0:00:22 > 0:00:26Curious, Beach. The Empress appears to be breakfasting on blancmange.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28It was Cook's idea, my lord.
0:00:28 > 0:00:33In order to entice the Empress to return here from the kitchen.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36It appears Wellbeloved left the gate open when he was refreshed.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39We can't have the Empress wandering the streets, cadging blancmange.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Where IS Wellbeloved?
0:00:41 > 0:00:44He was last seen in the small hours, my lord,
0:00:44 > 0:00:46declaring he was "going home to Tewkesbury"
0:00:46 > 0:00:49to stay with his mother, the old rat bag,
0:00:49 > 0:00:53"God bless her, never drew a sober breath".
0:00:53 > 0:00:55PIG BREAKS WIND
0:00:55 > 0:01:00Y'see? Wellbeloved goes missing, it puts her bowels in an uproar.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04Her ladyship would like to see you, my lord.
0:01:04 > 0:01:05PIG DEFECATES LOUDLY
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Tewkesbury.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10It's practically in Belgium.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12HE GROANS
0:01:32 > 0:01:34That tree.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Altogether too loud.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Connie! The most appalling thing.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Wellbeloved's done a bunk!
0:01:47 > 0:01:52Will you stop gibbering, Clarence. Lady Littlewood arrives any moment.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56You must bathe, shave - BURN those clothes -
0:01:56 > 0:01:59put on a suit and hat and then go somewhere else
0:01:59 > 0:02:00where you can't possibly be seen.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Now, her husband was the Marquis of Littlewood,
0:02:04 > 0:02:06one of the oldest marquisates in the country.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10Was? Did he, er, give up being the marquis?
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Well, in the sense that he died, yes.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15It behoves us to assist his widow.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19She seeks comfort amongst people who know her.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21- Do we know her?- No.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23But there again, you entirely miss the point.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26People like us know each other on principle.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Ah, Frederick.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Let's hope your arrival causes the intellectual portion
0:02:31 > 0:02:34of this conversation to leap joyously.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Alcohol.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Three syllables. Hurrah.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40No more women. Never.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Now you're being garrulous.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Now, Daphne Littlewood is by all accounts
0:02:45 > 0:02:48a delightful and intelligent woman.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50How old is she?
0:02:50 > 0:02:54The Dowager Marchioness is a woman of a certain age.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Not a threat. Good.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Mumsy, you're hurting me!
0:03:04 > 0:03:08Sorry, darling. Mumsy's excited about meeting new friends.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11HORN BLARES
0:03:18 > 0:03:20I didn't tell you to stop.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24You didn't give me no money for petrol, neither.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32Gin, sherry, port, brandy, pudding wine
0:03:32 > 0:03:34and a substantial dash of bitters.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38It's called Death Comes For The Archbishop.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43It insulates the drinker against the amorous attentions of the female.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45I should think it does, sir.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49I've been crossed in love for the last time, Beach.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53I met a girl at the Pink Pussy. Daisy Warner.
0:03:53 > 0:03:54Slip of a thing.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57We cut a rug, heard the chimes at midnight.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00I asked her to marry me in the usual way. She accepted.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Arranged to meet at the church the next morning.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04I show up, can't see her.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Bloke taps me on the shoulder. Guess who it is?
0:04:07 > 0:04:09- Lady's husband, sir?- No,
0:04:09 > 0:04:12it was Daisy, sans make-up.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Turns out she's a merchant seaman named Derek.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Bit of a shock.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I mean, Derek.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24On the whole, I thought it best not to go through with the arrangement.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25Crikey, sir.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Women have made me lose my powers of reason.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30I hereby forswear 'em.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33My heart shall never skip another beat on account of a floozy,
0:04:33 > 0:04:35popsy, goddess,
0:04:35 > 0:04:41nymph or any other manifestation of the laughably mislabelled gentle sex.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Fiver on it.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46Very well, sir.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Good man. You'll regret it.
0:04:49 > 0:04:50Hmm.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Her husband's death is not recent
0:04:52 > 0:04:56although I think it's a subject to be avoided. Stay off it.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14- I say...- Right, that's it!
0:05:14 > 0:05:16THEY CHUCKLE
0:05:16 > 0:05:19My dear Lady Littlewood! Welcome!
0:05:19 > 0:05:24Oh, Daphne, j'insiste. But this is just too splendid!
0:05:24 > 0:05:28Oh, my brother and I rattle about the place. You know.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Oh, but I thought this handsome man was your husband!
0:05:31 > 0:05:33What?
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Oh no! My husband is no longer with us.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38My brother has never been... with us
0:05:38 > 0:05:42- but his physical presence somehow endures. Clarence?- What?
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Don't mention the dead husband. Oh.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49Oh, not hers. Oh, that's all right.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Good, good. My dear Lady Tittlewood.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Welcome to, as it were... um...
0:05:55 > 0:05:58- Blandings.- Quite.
0:05:58 > 0:06:03Yes, so kind of this young girl. This car's broken.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Screamingly dull.
0:06:05 > 0:06:10And all the baggages and maids and clutter, all arrive tomorrow.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Huxley, greet Lord Emsworth.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- Are you an earl?- Yes.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18That's one down from the marquis.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20I'm a marquis, so I'm better than you.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Isn't he divine! He's such a wit!
0:06:22 > 0:06:28- So, where's the pig? - God. There's so much of her. Hello.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31- Who's that person? - She's your new pig man.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40I'm sorry about my brother. He's a trifle deaf.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43He has sustained a terrible injury to the side of his head.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Oh, dear. When did that occur?
0:06:46 > 0:06:50Later this afternoon. Do come in.
0:06:51 > 0:06:56Erm... Miss, are you local...? Miss, er?
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Simmons. Yeah, I'm often down this way.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01I come and help my uncle out with his pig. He calls her the Queen.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02Extraordinary!
0:07:02 > 0:07:06The most dreadful blaggard imaginable lives round the corner here.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- Calls his pig the Queen. - Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe?
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- Stinker Parsloe, I call him. - He's my uncle.- Oh.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14But you're right. He IS a stinker.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Miss Simmons, you're not a secret agent,
0:07:16 > 0:07:17working for the Stinker are you?
0:07:17 > 0:07:20No, Lord Emsworth. I'm just me.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Absolutely not, get a grip!
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Her feet must be size 16...
0:07:26 > 0:07:29..I mean, think of her legs...
0:07:29 > 0:07:31HE MOANS
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Now Connie, dear, do tell. Your brother.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38What are his interests? Is there a lady in his life?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40There is!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Describe her to me.
0:07:42 > 0:07:47Well! Her face is dished and bristled.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51She is stupendously malodorous, she presently weighs -
0:07:51 > 0:07:55and I know because Clarence gives me adoring reports, every morning -
0:07:55 > 0:07:5746 stone.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01But she has surprisingly delicate feet.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05If God and the law allowed it,
0:08:05 > 0:08:09Clarence's PIG would probably be Countess of Emsworth.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12No female human would take the job.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19I was looking for tea, but I'll settle for a drinky.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22No, no. Actually, they're both for me. Careful! That's not for girls.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24What about you? You for girls?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26No. No, I'm not.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Do you bash the shuttlecock from the feathered end?
0:08:28 > 0:08:33What? No, I do not! I have forsworn the company of women.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34I now dedicate myself to alcohol.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36You call THAT alcohol?
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Tonight I'll give you something we used to mix up at my convent school.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42It's called Stations Of The Cross. One sip,
0:08:42 > 0:08:45you're crawling on your knees.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47No. Tonight you will give me nothing.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49I absolutely refuse to discuss your knees.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51This conversation is at an end.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Funny little thing, aren't you?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Be still my beating heart.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Goodness gracious, I'm so sorry, my lord.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25I tried to divert the course of the falling sack...
0:09:25 > 0:09:27There was no falling sack!
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Let us shut the gate, my lord, shall we?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32We don't want the Empress loose in the grounds.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42Now, Clarence. You have to make an effort with Daphne.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Of course. Daphne?
0:09:45 > 0:09:49Oh, yes, to be sure, yes. Lady Littlewick, yes, yes.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52You wander off while she is talking.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Whatever must she think?
0:09:54 > 0:09:58Just now she expressed a great personal interest in you,
0:09:58 > 0:10:00which must have cost her considerable effort!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Just make her feel welcome, Clarence.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04- That her company is valued. - Yes, to be sure.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Oh look, who's that?
0:10:06 > 0:10:10That's Daphne, you imbecile! Daphne! Do come and sit.
0:10:10 > 0:10:15Might I have a little tete-a-tete with your brother?
0:10:15 > 0:10:16Of course.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Clarence will regale you with...
0:10:21 > 0:10:25..hilarious anecdotes of his schooldays.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Oh! Ha-ha!
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Yes. I went to school. Erm.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45I had many pleasant friends. Yes.
0:10:47 > 0:10:53They called me Fathead. Did your friends call you Fathead?
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Not especially...
0:10:58 > 0:11:04But I do find all this... incredibly... diverting.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10What a... FASCINATING man you are.
0:11:13 > 0:11:19My dear Lady... Piddlefoot.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22I should like you to know that your
0:11:22 > 0:11:28visit to Blandings is very welcome.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Why, thank you, Lord Emsworth.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36It's valuable.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Oh, you are sweet.
0:11:41 > 0:11:48As a child I was teased for my particular passion.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Pigs.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Would you care to see my wiffle?
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Do I have the honour of addressing a Mr Ruddock,
0:12:09 > 0:12:11the Butler to the Littlewoods?
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Oh, I do beg your pardon, Madam.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16I wonder if I might enquire
0:12:16 > 0:12:19about certain domestic arrangements at your end?
0:12:26 > 0:12:28HE YELLS
0:12:28 > 0:12:31If you distress this pig... or drive her from her home...
0:12:31 > 0:12:34I will rub your noxious little face in that pile of dung.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Have a think about it.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Where am I going, Beach, and what am I doing?
0:12:38 > 0:12:42You are fetching the book of pigs for Lady Littlewood, my lord.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Am I? What a capital idea.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Y'know, she's a damned clever woman, don't you think?
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Very sporting of her to be so interested in pigs.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Indeed, my lord. The young marquis was advising me
0:12:55 > 0:12:58that when at leisure, his mother likes to muck out the pigsties.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02She finds it... soothing.
0:13:02 > 0:13:07Well, well, that is extraordinary!
0:13:08 > 0:13:10D'you know, Beach, for a minute there
0:13:10 > 0:13:13I thought you said she like to muck out the pigsties!
0:13:13 > 0:13:16I read in Variety Spice, my lord,
0:13:16 > 0:13:20that manual labour in the farmyard is intensely fashionable
0:13:20 > 0:13:23for ladies of a discerning temperament.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Good heavens!
0:13:25 > 0:13:29Erm, do you suppose our guest might wish to slip down to the sty now?
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Quick once-round? Mop and brush?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33I shall assemble the requisite instruments, my lord.
0:13:33 > 0:13:38Get some buckets, Beach, yes and a stout shovel.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41The Empress has still got a bit of a runny tummy.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47PIG DEFECATES LOUDLY
0:13:56 > 0:14:00Beach? Give Lady Littlespade the wood.
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Don't be shy.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Get stuck in.
0:14:10 > 0:14:11So, how does one...?
0:14:11 > 0:14:16One bends the knees, your ladyship, and gets right underneath it.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18She's got a bit of a runny tummy, y'see.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Erm, it was the blancmange.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24There you go. Tickety-boo!
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Clarence! Under what demented pretext
0:14:31 > 0:14:36have you got the Marchioness of Littlewood mucking out the pigsty?
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Oh, she loves it! Can't get enough of it!
0:14:38 > 0:14:42Apparently at home you can't keep the shovel out of her hands!
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Charming woman. Awfully modern.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52Muck-shovelling party? Excellent. Soon have the place shipshape.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56Connie? There is a spare bucket.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- Your ladyship. Might I have a...? - No.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01This is the stuff for the troops, marvellous.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Beach! What've you got there?
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Emergency measures, sir.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12Now look, I want you to know that I am agitated by this Miss Simmons.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15I'd be liar to say I wasn't, but I have backbone, damn it,
0:15:15 > 0:15:18and a bet's a bet. What emergency?
0:15:18 > 0:15:19It's not my place to say so!
0:15:19 > 0:15:23But I believe that Lady Littlewood has an ulterior motive.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26Does she? By God! An ulterior motive. Hah! Erm.
0:15:26 > 0:15:31- What is that? - She's not what she seems.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34- She's not another bloke in drag? - No, sir.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37But I have reason to believe that the Littlewood estate is bankrupt,
0:15:37 > 0:15:40their domestic servants have not been paid for months.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42And the Marchioness tours the country
0:15:42 > 0:15:45looking for a solution to her embarrassment.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48That is why she is here at Blandings.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52To cast her net around his lordship.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56You speak in nautical riddles.
0:15:56 > 0:16:01She wishes to entrap your father in marriage.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Oh, phooey! What? Beach, you're tighter than I am!
0:16:05 > 0:16:09Who could possibly want to marry my father? Eh? Utter rot.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Oh, my God. What are we to do?
0:16:25 > 0:16:29No, no, no, no. NO!
0:16:34 > 0:16:36I've just been assaulting the Marquis of Littlewood.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Oh. Was that... pleasurable?
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Excessively.
0:16:42 > 0:16:43Hot work.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Get me a towel, would you?
0:16:46 > 0:16:48I cannot touch a woman.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50I didn't ask you to dry me.
0:16:50 > 0:16:51I don't have a towel big enough.
0:16:51 > 0:16:57I don't quite know what I'm saying. Miss Simmons, you confuse me.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09CLARENCE LAUGHS
0:17:09 > 0:17:13I haven't done this since I was a nip nob!
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Aha! A nine!
0:17:17 > 0:17:23Now, look here, Connie, I want you to be the first to know.
0:17:23 > 0:17:31I do believe I'm going to ask Lady Tickleputt a certain question.
0:17:31 > 0:17:36Erm, Giddyfruit. Oh, dash it! What is her name?
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Emsworth, by the sound of it.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Emsworth, I like that, I like that!
0:17:46 > 0:17:50Two, four, six. A ten! Aha!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Bravo!
0:17:55 > 0:18:00Daphne dear, I cannot permit this charade to continue.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05We shall soon discover what can and cannot be permitted.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10You have a brain, he doesn't.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12He would be cataclysmically unhappy with you
0:18:12 > 0:18:14and unable to work out why. It would be cruel.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Yes, certainly he will lose the benefit of your advice,
0:18:17 > 0:18:21for you will not be here, Connie, dear.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Poor fellow dotes on me. I win, you see.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26You lose.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29SHE LAUGHS
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Capital!
0:18:36 > 0:18:41I have for-slorn love. And yet the stuff is all around me.
0:18:41 > 0:18:47There's the Guv'nor, look, about to be netted in Daphne's cap.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49And then there's me.
0:18:49 > 0:18:50PIG BREAKS WIND
0:18:50 > 0:18:54Well, that's easy for you to say. But I tell you this.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57If Monica Simmons was here right now,
0:18:57 > 0:19:02I should not be able to restrain myself.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04I should say...
0:19:04 > 0:19:07..your thundering good health..
0:19:07 > 0:19:09What should you say?
0:19:09 > 0:19:15I should say, "Look here, Monica Simmons.
0:19:15 > 0:19:20"You Olympian pile of sizzling womanhood.
0:19:20 > 0:19:26"You titanic, fabulous, double-breasted Amazon.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29"I love you."
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Olympian pile of sizzling womanhood?
0:19:31 > 0:19:35She is. I'd say, "Monica Simmons.
0:19:35 > 0:19:40"You walk into a room, it makes me want to shin up a ladder
0:19:40 > 0:19:43"and kiss your big...
0:19:43 > 0:19:47"red...lips."
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Go on, then.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Ah...
0:20:05 > 0:20:08All right. Let's just get one thing straight.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14- You're not going to turn out to be a man, are you?- No.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18- Are you?- Oh...
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Beach?
0:20:23 > 0:20:25You win.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09When Lady Littlewood marries Lord Emsworth...
0:21:09 > 0:21:12I expect to be banished.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15I fear that you may also be removed.
0:21:16 > 0:21:21I know it, your ladyship. I will take it on the chin.
0:21:21 > 0:21:22Yes.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27I think I shall go to my room.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Very good, my lady.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Incidentally. Is Daffers getting anywhere with your old man?
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Last week she tried it on with Uncle Gregory,
0:21:56 > 0:21:58and he told her to sling her hook.
0:21:58 > 0:22:02Digger Daphne, he called her. So she came here.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Full marks for perseverance.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15Where's the Empress?
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Just hang on a minute.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Erm, erm, Miss Simmons.
0:22:21 > 0:22:25You will observe, Lady Fiddleprune...
0:22:25 > 0:22:32the fine prospect. There is a sun...
0:22:34 > 0:22:38- ..some water.- Yes.
0:22:41 > 0:22:46Lady, erm... Giddyfruit, I...
0:22:46 > 0:22:50..oh! Ah!
0:22:52 > 0:22:57Would you do me the honour, I wonder of erm..?
0:22:57 > 0:23:01- MUMSY!- Yes. - It bit my fingy...
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Hold on, darling! Mumsy's coming.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07HE GROANS
0:23:10 > 0:23:11CREAKING, FABRIC TEARS
0:23:11 > 0:23:13Ow!
0:23:13 > 0:23:17Beach! What is a fingy?
0:23:17 > 0:23:18My FINGER, you stupid old goat!
0:23:18 > 0:23:22Oh, right you are. It's his finger. What bit you?
0:23:22 > 0:23:27- Your ruddy pig! Ow! - Darling, darling.- Did he say pig?
0:23:27 > 0:23:31Now look here, Cruxley, did you or did you not say pig?
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Pig! Pig! PIG, PIG, PIG!
0:23:34 > 0:23:36- He said pig.- THAT PIG!
0:23:36 > 0:23:42My dear fellow, that is The Empress. She does not bite.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45It ruddy well bit me. Look!
0:23:46 > 0:23:48You! Pig girl!
0:23:48 > 0:23:50The pig has become carnivorous. Despatch it.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Give over, you ghastly old trout!
0:23:52 > 0:23:54She's after you, Guv'nor.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Her husband blew the family fortune on booze -
0:23:57 > 0:24:00medal for him, by the way - and now she wants to be
0:24:00 > 0:24:04Mrs The Earl of Emsworth. Don'cha, Daph?
0:24:04 > 0:24:05HE BELCHES
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Excuse me. Moreover.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09As soon as Pinkbeard's got you in the bag,
0:24:09 > 0:24:13- she'll make Beach walk the plank. - And me.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17And me. And her. I mean it, Guv'nor.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Beach will become a tramp,
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Aunt C will fall among the Shabby Women,
0:24:21 > 0:24:25you'll come down to breakfast to find the Hideous Huxley
0:24:25 > 0:24:27sitting in MY chair,
0:24:27 > 0:24:31scoffing the tragic sausages that are all that remains of The Empress.
0:24:43 > 0:24:48But my dear Lady Littlehope. This can never be.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Constance, Frederick.
0:24:52 > 0:24:58Beach. The Empress. This is my family.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02If I may be permitted to clarify.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06You may have decided to marry my brother,
0:25:06 > 0:25:10but in fact he would like you to leave.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11Would that be a fair precis?
0:25:13 > 0:25:17You have no idea the contempt
0:25:17 > 0:25:23the name of Emsworth shall inspire in the drawing rooms of Mayfair,
0:25:23 > 0:25:27when I speak of my treatment here.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Well, be sure to take off all your clothes before doing so.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34There is an aroma of fat old sow about you
0:25:34 > 0:25:36that is frankly overpowering.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43Better to be naked in Mayfair, Lady Earwig,
0:25:43 > 0:25:44than a bad smell.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- LITTLEWOOD! - Earwig will do for you.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53- Ha!- You're drunk!
0:25:53 > 0:25:56I am as tight as an owl.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59But in the morning, I shall have a headache,
0:25:59 > 0:26:04and you'll still have a bum like a moose.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10- Ha!- Cheerio!
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Oh, hurry up, mother!
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Oh, is Lady Pifflewit leaving?
0:26:26 > 0:26:29- She is, Clarence.- Oh. I do hope nobody said anything untoward
0:26:29 > 0:26:32about her dead husband?
0:26:35 > 0:26:39- Mumsy, my fingy!- Move your hand, you stupid child!
0:26:42 > 0:26:44- Beach.- Your ladyship.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Champagne on the terrace, I think.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51I want us all to enjoy the view.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23HE PLAYS BOOGIE-WOOGIE
0:27:59 > 0:28:03Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd