0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains adult humour and some strong language.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Wise old man,
0:00:13 > 0:00:17I come seeking something that will change my life.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21That or a cure for the Millennium Bug.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24SPEAKS CANTONESE
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Yeah, I'm sorry, I don't speak Chinese.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38SPEAKS CANTONESE
0:00:42 > 0:00:43A dice?
0:00:45 > 0:00:46Why would you give me a...?
0:01:04 > 0:01:08- 9:05am, Tom comes back from work... - I'm home!
0:01:08 > 0:01:10..slamming the door too hard and waking up Ben.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12BEN YELPS
0:01:12 > 0:01:15Tom tries to throw his bag into his room...
0:01:15 > 0:01:18and misses. The noise scares Ben.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20- Who's there?- Tom goes to the toilet.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22I should not have had those five coffees.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26- Ben rushes out of his room brandishing the closest thing to hand.- Come on, then!
0:01:26 > 0:01:30- When he realises there's no threat, he goes to make breakfast.- Breakfast.
0:01:30 > 0:01:329:05am and...30 seconds,
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Tom comes out of the toilet, mispronounces my name
0:01:35 > 0:01:37and tries to tell me about his latest incredible idea...
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Matthyow!
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Let me tell you about my latest incredible idea...
0:01:43 > 0:01:44..that is always terrible.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Cat skis.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48For too long, now, cats have been
0:01:48 > 0:01:51unable to compete at the Winter Olympics.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Tom, that is a terrible idea.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57Ben will try and use the cooker which has been broken for two years
0:01:57 > 0:01:59and is now a potential death trap.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01- GAS FLARES - Oh!
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Every morning I singe my eyebrows off...
0:02:03 > 0:02:05then they miraculously grow back.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08This is what I'm trying to say, nothing changes round here.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Yeah, every morning, you sit there
0:02:10 > 0:02:12and say out loud what we're about to do.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14- It's really weird. - I guess I'm just fed up.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Don't you get tired of the status quo?
0:02:16 > 0:02:19The greatest rock band ever? No!
0:02:19 > 0:02:21HE PLAYS AIR GUITAR
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Besides, it's good to have a routine.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26For example, today is the third Thursday of the month,
0:02:26 > 0:02:30which means the girl from flat 17 gets her supermarket delivery tonight.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34- So?- So if I can be in the lobby, casually pretending to
0:02:34 > 0:02:37be on the phone, I get to see her for a full two minutes.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39That sounds a lot like stalking.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42I think it's more like a very personal neighbourhood watch scheme.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44But you'll never actually talk to her.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46- I could talk to her if I wanted to.- Really?
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Because you've struggled in the past.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- Guys! It's bin day!- Yay!
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Just taking out the bins.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14I'm just going to go and sell these plungers.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29I'm just off to the shop to return this invisibility cloak.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Hello.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49That's why you're going back to the shop.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Why don't you just ask her out?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Well, I could ask you the same thing about that girl you fancy at work.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58- I do not fancy Lucy.- Ah, but you knew who I was talking about.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02Besides, the girl from flat 17 lives in our building.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06As long as I live in the same building as that girl, I won't ask her out.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08You cannot shit where you eat.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13You can't? Argh.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20Next thing you'll be telling me I can't piss where I sleep.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Fine, don't ask her out.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26It's just another thing that's never going to change round here.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Matthew, what's wrong with you today?
0:04:28 > 0:04:31It's five years to the day since we moved into this flat.
0:04:31 > 0:04:36- Five years and nothing has changed. - Hang on! Five years?
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Yes, Ben, you've been doing nothing for five years.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43That's where you're wrong. Sure, it's LOOKED like I've been doing nothing -
0:04:43 > 0:04:46never leaving the house, not getting a job, shitting where I eat -
0:04:46 > 0:04:51but this whole time I've been working on a special project in my room,
0:04:51 > 0:04:55a project that reaches completion today.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58A special project?
0:04:58 > 0:05:01If this is cat skis, he's got a lawsuit on his hands.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05I've been home brewing!
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Yes, Ben! That's a great plan.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11We set up our own company, go into mass production
0:05:11 > 0:05:15and finally give Jack Daniels the kicking he deserves.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18People will be queuing round the block to taste our...
0:05:18 > 0:05:22- Turnip gin!- Oh.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26And this isn't for sale. We're going to drink it.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28We're going to get drunk for free
0:05:28 > 0:05:33and all it cost me was half a decade of my life.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36So, nothing does change. Here's to another five years of wasting time
0:05:36 > 0:05:39- and not talking to girls. BOTH:- Yeah!
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Ugh, work. Another place where nothing ever changes.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Oh, my God, Matthew, everything is changing!
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Sir, what's going on?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Going on? Oh, no, no, nothing's going on.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05No, no, it's, uh, it's business as usual, uh,
0:06:05 > 0:06:06here at Carabine Promotions.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15- It just seems like everyone is panicking and leaving.- Nonsense!
0:06:15 > 0:06:19- Oh, my God, I'm really panicking! - Me too! I'm leaving!
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Just a little over excited about tomorrow's tax inspection.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26The company's been accused of a couple of minor infringements,
0:06:26 > 0:06:30and we can expect, maybe, a little slap on the wristy from Mr Taxman.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32But don't you worry,
0:06:32 > 0:06:36nothing that can't be solved with a little balancing of the books.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47Now, you're going to hear a lot of accusations levelled at me.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Carabine is a swindler, Carabine is a fraudster.
0:06:50 > 0:06:51Carabine is a massive cu...
0:06:54 > 0:06:57- But believe me. It's all lies. - I believe you, sir.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Lies, damn lies
0:06:59 > 0:07:01and some irrefutable eviden...
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Sorry, what did you just say?
0:07:05 > 0:07:08I believe you, sir. I'm sure whatever's going on between you
0:07:08 > 0:07:11and the taxman is just a misunderstanding.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14I've always liked you.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18In many ways, I see you less as an employee,
0:07:18 > 0:07:21more as the son I never had.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25- 'Mr Carabine, your son's here to see you.'- Yeah, tell him to fuck off.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29I've had my eye on you for some time, Matthew,
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Stick with me through tomorrow's little tax inspection
0:07:32 > 0:07:35and I'll make sure you're fast-tracked to the very top.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Oh, thank you, sir.
0:07:41 > 0:07:42Matthew, what's going on?
0:07:42 > 0:07:45I've spoken to Mr Carabine and everything is fine.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Nuh-uh, we are all getting sacked.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Now, come on, let's drink this bottle of vodka
0:07:50 > 0:07:52and crawl through the air vents like it's Die Hard.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54No-one is losing their jobs.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58Tomorrow, me and Mr Carabine are going to save this company.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?
0:08:00 > 0:08:03OK, Mr Carabine and I are going to save this company.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Oh, you're in denial. That's cute. I actually couldn't be happier.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Losing your job is an amazing opportunity for change.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- That's why, tomorrow, I'm out of here.- You're leaving?- Hell yes.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17I'm picking up my final paycheck and heading straight to the airport.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19- That's incredible. I've always wanted to work at an airport.- No,
0:08:19 > 0:08:23I am getting on a plane and going to Fiji.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25I've always dreamed of running a bar on the beach.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28I'm pretty awesome at cocktail flaring.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30BOTTLE SMASHES
0:08:30 > 0:08:32That's just the kind of person I am.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36free-spirited, impulsive, carefree.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39- I wouldn't expect you to do something like that.- You're wrong about me.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41I can be impulsive. I'm carefree.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45You have an asthma attack if someone steals your Post-it Notes.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49Hang on, where are my Post-it Notes? You've stolen my Post-it Notes!
0:08:49 > 0:08:52I don't know what you're talking about. But it's OK.
0:08:52 > 0:08:57- The world needs losers.- You're wrong about me. I could be impulsive.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59- I could go to Fiji. - If you're so impulsive,
0:08:59 > 0:09:01let's go to Fiji together.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04I'm leaving for the airport tomorrow at 9am.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07If you really are so free-spirited,
0:09:07 > 0:09:09I'll see you here with your bags packed.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12Ta-ta.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18Fiji...
0:09:21 > 0:09:23- Guys, I've got some incredible news.- Matthyow!
0:09:23 > 0:09:27You're just in time for our five year ledge-iversary party.
0:09:27 > 0:09:32We're going to be drinking the sweet, sweet nectar that is my turnip gin.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- But this is important. - Yeah, but first, a toast.
0:09:37 > 0:09:38To friendship.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41To sticking together, no matter what.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44To none of us ever moving out of the flat.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Because if one of us would decide to go, then we'd all have to move out.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50It's not like that's going to happen.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51Now, tell us your news.
0:09:51 > 0:09:56After all, we are your best friends in the entire world.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Well, it's not MY news per se.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02- I've got this friend... - And he's called Percy.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Shut up. Listen.
0:10:05 > 0:10:06He says he wants change in his life,
0:10:06 > 0:10:09but when he's presented with a chance for real change, he panics.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13He's torn between a loyalty to his friends and the chance of
0:10:13 > 0:10:19new beginnings, a fresh start, maybe even true happiness.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Who is this friend? He sounds like a dick.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26- Yeah, let's find this Percy character and beat him up. - Forget it.
0:10:26 > 0:10:31Matthew, look - it's you that needs to make this choice, isn't it?
0:10:31 > 0:10:33You're Percy!
0:10:34 > 0:10:36I think you should use...
0:10:37 > 0:10:39..this.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49A wise old man gave me this on my travels through the East,
0:10:49 > 0:10:56and told me it should only be used to help make a life-changing decision.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59At least, I think that's what he said - I don't speak Chinese.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Well, this is a life-changing decision.
0:11:01 > 0:11:06All the more reason to let the Fates decide.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10- Give me that dice. - Matthew, if you're going to do this,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13you have to obey the dice, no matter what.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16All right.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Watcha. Aggressive Gary here.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Live Betting is now in play.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Will Matthew roll an odd number
0:11:24 > 0:11:29and decide to leave for Fiji, or evens and stay here with the boys?
0:11:29 > 0:11:33What are the odds? Of course they're 50/50, you muppet!
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Bet now, else I'll get one of my boys to come round your house
0:11:36 > 0:11:38and start smashing things up.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Betting. It's the absolute guvnor.
0:11:42 > 0:11:43Here goes nothing.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48Evens.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- I'm staying.- Yeah!
0:11:52 > 0:11:55It's best leaving things exactly as they are.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Well, this calls for a celebration, Turnip gins all round.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02No, thanks, Ben, I've got to get up early tomorrow morning.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06- I've got a pretty big tax meeting. - Tom?- I'm not drinking that.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09It smells flammable.
0:12:12 > 0:12:13Flammable.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27- Lucy.- Matthew!
0:12:27 > 0:12:31Listen, I've made my decision. I'm not coming with you.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33I knew I was right about you. Of course you're not coming.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Good luck in life, Matthew. You will need it.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39And I got you a present to say goodbye.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41- Post-it Notes.- Oh, awesome!
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Here he is!
0:12:51 > 0:12:54My new Managing Director!
0:12:54 > 0:12:58- Managing Director?- Yeah, well, I believe that initiative should be rewarded.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01- Initiative? All I've done is come into work.- Already puts you head and
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- shoulders above the competition. - Oh, thank you, sir.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06I like the way you're handling yourself as Managing Director.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10How about this? Would you like to actually own the company?
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Own it? I'm not sure I'm prepared.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Well, I'm not prepared to run it any longer.
0:13:15 > 0:13:20So all you've got to do is sign here and here.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22You can keep the pen.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29You are now the new owner of Carabine Promotions.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37I'm home!
0:13:37 > 0:13:39BEN YELPS
0:13:41 > 0:13:42Who's there?
0:13:42 > 0:13:46I should not have had those five pints of prune juice.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Come on, then!
0:13:53 > 0:13:54Breakfast.
0:13:55 > 0:14:01Matthyow! Listen to my latest incredible idea...
0:14:01 > 0:14:02The X-ray anus.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06At the moment it's just a phrase,
0:14:06 > 0:14:08but there's got to be an idea in it somewhere.
0:14:08 > 0:14:09Matthyow?
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Well, if he's not here to say it's a bad idea,
0:14:12 > 0:14:14then it must be a brilliant idea.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17I'd better get this patented.
0:14:21 > 0:14:22Hello.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25You're the guy that lives at flat number 23, aren't you?
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Of course you are. That's why you're coming out of flat 23.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Why don't you say anything?
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Because it's like shitting and eating at the same time.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Right.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42I'm going to go to work.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49This is a lot of responsibility you've given me here, sir.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Don't worry, Matthew.
0:14:52 > 0:14:58We're a team, walking side by side...
0:14:58 > 0:15:00across the sand.
0:15:01 > 0:15:06When you look back on the hard times...
0:15:06 > 0:15:10and see only one set of footprints...
0:15:10 > 0:15:13..those were the times...
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- RUSSIAN ACCENT:- ..when I was getting the hell out of here.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Good luck in your life, Matthew. You'll need it.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Cheers, mate. Hang on, who was that bloke?
0:15:23 > 0:15:26And why is he leaving out the fire escape, Mr Carabine?
0:15:28 > 0:15:32This is the tax office, put your hands in the air!
0:15:32 > 0:15:33Do you own this company?
0:15:36 > 0:15:37No?
0:15:38 > 0:15:42"It's like shitting and eating at the same time."
0:15:45 > 0:15:48God, that is the sixth worst chat-up line I've ever used.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53I am the most unfortunate man in this flat.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Right. Time to cook breakfast.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57PHONE BEEPS
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Oh, my God. Matthew's gone to prison.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03GAS IGNITION CLICKS
0:16:06 > 0:16:07Ben!
0:16:09 > 0:16:10No!
0:16:11 > 0:16:16Ben! Ben, speak to me.
0:16:16 > 0:16:21- I'm coming home.- No you're not, mate. You're dying.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24What? Oh, no.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26WHY?!
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Matthew's gone to prison,
0:16:30 > 0:16:35Ben's dead and I messed up my chances with a really fit girl.
0:16:35 > 0:16:40I can't help but think this could have all turned out differently.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Here goes nothing.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52Odds. Wow.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Guys, there's no easy way of saying this,
0:16:54 > 0:16:56but I'm going to start a new life in Fiji.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Fiji? But all my stuff's here.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03But then I do love wearing grass skirts.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05- All right, count me in.- No, Ben.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07You're not coming. I'm going with Lucy.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Lucy? What, so you're breaking up our gang for that girl that you
0:17:10 > 0:17:12don't even fancy?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Well, if I can't come with you to Fiji,
0:17:14 > 0:17:16you can't have any of my turnip gin.
0:17:16 > 0:17:21- I don't want any of your turnip gin. - No-one wants any of your turnip gin,
0:17:21 > 0:17:23and now we're all going to have to move out.
0:17:23 > 0:17:24Thanks a lot, Matthew.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Well, if this is the way you're going to behave, I'm glad I'm going.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29- I'll be better off without the both of you.- Yeah?
0:17:29 > 0:17:30Well, I'm glad I'm moving out.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33- I'll be better off without the both of you.- Yeah?
0:17:33 > 0:17:34Well, I'm really going to struggle,
0:17:34 > 0:17:37cos I'm financially dependent on the both of you.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43- Lucy.- Matthew.- I've made my decision. I'm coming with you!
0:17:43 > 0:17:47Maybe I was wrong about you, Matthew. Maybe you are a free spirit.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50There's only one thing I need these Post-it Notes for.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53I quit.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Wow.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Come on, Lucy, let's get out of here.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Oh, shit!
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Oh, well...
0:18:15 > 0:18:16..Plan B.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21Here boy. Good boy.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Sign here.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29I'm home.
0:18:30 > 0:18:31BEN YELPS
0:18:34 > 0:18:35Who's there?
0:18:35 > 0:18:38I should never have attempted an overdose with laxatives.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Come on, then!
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Breakfast.
0:18:50 > 0:18:56Matthyow! Let me tell you about my latest incredible idea.
0:18:56 > 0:19:02We forget everything that was said last night and you don't move to Fiji.
0:19:02 > 0:19:07Couldn't even be bothered to say goodbye.
0:19:07 > 0:19:08Right.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Well, I'm out of here.
0:19:13 > 0:19:14Ben? Can't be bothered.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16GAS IGNITION CLICKS
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- GAS FLARES - Oh!
0:19:22 > 0:19:26Hello. You're the guy From flat 23, aren't you?
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Not any more I'm not, no.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30I'm moving out.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Which is why I can say this.
0:19:36 > 0:19:41Girl from flat 17, there is nothing that you can do or say
0:19:41 > 0:19:46that will ever stop me from thinking you're absolutely perfect.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Well, there's, um, there's something I've got to tell you too.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Look, I pretend to be on the phone in your hallway every day,
0:19:54 > 0:19:56just so I can see you.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58You've been stalking me?
0:19:58 > 0:20:02No, it's, uh, it's more of a very personal neighbourhood watch scheme.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05It's always awkward living in the same building as the person that you fancy.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08- You can't shit where you eat. - Perfect.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13Well, now I don't live here any more,
0:20:13 > 0:20:15maybe I can ask you out.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Yes, you can.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20And, well, I suppose I can do this.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29Come on, I don't feel like going to work today.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Tom? Matthew?
0:20:36 > 0:20:39What am I going to do with this now I've got no-one to drink it with?
0:20:39 > 0:20:42I'll probably just give it to that old guy who lives downstairs -
0:20:42 > 0:20:47that professor who works in chemical research.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51MUSIC: "Changes" by David Bowie
0:21:30 > 0:21:33I can't help but think this could have all turned out differently.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40Here goes nothing.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46It's gone under the cooker. I'll get it.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48You know, maybe this is a sign.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Maybe this is too big a decision to use the dice for after all.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53I can't find the dice, but I did find a loose pipe.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- I bet that's why the cooker wasn't working.- Forget the dice.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01I'm not going to move away. It'd mean breaking up the gang.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04- I can't run off to Fiji just to prove a point to a girl.- Hang on.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08You were going to run off to Fiji? You'd drown!
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Wait, with Lucy?
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Yeah, but only to prove she was wrong about me.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Dude, you don't think about doing something like that
0:22:15 > 0:22:17just to prove someone wrong.
0:22:17 > 0:22:22- HIGH-PITCHED VOICE:- It's because you love her.- What?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Matthew loves Lucy.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Oh, my God - you're right.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Ooh, I'm right.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36- Yeah, please stop doing the voice. - I'm finding it hard to stop.
0:22:36 > 0:22:40I can't believe I've been blind to it all this time.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42I do love Lucy and I don't want to lose her!
0:22:42 > 0:22:46- But I also don't want to lose this. - Hey, don't worry, mate.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50- There's a way to make 'em both work. - Great. Let's make a plan.- Yes.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54But first...a drink - just the one.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58- To love!- To friendship!
0:22:58 > 0:23:00- HIGH-PITCHED VOICE:- To doing this voice!
0:23:00 > 0:23:02- ALL:- Cheers!
0:23:09 > 0:23:14Oh, my God. We drank the whole barrel!
0:23:14 > 0:23:18What time is it? 9.05?
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Ugh...
0:23:20 > 0:23:23I'm home.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Aaargh!
0:23:25 > 0:23:28TOM VOMITS
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Who's there?
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Oh, God.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39I should not have drunk any of that turnip gin.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Come on, then!
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Breakfast.
0:23:52 > 0:24:00Matthyow, let me tell you about my latest incredible idea...
0:24:00 > 0:24:03To never drink ever again.
0:24:03 > 0:24:10Oh, guys - turns out, last night, I fixed the cooker.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13- Is that why we got so drunk?- No.
0:24:13 > 0:24:19- We were celebrating something else...- Yeah, you love Lucy.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Oh, yeah. Yeah.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Yeah, and then we made a plan that, this morning, you were going to get
0:24:24 > 0:24:28to work nice and early and stop her from leaving the country.
0:24:28 > 0:24:29Oh, yeah.
0:24:31 > 0:24:32Shit!
0:24:42 > 0:24:44I guess I'll just go to work.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48- Lucy!- Matthew.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49There's something I have to tell you.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53Oh, oh, I should not have run up those stairs.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Why are your housemates here?
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Moral support.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00- HIGH-PITCHED VOICE:- My mate fancies you.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Your breath smells like an arsehole.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07- You should smell my arsehole. - Lucy, listen to me.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11- I'm not going with you to Fiji.- OK. - Wait. There's more.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15I don't want you to go either. There's something I need to say.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Lucy, I think I love you.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23I'm not really sure what to say.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Look, I know you think I'm a loser and I know I don't deserve you.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30I just need you to know that I think you are absolutely amazing.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36It's pretty moving, isn't it?
0:25:36 > 0:25:40It's not that, I'm going to go to fucking prison.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42If Matthew had got here earlier,
0:25:42 > 0:25:46I would have signed the company over to him and now it's too late.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48This is the tax office, put your hands in the air!
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Wait a second.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57It's you.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00You're the guy from flat 23.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03What are you doing here?
0:26:03 > 0:26:06This is my job. I'm a tax inspector.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09And I thought you were perfect!
0:26:12 > 0:26:14- Right, who owns this company?- I do.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Then you're under arrest.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20All right, I admit it all - fraud, theft, indecent exposure.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24I'm guilty as charged. But you have to admit that you...
0:26:25 > 0:26:30You're guilty as well. You're a thief...
0:26:30 > 0:26:32cos your beauty has stolen my heart.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Course you can take me away.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40Take me anywhere. You're the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen.
0:26:41 > 0:26:48I can't believe that Carabine pulled the girl from flat 17.
0:26:48 > 0:26:49It was love at first sight.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53Apparently she's got a real thing for bald men.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55So she's cancelled the tax investigations.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Carabine's in the clear. What are you doing, Ben?
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Tearing up the recipe for turnip gin.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Believe you me, the world is better off without that stuff.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06So it's business as usual at Carabine's
0:27:06 > 0:27:08and you've all still got your jobs?
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- Yeah. Lucy's not going to Fiji. - That's a good thing, right?
0:27:11 > 0:27:13I don't know. I told her I loved her.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15I'm worried it's going to change things between us.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17DOOR BELL RINGS
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Do you know what?
0:27:29 > 0:27:32I don't think anything has changed.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34And that's all right with me.
0:27:37 > 0:27:409.05.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Tom comes back from...the bingo.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45I'm home.
0:27:45 > 0:27:46BEN GRUNTS
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Who's there?
0:27:52 > 0:27:57I should never have had my prostate removed.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Come on, then!
0:28:02 > 0:28:04Breakfast.
0:28:05 > 0:28:13Matthyow! Let me tell you my latest incredible idea.
0:28:13 > 0:28:18What if you could travel back in time
0:28:18 > 0:28:22to one particular moment
0:28:22 > 0:28:26and change your entire life?
0:28:34 > 0:28:36Here goes nothing.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40MUSIC: "Changes" by David Bowie