0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language and scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09Like it or not, this is my world now.
0:00:09 > 0:00:14The conflict between the werewolves and the vampires generates such an energy, upon which the Devil feasts.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17The Devil has no form of his own,
0:00:17 > 0:00:20so will possess the nearest human vessel.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22I'm fine.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24In fact, I haven't felt this good for years.
0:00:24 > 0:00:29- Your department is to be dissolved. - Then God help us all!
0:00:34 > 0:00:35Oh!
0:00:35 > 0:00:39- The dodgems! Can we go on the dodgems?!- We don't have time.- Sorry.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Why are you in such a hurry? This place is friggin' mint!
0:00:42 > 0:00:47- I told you, I'm meeting someone. - Ah, so that's why you're dressed like a girl.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49You know Ryan says this fella must be a right munter.
0:00:49 > 0:00:54Well, actually he's dead handsome, has all his own teeth and speaks really nicely.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Whereas Ryan's last girlfriend looks like Chris Moyles.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00But hang on, if you're going out tonight,
0:01:00 > 0:01:02who's going to make us dinner and do the washing up?
0:01:02 > 0:01:05I just want ONE night to myself.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08It's my holiday, too. Right. Let's go, Decky...
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Just one go! Please!
0:01:11 > 0:01:15We'll come back tomorrow. OK? We've got loads of time.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Promise?
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Cross my heart and hope to die.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Come on.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34And HE thought...
0:01:34 > 0:01:38- the supply teacher was only there for a week.- Mrs Barnes has had another "incident".
0:01:38 > 0:01:41- Tom, can you change her sheets? - I'm covering room service. Gary's got the shingles.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43- Then he has to come back, so... - What?!
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Decky has to keep this going for a whole year.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Mrs Barnes doesn't have shingles, she needs new sheets.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52- No, Gary has got the shingles. Gary has shingles.- What?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Alex, please!
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Do you want me to speak up?
0:01:56 > 0:01:59No, could you, sort of...
0:01:59 > 0:02:05It's just you're such vibrant and entertaining company, you're distracting us from our work.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09Oh, very smooth. Seriously, hats off.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13Well, what am I supposed to do? I can't eat, I can't sleep.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16What did you do before?
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Erm, looked after my brothers.
0:02:18 > 0:02:23Went out on the piss with me mates, got off with inappropriate people. No offence!
0:02:23 > 0:02:27- Erm, what else? Played piano. - Really?- Yeah.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29- I was going to be a concert pianist. - You can play the piano?
0:02:29 > 0:02:33No, I can't! That's the really weird thing... Of course, I can play the piano!
0:02:33 > 0:02:36You have work to do, Thomas.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Yeah, it's dead here.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Well, I'm going to shoot. Heaps to be getting on with.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Don't know where to start! Ooh!
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Diagnosis Murder's on.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Oh, they're beautiful!
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Do you have a secret admirer, Patsy?
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Captain!
0:02:58 > 0:02:59No!
0:02:59 > 0:03:00No.
0:03:00 > 0:03:06I picked them up at the petrol station. Thought they might brighten the place up a bit.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10- How are you coping without Sophie? - Oh, the poor girl!
0:03:10 > 0:03:13I keep thinking to myself, was it something I said?
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Oh, Captain!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18She was devoted to you!
0:03:18 > 0:03:23Now I'll have no more maudlin from you, mister. It's a new era.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27Amen to that! As a matter of fact, I've had an idea.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31Just a bit of fun. But it might give us all a bit of a lift.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Then...follow me.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01SHRILL NOTES PLAY
0:04:10 > 0:04:11BOY GIGGLES
0:04:13 > 0:04:17FOOTSTEPS RUNNING
0:04:17 > 0:04:23Now, I know we've all been a bit down in the dumps lately, what with things getting a bit...
0:04:24 > 0:04:25suicidey.
0:04:25 > 0:04:31BUT one of the guests has given me the perfect idea to perk us up!
0:04:31 > 0:04:36As of today, I'm going to be watching you all like a hawk!
0:04:36 > 0:04:39And whoever impresses me most...
0:04:44 > 0:04:47You do realise you've stopped speaking?
0:04:49 > 0:04:53Will be named Employee of the Month!
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Now it's just a bit of fun, but it will look terrific on your CV.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01So best of luck to you all and may the best man win.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08See this, right here.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11This is why the world is going to hell in a handcart.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14The very idea that you need a competition to motivate...
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Oh...God!
0:05:18 > 0:05:23You'll have your work cut out if you want to beat me, buddy boy! Got to get up pretty early in the morning!
0:05:23 > 0:05:26I'm not indulging in this charade! I have no intention of doing anything different.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Because you know you'll lose. When I hold up the trophy...
0:05:29 > 0:05:34- You do know there isn't a trophy? - You'll be like, "I didn't take part, that's why I lost, why I'm a loser."
0:05:34 > 0:05:37It would be the easiest thing in the world for me to win this ridiculous competition...
0:05:37 > 0:05:41- You don't know who you're provoking here. - Oh, I know who I'm provoking!
0:05:41 > 0:05:43- Mr Runner-Up. Mr Silver Medal. - There isn't a medal either.
0:05:43 > 0:05:49When I transform, I should drag you round on a piece of string in the woods. I'm saying you're a chicken.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Thank you. I got the analogy.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Very well, Thomas.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58I accept the challenge.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Let's get to work!
0:06:02 > 0:06:07MUSIC: "The Good, The Bad And The Ugly" by Ennio Morricone
0:06:16 > 0:06:18You ready?
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Hello?
0:06:32 > 0:06:36FOOTSTEPS RUNNING
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Is anybody there?
0:06:56 > 0:06:58DOOR SHUTS
0:07:06 > 0:07:08BOY: Alex!
0:07:12 > 0:07:13Alex.
0:07:15 > 0:07:16Alex!
0:07:20 > 0:07:21Alex!
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Alex, Alex, Alex, Alex!
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Alex! Alex!
0:07:28 > 0:07:35VOICES SCREAM AND SCREECH
0:07:35 > 0:07:38VOICES STOP
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Ugh, who left these here?
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Er, where are my flowers?
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Don't you worry, Patsy. It's all under control.
0:07:52 > 0:07:57Oh, so that's 7.99 down the drain. Thank you very much! That's coming out of your wages!
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Oh, dear!
0:08:00 > 0:08:03I do hope that doesn't mean you're in her bad books.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Don't worry. It's still early days yet. Still a lot to play for.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10I think the house is haunted!
0:08:10 > 0:08:14- Alex, there's no easy way to say this.- No, not me, idiot! There's another one! You have to come home!
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Hello! Anybody there?
0:08:19 > 0:08:21I swear I heard him.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28DOOR SLAMS
0:08:28 > 0:08:31See! Now do you believe me?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- BOY: See! Now do you believe me? - Who's there?- Who's there?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36FOOTSTEPS RUNNING
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- Who the hell's that?- I don't know.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- What's he doing here?- I don't know! - What does he want?- I don't know!!
0:09:04 > 0:09:08- But maybe if you keep asking me I'll magically find out somehow. - Go in there and ask him.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Not going to happen!
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- I don't believe it, you're scared! - Yes! Yes, I am.
0:09:13 > 0:09:18- Now you go in and ask him. - I can't go in there. I've got a sore... I've got a sore.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Aaakkkhhh! Oooooh!
0:09:27 > 0:09:33Hello, Alex. Do you want to play with me? This is the Battle of Sebastopol!
0:09:33 > 0:09:35How do you know my name?
0:09:35 > 0:09:40- Because I've been watching you. - Right. Good, because I thought it'd be something creepy.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44Hiding outside are Hal and Tom - the vampire and the werewolf.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51Hello!
0:09:52 > 0:09:56- And you are?- Oliver Fitzwilliam Pryor, at your service.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00- And what are you doing here? - Playing soldiers, you great ninny.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- Come along, sit down. You can be Russia!- Nah, you're OK, thanks...
0:10:03 > 0:10:07HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Oh, God!
0:10:08 > 0:10:10CONTINUES TO COUGH
0:10:10 > 0:10:12It's ill. It's a child and now it's ill.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Oh, please. He was running around the house five minutes ago.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Carry me!
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Children and I don't...mix.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Your manservant then?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25I'm not his manservant!
0:10:25 > 0:10:26HE COUGHS
0:10:26 > 0:10:32- All right then, little fella. Do you want a piggy back then? - Oh yes, please! Rather.
0:10:32 > 0:10:37But where did you come from? What are you doing here?
0:10:37 > 0:10:40This is my house. I've always lived here!
0:10:40 > 0:10:43What and we never knew? Not even Annie? How did that happen?
0:10:43 > 0:10:47Because I was hiding! Honestly, McNair, you're a beef-witted applejohn sometimes.
0:10:47 > 0:10:52- Hiding from what? - From the monsters, of course. From the Men with Sticks and Rope.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58- The Men with what and what? - Sticks and Rope, McNair.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Guardians of the afterlife. Ghastly things.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05But they can't cross over to this plane. They only exist on the other side of the doors.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08I thought it best to keep a low profile, nonetheless.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12This was father's study. We weren't allowed in there.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16- Who's "we"?- Mama, of course, myself, nanny and the servants.
0:11:16 > 0:11:20We had a staff of four. And Albert, my brother.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24- So why have you come out of hiding? - Because I saw you.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28I know you're not much to look at but one can't have everything.
0:11:28 > 0:11:33What did happen to your hair, by the way? Some sort of industrial accident?
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Never mind. Come along, McNair. Clippity-clop!
0:11:38 > 0:11:42Where are my manners? I haven't even welcomed you!
0:11:42 > 0:11:46Pop me down here, McNair. Please, do make yourselves at home.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49OK, housemates' meeting.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58You said, "Housemates' meeting."
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Erm, just the grown-ups.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Right, you are. Probably want to discuss the East India Company. Carry on.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13How can he have been living here so long and we never knew?
0:12:13 > 0:12:17And what are we going to do with him? It's not like we can hand him over to social services.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19No, it's down to us.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Oh...piss right off!
0:12:25 > 0:12:28But you're dead good with kids. You're always talking about your brothers.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32But Little Lord Fauntleroy there is not one of my little brothers.
0:12:35 > 0:12:36Oh!
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Seriously? Are we playing this again?
0:12:42 > 0:12:43Blankie.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Blankie.
0:12:49 > 0:12:54There we are. Is that better? We don't want you getting poorly now, do we?
0:12:54 > 0:12:57He's been dead for 100 years, how much more poorly can he get?
0:12:57 > 0:12:58HE COUGHS
0:12:58 > 0:13:02Nah, that is a classic "I want the day off school" cough! I've heard it 1,000 times!
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Thank you all. You've been so very kind.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10And if I don't make it... please, don't forget me.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14You know, Decky used to look up symptoms online all the time,
0:13:14 > 0:13:17except he could never be bothered looking up the diagnosis.
0:13:17 > 0:13:23There was this one time he said he couldn't go to school because he'd just started the menopause.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25DOOR SLAMS
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Oh, you two are so getting a slap.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Isn't this nice? Just the two of us.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Right, you...
0:13:33 > 0:13:37Listen up, OK? You might be able to pull the wool over their eyes,
0:13:37 > 0:13:40but they're men and they're idiots. I, however, have seen this all before.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42So come on, get up!
0:13:44 > 0:13:49- What do you want to do then? Play football? Climb trees?- What kind of low-born ruffian do you take me for?
0:13:49 > 0:13:51TV it is!
0:13:52 > 0:13:56Oh! Nice of you to pop by. Nice of you to join us.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00Sorry, Patsy. We were called away to deal with a domestic emergency.
0:14:00 > 0:14:06Hal. I see what you're doing. It's noble of you to try to take the bullet. But I've got the smoking gun.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10I saw him on the security camera, sauntering up, bold as brass...
0:14:10 > 0:14:12on his own.
0:14:12 > 0:14:17Not good enough, Thomas. You need to pull your socks up.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25Come on, that's funny! You've got to admit. Tom!
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Of course.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29You must have been worried sick.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33As I said, he's fine, just a little disorientated.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Yes, a friendly face would help no...
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Excellent.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46The car should be with you any minute.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51His sister's on her way. I'll prepare our guest.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Mr Crumb. How are we feeling today?
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Yeah, yeah! Great, great! Great, Great! Yeah, yeah!
0:15:01 > 0:15:04I need to, er... I need to feed.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06HE LAUGHS
0:15:06 > 0:15:08That needs to happen real blooming soon!!
0:15:08 > 0:15:14I need to... We need to look into that. It has to be addressed.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Oh, it is, Mr Crumb, as we speak.
0:15:16 > 0:15:21But first - the other day, when we met, do you remember what I said?
0:15:22 > 0:15:27I'd given you an idea. You had a job for me and it was a really special job.
0:15:27 > 0:15:32That's right. A very special job. A job that demands skill and delicacy.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36Oh, I can do that! I can be delicate! I can be so bloody delicate!
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Indeed.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40That's me all over!
0:15:40 > 0:15:44- And do you remember what you said? - Yes!
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Remind me.
0:15:46 > 0:15:51You said that you were the world's worst nightmare.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53The victim who gets superpowers.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57I thought at the time, "Goodness, what a striking image!"
0:15:57 > 0:16:02Well...your hour approaches, Mr Crumb.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRS
0:16:14 > 0:16:16VACUUM CLEANER STOPS
0:16:16 > 0:16:20- What's that you're doing? - I'm disinfecting the keyboard with pure alcohol and a cotton bud.
0:16:20 > 0:16:25I'd never think of doing that. I'm never going to win this competition, am I?
0:16:25 > 0:16:28This isn't part of the competition. Doesn't everyone do this?
0:16:28 > 0:16:31I know Patsy prefers you, but I thought if I worked hard, I could change her mind.
0:16:31 > 0:16:36It's just a silly competition, Tom. Why don't we both opt out? I'm really not that bothered about it.
0:16:36 > 0:16:41- Well,- I- am! Like Patsy said, imagine having "Employee of the Month" written on your CV!
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- Imagine having a CV! - You can have a CV.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47I'll type you up a CV as soon as I'm done disinfecting the keyboard.
0:16:47 > 0:16:53I just wanted to better meself, broaden me horizons. This was me chance. This was going to be it.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57What if I withdrew from the competition? Perhaps without me "distracting" Patsy,
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- she'll be able to see your potential.- No.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03People should win things because they're good, not because everyone else is more rubbish.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Welcome to democracy.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08We are having a party!
0:17:08 > 0:17:10SHE LAUGHS MANICALLY
0:17:13 > 0:17:17OFF-KEY PIANO PLAYS
0:17:17 > 0:17:23- What's all this in aid of? - Don't you like a party? Everybody likes a party! It's the fucking law!
0:17:23 > 0:17:26We were rather looking forward to a quiet evening and some supper.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29- We've been working all day.- Oh!
0:17:29 > 0:17:31And you think this isn't work?
0:17:31 > 0:17:35I have been stuck all day on my own with a bloody child.
0:17:35 > 0:17:40You try it. One day. I will go to the hotel and you can stay right here. One day. Let's go!
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Everybody deserves to have a fuss made of them when they're little.
0:17:43 > 0:17:49OK then, that's agreed! Tonight, we're all going to party like it's 1899!
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Ya-haaa! Haaa!
0:17:51 > 0:17:53You're not "yah-ing", Hal.
0:17:54 > 0:17:55Yaah!
0:17:58 > 0:18:00TOGETHER: Tic, tac, toe. Look up high, look down low.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Let's have three in a row. Don't let the butler step on your toe...
0:18:03 > 0:18:04Ah! 16-0. Let's go.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07TOGETHER: Tic, tac, toe. Look up high, look down low...
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Let's have three in a row. Don't let the butler step on your toe!
0:18:09 > 0:18:15- I don't want to play any more. We should play party games!- Oh, pass the slipper! Pass the slipper!
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Right, who's first?
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Eeny meeny miney mo, catch a ni...
0:18:19 > 0:18:21ALL: No!
0:18:22 > 0:18:25All right then, I'll go first.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Again, again, again!
0:18:27 > 0:18:30I think that's enough excitement for one night, Oliver.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- Just because you keep losing. - Only because you're a little cheat.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35How dare you! You great baggage!
0:18:35 > 0:18:37- Yeah, whatever, Niles.- Never...
0:18:37 > 0:18:41have I met a less lady-like LADY!
0:18:41 > 0:18:45You can't dance! You can't conjugate Latin verbs!
0:18:45 > 0:18:50And your madrigal singing is subpar at best!
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Right, that's it.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Naughty step for you! Come on!
0:18:56 > 0:18:58- What's going on?- I've had enough.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01He's a freak! He can't play football.
0:19:01 > 0:19:06He thinks TV is "vulgar" and do not even get me started on the racism!
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Right!
0:19:09 > 0:19:12And stay there!
0:19:13 > 0:19:14OK.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24- Right. Go to your room! - Make me, dollymop! Flapdragon!
0:19:24 > 0:19:27I think maybe you should do what she says, Oliver.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34Oh, my God! Dead Victorian kids are so annoying!
0:19:37 > 0:19:39You don't think you're being a bit hard on him?
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Fine! Fine...
0:19:48 > 0:19:51EVIL VOICES MUTTERING
0:19:51 > 0:19:55Please! I'm doing my best, I swear.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58EVIL VOICE: Try again!
0:19:58 > 0:20:01EVIL VOICE MUTTERING
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Who are you talking to?
0:20:08 > 0:20:11No-one. I was talking to myself.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15- What, and you answer yourself back? - Just leave me alone.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Oliver, what's going on?
0:20:23 > 0:20:27So what's the mission? What's the SP?
0:20:27 > 0:20:31That's for you to decide. It's all about instinct.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35Reading the room. Gauging the situation. Making a judgment call.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39Making the situation. Reading the instincts. I getcha! I getcha!
0:20:41 > 0:20:46Alan, are the CCTV cameras all working? We want to record your triumph.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50Er, yes, sir. But could I have a word?
0:20:50 > 0:20:52And afterwards, you'll feed me?
0:20:52 > 0:20:55I give you my word you'll be fed.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57- Do I get a badge?!- I'm sorry?
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Well, it's just if I'm working for you then...
0:21:00 > 0:21:03We don't really do badges.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06It's undercover work. A badge would rather give the game away.
0:21:06 > 0:21:11That makes total sense. You're smart. You're very smart.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Instead...
0:21:13 > 0:21:16you get this...pen.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20This very special pen.
0:21:20 > 0:21:26- Does it shoot poison gas? Or pellets? Or poison gas pellets?- No.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29It's essentially a pen, but...
0:21:29 > 0:21:32only our top people get one of these.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Oh, like a talisman!
0:21:35 > 0:21:39Like when you defeat the Obsidian King on Flaming Orc.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40HE LAUGHS
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Flaming Orc - the role playing game? You must have heard of it! Won the Golden Joystick award.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47I'm sorry, my work takes up so much of my time.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Well, there's this dungeon boss and you have to beat him.
0:21:50 > 0:21:55He drops a talisman and it boosts everything, all your powers! You become invincible!
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Then this pen, Mr Crumb, is your talisman.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02And your destiny lies beyond this door.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Sorry, I need to speak to you.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08For God's sake, Alan, what is it?!
0:22:09 > 0:22:12She's brought her daughter.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26We must...
0:22:26 > 0:22:29We must be resolute.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32We must think...
0:22:32 > 0:22:34of the greater good.
0:22:40 > 0:22:41HE SHOUTS
0:22:41 > 0:22:44POUNDING ON DOOR, NO SOUND
0:22:44 > 0:22:47HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALS
0:22:47 > 0:22:51POUNDING
0:22:57 > 0:23:02SCREAMING
0:23:02 > 0:23:06SCREAMING CONTINUES
0:23:06 > 0:23:09I need your help.
0:23:09 > 0:23:10What's up?
0:23:10 > 0:23:13We told you about this ridiculous Employee of the Month thing.
0:23:13 > 0:23:17Well, it turns out Tom's got his heart set on it.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20At first, I didn't realise just how much it means to him.
0:23:20 > 0:23:25But if he's going to stand a chance of winning, it's not enough for him to be good at the job.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27I have to be bad.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33The problem is, I've never been bad at anything in my life. So I was wondering if you could help me.
0:23:33 > 0:23:38Oh, what, because I'm the leading expert at fucking things up?
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Oh, that's lovely! Yeah, that's really nice!
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Can you help me?
0:23:46 > 0:23:49Yes! Yes, as a matter of fact, I can.
0:23:51 > 0:23:56Well, for starters, look how you're sat. It's like you've got a poker stuck up your bum. Slouch.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58- Slouch?- Yeah.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02I can't slouch, not with my back. I have a dancer's back.
0:24:02 > 0:24:03Ha!
0:24:05 > 0:24:10Just slide into your seat. Let yourself go all loosey-goosey.
0:24:18 > 0:24:19OK.
0:24:19 > 0:24:24OK. Put your feet up on that and read that.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26- Can't I have a proper paper?- No.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30Now, a customer comes in, you ignore them.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34They ask you a question, you shrug. They ask you again, you tut.
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Tut?
0:24:35 > 0:24:38- Try and work in an eye-roll as well. - This is barbaric.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Welcome to the British service industry.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45PATSY GIVING COMMANDS IN THE BACKGROUND
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Look at you!
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Conserving your energy in case there's a rush later?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Planning ahead. I love it!
0:25:00 > 0:25:03- Why would I care if there was a rush later?- Why indeed!
0:25:03 > 0:25:07It won't faze you. You'll...you'll lick us into shape.
0:25:08 > 0:25:09Shit!
0:25:09 > 0:25:12- Bugger!- Captain Hatch! What on earth...?
0:25:12 > 0:25:17I'm sorry, Patsy, my colostomy bag runneth over.
0:25:17 > 0:25:22- And now I don't have poor Sophie to help, God rest her soul...- Right.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Don't look at me! I'm not doing it!
0:25:24 > 0:25:28Of course not! The very idea. Thomas!
0:25:31 > 0:25:35Captain Hatch needs a hand getting cleaned up in his "toilet area".
0:25:35 > 0:25:38- I'm sure you can manage that. - Of course! It'd be a pleasure.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42- No, I didn't mean Tom should do it. - Bit more suited to your skill set.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46Did you hear that then? Skill set! Skill set!
0:25:51 > 0:25:54What in the name of Little Baby Cheeses are you doing?
0:25:54 > 0:25:59It's part of my routine. Just because one is dead, doesn't mean one should let standards drop.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Would you mind turning round? I'm going to get out now.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10So if you lived here, then how come you don't sound Welsh?
0:26:10 > 0:26:15I was born in England, if you must know. We only moved because of father's work.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17- What did he do?- He was a magistrate.
0:26:17 > 0:26:22- Why all these questions? - I just want to get to know you.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26- How you lived, how you died. - How I DIED?
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Oh, great idea! Let's start with that one. So, how did you die?
0:26:29 > 0:26:34- That's a very personal question. - You said that you were hiding from the Men with Sticks and Rope.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37What do they want with you?
0:26:37 > 0:26:42They want every ghost who hasn't passed over properly.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49They've not come looking for me.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55So YOU must be special. Now why's that then?
0:26:58 > 0:27:01If I tell you, you'll hate me.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03DOOR SLAMS, STATIC
0:27:03 > 0:27:07Course I'm not going to hate you. What is it?
0:27:07 > 0:27:11- GLASS SHATTERS, RUMBLING - What are you hiding? Oliver!
0:27:11 > 0:27:13RUMBLING STOPS, SILENCE
0:27:13 > 0:27:16I did a terrible thing.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19I killed my brother.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28How's it going then, your little competition?
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Oh, you heard about that?
0:27:30 > 0:27:34It's going all right. I think Patsy has finally started to notice me.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37- See what I'm capable of. - Yeah, cleaning up shit.
0:27:37 > 0:27:41You know he refused to do it - the other fella?
0:27:41 > 0:27:46La-de-da Gunner Graham said it was beneath him. Him and Patsy had a right old laugh about it.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Oh well, his loss. Gives me another chance to impress Patsy.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53You know what he is? A tart. Excuse my French.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56I've seen him, fluttering his eyelashes at her,
0:27:56 > 0:28:00opening doors for her, giggling like a tit.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02That's playing dirty in my book.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Nah, just healthy competition, that's all.
0:28:05 > 0:28:09I worked with a man like that once, swore blind he was my best mate.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12Next thing, bastard stabbed me in the back.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15Cast me out without a by-your-leave.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17He knows how much this means to me. He wouldn't cheat.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20Yeah, but what does it mean to him?
0:28:20 > 0:28:24See, this isn't about some pissy little competition.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27This is about status quo.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29Men like him need a hierarchy.
0:28:29 > 0:28:34Him on top, us underneath. And he'll do anything to protect it.
0:28:42 > 0:28:47He had rickets, he needed metal callipers to help him walk.
0:28:47 > 0:28:52Everyone made such a fuss of him. Never had any time for me.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55Yeah, I think I can relate to that.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58So what happened?
0:28:59 > 0:29:04We were playing hide and seek. There was an old water tank in the cellar.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06A copper for washing clothes.
0:29:06 > 0:29:10He must have climbed in there and with the calliper...
0:29:11 > 0:29:14I was the one who found him.
0:29:14 > 0:29:17Oh, God! Oliver that's...
0:29:17 > 0:29:19Everyone blamed me.
0:29:19 > 0:29:22They didn't say a word, but I could hear them whispering.
0:29:22 > 0:29:25I couldn't bear it.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28I took rat poison, when cook wasn't looking.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34See? I told you you'd hate me.
0:29:36 > 0:29:38Course I don't hate you.
0:29:38 > 0:29:41I know what it's like to lose someone.
0:29:41 > 0:29:44When I was 17, my mum walked out on me.
0:29:44 > 0:29:49My dad couldn't cope, so all of a sudden I was the grown-up.
0:29:49 > 0:29:54Had to look after all my little brothers. What choice did I have?
0:29:55 > 0:29:58- Do you miss them?- Oh God, yeah!
0:29:58 > 0:30:02Every single day. I'm fine so long as I don't think about it.
0:30:04 > 0:30:07What happened to Albert, Oliver, wasn't your fault.
0:30:07 > 0:30:10Just as what happened to me wasn't mine.
0:30:10 > 0:30:12Do you really believe that?
0:30:12 > 0:30:15Neither of us asked for this.
0:30:16 > 0:30:21We have both had to pay the biggest price imaginable for things that...
0:30:21 > 0:30:24for things that we can't control.
0:30:24 > 0:30:28But what's done is done and we have to look forward now.
0:30:28 > 0:30:32Or else eternity is going to seem like a very long time.
0:30:33 > 0:30:38So, what do you say we go out and we have some fun?
0:30:52 > 0:30:53Dodgems!
0:30:53 > 0:30:56They've got dodgems! Come on!
0:31:21 > 0:31:24Was you ever in the military?
0:31:24 > 0:31:25Erm...
0:31:25 > 0:31:27Briefly.
0:31:27 > 0:31:30- A long time ago.- I knew it!
0:31:30 > 0:31:35Soon as I clapped eyes on you I said to myself, "There's a military man." Something in your bearing.
0:31:35 > 0:31:40- You're a cut above the rest of this shower.- I don't like to discuss my past.
0:31:40 > 0:31:45You see that breaks my heart. That says to me that you're ashamed.
0:31:45 > 0:31:48And of what? Cos you know the proper words for something?
0:31:48 > 0:31:52Because you went out and got yourself an education? No, no, no.
0:31:52 > 0:31:54That says to me that they've won.
0:31:54 > 0:31:56Well...
0:31:56 > 0:32:01sometimes it's just easier to hide one's light under a bushel.
0:32:01 > 0:32:04Time was, people liked knowing their place.
0:32:04 > 0:32:09It made them feel secure. But now, everyone's got to be top dog.
0:32:09 > 0:32:12It's no wonder we're in the mess we're in.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16People like things to be a little more meritocratic these days.
0:32:16 > 0:32:19Yeah! See, that's exactly what I'm talking about!
0:32:19 > 0:32:23"Meritocratic". Perfect. Beautiful that is.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26That's just music. "Meritocratic".
0:32:26 > 0:32:29Now why on earth would anyone be ashamed of that?
0:32:29 > 0:32:32You're very...congenial.
0:32:32 > 0:32:34"Congenial"! I love it!
0:32:34 > 0:32:37Mind you...
0:32:37 > 0:32:38I'm, erm....
0:32:39 > 0:32:43..very hush-hush about where I've been and things I've done.
0:32:43 > 0:32:45People judge.
0:32:45 > 0:32:48All I'm saying is, you're better than the lot of them.
0:32:48 > 0:32:52And that used to be a blessing and now it's a curse.
0:32:59 > 0:33:04The woman is the perpetrator's sister. The girl, her daughter.
0:33:04 > 0:33:06And where's he?
0:33:06 > 0:33:09Type 2's cannot be seen on cameras.
0:33:09 > 0:33:12So he'll be... Yes, that must be him there!
0:33:12 > 0:33:15They can't be seen on cameras? I could've done with that on Newsnight.
0:33:15 > 0:33:19Clearly there was enormous emotional attachment between the perpetrator and his victims.
0:33:19 > 0:33:22Yet, when the beast took over...
0:33:22 > 0:33:25And as I said, these civilian deaths
0:33:25 > 0:33:28are a result of my department's powers being scaled back.
0:33:28 > 0:33:31When we close, the consequences could be catastrophic!
0:33:31 > 0:33:34And I appreciate your concern,
0:33:34 > 0:33:38but two deaths are nowhere near enough to warrant a U-turn.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41- Look, I'm sure Special Branch are... - For Christ's sake, Alistair!
0:33:41 > 0:33:44Special Branch haven't got a clue!
0:33:44 > 0:33:47After everything I've done, I can't just...
0:33:47 > 0:33:50- After all I've sacrificed! - Oh, for God's sake, grow up!
0:33:50 > 0:33:54You think you're the only one losing funding, losing a job?!
0:33:54 > 0:34:00I have to oversee this, I have to implement it and if I don't, I lose my job.
0:34:00 > 0:34:03And that, my friend, is not an option.
0:34:10 > 0:34:11Hal.
0:34:11 > 0:34:12Hey, Hal!
0:34:13 > 0:34:17Wow! This is nice!
0:34:17 > 0:34:19This is nice.
0:34:19 > 0:34:22I used to stay in places like this when I was a kid.
0:34:22 > 0:34:27Me and my mum and me sister. Oops! Sister. That's a sore point. Hello!
0:34:27 > 0:34:29HE LAUGHS
0:34:30 > 0:34:33- Wasn't Rook supposed to be taking care of you?- Yeah.
0:34:33 > 0:34:37Yeah, no! Er, yeah. He was, but that's sort of finished now.
0:34:37 > 0:34:39So, er...
0:34:39 > 0:34:42I got a bit confused and I did some REALLY BAD THINGS!
0:34:42 > 0:34:45And now I feel like I'm like I'm on the verge.
0:34:45 > 0:34:48Not just of doing more bad things but of NOT CARING!
0:34:48 > 0:34:51And the last bit of me, the last crumb of Crumb...
0:34:51 > 0:34:56HE LAUGHS MANICALLY He wants you to stop it. To save him.
0:34:56 > 0:34:58Listen... Listen to me... Listen to me.
0:34:59 > 0:35:03You stay away. Because I will kill you.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06There is so much more at stake than you. You are nothing to me now.
0:35:06 > 0:35:12You are sediment, you are detritus, you are regret and disgust and nothing more. You stay away!
0:35:12 > 0:35:17I have killed men and women and children, so just think how easy it will be to kill you.
0:35:20 > 0:35:23Well, that's something we have in common then.
0:35:26 > 0:35:28Stay away! No more warnings.
0:35:44 > 0:35:47Oh, bravo, bravo, Hal!
0:35:47 > 0:35:51That's the spirit. Keeping out the riff-raff.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54Hope you're taking notes, Thomas!
0:36:05 > 0:36:08- What the hell is this?- What?- Mm?
0:36:08 > 0:36:10This is a soup spoon.
0:36:10 > 0:36:14This is a dessert spoon. This goes here and this goes here.
0:36:14 > 0:36:18And soup, afternoon tea? Come on, Tom, keep up!
0:36:18 > 0:36:21- What difference does it make? - One is correct...
0:36:21 > 0:36:24The other's the work of an imbecile! Do I have to do everything?
0:36:24 > 0:36:28On top of all the other bullshit, now I've got to mop up after you?!
0:36:28 > 0:36:31What is this allergy you have to doing things right?
0:36:31 > 0:36:33You tell him, Hal. Keep him on his toes!
0:36:33 > 0:36:35BOTH: Go away!
0:36:35 > 0:36:37Mm! Grrrrrrr!
0:36:37 > 0:36:40Hey! Manners, mister.
0:36:43 > 0:36:46There's nothing you wouldn't do to beat me, is there?
0:36:46 > 0:36:49But it doesn't matter how far you are up Patsy's bum, I'm going win this competition.
0:36:49 > 0:36:53If only you could! I've been trying to throw the bloody thing all day!
0:36:53 > 0:36:58But no matter how shit I try to be, you find a way of being shitter!
0:36:58 > 0:37:01What's your secret? No really, I'm dying to know.
0:37:09 > 0:37:13Shall we pop in, surprise them?
0:37:13 > 0:37:15They're working. They'll be really grumpy.
0:37:17 > 0:37:18Yeah, go on.
0:37:19 > 0:37:21Excuse me.
0:37:23 > 0:37:24Thank you.
0:37:28 > 0:37:31- Boo!- Did we scare you?!
0:37:31 > 0:37:35- What's wrong with him?- Nothing a silver bullet wouldn't cure.
0:37:35 > 0:37:38You really think you're all it, don't you?
0:37:38 > 0:37:41If by "all it" you mean a competent adult,
0:37:41 > 0:37:46capable of making independent decisions based on intuition and logic, then yes, I do.
0:37:46 > 0:37:50The joke's on you then, ain't it? Because by "all it" I meant a git with a big weird face.
0:37:50 > 0:37:54- Is this about this stupid bloody competition? - BOTH: You're stupid!
0:37:54 > 0:37:57Table seven, tea and scones, stat!
0:37:57 > 0:38:01I can do it, honestly. I had it, so I've still got it.
0:38:01 > 0:38:03Fine.
0:38:11 > 0:38:13- Tea, madam?- Milk first.
0:38:13 > 0:38:17- What?- Milk first, then tea. So you don't damage the china.
0:38:17 > 0:38:22- If you pour the tea first, you can decide how much milk you want.- Sorry about him. He's new and an idiot.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26You're the boss. You're the boss.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33Ooh! D'oh!
0:38:33 > 0:38:35Whoopsie!
0:38:55 > 0:38:57OK. All right.
0:38:57 > 0:39:00- That's cool with me. Everything's fine.- Tom. Tom.
0:39:00 > 0:39:02Tom! Tom! TOM!
0:39:14 > 0:39:16- Will you stop that!- WHAT?
0:39:16 > 0:39:20I'm so sorry, ladies and gentlemen! I do apologise!
0:39:22 > 0:39:25Clean this up! And then report to me.
0:39:25 > 0:39:28The pair of you!
0:39:32 > 0:39:35Get her back to the house!
0:39:37 > 0:39:40Alex, I want to go home!
0:39:40 > 0:39:44Yeah, good call! We'll see you guys back at the house!
0:39:47 > 0:39:51That was brilliant! Did you see the look on Hal's face?
0:39:53 > 0:39:56What's up? I thought you were having a good time.
0:39:57 > 0:40:02There's something I need to tell you. About why I'm here.
0:40:02 > 0:40:05- What is it?- I'm sorry, Alex.
0:40:14 > 0:40:16EVIL VOICE MUTTERING
0:40:16 > 0:40:19- What's going on? - We need to get out of here!
0:40:19 > 0:40:21Yeah. Yeah, let's go.
0:40:21 > 0:40:25EVIL VOICE MUTTERING
0:40:25 > 0:40:27- What's wrong?- I can't Rentaghost.
0:40:27 > 0:40:31Right, it's OK. We're going to have to do this the old-fashioned way.
0:40:31 > 0:40:35EVIL VOICE MUTTERING
0:40:35 > 0:40:39DOOR LOCK RATTLES
0:40:41 > 0:40:45Who are you?! Come on, show yourselves! Who are you?!
0:40:45 > 0:40:47Oh, God! Oh, God!
0:40:47 > 0:40:50Oliver, Oliver! It's all right! There's nothing there.
0:40:50 > 0:40:53- Listen, it's just a trick. See?- Aaah!
0:40:53 > 0:40:57Oliver, listen to me! It's OK. Look! See?
0:40:57 > 0:41:00Look, it's just a trick. Just a trick.
0:41:06 > 0:41:08- Aaaaah!- Oliver!
0:41:11 > 0:41:15This isn't fair! I didn't agree to this!
0:41:15 > 0:41:16In here. It's OK.
0:41:17 > 0:41:21It's OK. I'll look after you. Whatever happens. I promise you, OK?
0:41:21 > 0:41:27POUNDING ON THE DOOR
0:41:31 > 0:41:33POUNDING STOPS
0:41:33 > 0:41:36I just want to play. Please, Oliver!
0:41:36 > 0:41:40I've been looking for you everywhere. Why do you keep running away from me?
0:41:40 > 0:41:42- Open the door.- What?!
0:41:42 > 0:41:45Oliver, you can't keep hiding.
0:41:45 > 0:41:48- You have to talk to him, you have to face him.- I can't!
0:41:48 > 0:41:51Oliver, you didn't do anything wrong, OK? It wasn't your fault.
0:41:51 > 0:41:55I wanted him dead! I wished he was gone! And then he died!
0:41:55 > 0:41:59Oliver, I wished my brothers were gone all the time!
0:41:59 > 0:42:01I never meant it though and neither did you.
0:42:01 > 0:42:04It was a terrible accident and you didn't do anything wrong,
0:42:04 > 0:42:07but you have to let go of this.
0:42:07 > 0:42:10I didn't make it happen?
0:42:10 > 0:42:14I think that's what Albert's been trying to tell you all this time.
0:42:14 > 0:42:17I think that's why he's been looking for you.
0:42:17 > 0:42:18Come on.
0:42:18 > 0:42:20Open the door.
0:42:34 > 0:42:37DOOR HINGES SQUEAK
0:42:52 > 0:42:55I'm sorry, Albert.
0:42:55 > 0:42:57I'm so sorry.
0:43:03 > 0:43:06Go with him. It's OK.
0:43:13 > 0:43:16Thank you.
0:43:16 > 0:43:18AAAAAAH!
0:43:18 > 0:43:19AAAAAAAH!
0:43:19 > 0:43:22LAUGHTER
0:43:22 > 0:43:24AAAAAAAH!!!!
0:43:32 > 0:43:34I don't understand! We're back in the attic.
0:43:45 > 0:43:47Give him
0:43:47 > 0:43:48to us-s-s!
0:43:48 > 0:43:50Not going to happen.
0:43:50 > 0:43:53One of you is coming with us-s-s.
0:43:53 > 0:43:54Well, take me.
0:43:54 > 0:43:58You would take his place in hell?
0:43:58 > 0:44:00He's just a kid!
0:44:00 > 0:44:02- Alex!- No!
0:44:02 > 0:44:06No, I promised you that I would look after you, OK?
0:44:06 > 0:44:08This is just what big sisters do.
0:44:08 > 0:44:13Right... When Hal and Tom get back, tell them exactly what happened.
0:44:13 > 0:44:17Tell them that this was my choice, OK? Have you got that?
0:44:19 > 0:44:23- OK, let's do this.- No!
0:44:23 > 0:44:28This is what they wanted! The whole thing was a trap! That's why they sent me here!
0:44:41 > 0:44:45So you want to play with us-s-s...
0:44:45 > 0:44:47little girl?
0:44:53 > 0:44:57Oliver! Somebody needs you.
0:44:57 > 0:45:01- I can't just leave you... - Oliver, just go!
0:45:12 > 0:45:13Hello, Oliver.
0:45:13 > 0:45:15Hello, Albert.
0:45:19 > 0:45:22And remember to close...the door!
0:45:22 > 0:45:25DOOR SLAMS SHUT
0:45:30 > 0:45:32How you going to get back now, eh?
0:45:32 > 0:45:36How long d'you think that you can survive in this world?
0:45:36 > 0:45:38Not long, I reckon...
0:45:38 > 0:45:40slash hope.
0:45:41 > 0:45:46OK, any time you want to start bursting into flames or whatever it is you do, just...
0:45:46 > 0:45:48feel free.
0:45:48 > 0:45:50You're...
0:45:50 > 0:45:52too late.
0:45:52 > 0:45:54The end
0:45:54 > 0:45:55has begun.
0:45:55 > 0:45:56Night
0:45:56 > 0:45:59will fall.
0:45:59 > 0:46:01And he...
0:46:01 > 0:46:03will...
0:46:03 > 0:46:06RIIIISSSE!!!!
0:46:24 > 0:46:28- I don't know how I can have allowed myself to get dragged into this ridiculous...- No.
0:46:28 > 0:46:31I know all too well how it happened, Hal.
0:46:31 > 0:46:35It's him! The Svengali! The arch manipulator!
0:46:35 > 0:46:40He may look like someone's pulled a monkey from a tree and shaved it.
0:46:40 > 0:46:42That's how he drags people into his theatre of lies.
0:46:42 > 0:46:45You've met Tom, haven't you? You've spoken to him?
0:46:45 > 0:46:47Nah, she's right.
0:46:47 > 0:46:50I knew as soon as I seen this place I wouldn't fit in. Who was I kidding?
0:46:50 > 0:46:54You've left me no choice, Tom. Pack up your things and get out of here.
0:46:54 > 0:46:58- No... Patsy, don't you think...? - I've made my decision.
0:46:58 > 0:47:02This whole experience has been incredibly stressful.
0:47:02 > 0:47:06So, Hal, if you wanted to give me a back-rub that would be fine...
0:47:06 > 0:47:09Now you listen to me.
0:47:09 > 0:47:13If you want this place to succeed, then Tom McNair is exactly the sort of employee you need.
0:47:13 > 0:47:18The problem with you, Patsy, is that you are an inveterate snob.
0:47:18 > 0:47:21You'd rather reward someone who is well spoken and disinterested,
0:47:21 > 0:47:26than someone who is a little rough around the edges but utterly committed.
0:47:26 > 0:47:31That is not an environment I wish to work in. So if he goes, I go.
0:47:33 > 0:47:35Well, that was stupid. Now none of us have got a job.
0:47:35 > 0:47:38I think the phrase you're looking for is "thank you".
0:47:50 > 0:47:53- What is it? What's wrong? - Where's Oliver?
0:47:53 > 0:47:55He's gone.
0:47:59 > 0:48:02SEAGULLS CRY
0:48:21 > 0:48:22Mr Crumb...?
0:48:25 > 0:48:27Sent you to find me, did he?
0:48:27 > 0:48:31No. I'm not part of that world any more.
0:48:31 > 0:48:35I'd run along if I were you. I haven't had my tea.
0:48:36 > 0:48:39That's why I wanted to see you, Mr Crumb.
0:48:42 > 0:48:46My work with the Department has compromised me.
0:48:46 > 0:48:49I've got very little humanity left to lose now.
0:48:49 > 0:48:52I want you to recruit me.
0:48:52 > 0:48:54This is another trick.
0:48:55 > 0:48:58I would never lie to a player of Flaming Orc.
0:49:01 > 0:49:04You are...a Fellow Traveller?
0:49:04 > 0:49:07I have been known to drink a flagon of mead at Gedruff's Tavern.
0:49:10 > 0:49:16No, the agents of the Spider-King have many disguises and they riddle most prettily.
0:49:16 > 0:49:18Your caution does you credit.
0:49:18 > 0:49:22Imagine you're in the citadel.
0:49:22 > 0:49:25Before you, the diamond dragon, what do you do?
0:49:25 > 0:49:28Why, use the invisibility hex, of course.
0:49:28 > 0:49:31What, against the diamond dragon?!
0:49:32 > 0:49:35Oh no, I'm thinking of the crystal dragon!
0:49:35 > 0:49:39Oh my God, you must think I'm a right noob! Ha!
0:49:41 > 0:49:45You close your eyes, put your faith in the Flaming Orc...
0:49:46 > 0:49:48and roll the dice.
0:49:54 > 0:49:57# She's not coming home
0:49:57 > 0:49:59# Tonight
0:50:00 > 0:50:04# She's says that she's left
0:50:04 > 0:50:05# For ever
0:50:08 > 0:50:12# And you're staying in the house... #
0:50:13 > 0:50:15Love you, Sis.
