0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains some strong language
0:00:12 > 0:00:15APPLAUSE
0:00:24 > 0:00:28Good evening and welcome to our Father's Day special of Backchat.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31- Happy Father's Day, Daddy.- Yeah.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36- Are you feeling in good Father's Day spirits?- Mm-hm.- Good.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38- Do you like your balloons?- No.
0:00:39 > 0:00:44- What is all this, 'Dad'? I'm not a 'Dad'.- Best dad ever.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46- I'm not... I've never been a 'Dad'. - You are my dad.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Sometimes I wish you weren't but you are my dad.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52But I don't answer to 'Dad'.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56I'm your father or sir, maybe.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Sir, well, I mean it is quite hard to find shops that sell
0:00:59 > 0:01:02balloons that say, 'Best Sir Ever'.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Next Father's' Day, I will look for those.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06To be honest, I'm not sure about Father's Day at all.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Mother's Day I understand. That is a very important day to have.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11We have to look after our mothers.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14But Father's Day is basically just me gifting you a pair of socks
0:01:14 > 0:01:18in return for you giving me intimacy issues and low-hanging balls.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20That's all Father's Day is.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23- You know why you don't like - Father's Day. Why?
0:01:23 > 0:01:27Because you've had one night stands with so many women
0:01:27 > 0:01:30across the country, and indeed in Europe, but you are
0:01:30 > 0:01:34always terrified that Father's Day will arrive one day
0:01:34 > 0:01:38and on your breakfast tray will be a card
0:01:38 > 0:01:43and when you open the card it will say, "Dear Daddy, love Pedro."
0:01:43 > 0:01:45LAUGHTER
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Erm... On with the show.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Later on, we are going to be chatting to Olympic gold
0:01:51 > 0:01:54medal winner and reigning celebrity Father Of The Year, Mo Farah,
0:01:54 > 0:01:59as well as everyone's favourite call centre boss, Nev.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Would you please welcome our first guest tonight?
0:02:09 > 0:02:11It's the king of the chat show
0:02:11 > 0:02:15and the queen of Centre Court, Jonathan Ross and Judy Murray.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17APPLAUSE
0:02:27 > 0:02:29How are you doing? All right?
0:02:32 > 0:02:33Very lovely to see you.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Lovely to meet you.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Thank you very much for coming on the show,
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Judy Murray, Jonathan Ross.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Now, Jonathan, this is a Father's Day special. You are a father.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47What type of father are you?
0:02:47 > 0:02:50When my kids, I've got three kids, when they were young,
0:02:50 > 0:02:52I like to think I was quite a devoted father.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54I was there for them. I made sure they dressed for school.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57I sat through any number of interminable,
0:02:57 > 0:03:00boring school plays and musicals. And bunches of kids, mine
0:03:00 > 0:03:03and others, performed and ruined many great works of art.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Now they've grown-up, I like to think that I'm a disinterested
0:03:05 > 0:03:07and distant father.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09I sometimes pick up the phone when it's them
0:03:09 > 0:03:11and if I'm not going to pick it up, I at least let it ring out
0:03:11 > 0:03:13so they don't know I'm just saying no.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16I am there if they need me.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20But I think when your kids are growing up, especially when they are in their early 20s
0:03:20 > 0:03:24and they are at university and stuff, you've got to give them freedom, you've got to let them
0:03:24 > 0:03:26become the people they are going to become,
0:03:26 > 0:03:29and not try and police them and affect their behaviour too much.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Judy. Wimbledon - just around the corner.
0:03:31 > 0:03:36If Andy wins this time, is he going to remember to hug you?
0:03:36 > 0:03:38He'd better.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41You are famous for getting very behind Andy in the matches.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45Does he like being cheered on - by having Mum there?
