0:00:16 > 0:00:19- Blackadder:- YELLOW
0:00:19 > 0:00:22- Baldrick:- GREEN
0:00:22 > 0:00:25- The Prince Regent:- CYAN
0:00:36 > 0:00:42Well, Mrs Miggins, a return to sanity the hustings are over.
0:00:42 > 0:00:48After the chaos of a general election we can return to normal.
0:00:48 > 0:00:56- Has there been an election, then? - Indeed there has.- I never noticed. - Well, YOU'RE not eligible to vote.
0:00:56 > 0:01:05- Why not?- Virtually no one is women, peasants...chimpanzees... lunatics, Lords.
0:01:05 > 0:01:11- No, Lord Nelson's got a vote! - He's got a BOAT, Baldrick.
0:01:11 > 0:01:19Democracy's marvellous. Look at Manchester population, 60,000; electoral roll, 3.
0:01:19 > 0:01:24- It doesn't seem fair to ME. - Well, of course it's not FAIR !
0:01:24 > 0:01:32Give the like of Baldrick the vote and we'll be back to death by stoning, and dung for dinner.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36I'm having dung for dinner tonight!
0:01:36 > 0:01:38So who are they electing?
0:01:38 > 0:01:45The usual lot: fat Tory landowners who get made MPs when they reach a certain weight,
0:01:45 > 0:01:51and revolutionaries who think that working entitles them to pay!
0:01:51 > 0:01:59It's toffs at the top, plebs at the bottom, and ME in the middle making money out of both of them.
0:01:59 > 0:02:04- Things could change.- Not while Pitt the Elder's Prime Minister.
0:02:04 > 0:02:09He's as effective as a cat-flap in an elephant house.
0:02:09 > 0:02:18As long as his feet are warm and he gets a nap, he doesn't bother anyone until his potty's full.
0:02:18 > 0:02:26< Honourable Members, I call upon the new Prime Minister, Mr William Pitt...the Younger.
0:02:27 > 0:02:36Mr Speaker, I shall be brief... as I have become Prime Minister right in the middle of my exams.
0:02:36 > 0:02:42I look forward to fulfilling my duty in a manner of which Nanny would be proud.
0:02:42 > 0:02:48I shall introduce legislation to destroy 3 enemies of the state.
0:02:48 > 0:02:55The first is that evil dictator, Napoleon Bonaparte. Hear, hear!
0:02:55 > 0:03:01The second is my geography master, banana-breath Scrigshanks.
0:03:01 > 0:03:09But most of all, sirs, I intend to pursue that utter slob, the Prince of Wales!Hear, hear!
0:03:09 > 0:03:15This year alone he has spent £15,000 on banqueting.Boo, boo, boo!
0:03:15 > 0:03:20£20,000 on perfume. Pooh, pooh, pooh!
0:03:20 > 0:03:26And most astonishingly of all, an astonishing £59,000 on socks!
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Shame, shame, shame!
0:03:29 > 0:03:35Therefore, my main priorities are: one, war with France... Hear, hear!
0:03:35 > 0:03:40two, tougher sentences for geography teachers...Yes!
0:03:40 > 0:03:45and three, a kick up the Prince's backside!Yaaaay!
0:03:45 > 0:03:52I now call upon the leader of the opposition to test me on my Latin vocab!
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Sir...
0:03:55 > 0:04:00- A major crisis has arisen. - Yes, I know, Blackadder.
0:04:00 > 0:04:09- You do, sir?- Yes, socks! Run out again. No matter how many millions of pairs I buy, I never have any.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13Sir, there is a weightier problem.
0:04:13 > 0:04:20They just disappear! You'd think someone was selling the damn things.
0:04:22 > 0:04:28Impossible, sir. Only you and I have access to your socks.
0:04:28 > 0:04:35- Yes, you're right. For ME, socks are like sex. Tons of it about and- I- never seem to get any!
0:04:35 > 0:04:41Sir...I read fearful news in this morning's paper.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Not another little cat stuck in a tree?
0:04:45 > 0:04:50No, there is a vote afoot to strike you from the civil list.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Yes, yes, but what about my socks?!
0:04:53 > 0:05:00If this bill goes through, you won't have any socks... or shirts or pantaloons.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03They're going to bankrupt you.
0:05:03 > 0:05:08They can't do that. The public love me.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12Only the other day they sang, "We hail Prince George!"
0:05:12 > 0:05:17- "We HATE Prince George!" - Was it?!
0:05:17 > 0:05:26I fear so. However, the numbers in the Commons are exactly equal. We only need to find one more MP.
0:05:26 > 0:05:32- Hurrah! Any ideas?- Well, yes, there is one man who might do.
0:05:32 > 0:05:39- A rather crusty foulmouthed man, Sir Talbot Buxomley.- Don't know him.
0:05:39 > 0:05:46Sir Talbot has the worst attendance record of any MP. On the one occasion he DID attend,
0:05:46 > 0:05:51he passed water in the Great Hall and then passed out.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- We need his support.- What's he like?
0:05:55 > 0:06:04According to Who's Who, his hobbies are flogging servants, shooting poor people, and promoting slavery.
0:06:04 > 0:06:09Excellent! Sensible policies for a happier Britain.
0:06:09 > 0:06:15- However, we will need to offer him some sort of incentive. - Anything in mind?
0:06:15 > 0:06:19- Make him a judge.- Is he qualified?
0:06:19 > 0:06:26- He's a violent, bigoted old fool. - He sounds a bit OVERqualified. Get him here.
0:06:26 > 0:06:33- I will return before you can say antidisestablishmentarianism. - I think not!
0:06:33 > 0:06:38Antidistibelits... Antimistelinstid...
0:06:41 > 0:06:47- Antidistinctlymintymonetarism... - Sir Talbot Buxomley, MP.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Buxomley, splendid! How are you?
0:06:50 > 0:06:58- Heartily well. I dined hugely off a servant before I came. - Em, you eat your servants?- No, sir!
0:06:58 > 0:07:04I eat OFF them. Why spend money on tables when I've men about?
0:07:04 > 0:07:09- Indeed! Now, Mr Pitt's intentions... - Young scallywag!
0:07:09 > 0:07:17- You don't approve of his plans to abolish me?- I do not! Damn his eyes! Damn his duck pond!
0:07:17 > 0:07:24- Hurrah for that!- I care not a jot that you are the son of a certified sauerkraut-sucking loon.
0:07:24 > 0:07:32- It minds not ME that you talk like a plate of beans working their way out of a cow!- Oh, good.
0:07:32 > 0:07:40- It is no skin off MY rosy nose that almost anything would make a better Regent than YOU.- Bravo!
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- The fact is, you ARE Regent.- Yes.
0:07:43 > 0:07:50And I shall stick by you, though infirmity lay me waste and ill-health curse me!
0:07:50 > 0:07:56Well, good on you, sir! And don't talk about infirmity...
0:07:56 > 0:08:01Why, you are the hardy stock that is the core of Britain's greatness.
0:08:01 > 0:08:07You have a demi-god's physique purple of cheek, plump of fetlock.
0:08:07 > 0:08:12The well-filled trouser that tells of a human body in perfect order!
0:08:12 > 0:08:17- He's dead, sir.- Dead?! - Yes, Your Highness.
0:08:17 > 0:08:23- What bad luck. We were getting on. - We must move at once.- Where to?
0:08:23 > 0:08:30Sir Talbot represented Dunny-on-the-Wold. And luckily, it's a rotten borough!
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Really?! Is it?
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Well...lucky, lucky us!
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Lucky, lucky...
0:08:39 > 0:08:47luck...lurrck...lurrrck... cluck, cluck...lurrck, lurrrck... cluck, cluck.
0:08:51 > 0:08:57- You don't know what a rotten borough is, do you?- No.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00So, why the chicken impression?
0:09:00 > 0:09:06- Ah... So, what is a robber button? - Rotten borough!
0:09:06 > 0:09:13- Quite.- A rotten borough is where the landowner controls the voters AND the MP.
0:09:13 > 0:09:19- Good. And a robber button is...? - Could we leave that for a moment?
0:09:19 > 0:09:27Dunny-on-the-Wold is a tuppeny-ha'penny half acre of sodden marshland in Suffolk.
0:09:27 > 0:09:35Population three mangy cows, a dachshund named Colin, and a small hen in its late forties.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41So, no people at all... apart from Colin?
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- Colin is a dog, sir.- Oh, yes.
0:09:44 > 0:09:49- Only one voter lives there. - What's the plan?
0:09:49 > 0:09:56We must buy Dunny-on-the-Wold to control the voter. I need £1,000.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00I thought you said it was a tuppeny-ha'penny place.
0:10:00 > 0:10:06The LAND will be tuppence ha'penny, but there are other expenses.
0:10:06 > 0:10:14Stamp duty, window tax, swamp insurance, hen food, dog biscuits, cow ointment. The list is endless.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Fine! The money's in my desk.
0:10:16 > 0:10:23- No, it's in my wallet.- Splendid! No time to lose, eh?- Precisely.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- Now, who is to be MP ?- Tricky.
0:10:26 > 0:10:31What we need is an unknown over whom we have complete power.
0:10:31 > 0:10:37A man with no ideas of his own. One might say, a man with no brain.
0:10:37 > 0:10:42- RINGS BELL - Any thoughts?- Yes, Your Highness.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47You rang, my lord?
0:10:47 > 0:10:54- Meet the new MP for Dunny-on-the-Wold. - But he's an absolute arsehead!
0:10:54 > 0:11:01Precisely. Our slogan shall be, "A rotten candidate for a rotten borough."
0:11:01 > 0:11:06Baldrick, go back to your sink and prepare for government.
0:11:07 > 0:11:13Right now, all we have to do is fill in the MP application form.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16- Name?- Baldrick.- First name?
0:11:16 > 0:11:22- I'm not sure.- You must have SOME idea.- It might be Sod-off.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26What?!
0:11:26 > 0:11:34When I used to play in the gutter the other snipes used to say, "Sod off, Baldrick!"
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- All right...Mr- S- Baldrick.
0:11:39 > 0:11:47- Distinguishing features? None. - I've got this growth on my face. - That's your nose, Baldrick.
0:11:49 > 0:11:54Now, any history of insanity in the family? I'll cross out "in".
0:11:54 > 0:11:59Any history of SANITY in the family? None whatsoever.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03- Now then, criminal record? - Absolutely not!
0:12:03 > 0:12:10Come on, you're going to be an MP ! I'll just put fraud and sexual deviancy.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Now...minimum bribe level?
0:12:15 > 0:12:21One turnip. Oh, wait, I don't want to price myself out of the market.
0:12:21 > 0:12:29- Baldrick, do you have any ambitions in life apart from the acquisition of turnips?- Em, no.
0:12:29 > 0:12:34- What would you do with £1,000 ? - I'd get a little turnip of my own.
0:12:34 > 0:12:42- What would you do with £1 million? - That's different. I'd get a big turnip in the country.
0:12:42 > 0:12:46- KNOCK AT DOOR - Here...sign here.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Your Highness, Pitt the Younger.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Hello there, young shaver-me-lad!
0:13:00 > 0:13:05I say, I've a sixpence here for you if you can say which hand it's in!
0:13:06 > 0:13:15Ahhh, school, school! Half hols, is it? I bet you can't wait to get back on the cricket field.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Mr Pitt is the Prime Minister, sir.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23Oh, go on! Is he? What, young snotty here?
0:13:23 > 0:13:28- I'd rather have a runny nose than a runny brain!- Eh?
0:13:28 > 0:13:34Em, excuse me, Prime Minister, we have some lovely jelly in the pantry...
0:13:34 > 0:13:43- Don't patronise me, you lower middle class yobbo! What flavour is it?- Blackcurrant.- Eeuuurrghh!
0:13:43 > 0:13:47Is this really the PM ? Seems like an oily tick.
0:13:48 > 0:13:56- When I was at school, we used to get his sort to bend over and we'd use them as a toast rack.- I know!
0:13:56 > 0:14:03- Once, it was- I- who stood in the big schoolroom, a hot crumpet burning my cheeks with shame.
0:14:03 > 0:14:12Since that day I've been working to become Prime Minister and fight sloth and privilege wherever it be!
0:14:12 > 0:14:15I trust you removed the crumpet.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18You'll regret this, gentlemen!
0:14:18 > 0:14:23You think you can thwart my plans by winning the by-election!
0:14:23 > 0:14:31- But you will be thrashed. I intend to put up my own brother as a candidate!- Which Pitt is this?
0:14:31 > 0:14:35Pitt the Toddler? Pitt the Embryo?
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Pitt the Glint in the Milkman's Eye?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Hah!
0:14:43 > 0:14:51Sirs, as I said to Metternich at the Conference of Strasbourg, "Pooh to you, with knobs on!"
0:14:52 > 0:14:57- What a ghastly squit! He's not going to win, is he?- No.
0:14:57 > 0:15:02Firstly, we shall fight on issues not personalities;
0:15:02 > 0:15:09secondly, we are a new force; and thirdly, of course, we'll cheat.
0:15:09 > 0:15:15Good evening and welcome to the Dunny-on-the-Wold by-election.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18The turnout has been very good.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21The voter turned out very early.
0:15:21 > 0:15:29I can now bring you the result of our exclusive Exit Poll which produced a 100% result for...
0:15:29 > 0:15:32"Go away, you nosey bastard."
0:15:32 > 0:15:35< Mr Hanna, interview the candidates.
0:15:35 > 0:15:42I'll do that now. I can see Prince George, leader of the Adder party.
0:15:42 > 0:15:48He is described in his party newsheet as a great moral leader,
0:15:48 > 0:15:53but he's described by almost everyone else as a flatulent git.
0:15:53 > 0:15:59- Prince George, hello.- Hello. - And good evening, Colin.
0:15:59 > 0:16:06- How do you see your prospects in this campaign?- Well, I think this election is disgraceful!
0:16:06 > 0:16:12We paid for this seat. We shouldn't have to stand for it!
0:16:12 > 0:16:18- And why is it a man never has enough socks?! - Fighting words from the Prince!
0:16:18 > 0:16:26Now let's hear from the Adder party candidate, Mr S Baldrick, who so far has not commented on his policies.
0:16:26 > 0:16:31With him is his election agent, Mr E Blackadder.
0:16:31 > 0:16:37We are going to fight this campaign on issues not personalities.
0:16:37 > 0:16:42- Why is that?- Because our candidate doesn't have a personality.
0:16:42 > 0:16:48- He hasn't discussed issues either. - He's got a throat infection.
0:16:48 > 0:16:55- What does the S in his name stand for?- Sod off.- Fair enough. None of my business really.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Now it's time for a result.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Tension is running very high here.
0:17:01 > 0:17:08Mr Blackadder assures me that this will be the first honest vote ever in a rotten borough.
0:17:08 > 0:17:14And behind me I can just see the returning officer coming forward.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18As the acting returning officer for Dunny-on-the-Wold...
0:17:18 > 0:17:22The acting returning officer is Mr E Blackadder.
0:17:22 > 0:17:30The previous returning officer accidentally stabbed himself in the stomach while shaving.
0:17:30 > 0:17:35I now announce the number of votes cast as follows
0:17:35 > 0:17:43- Brigadier General Horace Balsam... - 'Keep royalty white, rat catching, and safe sewage party.'- No votes.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49Ivor "jest ye not madam" Biggun...
0:17:49 > 0:17:54- 'Standing at the back dressed stupidly party.'- No votes.
0:18:01 > 0:18:07- Pitt the Even Younger... - 'Whig.'- No votes.- 'There's a shock.'
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- Mr S Baldrick...- 'Adder party.'
0:18:13 > 0:18:17Sixteen thousand, four hundred and seventy-two.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20CHEERS
0:18:20 > 0:18:25And there you have it victory for the Adder party!
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Let's talk to the candidates.
0:18:28 > 0:18:33William Pitt the Even Younger, are you disappointed?
0:18:33 > 0:18:40Yes, I smeared my opponent, bribed the Press, and threatened the electorate.
0:18:40 > 0:18:45I fail to see what more a decent politician could've done.
0:18:45 > 0:18:51Now, Ivor Biggun. No votes at all for you. Are you disappointed?
0:18:51 > 0:18:56No. I always say, if you can't laugh, what can you do?
0:18:56 > 0:19:02Take up politics perhaps. Has your party got any policies?
0:19:02 > 0:19:10Oh, yes! We're for compulsory serving of asparagus at breakfast, and the abolition of slavery!
0:19:10 > 0:19:18Many moderate people would respect your stand on asparagus, but surely abolishing slavery is a bit extreme?
0:19:18 > 0:19:22Oh, we put that in for a joke! See you next year!
0:19:22 > 0:19:32And now, finally, a word with the man at the centre of things, the voter himself, "Mr E Black..."
0:19:34 > 0:19:40- Mr Blackadder, YOU are the one voter in this rotten borough?- Yes.
0:19:40 > 0:19:45- How long have you lived here? - Since Wednesday morning.
0:19:45 > 0:19:52The previous electorate accidentally cut his head off while combing his hair.
0:19:52 > 0:20:00- One voter sixteen thousand, four hundred and seventy-two votes. A slight anomaly?- Not really.
0:20:00 > 0:20:07Mr Baldrick may look like a monkey who's been strategically shaved, but he's a brilliant politician.
0:20:07 > 0:20:13The number of votes I cast reflects my belief in his policies.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Another great day for democracy.
0:20:16 > 0:20:24That's all from ME, Vincent Hanna, "Country Squire's Pig and Fertiliser Gazette", Dunny-on-the-Wold.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28- We are reprieved. It is a triumph for stupidity over common sense.- Ta.
0:20:28 > 0:20:33As a reward, Baldrick, take a short holiday.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Did you enjoy it? Good.
0:20:36 > 0:20:44< Will the Honourable Members cast their votes for the striking of the Prince off the civil lists.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Excuse me... Eh, excuse me...
0:20:48 > 0:20:56- Excuse me!- Hello, little chappie. New here?- Yeah. I support the Prince and I don't know how to vote.
0:20:56 > 0:21:01- Well, we'll soon change that. Come along with ME.- Oh, thanks.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06KNOCK AT DOOR
0:21:06 > 0:21:14Well, if it isn't the Lord Privy toast rack! Pull up a muffin. Sit yourself down.
0:21:14 > 0:21:19- You don't like me, do you? - Well, nobody likes a loser.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23- Is that why nobody likes YOU ?- What?
0:21:23 > 0:21:28- You lost the vote. Your monkey obligingly voted for US.- Oh, God.
0:21:28 > 0:21:34If you want something done properly, kill Baldrick before you start.
0:21:34 > 0:21:39You and your disgusting master have 24 hours to get out!
0:21:39 > 0:21:4224 hours is a long time in politics.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45There is just one thing before I go.
0:21:48 > 0:21:56I've got this sort of downy hair on my chest. Is that normal? Also, I get lonely and confused.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58I've written a poem about it.
0:21:58 > 0:22:05- "Why do nice girls hate me...?" - Oh, get out, you nauseating adolescent!
0:22:12 > 0:22:15How could I have been so stupid?!
0:22:15 > 0:22:23Goodbye, Millionaire's Row; hello, room 12 of the Rest Home for the Terminally Short of Cash!
0:22:23 > 0:22:31- And to think you once dreamed you'd end up in the House of Lords! - What?- The House of Lords.
0:22:31 > 0:22:39- Of course! I'd forgotten about the House of Lords. They'll never let the bill through.- Oh, hurrah!
0:22:39 > 0:22:48- Take Baldrick off the spit.- Hurrah. - I've a plan so cunning you could add a tail and call it a weasel.
0:22:50 > 0:22:58- Dah-rah!- Blackadder, you look as happy as a man who thought a cat had done its business on his pie,
0:22:58 > 0:23:03but it turned out to be an extra big blackberry!
0:23:04 > 0:23:12- Did our plan go well? - Excellently. Order a thousand pairs of finest cotton socks,
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- and prepare for Brighton.- Hurrah!
0:23:15 > 0:23:20There was however one slight... ahem...hiccup.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22No, COUGH, I think you mean.
0:23:24 > 0:23:32No, sir, HICCUP. The motion about your impoverishment has now moved on to the House of Lords.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37Oh, bravo! No worry there, then. They'll all be behind me.
0:23:37 > 0:23:43- Ah, would that were so. These are treacherous times.- Are they?- Yes.
0:23:43 > 0:23:51- It might be wise to appoint a new Lord to make sure the old Lords vote the right way.- A new Lord...?
0:23:51 > 0:23:55- Any idea who? - Well, one name does leap to mind.
0:23:55 > 0:24:01- Does it?- Yes, sir. - Could it leap a bit higher?
0:24:01 > 0:24:09A young man in your service who has done sterling work matching the machinations of the evil Pitt.
0:24:11 > 0:24:16Oh, of course, Blackadder! How can I thank you enough?
0:24:16 > 0:24:22We might also bribe a few Lords to listen to their consciences.
0:24:22 > 0:24:28- How many should we bribe? - I think 300...at £1,000 each.
0:24:28 > 0:24:33- Three hundred thousand pounds?! - FOUR hundred thousand, I think.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Yes, yes, you're right.
0:24:38 > 0:24:44Thank God you're here to advise me. How do I appoint this Lord chappie?
0:24:44 > 0:24:49It's very simple. YOU put on YOUR robes of state; HE puts on HIS.
0:24:49 > 0:24:55Then you sign a document and despatch him to the Lords.
0:24:55 > 0:25:00- Excellent! I shall change at once. - And so, sir, shall- I.
0:25:02 > 0:25:08Voila, Mrs Miggins! My robes of state. £1,000 well spent.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12Ooooh-hooooh, very nice!
0:25:12 > 0:25:15- Ooh, it's real cat, isn't it? - No!
0:25:15 > 0:25:22It is finest leather-trimmed ermine with gold medallion accessories.
0:25:22 > 0:25:28Oh, go on! It's CAT. Oh, look, they've left the little collars on!
0:25:30 > 0:25:37"Mr Frisky. If found, please return to Emma Hamilton, Marine Parade, Portsmouth." Damn!
0:25:38 > 0:25:47- Who cares about a dead cat now I'm a fat cat?- You're full of yourself today, Mr B.- Unlike Mr Frisky (!)
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- My Lord...- My Lord-S.
0:25:51 > 0:25:58- I'm sorry...?- My Lord-S. There is more than one Lord in the vicinity. - Oh, well, yes.
0:25:58 > 0:26:03Will you please welcome... the Lord Baldrick!
0:26:11 > 0:26:18- You made...BALDRICK...a Lord?! - Well, yes!
0:26:18 > 0:26:24One who has matched "the evil Pitt." Good old Lord Baldrick!
0:26:24 > 0:26:28It's OK, Blackadder. You don't have to curtsey.
0:26:28 > 0:26:32- Sir, might I exclaim violently? - Certainly.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35DAMN ! Thank you, sir.
0:26:35 > 0:26:42- I say, that's a strange get-up. - Yes, I'm just off to a fancy dress party.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45I'm going as Lady Hamilton's pussy.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51There's just one question, sir...
0:26:51 > 0:26:55About the £400,000 to influence the Lords...?
0:26:55 > 0:26:58I gave that to Lord Baldrick!
0:26:58 > 0:27:06Ah, sir, might I take Lord Baldrick downstairs and instruct him in his Lordly duties?
0:27:06 > 0:27:11- I think that's a splendid idea! - This way...My Lord (!)
0:27:16 > 0:27:24- Give me the bloody money, Baldrick, or you're dead!- Give me the bloody money or you're dead, MY LORD !
0:27:24 > 0:27:31Just do it, Baldrick! Otherwise I shall knight you with this meat cleaver.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35- I haven't got it.- What?!- I spent it.
0:27:35 > 0:27:41You SPENT IT ?! What could YOU possibly spend £400,000 on?
0:27:45 > 0:27:47No, no...
0:27:47 > 0:27:50Oh, God, don't tell me.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52My dream turnip.
0:27:52 > 0:27:58Baldrick, how did you manage to find a turnip costing £400,000 ?
0:27:58 > 0:28:02Well, I had to haggle.
0:28:04 > 0:28:08This is the worst moment of my entire life.
0:28:08 > 0:28:13I've spent my last penny on a cat-skin windcheater.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16I've just broken a priceless turnip.
0:28:16 > 0:28:24- KNOCK AT DOOR - And now I'm about to be slaughtered by a naked Tunisian sock merchant.
0:28:24 > 0:28:29Well, Baldrick, this is the last time that I dabble in politics!
0:29:04 > 0:29:08Subtitles by Ewan Angus BBC Scotland, 1987