0:00:21 > 0:00:24PIG SNORTS
0:00:29 > 0:00:31LINDA!
0:00:31 > 0:00:33DISTANT WHISTLING
0:00:33 > 0:00:35HE GROWLS
0:00:35 > 0:00:38WHISTLING
0:00:38 > 0:00:43Stop that ruddy whistling, you disgusting Scotch peasant!
0:00:43 > 0:00:45'LINDA!'
0:00:45 > 0:00:49Duke of Dunstable. Appalling man.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52First name begins with 'A', staying here with his niece.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54- Can't remember her name, of course. - Clarence!
0:00:54 > 0:00:57No, that's my name! Oh, hello, Connie.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00- Have YOU seen Linda?- Linda!
0:01:00 > 0:01:03- Alaric wants her.- Alaric. - Oh, please, Clarence!
0:01:03 > 0:01:05I mean, if he doesn't find the girl,
0:01:05 > 0:01:07he's going to start smashing things up with a poker.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09WHISTLING
0:01:09 > 0:01:13You! Are you Scotch?
0:01:13 > 0:01:18Gae cren yer blargy auld pwist, y'clomping troon.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25WHISTLING
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Ruddy fellow turns up uninvited, trailing nieces,
0:01:28 > 0:01:30stays for weeks, spreading distemper.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32His own place is vastly bigger than Blandings,
0:01:32 > 0:01:34why can't he stay there for a change?
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Bellowing about like a mastodon with a hernia. What's this poor, erm...?
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Linda.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- Precisely, what's she done to deserve to be dragged here?- Clarence.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45There is sufficient imbecility in this world
0:01:45 > 0:01:46without you contributing to it by speaking.
0:01:46 > 0:01:51For the last time! HAVE YOU SEEN LINDA?!
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Oh, God!
0:01:54 > 0:01:58You shall not marry that creeping pustule, Pongo Twistleton!
0:01:58 > 0:02:01What kind of an imbecile allows himself to be called 'Pongo'?
0:02:01 > 0:02:06An imbecile who looks at my ward and says to himself, "Toot, toot!
0:02:06 > 0:02:10"Gravy train! Here comes Uncle Alaric's cash!"
0:02:10 > 0:02:12I think not!
0:02:12 > 0:02:15And when you find my ruddy niece, you just tell her that.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Very good, your grace. Will that be all?
0:02:17 > 0:02:21No! Where's Emsworth? Don't tell me. Cavorting with that ruddy pig again!
0:02:21 > 0:02:23The man's potty!
0:02:23 > 0:02:27LINDA!
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Has he gone, Beach?
0:02:30 > 0:02:32He has, Miss.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35'LINDA!'
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Did he have a poker?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40He has a tendency to pokers.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43He used one to demolish the drawing room of his own house,
0:02:43 > 0:02:45because he could hear Pongo whistling
0:02:45 > 0:02:47'The Bonny, Bonny Banks of Loch Lomond'.
0:02:47 > 0:02:52He hates Scotland, you see, he really hates whistling,
0:02:52 > 0:02:55and above all, he hates Pongo!
0:02:55 > 0:02:58He's a great hater, Uncle Alaric.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02- Yes, Miss.- 'LINDA!'
0:03:05 > 0:03:06CAR HORN BLARES
0:03:06 > 0:03:07LINDA!
0:03:07 > 0:03:10CAR HORN BLARES
0:03:10 > 0:03:14- Morning, Duke!- Festering fistula!
0:03:14 > 0:03:16LINDA!
0:03:16 > 0:03:19So. Usual deplorable business. Girl...
0:03:19 > 0:03:23the one we were discussing earlier... has to be kept away from young man.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Why? I have no idea. Oh, yes... because he's poor!
0:03:26 > 0:03:30I think that's ridiculous. What does it matter?
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I mean, suppose you won the Derby and all of a sudden...
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Are you addressing your pig?
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Ah, Dunstable! Eh? No, I was soliloquizing.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42I heard you inciting that animal to run the ruddy Derby!
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Good God, Emsworth!
0:03:44 > 0:03:47You can't put your shirt on a pig to win a horse race!
0:03:47 > 0:03:50- Why should the Empress wish to wear my shirt?- Empress?
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Stone the crows! Now the man is hallucinating royalty!
0:03:53 > 0:03:58Dunstable. You're in the presence of the Empress of Blandings.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Emsworth. That is a PIG!
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Ah! My dear fellow! You fail to see what I see.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Now, look here. I came for a rational conversation about Linda.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Linda! That's the girl I was talking about. Go on.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- Right. That's it. I'm taking the animal off your hands.- What?
0:04:14 > 0:04:17When I leave, that pig comes with me!
0:04:17 > 0:04:20If necessary, in slices!
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Ah! Hello, Beach.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30HE ROARS
0:04:30 > 0:04:33WHERE'S RUDDY LINDA?
0:04:33 > 0:04:35'Ruddy Linda'?
0:04:35 > 0:04:37The Honourable Miss Gilpin, Sir.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Oh, yeah! Isn't she Pongo Twistleton's bit of squeeze?
0:04:40 > 0:04:42I believe the two young persons are engaged.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45But the match does not meet with the approval of his grace.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49Oh, well. No surprise. Frightful thug. Has he smashed much?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51I have removed most breakable items
0:04:51 > 0:04:53- from his usual routes about the house, Sir.- Good man.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56BREAKING GLASS
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Oh, and, well... Better move that, rather valuable.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02'LINDA!'
0:05:02 > 0:05:04LINDA!
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Where are you, my dear?
0:05:07 > 0:05:09LINDA!
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Now about this pottiness of Emsworth's. It's gone too far.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23- He wants to put a bundle on his pig to win the ruddy Derby!- What?
0:05:23 > 0:05:26He needs to see a loony doctor, Connie! And fast!
0:05:26 > 0:05:29There's only one man for this sort of crisis...
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Alaric. Do you speak figuratively
0:05:32 > 0:05:34when you say my brother wishes to enter his pig for Epsom?
0:05:34 > 0:05:37I do not. I think he thinks because it's a flat race,
0:05:37 > 0:05:40the animal stands a chance.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Don't interrupt! Wait there!
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Ah! Here is the blighter.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Name's Roderick Glossop.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50- Is he discreet? - I've never met the man.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54I try not to mix with doctors, bunch of bloater-eaters most of 'em.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57But he had the entire Welsh branch of my family committed,
0:05:57 > 0:06:00so he does the job.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- Thank you.- You. Get me a dozen eggs.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Certainly, your grace. How would you like them done?
0:06:05 > 0:06:08I don't want eating eggs, you idiot! I want throwing eggs!
0:06:08 > 0:06:11I wish to assault that ruddy whistling Scotchman!
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Very good, Sir.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- What are you doing?- Good heavens!
0:06:24 > 0:06:28I'm hiding from Dunstable! What are YOU doing?
0:06:28 > 0:06:31- I was looking for you. - Well, I'm glad you've found me.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34D'you know he plans to confiscate the Empress?
0:06:34 > 0:06:35In SLICES?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38He says you are going to enter her for the Derby.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Connie, you appear to forget, that the Empress is a pig.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44It is not her custom to gallop!
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Ruddy Dunstable! The man's a LUNATIC!
0:06:56 > 0:07:02Beach! I wish to send a telegram!
0:07:06 > 0:07:09SOBBING
0:07:09 > 0:07:15- I say, are you all right? - It's my Pongo.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Oh dear! Has it sustained an injury?
0:07:18 > 0:07:19SHE SOBS HARDER
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Ah! Beach! What is it that requires my urgent attention?
0:07:22 > 0:07:25- A telegram for her ladyship. - Oh! I'll take it!
0:07:25 > 0:07:27I'm on my way to touch her for a few quid.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Hundred of 'em, in fact.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Yes, fortune was a bit outrageous on the slings and arrows front
0:07:32 > 0:07:33at the Pink Pussy.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Ah! Hello, old prune! How's life?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38SHE SOBS
0:07:38 > 0:07:40So I gathered.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49Sir Roderick Glossop regrets that he is 'unavoidably detained'.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53Oh, that is a shame! Who is, erm...?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Oh! Everyone's heard of Glossop.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Beach?
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Sir Roderick is London's premier nerve specialist, Sir.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Exactly. Loony doctor!
0:08:02 > 0:08:06God! What does he want HERE?
0:08:06 > 0:08:09It is the Duke's intention that your father should be committed, Sir.
0:08:09 > 0:08:14He persuaded her ladyship to summon the gentleman.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18CLARENCE GRUMBLES
0:08:18 > 0:08:22Wait a bit. Guv'nor? Guv'nor?
0:08:22 > 0:08:24You ever had dealings with Pongo Twistleton?
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Is that a firm of solicitors?
0:08:27 > 0:08:31I bet Aunt C hasn't either. Excellent!
0:08:31 > 0:08:36The course of true love, just for once, is going to run tricklingly.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40Oh, sadly this telegram failed to arrive.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43But Glossop shall...
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Pongo!
0:08:54 > 0:08:58- Are you all right? - Yes. Yes. Never better.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- Though I may be slightly drunk.- Why?
0:09:01 > 0:09:03- I've been drinking.- Ah! - Look at my hand.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07- Steady as a rock! - Yes, but I can see three of them.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11Problem is, Freddie, I'm a physical and moral coward.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Look, Pongs, all you have to do is pronounce the Guv'nor
0:09:13 > 0:09:15fit for human consumption. Eh?
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Then he'll square up to Dunstable
0:09:17 > 0:09:20and demand blessings of your linkage to lissom Linda.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- Backbone, Pongo. Give it some gas. - Sir Roderick!
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Oh, good Lord! It's my aunt.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Dear lady.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32Good heavens! Thank you for coming so promptly.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Promptitude is my middle name.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Actually, it's Ambrose. Call me Rosie.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- Lead me to the nutter.- (Less gas!)
0:09:40 > 0:09:43- 'Nutter'?- Oh, technical term.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44The Earl of Emsworth.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48Is he? Or does he merely BELIEVE he is?
0:09:48 > 0:09:50No, he IS the Earl of Emsworth.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52And although undoubtedly he is eccentric,
0:09:52 > 0:09:55I am not at all sure he's mentally unstable.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57You seem awfully young, Sir Roderick.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Yes! As a child he diagnosed his little sister
0:09:59 > 0:10:03with adenoid fitzo-screamia.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04May I be candid?
0:10:04 > 0:10:07You are here at the instigation of the Duke of Dunstable.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09He wishes you to examine my brother.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I wish you to examine the duke.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20EMPRESS GRUNTS
0:10:20 > 0:10:25My dear, I am so concerned about your safety!
0:10:25 > 0:10:31I can't be here with you all the time, y'see, to protect you... Oh!
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Ah! McAllister...
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Angus...
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Edward?
0:10:41 > 0:10:43HE GROWLS
0:10:43 > 0:10:50Dunstable? Glossop. Glossop, Dunstable.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Hello?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54We met before? Weren't at school together?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Never thrashed you, or anything?
0:10:56 > 0:11:00Duke, Sir Roderick is about four hundred years younger than you.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03You'd be surprised, the people I've thrashed.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05HE GIGGLES GIRLISHLY
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Don't giggle like a ruddy female!
0:11:08 > 0:11:11To indicate something amusing has been said, laugh like a man!
0:11:11 > 0:11:12Mmm-ha!
0:11:12 > 0:11:16If it's excessively amusing, mmm-ha-ha!
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Listen, Glossop. Do this right, and I'll see you rewarded.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Understood? Now, let's collar Emsworth...
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Sir Roderick does not seem entirely composed.
0:11:25 > 0:11:26No, it's a professional strategy.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30The patient is lured to decant his anguished soul.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32If there is anything I should have been told
0:11:32 > 0:11:35about this nerve specialist and wasn't,
0:11:35 > 0:11:37I shall drill a small hole in your skull
0:11:37 > 0:11:40and suck out your brains with a straw.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42SHE SUCKS IN HER BREATH QUICKLY
0:11:42 > 0:11:47That's about as much time as it would take.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50God!
0:11:50 > 0:11:52SHE SUCKS IN BREATH QUICKLY
0:11:52 > 0:11:56God!
0:11:56 > 0:11:58WHISTLING
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Got any eggs on you?
0:12:00 > 0:12:02You! Stop that ruddy whistling!
0:12:02 > 0:12:05We seek Lord Emsworth.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Ah, hush yir wisht, yer bug babune!
0:12:08 > 0:12:10You are begging for an egging!
0:12:10 > 0:12:14Lord Emsworth set me here to guard his pug agin the likes of you.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Pig? Gah! Pottiness incarnate!
0:12:17 > 0:12:20When we find Emsworth, be trenchant in your judgment.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22We shall admire you for it.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25You would admire a man who was trenchant with Lord Emsworth?
0:12:25 > 0:12:26Immensely!
0:12:26 > 0:12:29I should slap him on the back and dine him at my club.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Back to the house!
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Shoo!
0:12:39 > 0:12:44What are your first impressions? All this business about eggs?
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Troubling. Very troubling.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56I am nowhere NEAR drunk enough to cope with this!
0:12:56 > 0:13:00You're doing swimmingly. Just... try to stop touching my aunt.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04It frightens me.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08BELL RINGS
0:13:17 > 0:13:21I have taken measures, Beach, but I fear for the Empress's safety.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24My lord. May I speak frankly?
0:13:24 > 0:13:27My dear fellow, I trust you would never do otherwise.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31There is one on the premises, of whom you must be wary.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Damn right. Ruddy Dunstable!
0:13:33 > 0:13:36The instrument of Lord Dunstable.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39What, like a trombone?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Lord Emsworth, you've got to help me!
0:13:41 > 0:13:44I really do believe that if Uncle Alaric says another foul word
0:13:44 > 0:13:48about Pongo, I will stick his poker through his black heart!
0:13:48 > 0:13:49Oh, good gracious!
0:13:49 > 0:13:53Shh! He's coming. I implore you! Tell him I'm not here!
0:13:53 > 0:13:57Into the loony's lair, come on. Emsworth, this is Glossop.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Quite possibly thrashed him at school, one can't be sure,
0:14:00 > 0:14:01one thrashed so many.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Why's my niece hiding behind that stuffed goat?
0:14:04 > 0:14:06It's not a goat, it's an alpaca.
0:14:06 > 0:14:07LINDA GASPS
0:14:07 > 0:14:10And she isn't!
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Clarence, are you actually insisting
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- that Linda is not hiding behind that creature?- I am, Connie!
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Furthermore, I have it on good authority
0:14:17 > 0:14:20that there is a secret fraternity of brass instruments in the house,
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- working in concert for our excretion. - What?
0:14:23 > 0:14:27- When I say 'concert', I don't... - What are you drivelling about?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30'Excretion' isn't quite right either, but you entirely take my point.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33It's a CONSPIRACY, Connie!
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Glossop. This is the time to be robust.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39Commit this loony and I shall see you properly rewarded.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46LINDA SNIVELS AND SOBS
0:14:50 > 0:14:53It is clear to me, Duke,
0:14:53 > 0:14:56that the patient suffers from
0:14:56 > 0:15:00a sublunary medulla... oblongata diathesis.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04- Wha...?- A whole pile of it.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06So, it's off to the funny farm?
0:15:06 > 0:15:09- I would be delinquent not to send him thither.- Bingo!
0:15:09 > 0:15:13Glossop? You twerp! I call that a highly caddish diagnosis!
0:15:13 > 0:15:14(No, no, I can explain...)
0:15:14 > 0:15:16What is 'Glossop'?
0:15:16 > 0:15:20Emsworth? You'll be much happier in the long run.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24Now why don't you go and have a pleasant lie-down?
0:15:24 > 0:15:27I don't want a 'pleasant lie-down'.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30I am going to my room!
0:15:30 > 0:15:32To stand up!
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Unpleasantly!
0:15:37 > 0:15:39HA!
0:15:40 > 0:15:44DOOR LOCKS AND KEYS JANGLE
0:15:47 > 0:15:49HE CHUCKLES MENANCINGLY
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Oh, Alaric, what have I done?
0:16:09 > 0:16:10Ha!
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Emsworth will soon be settled in the Giggle Factory,
0:16:13 > 0:16:15with a rug over his lap and a plate of pap.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18I'll hang around Blandings, make sure you don't
0:16:18 > 0:16:20make a female farce of running the dump.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24And if that penniless sewer Pongo Twistleton comes sniffin' round
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Linda, I shall drag his pancreas out through his hat.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28Mmmm-ha-ha!
0:16:28 > 0:16:31What I said was excessively amusing.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33I said I wanted eggs!
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Oh, Beach.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Indeed, your ladyship.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Perhaps Sir Roderick's professional attentions could be...
0:16:51 > 0:16:53..redirected?
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Pongo?
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Twistleton! You ruddy viper in the bosom!
0:17:18 > 0:17:20I did not bring you here to get the Guv'nor trussed
0:17:20 > 0:17:24and shipped to a loony bin! Will you stop kissing, while I'm chastising you?
0:17:24 > 0:17:27I'm terribly sorry, Freddie. But it was suddenly clear to me
0:17:27 > 0:17:29that oiling up to Dunstable was the way forward.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Freddie, please! Pongo is a lamb!
0:17:32 > 0:17:37Whatever he did, he did for love of me, which is awfully romantic!
0:17:37 > 0:17:41Well, I'm shocked, Pongo. Shocked.
0:17:41 > 0:17:42BEACH COUGHS
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Beach? Come out and look at me being shocked.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Forgive me, I was taking a stroll, and could not help overhearing...
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Yes, yes, yes. What are we to do?
0:17:50 > 0:17:53In the first instance, are you familiar with the popular melody,
0:17:53 > 0:17:55'The Bonny, Bonny Banks of Loch Lomond'?
0:17:55 > 0:17:57What? D'you want me to sing it?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59No, Sir. I should like you to whistle it.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03- You know how to whistle, Sir, don't you?- Yes. Yes. Yes. Of course.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05You blow and then you put your lips together.
0:18:05 > 0:18:09- Other way round, Sir.- Ah!
0:18:11 > 0:18:14OWL HOOTS
0:18:28 > 0:18:31DOOR UNLOCKS
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Beach,
0:18:34 > 0:18:36why have I gone to bed? Is it bedtime?
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Shortly, my lord.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41I just came to warn you, there may be some small commotion
0:18:41 > 0:18:44outside your window within the hour.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Are the local people advancing on the castle
0:18:46 > 0:18:48- with lighted torches and garden forks?- No, my lord.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- Torches lighted, not the forks. - No, my lord.- Oh, good.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56Good night, Beach. No need to lock the door, though?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Certainly not, my lord.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01I cannot imagine how it came to be locked in the first place.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12I'm coming...
0:19:12 > 0:19:14I hear you...
0:19:26 > 0:19:28KNOCK AT DOOR
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Come!
0:19:31 > 0:19:33What the hell do you want?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Ah. Finally!
0:19:35 > 0:19:37DISTANT WHISTLING
0:19:37 > 0:19:39FREDDIE WHISTLES
0:19:39 > 0:19:45ARGHHHHH!
0:19:45 > 0:19:50Will that be all, your grace?
0:19:53 > 0:19:58Watch where you're going, you stupid bloody woman!
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Ruddy hellfire!
0:20:04 > 0:20:05CLANGING
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Ah, crumpets!
0:20:08 > 0:20:13ALARIC SCREAMS
0:20:13 > 0:20:17- Oh, I say!- Now look here, Dunstable!
0:20:17 > 0:20:23- I thrashed you and you blubbed! - Alaric!
0:20:23 > 0:20:26ALARIC GROWLS
0:20:28 > 0:20:32YOU! You're the ruddy vermin who needs a damn good egging!
0:20:32 > 0:20:36What on earth is going on? Oh!
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Pongo! Do something!
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Dunstable! DESIST!
0:20:42 > 0:20:46ALARIC GROWLS
0:20:50 > 0:20:52It is abundantly clear, Dunstable,
0:20:52 > 0:20:55that it is NOT Lord Emsworth who is cuckoo.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58It is you!
0:20:58 > 0:21:03Before witnesses, you have assaulted the love of my life.
0:21:03 > 0:21:04- Eh?- Er, Miss Gilpin...
0:21:04 > 0:21:06I thought you said 'the love...'
0:21:06 > 0:21:10We pay no heed, Dunstable, to what you think I might have said.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14Escort the duke to his room and lock him in.
0:21:14 > 0:21:19In the morning, I shall telephone the Master of Lunacy.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Miss Gilpin, come.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34Connie? You've.. got a bit of something on your...
0:21:45 > 0:21:47BEACH SIGHS
0:21:58 > 0:22:00EMPRESS GRUNTS
0:22:09 > 0:22:12No.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Leave it!
0:22:19 > 0:22:23- Where is Sir Roderick? - TOGETHER: Who?
0:22:23 > 0:22:28Oh! He hasn't come down yet.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30And where is Linda?
0:22:30 > 0:22:34She hasn't come down either.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Mr Frederick? The duke wishes to see you, Sir. In his room.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41Right. Erm... Beach?
0:22:41 > 0:22:45- I have, Sir, removed all the obvious weaponry.- Ah!
0:22:55 > 0:22:59Oh my! Duke? Put the slipper on the floor and step away from it!
0:22:59 > 0:23:03I need you, damn it!
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Listen to me. There appears to have been some fatuous misunderstanding!
0:23:09 > 0:23:12I need you to make this clear to Glossop. Eh?
0:23:12 > 0:23:15It is completely impossible for me to help you in any way.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18I'll give you five hundred pounds, damn and blast you!
0:23:18 > 0:23:20And yet I can but try.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31Sir Roderick! Whatever is this?
0:23:34 > 0:23:37You're an impostor!
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Lady Constance, I am.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44But, above all, I am a physical coward...
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Just ask yourself this, Aunt C.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Is it really in your interest to expose him?
0:23:51 > 0:23:57Let me explain the situation as clearly as I can...
0:24:01 > 0:24:04DOOR CREAKS OPEN
0:24:16 > 0:24:17Pretty day.
0:24:17 > 0:24:21Very pretty. Thought I might as well walk from the station.
0:24:21 > 0:24:22How wise you are.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26My name's Glossop. I'm afraid I'm a little late.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29I'm sure it doesn't matter. Whom have you come to visit?
0:24:29 > 0:24:30The Earl of Emsworth.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34My dear fellow, I'm the Earl of Emsworth!
0:24:34 > 0:24:37I don't consider you to be late at all!
0:24:37 > 0:24:41Come into the house and refresh yourself.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46You seem well, Lord Emsworth.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Fit as a flea, Sir Roderick, how are you?
0:24:49 > 0:24:53- I confess to being perplexed... - I regret to hear that.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56I don't understand why I was so urgently summoned.
0:24:56 > 0:25:01Happens to me all the time. I call it having a sister.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03THEY LAUGH
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Let's have a cup of tea. Come on!
0:25:08 > 0:25:12Sometimes, at this time of day, there's crumpets.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14You are a rich man now, Pongo.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Oh, my darling!
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Buzz me up to the Ritz and dance me stupid!
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Oh, Pongo, Pongo, how I love you!
0:25:26 > 0:25:28I say, Aunt C, how are you fixed?
0:25:28 > 0:25:32Few quid to keep the wolf from the door? No.
0:25:32 > 0:25:33WHISTLING
0:25:33 > 0:25:38EGGS! BRING ME EGGS!
0:25:38 > 0:25:42THREEPWOOD!
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Ah! Ow!
0:25:46 > 0:25:50Did you say you were summoned, Sir Roderick? By whom?
0:25:50 > 0:25:53- The Duke of Dunstable.- Oh.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57Is the duke disposed to behaviour that is not entirely rational?
0:25:57 > 0:26:00He lays about the place with a poker on a regular basis, if that...
0:26:00 > 0:26:01Oh, here he comes now.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03ARGHHHHH!
0:26:03 > 0:26:05If I were you, Sir Roderick, I'd be inclined to take cover.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09Not at all. I'm intrigued.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11ALARIC GROWLS
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Oh dear!
0:26:21 > 0:26:26Duke, I am Sir Roderick Glossop.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30Can you give me one reason not to issue you
0:26:30 > 0:26:33with a Certificate of Lunacy,
0:26:33 > 0:26:36despatching you to join the Welsh portion
0:26:36 > 0:26:41of your family confined at Merthyr Tydfil?
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Is there ANY demonstration
0:26:44 > 0:26:49of basic sanity you are prepared to make?
0:26:51 > 0:26:53FREDDIE WHISPERS
0:26:53 > 0:27:00You could let your ward, Miss Gilpin, marry the man she loves.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Who is that, by the way?
0:27:03 > 0:27:04FREDDIE WHISPERS
0:27:04 > 0:27:08That one. The pretty one. I mean, surely, Dunstable.
0:27:08 > 0:27:14Why obstruct the course of true love? That WOULD be madness!
0:27:17 > 0:27:20ALARIC GRUMBLES
0:27:25 > 0:27:28It will come as no outstanding surprise
0:27:28 > 0:27:31to learn that I am going to my room.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33If you speak, Clarence,
0:27:33 > 0:27:36I will introduce eggs into your person in a manner
0:27:36 > 0:27:41you may mistakenly believe to be medically impossible!
0:27:58 > 0:28:04Between you and me, I don't think Alaric's entirely right in the head.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Poor fellow.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Have a potato.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Can you whistle?
0:28:13 > 0:28:18I have this particular melody lodged in my head...
0:28:20 > 0:28:23WHISTLES 'THE BONNIE BANKS O' LOCH LOMOND'
0:28:27 > 0:28:31ALARIC YELLS
0:28:31 > 0:28:35Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd