0:00:24 > 0:00:25Clarence?
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Constance?
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Pigs.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42Constance!
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Clarence!
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Constance!
0:00:51 > 0:00:52Clarence?
0:00:55 > 0:00:56CONSTANCE!
0:01:00 > 0:01:04I'm told Stinker Parsloe has got himself a new pig.
0:01:04 > 0:01:09Pride of Matchingham. However, the Fat Pig Show cometh apace.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13It would not do to be complacent. No, my dear.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Clarence! Clarence!
0:01:16 > 0:01:19I shall endeavour to make this as simple as I can.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21You are aware that you have nieces?
0:01:21 > 0:01:22- Can you name them? - Of course not.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Millicent - daughter of Lancelot.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Oh! We had a brother, Lancelot. Poor Lancelot.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29- He died, you know.- Yes, he did.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31And the care of Millicent passed to Charlotte Wisebite.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Oh! We had a sister, Charlotte, er, Wisebite.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Yes, and we still do, and she is presently staying with us, with her ward, Millicent.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42Do you have the information at your fingertips? May I meaningfully proceed?
0:01:42 > 0:01:46Millicent has become infatuated with your feckless new secretary.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49And before you start doddering, "Do I have a secretary?"
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Yes, you do, and his name is Carmody.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52Oh, I like him.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56He doesn't interfere with my desk and make me sign things.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Exactly, he is completely useless.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01I shudder to think what devices Freddie used to persuade you to employ him.
0:02:01 > 0:02:02He's also sound on pigs.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Clarence, Hugo Carmody dances and plays the saxophone.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08At the same time? Good Lord. Talented fellow.
0:02:08 > 0:02:14It is a revoltingly unsuitable match and the liaison must be extinguished.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18Connie, why do you burden me with this disagreeable information?
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Because although Charlotte is the guardian,
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- you control the girl's money.- Oh!
0:02:23 > 0:02:26It is like punching oneself in the face to utter the words -
0:02:26 > 0:02:29you have to put your foot down.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Miss Threepwood, I didn't see you...
0:02:43 > 0:02:46SHE LISPS: Pleathe call me Millithent.
0:02:46 > 0:02:50I can't help thinking that if I do, your Aunt Charlotte might decapitate me with a cake slice.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Do you have work, Mr Carmody?
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Do you have occupation that requires you going in the opposite direction?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Yeth, Aunt.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Beach?
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Six seconds.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27If a servant moved that slowly in Calcutta, the Brigadier
0:03:27 > 0:03:29and I would've had his guts for garters.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31I wish to speak to Lady Constance, where is she?
0:03:31 > 0:03:34I can't wait for all your blather. Send her to me in the library.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- Jaldi, jaldi. - Very good, your ladyship.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39- Hullo, Beach.- Good morning, sir.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45< DOOR SLAMS
0:03:54 > 0:03:58Look at this mess. It all needs sorting out.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59Well, it does NOW.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Same as the nursery, you never put things away properly.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Blandings is a shambles, Connie.
0:04:04 > 0:04:05Clarence...
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Don't blame Clarence, he's a raving ninny.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11You're too soft on him, Connie, far too indulgent.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14What this place needs is a thorough turning-inside-out.
0:04:14 > 0:04:20Sack that bibulous sloth of a butler. Mince that disgusting pig.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23I've half a mind to move back here and do it all myself.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Bring back the brush, I say. Can't beat the back of a hairbrush,
0:04:26 > 0:04:29sharply on the knuckles. Remember Nanny Meisie?
0:04:29 > 0:04:34Hello, erm...Charlotte. Connie's been talking to me about Gillian.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35Millicent.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Exactly what I said.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Oh... I understand she's looking for a young man,
0:04:40 > 0:04:42to give her life meaning, direction and purpose.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45You have remembered that completely back to front, Clarence.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Not at all.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49I think you'll be pleased to hear that I have just the fellow.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52His name presently escapes me, but he plays the saxophone,
0:04:52 > 0:04:56which I think you will agree is a fine accomplishment in a young man.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Clarence, would you leave the room very quickly, please?
0:04:58 > 0:05:00By all means.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07What's going on, Connie? I shall not have secrets.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11Secrets deserve the brush, hard and smart.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Clarence tries to conduct...
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Clarence couldn't conduct a bus.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20It's up to you to tell the poor imbecile what's to be done
0:05:20 > 0:05:22and see that he does it.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26Quick's the word and sharp's the toffee, Constance, jaldi jaldi!
0:05:26 > 0:05:30The more I think of it, the more inclined I am to return here.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Hullo, Freddie.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48What are you doing?
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Sorting out your father's paperwork.
0:05:51 > 0:05:52Is this the thorough method, Hugo?
0:05:52 > 0:05:54It's the way he likes it.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Listen, old wound. You called. I came.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00- You must have earned enough to pay back Oofy?- Yeah, yeah.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Then why the anxious telegram?
0:06:02 > 0:06:06"Come haste, post-haste. The binge has sprung a leak."
0:06:08 > 0:06:10I've fallen in love with Millicent.
0:06:10 > 0:06:15What?! Carmody, you impetuous fool.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Who's Millicent?
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- Your cousin.- Oh. - She's got me in such a spin.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23Yes. I recall Millie Wisebite as quite a substantial,
0:06:23 > 0:06:25rocking-horse nostrilled sort of girl.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Well, she isn't now. She's an absolute goddess.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31Your Aunt Constance is vividly opposed to me even speaking to her.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34If your Aunt Charlotte found out, her wrath would be apocalyptic.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Aunts. Nature's howler. Only one thing for it, H.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39You'll have to impress yourself on the Guv'nor.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42But nobody listens to a word he says.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Ah, you haven't seen him in a passion.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Imagine the torrent of joy...
0:06:47 > 0:06:50when you rescue the Empress.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Rescue her from what?
0:06:52 > 0:06:55From the extreme peril in which she shall be placed.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59Oh, yes... Keep that expression and come with me.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13No, Mr Frederick. I'm sorry.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17You're not going to sign up to the forces of oppression, surely?
0:07:17 > 0:07:19You want young love to bloom?
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Eh? Besides, there's 20 quid in it.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26I might have to borrow that off you first in order to give it to you...
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Bit of confusion over my account at the Pink Pussy -
0:07:29 > 0:07:32so not presently over flowing with cash - but damn it, Beach.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36Look at him. Ahem...
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Oh, Gordon Bennett.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44That's the spirit!
0:08:28 > 0:08:29Good Lord.
0:08:38 > 0:08:45# Don't know why there'th no thun up in the thky
0:08:45 > 0:08:48# Thtormy weather... #
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Stop that row.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52You don't care for thinging?
0:08:52 > 0:08:57Ruddy jungle music. Constance, do you not have a decent programme of blood sports on this estate?
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Not at this time of year.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01What's the time of year got to do with it?
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Plenty of fish to shoot. We've got to stop this girl drooping about the place like a wet rag.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Jaldi, jaldi! Both of you!
0:09:07 > 0:09:08Oh, God.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Pick your feet up! We're not made of carpets.
0:09:20 > 0:09:25- Not such a bad idea to remove her from her usual domicile, sir.- Eh?
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Yesterday I saw Grunding - Sir Gregory's footman -
0:09:27 > 0:09:29making a purchase at the chemists.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32You'd think a man of Parsloe's age would have the courage to do
0:09:32 > 0:09:33that sort of thing himself.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36No, sir. The purchase was a hundredweight of Slimmo.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39A preparation for dramatic and rapid loss of weight.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42But Stinker's skinny as a hake. No, not a hake.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Some other emaciated...fish.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48A hundredweight of Slimmo and he'd go into minus figures.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Sir Gregory does not intend to ingest it himself, sir.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52He means to feed it to The Empress.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Good God, Beach. I call that dirty work at the crossroads.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58It is observed below stairs, sir, that Sir Gregory is that bent
0:09:58 > 0:10:01you could stick a maggot on his head and catch mackerel.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Have you seen Lord Emsworth?
0:10:06 > 0:10:08- WOMAN:- Well, I think...
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Don't answer that.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Where have YOU been?
0:10:20 > 0:10:24Erm... I have been observing Stinker Parsloe through a...
0:10:24 > 0:10:28long thing, made of brass, goes in and out...
0:10:28 > 0:10:32His new pig is very fat, Connie.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Good. Then the two of you will have plenty to discuss tonight
0:10:35 > 0:10:36when he dines with us.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Clarence, Charlotte has made a point
0:10:41 > 0:10:44and I think it is a fair one - you are a congenital idiot
0:10:44 > 0:10:48and have to be supervised, and I have been far too lenient with you.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51She also thinks that you and I
0:10:51 > 0:10:54are incapable of running a house in a civilised fashion.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Dining with the Stinker is not going disabuse her of that.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Do one thing for me now
0:11:02 > 0:11:05and you will not have to sit anywhere near Sir Gregory.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Ah, there you are.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Hullo, Uncle Clarenthe.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Hullo, my dear. I particularly wanted to talk to you.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Your aunt and I... Have you met your aunt?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Clarence. Will you get on with it?
0:11:21 > 0:11:25We're a little concerned about your friendship with m'secretary.
0:11:25 > 0:11:30I knew it. Why mutht you hate Hugo tho?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Hugo Tho?
0:11:32 > 0:11:36But that's Carmody, Gillian. I like Carmody.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Carmody is your secretary.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40- Absolutely. Sound on pigs. - Oh, God...!
0:11:43 > 0:11:47The Empress...has been kidnapped!
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Hello, Frederick. Extraordinary thing.
0:11:49 > 0:11:54I thought you just said the Empress had been kidnapped.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55Uh...
0:11:57 > 0:11:59PARSLOE!
0:12:06 > 0:12:10The Fat Pig Show but weeks away, and he does this.
0:12:10 > 0:12:16The perfidious Parsloe, propagating evil about the Earth.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18My poor Empress!
0:12:18 > 0:12:21We've searched everywhere - haven't we, Beach?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23In the laundry, up the chimney.
0:12:23 > 0:12:28Absolutely no chance of finding her anywhere - is there, Beach?
0:12:28 > 0:12:30No, sir.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34It would take an extraordinary man to track her down now.
0:12:34 > 0:12:39Lord Emsworth. I shall find her.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41You can rely on me, sir.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Well, if any man can get the Empress back for you,
0:12:44 > 0:12:47that man is Hugo Carmody.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Good old Hugo Carmody.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00You know what we have to do, Beach?
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Steal Stinker's pig.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10- Oh, no, my lord. - Oh, yes, Beach.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13We must abduct Pride of Matchingham and closet her privily.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17I tell you where would be ideal - the summerhouse.
0:13:17 > 0:13:18Nobody would dream of...
0:13:18 > 0:13:22I fear, my lord, the summerhouse you speak of is no more.
0:13:22 > 0:13:23Eh?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26It has burned down, my lord.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28- Burned down? - Struck by lightning.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32My dear fellow, I passed it on my bicycle not an hour ago.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Oh, the summerhouse, sir.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Yes, the summerhouse. Beach, you're gibbering. Now listen,
0:13:37 > 0:13:39get the Rolls-Royce.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41We may take the Pride prisoner,
0:13:41 > 0:13:43but we shall transport her courteously, what?
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Be about it, Beach.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Yes, Your Lordship.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56So. When do I spring the porker?
0:13:56 > 0:14:00On my command. But Hugo, don't tell a soul. Especially not Millicent.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03If the aunts smell a rat and put the screws on her for intelligence,
0:14:03 > 0:14:04she'll crack.
0:14:04 > 0:14:05I'm not an idiot, Freddie.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08I wouldn't dream of telling poor Millicent about her.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Tho.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16Who ith thith female who mutht be conthealed from "poor Millithent"?
0:14:16 > 0:14:19What? No, no, no. Female, yes, but...
0:14:19 > 0:14:20What'th her name?
0:14:20 > 0:14:23I regret I cannot tell you that.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34No, no, you...hang onto it.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Thank you, Freddie. You were alwayth tho conthiderate.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42You really mustn't worry, old scream. All shall be well.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46Do you remember, Freddie... when we were thweethearts?
0:14:46 > 0:14:51You were alwayth tho courageouth.
0:14:51 > 0:14:56Yes... I used to try to lift you off the ground.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Mr Frederick?
0:14:58 > 0:14:59Ah, Beach. What news?
0:14:59 > 0:15:02His Lordship is determined to steal Sir Gregory's pig, in retribution.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Ha! Excellent.
0:15:04 > 0:15:05And hide it in the summerhouse.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Ah, well that's where the Guv'nor's scheme comes a cropper.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10For the summerhouse is already full of pig.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Oh, Lord.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Mr Carmody will have to discover the Empress immediately.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16No, no, no. Much too soon.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19The Guv'nor has not yet built up a head of fretful steam.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22He must be inspired to roar and biff down mountains. Wait a minute.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Oh, Beach - you will be delighted to hear
0:15:27 > 0:15:30I have devised a cunning codicil to my original wheeze.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31Oh, no, Mr Frederick.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Not at all. Couldn't be simpler.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38What do you want?
0:15:38 > 0:15:42Merely to say that I have invited Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe
0:15:42 > 0:15:44to dinner tonight.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Such a bore. All he cares about is his pig.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48He is worse than Clarence.
0:15:48 > 0:15:49Oh.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Awful provincial person, Connie. You can do better.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55So...you won't dine with us?
0:15:55 > 0:15:59Of course I shall. What other entertainment can you offer?
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Yes. What indeed?
0:16:07 > 0:16:10By the way, I've spoken to the Brigadier.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13He agrees with me, as he darn well should if he knows what's good for him.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15We're moving into Blandings.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Permanently. So brace yourself for change.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44HE MOANS IN DISTRESS
0:16:44 > 0:16:46I am looking forward to tonight.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48BEACH MOANS
0:16:51 > 0:16:53OWL HOOTS
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- PIG GRUNTS - Ssh!
0:16:58 > 0:17:01There's a good big old girl.
0:17:38 > 0:17:43Evening, Parsloe. I hear you've got a new pig.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Straight to pigs.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48I have, Emsworth. I think we can offer you a run for your money.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Pah!
0:17:51 > 0:17:55Sir Gregory, why don't you tell us about life on the Bench?
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Sleeping on a bench, is he? Can't say I'm surprised.
0:17:58 > 0:18:03Clarence. You know perfectly well that Sir Gregory...Justice of...
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Hah. We'll see about justice!
0:18:07 > 0:18:10If you talked like that in the cantoonment mess, Clarence,
0:18:10 > 0:18:13the Brigadier would have you banged up in chokey, jaldi jaldi.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Chokey jaldi jaldi? Is that some sort of dance?
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Yes...
0:18:17 > 0:18:21It is, Guv'nor, and Hugo Carmody is the man to teach it to you.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24His accomplishments are legion.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Whatever criminal activity you are considering,
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Emsworth, I counsel you to avoid it.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39I trust that whatever righteous action I have already taken, Parsloe,
0:18:39 > 0:18:45will give you pause. I mean.. occasion to reflect, not paws...
0:18:45 > 0:18:47to reflect.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Let us trust, Emsworth,
0:18:49 > 0:18:52that nothing unpleasant befalls you in the small hours of the night.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54You utter Harrovian.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00Whatever they may have taught you, Stinker, at the Dump on the Hump,
0:19:00 > 0:19:04it is bad form to threaten an Englishman in his own home.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Return to me what is mine, and I will...
0:19:06 > 0:19:09What?! Emsworth, you're demented.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Millicent? Go to your room.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Clarence, I think you have surpassed yourself this evening.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Thank you, my dear.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Just wait till the Brigadier gets here.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- He'll make you hop, by God. - The who?
0:19:29 > 0:19:34Brigadier Wisebite, Clarence. Charlotte's husband.
0:19:34 > 0:19:39Not that awful man with oily hair, parted sideways?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42The Brigadier and Charlotte are moving into Blandings.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Hah.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Thought for a minute you were telling me Charlotte
0:19:47 > 0:19:50and the awful oily sideways husband were moving in with us. Ha-ha!
0:20:06 > 0:20:11I thuppothe you know that I loathe and despise all men?
0:20:11 > 0:20:13I loathe and despise all women.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Good.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Isn't it?
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Ah...Hugo.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23What the devil are you up to, Threepwood,
0:20:23 > 0:20:25hanging around Millicent's bedroom?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Fundamental change of wheeze, old corpse.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Is that a fact?
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Yes. Put me down, you fathead. Oh!
0:20:31 > 0:20:34If you boyth are going to be dithagreeable with each other, I'm going to have a bath.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Good plan. Make it a thoapy one.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Talk fast, Threepwood, before the shrivelled broccoli
0:20:39 > 0:20:42that is your brain starts leaking out your ears.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44This whole damn thing is a filthy ruse, isn't it,
0:20:44 > 0:20:46to get your clammy mitts on Millicent?
0:20:46 > 0:20:47< SHE SCREAMS
0:20:47 > 0:20:49I'm coming, darling!
0:20:54 > 0:20:56< SCREAMS
0:20:56 > 0:20:58What on Earth was that?
0:20:59 > 0:21:00Always carry it.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03One never knows when one may be called upon to prevent wrongdoing.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Clarence. Are you a man or a mouse?
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Ruddy Stinker. Pig-pincher.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09DINNER GONG
0:21:09 > 0:21:13Well. If nobody else is, I'm going in to dinner.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18And if there was anybody left in the room they'd appreciate
0:21:18 > 0:21:21the suavity with which I say that.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31- Millicent!- Help!
0:21:31 > 0:21:35Millicent? Stand back.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Ha! See? Perfectly rational explanation.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Out of the way. I'll deal with this. Millicent!
0:21:49 > 0:21:50Pig!
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Isn't she a beauty?
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Frederick - I suppose it's pointless asking why the Empress
0:21:55 > 0:21:57has made this unexpected excursion?
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Not at all, Aunt, laughably straightforward.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03Cannot abide a pig! Dirty, filthy, secretive animals!
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Secretive? I think the Guv'nor would take issue with you there.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07The Empress has a sweet and open...
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Connie - I think I am going to be sick...
0:22:09 > 0:22:12The creature's frothing at the mouth!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14She's just eaten a cake of soap.
0:22:14 > 0:22:19Pull yourself together. This sort of thing happens all the time.
0:22:19 > 0:22:24Behold, Freddie, how mathterful Hugo ith with the beatht!
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Hurrah.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29I think, if nobody strenuously objects, I shall go to my room.
0:22:48 > 0:22:49Ah, Beach. Are you there?
0:22:51 > 0:22:52I believe so, my lord.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Capital. Erm...
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Is that for me?
0:22:56 > 0:22:57It is, my lord.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Hurrah.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Won't you join me, Beach?
0:23:02 > 0:23:03Thank you, my lord.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Here's to a job well done. Eh?
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Indeed, my lord.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Do you suppose we ought to kidnap Stinker as well?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Just to be on the safe side?
0:23:15 > 0:23:16Are you all right?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19I mean, one really cannot trust the fellow.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23God knows in what insalubrious conditions the Empress is
0:23:23 > 0:23:25presently detained.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28But a step too far, do you think?
0:23:29 > 0:23:32I shall be guided by you.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Oh...my poor Empress...
0:23:41 > 0:23:44Small glass of brandy, perhaps.
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Blackguard.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52Blackguard.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01See those boxes with Slimmo written all over them?
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Put them in the boot. NOW!
0:24:08 > 0:24:09KNOCK ON DOOR
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Enter.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20Connie, dear? I've been thinking.
0:24:20 > 0:24:24If this foaming-pigs-in-bathrooms business is a quotidian event
0:24:24 > 0:24:27at Blandings, I really don't think I can help you.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30Oh, dear.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33I'm afraid it's not for me.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36In fact, I think in the morning, Millicent
0:24:36 > 0:24:39and I should really return home.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Well, I am distraught to hear that.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43The Brigadier will be missing me.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46Yes, of course he must be.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Well. Good night, dear.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Good night.
0:25:15 > 0:25:20< PIG GRUNTING, GIRL GIGGLING
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Oh, good Lord.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Yes! Hugo found her, Guv'nor, just as he said he would.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33She's right as rain.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Not a bristle on her snout out of place.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Carmody, I am agog...
0:25:38 > 0:25:42Suffice it to say the rescue required the utmost
0:25:42 > 0:25:43bravery on Hugo's part.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47He really is the most remarkable man.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Also, he'd like to marry Millicent.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53My dear fellow, of course you would.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Who in their right mind wouldn't want to marry Millicent?
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Who is Millicent?
0:25:58 > 0:26:01- Me.- Well, there you are, Carmody, fill your boots.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04I plan to open a small jazz club in Chelsea.
0:26:04 > 0:26:08Sorry, did you just say "fill your boots"? Thank you, Lord Emsworth!
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Thank YOU, my dear fellow.
0:26:11 > 0:26:15It's possible that Aunts C and C may not smile upon the betrothal.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17You leave your aunts to me.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23Beach! Gird up your lions - poss misheard. One more thing to do.
0:26:23 > 0:26:24No, Mr Frederick.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Dot the Ts and cross the Is. Come on.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Capital. Capital.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43PIG EATS NOISILY
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Don't turn the torch on, you ruddy imbecile.
0:26:47 > 0:26:53Listen to that. Wolfing it down. Know what this stuff does, Grunding?
0:26:53 > 0:26:55It gives you the trots.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59This pig'll be doing the Aztec two-step for weeks.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01The weight will simply stream off her.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07THEY GET INTO CAR AND DRIVE OFF
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Now, Mr Frederick?
0:27:20 > 0:27:21Yup.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Woo-hoo! Right.
0:27:23 > 0:27:29I'd say we have 15 minutes to return Pride of Matchingham before
0:27:29 > 0:27:35she starts exhibiting the indelicate symptoms described by Sir Gregory.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37We, sir?
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Did I say 20 quid, Beach? I meant 40.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41You haven't got 40 quid, sir.
0:27:41 > 0:27:45I haven't got 20 either, but it's the thought that counts. Hey?
0:27:55 > 0:27:58I shouldn't wish to give the impression
0:27:58 > 0:28:01that you are in any way spoiled.
0:28:02 > 0:28:08I take these measures solely in the interest of your security.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10So...
0:28:12 > 0:28:15Just for tonight, eh?
0:28:21 > 0:28:22Mmm.