0:00:03 > 0:00:07Come on, Matthew. We're ready to start playing.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Oh, I love Guess Who.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11Does he have long hair?
0:00:11 > 0:00:12- No.- No.- Is it Tom?
0:00:12 > 0:00:14- Yes!- Brilliant.
0:00:14 > 0:00:15My turn.
0:00:17 > 0:00:18Does he wear glasses?
0:00:18 > 0:00:19- Yes!- Yes!- Is it Matthew?
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Hey-oh!
0:00:21 > 0:00:23My turn.
0:00:24 > 0:00:28Did he, as an ill-advised treat for his now ex-girlfriend,
0:00:28 > 0:00:31once shave off all of his pubic hair?
0:00:33 > 0:00:36I don't want to play this game. I've got a big day at work tomorrow.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38I need to find my old suit.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Whoa! I didn't realise I still had this.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44That's my camera.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Oh, come on, mate. We're best friends. We share everything.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50The only thing you've ever shared with me is your athlete's foot.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52You're welcome.
0:00:52 > 0:00:53Aha! There it is.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57Old Faithful. Still as good as new.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Hey, Ben, I'll give you a fiver to run into that wall.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03- You don't have to do that, Ben. - I do. I'm broke.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06How else am I going to earn money?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Get a job?
0:01:08 > 0:01:12This programme contains some strong language.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15Ah, lens cap.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Take two?
0:01:17 > 0:01:20# Always fooling around
0:01:20 > 0:01:22# When we were young
0:01:22 > 0:01:24# Time flies so fast
0:01:24 > 0:01:27# When you're having fun
0:01:27 > 0:01:30# Don't wanna get old
0:01:30 > 0:01:33# I never wanna grow up. #
0:01:36 > 0:01:37Still fits great.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43To think I've not worn this since graduation.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Sweet potato.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Hoy!
0:01:58 > 0:02:01- Tom! What are you doing?- Keep down!
0:02:03 > 0:02:06The creature's vision is based on movement.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10- Tom, it's too early for this. - Not if you haven't been to bed.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13Ah! Huarrgh!
0:02:13 > 0:02:14SMASHING
0:02:14 > 0:02:16BEN ROARS
0:02:16 > 0:02:17Shh!
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- It stirs!- Tom, enough.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21I'm going to work.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23What?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25No! Turn the light off!
0:02:25 > 0:02:26GROANING
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Turn the light off!
0:02:28 > 0:02:29Roooaaar!
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Arrrghhh!
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Roooaaarghhh!
0:02:34 > 0:02:37BOTH SCREAM
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Whoa! Matthew! Why are you dressed as an orphan ghost?
0:02:41 > 0:02:42Why are you dressed like...
0:02:44 > 0:02:45What are you dressed like?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Half dinosaur, half fish.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Ben's in my first film.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54I'm the producer, writer, director, and Ben is...
0:02:54 > 0:02:56dressed like a twat.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00The star!
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Do you want that £5 or not?
0:03:03 > 0:03:07- AMERICAN ACCENT:- He was just a normal everyday dinosaur
0:03:07 > 0:03:10until one day...
0:03:12 > 0:03:17...he was bitten by a radioactive fish and turned into...
0:03:17 > 0:03:21Piranhasaurus Rex.
0:03:22 > 0:03:23It's a working title.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25That title is not working.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- Fancy a role?- Sure.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32So do I! Bacon, please! Oh, you're the caterer.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34I can help out tonight, but I can't bunk off work.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Carabine's doing this apprentice thing,
0:03:36 > 0:03:40where one of his interns gets hired and the rest get...you know.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42To pull his finger?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44No! Fired.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45Oh.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46DOOR BELL RINGS
0:03:46 > 0:03:49My sister put me forward for it. That'll be her now.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02What the hell is Ben supposed to be? Jurassic Shark?
0:04:02 > 0:04:06Jurassic Shark. Damn it, that's better.
0:04:06 > 0:04:07Come on, Matthew, we've gotta go.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Oh, my God.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12You've actually managed to find an outfit that's too small even for you(!)
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Too small? Old Faithful's perfect.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16RIPPING
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Ooh. I'll put on some slacks.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I brought your post up for you.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Isn't that supposed to be your job, Tom?
0:04:23 > 0:04:28I'll soon be quitting as a postman to pursue more artistic endeavours.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Oh, lots of angry red writing there for you, Ben.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Oh, this is fine. The bank's always saying this.
0:04:35 > 0:04:40No biggie. I'll just have to start... tightening my belt. That's all.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Oh! No, Ben!
0:04:45 > 0:04:46I need you for my film.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50Speaking of which, Piranhasaurus Rex needs a leading lady.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52You'd be perfect.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54She's an investigative journalist
0:04:54 > 0:04:59who struggles with a... a debilitating allergy to...
0:04:59 > 0:05:01clothes.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Let me show you my casting couch.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07Let me show you my punching fists.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11OK, OK! I'll find somebody else to play Mammary Buttocksworth.
0:05:13 > 0:05:14What's this?
0:05:14 > 0:05:16- Oh! - SCREAMS
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Aargh! That's the finale ruined!
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Well, never mind, this is all good stuff.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23Action!
0:05:23 > 0:05:26GROWLING
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Rachel! You got a part in the film?
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Congratulations! Bacon roll?
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Come on, Matthew, we've got to go.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36See you later. Codzilla!
0:05:37 > 0:05:38Codzilla?
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Damn it! She's good at that.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42DOOR SHUTS
0:05:42 > 0:05:43Isn't she, Ben?
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Ben?
0:05:46 > 0:05:47Oh.
0:05:51 > 0:05:52GROWLS
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Clever girl.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56Ruargh!
0:06:00 > 0:06:02When are you and the Chuckle Brothers going to grow up?
0:06:02 > 0:06:04I mean, look at me and Andrew.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07We don't play at movie-making. We're redecorating.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10We're consulting tone charts, looking at colour schemes.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Did you know there are over 100 different shades of white?
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Ice white, snow white, lily white...
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Jack White, Diamond White.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18- AMERICAN ACCENT:- Barry White.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20I'm being serious.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22You need to stop playing make-believe
0:06:22 > 0:06:23with your stupid friends.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25You'd never catch me doing that.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27I'm proud to say that my boyfriend has no interest
0:06:27 > 0:06:29in dressing up or role-play.
0:06:29 > 0:06:30That's a shame, Rachel.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Oh! Ha-ha. Mr Carabine!
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Yeah, personally, I won't go near Mrs Carabine
0:06:35 > 0:06:37unless she's dressed like The Stig.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Well, welcome.
0:06:40 > 0:06:46Er...bienvenue to the first Carabine Promotions Apprentice Initiative.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50Now I'm assuming that you've all seen The Apprentice?
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Oh, you've haven't seen The Apprentice?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Oh, well!! Ha. You're fired! Ha-ha.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59THEY CHUCKLE
0:06:59 > 0:07:01No, seriously, you're fired. Fuck off.
0:07:03 > 0:07:08# MUSIC: "Romeo And Juliet: Dance Of The Knights" by Prokofiev
0:07:08 > 0:07:10And then there were two.
0:07:10 > 0:07:16So, Intern 2. Why do you want to stop interning and become full-time?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Money?
0:07:18 > 0:07:21- Mm... - Is...is not a motivating factor.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24I'm all about working my way up to the top.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27One day, I want to be sat right there.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30On my lap?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32No, this is years in the future. You're not in the chair.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36You're...I don't know, retired or...dead.
0:07:37 > 0:07:43Anyway, tomorrow you will both be pitching to Cooks Kitchenware,
0:07:43 > 0:07:47a massive potential client for us.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51At which juncture, I would like to call upon...
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Rachel, my second-in-command.
0:07:54 > 0:07:55HE CHUCKLES
0:07:55 > 0:07:56There she goes.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03- What do you see here?- A spoon.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05A spoon!
0:08:05 > 0:08:07HE MOUTHS
0:08:08 > 0:08:12Oh, but it's more than just a spoon.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Yes! PowerPoint!
0:08:15 > 0:08:18HE MOUTHS
0:08:18 > 0:08:22What we have here...is an opportunity.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25An oppor-spoonity?
0:08:28 > 0:08:32An opportunity to change the face of your dining experience...
0:08:32 > 0:08:34for ever.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Well, that's going to cost a fortune to mend.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46No worries.
0:08:46 > 0:08:47There you go.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51I don't think this is the answer to your money problems, Ben.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Is that Queen Latifah?
0:08:58 > 0:09:00All right, plan B.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04I'll sell my organs online.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Whoa! No, Ben.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09You need to face your debt with the bank head-on.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Do you know what I think? You're afraid.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13If you try, you might fail.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16You don't know what it's like to fail, Tom.
0:09:18 > 0:09:19To really fail.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24It was 1995.
0:09:24 > 0:09:30It was cold. Casual-jacket cold, not winter-coat cold.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32The church hall had no heating.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35I didn't know what I was getting into.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37I'd never done...
0:09:37 > 0:09:40a sponsored silence before.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45With £300 in sponsorship pledged,
0:09:45 > 0:09:48we stood every chance of beating those Brownies
0:09:48 > 0:09:50to the annual junior fundraising trophy.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53But then, with only one minute to go,
0:09:53 > 0:09:54I...I...
0:09:54 > 0:09:56CLOCK TICKS
0:09:57 > 0:09:59One minute to go!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02And so...
0:10:02 > 0:10:03I know, Ben.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07We got disqualified and lost the trophy.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10The Brownies had a field day.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14Yeah, they won a visit to a Roman fort.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17And didn't they let us know about it!
0:10:17 > 0:10:19BROWNIES SCREAM
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Losers! Losers!
0:10:20 > 0:10:24And the £300 sponsorship money went uncollected.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Losers! Losers!
0:10:26 > 0:10:27Because of me.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31That's why I keep that sponsorship form there.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35To remind me of the price of failure.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39No. Don't try and stop me.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41I'm selling my organs.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49TOOTS HARMONICA
0:10:51 > 0:10:55So, in conclusion, this is not just a spoon.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58This is your spoon. This is my spoon.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03This is the spoon of a generation.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07Wonderful, Rachel, wonderful!
0:11:07 > 0:11:10So, both of you take a Cooks Kitchenware utensil,
0:11:10 > 0:11:12and let's get those creative juices flowing.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Now, Intern 1, what are your initial thoughts?
0:11:16 > 0:11:21Unlock potato potential with a Cooks Kitchenware potato pummeller.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Excellent. Yes, well. Rachel's brother?
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Sorry, Intern 2. No nepotism here.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31CLEARS THROAT
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Well, I have the, er...
0:11:33 > 0:11:34the spatula.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37It's ideal for...spatuling.
0:11:41 > 0:11:47I...I suppose, like Rachel's spoon, this isn't just my spatula.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51This is our spatula!
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Arse spatula?
0:11:53 > 0:11:57A spatula for your arse?!
0:11:57 > 0:12:00No, no, that's disgusting! No.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04Listen, if you're going to actually sell these utensils
0:12:04 > 0:12:09you have to find a way of making them sensational, exciting,
0:12:09 > 0:12:11sexy.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15Without putting them up your arse!
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Arse spatula?
0:12:20 > 0:12:24Matthew, I got you this job so just, please, don't embarrass me.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27You've got tonight to come up with something, and it better be good.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29I can't do tonight. I'm helping Tom make Pirhanasaurus Rex.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33You'd risk your job to help out Steven Spiel-berk?
0:12:33 > 0:12:37- You'd planned that one, hadn't you? - Yeah. I've been thinking of them all morning.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41I also had James Ca-Moron and Frances Ford Floppola.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Alfred Hitch-cock?
0:12:45 > 0:12:47That's his actual name.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49There was a time you used to join in with our games.
0:12:49 > 0:12:54Join in? When you played cowboys and Indians, I was the Indian.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57When you guys played medieval France, guess who was Joan of Arc.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00And when you played Nazi-occupied Europe...
0:13:00 > 0:13:03- You were a great Anne Frank. - Six hours I was in that attic!
0:13:03 > 0:13:05I know. I read your diary.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Look, Tom, Ben and I, we're the Secret Dude Society.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11We made a solemn promise to stick together no matter what.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14You made that promise when you were 11.
0:13:14 > 0:13:15And when you were 11,
0:13:15 > 0:13:18you used to stick little eyes on a carrot and call it Jasper.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20- Do you still do that?- No.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31Look, don't tell Carabine but I've made some notes to help you out.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Just don't let those dickheads distract you.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37PHONE RINGS
0:13:37 > 0:13:39WHISTLING
0:13:40 > 0:13:44Oi, you can't just leave me here! At least take me home!
0:13:44 > 0:13:45Aw.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Maybe make me into a soup.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55All right, Jasper. How do you feel about coleslaw?
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Guys, I need your help.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07- Get on the floor! Now! - Arrgh! Take whatever you want!
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Do as I say, else I'll do you over!
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Please don't hurt me! I've a weak heart!
0:14:12 > 0:14:14And...cut!
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Great work, guys!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Ben. There's your £5.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24What about my share of the diamonds?
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Oh.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Tom, what have you done to the flat?
0:14:33 > 0:14:38Well, Ben's troubles with the bank gave me an idea. A heist film!
0:14:38 > 0:14:42A cheeky British crime caper with bad dance music...
0:14:42 > 0:14:44- COCKNEY ACCENT:- ...and a cockney voiceover.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48The Italian Job meets Cool Hand Luke.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50The Cool Hand Job?
0:14:53 > 0:14:54- But I need to work on this.- Nope.
0:14:54 > 0:14:59What you need to do is fix your broken camera.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01And fix me a bacon roll.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05No, you need to help me make this spatula sexy.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07THEY BOTH GUFFAW
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- Are you laughing at the word "sexy"? - Yeah.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14No. I was laughing at the word "spatula".
0:15:14 > 0:15:18Guys, we're supposed to be a team. What's the Secret Dude Society's motto?
0:15:18 > 0:15:21BOTH: Hello, baby!
0:15:21 > 0:15:24No, the one we all agreed on. The one about friendship.
0:15:26 > 0:15:27Seriously?
0:15:29 > 0:15:33Oh, well, that didn't go well.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36At least I've learnt a new word.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37Spatula.
0:15:39 > 0:15:40Brilliant.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Right.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Target demographic, strong professional women.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Top-of-mind in-store brand awareness.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Argh! What does any of this mean, Rachel?
0:15:55 > 0:15:58OK.
0:15:58 > 0:15:59Sexy.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Sexy.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Spatula.
0:16:04 > 0:16:05HE YAWNS
0:16:05 > 0:16:06Sexy.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10CARABINE: I want utensils that are sexy.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13- RACHEL:- Don't let the dickheads distract you.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17CARABINE: Sexy. Sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy...
0:16:19 > 0:16:22- #- Oh! I'm a sexy spatula...
0:16:23 > 0:16:25# Mm
0:16:25 > 0:16:28# Ooh, he's a sexy spatula
0:16:28 > 0:16:32- #- I wanna make some eggs I'm a lonely bachelor
0:16:32 > 0:16:35# Well, you can use me cos I'm a sexy spatula
0:16:35 > 0:16:36- #- Oh, yeah
0:16:36 > 0:16:38# Oh... #
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Guys! Guys!
0:16:40 > 0:16:42It's three o clock in the morning.
0:16:44 > 0:16:45Course it is.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49Do you know how long it takes to make a spatula costume from scratch?
0:16:49 > 0:16:50We're trying to give you some ideas.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52You don't get it, do you?
0:16:52 > 0:16:54RIPPING
0:16:55 > 0:16:57I've got a chance at a real job here,
0:16:57 > 0:17:00not like you two losers either dossing around at home with no money
0:17:00 > 0:17:02or cooking up ridiculous schemes.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04I'm the victim of a corrupt banking system!
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Yeah, and my schemes aren't ridiculous.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Tom, you're trying to make a movie without a camera.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Not even Terry Gilliam does that(!)
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Now, if you don't mind, if I'm going to have a sexy dream,
0:17:16 > 0:17:19I'd rather you two losers weren't in it. Out.
0:17:23 > 0:17:24Losers?!
0:17:24 > 0:17:26He's got a point.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28No, Ben!
0:17:28 > 0:17:30We have to prove him wrong.
0:17:30 > 0:17:35I need to find a way to make that movie. I need cameras.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38And I need £300 to pay the bank back.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42I'd rob that bank if it wasn't for the security systems.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Quiet, Ben. I need silence.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47There's just so many cameras in that place.
0:17:48 > 0:17:49Cameras!
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Silence!
0:17:52 > 0:17:54BOTH: You're a genius!
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Listen, Ben. Help me out.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04I need an outfit that says..."winner"!
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Is this tie too much?
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Oh, the silent treatment? Very mature.
0:18:14 > 0:18:15'If only I could tell him
0:18:15 > 0:18:19'that I've restarted the sponsored silence to pay off my debt.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23'That I've spent all morning calling up all the original sponsors
0:18:23 > 0:18:25'and discovered that, inexplicably,
0:18:25 > 0:18:29'they were still prepared to cough up the total of £300.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33'Wait, does this count as talking?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35'Shut up, Ben!'
0:18:35 > 0:18:37How about this?
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Count Spatula?
0:18:42 > 0:18:44You're right. It's rubbish.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Oh, good luck with the pitch, Matthew.
0:18:48 > 0:18:49Whoa, wait!
0:18:49 > 0:18:51You forgot your spatula costumes.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53DOOR SHUTS
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Ben, good news.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00I've arranged for you to have a meeting at the bank.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03You can talk to them about giving you some money.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07But listen, it's cold out, so you're going to need to wrap up warm.
0:19:07 > 0:19:08Raring to go?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Fantastic.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Take this. Get over there and express yourself.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28Lots of hand gestures, lots of big facial expressions.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Really cause a scene.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Banks respond to things like that.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34Good luck.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Ah.
0:19:47 > 0:19:54Oh, um, I've got a package for you and I need you to sign for it here.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56And here. Here. Here. Here.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Everywhere, really.
0:19:58 > 0:20:03Then take the paperwork to the depot, with eight forms of ID, and collect it.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05DOOR CLOSES
0:20:05 > 0:20:06Ha-ha! The perfect crime.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Look at all these cameras.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13And...action!
0:20:17 > 0:20:21Ah! Bonne morning, bonne morning!
0:20:21 > 0:20:25Well, I hope you're both prepared to knock the client's socks off.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26PHONE RINGS
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Sir, the client's in the boardroom. He's seated and waiting.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Seated & Waiting? I thought he was from Cooks Kitchenware!
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Right.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Now, I like to finish my presentations strongly
0:20:36 > 0:20:39so, Matthew...
0:20:39 > 0:20:40you're up first.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Yes, sir, can I help you?
0:20:51 > 0:20:53How can I help you?
0:20:53 > 0:20:55HE MOUTHS
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Yes, Ben.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Excellent.
0:21:03 > 0:21:08Time to deliver my best cockney voiceover!
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Ooh! Er...five words.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Second word.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Sounds like...
0:21:17 > 0:21:19MUSIC PLAYS
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- TOM OVER PA SYSTEM:- A bank somewhere like London.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Meet Benny Ten Fingers.
0:21:25 > 0:21:30The best bleedin' bank robber this side of the Bow Bells.
0:21:30 > 0:21:31Bank robber?
0:21:32 > 0:21:34ALARM RINGS
0:21:34 > 0:21:39Love a duck! He's a crafty master of disguise!
0:21:39 > 0:21:42A confidence trickster, with a scrotum of steel,
0:21:42 > 0:21:44and he's got the perfect
0:21:44 > 0:21:46ice-cream van!
0:21:46 > 0:21:47Plan!
0:21:49 > 0:21:50What's that in his bag?
0:21:51 > 0:21:53It's his weapon!
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Ho-ho! Joe Public hits the deck!
0:21:55 > 0:21:57MUSIC PLAYS
0:21:57 > 0:21:58Whoo!
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Ten Fingers starts roughing up one of the punters!
0:22:01 > 0:22:04But he's got bigger Michael Fish
0:22:04 > 0:22:06to Stephen Fry!
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Police! Nobody move!
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Police?
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Perfect!
0:22:13 > 0:22:17How's Benny Ten Fingers going to deal with the rozzers?
0:22:19 > 0:22:21There wasn't a package.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Clever girl.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Ben! We've been rumbled! Run!
0:22:34 > 0:22:37- Oof!- Ooh.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51POLICE SIREN WAILS
0:23:04 > 0:23:07BRIGHT, FRISKY MUSIC PLAYS
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Is, er...this the actual presentation,
0:23:13 > 0:23:16or is your brother having a complicated seizure?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19MUSIC CONTINUES
0:23:24 > 0:23:25Stop!
0:23:25 > 0:23:27I've got an idea.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02We've gotta get off the streets.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11HIGH-PITCHED: You don't just scramble eggs! You've scrambled my mind!
0:24:12 > 0:24:14I'm in love!
0:24:14 > 0:24:17- GRUFF:- Come here, baby! Let me flip you over!
0:24:18 > 0:24:22Bring a friend. We'll have a menage a spatu-tois.
0:24:22 > 0:24:23HIGH-PITCHED: Whoo-hoo!
0:24:23 > 0:24:26SMOOCHING
0:24:26 > 0:24:28GRUNTING
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Is this all you've got?
0:24:33 > 0:24:36No, there's more.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39Duh-duh-duh!
0:24:39 > 0:24:41I...I think we've seen enough.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46Oh, God.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48- We're on the run!- Matthew?
0:24:48 > 0:24:51- Are...are they with you?- Yes?
0:24:51 > 0:24:54- Um, it's a part of the presentation. - Yes!
0:24:54 > 0:25:00Matthew was simply showing that Cooks Kitchenware produce big, sturdy spatulas.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Yes!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04But what about the target demographic?
0:25:04 > 0:25:05How does this demonstrate
0:25:05 > 0:25:09that strong professional women actually want these spatulas?
0:25:10 > 0:25:11Nobody move!
0:25:11 > 0:25:13We want those spatulas!
0:25:20 > 0:25:21Ta-da!
0:25:25 > 0:25:28So, will you be pressing charges?
0:25:28 > 0:25:31No, they're not criminals. They're just idiots.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34We found this on the hairy one.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37It's a sponsor form so it's clearly some kind of charity prank.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39PHONE RINGS
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Oh, sponsored silence.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Just need to fill out an incident report.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Name?
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Forget it.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59- Matthew!- Sir, I can only... - No, no, no, no.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03Security guards. Arrests.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Human spatulas.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11He loved it! He's going to give his entire account to Carabine Promotions.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13- What?!- Of course, next time,
0:26:13 > 0:26:16we'll get more convincing actresses for the officers.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Those two? Sheesh!
0:26:18 > 0:26:21What I'm saying is this.
0:26:21 > 0:26:22Matthew...
0:26:23 > 0:26:25...you're hired!
0:26:25 > 0:26:29MUSIC: "Romeo and Juliet: Dance Of The Knights" by Prokofiev
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Get off!
0:26:39 > 0:26:42All this time, you were doing a sponsored silence.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Why didn't you say?
0:26:47 > 0:26:49OK, so let me get this straight.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52On top of a full-time job, Carabine also gave you a bonus?
0:26:52 > 0:26:55I know. A brand-new camcorder.
0:26:55 > 0:26:56Wow.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59And you're giving it to Quentin Taran-penis?
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Whoa!
0:27:01 > 0:27:04That way, if Tom wants to make a bank heist movie,
0:27:04 > 0:27:06he doesn't have to go to an actual bank.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10Oh, that's a shame. My next film's going to be set in a women's prison.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Now, quiet. It's about to start.
0:27:13 > 0:27:18The world premiere of The Cool Hand Job.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21'Welcome to World's Stupidest Criminals.
0:27:21 > 0:27:22'Check this dickhead out.
0:27:22 > 0:27:28'He's trying to rob a bank without using any words, and his mate filmed it all.'
0:27:29 > 0:27:31My masterpiece.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34- 'What a Stanley Ku-prick!'- Ha!
0:27:34 > 0:27:37That's a good one. Ha-ha!
0:27:37 > 0:27:40- Plus the money Ben makes from his sponsored silence will clear his debt.- How long has he got left?
0:27:40 > 0:27:43One minute to go!
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Oh, shit.