0:03:45 > 0:03:49I don't go so often now but I mean, when he was growing up and for
0:03:49 > 0:03:55pretty much all of his career, you are the person that's there.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58It's an individual sport. It's up to the parent to make things happen,
0:03:58 > 0:04:01create the opportunities for their kids.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05So he's used to me being there and I would say that whenever
0:04:05 > 0:04:07he would look at you during a match,
0:04:07 > 0:04:10whether he's 12 years old or 25 years old,
0:04:10 > 0:04:12he wants to see some kind of positive reaction
0:04:12 > 0:04:16- and sometimes my reactions would go a wee bit over the top...- Really?
0:04:16 > 0:04:17Yeah, really.
0:04:17 > 0:04:22So, I just go in this zone where I just pretty much have my eyes
0:04:22 > 0:04:24trained on him the whole time.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- I've been very supportive of you at school.- No, you weren't.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31He got sent off on one of my matches once.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Imagine, Judy, I had to go and watch him be terrible in all his sports.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39At least you had a talented son. I had to go and watch him...
0:04:39 > 0:04:41I mean, those football matches.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44He got sent off at a football match... You did.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46When you say "sent off", I wasn't on the pitch.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48You hurled obscenities at one of the teachers -
0:04:48 > 0:04:49my games master, Mr Blenkinsop.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Blenkinsop was a total dick. You know he was.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:58 > 0:05:02- He was never allowed to come and see under nines football ever again.- No.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04This year, going back for Andy,
0:05:04 > 0:05:07do you think there is more pressure as a returning champion?
0:05:07 > 0:05:11Is some of the pressure taken off now that he's done it?
0:05:11 > 0:05:13It's a tough one.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16In some ways, the pressure is off because he has won it
0:05:16 > 0:05:20but on the other hand, you're defending something, it's yours now.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24You work so hard and it is your dream and your goal and there's
0:05:24 > 0:05:27so much about the challenge and the fight to get there.
0:05:27 > 0:05:28Suddenly, you've got it
0:05:28 > 0:05:30and everybody is trying to take it away from you.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32It's quite a different mindset.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- Do you play tennis? You're too thin and weedy...- Shut up.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37I'm really good at tennis. I played a lot of sport.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40I was a very keen sportsman. People think I'm bad at sport
0:05:40 > 0:05:42because I obviously look like I'm bad at sport.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46- But I'm surprisingly good. - I saw you playing tennis once.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49And I have to say that you were very, very elegant
0:05:49 > 0:05:52but I did have to stand on the balcony for a very
0:05:52 > 0:05:54long time before you got one over the net.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57But that's cos... That's where we first...
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Well, we didn't even meet actually, you were just observing from afar.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03You're making it sound like a date.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05I do feel like it was a special first meeting.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08And you were there, on the balcony, and I was playing tennis.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10HE LAUGHS
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- What was that?!- As soon as I did that mime, I felt...
0:06:13 > 0:06:16I was playing, you know, tennis and then someone said,
0:06:16 > 0:06:18"Judy Murray is watching you."
0:06:18 > 0:06:20I completely fell apart.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22- You were definitely flirting. He was flirting.- He was.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23And that's inappropriate.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26A man of your age, a boy who looks like you,
0:06:26 > 0:06:29flirting with an attractive older woman. It's embarrassing.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32But Judy, you have a very alluring presence.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35Are we having a Mrs Robinson moment here?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38LAUGHTER
0:06:38 > 0:06:42- You know!- Let's have both hands on the desk, please!
0:06:42 > 0:06:44LAUGHTER
0:06:44 > 0:06:46That's the thing, like, I mean...
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- Why has your voice got so high? - Shut up!
0:06:49 > 0:06:53You're making me nervous! I, I, cos we're not...
0:06:53 > 0:06:57LAUGHTER
0:06:57 > 0:07:00What I was trying to do is I was trying to pay Judy a compliment
0:07:00 > 0:07:03and this is... No, you've made me really conscious. When...
0:07:03 > 0:07:05- Change the subject then.- OK.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08LAUGHTER
0:07:08 > 0:07:12Um... Do Jamie and Andy enjoy playing doubles together?
0:07:12 > 0:07:15LAUGHTER
0:07:15 > 0:07:18No, no, I'm going to man-up.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20What I was going to say is that when we first saw you on television
0:07:20 > 0:07:23all those years ago when Andy first broke through, I think
0:07:23 > 0:07:25people's public perception of you was different.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27We thought...there is Judy Murray,
0:07:27 > 0:07:29she's a tough cookie, she's a trainer.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32- You don't want to mess with her. - No, you do.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34LAUGHTER
0:07:34 > 0:07:38- APPLAUSE - This is what I mean.
0:07:40 > 0:07:45You do do quite a bit of flirting with some of Andy's opponents.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49- I admire them from a distance. - Admire them from a distance!
0:07:49 > 0:07:51There is one, there's one guy in particular.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55Yeah, there's one in particular. His name is Feliciano Lopez.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59- He's...- We've got a picture.- Ooh.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03See, the ladies will understand why that's quite enjoyable to
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- watch tennis when that's all going on.- They don't play topless though.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10They often practise topless so it's...
0:08:10 > 0:08:12It's quite good to hang around the practice courts.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13LAUGHTER
0:08:13 > 0:08:17I'm sorry to disappoint you, Jack, but I don't know who that man is
0:08:17 > 0:08:21but what I can tell you is he looks nothing remotely like you.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25I... I have that, I have a very similar physique to that.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29You have a nickname for him as well?
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Yeah, I call him Deliciano for obvious reasons.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Deliciano Lopez. And have you met him?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Oh, yeah, I've met him.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Of course I have, I've known him for about seven years.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43At Wimbledon two years ago, there's a German tennis player who I'm
0:08:43 > 0:08:46pally with, a girl, and she sent me a tweet that said,
0:08:46 > 0:08:49"Guess who I'm playing mixed doubles with at Wimbledon?"
0:08:49 > 0:08:51And I went, "Oh, no, not Feli?"
0:08:51 > 0:08:53And she said, "Yes. Would you like to coach us?"
0:08:53 > 0:08:56So I said, "Not sure about that. Don't know
0:08:56 > 0:08:58"if the boys would approve of that."
0:08:58 > 0:09:02Actually didn't think my heart would stand it. And she said,
0:09:02 > 0:09:05"Oh, go on, go on, we'll give you
0:09:05 > 0:09:08"5% of the prize money and a photo of Feli."
0:09:08 > 0:09:09And I said, "I'd rather have a photo
0:09:09 > 0:09:11"of the prize money and 5% of Feli."
0:09:11 > 0:09:15LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:15 > 0:09:20I mean, I... I kind of hate him now.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Now, Jonathan, you are a legend of chat shows.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27- Thank you, Jack. - MILD APPLAUSE
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Yes, one person agrees.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31No, no, I would agree too.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33- Oh, thank you. - Yes, you are, you're fantastic.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35What would your one advice be?
0:09:35 > 0:09:36What makes a great interviewer?
0:09:36 > 0:09:38I'm excited to be here anyway,
0:09:38 > 0:09:40because I've been in the business for a long time but I've
0:09:40 > 0:09:43prided myself that when I see new talent that I admire,
0:09:43 > 0:09:44I like to support it
0:09:44 > 0:09:47to ideally be part of it, and when I see someone who I think is really
0:09:47 > 0:09:50doing something new with the form, you know, it's exciting for me.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54So to be here on your show, Michael, is a wonderful thing(!)
0:09:54 > 0:09:57I thank you so much for having me because you are bringing something unique to it.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- Yes.- And helping out those less fortunate than you.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- It's a marvellous, generous thing to do.- Thank you very much, thank you.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06But, no if you're doing an interview, research is the key of course.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Initially the building block you start with is research.
0:10:08 > 0:10:13You make sure you know as much about your guests as possible. For example with Judy, did you...?
0:10:13 > 0:10:17The questions were fine, but they... This is not a criticism as such, but they felt slightly superficial.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19OK it was like very... There was no depth there.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23Did you read Judy's autobiography before she came on the show?
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- Yep.- Did you read all of it or did you just skim read it? - I read it, obviously,
0:10:26 > 0:10:28because then that's how you do the questions.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31OK, well, Judy, Judy, do you have an autobiography out?
0:10:31 > 0:10:32- No.- No.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35LAUGHTER
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- That was cruel. - Already you've let yourself down.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44But in terms of you as a father...
0:10:44 > 0:10:47were you good at all the serious bits of fatherhood?
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Like, I can't think of you
0:10:49 > 0:10:51doing like the birds and the bees.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54- Well...- Did you do that or did you leave that for Jane?
0:10:54 > 0:10:58No, I didn't really need to because the internet had come along,
0:10:58 > 0:11:00so I think they probably knew more about it than I did.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02No, I think Jane...
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Jane did more of that. Jane is actually much more,
0:11:04 > 0:11:07shall we say, bothered about them than I am.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10I mean, you know, I'm kind of curious,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13but she sort of actively wants to see them do well.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16I just don't want them to fuck up publicly, you know?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19And I feel like we've done a good job, you know, and
0:11:19 > 0:11:22it's difficult, I know, and I know some people look at their children
0:11:22 > 0:11:26and it's difficult for them to see, that they've put the hours in,
0:11:26 > 0:11:30but it hasn't paid off, and I know Barnaby's a lovely son, isn't he?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32- Barnaby's a good boy.- Yes, I'm very proud of Barnaby.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36But there's always one in the group who lets you down and it's a terrible thing.
0:11:36 > 0:11:41Oh, dear. So Andy's played against some very big opponents,
0:11:41 > 0:11:43but none bigger than this opponent.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Move aside R Fed, here he is with Overfed.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48- Um...- Ah.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Overfed!
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Well, that's unkind of you.
0:11:53 > 0:11:54I think that's very unkind.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57I have some more, if you'd like some more.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00I was seven months gone then and I still played tennis. That was pretty good.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03John Big McEnroe And Fries. Billie Jean Burger King.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Fred Peri-Peri Chicken With All The Sides.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09This is just a list of jokes you have.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Goran Can't-See-My-Knees-Evic.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14LAUGHTER
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- Come on...- No, because the rest are really shit.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18- Let's have a look at them. - Those were the best ones.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20OK, let's have a look what you've got.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Anna Korma-Kova.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26How long...? You must have spent hours.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Rafa Noodles?
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Ivan Lentil Dodger?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33- That one's not very good. - Oh, this one's terrible.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Venus Whale-Iams.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38- Oh, yeah, like, whale.- Yeah, I know what it was meant to be.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41I was really proud of them.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Fat Rafter. I like that one.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49- I've lost weight since then. I've lost a stone since then. - I know, you look amazing.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52And I got rid of the beard. I only had the beard to hide my fat face. And your face,
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- you've lost that puppy fat. You could get rid of that now. - No, shut up.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58- You should get rid of the beard. - I'm growing it because I'm...
0:12:58 > 0:12:59It's for a part, that's why I've got it.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02What are you playing? Rolf Harris? Just get rid of the beard.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Take the beard off. I'd like to see...
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Wouldn't you like to see fresh-faced Jack?
0:13:08 > 0:13:10- No. - I'd love to see fresh-faced Jack.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- Stop it.- I like the way you tilt your head when you ask
0:13:13 > 0:13:15me the questions. You don't do that with Jonathan.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17She's getting a bit flirty now.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20No. Now I'm really conscious of doing the head thing and I just did it.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24Judy, Judy do you find Jack attractive?
0:13:24 > 0:13:25Yeah, he's quite cute.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27And do you think maybe, I mean...?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29- I said "quite".- Quite cute.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32You know, just if you were a long way from home, a bit bored
0:13:32 > 0:13:34and wanted a plaything,
0:13:34 > 0:13:37would you give him an evening of your time?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39He's actually too old for me.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41LAUGHTER
0:13:41 > 0:13:43I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48I would love to be your plaything.
0:13:48 > 0:13:54Um... I want to talk, if I may, about your glamorous transformation?
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Because you have undergone a glamorous transformation.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00This is the Judy that we first knew.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01- JUDY:- Oh!
0:14:01 > 0:14:08From trainer, to this, cougar. Oh, meow! Tartan just got sexy.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12That is a beautiful outfit and we also know where that outfit
0:14:12 > 0:14:16ended up. Mr Feliciano Lopez is responsible.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20You have to be careful with tartan though, I will warn you of that.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Ah.
0:14:22 > 0:14:27First BBC presenter to be arrested for historic crimes against fashion.
0:14:27 > 0:14:32Now this is a bit left field. Judy, Jonathan, have you seen The Call Centre?
0:14:32 > 0:14:34- I have seen it.- No.- No.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36You didn't know what a call centre was
0:14:36 > 0:14:38when I mentioned the show to you.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42- No.- Anyway to get you better acquainted with the show
0:14:42 > 0:14:46and call centres, Nev kindly invited my father
0:14:46 > 0:14:50and I to Swansea to put us through our paces and see if we could master
0:14:50 > 0:14:54the art of flogging loft insulation to random strangers over the phone.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Here's how we got on.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00So, where is it we're going then?
0:15:00 > 0:15:02It's in Swansea.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03- Oh, God, not Wales.- It's lovely.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05It's terrible, it's always raining.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09I can never understand anything Welsh people say.
0:15:09 > 0:15:10Well, I mean...
0:15:10 > 0:15:14- Not that they ever have anything very interesting to say anyway, but.. - I mean...
0:15:14 > 0:15:17I used to have a Welsh friend, very, very weird man he was.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20He had a funny, you know, gammy eye.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24One went that way and the other went the other way.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Can you just try and be nice for once?
0:15:26 > 0:15:28I'm always nice.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- We've come to see Nev. - Yeah, if you'd like to sign in.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Well, don't put any of my details in there.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42You know what they'll do? They'll ring your mother up in the middle of the night trying to
0:15:42 > 0:15:45sell her sex aids, once they've got the details.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- Shut up. - They're never off the phone.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51Shut up, I'm not putting your phone number down, I'm just signing your name in.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56- Jack! How are you? - Hey, Nev, how are you?
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- Nice to see you, thanks for having us.- Thank you for coming.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01How do you do? Very nice to meet you.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Let's go. Follow me.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11There's something quite odd about all this.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- It's not like a sort of cult thing this, is it? - Is this like a cult?
0:16:14 > 0:16:18I bet you'll find these women are being forced into having sex
0:16:18 > 0:16:20with each other for his pleasure.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23I bet they have, that's what they do.
0:16:23 > 0:16:29- It's a call centre. It's a call centre.- That's the cover.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31I tried to learn what I could from the training seminar,
0:16:31 > 0:16:35but in all honesty spent most of the time trying to
0:16:35 > 0:16:39convince my father that it wasn't about to descend into an orgy.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43You don't sell the product, you sell the benefit, and you sell it
0:16:43 > 0:16:45with a smile on your face because happy people sell, don't they?
0:16:45 > 0:16:49- Happy people sell.- Happy people sell. Do you understand?
0:16:49 > 0:16:53- Yes.- Happy people sell. Happy people also sing, don't they?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55So what we do now, we'll stand on our feet
0:16:55 > 0:16:57because we are going to sing.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01This is how it's done. Let's do it.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04ALL: # It started out with a kiss How did it end up like this?
0:17:04 > 0:17:08# It was only a kiss It was only a kiss
0:17:08 > 0:17:10# She takes off her dress now
0:17:10 > 0:17:14# Letting me go
0:17:19 > 0:17:23# But it's just the price I pay
0:17:23 > 0:17:26# Destiny is calling me... #
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Get out there and sell.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40- It's what I said, they've all been brainwashed.- Shut up. Come on.
0:17:44 > 0:17:49You'd save £300 a year and you'd be able to spend £300 on a holiday.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51I think Jack's got potential.
0:17:51 > 0:17:56I'm ringing about how you can save money on your electricity bill,
0:17:56 > 0:18:00although to be honest the amount of money involved seems so ludicrously
0:18:00 > 0:18:04small I don't know why one's even bothering to ring you, but anyway.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Michael on the other hand, not so.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11If you came over to this new energy plan then you would be saving
0:18:11 > 0:18:14approximately £300 a year.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18You are happy with your current plan? No, that's... Well, thank you.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Thank you very much. Bye-bye.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23..Do all that, "Thank you very much." If they're wasting your time,
0:18:23 > 0:18:26they don't want it, just tell them to go and fuck themselves.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29As far as Michael's language is concerned, anybody that swears on
0:18:29 > 0:18:33the phone to a customer, it's gross misconduct, instantly dismissible.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37Hello, sir. Oh, I beg your pardon. Hello, madam.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38You have a very deep voice.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41In a sales environment you need to be upbeat,
0:18:41 > 0:18:45you need to be happy, smiley, chirpy and enthusiastic.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Everything that Michael isn't.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49So is that something that would interest you?
0:18:49 > 0:18:50No...
0:18:50 > 0:18:53So you would be interested?
0:18:53 > 0:18:57Fantastic. All right, well very nice to speak to you. Thank you, bye.
0:18:59 > 0:19:00JACK HUMS
0:19:00 > 0:19:02They'll change their mind.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04- Yes! Sale made!- Oh!
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Ahh! I made a sale!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11- They've got you. They've got you. - I made a sale!
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- They've got you. The whole cult doing all this.- He said he was interested in it.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17After all that thumping his chest, I have to say I'm really
0:19:17 > 0:19:19worried about Jack.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21I just hope to God we haven't lost him.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25Once it became clear that my father wasn't cut out for the phone sales, Nev was able to find him
0:19:25 > 0:19:29a task that better suited his very limited set of skills.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34So, Michael, would you like a go of my urns?
0:19:34 > 0:19:40- Um... Not just at the moment, if that's all right? Maybe later.- OK.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:46 > 0:19:50Ladies and gentleman, he's a father to over 300 hard-working
0:19:50 > 0:19:51dedicated employees, and Hayley,
0:19:51 > 0:19:55please welcome Swansea's very own Mr Brightside, Nev Wilshire.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:00 > 0:20:04APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Very nice to see you again, Neville.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12- NEV:- How are you? - JONATHAN:- All right, Nev, how are you doing? Nice to meet you.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Happy people sell. Happy people sell.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18- Nev, thank you for coming. - He needs the job.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Yes, he does, but he also needs his jumper.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Oh, yeah, I left my jumper at the call centre.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23You'd better look after it, Mike.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Sorry, I did actually leave it there.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29I wasn't getting undressed for anything untoward. Don't worry, Judy.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Um, I... Nev, thank you so much for coming on to the show.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33You're very welcome, thank you.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37How did you think my father fared at call centre sales?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Would you employ him?
0:20:39 > 0:20:42- As a tea lady.- Yeah.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45- Nice girl, that young lady of yours. - Hayley. Yeah.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- Very comely.- Don't say that.
0:20:48 > 0:20:52Just let us know when you're planning on coming out of the 1920s.
0:20:52 > 0:20:57Is Hayley one of your star employees? She's funny, she's crazy.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00- She is.- On the show she is absolutely bonkers.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Yes, she is, she is bonkers, that is what she is.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06- She's a hard-working girl though. She's doing other things.- This is..
0:21:06 > 0:21:07Oh.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Ah, yes, that's the Zoo Magazine expose.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Yeah. Is that a method she taught you, Daddy,
0:21:12 > 0:21:13when you were doing the tea run?
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Now, Neville, you are very tactile on the show.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21You're kicking people up the arse and slapping and smacking and...
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Do you get complaints?
0:21:23 > 0:21:25No, not generally.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28I give them the option. They can go the HR route or they can just have a
0:21:28 > 0:21:32genuine kick up the arse, and most people want the kick up the arse.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Right. I now know more than I ever thought I would about loft insulation.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38I was enlightened as well, when we talked about cavity wall
0:21:38 > 0:21:43- insulation, and one of the benefits was...- That's it, cavity wall insulation, not loft insulation.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Yes, but it was the soundproofing, it's just a by-product,
0:21:46 > 0:21:50but it soundproofs, and your dad thought of a new
0:21:50 > 0:21:54way of selling it really, as soundproofing for his bedroom walls.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58- Yeah, yeah.- Apparently your mother is a bit noisy, so...
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Thanks(!) As you've seen, he needs no encouragement.
0:22:01 > 0:22:06Did you ever hear your parents enjoying each other?
0:22:06 > 0:22:12- No. I didn't hear them enjoying each other.- I think he did.- Neither do I want to talk about..
0:22:12 > 0:22:13Give us a phrase.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16What phrase would you shout out in the midst of lovemaking, that young Jack...?
0:22:16 > 0:22:19- Maybe this will help him get over this.- Jonathan, fuck off!
0:22:19 > 0:22:23What sort of things...? Would you say, "Come on, Becher's Brook!" What would you shout?
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Maybe, "Go on, my pretty."
0:22:27 > 0:22:28Ohh!
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Why have you done that?
0:22:32 > 0:22:34This is good for you.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38This will help you process it, Jack.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40I'm never going to be able to have sex ever again.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42I will, Judy, actually.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Now we are going to bring out our final guest.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50I am very, very excited to have him on the show.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53He won gold medals, competed in the London Marathon
0:22:53 > 0:22:57but most impressively of all, he beat The Cube.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59I am so excited to have him on the show,
0:22:59 > 0:23:01ladies and gentlemen, it's Mo Farah.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:23:09 > 0:23:10Good to see you.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:23:20 > 0:23:23So Mo, Father's Day special.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25You are the reigning Celebrity Dad Of The Year.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Yeah, that was...
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Come on, that's impressive.
0:23:29 > 0:23:30CHEERING
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Now how does that rate though?
0:23:34 > 0:23:37Father of the Year compared to like an Olympic gold? Pretty high?
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Yeah. As a father you want your kids to remember that
0:23:40 > 0:23:43and say, "Look what I won. I was a good father."
0:23:43 > 0:23:46And you've got twins. How do you do like...?
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Have you had to cut down on your training and your running
0:23:48 > 0:23:52having to look after twins and do like nappy changing and such?
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Yeah. I just choose the easy baby. Aisha's mine.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Oh, so you've picked a favourite?
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I wouldn't say a favourite, but I'd just say, look, Aisha's
0:23:59 > 0:24:03the slightly easier baby because Amani's always running around and...
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Can you criticise a child for running around?
0:24:06 > 0:24:09I mean you don't really have a leg to stand on, Mo.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12When you're tired and you're like, "Oh," and they're chasing around.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14It's difficult, but it's definitely worth it.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17There's three girls in your family and a wife.
0:24:17 > 0:24:18Yeah.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21That's four ladies. Phew,
0:24:21 > 0:24:23that's a lot of oestrogen.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25What do you do if it all gets too much?
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Just go for a run. Just go for a run.
0:24:28 > 0:24:29Three times a day training.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Yeah, I imagine that is quite a good excuse.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34I need to ask you a serious thing as well.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38How amazing does it feel that you have inspired so many young
0:24:38 > 0:24:42people to go out there and make the switch from meat to Quorn?
0:24:43 > 0:24:46I've had the best idea as well.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49I don't want to show off. Basically in preparation for this show the two things
0:24:49 > 0:24:52I did was work out fat puns for Jonathan,
0:24:52 > 0:24:54and then this was the other thing I spent my time doing.
0:24:54 > 0:24:59The Mobot worked a treat, right, but now that you're the face of Quorn,
0:24:59 > 0:25:03come Commonwealth Games it's time to rock out the Quornbot. Right?
0:25:03 > 0:25:07You get across the line, you win it, straight out, Quornbot.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10It's there, it's yours if you want it.
0:25:11 > 0:25:16- It is sad how impressed I was. - Jack, can you do that again?
0:25:16 > 0:25:20Can you stand up and do that again because I just remembered who you remind me of?
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Just stand up and do that again. OK. Just do that thing again.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Ladies and gentlemen let's celebrate the winner of this year's Eurovision...
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Oh, shut up!
0:25:30 > 0:25:34- You're a dead spit. - Yeah, absolutely.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Now, Mo, you started running like seriously
0:25:36 > 0:25:39when you were at university, is that right?
0:25:39 > 0:25:43I did a bit but I wasn't taking it as seriously as I should have done.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Yeah. What was your university life like then?
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Uni life is completely different to what
0:25:47 > 0:25:50I do normally - eat, sleep, train - and for me when I was at St Mary's,
0:25:50 > 0:25:53I really enjoyed being at St Mary's, I was just one of the lads and
0:25:53 > 0:25:54always up for a laugh.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Crazy nights out? A few Jagerbombs?
0:25:56 > 0:25:59- Jagerbombs, no.- Did you actually...? You'd go out and get...?
0:25:59 > 0:26:02I would just go out with the boys and stuff, but we were always
0:26:02 > 0:26:05like kind of daring each other to do stuff, and we'd do crazy stuff.
0:26:05 > 0:26:06Traffic cone on the head.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Actually traffic cone on the head might not work for you.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12- No.- Because it would just go over the whole body.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16It'd be like Toy Story. Moving around.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Now, Mo, you wrote a book...
0:26:19 > 0:26:23See. Which I read. It was fantastic.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26- I sent one to you as well.- I've got the book. Thank you very much.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28- And did you read it?- No.
0:26:28 > 0:26:29You're waiting for the film.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Yeah, is there a film, Mo?
0:26:31 > 0:26:33- Is there going to be a film?- Yeah.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35- Wow.- No!- It's got Tom Hanks in.
0:26:35 > 0:26:39LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:44 > 0:26:46You're not the only person that's written a book.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Mr Nev Wilshire, you have also written this book which is
0:26:49 > 0:26:51called Happy People Sell.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53- An excellent read. - Did you write every word?
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Every... Well, maybe not.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58- It's available, there it is. - But there's lots of pictures in it for you.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00There's a lot of pictures.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02This is my favourite bit in this book of yours, Nev.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04If you see this page, which is
0:27:04 > 0:27:09"Nev's four step guide of how to smile" for people...
0:27:09 > 0:27:12It's a step-by-step guide for miserable bastards.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15And it's four stages of how to smile
0:27:15 > 0:27:18and I thought maybe as we have one of the most famous miserable
0:27:18 > 0:27:23bastards that I know, we could try this seriously.
0:27:23 > 0:27:24What is this?
0:27:24 > 0:27:28OK, we're going to try this. Step one, "Think happy thoughts."
0:27:28 > 0:27:30- JONATHAN:- Think of the day he left home.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32- Jonathan!- Yes.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36Step two, "Smile with your eyes. Everybody loves a twinkle."
0:27:36 > 0:27:40Nev's words, not mine. So you've got the twinkle in your eyes,
0:27:40 > 0:27:43- you always have a slight twinkle. - You get a twinkle with your contact lenses.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45And you do with your glaucoma.
0:27:46 > 0:27:52- The cheek! - That's wrong. Shame on you.
0:27:52 > 0:27:56Step three, get ready... You need to look down the camera. Look down number...
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Is that that red light? It's like being in the optician's.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02Smile with your teeth. It's important...
0:28:02 > 0:28:04With my teeth. You know I don't smile.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06- I don't open my mouth when I smile. - Just do it.
0:28:11 > 0:28:17I look like Muffin The Mule. Do I have to carry on doing this?
0:28:17 > 0:28:20Yeah just stay there for the rest of the show.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23That's the family Christmas card sorted.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:28:26 > 0:28:32Well, unfortunately I think that's all that we have time for this evening.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34Mo, best of luck at the Commonwealth Games.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36A massive thank you to my guests this evening,
0:28:36 > 0:28:41Jonathan Ross, Nev Wilshire, Mo Farah and Judy Murray.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43Happy Father's Day. Good night.