0:00:36 > 0:00:39Right, Baldrick. Let's try again, shall we?
0:00:39 > 0:00:42This is called "ADDING".
0:00:42 > 0:00:44If I have two beans,
0:00:44 > 0:00:48 and then, I add two more beans, what do I have?
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Some beans.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Yes...and no.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Let's try again, shall we? I have two beans,
0:00:56 > 0:01:00then I add two more beans. What does that make?
0:01:00 > 0:01:02A very small casserole.
0:01:02 > 0:01:08Baldrick, the ape-creatures of the Indus have mastered this. Try again.
0:01:08 > 0:01:13One, two, three, FOUR! So, how many are there?
0:01:13 > 0:01:18- Three.- What?- And that one. - Three and that one!
0:01:18 > 0:01:21So, if I add that one, what will I have?
0:01:21 > 0:01:24OH! Some beans.
0:01:24 > 0:01:29The Renaissance was something that happened to other people, wasn't it?
0:01:29 > 0:01:36- Edmund, the Queen wants to see you. - WHAT...- I said, "Edmund, the Queen wants..."- Let me finish!
0:01:36 > 0:01:40- What is that round your neck? - My new ruff!
0:01:40 > 0:01:48- You look like a bird who's swallowed a plate.- It's the fashion, actually. It makes me look RATHER sexy!
0:01:48 > 0:01:51To another plate-swallowing bird, perhaps,
0:01:51 > 0:01:56- if it was blind and hadn't had it in months.- I think you may be wrong.
0:01:56 > 0:02:02- You're a laughable figure, Percy. What do you think of Percy's ruff? - Four.- What?
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Some beans and some beans is four.
0:02:05 > 0:02:11No, we've moved from advanced maths to dress-making. What do you think of Percy's ruff?
0:02:11 > 0:02:17- He looks like a bird who's swallowed a plate.- That's what- I- thought. Think on your own.
0:02:17 > 0:02:24- Thinking is SO important. What do YOU think?- I think thinking is SO important, my lord.- I give up!
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- I'm off to see the Queen. - Shall I come too?
0:02:27 > 0:02:35Best not. People might think we're friends. Stay here. Bird-neck and bird-brain. Should get on.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39Grey, I suspect, Majesty.
0:02:39 > 0:02:45- I THINK you'll find it was orange, Lord Melchett!- Grey IS more usual.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Who's Queen?
0:02:47 > 0:02:54As you say, Majesty, there were these magnificent ORANGE elephants...
0:02:54 > 0:03:00- Milady. You wished to see me.- Yes, Edmund, Lord Melchett has BAD news.
0:03:00 > 0:03:06- Lord Melchett IS bad news. - No, be SERIOUS! Melchett!
0:03:06 > 0:03:10Unhappily, Blackadder, the Lord High Executioner
0:03:10 > 0:03:12is dead.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Oh, woe (!)
0:03:14 > 0:03:22- Murdered?- No, they usually are. This one just got careless and signed his name on the wrong dotted line.
0:03:22 > 0:03:29- He should have said they had the wrong man.- He did, but they had the right man and the form to prove it.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Tsk! Bloody red tape, heh?
0:03:32 > 0:03:37- And the bad news?- The bad news is there are hundreds of Catholics
0:03:37 > 0:03:42who desperately want their heads snicked off but no-one to do it.
0:03:42 > 0:03:49- I pity the sod who gets the job. No-one ever survives.- I have drawn up a list of suitable candidates.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Oh, good-oh! Let's hear it!
0:03:52 > 0:03:57List for the post of Lord High Executioner.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Lord Blackadder...
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Ah-ha!
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Right, let's take a look, shall we?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Who's first into the head-basket?
0:04:11 > 0:04:16Admiral Lord Effingham and Sir Francis Drake on Monday.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- That should draw a crowd.- Hm?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Well, sailing enthusiasts.
0:04:21 > 0:04:27- Better make sure there's anchors and things on the souvenir stall. - Aye-aye, sir.
0:04:27 > 0:04:32Never, EVER try to be funny in my presence again, Percy.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37Right, Buckingham and Ponsonby on Friday.
0:04:37 > 0:04:44- Farrow on Wednesday? Who's he when he's not having his head cut off? - Pleasant bloke from Dorchester.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Don't know him. Never will, either.
0:04:48 > 0:04:53- And he goes on Wednesday.- Hm. - It's not right, though, is it?
0:04:53 > 0:05:00No. Now you mention it, there was absolutely NO evidence against young Farrow. It's a TRAVESTY of justice!
0:05:00 > 0:05:06No! I mean we could stick him in on Monday and have half the week off.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10- Oh, I see, that's fine. - Pop him in on Monday.
0:05:10 > 0:05:15Good. Five dead in two days. Not a bad start. Oh Percy, the new ruff!
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- Better?- Worse.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Fashion today is towards the tiny.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24In that case, Percy, you have the most fashionable brain in London.
0:05:24 > 0:05:32Right, good morning, team. My name is Edmund Blackadder and I'm the new minister for religious genocide.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Play straight and I'm considerate.
0:05:35 > 0:05:41But cross me, and you'll soon find out that under this playful, boyish exterior,
0:05:41 > 0:05:45beats the heart of a ruthless, sadistic maniac!
0:05:45 > 0:05:50- Now, my man, you are?- Jailer, sir. - Good. Well done. And your name is?
0:05:50 > 0:05:53- Ploppy, sir.- Ploppy?- Yes, sir.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55 Ploppy, the jailer.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59That's right, sir. Ploppy, son of Ploppy.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Ploppy, son of Ploppy, the jailer.
0:06:02 > 0:06:07Ach, no, sir. I am the first Ploppy to rise to be jailer.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11My father, Daddy Ploppy, was known as Ploppy the slopper.
0:06:11 > 0:06:17- It was from him that I inherited my fascinating skin diseases.- Yes.
0:06:17 > 0:06:23You are to be congratulated. We live in an age where deformity is commonplace,
0:06:23 > 0:06:28and yet, Ploppy, you are the most repulsive individual I've ever met.
0:06:28 > 0:06:33I would shake your hand but I fear it would come off.
0:06:33 > 0:06:38- There's no many bosses so thoughtful. - Thank you, Ploppy, I do my best.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42Now then, woman, if indeed, you ARE a woman,
0:06:42 > 0:06:47- what is your function on death row? - I'm the last meal cook, sir.
0:06:47 > 0:06:52- The prisoners ask me for what they fancy.- And you cook what they desire.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56Oh, yes, sir. Provided they ask for sausages.
0:06:56 > 0:07:02Otherwise, they get a tiny bit disappointed. Sausages is all I got.
0:07:02 > 0:07:08- You are a woman of compassion, Mistress...- Ploppy, sir. - So you are married to...
0:07:08 > 0:07:13No! Many people think that, butit'sPURE coincidence.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16We did laugh whenfirstwefoundout.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20"Good morning, Mistress Ploppy", he'dsay,
0:07:20 > 0:07:23and I'd say, "Good morning, Mr Ploppy"!
0:07:24 > 0:07:29The long winter evenings must just fly by.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33Ah! And you must be the boy who makes the tea.
0:07:33 > 0:07:39No, no, sir. He's the executioner. But he does sometimes make the tea.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41And your name is?
0:07:41 > 0:07:49- Baldrick.I'llchangeittoPloppy if you want.- I CANcopewithmore than one name. Why are you here?
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Well, it's a hobby.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55It would be more fun ifhechangedhis name.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Give the place a family atmosphere.
0:07:58 > 0:08:05- Familyatmosphere? Thisisaplace of pain and misery. - That's what I mean, sir.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Mistress Ploppy's a bit of a social realist, sir.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12Now, we're going to run an efficient operation
0:08:12 > 0:08:17and I intend to do as little as possible. My deputy will explain.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20Ahem!
0:08:20 > 0:08:24Good afternoon, staff. My name is Lord Percy,
0:08:24 > 0:08:29and if you play fair, you'll find me a considerate employer,
0:08:29 > 0:08:32but if you cross me, by JOVE...
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Just tell 'em the plan, duck-face.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38- My Lord, not in front of the staff. - Get on with it.
0:08:38 > 0:08:46Right, as you know, we are scheduled to execute Drake and Effingham on Monday, Lord Farrow on Wednesday,
0:08:46 > 0:08:49and Buckingham and Ponsonby on Friday.
0:08:49 > 0:08:56But, to give us time off, Lord Blackadder has decided to move Farrow to Monday.
0:08:56 > 0:09:01Let's just say he's got time off for good behaviour.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- Your Majesty!- Yes, Lady Farrow?
0:09:06 > 0:09:11My husband dies tomorrow. I beseech you, even if you cannot save him...
0:09:11 > 0:09:17- Which I don't think we want, as he's a HORRIBLE traitor. - Of course not, your Majesty.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21But if he must die, may I see him?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23But, of COURSE!
0:09:23 > 0:09:30Why's she asking me? Why doesn't she go to the execution with everyone else?
0:09:30 > 0:09:37No, your Majesty, I don't believe she wants to see him DIE. She wants to see him BEFORE he dies.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- How odd!- Majesty?
0:09:39 > 0:09:43She's not seen him. I wouldn't marry someone I hadn't seen.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47Take it more seriously next time.
0:09:49 > 0:09:54Come now, Lady Farrow, crying isn't going to help your husband now.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58No, ointment. That's what you need when your head's been cut off.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01That's what I gave your sister, Mary.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04"There, there," I said. "You'll grow a new one."
0:10:04 > 0:10:09Shut up, Nursie! Of course you may see your husband, my dear,
0:10:09 > 0:10:14and if that horrid Edmund tries to stop you, GIVE HIM this.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17A warrant for his own execution.
0:10:17 > 0:10:22Thank you, Ma'am. May flights of angels sing you to your rest.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Yes, I'm sure they will.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup!
0:10:33 > 0:10:34Hup!
0:10:34 > 0:10:39- So, they're all dead, are they?- Yep! All three. Drake, Effingham, Farrow.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Splendid. Any good last words?
0:10:42 > 0:10:49Well, Farrow was rather moving, my lord. A strong man, he stood there, gaunt and noble in the morning mist,
0:10:49 > 0:10:51and in a clear voice he cried out,
0:10:51 > 0:10:55"My wife might have bloody well turned up!"
0:10:55 > 0:10:59She's probably shacked up with some new pair of tights already.
0:10:59 > 0:11:06Unless Percy has anything to add, you can amuse yourselves in whatever foul way you want.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Thank you, sir.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12Well, staff, I've got a few notes on today's show.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16- On the whole, I was impressed. - They've gone, Percy.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Er...er...team, TEAM?
0:11:19 > 0:11:24- My lord, a lady to see you.- Pretty? - I don't know. What do you think?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27I don't know! I haven't seen her!
0:11:29 > 0:11:33- Make yourself scarce, Baldrick. - Oh, all right.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Good evening, Lord Blackadder.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Well, it certainly is now.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42Perhaps you'd like to slip into something more comfortable
0:11:42 > 0:11:45No, my lord, there is a great pain in my heart.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49- Probably indigestion. I'll take your mind off that.- It is my husband!
0:11:49 > 0:11:54- He's got indigestion! He won't bother us, then.- No!
0:11:54 > 0:11:59- He dies tomorrow.- You can't die of indigestion. You're over-dramatic.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01He is to be executed at your order.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04- I- am Lady Farrow.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Ah! And what exactly did you want of me?
0:12:07 > 0:12:10I wish to see my husband tonight.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Not really possible, actually.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Excuse me, just a second. Baldrick!
0:12:17 > 0:12:20That Farrow bloke you executed. Is he dead?
0:12:20 > 0:12:27- I chopped his head off. That usually does it.- Don't get clever. You might have lopped off a leg by mistake.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29- No, it had a nose.- Fine.
0:12:29 > 0:12:37I'm so sorry. I've just been consulting my legal people and there really is no chance of a meeting.
0:12:37 > 0:12:44- But the Queen told me it would be allowed.- Really?- Yes, and that if you said no, I should give you this.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Fine! Fine! Absolutely!
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Why not?!
0:12:52 > 0:12:57- Right, Baldrick. Is that ALL clear? - I killed someone I shouldn't have,
0:12:57 > 0:13:02- and you want me to put a lady on my head and talk to his old bag.- No!
0:13:02 > 0:13:05A bag on your head and talk to his old lady.
0:13:05 > 0:13:14- Why do I want a bag on my head? - So, nin-com-poop, she thinks you're her husband.- Did HE wear a bag?
0:13:14 > 0:13:20Young Ploppy has a point, my lord. Lord Farrow never wore a bag.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23He was an old-fashioned sort of gent.
0:13:23 > 0:13:31- Look...- Well, my lord. I had been wondering all along why you think Baldrick with a bag on his head
0:13:31 > 0:13:35is a dead ringer for Farrow, because he's NOT!
0:13:35 > 0:13:39Look, cretins, the bag is there to obscure Baldrick's own features,
0:13:39 > 0:13:44which many would find reason enough for him to wear it.
0:13:44 > 0:13:50Before I bring in Lady Farrow, I shall explain, inventing some cunning excuse,
0:13:50 > 0:13:53that her husband has taken to wearing a bag.
0:13:53 > 0:14:00She can then chat to Baldrick, thinking he's her husband and the Queen need never know.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02- A brilliant plan.- Foolproof!
0:14:02 > 0:14:07- Very kind.- Though there is something lurking at the back of my head.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10It's probably a flea.
0:14:10 > 0:14:17- My lord, Lady Farrow awaits your pleasure.- All right, OK. Quick! Ah!
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Lady Farrow! What a pleasure it is to see you!
0:14:20 > 0:14:23It is my beloved I shall be pleased to see.
0:14:23 > 0:14:29Quite, quite. But I should warn you he is not QUITE as you knew him.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31You FIEND! What have you done to him?
0:14:31 > 0:14:35We have put...A BAG over his head!
0:14:35 > 0:14:40- Why?- Well, you see, none of the other prisoners have such shapely widows,
0:14:40 > 0:14:43er...wives, I should say.
0:14:43 > 0:14:48So, in their interests, your husband nobly agreed to wear a bag,
0:14:48 > 0:14:52or you'd have the other prisoners in there too.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54How like him to make such a gesture!
0:14:54 > 0:15:00Yes, yes. Well, I'll just go check he's bagged up. Won't be a minute.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Right, Balders, this is it!
0:15:03 > 0:15:05- My lord!- Oh, what is it now, Ploppy?
0:15:05 > 0:15:08I have located my nagging doubt.
0:15:08 > 0:15:15It's a small point, but I do now recall that Lord Farrow was considerably taller,
0:15:15 > 0:15:19more than a yard taller than young Ploppy here.
0:15:19 > 0:15:26NUR-R! If you want something done, you've got to do it yourself! Anything else I should know.
0:15:26 > 0:15:33- Yes, he had a very deep voice, big, deep, booming voice. - Quite like mine, then.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- No, a deep, booming voice. - Mine's quite deep.
0:15:36 > 0:15:41Not like his. And, Lord Farrow was taller even than you, my lord.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45- A giant of a man. - All right, don't rub it in.
0:15:45 > 0:15:51- Percy, you'd better go and have another word with her. Go on, go on!- Er...er...
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Er...sorry about the delay, madam.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01As you know, you are about to meet your husband,
0:16:01 > 0:16:06whom you will recognise by the fact that he has a bag over his head.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10- I would know my darling anywhere! - There are a couple of other things.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14I am aware that he may have lost some weight.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Yes...and some height.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23That's the interesting thing. You probably won't recognise him!
0:16:23 > 0:16:27You'll be telling me his arm's grown back next.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32'Scuse, just for a sec!
0:16:35 > 0:16:37He's only got one arm.
0:16:37 > 0:16:42Oh well, I'll just have to stick it inside the shirt. Which one?
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- Which one?- ER...- Which one?- Hang on!
0:16:45 > 0:16:51Er...er...how do we know you're his wife?
0:16:51 > 0:16:56- What?- Er...well, you know, you could be a gloater.- I beg pardon?
0:16:56 > 0:17:01You know, a gloater, come to gloat over the condemned man.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03We're up to our ears in gloaters.
0:17:03 > 0:17:08"Can I come in to gloat?" they say. We shout, "You heartless gloaters!"
0:17:10 > 0:17:12All right. All right.
0:17:12 > 0:17:20Tell you what. I'll believe you're not a gloater if you tell me which arm he hasn't got.
0:17:20 > 0:17:25- His left, of course! NOW LET ME SEE MY HUSBAND!- Right!
0:17:25 > 0:17:30- It's the left! Good luck!- Gloaters! You really are a PRAT, aren't you?
0:17:30 > 0:17:38Right, in two minutes you interrupt me, no more, or I'm in real trouble, and don't forget because...?
0:17:38 > 0:17:42- ..Because we're not at home to Mr Cock-up.- Correct.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49- Remember the voice, my lord. - Yes, yes, yes.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- IN DEEP VOICE:- Enter!
0:17:54 > 0:17:56- James?- My darling.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58- How are you?- Oh, fine, fine.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02Food's not bad, apart from the sausages.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Your voice is somehow different.
0:18:05 > 0:18:11- Oh? How?- Somehow...lighter! Not as deep nor booming as once it was.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- EVEN DEEPER:- Is that better? - Darling!
0:18:14 > 0:18:22Call me by that name you always called me to show your love is still strong.
0:18:22 > 0:18:28- Look, do you think this is quite the time and the place for that sort of thing?- Please!
0:18:28 > 0:18:35The specific, secret little name I used to call you. You want to be called it now, right?
0:18:35 > 0:18:40Yes, the one like "your little pumpkin".
0:18:40 > 0:18:45The one LIKE "your little pumpkin". Not actually "your little pumpkin".
0:18:45 > 0:18:50- No.- Right then, my little pumpkinny-whumpkinny!
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Oh, my darling! OH! Your ARM!
0:18:53 > 0:18:55- What's wrong?- What happened to it?
0:18:55 > 0:19:00- I'm rather hurt you don't remember. - It was only cut off at the elbow!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- Ah-h!- What happened to the rest?
0:19:03 > 0:19:10I got into a scrap with a fellow who called you "a nosey little strumpet who's always blubbing to the Queen".
0:19:10 > 0:19:15- We got into a fight and he cut off the top half.- Alas!
0:19:15 > 0:19:22I think you'd better be going. Lord Blackadder said he would send his servant Baldrick to collect me.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26Perhaps, my lord, he is leaving us a little longer.
0:19:26 > 0:19:33- I shouldn't think so. BALDRICK! He's very punctual.- Perhaps this Baldrick is doing it out of kindness.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37Oh no! BALDRICK! He's a very unkind person.
0:19:37 > 0:19:45- Then let us use this moment to its full.- What?- Let me do this last thing for you. What wife could do more?
0:19:45 > 0:19:47What? Oh, I see-ee-EE!
0:19:47 > 0:19:50- Right, time's up!- No it isn't!- It is.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54Come on, out you go! We've had so little time!
0:19:54 > 0:19:58May we finish this in paradise. Farewell.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59Farewell.
0:19:59 > 0:20:03Baldrick, you BASTARD!
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Utter bastard!
0:20:05 > 0:20:09That was the first time ever, in my whole life.
0:20:09 > 0:20:15I've been on this paltry planet for 30 years, and that's the first time anyone has...
0:20:15 > 0:20:22Do not despair, my lord. Your brother petitions the Queen tomorrow morning. There may still be hope.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24What?!
0:20:27 > 0:20:31Shall I prepare the guest room for Mr Cock-up, my lord?
0:20:32 > 0:20:37Oh, all right, then. Let him off. He probably is innocent, anyway.
0:20:37 > 0:20:42My lady! May the heavens rain radiant jewels and sweetmeats upon you!
0:20:42 > 0:20:46- Yes, yes, yes, YES! - And may cherubim and seraphim...- Out!
0:20:49 > 0:20:51- My lady, about Lord Farrow...- Eek!
0:20:51 > 0:20:57- I've let him off.- No, you can't. He's a cad of the first water.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01- "Can't" is not a word for princes. - How very true, your Majesty!
0:21:01 > 0:21:08- Anyway, I won't be argued with, will I?- Sometimes, when you want something naughty...
0:21:08 > 0:21:15- No, you won't, absolutely not. - Precisely! So, Lord Blackadder, I want to see Lord Farrow in one hour.
0:21:15 > 0:21:23Meanwhile, I shall spend the time visiting my friend, Lord Ponsonby, who I'm having killed on Friday.
0:21:23 > 0:21:29Come on, Nursie. Let's see if there are any good heads in Traitor's cloister on the way.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39- Percy, this is a very difficult situation.- Yes, my lord.
0:21:39 > 0:21:44- Someone's for the chop. You or me, in fact.- Er...yes.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48Let's face facts, Perce. It's you!
0:21:50 > 0:21:54- Except...except I may have a plan. - Oh, yes?
0:21:54 > 0:21:59How about if we take Lord Farrow's head and body to the Queen,
0:21:59 > 0:22:05except, exc-ept, just before we get in, we start shouting and screaming,
0:22:05 > 0:22:12and we come in saying, "We were on our way, when he said something traitorous so we cut his head off."
0:22:12 > 0:22:16Pathetic! Absolutely pathetic! Contemptible!
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Worth a try! Where's the head?
0:22:18 > 0:22:26- Traitor's cloister.- That's where the Queen is! Did she know Farrow? - Yes, they were childhood friends.
0:22:26 > 0:22:31Well, if she sees his head on a spike, she'll realise he's DEAD!
0:22:31 > 0:22:35- Yes.- You fix the body. I'll cover the head.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Oh! Hello, Edmund.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Look, I'm sorry I snapped at you just now.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47- Oh.- You know I'm very keen on you, don't you?
0:22:47 > 0:22:52- Yes! As you were on Essex.- Exactly! - Until you had his head cut off.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56He didn't mind! He knew it was only little me.
0:22:56 > 0:23:01And I must say, his head did look jolly super on its spike.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06- Are there no heads on spikes today? - Um...no.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09NO!
0:23:09 > 0:23:14We're training a new executioner. It takes him forever. Slash, slash!
0:23:14 > 0:23:19When he's finished, you don't so much need a spike as a toast-rack.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23I like toast. Still, must be off to say bye-bye to Ponsonby.
0:23:23 > 0:23:28Would you care to stroll with me? If you're not too busy.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Sorry, Ma'am, affairs of...
0:23:30 > 0:23:39- I said, "Would you care to stroll with me? If you're not too BUSY!" - It would make the decade worthwhile!
0:23:39 > 0:23:44And in Genoa, 'tis now the fashion to pin a live frog to the shoulder,
0:23:44 > 0:23:49stand on a bucket and go, "Bibble!" at passers-by.
0:23:49 > 0:23:56- Our Italian cousins!- If you'll excuse me, I have work to attend to. - Certainly! But first, Edmund,
0:23:56 > 0:24:02take my hand! Tell me you'll forgive my former sharpness.
0:24:02 > 0:24:03Er...
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Milady!
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Sweet Lord Blackadder!
0:24:26 > 0:24:30Well, I've got the body and you've got the head.
0:24:30 > 0:24:35But no-one's going to believe we've just cut it off. It's gone GREEN!
0:24:35 > 0:24:38- We're doomed.- DOOMED!
0:24:38 > 0:24:44- Wait a moment! That's not Farrow! - Isn't it?- That's Ponsonby! - My God! Ponsonby!
0:24:45 > 0:24:50- That genius Baldrick killed the wrong bloke. We're saved!- Saved!
0:24:50 > 0:24:52- Farrow's alive! We're saved!- Hooray!
0:24:52 > 0:24:56When the Queen gets back from seeing Ponsonby...
0:24:56 > 0:24:57OH, GOD!
0:24:57 > 0:25:01We're doomed! We're doomed!
0:25:04 > 0:25:06It's not very nice here, is it?
0:25:06 > 0:25:11It's not meant to be, my pikelet. It's for people who don't like you.
0:25:11 > 0:25:16I suppose so. It's a bit smelly too, isn't it?
0:25:16 > 0:25:21Of course, I'm used to that. In the mornings when you was a baby...
0:25:21 > 0:25:22Shut up!
0:25:22 > 0:25:28You! Not you, you're too repulsive. YOU! Bring in Lord Ponsonby!
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Yes, your royal, majestic...thing.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35So strange Ponsonby turned out to be a traitor.
0:25:35 > 0:25:39You'd have thought he had problems enough, what with that hunch,
0:25:39 > 0:25:44- and only having one leg. - Yes and that terrible speech problem.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Your Majesty, Lord Ponsonby.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52LOUD CRASH
0:25:52 > 0:25:59- SLURRED VOICE: - Your Majesty. Sorry about the bag! Didn't have time to shave!
0:25:59 > 0:26:02# His great-grandfather was a king
0:26:02 > 0:26:06# Although for only 30 seconds
0:26:06 > 0:26:10# When put in charge of beheadING
0:26:10 > 0:26:13# He felt that fame and glory beckoned
0:26:13 > 0:26:17# Blackadder, Blackadder
0:26:17 > 0:26:20# No such blooming luck!
0:26:20 > 0:26:24# Blackadder, Blackadder
0:26:24 > 0:26:27# Elizabethan schmuck!
0:26:27 > 0:26:31# Blackadder, Blackadder
0:26:31 > 0:26:34# Nothing goes as planned
0:26:34 > 0:26:37# Blackadder, Blackadder
0:26:37 > 0:26:40# Life deals him a bum hand. #
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Subtitles by David Padmore 1994