0:00:02 > 0:00:04CHATTER AND LAUGHTER
0:00:04 > 0:00:06- Can everyone please be quiet? - Sssshhhhh.
0:00:06 > 0:00:10- Erm, can you listen to Mr Wickers, please?- Settle down.- Hang on.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13Hang on. If you want their attention, start with a joke.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17- What do you call a black milkman? - Right. OK. Hello, everyone.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20Welcome to the Abbey Grove field trip.
0:00:20 > 0:00:24Next stop, the Tring Ink Museum and Petting Zoo.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27- What do you want?- To say a few words.- It's not a wedding.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Now, I only have one rule...
0:00:29 > 0:00:34- There are no rules.- Except, annoyingly, all of the school rules.
0:00:34 > 0:00:35And one new rule.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Please don't do anything Mitchell dares you to do.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39Joe.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Joe.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Ah, cringe!
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Now, smoking is only permitted at the front of the coach,
0:00:48 > 0:00:51so I can suck up all your second-hand stuff while I'm driving.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53- All right?- Sit down.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55Now, there's no lock on the toilet,
0:00:55 > 0:00:58- so put a sock on the door if you're docking at Quimsby...- Right.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02- ..if you know what I mean. - Um. Do you maybe want to just put on a video?
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Oh, yeah. I've got a couple here. I've got Showgirls
0:01:05 > 0:01:06and, er, Predator.
0:01:06 > 0:01:07Oh, sweet. Which Predator?
0:01:07 > 0:01:08Alfie!
0:01:08 > 0:01:13Twelve Angry Men. Is that with Henry Fonda?
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Oh, no. My ex-wife and the darts team. Double top.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Maybe the radio?
0:01:18 > 0:01:19You got it. You're the boss.
0:01:19 > 0:01:24So kids, what do you call an Indian with thrush?
0:01:24 > 0:01:27This programme contains adult humour.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Now, er, if you look to your left you'll see the Cock and Goose.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00The cubicles are very well connected.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03And if you look to your right, you'll see a lay-by
0:02:03 > 0:02:07that is in my opinion a tad over lit.
0:02:10 > 0:02:15Oi, what you... Why've you got a bag of miniatures?
0:02:15 > 0:02:17This shit Irish airline, right, fired my brother
0:02:17 > 0:02:19cos he broke company policy.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22- How?- He helped a customer. Anyways, when he left,
0:02:22 > 0:02:25he jacked a load of these and a couple of life jackets.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26HE TUTS
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Give me that. Look, just cos we're not in school
0:02:28 > 0:02:31doesn't mean you can get drunk. THESE are confiscated.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Why are you wearing those heinous boots?
0:02:35 > 0:02:38They're just hiking boots. What's wrong with them?
0:02:38 > 0:02:42It's just those and that hair makes you look like a guard in a woman's prison.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45These are my outdoors clothes.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47We're going to the countryside!
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Bear Grylls says you have to be prepared for anything
0:02:50 > 0:02:52which is why I am also...
0:02:52 > 0:02:55rockin' one of these bad boys.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Multi-purpose utility harness.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03- Is that a spork?! - Yep. For those tricky little jobs
0:03:03 > 0:03:05that a fork just can't handle.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08- Is it supposed to be that tight?! - Yup.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- Can't feel a thing.- Chap slap!
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Oh! You dick!
0:03:12 > 0:03:14HE LAUGHS
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Sir, I need your help.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22I want a DMC about relationships. This boy, Finlay, he...
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Sir, why can't we go paint balling?
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Because it doesn't benefit an academic subject.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28Art!
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- Art!- We're not going paint balling.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37- Why is it an ink museum AND a petting zoo?- I don't know, Alfie.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Maybe they've got a squid.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41This trip is going to be so dull.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45Look, I organised this. You told me you liked animals as well.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Yeah, I do. Tigers and shit.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50- Anyway, it's a lot better than some other trips.- Yeah, Fraser's taking
0:03:50 > 0:03:55the English scholars to see some boring poetry thing.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Hello.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Where's the rap battle?
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Tight to me, kids.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Ahhhh. Nature red in tooth and claw.
0:04:12 > 0:04:17Hey! Maybe we could go camping on the way BACK from the zoo.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20I really want to teach my kids how to gut a reindeer with a piece of bark.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- I can't. I've got to be back by seven.- Why?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26I'm going on a date with this guy.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Date?! We haven't discussed this.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33Why are you going on a date with a guy?
0:04:33 > 0:04:34Who is this "guy"?
0:04:34 > 0:04:39- I don't know. It's a blind date. - A blind date? Oh.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Very risky.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Where did he find you?
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- The internet?- He's not a weirdo. He's going to take me...
0:04:46 > 0:04:48No, no. Don't tell me.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- I'll watch the reconstruction on Crimewatch.- Oh, Alfie!
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- He's a normal guy.- Yeah, sure.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Normal guy. Bit of a loner.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Obsessed with sex. Oh, let me guess.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Probably still lives with his parents.
0:05:00 > 0:05:04- SHE CLEARS HER THROAT - Don't turn this round on me.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Anyway, how old's Fred West?
0:05:07 > 0:05:08My date? 23.
0:05:10 > 0:05:1323?! But I'm 23!
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Yeah, but he's an old 23.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18It's like this many sleeps till I'm 24.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20- Yeah, but he's a teacher. - I'm a teacher!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22He teaches mentally challenged children.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Have you seen my class?!
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Ow!
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Ow! Ow! Stop!
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Ow!
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Look, if you're going to be like this all journey,
0:05:32 > 0:05:36- I'm going to sit next to Mollinson. - Really? What, and let her show you her holiday photos?
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Yeah, fine by me.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40There's my husband with his snorkel.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44And there he is laying out the tarpaulin.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Have you ever been to Germany?
0:05:48 > 0:05:52I just don't understand why Fraser didn't let me organise my own trip.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Er, maybe because of your science trip?
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Right. That was Mitchell's fault. He said it was like Spiderman.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13Look, all I'm saying is that I think I should have taken everyone
0:06:13 > 0:06:16on like a proper Bear Grylls expedition.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- Teach them how to survive in the wild.- Why would they need that?
0:06:19 > 0:06:21What if The Hunger Games came true?
0:06:21 > 0:06:23SHE GIGGLES
0:06:23 > 0:06:27We'll see who's laughing when Jing's killing one of your kids with a bow and arrow.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48Welcome to Shrub Wood Farm.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52Now, unfortunately, we have worms.
0:06:53 > 0:06:59I spent all morning fishing this out of a weasel.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03It's an epidemic.
0:07:03 > 0:07:09Everything's got them. So remember, it's a look but don't touch policy.
0:07:09 > 0:07:15Er, but a private dance can be arranged later.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19I'm joking.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22We had to stop doing that.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26So, cubs and, er, girls,
0:07:26 > 0:07:30have you got any questions about animals?
0:07:30 > 0:07:35- Sir, I really need to talk to you. - Not now, Chantelle. The boring man is talking.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Any questions at all?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Why do cows have so many tits?
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Well...
0:07:41 > 0:07:44the cows have udders.
0:07:44 > 0:07:45How come you can call dogs bitches,
0:07:45 > 0:07:49- but not bitches bitches? - Rem Dogg, behave.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53Would you rather be a boy with a dog's head or a dog with a boy's head?
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Well, obviously a boy with...
0:07:56 > 0:07:58- Oi, worms!- Is... Is... Is he talking to me?
0:07:58 > 0:08:02My mate Rasheed, yeah, said he found a beak in one of his McNuggets.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04See, I thought the chicken lays the nugget.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Does it not lay the nugget then?
0:08:08 > 0:08:11When the female chicken is impregnated by the male...
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Old MacDonald, does the male chicken lie to the female chicken
0:08:14 > 0:08:20just to get into her pants and then break her heart with a text?
0:08:20 > 0:08:25Guys, please. Can we show a little bit of respect to the farmer man?
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Ask some serious questions.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Do all meerkats come from Russia?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47This is so depressing.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50I know. It's like they're on a spectrum
0:08:50 > 0:08:53- that's actually beyond the spectrum. - No, the animals!
0:08:53 > 0:08:55I can't bear to see them distressed.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59Look! Malnourished, all caged up.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01I just hope they're not upsetting the kids.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Oi, sir. Look at its dick. It's got shit on it!
0:09:05 > 0:09:07I think they're coping.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09It's got shit on its dick!
0:09:09 > 0:09:10HE LAUGHS
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Now, kids, prepare to be amazed
0:09:12 > 0:09:16by Swinonus rhinonium
0:09:16 > 0:09:18or the rhino...
0:09:20 > 0:09:21..pig!
0:09:23 > 0:09:25THEY LAUGH
0:09:25 > 0:09:29- Wow.- Your wife got a name?
0:09:31 > 0:09:32That is disgusting.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35I've a good mind to rip off the bars to that cage
0:09:35 > 0:09:37and set that animal free.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40I've made a terrible mistake bringing us all here.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43(RAPS) Leaving you...
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Where's my bitches at?
0:09:46 > 0:09:47Show me them titties.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49What d'ya say?
0:09:49 > 0:09:53Yeah!
0:09:54 > 0:09:58Who here thought ink was boring?
0:10:04 > 0:10:05OK.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09Who here takes a newspaper?
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Who's read a book?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21So, what's your date doing with you tonight...
0:10:21 > 0:10:23apart from turning you into a dress?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Why are you so obsessed with it?
0:10:25 > 0:10:27I'm not obsessed.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31Can anyone tell me where ink comes from?
0:10:31 > 0:10:33- A pen.- No.
0:10:33 > 0:10:38- Well, it does come from a pen, don't it?- Yes, but...
0:10:38 > 0:10:39originally?
0:10:39 > 0:10:40Ryman's.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Oh, my God. He's talking to them like they're seven.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46This is so inappropriate.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Who wishes to play God?
0:10:55 > 0:10:56Anyone?
0:11:06 > 0:11:10What would you do, pig, if you loved someone that didn't love you?
0:11:11 > 0:11:15- Alfie, are you talking to the rhino pig?- No!
0:11:15 > 0:11:18I'm just...drinking some Malibu.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- I'm depressed, all right? Get off my back.- Why are you depressed?
0:11:22 > 0:11:23HE SIGHS
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Miss Gulliver's going on a date with a guy.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Why can't she see how much I like her?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Maybe you should let her know.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36What, by, like, making a grand gesture?
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Or just tell her.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Yeah, you're right.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43I need to let her know how much I care
0:11:43 > 0:11:45by doing something massive, really bold.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49- Or just tell her.- I've got it. - Just tell her.- The pig!
0:11:49 > 0:11:53Rosie wants this creature to be happy,
0:11:53 > 0:11:55just like I want her to be happy.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59- Alfie, how much Malibu have you drunk?- It needs to run free. - Alfie, don't touch it!
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- It's got worms. Alfie! Alfie! - Run, piggy!
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Go, piggy. Go.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Run!
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Miss Gulliver's going to be pretty impressed.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Yeah(!)
0:12:18 > 0:12:20She's not, is she?
0:12:20 > 0:12:21Nah.
0:12:27 > 0:12:28Yo!
0:12:28 > 0:12:33Um, so, I was thinking maybe we should think about leaving.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34What have you done?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Nothing.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40I just don't want you to be late for your date.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46What are you wearing tonight?
0:12:46 > 0:12:47Why?
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Oh, nothing.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52It's just I was talking to Inky earlier
0:12:52 > 0:12:55and he says that in his gift shop he sells real fur coats.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57I was thinking maybe you could buy one,
0:12:57 > 0:13:00team it up with a little otter scarf.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Right. Everyone back on the bus!
0:13:02 > 0:13:05- Quickly. Wake him up. Take him out. Off you go. On the bus.- Come on.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21We've got two routes back.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- Motorway at rush hour. - Or?
0:13:24 > 0:13:25Scenic route.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Plenty of lay-bys to dip into round Tring.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31Why don't you just use your sat nav to find the quickest route back?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Never used one, never will.
0:13:33 > 0:13:34Why?
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Won't be told what to do by a woman.
0:13:48 > 0:13:49We're lost.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55Bieber, take the wheel. I'm not sure I can trust this fart.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56I can't! I've been drinking.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57So have I.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Watch out!
0:14:08 > 0:14:09SQUEALING
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Jesus! Was it... Was that a person?
0:14:11 > 0:14:15- Paul's fault! I need to dust the prints off this wheel. - I'm going to check.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Is everyone OK?
0:14:23 > 0:14:26If anybody asks, the pig hit US.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29How do you think it escaped?
0:14:29 > 0:14:33- Oh, God. Do you think someone let it out?- Um...
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Maybe it let itself out.
0:14:35 > 0:14:36Does anyone know anything about this?
0:14:36 > 0:14:41- I won't be annoyed if you're honest with me.- They always say that.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44- Did you know about this?- What?
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Fine.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55- I freed the pig, miss, because it looked sad.- Well,
0:14:55 > 0:14:59that's stupid, but I admire the gesture.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05- You stole my gesture! - Where's my bra, eh?
0:15:05 > 0:15:08You've got it, haven't you? You took it off in the pool, didn't you?
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Oh, God. He's concussed. Sit him down.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Give him some oxygen.
0:15:14 > 0:15:19Oh, God. You're going to have to call the AA. I haven't got any reception.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Neither have I.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Well, we can't go back to that farm.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28I know! I could trek cross country,
0:15:28 > 0:15:30find the nearest town, get help.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Oh, OK. But...
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- Well, come straight back, yeah? - Yeah. Sure.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37Right.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39I'm going to need to gather up a team.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Not you.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Lilt goes flat so quickly.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Oh, I love being outside, me.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Reminds me of being in the scouts.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01- Our scoutmaster, Mr Rogers, he was my hero.- Aw, why? What was he like?
0:16:01 > 0:16:05So brave. This one time, right, he fought off a bear.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07- A bear? In England?!- No.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08In Wales.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11We'd all gone skinny dipping and we came back to the campsite
0:16:11 > 0:16:13and Mr Rogers had fought off this bear
0:16:13 > 0:16:16that had broken into our tents and eaten all of our clothes.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Did you ever see this bear?
0:16:18 > 0:16:21No, but it must have been a very picky bear
0:16:21 > 0:16:23cos it didn't touch anything else.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Not even the food.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28Sir, wasn't there a sign on the road that said Tring was that way?
0:16:28 > 0:16:32Signs. We don't need signs. We're in the wild.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34This is the only sign I need...
0:16:36 > 0:16:37..wind sign.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Yup, that's north. We get through these woods,
0:16:43 > 0:16:44we'll hit Tring.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Lunch?
0:16:49 > 0:16:52Bear says you never know when you're going to be able to eat next.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55- Did you kill this?! - Yep. Used my trowel.- It looks like
0:16:55 > 0:16:58- it's been dead for weeks. - Anyone want a forest berry?
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Don't! No, that's a yew berry.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02It's the most poisonous berry in Britain.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Uh-huh! They're cranberries. I know that cos they're red.
0:17:05 > 0:17:10- Yeah, well, I'm a biology teacher, so just trust me.- Anyone?
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Jing? Come on. You guys eat anything.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Like those poo-ey hundred-year-old eggs. Urgh.
0:17:15 > 0:17:16IN CHINESE:
0:17:17 > 0:17:21Yeah, I'm sure they are delicious, but so are these berries.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23- Alfie, we've actually... - Anyone? No? Fine.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25More for me.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26Mmmmm. Yum, yum, yum.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31HE GROANS
0:17:31 > 0:17:32Fizzy berry.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Oh, screw this. I'm eating my rolls.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37What?!
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Packed lunch, bellend.
0:17:41 > 0:17:42You...
0:17:42 > 0:17:45I tried to tell you, but you didn't listen. Have some of mine.
0:17:45 > 0:17:51No. Fine. No. You eat your sandwiches with all their E numbers.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54I am feasting off Mother Nature.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Ooh! A mushroom!
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Right. OK.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07How do you gut this?
0:18:11 > 0:18:12Come on, guys.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15We need to keep moving.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Alfie?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22We're being followed.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24- Are you OK?- His eyes look funny.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27He looks like my brother after he came back from Ibiza!
0:18:27 > 0:18:32Alfie, do you know where we are?
0:18:33 > 0:18:37Will somebody please tell that frog
0:18:37 > 0:18:39I do not want to smoke his pipe.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42People!
0:18:42 > 0:18:44A bush.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- Everyone wave. Get their attention. - I know. I'll chuck a rock at them.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49No, don't! Don't. We need their help.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Hello! Come on, guys. Help me.
0:18:52 > 0:18:53ALL: Hello!
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Help us!
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Help us.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Over here!
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Where's Alfie?
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Shitty harness.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Nobody drink from the stream.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11They were really bad berries.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Look at that! Look at that! Bloody disgusting.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Disgusting. Bloody kids!
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Oi! Oi!
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Sir shitted in the river.
0:19:24 > 0:19:25HE LAUGHS
0:19:25 > 0:19:30- That was so sick.- Why do YOU have to ruin everything?- Rosie...
0:19:30 > 0:19:31No. No. I organised this day,
0:19:31 > 0:19:34but you decide it's rubbish, so you make it rubbish.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38- You hated the farm too. - I told you not to eat those berries and what did you do?
0:19:38 > 0:19:40- OK. I admit that.- You're stupid.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43You're immature. You only ever think about yourself.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44I think about you all the time.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48That's why I let the piggy free.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50You let the pig free?
0:19:50 > 0:19:51You said you admired the gesture.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Yeah, I admire it being made by a child.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57- But it's free-ee-ee. - I can't believe you think I'd ever be interested in you.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00You're such a pathetic, selfish, little boy.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07I think I might need a dock leaf.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09That bog roll was a little nettle-y.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22Go away.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25- I want to be on my own for a bit. - What's that, sir?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27I've dug myself a bucket.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32I'm sorry for being agro. It's cos my man...
0:20:32 > 0:20:36- Finlay. He left her.- He's my first long-term relationship.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39And by long-term...?
0:20:39 > 0:20:42- He took me to Strada, like, twice. - OK.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46He said he loved me just so he could sleep with me.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49- What happened?- He slept with me.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51No, I meant after that.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Oh. He told me I wasn't mature enough. But I am mature.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55I like Adele
0:20:55 > 0:20:58and I've not been in Claire's Accessories for, like, two years.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Sir, why don't you come sit with us?
0:21:04 > 0:21:07I don't think Miss Gulliver wants to talk to me much.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09But we do.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14OK.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15I guess.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Hey, guys.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Sorry about the...stream and stuff.
0:21:32 > 0:21:37Look. Don't worry. I'll make a fire. I got all the badges in scouts.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Fire-making, knot-tying,
0:21:39 > 0:21:40secret-keeping.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42There isn't a badge for keeping secrets.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Er, shows how much you know.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Mr Rogers said it was the most important badge a scout could get.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51Look, if we're going to get this fire lit, we're going to need to work as a team.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Chantelle, Joe. You go looking for kindling.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57Mitchell, Stephen. We're going to need flints. Ideally quartz.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01Anything that's going to be able to create a spark...
0:22:01 > 0:22:03You ALL smoke?
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Jesus.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08I'm a terrible role model.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10RAPS: They call me teach Because I do.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13I'll bring you times tables Three times two.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16You'll think you're bad ass But I tell you UCAS would disagree.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19No university going to give you A degree so don't try for LSE
0:22:19 > 0:22:23Cos you'll need A dual science award at GCSE.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25And the only way You wouldn't need that
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Is if your school had been on International Baccalaureate.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32So go figure, pull the trigger
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Shit's getting bigger, my...
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Man.
0:22:38 > 0:22:39Brap.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Ah, finally. Look, cars!
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Right. I'll go ask them for help.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56GRUNTING AND MOANING
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Hello! Um...
0:22:57 > 0:23:00- GIGGLING - Could you give me a hand?
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Oh, God. Jesus.
0:23:02 > 0:23:03He's a wriggler, Geoff.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Get off. IT'S All RIGHT. They're friendly.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11Could you just let go? Sorry. I think it might alarm the children.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14- You brought your kids?!- Oh, leave him, Geoff. He's probably Cornish.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16I'm terribly sorry. I think there might have been
0:23:16 > 0:23:18a little bit of a misunderstanding here.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22- PANTING - I'm not actually a dogger per se.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24We've got ourselves a puppy, Pam.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26- We don't bite.- Unless you ask.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30- SHE GIGGLES - Look I'm a teacher at Abbey Grove School.
0:23:30 > 0:23:35- Oh! Do you know Olive Mollinson? - Yes. And of course you do too.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39Um, we've had a bit of a traffic accident.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Olive's currently stuck on a coach with a load of children
0:23:42 > 0:23:47and we'd really appreciate your help getting back.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- Oh, sorry, love. Of course we'll help.- Would you give us ten minutes?
0:23:50 > 0:23:54Oh, yes. Terribly sorry.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57- Of course.- You can stay if you want. You can stay.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00- I... I think I'll pass. - Suit yourself.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03GRUNTING CONTINUES
0:24:03 > 0:24:07- How many of you are there?! - Four.- Four.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10- Five.- Didn't see you down there, Robin. Sorry about that, mate.
0:24:21 > 0:24:26- Everything OK?- Yup.- What the hell are they doing, sir? Are they...?
0:24:26 > 0:24:29- They're probably...- Bird watching! - Yeah.- Yup. They're bird watching.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34They're going to drive us home in ten minutes. They're just, er...
0:24:34 > 0:24:37finishing off a Robin.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39- At night?- Yeah.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43CHEERING
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Where...?!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04So, we made it.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Alfie, I...
0:25:07 > 0:25:10- I just want to...- No.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13Before you say anything,
0:25:13 > 0:25:16you're right, I am an idiot.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18No, I over-reacted.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Look, I do a lot of...
0:25:21 > 0:25:23stupid things,
0:25:23 > 0:25:26but I don't do it
0:25:26 > 0:25:29because I'm trying to be selfish.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32I do it because I care about you...
0:25:34 > 0:25:37..even if you don't like me.
0:25:39 > 0:25:40I do like you.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42You mean a lot to me
0:25:42 > 0:25:47and I'm sorry...
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Sorry for me.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Oh, come here.
0:25:52 > 0:25:57Ohhh. You've got such a good heart.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01HE WRETCHES
0:26:01 > 0:26:04Have you just been sick on my back?
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Berries.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13WHISTLES
0:26:18 > 0:26:21- Do you want me to scoop it up with my trowel?- Yeah.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Look, sir. A long rubber branch.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Is this for the birds to perch on?
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Do branches have veins?!
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Joe, put that down.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04- So, we got back in time after all. - Yeah.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07I have to admit, you did sort of save the day in the end.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09Don't worry it was nothing.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14You, er, looking for a lift home?
0:27:14 > 0:27:17There's two routes. The B roads round Wendover
0:27:17 > 0:27:19or we can get the M25...
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Sshhh. You had me at Wendover.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Not yet, luv. Not yet.
0:27:28 > 0:27:29Your carriage awaits.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Where's he taking you?
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Strada.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36Hi, you must be Finlay.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38- Rosie, it's so nice to meet... - Finlay?
0:27:38 > 0:27:41Finlay?! You bastard!
0:27:41 > 0:27:43He's not worth it, babes.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Oh, God.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Where's Fraser?
0:27:50 > 0:27:53RAP MUSIC PLAYS
0:27:54 > 0:27:57Hi. Um, have you seen seven children?
0:27:57 > 0:28:01All English scholars about yea high. Smell of Wotsits.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04RAPS: Bizzle is back That's a warning
0:28:04 > 0:28:05Third album, back touring
0:28:05 > 0:28:07More sucker for the street Applaud it
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Only me that can do it like that
0:28:09 > 0:28:11I could never be a wasteman That's not the team though
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Violate her Throw your arse out the window
0:28:13 > 0:28:15I could never be snitch though
0:28:15 > 0:28:17Better know I ain't Letting off the info
0:28:17 > 0:28:18Forget the interrogation
0:28:18 > 0:28:20I'm old school like ippy dippy dation
0:28:20 > 0:28:22My operation Lethal D Bizzle Records
0:28:22 > 0:28:24I'm on top, see Me, I'm on another level
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Now I'm back in the door
0:28:26 > 0:28:27More cash, more stacks... #
0:28:27 > 0:28:29Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd