!
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Lesley Dyson, where are you?
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Are you one of the Dysons who's made billions off the hoover?
0:22:55 > 0:23:01- I wish.- Shame.- Why do the majority of OAPs have short, permed hair?
0:23:01 > 0:23:04I think it's because when they have their photo taken
0:23:04 > 0:23:06for their bus pass, they've got that hair
0:23:06 > 0:23:09and they've got to keep it or they'll not get recognised.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11- DING! - That'll do it. That's an answer!
0:23:12 > 0:23:17David Marron. What's your question, David?
0:23:17 > 0:23:22On average, how often does a person meet the same stranger in a lifetime?
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Just once, or it wouldn't be a stranger?
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Randomly, when you're walking down the street.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32You don't realise you've met the person you've just walked past.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34How often could that happen in a lifetime?
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Have you noticed there's an inherent flaw in this question?
0:23:38 > 0:23:41How do you know, David? Nobody's going to know.
0:23:41 > 0:23:45If you don't recognise the person, you don't know you've passed them, how can anybody...
0:23:45 > 0:23:49- Statistically speaking, without knowing.- Statistically speaking, 12%.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51DING!
0:23:51 > 0:23:52How the hell do we know?!
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Who's next? Helen Struthers.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Where are you? Hello! What's your question?
0:24:00 > 0:24:03What would you call the eighth dwarf?
0:24:03 > 0:24:09- I'd call the eighth one...Stinky. - Why?- Because it goes with all the others.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13Happy, Grumpy. It's got an "ee" on the end of it. It sort of goes.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17And also, living with seven others, he would be after a while.
0:24:17 > 0:24:22Why not a girl's name? Why not Helen?
0:24:24 > 0:24:27I think there should be a more modern dwarf. We've got Sneezy.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Let's have Jay-Z.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31DING!
0:24:31 > 0:24:33I'm going to go Helen.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36APPLAUSE
0:24:36 > 0:24:40- Barry Donaghey, is that how you say it?- Yep.- Hiya, Barry.- How you doing?
0:24:40 > 0:24:41What's your question?
0:24:41 > 0:24:45What would the world be like if we could see each other's thoughts.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46Quite a hard question, Barry.
0:24:46 > 0:24:51- What would the world be like...? - I think it would make people better.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Wouldn't it make you a more good person
0:24:53 > 0:24:56if you knew somebody could read your mind?
0:24:56 > 0:24:59- I think I'd be a nicer person. - Like censorship.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01I'd kill less people, you know.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05- Would the thoughts appear? - In a little thought bubble beside your head.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07I'd wear one of those big Rastafarian hats.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12And track your own thought in your own hat?
0:25:12 > 0:25:16I think Sarah's right, it would curb your thoughts and make you a better person.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18DING!
0:25:18 > 0:25:20APPLAUSE
0:25:20 > 0:25:22# Let's face the music and dance. #
0:25:22 > 0:25:26That sound meant that we're out of time but I think we did pretty well there
0:25:26 > 0:25:32- and I'll award that round to Lloyd for his massive Rastafarian hat. - APPLAUSE
0:25:35 > 0:25:41That's nearly all for this week, but there's time for one more question. It is Our Special Guest Asks round.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44- Amanda, do you have a question for us this week?- I do, Rhod.
0:25:44 > 0:25:49I've always been curious - what is the most romantic nationality?
0:25:49 > 0:25:52What is the most romantic nationality?
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Angela, see what you can find.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58What do YOU think is the most romantic nationality?
0:25:58 > 0:26:02Not being biased, but I do think that Irish men are the most
0:26:02 > 0:26:04romantic nationality.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06- I think...yeah. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:08 > 0:26:12Irish men are so romantic - even after 15 pints of Guinness,
0:26:12 > 0:26:14they love everyone!
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- They do, but that's not romance. - It is in Ireland!
0:26:21 > 0:26:24I'll tell you who isn't the most romantic nation
0:26:24 > 0:26:26in my experience - the Americans.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29When I was 17, my dad was working over in America and I went
0:26:29 > 0:26:34and ended up having a nice kiss with a young lady, sitting in a field
0:26:34 > 0:26:38in the moonlight, and this is a quote - she said to me, "Oh, I really like you.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41"I really want you to be number 11."
0:26:41 > 0:26:43LAUGHTER
0:26:43 > 0:26:47I wasn't even the one to take her into double figures.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Let's have a fact from Angela, about romance, please.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52Apparently there has been research done
0:26:52 > 0:26:54to find out the top three things
0:26:54 > 0:26:57women would like me to do, to prove how romantic they are.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00Let's let our panel guess to see if they can get any of the top three
0:27:00 > 0:27:04things that women... It is always what women want men to do!
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Always what...! Go on, what are the top three things?
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Amanda, what do you like from a man, romance-wise?
0:27:09 > 0:27:11- Massage my feet.- A foot massage?
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Is that there?
0:27:13 > 0:27:14BUZZER
0:27:14 > 0:27:16No, it's not.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19Women are more practical than that - is it, take the bins out?
0:27:19 > 0:27:21It should be!
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Top three romantic gestures, is it there, take the bins out?
0:27:23 > 0:27:25BUZZER
0:27:25 > 0:27:28No. Well, Lloyd?
0:27:28 > 0:27:31They are always banging on about leaving the toilet seat down.
0:27:31 > 0:27:38You think in the top... In a poll of romantic gestures,
0:27:38 > 0:27:41putting the toilet seat up or down is going to be in there?
0:27:41 > 0:27:42Is toilet seat there?
0:27:42 > 0:27:44BUZZER
0:27:44 > 0:27:45I bet flowers is there.
0:27:45 > 0:27:46I've never bought a woman flowers.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49- Really?- Doesn't surprise me.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52We were all away, I can't even remember where
0:27:52 > 0:27:55but us three were all away, and Lloyd and I bought flowers for people,
0:27:55 > 0:27:58and you took a picture of some flowers in the hotel lobby
0:27:58 > 0:28:01and sent it to your girlfriend.
0:28:01 > 0:28:02That genuinely happened!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Cos he was feeling guilty.
0:28:05 > 0:28:09Is taking a picture of some flowers up there?
0:28:09 > 0:28:10BUZZER
0:28:10 > 0:28:12What about buying flowers?
0:28:12 > 0:28:15BUZZER
0:28:15 > 0:28:17What is up there?
0:28:17 > 0:28:19- Sexy lingerie?- Got to be.
0:28:19 > 0:28:20BUZZER
0:28:20 > 0:28:22You don't like sexy lingerie being bought for you, do you, women?
0:28:22 > 0:28:25As long as you get the size right.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28As long as it's, you know, all filled in.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34What's the "filled in" bit?!
0:28:34 > 0:28:39- I don't know, somebody else wearing it?!- I didn't mean somebody else trying it on for you!
0:28:39 > 0:28:41Are you talking about somebody buying you sexy underwear
0:28:41 > 0:28:43with another woman in it?!
0:28:43 > 0:28:46That's really romantic, that is(!)
0:28:46 > 0:28:49I bought you this woman in knickers!
0:28:49 > 0:28:50Is woman in knickers up there?
0:28:50 > 0:28:52BUZZER
0:28:52 > 0:28:55No! What is up there? Come on, somebody!
0:28:55 > 0:29:00There are three of them, I'll give you them in reverse order.
0:29:00 > 0:29:03The third on is that woman would apparently love men to write a song or poem about them.
0:29:03 > 0:29:05DING!
0:29:05 > 0:29:09Song or a poem. What's number two, then?
0:29:09 > 0:29:14Number two is whisk her away somewhere exciting for the weekend.
0:29:14 > 0:29:15DING!
0:29:15 > 0:29:19There's a very fine line between whisking someone away, and kidnap.
0:29:22 > 0:29:26First thing women would love men to do to prove they're romantic -
0:29:26 > 0:29:31cover her eyes and lead her to a lovely surprise.
0:29:31 > 0:29:35I just find it unbelievable that that's the first one, unprompted, that a woman would come out with.
0:29:35 > 0:29:39Have you ever been, covered your eyes and...
0:29:39 > 0:29:40Had my eyes covered?!
0:29:40 > 0:29:41..to a lovely surprise?
0:29:41 > 0:29:44I've had me head put under a duvet before, is that...
0:29:44 > 0:29:45LAUGHTER
0:29:45 > 0:29:47..similar?
0:29:47 > 0:29:50- Isn't that a Dutch oven?- Yeah!- Yeah.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52And what was the lovely surprise?
0:29:52 > 0:29:56The lovely surprise was, "Oh, smells like somebody's cooking gravy!"
0:29:58 > 0:30:01"Oh, there's no gravy!" But to be honest...
0:30:01 > 0:30:03- You haven't had that done to you! - I have.
0:30:03 > 0:30:04And also I've done it!
0:30:04 > 0:30:07LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:30:11 > 0:30:13Angela, what do you think the most romantic nationality is, personally?
0:30:13 > 0:30:15Erm, from personal experience?
0:30:15 > 0:30:17- Mm-hmm.- The French.- Aah!
0:30:17 > 0:30:19- Do you?- Mm-hmm.- Go on.
0:30:19 > 0:30:23Yeah, just because I had a French boyfriend for many, many years
0:30:23 > 0:30:24who was incredibly romantic.
0:30:24 > 0:30:25Like, what did he do?
0:30:25 > 0:30:27The accent was wonderful
0:30:27 > 0:30:30and one of the most romantic things we ever did
0:30:30 > 0:30:32was, in New York,
0:30:32 > 0:30:34going on July 4th,
0:30:34 > 0:30:37he took me on a sailing boat in the River Hudson,
0:30:37 > 0:30:40where we had dinner on the boat, and we sailed up the river,
0:30:40 > 0:30:44and watched the fireworks as they went off on July 4th.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47- Very romantic. - Aaaw, he took you up the Hudson?
0:30:47 > 0:30:50- He took me up the Hudson. - LAUGHTER
0:30:53 > 0:30:57I've got a way of working out what the most romantic nationality is.
0:30:57 > 0:30:59- So...- Have you? - Yes, I have, everyone!
0:30:59 > 0:31:01So let's go to the lab!
0:31:01 > 0:31:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:31:07 > 0:31:09Welcome to the lab!
0:31:09 > 0:31:12Where this week we are trying to determine which is the most romantic nationality
0:31:12 > 0:31:14using the most up-to-date scientific methods.
0:31:14 > 0:31:17It's America vs Italy.
0:31:17 > 0:31:18Representing, first up, America,
0:31:18 > 0:31:22please welcome Lloyd 'The Apocalyptic Horseman of Love' Langford!
0:31:22 > 0:31:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:31:24 > 0:31:29Representing Italy, it is Greg 'Salami Davis Junior'...
0:31:29 > 0:31:31Here he comes now, Greg Davies!
0:31:31 > 0:31:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:31:35 > 0:31:39We can see where most of the budget went, on costumes!
0:31:39 > 0:31:42- That is what I thought was the national dress of Italy and America.- Did you?- Yeah.
0:31:42 > 0:31:45Yeah. Right. A massive sausage and a cowboy.
0:31:45 > 0:31:48The aim of the game is to save our damsel in distress,
0:31:48 > 0:31:53Amanda Byram, from certain gunging, over there in her tower.
0:31:53 > 0:31:56You must compete across this wall of death.
0:31:56 > 0:31:59Behind there we have Sarah Millican and Angela Rippon,
0:31:59 > 0:32:01who will attempt to punch you off.
0:32:01 > 0:32:02Are you ready?
0:32:02 > 0:32:04- Yes!- Yee-hah!
0:32:04 > 0:32:06OK. In that case, go!
0:32:06 > 0:32:09CHEERING
0:32:09 > 0:32:12Our valiant hero, the love stallion!
0:32:13 > 0:32:15Superb punch from Sarah there!
0:32:16 > 0:32:18Up you get, Sergeant Pepperami!
0:32:18 > 0:32:21You can do it! Save me, please! Please save me!
0:32:21 > 0:32:23It's your agent!
0:32:23 > 0:32:25- You're fired!- "It's your agent!"
0:32:29 > 0:32:31Come on! You can do it!
0:32:32 > 0:32:35Oh, my God!
0:32:35 > 0:32:37Never mind that, come on!
0:32:39 > 0:32:42Come on! You can do this! This is against the clock, you know!
0:32:42 > 0:32:45Help me! Please, Lloyd, please!
0:32:45 > 0:32:48Come on, Lloyd! Get your horse...
0:32:48 > 0:32:49He's doing...
0:32:49 > 0:32:52LAUGHTER
0:32:52 > 0:32:54I'm coming, Amanda!
0:32:55 > 0:32:58As long as Angela Rippon doesn't... Oh! Tasty!
0:32:58 > 0:33:00I know you can do it!
0:33:00 > 0:33:02- Come on!- Oh!
0:33:06 > 0:33:08Is that a pasty you've got?!
0:33:08 > 0:33:11HOOTER
0:33:14 > 0:33:17Time's up. Neither Sergeant Pepperami or the Love Stallion
0:33:17 > 0:33:20were able to help Amanda Byram, she inevitably gets gunged, I'm afraid!
0:33:20 > 0:33:22No!
0:33:22 > 0:33:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:33:25 > 0:33:26Unlucky in love!
0:33:26 > 0:33:29I think we've established, fairly scientifically,
0:33:29 > 0:33:32that neither the USA nor Italy are the most romantic nation!
0:33:32 > 0:33:35So, Angela, it leaves us to find out,
0:33:35 > 0:33:37who is the most romantic nation?
0:33:37 > 0:33:41According to a survey held in 2009,
0:33:41 > 0:33:44the French are still the most romantic nation,
0:33:44 > 0:33:46with 32% of the vote.
0:33:46 > 0:33:49Italians came second with 22%,
0:33:49 > 0:33:52whilst in 3rd place, the Irish, with 18%!
0:33:53 > 0:33:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:33:57 > 0:33:59I will take that as an answer.
0:33:59 > 0:34:01Can you press the button, please, Angela?
0:34:01 > 0:34:04I am going to award that round to Amanda,
0:34:04 > 0:34:05cos look at the state of her!
0:34:05 > 0:34:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:34:09 > 0:34:12That is pretty much it for tonight, ladies and gentlemen,
0:34:12 > 0:34:15people of Britain, if you've got a question you can tweet:
0:34:15 > 0:34:18But for tonight, it is thanks to Amanda Byram!
0:34:18 > 0:34:19Sarah Millican!
0:34:19 > 0:34:20Greg Davies!
0:34:20 > 0:34:22And Lloyd Langford!
0:34:22 > 0:34:26And of course, our authenticator, Angela Rippon, ladies and gentlemen!
0:34:26 > 0:34:29I'm Rhod Gilbert, and you can ask me literally anything.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31Good night!
0:34:36 > 0:34:39Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:34:39 > 0:34:42E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk