0:00:02 > 0:00:04All right. Settle... Settle down, please.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Now, here we have luminol...
0:00:07 > 0:00:10Let go, Pat. Pat, let go.
0:00:10 > 0:00:11And here,
0:00:11 > 0:00:14we have hydrogen peroxide -
0:00:14 > 0:00:18two very dangerous liquids, but...
0:00:18 > 0:00:22combined, something rather special happens. ..Ah!
0:00:22 > 0:00:24Mr Hubble! Just in time.
0:00:24 > 0:00:29If you could, er, dim the lights for us, please? Thank you.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31So, watch very carefully.
0:00:31 > 0:00:35I'm pouring now...
0:00:35 > 0:00:37There!
0:00:37 > 0:00:40And that's chemiluminescence.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44So, what is chemiluminescence
0:00:44 > 0:00:46and how does it work?
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Well, when the two liquids combined,
0:00:49 > 0:00:51there was this luminous effect.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52How is it achieved?
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Well, if you look to your...
0:00:54 > 0:00:55LOUD THUD
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Mr Hubble?
0:01:00 > 0:01:03SOFT GUITAR MUSIC
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Mr Hubble?
0:01:08 > 0:01:13# When I think about the days There is something of a haze about it
0:01:16 > 0:01:18# When we said we'd never change
0:01:18 > 0:01:21# Well, we never stopped to think about it
0:01:23 > 0:01:27# No, we're not the same
0:01:27 > 0:01:31# But let's not break the chain
0:01:31 > 0:01:34# We should play this game together. #
0:01:38 > 0:01:40TUNE IS WHISTLED
0:01:44 > 0:01:49YELLING AND SHOUTING
0:01:54 > 0:01:56- Should I, um...? - No, no, it's all right. Let me.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58I'm used to handling this sort of thing.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Stop fighting! Oh, my God, stop fighting!
0:02:01 > 0:02:03That's really dangerous!
0:02:06 > 0:02:08They do still seem to be fighting.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10I haven't finished yet.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14I said, stop fighting! I said, stop!
0:02:18 > 0:02:21- Best if you don't help them. - I don't think anyone saw.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Can we just pop to the staff room and have a coffee and a biscuit?
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- Oh!- There's no biscuits left! Oh... - A tenner says the spotty one wins.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Shut it!
0:02:33 > 0:02:35You two, my office, now!
0:02:39 > 0:02:42What have you got to say for yourselves?
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Tina started it. She called me a slag.
0:02:44 > 0:02:45She IS a slag, Miss.
0:02:45 > 0:02:46That may well be the case.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Tina is a total slag.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Let's just agree that you're both slags.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54But put that aside, this type of barbarism is utterly objectionable.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00OK. I'll put this in terms you understand.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03You startin' a ting? Are you startin' a ting?
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Cos if you's startin' a ting, I'mma bust you up.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Dis ain't no joke. I'm a cold-ass biatch.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11A thugged up, gangbangin' hustla.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14One mo battle, yo headin' for the dirt nap.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Right back up your ass. You get me?
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Now, get out of mi house!
0:03:21 > 0:03:23INTERCOM BEEPS
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Daphne, wagwan with Ofsted?
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Oh, sorry... What's going on with Ofsted?
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- There you go.- Oh, thank you.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Is that beef and onion soup?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Mm. No coffee left.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53But on the up side, I did find some bourbons.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Sorry you had to witness that today.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Must have been quite a shock for you.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00Oh, what, that? No, that was nothing.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Fights were a daily occurrence at my last school.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Well, sadly, here at Greybridge, they can be twice-daily.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07That was a little disagreement, compared to what I'm used to.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Yeah, well, normally, they are a lot worse than that.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Well, I'm ready for it. Probably cos I speak their language.
0:04:12 > 0:04:17It's no wonder these children fight. I mean, what chance do they have?
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Gang culture, violent video games.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23Plus, the internet is awash with pornography -
0:04:23 > 0:04:24some of it utterly degrading.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- MR GUNN:- Oh, yeah. Yeah, normally, you have to put
0:04:26 > 0:04:29your credit card details in for that particular type of grot.
0:04:29 > 0:04:30Trevor, this is not a joke.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33Some of this pornography can be very dangerous.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34No, tell me about it.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37The other night, my mum came home early from bingo -
0:04:37 > 0:04:38nearly dropped me laptop in the bath.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- Oh...- Don't worry,
0:04:40 > 0:04:43her stairlift bought me an extra 45 seconds.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Trust me, that was plenty.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50I mean, how the man became a teacher, I'll never know.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52I mean, he claims he went to a university,
0:04:52 > 0:04:55but it was still a polytechnic when he went there.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Why have you stopped?
0:04:58 > 0:05:02- Thought you might like to sponsor me.- Oh!
0:05:02 > 0:05:05An Ironman. Wow!
0:05:05 > 0:05:07- Very impressive.- Well,
0:05:07 > 0:05:09maybe it is, maybe it isn't, not really for me to say.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12But one of my friends said she was doing it, so I just thought,
0:05:12 > 0:05:14"Well, yeah, why not? How hard can it be?"
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Really quite hard. That's why they call it an Ironman.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19It's the toughest of all the metals.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Hm, no, it's just a good opportunity to get fit.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24I think you need to be quite fit to start.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26It's only a bit of running!
0:05:26 > 0:05:28And cycling and swimming.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29And cycling and swimming!
0:05:29 > 0:05:30Is it?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32- Mm.- Is it?
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- Yes.- She didn't tell me that.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Well, best of luck with it.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Yeah, I start training today, going running at lunchtime.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42When's the challenge?
0:05:42 > 0:05:43It's a week on Saturday.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Put me down for £1.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Trying to get rid of the wobbly bits?
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Haven't got any wobbly bits.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Couple of tips learnt from the Olympics.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06Number one - do blade-hands when you run.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Two - be Jamaican.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Sorry, can't help you with the second one.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13What are you doing the running for?
0:06:13 > 0:06:17I'm actually in training for an Ironman event.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Blimey, that's brave.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Uh... I thought, "Why not?"
0:06:21 > 0:06:24It's just a bit of running, cycling and swimming.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27I could train you up, if you like.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29I'm actually all right, thank you.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Are you sure? It's a tough event.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36It's getting on the bike in, er... in wet trunks that I couldn't hack.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41- I thought that was a different day. - No. No, all on the same day.
0:06:43 > 0:06:482½K swim, 110K bike ride, and then...
0:06:48 > 0:06:49a marathon.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51What, all in my wet bikini?
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Well, you'll dry off a bit during the run.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58I might need a little bit of help.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION
0:07:06 > 0:07:07BUZZ OF CONVERSATION
0:07:07 > 0:07:11Right, settle down, everyone!
0:07:12 > 0:07:16Now, following the incident with Mr Hubble yesterday,
0:07:16 > 0:07:20the new Acting Head of Science is Mr Church.
0:07:20 > 0:07:25Sit down... This morning, I have spoken to Mr Hubble's mother,
0:07:25 > 0:07:29and she has assured me Mr Hubble will be back teaching very soon.
0:07:29 > 0:07:34The main topic of this morning's assembly is violence.
0:07:34 > 0:07:39But the message doesn't seem to be getting across. Tina! Beyonce!
0:07:39 > 0:07:41- (Push off!) - So Mrs Klebb
0:07:41 > 0:07:43has set up a new action group.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51Come along for free squash and biscuits any afternoon this week
0:07:51 > 0:07:56to the drama block for a meeting of my new anti-violence group.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01Stop Pupils Arguing Fighting Forever!
0:08:01 > 0:08:02SPAFF for short.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- Why were they all laughing? - Oh, I've no idea.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27Look, I know we haven't always got on,
0:08:27 > 0:08:30but I really like what you're doing with SPAFF.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Thank you.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35And this could be big. SPAFF could really fly.
0:08:35 > 0:08:40Yes! I want SPAFF on T-shirts, baseball caps,
0:08:40 > 0:08:42lunchboxes. This campaign's not just for kids,
0:08:42 > 0:08:44it can be for everyone.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45We've all got people we'd like to thump,
0:08:45 > 0:08:49but it'd be a lot better if we all just made friends.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53Yes. Anything I can do to help spread SPAFF?
0:08:53 > 0:08:57Well, in the spirit of things, you could make amends with Trevor.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58No.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01This is exactly what SPAFF is all about.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03I don't like him.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07It doesn't matter. Why don't you be the bigger person?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Hm? Just go and shake his hand.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Trevor?
0:09:23 > 0:09:26- What?- I know we haven't always seen eye to eye,
0:09:26 > 0:09:29but I wondered if we could just... shake hands and be friends?
0:09:38 > 0:09:40- Well done, you two! - On one condition.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42- Oh, here we go.- You desist from
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- these exercise sessions with Sarah. - Yeah, all right. No problem, mate.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48- Thank you. - Once I've done sex with her...
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- ..balls deep.- Oh...
0:09:55 > 0:09:58And, for heaven's sake, wash your hands!
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Not sitting by your girlfriend today?
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Oh, it's early days. She's not quite my girlfriend.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16But, no, Sarah's actually out training for her Ironman challenge.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Word of advice, Church - whatever you do, don't get close to a woman.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22They all let you down in the end.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24And they sell all your stuff in a car-boot sale.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27I hardly think that's going to happen with Sarah.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Then whatever you do, don't turn around.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34They're a proper tease.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Miss Postern is not a tease.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Oh, yeah. She knows what she's doing.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Cavorting there with a sex man.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45What's a sex man?
0:10:45 > 0:10:47A man who has sex...regularly.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10- Blade-hands, remember.- Oh, yeah.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Hello, you two!
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Oh, no.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19What are you doing here?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Just out for my usual lunchtime jog.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Oh. Why are you in your vest and pants?
0:11:24 > 0:11:25Forgot my kit today.
0:11:27 > 0:11:28Let's pick up the pace.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34Change direction!
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Well done, Sarah. That's today's session almost over.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Wow! Thank you. That was great.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49What was that, about five miles?
0:11:49 > 0:11:51- No, half a mile.- Was it? OK.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Well, I suppose you just build up to it, don't you?
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Half a mile, one mile...
0:11:56 > 0:11:5826 miles.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Right, you go and get yourself soaped off.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10I'll pop in to make sure you're showering properly, yeah?
0:12:10 > 0:12:11I'm joking!
0:12:11 > 0:12:13He's not joking, he's a sex man!
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Why are you in your pants?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Oh, I needed to wash them as well.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39So easier if I keep them on, saves time.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41My word!
0:12:44 > 0:12:46What's the matter? You never seen a huge donger before?
0:12:46 > 0:12:49I wouldn't say it was huge, but it's definitely ample.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Do you want to take a photo? It'll last longer.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56I need to speak to you about Sarah.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Too late, mate. I'll be third base by Friday night.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01I think you're very much mistaken,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03cos me and her are already at fourth base
0:13:03 > 0:13:05and we're making inroads into fifth.
0:13:05 > 0:13:06There is no fifth.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10- What's fifth? - We're both men of the world.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12I don't need to spell it out to you.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16But I'd appreciate it if you'd back off, mate!
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Fair play to you. Didn't know you had it in you.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30Yes. Well, I do have it in me.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Are you not going to take those pants off?
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Oh, no, they'll dry quicker on.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40HAND-DRYER BUZZES
0:13:53 > 0:13:54HE WHISTLES
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Churchy shagged Postern. Pass it on.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Churchy shagged Postern. Pass it on.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Churchy shagged Postern. Tweet it.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07I want you to know I'm so bloody proud of you lot.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09I really bloody am.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13I'm sorry I keep bloody swearing, but that's the truth.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16You are star pupils, every single one of you.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Just promise me one thing, right?
0:14:19 > 0:14:22You never, ever let anybody tell you that you are not winners -
0:14:22 > 0:14:26not your teachers, not your parents, not your bitch of a wife -
0:14:26 > 0:14:28because you are all winners.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Winner. Winner. Winner. Winner.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36When I was a kid, my teachers told me I was a loser.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40You know what they predicted I'd get for my A-level Geography?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42An E.
0:14:42 > 0:14:43An E.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46I thought, "No, it's not up to you what I get, it's up to me."
0:14:46 > 0:14:48I worked bloody hard.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52I stayed up all night revising, revising, revising.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55And I worked and I worked and I worked -
0:14:55 > 0:14:57and d'you know what grade I got in the end?
0:14:57 > 0:14:59- Was it an A, sir?- No.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01- B?- No.
0:15:01 > 0:15:02- E?- No!
0:15:03 > 0:15:04I got a C.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Well, actually, it was a D,
0:15:08 > 0:15:10but my mam asked them to take into account
0:15:10 > 0:15:13I was going through some personal problems at home
0:15:13 > 0:15:17but, you know, they... they marked me up. But, anyway...
0:15:17 > 0:15:20these teachers, they said I didn't know anything about Geography.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Well, look at me now.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25I'm bloody teaching it. Top of the world, eh?
0:15:26 > 0:15:31Now, you get there, into that exam hall, and you believe in yourselves.
0:15:32 > 0:15:33Cos you are all winners,
0:15:33 > 0:15:38and I am looking at the Geography teachers of tomorrow.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Well, I ain't going to be a Geography teacher, sir.
0:15:43 > 0:15:44Dare to dream!
0:15:47 > 0:15:52Now, let's get out there and kick some Geography arse!
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Remember, the questions...
0:15:59 > 0:16:00Read all the questions.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Just remember to read the questions.
0:16:05 > 0:16:06Good luck.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12The time now is two o'clock.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15You have exactly two hours.
0:16:16 > 0:16:17Turn over your papers...
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:16:20 > 0:16:22..now.
0:16:26 > 0:16:31- (Good luck!) - Ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh!
0:16:39 > 0:16:40You haven't taught us any of this.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42What?
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Oh, no...
0:16:50 > 0:16:52I taught you the GCSE syllabus.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56- What the hell are we going to do? - Ssh-ssh!
0:16:56 > 0:16:58It'll be fine.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00(What's going on?)
0:17:00 > 0:17:05Er, nothing, it's, er...fine. It's all, er... It's all fine.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08There's a pencil sharpener malfunction.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10It's, er... Ahem...
0:17:10 > 0:17:11It's all under control.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13(Well, keep the chatter to a minimum.)
0:17:13 > 0:17:16- Yes.- Ssh!
0:17:17 > 0:17:20HE MOUTHS
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Churchy...
0:17:27 > 0:17:30You know, there's no need for us both to be here.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Why don't you nip off early and...pop to the shops, or...?
0:17:33 > 0:17:34I won't tell anyone.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37HE WHISPERS: I think the examination board would take a dim view of that.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Besides, I love invigilating.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42The silence. The tension.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45The pacing up and down the rows of worried faces.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47It's what teaching's all about.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02HE MOUTHS
0:18:02 > 0:18:03(Question one.)
0:18:07 > 0:18:10HE MOUTHS
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Ahem...
0:18:30 > 0:18:33La guitare.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Anyone like to take a guess?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37La...guitare.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42It's the guitar. All right, let's have another one.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Les bongos.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Bon...gos.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Bongos!
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Oh, come on! It's bongos.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01All right, one more.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Le tambourin.
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Le tambourin...
0:19:05 > 0:19:09You've actually seen me play this one in assembly.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- I thought you played the church organ, Miss.- En francais.
0:19:13 > 0:19:14Don't know any French.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Do you kneel down at church, Miss?
0:19:17 > 0:19:21- What does that mean?- Miss, have you had a tug on the church bell?
0:19:21 > 0:19:23THEY LAUGH
0:19:23 > 0:19:25- Miss? Miss?- Yes, Craig?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Have you done sex with Mr Church?
0:19:27 > 0:19:28THEY GROAN
0:19:28 > 0:19:31What?! Right, look...
0:19:31 > 0:19:36Keith and I... Mr Church and I are work colleagues and friends.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37Where has this come from?!
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Churchy told Gunn he's shagged you!
0:19:40 > 0:19:41THEY LAUGH
0:19:43 > 0:19:47S'il vous plait, er, passer a une lecture privee.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48What?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Just do some private reading.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03(Question...)
0:20:06 > 0:20:08HE MOUTHS
0:20:08 > 0:20:09(Power.)
0:20:19 > 0:20:21- Mr Church!- Ssh!
0:20:25 > 0:20:27(Mr...Church!)
0:20:27 > 0:20:28(That's better.)
0:20:28 > 0:20:31How dare you make me look like some kind of skank!
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- A what?- A skank.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36- A ho.- What?
0:20:36 > 0:20:37A sex lady.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41I've absolutely no idea,
0:20:41 > 0:20:44and please keep your voice down - it's exam conditions.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Oh, I think you know perfectly well.
0:20:46 > 0:20:51You told Trevor that we had had sex.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55And we have not had sex.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57PUPILS CHATTER
0:21:21 > 0:21:24HE MOUTHS
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Can I have some more paper, please, sir?
0:21:47 > 0:21:49HE MOUTHS
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Gunn's in the house! Ssh!
0:21:51 > 0:21:53All right, Gareth, you can piss off now.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57No, you're all right. I'll stay, if you don't mind. I...
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- I absolutely love this.- All right...
0:21:59 > 0:22:01I'll be in the computer room.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03(You're not going anywhere!)
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Get off me, you big, fat gayer.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37HE CHUCKLES
0:22:37 > 0:22:42(What I told you about Sarah, in the shower, was in strict confidence!)
0:22:42 > 0:22:44- I only told Year Nines. - You're a great big shitting shit!
0:22:46 > 0:22:47Don't poke me, you twat!
0:22:47 > 0:22:50I'll poke you as much as I like! And keep your voice down.
0:22:50 > 0:22:51Agh! Agh! Agh!
0:22:51 > 0:22:53THEY GROAN AND GRUNT
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Aargh!
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Sorry, I don't know the rest myself.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16- Oh, God... - HE SOBS
0:23:40 > 0:23:45I think we've proved here today, through friendship and squash,
0:23:45 > 0:23:47that violence has no place at Greybridge.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49DOOR BANGS
0:23:51 > 0:23:52YELLING
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Keep up the good work, Mrs Klebb.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08All right?
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Please stop spreading silly rumours about teachers.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15There really is no drama to speak of.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19They're fighting! Keith and Trevor - they're fighting!
0:24:19 > 0:24:22- What?! - Sarah, they're fighting over you.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26I'm sorry, but I've got men fighting over me!
0:24:29 > 0:24:32And that's not a rumour, it often happens,
0:24:32 > 0:24:34and you can spread that one.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36You carry on. I'll alert the Head.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46EXCITED CHATTER
0:24:51 > 0:24:53- PUPILS YELL ENCOURAGEMENT - Stop fighting!
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Stop fighting! Stop fighting over me!
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Oh!
0:24:58 > 0:25:02Oh! He's hit me! He's hit me!
0:25:02 > 0:25:05- He's hit me! - EXCITED CHATTER AND LAUGHTER
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Agh!
0:25:16 > 0:25:18- Let me have it!- I'll do it!
0:25:18 > 0:25:20- I'll do it!- I'll do it!
0:25:20 > 0:25:22You do it!
0:25:22 > 0:25:26CLOCK TICKS
0:25:26 > 0:25:28This is a new low for the school.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32And, believe you me, we have had some quite startling lows.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36What an example to set to the children! Fighting...
0:25:36 > 0:25:38in an exam!
0:25:38 > 0:25:40- He started it. - Well, I think you'll find
0:25:40 > 0:25:43Mr Gunn started it when he told the entire school
0:25:43 > 0:25:45that I'd slept with Sarah Postern.
0:25:45 > 0:25:46Well, have you slept with her?
0:25:46 > 0:25:49I'd rather not say.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53- INTERCOM BEEPS - Daphne, send her in.
0:25:54 > 0:25:55DOOR OPENS
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Have you had sexual relations with this man?
0:26:01 > 0:26:02No!
0:26:03 > 0:26:04That'll be all.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Why did you tell me you had?
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Well?
0:26:16 > 0:26:18I don't know.
0:26:19 > 0:26:20HE SCOFFS
0:26:20 > 0:26:23You're no better, Mr Gunn, spreading idle gossip.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25What have you got to say for yourself?
0:26:30 > 0:26:31- HE MUMBLES:- Sorry.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34What? I didn't hear that.
0:26:37 > 0:26:38Sorry.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41And what about you, Mr Church?
0:26:41 > 0:26:43- Are you sorry?- Yes.
0:26:43 > 0:26:44Well, say it, then.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46HE MUMBLES
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Properly.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Sorry!
0:26:50 > 0:26:51Now say it to each other.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53THEY SIGH
0:27:01 > 0:27:02THEY BOTH MUMBLE: Sorry.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08Right. Now get out of my sight.
0:27:18 > 0:27:19Hey...
0:27:19 > 0:27:21No hard feelings, eh, mate?
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Oh. Nice to have you back, Mr Hubble.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Bum bandit.
0:27:53 > 0:27:54We're going to France.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56- Why do you want to go to Dieppe? - Shag Postern.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58You could always sleep in my room.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01- MS BARON:- No drinking, no smoking, and no holiday romances
0:28:01 > 0:28:02with dirty Frenchmen.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Well, the children will, of course, be supervised at all times.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07I wasn't talking about the children.
0:28:07 > 0:28:08- MISS POSTERN:- Bonjour!
0:28:08 > 0:28:11S'il y a des problemes et je ne suis pas au bureau, sonnez.
0:28:11 > 0:28:12A little bit slower?
0:28:12 > 0:28:15Someone has helped themselves to me...sexually.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17Oh, dear.
0:28:18 > 0:28:23# When I think about the days There is something of a haze about it
0:28:26 > 0:28:28# When we said we'd never change
0:28:28 > 0:28:31# Well, we never stopped to think about it
0:28:33 > 0:28:36# No, we're not the same
0:28:36 > 0:28:40# But let's not break the chain
0:28:40 > 0:28:44# We should play this game together. #