0:00:17 > 0:00:18Clarence!
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Clarence...
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Oh, for heaven's sakes!
0:00:24 > 0:00:26OBJECT LANDS IN GLASS Ha, ha, capital!
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Connie, who's my head gardener?
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Red hair - stops me doing everything?
0:00:31 > 0:00:33McAllister. He's on holiday.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Well, in the absence of McAllister, I think you'll find he's on holiday,
0:00:36 > 0:00:39I'm going to spread muck all over the roses.
0:00:39 > 0:00:40I shall be copious.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44Brother, dear, is this something you intend to achieve personally?
0:00:44 > 0:00:49Oh, Lord, no, no. I have a supplier. Horse, mostly.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53- Mmm.- Did you, er...?- I have a present for you.- Oh?
0:00:53 > 0:00:56- A new broom.- Ah. - I expect it imminently.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58As well as your feeble-minded son.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02CAR HORN HONKS
0:01:20 > 0:01:22I say, are you all right?
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Cor...
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Yes. Er...
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Tree had me fooled.
0:01:30 > 0:01:35It's been put there only recently, you see.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38It'll have to go back to its original posish.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Lovely Labrador.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44Thank you. It's a special type of Labrador called a cocker spaniel.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Fine old boy, your cocker.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49She's a puppy and she's not mine. I walk her.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Can't she walk herself?
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Seems to be furnished with a full complement of legs.
0:01:53 > 0:01:58It's very important to me that a person appreciates dogs.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Oh, I appreciate the hell out of dogs.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05Dogs! Can't get enough of 'em. Love 'em.
0:02:05 > 0:02:06You have a dog?
0:02:06 > 0:02:08No, but I tell you what.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10I'm going to go straight out and get one.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Obviously, I can't just at the moment, because I'm skint,
0:02:13 > 0:02:16but it is my greatest ambition in life to own a dog.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19Erm. What's yours?
0:02:20 > 0:02:26In the short term, to finish my walk. Goodbye. Come on, Zulu.
0:02:26 > 0:02:27Come on.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34Miss Jennings has returned, your ladyship, with Zulu.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Ah. Show them to the drawing room.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40A Zulu? Connie, how singular.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Do you think he might like to see my assegai?
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Ah, Zulu.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Oh, it's a dog.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00Veronica Schoonmaker, a very dear childhood friend, is coming
0:03:00 > 0:03:03to visit us with her millionaire husband and her five dogs.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Veronica.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Is that the brute-faced girl who laced your cocoa with laxative?
0:03:09 > 0:03:11You spent the whole day locked in.
0:03:11 > 0:03:17Don't be absurd. Dear Veronica will expect me to have a dog.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21So Pandora has produced one. She's not given birth to it.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25My brother spends protracted periods with his mouth open.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27One gets used to it.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Who is that unusual man?
0:03:30 > 0:03:35Oh, that is Frederick Threepwood. He is regrettably Lord Emsworth's son.
0:03:36 > 0:03:41Frederick, I want you to meet my god-daughter, Pandora Jennings.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Coo!
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Believe me, monosyllabic ejaculation
0:03:45 > 0:03:49is preferable to the usual course of his utterances.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Why does the dog shout?
0:03:51 > 0:03:53She finds your nephew alarming.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55It is the consensus. Take the animal away.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Aunt Constance?
0:03:59 > 0:04:01No.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03That is your "I-want-to-borrow-money" voice,
0:04:03 > 0:04:07and the answer, as I say, is no.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21The name's Baxter. Rupert Baxter.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25Representatives generally find it more convenient
0:04:25 > 0:04:28to call at the back door.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31I am not here to sell you dusters, Beach.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Lady Constance summoned me.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Her ladyship is in the drawing...
0:04:38 > 0:04:41I have memorised the floor plans of the castle.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42I know my way.
0:04:52 > 0:04:57Aha! Is this the muck man?
0:04:57 > 0:05:02Mr Baxter does not sell manure. He is your new secretary.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Oh. Did I have an old one?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07No, you've never had a secretary and that is why your life is a shambles.
0:05:07 > 0:05:08He is your new broom.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12- He comes highly recommended by the Marquis of Tring.- Spongebelly?
0:05:12 > 0:05:15I have regularised Lord Tring's domestic affairs
0:05:15 > 0:05:20to our mutual satisfaction. I now require a fresh challenge.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22So you're not the muck man?
0:05:22 > 0:05:24I am not, Lord Emsworth.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27I know you're not Lord Emsworth. I'm Lord Emsworth.
0:05:27 > 0:05:28Well...if you see him,
0:05:28 > 0:05:31my dear fellow, direct him to the roses, will you?
0:05:35 > 0:05:39I cannot pretend the task will be simple, Lady Constance.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42But I promise you, I will regularise your brother.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Ever had a personal secretary, Wellbeloved?
0:05:51 > 0:05:55Never had much call for one, m'lord, in my line of work.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Ah, Guv'nor, are you here?
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Erm, yes.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Good. Wondering if I could have a word?
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Concerns a small wager I had with Catsmeat at the Pink Pussy.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06I shan't bore you with the detail.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08It involved an item of corsetry and a couple of ferrets.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Anyway, in short, Catsmeat's beast romped the course
0:06:11 > 0:06:15and the blighter's taken the next six months of my allowance.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18You have been relieved of your allowance by a ferret?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Six ruddy months' worth. You will appreciate the problem.
0:06:21 > 0:06:22No use coming to me, alas.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Money. I always left that to your mother.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Did you ever meet your mother? Charming woman.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Cyril, how are you?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36What sort of salary are you on these days?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38No, Mr Frederick.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40A tenner, come on. A teeny one.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46My dear fellow, I'm so sorry. I was looking for my study.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48This IS your study, Lord Emsworth.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51As you can see,
0:06:51 > 0:06:54I have reclassified your collection of marbles,
0:06:54 > 0:06:58the taxonomic principle being size, left to right,
0:06:58 > 0:07:03the second principle of order being colour, spectrum right to left.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Good, Zulu. Now, listen to me. I want you to sit...
0:07:09 > 0:07:14No, I want you to sit... I'll try another one.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16I want you to go over there...
0:07:16 > 0:07:21Zulu, I want you to go over there... Go... O...
0:07:21 > 0:07:23It's plainly deaf.
0:07:23 > 0:07:28Pandora, dear, this business of Veronica and Gerry Schoonmaker.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Apparently he suffers from being American,
0:07:30 > 0:07:33so one never quite knows what to expect, but Veronica
0:07:33 > 0:07:36is a very dear friend. I do so want her to feel comfortable...
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Hours, you were locked in. Hours.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Was that a spasm or are you addressing someone in this room?
0:07:42 > 0:07:46You. In the bathroom. Half a bottle of "syrup of figs"...
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Moreover, Connie, erm, about this Baxter of yours.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53The point of YOUR Baxter is to sort things out.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55He's sorted things out in my study and I can't find a damn thing.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58By tomorrow morning, Blanding's Castle must be shipshape
0:07:58 > 0:08:00for the arrival of Veronica.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02I know perfectly well this is beyond your abilities to arrange,
0:08:02 > 0:08:04ergo Baxter.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07You haven't the faintest idea what I'm talking about, have you?
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Of course I have. You've got your gusset in a bind
0:08:09 > 0:08:11about this cocoa-poisoner Angelica Snorkelbender,
0:08:11 > 0:08:13her five husbands and her millionaire dog.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Did he say millionaire?
0:08:16 > 0:08:23Frederick, no! Out... Go! Away! I want you to go over there. Away!
0:08:23 > 0:08:27Miss Jennings is corking, but she thinks I'm an idiot.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I am an idiot, can't change that. But how to impress her?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34"Cultivate a shared interest", I hear you cry.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Do you suppose she enjoys drinking to excess
0:08:36 > 0:08:39and watching girls in tiny skirts do the shimmy?
0:08:39 > 0:08:43More likely, sir, that she's interested in matters canine.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47Not sure I can dicky up an interest in dentistry, Beach.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49I meant dogs, Mr Frederick.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50Oh, no, no.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54I've told her I think dogs are hotsy-totsy, the bees' patellas.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Trouble is, I ain't got one.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01Cook has a dog, sir. Bottles. I'm sure you could borrow him.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03And what make of dog is Bottles?
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Ah. His parentage is questionable, sir,
0:09:06 > 0:09:08but he has character.
0:09:08 > 0:09:09Good stuff.
0:09:09 > 0:09:14But it doesn't solve the fact that I'm stony as Chesil Beach, Beach.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Any minute now there's going to be a millionaire on the loose
0:09:16 > 0:09:19and I haven't the faintest idea how to put the moves on him.
0:09:19 > 0:09:24Hold the line, what's this? Dog food rep!
0:09:24 > 0:09:26That'll dazzle Miss Jennings.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Woofo!
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Ah...muck!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36My roses will be rapturous.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44My dear fellow, we cannot prance around like delirious fairies.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46There is muck to be spread.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49It is Lady Constance's desire, Lord Emsworth,
0:09:49 > 0:09:51that you remain in your study
0:09:51 > 0:09:53while the castle is being prepared for guests.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56I am at your service and accordingly, I will arrange
0:09:56 > 0:09:59the distribution of your lordship's waste product.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Are you manure?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14No, mate, I'm dog food. Where do you want it?
0:10:14 > 0:10:19Says on the docket, "Free Dick Threepwood".
0:10:19 > 0:10:22If he chooses to eat dog food, then let him do so.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Take it round the back.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27Ask the footman to make the delivery to Mr Threepwood's room.
0:10:29 > 0:10:30Capital.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36"Remain in your study"... Blasted impertinence.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Oh, oh, dear.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00Beach!
0:11:04 > 0:11:07There is mess. Here. Mucky mess.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10I cannot abide mucky mess.
0:11:10 > 0:11:17Filthy mucky mess, west hall floor, 1500 hours.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19See that it is cleared by 1503.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Who is responsible for this abomination?
0:11:21 > 0:11:24A horse, sir, by the aroma.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Don't get gay with me, Beach.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Everything in order, Mr Baxter?
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Oh.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37CLATTERING FROM CUPBOARD
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Ah, Connie, oh, good.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50I've been looking closely at these shoes, you see.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52In the dark?
0:11:52 > 0:11:56Not in the dark, Connie, the electric light is illuminated
0:11:56 > 0:12:00and I'm greatly concerned by the state of them.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03I mean, look at this... dirty great hole.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Oh, that's where his foot goes in. Anyway, how's, er...
0:12:07 > 0:12:11everything going? Arrangements and that for Japonica Poonsmacker?
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Please sign, my lord, where indicated with a red cross. Pen.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22What... Erm... Err... Very well.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Red cross affair, in reddish ink...
0:12:25 > 0:12:32Yes, Lord Emsworth, that is a red cross. Here, here, and here.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34"Matters domestic, reordering of..."
0:12:34 > 0:12:36And here.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Now we can all get on.
0:12:49 > 0:12:50Hello!
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Phew!
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Miss Jennings, this is Bottles.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58What is he? A lurcher?
0:12:58 > 0:12:59He does walk oddly.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02It's all the knotty muscle he's developed from eating
0:13:02 > 0:13:03Donaldson's Dog Joy.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07He dines on nothing else. Look at him. What's he doing?
0:13:10 > 0:13:11Well, it is a muscle, I suppose...
0:13:11 > 0:13:15Bottles! Stop doing that to that little dog.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19Any rate, corking bit of luck, biffing into you like this. Oh!
0:13:19 > 0:13:22No! No! No!
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Do you think you could now remove him from my leg?
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Bottles, you cad! Miss Jennings, I cannot...
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Enough "dog joy" for this afternoon, I think.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33No, wait. Donaldson's is a product like no other.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36I sell it, you see. I'm going to flog these five-dog Schoonmakers
0:13:36 > 0:13:38a hundredweight of the stuff just for kick-off.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42You see, the biscuit is so supremely delicious, you can eat it yourself.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54Item three, appendix nine:
0:13:54 > 0:13:59unsightly hair in the nose and ears.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01These orifices are to be purged
0:14:01 > 0:14:05before the arrival of her ladyship's guest, Mrs Schoonmaker.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06Good heavens. Erm, Beach.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Everything tickety-boo?
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Everything is quite in order here, Lord Emsworth.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14May I be of further assistance to you?
0:14:14 > 0:14:17No. Thank you. Good heavens, no.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18No, no, no, no.
0:14:18 > 0:14:25Item three, appendix ten: following breakfast, servants up to
0:14:25 > 0:14:28and including the rank of footman
0:14:28 > 0:14:31will have a maximum of three minutes
0:14:31 > 0:14:34to avail themselves in the water closet.
0:14:34 > 0:14:39Sheets of paper for this purpose: two.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43- Did you snort? - Lordship won't stand for this.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47His lordship endorses my every reform, Beach. It's all in here.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53The enemy's within, Beach. Gnawing at the vitals.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Feel your vitals being gnawed at?
0:14:55 > 0:14:56To the bone, my lord.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Fellow rubs us up the wrong way.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02There is mutiny fomenting behind the green baize door, my lord.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03I fear it.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07However, her ladyship looks favourably upon this gentleman.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11Step aside, Beach.
0:15:17 > 0:15:22First one mixes the product with saliva, preferably one's own.
0:15:22 > 0:15:23Freddie, please.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27Then one masticates the biscuit, thus.
0:15:27 > 0:15:32Now, look here, this Baxter really will have to go.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36He's interfered with my bumboes, my knocksies and my keepsies
0:15:36 > 0:15:39and now he's upsetting the servants, and I won't have it.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42The servants have had it far too good for far too long.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Have you seen the blossoms on Beach's nose?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46He's cost you a fortune in port.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49But Beach likes port. I only get it for him.
0:15:49 > 0:15:50Freddie, is it entirely necessary
0:15:50 > 0:15:52for you to make that revolting noise?
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Choking...to death...
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Well, do it elsewhere, please. You're frightening the dog.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Pandora, don't do that, he's just showing off. Freddie?
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Let me make this clear.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05If you exhibit yourself as a dog food salesman
0:16:05 > 0:16:07in front of my dear friend Veronica,
0:16:07 > 0:16:11I shall choke you myself, not with the food, but with the entire dog.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Thank you, all of you. That will be all.
0:16:16 > 0:16:17Thank you.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Snootered, Guv'nor.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26I haven't a hope in hell of flogging the junk to Verruca
0:16:26 > 0:16:29and Johnny Spoonlager, and I've two tons of it to shift.
0:16:29 > 0:16:30It's all stacked up in my bedroom.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32I can't move for the stuff.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35I've been seeking you, Lord Emsworth.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37I did not expect to find a ninth Earl
0:16:37 > 0:16:41frittering his leisure time in the company of swine.
0:16:41 > 0:16:46Never mind you seeking me, Baxter, I have a mind, sir, to seek you.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48The servants are in commotion, my dear fellow,
0:16:48 > 0:16:50there is disgruntlement and wailing
0:16:50 > 0:16:53where once there was revelry and song.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55In my opinion, Lord Emsworth,
0:16:55 > 0:16:58there has been far too much "revelry and song".
0:16:58 > 0:17:01My dear fellow, this is blasphemy!
0:17:01 > 0:17:03What's that?
0:17:03 > 0:17:04You surprised me, er...
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Frederick, a brief working definition of blasphemy?
0:17:07 > 0:17:11No, no. What's that hideous scratching sound? What is it?
0:17:11 > 0:17:15Oh, er...that's nothing. That's just normal life in the rafters.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- Rats, or I don't know...- Rats? - I don't suppose, Guv'nor,
0:17:18 > 0:17:21if you happen to know if Bottles is a great ratter?
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Who is Bottles?
0:17:23 > 0:17:28I'll bet he is. He has a suitably deranged look about him.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32Aha... I feel a demonstration coming on.
0:17:32 > 0:17:37It is perverse of me, Freddie, I know, but I have no desire
0:17:37 > 0:17:41to "pole down to the sty to watch Bottles massacring rats".
0:17:41 > 0:17:43But he's a killer, Aunt C.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46It's cos he eats Donaldson's Dog Joy, he's so full of beans.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Freddie? Will you sit?
0:17:48 > 0:17:52No-one wishes to see you disgorging kippers like Donaldson's Dog Joy.
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Hah! You remember the name.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56And if I hear it again, I shall peel off your face with a spoon.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57I'll do you a discount.
0:17:57 > 0:17:58No! Sit.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03When you finally emerged from the bathroom,
0:18:03 > 0:18:07she pulled up your frock over your face, and you went...
0:18:07 > 0:18:11Clarence! When my dear friend Veronica arrives,
0:18:11 > 0:18:13I shall expect you to be dressed correctly.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Oh, Lord. On top of that infernal reptile Baxter
0:18:16 > 0:18:20spreading despair all over, I now have to wear a stiff collar.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23- I am present, Lord Emsworth. - Eh?
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Oh, no, no, no, no, no, my dear fellow, I wasn't referring to you.
0:18:25 > 0:18:30I was talking about that horrible secretary of mine. What's his name?
0:18:30 > 0:18:34Clarence. May I recommend that you do not speak while eating?
0:18:34 > 0:18:38Miss Jennings, are my eyes alight with missionary zeal?
0:18:38 > 0:18:41I see Donaldson's Dog Joy in every good grocer's
0:18:41 > 0:18:43from Manhattan to Lisbon.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Is Lisbon in America?
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Not especially.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49So much the better. Start with America, end with the world!
0:18:50 > 0:18:54Baxter! That's the fellow. Oh, I can't stand the man.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55Odious little fellow.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Shakespeare said it, Beach.
0:19:03 > 0:19:08There is a flood in the affairs of men, and it's taken its ruddy time.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12But dash it, here it is. Look at my ruddy wardrobe!
0:19:12 > 0:19:17It's been Baxtered! Oh, he shall rue his interference here.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21What is that repulsive object?
0:19:21 > 0:19:24It is Mr Baxter's ledger, my lord.
0:19:24 > 0:19:25He appears to have misplaced it.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26Give it to me.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Blighter's about to misplace it a whole lot more.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Veronica, so lovely to have you back again.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Full marks, Constance. I like a young bitch about the place.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49I'm so pleased you approve.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53I mean, a castle isn't really possible without a dog.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Don't you think so, Mr Schoonmaker?
0:19:56 > 0:20:00I'm American, Lady Constance. Ronnie doesn't allow me an opinion.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05Of course, the stern is feathered, which in the pure breed
0:20:05 > 0:20:07is totally unacceptable.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09But of course, dear,
0:20:09 > 0:20:12you always did prefer the look of things about you to be...
0:20:12 > 0:20:14not quite right.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23Ronnie, dear, will you excuse me?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28I've just remembered something.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42Vengeance is mine, Ronnie, dear.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48BAG SQUEAKS
0:20:54 > 0:20:55Wrong side of the slope,
0:20:55 > 0:20:58but I think you'll be amused by its impertinence.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00That dog stinks.
0:21:00 > 0:21:01Rich from you, Cyril.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Bottles? Curtain up.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Who's a beautiful boy, then?
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Fresh cup?
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Mmm.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34Is there something the matter with the tea?
0:21:34 > 0:21:35Unusual notes of fruit.
0:21:35 > 0:21:40Typical of me to choose a blend that's "not quite right".
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Clarence! Where on Earth have you been?
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Gardening.
0:21:48 > 0:21:54Good afternoon. You must be Gordy Bushwhacker.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Near enough. My wife Ron, who I believe you know.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Where is my ledger?
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Somebody has taken my ledger.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14I left it on the shelf outside the north corridor water closet.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18- It is gone.- Perhaps you should have taken it in with you, Sir.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20It might have come in handy.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Given restrictions on usage of paper.
0:22:24 > 0:22:25You will regret that, Beach.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Possibly, sir. Will that be all?
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Where is Lord Emsworth?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Ah, yes, sir, I'm obliged to you for reminding me.
0:22:36 > 0:22:37His lordship wished me
0:22:37 > 0:22:40to apprise you that you may have dropped your ledger.
0:22:40 > 0:22:41Among the roses.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50Ah. Mr and Mrs Schoonmaker, welcome to Blandings Castle.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52If I might have a moment of your time, I shall divert you
0:22:52 > 0:22:54with a life-changing demonstration
0:22:54 > 0:22:56of a doggy comestible I am honoured to sell.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- Frederick.- Aunt Constance.- Desist!
0:22:59 > 0:23:00GURGLING
0:23:00 > 0:23:05Can anybody else hear that? Sort of...creaking.
0:23:05 > 0:23:06STOMACH GURGLES
0:23:06 > 0:23:11Oh, it's you. Aha! Mystery solved.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Now, allow me to present... Bottles!
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Presently making friends rather vigorously with that...
0:23:21 > 0:23:23thing like a sporran.
0:23:23 > 0:23:28This paragon of British doghood is about to demonstrate the zip,
0:23:28 > 0:23:31vim and sheer joie de vivre that cannot help
0:23:31 > 0:23:36but surge from an animal reared exclusively on Donaldson's Dog Joy!
0:23:42 > 0:23:47I have in this sack a handful of simple rats.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51- If you will kindly step out onto the lawn...- Beach !
0:23:51 > 0:23:54- Did he say bats?- Rats. - Oh, good, fair enough.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56You wouldn't want to keep bats in a bag, would you?
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Dispose of this receptacle immediately.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02CREAKING
0:24:02 > 0:24:04- Was that you again?- No!
0:24:04 > 0:24:06I definitely hear a sort of creaking.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08CREAKING OVERHEAD
0:24:17 > 0:24:19SCREAMING
0:24:20 > 0:24:22DOG BARKS
0:24:40 > 0:24:43From escape to capture and despatch - six seconds!
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Did you ever see such a turn of speed?
0:24:45 > 0:24:47He's got them all. What a lad!
0:24:47 > 0:24:52Donaldson's Dog Joy, Mr Schoonmaker! I can do you a special price!
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Good heavens! Mr Baxter!
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Might I have a moment, Lord Emsworth?
0:24:59 > 0:25:02No, my dear fellow, you may not.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06This ridiculous exhibition is the end.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08That product has cost me a lot of money
0:25:08 > 0:25:12and I do not expect to see it distributed around my drawing room.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14LOUD CREAKING OVERHEAD
0:25:14 > 0:25:16It's coming from there.
0:25:16 > 0:25:21Your butler abducted my ledger whilst I was at stool!
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Beach! Come here.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Do you deny that you took the ledger whilst I was...
0:25:30 > 0:25:32SCREAMING
0:25:41 > 0:25:42And the most remarkable thing is,
0:25:42 > 0:25:45the biscuit is entirely fit for human consumption.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Young man? How much Dog Joy just came through the roof?
0:25:52 > 0:25:53Two tons, sir.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57Put it all on my tab. It's worth every penny.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02SHE BREAKS WIND
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Poor Veronica.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14I do wish I could persuade you to stay longer.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Such a nasty upset stomach, with everybody watching.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Thank you, Constance.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Thank you, Veronica.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22STOMACH RUMBLES
0:26:22 > 0:26:27A little something for the journey. Just in case.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34If I may permit myself the vulgarity...gotcha!
0:26:36 > 0:26:39These are for you.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42How lovely. Stalks.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Damn. I wrapped the wrong end.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Look, Miss Jennings,
0:26:47 > 0:26:50I just wanted to say that you're splendid.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52I mean, I'm rather...erm...
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Fond of you.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Are you going to give me the stalks, or not?
0:26:57 > 0:27:02Oh. Yes. Here. You'll need an upside-down vase.
0:27:02 > 0:27:03I can't imagine where...
0:27:08 > 0:27:11I'm rather fond of you too, Mr Threepwood.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18Do you think you could possibly remove Bottles from my leg, please?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Oh! Yes, of course.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Ha ha! The jingling tray.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32Will you join me, Beach?
0:27:35 > 0:27:36You take the glass.
0:27:36 > 0:27:40A fellow in your position cannot be seen drinking from a mug.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Imagine if one of the maids came in and saw.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49- Here. Chin chin. - Chin chin, my lord.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59Oh, I say, isn't that, erm, Baxter?
0:27:59 > 0:28:01I believe it is, my lord.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Motorcycle not working?
0:28:03 > 0:28:05It would appear not, my lord.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Oh. Taxi not available?
0:28:08 > 0:28:12The taxi declined to convey Mr Baxter
0:28:12 > 0:28:16- on account of the terrible pong. - Pong?
0:28:16 > 0:28:20Mr Baxter's over-acquaintance with your lordship's manure.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24Not mine, Horse, mostly.
0:28:25 > 0:28:29Oh, poor Baxter.
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Ruddy goggle-faced weasel.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd