0:00:20 > 0:00:22Now Clarence, I know it hurts your brain,
0:00:22 > 0:00:25but it is essential that you concentrate.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27What are you going to do about this?
0:00:27 > 0:00:31Scarify in the autumn and spread liberally with top-quality muck.
0:00:31 > 0:00:35I speak of Gertrude.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Oh. Isn't that the wretched girl forever rearranging my books?
0:00:39 > 0:00:42She must be kept occupied. To get her away from Bingham.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46Is Bingham a particularly dreary place?
0:00:46 > 0:00:50Rupert Bingham is the man she wishes to marry. The priest.
0:00:50 > 0:00:51Oh, jolly good.
0:00:51 > 0:00:56No, I mean dreadful, awful person, out of the question.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Connie, I've got no idea who these people are.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Gertrude is your niece.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Another one! Good heavens.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Bingham is a pauper.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06What do you expect me to do?
0:01:06 > 0:01:09I expect you to dance, Clarence.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12The girl needs taking out of herself.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16Sir Gregory is giving a summer ball, next Saturday.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20You shall dance with Gertrude, just once
0:01:20 > 0:01:23then pass her to some eligible gentlemen.
0:01:23 > 0:01:29You may close your mouth now, Clarence. Young girls love to dance.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31I am not a young girl, Connie.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Oh, perpetually thinking of yourself.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Now, Herr Schnellhund is calling shortly.
0:01:36 > 0:01:37Your dancing master.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42CAR HORN SOUNDS
0:01:46 > 0:01:49I don't suppose you have them in Portugal, but this is a castle.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53It was built by Norman the Conqueror.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55The bloke who married Elizabeth, the Queen Virgin.
0:01:55 > 0:01:59All a bit pointless, this, you don't understand a word I'm saying.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03Hah! I usually hit that tree.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06That's the spirit!
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Beach, please.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Isn't there enough sadness in the world without you
0:02:12 > 0:02:13cleawing your thwoat at people?
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Her ladyship wishes to see you, Miss Gertrude.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Well, I do not wish to see my aunt.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22It is because of her I suffer the tewwible torments of Pwometheus.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Very well, Miss.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Guv'nor! How the hell are you?
0:02:29 > 0:02:33Riven with anxiety, Frederick. Can we conclude this quickly?
0:02:33 > 0:02:34How much do you need?
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Dear old ghoul, I haven't come to sponge.
0:02:36 > 0:02:41I wanted you to meet Miss Paquita Manganara.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43From Portugal.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46She doesn't speak a word of English.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47How refreshing.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49I met her at the Pink Pussy Club.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53She was dancing in a little dress entirely composed of bananas.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- Good heavens. - Exactly what I said.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Miss Paquita?
0:02:58 > 0:03:03Manganara. Actually, Guv'nor, that's a bit of a moot point.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Technically, you're fondling the paw
0:03:06 > 0:03:10of The Honourable Mrs Paquita Threepwood.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Oh.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13I seem to have married her.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- Inadvertently.- Yes.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18I think at some stage you should probably release her hand.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23SHE SPEAKS GIBBERISH
0:03:23 > 0:03:25PHONE RINGS
0:03:25 > 0:03:27I thought I'd better pole on down with the child bride
0:03:27 > 0:03:28and explain her to the family.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32Frederick. The one thing you must absolutely not do is explain
0:03:32 > 0:03:37Miss Hangbanana to anyone, particularly your aunt.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Beach?
0:03:38 > 0:03:42The telephone, my lord, for Mr Threepwood.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44It's a Mr Beefy for you, sir.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Speaking. What?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51How did you manage to break a bath?
0:03:54 > 0:03:56No, no. I'm on my way.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Friend of mine just landed up at The Goat and Feathers.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01He's in a jam. Shan't be a tick.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Keep my Portuguese wife amused, will you?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Friend.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Portuguese friend.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Lord, help us now, thy servant.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Thank you.
0:04:27 > 0:04:33- Er, landlord? I trust that covers the damage to the bath?- Thank you.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38All I did was sit in the thing, I didn't chuck it about.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Was that entirely proper, Beefy?
0:04:40 > 0:04:45Calling on the Almighty to help you twist some bloke's arm off?
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Look at you, you need a nurse.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50It's not a nurse I need. It's Gertrude.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Your Aunt Constance has forbidden our marriage.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57My aunt is famous for derailing the locomotive of young love.
0:04:57 > 0:05:02But I love her, Freddie. I love her! Gertrude, not your aunt.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06So, Gertrude's banged up till she gets over you, because you won't do.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10And you're here in order to be close to her.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12- That's the full extent of the plan, is it?- Yes?
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Ah, have you ever met Aunt Connie?
0:05:16 > 0:05:18- No!- How about the Guv'nor?
0:05:18 > 0:05:22- No!- You see? Already we're on top of the sitch.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23CLATTERING
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Sorry.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30What you need to do, old wound, is bring the Guv'nor gaiety.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Be attentive, courteous.
0:05:32 > 0:05:33He shall gather you unto his bosom,
0:05:33 > 0:05:36and my aunt shall not dare stand in his way.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Allow me to prepare the ground, nothing can go wrong.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40SPRINGS POPPING
0:05:40 > 0:05:42- Ah.- What's gone wrong?
0:05:42 > 0:05:45I don't appear to have any brakes. Not to worry.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46I have a spare set.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Foxgloves.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02Gloves, for erm... foxes.
0:06:02 > 0:06:07SHE SPEAKS GIBBERISH
0:06:11 > 0:06:12- Very small ones.- Guv'nor!
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Oh, thank God for that.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18Sorry about that. Hello, angel! Did you miss me savagely?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Now Guv'nor, listen, I must bend your ear about Beefers.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23- What is Beefers?- Friend of mine.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Miserable as hell cos he is denied the girl he loves,
0:06:25 > 0:06:28and all that sort of rot. Can he come and stay for a bit?
0:06:28 > 0:06:32Very well, Frederick. This fellow's name, Beefy, what did you say?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- Popjoy.- Popjoy?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Absolutely. Beefy Popjoy.
0:06:38 > 0:06:43He'll be company for Gertrude, perk her up a bit.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Beefy Fopjoy! Dancing.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50Portuguese persons.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Skirts of ruddy bananas.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57I have been making impwovements to the distwibution of your books.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Now look here, my dear.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02If you've hidden my Whiffle, I shall not be answerable.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Care Of The Pig is where you dwopped it. In your study.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Ah.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11Do you know why I do this? Weawwange things?
0:07:11 > 0:07:14It is called displacement activity.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- Is it?- I do it to stop myself lacewating my flesh
0:07:17 > 0:07:20and feeding my own bwoken body to your wetched pig.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24Your tie is cwooked, Uncle Clawence.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26I like it cwooked.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32It must be glowious to be as old as you.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Such a short step to the silent wapture of the gwave.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38What do you mean "a short step," my dear?
0:07:38 > 0:07:42My own dear father lived to be nearly 90...
0:07:42 > 0:07:46Don't. Don't. You make it sound so despewate and dweadful.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51Her ladyship invites you, my lord, to meet a German person.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01This is Herr Schnellhund.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05You know how I feel about fellows with tufty little beards, Connie,
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- they give me the heebie-jeebies. - Don't be absurd.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10I can't trust him. He could be anybody.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12All yours, Herr Schnellhund.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Oh, no... Ah, ah...
0:08:18 > 0:08:19Dancing master, eh?
0:08:19 > 0:08:22I am so, Lord Emsvurt.
0:08:22 > 0:08:27Before zis, I vurked in ein slaughterhouse.
0:08:27 > 0:08:34And so I understand precisely how ze portions of ze body...connect.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43And so I demonstrate.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46MUSIC: "The Blue Danube" by Johann Strauss
0:08:46 > 0:08:49No, no... no, no, no, no, no.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53Ein zwei drei, zwei zwei drei,
0:08:53 > 0:08:58drei zwei drei. Lead the lady.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Ha!
0:09:02 > 0:09:06Mark me, Beefy, the wheeze is afoot.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09It is established that your name is Popjoy.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- Popjoy?- You're a very rich man, but your money's all tied up abroad.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Brazil. Where the nuts come from.
0:09:15 > 0:09:16Popjoy?
0:09:16 > 0:09:20Must dash. Supposed to be showing my wife round the old dump.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Friend. My friend.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31Popjoy. Yeah.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33There's a Mr Popjoy here, your Lordship.
0:09:33 > 0:09:39Popjoy. You expecting any sort of Popjoy, Gertrude?
0:09:39 > 0:09:43I expect nothing but an eternity of gwinding, gwisly torment.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Must be for me then. All right, wheel him in, Beach.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50My dear, I beg you to be a little less funereal for Mr...
0:09:50 > 0:09:53SHE SCREAMS AND GIGGLES
0:09:53 > 0:09:56You must be Gertrude Armstrong.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Oh, I must.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01My name is Popjoy. You see?
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Oh, yes.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04Lord Emsworth.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08No, no, sir, please don't get up. Let me come to you.
0:10:08 > 0:10:09SMASHING
0:10:09 > 0:10:11How do you do?
0:10:11 > 0:10:15He's called Fang, after one of my aunts.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Family joke.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Reverend.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Beach.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30What do I say when I finally run into Aunt Constance?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32I'm here with a girl who shimmies round the Pussy
0:10:32 > 0:10:35in a girdle of soft fruit. My aunt will be nonplussed.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37If she finds out I've married the girl,
0:10:37 > 0:10:41and that's what I've done, her non will be plussed off the scale.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Things here are not as they seem.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47What do I say?
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Do you intend to conduct your entire married life in secret?
0:10:50 > 0:10:53That's a plan. Thank you, Beach.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03SHE SPEAKS GIBBERISH
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Eh? This bruiser with the great warty conk?
0:11:09 > 0:11:10He's the second earl.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14Hilariously, this is the picture that's actually worth something.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Oh, good God.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20I mean, hello, Aunt!
0:11:20 > 0:11:25Allow me to present Paquita Manganara. She is my friend.
0:11:28 > 0:11:35Paquita Escevillege Jerecazavege Manganara, Princesa.
0:11:39 > 0:11:40Delightful.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47That is how the pluperfect is formed in the Aramaic of St Luke.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50How incwedibly amusing.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54I don't know that because I'm a priest. Because I'm not.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58I like your guest.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Poppers is a scream when he gets going on the old pluperfect.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Not Mr Popjoy. Popjoy is an idiot.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05I mean the Princess.
0:12:05 > 0:12:10Oh, her. Oh, good. That's...useful.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12I didn't know she was a princess?
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Oh, God. Pay her more attention, Freddie.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19The Manganaras, I believe, are a very old family.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Oh. She seems rather young.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Oh, God.
0:12:24 > 0:12:25SMASHING
0:12:25 > 0:12:29Oh, good Heavens! Lord Emsworth, I am so...
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Oh, it doesn't matter! Does it, Uncle Clawence?
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Just a silly decanter. It was tewwibly old.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35Georgian.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Do go on, Mr Popjoy.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40I don't know what was I saying?
0:12:40 > 0:12:44SHE SPEAKS GIBBERISH
0:12:47 > 0:12:51Mr Popjoy. Your business concerns are in Brazil, I gather.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52Where the nuts come from.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56What language do you speak over there, for business?
0:12:56 > 0:12:58(Not Portuguese.)
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Portuguese.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04How convenient! We can now converse with Miss Manganara.
0:13:04 > 0:13:09- Oh, yes.- So let us establish what it is she requires from Beach.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13What is occurring now?
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- Mr Popjoy is about to speak Portuguese.- Good Lord.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19As long as he doesn't stink up the air with German
0:13:19 > 0:13:21like that dismal creature Schweinhund.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Schnellhund!
0:13:25 > 0:13:26Please.
0:13:30 > 0:13:31Senyorlaga.
0:13:31 > 0:13:37Moy copinas al fresco bladdaronica la bamba-bamba
0:13:37 > 0:13:42de tinklebotski vavavoom. Beach.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48SHE RESPONDS
0:13:50 > 0:13:53At home she has 20 chefs.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56None could cook a chop like this.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58LAUGHTER
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- Bravo! Porcaria total! - Very kind.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04See that she has everything she needs, Freddie,
0:14:04 > 0:14:07The Princesa is so agreeable.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Connie?
0:14:09 > 0:14:15Mr Popjoy seems to exert a pleasing fascination over...
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Do you think he might... care to accompany her to the ball?
0:14:18 > 0:14:21You cannot escape dancing by means of Popjoy.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25He has all the natural grace of a hippopotamus.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28The Princesa, however,
0:14:28 > 0:14:32has the hauteur of the continental aristocracy.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Extraordinary that she consents to be a friend of Freddie's.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37As long as he doesn't make a lunge at her...
0:14:37 > 0:14:38Beach, you're hovering.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41I do apologise, your ladyship.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45It is merely that we seem to be missing a number of spoons.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Shake down the tufty German, that's my advice.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Be surprised what falls out his pockets.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Sir, are you indisposed?
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Whoops! Sorry!
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Brazil must be so dull without you, Mr Popjoy.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Psst! Where's Beefy?
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Isn't he a bunny wabbit?
0:15:08 > 0:15:11I wish your father and Aunt Connie thought he was a bunny wabbit.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15He's doing the right thing, and he's just got to do more of it.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18I mustn't be seen talking like this. My wife wouldn't like it.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24My Friend. Friend.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29Ein, zwei, drei...
0:15:29 > 0:15:32# When I take my sugar to tea
0:15:32 > 0:15:35# All the boys are jealous of me
0:15:35 > 0:15:37# Cos I never take them... #
0:15:37 > 0:15:40What are you doing?
0:15:40 > 0:15:44Lord Emsworth. I am concerned that you are foaming at the mouth.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46I'm cleaning my teeth.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50Well, allow me to be of assistance with that.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09Evening my boy. As you were.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21I hope you have a peaceful night.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24SHE RESPONDS
0:16:30 > 0:16:33I have scissors, Freddie.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41# Because I never take them where the gang goes
0:16:41 > 0:16:44# When I take my sugar to tea. #
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Do carry on! I'm off to consult the Empress.
0:16:47 > 0:16:52Wupert. My uncle is dewanged. You must hasten to his wescue.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58The worst thing is I have to dance in ruddy German!
0:16:58 > 0:17:02Ein, zwei, drei, zwei, zwei, drei.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08- Lord Emsworth! Allow me. - My dear fellow, I entreat you...
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- Lord Emsworth? - Keep your distance, sir!
0:17:14 > 0:17:16My ankle, get off me!
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I'm so sorry, sir, was that your eye?
0:17:41 > 0:17:45Ah. There you are.
0:17:45 > 0:17:50Look, I rather wanted Beefy to translate this for me.
0:17:51 > 0:17:58But I was wondering, as we are, as it were...
0:17:58 > 0:18:01married,
0:18:01 > 0:18:08should I perhaps be slipping in for a bit?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15You know...
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Ah.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44Vetinary Sprain Elixir. Does wonders for the Empress.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07SHE SPEAKS GIBBERISH
0:19:09 > 0:19:14SHE ROARS
0:19:14 > 0:19:17HE RUNS OFF WHIMPERING
0:19:24 > 0:19:26HE YELLS IN PAIN
0:19:29 > 0:19:32My ruddy foot's on fire!
0:19:42 > 0:19:48"Should the preparation come into contact with the skin,
0:19:48 > 0:19:52"douse at once with plenty of water."
0:19:52 > 0:19:53All right..
0:19:53 > 0:19:58Your eyes are like golden planets glimpsed in the canopy of heaven.
0:20:07 > 0:20:08I think that's uncle Clawence.
0:20:08 > 0:20:13Good gwief. Wun, Wupert. Wun!
0:20:13 > 0:20:14He's dwowning!
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Lord Emsworth! I hear you, sir!
0:20:19 > 0:20:24I have a bearing on you! The most important thing is not to panic.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28The great mistake of the drowning man is to panic.
0:20:28 > 0:20:29You, no, no!
0:20:29 > 0:20:33Yes, I am with you now, sir! All is well.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Ow!
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Try not to struggle, Lord Emsworth!
0:20:37 > 0:20:39You have banged your head on my instrument.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42I'm now going to put my arm around your chest.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45If you resist me, sir, I must incapacitate you.
0:20:45 > 0:20:50Forgive me, sir, but your life is at risk and I have had training.
0:20:52 > 0:20:57There we go. You're safe now, sir.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05..Unhand me, sir!
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Frederick?
0:21:17 > 0:21:21Guv'nor. Yes.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Tricky to explain. Unusual evening.
0:21:24 > 0:21:30Aunt Connie was advising me to marry my wife. Then it all..
0:21:30 > 0:21:32got rather out of hand.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34My evening also was eventful.
0:21:37 > 0:21:42Your friend Popjoy is one of the most appalling young men I ever met.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45His name's not Popjoy, it's Bingham.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47The improvement is neglible.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50He's the bird whose marriage to Gertrude you have forbidden.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51And he's tried really hard.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55All you had to do was slip him a vicarage with a bit of an income.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Why should he wish to be slipped a vicarage?
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Because he's a parson, obviously.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03Mr Beefers is a priest?
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Oh, God help us.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Ah, Beach. A review of The Empress.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10Straight away, my lord?
0:22:10 > 0:22:13If not sooner.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15So, will you give Beefy a job?
0:22:15 > 0:22:18- I will not.- I see. Very well.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22Will you condescend instead to help your only son in his hour of need?
0:22:22 > 0:22:23You have an elder brother.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26You quibble. Come on, Guv'nor. Do something.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28When Aunt C finds out I've been hitched all along,
0:22:28 > 0:22:31and never had a knees-up to which she could wear a hat,
0:22:31 > 0:22:35she'll saw open my cranium and feast on my brains.
0:22:35 > 0:22:40A meagre luncheon it will be. Good morning to you, sir.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46SMASHING
0:22:46 > 0:22:47Popjoy.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49SMASHING
0:22:54 > 0:22:59Would you please translate? Princesa Paquita.
0:22:59 > 0:23:04As you are aware, my nephew is a very charming, literate,
0:23:04 > 0:23:06and intensely intelligent young man.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Say it.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Princesa, la goono com pompadiddy
0:23:12 > 0:23:18vala distra mwa mwa brainioroony.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22He is of noble birth.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25E nobbly narto-tarto.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27He is eligible.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29E ligalabalo.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33Ligalabolo? Muito interessante.
0:23:33 > 0:23:39Really, how very charming, very charming. Very charming!
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Ach, mein Gott, Komm schon.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Rum business altogether, Guv'nor.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53Your only son, apart from the other one, spurned.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55A blameless vicar ruined.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57And did you think to cancel Herr Beardhound's lesson?
0:23:57 > 0:24:00No. The poor twerp's standing in the hall with nothing to do.
0:24:00 > 0:24:01He could have a shave.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Alas for Aunt Constance!
0:24:03 > 0:24:06She's lost her equilibrium, her crystal and her...
0:24:06 > 0:24:11Frederick, get Beach to bring me Mr Pingjoy? Beefhat?
0:24:11 > 0:24:12Bingham?
0:24:12 > 0:24:15Him as well. Bring 'em all!
0:24:20 > 0:24:24Hello. Herr Schnellhund!
0:24:36 > 0:24:39The 2nd Earl...
0:24:39 > 0:24:43Ah, good fellow. I can't survive much more of your attention.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46I'm given to believe you seek a country living
0:24:46 > 0:24:50with a tolerable salary. Is that correct? Good.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Well, I do happen to have a church, that needs a parson.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58In Hampshire. That is quite far away, Hampshire, isn't it?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Sufficiently, my lord.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03- Does that interest you, Mr Bingpox? - Lord Emsworth...
0:25:03 > 0:25:06No, my dear fellow Please don't approach me! I beg of you.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10Darling, darling.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Steady.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Mr Bingham salutes the approach of Miss Gertrude, my lord.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Ah, right you are.
0:25:17 > 0:25:18Call the police!
0:25:21 > 0:25:24Oh, Clarence, I have been such a fool. You were right.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Was I? What about?
0:25:26 > 0:25:29That frightful little German with the preposterous beard.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30What, that one?
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Yes. That one.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36What have you been up to, you odious little fraud?
0:25:36 > 0:25:40I have been smoking ein cigarette vile I attend Lord Emsvurt.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- You liar! - But it is so.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46And that nasty little beard?
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Is that so? I think not.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Impostor!
0:25:51 > 0:25:55Where is the second earl? Is he in these ridiculous little trousers?
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Shall we look?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59This is all most unusual.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Your name's not Schnellhund.
0:26:01 > 0:26:06Nobody in real life is called Schnellhund. You're Bingham!
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Um, no. I'm Bingham.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12As it were.
0:26:20 > 0:26:25I am going. I am going...
0:26:37 > 0:26:39So that's all sorted then.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41I put it to Herr Smelly-Hun that he wouldn't want it
0:26:41 > 0:26:44going about that he's the kind of man who allows hysterical women
0:26:44 > 0:26:48to go yanking his beard, and he very sportingly settled for 50 quid.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50I said you'd send a cheque.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54Now. Here's the really funny thing about all this, Aunt Connie.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57You've been banging on at me to marry the Princesa -
0:26:57 > 0:26:59look, here she is,
0:26:59 > 0:27:03and guess what? I already have!
0:27:03 > 0:27:07Ha! How's that for a Chinaman on a springy wicket?
0:27:07 > 0:27:11SHE SPEAKS GIBBERISH
0:27:14 > 0:27:16- Bingham.- Oh, Lord.
0:27:16 > 0:27:20Ask the princess if she can confirm this extraordinary suggestion?
0:27:22 > 0:27:26Slinkibiffydoo. Crancrinkum-crankum agumbo?
0:27:26 > 0:27:28SHE SPEAKS GIBBERISH
0:27:28 > 0:27:34..OW! Strewth, mind my bleedin' foot, you clumsy great lump!
0:27:34 > 0:27:37She speaks English rather well.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Crying out loud, you're all mad.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42My sweet, you speak of family.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45We're not family, you soft-chinned twit.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47You got plastered in the club
0:27:47 > 0:27:49and turned up at my flat with a feather in your...
0:27:49 > 0:27:50Yes, I remember that.
0:27:50 > 0:27:54And you were all kissy-kissy and spouting bloomin' poetry at me
0:27:54 > 0:27:56and I thought I'd have a little laugh.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Tell you we was hitched. Well, ha bloomin' ha.
0:27:58 > 0:28:03How do you like your continental la-di-da now, Mrs Muck?
0:28:03 > 0:28:05Save your breath, Bonzo, I'm off.
0:28:11 > 0:28:12Oh, nuts.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14From Brazil, madam.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17MUSIC: "The Blue Danube" by Johann Strauss
0:28:19 > 0:28:21Sorry!
0:28:21 > 0:28:26In English, you see, it might have gone something like this.
0:28:29 > 0:28:34One, two three, one two three...
0:28:34 > 0:28:35Ouch!
0:28:42 > 0:28:45Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd