0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06# Always fooling around when we were young
0:00:06 > 0:00:08# Time flies fast when you're having fun
0:00:08 > 0:00:14# Don't want to get old, never want to grow up. #
0:00:16 > 0:00:19Look at this, the top ten things to do this weekend.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22Who wants to come with me to a flea market?
0:00:22 > 0:00:23Not me, I've already got loads.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Tom? Cheese and wine tasting?
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Er, I already know how cheese and wine tastes.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Besides, my weekend is sorted.
0:00:32 > 0:00:38The new Jack Bourned movie opens in 48 hours. Before I go...
0:00:38 > 0:00:41I'm rewatching all of his films.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44I've already done The Bourned Condominium,
0:00:44 > 0:00:47The Bourned Vasectomy, The Bourned Repetition...
0:00:47 > 0:00:4937 films in two days?
0:00:49 > 0:00:52I won't sleep until the job's done.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Not my words, the words of Jack Bourned,
0:00:55 > 0:01:00just before he made a Russian warlord swallow his own fork.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Well, at least it's not as big as your last box set.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06I should never have bought a complete box set of The News.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Ben? How about you come with me to a craft fair!
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Sorry, mate, I'm pretty busy.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Busy? Ever since you got that new phone,
0:01:14 > 0:01:17- you've done absolutely nothing.- Nothing?
0:01:17 > 0:01:19I spent all of Monday socialising.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Tuesday, I went bowling...
0:01:29 > 0:01:31And I spent the rest of the week battling with
0:01:31 > 0:01:33the leader of an alien race.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38If you're just going to sit there on your phone all day,
0:01:38 > 0:01:39I'm going to fuck off.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Don't you feel like you could expand your horizons?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47I don't need to expand my horizons.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50I've got all the world's knowledge right here.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51What are you looking at right now?
0:01:51 > 0:01:53China's fattest dogs.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55I'm going to work.
0:01:55 > 0:02:00Incredible! He just killed a man using only a pair of gloves.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03He strangled him.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Wow. That is one massive shih-tzu.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12There has to be a better way of living than this.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Well, off to work, housemates.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16We're all walking the same way, I think.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Time for a coffee and a crossword?
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Only if we complete it as a team!
0:02:20 > 0:02:22And don't forget, my turn to cook tonight.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23Well then, I'm washing up.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26This weekend, do you fancy the craft fair or the flea market?
0:02:26 > 0:02:27Can't we do both?
0:02:27 > 0:02:31So long as we're back in time for scrabble!
0:02:31 > 0:02:32Morning.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Wow.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Ben?
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Oi! I'm nearly at level 8 on Temple Strut.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48Temple Strut?
0:02:48 > 0:02:51It's a bit like Temple Run but with more attitude.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55# She call me Mr Boombastic
0:02:55 > 0:02:57# Say me fantastic
0:02:57 > 0:03:01# Touch me in my back she says I'm Mr Romantic...#
0:03:01 > 0:03:04They shouldn't give smartphones to people who aren't.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06- Did you get my messages? - Yes. All 20 of them.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09You think the new neighbours are incredible and you want us
0:03:09 > 0:03:10to arrange a nice surprise.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13Where's Tom?
0:03:15 > 0:03:16Where indeed?
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Surprise!
0:03:25 > 0:03:30Concealment is the first element of surprise. Jack Bourned said that.
0:03:30 > 0:03:35You Russky bastards! I'm already ahead of you.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38I'm the fucking wall!
0:03:38 > 0:03:42That is extremely xenophobic. All Russians aren't evil.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Not all. Just most.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48I really think those films are a bad influence.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50A bad influence?
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Only this morning, I was inspired by Jack Bourned to create
0:03:53 > 0:03:56a gadget that's going to benefit the whole flat.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00Behold, the remote control toilet flush.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08- Needs a slight adjustment. - I want to make a good impression.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11We should pay more attention to our neighbours.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15Hey, I pay plenty of attention to that girl from Flat 17.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17I'm not talking about watching someone
0:04:17 > 0:04:18through a makeshift periscope.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I suppose you've been dicking around on your phone all day.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Actually, I googled welcoming new neighbours
0:04:24 > 0:04:27and it suggested I make a gift basket.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28Oh, that's a nice idea.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Gift them some simple essentials.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33The kind of stuff you can't live without.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Hang on. A microwave door and a chair leg?
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Where did these come from?
0:04:37 > 0:04:38They're ours!
0:04:39 > 0:04:42And let me tell you, you really can't live without them.
0:04:42 > 0:04:47I microwaved a soup earlier and now my gums will not stop bleeding.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52Matthew, why are you so keen to impress the neighbours?
0:04:52 > 0:04:55They're cultured, intelligent, impressive.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57I'd be a perfect addition for their group.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- You're none of those things. - But they don't know that.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01This is my chance for a fresh start.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04I mean, yes, I queued overnight for One Direction tickets
0:05:04 > 0:05:07and, yes, I thought Life of Pi was a cookbook.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11And yes, I had sex with my cousin and...
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Yes, they're stood right behind me and heard every word I said.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- Hi!- Sorry, the door was open.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18Have we come at a bad time?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Not at all. We were just workshopping a new play.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24I call that character the worst man alive. And scene!
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Well, we won't disturb you.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- We just thought we should say an official hello.- Hello!
0:05:29 > 0:05:33- Hello!- Hello! - Well, nice to meet you.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Wait, wait, you can't leave. We should hang out.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39It's our first night, we'd rather be in our new place.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42I completely understand. We'll be round in 20 minutes.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47I can't believe we're late.
0:05:49 > 0:05:50Be nice.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54Nice? Jack Bourned always says, "Nice guys finish last.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56"Tough guys finish first."
0:05:56 > 0:06:01- Who finishes second?- Women? - Those films are a bad influence.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Frankly, I can't wait to see their enchanting home.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Thank you, Ben. That's more like it.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09I downloaded an app, "How to talk to neighbours".
0:06:09 > 0:06:10It tells you exactly what to say.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Listen.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15I love what you've done with the front garden.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16I bet their flat's incredible.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20Matthew, it's going to be exactly the same as ours.
0:06:29 > 0:06:30Hello!
0:06:31 > 0:06:35This flat is unbelievable. It's so much better than ours.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39No, it isn't. I mean, it's bigger, brighter and nicer than ours.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41But it's not better.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Look, they've even got a fourth wall.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- Make yourselves at home. - All right.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54I'm going to have a look around.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56- You look lovely tonight. - Oh, thank you.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57And, if she's a woman,
0:06:57 > 0:07:00perhaps you could compliment her on how she smells.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02Yep. Pretty good.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05This is broken.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09I love the whole uncluttered, minimalist vibe you've gone for.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- Oh, we've not unpacked yet. - Cool.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14David, could you fetch a spoon for the home-made hummus?
0:07:14 > 0:07:18I'll get it. I'm really good at finding the cutlery drawer.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20These, insert name of food, are delicious.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22- You'll have to give me the recipe! - I'd be delighted.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25And you'll have to give me the recipe for these.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- They're crisps. - Yes, but in a bowl.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32I couldn't find the cutlery drawer.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- Is that my T-shirt? - Mm-hmm.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37I love what you've done with the place.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Error 414, reset application.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42You just you wait until David gets his hands on it.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44He's quite the decorator.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- I want this space to have an autumnal theme.- So?
0:07:47 > 0:07:51I did the decorating in our flat and every room has its own theme.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55- Really?- Yes, David. The kitchen is themed around food.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58The bathroom is themed around... shitting?
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Oh, my God! Is that a cleaning rota?
0:08:04 > 0:08:08- Guilty as charged! - Harry is a classic Leo.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Says the archetypal Capricorn!
0:08:10 > 0:08:13That's why Juliet insists on captaining our pub quiz team.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15I love you.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19- Pardon?- Why are all the Rs backwards on these books?
0:08:19 > 0:08:23Oh. They're mine. I'm studying for a PhD in Russian.
0:08:23 > 0:08:28Russian? So you're in cahoots with those Russky bastards?
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Tom's been watching a lot of spy films.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Listen, guys, this has been...
0:08:32 > 0:08:36but I really think we should all be getting to bed.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40Really? Wow, you guys don't mess around.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Our own beds. On our own.
0:08:48 > 0:08:49Oh.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52You'll have to come over to ours. How about tomorrow?
0:08:52 > 0:08:55I absolutely insist. Wait for response.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57I really don't think that's going to...
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Tomorrow it is then,
0:08:59 > 0:09:02we'll see you at 6 or whatever time is convenient for them.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Great! Tom, we're leaving.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- I'm borrowing this. - Polite farewell.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16That was a disaster.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20There's something very suspicious about those new neighbours of ours.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Tom, you can't be suspicious of someone
0:09:22 > 0:09:24because they don't like you. Right now, I don't like you.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27There's something very suspicious about you, Matthew.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30At this rate, they're not going to want to be friends with any of us.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Hey, I've just had three new friend requests.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Who are Harry, David and Juliet?
0:09:36 > 0:09:40They're our new neighbours. You literally just met them.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44They haven't friended me. I don't get it.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47I'm the nice one of the group. You're a fucking cretin.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49He doesn't sound like the nice one.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53Well, time for another Bourned movie.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08You're both fucking cretins.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- Ow!- Matthew, what are you doing?
0:10:17 > 0:10:19The neighbours are coming over.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22I want to make a good second first impression.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24I don't believe in fairy lights.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Hey, every time you say that, a fairy light somewhere dies.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- Can you help?- Nope.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31- Ben?- Nope.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Hey, I've just downloaded Furious Fruit.
0:10:37 > 0:10:44- Fruit, of course.- Melon. - 'You bastard!'- Kumquat.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46'Piss off, prick.'
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Bloody hell, they are furious.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52- Whoa, what is that?- Fruit. - We don't eat fruit.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55We don't have to eat it. We just have to show we've got it.
0:10:55 > 0:10:56We're on our way to being just like them.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58You're not going to want to be like them
0:10:58 > 0:11:01when you see the information that I've intercepted.
0:11:01 > 0:11:06- Is that their post?- Yeah. Access codes, satellites, passwords.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10It doesn't take Jack Bourned to tell you something's awry!
0:11:10 > 0:11:12These are Wi-Fi codes and a satellite TV contract.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15This spy movie marathon is making you paranoid.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17You were suspicious enough before it started.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21Hello? I'd like to report a suspicious package, please.
0:11:21 > 0:11:22Yeah, in fact...
0:11:22 > 0:11:25I'd like to report loads of suspicious packages.
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Every year.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32It'd be nice to have at least one birthday that doesn't end
0:11:32 > 0:11:34with a controlled explosion.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Look, Harry, David and Juliet have just invited me
0:11:37 > 0:11:40to that premiere of the new Bourned film tomorrow.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42- What?- Really?
0:11:42 > 0:11:45- Oh, this is awful. - I know, I wanted to stay at home
0:11:45 > 0:11:47and nail the next final level of Furious Fruit.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Berry Angry.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54A film premiere? I knew it.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57It's time to start doing things the Jack Bourned way.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01- I'll take that!- 'Motherfucker!'
0:12:01 > 0:12:02Please don't embarrass me.
0:12:02 > 0:12:08Oh, don't you worry, I'll be extremely covert.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Hey! I was about to join the tang-marines.
0:12:12 > 0:12:16That's them. Act...normal.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19My phone. I can't socialise without my app.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29- Neighbours, come in, come in. - Evening!
0:12:29 > 0:12:32- Sorry we're late! - We were baking.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33It's spelt bread.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Oh, I know how it's spelt. B-R-E-A-D.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44- I see you've made an effort. - Help yourself to bowl crisps.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Such a fantastic idea of yours.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49By the way, who wants a beer?
0:12:49 > 0:12:53You know, in a bowl. Like the crisps.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56No? Fair enough. Cheers!
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Hey, Ben!
0:12:59 > 0:13:02'They're talking to you. Better say something.
0:13:02 > 0:13:07'If only I had my app. This is awkward.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11'All right, if you can't say something at least do an emoticon.'
0:13:14 > 0:13:16We hope you don't mind but...
0:13:16 > 0:13:19We thought you might need something smart for tomorrow night.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Maybe you'd like to borrow something of mine?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Wow.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26I love this really big zip, but where do my arms go?
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Now, I know how you guys love quizzes,
0:13:30 > 0:13:34so I've prepared a quiz that'll help you get to know us a bit better.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Question number one.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Which one of your neighbours has a grade 7 in clarinet?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41And I'll give you a clue.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Hello neighbours.
0:14:09 > 0:14:14So, you're off to the Bourned premiere tomorrow, are you?
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Yeah, sorry, we've only got one spare ticket.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23Oh, don't you worry. I don't want to come with you.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26No, because I know what you're up to. Yeah.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31In the Bourned Podiatry, three secret agents meet with
0:14:31 > 0:14:36an ambassador to sell confidential documents.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Where do they meet him? At a film premiere.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44- So, we're secret agents? - Oh, a confession!
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Question two. Thinking we installed a heated, outdoor toilet,
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Ben once shat in a barbecue.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Is that true or true?
0:14:55 > 0:14:59You see, what you haven't realised, is that I've been filming
0:14:59 > 0:15:02- this whole conversation. - We realised.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Sorry, but by your logic, anyone at the premiere tomorrow
0:15:04 > 0:15:06could be a secret agent.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Your words, not mine. You Russky bastards.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13I'm really struggling with question two. Can you repeat the options?
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Can you stop doing that, please?
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Oh, you'd like me to stop doing that, wouldn't you?
0:15:18 > 0:15:19Yes. That's why I asked.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23- Please take off that fake arm! - Fake arm?
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Fake arm?
0:15:30 > 0:15:31What fake arm?
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Tom, please apologise to our new friends and make it clear I'm in
0:15:35 > 0:15:38no way involved and I'm still open to joining their friendship group.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42Oh, I'm not going to apologise because I've read these.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46I know all about the satellites, the passwords, his rash.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Sorry, I shouldn't have read the last one.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52You opened our mail? That is illegal.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53Come on. We're leaving.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56I don't think we can hang around with you guys any more.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Apart from Ben. Pick you up at seven.
0:15:58 > 0:16:03Question number three, can I come too? Oh, well done!
0:16:03 > 0:16:05That was my chance to make some brand-new friends.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09What about us, your brand old friends?
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Yeah, and why do you want to be friends with terrorists?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Because they're better than you!
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Those neighbours are tearing us apart.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22It's just you and me now, Ben.
0:16:22 > 0:16:27Ben? Ben?
0:16:27 > 0:16:31- Have you seen my phone? - Hang on, it's gone.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34What? How am I supposed to play Furious Fruit 2,
0:16:34 > 0:16:36The Grapes of Wrath?
0:16:38 > 0:16:40They must have stolen it.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43My surveillance footage was too close to the truth!
0:16:43 > 0:16:45We need to sneak in there and find it.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48If it means getting my phone back, I'll do it.
0:16:48 > 0:16:54Brilliant. The only question is, how do we get in?
0:17:07 > 0:17:11That was five hours well spent and all it cost us
0:17:11 > 0:17:15was your chest of drawers, your wardrobe and your bed frame.
0:17:15 > 0:17:20Now, we climb inside and give it to them as a house-warming gift!
0:17:20 > 0:17:24Oh, I thought we were going to ride it all the way to the locksmith
0:17:24 > 0:17:28and then get a copy of this spare key they've given me?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30You've had a spare key all along?
0:17:49 > 0:17:53- What's going on?- We're going to break into the neighbours' flat!
0:17:53 > 0:17:56- What?- Yeah, we're going to prove to you, once and for all,
0:17:56 > 0:17:58that they're up to no good.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01You can't just break into their flat in the middle of the night,
0:18:01 > 0:18:04go rifling through all their stuff and then use that information
0:18:04 > 0:18:07to infiltrate their social group. I'm in too. Let's go.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Right, let's see...
0:18:26 > 0:18:30Shoes on a rack. Bowl of pebbles. Billy book shelf.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36- Where do they get their style? - Yes. The phone!
0:18:36 > 0:18:42Brilliant. Furious Fruit 2, here I come. Time to join the Banana-army.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46I told you! I knew they were up to no good.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50- Oh, my God! - Matthew, it's just a cleaning rota?
0:18:50 > 0:18:51No, it's not a rota. Look!
0:18:56 > 0:18:59They are sending information to the Russians.
0:18:59 > 0:19:05- It's worse than that. - We are Russians!
0:19:12 > 0:19:14So, you have discovered our secret evil plan.
0:19:14 > 0:19:20Yes! To steal state secrets from our government, you Russky bastards.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- That is not our plan, idiot. - No.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27We intend to put an end to constant stereotyping of Russians
0:19:27 > 0:19:28as evil super villains...
0:19:28 > 0:19:31By blowing up The Bourned film premiere!
0:19:33 > 0:19:36That seems counter-productive.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40There's one thing you haven't factored in - our comrade Ben.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43He's going to realise what's going on and rescue us.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Ben? A man so stupid and distracted that he'll carry
0:19:49 > 0:19:54a bomb into cinema without even realising he's doing it?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56He's become vital part of our plan.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59So you're only pretending to like Ben cos he's stupid enough
0:19:59 > 0:20:01- to carry your bomb?- Of course!
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Yes! That, at least, puts me in the top two.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06- No, we still think you are a- BLEEP.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10You guys are underestimating Ben.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Underneath that dumb exterior lies a keen mind.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16He'll figure out what's going on,
0:20:16 > 0:20:20and when he does, it's you that's in for the surprise.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21You won't even see it coming!
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Er, Tom?
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Concealment is the first element of surprise!
0:20:43 > 0:20:47Finally, the mastermind awakes.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Look what those Russians have done.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53The heat from those candles will burn through the rope,
0:20:53 > 0:20:57which will cause that glycerine nitrate to drop, starting an
0:20:57 > 0:21:03exothermic chemical reaction that'll burn down the whole building.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Wouldn't it be easier just to use petrol and matches?
0:21:05 > 0:21:09They're Russian super villains, Matthew, that's not how they roll.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15We've got three minutes, tops. Come on, Tom, think.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16What would Jack Bourned do?
0:21:18 > 0:21:23Kitchen knife left on the table, coat hanger two metres away,
0:21:23 > 0:21:26light fitting directly above.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30I've got it. It's crazy, but it might just work.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32HUYAR!
0:21:32 > 0:21:40Ow! Oh, that did not work. Has anybody else got any ideas?
0:21:40 > 0:21:43These are our last few minutes on earth. What shall we do?
0:21:46 > 0:21:51Shall we pray? Reminisce? Sing?
0:21:52 > 0:21:59# Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya
0:21:59 > 0:22:05# Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya... #
0:22:05 > 0:22:10Shut up! I'm trying to play the final level on Furious Fruit.
0:22:11 > 0:22:12Pineapple Spunks.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17You've got your phone! You can use it to get us out of here.
0:22:17 > 0:22:18Right!
0:22:22 > 0:22:26Use the broken shards of glass to cut the rope.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28No, use the phone to call the police!
0:22:28 > 0:22:31Oh, Ben, you've never done anything right in your entire life.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35- It worked!- I knew it would. - Untie me.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39I'm the only one with the skills to disable that device.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Right.
0:22:44 > 0:22:48Now. Do I blow out the red candle or the green candle?
0:22:48 > 0:22:52Red or green? Red or green?
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Red or green?
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Oh, yeah. Right. Come on, team.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03It's time that we stopped...
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Those Russky bastards?
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Going somewhere Mr... Matthew, Tom and Ben?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14We were just on our way to foil your fiendish plan.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18Ha! You three could never defeat us.
0:23:18 > 0:23:23- We're everything you're not. - An efficient, focused team.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25But you?
0:23:25 > 0:23:29You're biggest losers we have seen since Moldova's entry
0:23:29 > 0:23:34in the 1984 Eurovision Song Contest, Bing Bang Bing.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Well, you're in for a surprise, Russians,
0:23:38 > 0:23:42cos we're about to pull the rug from under your feet.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46That was a terrible pun.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50Oh, I don't know, I got a kick out of it!
0:23:52 > 0:23:55A friend in need is a friend indeed.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59Thought that's funny? Wait till you hear the punch line.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Well, it looks like I'm about to hit a woman in the face.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- No, no, that's not acceptable. - Sorry.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17Nice try, English. But it's like we said.
0:24:17 > 0:24:23You're losers. Ridiculous, pathetic, stupid losers.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26But we're still a team. Yes, Tom's ridiculous.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30So ridiculous that he invented a remote control flushing toilet.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33And Matthew is so pathetic that he can't even put up fairy
0:24:33 > 0:24:37lights without leaving loosely wired electrics all over the flat.
0:24:37 > 0:24:42And Ben is so stupid, he's spent 24 hours playing a game that
0:24:42 > 0:24:45makes him an expert in throwing fruit.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49This may surprise you...
0:24:49 > 0:24:50But when our powers combine...
0:24:50 > 0:24:53The results can be electrifying!
0:25:02 > 0:25:03Bastards!
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Talk about a shock to the cistern!
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Oh, the bulb's gone.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Hey, it's pretty cool that we got to keep those
0:25:31 > 0:25:33tickets for tonight's Bourned premiere.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Too right. Vodka Martini?
0:25:35 > 0:25:39- Shaken not stirred.- Really?
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Tom, Ben, I owe you both an apology.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49I was wrong to say the neighbours were better than you.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51I should have realised they were pure evil.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55Well, you'll know better for next time.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57I'll get that.
0:25:57 > 0:26:01Hi, I just moved in next door. Could I borrow some binbags?
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Looking good, Ben.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Well, the Russians won't be needing their suit back,
0:26:09 > 0:26:11not now they're electrocuted to death.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19New neighbour's moved in. He seems adorable.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21He says he wants to have us for dinner.
0:26:23 > 0:26:27Well, that is my marathon completed.
0:26:27 > 0:26:2937 films in 48 hours.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32I never want to see another Bourned film again.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Let's go to the premiere.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37You know, it's incredible to think that if the Russians' plan
0:26:37 > 0:26:40had worked, Ben would be delivering their bomb for them right now.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Oh, just going to grab my jacket.
0:26:44 > 0:26:48You know, you can say what you like about those Russians
0:26:48 > 0:26:51but they really do have great fashion sense.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57Oh, this suit is the bomb.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02It's dynamite.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05It's to die for. Tonight's really going to go with a bang.