0:00:02 > 0:00:08Contains some strong language and some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10The Nemesis has a burnt arm.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12What, and that's it?
0:00:12 > 0:00:14If you see a scary man with a burnt arm, run away!
0:00:14 > 0:00:17We need to sort our shit out before the Old Ones arrive.
0:00:17 > 0:00:21I've got something to show them a whole lot better than your shit-eating grin.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25It's good to be back.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35His daughter was only allowed to take toys to school
0:00:35 > 0:00:37that could fit inside a matchbox.
0:00:37 > 0:00:43But because he was a very clever man, this Mr Odell, he made her a tiny little metal steamroller,
0:00:43 > 0:00:46and that was the first ever Matchbox toy.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Oh, Billy! Oh-ho-ho!
0:00:49 > 0:00:54What would Mummy say if I brought you home all flat like a pancake, eh?
0:00:54 > 0:00:56I'm going to have to take you under my wing, aren't I, little fella?
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Have you seen the advert?
0:00:59 > 0:01:03Always use the Green Cross Code, because I won't be there when you cross the...
0:01:03 > 0:01:05CRASH
0:01:13 > 0:01:15CRIES
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Please don't do that, little baby.
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Help!
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Anyone!
0:01:24 > 0:01:25Annie's made a rota.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27I already have a rota.
0:01:27 > 0:01:317am, I feed the baby, 8am, you walk the baby.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34There's a task for every hour and it's colour coded.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Little pictures of nappies and bottles.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39And glitter.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43She's planned every moment of every minute of every day of our lives.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45We must destroy this.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Guys, there's someone watching the house.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50You've made a rota and I already have a rota.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52I know, it's great, isn't it?
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Now Eve will have one of us watching her at all times, 24/7. Ring of steel!
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Oh, he's coming up the path.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01BELL RINGS
0:02:01 > 0:02:06Whoa! Ow, easy, guys! Can't they be a bit gentler?
0:02:06 > 0:02:08- Ah, he can see me! - Yeah, course I can.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10- He's a vampire.- No, no.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12- No, he's a ghost. - Yeah, sorry, I should have...
0:02:12 > 0:02:15What's this about? Hal, Tom, Annie...
0:02:15 > 0:02:17It's me.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19It's Alfie Kirby.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Weren't you told? Nina sent me.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23Nina?
0:02:23 > 0:02:24Yeah.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Isn't she great?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29So tiny, yet so loud. Yeah.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32We met on...you know, the other side.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Nina told me to help.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38Said you were doing great, but could do with an extra pair of hands.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40He doesn't have a burn.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Why would she send you?
0:02:41 > 0:02:45- I was a nursery teacher before I crocked it. - Why didn't she come herself?
0:02:45 > 0:02:47She can't. Werewolves can't be ghosts.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50That would really mess things up.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52That don't make no sense.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Neither do the lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody,
0:02:54 > 0:02:55but I didn't make them up either.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Oh, hang on.
0:02:57 > 0:03:02Annie, Nina told me to remind you of, um, George's GQ magazine.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Does that not ring a bell?
0:03:06 > 0:03:08I'd never heard of it.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11But Nina got quite fierce when I tried to argue with her.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Now, that is the first believable thing that you've said.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15CHUCKLES
0:03:15 > 0:03:18I'm not going to pretend I couldn't do with the help.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22All I seem to do these days is run around with nappies and bottom cream.
0:03:22 > 0:03:23Then there's the baby.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Yeah!
0:03:25 > 0:03:28That's my room, and this is Tom's room.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Ey-up!
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Sorry about the mess.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34I don't think it's too bad.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Thank you.
0:03:36 > 0:03:37For a war zone.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Yes, well, come on, Kirby.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Tom's got some tidying up to do.
0:03:42 > 0:03:43CHUCKLES
0:03:47 > 0:03:49KNOCK ON DOOR
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Um, and this is Hal's room.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Hm.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Yes.
0:03:59 > 0:04:00CHUCKLES
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Next stop, nursery.
0:04:03 > 0:04:04Right.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Ta-da!
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Oh.
0:04:14 > 0:04:15Right.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Right.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21Oh. Oh, is it the crucifixes?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23- Well, they are a bit of a downer. - Yeah.
0:04:23 > 0:04:28Are you sure that she wouldn't like something a bit, er, pinker?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Well, we need to prot....
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Um...
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Yeah.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Yeah, I think she would.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Oh, God, I'm a disaster!
0:04:38 > 0:04:42Oh, don't be daft. This place just needs a lick of paint, that's all.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46Some bright, stimulating colours, like we had at school.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Maybe a chest of drawers there for some toys and clothes.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51I'm traumatising her.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55I mean, she's meant to be the Saviour, but instead she's going to end up pregnant at 13,
0:04:55 > 0:04:59on drugs and knifing pensioners outside the Quasar Centre.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Take it from me - what matters is having parents that love you,
0:05:02 > 0:05:06knowing you're wanted and treasured. Get that right,
0:05:06 > 0:05:07the rest is easy.
0:05:07 > 0:05:12Whoo-hoo! So you're the thing that's causing such a commotion.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Um, Kirby, this is Eve, the Saviour.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17Still in a nappy.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Not quite on solids.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21- But cute as a button.- Yeah.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Right, we'll get this place
0:05:23 > 0:05:26spick and span in no time. I mean, the rest of the house is fab.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Although I wasn't sure about the knife in the wall downstairs.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Oh, yeah, that was me.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35A vampire got in and tried to hurt Eve, so I, you know...
0:05:35 > 0:05:36Nee-nee-nee!
0:05:36 > 0:05:40- You can be quite scary. - Yeah. New mum. What can I say?
0:05:40 > 0:05:42CHUCKLES
0:05:44 > 0:05:49Oi! Go and get some nice things for the nursery. You know, like pink curtains,
0:05:49 > 0:05:51stimulating colours, a chest of drawers.
0:05:51 > 0:05:52What about the tidying up?
0:05:52 > 0:05:54All right, yeah, whatever you want.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56EVE CRYING Oh, um...
0:05:58 > 0:06:00She's got you well trained.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Eh?
0:06:02 > 0:06:05The way she talks to you. That's women, eh?
0:06:05 > 0:06:07You're great not to let it get to you.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08I suppose.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- Look, I shouldn't hang about. - She says, "Jump."
0:06:11 > 0:06:14You say, "How high?" I know. Get out while you can.
0:06:39 > 0:06:4190, 91...
0:06:41 > 0:06:43- Hal? - ..92...
0:06:44 > 0:06:50Hal, um, it's 12 o'clock, so baby massage and stimulating story time.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52..98, 99...
0:06:52 > 0:06:53100, great!
0:06:53 > 0:06:57- Um, Eve needs to... - ..102, 103, 104...
0:06:57 > 0:06:58- Kirby's great, isn't he? - ..105...
0:06:58 > 0:07:00He's quite funny too.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Now you're just showing off.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10I can't do twelve till one.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12- But it's on the rota. - Yes, but on my rota,
0:07:12 > 0:07:16it says 12 o'clock, press-ups, then You And Yours on Radio 4.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- Oh! - It's important. It keeps me...
0:07:19 > 0:07:21- Buff?- No.
0:07:21 > 0:07:26- Up to date with consumer affairs? - No, it keeps me from killing.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28- Oh.- And you've seen me.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30This is how I focus and control it.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32So you take it out on your pecs.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Better them than humanity.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Hal, we're meant to be a team. HAL SIGHS
0:07:37 > 0:07:39OK.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41And when you said "humanity", you meant...
0:07:41 > 0:07:43I'd kill everyone I encountered until I was sated.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Barry, Cardiff, most of south Wales.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47Right.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Not all bad, then.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52OK...
0:07:52 > 0:07:57well, don't forget to use lavender oil for the massage.
0:07:57 > 0:07:58OK?
0:07:58 > 0:08:01I never forget anything.
0:08:01 > 0:08:02It must be lovely being you.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Always the cleverest and the oldest and never forget anything
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- for hundreds of years.- No.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10It's terrible.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Oh, hey! What are you up to?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Just a spot of tidying.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- You don't have to do that. - Just trying to help.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Tom said you can get all twisted if things aren't done your way.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- He said what? - Oh, no, forget I said that. Sorry.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33That was just me and my big mouth.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34Please don't say anything.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Oh, no, it's fine.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39I don't mean to cause any trouble between you guys.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Oh, and you can't. Not with my rota.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44- We're a well-oiled machine.- I bet.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45Even Hal?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Only Eve is the War Child,
0:08:47 > 0:08:49the destructor of vampires
0:08:49 > 0:08:51- and...Hal is...- Yeah.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54No, we've talked about that and I trust him.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Oh, well, then I do too. Yeah.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Ah, Annie, you're so...nice.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01I think you're the best.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Oh, stop it!
0:09:03 > 0:09:04Really?
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- CLATTERING - I could do with a hand.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08Um, right.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20I found it in the skip down the road. Good, innit?
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- Oh, my God!- What?
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Just needs a touch-up, that's all.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Tom...do you honestly think that that is suitable?
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- You told me to get a chest of drawers.- Not from a skip!
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- And besides, it's not even a chest of...- All right,
0:09:34 > 0:09:37- don't get so... - So what? Twisted?
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- Eh?- Let's take it outside, Tom. Come on,
0:09:39 > 0:09:42- I'll give you a hand. - No, you're all right, I can do it.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Sometimes, honestly, I...
0:09:53 > 0:09:55He's just a kid, isn't he?
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Yeah. Yeah, I know, he is.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03Look, I'm really sorry, you're not seeing us at our best here.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04Don't give it another thought.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08Hey, maybe it'll be helpful to have another fella around the house.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12KNOCK ON DOOR
0:10:12 > 0:10:15I know, I know, stupid idea.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Look, I thought it just needed a good clean.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- But Annie said... - Oh, Annie said...
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- Why are you so down on yourself? - Eh?
0:10:24 > 0:10:26I can see that I need to take you under my wing.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30What are all these pictures?
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Oh, nothing. Just things I ain't done yet.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- Things that... - Things that you want to do?
0:10:35 > 0:10:38I think that's brilliant. What's this one?
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Nothing. Just makes me laugh.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43It's a birthday cake, innit?
0:10:43 > 0:10:45You say it like you've never had one.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Well, who has? Birthdays, getting older - big deal, innit?
0:10:48 > 0:10:50What, it is a big deal?
0:10:51 > 0:10:52But McNair always used to...
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Is it true, then, about werewolves never coming back?
0:10:57 > 0:10:58Why, were you hoping?
0:10:58 > 0:11:01No. No, I'm doing fine without him. I'm doing great.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Are birthdays a big deal for everyone?
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Did you never get a card or a present or anything?
0:11:11 > 0:11:14I'd get a cupcake and a four-inch skinning knife
0:11:14 > 0:11:16or a steak and a sparkler.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Or...a crucifix and a banana muffin.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20When's your birthday?
0:11:20 > 0:11:22- Oh, tomorrow.- Tomorrow?
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Like I say, it don't matter.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26- How old are you gonna be?- 21.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Do Hal and Annie know? Oh, course they do.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- Tom, your 21st birthday is massive. - Nah!
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Yeah, of cou... Oh, I know what they're doing.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39Oh, those sneaky so-and-sos!
0:11:39 > 0:11:42They're organising you a surprise birthday party.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44What, like the picture?
0:11:44 > 0:11:48Bigger than that! Hey, but listen, you can't say anything,
0:11:48 > 0:11:49or else you'll ruin the surprise.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Will there be candles?
0:11:51 > 0:11:56Candles? If I've got anything to do with it, there'll be fireworks!
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Annie's getting hysterical downstairs, and I'm not enjoying it.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01We're on our way.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07She has a temperature.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09A bloody temperature!
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Well, just call the GP. Get him to do a house visit.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Just say Tom's the dad.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- Yeah!- He'd be great.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Yeah, I would.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19- Where's the mother?- At work.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Yeah, she's a barrister. Dead classy, we're a real power couple.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25We have dinner parties and probably going to get a Labrador.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28And this classy barrister left the baby with him?
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Well, what would you suggest, Hal?
0:12:31 > 0:12:32I've got it!
0:12:33 > 0:12:35DOORBELL RINGING
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Mr McNair?
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Do come in.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43Right.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52So?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57- Where's the baby?- Oh, yeah, I'll just go and get her now.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Oh, my...
0:13:03 > 0:13:05EVE GURGLING
0:13:07 > 0:13:10- She has a temperature?- Yes.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12She's been crying more than usual, won't go down
0:13:12 > 0:13:17- and she seems off her food. - Word perfect.- Cheers.- Sorry?
0:13:17 > 0:13:21- Cheese, she don't like her cheese. - You're feeding her cheese?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23- Oh, God.- Only Mini Babybels.
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Hal! Hal!
0:13:24 > 0:13:28Oh, you mean for her? No. No cheese for her.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30For me, obviously.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32You look after the baby on your own, do you?
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Um...
0:13:34 > 0:13:37- Hal, get down here now! - Are you the baby's sole carer?
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Nope. It's not just me.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40There's the baby's mother?
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- Get in here!- Sort of, yeah.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47- Is everything all right here? - Because you seem rather odd.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51- What do you mean by that? - Who are you?
0:13:51 > 0:13:53I'm, um...
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Say it.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57I'm his...
0:13:58 > 0:14:00...boyfriend.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01EVE GURGLES
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Yeah, me and him, we've...
0:14:03 > 0:14:06When you said "rather odd",
0:14:06 > 0:14:08what were you implying?
0:14:08 > 0:14:09That he's a halfwit.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- That's not very nice. - No, you weren't.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14You were saying he was gay. You were being prejudiced.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17OK, n...no, hang on.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20I think you should just check on the baby, don't you?
0:14:26 > 0:14:31So...where were you when the nice doctor man came?
0:14:31 > 0:14:32I was having a shit.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Nice.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Yes, the baby has a minor ear infection.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41I'll write you a prescription.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48She should be fine...in a few days.
0:14:48 > 0:14:49Wicked.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Oh.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58I had no idea you were gay.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02Most of the gay couples I know... have taste.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03It's rented.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05And I don't appreciate the accusation.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08There was no mention of an adoption in the paperwork.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12In fact, I couldn't find any record of the baby on our entire system.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- It's fine. Just go away now. - Gladly.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18There are things I need to check.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20No, no, no, no. He can't check.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23- If he checks, he'll find out we're not the parents.- Oh, great.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Persecute the queens.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29Well, I'll tell you something, mate. I'm gay and I'm stray.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31That's not it, is it?
0:15:33 > 0:15:35I'm here and I'm queer!
0:15:35 > 0:15:37May I get changed now?
0:15:54 > 0:15:56No.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01You're not going to check up on them, are you?
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Because that would really upset Annie.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05And I can't be having that.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08SIGHS
0:16:08 > 0:16:10I've had a lot of time to think about this,
0:16:10 > 0:16:13but obviously never really had a chance to try it out.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15So bear with me.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Your heartbeat.
0:16:21 > 0:16:22It's...
0:16:22 > 0:16:25It's a little fast.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26Isn't it?
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Yes.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32I can feel it, pumping hard.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Like it's struggling to get the blood around your body.
0:16:35 > 0:16:40We'll start...with a little stutter.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43- Oh!- That's the stuff.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Oh, God, I've missed this.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Do you know what my favourite bit was?
0:16:48 > 0:16:50This.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52I swear to God.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55That little beat of tenderness just before the deed.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59But we can't hang about. So here comes another one.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- Gah!- Don't fight it, Doctor.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05- It would have happened anyway. - LAUGHS
0:17:05 > 0:17:06Probably.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Oh, God, this feels good!
0:17:10 > 0:17:13In the old days, I would have used a knife, but this...
0:17:13 > 0:17:16this is amazing!
0:17:16 > 0:17:19That's it.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Sleep well.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30I'm so proud of you.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Do you know what happened to that GP, Kirby?
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Heart attack, I expect.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08As soon as he came in, I thought
0:18:08 > 0:18:10there's someone who shouldn't start any long books.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Still, lucky for us, really, when you think about it.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17I mean, all the trouble he was about to cause.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19It's peculiar, though, isn't it?
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Dead GP.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Outside our house.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26On the day you arrive.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30Well, you're the expert when it comes to sudden, mysterious deaths.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Yeah. I meant to say...
0:18:34 > 0:18:38when I was on the other side, I met quite a lot of people who knew you.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Gosh, who was there?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Poor old Eleanor?
0:18:42 > 0:18:45How old was she when you ripped her to pieces?
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Fourteen.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50And Nadia, who you kept alive for months in that dungeon,
0:18:50 > 0:18:53feeding on her until she went completely bonkers.
0:18:53 > 0:18:54And Catherine?
0:18:54 > 0:18:55Ooh!
0:18:55 > 0:18:56Rrrr!
0:18:56 > 0:18:59So sweet.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Dead a hundred years, but still crazy about you.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Even though you broke her heart...
0:19:05 > 0:19:06and ate it.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12But look at you now, hey?
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Quite the transformation.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17I bet that Annie wouldn't recognise you.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21- If she heard what you were like... - She knows about my past.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Really? All the gory details?
0:19:23 > 0:19:28You see, I think that you were hiding in that barber's...
0:19:28 > 0:19:30in, where was it?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Southend. Yeah, I think that you were there
0:19:32 > 0:19:35for so long that you'd forgotten what people are like.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38You see, you might have gotten used to what you are,
0:19:38 > 0:19:41but someone else, hearing all that for the first time,
0:19:41 > 0:19:46I don't know, Hal, I just think that they might find it quite disturbing.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Chances are, you'd be out on your ear.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52And then what would happen, hey?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Lock up your daughters.
0:19:55 > 0:19:56What do you want?
0:19:59 > 0:20:00Be nice to me.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- Help Annie like me. - She already likes you. - Yeah, I know, but really like me.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08I think she's smashing, but she won't let me help with the baby.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11And that makes me feel like she doesn't trust me.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13She's a good judge of people.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17Yeah. Huh! Except she trusts you, so she's not that good, is she?
0:20:18 > 0:20:21I just want us to be a happy family, Hal.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Annie deserves that, doesn't she?
0:20:23 > 0:20:26And if I'm going to keep quiet about your...
0:20:26 > 0:20:30hinterland, then I deserve it too.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Don't I?
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Aah!
0:20:41 > 0:20:43WHISTLES
0:20:48 > 0:20:51WHISTLING CONTINUES
0:20:53 > 0:20:54CLEARS THROAT
0:20:54 > 0:20:56All right?
0:20:56 > 0:20:57Yep.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01You were right. They do talk down to me, don't they?
0:21:02 > 0:21:04A bit. Maybe.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07How come Hal doesn't have to do this? How come I'm...?
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Maybe they're just being like this
0:21:10 > 0:21:13because today's the last day they can.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15I mean, tomorrow,
0:21:15 > 0:21:18you're going to be 21...a man.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20And an equal.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21Just cos it's me birthday?
0:21:21 > 0:21:25- Mm-hm.- Do you really think they're throwing me a massive party?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27You'd have to have a heart of stone not to.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Did you have a massive party?
0:21:30 > 0:21:31The biggest.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35My parents transformed the entire house
0:21:35 > 0:21:37into the Starship Enterprise.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Everywhere you looked, there were presents.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42And I could do whatever I wanted.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44All day.
0:21:44 > 0:21:45No way.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47DOOR CREAKS
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Oh. Um, it's OK.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Reflexology isn't for another 20 minutes or so.
0:21:53 > 0:21:54I know.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57I came to see you.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Oh. That's nice.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03You like Kirby.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Yeah, he's...he's sweet.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Why, don't you?
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- I didn't say that.- No.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13- But you're glaring. - That's not me glaring,
0:22:13 > 0:22:16it's...it's just me looking.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18OK. So you do like him.
0:22:21 > 0:22:22He likes you.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27He's, um...
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- He's different. - Look, Annie,
0:22:30 > 0:22:33- there are things I've done...- No.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36No, you don't have to tell me.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38But I would like to.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41And I'd prefer you heard it from me than...
0:22:41 > 0:22:45- from someone else. - Please, Hal, don't.
0:22:45 > 0:22:46Look...
0:22:46 > 0:22:50We're just starting to work as a family...
0:22:50 > 0:22:53so please, don't ruin it, OK?
0:22:53 > 0:22:56- I don't want to. - Then just shut up.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58OK, because it scares me...
0:22:58 > 0:23:02thinking about what you've done and what you could do.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06But for us, and for Eve, I'm...
0:23:06 > 0:23:08I'm choosing to ignore it.
0:23:08 > 0:23:13That really is how it works? You really would rather not know?
0:23:13 > 0:23:16I just, um...
0:23:16 > 0:23:19I just want something good for a change.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23- You know, something uncomplicated. - And you think that's what Kirby is?
0:23:23 > 0:23:25I didn't say that. But...
0:23:25 > 0:23:26yes.
0:23:26 > 0:23:31- Yes, I guess so. - Well, he is, compared to...
0:23:32 > 0:23:34CLEARS THROAT
0:23:56 > 0:24:00- She likes it that you're soft. - That's my way in?
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Hey, this'll be good for all of us.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06Especially the baby.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29GRUNTING
0:24:32 > 0:24:35ANNIE CHATTING, EVE CRYING
0:24:35 > 0:24:38- It always takes a couple of days. - Ssh-ssh!
0:24:38 > 0:24:40There, there. There we go.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44I tell you, when I was teaching, we always had someone that was ill.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47I spent my entire life with sick down my shirt.
0:24:47 > 0:24:48Morning!
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Tom, ssh! Are you trying to set her off again?
0:24:51 > 0:24:52- Morning, champ. - Ssh, ssh!
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Happy birthday!
0:24:56 > 0:25:01Sorry, I forgot to say. So, everyone's going to ignore you all day,
0:25:01 > 0:25:03- but it's part of the fun. - Hilarious(!)
0:25:03 > 0:25:07It's great. They're going to pretend they don't know it's your birthday,
0:25:07 > 0:25:09then at 5pm, you've got to come back and be all "Grrr!
0:25:09 > 0:25:14"No-one remembered," and "Grrr!" and they're all going to jump out from behind the sofa
0:25:14 > 0:25:15and scream, "Surprise!"
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Grrr! Rrrrr!
0:25:18 > 0:25:20That's it. But the grumpier, the better.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22- Where's me brekkie?- Perfect.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24No, really, Annie always makes it.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Annie's ignoring you, isn't she, dumbo?
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Now, you stuff your face and just bugger off for the day.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30Yeah, but I'm on the rota.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Oh! You want to ruin your own 21st?
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Whatever, Annie.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Whatever, Hal.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Oi, I'm talking to you.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52The paper says the Box Tunnel murderer's stomach contained human flesh.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54- It said what? - As if I care!
0:25:54 > 0:25:57Where's me Cheerios?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Jason Healey didn't even do it in the first place.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02That young man's problem is he holds too much anger inside.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05He needs to learn to let out his feelings.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07You're so right.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12I'm going to find out about this.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Dr Wilson.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Why did you lie?
0:26:34 > 0:26:35It's true.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- It's what I found.- Jason Healey was set up by the police.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42He wasn't even on that train, let alone eating its passengers.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Your clothes are expensive, they're what, a year old?
0:26:46 > 0:26:48So it wasn't for money.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50I can show you my report, I can show you...
0:26:50 > 0:26:53- Aah! - Your nails are bitten to the quick.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Your fingers smell of cigarettes, but you don't have the wrinkle on your upper lip
0:26:56 > 0:26:58that smokers have, so this is a new habit.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02Your eyes are red, you haven't been sleeping, you're stressed.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05No.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08- You're frightened. - Hello, is Angela there?
0:27:13 > 0:27:15SHRIEKING
0:27:20 > 0:27:25Now listen, I'm going to take my hand away from your mouth. If you scream,
0:27:25 > 0:27:27I will kill you. Do you believe that?
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Jenny.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36Who made you write that report? Who has frightened you?
0:27:36 > 0:27:38WHIMPERING
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Whisper.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43- All I want is a name, then I'm gone.- He'll kill me.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46- I will kill you if you don't. - Oh, God!
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Please don't, please!
0:27:48 > 0:27:52I'm just trying to protect my family. I didn't want any of this.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54He came to me. I didn't want any of this.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Tell me this. Was he like me?
0:27:59 > 0:28:03This is how you get what you want, isn't it? You terrorise people.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05You destroy them.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08You make them so scared they can't function.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10I'm sorry.
0:28:10 > 0:28:11Oh!
0:28:11 > 0:28:13I'm sorry.
0:28:13 > 0:28:14SOBBING
0:28:20 > 0:28:21EVE GURGLES
0:28:37 > 0:28:38Hal?
0:28:38 > 0:28:40- Hal?- Hiya.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42- Oh.- He's not come back.
0:28:42 > 0:28:46- Oh, but it's... - His turn on the rota. I know.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48Hey, do you want me to take his place?
0:28:48 > 0:28:50Oh, no, it's his turn.
0:28:50 > 0:28:54I know, but I would love the chance to look after little Eve on my own.
0:28:54 > 0:28:58No, he's meant to do it, and we're a team, so...
0:29:00 > 0:29:03- Um...where's Tom? - Oh, he just shot off.
0:29:03 > 0:29:06Kids, eh? Ha-ha!
0:29:06 > 0:29:11Babies, kids, vampires, you've really got your hands full, haven't you?
0:29:11 > 0:29:13Yeah.
0:29:14 > 0:29:16Yeah, and I'm...
0:29:16 > 0:29:17I'm so tired.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20I don't know why I'm tired, I'm never tired.
0:29:20 > 0:29:21Hey, come on.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28It's just sometimes I miss my old friends, you know.
0:29:28 > 0:29:32Of course you do. But if it makes you feel any better, I'm not going anywhere.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37Oh...thank you.
0:29:37 > 0:29:38It does.
0:29:38 > 0:29:40That's my girl.
0:29:47 > 0:29:48KEYS JANGLING
0:29:51 > 0:29:54ANNIE AND KIRBY LAUGHING
0:29:57 > 0:29:58ANNIE: Oh, dear!
0:29:59 > 0:30:02Oh! Where have you been?
0:30:02 > 0:30:05I went to find out about the stories in the paper.
0:30:05 > 0:30:08- I told you.- Oh, I didn't think you'd take so long.
0:30:08 > 0:30:10It's just been me and Kirby all day.
0:30:10 > 0:30:13Oh, Hal, there you are!
0:30:13 > 0:30:15ANNIE: So, what did you find out?
0:30:15 > 0:30:17I'm not sure, but a vampire...
0:30:17 > 0:30:20or vampires are spreading stories, but I don't know why.
0:30:20 > 0:30:22- Vampires, eh?- Hmm.
0:30:22 > 0:30:23Look, we should be careful.
0:30:23 > 0:30:25Do you think it's to do with Eve?
0:30:25 > 0:30:27No, something else.
0:30:27 > 0:30:28Dangerous, are they?
0:30:28 > 0:30:31What, vampires? Yes...Kirby. They're lethal.
0:30:31 > 0:30:34Not you, though. Oh!
0:30:34 > 0:30:37Thank goodness we've got you here in the house to protect us. Eh, Annie?
0:30:37 > 0:30:39Yeah.
0:30:39 > 0:30:42Look, I'm clearly interrupting.
0:30:42 > 0:30:43Eek!
0:30:43 > 0:30:47Someone fell out of the wrong side of the coffin this morning.
0:30:48 > 0:30:50Yeah.
0:30:56 > 0:31:00Oh, my goodness, I had no idea. What an amazing surprise!
0:31:06 > 0:31:07Hello?
0:31:10 > 0:31:13Anybody here?
0:31:13 > 0:31:15Hiding behind the sofas?
0:31:16 > 0:31:18It's just me, Tom.
0:31:18 > 0:31:20Not expecting owt.
0:31:20 > 0:31:22Nothin' at all.
0:31:28 > 0:31:29Where the hell have you been?
0:31:29 > 0:31:33You were supposed to be watching Eve this afternoon. It's on the rota.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36- I thought that we'd...- Stop acting like a kid, for God's sake!
0:31:43 > 0:31:45SOBBING
0:31:57 > 0:31:59DOOR OPENING
0:31:59 > 0:32:01Oh, I'm so sorry, Tom.
0:32:01 > 0:32:04- You said... - I know. I thought...
0:32:04 > 0:32:08It's what usually happens...in a family.
0:32:08 > 0:32:12- I thought you guys were close. - We are...I thought.
0:32:13 > 0:32:17I thought I was gonna do something normal. Finally be like everybody else.
0:32:17 > 0:32:19And you should be normal.
0:32:19 > 0:32:22I mean, it's only one night a month, isn't it?
0:32:22 > 0:32:23It's not like them.
0:32:23 > 0:32:25Well, maybe that's...
0:32:25 > 0:32:27maybe that's why he said...
0:32:27 > 0:32:29What did Hal say?
0:32:30 > 0:32:32Oh, he didn't mean it.
0:32:32 > 0:32:34Mean what?
0:32:34 > 0:32:37Don't you protect him, Kirby. You're a nice guy, but I need to know.
0:32:37 > 0:32:40Well...he doesn't want you growing up.
0:32:40 > 0:32:42He wants you in your box.
0:32:43 > 0:32:45In your kennel.
0:32:45 > 0:32:48Just like your "dad".
0:32:56 > 0:32:58- Five more minutes.- Nope.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00- Yes, five minutes. - You're not in charge of me
0:33:00 > 0:33:01and I'm not a child.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03If you'd wait for five minutes...
0:33:13 > 0:33:15You should go now.
0:33:15 > 0:33:17- What if I don't? - I could make you.
0:33:17 > 0:33:19Bossing me about. Who do you think I am?
0:33:19 > 0:33:23- I'm learning not to answer questions like that.- Yeah....
0:33:32 > 0:33:35Aah! Fight with me. Fight me.
0:33:35 > 0:33:38ANNIE: What are you doing? Tom!
0:33:38 > 0:33:40Hal, stop. Stop it!
0:33:46 > 0:33:49Argh, your toxic fucking blood!
0:33:51 > 0:33:53Tom...
0:33:54 > 0:33:55Tom!
0:34:02 > 0:34:03KIRBY: Oh, no.
0:34:03 > 0:34:06Don't go, mate.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11Come back.
0:34:12 > 0:34:14ANNIE: What were you arguing about?
0:34:14 > 0:34:16HAL: I don't know. Nothing.
0:34:16 > 0:34:18- You must have said something. - He was mainly shouting at me.
0:34:18 > 0:34:20Well, now he's gone. Are you happy?
0:34:20 > 0:34:22He started it.
0:34:22 > 0:34:24Unbelievable. Unbelievable!
0:34:24 > 0:34:26Is there anything I can do to help?
0:34:30 > 0:34:32I missed You & Yours.
0:34:36 > 0:34:38Tom will come back, I'm sure of it.
0:34:38 > 0:34:42No. Everybody thinks that Tom is so strong, but he's not.
0:34:42 > 0:34:46And I'm supposed to look after him and he's supposed to look after me.
0:34:46 > 0:34:49I promise I'll make everything all right.
0:34:55 > 0:34:56I, um...
0:34:56 > 0:35:00Um, well, I should, er... I should go and check on Eve.
0:35:00 > 0:35:01I could go.
0:35:01 > 0:35:06Thank you, but no. I, um... I have to.
0:35:18 > 0:35:20MUSIC PLAYS "We Are Fucking Angry" by The King Blues
0:35:26 > 0:35:29MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH
0:35:29 > 0:35:31# Just a glimpse of the future we're buying
0:35:31 > 0:35:34# Behind them hands are you laughing or crying?
0:35:34 > 0:35:36# You fall apart when we ain't complying
0:35:36 > 0:35:39# And we ain't gonna take this no more
0:35:39 > 0:35:42# In the fog, vampire bloodsuckers
0:35:42 > 0:35:44# Fight 'em off by flinging nunchukas
0:35:44 > 0:35:46# You can't stop us, up for the ruckus
0:35:46 > 0:35:49# And we ain't gonna take this no more
0:35:49 > 0:35:52# Cut the bankers, cut the MPs
0:35:52 > 0:35:55# Cut the rich and the riot police
0:35:55 > 0:35:57# Cut the state and cut the war
0:35:57 > 0:36:00# But them all cut the poor We are fighting back... #
0:36:00 > 0:36:02You know what, mate?
0:36:02 > 0:36:05# And we are fucking angry
0:36:05 > 0:36:07# We are fighting back
0:36:07 > 0:36:09# And we are fucking angry
0:36:09 > 0:36:11# We are fighting back... #
0:36:13 > 0:36:16WHISTLING
0:36:20 > 0:36:23- Hiya.- Annie's upset with me.
0:36:23 > 0:36:24I saw. Yeah, sorry, mate.
0:36:24 > 0:36:28Still, on the plus side, she's very friendly with me.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31- GIGGLES - She thinks I said something to Tom.
0:36:31 > 0:36:32But I didn't.
0:36:32 > 0:36:34So you must have.
0:36:34 > 0:36:37- He was my friend. - You don't have any friends.
0:36:38 > 0:36:41- Well, he could have been. - Aren't you ashamed,
0:36:41 > 0:36:44slumming it like a student?
0:36:44 > 0:36:45At your age?
0:36:45 > 0:36:47You killed the GP, didn't you?
0:36:47 > 0:36:48Ha-ha.
0:36:48 > 0:36:51I was protecting Annie and the baby.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53So I did what I did.
0:36:54 > 0:36:56What have you done?
0:36:56 > 0:36:58Getting rid of Tom doesn't help the baby.
0:36:58 > 0:37:00I'm not so sure about that.
0:37:00 > 0:37:03Me and Annie, we'd make a lovely couple.
0:37:03 > 0:37:05Tom was more of a hindrance, really.
0:37:05 > 0:37:06What about me?
0:37:06 > 0:37:08You didn't answer the question, buddy.
0:37:08 > 0:37:13How long's it going to be until you do the dirty on Annie?
0:37:13 > 0:37:15Hey?
0:37:15 > 0:37:17Until you...do something...
0:37:17 > 0:37:19crazy.
0:37:19 > 0:37:22You know it's going to happen eventually.
0:37:22 > 0:37:24I'm not as easily manipulated as Tom.
0:37:24 > 0:37:27No, no. But then again...
0:37:29 > 0:37:31Oh, messy.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33How's your room?
0:37:33 > 0:37:34SMASHING
0:37:35 > 0:37:37Don't!
0:37:39 > 0:37:40Or what?
0:37:45 > 0:37:47Do not touch that.
0:37:47 > 0:37:48Please!
0:37:48 > 0:37:52Oh, mate! Please?
0:37:52 > 0:37:53Oh!
0:37:54 > 0:37:56- EVE CRYING - HAL: Kirby!
0:37:58 > 0:37:59Aah, Kirby!
0:37:59 > 0:38:01KIRBY: No, there's no-one in here.
0:38:03 > 0:38:05CRYING CONTINUES
0:38:07 > 0:38:10No! Hal, don't hurt the baby!
0:38:14 > 0:38:15No.
0:38:15 > 0:38:18No, this isn't...
0:38:19 > 0:38:21No.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24Oh, my God, he was totally out of control!
0:38:24 > 0:38:26He was a monster. Monster!
0:38:30 > 0:38:31Hal?
0:38:36 > 0:38:37Yes?
0:38:38 > 0:38:40You have to leave.
0:38:41 > 0:38:43You have to leave this house now.
0:38:45 > 0:38:47WHIMPERING
0:39:00 > 0:39:01Evening, chaps.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07Good evening, Jeffrey.
0:39:07 > 0:39:09Mr Cutler.
0:39:09 > 0:39:12Affray, drunk and disorderly, possibly ABH.
0:39:12 > 0:39:16- GBH if my mood doesn't improve. - That's Tom McNair, yes?
0:39:16 > 0:39:18Don't mess around. Not on a Saturday night.
0:39:18 > 0:39:21- How old was the arresting officer? - Jesus!
0:39:21 > 0:39:25Your lad was caught in the act, kicking seven shades of shit out of someone.
0:39:25 > 0:39:29Yes. Yeah, I'm sure that's exactly what your young constable told you.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32Excitable young fella, is he?
0:39:32 > 0:39:36Anything he told you about the arrest that gave you cause for concern?
0:39:36 > 0:39:38- Like?- Like...
0:39:38 > 0:39:40the victim. How's his statement?
0:39:40 > 0:39:44You do have a statement from the victim, don't you, Jeffrey?
0:39:44 > 0:39:46- It's coming.- Of course.
0:39:46 > 0:39:50Not drinking, was he, your excitable and imaginative
0:39:50 > 0:39:53- young Police Constable Price?- No.
0:39:53 > 0:39:55Just eager to impress, then.
0:39:55 > 0:39:58It's a shame there aren't any other officers
0:39:58 > 0:40:00to corroborate his version of events.
0:40:00 > 0:40:02What have you got?
0:40:03 > 0:40:06CCTV of the alley.
0:40:06 > 0:40:09Shows the arrest and the, um..."fight."
0:40:10 > 0:40:12Go on.
0:40:12 > 0:40:16Watch it. I have to say, it certainly shows my client was drunk.
0:40:16 > 0:40:20I mean, why run about kicking imaginary enemies unless you're plastered, eh?
0:40:20 > 0:40:21What?
0:40:23 > 0:40:25He's the only one in the alley.
0:40:25 > 0:40:27There's no victim, no affray,
0:40:27 > 0:40:29no ABH, nothing.
0:40:31 > 0:40:33Get the prisoner out here.
0:40:33 > 0:40:34And tell Albie Price I want a word.
0:40:34 > 0:40:38Sorry, Jeffrey. Still, less paperwork for you, eh?
0:40:40 > 0:40:42Come on, lad.
0:40:42 > 0:40:44Looks like it's your lucky night.
0:40:44 > 0:40:45Hello, Mr McNair.
0:40:47 > 0:40:48All right?
0:40:48 > 0:40:51- He's free to go, yeah? - Oh, sod off!
0:40:51 > 0:40:53Thank you, Jeffrey.
0:40:53 > 0:40:54Mr McNair?
0:40:55 > 0:40:56How did you do that?
0:40:56 > 0:40:59I'm just very, very good at my job.
0:40:59 > 0:41:00You're a vampire?
0:41:02 > 0:41:06Look...it must be hard for you, having grown up hating us, I get that.
0:41:06 > 0:41:09But there are good vampires out there.
0:41:09 > 0:41:11And I hope one day you realise that.
0:41:11 > 0:41:13And when you do...
0:41:13 > 0:41:15I hope you'll give me a call.
0:41:15 > 0:41:18I'm a friend when you need one.
0:42:14 > 0:42:16SOBBING
0:42:23 > 0:42:26SOBBING CONTINUES
0:42:29 > 0:42:31Oh, God!
0:42:32 > 0:42:35You know, I just thought we could just slot together.
0:42:35 > 0:42:39And that everything could be how it was before.
0:42:39 > 0:42:43Oh, God, I'm so stupid.
0:42:43 > 0:42:45And I'm so tired.
0:42:45 > 0:42:47What's wrong with me?
0:42:49 > 0:42:52What did Nina mean about George's GQ magazine?
0:42:53 > 0:42:56LAUGHING Oh, that, um...
0:42:56 > 0:42:59Well, er...
0:42:59 > 0:43:00one night, um...
0:43:00 > 0:43:06Nina and I were flicking through... the pages, looking at all the dishy men
0:43:06 > 0:43:08that were way out of our league, and I said
0:43:08 > 0:43:12that...I just wanted one good one.
0:43:14 > 0:43:16Then she sent me you.
0:43:19 > 0:43:21I'm really glad that you're here.
0:43:21 > 0:43:25I don't know, er... I don't know what I'd do without you.
0:43:25 > 0:43:28I think you're lovely.
0:43:28 > 0:43:30Oh, Annie.
0:43:30 > 0:43:32Look at you.
0:43:34 > 0:43:36With that dreamy smile...
0:43:38 > 0:43:40...and that incredibly dull personality.
0:43:42 > 0:43:45I can't work out if Tom left because he was bored
0:43:45 > 0:43:49or if he was scared he'd self-harm if you mentioned that bloody rota again.
0:43:49 > 0:43:54Don't be upset. You're nice. It's your thing.
0:43:54 > 0:43:56But it drives people away.
0:43:56 > 0:44:00It drove Mitchell to suicide.
0:44:00 > 0:44:02From what I heard.
0:44:05 > 0:44:08- Why would you say that? - Oh, Annie,
0:44:08 > 0:44:10I've tried, believe me.
0:44:10 > 0:44:14But you'd have to have the patience of a saint to spend more than a day with you.
0:44:14 > 0:44:16And, well...
0:44:16 > 0:44:18I'm no saint.
0:44:18 > 0:44:21OK, confession time.
0:44:21 > 0:44:23I never was a nursery teacher.
0:44:23 > 0:44:24But I do love kids.
0:44:24 > 0:44:28And when they saw me, they all came running.
0:44:28 > 0:44:30I was a toy salesman.
0:44:30 > 0:44:32See?
0:44:33 > 0:44:36The toy man!
0:44:36 > 0:44:39They'd all cry. Their little faces.
0:44:39 > 0:44:43I'd go door to door, town to town, selling my wares,
0:44:43 > 0:44:46getting to know the kids,
0:44:46 > 0:44:49getting to know their mums.
0:44:49 > 0:44:52- I'd be a bit hopeless. - CHUCKLES
0:44:52 > 0:44:54I'd be a bit cheeky.
0:44:54 > 0:44:59And then I'd say, "Oh, no! My digs have fallen through!"
0:44:59 > 0:45:03And they'd say, "Oh, well, you can stay here then...if you like."
0:45:03 > 0:45:06People were much nicer back then.
0:45:06 > 0:45:09Anyway, I'd get my feet under the table
0:45:09 > 0:45:12and we'd all be a nice, happy little family.
0:45:12 > 0:45:14I never wanted it to end.
0:45:14 > 0:45:18But families never last. Dad fights with Mum.
0:45:18 > 0:45:21Mum walks out and a kid gets left behind.
0:45:23 > 0:45:25Then it all gets...
0:45:25 > 0:45:26ruined.
0:45:29 > 0:45:32When I cut their throats, I knew it was bad,
0:45:32 > 0:45:34but the feeling!
0:45:34 > 0:45:36Annie, you see,
0:45:36 > 0:45:40evil is like travelling first class.
0:45:40 > 0:45:44Try it once, and you can never go back.
0:45:45 > 0:45:48Not that you'd ever understand.
0:45:48 > 0:45:51Because you'll always be plain.
0:45:53 > 0:45:54And boring.
0:45:55 > 0:45:57And Annie.
0:45:57 > 0:46:00Isn't that right?
0:46:00 > 0:46:02Dear little Annie.
0:46:02 > 0:46:04Unloved.
0:46:05 > 0:46:06Alone.
0:46:08 > 0:46:10Unlovable.
0:46:11 > 0:46:13CHUCKLING
0:46:14 > 0:46:17I'm sure someone will remember you.
0:46:17 > 0:46:19Well, maybe not.
0:46:21 > 0:46:24(Can't even go out with a bang, can you?)
0:46:34 > 0:46:39And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call "mission accomplished".
0:46:39 > 0:46:45Damn it, I'm so good I'm Starsky and Hutch!
0:47:03 > 0:47:06- THUD! - What are you doing?
0:47:10 > 0:47:12I'm sorry about going mental before.
0:47:20 > 0:47:22Did you know it was my birthday today?
0:47:22 > 0:47:25- Why didn't you say? - I thought you knew.
0:47:29 > 0:47:30Kirby.
0:47:30 > 0:47:33MUSIC PLAYS: "Gotta Go Home" by Boney M
0:47:51 > 0:47:56# Heading for the islands We're ready, man, and packed to go... #
0:47:57 > 0:47:58Kirby?
0:47:58 > 0:48:01- Kirby!- Bloody hell!
0:48:01 > 0:48:03What are you doing?
0:48:03 > 0:48:04The deed's done, love.
0:48:04 > 0:48:07Annie's toast, just like we planned.
0:48:07 > 0:48:10I added a little Kirby flavour, of course,
0:48:10 > 0:48:12just to sprinkle my magic.
0:48:12 > 0:48:14But gotta say, all the stuff about Nina, bingo!
0:48:14 > 0:48:18I wouldn't have got my foot in the door if it hadn't have been for all that.
0:48:18 > 0:48:20So, Annie's, um...
0:48:20 > 0:48:22Annie's really gone, has she?
0:48:22 > 0:48:25Like a fart on the breeze.
0:48:25 > 0:48:28OK. So do it.
0:48:28 > 0:48:31You got rid of her friends, her familiar, so you could get rid of her,
0:48:31 > 0:48:34and now she's gone, you can do what I put you there for.
0:48:34 > 0:48:36- Kill the baby.- Whoa!
0:48:36 > 0:48:40Hey, baby! Let me savour the moment.
0:48:40 > 0:48:44I mean, look at this place. We're made for each other.
0:48:44 > 0:48:46You idiot! They're coming back.
0:48:46 > 0:48:47DOOR OPENS
0:48:52 > 0:48:53Annie!
0:48:54 > 0:48:55Kirby.
0:49:04 > 0:49:06Where's Annie?
0:49:06 > 0:49:09Ooh, that's a really deep question you're asking there.
0:49:09 > 0:49:12- You've killed her. - Well, she was already dead,
0:49:12 > 0:49:15so not literally, but...
0:49:15 > 0:49:17DRUM ROLL
0:49:17 > 0:49:18- ..yes!- No.
0:49:18 > 0:49:20Why are you here, Kirby?
0:49:21 > 0:49:25I don't really want to answer that question because it'll get all Scooby Doo.
0:49:25 > 0:49:28Do you mind if I tell you after I've finished?
0:49:30 > 0:49:32You want to kill the baby?
0:49:34 > 0:49:35- Why?- Cos I was told to.
0:49:35 > 0:49:38YORKSHIRE ACCENT: That were the whole bloody mission.
0:49:38 > 0:49:41USUAL ACCENT: I was sent here to kill her,
0:49:41 > 0:49:43and if I could do that, then I could stay.
0:49:43 > 0:49:45Oh...
0:49:45 > 0:49:48AMERICAN ACCENT: Now I've started explaining it all!
0:49:48 > 0:49:50- You'll have to get through me first. - Yes.
0:49:50 > 0:49:52One problem, little man.
0:49:52 > 0:49:53The baby's not in the cot.
0:50:05 > 0:50:09Move and I'll kill her! I dare you.
0:50:09 > 0:50:13I double dare you. There's nothing you can do.
0:50:13 > 0:50:16You can watch her die, or you can leave.
0:50:16 > 0:50:19- Either way, she's going to die. - ELECTRICAL FIZZLING
0:50:19 > 0:50:22I bet you're kicking yourselves, aren't you?
0:50:24 > 0:50:27Wondering how on Earth you didn't recognise me.
0:50:29 > 0:50:31For fuck's sake! The toy man!
0:50:33 > 0:50:35I killed five women.
0:50:35 > 0:50:38The little sod whose ball I was getting when I got run over,
0:50:38 > 0:50:40his mum was going to be number six.
0:50:40 > 0:50:43And then, well, who knows how many I would have killed.
0:50:43 > 0:50:46I would have been up there with the GREATS!
0:50:46 > 0:50:50There would have been a waxwork of me at Madame Tussauds.
0:50:52 > 0:50:55There'd be theories...copycats.
0:50:55 > 0:50:57TERRIBLE FILMS!
0:50:59 > 0:51:01Really? Nothing?
0:51:01 > 0:51:03OK, yeah, fine. Fine.
0:51:03 > 0:51:05Jesus! Forget it.
0:51:05 > 0:51:06Where was I?
0:51:06 > 0:51:10Oh, yes. Sorry, Eve, it's time to go, love.
0:51:10 > 0:51:12This won't hurt...much.
0:51:14 > 0:51:15ELECTRICAL FIZZLING
0:51:15 > 0:51:17You want to get that looked at.
0:51:21 > 0:51:23Aaargh!
0:51:23 > 0:51:25Aaaargh!
0:51:25 > 0:51:28Aaaaa-aaargh!
0:52:07 > 0:52:11Is it me, or do I have the worst taste in men...ever?
0:52:12 > 0:52:14You said that would be it.
0:52:14 > 0:52:18If I did what you asked, you said that there wouldn't be anything else.
0:52:18 > 0:52:19What's happened?
0:52:19 > 0:52:21Someone came after me today.
0:52:21 > 0:52:24It was...one of you.
0:52:24 > 0:52:25A vampire?
0:52:25 > 0:52:27He knew that I'd falsified that report.
0:52:27 > 0:52:29He knew all about the cover-up.
0:52:29 > 0:52:31He wanted to know who was behind it.
0:52:31 > 0:52:32He wanted to know your name.
0:52:32 > 0:52:35- And you told him. - No. I didn't, I swear.
0:52:35 > 0:52:37What did he look like?
0:52:37 > 0:52:41Um...brown hair, well spoken,
0:52:41 > 0:52:43clever.
0:52:43 > 0:52:45It was weird, because he knew how to frighten me,
0:52:45 > 0:52:48and then it was like... Then...he apologised.
0:52:48 > 0:52:51I wasn't expecting this.
0:52:51 > 0:52:55There isn't room for this. Who is he and why is he so interested?
0:52:55 > 0:52:58- I didn't say a word to him. - It doesn't matter,
0:52:58 > 0:53:01he'll come back. He'll come back and he'll ruin everything.
0:53:01 > 0:53:04He can come back as much as he likes. I just want to forget
0:53:04 > 0:53:08all about this. I just want to get back to my children.
0:53:17 > 0:53:19Now look what you've made me do.
0:53:26 > 0:53:30That one's not straight. If you're gonna do it, do it properly.
0:53:30 > 0:53:32Now he finds his sense of humour.
0:53:32 > 0:53:35Tom, Hal! Help! Help!
0:53:38 > 0:53:41# Happy birthday to you
0:53:41 > 0:53:45# Happy birthday to you... #
0:53:45 > 0:53:46- Come on, Hal.- I don't sing.
0:53:46 > 0:53:51# Happy birthday, dear Tom
0:53:51 > 0:53:54- # Happy birthday to you!- #
0:53:54 > 0:53:56Happy birthday, Tom.
0:53:56 > 0:53:57Wicked.
0:53:57 > 0:54:00No, no. Tom, blow them out.
0:54:00 > 0:54:03- Huh?- Blow them out, darling.
0:54:05 > 0:54:08- Oh, I forgot the plates. - I'll get 'em, I'll get 'em.
0:54:17 > 0:54:21- Look, I'm sorry about earlier. - Don't apologise.
0:54:21 > 0:54:26I'm sorry you had to see that side of me...again.
0:54:26 > 0:54:28Well, it's no worse than what I did.
0:54:28 > 0:54:30But, you know, I had to.
0:54:30 > 0:54:35There's this rage inside of me, and I had to save her.
0:54:35 > 0:54:39And I felt you and Tom back here at the house, and all of that together
0:54:39 > 0:54:43- just helped me fight my way back. - Kirby came here to kill Eve,
0:54:43 > 0:54:47just like it says on the parchments, but he didn't have a burn.
0:54:47 > 0:54:48So what are you saying?
0:54:48 > 0:54:50Perhaps the myth is wrong.
0:54:50 > 0:54:54This person with the burn, perhaps they don't pose a threat after all.
0:54:54 > 0:54:57Well, yes, except he didn't succeed,
0:54:57 > 0:55:00so, even after all of that, it might be someone else.
0:55:01 > 0:55:03But not you. Not you.
0:55:03 > 0:55:08And, um, now I know that you could never hurt Eve, so...
0:55:14 > 0:55:16Awkward.
0:55:16 > 0:55:17Yeah.
0:55:17 > 0:55:20Would you please excuse me for a moment?
0:55:20 > 0:55:21Mm-hm.
0:55:54 > 0:55:56- TOM:- Come on, man, this cake's lush!
0:56:01 > 0:56:03Coming.
0:56:05 > 0:56:07I am chicka-chicka back!
0:56:07 > 0:56:10Who the hell are you? Who the bloody hell are you?
0:56:10 > 0:56:12Adam and I are in love.
0:56:12 > 0:56:16- One might say we are on the run. - Tell me you didn't lead the press to our door.
0:56:16 > 0:56:18Oi-oi!
0:56:18 > 0:56:19Gotcha!
0:56:19 > 0:56:21I'd like to talk to you about Tom McNair.
0:56:21 > 0:56:22Embrace the pleasure.
0:56:22 > 0:56:25- Does the hound want another whipping?- Try it!
0:56:31 > 0:56:34Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd