0:00:34 > 0:00:37Get out! Get out, libidinous swine!
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Take that whore, strumpet with you!
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Go rot in the filth of fornication!
0:00:43 > 0:00:46And what did you say to him?
0:00:46 > 0:00:52Nothing. I pulled up my tights and jumped out of the privy window.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Oh, Edmund, you're SO naughty!
0:00:55 > 0:01:01I try, madam. Then, when I've got my breath back, I try again.
0:01:02 > 0:01:08- Perhaps we can turn to more important matters.- Must we?- I fear so.
0:01:08 > 0:01:14My old tutor's son has been kidnapped and he begs you to help him pay the ransom.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Edmund. What would YOU say?
0:01:16 > 0:01:21Well, I have had experience of this dreadful situation.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26Last year, my aunt begged for help with the ransom of my Uncle Osrick.
0:01:26 > 0:01:34- Then you know of the pain involved. - Yes. I can suggest no better answer than the one I gave to her.- Yes?
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Get stuffed!
0:01:37 > 0:01:42- You jest over a young man's life? - For young man, read young idiot!
0:01:42 > 0:01:47Anyone stupid enough to let some moustachioed dago come up to him,
0:01:47 > 0:01:52say "Excuse me, meester", and hit them over the head deserves it!
0:01:55 > 0:02:02- You're in good fooling today, sir! - Thank you.- I heard an amusing story myself the other day...
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Oh good.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Excuse me, meister!
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Yes, what is it?
0:02:14 > 0:02:18I said, "What is it?", not "Hit me on the head with a...
0:02:19 > 0:02:23Melchie, I've changed my mind about that Forrest bloke.
0:02:23 > 0:02:28He's obviously very STUPID but we can't punish him for it, can we?
0:02:28 > 0:02:36- Certainly not, ma'am. - If we punished people for that, Nursie would always be in prison!
0:02:36 > 0:02:38A very PIQUANT observation, Majesty!
0:02:38 > 0:02:46So I WILL sign this ransom. But it must be the last - ABSOLUTELY the last. Final...
0:02:46 > 0:02:48..Full stop. Never again...
0:02:48 > 0:02:51..Cross my heart and hope to die.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Not "hope to die", Majesty?
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Er... All right. I'll cross it out.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01Erm... Here you are. Sorry about the smudge!
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Thank you, ma'am!
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Excuse me, meister. Yes?
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Oh no! Oh God! What on earth was I drinking last night?
0:03:18 > 0:03:22My head feels like there's a Frenchman living in it.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Where am I?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- O-o-oh!- Who's that?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- It is I, Melchett.- Melchett!
0:03:31 > 0:03:37You really should clean this house of yours. It's a real mess!
0:03:37 > 0:03:45- It's no time for jokes, Blackadder! We've been kidnapped! - Oh God! How incredibly embarrassing!
0:03:45 > 0:03:51As private parts to the gods are we! They play with us for their sport!
0:03:51 > 0:03:55- Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha haa! - Oh God! Who's that?
0:03:55 > 0:03:58Ti preparo para la interrogazione suplicio!
0:03:58 > 0:04:03If anyone's going to be spoken to, it's gonna be me! Tell him, Melchie!
0:04:03 > 0:04:07Certainly! Parlo con lui, no mi! Parlo con lui!
0:04:07 > 0:04:12Ah bueno, el jefe! Ti preparo para la interrogazione suplicio!
0:04:12 > 0:04:17Ah, that's better. Now, what's he saying?
0:04:17 > 0:04:21- He says he would like a word with you. - A-ha! Anything else?
0:04:21 > 0:04:26He says he would like to torture you, as well.
0:04:26 > 0:04:31Are you, by any chance, a dignitary of the Spanish Inquisition?
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Te gustara mucho la inquisicion!
0:04:34 > 0:04:38Good. Because if you are, I wish to make it quite clear
0:04:38 > 0:04:43that I am prepared to tell you absolutely anything!
0:04:43 > 0:04:46No habla, puerco!
0:04:47 > 0:04:50No speako dago.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55I demand to see the British ambassador. Understand?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Necesito silencio para comenzar.
0:04:58 > 0:05:04How...can...you...question...me... if...you...don't...speak...English?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07No. YO pregunto las cuestiones!
0:05:07 > 0:05:10OK. Let's start with the basics.
0:05:10 > 0:05:16English is a non-inflected, Indo-European language derived from dialects...
0:05:19 > 0:05:21HOWZAT?!
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Percy. Who's queen?
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Whoops! Butterfingers!
0:05:28 > 0:05:32- Ah! So I win again! - Yes. Well done, Your Majesty!
0:05:32 > 0:05:38- ..And there's no sign of Edmund? - I fear not, Ma'am.- He's vanished!
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Simply vanished.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44- WISTFULLY:- Like an old oak table.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50VANISHED, Lord Percy. Not VARnished.
0:05:50 > 0:05:56Forgive me, my lady. My uncle Bertram's old oak table vanished.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00'Twas the night of the Great Stepney Fire.
0:06:00 > 0:06:06That terrible night his house and all his things completely vanished too.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08So did he, in fact!
0:06:08 > 0:06:11'Twas a most perplexing mystery...
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- Lord Percy!- Yes?
0:06:14 > 0:06:16It's up to you...
0:06:16 > 0:06:18..either you can shut up -
0:06:18 > 0:06:22or you can have your head cut off.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34..I'll shut up.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Bastardo!
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Bath..tar...do...
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Barrister?
0:06:41 > 0:06:42Bastardo!
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Embarrassing?
0:06:44 > 0:06:47You're embarrassing? I'M embarrassing?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49A...a rogering!
0:06:50 > 0:06:51Pregnant!
0:06:52 > 0:06:53Baby!
0:06:55 > 0:06:56Bathwater!
0:06:57 > 0:07:01- Sounds like... BASTARD! - Si!- Oh, bastard!
0:07:01 > 0:07:04- No es terminado!- Ah.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Hijo!
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Hijo!
0:07:08 > 0:07:09Donkey!
0:07:11 > 0:07:15- Padre...e hijo!- Big bastard... Little bastard?
0:07:15 > 0:07:18- PADRE...- Man?- ..hijo.- Boy? Son!
0:07:18 > 0:07:21I'm a bastard's son!
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Di perra. PANTS LIKE A DOG.
0:07:24 > 0:07:25Thirsty bastard!
0:07:25 > 0:07:29- HE BARKS - Thirsty barking bastard!
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Oh - dog!
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Woman!
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Dog!
0:07:36 > 0:07:37Dog...bitch!
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- I'm a bastard son of a bitch!- Si!
0:07:45 > 0:07:50In that case, YOU are a fornicating baboon!
0:07:50 > 0:07:51Que?
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Oh dear! Y-YOU...
0:07:56 > 0:07:58- Tu...- Tu! Oh - yo!- Yes, yo...
0:07:58 > 0:08:00.. a fornicating...
0:08:00 > 0:08:03I can't really do it in this box!
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Tuos testiculos...
0:08:09 > 0:08:12My er...those...yes.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14..sobre un fuego grande.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17- Over a large...?- Fuego, fuego!
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Fire! Right!
0:08:19 > 0:08:21So, let's recap
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- If I admit that I'm in love... - No! No!
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Sorry head over heels in love...
0:08:29 > 0:08:33..with Satan and all his little... wizards.
0:08:33 > 0:08:38Then you will remove my testicles with a blunt instrument...
0:08:38 > 0:08:39Una guadana!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42..resembling a gardening tool...
0:08:42 > 0:08:46- ..and roast them over a large fire. - Si! Si!
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Whereas if I DON'T admit...
0:08:49 > 0:08:54..that I am in love with Satan and all his little wizards,
0:08:54 > 0:09:00you will hold me upside down, in a vat of warm marmalade.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Y...
0:09:02 > 0:09:04AND...
0:09:04 > 0:09:07..remove my testicles with a blunt instrument.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11I see. Well, in that case...
0:09:11 > 0:09:13..I love Satan.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Oh ho!
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Oh, it's a SCYTHE!
0:09:21 > 0:09:24I don't know. I've looked everywhere!
0:09:26 > 0:09:33Perhaps... they're...not...hiding...at all.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Perhaps...they've been...KIDNAPPED!
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Nonsense!
0:09:39 > 0:09:44As Edmund said, only real idiots get kidnapped!
0:09:44 > 0:09:45Do they?
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Stop!
0:09:48 > 0:09:50AAAGH!
0:09:51 > 0:09:58GERMAN ACCENT: Forgive me, Herr Blackadder. I have been neglecting my duties as a host.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02Please accept my apple-ogies.
0:10:05 > 0:10:11I accept nothing from a man who imprisons his guests in a commode!
0:10:12 > 0:10:14I hope this SCUM...
0:10:14 > 0:10:15HE WHIMPERS
0:10:15 > 0:10:18..has not inconweenienced you.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23A maniac trying to cut off my goolies won't inconweenience me(!)
0:10:23 > 0:10:29If he had inconweeniencedyou,I was going to offer you histongue!
0:10:29 > 0:10:36Sir.If he hadinconweeniencedme, you would nothaveatongue to make this offerwith!
0:10:36 > 0:10:41If I no longer had a tongue with which to make such an offer,
0:10:41 > 0:10:46YOU would not have a tongue to say that if I had inconweenienced you...
0:10:46 > 0:10:51..I would not have a tongue with which to offer you his tongue!
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Yes, well. Enough of this banter.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Who the hell are you, Sausage Breath?
0:10:57 > 0:11:03- You do not remember me then? - I don't think I've had the pleasure.
0:11:03 > 0:11:08Oh yes! We have met many times. But you knew me by another name!
0:11:08 > 0:11:14Do you recall a mysterious black marketeer and smuggler called Otto,
0:11:14 > 0:11:22- with whom you used to dine and plot and play the biscuit game, at an old piss-hole in Dover?- My God!
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Yes! I was the waitress!
0:11:27 > 0:11:30I don't believe it! YOU?! Big Sally?
0:11:30 > 0:11:35SQUEAKY VOICE: Will you have another piece of pie, my lord?
0:11:35 > 0:11:38But I went to bed with you, didn't I?
0:11:39 > 0:11:44For my country, I am willing to make any sacrifice!
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Yes, but I'm not. I must have been paralytic!
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- Indeed - Mr Floppy!- Yes, all right!
0:11:52 > 0:12:00- Very funny. Now, would you mind... - SQUEAKY VOICE: Such a disappointment for a girl...- Yes, very funny...
0:12:00 > 0:12:06"We'll try again in a few minutes. Look at some naughty parchments!"
0:12:06 > 0:12:10Aren't we proud of our comic serving-wench voice (!)
0:12:10 > 0:12:18- Essential at all social gatherings the tedious little turd who puts on amusing voices!- QUIET!
0:12:18 > 0:12:23What else is in your inventive repertoire? Drunk Glaswegian?
0:12:23 > 0:12:29Hilarious black man? See you, Jimmy! Where am dat warty-melon?
0:12:29 > 0:12:34Oh fabulous! I can't wait to see your side-splitting puff,
0:12:34 > 0:12:39and that funny croaky one that is such a scream!
0:12:39 > 0:12:44But best of all is the fat-headed German chamberpot in front of me!
0:12:46 > 0:12:49You talk too much, Blackadder!
0:12:49 > 0:12:53I think it's a case of werbal diarreeree that you're having!
0:12:53 > 0:12:58I have given the Queen only a week to reply to my ransom demand.
0:12:58 > 0:13:03Unless she pays up, you die howibly!
0:13:03 > 0:13:09She will pay up! And then within a week, YOU die - howibly howibly!
0:13:09 > 0:13:11You find yourself amusing!
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Why deny public opinion?
0:13:13 > 0:13:18I think that in a week from now, you won't be so amusing!
0:13:18 > 0:13:20At least I CAN be amusing!
0:13:20 > 0:13:25Choose your next witticism well it may be your last!
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Guards! Fetch his friend.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29GUARDS: 'Eins zwei, eins zwei!'
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Please! No! No!
0:13:31 > 0:13:33O-oh!
0:13:37 > 0:13:38We meet again!
0:13:38 > 0:13:44I don't think... You don't recognise me? No.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Let me refresh your memory!
0:13:46 > 0:13:51When you were in Cornwall, there was a shepherd who you used to talk to.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Good lord! Timkins?
0:13:53 > 0:13:56- Yes!- I- was one of his sheep!
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Sheep? Not... Yes!
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Flossie? But didn't we...? YES,
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Melchett!
0:14:05 > 0:14:09Baaaa! Oh my God!
0:14:11 > 0:14:18But enough of such pleasant reminiscences, eh? The guard has found an interesting document.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Oh, I shouldn't pay much attention to that...
0:14:22 > 0:14:30The kveen says she will pay a ransom but it must be the last - ABSOLUTELY the last. Final. Full stop.
0:14:30 > 0:14:35Cross my heart and hope to be spanked until my bottom goes purple.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38She has a difficult choice ahead.
0:14:38 > 0:14:43Not really! Bad luck, Melchers! Still life, overrated, I reckon!
0:14:43 > 0:14:47Gentlemen, excuse me. I have work to do.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Evil plots don't make themselves you know!
0:14:51 > 0:14:52Ha ha ha ha!
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Ha ha ha ha!
0:14:54 > 0:14:57"Dear Kveen...
0:14:58 > 0:15:01"I, evil Prince Ludwig the Indestructible,
0:15:01 > 0:15:04"have your two friends.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08"And you must SHOES between them.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11"The ransom is one million kroner.
0:15:11 > 0:15:17"Many, many...apple-ogies for the inconweenience."
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Goodness! What a difficult choice!
0:15:20 > 0:15:27- It isn't the first time, my little tadpole!- That's true.- In the old days, it was ALL difficult choices!
0:15:27 > 0:15:32Should you have nursie milk or moo-cow? It was always nursie milk!
0:15:32 > 0:15:36But then, left breasty or right breasty?
0:15:36 > 0:15:40Of course, it was always both! But then which one first?
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Shut up, Nursie!
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Curses! Oh! This is very confusing!
0:15:48 > 0:15:52Lord Percy! Play a while to calm my spirits.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Certainly, Ma'am.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man,
0:16:00 > 0:16:04Ha! You're it! Ring-a-ring-a-rosie! All fall down!
0:16:06 > 0:16:10What say you I sing a song to keep our spirits up?
0:16:10 > 0:16:15It depends whether you want the slop bucket over your head!
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Perhaps some pleasant word game?
0:16:18 > 0:16:20All right.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Make a sentence from the following
0:16:23 > 0:16:26face, sodding, your, shut.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31For God's sake, man!
0:16:31 > 0:16:36We must relieve our minds of the terrible fate which awaits us!
0:16:36 > 0:16:40Awaits YOU, not me! How's my beard looking?
0:16:40 > 0:16:44Alas, shall I never see England more?
0:16:44 > 0:16:48Her rolling fields, her swooping swallows...
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Her playful sheep.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55- DOOR OPENS - About time too!
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Gentlemen! The answer has arrived!
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Thank God! I'm sick of this!
0:17:00 > 0:17:04The conditions are just disgraceful! Why, it's like a prison!
0:17:04 > 0:17:06I shall read it!
0:17:06 > 0:17:10Typical criminal loves the sound of his own voice!
0:17:10 > 0:17:16After careful thought, the queen has decided to expend the ransom money on...
0:17:16 > 0:17:18..a big party.
0:17:20 > 0:17:25JUST impossible to decide between my two faves,
0:17:25 > 0:17:28so I've decided to keep the cash,
0:17:28 > 0:17:32have a wizard jolly time,
0:17:32 > 0:17:34and try to forget both of you.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Hope you're not too miffed.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Bye-ee!
0:17:41 > 0:17:42What?
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Hope you're not too miffed. Bye-ee.
0:17:47 > 0:17:52As you can imagine, my friends, this makes me very unhappy.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Oh, I AM sorry (!)
0:17:54 > 0:18:00But if you gentlemen were to tell me a way to gain access to your queen...
0:18:00 > 0:18:04I might commute your deaths to a life sentence!
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Are you suggesting we betray her?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Oh yes!
0:18:11 > 0:18:13All right!
0:18:13 > 0:18:17What are you saying? What of loyalty, honour, self-respect?
0:18:17 > 0:18:19What of them?
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Nothing.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25So you will both play ball? BOTH: Yep!
0:18:27 > 0:18:31Oh what joy! See how you collapse before me!
0:18:31 > 0:18:34You incorruptible English nobs!
0:18:34 > 0:18:37So proud of your stiff upper lips!
0:18:37 > 0:18:43Gloating is a sign of insecurity! Do you want to get to the Queen?
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Yes. I thought a disguise!
0:18:45 > 0:18:48I do a very good Mary Queen of Scots!
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Hoots mon! Where's ma heed?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58What sort of party should it be?
0:18:58 > 0:19:02Oh...fancy dress. I love fancy dress!
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Nursie?
0:19:04 > 0:19:10I think it should be one of those where everybody comes with nothing on at all.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Shut up, then!
0:19:12 > 0:19:15I agree, Acting Lord Chamberlain!
0:19:15 > 0:19:21If we're to forget our woes, we should have as much fun as possible!
0:19:21 > 0:19:29- And what could be more fun than dressing as frogs, rabbits and nuns! - And bits of wood!
0:19:29 > 0:19:32You're not going to come as a bit of wood!
0:19:32 > 0:19:34- Aren't I?- No!
0:19:34 > 0:19:38How about a pencil? Should I come as a pencil?
0:19:38 > 0:19:44Don't be silly. You always talk like this and you always come as the same thing!
0:19:44 > 0:19:48- Do I?- Yes. You know... Everybo...
0:19:48 > 0:19:49Lassie!
0:19:49 > 0:19:55What does Nursie always come to fancy dress parties dressed as?
0:19:55 > 0:20:00- I thought everybody knew. - Everybody except Nursie. Tell her!
0:20:00 > 0:20:03She always comes as a cow.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06That's right - a lovely, lovely cow,
0:20:06 > 0:20:08with great big lovely udders!
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Swinging around going moooo!
0:20:11 > 0:20:16Come to Nursie cow, you lovely heifers! What fun!
0:20:16 > 0:20:17Can I be a cow again, PLEASE?
0:20:17 > 0:20:23- Oh shut up! Isn't Nursie stupid? - She certainly is, ma'am!
0:20:25 > 0:20:27You see!
0:20:27 > 0:20:30We're having a good time already!
0:20:30 > 0:20:35We've completely forgotten about those chaps in prison, haven't we?
0:20:40 > 0:20:42What chaps?
0:20:45 > 0:20:49GUARDS: 'Eins zwei, eins zwei.' DOOR OPENS
0:20:51 > 0:20:54My friends, I bid you farewell.
0:20:54 > 0:21:00These guards will die of old age. Their sons will attend to your needs!
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Thank you, but we intend to escape!
0:21:03 > 0:21:07With your information, I intend to bring down your queen and country.
0:21:07 > 0:21:13The master of disguise will become the master of the world! Ha ha ha ha!
0:21:13 > 0:21:16- One thing before you go!- What?
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Were you bullied at school?
0:21:18 > 0:21:21What do you mean?
0:21:21 > 0:21:25All this ranting and raving about power.
0:21:25 > 0:21:31Nonsense! At my school, dirty hair and spots was a sign of maturity.
0:21:31 > 0:21:37I thought so! And your mother had you in shorts till your final year!
0:21:37 > 0:21:38SHUT UP!
0:21:38 > 0:21:45When I am King of England, no-one will ever dare call me "Shorty Greasy Spot Spot" again!
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Touched a nerve there, I think!
0:21:50 > 0:21:53What good is it if we're doomed to die here?!
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- Don't worry. I've got a plan!- Yes?
0:21:56 > 0:22:03Now that Ludwig's gone, we'll be able to overcome the guards. I've been watching their routine.
0:22:03 > 0:22:08The moment when they are most vulnerable is when we will attack!
0:22:08 > 0:22:13- Brilliant! How? - That is the most cunning bit!
0:22:15 > 0:22:18'Eins zwei, eins zwei, eins zwei...'
0:22:18 > 0:22:24This is it! Don't forget when they're at their most vulnerable!
0:22:24 > 0:22:27'..zwei. Halt! Jingle the keys!'
0:22:27 > 0:22:30JINGLE OF KEYS 'Open the door!'
0:22:30 > 0:22:34Greetings to the prisoners!
0:22:34 > 0:22:38Guten Abend, Englander scum!
0:22:38 > 0:22:41March to the table! Eins...
0:22:41 > 0:22:43..zwei, eins zwei, eins...
0:22:43 > 0:22:48..zwei, eins zwei, eins zwei, eins zwei, eins zwei. Halt!
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Food on ze table!
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Eins zwei!
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Spit on ze food!
0:22:54 > 0:22:55Eins zwei!
0:22:55 > 0:22:59Insulting farewell gesture to the prisoners!
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Eins zwei, eins zwei.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03- NOW!- Oooooh!
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Trust me to get the hard one!
0:23:15 > 0:23:19Yo-ho-ho! Off with their heads!
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Ma'am, it is BRILLIANT!
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Your father is born again!
0:23:25 > 0:23:30I should bally well hope not! Or else I won't be queen any more!
0:23:30 > 0:23:34Yours is pretty good too. What is it?
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Nothing, Ma'am! Just a mere trifle I threw together.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Doesn't look much like a trifle!
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Looks more like a fruit salad to me!
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Nursie's really excelled herself!
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Moooo!
0:23:50 > 0:23:53Yes. She has!
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Hmm. I'm not sure about this though!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59What are you meant to be?
0:23:59 > 0:24:01A pencil case.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Yes!
0:24:07 > 0:24:11Oh! It's just like parties I had when I was tiny!
0:24:11 > 0:24:14We had tea and cakes and venison.
0:24:14 > 0:24:19- Then a trip with a couple of friends to the executions!- How sweet!
0:24:19 > 0:24:22If I wanted any of my friends executed!
0:24:22 > 0:24:26Oh! How I do wish Edmund could be here!
0:24:26 > 0:24:29He always loved parties.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33And always, always wore very, very tight tights.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Edmund who?
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- Edmund Blackadder! Majesty!- Oh!
0:24:40 > 0:24:44- Edmund! But...- Did you ever know me to miss a party?- Oh!
0:24:44 > 0:24:47And Lord Melchett?
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Yes. Unfortunately, Ma'am, he made it too.
0:24:50 > 0:24:51Rapture!
0:24:51 > 0:24:57Joy beyond measure! Bliss which cannot be counted on one's fingers!
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Baaaaa!
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Sorry Edmund?
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Nothing.
0:25:08 > 0:25:09Yes, ahem...
0:25:09 > 0:25:15Apart from my nose getting a little prettier, nothing much has changed.
0:25:15 > 0:25:23Your animal isn't house-trained, Percy's unemployed and Nursie's one stick short of a bundle!
0:25:23 > 0:25:24Mooooo!
0:25:24 > 0:25:27- Thank you for reminding me! Ha! - Aagh!
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Nursie! You've killed Nursie!
0:25:31 > 0:25:33That's horrid!
0:25:33 > 0:25:37Guards! Take him and execute him! He's killed Nursie!
0:25:37 > 0:25:41Can anyone help me with my udders?
0:25:41 > 0:25:42- Nursie! - Yes.
0:25:42 > 0:25:47Yes! And may I introduce our erstwhile captor
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Prince Ludwig the Indestructible!
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Ah! Queen Elizabeth! We meet again!
0:25:54 > 0:25:57No, I don't think so actually.
0:25:57 > 0:26:05You remember when you were young and your father used to take you riding on a magnificent grey pony,
0:26:05 > 0:26:10- that you used to kiss and fondle in the stable yard?- Yes, yes!
0:26:10 > 0:26:15I was the tall and attractive German stable lad who held him.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17- No!- Yes!
0:26:17 > 0:26:18You?
0:26:18 > 0:26:20- Shorty Greasy Spot Spot?!- No!
0:26:22 > 0:26:23No, no, no!
0:26:23 > 0:26:28You will all of you regret the day that you ever mocked my complexion!
0:26:28 > 0:26:33I shall return and vreak my rewengee! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!
0:26:33 > 0:26:37No you won't. You will die and be buried!
0:26:37 > 0:26:39ALL: Hooray!
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Strange man!
0:26:41 > 0:26:47- But how did you know it was him? - It was the information which saved our lives.
0:26:47 > 0:26:53We said if the Queen was having a party, Nursie always goes as a cow.
0:26:53 > 0:26:58From then on, he was doomed. We only had to escape and kill the cow.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02How could you know it wasn't Nursie?
0:27:02 > 0:27:06Because, lady, Ludwig was a master of disguise.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10Whereas Nursie is a sad, insane old woman with an udder fixation!
0:27:10 > 0:27:16All we had to do, was kill the one that looked like the cow!
0:27:16 > 0:27:21That was the mistake I knew he would make. His disguise was too good!
0:27:21 > 0:27:25Gosh Edmund! How brilliant! Welcome home!
0:27:25 > 0:27:27It's good to be back!
0:27:27 > 0:27:31Welcome Edmund! Did you...miss me?
0:27:31 > 0:27:33I certainly did!
0:27:33 > 0:27:37- Many was the time I said to myself, "I wish Percy was here...!"- Oh!
0:27:37 > 0:27:41"..being tortured instead of me!"
0:27:41 > 0:27:44Oh, we have missed your wit!
0:27:44 > 0:27:46D'you miss me, my lord?
0:27:46 > 0:27:49- Erm... Baldrick, is it? - That's right.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52No, not really.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54And me?
0:27:54 > 0:27:57Did you miss me, Edmund?
0:27:57 > 0:28:03Madam. Life without you is like a broken pencil.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05Explain.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Pointless.
0:28:09 > 0:28:13# Beware all evil lust for fame
0:28:13 > 0:28:16# The path of life is most uncertain
0:28:16 > 0:28:20# Prince Ludwig thought he'd won the game
0:28:20 > 0:28:23# But now the Kraut's gone for a burton
0:28:23 > 0:28:27# Blackadder, Blackadder
0:28:27 > 0:28:30# He beats the Hun by luck
0:28:30 > 0:28:34# Blackadder, Blackadder
0:28:34 > 0:28:37# He's smarter than a duck
0:28:37 > 0:28:41# Lord Melchett, Lord Melchett
0:28:41 > 0:28:44# Intelligent and deep
0:28:44 > 0:28:48# Lord Melchett, Lord Melchett
0:28:48 > 0:28:52# A shame about the sheep. #
0:29:06 > 0:29:11LUDWIG: Ha ha ha! Now this is a disguise I'm really going to enjoy!
0:29:11 > 0:29:14If I can just get the voice right!