0:50:15 > 0:50:17# Where she's going to live
0:50:17 > 0:50:19# For ever
0:50:19 > 0:50:23# And the memories grow
0:50:23 > 0:50:27# It reminds there's no-one there
0:50:27 > 0:50:29# Time is nothing but a lie
0:50:29 > 0:50:32# If she's not coming
0:50:32 > 0:50:34# Home tonight
0:50:36 > 0:50:37# Da-da, da-da... #
0:50:37 > 0:50:39Time to say goodbye.
0:50:41 > 0:50:45Of course. It's what we expected.
0:50:45 > 0:50:49Not to you, you idiot. To them. To this.
0:50:49 > 0:50:51Really?
0:50:51 > 0:50:53They've started rebuilding their world.
0:50:54 > 0:50:59As the distance gets greater and greater, they're just going to get stronger and stronger.
0:51:00 > 0:51:04To watch that happen will be like slowly dying again.
0:51:06 > 0:51:09I've got to move on, as much as they do.
0:51:13 > 0:51:15Come on. Let's go home.
0:51:22 > 0:51:24One thing I don't understand.
0:51:24 > 0:51:27OK, I get the fact that the Men with Sticks and Ropes were after me,
0:51:27 > 0:51:32cos that's what they do - go after ghosts that haven't moved on but...
0:51:32 > 0:51:35I thought they couldn't cross into this plane?
0:51:35 > 0:51:38They can't. Not in their true form.
0:51:38 > 0:51:40Well, they managed it somehow.
0:51:40 > 0:51:46And there was something else as well. Before they left, he said, "He will rise."
0:51:46 > 0:51:49What does that mean? Who will rise?
0:51:49 > 0:51:54It's as if something's changing. As if the barriers between the worlds are becoming weaker.
0:51:54 > 0:51:58- And that's not good, is it? - No. That is very not good.
0:51:58 > 0:52:00ENGINE STARTS
0:52:00 > 0:52:03- ANSWER MACHINE BEEPS - 'Hello, it's Patsy.
0:52:03 > 0:52:08'I'm just phoning to say maybe you were right, Hal...'
0:52:08 > 0:52:11Perhaps I was a little hasty.
0:52:11 > 0:52:17And we're short staffed as it is, so let's let bygones be bygones.
0:52:17 > 0:52:21I'll expect you both in at the usual time.
0:52:27 > 0:52:29You made the right decision.
0:52:29 > 0:52:34It's going to be all hands on deck, because, erm...
0:52:34 > 0:52:36Come here, sweetheart.
0:52:43 > 0:52:47Your blood pressure's about to go through the roof.
0:52:47 > 0:52:51But that's modern living for you. The stress.
0:52:51 > 0:52:54Oh, you've got something on your...
0:52:54 > 0:52:57Do you need a tissue? I've got one somewhere.
0:52:59 > 0:53:02I'm sorry! This one's a bit snotty.
0:53:03 > 0:53:06There, this one's not too bad.
0:53:06 > 0:53:10Oh, now you got something on your face.
0:53:10 > 0:53:12Oh!
0:53:12 > 0:53:13Oh!
0:53:15 > 0:53:19And I'm all out of tissues. Isn't that a nuisance?
0:53:26 > 0:53:30Best part of a century I've waited for this.
0:53:31 > 0:53:34Stuck in this chair, in this body.
0:53:34 > 0:53:37HE LAUGHS
0:53:37 > 0:53:39And now here they are.
0:53:39 > 0:53:42A vampire and a werewolf,
0:53:42 > 0:53:44under the same roof!
0:53:44 > 0:53:46HE CHUCKLES
0:53:49 > 0:53:53It's as if someone's smuggled in a file in a cake.
0:53:54 > 0:53:57And all I have to do is stir them up a bit
0:53:57 > 0:54:00and wait for the power to rise
0:54:00 > 0:54:03and carry me out of here on a great wave.
0:54:03 > 0:54:05HE LAUGHS
0:54:07 > 0:54:09Trinity though.
0:54:09 > 0:54:12I don't like that.
0:54:12 > 0:54:14The ghost will have to go.
0:54:16 > 0:54:21I sent some of my boys round, but she's a stubborn bit of gristle.
0:54:23 > 0:54:26I'll think of something.
0:54:27 > 0:54:30I'm getting stronger every day.
0:54:31 > 0:54:34And when the time is right, I will rise.
0:54:35 > 0:54:37And then...
0:54:37 > 0:54:40I'm going to drain the world dry.
0:54:41 > 0:54:45I'm going to lap up every drop of hope and love
0:54:45 > 0:54:48and feel it run down my chin.
0:54:48 > 0:54:51I'm going to turn men into beasts,
0:54:51 > 0:54:54and ruin their women and spit poison into their children.
0:54:54 > 0:54:57I'm going to scorch the earth
0:54:57 > 0:55:01with proper Old Testament despair.
0:55:01 > 0:55:04And teach them that the Gods are there to be feared.
0:55:04 > 0:55:10And everything you love will die and everything you're scared of will come true.
0:55:13 > 0:55:14Ugh!
0:55:15 > 0:55:17You're a right old state.
0:55:17 > 0:55:19HE LAUGHS
0:55:19 > 0:55:21You need to freshen up, my love.
0:55:21 > 0:55:24Why don't you go take a dip in the sea?
0:55:30 > 0:55:32HE CHUCKLES
0:55:34 > 0:55:38Now it's been a while, so I might be a wee bit rusty.
0:55:44 > 0:55:47SHE CLEARS HER THROAT AND STARTS TO PLAY
0:55:47 > 0:55:51SHE PLAYS A WALTZ BADLY
0:55:55 > 0:55:57I've still got it!
0:55:59 > 0:56:04This is brilliant. Now I've got all the time in the world to really focus on my music.
0:56:04 > 0:56:07Just like falling off a log!
0:56:07 > 0:56:10- Certainly sounds like it.- What?
0:56:10 > 0:56:13It's lovely! It's beautiful.
0:56:13 > 0:56:17HER PLAYING CONTINUES
0:56:17 > 0:56:21Time to dust off that bikini and hit the beach.
0:56:21 > 0:56:23Larry Chrysler will see you there!
0:56:25 > 0:56:27GROWLING
0:56:27 > 0:56:31Yeah, there's a new player in town and he's got the skills and the looks and the motivation.
0:56:31 > 0:56:34Lady Mary...
0:56:34 > 0:56:36allow me to introduce Alex.
0:56:36 > 0:56:41I don't have a family. I don't have any hobbies. The job was my life...
0:57:09 > 0:57:12Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd