0:00:07 > 0:00:09It's weird. When I first saw this uniform, I wept.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11Hashtag, too blessed to be badly dressed.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Do you know what? I'm actually going to miss it.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Where did you get a shredder?
0:00:15 > 0:00:16Fraser's office.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18What did you do on your last day of school, sir?
0:00:18 > 0:00:20You know, I don't actually remember.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21You don't remember Boris Johnson
0:00:21 > 0:00:24bumming you with the handle of your Quidditch broom?
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Ah, Cleopatra. Who am I going to have next year to make wisecracks
0:00:28 > 0:00:30about me getting sodomised at a fictional boarding school?
0:00:30 > 0:00:33- Oh, don't be down, sir. - I'm not, Chantelle.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35We've got plenty of things to look forward to until the term ends
0:00:35 > 0:00:38- and you all leave me forever. - Like the last-ever class wars.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Exactly, Joe! It's going to be the best one yet -
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Zombie Apocalypse.
0:00:43 > 0:00:44ALL: Ooh!
0:00:44 > 0:00:47- I've even sorted out an actual zombie to attack the class.- How?
0:00:47 > 0:00:51Told the librarian that we had a few overdue books in here.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54(Then I stole her insulin.)
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Urgh!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58And we're not all leaving, sir. Jing'll be here next year.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Yeah, me and Jing.
0:01:00 > 0:01:01Whoo!
0:01:01 > 0:01:03We can still see each other, sir.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05I mean, YOU still see YOUR teachers.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Yeah, course I do. This isn't the end.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09No-one splits up this gang.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Who wants to be blood brothers?
0:01:11 > 0:01:12A bit much, sir.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16Sorry. It's just that we're all such good friends.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18- Alfie!- Frank!
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Get off him!
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Argh!
0:01:21 > 0:01:24LAUGHTER
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Oh, look. There you are.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Alfie, why have your class destroyed their uniforms?
0:01:30 > 0:01:31There's, like, a week left of term.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33I couldn't say no to them.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Well, you know they're late for their career seminar?
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Just saying our goodbyes.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Quick hug from teach.
0:01:39 > 0:01:40Everyone gets a spoon.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42- Me next!- Not you!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Last week, you sat a state-of-the-art,
0:02:16 > 0:02:18three-dimensional aptitude test,
0:02:18 > 0:02:21to ascertain what career suited your unique skill set.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25Your answers were fed into a revolutionary new data-mining computer programme,
0:02:25 > 0:02:29the most advanced careers-predicting technology on the planet.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30Let's see the results.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Stephen, you are destined to become...
0:02:33 > 0:02:36- COMPUTER:- An archaeologist.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38An archaeologist.
0:02:38 > 0:02:39An archaeologist.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Computers don't lie, Chantelle.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44The emotionally-crippled spinsters I'm automatically paired with
0:02:44 > 0:02:47on Guardian Soulmates redefine harsh but fair.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48An archaeologist.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49An archaeologist.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50An archaeologist.
0:02:50 > 0:02:51An archaeologist.
0:02:51 > 0:02:52A stuntman.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Right, well, he's not going to be a stuntman.
0:02:57 > 0:02:58A stuntman. A stuntman.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00- A stuntman. A stuntman. - Er, it's a glitch.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02I'm sure you're going to turn out to be...
0:03:02 > 0:03:03A male escort.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Guys, guys, class selfie! Everyone in.
0:03:18 > 0:03:19Give it!
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Delete. Delete.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Delete.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Ooh, work. I look cute in that one.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28OK, I'll send it to you all if you just give me your numbers.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30- Do you want my Snapchat deets? - 100% definitely not.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Don't worry, I'll make a slide show.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Sir, do you want to be my date to the prom?
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Or are you back with her?
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Er, we're taking things slowly.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Office romances never work. It's a Cosmo no-no.
0:03:40 > 0:03:41Maybe you're right.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44I know we're meant for each other, but working together at school...
0:03:44 > 0:03:48Sometimes it feels like she's just embarrassed by me.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Never let anyone make you hide who you really are, sir.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- That's why Stephen Carmichael is not going to the prom.- What?
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Hashtag, sorry not sorry.
0:03:55 > 0:04:00- Howevs, he gave his wristband to Stephanie Fierce!- Yes!
0:04:00 > 0:04:01It's his female alter ego.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Ain't you worried people are going to pick on ya?
0:04:03 > 0:04:04Haters gonna hate.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Haters gonna be drunk, lairy, and technically no longer at school.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11They could be real dicks about it, Stephen.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15sir, um, I've applied for a creative writing course in Paris.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16What?
0:04:16 > 0:04:20I want to be a writer and Tring isn't the most inspiring place.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22But you can't all leave. Then I'll be on my own.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Grow a pair, yeah?
0:04:24 > 0:04:25I know, Cleo, I'm sorry.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28I just can't deal with this emotional shit.
0:04:28 > 0:04:29I'm posh.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Where I come from, feelings are meant to be buried.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Or taken out years later on a horsey, secret-drinker wife
0:04:34 > 0:04:37that my mother made me marry for her child-bearing hips.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39But you'll have a whole new class next year, Alfie.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40I don't want a new class.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42I want you guys.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44You're my kids.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45ALL: Aw!
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- KNOCK AT DOOR - Right, who's next in the careers hot seat?
0:04:54 > 0:04:59Dad, I need a new job. I can't cope without my kids.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03Right, how are you with ruins? Handy with a trowel?
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Happy smuggling monuments out of Greece?
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Dad, I'm not being an archaeologist.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12Listen, losing your first class can be devastating,
0:05:12 > 0:05:15but each new year brings a fresh start.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Thanks, Dad. That's good advice.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18And look on the bright side,
0:05:18 > 0:05:21I mean, parents get stuck with their kids for life.
0:05:21 > 0:05:22Less strong.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Is this about Rosie?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Let me tell you a pertinent yarn.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30HE HUFFS
0:05:30 > 0:05:35In the '70s, two students met on summer jobs in the London Dungeons.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38They fell in love, but the dream turned to a nightmare
0:05:38 > 0:05:40when I found that I couldn't work under the spell
0:05:40 > 0:05:44- of your mother's voracious sexual appetite.- Oh, God!
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Fortunately we were fired
0:05:46 > 0:05:49when a visiting headmaster reported sightings
0:05:49 > 0:05:52of a partially disrobed Mary, Queen of Scots
0:05:52 > 0:05:54fellating Jack the Ripper
0:05:54 > 0:05:56through the letter box of 10 Rillington Place.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Right.
0:05:59 > 0:06:04Well, that is the single most harrowing 30 seconds of my life.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Fraser...
0:06:14 > 0:06:16FRASER GIGGLING
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Why?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20I hid in the leavers' photos!
0:06:20 > 0:06:23But they're individual portraits.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26MUSIC: Left Bank Two by The Noveltones
0:06:30 > 0:06:34Look, Fraser, if you promise not to go crazy,
0:06:34 > 0:06:37then we can have a grown-up discussion...
0:06:37 > 0:06:38about my P45.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43But WHY?!
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Alfie, I've just spoken to Martin.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51You can't leave Abbey Grove.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52You're a great teacher.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55But I want to be a great boyfriend, Rosie.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58You gave me a second chance, I'm not going to throw that away.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Hi, Rosie. I punched my reflection.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Alfred, I've had a quiet think about your moment of madness
0:07:07 > 0:07:10and I'm willing to forgive you if you agree to stay on at Abbey Grove.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13Goodbye, guys.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17I see.
0:07:17 > 0:07:18Would you excuse me?
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Oh, God, you traitor!
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Alfie, what will you do?
0:07:26 > 0:07:32Rosie, I'm a young, self-motivated, highly-qualified professional.
0:07:32 > 0:07:37Trust me. I'm going to be beating off the job offers with a shitty stick.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46She says, "I think it's MDF."
0:07:46 > 0:07:48And I'm like, "What are you going on about?
0:07:48 > 0:07:49"You're going to need some primer."
0:07:49 > 0:07:52And she says, "I think I need some paint." I'm like, "No, you don't.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55"You need primer, you stupid tart."
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Silly bint!
0:07:57 > 0:07:58Yeah, what a dumb bitch.
0:08:02 > 0:08:07Here's one you lads'll like. This geezer asks me
0:08:07 > 0:08:09for the strength of a torch...
0:08:09 > 0:08:10in candles!
0:08:10 > 0:08:12HE SNORTS
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Really thought that would illicit more of a titter.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- TANNOY:- Staff call, spillage in the bathroom section.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27Oh, that poor old dear thought one of the display toilets was real!
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Who's the unlucky bastard that gets to clean that up?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Yeah, it's me, isn't it?
0:08:34 > 0:08:35I'm the unlucky bastard.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40By the way, let me know if you're up for a few jars after work.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43Pencil you in as maybes.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Oh, my God,
0:08:58 > 0:09:01the lads I work with are amazing.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Already planning a boys' weekend in Marbs.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05And to think I became a teacher
0:09:05 > 0:09:08because I struggle to form lasting friendships with people my own age.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13Sorry, let me just go back a few steps. You're working in a...?
0:09:13 > 0:09:14PlayStation game testing factory.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16What kind of stuff do you do?
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Well, I shouldn't really be telling you this
0:09:18 > 0:09:22but we are developing a new button -
0:09:22 > 0:09:24the hexagon!
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Wow!
0:09:26 > 0:09:28- Wait...- But enough about me, what about you guys?
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Stephen, you got a date yet?
0:09:30 > 0:09:33None of the boys here can handle a real woman.
0:09:33 > 0:09:34You've got to come to the prom, sir.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36I can't. I don't work here anymore.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38- FRASER:- You're damn right!
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Hello, Judas! I thought you'd be hanging from a tree by now.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47What's it like at the PlayStation factory? No, Fraser. Stay strong.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51I blocked you on Facebook. I think it's for the best.
0:09:51 > 0:09:52Fraser, we weren't lovers.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Didn't want you getting Facebook envy of me
0:09:54 > 0:09:56and my new best friend, Mr Heather.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58This guy's banter is off the chain.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Do I have to wear this shirt? I'm getting a rash.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Me and my homeslice going to smoke bare sticky icky hand bongs
0:10:03 > 0:10:04in these bad boys.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06I can't smoke, I'm asthmatic.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10Ooh, Kareem Abdul-Banter! Just slam dunked another basket, lol.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12I miss you every day.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13Damn it, Fraser.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Well, as you're no longer a member of staff
0:10:16 > 0:10:19I must ask you to ALF Wiedersehen.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Bothered?
0:10:20 > 0:10:23We have Subway for lunch every day at PlayStation HQ.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24The land of milk and honey.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Will you think about coming to prom, Alfie?
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Look, Joe, maybe it's best if we all move on.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- Are you crying? - Hold your tongue, Phil.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Hey, guys! Did anyone order a maverick teacher
0:10:42 > 0:10:44that's more like your best mate?
0:10:44 > 0:10:45Coming right up.
0:10:45 > 0:10:50Ooh, ooh, Christmas crackers...in June! Come on!
0:10:50 > 0:10:52It'll be a laugh.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59Hey! Hey, Frank. Did I ever tell you about my embarrassing tattoo?
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Bit of ammunition there. Go on, have a swing.
0:11:02 > 0:11:03Sorry, Miss, it's just not the same.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07You got too much self esteem.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Turns out I need that bumbling, toffee-nosed wank stain
0:11:10 > 0:11:12like day needs night.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Frank, that's so poetic.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15I miss Mr Wickers too.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17He's literally my Yang.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Guys, come on! Cheer up!
0:11:20 > 0:11:24Oi, Sound Of Music, just put on a DVD and leave it, yeah?
0:11:25 > 0:11:27What about class wars?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Keep talking.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33Yeah, like one big, end-of-term, final battle extravaganza.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Would Alfie mind us doing it without him?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Babes, it's what he would have wanted.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Yeah, yeah! Now we're cooking with gas!
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Yeah! How about the battle for women's rights in the workplace?
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- Yeah! - PUPILS GROAN
0:11:46 > 0:11:49OK, everyone on the left, you can be, like...
0:11:49 > 0:11:54young, independent women, and on the right you can be the establishment.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Boo!
0:11:57 > 0:11:58IMITATES GUNSHOT
0:11:58 > 0:12:01I don't think I'm very good at this irresponsible teacher thing.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Yo, Miss G! Here's the shopping list.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06So much for equality in the workplace.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09We're going to need BBQs, fairy lights and Chinese lanterns.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- What are you wearing?- My DJ clobber.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Swedish House of Fraser.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15I'm spinning tunes at the prom tonight. Any requests?
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Any requests except the request that I don't DJ this evening?
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Decking.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Claw hammer.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34Cable ties.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Lime.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39Oh, God!
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Why don't these tills come with a panic button?
0:12:42 > 0:12:44HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
0:12:44 > 0:12:46PHONE RINGS
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Oh, sorry, do you mind if I get this? It's my girlfriend.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Women! Can't live with 'em.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58OK. Bye!
0:12:59 > 0:13:01How's the PlayStation factory?
0:13:01 > 0:13:02Great!
0:13:02 > 0:13:04The PS4 gang will be the death of me.
0:13:04 > 0:13:09Old Billy, Joel, Ringo and...
0:13:10 > 0:13:12..Sink.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Well, glad you're happy.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18How are my kids? Have they forgotten about me already?
0:13:18 > 0:13:20You're all they talk about.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Oh, you've got to come to the prom, Alf.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26I'm in DIY Home Stores getting decorations now.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28- You're in DIY Home Stores?- Mm-hmm.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Um, you should leave, er, right now.
0:13:32 > 0:13:33Why?
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Because, erm, I heard that, er,
0:13:38 > 0:13:40they use sweatshops. Yeah.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42All their garden furniture is made by children.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44So you should get out of there
0:13:44 > 0:13:45before you have kids' blood on your hands.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Alfie?
0:13:49 > 0:13:50Hey!
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Surprise!
0:13:53 > 0:13:54What are you doing?
0:13:54 > 0:13:59Er, just, er... Just trying out this bath. Very spacious.
0:13:59 > 0:14:00Why are you wearing that apron?
0:14:01 > 0:14:04You mean, er, this old friend?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07I've always had this.
0:14:07 > 0:14:08All right. Busted!
0:14:10 > 0:14:13I'm actually trying to blag a staff discount, so ssh!
0:14:13 > 0:14:14- Oh!- Hence...
0:14:14 > 0:14:19Right, it just... It looks like you could, sort of, maybe, work here.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22What, me? Work here? Don't be ridiculous.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Oi, Dickers.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Fella over there said you just walked away and stopped serving him.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Sorry, mate. I think you might have me mistaken for somebody else.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33Nah, definitely you who served him. He said it was a posh twat
0:14:33 > 0:14:36who looked like a chubby ostrich with a plum stuck up his arse.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39(Wow!)
0:14:39 > 0:14:40- You all right, Miss?- Mm.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Still would.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Thank you, Dean. Charming as ever.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46And nice to see that DIY Home Stores
0:14:46 > 0:14:50stock a wide variety of massive spanners.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Yeah, you love it!
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Sorry, you know Dean?
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Dean Grayson. He's Grayson's brother. I taught him years ago.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00And suddenly everything makes sense.
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Why didn't you tell me the truth?
0:15:01 > 0:15:03I was going to apply to other schools,
0:15:03 > 0:15:07but I knew it would just be the same heartbreak at the end of it.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Whatever you do, whatever your job is,
0:15:09 > 0:15:10I don't care.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14And I don't care because...
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Please, just come back to Abbey Grove.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21I can't.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Anyway, I love my job here.
0:15:24 > 0:15:29- TANNOY:- Alfie Wickers, Alfie Wickers, Code Brown in bathroomware.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Doris!
0:15:31 > 0:15:32- I've got to go.- Why?
0:15:34 > 0:15:38A geriatric lady thinks she's about to soil a display toilet.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41Not on my watch!
0:15:41 > 0:15:44CART BEEPING
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Hello, is that the manager?
0:15:50 > 0:15:54Yes, I'd like to report an employee of yours. An Alfie Wickers.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58What did he do? What did he do, indeed!
0:16:01 > 0:16:03He fingered me in a summerhouse.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Hello? Oh, for fu...
0:16:05 > 0:16:07KNOCK AT DOOR
0:16:07 > 0:16:08Hi, Fraser.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Can I have your permission to take Form K on a fieldtrip?
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Do what you want!
0:16:13 > 0:16:15God, I am drinking these Kalibers like there's no tomorrow.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18I'm the world's first no-alcohol alcoholic.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20I'm basically just addicted to yeast.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Right, I'll leave you with that thought.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28HE SNORES
0:16:33 > 0:16:34Your move, Brown Baron.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41Dean, if you're going to show me your balls in a paint tray again...
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Guys! Rosie? What are you...?
0:16:43 > 0:16:46We came for you, sir, and we're not leaving without you.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48I didn't want you to see me like this.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50sir, we know you don't want to teach at Abbey Grove anymore,
0:16:50 > 0:16:52but you've got to come to the prom.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54I just dunno if I can handle it, Chantelle.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57But, Alfie, listen to what your class are telling you.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Look, I appreciate you coming down here.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Seeing you is the first time I've smiled in, like, a week.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05But you've got to let me move on with my life.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08I'm sorry.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16But, sir, you won't even get to meet Stephanie Fierce.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Still going in drag?
0:17:18 > 0:17:19Good on ya.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Who needs a date, right?
0:17:21 > 0:17:22Oh, I've got a date.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24I'm taking the only man strong enough to handle Stephanie.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55- You look amazing!- Thank you, Frank.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57LAUGHTER
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Um, why you come dressed as Odd Job?
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Chantelle made me get a spray tan.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25He's an Oompa Loompa!
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Throw your hat at him, Joe.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Oh, come on, gang. Let's raise a glass
0:18:30 > 0:18:32to absent friends.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33ALL: To absent friends.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41What are we thinking for the post-work session, then?
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Head round my crib for a few tinnies?
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Don't tell the missus.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Not that I give a shit, cos she's a bloody woman.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Ugh. Right, why is this not stopping?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Oh, you've cut the brake wires, haven't you? Very funny.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Guys, seriously!
0:18:56 > 0:18:57Argh!
0:19:07 > 0:19:12Come on, guys, huh! Hey, who wants to spike Fraser's Kaliber?
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Or we could have a dance off and really lose our dignity.
0:19:15 > 0:19:21Come on, everyone make a circle around me. Whoo! Yeah!
0:19:21 > 0:19:22Yeah!
0:19:22 > 0:19:25CHEERING
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Yeah, we can still have fun. Yeah!
0:19:27 > 0:19:30We can have a good time, yeah!
0:19:30 > 0:19:31Er, Miss?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Alfie. You came!
0:19:35 > 0:19:38So, did you quit DIY Home Stores, sir?
0:19:38 > 0:19:42Yes, I did, Frank. But don't worry, I did it with dignity.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48Doris, this has been the battle of a lifetime
0:19:48 > 0:19:50and you a worthy adversary.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55But now we must unite to destroy our common enemy.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58This is Dean's motorcycle helmet.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Take it, Doris,
0:20:00 > 0:20:01and do what you do best.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Drop it like it's hot, girl.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06LAUGHTER
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Let's get up and dance.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Oh, what do we have here?
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Some total stranger's crashed the prom.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Go on, Heather. Destroy him with one of your quips.
0:20:16 > 0:20:17Nice to see you, Alfie.
0:20:17 > 0:20:21Boom! What time do you stop serving, Heather?
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Fraser, I quit my job at DIY Home Stores.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Heather, you're fired! I knew you'd come back to me.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26Things got out of control.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29I got drunk on yeast and signed us up to the Baccalaureate
0:20:29 > 0:20:31and I don't even know what that is.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Look, mate, you don't need to fire anyone.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34I'm just here for the prom.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Alfie, they're playing Buble!
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Tune!
0:20:38 > 0:20:40# It's a new dawn It's a new day
0:20:40 > 0:20:43# It's a new life...
0:20:43 > 0:20:45# It's a new dawn
0:20:45 > 0:20:46# It's a new day
0:20:46 > 0:20:48# It's a new life
0:20:48 > 0:20:52# It's a new life for me
0:20:52 > 0:20:56# And I'm feeling...
0:20:56 > 0:20:58# Good. #
0:20:58 > 0:21:00It gives me great please-ure
0:21:00 > 0:21:03to announce the prom king and queen of Abbey Grove 2014.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05ALL: Ooh!
0:21:05 > 0:21:07The votes are in and the prom king and queen are...
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Grayson and Stephanie.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:17 > 0:21:19I would like to thank Scherzi for teaching me
0:21:19 > 0:21:21that to be scher-mazing on the inside...
0:21:21 > 0:21:23You know, we could make this work.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Us being a couple at Abbey Grove.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31But I don't want to risk it not working.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33I love you Rosie
0:21:33 > 0:21:35and I love teaching,
0:21:35 > 0:21:37but if I had to choose one,
0:21:37 > 0:21:38I'd choose you.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44But what if you don't have to choose?
0:21:44 > 0:21:46APPLAUSE
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Sir, it's the last song.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Can we go say goodbye to our classroom?
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Go on! They need you.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Another beer, sir?
0:22:01 > 0:22:03I better not. Don't want to set a bad example.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06I think it's a little bit too late for that.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07Go on, then.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11sir, we wanted to give you something.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13I know I've been dropping hints all term,
0:22:13 > 0:22:15but you haven't bought me a hot tub, have you?
0:22:15 > 0:22:17The best gifts aren't bought in a shop. They're home-made.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20- Eh...- We made you a slide show of photos.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Oh, God! It's not like the last slide show you made for me?
0:22:23 > 0:22:25If it is, I will probably have to destroy it.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28No. It's of all of us, here at school.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Thanks, guys. That means a lot.
0:22:33 > 0:22:34Oi, what you doing?
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Carving my initials, innit?
0:22:36 > 0:22:38- This isn't prison, babe.- I know!
0:22:39 > 0:22:43But I used to think school was like prison. I've been to 12 now...
0:22:45 > 0:22:47..and this is the first one I actually kinda like.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49If you like it, you could stay.
0:22:49 > 0:22:50Nice try, bruv!
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Sir, you know if you stayed a teacher,
0:22:52 > 0:22:54it would make it easier for us to come and visit you?
0:22:54 > 0:22:55I just don't think I can, Stephen.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58But you're the best teacher in the world, sir.
0:22:58 > 0:22:59If I'm so good, then how come
0:22:59 > 0:23:02my entire class are leaving after GCSEs?
0:23:02 > 0:23:05I think on paper that constitutes a pretty crap teacher.
0:23:05 > 0:23:10But school's not just about the tests and the exams and the grades.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Yeah, on paper, we've probably had a terrible education.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Our GCSE results are going to be rubbish.
0:23:15 > 0:23:16Hey, we don't know that.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Yeah, I mean they're probably not going to be great.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23But none of that makes you a bad teacher.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27When I first came to this school, I sort of knew who I was,
0:23:27 > 0:23:29deep down, but I was scared of being that person.
0:23:29 > 0:23:30Stephanie?
0:23:30 > 0:23:35No, Stephen! The boy who does the splits in the canteen!
0:23:35 > 0:23:36The one-man Glee!
0:23:36 > 0:23:40I'll sing it from the rooftops. I am Stephen Carmichael.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42You made me not give a shit about this,
0:23:42 > 0:23:44even though my mum bollocked you
0:23:44 > 0:23:47when you made me play a tank in class wars.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49It was the first time that I actually thought
0:23:49 > 0:23:51having a chair was boss.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Why do you think I flirted with you, sir?
0:23:53 > 0:23:56You're the first guy who actually liked me for who I was.
0:23:56 > 0:23:57The flirting was just because
0:23:57 > 0:24:00I didn't know how to handle being appreciated.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02You don't realise it, Alfie, but you're that teacher.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06The one who talks to us like we're adults.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08The one who always helps us, no matter what.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11You're the teacher that makes us feel good about ourselves
0:24:11 > 0:24:13for things that other people don't even notice.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16And...that's why you're the teacher we'll remember
0:24:16 > 0:24:18for the rest of our lives.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21And if you stopped being a teacher, then...
0:24:21 > 0:24:22I'd feel guilty for all the kids
0:24:22 > 0:24:24who never got to be taught by Alfie Wickers.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27Thanks, Joe.
0:24:28 > 0:24:29Thanks, all of you.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31MOBILE PINGS
0:24:33 > 0:24:34Got to go. Mum's here.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37Bye, sir.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55I never realised just how horrible that shade of yellow was.
0:25:02 > 0:25:03Thanks, sir.
0:25:09 > 0:25:10Safe, yeah?
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Done now.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18MOBILE PINGS
0:25:33 > 0:25:34See ya later, sir.
0:26:23 > 0:26:27# Oh, won't you stay with me?
0:26:29 > 0:26:33# Cos you're all I need
0:26:34 > 0:26:36# This ain't love
0:26:36 > 0:26:39# It's clear to see
0:26:40 > 0:26:44# But, darling, stay with me. #
0:27:08 > 0:27:10HE SOBS
0:27:42 > 0:27:43Bye.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51Yo, Alfredo! New term, new threads.
0:27:51 > 0:27:55Don't worry, this thing turns on a sixpence. I'm coming back for ya.
0:27:55 > 0:27:56Shit!