0:00:01 > 0:00:03Trust me, sis, this is going to be the best latte you've ever tasted.
0:00:03 > 0:00:06I can't believe you guys have got a coffee machine.
0:00:06 > 0:00:07Coffee machine?
0:00:07 > 0:00:11No, we just make them using an electric toothbrush we got in a car-boot sale.
0:00:11 > 0:00:12Well, I'm not staying long.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15Your flat's dirtier than a Premiership footballer's Twitter feed.
0:00:15 > 0:00:19Tom and Ben promised they'd spring-clean. Check it out. I'm sure they've been...
0:00:19 > 0:00:20DOOR BANGS
0:00:20 > 0:00:21...busy.
0:00:23 > 0:00:24Ready.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26Steady!
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Blow!
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Aaah!
0:00:31 > 0:00:35CLATTERING
0:00:35 > 0:00:37I thought you were tidying the flat.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39What would you prefer?
0:00:39 > 0:00:43We tidy the flat, or we reinvent human transportation for ever?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45TEXT ALERT
0:00:45 > 0:00:50Right, I'm off. Andrew says he's got something important to ask me.
0:00:50 > 0:00:51Mind you, last time he said that,
0:00:51 > 0:00:55it was to help him choose a new knob for his gear stick.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Don't even bother, Ben.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Ta-da!
0:01:03 > 0:01:05- Oh, where's Rachel? - She's gone.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Rachel, come back!
0:01:08 > 0:01:12We're about to swap round! You can watch me blow Ben!
0:01:13 > 0:01:18# Always wanna go back to when we were young
0:01:18 > 0:01:24# Time flies so fast when you're having fun
0:01:24 > 0:01:26# Don't want to get old
0:01:26 > 0:01:29# I never wanna grow up. #
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Tom, if you really wanted to impress Rachel,
0:01:38 > 0:01:40you should have started by tidying the flat.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42He needs to tidy his face first.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45I'm not changing to get a girl.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Call me an old romantic,
0:01:47 > 0:01:51but I believe that one day the girl of my dreams will just walk through that door
0:01:51 > 0:01:54into my outstretched arms.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Then we'll go to my room and do it till my cock drops off.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02Well, I've already got a girlfriend. Tess. She's Californian.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04We chat online all the time.
0:02:05 > 0:02:06Whoa!
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Is that her? She's fit!
0:02:08 > 0:02:12She's not fit, Ben. She's smart, funny, perceptive,
0:02:12 > 0:02:14and, yeah, all right, she is a bit fit.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17She's doing a PhD in literature, studying the classics.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Why is there a picture of me on your profile?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23I couldn't send her a picture of me.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25And, well, you're the hottest guy I know...
0:02:27 > 0:02:28...in the flat.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33Anyway, isn't pretending to be Ben a bit weird, sordid and sad?
0:02:33 > 0:02:36There's nothing weird, sordid or sad about it.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Now, if you don't mind, I'm off to Skype my girlfriend.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47He's having more success with my face than I am.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49I can't believe he didn't use my face.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Not even you should use your face.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54What is this today?
0:02:56 > 0:02:59She's not online.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02I don't get it. She's always online. It's one of her best qualities.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03DOORBELL RINGS
0:03:03 > 0:03:06I feel sorry for you, Matthew.
0:03:06 > 0:03:11Imagine being so ashamed of who you are that you have to start living a lie.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13Mum?
0:03:13 > 0:03:15(MIDLANDS ACCENT) There's my boy!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18(GASPS) The barrister!
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Barrister?
0:03:20 > 0:03:21You've come to visit?
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Well, of course I have! You're getting married!
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- Married? - And to Matthew's sister!
0:03:29 > 0:03:32What?
0:03:35 > 0:03:38So, you're a lawyer who's marrying my sister, are you?
0:03:38 > 0:03:42Look, I just wanted my mum to be proud of me, all right? Help me out, mate.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47- There you go, Mum! - Oh, thanks, love!
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Oh! Minty!
0:03:51 > 0:03:52I wasn't expecting a visit.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55I haven't heard from you in four years.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59Oh, love, you know how busy it is on the cruise ships.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Singing all night, hungover all day.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04But I read all your letters with all your news.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Your own legal firm.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Pilot's licence.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13The charity single you recorded with Michael Buble.
0:04:14 > 0:04:15Well, I'm here now.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19The Floating Paradise is in port for 24 hours,
0:04:19 > 0:04:24so I thought, why not come and congratulate my son on his engagement?
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Also, they're fumigating my cabin for rats.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Oh, son, you'll make such a handsome groom.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34I always remember how good your father looked on his wedding day.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37- I couldn't keep my hands off him.- Oh, how romantic.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Not really. I was only the wedding singer.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43The bride was furious.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Ooh, Tom, I've bought you an engagement present.
0:04:48 > 0:04:54A crate of Brazilian wine all the way from Rio.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56It's blue.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57Yeah. I'll level with you.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00I bought it on the cheap from Paolo in the engine room.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02He may have made it himself.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Oh. Thanks, Mum.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Presents never were your strong point.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12MUSIC PLAYING
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Thanks, Tom's mum.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Merry Christmas, everybody.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20Ah. Sorry, darling, I ran out of wool.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28Ah, come on, love. It wasn't easy being a single mum.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32It wasn't easy going to school in a woollen boob tube.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38So, Matthew, how do you feel about my boy marrying your sister?
0:05:38 > 0:05:43Well, I'm just pleased that finally she's going to make an honest man of him.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Come on, Tom, you're taking me to dinner.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50We'll spend some of your Nobel Peace Prize money.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Can you believe Tom's lies? Engaged to Rachel?
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Pilot's licence? Nobel Peace Prize?
0:06:00 > 0:06:03If Michael Buble had known about this,
0:06:03 > 0:06:07he would have never recorded that charity single with him.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08He's such a liar.
0:06:08 > 0:06:14Ah! Says the man who used my face to get a girlfriend.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15Me lying to Tess is different.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18DOORBELL RINGS Our relationship is online only.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20It has no consequences in real life.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24Tess!
0:06:24 > 0:06:26(AMERICAN ACCENT) Surprise!
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Matthew!
0:06:33 > 0:06:36I'm going to do it till my cock drops off!
0:06:38 > 0:06:40I've come to stay. I hope you don't mind.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44I am American, so just blame my aggressive foreign policy!
0:06:44 > 0:06:45Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:06:45 > 0:06:48No, he doesn't mind. Do you, Matthew?
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Cos he's Matthew. Aren't you, Matthew?
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Yes, Matthew. I'm Matthew.
0:06:52 > 0:06:57Now, he's not the bald one, so I guess he's the lazy, stupid one?
0:06:57 > 0:07:01Ha. Yeah, he's the lazy, stupid one.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Yeah, I'm Ben.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Oh.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Is...is there somewhere I can drop these?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09I mean, I'm carrying more baggage than Hamlet's mother. Get it?
0:07:09 > 0:07:12BOTH LAUGH
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Yeah, he...he gets it.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Come on, Matthew. Which one's your room?
0:07:17 > 0:07:21Wait. No, no, no, just stay in here in the...in the communal area.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25I'll fix you a...a minty latte. Ha-ha.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Just don't do anything I wouldn't do.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Like have full sex.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32Surprised, huh?
0:07:32 > 0:07:37I thought I'd just show up like Lizzie Bennett in your favourite book.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39The Very Hungry Caterpillar?
0:07:39 > 0:07:41I'm en route to Italy.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44As you know, I'm studying Romeo And Juliet this semester.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- I'm off to see Verona. - Who's she?
0:07:47 > 0:07:51What? Oh, that famous English sense of humour!
0:07:51 > 0:07:56I think you only get away with it, though, because of that cute accent.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Go on, recite me some poetry.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Poetry? Erm...
0:08:03 > 0:08:05There once was a man from Nantucket
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Who... Forget the poetry.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12- Muffin Puffin.- Muffin Puffin?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14There's something I wanna show you.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Two tickets to that art show you were raving about!
0:08:21 > 0:08:23We can go tomorrow before my flight leaves.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Ah!
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- Looks like a lot of art. - It's a lot of Monet.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32You're telling me! 15 quid a ticket?
0:08:32 > 0:08:35I like, er...Monet.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Maybe I could come with you, er...both?
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Baby, I've had a long flight. Is it OK if I go take a shower?
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Oh, yeah, it's that way.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Oh! Feel free to join me.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Ben, if you so much as lay a finger on that woman...
0:08:54 > 0:08:57It's not my finger I want to lay on her.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01It's my penis.
0:09:01 > 0:09:08Oh, son, I haven't felt this stuffed since that male voice choir came on board. Heh.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Carol! How was your meal?
0:09:10 > 0:09:14Oh, fantastic. Tom's been telling me all about his wedding plans.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17I cannot believe Brian May is going to play The Wedding March
0:09:17 > 0:09:20from the roof of the church.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22You're not going to believe this, but Tess has arrived.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24- What, your girlfriend? - My girlfriend.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Don't worry, Mum. It's complicated.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28Oh, say no more.
0:09:28 > 0:09:33I once had a similar situation in Kuala Lumpur with two taxi drivers.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Oh, God.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Let's just say they both came at the same time.
0:09:41 > 0:09:42Mum!
0:09:42 > 0:09:44I'm joking, Tom!
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Anyway, I've got to be back on board by tomorrow afternoon.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Am I going to get to see Rachel during my stay?
0:09:50 > 0:09:52I've got so much to talk to her about.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56Er...no. Erm...she's away, isn't she, Matthew?
0:09:56 > 0:10:00Yeah. She's in...Moldova.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Oh. What a shame!
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Still, beddy-bobos time for me.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09All this talk of romance, though,
0:10:09 > 0:10:12makes me want to get out there and find myself a new man.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16Oh, that won't be hard, Carol. I'm sure men are queuing up for you at the docks.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Ha-ha!
0:10:17 > 0:10:19DOOR SHUTS
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Cos she's a cruise-ship singer, not because she's a...
0:10:24 > 0:10:26And Moldova?
0:10:26 > 0:10:29You put me on the spot! Why did you have to pick my sister?
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Because she's perfect.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34- All this lying has to stop. - Yeah.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36No, not your lying, Ben. Your lying needs to carry on.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38But, Tom, no more wedding nonsense.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42I can't cancel the wedding. What would I tell Brian May?
0:10:44 > 0:10:47The wedding's not real, Tom.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49You're right, as always.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Ha. I'm so glad you're my best man.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57And, Ben, if you can keep this ruse up for one more day,
0:10:57 > 0:11:00then Tess and I can go back to our perfect relationship,
0:11:00 > 0:11:02where we live on opposite sides of the planet.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04I mean, she'd never go near me in real life.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Oh, just tell her the truth.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10She'll love you for who you are. We should tell her tonight.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Muffin Puffin, I'm going to borrow one of your T-shirts to sleep in, OK?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17DOOR CLOSES
0:11:17 > 0:11:19We should tell her in the morning.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Please!
0:11:22 > 0:11:24All right. I get it.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28She's your soul mate. Besides, she's not my type.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Art galleries? Books? Taking showers?
0:11:33 > 0:11:35You said she was into the classics.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38She hasn't mentioned Aerosmith or AC/DC once.
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Ben, you're going to go in there
0:11:41 > 0:11:45and diplomatically give Tess a reason why it's best that you slept on the sofa.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Got it.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50"Sorry, Treacle, it's already dropped off."
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Not so fast.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57You'll need this hands-free kit. I've got an idea.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Right. Repeat after me.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03DOOR OPENS
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Ah, there you are, my darling.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12I'm so glad the two of us can finally be alone.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Don't say a word. Just listen.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22I ache for you with every fibre of my being.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29But we are not for tonight.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Like Hermia and Lysander in A Midsummer Night's Dream,
0:12:32 > 0:12:36we must "Lie further off, in human modesty".
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Sweet dreams, my love.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Until the morning.
0:12:45 > 0:12:46Good night, then, Matthew.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Oh! Good night, Mrs P.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58It worked!
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Matthew, you're really good at not sleeping with girls.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Cheers, mate, beddy-bobos time.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Dude! Nice jimjams!
0:13:12 > 0:13:15Oh, I was about to say the exact same thing to you.
0:13:18 > 0:13:19Buy one...
0:13:19 > 0:13:22BOTH: Get two free!
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Sleep well?
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Well, it was a bit warm sharing a sofa.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32He stripped down to his birthday suit.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35Yeah, my mum made it for me.
0:13:36 > 0:13:41Nearly ready, Muffin Puffin. All set for some awesome Impressionism?
0:13:41 > 0:13:45I shertainly am, Mish Moneypenny!
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Brosnan.
0:13:49 > 0:13:54Impressionism is a type of painting...that you really like.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Oh, pretending to be you is so dull.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00I know. I have to do it all the time.
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Morning, boys!
0:14:03 > 0:14:04- Morning.- Morning.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06And morning, Matthew!
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Ooh, it's such a shame having to leave
0:14:09 > 0:14:12just when things are getting so interesting,
0:14:12 > 0:14:15but my ship sails this afternoon so I must away.
0:14:15 > 0:14:20Yeah, before I do, I need to "drop anchor" myself. I'm off to the poop deck.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Oh, Mum!
0:14:22 > 0:14:23DOORBELL RINGS
0:14:23 > 0:14:26So, are you going to tell your mum the wedding's not real?
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Oh, what's the use? It's not like she's going to see Rachel, is it?
0:14:29 > 0:14:30SHE CRIES
0:14:30 > 0:14:34Crying girl. Count me out.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Rachel, what is it?
0:14:36 > 0:14:41(SOBS) It's Andrew. He's such a bastard. I'll never forgive him.
0:14:41 > 0:14:42What's he done?
0:14:42 > 0:14:45He's asked me to marry him.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47SHE CRIES
0:14:48 > 0:14:52I'm not ready to get married! But I do love him.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Maybe I should marry him. Maybe I should wait.
0:14:55 > 0:14:56Latte?
0:14:56 > 0:15:00Oh, God, I don't know! I just need some time on my own to think!
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Bloody hell. It's just a coffee.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04Rachel!
0:15:04 > 0:15:05TOILET FLUSHING
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Shit!
0:15:09 > 0:15:10RACHEL SCREAMS
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Oh! Oh! Oh!
0:15:13 > 0:15:15I feel 15 years younger!
0:15:15 > 0:15:19Come on, Mum. Let's go and get your things.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Ooh! What did you do that for?
0:15:22 > 0:15:24He was giving you some time on your own to think.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Yeah. All done? Brilliant.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Not really. I need somewhere to stay.
0:15:29 > 0:15:34Well, that's great. Yeah, you can stay here in Matthew's room.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Oh, Tom, thanks. That's really kind of...
0:15:36 > 0:15:38She cannot stay here.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40I'll keep her talking in there, calm her down.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42She'll be back with Andrew by the end of the day.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44And I'll get my mum back on her ship.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47And, Ben, once you're done at the gallery, you have to get Tess on her flight.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50And then we'll meet back tonight for a lads-only curry.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53To celebrate our inability to deal with women!
0:15:53 > 0:15:55ALL: Yeah! Oh...
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Oh, my God! That free-form jazz ensemble!
0:16:03 > 0:16:07I've never seen someone play a tuba with a hammer before.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09And what about that interpretive dance performance,
0:16:09 > 0:16:12where the dancers were entirely motionless?
0:16:12 > 0:16:16Those three hours just flew by. What a great day!
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Ben? How did it go?
0:16:21 > 0:16:22Ben?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Sorry, I didn't hear a word of that.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30These are brilliant. They block out everything.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32She did not stop talking all day.
0:16:32 > 0:16:37- Oh, sounds wonderful. - Matthew, it was bullshit.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41It was music that didn't sound anything like music,
0:16:41 > 0:16:43dance that didn't look anything like dance,
0:16:43 > 0:16:46and pictures that didn't look anything like porn!
0:16:47 > 0:16:49And then she got on her flight, right?
0:16:49 > 0:16:51- DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES - Ah...
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Tess! You're still here!
0:16:55 > 0:16:58I've changed my flight to tomorrow. I hope you don't mind.
0:16:58 > 0:17:03I did ask Muffin Puffin when we were out and he said it was fine. Well, he nodded.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07Sorry. I bought curry.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Hello, sailors!
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Carol! You're still here!
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Meet Tess! Tess is still here too!
0:17:14 > 0:17:17- Hi, Carol! - Oh, good news all round, then.
0:17:17 > 0:17:22Turns out the rats on the Floating Paradise are too big to be gassed
0:17:22 > 0:17:26so we've got an extra night in port while they send in snipers.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30So, I'm here for one more night.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35Sorry! I bought curry.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36Where's that curry? I'm starving.
0:17:36 > 0:17:41- Rachel! - Rachel! You're still here!
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Sorry.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47- Carol, I didn't know you were here. - Rachel! How was Moldova?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49What?
0:17:49 > 0:17:53Have you...mulled over... what curry you would like?
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Oh, forget the curry!
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Rachel, I've got so much to ask you about the wedding!
0:17:58 > 0:18:00What?
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- How did you know?- No!
0:18:03 > 0:18:07You can't ask any questions! It...it's not allowed!
0:18:07 > 0:18:10It's against the rules!
0:18:10 > 0:18:11Rules?
0:18:11 > 0:18:14The...the rules of the game!
0:18:14 > 0:18:17The drinking game that we're about to play!
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Oh, we can use the wine! Yeah!
0:18:20 > 0:18:24- Ha-ha-ha-ha! - Do we have to play a drinking game?
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Er, rule number one! No questions.
0:18:27 > 0:18:28Ha-ha! Drink!
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Oh, what the hell! I could use a drink.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
0:18:33 > 0:18:37Oh, my gosh! We haven't been introduced. I'm Tess. I go out with...
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Rule...rule number two!
0:18:39 > 0:18:41No names! Drink!
0:18:41 > 0:18:43CHEERING
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Ha-ha-ha!
0:18:44 > 0:18:47So, tell me how you got together with my...
0:18:47 > 0:18:53Rule number three! No pointing. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:18:53 > 0:18:54Drink!
0:18:54 > 0:18:55CHEERING
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Ha-ha-ha! You girls suck at this!
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- Drink!- Ben...I mean, Matthew. You pointed!
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Ah. Name! Drink!
0:19:03 > 0:19:06Am I the only one who doesn't suck at this?
0:19:06 > 0:19:07- Question!- Aw!
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Drink! Drink!
0:19:12 > 0:19:15(WHISPERS) Tom. Tom.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Shh. Shh.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21Rule number 16, no whispering.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25- Tom. Has the plan worked? - Yeah.- I'm hammered.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29- No, the real plan.- I think so.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31This drinking game has stopped us
0:19:31 > 0:19:35from having one single coherent conversation all night.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Thank God. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Come on, boys! More booze! Ha-ha!
0:19:39 > 0:19:41- Coming right up! - Whey-hey!
0:19:41 > 0:19:44This has been so much fun!
0:19:44 > 0:19:47CRYING
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Crying girl. Count me out.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Oh, what's up, love?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54(SOBS) I'm not ready to get married!
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Now, look, love, you can't back out now.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01You've met somebody you've formed a really strong bond with!
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Muffin Puffin and I bonded over our love of books.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08Have you read The Very Hungry Caterpillar?
0:20:10 > 0:20:11Poetry.
0:20:11 > 0:20:16There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could...
0:20:16 > 0:20:20No, no, no! No, the classics.
0:20:20 > 0:20:25Ah, now you're talking! AC/DC. Aerosmith!
0:20:25 > 0:20:29# Don't wanna close my eyes
0:20:29 > 0:20:32# I don't wanna fall asleep cos I'd miss you, baby... #
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Ben! This is an emergency!
0:20:35 > 0:20:38We've ran out of booze, which means no more drinking game,
0:20:38 > 0:20:41which means people'll start asking us questions.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44All right, it's late and there's no more booze. Time for bed.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Hang on, we've still got half a bottle here.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49- Oh.- Come on, before we go, let's have a toast!
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Come on, Rachel!
0:20:53 > 0:20:56To making difficult decisions.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59To fulfilling your dreams.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01To brave new experiences.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04To trusting your heart and not your eyes.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07To finishing what you've started.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10To banging an older lady.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Cheers!
0:21:15 > 0:21:17CHEERING
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Come on, ladies, beddy-bobos time.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22I'm gonna take my contacts out.
0:21:22 > 0:21:27Oh, but I warn you, Muffin Puffin, I can't see a thing without them,
0:21:27 > 0:21:30so I may have to feel my way!
0:21:30 > 0:21:33I'll get my jimjams on.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Me too. Then the room's all yours, Rachel.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40Rachel, get in there and talk things over with your fiance.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42He'll understand. Trust me.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44OK. Thanks, Carol.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- Well, go on, Tom. Off you go. - Yeah, yeah.
0:21:49 > 0:21:50Of course.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- What are you doing? - Erm...
0:21:53 > 0:21:55I'm just walking you to your door.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Here we are.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06- Bagsie the sofa. - Ooh, a onesie!
0:22:06 > 0:22:09How's a girl supposed to get into that?
0:22:10 > 0:22:13- With her teeth?- Mum!
0:22:13 > 0:22:16I'm joking, Tom.
0:22:16 > 0:22:17I'm not.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25(GASPS) Ew.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Look, don't touch.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32I'm ready for my night of passion, Don Juan!
0:22:32 > 0:22:36You've done one? That's nothing to be proud of.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38I'll be in in a bit.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42Well, hurry up. I want our last night together to be special.
0:22:44 > 0:22:49Matthew, either you go and tell Tess the truth, or I will.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52OK. If I'm going to do this, I need some Dutch courage.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- But we're out of booze.- I know, but there's Edam in the fridge.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00And with Tess out of my hair, I have some business of my own to attend to.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02(SNIFFS) Eurgh.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04I need to freshen up first.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Hey...hup!
0:23:07 > 0:23:10Turn the light off, mate. Ah!
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Does anybody need...
0:23:19 > 0:23:21tucking in?
0:23:22 > 0:23:23Mum!
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Tom! Why aren't you with your fiancee?
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Now get in there! She needs you!
0:23:28 > 0:23:31OK! Good night!
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Oh, Matthew!
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Finally we are alone!
0:23:35 > 0:23:40Oh! Er...can't stop now, Carol! There's something I have to do!
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Can't you do me first?
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Tess, listen.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50Oh. Sorry, Rachel. I needed to get these.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54They're my...sleeping glasses!
0:23:54 > 0:23:57If I don't wear them, I can't see my dreams!
0:23:57 > 0:23:59I just need to be by myself.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03We both need to think about what we really want.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Well, Tom, what do you really want?
0:24:08 > 0:24:09Er, the toilet.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Er...
0:24:16 > 0:24:18look but don't touch.
0:24:22 > 0:24:23Carol!
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Finally...
0:24:29 > 0:24:30..we're alone.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Well, you're alone!
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Carol!
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Muffin Puffin!
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Your housemate's drunk. He keeps saying he's not the person he thinks he is.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Don't ever leave me again.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49It's our last chance to spend some time face to face.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Face to face! That's it.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Erm...just give me a moment.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58I just need to...find myself.
0:24:58 > 0:24:59TOILET FLUSHING
0:24:59 > 0:25:03What's a girl gotta do to get a guy around here?
0:25:03 > 0:25:05DOOR SLAMS
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Hey, ohh! Urgh!
0:25:08 > 0:25:09Get off me, you pervert!
0:25:09 > 0:25:12SCREAMING AND SHOUTING
0:25:12 > 0:25:16It's not what you think! I'm engaged! Sort of.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Oh! Oh!
0:25:19 > 0:25:20Eurgh.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24Right. Are we alone now?
0:25:25 > 0:25:28- Mum!- Tom!
0:25:28 > 0:25:32- Get in there and tell her you love her!- Yeah, OK.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Sorry, Mum!
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Oh! Carol! What a pleasant surprise!
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Oh!
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Where are you, Muffin Puffin?
0:25:47 > 0:25:49I'll be your muffin puffin!
0:25:49 > 0:25:52Carol! Maybe you'd like to be alone?
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Oh, I thought you'd never ask!
0:25:54 > 0:25:56- Well, you can be alone in there!- Oh!
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Just piss off!
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Oh, no, Andrew, I wasn't telling you to piss off.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06SNIFFS
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Found me!
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Ah, Matthew. Have you told Tess yet?
0:26:27 > 0:26:29No. She'll only believe it if it comes from you.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Exactly.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Muffin Puffin!
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Matthew?
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Matthew! Finally we can be alone.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45- Wait!- Shh. Don't say a word.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49Matthew! I'm waiting!
0:26:49 > 0:26:53Matthew? Really?
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Really...!
0:27:06 > 0:27:08BOTH: Ah, forget it.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16There you are. I need a hug.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Mm.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Thanks, Matthew.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30Can you give me some brotherly advice?
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Yes.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36Do you think I should marry Andrew?
0:27:36 > 0:27:38No.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42So, you think we should break up?
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Erm...
0:27:44 > 0:27:47Because, the thing is...
0:27:47 > 0:27:50he just makes me so happy.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Well, that's all that matters to me...
0:27:55 > 0:27:58..to see you with someone who makes you happy.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01So, we should stay together, then?
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Yes.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Oh...!
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Thanks, Matthew.
0:28:16 > 0:28:21Hang on. Did you just smell my hair?
0:28:21 > 0:28:23And what's up with your voice?
0:28:23 > 0:28:26Oh! What is going on?
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Oh! What's going on?
0:28:28 > 0:28:32Tess! I can explain!
0:28:32 > 0:28:35Carol! I can explain!
0:28:38 > 0:28:41Oh! Matthew!
0:28:46 > 0:28:47Matthew?
0:28:48 > 0:28:50Matthew?
0:28:54 > 0:28:56Oh!
0:28:58 > 0:29:01# Don't wanna close my eyes
0:29:01 > 0:29:06# I don't wanna fall asleep cos I'd miss you, baby
0:29:06 > 0:29:09# And I don't wanna miss a thing
0:29:09 > 0:29:16# Cos even when I dream of you the sweetest dream would never do
0:29:16 > 0:29:22# I'd still miss you, baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing. #
0:29:22 > 0:29:24Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd