0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language and scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.
0:00:06 > 0:00:10- Yesterday was your first blood for how long?- 55 years. - How did the blood taste?
0:00:10 > 0:00:11I was involved tangentially.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13You weren't drinking my blood "tangentially."
0:00:13 > 0:00:15How many times will you bring that up?
0:00:15 > 0:00:16Hail!
0:00:16 > 0:00:19I love you.
0:00:19 > 0:00:20No!
0:00:25 > 0:00:28I'm stuck like this? For ever?
0:00:28 > 0:00:32That's it. We are finding my body and I am totally passing over.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36And if we need to,
0:00:36 > 0:00:39we can make people disappear in a puff of smoke.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Untie me, you hound! Untie me, bitch!
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Lady Catherine.
0:01:22 > 0:01:23Lord Hal.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Got my message then?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Message?
0:01:35 > 0:01:38I say message, I just allowed you to discover my whereabouts.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41I knew you wouldn't be able to resist the chance to kill me.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43I'm surprised there wasn't a queue.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Ho-ho-ho! But the Werewolf army would never let their leader
0:01:49 > 0:01:51embark on a solo assassination.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Let me guess, you stuffed a pillow beneath your blanket
0:01:53 > 0:01:55and slipped away under the cover of darkness?
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Took me back to my convent days.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11Ah.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16You could have at least warned your guards I was coming.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Save me from killing one of them.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21It's precisely that dreary compassion for staff
0:02:21 > 0:02:24that would have lost you this war anyway.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28What do you mean, WOULD have lost me this war?
0:02:29 > 0:02:30We need to parley.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41This civil war between our clans has been raging for seven years.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43In fact, I believe it is what triggered
0:02:43 > 0:02:45the current war on the human world.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Obviously there's nothing we enjoy more...
0:02:51 > 0:02:52..than a good rough and tumble.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57But we have reason to believe we're being manipulated.
0:02:57 > 0:03:02Someone else - something else - is fanning the flames of this conflict.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08So the same thought has occurred to you too?
0:03:08 > 0:03:11But who? Who could do that?
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Lady Catherine, we are not at war with each other,
0:03:15 > 0:03:18we are at war with the Devil.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26MUSIC: "Death Proof" by Kate Nash
0:03:33 > 0:03:38# You can spend your life getting down on one thing
0:03:38 > 0:03:44# You can waste all your time on one idea
0:03:44 > 0:03:49# You can get your little brain into one big mess
0:03:49 > 0:03:53# But what you gonna do now, baby when it all caves in?
0:04:03 > 0:04:05# Burn, burn Burn my heart, baby
0:04:05 > 0:04:08# Take a piece cos I don't need all of it
0:04:08 > 0:04:10# Don't have time for your cruel ways
0:04:10 > 0:04:15# And I'm the one without numbered days cos
0:04:15 > 0:04:16# I don't have time to die. #
0:04:22 > 0:04:24This isn't about rehabilitation anymore. It's vindictive.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Stay in the chair until you're over the blood lust.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- Come on, it'll make you big and strong.- I don't mean the chair.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32I implore you, put a screen in front of me.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Give me a blindfold. No-one should have to look at this.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37We could put a cover over your head.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Like how you tell a budgie it's night time.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41Don't look at me!
0:04:41 > 0:04:44I can't eat or drink, so none of this is mine.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Besides, I spent my entire life
0:04:46 > 0:04:48cleaning up after my smelly brothers.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51So until the moment I pass over I shall be mostly reading
0:04:51 > 0:04:54magazines or watching the Welsh Rugby Team get changed.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57When you go, let me know if you'd like me to accompany you.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59There's some weird people out there.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Says the werewolf spoon-feeding mashed banana to the vampire.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Look, 10 minutes is all I ask. Supervised, of course.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Just so I can do a quick run round with the Hoover
0:05:08 > 0:05:10and sort out the recycling!
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Please!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15This is torture!
0:05:15 > 0:05:19If we wanted to torture you, we'd show you a picture of the bathroom.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21The bathroom too?
0:05:21 > 0:05:22You people are animals!
0:05:26 > 0:05:28What do you reckon? Is he safe?
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Well, a few days ago he stopped shouting abuse and started
0:05:32 > 0:05:36correcting my grammar again, so I guess that's got to be a good sign.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39How long does it take for a vampire to get over the blood lust?
0:05:39 > 0:05:41A week? A month?
0:05:41 > 0:05:44A year? Who do we ask?
0:05:44 > 0:05:45I guess we ask him.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58- We're thinking of letting you out. - Thank you.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Fill a bowl with boiling water and washing up liquid.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02This is a two-sets-of-Marigolds problem.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Out-out. But it's your call.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08- If you're still dangerous, say so now.- What?
0:06:08 > 0:06:11I mean it, Hal. We can wait some more.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Don't let me do this if you're still a risk.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16There must...
0:06:16 > 0:06:18be a structure.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21First off, you steer clear of vampires. They're a bad influence.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25That goes for all of us. No more supernatural nonsense.
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Agreed.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30- And if you drink blood again then... - You kill me.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32I was thinking more along the lines of a fine.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35Drinking blood means I have become the man I fear.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Drinking blood is the overture to a greater catastrophe.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43You need to swear on something.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48On the memory of Eve.
0:06:50 > 0:06:51On the memory of Eve.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Right then!
0:07:23 > 0:07:28OK, dick-splash, for the last time, I'm not planning anything.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Don't get me wrong,
0:07:30 > 0:07:33I could pull your kidneys out through your nostrils if I wanted.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36But, lucky for you, I'm getting way too old for this shit.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Hetty, you're the last of the Old Ones,
0:07:39 > 0:07:41of course you're planning something.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45Malevolence and greed are hard-wired into your DNA.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49Yeah? And your mum's so fat, her blood type's Ragu.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Besides, who says I'm the last one?
0:07:52 > 0:07:53What?
0:07:53 > 0:07:54Can I smoke in here?
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Hetty.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57There's another Old One.
0:07:57 > 0:08:02In fact it's cos of him our whole world domination thing went tits up.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Who?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Hal. A human sympathiser. He was always kind of skittish.
0:08:07 > 0:08:12What if we opened a window? Seriously, I'm gasping here.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14How about this?
0:08:14 > 0:08:18You tell me all you can about this Hal
0:08:18 > 0:08:20and I'll arrange for an Air Force flight
0:08:20 > 0:08:22to return you to Bolivia tomorrow.
0:08:24 > 0:08:25Sounds like a plan.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27But make sure they've got some crayons in case
0:08:27 > 0:08:29I want to draw some ponies and shit.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45Ah! Smell that alpine freshness.
0:08:48 > 0:08:53- What's this?- This, my friends, is peace in our time.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56It's OK, I've seen it all before, it's a cleaning rota.
0:08:56 > 0:09:03I've split the domestic duties into three sub-groups. Tom, Alex and I.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Why's there one for me? I'll be passing over soon.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10Yes, but until then you're part of this household. Now...
0:09:10 > 0:09:13But then you're just going to have to draw up a whole new rota.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15I know. Now...
0:09:15 > 0:09:18How are you going to complete your business and pass over?
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Find my body somehow and get it to my family, I guess.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23So they can all grieve and stuff.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Didn't them blokes take it?
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Yeah, so we just find out who they are
0:09:26 > 0:09:28and then go to the papers or something.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- Well, that's obviously out of the question.- Why?
0:09:35 > 0:09:39We cannot risk werewolves and vampires and ghosts
0:09:39 > 0:09:43being revealed to the world. The consequences could be catastrophic.
0:09:43 > 0:09:48- Column one...- No, sorry, you of all people don't get to dictate what
0:09:48 > 0:09:50we tell my dad and brothers.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52What does that mean? Me of all people?
0:09:52 > 0:09:55I'm not letting a good man die of grief just to protect
0:09:55 > 0:09:57the fucking Twilight franchise.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59We'll discuss this later.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01You can discuss it later. With yourself.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03That doesn't even make sense.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04- Cleaning rota.- Thank you, Tom.
0:10:06 > 0:10:12As you can see, Alex has the lion's share of the domestic tasks.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16Tom and I will take on extra shifts at the cafe to cover the rent.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Why are you looking at each other like that?
0:10:18 > 0:10:20The cafe.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Tony didn't like us taking all them shifts off
0:10:22 > 0:10:25while you was strapped in the chair so he sort of sacked us.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29On the bright side, you get to make a new rota.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Not one name!
0:10:41 > 0:10:44How am I supposed to get a five-a-side team together
0:10:44 > 0:10:46if no-one signs up, you lazy buggers?
0:10:46 > 0:10:50And who forgot to tell me you were all going to the pub last night?
0:10:50 > 0:10:52I bet someone felt daft when they realised.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58Probably just as well. I was updating my blog.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Those games don't review themselves!
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Crumb!
0:11:02 > 0:11:03Oh.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07Aargh(!)
0:11:15 > 0:11:17It's Cram.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19What is?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21My name. Like the runner. Steve Cram.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23He was voted Sports Personality Of The Year in...
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Your position's up for review.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I'm shaking up the whole floor.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Separating the wheat from the boys.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Bringing new blood in, like,
0:11:33 > 0:11:36well, I don't know, Gavin.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37What, your nephew Gavin?
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Is he my nephew?
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Well, he's a smart lad.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48In my Christmas quiz he said alopecia was a mountain!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50So he doesn't know much about plants. Big deal.
0:11:52 > 0:11:53There'll be a panel.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Which I might be on.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57You need to reapply.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01For the job I already have?
0:12:09 > 0:12:11See, told you.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Problem solved.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15People on board a ship that's capsizing
0:12:15 > 0:12:17don't use that many exclamation marks.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Oh, my God, do you really think we could work in a place like this?
0:12:26 > 0:12:27Knowing our luck.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29No not that one, you stupid bitch!
0:12:29 > 0:12:33It's the cushion with the trim around the edges!
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Don't you understand anything, you ignorant shit?
0:12:36 > 0:12:37Captain Hatch?
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Perhaps we could use our inside voice
0:12:40 > 0:12:43and say "Not today, thank you," to the expletives.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Oh, Patsy you're absolutely right, I do apologise. I'm so sorry.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Thank you.
0:12:48 > 0:12:49Can I help?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Yeah, we're here for the interviews.
0:12:57 > 0:12:58Hot.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Sorry?
0:13:00 > 0:13:03In here. It's...
0:13:03 > 0:13:04It's very hot in here.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09Could... Could someone open a window?
0:13:35 > 0:13:37I've always wanted to work in a hotel, ever since
0:13:37 > 0:13:41me and my dad snuck into the Bristol Hilton when I was 14.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43We were hunting a vampire called Radley.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Radley? I know Radley. Big ginger fellow.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- Yeah.- How was he?- Yeah, good.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Until we killed him obviously.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52I'm going to go check out the competition.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55And draw some cocks on the applications.
0:13:59 > 0:14:00- Tom McNair?- Yep.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06Kill them. Metaphorically.
0:14:13 > 0:14:19When you talk to other vampires, as even you must from time to time.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22How do you account for your continued anonymity?
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Luck,
0:14:25 > 0:14:27skill
0:14:27 > 0:14:29or humanity's stupidity?
0:14:32 > 0:14:34I know you.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37In the basement of that nightclub, a month or so ago.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40You took my friend's body. Who are you?
0:14:40 > 0:14:41My name is Dominic Rook.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46My job is to maintain the illusion that man is alone
0:14:46 > 0:14:50and it has been the job of people like me for hundreds of years.
0:14:52 > 0:14:53By telling me all this
0:14:53 > 0:14:57aren't you rather missing the point of a clandestine organisation?
0:14:57 > 0:14:59I have a proposition for you.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01You are a rare creature, Hal.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06A human sympathiser with an eminent position in vampire society.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10It gives us an opportunity.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15If you were to take charge of the vampires, we could strike
0:15:15 > 0:15:17an accord between our two worlds.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20Me?
0:15:20 > 0:15:21No.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25I can't do that.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28In exchange for a cessation of chaos and violence,
0:15:28 > 0:15:31we will provide you with per diems,
0:15:31 > 0:15:36premises and the means to acquire blood consensually.
0:15:43 > 0:15:44I...
0:15:47 > 0:15:48I don't need blood any more.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51I've been dry for over 60 years.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55You're sweating, Hal. Your hands are shaking.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02What happened to my friend's body?
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Offhand, I don't recall.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Some are returned to their families with an appropriate cover story.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Others, we let the families create their own narratives.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- But if you were to help me I'm sure I could find...- No.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16No, that's...
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Look, I can't return to that world.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23I've seen vampires try to live a human life before.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26It always ends in tears.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Incidentally, we've been monitoring this place.
0:16:33 > 0:16:3737 people have committed suicide here in as many years.
0:16:37 > 0:16:43As far as we can tell it's not werewolf or vampire related.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46But if you get the job, keep an eye out.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Perhaps it's the decor.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56You can find me here.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58The Old Ones are gone, Hal.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03The remaining vampires are rudderless and volatile.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07We can mould them into any shape we wish.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Trust me...
0:17:10 > 0:17:13..you don't want to see a world where I'm leading the vampires.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30So here's my question for you. How do you shave?
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Don't do that.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35All right, sorry, Nana.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36Sorry again about the crying.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Yeah, no worries.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42So, ready for me to pump you?
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Um...yes?
0:17:46 > 0:17:50Have you any experience
0:17:50 > 0:17:51in the hotel trade?
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Well, I've stayed in the Savoy.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Brilliant. You're in.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Can't wait to have you.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Here. I mean have you in the hotel.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Working in the hotel.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Yeah, we're both really excited.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17That was your interview? I had a general knowledge round!
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Well, someone's clearly taken a shine to our Hal.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Is anyone else fast-forwarding
0:18:22 > 0:18:24to her ghost living in the house with us?
0:18:25 > 0:18:28What? Oh, come on, that's funny.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31OK, can we all just remind ourselves -
0:18:31 > 0:18:33I didn't kill you.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35We've indulged this myth long enough.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Right, well, A - you of all people do not get to say
0:18:38 > 0:18:40- when my death is "old news" and B... - Me of all people.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42You're doing it again!
0:18:42 > 0:18:43I mean, you weren't exactly
0:18:43 > 0:18:46an innocent bystander to it all, were you?
0:18:46 > 0:18:48When you asked me out on that date,
0:18:48 > 0:18:53you knew exactly what kind of world you were bringing me into.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57You shouldn't be wearing suits and talking to girls and being charming.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01You should have a fucking sign round your neck and a bell!
0:19:01 > 0:19:02You should be living in a cave!
0:19:13 > 0:19:15What the hell happened there then?
0:19:18 > 0:19:21MUSIC: "Ca Plane Pour Moi" by Plastic Bertrand
0:19:30 > 0:19:34# Yam, bam, mon chat Splash git sur mon lit a bouffe tout mon whisky... #
0:19:34 > 0:19:35For Christ's sake!
0:19:35 > 0:19:38# ..peu dormi, vide, brime J'ai du dormir dans la gouttiere
0:19:38 > 0:19:40# Ou j'ai eu un flash
0:19:40 > 0:19:42# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
0:19:43 > 0:19:46# En quatre couleurs
0:19:46 > 0:19:48# Allez hop, un matin une louloute est venue chez moi
0:19:48 > 0:19:50# Poupee de cellophane, cheveux chinois... #
0:19:50 > 0:19:52HE HISSES
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Oh, God no...I'm sorry.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00- Wait! I can explain!- Aaargh!
0:20:00 > 0:20:03# Comme un Indien dans son igloo
0:20:03 > 0:20:04# Ca plane pour moi
0:20:06 > 0:20:07# Ca plane pour moi. #
0:20:08 > 0:20:10No!
0:20:52 > 0:20:53Gahh!
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Help me. Please. Help me.
0:21:17 > 0:21:23If this is a trick, I shall plunge this into your calcified heart.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26And you wonder why you're single.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Not interrupting, are we?
0:21:36 > 0:21:40Yes, actually. I was reading some ancient texts.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Lady Catherine Glass, leader of the werewolves.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Emil Parsons, dead wizard.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Necromancer.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56I was master of the black arts. Sorcerer supreme.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Gatekeeper to the forbidden world.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01How did you die?
0:22:01 > 0:22:04I had to be silenced. I knew too much.
0:22:04 > 0:22:09He fell out of a tree trying to see into his sister-in-law's bathroom.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10Emil, we need your help.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14We believe this war between the werewolves
0:22:14 > 0:22:18and the vampires is being exacerbated by the Devil.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22He feeds on the energy created by our conflict.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24That doesn't make any sense.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Potassium.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29What would happen if you mixed this with...
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Olsiis?
0:22:31 > 0:22:34It would blow your pretty head off.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Two chemicals, benign apart, but when thrust together,
0:22:37 > 0:22:41they produce an explosion of energy.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43The conflict between the werewolves and the vampires generates
0:22:43 > 0:22:47such an energy, upon which the Devil feasts and grows fat.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51If this power grows unchecked it will bring about the apocalypse.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54We have called a cease-fire.
0:22:54 > 0:22:59But it is my belief we need some kind of spell or ritual
0:22:59 > 0:23:04to symbolize our new unity and defeat the Devil once and for all.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07The world teeters on the brink of calamity.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11We face an enemy of unimaginable cunning and power.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14So let's keep cock-ups to an absolute minimum.
0:23:15 > 0:23:16TYRES SCREECH
0:23:18 > 0:23:20HE HISSES
0:24:00 > 0:24:02- Was that you?- No.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04- Yes.- What are you doing down here?
0:24:04 > 0:24:08Measuring up. I'm thinking of installing a...
0:24:09 > 0:24:11..sauna.
0:24:11 > 0:24:12Down here.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Sorry for yesterday.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Blaming you for my death when really it was your friend
0:24:20 > 0:24:22and all you did was drink my blood.
0:24:23 > 0:24:24Why do women do that?
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Don't give it another thought.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33- What you lot doing down here? - Hal's building a sauna.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37A sauna? Here? That's ridiculous.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40Excuse me, weren't you planning to put a swimming pool in the garden?
0:24:40 > 0:24:42I said that cos we'd only just met
0:24:42 > 0:24:44and you know as well as I do I was really making a bomb.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Fine. I'm making a bomb.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Thank you. It's the lying that hurts.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Let's have a look then.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53The men that took your body.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56One of them approached me yesterday. He wants me to work for them.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59What?
0:25:05 > 0:25:09I said no, of course, but not until I'd found out their location.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Well, this is just numbers.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19It's a map reference. Longitude and latitude. I can find this.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22You're sure this is where Alex's body is?
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Who knows. But it's somewhere to start.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26You should check it out.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28What, aren't you coming?
0:25:28 > 0:25:30I can't.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32God, heaps to do here. Plus...
0:25:32 > 0:25:35they're probably still angry at me for turning them down.
0:25:35 > 0:25:36- I'll go with you. - Oh, cheers, fella.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39I mean, you can't go on your own, you're a lady.
0:25:54 > 0:25:55Put that down.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04My name is Hal. It's Ian, isn't it?
0:26:04 > 0:26:06I'm sorry, I looked through your wallet... Ian...?
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Cram. Like the runner.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10What runner?
0:26:10 > 0:26:14Steve Cram. He was awarded an MBE in 1986.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16I did not know that.
0:26:16 > 0:26:17Where am I?
0:26:17 > 0:26:19This is my home.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22I brought you here last night.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Oh, God, have you bummed me?
0:26:27 > 0:26:28I haven't bummed you.
0:26:28 > 0:26:29You're going to bum me now.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32Ian, I have no intention of bumming you.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36I brought you here because you were involved in an accident.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40I feel weird. Have you drugged me? I'm allergic to aspirin.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43If you've given me an aspirin then it's actually murder.
0:26:43 > 0:26:44I haven't drugged you.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50Your body is going through an extraordinary transformation.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52One I went through many years ago.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56You feel nauseous because your blood pressure has dropped.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Your heart rate is about one beat per minute now.
0:26:59 > 0:27:00But you won't die
0:27:00 > 0:27:04because your healing process has got spectacularly fast.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08- I'm thirsty. - Yes, but you don't want water.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11All you've been able to think about since you awoke is one word
0:27:11 > 0:27:14but you don't know why.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16If I told you there was some underneath this floor,
0:27:16 > 0:27:20you'd dig through the concrete with your fingers.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Accept it and I can help you. But you have to say it.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27I don't know what you mean.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30In your wallet there's a photo of a family. Are they yours?
0:27:31 > 0:27:34My sister and my niece.
0:27:34 > 0:27:35And you love them?
0:27:35 > 0:27:36I carry their photo.
0:27:36 > 0:27:40When you think about them now, what comes into your head?
0:27:40 > 0:27:42I want to drink them dry.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46It's all right. It's all right.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48That will fade in time.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51You'll remember how to love someone in time.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54What have you done to me?
0:27:54 > 0:27:55You're a vampire.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58I made you into a vampire and I'm so sorry.
0:28:02 > 0:28:03A vampire?
0:28:09 > 0:28:12There's no handle. You probably need a beepy thing, like on a car.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14- I can open it from the other side. - No, no, no, no.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17You don't know what's in there.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20It's bound to be alarmed, probably on a circuit.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22We'll have to go home and get my dad's toolbox
0:28:22 > 0:28:25Whoa, whoa, whoa! Get back! Get back, get back!
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Aw, look at your little face.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29You think you're dead funny, don't you?
0:28:29 > 0:28:30If you was a vampire, I'd have staked you.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32It's a trick.
0:28:32 > 0:28:33It's not a trick.
0:28:33 > 0:28:37Vampires were born out of a pact with the Devil.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40He gets our souls and, to remind us, he takes our reflections.
0:28:40 > 0:28:43We call it Old Nick's Wink.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45I don't believe in the Devil.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47I'm not sure I did until I met him.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50What are you doing?
0:28:50 > 0:28:52I need to find somewhere to put you for the next few weeks.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55The next few weeks? But I never miss work.
0:28:55 > 0:28:56They'll be worried sick.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58Most days I'm there to unlock the doors for the cleaners.
0:28:58 > 0:29:00You won't be able to manage the hunger.
0:29:00 > 0:29:04- I'll take some blood in a Thermos. - Listen to me.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06You're a different species now.
0:29:07 > 0:29:09This isn't just a craving, it's cellular.
0:29:16 > 0:29:18Why did you do this to me?
0:29:22 > 0:29:23I'll be back soon.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42Why don't I look and you have a sit down?
0:29:42 > 0:29:46OK, Tom, we're going to have this conversation. Can you please
0:29:46 > 0:29:50stop treating me like I'm made of glass or cobwebs or something?
0:29:50 > 0:29:51All right? I'm dead.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54My health and wellbeing has pretty much bottomed out.
0:29:54 > 0:29:55So what am I supposed to do?
0:29:55 > 0:29:59I don't know, just treat me like an equal.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01- Treat me like a bloke. - But you're a lady.
0:30:01 > 0:30:03And me dad taught me how to treat ladies.
0:30:03 > 0:30:05Always be polite and courteous,
0:30:05 > 0:30:08if a lady came in the room, you stood up and took off any hats
0:30:08 > 0:30:11and if it was a vampire, you staked them.
0:30:11 > 0:30:14And I'm sure that growing up in the paramilitary wing of the Amish
0:30:14 > 0:30:17had many plusses but I find it patronising.
0:30:20 > 0:30:22Here we go.
0:30:22 > 0:30:23I've found me.
0:30:28 > 0:30:29It says I've gone.
0:30:34 > 0:30:36"Carcass..." - nice. "..returned to family."
0:30:40 > 0:30:41They've already got me.
0:30:50 > 0:30:52The Home Secretary will see you now.
0:31:00 > 0:31:04There's no easy way to say this so I'll be blunt.
0:31:04 > 0:31:05Your department is to be dissolved,
0:31:05 > 0:31:09- its responsibilities handed to Special Branch.- What?
0:31:09 > 0:31:12But you can't. Our work is essential.
0:31:12 > 0:31:15Your work is clandestine, unregulated
0:31:15 > 0:31:17and eye-wateringly expensive.
0:31:19 > 0:31:23Three months should be enough to decommission the archive
0:31:23 > 0:31:24and prepare for succession.
0:31:24 > 0:31:28But what about our tenants? They're too dangerous to simply release.
0:31:28 > 0:31:31Well, what does one usually do with diseased and dangerous livestock?
0:31:31 > 0:31:33Giles?
0:31:34 > 0:31:38Could you ask them to bring my car around?
0:31:38 > 0:31:40You and your ilk may have been around since Cromwell
0:31:40 > 0:31:42but nothing is sacred these days.
0:31:42 > 0:31:44Defence, health, education,
0:31:44 > 0:31:46everyone's felt the swish of the knife.
0:31:46 > 0:31:50See, it's part of a wider initiative called PVU -
0:31:50 > 0:31:51Placing Value Uppermost.
0:31:51 > 0:31:53Alistair, please.
0:31:53 > 0:31:56Oh, don't worry, we'll find you something.
0:31:56 > 0:31:59In fact, I'll talk to Tim in Agriculture...
0:31:59 > 0:32:01This isn't about my career!
0:32:01 > 0:32:03These are monsters!
0:32:03 > 0:32:06You can't just let them run wild, without supervision,
0:32:06 > 0:32:07without restraint!
0:32:07 > 0:32:08They're time-bombs!
0:32:08 > 0:32:11Dominic, please. Control yourself.
0:32:16 > 0:32:19I'm begging you.
0:32:19 > 0:32:20Don't do this.
0:32:20 > 0:32:21It's done.
0:32:28 > 0:32:29Then God help us all.
0:32:43 > 0:32:47I drowned, according to this.
0:32:48 > 0:32:51Walking along the canal bank.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53I slipped and fell. No sign of struggle or trauma.
0:32:55 > 0:32:57Just a random, stupid accident.
0:33:06 > 0:33:07I was buried.
0:33:11 > 0:33:14Christ, three weeks ago!
0:33:15 > 0:33:18"In a private service attended by family and friends.
0:33:20 > 0:33:25"Alex's father, Brendan said, 'Alex was beautiful in every sense.
0:33:25 > 0:33:26" 'We will never forget
0:33:26 > 0:33:28" 'her strength, kindness and determination.
0:33:28 > 0:33:31" 'She lit up our lives and we will miss her so much.' "
0:33:37 > 0:33:39They've started getting better without me.
0:33:42 > 0:33:47I thought that I would take my body back to them and all this would end.
0:33:47 > 0:33:51But it's already happened and they're talking about me
0:33:51 > 0:33:54in the past tense and I'm still here.
0:33:55 > 0:33:56You've got us.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58I don't want you!
0:34:01 > 0:34:05I want to taste food again and someone's kiss, you know?
0:34:07 > 0:34:09I want to have sex and a hangover.
0:34:09 > 0:34:12I want to take off these fucking boots!
0:34:16 > 0:34:20At least you've had a life. This is all I've ever known.
0:34:20 > 0:34:22But you can still love someone.
0:34:24 > 0:34:25You can eat cake.
0:34:27 > 0:34:29And after that? A family?
0:34:31 > 0:34:34Most parents worry about messing their kids up.
0:34:34 > 0:34:36I'm worried about eating mine.
0:34:36 > 0:34:38Oh, this world sucks.
0:34:40 > 0:34:42Even with super powers.
0:34:43 > 0:34:46I'm sorry if the way I speak to you is annoying.
0:34:46 > 0:34:49It's just what my dad would expect me to do.
0:34:50 > 0:34:55And that keeps him alive in my mind. Makes me feel safe.
0:35:01 > 0:35:03You're an excellent person, Thomas.
0:35:05 > 0:35:07I just need to remember that.
0:35:08 > 0:35:10No opening doors though, eh?
0:35:11 > 0:35:14Well I mean, if I'm carrying something then...
0:35:17 > 0:35:18THUD!
0:35:38 > 0:35:40- Who are you?- Don't hurt me!
0:35:40 > 0:35:42What's he doing down here?
0:35:42 > 0:35:43The other one put me here.
0:35:43 > 0:35:46- Tom, he can see me.- He's a vampire.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49Oh, not you as well. That's what the other one... Hal?
0:35:49 > 0:35:52- That's what he said. - Hal put you down here?
0:35:52 > 0:35:55He attacked me last night. I woke up here.
0:35:55 > 0:35:59He said he'd turned me into a vampire and then tied me to the radiator.
0:36:00 > 0:36:03Please, just let me go. I won't tell anyone.
0:36:03 > 0:36:05He says I have to stay here for weeks.
0:36:05 > 0:36:08We made a deal.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10He swore on Eve's bib. He said it was over.
0:36:13 > 0:36:14What do we do?
0:36:14 > 0:36:15Like I said. We made a deal.
0:36:15 > 0:36:17You're not like him are you?
0:36:19 > 0:36:22I can't put my finger on it.
0:36:22 > 0:36:23What are you?
0:36:23 > 0:36:24A werewolf.
0:36:26 > 0:36:27Fancy.
0:36:29 > 0:36:32Tom, wait. What do we do with him?
0:36:32 > 0:36:36Please let me go. I don't understand what you want from me.
0:36:36 > 0:36:38We don't want anything from you.
0:36:39 > 0:36:41It's just that, the thing you are now,
0:36:41 > 0:36:43you might hurt someone.
0:36:43 > 0:36:45I've never hurt anyone in my life!
0:36:45 > 0:36:48I have pets, I keep newts.
0:36:48 > 0:36:49Oh, God, my newts!
0:36:49 > 0:36:51Hal says it twists your mind.
0:36:51 > 0:36:54Hal says, Hal says! Are you scared of him?
0:36:54 > 0:36:55No, of course not.
0:36:55 > 0:36:58Well, I am. How long's he normally keep people down here?
0:37:00 > 0:37:01I don't know.
0:37:01 > 0:37:03This is new.
0:37:03 > 0:37:04What?
0:37:04 > 0:37:06But I'm sure he won't hurt you.
0:37:06 > 0:37:08How sure?
0:37:08 > 0:37:0960%.
0:37:11 > 0:37:1265.
0:37:12 > 0:37:15Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
0:37:15 > 0:37:16But he doesn't just hurt people.
0:37:16 > 0:37:19You said he doesn't normally just lock them in cellars!
0:37:22 > 0:37:2360%.
0:37:23 > 0:37:25Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
0:37:25 > 0:37:27It's just if, if something was to happen...
0:37:27 > 0:37:30You have no right to put me in this danger!
0:37:30 > 0:37:34I have friends and a family and a job!
0:37:37 > 0:37:39You can't just steal that from me.
0:37:49 > 0:37:51It's OK, I'm here!
0:38:02 > 0:38:04Gav?
0:38:04 > 0:38:05What's going on, mate?
0:38:05 > 0:38:08Crumb! Where the hell have you been?
0:38:08 > 0:38:11It's Cram, actually, like the...
0:38:11 > 0:38:14The state of you!
0:38:14 > 0:38:16You can't turn up looking like that.
0:38:17 > 0:38:18Christ, is that blood?
0:38:19 > 0:38:23Oh, yeah, I got hit by a car.
0:38:25 > 0:38:28Well, thank God we've got Gavin is all I can say.
0:38:28 > 0:38:31He's a whirlwind, that boy. Formula One.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33Oh, no, no. I'm going to have to let you go.
0:38:33 > 0:38:36Turning up late is one thing but covered in blood?
0:38:36 > 0:38:39Well, that's a different kettle of ball games.
0:38:39 > 0:38:40OK.
0:38:41 > 0:38:43But I warn you,
0:38:43 > 0:38:46if I go, everyone goes.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49We're not just work mates, we're family.
0:38:49 > 0:38:51Isn't that right, guys?
0:39:44 > 0:39:47Tom. Oh, God.
0:39:50 > 0:39:52GROANING
0:39:52 > 0:39:54First, blood of the vampire.
0:39:59 > 0:40:01Next, blood of the wolf.
0:40:02 > 0:40:04MOANING
0:40:09 > 0:40:12Remind me, what will this do?
0:40:12 > 0:40:15I shall summon the Devil
0:40:15 > 0:40:17by telling him that the vampire
0:40:17 > 0:40:20and werewolf armies are battling here.
0:40:21 > 0:40:26He'll come to warm his hands on the fire of your conflict.
0:40:26 > 0:40:28You're going to bring the Devil here?
0:40:28 > 0:40:30Not frightened are you, Lord Hal?
0:40:30 > 0:40:31Hardly. I've met your mother.
0:40:31 > 0:40:34When are you due one of your periods of being nice?
0:40:34 > 0:40:36Not for ages, thankfully. They're dreadfully dull.
0:40:36 > 0:40:38You haven't tried it with me.
0:40:42 > 0:40:44Ahem.
0:40:44 > 0:40:46Sorry. You were saying?
0:40:54 > 0:40:57- Tell me why I shouldn't kill you. - It's not what do you think.
0:40:57 > 0:40:58So tell us.
0:40:58 > 0:41:00He saw me manifest.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02He ran away and was hit by a car.
0:41:02 > 0:41:05He was dying. I recruited him to save his life.
0:41:05 > 0:41:06But you didn't inhale(!)
0:41:06 > 0:41:09- I swore on Eve's... - Don't say her name!
0:41:09 > 0:41:12- You don't get to say her name again. - Do I look like I've fed recently?
0:41:14 > 0:41:16Why did you turn him into a vampire, why not just...
0:41:16 > 0:41:19Why not just let him slip away?
0:41:19 > 0:41:23Because I couldn't stand by and watch another death.
0:41:24 > 0:41:28I couldn't let what happened to you happen again.
0:41:28 > 0:41:29You should have told us.
0:41:29 > 0:41:31Look we can discuss this later,
0:41:31 > 0:41:33first we have to decide what to do with him.
0:41:33 > 0:41:35It might seem strange and inhumane
0:41:35 > 0:41:38- but the best thing is to keep him here.- Agreed.
0:41:38 > 0:41:40Oh.
0:41:40 > 0:41:42- What?- Nothing.
0:41:42 > 0:41:44Please say you haven't let him go.
0:41:44 > 0:41:46I think short hair really suits you.
0:41:46 > 0:41:47But he's a predator!
0:41:47 > 0:41:50He's only been a vampire for about seventeen hours!
0:41:50 > 0:41:51How was I supposed to know?
0:41:51 > 0:41:53I should have left a clue, like, I don't know,
0:41:53 > 0:41:56locking him in a cellar and tying him to a fucking radiator!
0:41:56 > 0:41:58I hate to say it but Hal's right.
0:41:58 > 0:42:00Thingy won't be able to control himself.
0:42:00 > 0:42:01You should have said something!
0:42:01 > 0:42:05I'm new to all this and I'm still very traumatised and all that jazz.
0:42:05 > 0:42:06I was upset!
0:42:06 > 0:42:07We have to find him.
0:42:09 > 0:42:12After that you do whatever you think is best.
0:42:12 > 0:42:13I won't stop you.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15But we must find him first.
0:42:15 > 0:42:18The Devil has no form of his own
0:42:18 > 0:42:21so will possess the nearest human vessel.
0:42:22 > 0:42:25This is a local madman.
0:42:25 > 0:42:27He shall be the conduit for the Devil.
0:42:27 > 0:42:30But when he realises it's a trap, won't his spirit just flee again?
0:42:30 > 0:42:33We perform the blood ritual, which will trap him in the maniac's body.
0:42:33 > 0:42:36Ah! And then we kill him!
0:42:36 > 0:42:37Yes, I remember that bit.
0:42:37 > 0:42:42Wonderful. Can I now get back to summoning the Antichrist, please?
0:42:42 > 0:42:44THUNDER CRASHES
0:42:50 > 0:42:51Look.
0:42:55 > 0:42:56He's here.
0:42:56 > 0:42:57Look.
0:42:59 > 0:43:00He's here.
0:43:27 > 0:43:30SLURPING
0:43:40 > 0:43:45Tell you what, being a vampire don't half give you an appetite.
0:43:45 > 0:43:48It won't last. The hunger will fade.
0:43:48 > 0:43:52You'll come out of this and when you remember what you did,
0:43:52 > 0:43:54it will devastate you.
0:43:54 > 0:43:56Maybe I'll stay in here for ever.
0:43:56 > 0:44:00I like it here. You should see the stuff that's going on.
0:44:02 > 0:44:05I'm going to leave such a boot-print on the world.
0:44:08 > 0:44:10Then I'll have to kill you.
0:44:12 > 0:44:14And you'll be back to square one.
0:44:15 > 0:44:18All the nasty stuff has to go somewhere, Hal.
0:44:25 > 0:44:27MUFFLED SCREAMS
0:44:33 > 0:44:37Argh! Aaargh! Aaargh!
0:44:50 > 0:44:51We have to do it now!
0:44:53 > 0:44:55MENACING GROWL
0:44:56 > 0:44:59Emil, quickly! Before he flees the maniac's body!
0:45:04 > 0:45:06When I was a kid, there was this boy.
0:45:08 > 0:45:10He hit me.
0:45:10 > 0:45:12He hit everyone but I got it the worst.
0:45:12 > 0:45:15God knows why, I was hardly a threat.
0:45:15 > 0:45:17I wasn't popular or funny.
0:45:17 > 0:45:19In PE, when they were picking teams,
0:45:19 > 0:45:23even Barney Thomas got picked before me and he wore a built-up shoe.
0:45:23 > 0:45:24But that was the problem.
0:45:24 > 0:45:26I disgusted him.
0:45:26 > 0:45:30Because he was just a hair's breadth from being me.
0:45:30 > 0:45:33I was everything he was frightened of.
0:45:33 > 0:45:37If there's one thing I know about, it's bullies.
0:45:38 > 0:45:44You took everything you hated and put it in one place.
0:45:45 > 0:45:49You need someone like me to be the bad man
0:45:49 > 0:45:51so you don't have to.
0:45:55 > 0:45:56So let's end this once and for all.
0:45:56 > 0:45:57What?
0:45:57 > 0:46:03The Trinity of the Bloods shall imprison you in that body!
0:46:03 > 0:46:05IT LAUGHS
0:46:14 > 0:46:16Catherine?
0:46:19 > 0:46:21For God's sake, you didn't use your own blood, did you?
0:46:21 > 0:46:25How could I ask one of my men to do something I would not?
0:46:27 > 0:46:28Damn you, Hal!
0:46:28 > 0:46:31Now it's not a true trinity!
0:46:31 > 0:46:34It won't destroy him, it'll merely weaken him!
0:46:34 > 0:46:36IT LAUGHS
0:46:38 > 0:46:43500 years of murder and torment. Round and round we go.
0:46:43 > 0:46:45Hal, wait! What are you doing?
0:46:45 > 0:46:48Evil doesn't die, it just passes like a parcel,
0:46:48 > 0:46:51from year to year, body to body.
0:46:51 > 0:46:54Emil, do something! She can't take much more!
0:46:54 > 0:46:58EMIL RECITES AN INCANTATION
0:46:58 > 0:47:00IT MOANS
0:47:03 > 0:47:05IT LAUGHS
0:47:05 > 0:47:11EMIL CONTINUES
0:47:11 > 0:47:16Hal, don't let the Devil escape!
0:47:18 > 0:47:24But I survive. I live on while good people die around me. Heroes die.
0:47:32 > 0:47:34Grab your coat, Ian, we're leaving.
0:47:34 > 0:47:36Because I've seen how this ends.
0:47:44 > 0:47:45Don't!
0:47:45 > 0:47:47Stand down. It's all right.
0:47:48 > 0:47:51- What are you doing? - Something we're about to regret.
0:47:52 > 0:47:56Don't you see, I'm his future and he's mine.
0:47:56 > 0:47:59So you need something to stay good for. We're giving it to you.
0:47:59 > 0:48:02From now on, everything you do, we're responsible. So if you can't
0:48:02 > 0:48:05- think of any other reason...- Then for fuck's sake stay good for that.
0:48:05 > 0:48:08- Why? Why are you doing this?- We're all equally responsible for this.
0:48:10 > 0:48:14And you're the only one who knows how to work the immersion heater.
0:48:17 > 0:48:18Now what do we do about him?
0:48:18 > 0:48:20- ROOK:- We'll take care of that.
0:48:20 > 0:48:23I want you in police uniforms. We're using Scenario Four.
0:48:23 > 0:48:26Evacuate the neighbouring offices then seal the main entrance.
0:48:26 > 0:48:28This is a lock-down.
0:48:31 > 0:48:35Another dirty race is the Mexicans. Are there any in the kitchen?
0:48:35 > 0:48:37They spit in the food, you know.
0:48:38 > 0:48:40It's like Clarkson says.
0:48:40 > 0:48:42Where's the bloody milk?
0:48:42 > 0:48:44- Oh!- I'm so sorry! - Look what you've done!
0:48:44 > 0:48:48- I'll be right back, I'm so sorry. - You stupid bitch!
0:48:48 > 0:48:51Stupid whore. Stupid shit of a girl!
0:48:59 > 0:49:00You stole my death.
0:49:03 > 0:49:05You're in my sights now, pal.
0:49:07 > 0:49:11One day I'm going to watch you die.
0:49:26 > 0:49:28Come on, guys, let's go home.
0:49:35 > 0:49:38Hal! Hal!
0:49:38 > 0:49:41Round and round in circles, like you said.
0:49:41 > 0:49:44This is where you'll end up -
0:49:44 > 0:49:46on a pile of bodies with a hard-on.
0:49:46 > 0:49:48As sure as eggs is eggs.
0:49:52 > 0:49:55I'm so sorry, Captain, if you just take your cardigan off
0:49:55 > 0:49:56Oh, these things happen.
0:49:58 > 0:50:00And just to show there's no hard feelings,
0:50:00 > 0:50:03I'd like to share a little secret with you.
0:50:05 > 0:50:08Come closer. I'll whisper it.
0:50:08 > 0:50:11I'll whisper it. It'll tickle you.
0:50:14 > 0:50:17INDISTINCT
0:50:48 > 0:50:50Hello, Martin.
0:50:50 > 0:50:54I'm sure you'd like an explanation for what happened here.
0:50:54 > 0:50:58Preliminary tests indicate that your colleague Ian
0:50:58 > 0:51:01had taken a cocktail of hallucinogenic drugs.
0:51:01 > 0:51:02Drugs, eh?
0:51:02 > 0:51:04Then I must have had some an' all.
0:51:04 > 0:51:07He had bloody fangs, mate, and eyes as black as your cat.
0:51:07 > 0:51:09One of the side-effects of the drugs...
0:51:09 > 0:51:10I'm taking this to the papers.
0:51:10 > 0:51:14In which case, we would be compelled to issue a gagging order.
0:51:14 > 0:51:17That bastard killed my nephew.
0:51:17 > 0:51:18Smashing lad, he was.
0:51:18 > 0:51:21Brains like a brick shithouse.
0:51:21 > 0:51:23Oh, no, no, no.
0:51:23 > 0:51:25I am going to be a thorn in your shoe.
0:51:25 > 0:51:26A spanner in your side.
0:51:26 > 0:51:28I'm taking this right to the top.
0:51:43 > 0:51:44I liked that pen.
0:51:47 > 0:51:50Well, Mr Cram...
0:51:51 > 0:51:54..someone certainly hit the ground running.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56It's Crumb.
0:51:56 > 0:51:57I'm sorry?
0:51:57 > 0:51:59That's what they used to call me.
0:51:59 > 0:52:00I like it now.
0:52:01 > 0:52:03The Crumb that choked the world.
0:52:05 > 0:52:07It's rather clever, isn't it?
0:52:09 > 0:52:13They ignored me and patronised me.
0:52:13 > 0:52:16Now they'll dream about me for the rest of their lives.
0:52:16 > 0:52:19I'm the world's worst nightmare.
0:52:21 > 0:52:24The victim who gets super powers.
0:52:25 > 0:52:27Mr Cra...Crumb.
0:52:29 > 0:52:31You've just given me an idea.
0:52:33 > 0:52:38God forbid you have a shirt with a button on it like regular people.
0:52:38 > 0:52:40Tell your family what happened.
0:52:41 > 0:52:44And let them tell the world we are a shameful secret.
0:52:44 > 0:52:46Perhaps one that shouldn't be protected any longer.
0:52:46 > 0:52:48I don't know.
0:52:48 > 0:52:52Seeing that guy in the office and how scared all those people were,
0:52:52 > 0:52:54I'm not sure I want to tell the world
0:52:54 > 0:52:56there are monsters under the bed.
0:52:56 > 0:52:58And what about your unfinished business?
0:52:58 > 0:52:59Must be something else.
0:53:00 > 0:53:03I just hope it's not blowing up any babies.
0:53:05 > 0:53:06- Too soon?- A little?
0:53:06 > 0:53:08OK.
0:53:08 > 0:53:11I guess what I'm trying to say is...
0:53:12 > 0:53:16..that, like it or not, this is my world now.
0:53:16 > 0:53:17Welcome.
0:53:18 > 0:53:21- Welcome?- I panicked.
0:53:21 > 0:53:22What Tom is trying to say is
0:53:22 > 0:53:25it's a world in which we've spent the majority of our lives.
0:53:25 > 0:53:29As you explore it, we'll be by your side.
0:53:32 > 0:53:35Right.
0:53:35 > 0:53:36You're good to go.
0:54:17 > 0:54:19Find me that bastard Devil.
0:55:33 > 0:55:35Everything all right, Captain?
0:55:35 > 0:55:38- Where's Sophie?- I'm not sure.
0:55:38 > 0:55:40I think she had some news and decided to slip away.
0:55:42 > 0:55:43DISTANT SIRENS
0:55:43 > 0:55:45What on earth? Sorry, Captain.
0:55:46 > 0:55:49Oh, you carry on, my love. I'm fine.
0:55:50 > 0:55:52In fact, I haven't felt this good for years.
0:55:54 > 0:55:57SCREAMING
0:56:09 > 0:56:12I think the house is haunted.
0:56:12 > 0:56:13Do you want to play with me?
0:56:13 > 0:56:16Your hour approaches, Mr Crumb.
0:56:17 > 0:56:19I'm sorry about him. He's new.
0:56:19 > 0:56:20And an idiot.
0:56:20 > 0:56:23- Yeah, you're the boss.- Tom!
0:56:23 > 0:56:24I'm sorry, Alex.
0:56:24 > 0:56:26SCREAMING
0:56:28 > 0:56:29Ssh!
0:56:33 > 0:56:37Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd