0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains some strong language
0:00:12 > 0:00:13APPLAUSE
0:00:22 > 0:00:25Good evening and welcome to Backchat,
0:00:25 > 0:00:28the show I host with my father.
0:00:28 > 0:00:29Yes, this is the first time someone has
0:00:29 > 0:00:32hosted a chat show with one of their parents
0:00:32 > 0:00:35since Richard Madeley presented This Morning with his mother, Judy.
0:00:35 > 0:00:36LAUGHTER
0:00:36 > 0:00:39We've got two great guests on the show tonight.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Joining us is Alan Sugar's right-hand man, Nick Hewer,
0:00:42 > 0:00:43and rap star Lethal Bizzle.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:49 > 0:00:53Obviously, I am a big Countdown fan, so I've got Nick to come on the show
0:00:53 > 0:00:57and my dad is massively into Grime and requested either Lethal Bizzle
0:00:57 > 0:01:00or any of his badman homies from the More Fire crew.
0:01:00 > 0:01:01LAUGHTER
0:01:01 > 0:01:04I've no idea what you're talking about.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06What is all that?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Just leave it, blud.
0:01:08 > 0:01:09LAUGHTER
0:01:09 > 0:01:12We're incredibly lucky to have Lethal Bizzle on the show
0:01:12 > 0:01:14cos, recently, he had a near fatal car accident
0:01:14 > 0:01:18when his Ferrari slid on a wet road.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21I suspect we can put that one down to lethal DRIZZLE!
0:01:21 > 0:01:24LAUGHTER AND GROANING
0:01:24 > 0:01:25SCATTERED APPLAUSE
0:01:25 > 0:01:28One clap, that's all it deserved.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30We've also got Nick Hewer on the show.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Nick Hewer was born in Swindon, the one place on the planet where
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Amstrad's fax phone is positively futuristic.
0:01:36 > 0:01:37LAUGHTER
0:01:37 > 0:01:39To be fair, they only got the wheel in February.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41LAUGHTER
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Don't worry, I can say these jokes because my £5,000 a term
0:01:44 > 0:01:47boarding school was actually 12 miles away from Swindon.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Where's this £5,000 figure come from?
0:01:50 > 0:01:51I don't know, that was just for the joke.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Your school fees were a lot more than that.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55LAUGHTER
0:01:55 > 0:01:58- A lot more than that.- We're not here to talk about my school fees.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Why do you think I would be here now? Doing this?
0:02:02 > 0:02:06- I've got a lot more than that to pay back.- OK!
0:02:06 > 0:02:08OK, time to bring out our first guest.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11He is the silver fox, the thinking woman's Paul Hollywood.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15He has grannies up and down the land glued to their sofas,
0:02:15 > 0:02:17best bone china quivering in their hands,
0:02:17 > 0:02:19waiting for him to reveal
0:02:19 > 0:02:22just how long and incredibly hard his conundrum is.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Ladies and gentlemen, it's Nick Hewer.
0:02:24 > 0:02:25APPLAUSE
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Actually - stop, stop, stop!
0:02:29 > 0:02:33Let's do this so that he feels more at home. OK? Right, ready?
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Play it, OK. Sh, sh, sh!
0:02:35 > 0:02:37LAUGHTER
0:02:37 > 0:02:38Now, do the thing with the phone!
0:02:38 > 0:02:40SUSPENSE MUSIC FROM THE APPRENTICE
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Would you send him in now, please, Frances?
0:02:48 > 0:02:49LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:49 > 0:02:52No, no, no, no! NO!
0:02:52 > 0:02:55- Sorry!- What?- Do the voice. - That's what we said we'd do.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58You said you'd do the Alan Sugar voice. Do the Alan Sugar voice.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02No, don't be ridiculous, there's no way I'm doing the Alan Sugar voice.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04- Oh, do the voice. - I'm not doing voices.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06I do my own voice and that's it.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08You're the one who does the funny voices.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10I don't do the funny voices, please...
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Well, they're not funny, but you do all the different voices.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Can you just do what we arranged? Come on. He's waiting out there.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18You have to do the voice. Come on.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27GRUFF: Would you send him in now, please, Frances?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29APPLAUSE
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Ladies and gentlemen, Nick Hewer!
0:03:35 > 0:03:37How are you?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE
0:03:43 > 0:03:44How are you?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Nick, welcome to the show.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52It's my pleasure.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- I'm quite nervous, actually, Jack. - Why?- I don't know.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59- Two formidable characters here. - Yeah, but we...- I'll do my best.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02But you and father have a kind of bromance with each other.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04LAUGHTER
0:04:04 > 0:04:07And I see you as the kind of caring father I never had.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09LAUGHTER
0:04:09 > 0:04:12So, you and my father have one thing in common,
0:04:12 > 0:04:16that you have both come to fame later on in your lives,
0:04:16 > 0:04:19but where you differ is that you are considered a bit of a dish.
0:04:19 > 0:04:24You were recently voted one of the top ten sexiest older men
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- by Heat magazine.- Really?
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Yeah, and I think quite a lot of the ladies here agree.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32- Well, I've had no evidence of it. - No?- No post.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36So, no groupies on Countdown? Do you fraternise with the...?
0:04:36 > 0:04:38With the audience? We have an audience.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Unusually, we have a nurse.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45We have our own personal constant nurse in the audience.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Yeah, we have one of them. It's for him.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49LAUGHTER
0:04:49 > 0:04:53One of the big elements of the show on Countdown is
0:04:53 > 0:04:57- the celebrity guests that you get in Dictionary Corner.- Absolutely!
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Now, there's someone here this evening who, for some time,
0:05:00 > 0:05:04it has been his dream to get that slot on Dictionary Corner.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- What? Daddy?- Yeah, could you say here tonight that
0:05:07 > 0:05:08that is a possibility or...?
0:05:08 > 0:05:14I have, Jack, actually, spoken to the producers and...
0:05:14 > 0:05:16- he's on the list.- Ooh!
0:05:16 > 0:05:19- You are on the list, Michael. - On the list!- Yeah.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21APPLAUSE
0:05:23 > 0:05:28Just, I think, three or four places just below Biggins.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29LAUGHTER
0:05:29 > 0:05:31One problem, I think, my father would have
0:05:31 > 0:05:34if he was on Dictionary Corner and one problem that I suspect
0:05:34 > 0:05:38you might have sometimes is the ever-changing nature of language.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42- Of course.- So, recently, the Oxford English Dictionary announced the new
0:05:42 > 0:05:46words that have come in for 2013 and would you know these words?
0:05:46 > 0:05:49We have, um, emoji...
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- that's a new word. Do you ever emoji?- I don't think so.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56- Not knowingly.- Gwack. Have you ever twerked, Nick?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58LAUGHTER
0:05:58 > 0:06:04No, but I saw a picture of Princess Eugenie twerking a bear.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- LAUGHTER - It was in the paper the other day.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11Twerking, so I think I've got that. I don't understand it fully...
0:06:11 > 0:06:15- Do you know any of these, or...? - None so far.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17- Selfie.- Yes!
0:06:17 > 0:06:19I know that one.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23When he lived with us, um...
0:06:23 > 0:06:26I went into his bedroom one day...
0:06:26 > 0:06:27- And he was...- What did you find?
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Well, he was lying on his bed having a selfie.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32- No! - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:32 > 0:06:34And...
0:06:34 > 0:06:35No, no...
0:06:35 > 0:06:37And what was...
0:06:37 > 0:06:40What was really peculiar...
0:06:40 > 0:06:44What was really peculiar was that the television was on.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46It wasn't on Countdown, was it?
0:06:46 > 0:06:49I was waiting to see Rachel Riley
0:06:49 > 0:06:51and it kept coming back to you.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53I call it a danger selfie!
0:06:53 > 0:06:55LAUGHTER
0:06:55 > 0:06:59- Was I right or wrong on that one? - No, it involves a camera.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01No, no, no!
0:07:01 > 0:07:03LAUGHTER
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- That's even worse. - Just having a selfie!
0:07:06 > 0:07:07Mr Hewer...
0:07:07 > 0:07:12you are bezzie mates with, um, Lord Sugar. Are the presents good?
0:07:12 > 0:07:15- Do you get good birthday presents from him?- God bless him!
0:07:15 > 0:07:17He's a very generous man.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20I said, "I'm 70 in February." He said, "Are you?" He said,
0:07:20 > 0:07:24"I'll tell you what I'm going for you, I'm getting your eyes done."
0:07:24 > 0:07:25LAUGHTER
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- What? How? What do you mean, "your eyes done?"- Get the bags removed.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31I said, "Alan, please!" He said, "No, no! Knock ten years off you!"
0:07:31 > 0:07:35- He was going to pay to get the bags removed from your eyes!- He offered.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37That's both the most generous
0:07:37 > 0:07:39and the most insulting present I've ever heard!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42If I was looking for a plastic surgeon,
0:07:42 > 0:07:45I'm not sure that I'd go for Alan Sugar's plastic surgeon.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47LAUGHTER
0:07:47 > 0:07:50I mean, I don't mean that rudely, but...
0:07:50 > 0:07:51APPLAUSE
0:07:53 > 0:07:55- Nick, so, The Apprentice...- Yes?
0:07:55 > 0:07:57How close do you get to the contestants?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01That's a good question, actually.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05Um, not at all until the very end.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06Because we're just observers.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Um, one came up to Margaret once
0:08:09 > 0:08:12and Margaret can have a very short temper, you know.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15He said, "Margaret, what a lovely fragrance. What is it?"
0:08:15 > 0:08:17And she went back...
0:08:17 > 0:08:19on her left foot...
0:08:19 > 0:08:22as though to throw a left hook
0:08:22 > 0:08:25and she was poised and ready to release it
0:08:25 > 0:08:30- when the chap backed off, because she would have felled him.- What?
0:08:30 > 0:08:33So, she doesn't like people being flirtatious with her?
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Oh, no, hold on. I didn't say that.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Um, she's great fun and actually quite flirty.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Margaret is, you know, she's got those beautiful, uh,
0:08:42 > 0:08:46those beautiful Elizabeth Taylor violet eyes.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49My Catherine, my adored Catherine said that
0:08:49 > 0:08:52I really ought to have an affair with Margaret.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54I fucking knew it!
0:08:54 > 0:08:55I knew it, Nick!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58I knew it. I watch every episode of The Apprentice.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59I'm very fond of her.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02And every time I am watching it with my mates or at home,
0:09:02 > 0:09:05everyone says, "Jack, you're reading too much into it." But I watch it
0:09:05 > 0:09:07and I think you and Margaret, you had that thing,
0:09:07 > 0:09:10it was like the Ross and Rachel. Will they? Won't they?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12It bound the whole show together
0:09:12 > 0:09:14and when you watch those boardrooms,
0:09:14 > 0:09:17everyone else was watching the contestants, I was watching you two
0:09:17 > 0:09:21and the sexual tension that was fizzing round that boardroom.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Oh, my God! You could feel it on the screen!
0:09:24 > 0:09:27That's why Sugar got rid of her. I know it. I can see it now.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Sugar needed to get rid of Margaret
0:09:29 > 0:09:32so that he could have you all to himself.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35I think it's a terrible mistake to get rid of her
0:09:35 > 0:09:38- and get that topless model on.- What?!
0:09:38 > 0:09:42- I mean, how could they have done that?- Michael, Karren Brady is...
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- I mean, a beautiful, sophisticated... - ..not a topless model.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46- She is!- She's not.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50She worked for Penthouse, all those magazines that you used to read
0:09:50 > 0:09:53when you were self...
0:09:53 > 0:09:55- No! - LAUGHTER
0:09:55 > 0:10:00I love Margaret and I think Margaret is a very, very impressive woman.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02You can keep your hands off.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06Oh! So, you're getting defensive. There is definitely something there!
0:10:06 > 0:10:09I'm making some programmes next year with Margaret
0:10:09 > 0:10:10and I don't want any interference.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12LAUGHTER
0:10:12 > 0:10:13Home-made programmes?
0:10:13 > 0:10:15LAUGHTER
0:10:16 > 0:10:18- Um, Nick Hewer...- Yeah.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- We did a silly little sketch at the beginning.- I saw that.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23- Did you like that?- I enjoyed it. - Did you like my voice?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25I thought it was excellent.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27To do that we had to get the music from The Apprentice
0:10:27 > 0:10:29and in doing that... This was something we found out
0:10:29 > 0:10:32in the process of it. There is an Apprentice CD where...
0:10:32 > 0:10:33You know this is true!
0:10:33 > 0:10:36- I didn't know that. - Did you not know that?- No.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38You can buy all of the tracks from The Apprentice and it has them
0:10:38 > 0:10:42all on, it's like... Boardroom, Driving Home...
0:10:42 > 0:10:44LAUGHTER
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Do you think when Lord Sugar's having a sort of quiet evening at home,
0:10:47 > 0:10:50he says to Lady Sugar...
0:10:50 > 0:10:52GRUFF: "Put the CD on, love, would you?
0:10:52 > 0:10:54"There's nothing on the telly."
0:10:54 > 0:10:57I think there's no moment in your life when you could not use
0:10:57 > 0:10:59a track from The Apprentice to punctuate it.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01If you're with your girlfriend
0:11:01 > 0:11:03and maybe things aren't going right and you need to have
0:11:03 > 0:11:06that complicated situation, you sit her down, you're like,
0:11:06 > 0:11:09"Look, I'm really sorry we have to talk about this,
0:11:09 > 0:11:11"but things aren't working..."
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Sorry, before I go on, just stick this on.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16THE APPRENTICE ELIMINATION THEME
0:11:16 > 0:11:17"Um...
0:11:17 > 0:11:22"We've been together for a long time now, and, look,
0:11:22 > 0:11:24"it's not you, it's me.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26"It just isn't working out.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30"We're arguing too much at the moment, so...with regret...
0:11:32 > 0:11:33"..you're dumped!"
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - Very good.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Perfect!
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Now, each week on the show, my father and I
0:11:42 > 0:11:45do something to help us bond.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49This week, I thought I'd introduce him to one of my own passions -
0:11:49 > 0:11:52baking. The rules were simple.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55We each had £20 to buy our own ingredients
0:11:55 > 0:11:57and my mother agreed to judge.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58May the best cake win.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Oh!
0:12:04 > 0:12:05What did you get?
0:12:06 > 0:12:08I've got a very nice...
0:12:08 > 0:12:12bottle of Bouchard Aine et Fils Red Burgundy...
0:12:12 > 0:12:16and I've got this pork chop.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- A pork chop?- Pork chop. - Dad, it's a Bake Off.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- It's who can bake the best cake. - A BAKED pork chop.- No!
0:12:24 > 0:12:28- Have you seen the Great British Bake Off?- The Great British what?
0:12:28 > 0:12:29The Great British Bake Off.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32They don't have pork chop week on that, do they?
0:12:32 > 0:12:33'He's an idiot.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35'He knew what the rules were. I set them out very clearly.'
0:12:35 > 0:12:37What world is he living in?
0:12:37 > 0:12:41- I'll tell you what I could do. I could make a war cake.- A war cake?
0:12:41 > 0:12:43- Yes.- What the hell is a war cake?
0:12:43 > 0:12:47My mother used to make a war cake in 1943.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49'Had I known it was a baking challenge'
0:12:49 > 0:12:53I think, undoubtedly, I wouldn't have taken part, no.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57Baking powder for fluffy muffins? What the fuck is that?
0:12:57 > 0:13:01Um, 200g of plain flour.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05- It's just approx coming out there... - You've got to measure it out!
0:13:05 > 0:13:07It's not approximate, it's baking.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12What have you got in there? It smells like a wrestler's jockstrap.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14They're spices. It's turmeric and cumin...
0:13:14 > 0:13:16- I thought you were making a cake! - I am.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19What I'm doing is I'm making a three-tiered world cake.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21I'm doing tier which is a Middle Eastern sponge cake
0:13:21 > 0:13:24and on the second tier I'm doing a Polish cake
0:13:24 > 0:13:29and then the top tier is going to be a kind of Caribbean-inspired cake.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34Yeah. Well, it represents multiculturalism and modern Britain.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36You've changed, haven't you?
0:13:36 > 0:13:41'My cake has a very specific purpose and that is to wind up my father,
0:13:41 > 0:13:42'whose tastes,'
0:13:42 > 0:13:46attitudes and politics are very traditional.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49- I've got two more cakes to make. - Right.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Well, I'm not hanging around for that.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54I think I'll just go and have a nice glass of wine.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56'I don't think he's taking it seriously.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58'He made his cake in about 15 minutes'
0:13:58 > 0:14:01and has just gone upstairs for some wine.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04I mean, I'm not sure whether I'm allowed to use the word "wank",
0:14:04 > 0:14:08but I think a lot of cooking is, in fact, a total wank.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11'I mean, there's a lot of sort of Emperor's New Clothes and
0:14:11 > 0:14:15'all that about it, trying to impress people with expertise
0:14:15 > 0:14:16'when, in fact,'
0:14:16 > 0:14:19there's very little expertise involved.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Right, so let's get on with this now.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Come to Mama.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32That looks absolutely delicious, I'd say.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36It looks...a LITTLE bit overdone.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Whoops.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43There we are. Ooh. Hot!
0:14:45 > 0:14:46Woo! Yummy.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49- Shall we get them judged? - Yes. Hilary!
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- What have we done? - Time for your judging.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54This is the Multiculturalism Cake.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Mm-hm.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- The Jamaican layer... - Quite hot that one.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Can we get on with this now, Jack, please?
0:15:01 > 0:15:02Right, OK.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Could I just ask? Did you put any sugar in this?
0:15:06 > 0:15:11- No.- Oh! - I don't like sweet sugary things.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15It's like a sort of fat pancake. Oh!
0:15:15 > 0:15:17It's horrible!
0:15:17 > 0:15:21- Honest judgment, which is the best? - Obviously, it's me.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Well, obviously, the presentation on that is fabulous, but I think
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- because you have never cooked anything before in your life... - Exactly.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30- ..it's going to have to be a dead heat.- What?!
0:15:30 > 0:15:32- I can't choose between... - That cake is a joke!
0:15:32 > 0:15:35- But he's never cooked anything before.- I am a virgin baker!
0:15:35 > 0:15:39- You try it.- No, not even a little bit.- Look, that little bit there.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- Try it.- No.- If you cooked it, you've got to try it.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Oh, it's absolutely gross!
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Yeugh!
0:15:48 > 0:15:51- Eww!- I did warn you.- Argh!
0:15:51 > 0:15:53HE SPITS
0:15:53 > 0:15:55APPLAUSE
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Absolute disgrace. Absolute disgrace that that was a dead heat.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06Um, so it's now time to bring out Lethal Bizzle.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10Um, real name Maxwell Ansah. Bet you didn't know that!
0:16:10 > 0:16:13What I bet even less of you knew is that Nick Hewer's street name
0:16:13 > 0:16:14is Painful Tinkle.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16LAUGHTER
0:16:16 > 0:16:19- It's true.- The old cystitis problem.
0:16:19 > 0:16:20LAUGHTER
0:16:21 > 0:16:23I don't know why you're bringing that up.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26You know I went to school in Yorkshire, at Ampleforth.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29There was a boy I went to school with called Bertie Bizzle.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31LAUGHTER
0:16:31 > 0:16:35Bertie, and his wife was called Lavinia. The Bizzles.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39I wonder whether he's related to Bernie and Lavinia Bizzle?
0:16:39 > 0:16:43Um, OK, let's bring him out. He is my brother from another mother.
0:16:43 > 0:16:48Hustlers and hoes, please give a warm welcome to Lethal Bizzle.
0:16:48 > 0:16:49APPLAUSE
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- Bizzle! Yes!- Yes!
0:17:00 > 0:17:03DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE
0:17:05 > 0:17:07How are you doing?
0:17:07 > 0:17:11- How you doing, Dad?- It's very good to see you.- You too, man.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- You smell good.- Thank you. - What are you wearing?
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Jack...
0:17:16 > 0:17:19(Nothing to do with the Berkshire Bizzles...
0:17:19 > 0:17:22(I don't think...)
0:17:22 > 0:17:24LAUGHTER
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Not related to Bertie. Um...
0:17:33 > 0:17:36I want to talk about your music, Biz,
0:17:36 > 0:17:38your FILTHY tunes...!
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Um...ow, that hurt.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Um... Now, you do Grime,
0:17:44 > 0:17:46that's your music.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48That's the genre I'm from.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50That's what birthed Lethal Bizzle.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52If you were to say, "Who birthed me?"
0:17:52 > 0:17:56- You would say, "Grime."- Do you know what Grime is, Nick, Father?- Yes.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58- Garage Grime, isn't it? - Yeah, yeah, you've got a clue.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01I was thinking more of the grime we get in cos
0:18:01 > 0:18:03we have coal fires in our house now.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06And we get a lot of grime up in the chimney and you can't...
0:18:06 > 0:18:10- I don't know if you've noticed this, but the chimney sweeps...- Oh, my God!
0:18:10 > 0:18:12..can't get up the chimneys any more.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14They used to bring their little boys with them.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- What are you talking about?! - But that's not allowed any more.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19They used to shove them up the chimney
0:18:19 > 0:18:21and they'd clear all the grime and come down again
0:18:21 > 0:18:24and then off they'd go and you'd give them a couple of bob...
0:18:24 > 0:18:28A couple of bob?! What world do you live in?!
0:18:28 > 0:18:31But now the children do other things, so there's no point.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33You can never get rid of the grime.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37Seriously, people already think I am too posh
0:18:37 > 0:18:39and disconnected from the real world.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42You're painting our life like it's fucking Downton Abbey.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43LAUGHTER
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Rein it in, Father.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Mr Biz, um, could you explain to these two...?
0:18:48 > 0:18:51So, you've got an idea. You said Garage Grime, sort of...
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- No, no, he meant garage as in car garage, I think!- Oh.
0:18:54 > 0:18:59It's mainly MC-based, like rappers kind of like...a bit like poetry,
0:18:59 > 0:19:01like street poetry,
0:19:01 > 0:19:06like spitting, rapping over fast beats.
0:19:06 > 0:19:11So, telling stories with rhymes over fast beats.
0:19:11 > 0:19:12Mm-hm. Good.
0:19:12 > 0:19:17Biz, maybe it would help if you showed my dad a bit of like...
0:19:17 > 0:19:20- Cos you can spit lyrics like... - Yeah, I got some...
0:19:20 > 0:19:22I'll give you a famous one, but you got to give energy, so...
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- Energy, man.- Do you want me to beatbox for you?
0:19:25 > 0:19:26HE BEATBOXES
0:19:26 > 0:19:29That was awful! That was the worst ever! Why did I do that?
0:19:29 > 0:19:33- Why did I think I could beatbox? - So, it goes like this.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34# Pow! Yeah, I'm Leth to the B!
0:19:34 > 0:19:36# Pow! If you don't know about me!
0:19:36 > 0:19:38# Pow! Yo! Pow!
0:19:38 > 0:19:40# You know! Pow! #
0:19:40 > 0:19:42APPLAUSE
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Well...quite, um.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50So, that's, um...
0:19:50 > 0:19:53- That's just like an idea...- Right.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55..of what goes down at a Grime event.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57- Loads of energy and you had the right face.- Yeah.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00- That's what it's really like. - I was enjoying it.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02I was sorry it stopped so quickly, really.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06You definitely showed three of the major signs there
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- of having a stroke! - LAUGHTER
0:20:09 > 0:20:12I thought we were going to have to get that Countdown nurse out!
0:20:14 > 0:20:17It was like a sort of human defibrillator, you know,
0:20:17 > 0:20:21those things you put on your chest to start your heart.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23You could do that. You could get a job down at the hospital.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26LAUGHTER
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Now, Biz, you are so much more than just a rapper.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31You are a modern day Samuel Johnson.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34You've come up with your own word.
0:20:34 > 0:20:39- Yeah.- Dench!- Dench! - Um, what does dench mean?
0:20:39 > 0:20:40Um, it meant a few things,
0:20:40 > 0:20:43- but now I've narrowed it down to just being cool.- Cool?
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Just cool, so anything that's cool, I see a lot of dench people
0:20:46 > 0:20:50in the crowd right now, that's the type of context you can use it as.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54- Yes. Dench?- Dench. I'm trying to get it in the dictionary.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56We've got it in the Macmillan Dictionary.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59But surely if it was in there, they would be thinking
0:20:59 > 0:21:02of Dame Judi Dench, who I used to be involved with?
0:21:02 > 0:21:05- No, it's totally different. - Nothing to do with Dame Judi?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07No, totally different.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11Dame Judi Dench is dench as well, but, it's not, it's not...
0:21:11 > 0:21:15So, dench is cool. What would be the opposite to the word dench?
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Um...Amanda Holden, maybe.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- Yeah, sounds good. - Or maybe not, I don't know.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26So, the dench word and it's taken off massively and you've got...
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Yeah, it's done pretty well.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Um, you know, we've had numerous people say it.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Like Judi Dench actually. Um, we're turning it into
0:21:33 > 0:21:37a clothing brand right now also, actually, and Judi Dench wore
0:21:37 > 0:21:40some of the clothing brand like a baseball cap, a T-shirt...
0:21:40 > 0:21:42And I was sending her some for Christmas
0:21:42 > 0:21:43and she said her whole family
0:21:43 > 0:21:46was wearing Dench T-shirts for Christmas last year.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48You know Judi's started up a clothing company called Bizzle?
0:21:48 > 0:21:50No way!
0:21:50 > 0:21:53But I think you could get Nick kitted out in a bit of Dench Wear.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- Yes, man.- Dench. I promise you, I will use dench on Countdown.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00- Oh, my God.- Thank you.- You can look out for that.- Which hand?
0:22:00 > 0:22:03- Touch promise, right hand. - That one?- Yes.- Not too hard?
0:22:03 > 0:22:04No, no, just soft.
0:22:04 > 0:22:05LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:05 > 0:22:08- You're going to say dench on Countdown?- Definitely.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11- Hold you to that.- Oh, I cannot wait.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15I'll say, "Oh, I say, Susie, Rachel...
0:22:15 > 0:22:17"dench!"
0:22:17 > 0:22:20- Is that good?- That's perfect.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21- APPLAUSE - Perfect.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Now, Biz, you invented your word dench, but I wanted to play
0:22:26 > 0:22:31a little game to test just how street you actually are.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Daddy, we have mentioned you have, for some time now,
0:22:34 > 0:22:36wanted to be on Countdown in Dictionary Corner, well,
0:22:36 > 0:22:39now is your chance, in front of the man who can make
0:22:39 > 0:22:43your dream come true, to show just how good you would be.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45In honour of Biz though, this game is going to have
0:22:45 > 0:22:48a slightly urban twist, so instead you are going to be
0:22:48 > 0:22:50in Urban Dictionary Corner.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52LAUGHTER
0:22:52 > 0:22:56The way this is going to work is that Nick will read out slang words.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Biz, you've got to try and define the word and then we will go over
0:22:59 > 0:23:04to Michael in Urban Dictionary Corner for the correct definition.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07So, ladies and gentlemen, let's play Lethal Quizzle.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Well, good evening and welcome to Urban Countdown, with me,
0:23:18 > 0:23:20your host, Nick Hewer.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Our contestant this week is Mr Bizzle,
0:23:23 > 0:23:25and in Urban Dictionary Corner,
0:23:25 > 0:23:29as always, we have the wonderful Michael Whitehall.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32- Thank you.- Look how happy he is!
0:23:32 > 0:23:34APPLAUSE
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Thank you very much, thank you. Thank you.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38He loves this.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Our first word is...
0:23:43 > 0:23:44LAUGHTER
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Mr Bizzle, what is badunkadunk?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53Badunkadunk? I dunno, round?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Is it the alternative for taking a dump?
0:23:57 > 0:24:01Well, hold on, let's go over to Urban Dictionary Corner
0:24:01 > 0:24:03and find out. Michael?
0:24:03 > 0:24:09Definition: Noun, "a large bottom on a female that looks good."
0:24:09 > 0:24:10Wow.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14Example: "Wa'gwan, homie,
0:24:14 > 0:24:18"you see that honey in the club
0:24:18 > 0:24:23"with her badunkadunk all up in my shizzle?"
0:24:23 > 0:24:25LAUGHTER
0:24:25 > 0:24:26"I'd tap that, cuz."
0:24:35 > 0:24:38All right. Now then, our next word is:
0:24:39 > 0:24:42What is a party hat?
0:24:42 > 0:24:45- Party hat?- Lethal?- Is it maybe...
0:24:48 > 0:24:53- ..a thong on your head.- I don't know, Michael, help us out here.
0:24:55 > 0:25:00Definition: "Noun, erect or pointed nipples."
0:25:00 > 0:25:01LAUGHTER
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Wow.
0:25:03 > 0:25:09Example: "Yes, bled, must be cold outside
0:25:09 > 0:25:13"cos your mamma has her party hats on."
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Your mother's got lovely party hats.
0:25:26 > 0:25:31- Oh...- She has.- I'm not disputing... Well, no, I am disputing!
0:25:31 > 0:25:34No, I've never seen my mother's party hats,
0:25:34 > 0:25:36I don't want to think about my mother's party hats.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38(Oh, my gosh.)
0:25:38 > 0:25:40And our final word:
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Oh, hood rat, yeah, I know that.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46That's basically the urban way of a tramp, I think.
0:25:46 > 0:25:51It's got a slightly more sexual connotation, this version,
0:25:51 > 0:25:54but I mean, this could be wrong. I mean, what does Collin know?
0:25:57 > 0:26:03"Noun, female, promiscuous or wanton, a no-good scrub of a woman."
0:26:03 > 0:26:09Example: "Oh, my days, look at Shanika dancing with Julius.
0:26:09 > 0:26:13"She ain't nothing but a hood rat. You feel me?
0:26:13 > 0:26:16"Julius and I, we had something special.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19"We spent a lovely week together in Portofino
0:26:19 > 0:26:22"but it turns out all Julius wanted was one thing,
0:26:22 > 0:26:26"to get his dirty hands on my sweet little badunkadunk."
0:26:26 > 0:26:28LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:33 > 0:26:36- Very good.- Well, there we are.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39That is all for this week, then, on Urban Countdown.
0:26:39 > 0:26:40Until next time,
0:26:40 > 0:26:42keep it real, bitches.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Ladies and gentlemen, that is all we have time for this week.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57A massive thank you to my guests, Nick Hewer and Lethal Bizzle!
0:26:57 > 0:27:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:02 > 0:27:05This has been Backchat, good night.
0:27:05 > 0:27:06THE APPRENTICE MUSIC
0:27:08 > 0:27:10You have all had a good show.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14Nick, I particularly enjoyed some of your anecdotes towards the beginning
0:27:14 > 0:27:18but worry that on some of the tasks you took a bit of a back seat.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23Mr Biz, you remind me of a younger me,
0:27:23 > 0:27:26even though you are older than me and a Grime rapper.
0:27:28 > 0:27:32Father, you were very grumpy at the beginning of the evening
0:27:32 > 0:27:33but you warmed up a little bit
0:27:33 > 0:27:36and I did enjoy some of your interjections.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39However, your reference to my mother's party hats
0:27:39 > 0:27:41will haunt me for the rest of my life.
0:27:43 > 0:27:48It is for this reason, that with regret, Father, you're fired.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Fuck off.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd