0:00:09 > 0:00:12'Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I'm your captain today and it's...'
0:00:12 > 0:00:15I can't think of the last big plane crash. Can you, Eileen?
0:00:15 > 0:00:17'My colleague on the flight deck...'
0:00:17 > 0:00:19You hear about ones in Russia or China
0:00:19 > 0:00:22but they don't really count, do they?
0:00:22 > 0:00:25See, I like a big plane crash before I fly.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Then you think, less chance of us being annihilated.
0:00:28 > 0:00:32- TANNOY:- 'To Gate 55. This is the final call for...'
0:00:32 > 0:00:35- Come on!- '..Peter Lewis, Amanda Lewis, Melissa Lewis...'
0:00:35 > 0:00:38It has to be the furthest one away, doesn't it!? Ethan, hurry up, lad!
0:00:38 > 0:00:42'..and Ethan Lewis. Please proceed to Gate 55.'
0:00:42 > 0:00:45What about the one that landed on that river in New York?
0:00:45 > 0:00:46What a fluke!
0:00:46 > 0:00:48I'm really sorry for the delay everybody,
0:00:48 > 0:00:51but we can't leave without our missing passengers.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52Oh, that is just like them.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Holding up the whole plane, the holiday,
0:00:55 > 0:00:58ruining everyone's Christmas...
0:00:58 > 0:01:02I'm so excited. I've never been on a plane before!
0:01:02 > 0:01:04It's the first time for the both of us, then.
0:01:06 > 0:01:07No more.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Well, you've got to.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12- I can't.- We'll miss the plane.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15We're going to Lapland for Christmas!
0:01:15 > 0:01:17- I don't care.- I'll give you a fiver.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19- Tenner?- Done.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22- Now!- What about me?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Cheeky little... The pair of you!
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Do you think if we crashed on snow, it'd be soft enough to save us?
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Or would the plane just break up and explode?
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Do you know, Ray, I hadn't even thought about that.
0:01:33 > 0:01:37Hiya. We're here now. Panic's over.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Sorry.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- What happened to you?- Just getting sweets for the journey.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- Oh, and Melissa wanted a poo.- Mum!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47You know you've kept the whole plane waiting?
0:01:47 > 0:01:48Don't start Paula.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Well, we're all here now.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- And those, as well. - Sorry, mate. Sorry about that.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59I hate flying.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06- I thought Liam'd hate it, but he seems fine.- Is he all right?
0:02:08 > 0:02:09ENGINE POWERS UP
0:02:09 > 0:02:10Oh!
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Oh, my God!
0:02:12 > 0:02:14We're all going to die!
0:02:15 > 0:02:17What's that?
0:02:17 > 0:02:21Rescue Remedy. Is it meant to be making that rattling sound?
0:02:21 > 0:02:25Look at the stewards. They fly all the time and they're always calm.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Give us some of that. Jack, you hold your nana's hand.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39I hope you don't crush your little fingers.
0:02:39 > 0:02:40If I die, I'm going to kill you.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48ENGINE QUIETENS
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Wasn't that brilliant?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Oh, wonderful(!)
0:02:55 > 0:03:00MUSIC: "Sleigh Ride" sung in Finnish
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Ham and tomato salad.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29No mayo, that's Pete.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Thanks, Mum, you're a star.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35- Cheese and onion and tomato, they're Mandy's.- Cheers.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38You haven't made us all butties, too? They'll be giving us food.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40It's just a little something to tide us over.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44You're on holiday. Stop mothering from now on.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Chicken salad, brown bread, extra tomato.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Go on, then.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Oh, and I've got some cheese strings for Liam.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Mother, you are a lifesaver.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58- There you are, Ray.- Ah, lovely.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- Are you looking forward to meeting the reindeers and Santa?- Oh, yeah.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05Santa came to our school, but it wasn't the real one, was it?
0:04:05 > 0:04:10You could see his beard was all cotton wool, and he smelt of bins.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13He's one of the ones that helps Santa out, though, isn't he?
0:04:13 > 0:04:15As back up in emergencies.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- We're going to see the real one, aren't we?- Yeah.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22- I can't wait to see the Northern Lights.- And do you think we'll see these Northern Lights?
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Deffo. A mate from work came last year, Gary Manilow...
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- Barry Manilow?- No, Gary Manilow.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32He said it was like a '70s disco in the sky every night.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Can I have one of them lagers please, love?
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- Here you are, sir.- Ta.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39You're early doors.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41It's Christmas.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43What are you looking forward to, Mum?
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Not having to cook the Christmas dinner.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47There'll be none of that.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49You can sit back, put your feet up.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52There's just so many of us these days.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55It's a military operation cooking for ten.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Well, it's only nine this year...
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Ray!
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Just so as you know... I don't want to be here.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19You don't say.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22I mean, Christmas is all about sitting on the sofa
0:05:22 > 0:05:24watching shite and eating crap.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28We've honed that over many years and our Christmas works.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29This is not Christmas.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36KIDS SHOUTING
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Why are you doing that?
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Liam, why are you doing that?!
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Eh, kids, be careful.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Very lively, aren't they?
0:05:48 > 0:05:51They're what's known as "kids".
0:05:52 > 0:05:54There's lots of you.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Bit overwhelmed, are you?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Did you think we were all lottery winners?
0:05:58 > 0:06:00No, no, of course not!
0:06:00 > 0:06:03I shouldn't really be telling you this but...
0:06:03 > 0:06:06we can only afford this cos we're a family of drug dealers.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- Very funny.- See that lovely looking old woman back there?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13And a serviette for the crumbs.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17She's top dog. Keeps the whole of Birkenhead off its face.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20No-one ever suspects. Perfect cover.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22So if you want to get off your bonce...
0:06:22 > 0:06:24just tip me the wink.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Isn't it beautiful?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Oh, it really is.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Here we are, then. In the wilderness.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40Oh, it's friggin' freezin'.
0:07:40 > 0:07:45I spend all year working in Iceland, hating the cold and I end up here.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47- Oh, look! There's Venus. - Oh, yeah, look at that.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50It's one of the only stars you can see during the day
0:07:50 > 0:07:52because of its proximity to the Earth.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54It's not a star, it's a plane.
0:07:55 > 0:07:56So it is.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Where's all the snow, then?
0:08:00 > 0:08:02It'll be here somewhere.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Anyway, you don't need snow to have a good time, do we?
0:08:18 > 0:08:19Hiya! What's your name?
0:08:21 > 0:08:22Mandy.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25It's Magic Mandy!
0:08:25 > 0:08:26Is it now?(!)
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Hiya...hiya, I'm Ray.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33It's...Reindeer Ray!
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Oh! Um...Eileen.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37It's...
0:08:37 > 0:08:40It's Extra Special Christmas Eileen!
0:08:40 > 0:08:44- Right, OK.- Yeah.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Hiya! I'm...
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Jingle Jill!
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Who's going to search for Santa with me?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54MUTED RESPONSE
0:08:54 > 0:08:58Rubbish schmubbish. Who's going to search for Santa with me?!
0:08:58 > 0:09:00- Me!- Me!
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- Me!- That's better.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06So this is the Pudding Bus and when we're on the Pudding Bus
0:09:06 > 0:09:09we all need to sing the Pudding Bus song.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Oh, for crying out loud.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Here goes...
0:09:12 > 0:09:16TESTS MICROPHONE
0:09:16 > 0:09:20# It's fat, it's round
0:09:20 > 0:09:22# It's yummy in your tummy
0:09:22 > 0:09:25# Pudding Bus! #
0:09:25 > 0:09:26She's funny.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Come on everyone, sing with me.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32ALL: # It's fat, it's round,
0:09:32 > 0:09:34# It's yummy in your... #
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Hang on, hang on.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40There's someone over here who's not joining in.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41And why weren't you singing?
0:09:44 > 0:09:45I was just...
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Being a big, old mis-bag Scrooge face.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50BOOING
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Where's your Crimbo spirit, eh? What's your name again?
0:09:53 > 0:09:54Pete.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58It's Pantomime Pete!
0:09:58 > 0:10:01You'll have to sing the Pudding Bus song all on your own.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- I'm not really in the mood... - You've got to!
0:10:05 > 0:10:09Why come to Lapland if you don't want to have fun, fun, fun, eh?!
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Um... Cos... Well, last year, me...
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Listen, if he doesn't feel like joining in...
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Don't get involved or you'll be next! After me...
0:10:23 > 0:10:27# It's fat, it's round...
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- (HALF-HEARTED) - # It's yummy in your tummy...
0:10:30 > 0:10:32# Pudding Bus! #
0:10:32 > 0:10:35You've got to sing or next time you'll be doing it
0:10:35 > 0:10:37in the Jingle Jill stocks.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Where all the naughty boys go.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42I wouldn't like to get on the wrong side of her.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44She could work for the Gestapo.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Well, she is right. He wasn't singing.
0:10:46 > 0:10:51# Jingle Jill, Jingle Jill, Jingle all the way... #
0:10:51 > 0:10:54ALL: # Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh! #
0:10:59 > 0:11:04# ..Oh, what fun it is to ride the Pudding Bus today, hey! #
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Welcome, hello. Hello there.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Welcome to Hotel Santa. Go straight down.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16- Do we need all this stuff?- You want them to have a Christmas, don't you?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19We didn't have to bring every single present!
0:11:19 > 0:11:22They're not waking up, thinking Santa hasn't been.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24- We know Santa doesn't exist. - We're not stupid!
0:11:24 > 0:11:29Melissa! Ethan! Don't be saying things like that.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33- Don't worry, they didn't hear.- These two still believe in all the magic.
0:11:33 > 0:11:38- I don't want anyone spoiling that. - Come on, kids, lets find our rooms.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44Ethan, come on. Leave him alone.
0:11:44 > 0:11:45'Ho, Ho, Ho.'
0:11:47 > 0:11:49KNOCK ON DOOR
0:11:54 > 0:11:57- Hiya.- Hiya.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58How's your room?
0:11:58 > 0:12:03It's lovely. It's all loveliness.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07- Are you doing that "ness" thing at the end of words again?- I might be.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Look, I brought our Christmas with us.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Isn't that in the attic?
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Not any more.
0:12:13 > 0:12:18Ah it's just not Christmas without our Family Faces Christmas Tree.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Look at me. Look at my hair.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23How old is this?
0:12:23 > 0:12:25- I thought you'd want it in your room.- Well...
0:12:25 > 0:12:26Look, there's you.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30Oh, do you know, it gets me right in the spirit.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Good old Asda. And there's me dad.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38I'm going to put you two together.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40Isn't it brilliant?
0:12:41 > 0:12:43It's great.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Have they killed Rudolph?
0:12:51 > 0:12:53It's just pretend.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56They've chopped his head off!
0:12:56 > 0:12:58There's another dead Rudolph's fur?
0:12:58 > 0:12:59Have they peeled off his skin?
0:12:59 > 0:13:01For crying out loud.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Was that sleigh bells?
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- I think I hear Father Christmas! - Quick!
0:13:16 > 0:13:17Now I'm boiling.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Excuse me, love, thank you.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24We look like we're going into outer space.
0:13:25 > 0:13:26I'll tie that properly for you.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Mother, I'm 37 years of age.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30I know.
0:13:30 > 0:13:35Ethan, come here! Why did we bring these annoying kids with us?
0:13:35 > 0:13:37I said come here.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Oh... Wrong one. Sorry, kids.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42This is just all we need, isn't it? Ethan?!
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Melissa?!
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Where the frig are they?
0:13:47 > 0:13:49I can't see them anywhere.
0:13:54 > 0:13:55They must be near about though.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00ALL: # All of the other reindeer
0:14:00 > 0:14:02# Used to laugh and call him names
0:14:02 > 0:14:05# Like Pinocchio
0:14:05 > 0:14:10# They wouldn't let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games... #
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Right, that's enough.
0:14:13 > 0:14:14Oh, I was enjoying that.
0:14:14 > 0:14:20Now, I think Santa might be very near, children!
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- Ooh!- I think we're going to find him any minute now!
0:14:23 > 0:14:27I can't take much more of her. I knew I shouldn't have come.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30I could be on the sofa now, in me jammies,
0:14:30 > 0:14:32watching Kung-Fu Panda Two.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Thanks. Hey you must love it here?
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Yes...it's everything you could wish for.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43I did, er... I did apply to go to Val d'Isere
0:14:43 > 0:14:46on an 18 to 30, but...
0:14:47 > 0:14:49..I'd much rather be here(!)
0:14:49 > 0:14:53With all the crazy kids. I love kids, me.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Oi! You! Get down from there now, you little sh...
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Cherub.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04I thought it was ski mobiles, like the brochure.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06They only work on snow.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08- And where is the snow?- Don't ask me.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10We might as well be in Aberystwyth.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13- It's only half an hour down the road.- Are you sure about this?
0:15:13 > 0:15:14It's just like riding a bike.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Yeah, I haven't done that since I was in pigtails.
0:15:17 > 0:15:18Oh, give it a try. You'll love it.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21- It doesn't go fast, does it?- Yeah. - Hang on, wait there.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25- She doesn't have to if she doesn't want to.- She's fine. Aren't you?
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Right so what do we do? Just squeeze this?
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Jill! She does know how to...
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Mother!
0:15:32 > 0:15:34CRASH
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Nanny's dead!
0:15:40 > 0:15:43- Ohh.- We're coming, Eileen.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Agh!
0:15:46 > 0:15:48You're lucky, Eileen.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Often, in motorbike accidents, people are decapitated.
0:15:51 > 0:15:52Sliced clean off.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57It's lovely this. The kids just love it.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Unusual. It could be beef.
0:16:03 > 0:16:04Or pork?
0:16:05 > 0:16:09Hey, Puddingers!
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Now, just to remind you there's a trip tomorrow night
0:16:12 > 0:16:13you can still sign up for.
0:16:13 > 0:16:18It's the...
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Unforgettable Arctic Crossing Ceremony.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25'Spend a night in a traditional Lappish tepee.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27'Gather round the crackling campfire
0:16:27 > 0:16:32'and listen to fascinating tales from your local Sami guide
0:16:32 > 0:16:34'as he enlightens you to the mysticism
0:16:34 > 0:16:38'that shrouds this time-honoured custom.'
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Umm, anyone interested, just give us a shout.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45OK.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49She's really sold that to me.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52Sounds different. What d'you reckon?
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Yeah, yeah, could do, if you fancy it.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Well, no cos, tomorrow's Christmas Eve,
0:16:57 > 0:17:01so we'll all be doing all our family stuff, our traditions.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05Oh, right, yeah. Well, maybe it's not right for the kids.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08And you don't come all the way here to meet local people.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10We've got local people back home.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Hiya. Are you joining us at the Ice Hotel?
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Yeah. Mr and Mrs Robertson. Is that right? Great.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Hiya.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Oh, are you not joining us at the lovely ice hotel tonight?
0:17:21 > 0:17:25Oh, I didn't put us down for that. I thought it might be too cold!
0:17:25 > 0:17:30- Is it also made of ice? - Yes, the walls, beds, everything.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33There's even a honeymoon suite there.
0:17:33 > 0:17:34Aww!
0:17:34 > 0:17:37There'll be no rumpy pumpy for them tonight!
0:17:37 > 0:17:40It would freeze and snap off!
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Oh, me head's banging. Have you got anything?
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Me mum will. She's like a walking chemist.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Did I really just see that?
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Right everyone, few reminders.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Don't leave anything in your ice rooms or it'll freeze solid.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05It's minus 40 in there!
0:18:05 > 0:18:09You will need to layer up with thermals, gloves and hats.
0:18:09 > 0:18:14And no contact lenses! They will freeze your eyeballs
0:18:14 > 0:18:16and you will be blind for life.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20OK. Off we go!
0:18:22 > 0:18:23Those poor people.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53KNOCK ON DOOR
0:18:59 > 0:19:03I've got a little elf here who wants to sleep with his nan.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08Oh, go on, I'm still not used to sleeping on me own.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10- Night, Mum.- Night love.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Do you think we'll see Father Christmas tomorrow?
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- Well, I hope so.- Me too.
0:19:18 > 0:19:23I'm having a good time, but I don't understand how we keep missing him.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Don't you worry about it. Night, night.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Night, night, Nanny.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Got room for another little elf?
0:19:48 > 0:19:52There was a monster with big claws under the bed in there.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Come on, then.
0:20:03 > 0:20:09- Let's all go to sleep now. Night night.- Night.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Night, night!
0:20:50 > 0:20:52- Morning.- Morning.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Are we the only two up?
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Yeah, looks that way. Do you want some tea?
0:20:56 > 0:20:59- Oh, yes, please, thank you very much.- Oh, 'ello.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02- HE SNEEZES - That's disgusting. - What did you expect?
0:21:02 > 0:21:04- It's a building made out of ice! - It was your idea!
0:21:04 > 0:21:07- I wanted to go to Hawaii!- You wanted to see the Northern Lights!
0:21:07 > 0:21:11So much for the happy couple. I'm glad we gave that a wide berth.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13I'm staying there tomorrow night.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Oh, you're not, are you?!
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Do you fancy some pickled fish?
0:21:18 > 0:21:20I'd rather have a boiled egg.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22What brings you to Lapland?
0:21:22 > 0:21:26Oh, we just fancied a change. Something different really.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Liam! Come on...
0:21:28 > 0:21:30My son convinced me to come...
0:21:30 > 0:21:33..it's only a dining room.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36..I lost my wife six years ago now.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. There's your tea.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Oh, thank you very much.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- Morning, Dad.- Oh, hello.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- Hi, Grandad!- Hello.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49It's Maurice, by the way.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53- Hiya, I'm Eileen. - Well, I'll see you later.- Yeah.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57- Perkele!- Is everything all right?
0:21:57 > 0:21:59What's the story with breakfast?
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Herring. There is a lot of herring.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Yes, but I'd like a sausage.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08I am cooking them now! I should not be doing this.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11It is Christmas and I'm cooking for people from Milton Keynes
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- and I don't even know where that is. - It's just outside London.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18- It's famous for its roundabouts... - Also...I don't care!
0:22:24 > 0:22:26I've never seen the kids eat so much!
0:22:26 > 0:22:28We've got to find out what they use.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38- Got any more of those sausages, mate?- Not now!
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Sausages, sausages, sausages!
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Not want this. Sausages, sausages!
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Hmm. Gorgeous.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05- Me dad would have liked it here. - Hm-mm.- He loved Christmas.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08- Yeah. - Putting up all the deccies and that.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11And if it snowed, all me mates in our street
0:23:11 > 0:23:14used to knock for him instead of me!
0:23:14 > 0:23:19Always throwing snowballs and... we'd build the biggest snowman!
0:23:21 > 0:23:23He was messing about and that, wasn't he?
0:23:30 > 0:23:32I wish he was here.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36- What are you two doing sitting around yakking?- I'm coming now.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39No time for that, come on! Chop chop!
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Anyone would think we were on holiday(!)
0:23:41 > 0:23:42Follow me Puddings!
0:23:42 > 0:23:45We're meeting some furry friends to take us to Santa this morning.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48- Do they actually meet him today? - Maybe, maybe, maybe.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52What's this about us having our Christmas dinner today, on Christmas Eve?
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- That's what they do round here. - I'm not from round here.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59- It's messing with me Christmas and I'm not happy. - Oh, really? Why didn't you say?(!)
0:23:59 > 0:24:02DOGS BARK
0:24:04 > 0:24:08Look, it's all...doggy-ness.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10I thought she'd stopped doing that ness thing.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13She's resurrected it for the festive season.
0:24:13 > 0:24:18Oh, my God what's that smell? Oh, there's dog crap everywhere.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Watch where you're walking, everybody.
0:24:20 > 0:24:21This is gross.
0:24:22 > 0:24:23Ethan!
0:24:23 > 0:24:29- Eww, you landed in dog poo! - Urgh! Get it off me, get it off me.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31I've got hand wipes here.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34You would normally do this in snow.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:24:39 > 0:24:44- On your sleighs, everyone! - Come on, quick!
0:24:44 > 0:24:48We want to go in one on our own.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52Fine by me. You're doing me head in. I'd rather not have you in me face.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54It'll be romantic, just the two of us.
0:24:54 > 0:24:55Don't make my skin crawl.
0:24:57 > 0:24:58Come on, Mum.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Nah, I'll give this a miss. I'll stay here and look at the view.
0:25:01 > 0:25:08- We all ready?- Let's seek out Santa my Christmas Pudding lovelies!
0:25:08 > 0:25:10DOGS YAP
0:25:13 > 0:25:17Bye! Bye!
0:25:20 > 0:25:24KIDS SHOUT EXCITEDLY
0:25:30 > 0:25:34Hey, there! Slow down, slow down, we don't want you falling over!
0:25:36 > 0:25:39- Oh, all right, Eileen?- Hey, Maurice.- How were the huskies?
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Oh...if I were you, I'd take these hand wipes with you.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Oh, right. Thank you very much.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50- What's his story?- Aren't I allowed to talk to other people?
0:25:50 > 0:25:52I saw him with you this morning and now...
0:25:52 > 0:25:55He's just being friendly. He's a lovely bloke.
0:25:56 > 0:26:00Looks weird to me. If he starts hassling you, let me know.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02If he tries to talk to me again, I'll blow a whistle,
0:26:02 > 0:26:04sound the alarm.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Does anyone want another quick ride on the huskies?
0:26:08 > 0:26:10They said we can go round again.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13Hell, yeah! It's better than Oblivion at Alton Towers.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15- And that takes some beating.- Kids?
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Will you keep an eye on the kids for us?
0:26:17 > 0:26:20And our two? They're no bother. You won't know they're there.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22I don't think me mum's up for it.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25She doesn't mind. She loves spending time with them!
0:26:25 > 0:26:29- You know I do. It's just... - Won't be long. Come on!
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Go on.
0:26:33 > 0:26:38I'm going to sit in that chair. You all play nicely with each other.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40Let's all pile on Jack!
0:26:40 > 0:26:42I said nicely.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Stop it, Ethan!
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Pete... Melis... Ethan, get down from there.
0:26:48 > 0:26:53- Me ma let's us do this.- Well, your ma's not here, and I said get down!
0:26:53 > 0:26:56- I can see Santa going past the hotel.- Can you?! Where?!
0:26:58 > 0:27:01Will you two behave yourselves!
0:27:06 > 0:27:10Oh, my God. Let's see if there's something else on, shall we?
0:27:10 > 0:27:12SEXY MOANING
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Mum?
0:27:17 > 0:27:19SEXY MOANING GETS LOUDER
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Mum?
0:27:23 > 0:27:24There.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27- Oh, Nan! - What are you watching that for?
0:27:27 > 0:27:31We weren't watching it on purpose. They've had me run ragged.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35- Ethan was climbing over everything. - It wouldn't be the Golden Child and his sidekick now, would it?
0:27:35 > 0:27:37It never is, is it?
0:27:37 > 0:27:39It's a bit much leaving me with all four of them.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42We'll leave you to have some time on your own, then.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44That's not what I meant.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47- We should have thought.- It's not my kids causing the trouble, Pete.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50It always comes back to my two, doesn't it?
0:27:50 > 0:27:53- Paula didn't mean it like that. - Yes, I did.- I didn't.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Look, why don't we leave you in peace?
0:27:56 > 0:27:58You two, now!
0:27:58 > 0:28:01And we'll see you at dinner in a while.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03- Bye, Nanny.- Bye-bye!
0:28:03 > 0:28:07Bye, darling. Bye, sweetie.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20Haista Vittu!
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Oh, dear.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33I don't know where me mum is.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35I knocked but there was no answer.
0:28:35 > 0:28:39Oh, she'll have gone for a stroll. She'll be back.
0:28:39 > 0:28:43Look! I've got our table decorations.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46I'm still in denial about having our Christmas dinner now.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49Did you know it's traditional to celebrate on Christmas Eve
0:28:49 > 0:28:51in Scandinavian countries because...
0:28:51 > 0:28:55Well, it's not my tradition, before you give me a whole potted history.
0:28:55 > 0:28:59- What are we doing tomorrow then? - Maybe we're meeting Santa then.
0:28:59 > 0:29:01I wouldn't bet on it. I'd forget about seeing him, kid.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05- But tomorrow's our last full day. - Come on, you.
0:29:22 > 0:29:25Turn those carrots down or they'll be cooked to buggery.
0:29:27 > 0:29:30- Mother! What the hell are you doing? - Just helping out.
0:29:30 > 0:29:33To cook Christmas dinner?!
0:29:33 > 0:29:34It looks like it.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37The one thing you said you were looking forward to, was not cooking
0:29:37 > 0:29:41a big meal for nine and now you're cooking it for a whole bloody hotel.
0:29:41 > 0:29:43Come on, you! Come on.
0:29:43 > 0:29:46No, no, no! You can't leave me.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49It's all right. Yeah. Poor Teppo, he's been having a nightmare.
0:29:49 > 0:29:51I don't care how Teppo's feeling.
0:29:51 > 0:29:56- You were the one who said you needed a break. - Now's not the time, Paula.
0:29:56 > 0:29:59Oh! Teppo, your roasts are looking really good now.
0:30:00 > 0:30:02Why are you doing this?
0:30:02 > 0:30:05I don't know. I went for a walk and there he was.
0:30:05 > 0:30:10She saved my life. Look at these beautiful roast potatoes.
0:30:10 > 0:30:13They do look nice. Me mum does the best roasties.
0:30:13 > 0:30:15Right, Mum, I am not going to let you do this!
0:30:15 > 0:30:21You can't take her away from me. Please, I beg you.
0:30:21 > 0:30:22Five minutes more.
0:30:22 > 0:30:24You're in the way, Paula.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26- Mother...- Eileen, how do you feel about the broccoli?
0:30:26 > 0:30:29I think you should leave it a little bit longer, love.
0:30:35 > 0:30:37Guess who's cooking Christmas dinner?
0:30:37 > 0:30:39- Delia Smith?- Me mother.
0:30:39 > 0:30:40You what?
0:30:40 > 0:30:44At least it'll be proper. Save us eating some weird foreign muck.
0:30:44 > 0:30:46Will you have a word with her? She won't listen to me.
0:30:46 > 0:30:50If that's what she wants to do, you can't stop her, can you?
0:30:50 > 0:30:53You can't let my mum cook dinner for the whole hotel!
0:30:53 > 0:30:55She's most at home when she's in the kitchen.
0:30:57 > 0:30:59You're just going to drink, are you?
0:31:01 > 0:31:04She's a grown woman, she can do what she wants.
0:31:04 > 0:31:09- I give up.- Not there! That's where Grandad Ted would sit.
0:31:09 > 0:31:13This is for table seven. Peter won't eat broccoli.
0:31:13 > 0:31:18Ethan and Melissa eat meat, carrots, gravy, nothing else.
0:31:18 > 0:31:20What am I doing?
0:31:20 > 0:31:24Is this seat taken? Don't mind if I join you...
0:31:24 > 0:31:27The tight gits weren't going to give us a Christmas dinner.
0:31:27 > 0:31:30Said I had to phone for a scabby pizza.
0:31:30 > 0:31:33I wouldn't get treated like this in Val d'Isere.
0:31:33 > 0:31:38There'd be champagne, fancy finger food on tiny bits of bread.
0:31:38 > 0:31:42Dead fit blokes with snowboards who can't get enough of me.
0:31:49 > 0:31:52- Don't wait for me. - You are joining us?
0:31:52 > 0:31:55- Sure you don't want help with the pots and pans?- Hush, Paula.
0:31:55 > 0:31:58You haven't brought these with you, as well, have you?
0:31:58 > 0:31:59Can we start now?
0:32:00 > 0:32:03Um...we should say grace. Peter?
0:32:03 > 0:32:06- Oh! I didn't realise you were all God Squad.- We're not really.
0:32:06 > 0:32:09It's just me dad used to say it at Christmas.
0:32:09 > 0:32:12It's just a little tradition.
0:32:12 > 0:32:13You don't have to.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16I think I'd like to.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26- What is it?- 'For what we...'
0:32:26 > 0:32:28'For what we are about to receive,
0:32:28 > 0:32:31'may the Lord make us truly thankful.'
0:32:31 > 0:32:34- Amen.- Amen.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36- Yeah.- You can start now.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38Finally!
0:32:38 > 0:32:42- You're not going to wait until we've had our Christmas dinner? - I can't miss them!
0:32:42 > 0:32:44Can you imagine if I go back
0:32:44 > 0:32:47and Gary Manilow's seen the Northern Lights and not me!
0:32:47 > 0:32:48Barry Manilow?!
0:32:48 > 0:32:52It's really special that, isn't it?
0:32:52 > 0:32:54Oh, yeah, you go and look at the solar system.
0:32:57 > 0:32:59We don't need him to have a brilliant time, do we?
0:33:00 > 0:33:02This is great...
0:33:02 > 0:33:04It's brilliant...just us.
0:33:05 > 0:33:08It's really special and festive and brilliant!
0:33:14 > 0:33:19Hm-mm. This roast turkey tastes nice.
0:33:19 > 0:33:21I wish it was roast turkey.
0:33:21 > 0:33:25I was looking forward to not eating rotten reindeer for once.
0:33:31 > 0:33:33It's reindeer?
0:33:33 > 0:33:34Oh, here we go.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37Didn't you know?
0:33:37 > 0:33:39- Is this Rudolph? - Or Donner or Blitzen.- Mandy!
0:33:39 > 0:33:42- Or Dancer or Prancer. - I'm not eating reindeer.
0:33:42 > 0:33:45Me too. I'm not eating dead reindeer.
0:33:45 > 0:33:47You've been eating reindeer the whole time.
0:33:47 > 0:33:52You had it yesterday for dinner, today for breakfast...
0:33:54 > 0:33:56I've been eating Rudolph!
0:33:57 > 0:34:00Well, you do get sick of it but...it's reindeer.
0:34:00 > 0:34:04Look, you two. You liked it when you didn't know what it was.
0:34:04 > 0:34:08- Eat your veggies. - It's all touched the veggies.
0:34:09 > 0:34:13Is there anything else? They need to eat.
0:34:13 > 0:34:16There's tins of beans. I could do them beans on toast.
0:34:16 > 0:34:18- Would you?- Are they reindeer beans?
0:34:18 > 0:34:22- No.- Mum, don't you go anywhere. Are you serious?
0:34:22 > 0:34:23She's only just sat down.
0:34:23 > 0:34:27Keep your hair on. She said she wasn't hungry and she offered.
0:34:27 > 0:34:31I'd make it myself but I don't know where anything is.
0:34:32 > 0:34:36This reindeer is soo tasty!
0:34:36 > 0:34:37Ethan!
0:34:37 > 0:34:41- Hmm!- Will you ask your kids to stop winding mine up?
0:34:41 > 0:34:43They're only having a laugh.
0:34:43 > 0:34:45Some people would call it bullying.
0:34:45 > 0:34:47Someone with no sense of humour.
0:34:49 > 0:34:51I have got a sense of humour.
0:34:51 > 0:34:55I laugh at lots of things. I laugh many times a day.
0:35:06 > 0:35:08- Am I leaving these beans or what? - Yeah.
0:35:08 > 0:35:11Just forget the bloody beans! Oi, Patrick Moore.
0:35:11 > 0:35:14Do you want to come and give us a hand? It's like Pearl Harbour over here.
0:35:14 > 0:35:17I need some fresh air.
0:35:17 > 0:35:20- Do you want me to go with you? - No, finish your dinner. I'll be fine.
0:35:28 > 0:35:31It wouldn't be Christmas without a bit of a barney.
0:35:33 > 0:35:35Mum?
0:35:35 > 0:35:38Give us a hand with this, will you?
0:35:38 > 0:35:40What are you doing? Where are you going?
0:35:40 > 0:35:43I'm going on the Arctic Circle thingy.
0:35:43 > 0:35:44Who with?
0:35:44 > 0:35:47- No-one. On my own.- What for?
0:35:47 > 0:35:50- I fancy it.- You can't just go off.
0:35:50 > 0:35:52Why not?
0:35:53 > 0:35:55You'll be fine. I'll see you tomorrow.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57But it's Christmas Eve.
0:35:57 > 0:35:58Ta ra.
0:36:20 > 0:36:23We are now crossing into the Arctic Circle.
0:36:27 > 0:36:28So we're now in the Arctic Circle.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31Yes, apparently.
0:36:31 > 0:36:33Do you know it does feel a bit chillier?
0:36:38 > 0:36:40I can't believe we're going on another bloody trip now.
0:36:40 > 0:36:43After our Christmas dinner. This makes no sense to me.
0:36:43 > 0:36:46It is a bit unusual but that's the itinerary.
0:36:46 > 0:36:49Everything's arse about tit. I should be on the sofa now farting,
0:36:49 > 0:36:51watching someone getting raped in EastEnders.
0:36:51 > 0:36:54That's Christmas. Not this.
0:36:54 > 0:36:56What are you two up to?
0:36:56 > 0:36:59Why do we always get the blame for everything?
0:36:59 > 0:37:02Because youse are the ones who are always arsing about.
0:37:02 > 0:37:05Labelling's really destructive, you know.
0:37:05 > 0:37:10That everyone? Let's go find Santa.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12I don't trust a word she says now.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14Come on.
0:37:24 > 0:37:29# Where the only water flowing
0:37:29 > 0:37:33# Is the bitter sting of tears.
0:37:33 > 0:37:37# And the Christmas bells that ring there
0:37:37 > 0:37:41# Are the clanging chimes of doom
0:37:41 > 0:37:48# Well, tonight, thank God it's them instead of you... #
0:37:53 > 0:37:59This is festive. Singing about children dying in Africa.
0:37:59 > 0:38:03# The only gift they'll get this year is...
0:38:03 > 0:38:05# Life... #
0:38:05 > 0:38:10Can I have some sweets, Mum? Give us some to shut us up.
0:38:10 > 0:38:12Here.
0:38:12 > 0:38:15Do their Royal Highnesses want any?
0:38:15 > 0:38:18Nah. Don't want them getting all hyper.
0:38:19 > 0:38:22You don't want them to have too much fun, do you?
0:38:23 > 0:38:26I couldn't get a couple of bags off you, could I?
0:38:28 > 0:38:31Look! She's dealing now.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33Don't be ridiculous.
0:38:33 > 0:38:35What sort of a holiday is this?
0:38:35 > 0:38:40We're going to turn the lights off and I want you all to close your eyes. Festive Frank...
0:38:42 > 0:38:45What are they going to do us now?
0:38:45 > 0:38:48Ten, nine...
0:38:48 > 0:38:50Eight...
0:38:50 > 0:38:52Are we really going to see him now?
0:38:52 > 0:38:54Seven...
0:38:54 > 0:38:55The tensions' killing us.
0:38:55 > 0:38:57Six...
0:38:57 > 0:38:59Five...
0:39:01 > 0:39:04Four... We're nearly there. Three...
0:39:04 > 0:39:06- Are we nearly there?- No.
0:39:06 > 0:39:08Three...
0:39:08 > 0:39:10Give me strength.
0:39:10 > 0:39:12Two and a half...
0:39:25 > 0:39:27It's all magicness.
0:39:28 > 0:39:31One and three quarters...
0:39:31 > 0:39:33They should have had her in Guantanamo.
0:39:33 > 0:39:36- We'd have found Bin Laden years ago.- Mandy!
0:39:36 > 0:39:38One... Now open your eyes.
0:39:41 > 0:39:44ALL: Wow! Whoa!
0:39:46 > 0:39:50Welcome to Santa's Christmas Village.
0:39:50 > 0:39:52Look at that down there!
0:39:52 > 0:39:53Elves.
0:39:53 > 0:39:56Jingle!
0:40:03 > 0:40:06Is this really where Santa lives?
0:40:06 > 0:40:09- You betcha!- Yes!
0:40:10 > 0:40:13Look at all the busy elves...
0:40:13 > 0:40:18- This is so cool. - ..making the last minute presents.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21BELLS JINGLE
0:40:21 > 0:40:25Would any of the boys and girls like to help the elves make their own toys?
0:40:25 > 0:40:27Me!
0:40:27 > 0:40:30- What did- you- ask Santa for?
0:40:30 > 0:40:31A Lego City Space Centre.
0:40:33 > 0:40:36I think this is it here.
0:40:37 > 0:40:42Really? This is mine?
0:40:42 > 0:40:46I think so. Why don't you help the elves make it?
0:40:46 > 0:40:48And you guys, come on!
0:40:53 > 0:40:55Do you want to help the elves?
0:40:55 > 0:40:58Do you think we're babies?
0:41:00 > 0:41:03She threw her lamp to him and said,
0:41:03 > 0:41:05"I shall always be with you in the light."
0:41:05 > 0:41:12- She's a gonner.- He cried 100 tears but he knew, with the lamp,
0:41:12 > 0:41:14he still had his sweetheart with him.
0:41:16 > 0:41:20Suddenly, there was a big, big storm.
0:41:20 > 0:41:24The wind puffed out the lamp.
0:41:28 > 0:41:30He screamed at the night sky.
0:41:30 > 0:41:34But then, he saw a bright star.
0:41:34 > 0:41:38And another, and another.
0:41:38 > 0:41:43And he knew it was Ilona looking down on him.
0:41:43 > 0:41:48Always. Wherever there was light, she was there.
0:41:48 > 0:41:52Her spirit would never leave him.
0:41:52 > 0:41:55QUIET APPLAUSE
0:41:57 > 0:41:59Here's Santa's Post Office.
0:41:59 > 0:42:03This is where the letters you send come to.
0:42:03 > 0:42:06Now, I'm sure you've all already sent your letters
0:42:06 > 0:42:09but, if there's anything you want to add,
0:42:09 > 0:42:11now's your chance.
0:42:11 > 0:42:13Yes! Let's go.
0:42:21 > 0:42:25- Hey!- I'm doing this for us.
0:42:25 > 0:42:28I don't want our family to miss this experience.
0:42:31 > 0:42:33Cloud breaker?
0:42:33 > 0:42:36Cloud breaker. It sounds so magical. Thanks.
0:42:36 > 0:42:37Thank you very much.
0:42:37 > 0:42:39Cheers!
0:42:39 > 0:42:40Cheers!
0:42:42 > 0:42:44It isn't very strong.
0:42:49 > 0:42:50What is it, Cillit Bang?
0:42:50 > 0:42:53That would clear out your tubes.
0:42:53 > 0:42:56I feel dead relaxed. I was getting so tense.
0:42:56 > 0:42:58I just upped and left them.
0:42:58 > 0:43:00I've never done anything like that before.
0:43:00 > 0:43:03And I bet you're glad you did.
0:43:03 > 0:43:06- Is it awful to say yes?- No.
0:43:06 > 0:43:08I love it here.
0:43:33 > 0:43:36This is where the elves all sleep.
0:43:36 > 0:43:39It's empty because they're all hard at work.
0:43:39 > 0:43:42- There's someone in there.- Shhhh!
0:43:45 > 0:43:49Oh yes, there does seem to be someone in this bed.
0:43:49 > 0:43:51Who do you think it is?
0:43:51 > 0:43:53Goldilocks?
0:43:53 > 0:43:55Mand, just cos you're not enjoying it.
0:43:55 > 0:43:57Let's just...
0:43:58 > 0:44:01Oh, look, she's woken up anyway.
0:44:01 > 0:44:05- She wouldn't if you'd shut up. - Hello, little elf. What are you doing in bed?
0:44:05 > 0:44:07I've been working very hard day and night
0:44:07 > 0:44:10making toys for all the good children in the world.
0:44:10 > 0:44:13I came here for a rest and I fell straight asleep.
0:44:13 > 0:44:17That's not very good. Someone'll be getting their P45.
0:44:17 > 0:44:19Will you just pack it in for once?
0:44:19 > 0:44:23- You what?- I've had enough of your snidey comments the whole time.
0:44:23 > 0:44:26You're ruining this for everyone else.
0:44:26 > 0:44:30All you've done is snipe at Pete and moan and slag everything off.
0:44:30 > 0:44:33If you didn't want to come, you should have stayed at home on your own.
0:44:46 > 0:44:48Sorry about that, little elf person.
0:44:50 > 0:44:51Can she carry on?
0:44:51 > 0:44:56Um, I've been working very hard
0:44:56 > 0:45:01day and night making toys for all the good children in the world.
0:45:01 > 0:45:04I came here for a rest and...
0:45:17 > 0:45:22Will I EVER meet Santa?
0:45:22 > 0:45:24Will I ever see the Northern Lights?
0:45:37 > 0:45:41Ah! Are you looking forward to Santa Claus coming tonight?
0:45:41 > 0:45:43Will he come into my room in the middle of the night?
0:45:43 > 0:45:47If you're lucky. But you'll definitely see him tomorrow.
0:45:47 > 0:45:50We're all off to his grotto in the morning.
0:45:50 > 0:45:52Definitely, definitely?
0:45:52 > 0:45:53Deffo.
0:45:53 > 0:45:57Is an old man going to come into my room in the middle of the night?
0:45:57 > 0:46:00Is he going to try and hug me? Get into bed with me?
0:46:01 > 0:46:03Ah!
0:46:03 > 0:46:08You're not. It's Christmas Eve for Christ's sake.
0:46:10 > 0:46:13I can hardly see, I am so tired.
0:46:13 > 0:46:17But we always wrap the presents on Christmas Eve. It's the ritual.
0:46:17 > 0:46:21Glass of Bailey's, carols from Kings, I do the paper you do the Sellotape.
0:46:21 > 0:46:24As soon as I've seen them, I'll be there.
0:46:24 > 0:46:29I can't go back having not seen them. What will I say to Gary Manilow?
0:46:29 > 0:46:33I'm not leaving Lapland till I've seen these buggers.
0:46:36 > 0:46:42You look so content.
0:46:42 > 0:46:46Yeah, I am, I think, for a moment.
0:46:46 > 0:46:49When I first got here, I thought, "What am I doing?"
0:46:49 > 0:46:51- This isn't your everyday holiday.- No.
0:46:57 > 0:47:00Actually it's more than that.
0:47:03 > 0:47:06I lost my husband, Ted, this year.
0:47:06 > 0:47:07I'm sorry.
0:47:09 > 0:47:13I still find it really difficult to say those words.
0:47:13 > 0:47:16I know, I do understand.
0:47:16 > 0:47:17I realised, when I got here,
0:47:17 > 0:47:22that I hadn't been on holiday for 40 years without Ted.
0:47:22 > 0:47:24I've missed him more here than I do at home.
0:47:26 > 0:47:29I miss him so much.
0:47:29 > 0:47:34I don't really know what to do with myself. I don't know who I am.
0:47:40 > 0:47:44Do you know? I haven't talked about this to anyone before.
0:47:45 > 0:47:49I haven't been able to, haven't wanted to. So, thanks, Maurice.
0:47:49 > 0:47:54No, thank you. This has been the highlight of my whole trip.
0:47:54 > 0:47:57Yeah, I wish I'd brought a camera.
0:47:57 > 0:48:01I'm glad I got to share it with you.
0:48:01 > 0:48:03- Oh, give over.- I mean it.
0:48:04 > 0:48:07I've had a lovely time with you too, Maurice.
0:48:07 > 0:48:11It's funny, isn't it? Odd. We've both lost our other halves
0:48:11 > 0:48:15and yet we get to be here together.
0:48:15 > 0:48:20It's not what you'd expect when you come to see Father Christmas.
0:48:20 > 0:48:23Together in this old mystical place.
0:48:23 > 0:48:25You're getting carried away now.
0:48:25 > 0:48:28Maybe it's fate.
0:48:28 > 0:48:32I think you've had too much of that blueberry whatsit.
0:48:32 > 0:48:36What? What? Have I got something on my face?
0:48:36 > 0:48:38Don't say another word.
0:48:38 > 0:48:40What are you doing?
0:48:40 > 0:48:43Look, I know how you feel.
0:48:43 > 0:48:47You're frightened to move on.
0:48:47 > 0:48:49Come on. Don't be shy.
0:48:49 > 0:48:52No, Maurice.
0:48:54 > 0:48:56I thought that's what you wanted.
0:48:56 > 0:48:57Whatever gave you that idea?
0:48:57 > 0:48:59Why have you come here?
0:48:59 > 0:49:01Told me everything?
0:49:01 > 0:49:04I was just having a good time.
0:49:04 > 0:49:07I don't want that!
0:49:07 > 0:49:10It's the furthest thing from my mind.
0:49:25 > 0:49:29I should be in Val d'Isere.
0:49:29 > 0:49:31Me too.
0:49:31 > 0:49:36They have all the sexy, glamorous, beautiful people.
0:49:36 > 0:49:40All partying and getting off our tits.
0:49:40 > 0:49:43There'd be a fella for me there.
0:49:43 > 0:49:47There's a ski instructor.
0:49:47 > 0:49:52With tanned arms and strong thighs and an arse you'd want to bite.
0:49:52 > 0:49:55And he's called Rolf.
0:49:55 > 0:49:58Or Sven.
0:49:58 > 0:50:00Or Kevin.
0:50:00 > 0:50:04I'm not fussed about Kevin.
0:50:04 > 0:50:06And he'd take hold of me.
0:50:06 > 0:50:08We'd grapple at first. But then...
0:50:12 > 0:50:18But I'm stuck here with a load of smelly, pushy kids. I hate kids.
0:50:20 > 0:50:22Oh, I'm sorry.
0:50:22 > 0:50:24Don't worry about it.
0:50:24 > 0:50:28I hate kids sometimes.
0:50:28 > 0:50:31Especially my own.
0:50:36 > 0:50:40MUSIC ON RADIO: "O Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel"
0:51:06 > 0:51:07Have you seen your dad?
0:51:07 > 0:51:10Um...he was getting pissed in the bar earlier.
0:51:10 > 0:51:13- Said he was going to throw drink at the problem.- Yeah.
0:51:13 > 0:51:15She's going in there!
0:51:30 > 0:51:32- You two!- Quick, run!
0:51:34 > 0:51:37Have you ever seen them, the Northern Lights?
0:51:37 > 0:51:38You mean revontulet?
0:51:38 > 0:51:42- Oh, is that what you call it? - Revontulet, fox fires.
0:51:42 > 0:51:44The foxes here are made of fire
0:51:44 > 0:51:47and they whisk up sparks into the sky with their tails.
0:51:47 > 0:51:49- Right.- You shouldn't look out for them.
0:51:49 > 0:51:52If you do, they'll never appear.
0:51:52 > 0:51:53They will come in their own time.
0:51:53 > 0:51:56I wish someone would tell my son-in-law that.
0:52:01 > 0:52:04I'll stay here till I see them.
0:52:04 > 0:52:08Bloody Gary Manilow. He always thinks he's better than me.
0:52:08 > 0:52:12Just cos he got an iPhone 3GS before us. Well, not this time.
0:52:12 > 0:52:15Even back at school he was the first person to have a Rubik's Cube.
0:52:15 > 0:52:17He used to charge us 5p to have a go on it.
0:52:17 > 0:52:19Well, I'm going to show him.
0:52:19 > 0:52:22I've got the latest digital camera with GPS, 16 megapixels
0:52:22 > 0:52:24and image stabiliser.
0:52:24 > 0:52:29I am going to see more and betterer lights than he ever, ever saw.
0:52:29 > 0:52:31Yeah, I shall show him. I'll have the last laugh.
0:52:31 > 0:52:34(LAUGHING) Yeah! I will, won't I?!
0:52:34 > 0:52:36I will, won't I? Won't I?!
0:52:36 > 0:52:38Well, tell me I will...
0:52:38 > 0:52:42You know what? I don't know and I really don't care!
0:52:42 > 0:52:44Have you seen my useless husband?
0:52:44 > 0:52:47- I think I saw him going there. - Where?
0:52:47 > 0:52:49- The health club. - Well, that clearly wasn't him.
0:52:59 > 0:53:04MUMBLED VOICES
0:53:04 > 0:53:06< Do you want it a bit harder?
0:53:06 > 0:53:08Ahh. That's great. >
0:53:09 > 0:53:11Oh, Jill!
0:53:12 > 0:53:14Mand!
0:53:14 > 0:53:15Jingle Jill!
0:53:15 > 0:53:18- Hiya!- Mand, I can explain. Jill was just helping...
0:53:18 > 0:53:21- Argh!- That's just for starters.
0:53:21 > 0:53:24- Don't worry, once I've had him, I'll sort you out!- Mand, calm down!
0:53:24 > 0:53:27- Argh!- Were you having a jingle jump?
0:53:27 > 0:53:29- No!- It's not what it looks like!
0:53:29 > 0:53:30- A jingle jerk?- No!
0:53:30 > 0:53:33- Argh! Mand!- God, not my face!
0:53:33 > 0:53:34Jill, wait!
0:53:34 > 0:53:36Jill!
0:53:39 > 0:53:42Hurry up!
0:53:42 > 0:53:44Wait for me!
0:53:51 > 0:53:54TRADITIONAL SCANDANAVIAN SONG
0:55:43 > 0:55:45Happy Christmas, Mr Reindeer.
0:55:57 > 0:56:00Wake up, wake up, wake up!
0:56:00 > 0:56:01Santa's been.
0:56:01 > 0:56:05Has he? Oh, well, that's good(!)
0:56:05 > 0:56:07Yeah, that's great.
0:56:07 > 0:56:09He brought me the Lego City Space Centre I asked for!
0:56:09 > 0:56:11And I got me Moshi Monster!
0:56:11 > 0:56:13Oh, well...
0:56:13 > 0:56:15I'm made up for you.
0:56:15 > 0:56:16So am I.
0:56:17 > 0:56:19Come and see what else we've got!
0:56:23 > 0:56:24Ohhh.
0:56:33 > 0:56:35Go and get your dad.
0:56:48 > 0:56:50Morning.
0:56:57 > 0:56:59Listen, love, Jingle Jill was just...
0:56:59 > 0:57:03If I hear that whore's name again...
0:57:10 > 0:57:14- Didn't you do well? - Got just what you wanted.
0:57:14 > 0:57:17Yeah(!)
0:57:17 > 0:57:18Yeah.
0:57:20 > 0:57:24Don't you want to play with the toys that Santa spent ages wrapping
0:57:24 > 0:57:26and carrying over here for you?
0:57:26 > 0:57:29- We know you did it. - I think you'll find it was Santa.
0:57:32 > 0:57:36Are we going to go and see him, then? Santa?
0:57:36 > 0:57:39I'm not arsed. Are you kids?
0:57:40 > 0:57:42Naah.
0:57:42 > 0:57:46Do you want to go so you can see Jill's Jingles again?
0:57:46 > 0:57:47No.
0:57:50 > 0:57:53That's why we're here, isn't it? Santa.
0:57:55 > 0:57:57I really don't know why we're here.
0:58:09 > 0:58:11Faster, faster, faster!
0:58:14 > 0:58:16Liam, put your snow suit on.
0:58:16 > 0:58:18I don't want to see Santa. He's creepy!
0:58:18 > 0:58:21No, he's not, he's magical! He gave you that Moshi Monster!
0:58:21 > 0:58:23Now, please get ready!
0:58:23 > 0:58:26- Ray, will you get up?- I'm knackered!
0:58:26 > 0:58:29Well, you spent all night looking for a disco in the sky!
0:58:29 > 0:58:30Up!
0:58:30 > 0:58:32Mum, hurry up, we'll miss the coach
0:58:32 > 0:58:34and we won't see Santa in his grotto.
0:58:34 > 0:58:37We'll make it because I'm never late for anything.
0:58:37 > 0:58:38Never ever, never never.
0:58:38 > 0:58:40But it's leaving soon and it's our last chance.
0:58:40 > 0:58:44Well, run downstairs and ask them to wait five minutes. Quick!
0:58:58 > 0:59:01No! No, wait!
0:59:01 > 0:59:03Please wait.
0:59:22 > 0:59:24Go on! You can do it.
0:59:26 > 0:59:27SHE COUGHS
0:59:27 > 0:59:30You know you were saying you had some, you know...
0:59:30 > 0:59:33I don't suppose you've got anything left, have you?
0:59:33 > 0:59:37I've never done anything like this before. I'm so embarrassed.
0:59:37 > 0:59:40Don't worry. You're in luck.
0:59:40 > 0:59:45Really? We're frazzled and we're on holiday, so we thought...
0:59:45 > 0:59:48One for you. One for your bloke.
0:59:49 > 0:59:51How much?
0:59:51 > 0:59:54My treat. Merry Christmas.
0:59:54 > 0:59:56Oh, thank you.
0:59:56 > 0:59:58What are they?
0:59:59 > 1:00:01Let's just say you'll feel amazing.
1:00:01 > 1:00:04They'll take all the edges away.
1:00:04 > 1:00:09And I tell you, they're very subtle, but the sex on these is great.
1:00:09 > 1:00:11Really?
1:00:12 > 1:00:15Really?!
1:00:19 > 1:00:21I could do with one meself.
1:00:37 > 1:00:39Jack?
1:00:39 > 1:00:42Jack, what's the matter? What's happened?
1:00:42 > 1:00:45I've missed the Pudding Bus to go and see Santa.
1:00:45 > 1:00:49It was my last chance. I'm not going to see him now.
1:00:53 > 1:00:56Right. Come with me, come on.
1:01:00 > 1:01:03But I thought you didn't like husky rides?
1:01:03 > 1:01:04I didn't, but I love them now!
1:01:06 > 1:01:08Faster, faster!
1:01:10 > 1:01:13The only bloody reason we're here is to see bloody Father Christmas!
1:01:13 > 1:01:15He's not there.
1:01:15 > 1:01:17Neither is the bus.
1:01:18 > 1:01:20Ha! What?!
1:01:20 > 1:01:21He must have got on it.
1:01:21 > 1:01:24Well, he wouldn't go without us.
1:01:25 > 1:01:27Would he?
1:01:27 > 1:01:29Don't panic. He'll be on it.
1:01:29 > 1:01:31I'll get them to call the coach.
1:01:41 > 1:01:44Wow. Santa's here?
1:01:44 > 1:01:46Oh, yes.
1:01:46 > 1:01:49Maybe he is really real then,
1:01:49 > 1:01:51cos I heard Ethan and Melissa say...
1:01:51 > 1:01:54This is the real Santa. Only special people get brought here.
1:01:54 > 1:01:57There's no Jack Cooper with us...
1:01:57 > 1:02:00We've got none of that family today. Thank God....
1:02:00 > 1:02:02Oh!
1:02:05 > 1:02:09- You finished?- Just a minute!
1:02:09 > 1:02:10OK.
1:02:10 > 1:02:12She said he's not on the bus.
1:02:12 > 1:02:15- Oh, no!- Now let's not get carried away with this.
1:02:15 > 1:02:18- Is there anyone else he could be with?- What about..?
1:02:18 > 1:02:20Is Jack with you?
1:02:20 > 1:02:21No, no.
1:02:21 > 1:02:23- Where is he?- He's disappeared.
1:02:23 > 1:02:24Oh, he'll turn up.
1:02:24 > 1:02:26Anyone else he could be with?
1:02:26 > 1:02:28Me mother.
1:02:28 > 1:02:32No! She's off on that bloody Arctic Roll thing, isn't she?
1:02:32 > 1:02:36You don't think he's been abducted do you?
1:02:36 > 1:02:38PAULA SOBS
1:02:38 > 1:02:40Nice one, Mand(!)
1:02:43 > 1:02:45What will you ask Santa when you meet him?
1:02:45 > 1:02:48I'm going to ask him loads of questions.
1:02:48 > 1:02:52Find out how he gets the presents to everyone in the world.
1:03:25 > 1:03:27Hello.
1:03:29 > 1:03:31Hello Santa.
1:03:31 > 1:03:32How are you?
1:03:34 > 1:03:36I'm...
1:03:36 > 1:03:38OK.
1:03:38 > 1:03:43So, what have you been doing while you've been here in Lapland?
1:03:46 > 1:03:52Well, we've been on husky rides, ski mobiles, and the Pudding Bus.
1:03:52 > 1:03:55And did I bring all the presents you asked for?
1:03:55 > 1:03:56Oh, yeah. Thank you.
1:03:56 > 1:03:58My pleasure.
1:03:58 > 1:04:01Weren't you going to ask Santa some questions?
1:04:02 > 1:04:06Yeah... I can't remember them now.
1:04:06 > 1:04:07Well, another time.
1:04:07 > 1:04:09Of course.
1:04:10 > 1:04:12Here's a small present for you.
1:04:14 > 1:04:15Thank you.
1:04:17 > 1:04:21- And for you too. - I didn't expect a present.
1:04:21 > 1:04:23Thank you, Santa, thank you.
1:04:23 > 1:04:26Enjoy the rest of your stay.
1:04:35 > 1:04:39I can't wait to tell everyone that I met the real Santa!
1:04:39 > 1:04:42I know! Your mum's going to be made up!
1:04:44 > 1:04:49- Where the hell have you been?! - With Nan to see Santa.
1:04:49 > 1:04:52He gave me a wooden reindeer and Nan got the Northern Lights.
1:04:52 > 1:04:55- You what?- He missed the coach, so I took him meself.
1:04:55 > 1:04:57Show's over kids. Come on,
1:04:57 > 1:05:00let's go to our room and watch some violent Finnish cartoons.
1:05:00 > 1:05:01Oh, sick!
1:05:01 > 1:05:03I want to, too!
1:05:05 > 1:05:10You didn't think of telling us, letting us know?
1:05:10 > 1:05:12We only went to see Santa.
1:05:12 > 1:05:15We've been out of our minds. We thought he'd been abducted.
1:05:15 > 1:05:19In Lapland?! Who by? The Abominable Snowman?!
1:05:19 > 1:05:22I just felt like being a bit impulsive.
1:05:22 > 1:05:25We've come away as a family and you just flit off.
1:05:25 > 1:05:30- Eh, now that's enough.- Don't have a go at me. What have I done?
1:05:32 > 1:05:35It's your fault we're here in the first place.
1:05:35 > 1:05:37Why are we here?
1:05:37 > 1:05:38You know why.
1:05:38 > 1:05:41This is the last place we should be. None of this is right.
1:05:41 > 1:05:44Us being on holiday, pretending to be dead jolly!
1:05:44 > 1:05:46- It's what me dad would have wanted. - Is it?!
1:05:46 > 1:05:52What, singing the Pudding Bus song and eating reindeer morning, noon and night?!
1:05:52 > 1:05:55We're only here because your son wanted to see Father Christmas.
1:05:55 > 1:05:58- We all wanted to get away.- Did we?!
1:06:00 > 1:06:03I wish I'd never come.
1:06:03 > 1:06:04Is that what all think?
1:06:07 > 1:06:10It's a bit unusual, isn't it? But, in the end, I've enjoyed it.
1:06:12 > 1:06:14I just wanted us all to be together.
1:06:14 > 1:06:17I was only trying to do my best...
1:06:19 > 1:06:22I just wanted everyone to have a great time.
1:06:22 > 1:06:26I didn't want anyone to be miserable.
1:06:26 > 1:06:27And she's off.
1:06:27 > 1:06:30PAULA SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY
1:06:30 > 1:06:33OK.
1:06:33 > 1:06:35- Hiya.- Oh, hiya.
1:06:35 > 1:06:38I'd best go, I don't want the wife to catch us again.
1:06:38 > 1:06:40Why would that be?!
1:06:40 > 1:06:42Mand, I didn't mean nothing!
1:06:42 > 1:06:43Mandy!
1:06:44 > 1:06:47- Now Mandy, hear me out. - I don't want a peep out of you.
1:06:47 > 1:06:49He just wanted someone to talk to.
1:06:49 > 1:06:52- You what? - He's unhappy. He's lost his father.
1:06:52 > 1:06:54You don't need to tell me that.
1:06:54 > 1:06:57- Jingle Jill listened! - He needed a shoulder to cry on.
1:06:57 > 1:06:59He never got to say a proper goodbye.
1:06:59 > 1:07:03He didn't realise how serious it was. He thought he'd pull through.
1:07:03 > 1:07:05And then it was too late.
1:07:05 > 1:07:07How dare you tell me about my husband!
1:07:07 > 1:07:11Jingle Jill's had a hard time too. She should be in Val d'Isere.
1:07:13 > 1:07:15Nobody's saying that. Now, calm down.
1:07:15 > 1:07:18Eileen. Excuse me.
1:07:18 > 1:07:21- I want to talk to you about last night.- Now's not the time.
1:07:21 > 1:07:24- I just want to apologise. - Later, Maurice, later.
1:07:24 > 1:07:26Fine.
1:07:30 > 1:07:32That's why you disappeared, all of a sudden!
1:07:32 > 1:07:34It was a spur of the moment thing.
1:07:34 > 1:07:37I didn't know what to do with meself.
1:07:37 > 1:07:40You were meant to be spending Christmas Eve with us.
1:07:40 > 1:07:43But you left us all alone for some creep you met at breakfast.
1:07:43 > 1:07:46I shouldn't have come back.
1:07:46 > 1:07:50Oh, don't think about us. You just think of yourself.
1:07:50 > 1:07:52That would make a refreshing change.
1:07:52 > 1:07:54Don't you think you should explain yourself?
1:07:54 > 1:07:57I don't have to defend myself to my own daughter.
1:07:57 > 1:07:58What would me dad say?
1:07:58 > 1:08:02Me father not long dead in the ground and you're already moving on.
1:08:07 > 1:08:10You've gone too far now.
1:08:10 > 1:08:14Do you think I could forget your father like that?
1:08:14 > 1:08:17I couldn't and I don't want to.
1:08:18 > 1:08:21I still expect to turn the corner and he'll be there
1:08:21 > 1:08:24and everything will be like it was again.
1:08:24 > 1:08:28I went on the trip because it sounded nice
1:08:28 > 1:08:30and it was something I wanted to do.
1:08:30 > 1:08:34For me. Not for anybody else, just for me. For once.
1:08:34 > 1:08:38That bloke was there but that had nothing to do with anything.
1:08:38 > 1:08:40So what else?
1:08:40 > 1:08:44Is there anything else you'd like to know while we're at it?
1:08:46 > 1:08:47No, I...
1:08:47 > 1:08:48Good.
1:09:02 > 1:09:04Mother...
1:09:04 > 1:09:06Paula, I really don't need this.
1:09:06 > 1:09:07Look, hear me out...
1:09:07 > 1:09:09- Shut up.- Don't tell me to shut up!
1:09:09 > 1:09:12Look, look!
1:09:12 > 1:09:15Oh, my sweet Jesus.
1:09:15 > 1:09:17Would you look at that.
1:09:27 > 1:09:28I'm sorry Mum.
1:09:28 > 1:09:29Shush.
1:09:35 > 1:09:37We should go and get Ray.
1:09:37 > 1:09:39Yeah.
1:09:39 > 1:09:41Oh, I wish me dad was here.
1:09:47 > 1:09:51He is here.
1:09:51 > 1:09:54He's there.
1:09:54 > 1:09:56He's right in front of us.
1:10:00 > 1:10:02Go and get the others.
1:10:08 > 1:10:12Oi! Quick, quick! Come and see this!
1:10:16 > 1:10:17It's the Northern Lights!
1:10:21 > 1:10:24- It was here.- Is this a wind up?
1:10:24 > 1:10:27- They'll come back. - What are we waiting for?
1:10:27 > 1:10:29All I know is it's friggin' freezing.
1:10:29 > 1:10:33- Not funny in the slightest. - It was incredible, wasn't it?
1:10:33 > 1:10:35The whole sky lit up.
1:10:35 > 1:10:38Look, it's here! Look!
1:10:39 > 1:10:40Look at that!
1:10:43 > 1:10:45Oh, cool!
1:10:48 > 1:10:50Oh, my God.
1:10:57 > 1:10:59Is it the end of the world now?
1:11:00 > 1:11:02I've seen better screensavers!
1:11:02 > 1:11:05Will you shut your fat gob for once?!
1:11:10 > 1:11:11This is beautiful!
1:11:15 > 1:11:17Your camera. Gary Manilow.
1:11:17 > 1:11:19Sod Gary Manilow. I got to see it.
1:11:21 > 1:11:23I got to see it.
1:11:34 > 1:11:36Sorry.
1:11:43 > 1:11:45It's amazing, isn't it, Mum?
1:11:46 > 1:11:48Amazing...
1:11:51 > 1:11:52..ness.
1:12:04 > 1:12:06This is perfect.
1:12:06 > 1:12:09Everything seems different.
1:12:09 > 1:12:11In a good way.
1:12:11 > 1:12:12Maybe.
1:12:12 > 1:12:15- Oi!- Maybe not!
1:12:15 > 1:12:17Come here!
1:12:17 > 1:12:19Go on, Dad! Get him!
1:12:28 > 1:12:32MUSIC: Winter Wonderland sung in Finnish
1:12:48 > 1:12:51Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
1:12:51 > 1:12:55E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk