0:00:20 > 0:00:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:23 > 0:00:27'Tonight on Ask Rhod Gilbert, our special guests are...
0:00:27 > 0:00:31'He's the king of the airwaves, it's Christian O'Connell.
0:00:31 > 0:00:35'And gorgeously grumpy old woman, Jenny Eclair.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39'They're here every week - Greg Davies...
0:00:42 > 0:00:44'And Lloyd Langford.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49'Ladies and gentlemen, Ask Rhod Gilbert!'
0:00:49 > 0:00:52CHEERING
0:00:55 > 0:01:01Hello, I'm Rhod Gilbert. My job is to find the answers to the questions that keep us awake at night.
0:01:01 > 0:01:07Questions like, "How come every year dogs receive awards for bravery and get to meet the Queen?"
0:01:07 > 0:01:12A human being has to behave for 100 years before her secretary will send you a birthday card.
0:01:12 > 0:01:18If you're a dog, 30 seconds in a frozen lake and you're sniffing royal bottoms at Buckingham Palace.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21It's like an "all you can sniff" corgi bum buffet!
0:01:21 > 0:01:24It's always the same heroic story.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28"Rover was so brave. I fell in the icy waters and he jumped in after me."
0:01:28 > 0:01:32He didn't have much choice. You didn't let go of his lead!
0:01:32 > 0:01:36It's like saying your nan's into parkour as she fell down the stairs.
0:01:36 > 0:01:41Here's another classic. "The house was on fire, but Rex started barking and woke us up."
0:01:41 > 0:01:46Of course he did. Barking is the dog equivalent of going, "Aaagh!"
0:01:46 > 0:01:49We have to stop attributing human emotions to animals.
0:01:49 > 0:01:54Your hamster was separated from his family and spends most of his life behind bars.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57It doesn't make him Nelson Mandela!
0:01:57 > 0:01:59- Anyway, on with the show. - APPLAUSE
0:02:02 > 0:02:07We need someone with credibility to help us find the answers to our questions,
0:02:07 > 0:02:10so we begin by asking, "Who is tonight's authenticator?"
0:02:10 > 0:02:16He'll need every ounce of nous that he musters when giving business advice to Lord Sugar.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18You're fired!
0:02:19 > 0:02:24He'll need all the composure he uses to hold his own against Karren Brady.
0:02:26 > 0:02:31To keep us in check, he'll need to pull out his trademark withering looks.
0:02:35 > 0:02:40Yes, tonight's authenticator is the scourge of every apprentice in the country - Nick Hewer!
0:02:40 > 0:02:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:44 > 0:02:46THEME MUSIC: "The Apprentice"
0:02:52 > 0:02:57- Hello, Nick.- Hello.- Thank you for coming on the show.- My pleasure.
0:02:57 > 0:03:03- Junior Apprentice is back.- Yeah, we're looking forward to that.- Are some of these kids chimney sweep age?
0:03:03 > 0:03:08- Let me tell you...- Can I just stop you? What is chimney sweep age?
0:03:08 > 0:03:13Well, around seven, I think, is good for sending up a chimney.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15No, ours are... No, ours are...
0:03:15 > 0:03:21I mean, one young chap, just 16 and a wonderful... I mean, they are terrific.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23How will you help us tonight, Nick?
0:03:23 > 0:03:30I will be providing you with all the facts that you and the panel need to answer the questions tonight.
0:03:30 > 0:03:35Wonderful. When I think we have an answer, I will do this.
0:03:35 > 0:03:41- Jenny, thanks for coming on the show.- It's a pleasure. - Have you learnt anything recently?
0:03:41 > 0:03:47Well, I've learnt I like the word "babaghanoush". I like it. It's a good word.
0:03:47 > 0:03:52- What is "babaghanoush"? - Well, I know. It's a grilled aubergine smashed up.
0:03:52 > 0:03:57- I don't think it exists. - It's an Indian god... Babaganoush is also a monkey god.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- No, it's not.- Yes, it is. - That's Ganesh.- That's the fella.
0:04:00 > 0:04:06- You're thinking about that one with the elephant...- Elephant head is Ganesh, not "Baby Ghanoush".
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- You know this isn't Call My Bluff? - Sorry.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13"Babaghanoush is a South African mouse."
0:04:14 > 0:04:18Let's find out who wants to know what tonight. Who have we got?
0:04:18 > 0:04:22- Who's this fella? - AUDIENCE: Aw!
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- It's an albino seal. - It's a little seal.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27READS OUT QUESTION
0:04:31 > 0:04:33LAUGHTER
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Robbie? Any fans of Robbie?
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- Yeah.- There are in the audience. You like him, Nick?
0:04:39 > 0:04:43- His Ebworth concert was the best thing I've ever seen.- "Ebworth"?
0:04:43 > 0:04:47- Was it Ebworth?- I think the K is silent, but not the N too.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49LAUGHTER
0:04:52 > 0:04:54APPLAUSE
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- Knebworth, was it? - Knebworth. You were there?
0:04:57 > 0:05:00No, I watched it on television.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03LAUGHTER
0:05:03 > 0:05:06I watched it on "elevision".
0:05:06 > 0:05:09That's enough humiliation for one week.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13A friend of the show, Kim Jong-il, always sends a question in.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:25 > 0:05:31There'll be a time when you get in trouble for taking the mickey out of a dictator every week on the show.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35Do not for one moment think that he doesn't know. He's got people.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39It sounds like you're one of them, Nick.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42- You genuinely think he knows? - Of course.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46I'd love it if you opened your hotel room one night and...
0:05:48 > 0:05:50"Surprise!"
0:05:52 > 0:05:56Who would you fancy in a stand-off? Kim Jong or Lord Sugar?
0:05:56 > 0:06:00No, Lord Sugar has it on the aggression front.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- Is he capable...- Over Kim Jong-il?!
0:06:03 > 0:06:09You think Kim Jong's going to come in, Alan's going to go, "You're fired," and he'll go, "Oh, damn"?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11LAUGHTER
0:06:12 > 0:06:18This is our first round, A Famous Face Asks. Let's see who wants to know what tonight.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22It's Alex and Matt from The One Show. What would they like to know?
0:06:22 > 0:06:28Hello, Rhod. On The One Show, we like to ask hard-hitting questions, but we don't always get the chance.
0:06:28 > 0:06:34So now that we've got the chance, we have to ask - what's the point of dancing?
0:06:34 > 0:06:38That's a very good question. What is the point of dancing?
0:06:38 > 0:06:44Nick, see what you can find out and I will quiz our panel. What's the point of dancing, Jenny?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46I don't know the origins of dancing.
0:06:46 > 0:06:51I suppose, as soon as people had legs, limbs and alcohol, then dancing ensued.
0:06:51 > 0:06:56You've got to be very careful with dancing. I had a nightmare once.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00The one time I really let go in public, years ago, was at college
0:07:00 > 0:07:03and I really let myself go on the dance floor.
0:07:03 > 0:07:08The next day, I went into college and a girl came up to me on two crutches
0:07:08 > 0:07:11and said, "You did this to me."
0:07:11 > 0:07:16I did a dramatic high-kick action and caught her in the side of the face, apparently.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19I don't enjoy dancing at all.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23I feel really self-conscious that people are pointing and laughing.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27- It's because they are. - That's why I don't enjoy it.
0:07:27 > 0:07:33- Are you embarrassed to dance? - Yeah, I feel uncomfortable.- Maybe I can help loosen you up a bit.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38MUSIC: "Disco Inferno" - The Trammps
0:07:38 > 0:07:40LAUGHTER
0:07:44 > 0:07:46APPLAUSE
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Come on, Lloyd!
0:07:50 > 0:07:52LAUGHTER
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Did that not get you out of your inhibitions?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59What, being molested?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01LAUGHTER
0:08:01 > 0:08:06But do you not... Did you not feel liberated? Cos that's the way to do it.
0:08:06 > 0:08:10Christian, do you dance or are you too embarrassed?
0:08:10 > 0:08:14I only have one dance move. My wife calls it the Tony Hadley.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18She thinks that I try and dance like Tony Hadley.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- Sounds awesome.- It's amazing.
0:08:20 > 0:08:25- Let's have a look at it. - You want to see the Hadley?- Yeah.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29I will show you the Hadley and I will pass it on to you, Lloyd.
0:08:29 > 0:08:34The Hadley, it starts like this. The legs have to be wide, OK?
0:08:34 > 0:08:37It starts with the stance. You need a good stance.
0:08:37 > 0:08:42Who hasn't seen this guy drunk at a family get-together? You just go like this.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46MUSIC: "Gold" - Spandau Ballet
0:08:46 > 0:08:48APPLAUSE
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Nick, are you a good dancer?
0:08:59 > 0:09:04As a kid, I was, but now no, the rhythm has completely gone.
0:09:04 > 0:09:11I set it aside or mislaid it at about the same time as I lost my libido.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14LAUGHTER
0:09:14 > 0:09:18If you trip over it, leave it where it is. It got me into enough trouble.
0:09:18 > 0:09:24- What, your libido or your...?- Both. - When you're young, you dance to try and get off with people.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28And when that stops, you dance to frighten people.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31And also needing to go to the lavatory.
0:09:31 > 0:09:36- Maybe that's the origin of dancing. - What do you mean, needing to go to the lavatory?
0:09:36 > 0:09:42You start doing that and the next thing you know, you're up on your feet.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Let's have a fact, Nick.
0:09:46 > 0:09:52Some dance moves are better than others when it comes to attracting the opposite sex.
0:09:52 > 0:09:59Researchers at Northumbria University filmed men dancing using 3D motion capture technology
0:09:59 > 0:10:03and showed women the footage. And here is the video.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06MUSIC: "Gold" - Spandau Ballet
0:10:09 > 0:10:14- It's Christian O'Connell!- This is what will capture a woman's heart.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16MUSIC: "Disco Inferno"
0:10:20 > 0:10:26Dancing never works. I've got a theory that nobody in the world likes going to nightclubs.
0:10:26 > 0:10:32They're just designed for us to gyrate our hips and for people to decide if we fancy them or not.
0:10:32 > 0:10:37I'd rather walk through a room with a load of lights on and there'd be a buzzer system.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41I walk past a girl and she just goes, "Buzz, no, buzz, no,
0:10:41 > 0:10:45"buzz, no," and I'm out and I'm home in ten minutes.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- You don't have to buy drinks or... - MIMICS THUMPING MUSIC
0:10:48 > 0:10:53- I've seen you out in clubs. You love dancing.- Because the buzzer system doesn't exist.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Are we any closer to an answer?
0:10:56 > 0:11:00I've got somebody on the phone who should be able to give the answer.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05It's Dr Peter Lovatt, Head of the Dance Psychology Lab, University of Hertfordshire,
0:11:05 > 0:11:08and he should be on the line right now.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12- 'Hello.'- How are you? - 'I'm very well.'- Good.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15- The University of Hertfordshire? - 'Yeah.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19- 'I run the Dance Psychology Lab there.'- And what is that?
0:11:19 > 0:11:25'We do scientific research into the effects of dance on a whole range of things to do with psychology.'
0:11:25 > 0:11:30Once somebody has learnt the psychology of dance, what do they go on to do?
0:11:30 > 0:11:36'They work in a whole range of areas. We've got people applying this in schools right now.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40'If we can find out ways of teaching children the science curriculum,
0:11:40 > 0:11:44'but introducing bits of dance into that to help them learn.'
0:11:44 > 0:11:46You've lost me there.
0:11:46 > 0:11:54- So you've got a kid with a Bunsen burner and you're telling them to break out into the robot?- 'Exactly.'
0:11:54 > 0:11:59I would have found it extremely unnerving at school if my English teacher had gone,
0:11:59 > 0:12:01"We're doing basic grammar today."
0:12:01 > 0:12:04# I before E except after C... #
0:12:05 > 0:12:07What's the point of dancing?
0:12:07 > 0:12:13'There are lots of points to dancing, but one of the points is all about communication.
0:12:13 > 0:12:19'We're communicating our hormonal and genetic make-up or we're communicating in motion
0:12:19 > 0:12:22'when we're trying to communicate non-verbally to somebody else.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26'Or it might be as a health benefit to keep us fit and healthy.'
0:12:26 > 0:12:29We'll take that as an answer. Thank you.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31APPLAUSE
0:12:36 > 0:12:40So, Alex and Matt, you asked, "What's the point of dancing?"
0:12:40 > 0:12:45The answer is it's to communicate emotional and hormonal information about ourselves.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49I'll award that round to Christian for his Tony Hadley.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51APPLAUSE
0:12:51 > 0:12:54You can use it as well.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58Let's see who else has a question for us.
0:12:58 > 0:13:04- George Clooney. I suppose you fancy him, do you, Jenny? - No, not particularly.- Do you not?
0:13:04 > 0:13:10It's such a cliche. I don't want to fancy somebody because he's good-looking and successful.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12They're good reasons to fancy somebody.
0:13:12 > 0:13:18- I've always gone for the toothless, tattooed idiot on the waltzer. - Help yourself.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Help yourself. We've sat you in the right seat.
0:13:22 > 0:13:28Let's have a question from Sir Stelios... How do you pronounce that, Nick? You're the expert.
0:13:28 > 0:13:34- That'll be Haji-Ioannou. - Sir Stelios Haji-Ioannou. What does he want to know?
0:13:41 > 0:13:46"Anyway, back to the plastering." It's all right, it's fine.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Ross Kemp. Let's have a question from Ross.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Robbie Savage. Oh, it's Lord Sugar.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05I think it would be rude not to have a question from Lord Sugar.
0:14:13 > 0:14:19- Does he mind you doing other stuff? - Within reason and if they're appropriate, Rhod.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22- Does he know you're doing this?- No.
0:14:22 > 0:14:28Oh, this is our next round, The World Asks. Let's see who wants to know what.
0:14:30 > 0:14:35It's a trainer at Seaworld. What can they possibly want to know?
0:14:36 > 0:14:42Hi, Rhod. Shamu the killer whale has lots of energy thanks to his seafood diet.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46What I want to know is - which country has the best diet?
0:14:46 > 0:14:49What do we mean by "best"?
0:14:49 > 0:14:54- We've got the best diet because we've got Marks & Spencer's.- Christian?
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Spanish, tapas.- Oh.- Yeah.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00I've been to Iceland and they have some...
0:15:00 > 0:15:03It's not as good as Marks & Spencer's, is it?
0:15:03 > 0:15:06APPLAUSE
0:15:08 > 0:15:13Yes, I went to Iceland and they do have some very bizarre eating habits.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Putrefied shark.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18- Yes.- But they eat us fresh.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Interestingly.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22- They eat what?- Us fresh.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- Us?- Yeah.
0:15:26 > 0:15:31- It's amazing. You become more sinister with every sentence. - Who eats us fresh?
0:15:31 > 0:15:35- Sharks.- Oh, I thought you meant the bloody Icelandic...
0:15:35 > 0:15:38I was thinking, "What are you on about?"
0:15:38 > 0:15:43The sharks are not going to take us and go, "We'll keep this for a month or two.
0:15:43 > 0:15:49- "We'll come back to this at Christmas."- Have you not been to a shark barbecue?
0:15:49 > 0:15:56Crocodiles... Crocodiles pop you under a log until you've putrefied a bit and then they eat you.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00- Do they?- Yeah. They should have a word with the sharks.
0:16:00 > 0:16:05- You eat crocodile. You were in the jungle on I'm A Thingy. - I'm A Celebrity, yes.
0:16:05 > 0:16:10- I ate crocodile anus.- Did they say, "You can pick any bit you like"?
0:16:11 > 0:16:15It was firm and moist and I preferred it to turkey.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- I'd rather have... - Merry Christmas, everyone!
0:16:18 > 0:16:21LAUGHTER
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Crocodile arse with all the trimmings!
0:16:25 > 0:16:28Come back, Tiny Tim!
0:16:30 > 0:16:35- Who's got the nicest food? - The best food I've ever eaten is Sri Lankan food.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39Very spicy, healthy curries with lots of vegetables.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Don't go to Mongolia.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- Not for Sri Lankan food! - Thanks, Nick.
0:16:44 > 0:16:50- Do you go on road trips with Alan? - I invited him to go to Mongolia. He said, "Not one for me, mate."
0:16:50 > 0:16:55But I did drive to Mongolia and I lost a lot of weight in Mongolia.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59- Because of the food?- Because of the food. Everything else was swimming!
0:16:59 > 0:17:02No, because of the fitness videos(!)
0:17:02 > 0:17:06- Nick, have you got another fact for us?- I have indeed.
0:17:06 > 0:17:12Italy may well be a contender. Pasta has topped the poll of the world's most popular food.
0:17:12 > 0:17:18Jim Winship of the Pizza, Pasta And Italian Food Association says... And he would, wouldn't he?
0:17:18 > 0:17:26"It's because you can create lots of different dishes with it, it's filling and has a long shelf life."
0:17:26 > 0:17:32In Italy, they make ratatouille on their back door step. They put all the vegetables in, let it soak
0:17:32 > 0:17:38and cook gently in the sun. Imagine doing that in London? It would be full of cat shit!
0:17:40 > 0:17:47- What do you think the healthiest diet is? Christian?- You don't see a lot of chunky Japanese people.- Sumo?
0:17:47 > 0:17:51- They're the exceptions to the rule! - Oh, OK.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55- Jenny, best? - I'm going to go us.- Us?- GB.
0:17:55 > 0:18:01- I've got a little experiment here. The best is us?- Yeah. - Healthiest is Japanese.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04I need a guinea pig. Greg. Would you...
0:18:04 > 0:18:09I want you to be the judge of which one is the better diet.
0:18:09 > 0:18:14- OK.- Does that sound reasonable?- Yes, it does.- Do we have a deal?- Yes.
0:18:14 > 0:18:19I'm going to blend a British diet. Now for our British diet we'll have some staples,
0:18:19 > 0:18:25like the good old British baked bean, some peas, a little bit of fish and chips.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28In it goes. Bacon and eggs.
0:18:30 > 0:18:35Half a pasty and let's have a bit of good old British cha.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Right. We're going to blend that up...
0:18:41 > 0:18:45What is the point of this experiment, mate?
0:18:45 > 0:18:49- We're just going to see... - AUDIENCE GROAN
0:18:52 > 0:18:55So that's our British diet.
0:18:55 > 0:18:59- Now we're going to try Japanese. - Oh, God...
0:18:59 > 0:19:02- First we have a little bit of fish. - Oh, no.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Oh, God.
0:19:04 > 0:19:10And then some teriyaki chicken. That's a Japanese tea - a green tea. And this is...
0:19:10 > 0:19:13- some bits of octopus.- Oh(!)
0:19:13 > 0:19:15And lots of noodles.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19- Wasabi.- Oh, get some wasabi in.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24- Oh, just a bit! - Mate, that's ridiculous!
0:19:25 > 0:19:30I find Japanese food can be a bit bland without wasabi.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Now then... OK, give that a whiz.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45- It's a better colour, isn't it? - A better drink.
0:19:45 > 0:19:52- I'm sorry. Christian is actually gagging next to me!- I've just seen one of the fish eyes come out.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58- Don't get them mixed up, Greg. - Heaven forbid.
0:19:58 > 0:20:03- This is the delicious British diet. Jenny, would you like to try some? - Oh, God, no!
0:20:03 > 0:20:07- You said it was your favourite, Jenny.- I'm a bit full.
0:20:10 > 0:20:15That is just horrific! I'm not having it and warm sick is coming up!
0:20:15 > 0:20:18British food is quite stodgy.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21GASPS AND GROANS
0:20:24 > 0:20:27That is sensationally bad.
0:20:27 > 0:20:28Eugh!
0:20:28 > 0:20:33You don't have to try the Japanese if you don't want to.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Oh, Greg!
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Oh, God!
0:20:40 > 0:20:43You've got... Man overboard!
0:20:43 > 0:20:46- This is nice, this one.- No!
0:20:46 > 0:20:50- No, Greg, no! I can't let you...- It's nice.
0:20:50 > 0:20:55What is wrong with you?! What is wrong with you?
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Nick is starting to go!
0:21:00 > 0:21:05- Which is better? Quickly. - Well, Rhod, both were delicious...
0:21:05 > 0:21:10but if I had to choose one, I'd certainly choose the Japanese.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12APPLAUSE
0:21:14 > 0:21:18So Greg says Japanese. Are we any closer to getting an answer?
0:21:18 > 0:21:23Well, I can tell you, through streaming eyes,
0:21:23 > 0:21:29that Professor Dan Benardot from Georgia State University says it's Japan.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33They have remarkable longevity and a phenomenally low obesity rate,
0:21:33 > 0:21:40much of which can be attributed to the high intake of vegetables and low-fat protein foods.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44- Japan gets it. - I'm going to accept it as an answer.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46APPLAUSE
0:21:49 > 0:21:54So, whale trainer and Shamu, the answer is that Japan has the best diet.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Wasabi, teriyaki, udon, edamame, sashimi!
0:21:58 > 0:22:03That's Chris Martin calling his children in from the garden.
0:22:04 > 0:22:09I'm going to award that round to Greg, for obvious reasons.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19What have we got next? Ah, The Audience Asks.
0:22:19 > 0:22:25This is our quickfire round. I'll get through as many questions as I can before this noise...
0:22:25 > 0:22:28- NICK: - 'This is a disgrace!'
0:22:29 > 0:22:34You don't get the answer button. We just use this bell.
0:22:36 > 0:22:41So it's our audience quickfire round. First up is Una Cullen.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45- Una, what's your question?- Is it still a bedroom with no bed in it?
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Of course it is, you idiot!
0:22:48 > 0:22:55It definitely is. Like, you could say is it still a baby grow if there's no baby in it?
0:22:55 > 0:22:59Is it still a horse box if there's no horse in it?
0:23:00 > 0:23:05- It is. We're happy?- Yes. - Definitely. Una, it is.
0:23:05 > 0:23:10- Who's next? Ciaran Campbell. Hello, Ciaran.- Hiya.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14What is it that makes a dog wag his tail?
0:23:14 > 0:23:21- Why do you ask, Ciaran? - My dog gets angry and wags his tail, so you never know the difference.
0:23:21 > 0:23:28- How do you know he's angry? - He would literally bark the balls off you.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Literally bark the balls off you?
0:23:36 > 0:23:39That is one hell of a guard dog.
0:23:41 > 0:23:47What it is, right, our dog is a Bichon Frise and a very protective dog.
0:23:47 > 0:23:53- If you go near a certain person, "Aaargh! Arf! Arf! Arf!" - Ciaran, sit down!
0:23:53 > 0:23:55LAUGHTER
0:23:59 > 0:24:03Let's see who's next. Vinny Duran-Kearns. What's your question?
0:24:03 > 0:24:10If there were 1,000 seagulls on an aeroplane, each weighing two pounds apiece,
0:24:10 > 0:24:14and they were all flying, would the aeroplane weigh 2,000lbs more?
0:24:14 > 0:24:17LAUGHTER
0:24:17 > 0:24:20- Been bothering you for some time? - Absolutely.
0:24:20 > 0:24:25I have difficulty enough getting nail clippers onto a plane.
0:24:26 > 0:24:32- It's Einstein. Relativity. - He's asking do they add to the weight when they're in mid-air.
0:24:32 > 0:24:38And the other question is if they're flying, how fast are they flying?
0:24:38 > 0:24:40LAUGHTER
0:24:40 > 0:24:44Bearing in mind, the plane is flying at 500mph.
0:24:44 > 0:24:50- Don't let Vinny suck you into his world!- They'd have to be rocket-powered seagulls.
0:24:50 > 0:24:56- The whole thing is... - They're in the plane. They don't need to fly at 500mph.
0:24:56 > 0:25:01If you are on the train and walk to the toilet, it's not at 90mph!
0:25:01 > 0:25:04What's the answer? Do we know?
0:25:04 > 0:25:10- No!- No! - We're going to go with Nick and say it's something to do with Einstein!
0:25:10 > 0:25:14Who's next? Collette McCrone. Hello, Collette!
0:25:14 > 0:25:19How old do you have to be to die of old age?
0:25:21 > 0:25:25My uncle was only 35. He got hit by a mobility scooter.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27LAUGHTER
0:25:31 > 0:25:35How old do you have... How old do you have to be?
0:25:35 > 0:25:39Do we have any thoughts about dying of old age?
0:25:39 > 0:25:44- I bought my funeral plot when I was 50.- Nice(!)
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Has Sir Alan got a plot next to you?
0:25:47 > 0:25:50- Karren Brady on the other side. - LAUGHTER
0:25:50 > 0:25:55Can we get off this subject of old age? I'm the oldest person here.
0:25:55 > 0:26:00- Do you feel, though, that if you died now...- What?!
0:26:00 > 0:26:05If you died now, would we say of you, "He died of old age"?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07No!
0:26:07 > 0:26:11- Where does old age start? - The fourth age, apparently, is 80.
0:26:11 > 0:26:16It's only about 12 years for me! That's terrible.
0:26:16 > 0:26:21At least you've got your grave sorted. 80 we're going for? 80 it is!
0:26:23 > 0:26:30Nicholette Smith. Nice to see you've got an unnecessary H in your name, like me.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Where are you? Hello!
0:26:32 > 0:26:38Hello! Hi, Rhod! My question is, my name's Nicky, shared with a brand of toilet roll.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42Do you share your name with any products?
0:26:42 > 0:26:46Are we on Blind Date?! LAUGHTER
0:26:47 > 0:26:52"I'll ask that to Contestant Number Two!"
0:26:52 > 0:26:56- Does anybody share their name...? - Greg! Greggs!- Yeah.
0:26:56 > 0:27:01Surely they should have got in touch with me by now.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05I'm the perfect poster boy for them. Look at the state of me!
0:27:05 > 0:27:11- 'This is a disgrace!' - That was the sound that means the time is up on that round.
0:27:11 > 0:27:16I'm going to award that round to... Nick, cos he's the eldest.
0:27:20 > 0:27:27That is almost all the questions for this week, but there's time for one more - Our Special Guest Asks.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31- So, Christian, do you have a question for us?- Yeah, I do.
0:27:31 > 0:27:36What do you think of this? Will we ever be able to teleport?
0:27:36 > 0:27:40Nick, see what you can find out. Will we ever be able to teleport?
0:27:40 > 0:27:45- What do you understand by that, Jenny?- You have to wear Lycra.
0:27:45 > 0:27:51You stand in a beam... I think, apparently, your whole body doesn't go.
0:27:51 > 0:27:58- A facsimile of you goes. - Wearing Lycra on a beam. You're describing gymnastics!
0:27:58 > 0:28:01Actually, I can help you out here. She's pretty much on it.
0:28:01 > 0:28:09- Come on!- "Teleportation means creating a replica of an object, or at least some aspect of it,
0:28:09 > 0:28:15"at some distance from the original. The act of teleporting destroys the original object
0:28:15 > 0:28:23- "and rebuilds a copy in the new location."- I just think some questions are beyond our remit!
0:28:23 > 0:28:27You didn't watch Star Trek and think, "Wow! That would be amazing!"?
0:28:27 > 0:28:33"Will we ever be able to teleport?" is no madder than asking 100 years ago, "Will we fly to the moon?
0:28:33 > 0:28:37- "Or heat a pasty in a microwave in 30 seconds?"- What?!
0:28:37 > 0:28:42- Is it?- It's no madder than imagining being able to speed-heat a pasty?
0:28:44 > 0:28:49Of all the achievements of the 20th century you could have picked!
0:28:49 > 0:28:56- If it's like a fax machine, will we be able to email ourselves? - As an attachment, are we talking?
0:28:56 > 0:29:02- Scan yourself in and email yourself as an attachment.- "Fancy going for a drink? I've attached myself."
0:29:02 > 0:29:09Do we need to back ourselves up, like you back up your hard drive, in case you get lost in the move?
0:29:09 > 0:29:12- I'm backed up right now, Christian! - LAUGHTER
0:29:14 > 0:29:18- On Star Trek what happens? - Shatner's on the holodeck.
0:29:18 > 0:29:24He goes down with one of the red shirts. A red shirt always got killed and Shatner would still be there.
0:29:24 > 0:29:27Only if you teleport too quickly.
0:29:31 > 0:29:37Can you think of an easier way, Greg? A less mind-bending way to establish if this is possible?
0:29:37 > 0:29:43Yes, I can, Rhod. For the last few weeks I've been beavering away making my own working teleporter.
0:29:44 > 0:29:48- Are you suggesting we go to the lab? - Let's go to the lab!
0:29:54 > 0:29:59Welcome to the lab and the virgin flight of Greg's Teleportation Device!
0:29:59 > 0:30:01AUDIENCE "Ooh"
0:30:01 > 0:30:05I've been working on this for weeks. I've put Lloyd inside.
0:30:05 > 0:30:10Using this telemeter, I intend to transport him around the globe.
0:30:10 > 0:30:17Two rules you should know: one, wherever Lloyd ends up in the world, he must try to fit in
0:30:17 > 0:30:22or it will disturb something. And two, let's hope I've kept it nice and clean in there.
0:30:22 > 0:30:28If you watched The Fly, you know if I combined Lloyd with anything, that would be awful!
0:30:28 > 0:30:32Oh, no! I accidentally left my Ikea catalogue in there!
0:30:35 > 0:30:37LAUGHTER
0:30:40 > 0:30:46Lloyd, you've ended up in Brazil as the goalie in a goalscoring competition!
0:30:46 > 0:30:49To fit in, you've got to save three goals!
0:30:50 > 0:30:53CHEERING
0:30:56 > 0:30:59Back in, Lloyd!
0:30:59 > 0:31:01Amazing.
0:31:02 > 0:31:09Oh, curse Lloyd's luck. Fancy ending up in Spain in the middle of a tomato throwing festival.
0:31:11 > 0:31:13- Ole!- Ole!
0:31:13 > 0:31:16CHEERING
0:31:18 > 0:31:22Lloyd's fitted in very nicely. Back in, quick!
0:31:22 > 0:31:24Oh, no, Lloyd...
0:31:24 > 0:31:29You've ended up at a Susan Boyle concert before she's come onstage.
0:31:29 > 0:31:33Remember, you've got to fit in, Lloyd, whatever happens.
0:31:34 > 0:31:41# I dreamed a dream in time gone by
0:31:42 > 0:31:48# When hope was high and life worth living
0:31:50 > 0:31:56# Then I was young and unafraid
0:31:58 > 0:32:04# And dreams were made and used and wasted
0:32:06 > 0:32:12# There was no ransom to be paid
0:32:13 > 0:32:19# No song unsung no wine untasted... # CHEERING
0:32:20 > 0:32:22Thank you!
0:32:27 > 0:32:30This is the last destination.
0:32:30 > 0:32:36Lloyd, you've ended up in Belfast at an Irish dancing competition!
0:32:44 > 0:32:47MUSIC: "Lord of the Dance"
0:32:59 > 0:33:01CHEERING
0:33:01 > 0:33:04Nick, can you give us an answer?
0:33:04 > 0:33:11Professor John Rarity from the University of Bristol says yes, in principle.
0:33:11 > 0:33:17You can teleport someone, however, it would take a time longer than the age of the universe
0:33:17 > 0:33:22to transmit all the information contained within one person.
0:33:22 > 0:33:26So it will never be a practical mode of transport.
0:33:26 > 0:33:30Press the button, Nick! Press it!
0:33:30 > 0:33:32CHEERING
0:33:39 > 0:33:45That's it for tonight. If you've got a question, tweet #AskRhod on Twitter.
0:33:45 > 0:33:51But for tonight, thanks to Christian O'Connell! Jenny Eclair!
0:33:52 > 0:33:54Greg Davies!
0:33:56 > 0:34:02Lloyd Langford! And, of course, Nick Hewer, ladies and gentlemen!
0:34:02 > 0:34:09I'm Rhod Gilbert and you can ask me literally anything! Good night!
0:34:13 > 0:34:15CHEERING
0:34:26 > 0:34:30Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd - 2011
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk